Russia The Hairy Bikers' Northern Exposure

DAVE AND SI: Whoo-hoo!

'The Hairy Bikers are back on the road.'

Hey-hey!

'Doing what we love most.'

'Biking and cooking.'

-Oh...

-Ho, ho!

-Look at that.

'And it's going to be epic.'

'This time we're heading the furthest north we've ever been.'

-We're in the Arctic Circle...

-'In search of exciting food

'and some of the most unexplored places in Europe.'

Oh, it's glorious!

Our route will take us 2,500 miles

round the Baltic Sea.

Kicking off in Poland,

then travelling through the trio of Baltic states to Russia.

Russia!

Then across to Finland and north to south through Sweden.

'To understand the food, we must EXPOSE ourselves to the elements...

'..experience life on the wild side.'

I am a Viking!

'And test our mettle to the max.'

-Hey, it's cold.

-Well, it's the Baltic, isn't it?

-'I'm expecting vast forests...'

-SI AND DAVE: Skol!

'..sparkling lakes...'

Ah...

'..and incredible biking roads.'

Look at that.

'There will be hearty home cooking, as well as cutting-edge cuisine.'

-That's spot-on.

-'And hopefully, a warm welcome.'

'After all, these people are our northern neighbours.'

And it's time we got to know them better.

APPLAUSE

Our lives are never going to be the same again

after we taste this sausage.

Cheers, mate.

This time, we're on a journey with a difference.

Because we're in a country steeped in power,

drama and revolution.

But we're on foot and I'm not happy about it!

There's no bikes.

-There is bikes. It's covered.

-I'm feeling twitchy.

DAVE GROANS

'Despite my Geordie friend's gripes,

'the truth is, we're on to something really special.

'Because the city that we've rocked up in...'

'Albeit on foot...

'..will enable us

'to pull back the Iron Curtain, good and proper.'

We've arrived in St Petersburg, Russia.

The big bear.

'I'm so excited! There's tonnes to see.'

'But, we really need bikes, dude.

'I mean, you know, we're the Hairy Bikers, not the Hairy Hikers.'

It's still different here.

We couldn't bring the bikes across the border, it's not my fault.

'Stop your moaning.

'A little stroll won't kill you and, anyway,

'I've got a surprise lined up.'

Isn't she beautiful!?

Simeon! SIMEON LAUGHS

-How are you?

-My friend.

-Thank you. Simon, Simeon...

-Nice to see you.

-Simon.

-How are you?

-My friend!

-SIMEON LAUGHS

-What do you reckon, Si?

-You are having a flipping...

-No...

-Where's the other one?

-No, no, no, that's for us,

so you can pop in there, beefy cheeks.

We're going to die.

We're not. That is a Cossack Ural Mars Mark III.

For 37 years I've had this catalogue, Si.

-That looks nothing like that.

-Oh, it does.

It's the first motorbike I ever had, in 1976.

That is 650cc of pure, unadulterated apathy.

What are you doing?

Yes, here it is.

Ah, Simeon,

-"pachinet".

-What does that mean?

-Repair.

Pachinio, pachinio...every day, they want every day.

THEY LAUGH

Every flaming day!

Yeah, but it's user-friendly

and I thought it will give you a break in the sidecar.

-Careful you don't fall through the bottom.

-Oh, brilliant.

My mother used to have a flap like this on her wheelchair

when it was raining.

You could've brought a tartan rug or something!

-SIMEON LAUGHS

-I can't believe you're doing this to us. I hate you, Myers.

-Yes!

ENGINE STALLS

ENGINE STALLS

I've just got to say, this doesn't bode well.

ENGINE STARTS UP

Has anybody got any rosary beads?

-So...

-Ooh!

THEY LAUGH

The city we're about to explore

is located on the western edge of Russia's vast landmass.

Nearer Europe than most of Russia,

St Petersburg's a shimmering jewel on the shores of the Baltic.

It was the Imperial capital under the Tsars

and is jam-packed with history.

It's where an empire was lost and communism began to flourish.

And now, it's new Russia.

I wonder what so much change has meant for the people

and the food.

Well, that's the million-rouble question, Kingy.

And to answer it, we're going to savour the extravagances of the tsars.

The only thing is, though, it makes you want more.

Well, God watch over Russia.

..cook up some chaos on the city's canals...

CHANTING

We'll discover a nation's lost treasures.

England, now, is one of the best places to look for those lost

-Faberge eggs.

-That'll be it, I'll have the floorboards up.

That'll be it.

And as we explore this exotic city,

we'll reveal the passions of a vast and complex country.

Deep breathe.

THEY EXHALE

Wow!

But for now, I just want to survive this corner!

Now, you lean that way, you'll find it will be better for you.

-There you are, I'm leaning!

-Good lad, good lad.

I tell you, these bikes haven't changed.

I can see that!

Do they stop at pedestrian crossings?

DAVE WAILS

Yeah, I'm not sure.

Well, I know the brakes are not very good.

-Aren't they?

-No, not really.

THEY CHUCKLE

Oh, this is it, man, we're on it!

THEY CHUCKLE

We're on the Nevsky Prospekt, the main street through

-St Petersburg.

-And what a way to travel in style, Kingy.

We're doing what Napoleon didn't manage!

THEY LAUGH

It does remind me of when I was a student in the golden age of punk,

going up the Old Kent Road.

# I am an antichrist, hey! #

Oh, look, there's the Winter Palace.

In this square there was anarchy, wasn't there?

And that's where the Bolshevik uprising started, wasn't it?

For nearly 400 years, the awesome Winter Palace was

the official residence of the monarchy.

From here, the tsars ruled over a vast empire.

But Lenin and the Bolsheviks had different ideas.

When they stormed the palace in 1917,

it triggered the birth of the Soviet state.

A year later, the Communists shifted the capital to Moscow,

abandoning one of Russia's most beautiful cities.

Dude, I'd heard St Petersburg was nice

but nothing prepared me for this.

I know, mate, I'm blown away.

No wonder they put the Iron Curtain up!

It's mint!

Righto, Mr King, what I want to know is - what effect

so much upheaval has had on Russia's food and culture?

Well, let's start breaking it down - preferably into bite-size pieces.

Our first stop is a restaurant where every dish, like the wallpaper,

tells a story.

If we want to eat our way through Russia,

past and present, this is the place to do it.

'Igor is the genius chef, and Dasha is the manager.'

Nice to meet you. All our dishes

are recognisable for guests. They may find in the dishes,

-something from their childhood, from their past...

-Yes.

That's what we do here.

Igor is going to cook three dishes,

each evoking a different period in Russian history.

Starting with a favourite of the tsars - stuffed quail.

Stuffed poultry is a very typical dish for Imperial times,

because it was a prerogative of the aristocratic table.

For the stuffing, blanched leeks, sauteed mushrooms

and some spuds - which get special treatment.

We are going to make the taste of the potatoes smoked,

so it could be a really natural feeling of hunting and the forest.

Now, that's clever.

Igor is creating the flavours which evoke an Imperial hunting party.

I can see the story - the dish building up.

-Yeah, absolutely.

-Every flavour has a purpose and a reason.

Now we combine all the three things...

Oh, yeah, that's worked!

And keeping to the forest theme, there's some hazelnut paste.

Now we stuff the quail.

CHEF SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN

-Very gentle.

-Quail in oven...

it's dish number two, the Tourist's Breakfast.

This time, Igor's drawn inspiration from Soviet-era camping trips.

There was canned food which was called "Tourist's Breakfast".

And inside there was porridge and meat.

Back in the Communist days the meat was, well...

..let's say, unspecified.

-But Igor's using prime steak.

-Capers, onion, mustard

and horseradish...

And now more theatre.

Originally, this canned food was warmed up on a campfire,

that's why Igor is using again... his smoking technique.

HE SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN

You have to shake it for the meat to consume all the aromas and...

-It just infuses.

-..yes, and the tastes.

Where once was Communist porridge...

Igor's creating a spinach and barley risotto.

BOTH CHUCKLE

-He's good, isn't he?

-He's damn good.

Now it's all about the presentation.

Ah, brilliant!

Originally, people ate from the can.

The garnish is potato,

charred bread, campfire coffee and sprigs of fried thyme.

The texture is like chips.

Kingy, this is

fascinating, seeing Communist-era food reinvented for modern tastes.

Dish three is the Farmer's Burger, which shows Russia's most recent change,

when Communism collapsed and Western influences came pouring in.

When we go back to 1990, post-perestroika times,

borders were opened and we got all these new flavours we had

-never experienced before.

-Burgers!

-Yes, the burgers, bubble gum,

the Coca Cola, and...

this was really something unusual.

Igor's burger has ketchup made of carrots

and some classic burger-ish goodies, given a Russian twist.

Time to plate up our three tastes of Russia.

The tsars' favourite, straight from the hunt -

quail stuffed with leeks, potatoes and mushrooms.

Next, from frugal campfires to fine dining -

the Communist-inspired Tourist Breakfast.

And representing new Russia,

Igor's post-perestroika Farmer's Burger.

Look at that - can you imagine the tsars eating this in the hunting lodge?

Well, mate, wait till you taste this, mm.

That's brilliant. It's a nod to that famous burger joint,

but good grief, it is a million miles away.

-Should I?

-Absolutely.

Oh, what a reveal, man, at the table -

that's mind-blowing.

He's done...you know, the kind of camping food

of the Communist era, but made really, really special.

Oh, yeah.

Do you know what? I think that these three plates of food

-have kind of set the tone for the trip.

-Mm.

And what a trip it's going to be, dude, just look at this place!

It's an incredible city - all down to one man...

Oh, look, there's Peter the Great!

The architect of this great city!

Pyotr Alexeyevich was the tsar of tsars.

He dragged Russia out of its medieval rut,

expanded its empire, and in 1703 decided to build Russia a

magnificent western-style port city, and so St Petersburg was born.

Well, hats off to Peter the Great.

The architecture, good grief... You can tell the Italians

had a hand in this, can't you?

French architects were involved, too, so it's sometimes called

the Paris of the East, but seeing all these canals

I prefer its other alias...

It's the Venice of the North.

Right, what's on the menu next, dude?

Eggs, but no ordinary ones - the world's most expensive eggs.

Well, they better be tasty, then.

I'm talking about Faberge's famous eggs - the prized

possessions of the tsars.

Fair enough.

Well, let's go and feast our eyes and find out what they can tell us

about the fall of an empire.

Katerina Petukhova is our expert guide.

That's not what I thought a Faberge egg would look like.

I suppose you were thinking of something more opulent...

-Oh, yes.

-..when you talk about Carl Faberge.

But in fact, it was the first egg from the Imperial series.

It's the egg which started all these famous Faberge stories.

Once Carl Faberge had won the approval of the Imperial court

with his Hen's Egg in 1885, he was commissioned to create

an egg every Easter. And over time, they became more

and more elaborate, each concealing an intricate surprise.

Like the carriage inside the egg, made to commemorate

the coronation of Tsar Nicholas II in 1896 -

the last coronation of the Russian Empire.

Do you know, I think that is one of the most beautiful things

-I've ever seen.

-Your eye is drawn to it, but then the depth

of the man's art is quite remarkable.

The opulence of them just takes your breath away.

The egg Faberge made the following year, was designed to indulge

Tsar Nicholas's wife.

I mean, that is not my taste at all.

I wouldn't have commissioned that.

SHE CHUCKLES

It's beautiful...but... It's funny, isn't it?

-It doesn't draw my eye, it's odd.

-Oh, it does me, you know,

-I like a bit of ornamentation.

-It was made

absolutely to the taste of Alexandra Fedorovna.

-It was her favourite egg.

-See, that's amazing, isn't it?

Because that says something about her personality...

-Absolutely.

-..that we simply wouldn't have known if

-this hadn't been in existence.

-Yes.

Of the 50 known Imperial eggs, 43 have definitely survived

but seven are unaccounted for, which means some of the most

sought-after objects in the world are out there somewhere.

Well, you know, as they say in the Antiques Roadshow in England...

Just for insurance purposes only...

What would that egg be worth?

For example, I would give you some idea of the estimate of

the eggs which are on sale now.

And the estimate of the egg was £20 million.

By the way, Faberge was so popular in England...

So, England, now, is one of the best places to look for

-those lost Faberge eggs.

-I'll have the floorboards up.

-That'll be it.

-Can you imagine...?

Oh, oh, oh!

In the early years of the 20th century,

political unrest was rising in Russia -

such opulence had come to symbolise the excess of the Romanov dynasty.

If you can't afford bread and somebody is spending all that

-money on such a decadent thing...

-Yeah.

-..that would make

you want to rebel.

Following the storming of the Winter Palace

Tsar Nicolas and his entire family

were first imprisoned, then executed.

As for the Imperial eggs,

they disappeared into the dark recesses of the Kremlin...

Until Joseph Stalin had the bright idea of flogging them

to make money for his new regime.

Faberge's masterpieces ended up all over the world.

But in 2004,

in an attempt to reclaim their priceless heritage,

this collection of nine were purchased

and brought home to Russia.

What beautiful things those eggs were, Si -

and you know, it's a bit like at the restaurant.

The Russians are reclaiming their turbulent past.

Oh, and, Dave, look what's ahead! That incredible building is

the Church of our Saviour on Spilled Blood, erected by

the Imperial family on the spot

where an earlier tsar was assassinated.

The wheels of change have turned fast here, Kingy, but right now I'm

worried about OUR wheels!

THEY GASP

THEY WAIL

HORNS BLARE

St Petersburg, we have a problem.

BOTH CHATTER

-I've got neutral.

-Right, go on.

Right, let's push it!

Oh!

I'm on, get in!

-Right?

-Right, go.

Right, clutch in - gear. Now let it out and see what happens.

SI GRUNTS

Come on!

I told you we were going to die!

Relax ,Mr King, she's purring again.

Going back to the tsars, though, it would be nice to get

a flavour of what graced the tables in the Winter Palace, wouldn't it?

Now you're talking!

A taste of what passed

the lips of the tsaritsas in the halcyon days of the Empire.

To-to get closer to the people of that era, like.

Oh, aye. And of course, their favourite luxury was caviar.

Look at that, perfect.

And guess what?

At the Grand Europe Hotel they have a dedicated caviar expert

and vodka sommelier!

It's our one chance to taste the very best

that Russia has to offer, Si.

BOTH HUM HAPPILY

Well, it's rude not to, mucker, isn't it, you know?

The Caviar Room.

-Welcome, gentlemen.

-Good afternoon.

Thank you.

'Alex Dmitriev is our host.'

With the Ural, we were there with the working man

during Communist times, but now I'm feeling a bit of the Romanov.

-Thank you.

-Thank you, Alexander.

-To Imperial Russia.

-Yes.

And glasnost. You've got to put your finger out, dude.

That's perfect.

Alex has organised a range of classic caviars

-for us to try.

-Which one shall we start with?

In Russia we always start with the best,

because you have a clear palate to feel the best flavour.

'That means the legendary beluga caviar.'

Some of the most expensive caviar in the world.

'It's nearly £6,000 a kilo!

'That's about 30 quid a teaspoon, dude!

'A rare privilege indeed.'

We believe that our own skin is the best spoon for the caviar,

-because our own skin doesn't have any flavour for us.

-Uh-hm.

Like the tsars of old, we're using a mother-of-pearl spoon

to avoid imparting a metallic taste to the precious sturgeon eggs.

And then, we taste a little sip of champagne.

Because the pairing of champagne and caviar also helps

-to open the flavour.

-It just bursts with a perfume...

-Uh-hm.

-..of, of great fish.

-The only thing is, though, it makes you want more.

Caviar was originally the food of peasants, who couldn't afford

sturgeon meat. But once the aristocracy decided it was

the perfect indulgence, prices rocketed.

-That's lovely...

-It is.

Under Communism, production was tightly controlled,

with exports limited - which meant there was plenty for the bosses

and an occasional glut for the workers.

The people who are nowadays around 40, 45 years old,

they remember when they were a child, they could eat

-a soup spoon with the black caviar...

-Wow.

And on the holidays, when the parents brought some black caviar

into the house - they said, "Oh, no, black caviar again!

"No, I don't want it!"

It's odd to think that in Communist times

that kids would be eating like we were eating beans on toast.

As Communism collapsed,

overfishing led to plunging sturgeon stocks and now eating caviar

is once again affordable just for the lucky few.

Well, I tell you what, Dave, we're the lucky few today.

Because here comes some

top-notch vodka, which works as well as champagne, they say.

Well, God watch over Russia.

-Za Zdoroviye.

-Za Zdoroviye.

-Za Zdoroviye.

Oh, no, Si,

you know what happens when we drink champagne in the afternoon.

Not to mention vodka.

Www... I can feel it now...

Taking over.

CHEERING

Dude, resistance is futile! Go with it, go with it.

THEY CHANT

CHEERING AND WHISTLING

Where were we?

Oh, yes, caviar.

Ah, but we've got a recipe everyone can afford

to enjoy, though.

It's aubergine and walnut caviar with blinis,

to be cooked as we cruise St Petersburg's canals

en route to the great River Neva.

Bridge, ahoy!

Now, you'll hear us do that every now and then,

because the bridges are quite low and we don't...

-You know, I've had bother with me bonce.

-Yes, it's not that we're being divas on the Neva.

No. Hello!

Aubergine caviar starts with an aubergine or two.

And for added flavour...

Mr King, two cloves of garlic sliced thinly.

Oh, look at this perfect, purple, fresh, beautiful, wet garlic.

So, I'm stabbing the aubergine, cos I'm going to put in the slithers

of garlic.

Find a slit, look at that.

Get it in. Stuff it to the gills, look at that, that's how

you want your aubergine to look.

There's more perforations in that than

a Cheshire housewife when she's come back from having a botox.

Just pop that into a preheated oven, 45-60 minutes,

about 160, 180 - till they're blackened and succulent.

And the Neva is going to be caressing the savoury scent

of garlic and crusted aubergines.

Now for the blinis...

Now, the reason why you're sieving the flour is -

you are going to get lighter blinis. We want our blinis to be

lighter than an angel's fart.

-BRIDGE!

-BRIDGE!

-We're not there yet.

-Oh, it will be all right.

Now, the chief ingredient in blinis is buckwheat flour.

Buckwheat flour comes like this...

Myka buckwheat with little lady there.

To about 200 grams of bread flour add about 50 grams

of buckwheat flour.

That's going to give the blinis a lovely sour taste.

Add a teaspoon of salt.

Oh, shine a light. You know what that was...?

-Somebody put the lights out.

-Eh, ho, ho!

Anyway, back to business!

Look at this perky packet of dried Russian yeast.

I love a bit of Continental graphics.

But first, pop your milk into a saucepan

and add some creme fraiche.

Now, I've got some dried yeast here -

I'm going to pop that in to me dried goods.

-Now, we only want that to be blood temperature.

-Yes, we do.

If it's too hot you're going to kill the yeast

and it'll be a disaster.

Next, separate two eggs.

Put the whites aside, and pass the yolks to your friendly

neighbourhood Geordie to mix and add to the pan.

-There's your wets.

-Ah, thank you.

Now, we just mix the creme fraiche and the milk

and the egg yolks into the mixture of the flours, the salt

and the yeast. You're not going for a dough, you're going for

-a batter.

-Lovely.

We'll leave this out of a draught for about an hour.

And in that hour it's going to rise like Bolsheviks

breaking off the shackles of imperialistic oppression!

IMITATING RUSSIAN ACCENT: My friend, take that to the galley.

-Thank you.

-It is down there.

-I will.

BRIDGE!

Ah, this is an important bridge, though, Kingy.

-This is it, dude.

-The real big River Neva, we're only a couple of miles

from the Baltic Sea.

-I smell aubergines and garlic, Mr King.

-Oh, well, that might be

cos they're ready.

While the aubergines are cooling, squeeze a lemon into a bowl.

I will try, in this wind, to chop herbs -

which could be quite entertaining!

SI LAUGHS

Ohhh! Look at this.

You have to chop quite quickly, the wind...

It's like a Martian's dandruff, it's bloomin' everywhere.

First in - chopped parsley.

If we had a garlic crusher you can crush the garlic,

but I'm going to have to finely chop it.

Two cloves will do the trick.

And more herbage, in the form of mint.

That's my garlic done, nice and fine.

More tricky in this stiff breeze, two tablespoons of walnuts.

Don't worry, the mint can be chunky!

THEY CHUCKLE

Add the mint to the lemon juice, the parsley and the garlic.

And once it's in the bowl, of course, it's safe.

After adding the nuts, it's time to unleash the garlicky aubergine.

Look at the garlic, it's almost roasted to like a confit.

Goes in...

Well, it's seasoned to perfection. All we need now is a couple of

tablespoons of olive oil.

While I mix the egg whites, maestro, reveal our blini mix, please.

-Look at that, it's perfect, that.

-Swollen up, just like a gland.

'After folding the stiffened egg whites into the blini mix,

'a natural hiatus of approximately one hour will occur.'

And what will happen in that hour is...

with the egg whites added it's going to get even fluffier!

It is going to be like an Angora rabbit that's been

put through a tumble dryer.

Phoomph!

HELLO!

Trying to cook blinis on a gas hob

in a sea breeze is not ideal -

so we're heading back to the shelter of the canals.

Perfect.

A perfect end to a perfect St Petersburg day.

Aubergine and walnut caviar with blinis.

Finished off with pomegranate seeds, sour cream and a dash of dill.

Oh, that's good. You know, Si, this proves

that whether you're a prince or a pauper,

you can still enjoy caviar.

I'm neither, and it's brilliant.

SI CHUCKLES

Morning has broken,

and we're back on St Petersburg's main artery -

Nevsky Prospekt.

Do you know what would make things easier?

If we had a bloomin' mirror. I can't see what's going on.

Excellent, what's going on?

There's a bus behind us.

Peter the Great planned Nevsky Prospekt as the start

of a road connecting St Petersburg to Moscow.

Though, for most of the 20th century this city wasn't

called St Petersburg.

Correct, Si,

after Lenin died in 1924, it was renamed Leningrad, in his honour.

And it was as Leningrad that it suffered its great tragedy,

the Siege of Leningrad in the Second World War.

Cut off from the rest of Russia by the German army,

with no food or supplies, around 800,000 people died.

But the city didn't buckle,

and became known in the Soviet Union as a "Hero City".

'I wish this Ural was being a bit more heroic.

'Oh, much as I love her, she does have a dicky clutch.'

TYRE SQUEALS

'You want to try sitting in here, mate.'

Anyway, I've called our man Simeon, who suggested we meet him

AND our translator Misha at a cafe.

This is Bolshaya Konushennaya,

otherwise known as the doughnut cafe.

I can't think why, dude.

This place has been serving doughnuts to the good people

of St Petersburg for nearly 60 years -

right through the Cold War.

And the Soviet vibe is more than skin-deep.

The decor, crockery, greasy doughnuts and coffee

remain the same as they were in the old days.

Could I have a, erm, a macchiato, please?

So, it's a double espresso with frothy milk.

-SHE SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN

-Slako? I'll have one of them, then.

Two slakovs...

THEY ATTEMPT TO SPEAK RUSSIAN

SHE REPLIES

-See?

-Hey, you're fluent, dude.

-Ah...

-Fluent.

DAVE ATTEMPTS RUSSIAN AND SHE LAUGHS

-Hey!

-Smarty pants, what's doughnut?

Doughnutsky.

SHE REPLIES IN RUSSIAN

-Ah, disdoughnutsky.

-Doughnutsky?!

-Is that what it is?

-Obviously.

Oh, oh, oh! HE THANKS HER IN RUSSIAN

-I think it's instant.

-I cannot believe it,

I was looking forward to a mochachino.

-Ah, Simeon.

-It's from the Russian name - pishka.

-Pushka.

-Pishka.

-Pishka.

-Misha.

-Great, can you do some translating for us?

-Of course.

-Thank you very much.

-Si, Dave...

You're being very modest with the two doughnuts.

Well, I've got to talk. I talk the same as he,

I talk the same as you. So, I talk twice more.

SI CHUCKLES Excellent.

'As well as vintage bike nut, Simeon is a teacher,

'so while munching on Soviet doughnuts, we're going to

'take the chance to chat about times past.'

The queue here - people obviously love this place.

It's very simple. Coffee comes one way,

it's already sweetened, it's condensed milk, that's how it is.

-And only one variety.

-And one variety of doughnut.

What was better during Communist times?

HE SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN

-TRANSLATED:

-I was born during Communism, I was raised

during Communist days. I had free education.

I had free medical service.

I had a job provided to me. And all of my friends had the same level.

SIMEON SPEAKS RUSSIAN

-TRANSLATED:

-The philosophy was that everybody had to work.

For example, if you bought something and if you sold something,

technically a business, you were speculating.

-So, you were a parasite.

-So, do you think since the collapse

of Communism, the disparity between the rich and the poor

has got too big?

HE SPEAKS RUSSIAN

-TRANSLATED:

-Avarice is enormous. All the national wealth -

oil, metals, diamonds, gas -

-used to belong to everybody, technically...

-Yes.

But now it belongs to only a few individuals.

Would you go back to a St Petersburg...

minus the cars, minus the neon and minus the bling?

HE SPEAKS RUSSIAN

-You would?

-Da.

HE SPEAKS RUSSIAN

-TRANSLATED:

-I would go there now.

-Right.

-Wow!

'Well, Simeon isn't buying into the new Russia.

'I have to say, that surprised me,

'but it's never straightforward, is it?

'Change always divides opinion, but one thing that's remained

'constant in Russia is the people's love of the arts,

'and St Petersburg's been home to some of the greats.'

We've got Dostoyevsky, we've got Tchaikovsky,

we've got Pushkin.

'Oh, it's central to Russian identity, mate.

'But for me, it's the Russian ballet we've got to see.

'I mean, no visit to St Petersburg

'would be complete...

'You've got us tickets to the ballet?!

'Tickets are like gold dust, but what I have done is arranged for us

'to meet the boss of the Mikhailovsky Theatre,

'one of the oldest ballet and opera houses in Russia.

'Maybe he can...you know...

'What, help us out?

'Who is he?

'He's massively rich, what Roman Abramovich is to oil,

'he is to fruit. He's an oligarch, dude!

'Blimey, Kingy, what have you got us into?!'

-Hi, how are you?

-Hello, I'm Dave.

-Marina.

-Pleased to meet you, Marina.

Marina, hi, very nice, I'm Si.

-This is Dave.

-We're here to see Mr Kekhman.

-Yeah, we're waiting on him.

-Ah.

-Would you like tea or coffee?

-Oh, I would love a coffee,

-thank you.

-I'd love a cup of tea, please, thank you.

-Tea. OK.

He's late.

I think we were on time, we're always on time.

I know, but-but, you know...

We might be rubbish, but we're punctual.

Yeah, that's true.

PHONE RINGS

-Do you want to play the alphabet game?

-Yeah.

Russia.

-OK.

-Russian things. A.

Apple.

What? That's not very Russian.

90 minutes later...

Just when I've nipped off to, you know.

..Mr Kekhman arrives

HE SPEAKS RUSSIAN

Ah, thank you. Spasiba.

-Nice to meet you.

-Nice to meet you.

-I'm Si, nice to meet you.

'Our translator, Misha, is at the ready.'

How long do you think we will be talking? What do you think?

-Not long, really.

-20 minutes?

-No!

-Ten minutes?

-It's too short.

-OK.

-One hour is OK?

Of course, yes.

'An hour? Blimey, what are we going to talk about all that time?'

HE SPEAKS RUSSIAN

-Sarkozy.

-Sarkozy!

'Oh, and here he is with Shimon Peres.'

Wow.

'Right, I am just going to have to ask what we came here to ask.'

Dave and I wondered if you would give us

permission to have a look around behind the scenes a little bit.

And maybe see some ballet.

HE SPEAKS RUSSIAN

-Of course, with pleasure.

-Thank you. Spasiba.

'Now what?

'We have 45 minutes left with a Russian oligarch.'

We hear a lot about very successful Russian businessmen.

They make a lot of money but then they can do what they dream about,

even if it is buying a football club in Britain or having theatres.

Is business your first love, or the arts?

HE SPEAKS RUSSIAN

Very tough question. I guess in my theatre life,

I am using all of the experience that I have gained

in my business life.

Yes.

And what I do in the theatre, this I would say is a new stage in my life.

You mentioned the football club.

-Most probably you were implying Mr Roman Abramovich.

-Yes.

I am very often laughing.

To be a manager of a football club, you're managing only 11 players,

I am managing a theatre with an opera and a ballet.

Big, big difference.

'So for an art lover, are things better or worse

'since the end of communism?'

HE SPEAKS RUSSIAN

For me, for sure, better.

If you compare Communist Russia and Russia today,

those in a way are two different countries.

So many things have happened.

However, we would like to keep our traditions that go back longer

because traditions make countries stronger.

And Britain is as strong as it is, in many regards,

is thanks to your love for tradition.

'I had no idea Russian oligarchs were so friendly, Dave.

'I am going to stick my neck out here.'

Can I ask a personal question?

Would you mind buying Newcastle United

so we can get rid of the idiot we have got, please?

HE TRANSLATES

HE SPEAKS RUSSIAN

-I apologise but no interest in football whatsoever.

-Me neither.

Sorry, lads, I tried. I did try.

So, pre-show cocktail?

Hang on, if we go to the ballet we need to get really dolled up, dude.

How?

Before coming, I organised some togs which could suit

-an occasion like this.

-What sort of togs?

Some haute couture Russian-style. Come on, let's go and pick them up.

I don't know where to look first, it's this world of colour

-and wonderful things, isn't it?

-It is fab, isn't it?

After moving here from the Ukraine when she was eight,

Tatyana Parfionova studied art at the Leningrad Institute of Painting.

But as Russia moved from communism to capitalism, she began

designing clothes and opened her own fashion house in 1995.

Everything is handmade and reflects her love of nature.

My brief was to design us shirts which gave her take

on the story of Russia.

Here goes, dude, deep breath.

SHE SPEAKS RUSSIAN

-I think you look perfect.

-It suits you.

-This is the Russian ballet, Swan Lake by Tchaikovsky.

-And this is?

-Ivan the Terrible.

-Imperial, dude, imperial.

-And this one?

SHE SPEAKS RUSSIAN

This is the king of Russian avant-garde, Malevich.

Malevich. See?

Thank you, Tatyana.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

MUFFLED: 'Tatyana's shirts are magnificent, Si.

'This could be a whole new line for her.'

-MUFFLED:

-'I know.

'But do we have to do this?'

'Gottle o' gear, Gingy. Gottle o' gear.'

A night at the ballet

and dressed by one of St Petersburg's leading designers.

-This is exciting, Dave.

-It is.

-Backstage pass.

Excuse me. Thank you.

'Mario Vitale Labrador is one of the company's leading men.'

'For me, it is a trip down memory lane.'

This was your natural home and environment,

-wasn't it for a long time?

-Yes, 23 years in make-up rooms.

I used to do a lot of prosthetics, a little bit like that.

Such a creative place.

A lot of these women have been working here for many years

because they know the importance of the theatre and dramatic art.

Is Russian ballet very different to ballet,

say, in England or the States? Is it a different culture here?

A different culture, different mentality.

Things here are very... There's lots of traditions that they keep.

You have to, you know, you have to have good form,

good physical form, to be thin.

You have to have lots of stamina.

'Such a tough regime here, Si, and so technical.

'It is the quest for perfection, dude.

'But it has resulted in some of the greatest

'performances the world has ever seen.'

'Right, Kingy, let's sit back

'and drink deep from the well of Russian culture.

-'I thought it was Don Quixote.

-'Shush!'

MUSIC STARTS

Back in my hotel room, I've got a late night project.

A little present for Kingy, a memento from this fabulous city.

Inspired by our visit to the Faberge Museum.

As we found out in the museum,

there are still some Faberge eggs on the loose.

I think it is time to unleash another one.

That's a picture of Kingy, look at his little chops there.

I'm going to print it out, stick it on, varnish it,

he will be none the wiser. It will cheer Mr King up a treat.

After all, he has put up with that sidecar.

OK, it is not going to look like Faberge's enamel

but from a distance, the spirit is there.

'I can't wait to give it to him.

'After all, he has been such a good egg.'

A new day and what a perfect day for a cook-up in the country.

Our translator, Misha, has got a friend who's invited us

to her dacha for an alfresco lunch.

It's the perfect chance for us

to cook one of our favourite dishes, the great shashlik, and to hit

the open road.

Russians love nothing more than to leave the cares of

the city behind.

I can feel mine slipping away already, can't you, Si?

I can, mate. Shall we have a little celebration?

-You don't want a cup of tea, do you?

-Go on, spoil me.

This is what you call luxury!

I'm really getting quite fond of her, you know.

I know, granted, I was a sceptic at the beginning but now,

you know, I quite love her.

We're heading for Micha's friend, Tatiana's dacha.

This is great, isn't it? Hello, hello, how are you?

'Tatiana's family dacha dates from the communist days.

'Under Communism the state provided equal-sized plots, where people

'could build a little home, grow veg and relax.'

'It was a way of the state

'offering the people a diversion from their harsh lives in the city.'

'And whenever the great Soviet agricultural programme failed,

'the food grown at dachas became essential.'

'But no food shortage today.

'We're going to cook a dacha favourite which became popular

'when travellers brought it back from Georgia

'and the Caucasus Mountains - shashlik.

'With two dipping sauces!'

It's freedom from the city.

Whether it's Imperial times, Communist times,

Russians have always found freedom and freshness in the dacha.

And that is why we are here.

We believe that in your dacha,

the dish of choice has to be the shashlik.

-Fundamentally it is a kebab.

-It is a kebab. A shash...

I can't say it!

Do that, Dave, do that. Just once. Like that. Now say it.

I love a shashlik kebab.

Now, a shashlik can be made with either beef, pork or lamb.

We happen to have this fine piece of Russian pork

so we are doing a pork shashlik.

I'm just going to dice this beautiful piece of pork shoulder.

-About that big.

-The secret is the marinade.

It needs to be marinated between three to four hours,

or indeed overnight.

'Our marinade kicks off with olive oil.'

A glug will do.

Because at the dacha we are more relaxed, we're not as formal now.

100ml. That is a good glass of white wine.

A tablespoon of cider vinegar.

I'm not measuring anything, I don't think we need to.

Onion. One large, peeled and diced.

'Our marinade continues

'with four cloves of garlic, four cloves...' Give them a crack.

'..a teaspoon of paprika,

'a quarter teaspoon of cinnamon.'

And the last ingredient in my magic mix, it's three crumbled bay leaves.

'Into the marinade with the pork, and give it a good old mix.

No shashlik would be complete without dipping sauces,

'and we're doing two. First up is a truly delicious plum sauce.

'Just strain some ripe plums into a bowl, add a chopped red chilli,

'a tablespoon of sugar, a teaspoon of cider vinegar

'and two tablespoons of finely chopped coriander and dill.

'Season and you have got a thing of beauty.'

'Our second sauce is as simple as it comes.

'Sour cream, handfuls of finely chopped parsley,

'dill and coriander, a pinch of sugar,

'a teaspoon of cider vinegar and a grind of black pepper.

'Time to light the barbie, dude. You know what?

'Tatiana's dacha makes communism look pretty benevolent.

'Ah, but her mum Lydia has got a different slant on it over here.'

SHE SPEAKS RUSSIAN

'Apparently, back in the '70s, Lydia was a manager in a factory

'which made scarves for Russia's youth movement.

'When she suggested they reorganise production,

'it didn't go down well with the bosses.'

SHE SPEAKS RUSSIAN

So what happened was they said that how can it

be that this person who is just a mere head of the local

department suggests something that was ordered from the higher-ups

in Moscow, from the leaders of the party?

This person may be kind of suspicious or dangerous.

-A subversive.

-Yes. Not loyal to the party.

That sounds soul destroying. Bad for your spirit.

Is there anything that Lydia misses from the Communist times?

SHE SPEAKS RUSSIAN

I guess the most important thing that

I am missing is the sense of unity.

Even though life was pretty hard,

I got this feeling that I was very much supported.

When I look at the younger generation right now,

I am very happy

for them since they can actually control their life much better.

They have a lot of opportunities and chances.

'Ridiculous to think of Lydia being subversive

'but she is obviously not shy about coming forward.'

'Let's hope our humble dacha

'offering will impress.

'Pork shashlik and two dipping sauces.'

How is it, ladies?

SHE SPEAKS RUSSIAN

-You can come more often.

-We can come again! Brilliant, that's great.

You shouldn't have said that, there is a shed

just down there that we are going to move into.

That was ace, wasn't it, Si?

I think I could get used to the dacha lifestyle.

Me too, mate, but for us, it is back to the city.

-Last day, Dave.

-Last day aboard my beloved Ural.

And the one thing we haven't done yet

is find out what's on offer for your average Joe in modern St Petersburg.

And I'm kind of hoping it involves something sweet.

How about a chain of boutique bakeries?

Spot on!

-Cake!

-Ho-ho!

Oh, wow, Mr King, I think there is

every chance you'll get your fancy coffee here.

The choice is fantastic. There's more than just doughnuts here, mate.

'This is the Bushe Bakery's main branch, a post-perestroika venture.

'It's in stark contrast to Lydia's tale from yesterday, isn't it, Dave?

'Here, free enterprise is blossoming.

'Yeah, there's a very new Russia

'vibe and now everyday folk can afford

'these lovely little luxuries.

'We're joined by manager Anna Gavrilova.'

-How long has the bakery been open?

-It is more than 16 years.

It is a big network.

Is the patisserie here like a French patisserie?

Not only French. We are like an international bakery store.

-It's not what you expect.

-No.

'Anna's invited us

'to go behind the scenes in the decorating department.'

The smell, it is like Charlie And The Chocolate Factory.

Yes, chocolate factory.

'Wow, look at these, dude, it looks like every character

'from every kids' movie you've ever seen, and a few you haven't.'

Oh, man, look at the roses, the white roses.

Look how she is feathering the edge of the icing, that is

-such delicate work.

-Are these cakes going to be for the shops?

Some of them go to the shop.

-Most of them go to the... Like a special order.

-Yes.

'In new Russia there's disposable income around,

'so people can afford to be a bit frivolous but it takes

'skill to deliver such fanciful ideas.'

Ballerina.

Look at the expressions on her face and the detail,

the collarbone and all that.

-It looks like you.

-It is.

-It's beautiful.

-Thank you.

May I?

-That is like the Faberge egg that we saw. Did you make this?

-Ah!

I just want to ask this lady, did she go to art school,

does she draw and paint as well?

SHE SPEAKS RUSSIAN

She says, I'm still learning.

'The marvellous Bushe Bakery

'has given me an idea but it's a bit hush-hush

'so I need a word with Anna.'

Take Dave in his whole gorgeous loveliness

and can you make me a cake like that?

For sure.

'Awesome. He's going to love it!'

Look, Dave, these are the first kind of utilitarian flats

we've seen, aren't they?

They are but five minutes down the road,

and we're back to the splendour of empire.

And that's

the thing for people here, isn't it? To reconcile these different eras.

When the Soviet Union collapsed, there was a referendum on the city's

name - should it remain as Leningrad or return to St Petersburg?

Remain faithful to Communism or return to a heritage

the Communists took away.

And heritage won. St Petersburg, it is.

We should raise a glass to this wonderful city.

And, of course, there's only one drink

could possibly do the job properly.

Vodka!

From Peter the Great to perestroika, Russia

and vodka is a timeless combination.

What is it about this magical spirit that lights this great

country's fire?

Let's go to the Vodka Museum and find out.

Wa-hey!

THEY CHEER

Right, time for a tipple.

Eugenia Gerasimova is a vodka specialist.

Eugenia has prepared a selection of vodkas for us

to sample, along with their traditional accompaniment,

pickled snacks called zakuski.

I would like to tell you a secret.

A lot of people think Russian vodka should be cold. No.

-Russian vodka should be room temperature.

-Really?

-And shots should be frozen.

-Well, I flipping never.

So it is the glasses that need to be frozen and not the vodka?

Not the vodka. So we'll start from left to right.

'Number one is a modern brand, Russian Standard.'

Deep breathe. One shot once then smell cucumber.

To change the taste.

-So it is...

-Yes, try to do it. Deep breathe.

Traditional Russian toast. Za zdorovye.

To your health.

Za...zdorovye.

One shot at once.

And then snack.

-How was it?

-Great.

-Yeah, my body likes that.

Second one is historical vodka,

special recipe of Catherine II.

You know how they understood the quality during Imperial times?

When your shot should be empty, some drops inside,

you should put on your hand.

You should do it soft and hot, like half a minute maybe.

Then you should smell your hands and they should smell fresh bread.

Put some drops.

Do it soft and hot, like half a minute.

That's mental. That is mad.

You can smell fresh bread.

-Oh, that is nice.

-That is good, yeah?

-Yes, the mustard.

Spicy lard, it is certainly different

to cheese and onion crisps.

So number three is a brand from Siberia.

When the snow from the mountains started to be water,

it started to be less metals, so this brand

with the help of Siberian mineral pure water from the mountains.

-You know, you sell it really well.

-It is fantastic, isn't it?

You're on this glacial voice, aren't you, of wonderfulness.

-I know, it is wonderful.

-Are you married?

-Not yet.

And once.

-That is smooth. Pickle.

-Oh, wow.

Last one. Special recipe.

Horseradish, honey and special secret of our barman, of course.

Cheers.

-You have been a wonderful teacher.

-Thank you.

I have learnt an awful lot. SHE SPEAKS RUSSIAN

Should I get the next round in?

'Going shot for shot with a vodka tsaritsa. I love this place!'

'Hold that thought, Kingy, because it's time to bow out of this

'magical city and attempt to do it justice with one final dish.

'And given that we've seen a country keen to reclaim its heritage,

'let's honour them with a classic from Imperial Russia.

'We're at Palace Square to prepare the world famous

'beef stroganoff.

'With chips!'

You can't have beef stroganoff without a prime

fillet cut of Russian beef. Look at that.

-We are going to create a heavenly...

-POLICE SIREN BLARES

Excuse me! ..a heavenly wonder.

-It's going to be marvellous.

-It is going to be mayhem.

Honestly, this is one recipe you're going to do again and again.

It's not something you had in the 1950s and forgot about,

this is a dish with history.

'The magic starts with meat cut into strips, an onion and butter.'

-There is a dreadful wind coming in off the Urals.

-Aye!

We have built this barricade, a barricade against the

Bolsheviks who are trying to stop us cooking stroganoff.

But, like many people in this square, we will not retire

undefeated till we have our way and a plate of stroganoff.

'Any stroganoff worth the name needs plenty of mushrooms.'

It is a dish we have been dying to cook on the telly for years

because it is one of our favourites.

Years before the Bikers, Kingy would come up to my house

and I always had a big bowl of beef stroganoff and chips.

We used to use Rick Stein's recipe but we have got our own now.

Sorry, Rick!

It is one of those dishes, like boeuf bourguignon,

that you kind of cooked when you first got married in 1974.

Or in the '50s, when you just got your first cooker.

You get a bit flashy and you get one of those continental cookbooks,

"Oh, I've got a beef stroganoff."

But you know, it is brilliant

and a dish I think is well worth revisiting.

-Oh!

-I've done it again with the spoon, haven't I?

The spoon is going to be too big for the jar.

Dude, it wouldn't happen to Rick Stein.

No, it wouldn't, his spoons are selected. Right, take a spoon.

And a nice tablespoon of mustard.

'To moisten things further, beef stock and soured cream.'

And mix that up.

'At which point, the time for those

'seasoned strips of steak has arrived.'

We're only going to cook this for a minute, two minutes,

in a really hot pan.

'And once the heat's up, a good slug of brandy.'

-Shall we, just for the purposes of research?

-Absolutely.

The symphony of beef, salt, black pepper and brandy.

With a little bit of butter.

'All it needs now is

'a squeeze of lemon.'

About a teaspoon should do us fine on this, don't want to overpower it.

And just taste it. If it needs more salt, give it more salt.

-If it needs more lemon, give it more lemon.

-That is epic.

-May I?

Yes, absolutely. It's perfect.

-Get in.

-So much flavour.

'The final flourish is chopped parsley.'

That is a really good beef stroganoff.

Served with a carbohydrate of choice.

For us, for old times' sake, bit of old times, chips.

'Get a load of that, mate, looks as good here as it used to in Barrow.'

-That beef just melts in your mouth.

-Oh, hey. Fantastic.

-Look at this, what a great place. I am overcome.

-I am.

I arrived with a bit of trepidation but right from the chaos

when we picked up the Ural, I knew this trip was going to be special.

Kingy, I will remember this trip for the rest of my life.

And I wanted you to have something to remember it, too.

In the spirit of perestroika, it shouldn't be just the tsars

that have one of these.

Dude, it is a Faberge egg. Bloody Nora!

That is what I have been doing sitting in the privacy

of my little room.

That is incredible. Give us a kiss.

Do you know what though, dude?

I wanted you to remember this trip as well

and I have got something for you.

-Here is the cake.

-Wow!

-Oh, fantastic!

-We look good, don't we?

-We do.

-We have lost about four stone each, there.

-Olga, thank you so much.

It really is the icing on the cake.

What a great representation of our trip.

Imperial Russia and then post perestroika, with the Bushe Bakery.

Aye, and with a bit of Leningrad thrown in.

BOTH: Next time...

-We are stripping everything back to basics.

-The food...

-Tasty, generous cuisine.

-And ourselves.

In the brilliant and eccentric...

BOTH: Finland.

-Definitely not as bonkers as it sounds.

-No.