Sweet Sixteen: A Transgender Story

This programme contains some strong language

My name is Llyr Jones.

I'm 15 years old.

I'm from Aberystwyth and I'm transitioning from male to female.

Being transgender to me is,

like I feel completely different inside

to what I looked like outside.

I pretty much thought everyone,

like, hated to look in the mirror and that whole

subject just like made them feel gross, but

when you, like, find out there's more people going through the same

you understand it. You're like, "OK, I can help this."

Like, this isn't what I'm going to be like forever.

I think it's positive to be here today and just really sort of see

that it's not just one or two people

or a couple of dozen people who are supporting us...

HORN

..but everybody is.

# L is for the way you look at me

# O is for the only one I see

# V is very, very extraordinary

# E is even more than anyone that you adore, and love... #

Birmingham Pride was so much fun.

I think was such, like, an eye-opener.

It was such a good event to go to and the biggest thing was,

I think everyone just understood each other and you really didn't have to

explain yourself. And it was just such, like, a liberating event.

It was so nice.

# Take my heart and please don't break it

# Love was made for me and you. #

So this dress is the dress I wore to Sparkle.

The first Sparkle event will always have, like, such, like,

a big place in my heart.

The Swansea Sparkle has drawn the attention of

15-year-old Llyr who grew up on a farm near Aberystwyth.

He has just started his transition to become female.

Sparkle was, like, the first time

I really properly went outside in like a dress and heels and stuff.

And I think that was such a big thing to accomplish for me.

Cos obviously it needed to happen one time,

and I think doing it at such like

a safe environment like that, when everyone's like pretty much

in the same boat as you was such, like, a comforting feeling.

Being able to do that and it was so liberating.

I just felt so, like, empowered and only good has come from that event.

Everybody give a big round of applause to Miss Sparkle 2015!

-APPLAUSE

-Well-deserved.

I think I was very nervous when the documentary was coming out, cos

you know, it's not really the normal, like,

it's not really the norm around here.

It's a very rural place, you know.

You look out the window and it's just fields and mountains,

and it's lovely in that sense but on the other side,

there isn't that much diversity going on here.

But everyone's had such good positive feedback

and I think that's a nice thing.

It was hard when he first told me, yes.

I know Llyr has been drip feeding me for a long time.

His ambition was to be a world-famous drag queen.

He said that, he told me that quite a few years ago.

That was his ambition.

I said, "Yeah, yeah, yeah."

You know, yeah, I just laughed it off with him at the time.

And then I thought, no, yeah, these better drag queens,

they do make quite a bit of money perhaps...

"If he can pull it off, good luck to him", I thought.

A friend phoned me up

the day after I told him that Llyr was transgender,

the following morning he phoned me up and told me

he hadn't slept at all,

he'd been on the internet all night,

looking at what transgender means.

And he offered me help

if I wanted help to consult or

employ, whatever is the term...

..the best psychiatrist available to talk Llyr out of transgender.

But I had to explain, "No, that is not possible."

That is how Llyr is, and that is how transgender people are.

You know, the shows and farming are so important to my dad.

It really is his life and it will be quite a big deal to, you know,

step out there because obviously, you know,

physically I've changed quite a bit from last year when they saw me.

We're going to an event which is very traditional Welsh farming,

so I'm not expecting everyone to understand it

but, yeah, I guess we'll just see what happens.

Mum, it doesn't open.

Ta-da!

It's kind of fun getting everything ready and we put this really nice

colour onto the cards,

because it just works better with the colour of the animals, so it

goes nice together instead of, like, the black ones they give you.

And it's just the last few things now, then they'll go to the ring.

So I guess it's, like, quite nerve-wracking today to, like,

think about people seeing, like,

this side of me because obviously,

the farming community have known me as Llyr

since I've grown up around these people and,

like, obviously, I haven't seen my family like this.

And I think I'm just so, like,

stressed and a bit nervous about what they think, that I don't want anyone

saying anything to my mum and dad because, like,

I don't want to put them through something that is happening to me

because it's not fair on them then.

Having Osian with me at such an important,

like, stage of my life, like,

going to school and even here today seeing the family and stuff -

it's been such a big help.

Like, having someone that's there with you 100% supportive and, like,

he just gets you.

And I think that's just like such a nice thing to have.

I guess I told Osian I was transgender before my mum.

It just really didn't shock me.

Like, I don't know. It takes a lot

-to shock me.

-I feel it in your eyes it just, like, wasn't a big deal.

It's like normal, I think, yeah.

Llyr's fashion is, like, great now.

She dresses a lot better than most girls at our school.

Like, I'm not trying sound, like, horrible or anything but it's true.

I think Llyr has been so brave throughout this because we live in such, like,

a small place where everyone knows each other and, like,

everyone's business.

I think she's been extremely brave throughout it all.

I think the major, like,

tipping point for me was when I got my extensions put in.

You know, now looking up old pictures when I looked more masculine, it was

so weird because it doesn't look like the same person any more.

I think maybe I was very naive in the past in that, yes,

Llyr's going to transition - that's pretty much it,

but in order to get medical help,

some of the things we actually have to go through,

such as psychological assessment,

regular clinics down at the Tavistock in London,

and they have to be gone through.

This will be the next step would be on testosterone blockers.

So that will just slow down,

the kind of, like, boy puberty.

The next step after that will be on oestrogen which is the girl hormone.

Eventually, I think the right thing would be...

to do would be to go down the operation route,

just because I think it would...

I think I'd just feel a lot more comfortable in the long run.

Obviously, you do get some people just asking, you know,

"What if you change your mind one day?"

But I think unless you're living it,

you don't really understand how it feels.

Like, you've never been so sure about anything.

And, like, I think it's...

..a positive doing it so young because then, you know,

I have my whole life ahead of me as a woman.

I've always known I had to do this

and there's just no going back for me

and I don't see any other life but this.

Llyr had a tough time

all through his school up until two or three years ago

where he's suddenly got nothing to hide. He's a lot more confident.

You can see him walking,

his head up, he's enjoying life.

You know, he was...

Yeah.

He's a much happier person.

Do I call Llyr a 'he' or a 'she'?

To be honest with you, I don't know.

At present, he's still Llyr.

And in that respect, I still call him my son.

It's not going to be easy to change, I know that.

That will come with time. I don't know.

I feel, like, comfortable with the name Llyr right now.

It really doesn't bother me if I get called a he or a she,

or a boy or a girl.

Like, when the time is right, I'll be...

One day I'll be like, "OK, I want to be referred to as she now."

Oh, my God. It's going to be so creased. I need to iron it tonight.

I don't know how to iron, but...

-You've kept it in your bag.

-It's very vibrant.

-I love it.

-Should I show my suit?

-Yeah.

Ooh, navy.

It's nice.

It feels lovely.

-I know.

-The material feels so nice.

Such a comfy thing on as well.

A lot of dresses, like, they weren't really me.

They were very American, like, prom.

Like, very big, like almost kind of pageanty dresses.

But, yeah, I think I want more of a simple dress even though it's, like,

-so vibrant.

-My first impressions on Llyr's dress is, like,

I really like it. It's very colourful, which I wasn't expecting.

It just screams "look at me", which I really like.

But I'm quite, like, a very out-there person.

Like, I'll wear any colour.

You know, my shrimp jumper.

Basically neon pink!

I guess that leavers is quite a big deal.

It's your last day with the people you've been with for five years.

Yeah, year 11 has gone by so fast.

-Too fast.

-Now it's like tomorrow.

So I think going to leavers in heels and a dress,

I think it will be quite a big,

not shock, but it will just be, like, different.

And I'm excited.

CAR HORN HOOTS

# Birds flying high you know how I feel

# Sun in the sky you know how I feel

# Breeze drifting on by you know how I feel

# It's a new dawn it's a new day

# It's a new life for me

# Yeah, it's a new dawn it's a new day

# It's a new life for me

# Ooh

# And I'm feeling good. #

It has been fundamental,

her family's support in giving her the confidence to be who she is,

and her friendship group in school as well, totally supportive.

That has made a huge difference.

Make sure your hair is exactly how you would like it to be viewed in 30

years from now. OK?

Everybody do something. Make it happen.

Ready? One, two and...

Three.

Her mum rang me and mum said she

wanted to come in and speak to me with Llyr,

and they came in and explained to me how she felt,

and what their progress is going to be,

and what we as a school could do to help her.

Did she want to change her name?

You know, did she want to wear a skirt in school?

I think you've got to be led by what the pupils themselves want,

and if you can adjust anything for them, so taking them out of PE,

or finding a unisex toilet, then you do that.

Her being

much more feminine is who she is,

and you can see the happiness and confidence shining through with her.

We've, like, done leavers now, so it's like this is our summer now.

It's like exciting. It's like, go and do stuff.

No worries. Nothing to worry about.

No.

We're free.

Let's get wasted.

-It feels like ages since the last time you were in here.

-I know.

-How did your leavers go?

-Really good, actually.

I think everything just went really well and, like,

everyone looked really good and I just really enjoyed everything.

I have this photo of me and Osian.

Oh, my God.

-You look so tall. I love that dress.

-Thank you.

-Did you wear heels?

-I did. I had these, like, grey suede heels.

I just thought I would be the tallest girl there.

That was usually me.

She doesn't need help with make-up tips

because she's already beautiful.

I was thinking that last time. I was like,

as a girl, you've got long eyelashes,

perfect eyebrows, big lips.

She's got no worries.

She's got everything I try and fake.

Yeah, I'm really happy with that.

-Is that enough off for you?

-Yeah, thank you.

-Let me cool them off for you then.

-Thank you.

This is so good.

Perfect. Ta-da!

So it's basically chocolate cake,

with chocolate in the middle and chocolate on top.

Sorted. Dad can have some later.

There you go.

-Thank you.

-You're welcome.

-Happy birthday.

-Cheers.

-Ching!

My main two presents from my mum and dad were my phone,

and tickets to go and see Beyonce, which is amazing.

But my mum just got me this bracelet just to open on the day,

which is really nice.

When you realise, like, family have got me, maybe like,

a card with butterflies on it

or something or a bit more like maybe

gender neutral cards, it is a bit, like, nice of them to think of.

I think I've definitely noticed this birthday, of course.

16 years since she was born and

time has flown, hasn't it?

I remember that night he was born.

That was quite an emotional time.

And just imagine he was...

..two handfuls, he was.

Just look at him now.

At her now, whatever.

I'm quite proud of Llyr,

and proud of his determination

and his braveness in doing what he has done.

He is living his life to make himself happy

and it makes people around him happy.

And I think that is...

..something that anybody should

look up to him for.

Look at all these photos people have been tagging me in.

It's really old photos, when I was like... last year

and it's just crazy to see how much everything's changed in the year.

That one on the top right as well.

I know you're pulling a face but it's a little bit...

Thank you.

Let me light that for you.

Thank you.

It's so cute.

I love birthdays.

I don't remember pain.

The only thing I remember so clearly is what I smelled like.

Like burning, like, flesh,

I remember that smell and it was so, like, stuck in my brain.

I've like the slightest,

slightest memory of when were in A&E in Aber,

and I just remember I looked and I saw black.

Like I just saw my legs black.

"Teen badly burned in beach party fire horror."

A Penglais school pupil suffered burns to her legs

so severe she was faced with the possibility of amputation,

when petrol was thrown on a fire at a beach party.

It was my friend's birthday and we were sat around the fire,

and I think, like, me and Osian were getting up to leave,

and someone shouted, like,

"Let's get this party started", or something.

I remember this pink liquid getting poured onto the fire,

and then I heard, like, a pop, then turned around and I was like,

"Oh, the fire has exploded.

"We need to get away from this", and then I was like, "OK, I'm on fire.

"What's going on?"

So I think when I went over to the car,

I helped her slowly get out and I saw the look on Huw's face

and that scared me.

But I just held on to Llyr's hand and we got her into A&E.

I looked and I saw some massive blisters,

especially on her right leg which...

I've never seen anything like that.

I hate worrying people.

I've always been like that.

Like, no matter what it is, I hate worrying people,

and I remember this so well.

Like, I don't know why but my friend was phoning my mum when we were

in the car trying to get to the hospital and stuff.

And for some reason I was like, "Tell her not to worry, like,

"I don't want her to be worried."

There's been a bit of really intense,

I think emotionally and physically,

an intense time for everyone.

Obviously Llyr's being in pain

and has had to fight against that pain and

sort of win her own little battles over her own body, really.

You have to swim away from the pain.

Yeah.

Punch the pain.

Tickle the pain. Tickle the pain was the best one,

I think you were on quite strong medicine then,

when you were tickling the pain.

When they said, "Two years to completely heal",

I was in tears, and they thought I was upset and I said, "No, no,

"you've just said the phrase completely heal."

Which is something I never expected to hear,

and it just gave me so much hope that the experts knew

that she would heal with time.

Obviously transition is all about your body,

and the way your body looks,

and having that body that really matches how you are feeling,

so having something happen that's damaged important parts of her body,

very visible parts of her body with her legs,

potentially could have had quite a negative impact on her,

but I think because she's already in

such a strong place with her transition and she

has such strong body confidence,

that's possibly helped her get through this,

to some extent, as well.

Like, I didn't realise until, like, a few days after it happened,

all my extensions got singed.

Because obviously, my hair was such a big, like,

part of this whole thing, and then I was like,

I have to get my extensions out obviously,

because it's like I can't keep them in.

And I was like, "Well, what's going to happen?"

Am I just going to go back to what I was last year?

But then I think when I got them out, I felt so relieved.

And I just felt so happy and, like, realising just how long and, like,

thick my hair got.

Maybe sort of accepting and realising

that I really don't need these extensions to feel like me any more,

and I think that was the most rewarding feeling.

So me and mum went shopping last week and I got these trousers.

Everyone needs a piece in their wardrobe like this just to show

you know, bad things happen in life,

but put on some yellow trousers and everything will be all right.

This is the first time I've come with him to the Tavistock.

To be honest, I've lost track of the appointments they've had.

But due to commitments I've been unable to come.

But I know the last one was show week.

But that was definitely a no-no for me.

We have access to the specialist, yes.

But it's, you know, it's a five-hour journey one way.

You know, it's a two-day project.

Today, it's a bone scan to see how...

..Llyr's body will be able to cope

with the change in the hormone treatments,

which are going to be necessary.

Family reaction has been quite a difficult one.

It was very hard to tell my mother.

To be honest, I failed.

And she learnt from another...

..another source.

And I'm sorry to say this, but I did not know how to tell her.

And that is...

..is a regret I've got, yes.

But it was hard for her.

But as I gather...

..she is coming to terms with it.

-You OK?

-Did it.

-How did it go?

-Really good.

A bit nervous but it was good.

It was a scan of your hip first, wasn't it?

-Yes.

-And then a scan of the spine.

All right.

-Good.

-Getting the bone scan done is obviously a very important step

in the sort of journey,

and sort of getting hormones and

doing it properly and getting the bone scan

to make sure that nothing bad will happen.

It's just a lot safer way of doing it.

So in about five or ten minutes we're going to go for a group meeting with

other kids and families in the same situation as us.

We'll go and talk to the nurse and she'll explain the sort of next few

steps for us.

And it's an opportunity for us to ask questions.

It really does make you appreciate how lucky I am to have both parents

that support me equally and are always there for me and are willing

to come to these meetings with me.

I think we're getting the results soon,

and fingers crossed everything will be OK so I can carry on the process

and be prescribed hormone blockers.

It's such a big deal to be on hormone blockers,

because I think more than anything it just slows down

what's already going on.

The medical part of this has been really good in my experience.

I think everything's been moving really well and quickly,

and everything's just gone in our favour.

So we have to go into the GP,

and the GP referred Llyr to the mental health service.

And then they referred to the

Tavistock and Portman clinic in London.

That support network is what I like about it.

It is just really, like, you don't feel alone.

Like, you always feel like you have someone to talk to.

Because I think there might have been one appointment

where I just sat and cried for the whole hour,

and I don't think I realised how much emotion was

built up inside me until that appointment.

So I think that sort of surprised me.

When the professionals are looking at home life,

they've got a lot of aspects they're actually looking at.

One of the questions I was asked was, because I only have one child,

was whether I was disappointed with the gender of the child when born?

And that didn't come into it at all.

So, I think they're trying to make sure

that this is coming from the child,

that it's not coming from the parents.

There was a list of parts of my body,

and I had to list from one to ten,

how much I liked that body part.

So I think it really just made you think and it was like,

"OK, like, this is sort of right what I'm doing,

"because it's very obvious by this."

It's really odd when I think back to this time last year.

Llyr wasn't dressing full-time.

As far as the majority of people knew, Llyr was a boy.

That's what she looked like, that's how she dressed,

and now when I see her every day...

..being this lovely young woman, being my daughter, you know,

she is my daughter.

And it's just incredible to think back to a year ago

and exactly how much she's gone through in this last year,

and just to see her so much happier and see her being herself now,

it's just fantastic.

So I think the most exciting thing that I'm looking forward to

is Sparkle's coming up, and I think that just makes me so happy.

Like, because it's how we started everything.

And it's sort of like looking back at where I was,

going to Sparkle last year.

It's like how much has happened, and I think I'm just so excited to

see everyone, and see all our friends that are there,

and to hand over the crown and crown, like, new Miss Sparkle.

Which I'm really excited for whoever wins.

I'm just really excited to go.

Can I say excited one more time?

Excited.

I like this. That's cool.

Really good.

Yeah, because you're going to...

Because you've got to hand the crown over, you know that, don't you?

Well, I shall be doing a little interview with you first.

-Yeah.

-And then, of course,

-when the winner comes you've got to put the crown...

-Cool. Yeah.

It just kind of made me feel like a normal person.

I felt I wasn't normal, I guess, because I didn't know whether...

So for me, ten years from now... I know I'll be a girl.

It's a really good feeling,

sort of being back in Swansea again from last year.

Seeing the old documentary earlier.

I wasn't confident at all.

I looked so afraid of everything,

I just wasn't holding myself properly.

And I think just to see the confidence I've gained in a year,

it's crazy.

It's like, yeah, I'm doing the right thing.

I'm really excited for tonight.

# Here we go

# Here we go. #

I find there's a lot more younger people coming through now,

as young as 14, have been in touch with me now.

Asking me questions

and progressing much quicker than what we ever did,

much, much quicker than we ever did.

We was restricted, of course, at our age

because we didn't have the law on our side,

but today they've got carte blanche with the law and they know they're

protected and so they're coming out and progressing much,

much quicker than we ever did,

and good luck to them because that's lives

that are not going to be wasted.

Ours was wasted, theirs isn't.

Judges, what you've got to do tonight,

you've got to judge these contestants as I bring them up.

We're looking for poise,

we're looking for the effort they put in to

being what they are tonight,

co-ordination, personality.

Can you remember last year's winner?

The youngster from Aberystwyth, young Llyr.

Come on, darling.

Everybody who's seen the documentary would've seen Llyr on there.

Now, isn't she grown to be a lovely beautiful big girl, isn't she, eh?

It's been a crazy year. I think,

obviously being able to hold that title,

and being able to do so much stuff and it's been so amazing,

I can't wait to give the crown to someone else.

Fantastic.

Now, darling. Where are you from?

-Swansea.

-Oh, that's good.

Judges, did you hear that?

-Swansea, yes.

-Come on, do it for Swansea.

Do it for Swansea. Now darling if you won tonight,

what would you do for Swansea and Swansea Sparkle?

Well, obviously I would try to open some sort of LGBT group

in the school I go to, to let people know they can be themselves

without these restrictions.

Good for you, darling.

Better said. Very well said.

I came out as trans this year,

and this is the first LGBT event I've ever been to.

Good for you, darling.

Big round of applause.

Seeing all you lovely people here and witnessing what I've seen today,

I'm very, very excited for the future.

That's very nice. Come on, let's have a big round of applause.

Right, we've got the results.

Now, before I give these results out, girls,

I want you to know I had no fucking part in this whatsoever, all right?

So do not shoot the messenger.

So the first prize,

could please come forward with a big round of applause,

for Willow Jane?

APPLAUSE

Please put the crown on her.

A big round of applause, come on.

Bit of music.

Thank you very much indeed. A big round of applause.

Tonight we're leaving with this experience under our belt.

You know, I think we're leaving with so much more friends,

and I just feel so overwhelmed with the kindness of everyone in there.

We might not have the tiara,

or the pillow or the sash that we had last year

but we have so much more,

and it's just such a lovely feeling to walk away with.

So we're in the surgery right now,

I'm about to go into

the nurse's office to have my first injection

for my testosterone blocker,

and I'm really excited and kind of nervous.

But I think I'm just really excited to get

the first major step over and done with.

Whatever happens,

people have got to be happy in their life,

and I think this is...

..another step to making Llyr the person she wants to be.

As soon as the needle went in,

I think I just felt a burst of emotions because, OK, this is done,

this is insane.

It's such a relief and kind of emotional that it's done.

She's squeezing my hand quite hard and then I think I looked at Llyr,

and saw the happiness and the emotion in her eyes

so that was me off then.

So we had a little cry and a good old hug together.

I think it just puts things into perspective

how far I've come and I've changed,

not only looks or being able to get the injection,

but personality,

and I think I've grown so much as a person in this past year.

Ten years from now, I don't know.

I guess my future

is in my hands.

I don't know what I'll be doing.

I hope it's something I love, I hope I'm surrounded by people I love,

and I hope I'm happy.