How to Die: Simon's Choice

This programme/film contains scenes which some viewers may find upsetting.

CHORAL VERSION OF KNOCKIN' ON HEAVEN'S DOOR

'Hi, Debbie.

'It's Simon here.

'I know we've had our ups and downs,

'but I really do appreciate everything you've done for me.'

MUSIC PLAYING IN BACKGROUND

Up!

'I've been phenomenally lucky.

'Such a loving family.

'So many wonderful friends.

'I will miss it all.'

We will perhaps never know the full nature of

Simon's thoughts on life and death.

I suspect they were as complex and interesting as the man himself.

The toll that his disease took seems cruel.

The law is very clear.

In this country, we can't help people end their lives.

Everybody can change mind,

right in the last moment.

'I feel so strongly inside that this isn't the right thing to do.

'He's still really, really enjoying life.'

'If he goes to Switzerland, there is a price to be paid by other

'people and they may not be that happy to pay it.'

'How he dies is so important.

'For our children, for his sisters, his mother.'

However final it might feel to you now,

today is not the last word for Simon.

-DEBBIE:

-This is our lovely room.

Huh!

Have you enjoyed your day in the mountains, Simon?

SHE CHUCKLES

Has it been frustrating, not being able to speak?

But you had a nice time?

Good.

You know, it's your 14th wedding anniversary today.

How does that make you feel?

SHE CHUCKLES

Happy anniversary to Debbie and Simon.

Simon, I've zoomed in, I can see you really well!

'We've been married 14 years and we've just had such fun together.'

Aah! Simon!

'He's like a little boy, in some ways!

'But I like his energy.

'I like the fact life seems very alive when he's there.'

THEY LAUGH

'He just makes every day just brighter and puts colour in life.

'Six months ago, we got this diagnosis, motor neurone disease.

'Terminal illness. Between six months and two years.'

They can't do anything at all to slow the illness down

or to change the prognosis, there is nothing at all, nothing.

Grandad...

ELECTRONIC VOICE: 'Roman, Roman, Roman.

'Come here, I have got something to show you.'

Did you hear that? Grandad's got something to show you.

'You are a silly boy.'

-No!

-'You are a silly boy.'

-Top banana!

'Top banana. Happy days.'

Top banana, happy days!

SIMON LAUGHS Top banana, happy days!

'This machine is slow and frustrating

'for a man of my immense intellect.'

HE LAUGHS

'For a man of my immense intellect and Cambridge education,

'even though I only got a third-class degree.'

THEY LAUGH

'Third-class degree is a gentleman's degree that shows healthy

'interest in other things.'

Exactly.

Ha! Exactly.

'For Simon, who's a fantastic communicator, very amusing,

'very quick-witted, if you could take something away from him

'that would be the worst possible thing, it would be his voice.'

ELECTRONIC VOICE: 'Dratted disease!'

'People talk to me and not to him.'

I don't want to take over, so it's quite a difficult balance between

feeling quite protective, and I know my daughter Hannah does, as well.

People always commented on your Northern accent,

it's not something I really noticed at all.

Um, but I probably just didn't care.

Or maybe I wasn't listening most of the time!

Christmas, December 2013.

SIMON'S VOICE ON VIDEO CLIP: Will you give me a little kissy now?

-Urgh!

-Just give me a little kiss...

-OK, here we go.

-Yay!

And what's this one?

What's this one? What noise does it make?

Yay!

Yay!

That's my little baby, at home in Leeds.

There he is, now, that shows what he's going to be like, doesn't it?

A laugh.

Simon was only ever off school two days, he never got ill.

It's come as a great shock to all of us, really.

Sometimes, I wake up and it's absolutely dreadful

and I think, now, how much must he be waking up

thinking that he's got another thing that's not working?

I mean...

-VOICE ON SOUND CLIP:

-'Ever had a moment

'when you realise just how much you care about the things you own?'

'When it comes to a cooked breakfast,

'some people pick and pack.'

'Reducing our food waste by half could have the same

'effect on CO2 emissions as taking thousands of cars off the road.'

"Cool, natural, blokeish,

"regional, warm, smooth, rich, gravelly..."

HE LAUGHS

'My name is Simon Binner.'

I'm a very gregarious guy. An alpha male.

'I have a loving family - Debbie, Hannah and her children,

'and my brilliant daughter, Zoe, who lives in Germany.'

I was extremely happy until my diagnosis.

'I can feel my body changing week by week, and I'm now short of breath.

'I'm going to give up driving a car imminently.

'It's very sad for me.

'I can't answer the phone or be a driving force at work.

'In business, you need people to motivate

'and paint sunlit visions of the future.

'And I can't do that any more.

'Originally, we were going to sell our business,

'but I thought I would give my stepdaughter Hannah

'the opportunity to see if she could do it.'

How are you?

-Add this to the gross.

-Yes.

This month?

-No.

-Next month.

'He was operations director -

'managing staff, organising meetings, everything.'

So, we could save people a huge amount of money.

So, who would it... Your company, who would it be...

Sorry, your name again was...? Is it Brenda? Sorry, Deborah, sorry.

Who is it in your company that we would need to speak to?

'He was always the centre of attention,

'the life and soul of the party.'

AMERICAN ACCENT: Good morning, ladies and gentlemen, good morning!

My name's Rocco, Rocco Ancelotti,

with the Global Pencil Company, here in New York City.

When I first came in February, Simon was here most days.

Now, Simon's probably here only one to two days a week,

he gets quite tired.

Oh...

HE SOBS

'I'm an independent type of guy

'and the endgame of motor neurone disease is not to my taste.'

Like a used car, I'm worn out,

and it's no longer worth investing in the cost of repairs.

'When we drove back from hospital after my diagnosis

'in January, I decided then, en route in the car,

'that I would have to either kill myself

'or be euthanised in some way.'

Motor neurone disease is a horrible disease to get.

Typically, over six months to a year,

their speaking is likely to get worse and worse

until at some point, they won't be able to be understood by others.

'Eventually, the arms will become completely paralysed,

'the legs will become weaker and weaker, until eventually, someone

'will need a stick to walk, then a walking frame, then a wheelchair.

'But the thing that really carries people off is breathing difficulty.'

It's fatal because, at some point,

the muscles controlling the diaphragm will be affected.

And when someone gets diaphragm weakness,

they become short of breath,

and we have things that can support people through that...

through those symptoms, but, at some point, it becomes impossible.

Whoa! Mummy!

People might think, if they're able-bodied and able to walk around,

they might think, "I would never want to be in a wheelchair."

But it's not that the next day they'll be in a wheelchair,

it's that, in a year's time they might be in a wheelchair.

The process of getting to that point,

they'll have adapted to other aspects of the illness,

people actually cope far better

than they might have thought at the beginning.

Hardly anybody chooses assisted dying,

less than 1% of our patients choose it.

The vast majority choose palliative care

and a peaceful death in that way.

'I've always been quite anti assisted dying.'

It's one of those dinner party conversations you have,

never dreaming that you'd actually

ever ACTUALLY be having this conversation.

I think an assisted death, getting on a plane and going to Switzerland,

actually, even the thought of it makes me feel physically sick,

and I feel more and more,

if I'm honest, utterly terrified of

what it will be like, what the...

And it's outside of most people's experience, so, um...

-INTERVIEWER:

-Have you tried to persuade him not to?

I don't know, I feel... I feel very...

..frightened to upset him any more.

Because he is very upset, though you wouldn't necessarily see it,

but he is becoming quite vulnerable.

As I think people do when they become ill,

however strong you are, when you become physically ill,

you become more vulnerable.

So, I think I kind of avoid conversations

a lot of the time and just say,

"Oh, a cup of tea?" Doing those...

Trying to make everyday life OK.

But, um, so, we don't really talk about it

and I almost can't talk about it, because it...

..makes it more real.

CHILD GRIZZLES

Shall we go to Grandad? Go to Grandad.

-RADIO:

-'Should people have the right to die?

'It's a question that's been asked for years.'

'Helping someone to kill themselves is currently

'punishable in England and Wales by up to 14 years in prison.'

'There could be few issues of more fundamental importance

'to society than how we treat the terminally ill.'

'Thursday 19th.

'E-mail to Dr Erika Preisig.

'Hello, Dr Preisig.

'I'm 57 and I was diagnosed with motor neurone disease

'on the 7th January, 2015.

'And I'd like to have an eccentric, rock-and-roll version

'of your highly esteemed assisted-dying service.'

'There's always so much traffic.

'This is one reason why we usually start at 8.30.'

-INTERVIEWER:

-Do you always do them in the morning?

Usually, yes.

Usually, the authorities of Switzerland don't like us

to do it in the afternoon.

Because then, it runs into four or five o'clock

and they want to go home.

With assisted dying,

there's three organisations who accept foreigners in Switzerland.

Dignitas is the biggest one,

lifecircle - it works in Basel.

'We have two assisted dyings a week.

'They have to send mails,

'send doctor's reports about their illness.

'I show the documents to another doctor, who is going to see them.

'And if he says, "I think we can accept him,"

'then he gets the provisional green light.'

This is the medication.

It's a powder that you have to dissolve.

It's an anaesthetic, and if you take half a gram,

you can have a big operation,

which makes us feel safe

that you feel no pain,

you feel no fear, nothing.

And this is 30 times the dose of a normal anaesthetic.

'It takes 30 seconds until they fall asleep.

'Within these 30 seconds,

'the family can sit close, hold hands,

'say a last few words.

'And within about four minutes, the heart stops beating

'and they are dead.'

-BUZZER SOUNDS

-OK, good.

TRANSLATION:

-RADIO:

-'In just two months' time, the controversial

'Assisted Dying Bill will be voted on by MPs

'for the first time in almost 20 years.'

'Doctors would be allowed to give a lethal dose of drugs

'to adults who have asked for help to die

'and are thought to have less than six months to live.'

'Disabled people and people who are terminally ill

'would like people to alleviate our suffering

'by helping us live better lives, not by killing us.'

'The pressure that is going to be put on terminally ill people,

'they'd end up thinking, "I should go, I'm going

' "to be a burden on my family, it's right for me..." '

'The Church remains strongly opposed to assisted dying...'

'I want to see much more emphasis put on supporting people in living,

'than assisting them in dying.'

Come on.

Onward!

Good boy.

Onward!

Good boy.

Good boy.

Good boy.

'In the future, when Ralph becomes poorly,

'we'll call the vet to our house and we'll all stroke Ralph

'and say our last goodbyes to the most loyal of dogs.

'And then, he'll gently be put to sleep.'

And that's what I'd like for me.

'There's a time to live and a time to die.

'Right now would be my ideal time to die.

'Debbie's plight causes me incredible sadness,

'because she's been so kind to me and so kind to Chloe.

'We loved Chloe so much.

'She was the centre of our lives.'

Chloe was my youngest daughter.

She got a rare bone cancer at 15.

She had treatment for three years

and then she died when she was 18,

which was two years ago.

But the pain became unbearable for her at one point

and she asked me to kill her.

And I think...

..to have, you know, your 18-year-old daughter

asking you to do that...

But we had a fantastic palliative care team, absolutely fantastic

palliative care team, and they came round and sorted it out.

Then the next day, she woke up, as kids do at that age, and said,

"Oh, I'm sorry I asked you to do that, Mum."

It was like... "Oh, my God!"

And then, we went on and had a few months of some lovely times.

Losing a child, there's nothing worse than that,

but there was something...

..more natural? I don't know.

In that we knew that we had...

This is so hard,

because motor neurone disease is such a different illness, but...

There was still hope with my daughter, right up to the end,

we were still hoping for another day, and we had lovely times,

and I guess, maybe, if I thought about it,

there's a bit of anger in me that, you know,

why can't Simon just do that?

You know, your life closes in when you get ill, I think,

but we still really enjoyed watching telly together,

or eating together, and it's those little things that become so...

So, maybe, there's a bit of me that thinks, "Oh, why can't you,

"you know, do that?" But...

'Wednesday 24th.

'Hello, Erika.

'I've just used Google Maps and you're only 90 minutes' drive

'from Freiburg, Germany, where Debbie and I

'will be on holiday with two friends, Will and Chris Watson.

'Will Watson is also my business partner.

'We were both born in November 1957.

'I've known him since we were

'eight-year-old boys at Bolton School.

'I could get Will to drive me over to meet you, if that was convenient.

'I would like to book myself into your clinic on Monday, 2nd November.

'Ebullient regards, Simon Binner.'

If you say you want to go on the 2nd of November,

what if you, a week before, say,

"Well, I want to hang on a bit longer?"

-You don't know that.

-You don't know.

-No, I won't.

-Well, I'll ask her that.

What's so significant about the 2nd of November?

It's his birthday.

'We met at primary school.'

He was always the guy telling jokes, the, the...

the big man in the crowd, the leader of the gang.

-Oh, OK.

-So, you'll be quirky in that...

'One worry I have with Simon,

'he has a tendency for the big gesture.

'That this may be'

the big gesture to end them all, if you see what I mean.

And that once he's made the decision and publicised his intention,

he will then feel locked into it, even though

he might be having second thoughts later.

-So, you haven't actually met her before?

-No.

-Have you thought of the questions you want to ask her?

-No.

Well, THAT is a worry.

It worries me that you're not thinking these things through.

No, I have thought these things through!

How do you know you're going downhill?

But that doesn't stop you living.

You can eat, your arms and legs work, you can see,

you can hear, you can...

Everyone feels vulnerable at some point, so...

And you're not thinking about these things, you're just saying,

"I'm booking on the 2nd November."

Because I think that's panic.

I am going down like this.

Yes, but... No, you are saying you are going down like this...

-I am, I am!

-You're not.

We have far too many demands for assisted dying.

More demands than you have dates to give to the people.

Ja.

Klar, klar, klar. Ja.

'How can you decide to which ones you say no,

'to which ones you say yes?'

Come in. Come in.

'In Switzerland, the guidelines are,

'you must have some sort of illness, you must be of sound mind,

'you must have been thinking about it for a long time.

'I have to listen and make sure'

they are not throwing something away, the most precious

gift of life, that has ever been given to them, too early.

-Yes.

-Never.

You have thought it through.

-You want to die.

-Yeah.

Yes.

You have an incurable illness, you are of sound mind,

you don't seem to be depressed, even though you have a very bad illness,

which is very good...

-Can I ask you a question about it?

-Yes, of course.

Because how do you know he's of sound mind at the moment?

Just by talking to him.

-Right.

-Just by listening to him.

Could it be that he's just really scared today

and that maybe as time...

Like tomorrow, the next day, he might feel a bit different.

Cos his... Cos I live with him and see his mood go up and down.

Yes, yes.

I think what makes me worry is that he's so frightened...

But you're frightened of being incapacitated.

Yeah, OK.

It worries me that it's a knee-jerk reaction.

"Right, that's it. I'm going and..."

And I want him to think about it more deeply and...

It depends on what you want.

But it's your decision.

Why are you so sure, Erika?

Why do you feel so passionately about it?

You only have to listen to people.

You really have to listen to them.

You know, he's not a child.

He knows what he wants to do.

And it is his life.

He has been taking responsibility for his life

for many, many years,

and he's a strong-minded person.

And now, at the end of life,

that he gets weaker...

..he is still strong-minded,

but people tend to treat

as if they were children.

I can understand what you want.

You would like to keep your husband as long as possible

-because you love him.

-Mm.

-And it's very, very difficult to accept.

-Mm.

Saying goodbye before nature...

..forces you to.

-Mm.

-Um...

People who have to let go do the more difficult job

-than the people who go.

-Mm.

That's very important to know.

It is much easier to go into an assisted dying

than to accept an assisted dying. Do you know why?

After you're dead, you're dead.

-Yeah.

-You're out of the problems.

-Yeah.

But your wife has to go on living.

You must ask yourself - is it his decision? Is it your decision?

-Is it his life? Is it your life?

-Mm.

I know it's difficult.

Dying does not have to be something horrible. Dying can be something...

Something like a ceremony.

Do you know, last week, we had an assisted dying

and this lady had 21 people who were with her.

-Really?

-21 people.

That was the most... the highest number that we ever had.

And it was so nice...

You must do it your way.

-You would like to die on your birthday?

-Yeah.

I'm a little bit afraid that you hang on to your birthday

so strongly that you are not willing to postpone it.

If you were as well as you are now on the end of October,

would you postpone it?

-If you were exactly like you are now?

-Yes.

-Then you would postpone it?

-Yes.

For me, it is important to know this.

I do not want you to go too early.

The 2nd November?

You are welcome to have an assisted dying, for sure.

(Things you bloody put me through.)

It is a big step to take, isn't it?

And he is doing it on his birthday.

-Are you going to go, too?

-Yes. I am.

I was there when he was born.

I don't encourage him, but I will go along with whatever he wants.

He will stay as long as he's enjoying himself, won't he?

I think.

I don't know if anybody ever does go to Switzerland and come home,

change their mind. I don't know if they've ever done. Do you?

TEXT ALERT

'Text message to College Boys.

'I am booked to die now on Monday, 2nd November.

'Thank you for bringing the annual Christ College reunion

'forwards on my account.'

39 years now.

In a way, we're like brothers.

He was the funny one, he always made us laugh.

We have always laughed a lot.

Binner told the best jokes that I'd ever heard.

We used to do ludicrous things.

Binner and I used to try and not go to bed for 72 hours.

So, we would stay up for days and nights

cos we'd try and hallucinate.

Nothing was predictable.

There was some holiday where he managed to tell people

all the way through, for some bizarre reason,

that he was a funeral director,

and maintained this fiction for two weeks or something.

-Salut!

-Salute!

-Get it right, man!

Salut! Is it salut or salute?

We are actually all feeling distraught, you know?

We have sustained a very close set of friendships all this time

and he is utterly central to our group.

And, uh,

I know I am probably more sentimental than many other people,

and I have cried every time I've seen him for the last few months!

So, I saw him last Saturday, I cried pathetically.

Some of these people here,

this will be the last time they see him.

Really good to see you.

I was sort of shocked and surprised

to know that Simon had set a date for his, uh...

What's the appropriate term? Assisted suicide?

He seems to be checking out ahead of his time.

And I am not entirely comfortable with his decision.

We're all crushed.

How can one be reconciled to someone who is so great

taking themselves off at the age of 58 and killing themselves?

I think he's chosen a date which is too soon.

"Bins, I know you feel strongly about it

"but I do feel that setting

"a date in advance is potentially deeply problematic. Debs has real

"qualms about you choosing the date in advance and that worries me, too.

"Debbie has rights in this."

Taking yourself off to Switzerland could be seen as selfish.

Binner is very forceful,

but he is arguable-with. If Debbie was more resolute in saying,

"Binnie, no, you can't do this, I forbid you from doing it."

That would make it a much more difficult matter for all of us.

'He is changing as a person.

'I sense his, kind of, creeping isolation.'

I am doing more and more,

which he gets increasingly cross about, but...

'I hate the fact that he thinks because he has an illness,

'he is somehow less worthy of being able to live,

'enjoy things and have the right to stay alive.

'I feel very, very strongly that he is not a burden.'

DOORBELL RINGS

It's those little practical things that can help.

Ralph needs to be walked twice a day.

Um, he can't walk Ralph now.

-What?

-Mountain biking.

Mountain biking.

-"Moneymaking"?

-No! Mountain!

Biking...

Oh, yes, mountain biking.

So, I mean, three months ago, less than three months ago,

Bins and I were cycling in the Italian Alps, cycling up mountains.

The speed of change, it's accelerated.

We are all in fast-forward at the moment, and you want to try

and stall it, you want to try and capture every moment. And you can't.

How are you feeling about the November date?

Uh, I am dreading it.

And I am disbelieving it, in a way,

I don't want to believe it,

because that's...

I'm probably not the only one, that's my way of coping.

As I was coming over here today,

I was figuring out how many days left, you know,

how many weeks left.

And it's... And it's...

It's going so quickly.

-Well, it's...

-Uh...

-It's eight weeks, just under eight weeks now.

Are you OK this morning? Yes?

All right?

Yeah?

Yes.

Three.

OK, OK.

-Thank you.

-Yes?

-Thank you.

-You're welcome.

-RADIO:

-'MPs will today be debating whether to legalise assisted dying.

'The Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby,

'has described it as one of the biggest dilemmas of our time.'

'Order!

'It's a great honour to speak on a debate

'which is actually a matter of life or death.'

'I think it's naive to believe that we can prevent

'the persuasion of an elderly, expensive or asset-rich relative

'being encouraged, coerced or emotionally

-'blackmailed into taking their own life.

-MPS:

-Hear, hear!

'I've cared for my husband for five years,

'and I saw when life changed to being a burden.

'Who wants to travel to Switzerland? Why should we have to?

'Why can't we die at home, which is where most people want to?

'We are here to protect the most vulnerable in our society,

'not to legislate to kill them.

'It says something for any society,

'the way in which they look after their most vulnerable

'and their elderly, and I fundamentally worry

'that we are starting down a path that essentially says

'that those lives are worth less.

'MPS CHEER IN AGREEMENT'

I am a GP from Margate and I'm very concerned that this bill,

I think, is detrimental to this country.

Essentially, if this goes through, metaphorically, on Monday morning,

I could cure people with my left hand and kill them with my right.

It is God who determines when a person should die.

It is God's will, isn't it? Good old God!

Oh, yes, oh, yes! It's the meaning of life.

Well, that's good for you, cos I don't believe in God,

cos your so-called God took my wife away.

-RADIO:

-'The House of Commons has voted decisively

'against proposals to give terminally ill patients

'the right to end their lives under medical supervision.'

'This is such a crushing defeat, it settles this matter

'in terms of legislation for the foreseeable future.

'It leaves us with the status quo of one Briton per fortnight

'travelling to Switzerland to die with the help of the suicide...'

SKYPE RINGTONE

I've become suddenly very, kind of strong-willed about it.

I think I was just going along with Simon,

and I suddenly felt this isn't the right decision.

This isn't right for him, and he's giving mixed messages.

We need to explore another way.

And when the Assisted Dying Bill got voted down yesterday

I was pleased,

and I thought it was the, kind of...

I am only just saying what I think.

It's a kind of vote for the sanctity of a human life, to me,

without sounding too twee and dramatic about it. But, this...

I want to look really, really carefully

at what's on offer with hospice care.

Simon can tell me to bugger off,

it's his life, but that's how I feel.

Simon was referred by his consultant at King's.

His first appointment was very much focusing on

what we could offer here at St Christopher's,

what sort of medical intervention we could offer.

If someone's breathless, for example when someone develops

breathing difficulty because of diaphragm weakness,

the first thing we can do is offer them non-invasive ventilation,

which is a mask that goes over the face.

When they breathe in, it detects that and helps by blowing air in.

But at some point, it won't be effective.

To take away the feeling of panic or breathlessness, we give morphine.

If that happens to shorten life, then so be it.

The law and the ethics around this are very clear.

We're not allowed to give drugs to end someone's life,

but if the aim of giving a drug is to relieve distress,

and that might shorten life,

we are ethically obliged to give that treatment.

We then talked about the fact

that he'd taken total control over going to Switzerland.

But knowing that Debbie and his family didn't want him to go

was really sort of conflicting him.

He really sort of talked about Debbie...

wanting to do it sort of right by her.

With Debbie losing Chloe two years previously,

the impact on her was going to be absolutely enormous.

He was very mindful of that,

so that really played into his decision-making.

We'd been told very clearly

that actually the death from motor neurone disease is not a bad death.

It's often with pneumonia.

And, actually, we're living with disability now and we're managing.

And we have nice times and difficult times and sometimes you wake up

and think, "God, this is dreadful, how has this happened?"

And other times, we're sitting laughing,

surrounded by family and friends.

And there's still lots of bits that are really lovely about life.

And I cannot take him to Basel

because I don't think it's...

One, I don't think it's the right thing to do, and two,

and perhaps most importantly, I don't believe he really wants to go.

-INTERVIEWER:

-You are reconsidering?

He is, apparently.

I am.

'In him reconsidering, we suddenly have hope again.'

That's a real change.

'I thought they'd be indifferent to the timing of my demise.

'I was so wrong.

'If I was single, I'd be gone. Definitely.'

But I'm not single.

And I have responsibilities to others

that I'm only now starting to fully understand.

'Tuesday, 22nd September.

'Dear friends, we're having

'another one of my ludicrous games parties this Friday.

'Hoop a cone will be a featured event.

'And women have all been instructed to wear trousers for the tree swing.

'Tim, on account of your height and bulk,

'you are hereby duly appointed CBTO -

'Chief Bins Transportation Officer.

'Congratulations upon your elevation to high office.'

Here?

Here?

ALL CHATTER

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

He's still taking part in things.

He's very competitive.

This wins it.

Yes.

Yes!

He can still write.

When his writing slows down, we don't know what will happen.

But at the moment, he's doing very well, actually,

and getting so much support from everybody.

He's always been very sociable, and, in the years, it's paid off.

He's got all his daft friends that have grown up very supportive.

-It's the most uncomfortable bloody seat.

-Are you on?

-I suppose so, yes.

-Right, do you want left hand or right hand?

I think left hand, cos I'm going to hold on tight with my right hand.

'It feels like a stay of execution. That's exactly what it feels like.

'I still value his friendship, I still enjoy being in his company.'

'When we were children, there was always some competition going on.

'I think he's still enjoying life.

'He laughs so much.'

He writes his texts or his notes,

and he's shaking with laughter at his own jokes.

Whenever I see him, when I come home, I get in the car

and I just think, "What a lovely day! What a happy house!"

CHATTER

Right, are you saying anything for me, you guys?

Sunday.

Nonsuch Park, the sun is shining.

'Debbie doesn't want him to go to Switzerland.

'It's given him a way to reconsider.

'Analysing it day-by-day is probably a good thing.

'But I think, in the end, it has to be his choice.

'I don't think I do always know what he's feeling.'

'I think the games are a way of Simon deflecting attention.

'What is Simon going to be when he can't communicate?

'And I wouldn't like him to let himself get to that stage

'and then think,'

"Oh, no, now, I'm hating everything, but I'm sort of trapped."

'I'll be totally unable to communicate soon.

'It's terrifying to think my only form of interaction will be gone.

'Losing my voice is bad, but none...

'None is terrible.'

"Debbie Binner wrote.

"Simon Binner - Urgent.

"Dear Erika, Simon is sitting next to me after a terrifying morning.

"He has tried to hang himself.

"We have calmed him down.

"But now, he is saying he needs to die now

"and wants to come as soon as possible.

"This Friday, 16th October, at the least.

"Please, can you advise if it is possible.

"He says he's desperate.

"Debbie Binner. Kind regards."

Yes, and I have told her that 16th October is not possible.

And he promised me, by writing and by Debbie telling me,

that he would accept to come on Monday 19th

and he promised that he would not do something like that any more.

Until this happened to Binner,

I never really thought that you could be so frightened of not dying.

And for Binns to have done what he did yesterday...

sort of demonstrates -

given he's not an unthinking or cruel person -

sort of demonstrates the absolute horror that he feels,

that, I think, you know, he was so overwhelmed

that he kind of lost the plot, in a way,

and did something which I think is...

You know, he was properly sorry about.

I think somehow we've missed those moments of unendurable tragedy.

And...you know, you can just forget that

because you just see him

as funny and upbeat and...

you know, hilarious.

There's going to be a small farewell lunch party,

which Debbie's sent a card...

A sort of...

Given where they are, quite a jolly note about...on...

on Friday.

"Dearest friends, our precious time is moving fast.

"As I'm sure you all know,

"my precious Simon is going to Switzerland to end his life

"on Monday, 19th October.

"We've had one hell of a week.

"And in light of recent developments,

"Switzerland seems the kindest and best option.

"Simon has made it very clear that he's had enough."

"Please know that you will find us beaten,

"battle-weary and bruised on Friday.

"But we love you all and want to celebrate one last time

"in a gentle, more low-key way than before.

"Love, hugs and strengths, Debbie."

-INTERVIEWER:

-Are you scared?

No.

No.

He's not in a good state now,

and I know, before, I fought and battled so hard,

but he's made it very clear that he does not want to carry on his life.

I feel furious, um...

Tender. Loving.

Um...protective.

Um...

So pleased I married him.

And I'll miss him terribly.

It's terribly sad, terribly sad.

And, um... And we love each other.

It's, um...

But I think, at the end of the day,

if you love someone,

you have to do what they want to do.

And...

And I think we've got to the point where, when Simon does die,

it's not...

It won't...take away what we've had,

it will be there still

and I think I'm so glad I met him.

I said goodbye to him at the party.

He was lying down, tired, in the room

and when he came to say goodbye to me, we had a good cry.

And Elizabeth said, "Well, he didn't want to cry

"when he was saying goodbye to us."

He wanted to keep his act going all the time, didn't he?

So, we both cried.

Elizabeth said you could understand

why he didn't invite me to Switzerland.

I haven't been on a plane for a long time

and my balance isn't all that good.

But I was quite looking forward to going.

I thought, "It was MY son, I had him, and..."

I keep thinking, "Well, I can't get another son, can I?"

'Hello, Five Musketeers. You can now print off your boarding passes.

'Passengers - Debbie, Mike, Elizabeth, Dr Sandberg and Will.'

-TANNOY:

-'Thank you for waiting, at this time,

'will all remaining customers please board now...'

Suicide in this country is not in offence.

The law is very clear about what is the offence,

and the offence is assisting or encouraging

somebody to commit suicide.

If you take somebody to Dignitas, for example,

you arrange the flights, you put them on the plane,

you take them there, that's the sort of assistance

that could be an offence under the act.

Maximum penalty is up to 14 years.

But it's a matter of each individual case and circumstance.

We'll take into account the clear and express intention, if there is,

of the individual, the compassionate nature of the people who assisted.

We will weigh up and decide

whether or not that means we should prosecute or not.

There's a handle just here.

The person only knows the last evening

if it is definitely accepted.

-Hello, Mrs Binner?

-Hello, very nice to meet you.

-Nice to meet you.

-Come in.

'Simon must convince the second doctor, also.'

Hello. Hello, Mr Binner.

I'm a GP working with Erika.

OK.

There is no fear for dying.

-In the UK, he tried to end his own life.

-Uh-huh.

So, we didn't really realise until that point how desperate he was.

I believe that.

That was so horrifying.

You know what will happen tomorrow, what's going on?

Erika explained everything, how it works, also with the infusion.

-Yes, so, he will feel nothing?

-No.

-Just like going to sleep with an anaesthetic?

-Yes.

But you know that when you let this thing run,

that you go to die, not to sleep.

And you must be clear in mind that you are.

You don't make me the impression of depression.

No.

And it doesn't look...

You were deciding yourself.

So, it's your decision and not from outside.

There are important things I have to write down for legal reasons.

-You have to assess, yes.

-The assessment.

So...

..can I do something for you, otherwise,

than to go and write my report?

For me, it's OK.

It hasn't been a laugh, it's been a belly laugh.

-Laugh out loud.

-Yes.

You always make people laugh,

people like Auntie Margaret, and Simon would start.

We'd sit at a table like this, I didn't need to say anything,

Sarah didn't need to say anything, cos the floor show is over here.

LAUGHTER

You've always been such a lovely brother.

Thank you, Binns.

-Top bloke.

-Top banana.

Simon will take off from his hotel with his family and friends.

He will come to the place where we do the assisted dying

in the city of Basel.

And he will have to fill in some forms

because the authority of Basel want him to sign,

the day that he is dying, that he really has been

thinking about it well again, slept over it another night.

I want the family to be there to show acceptance,

to show understanding what Simon wants to do,

and then Simon has to do it

at the moment that he wants to do it.

And he has the possibility to say no and go back home

until the very last moment.

Even when the medicine is in the bag already

and the perfusion is closed,

and he, all of a sudden, is afraid of opening it,

no problem, nobody's angry, he could go back home any time.

We hang this up.

We have to prove to the authorities that this person has opened the drip

himself or herself, and you can only prove that by doing a little film.

Yeah? OK, so we do the questions now.

I know that you cannot speak because of your motor neurone disease.

This is why I will ask the questions

in a manner that you can just show with your head yes or no.

Is it right that your name is Simon Binner?

That is right.

Is it right that you have been born on 2nd November, 1957?

Yes.

And you have written that you've come here to lifecircle

to end your life because you have this very bad motor neurone disease,

very progressed, is that right?

Yes. I have put the perfusion into your brain.

There is a medication in the perfusion now.

And I have told you that you will die if you open it.

Do you know that you will die if you open this perfusion?

Yes, yes.

So, Simon, it is now...

What time is it?

9.38.

If you would like to die, you are allowed to open the perfusion now.

'Hi, Debbie. It's Simon here.

'I've loved you very, very much, Debbie.

'I haven't deserved you, or Hannah or Zoe.

'Such loving and caring young ladies.

'And I've been such a grumpy Gruffalo for much of the time.

'But I really love you, Debbie.

'We've had such a fun and laughter-filled marriage.

'We were really blessed to have found one another.

'The one blessing of a slow decline is that we've had time

'to speak about things over ten long months,

'not like losing me in a car smash.

'We've really said everything that needs to be said.

'You've been a truly fantastic wife to me, Debbie.

'And I know that you've loved me and I've loved you.'

Anyway, time and tide wait for no man.

I love you very much, Debbie.

Goodbye.

BIRDS CAW

I remember Simon dying and I know he played a tape,

but I don't remember the tape.

I remember the tenderness I felt towards him.

I got him ready in the morning.

He was still really, really keen

that his cuff links were put on properly

and that his shoes were done up properly

and I found that very touching,

and it's something I really loved about him, that he was so smart

and I vaguely remember being on a plane...

I remember Erika and that's about it.

Yeah, big chunks just kind of...

cos we were just trying to get through it for him.

For him, I think he went to Switzerland

at exactly the right time for him.

But, for us, what we had to go through, to end his life,

it was extraordinarily difficult.

And I feel I'm still in shock and trauma.

Somebody's there one minute and then not the next.

And I can't...

I haven't got the words to express about how big a deal it is.

I'm angry,

I'm missing him,

I yearn for him.

I'm guilty that somehow I couldn't make his life nice enough,

you know, and maybe if I'd worked harder and made it easier,

and hadn't snapped at him that time, or got this when he wanted,

maybe he wouldn't have wanted to go,

and I don't think any of that's logical,

but I think it leaves you with those kind of feelings.

"Did I do enough?"

Maybe that's what I'm struggling with - did I do enough?

Was it...? Did I do enough to make his life worthwhile

when he had done so much for me, really, over the years,

and helped me look after my daughter and all those kind of things.

Maybe, that's the difficulty of what I'm struggling with.

"I cannot begin to feel..."

A lot of people said to me, "I think you're very brave."

Well, I'm not very brave,

I don't have...the option of being brave or not.

Then some people say he is brave.

And Elizabeth and I were discussing this

and saying, "Yes, he was brave."

But we have to remember

that these other people were brave that have stuck it out, as well.

You see, I'm mourning him as my baby boy.

He wrote me something on a piece of paper.

"It's sad, but it's for the best. Thank you for being my mum."

The man I came to know was, as you will also remember him,

a force of nature.

Incisive, articulate,

bursting with energy.

He never wallowed in self-pity, he was absolutely fantastic to the end.

He was a magnificent man.

He was magnificent to the very end.

And he wrote to me just before he died,

warning me that I would never find another friend like him.

-VOICE BREAKING:

-I think we can say, without fear of contradiction,

that none of us will ever know anyone like him.

Si Binner, as he will always be known to me,

was a guy from a slightly different planet.

CHUCKLING

I'm missing the daft bugger. A friend indeed.

MUSIC: Don't Know Why (You Stay) By The Essex Green

# If your silver wing is stuck on horizons

# Catch it when it goes

# Or they'll take a piece and pull back the curtains

# And there's nothing left but your clothes

# I don't know why... #

Up.

# I don't know why I don't know why you stay

# No, I don't know why I don't know why

# I don't know why you stay

# No... #

If you'd like to have your say

about some of the issues around assisted suicide,

visit the Open University's online discussion hub.

Go to...

and follow the links to the Open University.