Being Black, Going Crazy?

'I'm Keith Dube, also known as Mr Exposed.

'I'm a blogger with a massive following on social media

'and I host the breakfast show

'on one of London's newest radio stations.

Please call in today, we want to hear your experiences.

'But behind the microphone, I used to have a very big secret.'

I was diagnosed with depression a few years ago.

It was a hollow feeling of worthless a lot of the times

and there's times when you're supposed be happy,

but you can't feel happy, no matter what's going on around you.

That's when I realised, "Something's really wrong here."

It was a horrible experience, very confusing,

cos black people don't really do mental illness.

It's not something you grow up hearing a lot about.

Why did I get depressed?

When I was younger, I was obsessed with money and status

and I broke the rules to get it.

But over time, that lifestyle impacted

more and more on my state of mind.

My lowest point was when I was continually waking up thinking,

"I don't want to live any more."

For over two years,

I didn't utter a single word about my depression to anyone.

I was too ashamed, but then I decided to out myself.

I wrote a blog, closed my laptop and I went to sleep,

So I've woken up a couple of hours later and yeah,

I had a crazy amount of messages from people.

All the messages were positive

and I also did realise that there were a lot of people just like me

that were going through the exact same things I was.

After that response,

I started to look into black mental health

and what I found shocked me.

I'm 17 times more likely to be diagnosed

with a serious mental health issue. That's scary.

I'm also six times more likely than a white man to be an inpatient

or sectioned to a mental health hospital.

I want to find out what's going on,

why black people are more likely to end up with mental illness.

Why is it more prevalent in our community?

What is the cause and what can we do about it?

What can we do to stop it?

Even though I struggled with my depression for years,

I was lucky that I was never so unwell

that I had to be admitted into a mental health unit.

But every year, thousands of black people do end up here and many

of them are detained against their will under the Mental Health Act.

I want to find out why and how this is happening.

What kind of conditions do most people come in here with?

Schizophrenia, depression, anxiety.

Psychotic depression, bipolar affective disorder.

How does your assessment process work? How do you decide?

We have two assessment rooms. You can see it's just soft chairs.

The patient normally stays here with their relatives or the police.

Sometimes we need the police to stay.

They need to search the patient and their bag

in case they have any sharps,

especially if they are harming themselves.

We don't want them to harm themself.

A lot of black patients kind of feel like they're treated differently

from, I guess, their white counterparts.

Is there any truth to that?

It will happen, it happens,

but I wouldn't say on the whole that that is what the staff do.

As a black woman, would you be worried

about coming through the mental health system?

Maybe if I didn't have any knowledge of mental health,

I probably would be worried.

I would be worried about going anywhere actually

because I have so many things against me -

being black, being a woman.

'To find out just how it feels to be sectioned, I'm meeting Kemeta.

'She's been in and out of hospital since 2010

'and suffers from bipolar disorder,

'a condition where your moods can swing from one extreme to another.'

So, how did you find yourself here?

My first admission was back in 2010 at the birth of my son.

So, after I gave birth... It was quite a difficult birth.

I lost two litres of blood or something

so eventually I went home, tried to relax,

but I still wasn't fully recovered.

So, my mum thought something was wrong.

I then went to a GP and then when I was at the GP,

apparently no-one from the early intervention team was available,

so they called the police.

So five policemen came into the GP and held me down,

physically held me down to the floor, because no woman

in their right mind is going to give up their six-month-old.

Wow. So how did that make you feel at the time?

Words cannot describe the pain.

Even now, I still have a lot of pain.

What's your experience been like since then?

How many times have you been in hospital?

About three to four times I've been in hospital.

I feel it's, like, taken a chunk of my life away

and it's just made me so frustrated at times. Yeah.

Now I try to do too much and then if I do too much,

then I can become unwell again and then be back in hospital.

You know, cos with me, I get manic episodes.

I don't get depressed, I just get manic.

I know it's something that's not very easy.

-Thank you very much.

-Thank you.

'My heart goes out to Kemeta for what she's been through,

'but I've no idea if she'd have been treated any differently

'if she was white.

'How normal an experience is this for black people getting sectioned?

'Twice a week I host a show on internet radio

'and I want to ask my listeners what they think.'

We'll be talking about black mental health,

cos I think it's something that's very, very, very slept on.

We've got an amazing guest coming on the show today.

He's a psychologist, I'll be talking to him,

seeing what he's seen in his 25 years

in the mental health industries.

-Good morning, Malcolm.

-Good morning.

Tell us a little bit about you and what you do.

At the moment, I manage mental health services.

We look after around 450 people with severe and enduring mental illness.

We've got a caller on the line.

-Good morning, sir.

-I'm actually a carer for my mum.

Mum has been sectioned quite a few times.

It's always been something where the sectioning is,

in my opinion, very unreasonable.

Were you given support to understand what was going on for your mum?

Not really. I don't know.

The way the sectioning works, if someone reports someone in,

they'll section first and explain later.

That's not how the act is supposed to work.

We must work with families.

You're the people who are closest,

you're the people who have the most information.

I would encourage you to not accept that,

demand that the family are more involved.

That's not something that's easy to talk about.

-We're very, very grateful for your input.

-Thank you.

-Take care.

Me and you, as black men, we're 17 times more likely to be diagnosed

with a serious mental condition.

When I look at the picture across Britain, it's poor, man,

it's pretty bad. You're much more likely to be diagnosed as suffering

from schizophrenia, you're much less likely

to get any talking treatment,

much more likely to be held under compulsion of the Mental Health Act.

You're going to be sectioned, you're going to be locked up,

you'll get higher doses of medication, it's pretty rough.

Why is it that black people are being diagnosed,

why are we being put in that box?

Black people when they go for help

are generally seen as more dangerous.

So they're more likely to get a more severe diagnosis.

It's shocking to hear someone who works in mental health

say we're seen as more dangerous,

and it goes a long way to explaining the stats.

But I do feel that sometimes as a community,

we're too quick to blame everything on racism.

Instead, do we need to look at our own behaviour?

Why is there such a stigma around mental health?

I've tweeted my followers to find out

what kind of experiences they've had.

"I lost my dad, a middle-aged black Caribbean man.

"He committed suicide aged 39.

"I myself, as a result, have struggled

"with my own mental health quite severely." We've got a message here.

"I'm happy to discuss my struggle with mental health.

"I don't think people talk about it enough,

"so I'm happy to help lift the stigma."

I didn't think this many people would be up to talk about it.

It definitely proved me wrong on that one.

One message in particular has caught my eye.

It's from a 20-year-old uni student from Surrey called Simone.

I'm going to read a little bit of my exchange with Simone to you guys.

"Even though I wasn't diagnosed by a doctor, I knew I was depressed.

"I've been in and out of it for about five years now.

"I think the mentality towards mental health like depression

"and anxiety that some black people currently have

"may have been passed down by their parents.

"Usually it should be our parents that we can turn to, to express how

"we feel, but if they have a negative thought towards this,

"then who else can we turn to?" That's the same as me.

When I was going through it, I didn't want anyone to know.

I was embarrassed by it, but in my case I prejudged the situation

and I didn't really step forward and speak to my parents

and when I initially did

and actually spoke to my dad, his response was not what I expected.

For me it was like, wow, "We could have had this conversation many years ago

"and things could have turned out different," but because I assumed

he'd be a certain way about it, I kept it all to myself.

-Hey, Simone.

-Hey!

-We finally get to meet.

How are you doing?

I'm good. How are you?

I'm not too bad.

Wow, you have a wonderful little room.

I try to make it as holy as possible.

I've got my Bible verses and prayers.

You're very religious.

-Yeah.

-How do you fit religion into your battle with depression?

-There were times when I felt like I was alone...

-Yeah.

..and I just turned to God.

When did you first kind of feel like something wasn't right?

I think one time in year ten,

there was a week where I just started having breakdowns.

There was one time when I just started crying

randomly during break time.

I didn't even know why I was crying.

I just kept on crying.

I just felt so low.

I realised there was something wrong.

At any point did you speak to your parents?

Uh-uh.

Why did you feel that you couldn't speak to your parents?

I felt that if I was to tell my parents,

"Hey, I'm going through X, Y, Z,"

I knew that the first reaction would be,

"God forbid, no, I rebuke this," and...

..they would kind of brush over it

and not find out the root of the problem.

Do you feel like there's a stigma surrounding mental health?

With parents, especially African parents, erm...

..they don't have enough knowledge about it,

especially the ones that were born and raised in Africa.

My parents were born and raised in Congo.

Speaking to a professional, essentially,

I got to speak to someone that was impartial.

Could you say you're scared of speaking to the doctors?

Is there a kind of fear?

It's the fear of...

..just being so exposed to someone

-and telling them exactly what I'm going through, it's scary.

-Yeah.

-It's that fear of knowing that I could have something.

-Yeah.

At this point, do you feel like you're ready to see a doctor?

I think I'm ready to see a doctor and finally get all checked out.

OK. Would you be comfortable with me coming along?

Yeah, that would be great. Thank you.

I've heard from Kemeta, the woman I met at the hospital.

She's been discharged from the unit,

but instead has ended up in temporary accommodation.

Hi, Kemeta.

-Come in.

-How are you doing?

I'm fine, thank you.

'I want to find out why she's in a B&B above a shop

'and not being cared for by her family at home.'

I'll be here for one week.

-A roof over my head, so I'm quite happy.

-It's a really nice place.

Yeah, I think it's nice.

The discharge coordinator kindly pushed for my case

for me to have somewhere to stay so that I could be out of hospital

because it just wasn't the right environment

and I needed to move on, and I had nowhere else to go.

What kind of things did you do in your spare time in hospital?

I just did some reading. I like modern architecture

and also I like Bauhaus and I like design as well.

Those are the kind of books that I read, a bit of self-help.

Now you're out of the hospital, how does that feel?

I'm very happy that I'm out of hospital, I feel relieved,

I feel like I'm in my own skin.

So being unwell, how has that affected your family life?

My dad has been very understanding and very supportive, practically,

but my mum, we have had a relationship breakdown, yes.

I still love my mum, I still respect my mum,

but I'm looking for the future to get my own flat

and have my son living with me, as opposed to my mum caring for him.

How does it feel to be away from your son?

Pretty, pretty painful.

Yeah. I mean, there were times that I couldn't sleep.

I could just feel... It's like a stone in your stomach or your womb.

You know, just like a weight, like a heavy weight.

I couldn't concentrate.

Now, I just want him for myself, like every mother would.

A lot of people see mental illness as embarrassing.

-A curse.

-The person's dirty little secret,

because some people see stuff like that, they think,

"I'm not going to say anything,"

-because of how other people treat it.

-Yeah.

Do you think that plays a big part?

That does play a big part, actually.

When I first was in hospital and I came back to study,

there was a Ghanaian woman. She put her hands on me

and was praying on me as if to exorcise a demon from me.

This is apparently an educated woman,

she had a master's from the UK.

This is a Ghanaian black woman,

so, um, I can imagine anyone in that position,

you'd probably never want to tell

that you had any mental health difficulty.

'It's good to see her well and happy.

'From talking to her, you can tell that the situation'

with her family is kind of complex,

but I don't personally think that's a great place for someone

going through mental health issues - to be in a B&B by themselves.

I think she should be with her family.

Both Kemeta and Simone had talked to me about religion

and over the years I've heard plenty of stories of pastors that

believed in prayer and even exorcism as a cure for mental health.

What effect is the church having?

In north London, I'm meeting the leader of an evangelical church

who also has a day job as a mental health professional.

Peace into your life!

As a pastor and as a nurse, how does that work out for you?

Cos I guess it's conflicting theories, essentially.

So you're following the Bible correctly, to a T,

could that keep me from ever experiencing

any mental health issues?

So, you know, I come forward to you, pastor,

and I tell you that I've been hearing voices

and I'm not sure what's wrong with me.

Where do we go from there?

So if I'm hearing, I guess, the not so good voices?

A lot of people go to pastors to speak to them when they need help

and there's many pastors that encourage people only to pray

and they keep them away from seeking medical help.

What are your views on that?

I was glad to hear that the pastor draws a line between preaching

and his day job in the NHS.

But if some churches are encouraging unwell people

to stay away from doctors,

that has to be a factor in the black mental health crisis.

If people are warned against getting an early diagnosis and treatment,

their problems will only become more severe.

For the past five years, student Simone has been using prayer

to deal with her mental health issues.

-Hey, Simone.

-Hey, how are you?

-I'm not too bad. How are you doing?

-I'm good, thank you.

'But now she's visiting a GP to ask for help.'

How are you feeling about today?

I feel like now,

I'll be able to actually...

..speak to someone and know that somebody's actually listening to me.

-Hi.

-Hi, Simone. My name's Martin, lovely to meet you.

Nice to meet you, too.

-Have a seat, please.

-Nice to meet you. I'm Keith.

-I'll be sitting in with Simone.

-Have a seat.

I just thought I'd like to hear it in your own words, if you could,

so just take your time. We've got plenty of time.

It started off in, like, secondary school times.

My education, I wasn't really doing well.

I wasn't really receiving any positive energy from anyone.

When I moved to university, I was having more breakdowns.

I basically just broke down,

I was like, "I don't like how I'm growing up too fast."

You've used the phrase "breakdowns".

Yeah.

What does that mean to you?

I can feel myself breaking down in my head, feeling like...

..I'm not worth it.

My mind is basically attacking my heart and everything

and basically having a battle with myself.

And then I basically just give up and then I'm just like...

I don't know what to do with myself, but the battle's still going on.

What about family at the time?

I didn't really tell them how I felt, because my parents,

I didn't feel like they would understand either, so...

I just left it.

It can be incredibly normal,

and I say that wholeheartedly, to have...

..quite negative thoughts.

By that, I mean thoughts of doing something to harm yourself...

Mm-hm.

..even thoughts of ending your own life.

The question is, have you had those types of thoughts

over the last couple of weeks?

-Not at all?

-Mm-mm.

-OK.

That was a pretty decisive answer.

OK.

There's a very big, big crossover between depression and anxiety.

It sounds to me like you do have...

..various things that trigger off...

..prolonged episodes of anxiety.

But if there is an element of depression, it's mild, I would say.

A perfect starting point would be

seeing a counsellor or a psychologist

and talking to them about basically what you've spoken to me about,

but in a lot more depth.

What do you think about that?

I feel like it'll be helpful.

By sitting here today and talking to me, you've done the hardest bit.

Thank you so much.

It's a pleasure.

So, what were your thoughts on, you know,

the meeting with the doc today?

He gave me the answers that I needed and I wanted to know.

After what you've gone through today,

do you feel like it would be easier to speak to your family?

I think it's just...

Their reaction is what I'm fearful of.

For Simone, school was where her anxiety attacks first began.

But for me, the trigger was very different.

The majority of my depression was based on my lifestyle.

I was doing a lot of things I wasn't supposed to be doing -

I was chasing money,

I was addicted to, you know, an unsavoury lifestyle,

and with that kind of lifestyle

comes an unsavoury type of people you're around.

You're always thinking,

"When are these people going to do something to me?"

And, you know, living like that's not a nice way...

It's not a nice way to live.

You're anxious all the time, you're paranoid

and I eventually lost all my money.

I went through a point in time where I felt worthless.

I didn't even see a point in living at some point, essentially.

And that's something that I do see in a lot of people like myself.

You know, we attach our self-worth to the wrong kind of things.

I want to find out what we can do to support people like me,

so I'm visiting a local mental health charity.

Do you struggle to bring young black males in?

Yeah, definitely. It's just the fear factor, isn't it?

A lot of people are out in the community unsupported,

which is half of our problem.

Because they're the people that people see in the black community -

unwell, shuffling around, heavily medicated

and not making any kind of journey to wellbeing or recovery.

So obviously why would you want to tell anybody

if you even think that you've got mental health issues?

Cos you're looking at the result of what we do as a society

-when we look after people.

-As you know,

us black males think we're 17 times more likely to be diagnosed

with a serious mental health issue.

Why do you think that is, personally?

We keep on putting black communities in rundown, poor, deprived areas,

generation upon generation,

and then expect them to do, what, better than the last generation?

There's something about living in a ghetto

that isn't good for us anyway.

Long before you get to a point where you need specialist services

or need to be sectioned, there's a journey.

You don't wake up one day with mental health.

So that means lots of people in your community

saw you becoming more and more unwell,

whether it's with your anxiety,

with your depression or just with your thoughts,

what's going on in your life.

So somewhere along the line, our communities are failing us,

not just professionals.

Because you only get to a professional

at the point that you're really unwell.

So we need to step up and look after our own communities,

and more people need to get involved in going out

and raising awareness about mental health.

We can mitigate against the urban situations they put us in

if we're aware that that's not good for us.

Lynette wants me to meet her newest recruit,

who's going to be joining the charity as a support worker.

-How are you doing, man?

-Yeah, hi.

-I'm Keith.

-My name's Ashley.

-Nice to meet you, man.

-Yeah, yeah, nice to meet you.

'Like me, 26-year-old Ashley

'has personal experience of mental health problems.

'Five years ago, he was diagnosed with psychosis,

'a condition whose symptoms can include hallucinations

'and paranoia.'

So, yeah, tell me a bit about yourself

and how you got to where you are now.

When I was eight, I went into care.

I stayed in that care home for, like, nearly eight years,

but I weren't getting the love that I needed.

I was still missing those hugs,

all the little things that I didn't get from having my own family.

I think that played a part on my mental state later on in life.

When I was like 18, I went to jail for the first time.

And then, from then,

I went to jail, like, five or six more times, probably,

after that.

Then it's only when I got to...

..21, coming out of jail, I got stabbed.

When I was laying there, I was thinking, "Am I going to die?"

All the things I've done.

"Am I going to go to hell, heaven?"

That was the breaking point,

cos that year I was diagnosed with bipolar.

I had my first psychotic breakdown.

When you were going through psychosis,

what was your story, essentially?

What did you kind of see?

I started thinking I'm a superhero!

And, like, superstitious things.

So when I go into psychosis,

I start going down, like, demons, superheroes,

people with power, supernatural.

And that's where it always takes me,

cos that's the stuff I was interested in before.

And that's what a lot of people don't realise.

They just think psychosis is totally random, but it goes with the person.

So what was your first hospital experience like?

That's probably the worst.

It's awful because I'm put in a place that I don't know about.

There's people ordering me about.

From living life freely to now being told I'm locked away,

I'm not allowed to have exercise, everything.

Getting told everything - when to smoke, when to eat.

So, were you involved in, you know, I guess, drug use,

smoking weed and stuff like that?

And do you think that played a big part in your psychotic break?

That's what I think drugs do.

They take people that are unstable with their thinking

and they make them more unstable, or possibly have a breakdown.

If I was manic, it definitely made me psychotic.

So, I guess this is the best point your life has been

in the last couple of years?

Up till now, it's been a year and a half, roughly,

that I've stayed out of hospital. And, before that,

I was going to hospital every single year,

sometimes twice, three times a year.

It was nice to meet you, man.

And thanks a lot for taking the time...

'He reminds me quite a bit of me, you know?

'We're literally two guys that got caught up in a lot of things

'that we weren't supposed to.

'He got psychotic, I went through depression,'

and I sit there and I think that could have easily been me, you know,

going down a worse route.

I want to check in on another person whose story has struck a chord.

Hey, Simone.

-How are you?

-I'm good. How are you?

I'm not too bad.

'Like me, Simone spent many years

'hiding her mental health problems from her family,

'but now she's finally had the courage

'to speak to her mum and dad.'

You've spoken to Mum and Dad.

You know, tell us a bit about how that went.

I expected them, originally, to...

..get a bit ticked off,

but they were quite calm about it.

Do you kind of feel like this is the start of a process, you know,

the start of you kind of talking more about it to them

and hopefully getting it all out into the open eventually?

I think that this will be, like, the start

of me just opening up to them,

and also a way for them to understand.

I know this isn't easy...

-Yeah.

-..but you will get through it.

-Yeah.

-And it does get easier.

It's true. Like, I'm doing well now, so...

-Yeah.

-..it'll get better.

I wish you all the best.

-You too.

-Take care.

-You take care.

Ashley's also trying to move on from his mental health issues.

-How's it going, man?

-Love, man.

Are you ready for it today?

Yeah, I'm ready to start. Yeah, good to go.

-After you.

-Yeah, let's go upstairs.

-All right.

'It's a big day for him,

'he's starting his new job at the charity.'

It's my desk, bruv!

It's my desk!

Look at that.

My table. MY table!

ASHLEY LAUGHS

So, do you think, I guess, people like yourself, me,

we're the people that are going to change society's view, you know,

our community's view on mental health?

I just want to help with the knowledge that I've got.

But the way I see it is I can only help one, two, three,

four people at a time. The most I can do.

Like, I can only help as many people as I can help.

But the way it's going to change... Like I said,

it's not going to change from individuals like ourselves,

it's young black males that are living...normal already.

They're the ones who are getting judged.

So we're not the ones to change it,

it's for other people to change their opinions.

And the only way that's going to happen, like I said,

is by everyone jumping on board.

Best of luck, man.

Thanks for letting me come along on your journey

and see how everything's going.

I wish you the best for the future, man.

Yeah, thank you very much, man. Thanks for everything, Keith.

Love, bro, thank you very much.

We need more people like Ashley

to show that you can go from a very bad situation

with your mental health

to having a job where you help other people.

It was an interesting journey, you know what I mean, to see...

..someone like Ashley, someone like myself, you know what I mean,

who's gone through a lot...

..who has definitely gone through a lot,

coming to a point where great things are happening for him.

So I wouldn't say the journey's ending, you know what I mean,

it's just the beginning.

The last few months have been...

It's been a real eye-opener for me, you know what I mean.

'I've met a lot of wonderful people.'

-It was very nice to meet you.

-Take care.

'It's a privilege that they were willing

'to share their intimate experiences with me.'

-How's it going, man?

-Love, man.

'As you dig deeper into it,'

you start to realise it's a complex issue with multiple causes.

I hate to use the word racism,

but the authorities aren't getting it right all the time

and a lot of black people are getting treated differently

and that has to change,

because it is, really... It's disgraceful.

But within our communities,

we have to be a lot more supportive of our own people.

We need to drop the taboo.

It's not a dirty little secret.

You know, and if you or a family member

is going through mental health issues,

you know, you need to drop the shame.

And those churches that see everything as a spiritual problem

and they encourage people not to seek medical help,

they need to grow up.

So what can we do about this?

We can start talking about it more.

You know, start a conversation - that's something I'm good at.

Getting people to think about things differently, that's what we need.

We're not going to solve the problems of the system

overnight, but if we do talk about these things,

that's the beginning.

And what I want to do is send out a tweet, #blackmentalhealth,

get everyone talking about it, because that's what worked for me.

And I'm hoping that this does get people thinking

and it does help people realise that this isn't a dirty little secret,

it's something that a lot of people go through

and you could go through it yourself.