Young and Sterile: My Choice


Young and Sterile: My Choice

Similar Content

Browse content similar to Young and Sterile: My Choice. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!

Transcript


LineFromTo

-It's really old.

-Andrea Macario de Oliviera.

0:00:060:00:10

It's so cute that your grandparents put your photo in the local paper,

0:00:110:00:17

and you still have it.

0:00:170:00:18

You're not going to have this any more, ever.

0:00:180:00:21

-After tomorrow.

-What? A baby?

-A baby.

-That's fine.

0:00:210:00:23

It doesn't bother me at all.

0:00:250:00:28

It's for the best.

0:00:280:00:29

One in five British women will end their child-bearing years

0:00:320:00:35

without having a child, twice the number 30 years ago.

0:00:350:00:39

I think we have to accept

0:00:390:00:40

-that some people just really don't want children.

-Yeah.

0:00:400:00:43

We all know what a pain contraception is.

0:00:430:00:46

And it must be even more infuriating

0:00:460:00:48

when you really know you don't want to have children.

0:00:480:00:51

The UK doesn't collect statistics for men,

0:00:510:00:53

but figures from Europe suggest a similar decline in fatherhood.

0:00:530:00:57

Now a growing child-free movement online is allowing people

0:00:580:01:02

to share their advice and experiences with each other,

0:01:020:01:05

away from the prejudice of their child-bearing friends and family.

0:01:050:01:09

After spending time on the pages and forums,

0:01:090:01:12

I found a group of young people so sure they never want children,

0:01:120:01:16

they're getting permanently sterilised.

0:01:160:01:18

Why do you want to go to the extreme of being sterilised?

0:01:370:01:40

I think, essentially, because I'm so certain that I don't want kids

0:01:400:01:43

that I don't want the possibility of getting pregnant.

0:01:430:01:46

But with the potential for a lifetime of regret,

0:01:460:01:48

should young people be allowed to do this to their own bodies?

0:01:480:01:52

And should the NHS be supporting them?

0:01:520:01:54

LAUGHTER

0:02:030:02:04

-I mean, I don't want to be like...

-I'm dying!

0:02:040:02:07

I'm literally spinning around. I'm spinning around.

0:02:090:02:12

-Yay!

-Oh, my God, that was so stressful.

0:02:140:02:18

I'm so stressed out, I've got back pain.

0:02:180:02:20

'Last year, technology journalist Holly went public about her fight

0:02:220:02:26

'to get a sterilisation on the NHS,

0:02:260:02:28

'and her story became national news, sparking controversy.

0:02:280:02:32

'She was accused of using the taxpayer to subsidise

0:02:320:02:35

'what many thought was a lifestyle choice.'

0:02:350:02:38

-Can you show me some of the comments that you've got?

-OK.

0:02:380:02:42

"Take responsibility for your own body.

0:02:420:02:43

"The NHS isn't responsible for your sex life, you are.

0:02:430:02:46

"There are other holes if you can't keep your legs shut."

0:02:460:02:49

That's one I hear a lot.

0:02:490:02:50

You know, hasn't she heard of the back door?

0:02:500:02:53

This happens all the time.

0:02:530:02:54

But this one was only particularly notable because she made a big point

0:02:540:02:58

of the fact that she works in the NHS.

0:02:580:03:00

"A&E is at breaking point, and this bird is bragging about this shit

0:03:000:03:04

"like some kind of wronged heroine.

0:03:040:03:06

"How about you take responsibility for your own sex life

0:03:060:03:08

"and contraception like the rest of us do,

0:03:080:03:10

"and stop acting like a stroppy, self-entitled teenager?"

0:03:100:03:14

I've heard that I should kill myself many times.

0:03:140:03:16

That I'm pointless as a human being, because I'm not going to reproduce.

0:03:160:03:19

That I have no heart, no soul.

0:03:190:03:21

And you must get this, but one of the first questions is,

0:03:210:03:25

-"It's so drastic, isn't it?"

-Yes.

-"You're destroying a healthy organ."

0:03:250:03:29

I have been thinking about this, researching it,

0:03:290:03:31

and fighting it for so long, you don't make an irreversible decision

0:03:310:03:34

unless you are 150% certain.

0:03:340:03:37

What if you change your mind?

0:03:370:03:39

Because you have to factor that that could potentially happen.

0:03:390:03:42

I don't think this is ever going to be something I need to worry about,

0:03:420:03:45

but in the event that that happens, there are other options.

0:03:450:03:48

And so the people who are terribly, terribly concerned on my behalf

0:03:480:03:51

that I'm going to die alone,

0:03:510:03:53

those people can rest easy that there are other ways,

0:03:530:03:56

if that comes to be.

0:03:560:03:57

But what about this indescribable feeling of being a mother?

0:03:570:04:01

Of having a child wrap its arm around you?

0:04:010:04:04

Something that you've created?

0:04:040:04:05

I mean, you're never going to feel that, ever.

0:04:050:04:08

That is true. I will never get to hold a baby that I've made,

0:04:080:04:12

I'll never feel what it's like to be a mother,

0:04:120:04:15

but equally, I will never get to be a space ballerina.

0:04:150:04:18

And I'm kind of OK with that, you know?

0:04:180:04:20

Life is about closing certain doors so that you can open other ones.

0:04:200:04:23

Have you ever been pregnant before?

0:04:230:04:26

I have been pregnant.

0:04:260:04:27

I don't think I've ever cried so much in my life.

0:04:290:04:32

I was just crying, and crying, and crying.

0:04:320:04:34

I didn't know what to do.

0:04:340:04:35

Sorry.

0:04:350:04:36

What did happen?

0:04:390:04:40

When I was pregnant last year...

0:04:410:04:44

I'm very, very much in favour of abortions being available,

0:04:440:04:48

but I personally don't think I would be able to have one.

0:04:480:04:51

So at the point where I was pregnant,

0:04:510:04:53

I was 100% sure that I was going to be carrying that baby to term,

0:04:530:04:57

and I was going to give it up for adoption.

0:04:570:04:59

It wasn't necessary in the end, you know, the baby didn't survive.

0:04:590:05:04

And I knew that people would say that somehow I had willed it away.

0:05:040:05:10

You know, that the baby had somehow felt unwanted and couldn't stay.

0:05:100:05:16

Because I didn't... It knew I didn't want to be its mother.

0:05:170:05:20

Holly had been sterile for six months.

0:05:220:05:25

Her story resonated with young, child-free people across the UK.

0:05:250:05:29

I wanted to meet some of them who had just started that journey.

0:05:300:05:33

-Hello.

-Hi, Paul, I'm Poppy.

0:05:330:05:36

-Nice to meet you.

-Hi, Poppy. If you want to come in.

0:05:360:05:38

'People such as Paul,

0:05:380:05:39

'a 29-year-old Warhammer enthusiast from Hampshire.'

0:05:390:05:42

Paul's wife didn't want to be in the film,

0:05:430:05:45

because she was concerned about the trolling and abuse she might receive

0:05:450:05:49

as a result of their decision to be child-free.

0:05:490:05:51

Paul is a type one diabetic, a condition which can be fatal

0:05:530:05:56

if not constantly monitored, and some studies indicate

0:05:560:06:00

that type one diabetes can double the risk of depression.

0:06:000:06:03

What does that say?

0:06:030:06:05

Ooh, 16.7. That's really quite high.

0:06:050:06:07

So all I'm going to do is dose up a little bit of extra insulin.

0:06:070:06:12

-You mentioned that you had depression.

-Mm.

0:06:120:06:16

Is that one of the reasons why you also don't want to have children?

0:06:160:06:19

Just because I've got depression,

0:06:190:06:20

it doesn't guarantee that any kids I would have would have it.

0:06:200:06:24

But it's an increased likelihood,

0:06:240:06:25

and I wouldn't want them to suffer that either, because it...

0:06:250:06:29

Mental health is so difficult for anyone to deal with,

0:06:290:06:33

let alone, like, people around you. Because everyone's different.

0:06:330:06:36

Why do you want a vasectomy?

0:06:360:06:38

I've never really found much in the way of a parental instinct.

0:06:380:06:42

If the worst should have occurred in the past and I had a child,

0:06:420:06:46

I would have, of course, stepped up to help look after it.

0:06:460:06:50

But I can't say I wouldn't resent the child.

0:06:510:06:55

You've seen a GP about getting a vasectomy before, haven't you?

0:06:550:06:58

When I was 18, I went in and tried to get one.

0:06:580:07:01

When I was 19, I tried to get one.

0:07:010:07:03

All the way through university and college.

0:07:030:07:06

And how were you treated?

0:07:060:07:08

It's the "you're too young, you definitely don't know what you want.

0:07:080:07:13

"Go away".

0:07:130:07:14

How far along are you in the whole process?

0:07:140:07:17

Well, I've got an appointment coming up,

0:07:170:07:20

but I'm not expecting them to give me that positive answer that I want.

0:07:200:07:24

So I'm looking that I'm probably going to have to fight for it.

0:07:240:07:28

As I spoke to more people online, I met Leah on a child-free forum.

0:07:320:07:37

Leah suffers from depression and ME,

0:07:370:07:40

also known as chronic fatigue, a debilitating condition

0:07:400:07:44

which leaves sufferers constantly exhausted.

0:07:440:07:47

Leah and her boyfriend, Phil, have both agreed not to have children.

0:07:480:07:52

'Leah is looking to get sterilised,

0:07:530:07:55

'and I wanted to know why a young couple would take

0:07:550:07:58

'what some may consider such a drastic step.'

0:07:580:08:01

Did kids come up on the first date?

0:08:010:08:03

Not the first date.

0:08:030:08:04

No, I certainly don't think it was anything like that.

0:08:040:08:07

Did that come up much, much later?

0:08:070:08:10

I don't think it was ever brought up.

0:08:100:08:13

How did you both know neither of you want children?

0:08:130:08:17

I think it's slightly more for Leah, in the fact that...

0:08:170:08:22

I can bear to be around them for a little bit longer.

0:08:220:08:26

-And, you know...

-He's very good with them, in comparison to me.

0:08:260:08:29

I blatantly look like I'm trying to interact with a foreign object.

0:08:290:08:33

And, you know, obviously, health-wise...

0:08:330:08:36

I couldn't physically handle one.

0:08:360:08:38

I'd have to come off my medication to have a pregnancy.

0:08:380:08:44

It would affect the health of a child,

0:08:440:08:46

should I come off my medication.

0:08:460:08:49

And that's the stuff that keeps me awake, keeps me pain free,

0:08:490:08:53

and helps me be a normal person.

0:08:530:08:56

And that is why I would opt out.

0:08:560:08:58

I don't think I could handle it, and it wouldn't be fair.

0:08:580:09:01

'Leah clearly had the full support of her boyfriend,

0:09:010:09:04

'but I wanted to know what her parents thought of her decision

0:09:040:09:07

'to get sterilised.'

0:09:070:09:09

You probably know about Leah, and what she wants to do.

0:09:090:09:13

-How do you feel about it?

-Totally her decision.

0:09:130:09:15

Yeah. Completely hers.

0:09:150:09:18

Should she accidentally become pregnant,

0:09:180:09:20

she could not cope with a baby.

0:09:200:09:23

The fact that she's got ME...

0:09:230:09:25

She hasn't got the energy.

0:09:260:09:28

Leah was a very, very active baby.

0:09:280:09:30

-Very active.

-Really, even very active is underselling it.

0:09:310:09:37

As she got older you'd hear the front door slam and she'd be out -

0:09:370:09:40

pogo stick, skates, bike, nonstop, running everywhere.

0:09:400:09:46

I think we've lost the person she used to be.

0:09:460:09:49

I don't know if it's hit Leah yet, but I think...

0:09:490:09:53

there's a sort of, I wouldn't say grieving process,

0:09:530:09:57

but you're really aware that you've lost the person

0:09:570:10:00

that they used to be, that you used to know,

0:10:000:10:03

and it's a different person who's taken their place.

0:10:030:10:06

The people I've met so far were in committed relationships

0:10:090:10:12

and had arrived at their decision

0:10:120:10:14

with the full consent of their partners.

0:10:140:10:16

I wanted to meet someone who was single when I heard from Vaughan.

0:10:160:10:20

He let me go with him to his vasectomy operation.

0:10:200:10:23

'Vaughan has Asperger's syndrome,

0:10:240:10:26

'and though he isn't in a relationship,

0:10:260:10:28

'he was extremely concerned about the prospect of becoming a parent.'

0:10:280:10:32

Can you tell me, why are you getting a vasectomy?

0:10:320:10:34

It's quite a drastic decision, isn't it?

0:10:340:10:37

It's because I am scared of the thought of having my own children,

0:10:370:10:41

and how much I would stand to lose.

0:10:410:10:43

-What you mean by that?

-Many people don't notice it in me,

0:10:430:10:46

but I am mildly on the autism spectrum.

0:10:460:10:49

I have seen a lot of parents

0:10:490:10:52

that can't cope with kids who are on the spectrum,

0:10:520:10:56

and I wouldn't want to risk it.

0:10:560:11:00

Do you worry about how you'll approach it when you, you know,

0:11:000:11:04

start dating, when you want to be in a long-term relationship?

0:11:040:11:07

I would find it difficult to break the news, and I mean,

0:11:070:11:10

I sadly will have to. But I mean, I have...

0:11:100:11:14

There have been situations where people have actually

0:11:140:11:18

tried to force me to have sex with them.

0:11:180:11:20

And I stopped myself.

0:11:210:11:23

I just said, "I don't want to get anyone pregnant,"

0:11:240:11:27

and I have had nightmares at night where people,

0:11:270:11:31

where I have got someone pregnant, and then I just wake up in a sweat,

0:11:310:11:36

and it is really scary.

0:11:360:11:38

But you could always wear a condom, though, couldn't you?

0:11:380:11:41

Well, it's because I know condoms can fail,

0:11:410:11:45

and it was really watching EastEnders in 2009

0:11:450:11:49

when Ronnie Mitchell secretly, desperately wanted children,

0:11:490:11:54

and I even saw her sticking a pin in her partner's condom beforehand,

0:11:540:11:59

to try and trick him into it.

0:11:590:12:01

And I know I would never want to chance that.

0:12:010:12:04

-So, Vaughan, good luck.

-Thank you.

-See you the on other side.

-Yeah.

0:12:070:12:12

Vaughan was so determined to get the operation

0:12:130:12:15

that he was paying for it himself, despite his concerns

0:12:150:12:19

about it affecting his chances of finding a partner.

0:12:190:12:22

With the growing community of people supporting sterilisation online,

0:12:240:12:28

there are some who are totally against it.

0:12:280:12:30

Leonora Butau is a bioethicist, a mother,

0:12:330:12:37

and specialist in the ethics of fertility and sex.

0:12:370:12:40

What do you think about those people who've made themselves

0:12:410:12:44

permanently infertile because they are worried they'll pass on

0:12:440:12:48

their mental health to their future offspring?

0:12:480:12:51

Sterilisation, basically, damages a perfectly healthy working organ.

0:12:510:12:55

It destroys it.

0:12:550:12:56

It's a really drastic procedure.

0:12:560:12:59

Medicine is a profession of healing, of health,

0:12:590:13:03

of restoring someone to health,

0:13:030:13:05

so the very philosophy of medicine is challenged by these procedures.

0:13:050:13:10

Would you go as far as to say that

0:13:100:13:12

sterilisation should be totally abolished?

0:13:120:13:15

I would say that sterilisation and vasectomy

0:13:150:13:18

is not good for the human person.

0:13:180:13:20

You know, our fertility is not a disease, it's a gift.

0:13:200:13:23

You know, something that's part of us as a human being,

0:13:230:13:27

and it has a huge stake on our overall health and wellbeing.

0:13:270:13:32

We're approaching these people in a way that we feel

0:13:320:13:35

that they're beyond redemption. They cannot be cured.

0:13:350:13:39

They cannot be helped. And I think that's a really, um...

0:13:390:13:42

That's a really harmful way of looking at people

0:13:430:13:46

who are dealing with all these issues.

0:13:460:13:48

Leonora seemed to believe that sterilisation

0:13:500:13:52

was a form of mutilation rather than a legitimate medical procedure.

0:13:520:13:56

Later that day,

0:13:570:13:59

Vaughan called me to say tell me how he'd got on at his operation.

0:13:590:14:02

PHONE RINGS

0:14:020:14:04

Hi, Vaughan, how are you?

0:14:040:14:06

What happened?

0:14:060:14:07

Unlike Vaughan, Paul's progress so far had been successful,

0:14:380:14:42

but perhaps the surgeon would eventually turn him away too,

0:14:420:14:45

telling him it was for his own good.

0:14:450:14:48

Now, you're coming in under your own steam?

0:14:480:14:49

You're not being forced into this? This is...

0:14:490:14:51

Yes, my own volition, yes.

0:14:510:14:53

You've thought through the implications,

0:14:530:14:55

and you're pretty happy, the both of you are happy about this?

0:14:550:14:58

And you're not sneaking in without your wife's consent?

0:14:580:15:00

Basically, she is fully in on this as well?

0:15:000:15:02

She knows. She's fully in on this.

0:15:020:15:03

OK. I'd like to examine you first, if that's all right.

0:15:030:15:05

-Yeah.

-Just to make sure that everything

0:15:050:15:07

is structurally where we think it's going to be.

0:15:070:15:09

You don't usually have any chronic issues at all?

0:15:090:15:11

I've never had any issues other than catching it in a zip once.

0:15:110:15:14

-OK.

-So...

0:15:140:15:15

-And the area we are basically trying to feel for is the vas.

-Yeah.

0:15:170:15:20

If you rub your finger over it, it feels like, just undercooked pasta.

0:15:200:15:23

Yeah. Excellent.

0:15:230:15:24

-So get yourself dressed, and come on through when you're ready.

-OK.

0:15:240:15:27

The vas coming down is cut here, folded back on itself,

0:15:270:15:30

so that, basically, the sperm can't get back up.

0:15:300:15:33

The volume of ejaculate that you produce is a little bit less,

0:15:330:15:36

but it should still be the same intensity.

0:15:360:15:37

It shouldn't affect your erectile function,

0:15:370:15:39

it shouldn't affect your orgasm.

0:15:390:15:40

-There are side effects of this.

-Yep.

0:15:400:15:42

Potential risk of bleeding and infection, about 1% or 2% risk

0:15:420:15:45

for each of those, and there's a small risk of chronic pain.

0:15:450:15:48

It can be weeks to months, it can be much longer than that,

0:15:480:15:51

but very rarely, years or lifelong,

0:15:510:15:54

but it's not something to embark on lightly.

0:15:540:15:58

Do you get patients like Paul coming to you who don't have children?

0:15:580:16:02

Yeah, there are a few.

0:16:020:16:04

I can't say there's enough of them to be able to say, you know,

0:16:040:16:06

two last year, four this year.

0:16:060:16:08

There's not much of a trend. It's a smallish number, basically.

0:16:080:16:12

-Nice to see you.

-Indeed, thank you.

0:16:120:16:14

'How do you feel now?'

0:16:140:16:16

Quite elated that I can definitely get the procedure done.

0:16:160:16:19

Things have gone rather well so far.

0:16:190:16:21

'It was time to need the young person who got me looking

0:16:250:16:28

'into this subculture in the first place.'

0:16:280:16:30

Hello.

0:16:300:16:32

'I first met Andie online.

0:16:320:16:33

'Andie chooses not to identify as a specific gender,

0:16:340:16:38

'so has asked to be referred to as they.

0:16:380:16:41

'I went to see Andie the night before the sterilisation.'

0:16:410:16:44

Ooh, hello, kitty cat. What's the cat's name?

0:16:440:16:47

-Pepe.

-Pepe?

-Yeah.

-Hello, Pepe. PEPE MEOWS

0:16:470:16:50

Why are you doing this? What's motivated you?

0:16:510:16:55

I don't know. I just feel like I shouldn't be having children.

0:16:550:16:58

And I don't want to, you know...

0:16:580:17:00

Mental health problems, and things like that.

0:17:000:17:02

I just don't want to have to pass things on.

0:17:020:17:04

I don't know. And then, obviously the work that I do,

0:17:040:17:07

I just don't want to...

0:17:070:17:08

accidentally fall pregnant. That would be awful.

0:17:080:17:12

And what kind of work do you do?

0:17:120:17:14

I'm a sex worker. So, yeah, there's more...

0:17:140:17:18

I guess more risk of getting pregnant, in a way.

0:17:180:17:20

Because I'm having a lot of sex.

0:17:200:17:22

-Do you like my slippers?

-Yeah, I didn't notice those.

0:17:260:17:28

I do like them. It's not My Little Pony...

0:17:280:17:31

-It is.

-Oh, it IS My Little Pony.

-Yeah.

0:17:310:17:34

-Is that your dad?

-No, that's my uncle.

0:17:340:17:36

No, I never met my dad.

0:17:380:17:40

-You never met him?

-No.

0:17:400:17:42

-You've got, you know, My Pony.

-My Little Pony.

-My Little Pony.

0:17:420:17:45

You've got...Mr Squidgy there in the middle.

0:17:450:17:47

I mean, they're dolls and ponies, it's something that children have.

0:17:470:17:53

And yet, tomorrow, you're getting permanently sterilised.

0:17:530:17:58

Yeah. I'm like a five-year-old child in an adult body.

0:17:580:18:02

Yeah, I guess, like, I had a really difficult childhood.

0:18:040:18:07

And for most of it I wasn't able to be a child, so I kind of, like,

0:18:070:18:12

am, like, reliving my childhood, but, like, as an adult.

0:18:120:18:16

-Do you talk to your mum?

-No, no, no. My mum disowned me.

0:18:170:18:20

So, no, I don't have a mother.

0:18:210:18:23

Andie, do you think, you know,

0:18:240:18:27

the trauma that you experienced when you were younger

0:18:270:18:30

has anything to do with the fact that you don't want children?

0:18:300:18:33

Oh, yeah, definitely. 100%.

0:18:330:18:36

I wouldn't want to have kids and they go through the same experiences

0:18:360:18:39

that I've been through. 100%.

0:18:390:18:41

I'm sure I'd make a good mother, but...

0:18:420:18:45

I suppose that's not what you want.

0:18:450:18:47

-You don't want to be a mother.

-Yeah, I don't want to be a mother.

0:18:470:18:49

'I left Andie wondering whether their lifestyle was a result

0:18:510:18:54

'of a difficult upbringing and, if things had turned out differently,

0:18:540:18:57

'whether they would still deny themselves

0:18:570:18:59

'the chance of motherhood.'

0:18:590:19:01

The night before Paul's vasectomy, I went to meet his friends.

0:19:030:19:07

I wanted to know whether they supported his decision,

0:19:070:19:10

and if they did, was it due to friendship,

0:19:100:19:13

or a belief in his own fundamental rights?

0:19:130:19:16

Bonus points tonight if you have any cards referencing Paul's bollocks.

0:19:160:19:19

LAUGHTER

0:19:190:19:21

-Oh, I think I've got one.

-Go on, Poppy.

0:19:210:19:23

I bet it's going to be awful, isn't it?

0:19:230:19:25

"Before I kill you, Mr Bond, I must show you...

0:19:250:19:28

"Lance Armstrong's missing testicle."

0:19:280:19:30

THEY LAUGH

0:19:300:19:32

I think it would actually be Lance Armstrong's missing testicle.

0:19:340:19:37

Yes!

0:19:370:19:39

There we go, you get to keep the black one, that is your point.

0:19:390:19:42

So what do you guys think about Paul's operation tomorrow?

0:19:420:19:45

I think it's great, yeah. He's doing what he wants to do.

0:19:450:19:48

It's like, there's not a lot of people that you'll see,

0:19:480:19:50

cos everyone's like, "It's the dream - have kids, have a house,"

0:19:500:19:53

all that jazz. I want kids, but if you don't want kids,

0:19:530:19:55

then you don't want kids.

0:19:550:19:57

And also, Paul not being in the gene pool?

0:19:570:19:59

-Yay!

-THEY LAUGH

0:19:590:20:02

So none of you guys have tried to talk him out of it or...?

0:20:020:20:06

There wouldn't be much point anyway.

0:20:060:20:08

-He wouldn't listen.

-I find it really weird, cos, obviously,

0:20:080:20:10

we do the same thing. We both work for the same company,

0:20:100:20:13

we do exactly the same job. And if I didn't like kids,

0:20:130:20:15

I would find it really hard to do my job.

0:20:150:20:18

I've met people who are getting vasectomies,

0:20:180:20:20

who want to get sterilised,

0:20:200:20:22

who are in different parts of the process, and I've met people

0:20:220:20:25

who've got mental health problems who say that it runs in the family,

0:20:250:20:28

they don't want to pass that on. What do you guys think about that?

0:20:280:20:31

I think that's completely justified.

0:20:310:20:33

Obviously, if you bring a child into life,

0:20:330:20:35

then you have to witness part of yourself

0:20:350:20:38

suffer through that as well.

0:20:380:20:39

I can imagine that to be very emotionally hard.

0:20:390:20:41

And having been, sort of, "the cause of it," for want of a better word.

0:20:410:20:44

Yeah, cos I guess you could put yourself to blame.

0:20:440:20:46

Do you think there's a gene or an innate thing in you

0:20:460:20:50

that makes you not want to be a parent?

0:20:500:20:52

-No.

-If you're genetically deficient, yeah!

0:20:520:20:54

THEY LAUGH

0:20:540:20:56

I just think Paul is taking that one extra step and saying,

0:20:560:20:58

"Well, I don't want kids. I'm a human being.

0:20:580:21:01

"I'm civilised enough to go..." It's just another step

0:21:010:21:03

in the civilisation process.

0:21:030:21:05

Eventually, I'd say, 100 years down the line,

0:21:050:21:08

one in five people will be doing it.

0:21:080:21:10

He's more civilised than the rest of us.

0:21:100:21:13

Don't tell him that! You can tell he's new to the group, can't you?

0:21:130:21:16

-Yeah!

-THEY LAUGH

0:21:160:21:17

Andie had been posting live updates

0:21:240:21:26

throughout the sterilisation procedure online,

0:21:260:21:29

which had attracted a lot of attention.

0:21:290:21:31

I headed to the hospital to meet Andie,

0:21:330:21:35

where they were waiting with partner, Jo.

0:21:350:21:37

Hi. How are you feeling?

0:21:370:21:40

-In pain.

-Yeah?

0:21:410:21:43

I read on your Facebook status that they had to put fluid,

0:21:430:21:46

and you're bleeding heavily and...

0:21:460:21:48

Yeah, my womb lining collapsed.

0:21:480:21:51

You didn't tell me on the phone! Oh, my God.

0:21:510:21:53

-So what does that mean? Is that...?

-Oh, no, it's fine.

0:21:540:21:57

'Andie seemed upset about something,

0:21:580:22:00

'and I soon found out it was because of a post

0:22:000:22:02

'a cousin had written online about the sterilisation.'

0:22:020:22:05

Why were you upset?

0:22:050:22:06

What did your cousin say to you on this Facebook thread?

0:22:060:22:09

"You're really going to regret it in the future," or something.

0:22:090:22:11

Something like that. And it put a dampener on how I was feeling.

0:22:110:22:16

Like, I was quite chirpy and stuff before,

0:22:160:22:18

and it did make me kind of feel really sad and upset.

0:22:180:22:21

It's easier to, like, put people in their place when it's, like,

0:22:210:22:26

friends and stuff, or people you don't know,

0:22:260:22:28

but it's a lot harder to have these conversations with family.

0:22:280:22:30

I think the thing that upset me the most

0:22:300:22:32

is that she then commented saying,

0:22:320:22:34

"I'm her cousin, so I can say whatever I want".

0:22:340:22:37

And it's kind of like, "Well, not really."

0:22:370:22:40

My friend, she's in her 30s, I think,

0:22:400:22:41

and she's been wanting to do this for ages and been struggling.

0:22:410:22:44

So I think she messaged you, being like,

0:22:440:22:46

"You've inspired me to try even harder now,"

0:22:460:22:48

because they won't let her do it.

0:22:480:22:49

I've got friends on there who are, like, nearing 40, and they...

0:22:490:22:53

Like, their GP and stuff is still saying no.

0:22:530:22:55

What's the reason for saying no?

0:22:550:22:56

I think it's more of a wider problem

0:22:560:23:00

in that the idea that particularly women,

0:23:000:23:04

or people who have uteruses,

0:23:040:23:08

having the control over their own body. Because even now,

0:23:080:23:11

we're still discussing abortion and the right to have an abortion,

0:23:110:23:15

and I think sterilisation kind of falls under that as well.

0:23:150:23:18

But there are so many people who should not be parents,

0:23:180:23:21

cos they're really unfit parents.

0:23:210:23:23

And they're having children, and it's fine.

0:23:230:23:25

And the state backs them up.

0:23:250:23:27

But if you know that you don't want children,

0:23:270:23:29

-and, you know, you're certain, it's so difficult.

-Yeah.

0:23:290:23:32

Andie's sterilisation seemed to be

0:23:340:23:36

the culmination of a personal struggle

0:23:360:23:38

about taking control of one's own fertility.

0:23:380:23:41

Now it was time for Paul.

0:23:430:23:45

It was the morning of his vasectomy,

0:23:450:23:48

something he had wanted for 11 years.

0:23:480:23:50

-Hi, Paul.

-Hello.

-How are you feeling?

0:23:510:23:54

A little bit nervous, to be honest.

0:23:540:23:56

Yeah? Because of the actual procedure, or is it because

0:23:560:23:59

you're never going to have...?

0:23:590:24:01

It's honestly that there is going to be a knife stuck into my bollocks.

0:24:010:24:04

POPPY LAUGHS

0:24:040:24:06

Right.

0:24:060:24:07

So, Paul, I'm going to go now.

0:24:100:24:12

I don't know why I feel nervous for you.

0:24:140:24:17

-I shouldn't say that. I'll see you later.

-See you.

-Bye.

0:24:170:24:20

This is it. Do you feel a huge sense of relief now?

0:25:440:25:48

I do feel a sense of relief, yep,

0:25:480:25:51

because it means that there's no risk of children in the future.

0:25:510:25:55

And that makes you feel very happy?

0:25:560:25:58

Yeah. It means I can get on with my sexual misadventures

0:25:580:26:01

and not have to pay any prices for it.

0:26:010:26:04

And how would you summarise this entire experience?

0:26:040:26:08

Everyone has their own individual reason

0:26:080:26:10

for not wanting to have children.

0:26:100:26:12

And a lot of these people, like myself, have gone,

0:26:120:26:15

"OK, well I've got this medical condition,

0:26:150:26:18

"I don't want to risk that."

0:26:180:26:19

Some people just flat out hate children.

0:26:190:26:22

But is it like a growing movement here?

0:26:220:26:24

More and more people coming out here?

0:26:240:26:28

-In the UK?

-I think there are.

0:26:280:26:30

But at the same time, it's because we're so far-flung,

0:26:300:26:33

and everyone has their own individual reasons.

0:26:330:26:35

You can't really have a rallying banner and say,

0:26:350:26:38

"We're all child-free, rah, rah, rah".

0:26:380:26:41

Because we don't... We're not really oppressed or anything.

0:26:410:26:46

We're just unfortunately not taken as seriously as we'd like.

0:26:460:26:50

Sceptics might say the people I met

0:26:520:26:55

were too young to make a decision so final

0:26:550:26:58

with their lives still ahead of them.

0:26:580:27:00

But it struck me their conviction was much more

0:27:010:27:04

than just a choice of sexual convenience.

0:27:040:27:07

They've carefully considered

0:27:080:27:10

how serious their own mental and physical issues are,

0:27:100:27:13

and they don't want to pass these on to any children,

0:27:130:27:17

and, as such, have opted to remove themselves as potential parents.

0:27:170:27:21

A course of action which could, perhaps,

0:27:210:27:23

cost society and the taxpayer far less in the long run.

0:27:230:27:28

And for those who choose sterilisation,

0:27:280:27:30

it's not just contraception, but a means to fundamentally

0:27:300:27:34

take control of their own bodies and their lives.

0:27:340:27:38

Download Subtitles

SRT

ASS