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This programme contains some strong language. | 0:00:02 | 0:00:07 | |
This is me, Rhod Gilbert, bestriding the stage like a supercool colossus, | 0:00:07 | 0:00:10 | |
doing something that most people would rather shallow-fry their genitals than try - | 0:00:10 | 0:00:14 | |
stand-up comedy in front of thousands. Except it's not me. | 0:00:14 | 0:00:17 | |
Well, it is me, clearly, but it's only one me. | 0:00:17 | 0:00:20 | |
It's part of me, but not the whole me, if you get my drift. | 0:00:20 | 0:00:23 | |
Because there's this other me, a me that looms just as large in my life | 0:00:23 | 0:00:27 | |
but that I've tried to keep hidden from the world, | 0:00:27 | 0:00:29 | |
from my friends and even my family until now. | 0:00:29 | 0:00:33 | |
That's right - I am a total loser. | 0:00:33 | 0:00:36 | |
Disaster, isn't it? Total disaster. | 0:00:38 | 0:00:40 | |
A gangly streak of socially awkward piss | 0:00:40 | 0:00:42 | |
who struggles to do the most mundane things like shopping, | 0:00:42 | 0:00:45 | |
talking to strangers or eating in public. | 0:00:45 | 0:00:48 | |
I don't know why I can't do it. | 0:00:48 | 0:00:49 | |
It's something about thinking everyone's looking at you. | 0:00:49 | 0:00:52 | |
Loser Me can't go to a party on his own, has never chatted up a girl, | 0:00:52 | 0:00:56 | |
was often too anxious to go to school as a kid | 0:00:56 | 0:00:58 | |
and once locked himself in a portaloo for an entire weekend | 0:00:58 | 0:01:01 | |
to avoid meeting new people. | 0:01:01 | 0:01:02 | |
But now, after a lifetime exiled in Loser Land, | 0:01:04 | 0:01:07 | |
the 49-year-old me has finally decided it's time to squeeze | 0:01:07 | 0:01:10 | |
the life-afflicting zit that is shyness. | 0:01:10 | 0:01:15 | |
-What is it? -What...? -What is it? -What is shyness? -What is it? | 0:01:15 | 0:01:18 | |
So, I'm going on one of those quests | 0:01:18 | 0:01:20 | |
that people you vaguely recognise on TV do... | 0:01:20 | 0:01:23 | |
Wow, this is hard. | 0:01:23 | 0:01:25 | |
..to try and get to the root of what causes me | 0:01:25 | 0:01:27 | |
and 50% of the population at large to feel our lives would be | 0:01:27 | 0:01:31 | |
a whole lot better without the S word. | 0:01:31 | 0:01:35 | |
I'm doing a documentary about shyness. | 0:01:35 | 0:01:36 | |
But the problem is, I'm too shy to go up and talk to anyone. | 0:01:36 | 0:01:39 | |
I'm going to meet fellow losers... | 0:01:39 | 0:01:41 | |
If you're someone who has suffered from shyness, as I have, | 0:01:41 | 0:01:45 | |
you presume that everyone else is confident, don't you? | 0:01:45 | 0:01:47 | |
Yeah, I meant sufferers. | 0:01:47 | 0:01:48 | |
And hoping to resolve the central contradiction in my life. | 0:01:50 | 0:01:53 | |
I'm quite keen to talk to somebody who can tell me | 0:01:53 | 0:01:55 | |
why I would put "I avoid activities in which | 0:01:55 | 0:01:58 | |
"I'm the centre of attention," and then my job is... | 0:01:58 | 0:02:02 | |
..walking out in front of thousands of people | 0:02:02 | 0:02:04 | |
and trying to make them laugh. | 0:02:04 | 0:02:06 | |
Ladies and gentlemen, next up, all the way from over there, it's Jodie. | 0:02:06 | 0:02:10 | |
And - and I'm really worried about this bit - I'm going to put | 0:02:10 | 0:02:13 | |
three extremely shy guinea pigs through my own unscientific | 0:02:13 | 0:02:17 | |
and potentially disastrous experiment | 0:02:17 | 0:02:19 | |
when I get them to face many people's worst nightmare. | 0:02:19 | 0:02:22 | |
-Go on, Jodie! -Go on, Jodie! | 0:02:22 | 0:02:23 | |
-You can do it! -You can do this, yeah. | 0:02:23 | 0:02:25 | |
And do as I did, get on stage in front of a live audience | 0:02:25 | 0:02:29 | |
and try stand-up comedy. | 0:02:29 | 0:02:32 | |
If it goes wrong and sets them back, | 0:02:32 | 0:02:35 | |
I'm not going to be able to live with myself. | 0:02:35 | 0:02:38 | |
My name is Rhod Gilbert and I'm standing up to shyness. | 0:02:38 | 0:02:42 | |
I've agreed to make a doc about shyness, specifically my own. | 0:02:51 | 0:02:56 | |
It's day one of the shoot and the crew have asked me | 0:02:57 | 0:02:59 | |
to do something so far out of my comfort zone | 0:02:59 | 0:03:02 | |
I'd rather cut off my balls with a pizza wheel. | 0:03:02 | 0:03:04 | |
I'll need a run-up and a couple of pints of Valium. | 0:03:07 | 0:03:10 | |
And then I'm going to try walking into... | 0:03:11 | 0:03:13 | |
..this cafe... | 0:03:14 | 0:03:16 | |
..going up to the counter... | 0:03:17 | 0:03:19 | |
..ordering a coffee... | 0:03:21 | 0:03:22 | |
-Cappuccino with no chocolate. -Staying in, yeah? -Staying in. | 0:03:22 | 0:03:27 | |
..to drink in. | 0:03:27 | 0:03:29 | |
I'm going to find myself a seat alone... | 0:03:30 | 0:03:33 | |
..sit down - with my back to the room, obviously, | 0:03:34 | 0:03:37 | |
I'm not a thrill-seeker - | 0:03:37 | 0:03:39 | |
and then attempt to drink my drink. | 0:03:39 | 0:03:42 | |
Sip! | 0:03:44 | 0:03:46 | |
Mission accomplished. | 0:03:46 | 0:03:47 | |
Five stars on LoserAdvisor. | 0:03:47 | 0:03:49 | |
So, this would normally be one of my trigger points. | 0:03:51 | 0:03:54 | |
I have in the past wandered round the whole day | 0:03:54 | 0:03:59 | |
looking in at places, getting half in, looking through the window... | 0:03:59 | 0:04:03 | |
..scoping it out, checking it out and thinking, "Can't do it." | 0:04:04 | 0:04:07 | |
Can't walk in there, order a coffee, sit down. | 0:04:07 | 0:04:11 | |
I mean, that, when I say it out loud, | 0:04:11 | 0:04:13 | |
when I think about it, is completely absurd. | 0:04:13 | 0:04:15 | |
I don't know why I can't do it. | 0:04:18 | 0:04:20 | |
I don't know. | 0:04:20 | 0:04:22 | |
It's something about thinking everyone's looking at you | 0:04:22 | 0:04:24 | |
or something about... | 0:04:24 | 0:04:25 | |
I don't know, I need somebody to tell me why I can't do it. | 0:04:31 | 0:04:34 | |
All I can describe it as is a feeling of incredible | 0:04:34 | 0:04:36 | |
self-consciousness that you're so aware of... | 0:04:36 | 0:04:39 | |
I don't know, all I know is I feel watched in some way. | 0:04:40 | 0:04:45 | |
It's weird. | 0:04:47 | 0:04:48 | |
Of course, I'd love to change myself. | 0:04:50 | 0:04:52 | |
It's tedious. Tedious! | 0:04:53 | 0:04:55 | |
Looking down from my tower of self-loathing, | 0:04:57 | 0:04:59 | |
I can't help but wonder - am I the only shy kid in town? | 0:04:59 | 0:05:03 | |
Statistically, there are loads of us, | 0:05:03 | 0:05:05 | |
so these streets must be a blushing sea of self-doubt. | 0:05:05 | 0:05:08 | |
But how do you spot them? | 0:05:08 | 0:05:10 | |
Where do shy-sters hang out? | 0:05:10 | 0:05:12 | |
I reluctantly agree to give my shy-dar a polish | 0:05:12 | 0:05:15 | |
and see if I can sniff some out. | 0:05:15 | 0:05:17 | |
Well, we're on the streets of Cardiff | 0:05:17 | 0:05:21 | |
and I am going to attempt to get a sense of... | 0:05:21 | 0:05:24 | |
..how many people are shy | 0:05:25 | 0:05:27 | |
and how many people aren't shy. It's very unscientific. | 0:05:27 | 0:05:29 | |
I'm just going to ask people | 0:05:29 | 0:05:31 | |
if they would identify themselves as a shy person or a not shy person. | 0:05:31 | 0:05:35 | |
The problem I've got now is that I feel incredibly self-conscious | 0:05:35 | 0:05:38 | |
because I'm shy. | 0:05:38 | 0:05:40 | |
The thought of walking up to a person, stopping them | 0:05:40 | 0:05:43 | |
and saying, "Are you shy?" horrifies me. | 0:05:43 | 0:05:46 | |
Also, just to make it even harder, | 0:05:46 | 0:05:48 | |
the production team have given me stickers. | 0:05:48 | 0:05:50 | |
Shy, not shy, which is very mean. | 0:05:50 | 0:05:53 | |
It's very, very mean. I don't want to do it. | 0:05:53 | 0:05:56 | |
And that even knowing that they may know who I am, | 0:05:56 | 0:05:58 | |
so it kind of makes it OK. | 0:05:58 | 0:06:00 | |
But I'm still not doing it. | 0:06:00 | 0:06:02 | |
-CREW MEMBER: -Talk to them. | 0:06:03 | 0:06:04 | |
-I can't... I can't go and talk to them. -Yes, you can. | 0:06:04 | 0:06:06 | |
I know you're telling me to talk to them, but... | 0:06:06 | 0:06:08 | |
You're supposed to be invisible, the crew, anyway. | 0:06:08 | 0:06:10 | |
But I can't just go up to... I can't. I can't, I'm too shy. | 0:06:10 | 0:06:13 | |
There we are. It's a documentary about shyness | 0:06:13 | 0:06:15 | |
and I'm too shy to do it. | 0:06:15 | 0:06:16 | |
And roll the credits. | 0:06:16 | 0:06:18 | |
Oh, Christ, I feel a tit. | 0:06:20 | 0:06:22 | |
A disaster, isn't it? | 0:06:23 | 0:06:25 | |
Total disaster. | 0:06:25 | 0:06:26 | |
How long are we going to keep this up? | 0:06:29 | 0:06:31 | |
It's the BBC, there's not even a commercial break we can go to. | 0:06:36 | 0:06:39 | |
I tell you what, I'm going to... | 0:06:39 | 0:06:41 | |
I'm going to sit down on that bench and just see if people come over. | 0:06:41 | 0:06:44 | |
-Hiya, mate. Can I squeeze up there next to you? -Yeah, of course. | 0:06:44 | 0:06:47 | |
-Oh, good man. Good man. Are you shy? -I wouldn't have thought you... | 0:06:47 | 0:06:50 | |
-I'm shy, yeah. -Are you? | 0:06:50 | 0:06:51 | |
Didn't have a girlfriend till I was about 19. | 0:06:51 | 0:06:54 | |
I nearly married her. | 0:06:54 | 0:06:55 | |
-Just in case you didn't get another one? -Yeah. | 0:06:58 | 0:07:01 | |
-Can I give you a sticker, look? -Yeah, of course. | 0:07:01 | 0:07:03 | |
-I'm embarrassed about this. -No, don't be. | 0:07:03 | 0:07:05 | |
-This is not me, this. -I'll have a shy one. -Shy, will you? | 0:07:05 | 0:07:09 | |
-Hello, there. -It's my brother's birthday. He's just over there. | 0:07:09 | 0:07:11 | |
-Could he have a picture with you? -It's your brother's birthday? -Yeah. | 0:07:11 | 0:07:14 | |
-Oh, is he coming over or is he too shy? -He's too shy. | 0:07:14 | 0:07:17 | |
-Is he to... Is he shy, is he? -Yeah. -Hiya, mate. | 0:07:17 | 0:07:20 | |
-Happy birthday. -Nice to meet you. | 0:07:20 | 0:07:21 | |
-How are you doing? Are you shy? -A bit, yeah. -Are you? -Yeah. | 0:07:21 | 0:07:25 | |
-Are you shy? -Ha-ha, no! -She's definitely not shy. | 0:07:25 | 0:07:28 | |
-Have you ever been shy? -No. | 0:07:28 | 0:07:30 | |
-That's the old you and then that's the new you. -I feel I used to be shy | 0:07:30 | 0:07:33 | |
because I cared too much what other people thought, | 0:07:33 | 0:07:35 | |
whereas now I'm 30, I just think, like, life's too short. | 0:07:35 | 0:07:38 | |
-You shy or not, mate? -I'm not shy, but actually what I do for a living, | 0:07:38 | 0:07:41 | |
-I'm a confidence coach, so... -Are you a confidence coach? No way! | 0:07:41 | 0:07:44 | |
-Yes! Yes, that's what I do. -No way. -I used to be shy. | 0:07:44 | 0:07:46 | |
-I went through depression six years ago. -Yeah? | 0:07:46 | 0:07:48 | |
What happened was I started to really reprogram my mind-set, | 0:07:48 | 0:07:51 | |
my beliefs and I thought, do you know what? | 0:07:51 | 0:07:52 | |
I don't give a shit what people think about me. | 0:07:52 | 0:07:54 | |
That's just what this kid was saying, pretty much. | 0:07:54 | 0:07:56 | |
I mean, he's not a confidence coach, but he was saying | 0:07:56 | 0:07:58 | |
it's that learning not to give a shit about... | 0:07:58 | 0:08:00 | |
So much about what people think. Not shy, mate. | 0:08:00 | 0:08:02 | |
-Would you go to a party on your own? -No. | 0:08:02 | 0:08:04 | |
Would you go and sit in a restaurant or a cafe and eat on your own? | 0:08:04 | 0:08:07 | |
-No. -You passed the test, mate. -Cheers. | 0:08:07 | 0:08:09 | |
When are you shy, then? What situations are you shy in? | 0:08:09 | 0:08:11 | |
-I don't know. I'm too shy to say! -Are you? | 0:08:11 | 0:08:14 | |
She wouldn't do teaching because she was too shy. | 0:08:14 | 0:08:17 | |
-She wouldn't what? -She wouldn't be a teacher because she was too shy. | 0:08:17 | 0:08:20 | |
I'm quiet anyway. | 0:08:20 | 0:08:21 | |
-You can't get a word in edge ways with these two. -No, I've noticed. | 0:08:21 | 0:08:24 | |
Right, you do shut up, now. Right, stick those things over... | 0:08:24 | 0:08:26 | |
Stick those over your mouth. | 0:08:26 | 0:08:28 | |
No, I'll put... | 0:08:32 | 0:08:34 | |
I'll double up on yours. | 0:08:34 | 0:08:36 | |
Now then, we've shut them up. | 0:08:36 | 0:08:38 | |
Would you go to a party on your own? | 0:08:38 | 0:08:40 | |
-No. -No? -I don't think anyone would, would they? | 0:08:40 | 0:08:44 | |
-She would. -She bloody would. -If I was already drunk, I would. | 0:08:44 | 0:08:47 | |
-Yeah, so drink helps? -Yeah. | 0:08:47 | 0:08:49 | |
-You just don't care when you're drunk, do you? -Yeah. | 0:08:49 | 0:08:51 | |
I'm amazed how willing people are to talk really candidly | 0:08:51 | 0:08:55 | |
and openly about how shy they've been or how shy they are. | 0:08:55 | 0:08:58 | |
And most people can tell you really pretty quickly. | 0:08:58 | 0:09:01 | |
There's lots of people saying that they've grown out of it | 0:09:01 | 0:09:04 | |
or they've taken steps to get themselves out of it. | 0:09:04 | 0:09:09 | |
And I think, for me, certainly doing stand-up has really, | 0:09:09 | 0:09:12 | |
really helped and probably, as I've gone on through life, | 0:09:12 | 0:09:15 | |
I've become less shy, but it's still there for me. | 0:09:15 | 0:09:19 | |
I'm not out of the woods. | 0:09:19 | 0:09:21 | |
I'm definitely not out of the woods. | 0:09:21 | 0:09:23 | |
And coming here today and hearing people say | 0:09:23 | 0:09:25 | |
they are out of the woods has made me realise I'm still in there. | 0:09:25 | 0:09:28 | |
I'm not locked in a portaloo any more, but I'm still in the woods. | 0:09:28 | 0:09:32 | |
I know what you're thinking. | 0:09:32 | 0:09:33 | |
You're thinking this is bollocks. | 0:09:33 | 0:09:35 | |
He's making it up. | 0:09:35 | 0:09:36 | |
How can someone who does stand up be shy? | 0:09:36 | 0:09:39 | |
I ask myself that question every day. | 0:09:39 | 0:09:42 | |
And I've always wondered where it came from. | 0:09:42 | 0:09:44 | |
Was I born shy? | 0:09:44 | 0:09:46 | |
Did I inherit it from my parents? | 0:09:46 | 0:09:48 | |
Was there some traumatic childhood incident I've buried under | 0:09:48 | 0:09:51 | |
six tonnes of psychological rubble? | 0:09:51 | 0:09:54 | |
Did I share a shy kid's towel in school? | 0:09:54 | 0:09:57 | |
Is it an STD? | 0:09:57 | 0:09:59 | |
Did I get drunk and sleep with a shy person | 0:09:59 | 0:10:01 | |
who was too shy to tell me they were a carrier? | 0:10:01 | 0:10:03 | |
I have no idea, and I'm in two minds about wanting to know. | 0:10:04 | 0:10:08 | |
But all the same, | 0:10:08 | 0:10:10 | |
like Shylock Holmes, the socially awkward detective, | 0:10:10 | 0:10:13 | |
I've come to my home town of Carmarthen to look for clues. | 0:10:13 | 0:10:15 | |
This is my family home and we are in the lounge, in the posh room | 0:10:17 | 0:10:21 | |
because we're filming. | 0:10:21 | 0:10:22 | |
Er... My dad's in the other room. | 0:10:22 | 0:10:24 | |
Don't tell him we're in here. | 0:10:24 | 0:10:26 | |
It's really striking, looking back through photographs | 0:10:26 | 0:10:29 | |
that I've never really... | 0:10:29 | 0:10:30 | |
Well, I don't remember ever seeing these before. | 0:10:30 | 0:10:32 | |
But, look, that's me on that front lawn out there | 0:10:32 | 0:10:35 | |
playing bowls with my grandad | 0:10:35 | 0:10:37 | |
and I've got my hand... | 0:10:37 | 0:10:39 | |
..in front, blocking the camera. | 0:10:40 | 0:10:42 | |
This is me in a cafe in France | 0:10:45 | 0:10:47 | |
and I've got my hand blocking the camera. | 0:10:47 | 0:10:50 | |
I don't remember being camera shy as a kid. | 0:10:50 | 0:10:53 | |
I don't remember putting my hand in front of my face | 0:10:53 | 0:10:55 | |
every time there was a camera near me. | 0:10:55 | 0:10:57 | |
This is an official school one from primary school. | 0:10:57 | 0:10:59 | |
I'm facing the camera there, but I think a professional camera person | 0:10:59 | 0:11:02 | |
would have stopped me if I'd been like that. | 0:11:02 | 0:11:04 | |
But there's little clues. If you want to look for my shyness | 0:11:04 | 0:11:06 | |
in my youth, I mean, look at this. This is "My friends in school." | 0:11:06 | 0:11:10 | |
Firstly, I couldn't even fill a book of eight. | 0:11:10 | 0:11:12 | |
One of them's me. | 0:11:12 | 0:11:14 | |
And that's the same person. | 0:11:14 | 0:11:15 | |
So, my friends consist of me, one blank space, and one bloke twice. | 0:11:17 | 0:11:22 | |
That is absolutely bonkers. | 0:11:22 | 0:11:24 | |
I used to refuse to go to school when I was in primary school. | 0:11:24 | 0:11:27 | |
I used to get this knot in the pit of my stomach and just feel ill | 0:11:27 | 0:11:30 | |
and I wasn't ill, there was nothing wrong with me medically. | 0:11:30 | 0:11:33 | |
It was anxiety and I knew that at the time. | 0:11:33 | 0:11:35 | |
I never spoke to anybody about it. | 0:11:35 | 0:11:36 | |
I bottled it up completely, I totally hid it. | 0:11:36 | 0:11:38 | |
I don't even think I told my parents. | 0:11:38 | 0:11:40 | |
I never sort of broke down in front of them | 0:11:40 | 0:11:43 | |
and said, "Look, I'm shy, I'm socially anxious." | 0:11:43 | 0:11:45 | |
I never admitted it to them. I never admitted it to any friends. | 0:11:45 | 0:11:48 | |
I just bottled it up, hid it and got on with it. | 0:11:48 | 0:11:51 | |
That's my mum, who passed away last year, | 0:11:51 | 0:11:54 | |
who I think I blame for my shyness. | 0:11:54 | 0:11:59 | |
I use the word blame...facetiously, | 0:11:59 | 0:12:02 | |
but I think it's hereditary to some degree or learned behaviour. | 0:12:02 | 0:12:05 | |
She passed it on to me. She was incredibly shy and reserved. | 0:12:05 | 0:12:09 | |
Wanted to be an actor all her life, | 0:12:09 | 0:12:10 | |
but never did it because she was too shy. | 0:12:10 | 0:12:13 | |
And my dad is the sort of flamboyant one, | 0:12:13 | 0:12:15 | |
the kind of clown, the entertainer. | 0:12:15 | 0:12:17 | |
But I just asked him if he wanted to be on camera and he's like, | 0:12:17 | 0:12:20 | |
"Absolutely no way." He's too shy. | 0:12:20 | 0:12:22 | |
"Shyness is hereditary," he said, and walked off. | 0:12:22 | 0:12:24 | |
So, there you go. | 0:12:24 | 0:12:26 | |
Can't bloody win with parents, can you? | 0:12:26 | 0:12:28 | |
But if I put my youth under the microscope, | 0:12:28 | 0:12:30 | |
most of the time, I was pretty happy chappie. | 0:12:30 | 0:12:33 | |
Good family, great bunch of mates, shit haircuts, but happy memories. | 0:12:33 | 0:12:37 | |
# Shyness is nice | 0:12:37 | 0:12:40 | |
# And shyness can stop you | 0:12:40 | 0:12:43 | |
# From doing all the things in life you'd like to... # | 0:12:43 | 0:12:46 | |
Many of my friends are the same ones I've had for over 40 years. | 0:12:48 | 0:12:51 | |
I still see them all the time, | 0:12:51 | 0:12:52 | |
but I've tried to keep my shyness from them. | 0:12:52 | 0:12:55 | |
But they'll definitely have noticed. Won't they? | 0:12:55 | 0:12:58 | |
Are you surprised I'm doing a documentary about shyness? | 0:12:58 | 0:13:01 | |
Perhaps you doing a documentary about other people's shyness | 0:13:01 | 0:13:03 | |
-I'd have understood, but... -Yeah, that's what I mean. | 0:13:03 | 0:13:06 | |
Is it a surprise that I'm putting my hand up and going, "I'm shy"? | 0:13:06 | 0:13:08 | |
You've come out as "I'm a shy person." | 0:13:08 | 0:13:10 | |
I've come out as a shy person, exactly. Do you know what? | 0:13:10 | 0:13:13 | |
It does feel a bit like... A bit like that. | 0:13:13 | 0:13:16 | |
It's quite hard to give examples of your own shyness, | 0:13:16 | 0:13:18 | |
but one of the classics for me, when I went to university, | 0:13:18 | 0:13:20 | |
I didn't speak to anybody. | 0:13:20 | 0:13:22 | |
And then I did a month abroad in Salamanca in Spain, right? | 0:13:22 | 0:13:24 | |
And I'd booked accommodation, I had digs, I'd paid for my meals | 0:13:24 | 0:13:27 | |
and instead of going there - I never even checked in - | 0:13:27 | 0:13:30 | |
I just took my bag and I slept rough in the square in Salamanca | 0:13:30 | 0:13:33 | |
and every morning... | 0:13:33 | 0:13:35 | |
Every morning, the bin lorry would come round the square like this | 0:13:35 | 0:13:38 | |
in circles and it would come in and in and in | 0:13:38 | 0:13:40 | |
and I worked out that the best place to sleep | 0:13:40 | 0:13:42 | |
was on the bench in the middle and then I would wash my face in | 0:13:42 | 0:13:45 | |
the tap at the side of the bin lorry because I was too embarrassed | 0:13:45 | 0:13:48 | |
to go and go to this accommodation with shared rooms, hostel kind of | 0:13:48 | 0:13:52 | |
accommodation I guess, you know, and eat meals with people I didn't know. | 0:13:52 | 0:13:55 | |
I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. But it was... | 0:13:55 | 0:13:58 | |
Yeah, have you guys got anything like that? | 0:13:58 | 0:14:00 | |
Any ridiculous stories like that where you just think, | 0:14:00 | 0:14:03 | |
-"That was shyness"? -No. | 0:14:03 | 0:14:05 | |
No, I don't think to that extent, no. | 0:14:05 | 0:14:07 | |
I think you've set the bar way too high for us there. | 0:14:07 | 0:14:10 | |
Come in a bit lower and perhaps worked up to the bin lorry story. | 0:14:10 | 0:14:13 | |
Anyone blushed? Anyone blushed occasionally? | 0:14:13 | 0:14:16 | |
It's very odd to be speaking about it. | 0:14:16 | 0:14:17 | |
It does feel like I'm coming out about it. It feels very... | 0:14:17 | 0:14:21 | |
I feel very vulnerable. | 0:14:21 | 0:14:22 | |
I sometimes wonder whether I should be doing it at all, | 0:14:23 | 0:14:26 | |
changing people's perception of me. | 0:14:26 | 0:14:28 | |
But I think it's starting to feel like it's quite an important thing | 0:14:28 | 0:14:31 | |
to be talking about, that it's not talked about enough. | 0:14:31 | 0:14:35 | |
I've known some of those guys for 43 years | 0:14:35 | 0:14:39 | |
and I've hidden it every single moment until today. | 0:14:39 | 0:14:42 | |
It's kind of left me really keen to find out more. | 0:14:42 | 0:14:47 | |
More about myself, but more about shyness. | 0:14:47 | 0:14:50 | |
And how many other people's lives it's... | 0:14:50 | 0:14:53 | |
Ruining's a strong word, but having a pretty big impact on. | 0:14:53 | 0:14:56 | |
Apparently, I'm far from alone with my social anxiety. | 0:14:59 | 0:15:02 | |
According to psychologists, 50% of us identify as being shy, | 0:15:02 | 0:15:07 | |
a spectrum that includes the happy introverts as well | 0:15:07 | 0:15:10 | |
as the desperately unhappy ones, | 0:15:10 | 0:15:13 | |
that ranges from those who muddle along with sweaty armpits, | 0:15:13 | 0:15:15 | |
nervous rashes and relentless self-criticism | 0:15:15 | 0:15:19 | |
to those whose crippling social anxiety | 0:15:19 | 0:15:21 | |
means they can't even leave the house. | 0:15:21 | 0:15:23 | |
Some experts say shyness is hereditary. | 0:15:24 | 0:15:27 | |
Some say it's learned behaviour. | 0:15:27 | 0:15:29 | |
Some say you can cure it with medication. | 0:15:29 | 0:15:31 | |
Others offer coping strategies and therapies. | 0:15:31 | 0:15:33 | |
I think I need an expert to tell me | 0:15:35 | 0:15:37 | |
what expert advice I should be following. | 0:15:37 | 0:15:39 | |
So, I head to be Cardiff University School of Social Sciences | 0:15:40 | 0:15:43 | |
to meet Professor Ray Crozier, | 0:15:43 | 0:15:45 | |
lecturer and academic, who literally wrote the book on shyness. | 0:15:45 | 0:15:49 | |
Several books, actually. | 0:15:49 | 0:15:51 | |
First off, is shyness something you're born with? | 0:15:51 | 0:15:54 | |
So, there have been some kind of studies that have followed | 0:15:54 | 0:15:57 | |
children from birth and you can begin to see a kind of shy pattern. | 0:15:57 | 0:16:01 | |
You bring children of the same age who don't know each other, | 0:16:01 | 0:16:05 | |
you just let them naturally play together, | 0:16:05 | 0:16:08 | |
you find some children interact with other children, | 0:16:08 | 0:16:12 | |
some of them are just happy playing by themselves, | 0:16:12 | 0:16:15 | |
but some want to play but they're reluctant to. | 0:16:15 | 0:16:18 | |
So you see them kind of hovering behind the other kids, | 0:16:18 | 0:16:22 | |
maybe trying to move in, but not carrying it through, really. | 0:16:22 | 0:16:26 | |
How would you explain somebody like me, who all my life has struggled | 0:16:26 | 0:16:30 | |
with shyness? For example, when I went off to university, | 0:16:30 | 0:16:33 | |
I just literally stood in my room looking out the window | 0:16:33 | 0:16:36 | |
at everybody else going off to the refectory | 0:16:36 | 0:16:39 | |
or to the cafe, to the bar, to their lectures, | 0:16:39 | 0:16:42 | |
and I just didn't move from that room. | 0:16:42 | 0:16:44 | |
-I would have been one of your kids you observed... -Well, that's right. | 0:16:44 | 0:16:46 | |
-..who want to participate. -I was just going to say that. | 0:16:46 | 0:16:48 | |
Looking through the window, unable to. | 0:16:48 | 0:16:50 | |
-Unable to, completely unable to. -That's right. | 0:16:50 | 0:16:52 | |
So, there might be that kind of history behind this | 0:16:52 | 0:16:55 | |
because I think if you spoke to lots of beginning students, | 0:16:55 | 0:16:58 | |
you'd get maybe similar kinds of stories from them. | 0:16:58 | 0:17:02 | |
They have the anxiety inside, but just got on with things. | 0:17:02 | 0:17:06 | |
At the time, you know, I went to see my tutors and I said, | 0:17:06 | 0:17:08 | |
-"I've got to go. I can't cope with this." -Yeah. | 0:17:08 | 0:17:10 | |
And they said, "Just knock on the door of the guy next to you | 0:17:10 | 0:17:13 | |
"and say, do you want a coffee? It's as simple as that." | 0:17:13 | 0:17:15 | |
-And I... That was the hardest... -Yes. | 0:17:15 | 0:17:19 | |
Knocking on that guy... I... Well, I didn't do it. | 0:17:19 | 0:17:21 | |
Why is that so difficult? | 0:17:21 | 0:17:23 | |
Something along the ideas of fear of social rejection, | 0:17:23 | 0:17:26 | |
which would make you feel even worse than not having knocked the door. | 0:17:26 | 0:17:30 | |
The origins of all this social anxiety, I think, | 0:17:30 | 0:17:33 | |
are in social acceptance and social rejection. | 0:17:33 | 0:17:37 | |
I think I'd almost have benefited | 0:17:37 | 0:17:39 | |
if I'd had this conversation with you 30 years ago. | 0:17:39 | 0:17:41 | |
If I'd just had more of a context for it, it might have helped. | 0:17:41 | 0:17:44 | |
I think I'd have just chilled out about it a bit. | 0:17:44 | 0:17:46 | |
And also, that it's kind of widespread, | 0:17:46 | 0:17:47 | |
-but not necessarily observable. -Yeah. | 0:17:47 | 0:17:50 | |
So lots of other people that you might have talked to about it | 0:17:50 | 0:17:53 | |
-might also have helped you. -That's almost step one, | 0:17:53 | 0:17:56 | |
in terms of partly finding a solution, | 0:17:56 | 0:17:58 | |
is just to talk to other shy people, realise it's widespread, | 0:17:58 | 0:18:02 | |
realise that what you're feeling is quite common, | 0:18:02 | 0:18:04 | |
the physical things that you feel in certain situations are common. | 0:18:04 | 0:18:07 | |
Exactly. I think that would be | 0:18:07 | 0:18:09 | |
a very useful first step, really, I think. | 0:18:09 | 0:18:12 | |
Talking to fellow sufferers would probably really have helped. | 0:18:12 | 0:18:15 | |
But when I was growing up, | 0:18:15 | 0:18:16 | |
I don't remember there being a National Shy Helpline. | 0:18:16 | 0:18:19 | |
And I'd have been too shy to ring it anyway. | 0:18:19 | 0:18:22 | |
But these days, it's different. | 0:18:22 | 0:18:23 | |
Near Swansea, shy kids as young as five come to yoga classes to try | 0:18:23 | 0:18:28 | |
and help them cope with the stresses of life in the toddler lane. | 0:18:28 | 0:18:32 | |
OK, guys. Ready? | 0:18:32 | 0:18:34 | |
So, everybody's going to copy me. | 0:18:34 | 0:18:36 | |
Inhale, up. | 0:18:36 | 0:18:38 | |
Lift one leg up and put it behind you. | 0:18:39 | 0:18:43 | |
Can you go back there and pass me my foot? | 0:18:46 | 0:18:48 | |
Can you pass...? | 0:18:50 | 0:18:51 | |
After a few minutes, a mini shy-ster, Nia, latches onto me. | 0:18:52 | 0:18:57 | |
-You speak to somebody new. -No... | 0:18:57 | 0:18:59 | |
And suddenly I'm witnessing a shy kid in the wild... | 0:18:59 | 0:19:02 | |
Are you too shy to speak to somebody new? | 0:19:02 | 0:19:05 | |
..clinging to my legs for safety... | 0:19:05 | 0:19:06 | |
-No. -Yeah, you can do it. | 0:19:06 | 0:19:09 | |
..hiding her face from the world, finding comfort in my shoulder. | 0:19:09 | 0:19:13 | |
-How do you feel when you feel shy? -Don't know. | 0:19:13 | 0:19:16 | |
Do you feel like you want to hide? | 0:19:16 | 0:19:17 | |
-Yeah? -Yeah. -Do you not want to... Do you not want to make friends? | 0:19:20 | 0:19:23 | |
Do you like having friends, Nia? | 0:19:25 | 0:19:27 | |
Yeah, but I don't want to do that. | 0:19:27 | 0:19:29 | |
So, Huriyah, why yoga for shy kids? | 0:19:33 | 0:19:37 | |
Erm, because I used to be shy and I still am a bit. | 0:19:37 | 0:19:41 | |
I was really shy growing up, but I've been doing yoga since | 0:19:41 | 0:19:45 | |
I was three because with the anxiety of being shy, I didn't sleep. | 0:19:45 | 0:19:50 | |
So when I was three, my parents used to let me | 0:19:50 | 0:19:52 | |
stay up in their bedroom and they had a TV. | 0:19:52 | 0:19:57 | |
Yoga came on one day and I just followed along. | 0:19:57 | 0:20:00 | |
And how did that change things, then? What happened? | 0:20:00 | 0:20:03 | |
Um, it didn't make me | 0:20:03 | 0:20:05 | |
more confident at the time, that's only something that's | 0:20:05 | 0:20:08 | |
come around more recently, but it made me more content in myself, | 0:20:08 | 0:20:13 | |
so today, at the lessons, my job is to get them | 0:20:13 | 0:20:17 | |
confident in themselves and learn to accept themselves | 0:20:17 | 0:20:20 | |
and accept that other people are different from them and that's OK. | 0:20:20 | 0:20:24 | |
Breathe in your happiness... | 0:20:24 | 0:20:27 | |
Finding shy kids may be easy enough, | 0:20:27 | 0:20:29 | |
but looking for adults who admit to being shy is a whole different | 0:20:29 | 0:20:31 | |
ball game, like trying to find a wasp who only drinks Diet Coke. | 0:20:31 | 0:20:34 | |
Because shyness is a silent affliction, and strangely, | 0:20:36 | 0:20:39 | |
we adult travellers don't generally go round bragging about it. | 0:20:39 | 0:20:43 | |
So imagine my surprise when I discovered that my fellow | 0:20:43 | 0:20:45 | |
shysters have been gathering behind my back. | 0:20:45 | 0:20:48 | |
The cheating bastards have been forming shy support groups all over | 0:20:48 | 0:20:51 | |
the country and hooking up regularly to work through their inhibitions. | 0:20:51 | 0:20:55 | |
With a startling 9,000 members, | 0:20:56 | 0:20:58 | |
the UK's largest is the wonderfully titled London Shyness Social Group. | 0:20:58 | 0:21:04 | |
The group's leader is Jas. | 0:21:04 | 0:21:05 | |
It's interesting you say about specific environments, | 0:21:05 | 0:21:08 | |
-cos mine feels very, very much, certain situations. -Yeah. | 0:21:08 | 0:21:12 | |
-And other things, I'm totally fine. -Yeah, I'm the same. | 0:21:12 | 0:21:15 | |
-Are you? -Yeah. At work, I'm extremely confident. -Are you? | 0:21:15 | 0:21:19 | |
I'm a mental health support worker, so put me in a room full of people | 0:21:19 | 0:21:22 | |
screaming at me and threatening me, I'm fine. | 0:21:22 | 0:21:25 | |
Same with stand-up. Put me in a room full of people screaming at me...! | 0:21:25 | 0:21:29 | |
And you're fine! | 0:21:29 | 0:21:30 | |
Put me in a cafe, where I have to order a coffee and I'm screwed. | 0:21:30 | 0:21:34 | |
-That's mine, as well. -Yeah. Really? You're the same? -Put it there. | 0:21:34 | 0:21:38 | |
Why is it? What is it about coffee?! | 0:21:38 | 0:21:41 | |
Hi, everyone. So, for those who haven't met me before, I'm Jas, | 0:21:43 | 0:21:47 | |
this is London Shyness Social Group and I just want to explain | 0:21:47 | 0:21:50 | |
a little bit about tonight before we get into it. | 0:21:50 | 0:21:52 | |
The group hosts regular support sessions, | 0:21:52 | 0:21:55 | |
workshops and social get-togethers, attracting everyone from those | 0:21:55 | 0:21:58 | |
who want a little more human contact to people | 0:21:58 | 0:22:01 | |
who are leaving their bedrooms for the first time in months. | 0:22:01 | 0:22:04 | |
It's a real big step for these people. | 0:22:04 | 0:22:06 | |
It is, it is a really big step. But it depends on how you look at it, as well. | 0:22:06 | 0:22:09 | |
Some people see it as really daunting. | 0:22:09 | 0:22:11 | |
For some people, the fact that there is a group out there that | 0:22:11 | 0:22:13 | |
does this, this is comforting. | 0:22:13 | 0:22:14 | |
This is a place where they don't have to pretend to be extroverted. | 0:22:14 | 0:22:17 | |
They can just be shy, and ironically, | 0:22:17 | 0:22:19 | |
when you do that, they're actually really talkative. | 0:22:19 | 0:22:22 | |
There are certain situations where I don't know how to even talk, | 0:22:22 | 0:22:26 | |
because for example, here, it's just way too awkward, | 0:22:26 | 0:22:30 | |
I can't even make eye contact or anything. | 0:22:30 | 0:22:33 | |
I want to become invisible, almost. It's really scary. | 0:22:33 | 0:22:36 | |
I appreciate that for some people, even just being here is a big | 0:22:36 | 0:22:39 | |
thing, so I'm not here to force anyone to do anything, I promise. | 0:22:39 | 0:22:42 | |
Jas wants to do some exposure therapy exercises. | 0:22:42 | 0:22:45 | |
I've no idea what that entails, but look at that mad keen face. | 0:22:45 | 0:22:49 | |
If there weren't cameras on me, I'd lock myself in the nearest | 0:22:49 | 0:22:52 | |
portaloo and have to be forcibly removed by the council. | 0:22:52 | 0:22:55 | |
The exposure therapy exercises that we have in mind for today, | 0:22:55 | 0:22:58 | |
eye contact exercise, where we hold eye contact for a specific | 0:22:58 | 0:23:02 | |
amount of time with someone you haven't spoken to yet. | 0:23:02 | 0:23:04 | |
Shit. | 0:23:04 | 0:23:05 | |
If I wasn't so committed to this documentary, there's no way I | 0:23:05 | 0:23:08 | |
would come to a group like this, let alone get involved in the exercises. | 0:23:08 | 0:23:12 | |
I don't get my insecurities out in public for no-one. | 0:23:12 | 0:23:15 | |
And yet here we all are. | 0:23:15 | 0:23:17 | |
Well, we were chatting earlier about my particular shyness | 0:23:17 | 0:23:20 | |
where I think I'm ostensibly supremely confident in some | 0:23:20 | 0:23:24 | |
ways and totally lacking any confidence | 0:23:24 | 0:23:28 | |
and feeling incredibly inhibited and tonight, for example, | 0:23:28 | 0:23:31 | |
when I said I was anxious, | 0:23:31 | 0:23:32 | |
I'm absolutely terrified of these exercises you've got planned. | 0:23:32 | 0:23:36 | |
The back of my neck is hot, my forehead is sweating... | 0:23:36 | 0:23:39 | |
I wouldn't be like that before a gig. Even if it was 20,000 people. | 0:23:39 | 0:23:43 | |
It's very vulnerable. | 0:23:43 | 0:23:44 | |
There's nowhere to hide, you know, whereas maybe in stand-up comedy, | 0:23:44 | 0:23:47 | |
I'm hiding behind something of a persona, you know? | 0:23:47 | 0:23:50 | |
Wow, this is hard! | 0:23:50 | 0:23:51 | |
-This is a lot harder than stand-up comedy, I'll tell you that. -Wow. | 0:23:52 | 0:23:56 | |
-Much harder! -Starting in three, two, one... | 0:23:56 | 0:24:01 | |
Things are about to get worse, with an exposure therapy exercise. | 0:24:01 | 0:24:06 | |
Gazing, in agonising silence... | 0:24:08 | 0:24:10 | |
..into the eyes of a total stranger... | 0:24:12 | 0:24:14 | |
..for the world's longest minute. | 0:24:16 | 0:24:20 | |
That's approximately one minute. | 0:24:29 | 0:24:31 | |
I could not WAIT for that minute to be over. Nothing personal... | 0:24:31 | 0:24:36 | |
Honestly, lovely eyes, but... | 0:24:36 | 0:24:37 | |
-Thank you! -I could not wait! | 0:24:37 | 0:24:40 | |
What is it? What is this? | 0:24:40 | 0:24:41 | |
-What is shyness? -What is it, Jas? | 0:24:41 | 0:24:44 | |
I would say it's a sense of contextual insecurity or | 0:24:44 | 0:24:48 | |
contextual lack of confidence. | 0:24:48 | 0:24:50 | |
The reason why it's so contextual is | 0:24:51 | 0:24:53 | |
because you develop a comfort zone of some kind with certain | 0:24:53 | 0:24:56 | |
-things in certain situations and certain people, I guess. -Yeah. | 0:24:56 | 0:25:00 | |
So, for example, you developing a sense of confidence | 0:25:00 | 0:25:04 | |
in your comedy, you've had to exercise that, it's like a muscle. | 0:25:04 | 0:25:08 | |
But for some reason, it's not always transferable. | 0:25:08 | 0:25:11 | |
What Jas says makes perfect sense. | 0:25:14 | 0:25:16 | |
It is a contextualised lack of confidence | 0:25:16 | 0:25:18 | |
and I certainly have my comfort zones, | 0:25:18 | 0:25:20 | |
like comedy. | 0:25:20 | 0:25:22 | |
And it would go to some way to answering the apparent contradiction | 0:25:22 | 0:25:26 | |
at the heart of this - that I can be cripplingly shy in normal life, | 0:25:26 | 0:25:29 | |
but completely confident, as long as I'm getting laughs on stage. | 0:25:29 | 0:25:33 | |
But how did I get on stage in the first place? I didn't want to do it. | 0:25:34 | 0:25:38 | |
The truth is, I didn't jump, | 0:25:38 | 0:25:41 | |
I was pushed, by an ex-girlfriend. | 0:25:41 | 0:25:44 | |
Her name is Bryony and she dragged me kicking and screaming to | 0:25:44 | 0:25:47 | |
enrol on a stand-up course at the Amused Moose comedy club in London. | 0:25:47 | 0:25:52 | |
Hello! | 0:25:52 | 0:25:53 | |
But what sort of monster would make a shy person do stand up? | 0:25:53 | 0:25:56 | |
So that very first time we met, did I come across as shy, | 0:25:57 | 0:26:01 | |
was there anything... Was I different in any way? | 0:26:01 | 0:26:04 | |
Anything unusual you noticed? | 0:26:04 | 0:26:05 | |
The very first time we met was in the job centre. | 0:26:05 | 0:26:09 | |
I noticed you, but I noticed you entertaining your two friends, | 0:26:09 | 0:26:13 | |
so you were making Ash and Jessica laugh, a lot. | 0:26:13 | 0:26:16 | |
Ah. | 0:26:16 | 0:26:17 | |
So maybe you were feeling shy, but you were compensating by doing | 0:26:17 | 0:26:20 | |
what you normally do, which is make people laugh. | 0:26:20 | 0:26:23 | |
Yes, that's all I was ever very good at, was making people laugh. I say very good. | 0:26:23 | 0:26:26 | |
You were happy in a group of people that you knew already and in | 0:26:26 | 0:26:30 | |
that circle, you have no inhibitions and you are really confident. | 0:26:30 | 0:26:34 | |
But I knew that you were, probably outside of that circle, | 0:26:34 | 0:26:37 | |
you were nervous about certain things. | 0:26:37 | 0:26:40 | |
In interviews, I've always said that I had an ex-girlfriend who | 0:26:40 | 0:26:42 | |
nagged and nagged and nagged for eight years, | 0:26:42 | 0:26:46 | |
is the figure I've put on it... | 0:26:46 | 0:26:48 | |
Could have been that long. | 0:26:48 | 0:26:51 | |
..to do something. Is that fair? | 0:26:51 | 0:26:52 | |
Yeah. Totally. | 0:26:52 | 0:26:54 | |
Isn't it? I mean, you were naturally funny... | 0:26:54 | 0:26:57 | |
-You hear that? -You were! | 0:26:57 | 0:26:59 | |
Naturally funny! | 0:26:59 | 0:27:00 | |
So I thought you could be encouraged to think of it more like that. | 0:27:00 | 0:27:04 | |
You think it was shyness though, that was stopping me? | 0:27:04 | 0:27:06 | |
I think it was that combined with just, you know, | 0:27:06 | 0:27:09 | |
"people like me don't do this." | 0:27:09 | 0:27:10 | |
So if I hadn't gone with you to the Amused Moose, | 0:27:10 | 0:27:13 | |
would you have been able to knock on the door, go down the stairs, | 0:27:13 | 0:27:15 | |
-introduce yourself to that group...? -No. No. | 0:27:15 | 0:27:18 | |
-But you did... -Not a chance. | 0:27:18 | 0:27:20 | |
..go on your own, after I took you the first few times! | 0:27:20 | 0:27:24 | |
It's like taking someone to a kindergarten, isn't it? | 0:27:24 | 0:27:27 | |
Like, "Here's my little boy, he's going to stand up and do it." | 0:27:27 | 0:27:30 | |
When I went on that course, most of them... You remember? | 0:27:30 | 0:27:33 | |
Most of them, I didn't go to. | 0:27:33 | 0:27:35 | |
Most of them, I rang in sick, sometimes from just outside. | 0:27:35 | 0:27:37 | |
-You used to find excuses, didn't you? -Yeah, | 0:27:37 | 0:27:39 | |
sometimes from outside the venue, I would ring up and say, | 0:27:39 | 0:27:42 | |
"I can't come into night, I'm really ill", | 0:27:42 | 0:27:44 | |
and I was outside, trying to... "Can I do it, can I do it?" | 0:27:44 | 0:27:47 | |
So Bryony realised I just needed a little push. | 0:27:49 | 0:27:52 | |
For eight years. | 0:27:52 | 0:27:54 | |
If she hadn't, how would my life be different now? Who knows? | 0:27:54 | 0:27:58 | |
But it has helped my confidence immeasurably, I know that much. | 0:27:58 | 0:28:01 | |
Bryony reckons I was happiest and most confident | 0:28:02 | 0:28:05 | |
when making people laugh, and she's right. | 0:28:05 | 0:28:07 | |
That's been true since I was a child. | 0:28:07 | 0:28:09 | |
Did I latch onto the fact that the social currency of laughter | 0:28:11 | 0:28:14 | |
is a very powerful one? | 0:28:14 | 0:28:15 | |
That if you could make people laugh, they'd overlook your other failings? | 0:28:15 | 0:28:18 | |
I'm brewing on a theory here and I want to test it, | 0:28:19 | 0:28:22 | |
so I've come to the Comedy Store, | 0:28:22 | 0:28:25 | |
a venue that kick-started my career, to talk to someone who was | 0:28:25 | 0:28:28 | |
with me on the very same comedy course that Bryony dragged me to. | 0:28:28 | 0:28:32 | |
He's fellow comedian Greg Davies. | 0:28:32 | 0:28:35 | |
Blow me down with a malfunctioning Dustbuster, there's a twist, | 0:28:35 | 0:28:38 | |
because he's a shyster too. | 0:28:38 | 0:28:41 | |
And in our 15 years of friendship, I've never even clocked it. | 0:28:41 | 0:28:45 | |
When I said to you, "Will you talk to me on the documentary", | 0:28:45 | 0:28:48 | |
I meant, will you talk to me about my shyness. | 0:28:48 | 0:28:51 | |
I thought you were asking me along to talk about the fact that | 0:28:51 | 0:28:54 | |
-I was shy. -No, I didn't know... You're not shy. I didn't think you were shy, you're the last person... | 0:28:54 | 0:28:57 | |
I didn't think YOU were shy when we met. | 0:28:57 | 0:28:59 | |
You told me you were shy, I've never personally witnessed you being shy. | 0:28:59 | 0:29:03 | |
-Haven't you? -No. If anything, I thought you were quite aloof. | 0:29:03 | 0:29:06 | |
If you're someone who has suffered from shyness as I have, | 0:29:06 | 0:29:10 | |
-you presume that everyone else is confident, don't you? -Yeah. | 0:29:10 | 0:29:14 | |
-Well, I do. -You're the most confident person I've ever met. -Yes. | 0:29:14 | 0:29:17 | |
-But I'm not, though, am I? -No, you are. | 0:29:17 | 0:29:19 | |
Yes, but I'm full of crushing self-doubt even now. | 0:29:19 | 0:29:22 | |
Oh, yeah, you've got no self-esteem. | 0:29:22 | 0:29:24 | |
But I wouldn't have said you were shy! | 0:29:25 | 0:29:27 | |
I've never seen you in a social context appear to be | 0:29:27 | 0:29:30 | |
inhibited or, you know... | 0:29:30 | 0:29:32 | |
But what is your definition of shyness? | 0:29:32 | 0:29:34 | |
Er... Like, I could never go up and talk to a girl. Could you do that? | 0:29:34 | 0:29:39 | |
-Never. -Have you ever, in your life, gone up to a girl...? -Never. | 0:29:39 | 0:29:44 | |
Not so much now, but in the old days. Did you ever go to a girl... | 0:29:44 | 0:29:47 | |
Even now, I've never approached someone I find attractive. | 0:29:47 | 0:29:49 | |
-Once in your life? -Not once. -No way. -No. | 0:29:49 | 0:29:52 | |
I got asked out by a girl in school, who I liked, | 0:29:52 | 0:29:55 | |
and just the sheer horror of her asking me out, I said no. | 0:29:55 | 0:30:00 | |
Every cell in my body was going, "Yes!", | 0:30:00 | 0:30:02 | |
and just the fact that she had had that self-confidence to say | 0:30:02 | 0:30:06 | |
"I'd like to go out with you", I went, "No!" | 0:30:06 | 0:30:09 | |
Really rudely! | 0:30:09 | 0:30:10 | |
-Do you talk about your shyness on stage? -No. -Never? | 0:30:11 | 0:30:14 | |
No, because I think going on stage is a weird way of trying to | 0:30:14 | 0:30:19 | |
address self-consciousness, it's sort of... | 0:30:19 | 0:30:23 | |
running headlong at your demons, isn't it, really? | 0:30:23 | 0:30:25 | |
Do you think you're a stand-up now, comedian, clown, whatever, | 0:30:25 | 0:30:28 | |
because you were shy and inhibited as a child? | 0:30:28 | 0:30:31 | |
I think, to a degree, it certainly started happening at 17 | 0:30:31 | 0:30:35 | |
when I suddenly thought "I'm going to have to run into the light | 0:30:35 | 0:30:38 | |
"a bit, otherwise I'm going to spend my whole life hiding in corners", | 0:30:38 | 0:30:42 | |
-you know. -Did you ever think about doing anything about it, or... | 0:30:42 | 0:30:45 | |
-You know. -No. Just surviving! -Yeah. | 0:30:45 | 0:30:49 | |
But a lot of it is fear-based. | 0:30:49 | 0:30:51 | |
I think shyness... | 0:30:51 | 0:30:53 | |
For me, it was always, "I'm going to be humiliated, | 0:30:53 | 0:30:56 | |
"I'm going to be bullied if I draw attention to myself." | 0:30:56 | 0:30:59 | |
A lot of it is fear. I think. | 0:30:59 | 0:31:02 | |
Yeah. | 0:31:02 | 0:31:03 | |
Like me, it seems Greg has wrapped himself in the protective | 0:31:03 | 0:31:06 | |
cloak of comedy, chasing away the shyness, the fear of people | 0:31:06 | 0:31:10 | |
laughing at him, by making people laugh at him, but on his terms. | 0:31:10 | 0:31:14 | |
Comedy as cure? It makes some sense to me. | 0:31:15 | 0:31:18 | |
But I wonder if there's anything more scientific in this, | 0:31:18 | 0:31:21 | |
so I'm finally ready to blast off into outer headspace | 0:31:21 | 0:31:24 | |
and I'm going to go and consult a shrink. | 0:31:24 | 0:31:26 | |
I've made an appointment with a clinical psychologist | 0:31:28 | 0:31:30 | |
specialising in CBT - Cognitive Behavioural Therapy - | 0:31:30 | 0:31:34 | |
at Cardiff University's Department of Psychology. | 0:31:34 | 0:31:37 | |
I feel all my life I've suffered from shyness, | 0:31:37 | 0:31:40 | |
it's been a bloody pain. | 0:31:40 | 0:31:41 | |
So it's been a lot worse in the past than it is now, | 0:31:41 | 0:31:44 | |
but day-to-day now, there are still some things, | 0:31:44 | 0:31:46 | |
particularly the eating on your own in public. | 0:31:46 | 0:31:48 | |
Yeah. Day-to-day now, there are some things. | 0:31:48 | 0:31:50 | |
What has helped me massively is being a bit known. | 0:31:50 | 0:31:55 | |
-That changes the situations that you find yourself in. -Sure. | 0:31:55 | 0:31:58 | |
But some of the very simplest ones, like just being on your own | 0:31:58 | 0:32:01 | |
and going and eating somewhere on your own, are still there. | 0:32:01 | 0:32:04 | |
They still go on. And some very... | 0:32:04 | 0:32:07 | |
For some people, some very uncomfortable situations are ones | 0:32:07 | 0:32:09 | |
-that you do approach on a regular basis. -Mm. | 0:32:09 | 0:32:13 | |
-Um, where you are very much the centre of attention. -Mm. | 0:32:13 | 0:32:17 | |
Would you say? | 0:32:17 | 0:32:18 | |
Yes. | 0:32:19 | 0:32:20 | |
So people with social anxiety tend to avoid the situations that | 0:32:20 | 0:32:23 | |
make them really anxious, and if they are in them, | 0:32:23 | 0:32:26 | |
they tend to try and stay in the background. | 0:32:26 | 0:32:28 | |
It's perfectly understandable that people try and do that, | 0:32:28 | 0:32:31 | |
but it's actually one of the things that keeps the problem going. | 0:32:31 | 0:32:34 | |
-Do you see what I mean? -Yeah. | 0:32:34 | 0:32:36 | |
So for you, the fact that actually, you've not been able to avoid | 0:32:36 | 0:32:38 | |
being noticed, does, to me, | 0:32:38 | 0:32:40 | |
it kind of makes sense that that would have helped. | 0:32:40 | 0:32:43 | |
So, what I've done, in essence, | 0:32:43 | 0:32:46 | |
is been somebody who's been afraid of being noticed, all that | 0:32:46 | 0:32:49 | |
kind of stuff, been that classic social anxiety sort of inhibitions. | 0:32:49 | 0:32:53 | |
And what you'd recommend for somebody like that is to | 0:32:53 | 0:32:55 | |
confront it head-on and I've kind of done that by...accidentally. | 0:32:55 | 0:32:59 | |
You've done something extra, as well. | 0:32:59 | 0:33:01 | |
We would recommend that somebody confront a feared situation, | 0:33:01 | 0:33:04 | |
but we also recommend that they get feedback about how | 0:33:04 | 0:33:08 | |
they come across and in therapy, | 0:33:08 | 0:33:10 | |
we find ways of giving people | 0:33:10 | 0:33:12 | |
feedback, so we very often film people and have them | 0:33:12 | 0:33:15 | |
watch the film, for people to actually see how they come across. | 0:33:15 | 0:33:18 | |
-Rather than just how they imagine. -That's really interesting. | 0:33:18 | 0:33:20 | |
So you've actually done that, | 0:33:20 | 0:33:22 | |
you put yourself in feared situations and you've also | 0:33:22 | 0:33:25 | |
got feedback in those situations about how you actually come across. | 0:33:25 | 0:33:29 | |
So this is the answer for all people suffering from social anxiety - | 0:33:29 | 0:33:32 | |
just get yourself a stand-up and TV career and read your reviews. Boom! | 0:33:32 | 0:33:36 | |
-Sorted! -As long as they're successful, Rhod, yes! | 0:33:36 | 0:33:39 | |
As long as it's reasonably successful! | 0:33:39 | 0:33:41 | |
Yes. I don't like a bad review, that's for sure. | 0:33:41 | 0:33:45 | |
Well, blow me. | 0:33:45 | 0:33:46 | |
I think I might have just stumbled on a revolutionary new | 0:33:46 | 0:33:48 | |
cure for shyness. | 0:33:48 | 0:33:50 | |
Alternative CBT - Comedy Behavioural Therapy. | 0:33:50 | 0:33:54 | |
Ker-ching! I can hear the smell of global franchises and ringing tills. | 0:33:54 | 0:33:58 | |
If it worked for me, maybe it could work for others. | 0:33:58 | 0:34:01 | |
There's only one way to find out - I'm going to bag me | 0:34:01 | 0:34:04 | |
some shy people and see if I can persuade them to do stand-up. | 0:34:04 | 0:34:07 | |
This might be self-indulgent madness, | 0:34:07 | 0:34:09 | |
but sod it, it's 2018, it's the way of the world. | 0:34:09 | 0:34:12 | |
"Is shyness ruining your life? | 0:34:12 | 0:34:16 | |
"Do you struggle to go into cafes on your own? | 0:34:16 | 0:34:19 | |
"Have you ever spent a weekend locked in a portaloo | 0:34:19 | 0:34:20 | |
"because you were too shy to come out? Then this documentary could be for you. Love, Rhod." | 0:34:20 | 0:34:26 | |
I launched my message into cyberspace, | 0:34:26 | 0:34:29 | |
fully expecting no response whatsoever. | 0:34:29 | 0:34:32 | |
But would you believe it, I get thousands of replies. | 0:34:32 | 0:34:35 | |
What's that, you wouldn't? | 0:34:35 | 0:34:37 | |
No, nor me, and I didn't. | 0:34:37 | 0:34:38 | |
But I did get enough to carry on with my experiment. | 0:34:38 | 0:34:41 | |
After a fairly random selection process, I choose three very | 0:34:41 | 0:34:44 | |
shy guinea pigs and invite them to hear my cunning plan. | 0:34:44 | 0:34:48 | |
I'm pretty sure none of them will turn up, what self-respecting | 0:34:48 | 0:34:51 | |
shy person would volunteer to get their social anxieties out on TV? | 0:34:51 | 0:34:55 | |
But once again, I'm wrong. | 0:34:55 | 0:34:58 | |
Guinea pig one is Jodie, 26 and hides out in Swansea. | 0:34:58 | 0:35:02 | |
She works part-time as the world's only wedding photographer who | 0:35:02 | 0:35:05 | |
is too shy to ask anyone to say "cheese". | 0:35:05 | 0:35:08 | |
Guinea pig two, Mike, is 29 and stares at his feet around Cardiff. | 0:35:08 | 0:35:13 | |
He's a serial dropper-outer at uni and he's never been on a date. | 0:35:13 | 0:35:18 | |
Guinea pig three, Kate, | 0:35:18 | 0:35:19 | |
is in her 40s and lurks about in the shadows near Leith. | 0:35:19 | 0:35:22 | |
She prefers animals to humans and works in a pet shop. | 0:35:22 | 0:35:25 | |
Certainly, she knows all about guinea pigs. | 0:35:25 | 0:35:28 | |
While we all suffer in different ways and to varying degrees, | 0:35:28 | 0:35:31 | |
I can immediately relate to all three of them. | 0:35:31 | 0:35:35 | |
What is your earliest shy memory? | 0:35:35 | 0:35:37 | |
From about the ages of about five or so, | 0:35:37 | 0:35:41 | |
being in the park | 0:35:41 | 0:35:43 | |
and just all the other kids playing together | 0:35:43 | 0:35:46 | |
when I would be separate, on my own, you know? | 0:35:46 | 0:35:49 | |
I think I've just always been a shy person. | 0:35:49 | 0:35:51 | |
I don't remember being any other way. | 0:35:51 | 0:35:54 | |
It's just I found it hard to make friends in school | 0:35:54 | 0:35:56 | |
and I always was on the outside looking in. | 0:35:56 | 0:35:59 | |
I got bullied a lot in school, so... | 0:35:59 | 0:36:01 | |
Beaten up almost daily when I was about five, six. | 0:36:02 | 0:36:05 | |
-Beaten up almost daily? -Yeah. | 0:36:05 | 0:36:07 | |
Um... I think naturally, I'm... | 0:36:07 | 0:36:10 | |
I'm quite gregarious, I want people around, | 0:36:11 | 0:36:13 | |
-but I find it hard to engage. -So shyness has kind of... | 0:36:13 | 0:36:18 | |
-had a massive impact on you, really? -Yeah. -Tell me about the bus tickets. | 0:36:18 | 0:36:22 | |
Ever since, you know, I can remember, I go on the bus into town | 0:36:22 | 0:36:26 | |
with my nan and I'd get her to pay for them | 0:36:26 | 0:36:29 | |
while I just stood behind her. | 0:36:29 | 0:36:31 | |
Just a financial thing, though?! | 0:36:31 | 0:36:33 | |
-Screwing your nan out of... -I wasn't getting enough pocket money! | 0:36:33 | 0:36:37 | |
Tap Nana up, why not? | 0:36:37 | 0:36:38 | |
-What's the fear, do you reckon? -Fear of getting it wrong. | 0:36:38 | 0:36:41 | |
Fear of being thought to be stupid or... Which I may be, | 0:36:41 | 0:36:44 | |
I can be. And I seem to be the family failure, really. | 0:36:44 | 0:36:49 | |
And I work in retail, I haven't got anything much to show for anything. | 0:36:50 | 0:36:55 | |
-And why have you...decided to sign up for this? -I just think... | 0:36:55 | 0:37:00 | |
There's so many opportunities in life, it's time to take one, really. | 0:37:02 | 0:37:06 | |
I'd love to be able to just... | 0:37:06 | 0:37:08 | |
..not have the shyness and be able to have this confidence | 0:37:09 | 0:37:12 | |
and go up to anybody I wanted. | 0:37:12 | 0:37:13 | |
It does affect me, I do wish I was able to do what I wanted, | 0:37:13 | 0:37:17 | |
have my own freedom, so to speak. | 0:37:17 | 0:37:19 | |
-Freedom from yourself? -Freedom from myself, yes! | 0:37:19 | 0:37:22 | |
I know I need to do something more with my life. | 0:37:22 | 0:37:26 | |
Whether it leads to anything or not is irrelevant, | 0:37:26 | 0:37:30 | |
I need to stop sitting in that comfort area and just go | 0:37:30 | 0:37:35 | |
and do something that's different. | 0:37:35 | 0:37:37 | |
And you can't get much different than this, really. | 0:37:37 | 0:37:40 | |
No. No, that could be true. | 0:37:40 | 0:37:43 | |
VOICEOVER: Oh, bollocks. What have I done? | 0:37:43 | 0:37:46 | |
I've asked these lovely, painfully shy, vulnerable people, | 0:37:46 | 0:37:49 | |
to go away for a few weeks and come up with some stand-up | 0:37:49 | 0:37:51 | |
material based on their own experiences of shyness. | 0:37:51 | 0:37:54 | |
There is a worry here that what I'm asking these guys to do is | 0:37:55 | 0:38:01 | |
really, really beyond the pale. | 0:38:01 | 0:38:03 | |
The most confident, non-shy people would have | 0:38:03 | 0:38:06 | |
nightmares about doing stand-up comedy. | 0:38:06 | 0:38:08 | |
For these guys, to put themselves in the firing line like that, | 0:38:08 | 0:38:12 | |
and try and do this, is enormous. | 0:38:12 | 0:38:15 | |
As they go off to try and channel their inner | 0:38:15 | 0:38:17 | |
Billy Connollys, I think I need my head examining - | 0:38:17 | 0:38:20 | |
literally. | 0:38:20 | 0:38:21 | |
Because one area of shyness I've yet to explore is | 0:38:21 | 0:38:24 | |
whether you can tell if someone is shy by looking at their brain, | 0:38:24 | 0:38:27 | |
so I've come to London's Harley Street. | 0:38:27 | 0:38:30 | |
What I'm going to do is measure | 0:38:31 | 0:38:33 | |
the electrical activity from your brain, from your scalp. | 0:38:33 | 0:38:35 | |
EEG specialist Tony Stafford has agreed to attempt to find out, | 0:38:35 | 0:38:39 | |
by putting a thing on my head | 0:38:39 | 0:38:41 | |
that definitely doesn't make me look a twat. | 0:38:41 | 0:38:43 | |
-Is that all right? -Lovely. | 0:38:43 | 0:38:45 | |
It's not a direct measure of shyness. | 0:38:45 | 0:38:47 | |
The EEG will tell us about arousal and anxiety, | 0:38:47 | 0:38:52 | |
so we can infer that this person | 0:38:52 | 0:38:54 | |
is more anxious and they're more likely to be shy. | 0:38:54 | 0:38:57 | |
There is the opposite marker, | 0:38:57 | 0:38:58 | |
something called frontal middle theta that | 0:38:58 | 0:39:00 | |
if you have a high frontal middle theta, you're more likely to be | 0:39:00 | 0:39:03 | |
extrovert and more happy-go-lucky, and less likely to be shy. | 0:39:03 | 0:39:06 | |
Is shyness... | 0:39:06 | 0:39:08 | |
Can we see any generalities about it, is it a sign of being... | 0:39:08 | 0:39:11 | |
highly tuned into other people's... | 0:39:11 | 0:39:13 | |
Is it less... You know? | 0:39:13 | 0:39:15 | |
I have just read that they make better lovers. | 0:39:15 | 0:39:18 | |
Lovers! HE CLICKS HIS TONGUE | 0:39:18 | 0:39:19 | |
-..and that would fit with being more... -I knew there was a reason I was doing this documentary! | 0:39:19 | 0:39:23 | |
-I knew I had to get something positive out of it! -..more socially adept, basically. | 0:39:23 | 0:39:27 | |
OK, so what I want you to do is just close your eyes and relax | 0:39:28 | 0:39:32 | |
and try not to think of anything in particular | 0:39:32 | 0:39:34 | |
and just be as relaxed and still as can be. | 0:39:34 | 0:39:37 | |
In order to work out how aroused and anxious I am, | 0:39:38 | 0:39:41 | |
the computer needs to record my mind at rest. | 0:39:41 | 0:39:44 | |
Firstly, with my eyes closed... | 0:39:45 | 0:39:47 | |
and then with my eyes open. | 0:39:47 | 0:39:48 | |
But given Tony has just told me I'm a sex god, | 0:39:49 | 0:39:52 | |
-can I keep my anxious arousal in check? -Cool, OK. | 0:39:52 | 0:39:55 | |
Let me just save that... So this is the spectrogram. | 0:39:55 | 0:39:59 | |
We're looking down on the head here, your nose would be here, | 0:39:59 | 0:40:01 | |
this is the back of your head | 0:40:01 | 0:40:03 | |
and each one of these 19 little graphs | 0:40:03 | 0:40:05 | |
is one of those 19 electrodes. | 0:40:05 | 0:40:07 | |
So this yellow is the alpha, | 0:40:07 | 0:40:08 | |
so more alpha means the brain doing less activity. | 0:40:08 | 0:40:12 | |
I was expecting to see more of this beta brainwave, the busy brainwave. | 0:40:12 | 0:40:16 | |
I'm assuming that the shyness is social anxiety, | 0:40:16 | 0:40:19 | |
so anxiety is a busier brain. | 0:40:19 | 0:40:22 | |
-So constantly alert, on the lookout for threats? -Yeah. | 0:40:22 | 0:40:26 | |
So this is saying that you are low arousal, your brain is not very | 0:40:26 | 0:40:29 | |
active. Actually, this is kind of | 0:40:29 | 0:40:31 | |
the opposite of what I was expecting. I was expecting to see... | 0:40:31 | 0:40:34 | |
So brutal! So brutal, Tony. | 0:40:34 | 0:40:36 | |
"Your brain is not very active." | 0:40:36 | 0:40:39 | |
-So, looking at this, we can't tell that I'm shy. -No. | 0:40:39 | 0:40:43 | |
But we can tell, we have an indicator that | 0:40:43 | 0:40:46 | |
I'm not particularly an extrovert... | 0:40:46 | 0:40:48 | |
Yeah, I think that's fair enough to say. | 0:40:48 | 0:40:50 | |
And you are certainly a lot less aroused than I was expecting. | 0:40:50 | 0:40:54 | |
I'm a sloth. | 0:40:54 | 0:40:55 | |
I wouldn't say that, but... In that direction! | 0:40:55 | 0:40:58 | |
-Chilled! -I'm chilled! | 0:40:58 | 0:41:01 | |
You've got this peak here, which I'm quite intrigued about. | 0:41:01 | 0:41:04 | |
This is not a typical pattern. This is almost like an ADD subtype. | 0:41:04 | 0:41:08 | |
So looking at that, I could have ADD? | 0:41:10 | 0:41:13 | |
-Attention Deficit Disorder? -Yes. | 0:41:13 | 0:41:15 | |
So I've come here today to see | 0:41:15 | 0:41:17 | |
if you could identify sort of shyness in the brain... | 0:41:17 | 0:41:21 | |
..and what you're telling me is you can't, I might have ADHD, | 0:41:22 | 0:41:26 | |
-but a very chilled out, sort of relaxed version of that? -Yeah. | 0:41:26 | 0:41:30 | |
So I've come in... | 0:41:30 | 0:41:32 | |
..on this shyness documentary, and I've left with... | 0:41:34 | 0:41:37 | |
no answer on that, but three other documentaries to do? | 0:41:37 | 0:41:40 | |
Perfect. | 0:41:40 | 0:41:42 | |
What the...?! I only came in for shyness. | 0:41:42 | 0:41:45 | |
Whilst I come to terms with this latest diagnosis, | 0:41:45 | 0:41:48 | |
I've left my three lab rats slaving on the comedy wheel of hell. | 0:41:48 | 0:41:52 | |
Come in, come in! | 0:41:52 | 0:41:53 | |
Their homework was to generate some hilarious comedy material | 0:41:53 | 0:41:56 | |
based on their debilitating experiences of shyness. | 0:41:56 | 0:41:59 | |
Piece of piss! Right? | 0:41:59 | 0:42:01 | |
So, I think if you can face it, I'm going | 0:42:01 | 0:42:05 | |
to ask you to stand there and do it. | 0:42:05 | 0:42:08 | |
To the rest of us. | 0:42:08 | 0:42:10 | |
How does that sound? | 0:42:10 | 0:42:12 | |
-Well, you know, what the hell, we're here. -"What the hell, we're here!" | 0:42:12 | 0:42:15 | |
Is that as positive as...? That's as positive as I'm going to get! | 0:42:15 | 0:42:19 | |
And, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the stage, it's Kate! | 0:42:19 | 0:42:24 | |
Good evening, everybody, my name is Kate | 0:42:24 | 0:42:26 | |
and I'm standing before you today as a shy person. | 0:42:26 | 0:42:29 | |
I'm going to tell you a little bit about myself now. | 0:42:29 | 0:42:31 | |
-I suffer with a depression, I also have what is known as RBF. -What? | 0:42:31 | 0:42:36 | |
I don't know if anybody of you understand what RBF is. | 0:42:36 | 0:42:39 | |
RBF is a condition called Resting Bitch Face. | 0:42:39 | 0:42:42 | |
-Nice. -This is my natural face, | 0:42:43 | 0:42:46 | |
I have cultivated it over the years to | 0:42:46 | 0:42:48 | |
avoid people talking to me, and it works. | 0:42:48 | 0:42:51 | |
-A can't remember what else I was going to say... -Can I just say, already there, | 0:42:52 | 0:42:56 | |
that's going to get a couple of laughs. You know? | 0:42:56 | 0:42:58 | |
And, um... | 0:42:58 | 0:43:00 | |
-Yeah, you want to do a bit more? Are you going to do? -Um... | 0:43:00 | 0:43:03 | |
-No, it's all gone, now. -It's all gone? -It's all gone. -Blank head. | 0:43:03 | 0:43:07 | |
Hello, how you doing? I'm Jodie, I'm 26 and I'm from Swansea. | 0:43:08 | 0:43:12 | |
Yes, so... Shyness. | 0:43:12 | 0:43:14 | |
I was on the coach the other day, coming into Cardiff. | 0:43:14 | 0:43:18 | |
All went fine until we got on the way back. | 0:43:18 | 0:43:21 | |
I needed to get off, didn't I? | 0:43:21 | 0:43:23 | |
There's me, panicking, thinking, "Oh, no, | 0:43:23 | 0:43:26 | |
"I've got to talk to another person and tell him to stop." | 0:43:26 | 0:43:29 | |
I thought about it. | 0:43:29 | 0:43:31 | |
Nah, I did not have the balls to go and say to him, | 0:43:32 | 0:43:35 | |
just go up to him, and simply say... | 0:43:35 | 0:43:37 | |
"Stop." | 0:43:37 | 0:43:38 | |
-Yeah, that's all I can remember now! -OK, brilliant. OK. | 0:43:38 | 0:43:42 | |
I told you five seconds! | 0:43:42 | 0:43:44 | |
OK, hello, everyone, hello! | 0:43:47 | 0:43:49 | |
-How you doing? -Good! -Good! | 0:43:49 | 0:43:51 | |
Um, I'm not doing so well. | 0:43:51 | 0:43:53 | |
But it's OK, it's OK. I just have depression. Yay! | 0:43:53 | 0:43:57 | |
Um, yeah. Uh, so yes, OK. | 0:44:00 | 0:44:02 | |
So, yeah, that's unfair, OK. | 0:44:02 | 0:44:05 | |
OK. Yeah. | 0:44:05 | 0:44:08 | |
Sorry, I've lost it, here. | 0:44:08 | 0:44:10 | |
-Do you mind if I... Stop, and then... -Not at all. -Do it again? | 0:44:10 | 0:44:13 | |
-Not at all. Do whatever you want. -Yeah. | 0:44:13 | 0:44:16 | |
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Sorry. | 0:44:16 | 0:44:18 | |
Oh, yeah, OK, do you mean stop? OK, cool. | 0:44:18 | 0:44:21 | |
Hang on a minute, you should get your response! | 0:44:21 | 0:44:24 | |
At least get your response! | 0:44:24 | 0:44:25 | |
It's going to work. All three of you, it's going to work. | 0:44:26 | 0:44:29 | |
It's just a bit more practice... | 0:44:29 | 0:44:33 | |
And just keeping doing what you're doing. | 0:44:33 | 0:44:35 | |
You're doing, all doing the right thing in the right direction. | 0:44:35 | 0:44:38 | |
Those are three brave, brave people, | 0:44:38 | 0:44:42 | |
who struggle with what most people would think are the simplest | 0:44:42 | 0:44:48 | |
everyday interactions, who are one step closer to a stand-up gig. | 0:44:48 | 0:44:55 | |
And if it goes wrong... | 0:44:55 | 0:44:57 | |
..and sets them back... | 0:45:00 | 0:45:02 | |
..I'm not going to be able to live with myself. | 0:45:04 | 0:45:06 | |
Hmmm. | 0:45:07 | 0:45:09 | |
Unsurprisingly, my shy, comedy proteges are struggling. | 0:45:09 | 0:45:12 | |
Meanwhile, I'm having a mini-crisis of my own. | 0:45:12 | 0:45:16 | |
Am I doing the right thing? | 0:45:16 | 0:45:18 | |
Interfering in people's lives with my cod psychology? | 0:45:18 | 0:45:21 | |
I decide to ask my wife, Sian. | 0:45:22 | 0:45:24 | |
She married me, but apart from that, she's always had good judgment. | 0:45:24 | 0:45:27 | |
I think your shyness is a good antidote to your outgoing... | 0:45:29 | 0:45:35 | |
If I wasn't shy, I'd be a complete extrovert... | 0:45:35 | 0:45:37 | |
-Yeah, you'd be on all the time. -Switched on all the time. | 0:45:37 | 0:45:39 | |
-And I don't think I could handle it. -Yeah. -It's too much. | 0:45:39 | 0:45:43 | |
I like that you have a side to you that is quieter, | 0:45:43 | 0:45:45 | |
-more reflective, wants to be on your own. -Gives you a break. | 0:45:45 | 0:45:49 | |
No, but it... I can relate to that, you know? | 0:45:49 | 0:45:52 | |
I couldn't relate to somebody who's onstage all the time, | 0:45:52 | 0:45:55 | |
-I can't get in and can't talk to them. -Yeah. | 0:45:55 | 0:45:57 | |
So I think it's nice to have mix. | 0:45:57 | 0:45:59 | |
But I find my shyness really stopped me doing things in my life, | 0:45:59 | 0:46:02 | |
it's got in the way. There's loads of things I'd have done differently. | 0:46:02 | 0:46:05 | |
But how did it...? | 0:46:05 | 0:46:07 | |
I'm sick of it, that's partly why I want to do this documentary. | 0:46:07 | 0:46:10 | |
Can't you embrace it, though? | 0:46:10 | 0:46:12 | |
Rather than trying to change and fix it? | 0:46:12 | 0:46:14 | |
Yeah, maybe the fix is that you embrace it | 0:46:14 | 0:46:16 | |
and that's the same thing. | 0:46:16 | 0:46:17 | |
-Maybe that is the cure, to accept it and... -Yeah. | 0:46:17 | 0:46:20 | |
Yeah, and then do what makes you happy when you're shy. | 0:46:20 | 0:46:23 | |
I wish you wouldn't feel so... | 0:46:23 | 0:46:26 | |
sad about it and regret stuff. | 0:46:26 | 0:46:28 | |
-You like me just the way I am, that's what you're saying. -Yes! | 0:46:28 | 0:46:31 | |
Does that help? Strangely, yes. Sian reckons shyness can be a good thing. | 0:46:33 | 0:46:38 | |
I should embrace it. | 0:46:38 | 0:46:40 | |
So shouldn't I be saying the same to my comedy guinea pigs, | 0:46:40 | 0:46:43 | |
instead of indulging this "stand-up as cure" bullshit? | 0:46:43 | 0:46:46 | |
I think it's time I gave them an escape route. | 0:46:46 | 0:46:48 | |
To frighten them off, I invite them to a comedy venue in Cardiff | 0:46:50 | 0:46:53 | |
and tell them I booked it for their stand-up debut in a month's time. | 0:46:53 | 0:46:57 | |
Just immediately checking pulses. | 0:46:58 | 0:47:01 | |
How does that make you feel? | 0:47:01 | 0:47:04 | |
-Terrified! -I think that about sums it up. -It's a good word. -Terrified. | 0:47:04 | 0:47:10 | |
-Terrified. Just terror? -Excited. -Excited? -Yeah. | 0:47:10 | 0:47:14 | |
-Why are you excited, what are you...? -Just... | 0:47:14 | 0:47:17 | |
Pretty much the same. I'd like to push the boundaries a bit more. | 0:47:18 | 0:47:22 | |
-Just see what I can achieve. -Jodie? | 0:47:22 | 0:47:25 | |
You won't get another chance to do anything like this, | 0:47:25 | 0:47:28 | |
-you've got to take it. -I'm going to get on stage for this bit. | 0:47:28 | 0:47:31 | |
If I said, "Oh, forget it all, let's forget it, silly idea", | 0:47:31 | 0:47:34 | |
how would you feel now? | 0:47:34 | 0:47:36 | |
No, we've made it too far! We've come too far already! | 0:47:36 | 0:47:39 | |
-Would you be disappointed? ALL: -Yes. -I would, actually. | 0:47:39 | 0:47:42 | |
Brilliant, perfect. In that case, we'll see each other back here... | 0:47:42 | 0:47:46 | |
in about a month. | 0:47:46 | 0:47:49 | |
You heard them. | 0:47:49 | 0:47:50 | |
I offered an out, but my guinea pigs | 0:47:50 | 0:47:52 | |
have got the bit between their massive front teeth. | 0:47:52 | 0:47:55 | |
It's out of my control - | 0:47:55 | 0:47:56 | |
all I can do now is try to make sure it doesn't go very, very wrong. | 0:47:56 | 0:48:00 | |
So, over the course of the next few weeks, | 0:48:01 | 0:48:03 | |
we all enter an intense action montage. | 0:48:03 | 0:48:06 | |
I impart my canon of comedy knowledge in a phalanx | 0:48:08 | 0:48:11 | |
of workshops... | 0:48:11 | 0:48:12 | |
..e-mails... | 0:48:13 | 0:48:15 | |
and videos. | 0:48:15 | 0:48:17 | |
This is Jodie's. Who seems to be in bed. | 0:48:17 | 0:48:21 | |
I send them off to drama college for some confidence training. | 0:48:21 | 0:48:24 | |
Nice! Nice. | 0:48:24 | 0:48:26 | |
Slowly, but surely, | 0:48:26 | 0:48:27 | |
my three shysters begin to resemble something resembling stand-ups. | 0:48:27 | 0:48:32 | |
-Or in Jodie's case... -I was on the coach coming back from Cardiff... | 0:48:32 | 0:48:36 | |
..a lie down. | 0:48:36 | 0:48:38 | |
One short month later, the big day drops with a resounding... | 0:48:39 | 0:48:43 | |
"Oh, shit". | 0:48:43 | 0:48:45 | |
-Nice to see you. Jodie, how you doing? -OK. | 0:48:45 | 0:48:47 | |
-Got nervous hysterics, I see? That's good. Mike! -Hello. | 0:48:47 | 0:48:51 | |
-How are we feeling? -Nothing, at the moment. -Nothing? A bit... | 0:48:51 | 0:48:55 | |
No, that's normal, I think. | 0:48:56 | 0:48:58 | |
-You know, you haven't shat yourself. That's good. -Not yet! | 0:48:58 | 0:49:02 | |
I think for me, I was thinking about it as I was driving down here today. | 0:49:02 | 0:49:05 | |
The point of it tonight is ready to get up there and not | 0:49:05 | 0:49:07 | |
give a shit, because we all come to shyness in different ways. | 0:49:07 | 0:49:11 | |
But for me, it's caring too much about what people think | 0:49:11 | 0:49:14 | |
and I think if you can get up there tonight and not give a shit what people think of you, | 0:49:14 | 0:49:17 | |
if I walk up and fall flat on my face, it doesn't matter. | 0:49:17 | 0:49:20 | |
We all care too much about what other people think. | 0:49:20 | 0:49:22 | |
At least I'll get a laugh if I do that. | 0:49:22 | 0:49:24 | |
You'll DEFINITELY get a laugh. | 0:49:24 | 0:49:27 | |
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage, Mike! | 0:49:27 | 0:49:30 | |
-Time for one last rehearsal. -Hello, welcome, welcome. | 0:49:30 | 0:49:34 | |
This is my first stand-up gig. | 0:49:34 | 0:49:35 | |
I don't know about them, but I am getting pretty damn nervous. | 0:49:35 | 0:49:39 | |
To be honest, I'm not doing too well at all. | 0:49:39 | 0:49:41 | |
There's definitely a worry that they will get on stage tonight, | 0:49:41 | 0:49:45 | |
that they'll clam up completely. | 0:49:45 | 0:49:47 | |
And there's definitely a worry that nerves will overtake them | 0:49:47 | 0:49:50 | |
physically so badly that they won't be able to do anything. | 0:49:50 | 0:49:53 | |
It's happened to me, all of those things have happened to me. | 0:49:53 | 0:49:56 | |
Hello, a big hello to everyone! Hope you're all OK tonight. | 0:49:56 | 0:49:58 | |
What I want for them is to get up there and, however briefly, | 0:49:58 | 0:50:03 | |
stick two fingers up to their shyness. | 0:50:03 | 0:50:05 | |
If they can do this, | 0:50:05 | 0:50:07 | |
then it will just be a slight correction in their brains, | 0:50:07 | 0:50:11 | |
of the voices that say, "You can't do this, you're not good enough, | 0:50:11 | 0:50:15 | |
"nobody is interested in you, why would anybody listen to you?" | 0:50:15 | 0:50:18 | |
I can't even get the mic off the stand, Jesus. | 0:50:18 | 0:50:20 | |
I'm so nervous for them. And I feel responsible for them. | 0:50:20 | 0:50:24 | |
I know I'm not, cos they're adults, | 0:50:24 | 0:50:25 | |
and they put themselves forward for this, and they're sick | 0:50:25 | 0:50:28 | |
of their shyness and they're sick of it ruling their lives. | 0:50:28 | 0:50:31 | |
-Good evening, everybody, are you enjoying yourselves tonight? -Wahey! | 0:50:31 | 0:50:34 | |
Cos this train they've got on, I'm sort of driving it. | 0:50:34 | 0:50:37 | |
At the moment, I'm sticking my head out the window, and there's a low bridge coming. | 0:50:37 | 0:50:41 | |
Er... | 0:50:42 | 0:50:43 | |
And the reason that's such a shit analogy is I'm getting really nervous. | 0:50:45 | 0:50:48 | |
The nerves are kicking in now. | 0:50:48 | 0:50:50 | |
I'm hoping that once I go on stage, they all just fly out of me, | 0:50:50 | 0:50:53 | |
-so to speak. -To be honest, it's more that... I freeze. | 0:50:53 | 0:50:56 | |
It's more the fear I worry about rather than... | 0:50:58 | 0:51:01 | |
You know, not getting laughs and stuff. | 0:51:01 | 0:51:03 | |
I'm hoping to achieve getting up on the stage... | 0:51:03 | 0:51:05 | |
Getting through my routine and getting back down off the stage | 0:51:06 | 0:51:09 | |
without making a total and utter tit out of myself. | 0:51:09 | 0:51:12 | |
There will be one person laughing out here, anyway. And that's me. | 0:51:12 | 0:51:15 | |
RIPPLE OF LAUGHTER | 0:51:16 | 0:51:18 | |
To help cushion my guinea pigs a little, | 0:51:20 | 0:51:22 | |
I've roped in some lovely professional comedian mates to warm | 0:51:22 | 0:51:25 | |
up a crowd of friends, families and contributors to this documentary. | 0:51:25 | 0:51:30 | |
-This is good. -Please welcome to the stage, Michael Powell! | 0:51:30 | 0:51:35 | |
By the time Mike gets up to take the first hit, | 0:51:35 | 0:51:37 | |
the audience are already warm to toasty. | 0:51:37 | 0:51:39 | |
Hello, hello, welcome! Welcome. | 0:51:45 | 0:51:47 | |
I wasn't expecting that! | 0:51:47 | 0:51:49 | |
You know I'm not Rod Gilbert? | 0:51:49 | 0:51:51 | |
Um, so... Yeah. | 0:51:53 | 0:51:54 | |
This is my first stand-up gig. | 0:51:54 | 0:51:56 | |
WHOOPING | 0:51:56 | 0:51:57 | |
And the BBC are recording it! | 0:51:58 | 0:52:00 | |
WHOOPING | 0:52:00 | 0:52:02 | |
Now, to say I'm nervous is a bit of an understatement. | 0:52:02 | 0:52:05 | |
Backstage, I shit enough bricks that I could build Trump's wall. | 0:52:06 | 0:52:11 | |
So, like I say, they're filming this, so if it doesn't go | 0:52:16 | 0:52:19 | |
well tonight, they'll edit it out, | 0:52:19 | 0:52:21 | |
-put in some laughs, it'll be great. -LAUGHTER | 0:52:21 | 0:52:23 | |
They can use that, for example. | 0:52:23 | 0:52:25 | |
With laughter the wind beneath his wings, Mike starts to soar. | 0:52:26 | 0:52:31 | |
Any single ladies here tonight? | 0:52:31 | 0:52:33 | |
-WHOOPS -It's your lucky day. | 0:52:33 | 0:52:35 | |
Because I'm desperate! | 0:52:37 | 0:52:39 | |
I'm thrilled for Mike, but I also know the other two's hearts | 0:52:41 | 0:52:44 | |
have stopped, watching from their nervous nest. | 0:52:44 | 0:52:48 | |
Um... Being shy... | 0:52:48 | 0:52:50 | |
I find it hard to get a date. | 0:52:50 | 0:52:52 | |
Uh, I've never had a date. | 0:52:53 | 0:52:54 | |
I've never had a date in the cinema, | 0:52:54 | 0:52:57 | |
never had a date in a coffee shop, | 0:52:57 | 0:52:59 | |
I never had a date in a restaurant... | 0:52:59 | 0:53:02 | |
But today, I bit the bullet and got myself a date. | 0:53:04 | 0:53:07 | |
WHOOPING | 0:53:07 | 0:53:10 | |
Hey! | 0:53:10 | 0:53:11 | |
And here it is. | 0:53:11 | 0:53:13 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:53:13 | 0:53:15 | |
I hope you have a good night, enjoy the rest of the show! | 0:53:23 | 0:53:26 | |
Mike has grown a foot taller during his set, | 0:53:30 | 0:53:32 | |
owned his shyness and stormed the gig. | 0:53:32 | 0:53:35 | |
Next in line, Jodie. | 0:53:39 | 0:53:41 | |
Hello, how are you all tonight? All good I hope? Good! | 0:53:46 | 0:53:50 | |
I'm so nervous right now, I'm not going to lie. | 0:53:50 | 0:53:52 | |
I'm not going to lie, | 0:53:52 | 0:53:54 | |
I'm sweating in places I didn't even know could produce sweat. | 0:53:54 | 0:53:57 | |
It is that bad. I... I'm sweating like a nun in a brothel right now. | 0:53:58 | 0:54:03 | |
Now, I know | 0:54:06 | 0:54:07 | |
some of you in this room are probably at least somewhat shy. | 0:54:07 | 0:54:11 | |
Let me just give you a few examples of how this certain...quality... | 0:54:11 | 0:54:15 | |
has made my life more, interesting, should we say. | 0:54:15 | 0:54:19 | |
Now, a little while ago as well, I signed up for a Netflix account. | 0:54:21 | 0:54:24 | |
You know, because I'm on my own, in my bedroom a lot, watching TV. | 0:54:24 | 0:54:29 | |
But I had to cancel it because funds were getting low. | 0:54:29 | 0:54:33 | |
However, the only way to cancel a Netflix account... | 0:54:33 | 0:54:36 | |
is to ring them up. | 0:54:36 | 0:54:38 | |
Shit. | 0:54:41 | 0:54:43 | |
The oxygen of laughter fills Jodie's lungs as well. | 0:54:46 | 0:54:50 | |
In the end, I... Well, it's only £6 a month, isn't it? | 0:54:50 | 0:54:53 | |
Her self-confidence swells | 0:54:55 | 0:54:57 | |
with every chuckling approval from the audience. | 0:54:57 | 0:55:00 | |
This is why, at age 26, I still get my nan to make | 0:55:01 | 0:55:05 | |
all my appointments and all phone calls for me, because shyness sucks. | 0:55:05 | 0:55:10 | |
And I'm putting two fingers up to it. | 0:55:11 | 0:55:13 | |
-WHOOPING -Come on! Come on, join in with me! | 0:55:13 | 0:55:16 | |
I've been myself, you've been great, thank you very much! | 0:55:18 | 0:55:20 | |
CHEERING | 0:55:20 | 0:55:23 | |
-Jodie Williams! -Two down. | 0:55:25 | 0:55:28 | |
Or maybe up. One to go. | 0:55:28 | 0:55:30 | |
Please welcome to the stage, Kate Hoad! | 0:55:31 | 0:55:33 | |
But all the pressure is now on Kate. | 0:55:37 | 0:55:39 | |
Good evening everybody, are we having fun tonight? Good, good. | 0:55:42 | 0:55:46 | |
Well, that's all about to change. | 0:55:46 | 0:55:48 | |
-Good start. -It's hard, being shy when you work in retail. | 0:55:50 | 0:55:54 | |
But it's even harder when, like me, you have a condition called RBF. | 0:55:54 | 0:55:59 | |
It's a serious condition, | 0:55:59 | 0:56:00 | |
I don't know if any of you know what RBF means. | 0:56:00 | 0:56:03 | |
RBF stands for Resting Bitch Face. | 0:56:03 | 0:56:06 | |
Basically, this facial expression here... | 0:56:08 | 0:56:12 | |
This is my normal facial expression. | 0:56:12 | 0:56:14 | |
Faced with an appreciative audience, | 0:56:18 | 0:56:20 | |
even Kate is forced to challenge her own self-loathing, | 0:56:20 | 0:56:22 | |
and hangs up her resting bitch face for a few minutes. | 0:56:22 | 0:56:26 | |
It's a whole different story when I get to know people, | 0:56:27 | 0:56:29 | |
because when I get to know people, I KNOW why don't like them. | 0:56:29 | 0:56:33 | |
And I don't discriminate. I don't discriminate. | 0:56:40 | 0:56:42 | |
It doesn't matter to me what colour you are, | 0:56:42 | 0:56:44 | |
it doesn't matter to me what sex you are, | 0:56:44 | 0:56:46 | |
what religion you are, it doesn't even matter what team you bat for. | 0:56:46 | 0:56:49 | |
If you're human, I don't like you. | 0:56:49 | 0:56:52 | |
How long can I keep this going? | 0:56:54 | 0:56:56 | |
Fucking ages, let me tell you. | 0:56:58 | 0:57:00 | |
Anyway, you'll be relieved to hear that's all from me. | 0:57:03 | 0:57:05 | |
Everybody has been absolutely fantastic, | 0:57:05 | 0:57:07 | |
this has been a journey, and I've really enjoyed it. | 0:57:07 | 0:57:10 | |
Thank you and goodnight. | 0:57:10 | 0:57:11 | |
CHEERING | 0:57:11 | 0:57:13 | |
Three out of three! Three out of three, home and dry! Home and dry. | 0:57:18 | 0:57:22 | |
-Let me tell you, I am bloody relieved! -YOU are?! | 0:57:22 | 0:57:25 | |
Well, it wasn't a foregone conclusion, let's face it, | 0:57:27 | 0:57:30 | |
that you would all three of you come through with flying colours, | 0:57:30 | 0:57:32 | |
and you have, totally. I don't even need to lie! It's awesome! | 0:57:32 | 0:57:36 | |
VOICEOVER: I'm exhausted, mentally, emotionally drained. | 0:57:36 | 0:57:40 | |
I lived every moment of that with them. | 0:57:40 | 0:57:42 | |
But... I didn't need to worry. | 0:57:42 | 0:57:44 | |
They totally took it on, they wanted to stick two fingers up to | 0:57:44 | 0:57:48 | |
shyness, they wanted to reclaim a bit of their own life back. | 0:57:48 | 0:57:52 | |
I'm so proud of you. | 0:57:52 | 0:57:54 | |
To have stood up here, with the lights in your face, | 0:57:55 | 0:57:57 | |
and everybody looking at them, expectantly, | 0:57:57 | 0:58:00 | |
and try to make people laugh? | 0:58:00 | 0:58:02 | |
I wouldn't have done it. No chance! | 0:58:02 | 0:58:05 | |
Would you? | 0:58:05 | 0:58:06 | |
Doing stand-up was never going to transform my guinea pigs | 0:58:06 | 0:58:09 | |
into confident social butterflies, | 0:58:09 | 0:58:11 | |
but they all believe it had a positive impact on their lives. | 0:58:11 | 0:58:15 | |
Since doing it, Kate got up | 0:58:15 | 0:58:17 | |
and made a speech at her sister's 50th birthday party. | 0:58:17 | 0:58:21 | |
Jodie has got a job and been on her first ever holiday abroad. | 0:58:21 | 0:58:25 | |
And Mike has continued to do stand-up, including a gig in London. | 0:58:26 | 0:58:30 | |
As for Rhod Gilbert, well, | 0:58:30 | 0:58:33 | |
he finally managed to drink a coffee in a cafe. | 0:58:33 | 0:58:35 | |
Next time round, he's hoping to order a slice of cake, as well. | 0:58:36 | 0:58:39 |