Football, Madness and Me

This programme contains very strong language.

These three young people suffer from severe mental illness.

My head is telling me that I have to shower now. I can't help it.

You clean now, Adam?

Yo, you need your freedom. It's like prison.

And I get really itchy.

When I go to bed at night,

I'm thinking that I've got another day to get through.

But they're about to start an extraordinary new kind of therapy.

Jamal, keep focused, yeah?

In a football league where everyone has mental health problems.

CHEERING

You state some mental illness, blood.

But how do you make it to training

when you're locked up in a secure hospital?

Not coming. They've not allowed him off the ward.

It's almost time for me.

Will they be able to cope with losing?

That was shit. No, that's shit.

And make it to the end of the season?

Not, not a good day. No.

Over the next 12 months, they'll find out

if football can change their lives for good.

Just want to get out of hospital, go on holiday, all that stuff.

Just to be free, really... be free.

-OK?

-Jamal is 27.

Six years ago, he was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia,

which means he hears voices and experiences delusions.

-Thank you very much.

-Yeah. Well, it's been tidied, so...

For his own safety, and the safety of others,

he must live in this secure hospital.

Yeah. You can see the whole of south Tottenham.

For now, he is locked up, unable to come and go as he pleases.

They're all right places, you know, they care for you in their way.

But it's still not worth it.

Yo, you need your freedom.

It's like prison. And I get really itchy.

I'm thinking, no.

I stand by the window, out near the door, all the time.

Just waiting to go home. So, boy...

Despite being on strong anti-psychotic medication, at times,

Jamal's condition makes him think he is a professional footballer.

I don't want to sign for no football clubs, like Barcelona,

Arsenal.

Anyone. I don't want to sign for them, you get me?

It's not worth, I don't want to.

I've got information from my bank is that they're interested

in buying me, but I don't want to buy, I don't want to...

I don't want to, it's not worth.

It's not worth.

27-year-old Johnny is Jamal's support worker at the hospital.

There's eight residents at the moment.

We've got 11 bedrooms, so we're not quite full.

It's a low secure, forensic rehab centre.

Everyone's got a schizophrenia diagnosis,

or schizoaffective disorder.

But that in itself is, as an illness,

it's really diverse the way it affects people.

This year, Jamal will be playing in a unique football league,

where everyone has mental health problems.

He's hoping it will bring him one step closer to getting his freedom.

I'm just kicking a ball inside, all the time.

I need more football, that's the truth, I need more football.

It's like three doors to get into your own place!

Come in, yeah?

Hayley is 28.

For the past 10 years,

she's been suffering with depression with a tendency to self-harm.

This is the living room. Or lounge, whatever you call it.

She lives in her own flat in east London.

She wasn't always depressed.

In fact, her life got off to a flying start.

-Leyton Orient?

-Yeah.

Leyton Orient, when I was, I think I was eight when I joined them,

but I was too young to play in the league.

But when I joined the team, most of them were a year above.

So I was, like, the tiniest little player.

I was a small thing, skinny little thing.

I was doing well, I was,

by Christmas I was one of the top scorers for the club.

So I was with them until 11,

then I went to an Arsenal soccer school in the summer.

So I was with Leyton, Arsenal, Barnet, Arsenal, Chelsea.

So I've been around. In a nice way!

THEY LAUGH

Despite her talents, Hayley has always struggled to fit in.

At school, obviously, I played football with the boys.

And I didn't wear skirts and uniform.

It's like, why don't you wear skirts, why don't you wear shoes?

Are you a tomboy? Why are you playing football all the time?

So, when you've got that going on a lot,

it kind of singles you out.

In a way, makes you feel that

you're the odd one out and you've got something wrong with you.

My parents split up when I was 11, and then my nan died a year later.

That's two losses within the space of a year.

I think it all unravelled at the same time.

At 18, the depression took hold and she stopped playing football.

People don't get the impression, but when I go to bed at night,

if I put the TV on, lay in bed, I'm thinking,

I've got another day to get through tomorrow. That's how I think.

It's not, I'll go to bed, I've got this to do tomorrow.

It's like, I've got another day to get through.

She now takes an antidepressant and a mood-stabilising drug.

It helps with, like, my moods, just to stabilise them a bit.

Because I can go quite, um...up and down.

When she's down, she sometimes feels compelled to get rid of things

-that mean a lot to her.

-Have you got any kind of football trophies?

No, I got rid of... It sounds really bad, doesn't it?

I don't know if my mum knows, but I got rid of them two years ago.

I put them in a skip. SHE CHUCKLES

I shouldn't be laughing. I got rid of them all.

When I get rid of the football trophies,

that's almost like I'm punishing myself.

Like, someone said, you're only punishing yourself,

you're getting rid of things that mean something to you.

But sometimes, that's how I feel,

that sometimes I need to punish myself.

There's one memento Hayley has kept hold of,

from when she played for England aged 17.

So, what's this?

So, oh, this is just my shirt, the first game I played for England.

We kept our shirts for each game we played. So I had four of them.

Even that, I don't like having it here.

I could quite easily just do something with it.

This year, Hayley is coming back to football,

and hopes she will make it to the end of the season.

For me, I think it's not just fitness, playing football,

but it's building my confidence and seeing where my abilities are.

It's October 2012.

The first day of the PMA,

or Positive Mental Attitude football season.

In this league, the football coaches, Janette, Zoe

and Claire, are occupational therapists and counsellors.

A match in February, friendly or league, start getting these in.

The football helps them immensely, really,

in the fact that it's not just football.

Football, we say, is the disguise, really,

to engage them in so many different aspects.

Be it communication, social, educational.

And treating them just as people in the community, really.

I don't want to hear any of it. It's about being positive, right?

Charity founder and former professional footballer,

Janette, has worked in mental health for 11 years.

So get in your shape, show me your shape, captain.

She believes recovering from mental illness is as much about

doing something you love as taking medication.

No-one's going to laugh at them, or ridicule them.

This is that two hour session where they're purely positive

and happy and relaxed. And seeing them coming on, that's great.

It's like seeing your kids grow up, innit?

WHISTLE BLOWS

Keep working, Haringey.

Five teams will battle it out for the cup.

All the players in the league suffer from mental illness.

Go on, Jamal. Go on, Jamal.

Well done!

So, first goal.

Yeah, man, scored my first goal of the season.

Yeah, come on!

Hayley will be playing for her local PMA team, Hackney FC.

Her biggest challenge this season will be simply turning up,

on bad days as well as good.

Every day is a battle.

You might be feeling OK, but it's still a battle.

It could be to cook a meal every day,

cook your dinner or go shopping or tidy, or get washed.

Sometimes you're struggling, but you fight through that day,

and I think we're all doing that in our own kind of way.

WHISTLE BLOWS

Go to him! Well done.

Today, 21-year-old Adam is joining the league.

Playing for Haringey FC, alongside Jamal.

I thought maybe people would have severe mental illness,

they might not be able to play.

You know, I thought they would be really bad.

But they seem, like, very good.

Adam suffers from obsessive compulsive disorder, or OCD.

It feels like you're playing for more than just winning.

You know, you try to make yourself better.

He lives with his mum, Edna, in north London.

His OCD focuses on a fear of dirt or contamination.

-So, what's happening now, Adam?

-I feel like having a shower now.

-I've got to have one. Yeah.

-Why's that?

Cos I think I'm dirty, so...

Even though there's no proof I'm dirty, but, I got to anyway, yeah.

-Is it quite stressful?

-Yeah, because it's every day, you know, so.

It's like half an hour, 45 minutes, maybe one hour.

And you keep, you keep, like, scrubbing, like, your arm,

for example, till it's clean.

And you know it's clean, but your head keeps telling you it's not.

So you put more soap, you scrub even more.

Until the only thing you get is bad skin, that's it.

I won't hold you up any more, you go and do what you need to do.

OK. Thank you.

It was two years ago when Adam's mum noticed things weren't right.

He'd come home and say, "I just felt terrible on the bus.

"I felt I was going to have a heart attack, palpitations."

Just started having panic attacks and stuff.

He gave up school, because he just couldn't cope with it any more.

Six months later, Adam was diagnosed with OCD,

and was prescribed antidepressants.

But daily life is still a struggle.

He knows himself it's not rational to have to wash your hands,

he knows that. But his anxiety,

and the urge to do it, he can't help it.

Which is horrible.

It's amazing that, you know,

for, say, 18 years of his life,

he didn't have any of these problems.

And then suddenly out of the blue, all of this happens to him.

You just hope that one day it will just all go away,

that it will...just that it will all be behind him.

Over the past 18 months,

Adam's home has become the focus of his fears

and more and more of it has become a problem for him.

This door is not safe.

It's contaminated, cos a lot of people have touched it.

The cat is OK. This floor's OK, cos it's a new floor.

But this door's been here for a long time, so I think it's contaminated.

This is OK because no-one's touched it, it's just been put here recently.

But the stuff like this wood here, it's been here since we moved,

so I think it's contaminated

cos a lot of people have touched it and stuff.

And the kitchen, I think is contaminated.

How close can you get to the kitchen?

About where my trainers are here.

That's it. Where they are.

And so what is it about the kitchen that you don't like?

Er...the chairs.

The tables. The door. The, the sink.

The cupboards. The garden door.

Everything, yeah. Everything.

I would need, like, some sort of proof, like, you know, I don't know.

Someone to come in and, like, put a microscope under the thing

and see if there's any dirt or germs, then maybe I'll go inside.

Adam is becoming a prisoner in his own house.

Unless football and the coaches can help him

break free from his illness.

Now I'm trying to change,

I'm trying to get some of the old me back.

Like, the good things about me.

I'm hoping to stop worrying about contamination

and I'm trying to find myself again.

That's it, back.

One, two, three.

Hayley's been turning up to training.

But beneath her smile, her mood has crashed.

And she's taken it out on herself.

Not, not a good day. No.

-I'm sorry to hear that.

-That's all right.

-So how have you punished yourself?

-One, self harming.

And last night, I was telling Zoe, I got rid of my England shirt.

So where's the England shirt now?

Um, in the bin. Outside my flat.

And the frame's, like, next to it. All broken.

I don't like to punish myself

but I feel the need to do it to make me feel better,

not about myself, or to feel better about how I feel about myself.

So I tend to take it out, on either myself, or things that I have.

She had an England shirt, and she's just thrown it all in the bin

because she doesn't believe that she deserved any of it.

Hayley is scared of succeeding.

So that's our job, to try and build her confidence

and make her realise that she is allowed to succeed in life.

That's what we're working at at the moment.

Two months into the season, it's the morning of the Christmas friendly.

Santa in the house!

Ronaldo.

My name given by God, really.

Jamal was my first name. But Ronaldo was my name given by God.

But Jamal means Ronaldo.

Football won't cheer Jamal's schizophrenia

but it does give him a reason to get out of bed.

You want to get there early on time?

I want to get there early, so I can kick a ball around.

-We can do that, can't we?

-Yeah.

-So I'll book it for, maybe, 10 or just after, so about an hour?

-Yeah.

Jamal's doctors have given him permission

to leave the secure unit for the Christmas friendly.

-We'll get a taxi there.

-No.

-I found some money in your room.

'His whole week, I think, to him, focuses around the football.

'That's what he looks forward to.'

That's, you know, what he's living for the rest of the week.

You state, some mental illness, blood!

That's what the football does for Jamal, it gives him that outlet.

I guess where he can just go and kick a ball around,

and not be a psychiatric patient for a couple of hours.

So it's really important for Jamal.

Before he can leave the unit,

Jamal must take his anti-psychotic medication.

-What needs to happen before you can leave?

-Um, boy...

Just, um...take my meds.

Don't want to, but I have to, and that's all, boy.

If he doesn't feel like there's anything to get out of bed for,

more often than not, he'll just stay in bed all day

and then he'll miss his medication, that will throw him off.

He won't spend all day in bed

if there's football at the PMA to go to.

-You ready?

-Yeah, man.

-Right.

I need to see how many Santas we've got.

One, two, three, four, five.

There's five there, but you need to put them under tracksuit tops.

You can't put it over you clothes, like them.

I don't like to lose, friendly or no friendly. Christmas or no Christmas.

-Santa's coming!

-Players and staff are all on the pitch today.

It's the Santas versus the Elves.

ALL: Happy Christmas!

WHISTLE BLOWS

Come on, Scott! Yes!

Score another one! Yes!

WHISTLE BLOWS

Yeah, we've really noticed a difference in Jamal.

He moves a lot more on the ball, which is absolutely great.

So it just helps him to focus more and switch on a little bit more.

So yeah, I think he's definitely making small progress.

But it's progress at the end of the day.

Christmas comes early for Jamal.

CHEERING

Santa woman, come on!

FINAL WHISTLE BLOWS

-Well done!

-Yeah, I scored a last-minute goal.

Happy, scored two, was in midfield playing well.

Played upfront for the first five minutes, but I didn't like it,

so I dropped back.

Happy now.

-How's it feel?

-Yeah, feels good, good.

Cos Christmas is coming up, so the more goals I get,

there it is, innit. So...

-What are you hoping for this Christmas?

-Oh, just...

Hmm. Aftershaves, aftershaves, and, um...

Just being with my family, really.

My brothers, sister, and mum, dad.

Jamal's mum Jenny lives just a few miles away from his secure unit,

with her three other children.

There's, there's Christmas last year.

19-year-old Nathan feels it was the sudden death

of their uncle Peter that triggered his brother's illness.

When Uncle Peter died it was like...

A few months after, that was when he just, he kinda just snapped really,

just started shouting. I know it wasn't his fault,

but you can't help be scared in those moments.

It's like someone you've grown up with for 18 years

has completely vanished into thin air and you just see a manifestation

of just anger, frustration and confusion.

Some people are more prone to developing schizophrenia than others

and it can be brought on by a stressful event.

He started hearing noises and sounds

and basically got a bit paranoid, you know?

And...really sort of...

delusional.

But it has to be hard to struggle with that many voices in your head,

like having a constant voice, like a voice clear as day

and still trying to function in the world that we perceive,

which is crazy, it must be a serious strain on the brain I think.

You never know what's going to happen, do you?

Because you look at baby pictures and you think, "Aww!" That...

You just don't know what the future holds, really, do you? So...

It's January.

Janette and Claire work with players off the pitch as well as on.

Today, they are visiting Adam at home.

They want to start tackling his OCD where it has its strongest

grip on him.

So we're going to address the kitchen,

see if we can gradually get him to go in for

-maybe a couple of minutes today.

-Yeah, we'll have to do that.

And then see how he's feeling afterwards, yeah.

-Hello!

-How are you? Are you all right?

-You've got a little cat? Aww!

Claire's asked Adam to wash up, but this means facing his biggest fear

and somewhere he's avoided for years - the kitchen.

It's OK. You've come to the washing machine so you know you can do it,

so let's just try walking to the sink.

Don't worry about washing things at the moment, OK?

-I can't handle...

-What is it? The door?

-Yeah.

-Right. OK.

Well, the door's here, so can we just put one foot over? Good lad.

Come on, you've got your shoes on. Excellent. Well done.

Right, keep going. Fantastic. Brilliant, Adam. Brilliant.

Right. Do you think we can wash these few things up? Yeah? I'll help.

-All right.

-Right. Good lad. Right.

So, let's just clean all this.

Put the plug in.

-You're doing well just being in the kitchen, yeah?

-Yeah.

-Fantastic.

Just rinse that one for me, please.

It's now two years since he's come in the kitchen or touched anything.

I haven't seen that. That is fantastic.

Just give this a quick rinse out and then we're done.

It gives me hope that he will get out of this problem that he's got

gradually, you know, because it's really destroying his life.

Let's put them back in here, look.

'When I first took him in there,'

I didn't actually think we were going to get him over that door,

but just small steps, we got him there, got him to that kitchen sink.

So, yeah, he's done well.

Incredible that you've managed to go in the kitchen.

Yeah, but I feel like I have to wash now, so...feel a bit upset,

but I feel good in a way that I went in there.

Hayley would like a job in sport and the PMA run a coaching course.

It could be just the sort of challenge she needs.

I've had experience of doing coaching before

and it weren't a good experience and I always said I'd never do it again.

It's just the thought of doing things in front of people as well,

but just have to get it done.

UPBEAT: Hello, everyone. My name is Corey.

Why do I start like that? Why not do this?

DOWNBEAT: Hello, everyone. My name is Corey.

Yeah, I'm really pleased that she's come down.

She did say last night that she was trying to think of excuses

not to come today, but she's obviously talked herself into coming.

So that's good that she can recognise that she needs to be here to

be able to move forward.

Talking in front of people is a big deal for Hayley.

Now her confidence will be put to the test.

-Time starts now.

-Hi, everyone.

Welcome to the session today. Are you all feeling OK?

-Yes.

-Ready and raring to go?

-Yes.

Before we get into details about the session,

I have set up this area here.

People always say to me, "You're confident,"

but I don't feel it in there.

Like, I can show that I'm doing it,

like, I can come across on the outside if people

were to look at me, but I don't have any confidence at all in my ability.

Somewhere in me I still think I can't do it,

which sounds totally ridiculous. That is how I feel inside.

When you are running with the ball, what do you think?

-What do you need to think about?

-Control the ball. Keep the ball close.

Right. Congratulations.

You are now qualified level one coaches. Give them a little clap.

Yeah!

I'm just glad that it's over with, that is it really.

There's nothing else to explain.

It's done, dusted. So, yeah.

Getting a coaching qualification is a real achievement for Hayley.

You can't throw this in the bin. No, you can't get rid of this one.

So I think it is a good time to make the effort to just take it

for yourself and just put that in your bag of skills really.

So it is just identifying the qualities that you have

within yourself and being OK about that,

because we have got to be, otherwise, we will just spend

our lifetime just beating ourselves up and focusing on the things

that we didn't do and I don't think that is positive recovery, you know?

Yeah? Excellent.

Right. So what we are going to do just to get you moving little bit,

just walk around the outside and around.

Three months into the season,

Jamal feels playing for Haringey FC is making a real difference.

It gives you stability, something to do, something to go to.

If you've got problems you can talk to someone.

One point for full ones.

-What does football mean to you?

-Football? Football means a lot to me.

It is in my blood, so... I can't stop playing it.

You can plan your exercise around your medication

because I would imagine the medication you take is pretty regular,

you know, you need to have it at a particular time.

But Johnny has just had some bad news.

Yeah, the hospital that Jamal was at, where I work at the moment,

it is closing down in the middle of next month

so it is maybe going to throw how much involvement he can have

with the PMA into a bit of doubt, which is unfortunate.

Jamal will not be told until the hospital have found him

another secure unit.

Probably go somewhere that is maybe a bit more restrictive on him,

what he can do, when he can do it,

so that is why the PMA might be a bit more difficult for him.

A move like this can unsettle a psychiatric patient and the

coaches fear losing his football too could send him over the edge.

If you break that development right now

when he is at this crucial stage, he'll go back over basically.

He'll get bad-tempered, they won't let him out

and he'll just break that continuity that he has got

and we don't need that, because that will set him back.

It could set him back months, years, whatever, we don't know

and we don't want to take that risk.

-OK.

-All right. Bye.

-See you, lads.

-Bye. Bye.

-See you later on. See you, boys. Cheers.

As well as potentially losing his football,

Jamal will soon be losing Johnny.

He will be made redundant when the hospital closes.

I am pretty concerned for him really. I will miss him, you know?

That's life in mental health.

Adam and his team-mate, fellow OCD sufferer Dean,

face another challenge.

The next league game is 200 miles away

and the only way is by public transport.

-I hate touching the poles.

-Yeah.

-Everyone touches it. Everyone.

-And I don't think they clean it.

-They don't.

I hate touching these poles.

Because everyone touches them. Yeah. But at least you are letting it.

That's good. At least you are letting the pole touch you.

-I've got no choice, innit?

-Yeah.

My head is bothering me.

-DIRECTOR: What is it saying?

-It's just...

It's just absolute rubbish but it...

just annoys me. I can't concentrate.

Do you know which way to go?

Haringey FC are travelling to Yorkshire where they will take on

the Wakefield Pumas, another team of players with mental health problems.

We are moving. Are you excited?

Jamal has had special permission from his doctors to travel up

to the match and Johnny is recording their last mission together.

-So, you have not been up to Yorkshire before you were saying?

-I've been passed it.

-Up to go to Paradise Park?

-Yeah. Yeah.

Everyone is here on time, up, out, quite early for some of them,

so yeah, you can't ask for any more apart from a win.

-Is that them there?

-Yeah.

-Yeah, they look quite good, yeah.

I'm going to ref so don't argue with me, show good respect, yeah?

Even if it is getting heated, I will sort it out.

Despite their best efforts,

Haringey can't seem to get the ball in the net.

Once Wakefield score, there is no stopping them.

Come on!

Play the game.

-At 10-0 down, it is all too much for Adam.

-Someone sub for me.

Dean, you go on. I don't want to play no more.

-You want to come off?

-Yeah, I want to come off.

Come off a minute. Come on then.

-What's frustrating you?

-Everything, myself, just everything.

That was shit! That is shit! No, that's shit.

-Frustrated, yes.

-Well, you can't win every time, can you?

-No.

You're smiling, Adam, that is good. End of the game you are smiling.

All we can do is take from that, can't we?

That's what it is all about really.

Tomorrow, or next week, find out what we need to do

so we just take from it, yeah? That's life sometimes, innit?

Sometimes it's a bit disappointing, but it's how we manage it, yeah?

So that is what we are going to do, we are going to manage it,

keep positive and get ready for the next game.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

-OK. Let's go.

Back from Wakefield, Jamal has been told that his secure unit is

just weeks from shutting down.

Johnny wants to know if he has understood what it means for him.

-All right, Jamal?

-Yeah.

Let's have a little chat about what is going to happen over

-the next few weeks.

-What?

-Well, you got your letter, didn't you?

-I didn't get it.

-You didn't get your letter?

-No.

-So have you been told anything by anyone?

-No.

-About the future of this hospital?

-I know it is closing down.

-You know it is closing.

-Yeah.

-But, yes, we are closing down in two weeks.

-Yeah.

-Are you worried about...

-No.

-..moving again?

-But I want to stay with this football team.

Hopefully you will be able to. I don't see any reason why, you know,

you should have to not play football any more.

It just might be an issue of the new hospital's resources.

We will try hard to make sure that they know that it's important to you.

Hayley has had a set back and refused to come to training.

Now she has turned up, Claire wants to make sure

she is not returning to her old destructive pattern.

-You all right, Hayley?

-Yeah.

-Yeah? How come you couldn't come yesterday?

-I wanted to be by myself.

-Pardon?

-I wanted to be by myself.

You wanted to be by yourself. That's fair enough.

We were just wondering if it was anything to do with you

thinking you had to come in and do training session again?

I think because I am doing a lot of stuff,

I think it puts a lot of pressure on me but it is not just that.

I think...when I can feel a mood dipping,

I tend to think about anything and everything

and then I think I felt yesterday, not that I couldn't come

and do the training, but sometimes if I feel that I can't,

not put a show on, but if I can't hold it together,

I would rather not...

Well, from our point of view,

we don't want you to feel that you have to come here and do a training

session every week, because we would not expect you to do that.

We want you to come down and enjoy yourself as well. It is up to you.

If you want to do something today, great. If you don't, that's fine.

I tend to always feel like I have to keep going

and if I feel I can't come and do that, I tend to keep to myself.

Her challenge is either sometimes if she is having a bad day,

she can't even leave the house, she can't talk to anybody.

It is part of the job that you have got to accept that some days

they will have bad days and they are not going to come down.

You can't expect them to do everything.

Jamal's unit closes today.

He is moving to another hospital a few miles away.

It is also Johnny's last day

but it is Jamal's football he is worried about.

No, that's deep, blud!

JAMAL TALKS AND SWEARS TO HIMSELF

I am worried about Jamal's involvement with the PMA.

I've got this inkling that it is not going to be as easy to

facilitate it as we have tried to make it here.

Unfortunately, the life of a psychiatric patient is not

full of a lot of joys.

It's not really anyone's fault, it is just the way it is, sadly.

So if they do have something that does make them happy

and something that does give them a little bit of structure and a little

bit of focus, to lose that would be quite upsetting for him I guess.

We need to check that, that is really important.

Jamal's mum Jenny is worried about the effect the move will

have on him.

When things are running OK and working,

it seems a bit bizarre that suddenly you've got to change it all.

I hope I am allowed to go out, you know what I am saying?

You will, that is what this is all about really -

you doing your football, coming home.

A bit of normality, that is what is important really.

I have to move and I'll follow you.

I think he is worried that where he's going is...

if he is still going to be able to go out.

As Jamal spends his first night in his new hospital,

his future with Haringey FC is uncertain.

After the breakthrough of getting Adam into the kitchen,

Claire wants to start him cooking.

I think Adam is going to find some aspects of the cooking difficult.

Just being in the kitchen longer than five minutes is

an achievement in itself for Adam at the moment.

-Hi, Adam. Are you OK?

-Yeah, I'm OK.

It is not just the kitchen that is new to him.

-So, have you ever cooked anything in your life, Adam?

-No.

-Nothing?

-Beans on toast?

-No.

-Right. So all this is new to you.

-Yeah.

-Yeah?

So what we need to do is we need to follow these step-by-step

instructions, so it's the method and how you cook.

So you need to put that in the bowl.

-Now let's get some of this mint out.

-OK.

And you put two teaspoons of that into there.

-Have you never chopped anything up in your life?

-Nah, nah.

-Eeh.

-It's tricky, isn't it?

-Mm.

Into there. That's it.

-Are you enjoying cooking?

-Er...it's hard work.

-Hard work?!

-Yeah.

Brilliant. There are some burgers. Fantastic. Look at them.

-You proud of yourself?

-Yeah, yeah.

-Good. So you should be.

Right, this is the worst bit, we have to wash up now.

Er, how do you feel about cooking in the kitchen, Adam,

-with the using the surfaces and...

-Erm, I have to get a bit used to it

because my head is telling me that I have to shower now.

-You have to shower now?

-Yeah, yeah.

-OK, so maybe what we need to do is cook these burgers.

-Yeah.

-Yeah?

-And have some food.

-Yeah.

-And try and override them thoughts,

-so you're not going straight in the shower.

-Yeah.

-How do you feel about that?

-Yeah, that would be good, Claire.

-Yeah.

Then hopefully them thoughts won't be as strong.

Keep moving around. I might even break it.

Like, at the moment, Adam, on a scale of 1 to 10, how strong are

-those thoughts now about going in the shower?

-Er...maybe three.

-So they're not actually that strong?

-No, no.

-So really...you could cope by not going in the shower, yeah?

-Yeah, yeah.

Right.

'It's three weeks since Jamal's move

'and there's no sign of him at football.

'His new hospital have agreed to let him come,

'but he's currently not well enough to attend.'

Erm, they don't know.

I spoke to the social worker and she says she doesn't know yet,

so I'm going to hopefully find out on Friday. OK, then, thanks very much.

OK, bye now.

Not coming. They're not allowing him off the wards.

'Jamal's staying in bed and refusing to take his medication.'

That's quite concerning, really, then,

because look how long it's taken us

to build Jamal, from not wanting to engage in any social aspect, just wants football,

to now coming to the caff, conversation with his peers...

-Yeah.

-..coming to the workshops.

-And now it's all gone pear shaped.

Jamal's important for strike... scoring goals. Yeah.

-Come on!

-It feels like we're missing somebody. It's a bit sad.

Like, it's nice when he's here.

Especially when he plays, he tries his best all the time, which is good. Yeah.

'Jamal's doctors fear it could be months before he's well enough

'to come back to football.

'Today, Hayley's taking the training session and things are looking up.'

-All right, I can join in now, then, guys.

-Off you go!

13, 14.

That's it, over. Well done.

Get bouncing on your feet.

That's it, on your toes.

I woke up fine this morning!

You wouldn't even think anything had been wrong.

'That's how it is with me, like,'

everything that was bothering me or on my mind, it's just like...

It's gone now.

One,

two.

Like the old days, eh?

You've got the arm underneath. That's it.

-So you bring it across. Confusing, isn't it?

-I feel like a octopus.

Everyone keep on your toes, just as you would in a game.

Keep on your toes.

'And I want to be able to be open enough, say, actually, people do suffer with these problems.

'And it's normal.'

That's it, everyone, stop! So well done, everyone.

-Well done, everyone, really well done.

-Well played, everyone.

-Well done, Hayley.

-Thank you!

-How do you think that went?

-Er, I think it wasn't bad for a first...go.

-You relieved?

Yeah, and I was thinking, when's the next one? Jesus!

What am I going to do next time? That's what I'm thinking!

Just get today over with!

'It's four weeks since Jamal's move and it's match day for his team.

'Jeanette knows it's not the hospital that's stopping him coming

'so she's gone to see if she can persuade him to come.'

I can't see Jeanette going all the way over there and giving up.

-So hopefully we'll see him.

-She doesn't take no for an answer, does she?

No, Jeanette doesn't take no for an answer. So he'll definitely be here.

All right, OK. All right then, I'll order it and tell them that you'll be half an hour.

'Jeanette calls with good news from the hospital

'and she's putting in a special request for Jamal.'

Hiya, can I order a burger and chips?

Not for now, though, for 20 minutes, half an hour time.

Jamal and Jeanette are on their way now in a taxi.

She's just rang to ask me to order Jamal's burger

and chips that he always has before he starts a match, so, yeah,

so she's on her way, so it's fantastic news.

-Right, Jamal, get your stuff. All right?

-Hey, Jamal. Hey!

-Good to see you.

-Have you got my food?

-We've ordered it.

-Cool.

First things first, eh?!

He's been stuck on that ward for nearly three weeks.

He's been out once.

We would have lost him, he would have gone back on himself, simple as that.

He's up and about now. Got his chips.

-What do you want out of life in the next six months?

-What do I want out of this?

-Out of life.

-Well, I just want to get out of hospital.

Be free, be happy, like, go on holiday and all that stuff,

-get my cards.

-And how do you think you're going to get that?

-Well, I've got the money.

-What else do you need? Support, innit?

-Just to be free, really. Be free.

-So if you work with us...

Because I need you to start socialising, as you would

-if you were out free.

-Yeah.

-But you need to get out your bed.

-Yeah.

-I was just tired, man, I'm...

-I know you were.

-..relaxing now, it's cosy.

-You know when you're under the blanket and it's nice and cosy.

-I know.

But the thing is, that's not looking good there, is it,

-because the more you're under there the more you won't go and get your freedom, what you want.

-Yeah, yeah.

'He's had a move, it's been stressful,

'and hopefully this is a new beginning for him.'

Start him right with us again. Cos it's clear he wants to do it.

And it's just getting him down.

Well done, Jamal!

Come on, Jamal, your ball! Go back, Jamal!

It is nice to see him back on the pitch.

He's switching on again a little bit more.

Ohhhhh, unlucky!

Had a shot on goal there, Jamal.

Yes!

Well done, well done!

Jamal's doing really well, isn't he? He's concentrating well,

he's moving positions now, which is good, so, yeah, he's doing really well.

-Is it nice to see Jamal back?

-Yeah, it is nice. It's been quite a while.

Has it been two months since I saw him? Yeah.

'Adam has invited some of his team-mates out for a meal. It's a huge step forward for him.'

Hi, Claire. Hi, Hayley.

-Hayley, how are you?

-You all right?

-Yeah, man.

We're doing OK, we're going to be in the final.

It's been about...four years since I went out with friends.

Like, except football, this is like the first time, yeah.

-Does anybody ever run away, Albert?

-I ran away.

-You ran away?

What's it like hanging out with friends again?

-Erm, it's good, cos I haven't done it in...

-HE LAUGHS

To be honest, I never had a dinner like this with friends before.

I never done it. This is my first time. So it's really good, yeah.

-And how often do you go out with mates?

-I don't at all. I don't.

When I'm here I don't feel like I have to be someone that I'm not.

Maybe before, or with family or with friends, you feel like

you have to be up to their standard of what they think you should be.

Erm, and I, as a person, I would rather be who I want to be

and what I'm comfortable with.

And maybe it's about finding myself, erm, along the way.

MUSIC DROWNS SPEECH

It's May 2013.

After months of hard work,

the teams are playing the very last games of the season.

-I'll show you the kits, yeah? We got a changing room.

-Yeah, see you then.

Yeah, I'll see you.

I feel really nervous. How do you guys feel?

-It feels like cup final day.

-Really?

-Yeah!

I'm still aching.

One, two, three... Haringey!

Cos this is my first season, it's been positive, so I'm enjoying it.

Even if we don't win today I'll still just have fun.

After a whole year, you know, it's the climax of the season.

And not just the football, it's a great time to reflect

and look how each player has developed over this year.

Jamal's mum and brother have come to see him play.

-Have you come to support your brother?

-Yeah, he's...

I mean, I wish I could play and show him up, but...

-Do you want to play next season?

-I don't know, man.

I want you to be the star, because if I play next season it's...

You're not going to beat me, blud! You're not going to beat me.

Don't worry.

WHISTLE

Come on, Jamal! Jamal! Pick it up!

Well done, Jamal! Well done, Jamal!

'Jamal's medical team at his new hospital have worked hard

'to help him settle in and have even been able to reduce his medication.'

Jamal's been really good, actually. He's like the old Jamal we knew.

I think he's settled. Erm...

He's motivated, so much more motivated now.

"Come on, let's get up, let's go football."

But, oh, yeah, Jamal wouldn't miss this for the world, I don't think,

not this end-of-season game.

Come on! Adam, watch your man!

'Adam's psychiatrist has taken him off his antidepressant medication

'and he's coping well without it.'

I'm proud of a lot of them

but in particular Adam because I've worked really closely with him.

And seeing him at the beginning of the season, with his head down,

looking miserable, to how he is now, smiling, it's so nice to see.

So, yeah, I am really proud of him.

Close him down!

'The coaches are pleased with Hayley's progress, too.'

Yeah, Hayley's able to be more open about her feelings,

and I think, if she can get it out,

then hopefully it reduces the chances of her self-harming.

Yeah, mental health still goes on but, erm,

hopefully they're able to cope and manage in the community.

Good shot!

-One, two, three, "Cheese!"

-Cheese! Champions!

'The Wakefield Pumas finish top of the league and win the cup.

'But just as important is what's happened to the players

'over the year.'

This guy we know has come a long way since being with PMA.

He's consistent every week, he's always there

and he's a really valued team member.

And that's Adam of Haringey.

I kind of worry less about contamination and stuff.

It's not in my head, it's...

Because at the end of the day it's not important really, you know.

This life is short,

so you have to try to just do as much as you can and try to enjoy it.

We'll take some photos. Who's taking the photos?

It seems to be fading away a little. It's not gone 100% but it is...

Like, about 40% has gone, I'd say, in this year.

So, there's still a bit of a battle left but if I was still coming to

PMA next year we can deal with that and just get rid of it for good.

Everybody voted for this person.

If I say female, we know who she is.

So, well done, Hayley!

We are in it together and I think that's the main thing about it,

we are all there together,

no matter what our struggles are or our personalities.

And sometimes that keeps me coming.

'I do feel a sense of more content with myself.'

I want to say thank you. A lot of hard work is put in, but it's by the players and all the staff.

And this individual has come a long way

and he's gone...he's transferred from place to place.

You know what, the lad is going to do exceptionally well,

even better next year. And that's Jamal!

APPLAUSE

-Going to say a few words, Jamal?

-Ohh.

I'm happy this season that I'm having a good season and...

-That's it, really.

-Well done, Jamal.

-And long may it continue as well.

Well done.

And if you know in your heart that you've tried all you can

then don't worry about it, but if you haven't, you know you haven't,

then work on it the next time and say, well,

I'll do that differently, or I'll try this.

Only you know whether you've done what you can do.

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