Episode 3 Watch Over Me

PHONE RINGS Hello. FASA. Michelle speaking.

We help people with addiction and also mental health issues.

-In two?

-Yes.

I just can't cope.

It's a hard thing to walk in through a door and say, "I need help."

And I don't think people realise how hard it is till you have to do it.

People are frightened of being de-normalised, segregated,

fingers pointed at. We need to work hard on the stigmas

surrounding mental health.

Have you had any history of previous suicide attempts?

Suicide is a tragedy and in most cases it is preventable.

Paddy, can you hear me?

Good morning. FASA. Wilma speaking. How may I help you?

You say he is in a crisis. How is he feeling?

FASA, the Forum For Action On Substance Abuse,

supports anyone in danger.

It was the first community-based charity to offer

support for substance abuse, self-harm,

suicide and mental health under the one roof.

Their doors are open to anyone, even if

they have been affected by someone else in crisis.

Hello. Hello. My name is Roberta, I'm from an agency called FASA.

I'm the community response officer for suicide and self-harm

and, firstly, I'd like to offer my condolences

on your recent bereavement.

Roberta supports people left behind after someone has

taken their own life.

As soon as she hears about a suicide -

usually through the police or someone in the community -

Roberta will contact the family and offer FASA's help.

I was planning maybe just to come out to see you at some stage

and I was wondering maybe, would this afternoon be OK? OK.

I will see you, then. Take care. Bye-bye.

I'm going to try and put you through to the crisis team now.

What's your first name? One second, please, Margaret.

It's a hard one. They're very, very much in turmoil and very low.

And that's kind of a very similar picture

to every house that I've visited.

That's the impact of suicide on a family.

PHONE RINGS

I hate answering this because... Unless it is working now.

Good afternoon. FASA, Ballywalter.

FASA's newest venture is in Eden Village, on the Ards Peninsula.

This is what it started like, so this is our before.

Basically, it was a builders yard. It was then derelict.

FASA's boss Anne is taking Jason White

from the local health trust on a guided tour.

It's been funded by volunteers, all volunteers' service is used.

The materials have been donated.

We find that people do have so many skills that they don't

-even sometimes realise they have themselves.

-Or value?

-No.

Until they see the outcomes of it and they see how beneficial it is.

When it is finished, Eden will offer therapy and counselling.

But it also hopes to tackle mental health problems associated

with rural isolation.

A cafe, garden centre and furniture shop will be staffed by clients

-and volunteers.

-This is our furniture store.

And this is a really big store.

Well, I wouldn't need to do it...

It's the confidence of the thing.

If they are painting something they feel, "I have changed something,"

and they are mixing. You think they're painting a chair,

but really they are talking to half a dozen people.

There is one girl that's down here, June, she came Monday,

stayed all day, came yesterday and I says to her, "Well, my goodness.

"You are here today, again?"

She said, "Yes. Last night was the best sleep I have ever had.

"I haven't slept like that for years."

I had sort of given up on humanity.

It was like a downward spiral

until I just tried to commit suicide.

June tried to take her life a number of times.

About ten years ago,

I was put on a mixture of drugs, which have stabilised me.

But I still get very, very low.

I was moving house and we came here to look at a wee plant

and Anne started explaining about the place

and what work they do.

Anne asked me would I like to give it a try?

She just touched my heart really with how much

she cared about human beings, no matter what they had done.

I just felt right away she understands me

and that was it, that was all it took.

If you come through this way, I will take you round this way then.

I tried with psychiatrists

but I knew those people didn't know really what I was talking about.

When you are mentally ill, you are always searching for something,

anything, just a wee glimmer of hope, anything that will help you.

I never ever found it and I thought,

"Well, this is the last time I'm going to give anything a go."

I just have to put suicide assessment...

PHONE RINGS Hello. FASA. Hannah speaking.

OK. Thank you very much, Wilma. You're a star. Cheers. Bye.

I have an initial assessment.

His presenting issues are alcohol, mental health

and occasional thoughts that life is not worth living.

Sometimes people really do feel like they don't have anything

or any form of support.

This client has really good family support,

so it's important to remind people of the good things in their lives.

So now I just need to make an internal referral for trauma

and addiction and then that'll place him on the waiting list

to be picked up for that service.

Yeah! Boom.

In the midst of this chaos you get some order.

Roberta hosts a weekly support group in Belfast for families

coming to terms with the suicide of a loved one.

This week, we have our sale coming up on Saturday.

Who thinks they can make it? Julie?

It is a safe space where people can try to make

sense of their loss by talking to others bereaved in the same way.

-We'll be here if we can be.

-OK. That's that bit sorted.

Let's begin and welcome. Some new members around the table.

Tonight, a new family has joined the group.

-Dorothy, you have to go.

-Oh.

Get this massage, yeah?

-Have you had the Indian head massage done before?

-No.

I have a wee oil that I would sometimes use, so the only thing is

you will go out of here with wet hair.

That's all right. I'll roll it back up again.

A few characters are going to be here as well.

We've got Batman and Robin, we have two Teletubbies.

You can talk to me or, if you prefer,

you just close your eyes and have a wee snooze.

-There's quite a lot in the group tonight, isn't there?

-Hmm.

I didn't think there would be many here with the weather, but...

Roberta came up to the house after Roy died.

She actually was out the day he died

and she had spoke to my daughter, and she had said about the group.

Dorothy's son Roy took his life six weeks ago.

It's just hard. Just...

We just can't understand it, we really can't.

No answers, no note, no nothing.

Margaret, what was I going to get there for you?

You mean, something on the cards? Glue.

Dorothy's three daughters, Christine, Maggie and Dorothy,

have also joined the group.

I heard Dorothy saying the other night

she wasn't having a good day today.

I just wonder what her mental state is like. She doesn't open up much.

She was the one that found him.

The images are really hard to go away.

I don't think they will ever go away.

From my brother committing suicide,

just constantly paranoid about everything.

Every night, when I go to bed,

I go around my house and tie up every blind cord,

take away all the dressing gowns, belts,

anything that is sitting around, anything that I think that

you could choke yourself, or for a child.

I have never been like that. Never.

Something has to be done.

There's too many young people losing their lives for nothing,

so there is, over the last couple of months, that is all I've heard.

12 referrals received in today,

people that have presented in A&E with an overdose over the weekend,

plus we have two clients to ring back,

so that will be 14 in total today.

She came to me that day, you know? I was so rude to her.

She said she was from FASA and I answered her back with -

I'll never forget it -

"He's just another statistic, so what are yous doing up here?

"Why did yous come up here?

"Is it just making sure like another one's gone?"

She just stood there, she didn't leave

and she seemed genuinely upset like.

Nothing ever prepared me for that day like and I really hope that,

I would pray that people will never have to go through what

I had to go through, but I know in my heart that it happens every day.

-Do you feel there is hope?

-Oh, yes, there is hope.

I have hope every day that by doing what we do,

we can begin to make a difference.

To help people to be more understanding, be more caring,

to help people to get back to a grassroots system where people actually

care about their neighbour, are concerned enough to stop,

take a few minutes and say,

"Right. Come on over here. Let's have a bit of a yarn."

You're struggling with that, aren't you?

Eden Village is starting to take shape.

And the volunteers building it are beginning to find common ground.

-I have to paint two, you know?

-Oh, dear. You're on grumpy form today.

I am not.

June is now a regular in the furniture recycling shop.

-Smile. Go on.

-Why?

Because I don't like to see you when you are not smiling. Your wee face.

-I can't be jolly all the time, June.

-You can.

She has made friends with fellow volunteer Belle.

Stanley used to say when I got a drink in me

I was awfully polite and I said,

"But that's the way I was brought up."

-Did you used to drink?

-I did.

-Like a fish?

-No. I don't drink now.

Through choice, I don't drink,

because I don't like having a hangover.

Would you go cuckoo with a drink in you, or were you happy?

Michael used to say it was like giving firewater to the Indians.

But... Nah.

-Yes.

-Would you have been cross?

-No. Grumpy? No, just wild.

-Party animal.

-Were you?

-Did you never drink, Belle? Never ever?

-Yes.

-You did?

But I'm only asking you.

Did you drink much, Belle? Did you drink like a fish?

Stop copying me!

-Did you drink? Did you drink right enough?

-Yes.

-What did you drink?

Vodka and Coke.

My daughter died. She had an aneurysm. That's when I was drinking.

That's understandable, but... You know...

I can't even imagine what that is like, you know?

-Then I just came off it as quick as...

-Aye.

My daughter, Mavis, we were never separated. We were always together.

You seen one, you seen the other. We were very close.

-It must have been even harder on you then.

-It was.

Like, I have never said that before. Never ever.

As long as it helps you, Belle, it doesn't matter what you say

or how you say it, only if it helps you.

That is the important thing.

-I talk more now since you've been...

-Do you think so, Belle?

-Yes.

It is probably because I'm not afraid to talk about...

Well, most of my problems. I think it helps you.

Belle is a very private person

and for her, opening up like that,

out of this world, it's brilliant.

Me and her get on very well.

She has time to listen to you, you know?

And then she has been through so much

so she knows more what you're talking about.

I've learned how to make friends again through joking

and laughing,

and I'm actually healing myself.

To me, this is better therapy than anything I have ever had.

Just be yourself. If you don't want to talk, don't talk,

but eventually you do end up talking to somebody

and wee stories just come out and the next thing, you realise

you're actually talking about things that

you couldn't talk about for years.

It's so relaxed that sometimes your problems just come out

without you realising it.

Brian and Davey about?

Has anybody seen Roberta?

Wilma, that's my tea for the night that is in there,

which I left behind yesterday.

So, I am going to take it tonight.

Who is here that is going... Sorry, who is not here that is going?

-Anybody not here put their hand up!

-HE LAUGHS

Anybody who is not here put their hand up.

Dorothy and her daughters are now regulars at Roberta's support group.

Talking to other families bereaved by suicide can be a great source of comfort.

I would say I have got over the initial shock

and I am starting to grieve in my own way.

I wouldn't say I am getting there,

but I would say I am slowly getting there, slowly but surely.

I think I would've went to breaking point

if I hadn't had met Roberta.

But I didn't know about this group and I wouldn't have knew

if she hadn't had came to my house,

so I don't think I could've coped without it and that is the truth.

It totally takes your mind off it. You see, when I go home

on a Tuesday night, I seem to be nice and relaxed for some reason.

Two themes will reflect the diversity within the group, OK?

I know everyone knows what has happened, but no-one questions you

and no-one asks you. If you want to talk about it, you talk about it.

If you don't, you don't.

And we are going to have a prize, OK? A prize. All right?

This has upped the ante here.

Probably one of the things that I hear most commonly said is,

"It was just good to know that there were other people who had been there

"and I was able to come along and see how

"they were actually managing to go on and to live."

And they kind of get back to something normal in their life.

I thought this moment was supposed to bring... Boo!

HE LAUGHS

FASA have built a memorial garden for families to

-remember their loved ones.

-I've sort of got the job as the gardener.

You know, I don't know why.

I don't know why I got landed with it,

but at the moment, I don't mind gardening.

Brian joined the group two years ago

after his daughter Charlene took her life.

All these wee butterflies here, we painted them.

My daughter has a butterfly, my granddaughter has

a butterfly for her mother, and the rest of the group are the same.

They painted these all themselves.

That's actually my granddaughter's one.

-Do you think she understood the significance?

-No.

She still doesn't understand her mother.

She was only three, so she's still...

She asks about her mother but she's in heaven.

None of us want to be here but, unfortunately, the way things

happen in life, we all come together through bereavement, you know?

But they didn't expect this sort of bereavement.

Roberta's clients are holding a spring sale to raise funds.

He looks really cool!

She has got a special task for Dorothy and her daughters.

Right, girls. Where is she? Me in this stupid hat, talking to you.

Anyhow, I will tell you what it is, you know, out in the garden

we have all different pieces up on the walls?

So we want to know, would you like to take this heart to mark Roy?

-Yeah, that would be great.

-And then it can go up on the wall.

-Absolutely.

-So that's your part. You can do whatever you want.

That's a blank canvas.

-We ask that people don't put a name on it or a date.

-No.

So what they want is... Stop crying.

Here. I've got one here.

So if we do ours and put it on there.

-How do you get there?

-I don't know. There's no answer to that.

I have asked that question over and over and over again.

It's good to cry.

Thanks. We're all right.

I was trying to explain to her what this is and she got upset.

I mean, I have moments, you know, like times.

Like on a Tuesday - he died on a Tuesday -

a certain time on the clock, I kept looking at it and looking at it

because I knew he was in my house at that time and then

a couple of hours later, I look and I go, "I will never see him again."

It is nice the way they've done it.

You just have to live with your memories I say.

Just remember the good times and the fun we had with him from when he was a baby.

Yeah.

How are you doing? Morning.

Adrian is a former FASA client.

He has just started a government Steps to Work scheme at Eden Village.

For the next six months, he'll help bring the new sanctuary to life.

I owe a lot to FASA. I have had a second bite of the cherry.

That's just priceless.

Adrian hasn't touched a drink for four years.

It is his dream to work for FASA one day.

I would love to get into the line of work where I could be helping

others with issues similar to what I went through.

I had a daughter that died, she was seven and a half. Zoe.

I just didn't know, like a lot of people,

I didn't know how to cope, to deal with that.

I remember first thing in the morning, drinking,

being sick, drinking, just drinking and drinking, you know?

There was one time that I actually wet myself

and I didn't even realise.

I just felt worthless.

But just the chance of talking to a social worker,

she actually gave me FASA's phone number.

There are no stigmas, no labels. That really made me feel good.

We all need help from time to time, there's no shame in that at all.

-What would you like?

-Coffee with just three sugars, please.

-OK. Milk?

-Oh, yes.

-Brian hasn't been at the group for nearly a month.

See you, then. Bye.

Roberta has invited him in for a one to one chat.

Haven't seen you for a week or two.

-It's three or four weeks I haven't been down.

-What's been wrong?

-What has been happening with you?

-Well, just having a bad time.

You know, when you just...

Brian is concerned about his granddaughter who came to live with him after her mum died.

On Monday, I asked her, "How was school today?"

I said, "What are you crying for?" She said, "I'm crying for my mummy."

I said, "I was crying today too," which was true.

I was mowing the garden and I remember Charlene

standing on the lawn mower, you know, and I was pushing her along.

So I said, "So was I. You're allowed to cry, love."

"All right, Grandad." And away she went.

And that's a healthy thing.

Not to let her bottle it up, Brian, you know that.

She's in school and I feel for her because she sees all the mummies,

-all her wee friends and her mummy picking her up.

-She's missing her mummy.

She's missing her mummy now, more so because she's starting to get old.

I don't know what Charlene said to her before.

I mean, nobody will ever know that. Nobody will ever know.

She may have hugged her to bits and, "I love you, sweetheart,"

and blah, blah, blah. I don't know. No-one will ever know that.

My heart goes out to her.

It seems like she is more missing her mummy

than actually the way her mummy died.

But, ultimately, you will be the one there

when she is crying into her pillow at night.

You know that there is always the group where you can come in to

and have a chat with myself or other ones. That's your stuff, all right?

All right, love. OK.

I've identified some issues

and I continue to talk on a one to one all around that issue of how

he copes with his granddaughter facing up to the loss of her mum.

Cheerio, Brian. Thank you. Bye-bye.

-Please.

-Pretty please.

-Please should be straight out of your mouth.

-Give me a chance!

-Don't be cheeky.

-Pardon?

-Pardon?

-What did I do with my tobacco?

-Thank you, boys.

-Is there anything else?

You should never ask Belle that question. Never, Adrian.

Building at Eden is gathering momentum.

What we need now is another 3,200.

-Work has now begun on the coffee shop.

-Take that away a minute.

Nothing to see here. Men at work.

Upstairs, local carpenter William is donating his skills to get

the therapy rooms up and running.

-Do you want anything from the chippy?

-Just a burger.

Friends of mine have been caught up

with drugs and suicides

and all that same type of thing, and you think there is

nothing in life

and you might as well end it all.

At the time they think that's it.

They don't realise at the time the devastation that leaves

the families. The heartache that is left behind goes a lot deeper.

A lifetime would not erase it.

So it is getting a message out that there is help. If we can pass

that on, if that helps one person or one family,

well, I feel it is worth it, you know?

Adrian has started working alongside Brian who also struggles with

alcohol abuse.

He has just started a journey of recovery with FASA

and has been sober for ten days.

I thought it was going to be a damn sight easier than what it is.

-It does take time.

-I want to change. I have to.

Exactly, because what I discovered is, there is

so much to go on for, Brian. And I've realised that,

with my family and life and doing something with it,

so don't be getting frustrated.

I need to get that in perspective and say,

"Start from here," and just move on with it.

-Whatever has happened has happened.

-Absolutely.

It's the old saying about making the best of a situation.

It can be done.

Draw a line in the sand.

Morning. Morning, Brian.

What gave you the strength to come here?

What made you walk in them gates that day?

I remember you coming in like.

I was very nervous and sheepish, I think.

As we all were when we came.

I just said, "I can't keep going on," the way I was like.

-And the way I am.

-Yeah.

-Nobody judges down here. That's the good thing about here.

Everybody has had problems and they know

they have been judged themselves, so they are not going to judge.

I think that helps you talk.

Sometimes you have to tell the truth and that's what I am doing now,

telling the truth. I'm 38 now

and I have drunk pretty much for 30 years.

Two or three times... You see the nail guns? She had a bad temper.

I just, bang! Straight through. But then if you drink, you didn't care.

I'm not that stupid now.

I think maybe I started to wise up a wee bit.

That's the start of your recovery.

You're starting to talk about your past and, you know, talking

to your partner and things like that and it all will come together.

The thing is, you see Sharon? Sharon needs help now.

Because she is basically at the end of her rope.

She keeps saying to me, "Yeah, you're sorting your problems out.

"What about mine?" I think, for Sharon, it'd be good to talk to you

-because she needs somebody other than myself.

-Tell her to come down.

I wouldn't have a problem talking to her, Brian, at all. Honestly.

There's got to be an easier way of putting these in.

-You're Brian's partner, yes?

-I am she.

-Take a wee seat.

-Do you want to sit in that soft seat?

-I can take a soft seat any day of the week.

Brian has persuaded Sharon to drop in with June for a chat.

-Did you get support?

-No.

-Nothing?

-You've just been struggling on your own?

-Mm-hm.

But as a partner of someone who has an addiction, you have to cope.

But you do have to look after yourself.

I think that's important.

I should be thinking just about getting Brian back on his feet.

No, you shouldn't because you can't spend your whole life trying

to make him better. It doesn't work like that.

You have to have your own life.

There was one time I was trying to help him up onto the settee

and I got a kick in the eye for me efforts.

The next morning, "How did that happen?" I said, "You kicked me."

"I didn't, you're telling lies."

I said, "Brian, I didn't do this to myself."

-Yeah.

-"That's how much you've drank, you don't know what you're doing."

I got to the stage the other day

-and all I could do was lie in the bed and cry.

-Yeah.

And then you screw a smile on your face when you go out the door.

That's true, you do. You do.

Come down here any time.

You don't have to come down and do anything.

Come down and sit, have a yarn or just come down and sit.

You know, you'll maybe look at something

and you'll say, "I wouldn't mind doing that," and away you go.

That's just the way it happens.

Hi. Is Jill there? Chris is in the waiting room for her.

All right, thank you, bye.

Monday is my busiest time because

you get a lot of people drink a lot at the weekend

and they think that they want to end their life.

So they end up in hospital, and then

obviously the hospitals would

ask them to get in touch with us and things like that.

-PHONE RINGS

-Excuse me.

Hello. FASA. Michelle speaking.

-I want to hari-kari.

-You don't.

Can somebody answer the phone, please? It should be Sam up there.

Good afternoon. FASA.

Brian has relapsed.

He's having an emergency meeting with Sam, a FASA recovery worker

who's on hand for more intensive support when needed.

-The endgame's to give up the drink...

-Yeah.

-..completely,

that's the endgame but I have no idea how long that takes, you know.

What do you think you need to do, then?

I think I need to cut out spirits.

-Just for my sanity.

-Hmm.

-It's for Sharon's sanity and all.

-I just want to have a normal life.

-Yeah. If you notice any triggers

that you feel like you are going to need a drink,

you can come here and talk to us. If there's anything at all

-we can do to help support you...

-See the best thing for me

-is just to keep coming down here, working away.

-Yeah.

It's just changing the time of something,

but I think there's something else that's maybe happened

that's eating at him.

-How much are your keyboards?

-Do you want a bag?

-No, don't worry about a bag. I don't need a bag.

-Is that lavender?

I don't need a bag.

I think he just needs a wee bit more help.

But he's clearly opened up since he come here.

-With June.

-Aye.

-Because she is good with him.

-He'll get there.

-He'll get there.

Wherever there is, he'll get there.

-Right, cheerio.

-Cheerio.

-What's wrong with it?

-Push the handle up.

-Push the handle up.

It's not rocket science.

See when we die, Davy, who's going to do this?

-I'm sure there'll be somebody.

-No, it'll die with us.

Right, girly, is that young Dorothy, yes? Hi, I knew your wee voice.

And you're doing OK yourself?

Yeah? All right.

Roberta is checking in with Dorothy and her daughters.

I was, I was ringing her there and it's not answering.

They haven't been at the group for the past few weeks.

Right, that's OK. It would lift her to get out with everybody as well,

so it would, give her a bit of a laugh.

OK, bye-bye. Speak soon.

Bye-bye, love. Bye.

Well, it's in very early stages.

They're still finalising and facing a lot of the bills

and, you know, the stuff around the funeral

and settling accounts and stuff like that.

It's still very much early days for them 'uns.

I often think, people say, you know,

the first year there's all the milestones - first birthday,

first anniversary, there's the first Easter, first Christmas,

you know, first summer holiday without them,

and they are important milestones

but yet I hear families saying time and time again

the second year was even harder,

and I think it's the absence of those milestones.

That realisation hit in the second year that this was it,

it was final, and that they weren't coming back,

they weren't going to be there.

OK, everybody, come on in here.

Just to give thanks, just as a wee celebration of life,

for everybody that we know in our hearts, where we have a wee name.

And just to remember them as they were.

On this lovely summer's evening,

-when they'd have been happy and laughing.

-Bye!

PEOPLE CLAP

It's on fire!

-1.99!

-Where would you get good ones?

We'll get some.

Them Chinese people are not making them the way they used to.

Brian's back on track, working alongside Adrian again.

Thing I haven't had in years, I don't think I ever had,

is actually a wee bit of hope for the future.

About there for a window.

'I relapse many times, but on the way, I've learnt from it.

'There was something different about the relapse every time.

'You really have to start digging deeper and deeper

'in order to come through the other side.'

Viv's up there.

PHONE RINGS

Hello, FASA Ballywalter.

Sharon's taken June's advice and is getting a taste of Eden for the day.

Right, thanks very much. Thank you. Bye-bye.

Can I do anything to help?

Certainly, if you want you can get a brush and stain the chair there,

varnish the chair.

Yous have done a lovely job on this.

Aye, it's nice, isn't it?

-Am I doing this all right?

-Yeah.

If you'd heard what I came off with on Friday at the crocheting

and everybody started laughing at it - "My holes are too big."

THEY GIGGLE

You know, when you're crocheting, between your wee three shells.

Denise near had that problem last night!

All I said was, "My holes are too big."

And the woman beside me says,

"You know you can get an operation to fix that?"

-Get a couple of stitches.

-A couple of crocheting stitches?

-Aye!

THEY LAUGH

Yous two all right?

I don't know if we'll ever be all right again.

Work on the cafe has finally finished.

I promise I'll not drop them.

-I'm sure you'll get one later.

-Aye, if there's any left, maybe!

I'm only moving this over.

After months of hard graft by clients and volunteers,

the doors are officially open.

-You're open now. That's it.

-Yeah.

And that looks nice, like, it is lovely.

This looks like somebody came in and fitted it out.

It shows you what people power can do.

The Ards Peninsula now has a pioneering new sanctuary.

It's becoming like a home from home, nearly, where it's like something

from years ago where everybody all created stuff,

and maybe that's a wee bit of what we need to get back to as well,

maybe life's too fast.

Some of FASA's staff have cleared their diaries

to help out for the day.

It's lovely to see what they've achieved, you know.

I think it's gone beyond what anybody's expectations were.

It's brilliant.

You come in here, you don't know if you're a staff member,

a member of the public, whether you're a volunteer, a service user.

It's such an amazing environment for people recovering

because nobody knows, and nobody really cares either,

they're just getting on, treating everybody the same.

Absolutely wonderful. And you haven't stopped today.

Former FASA clients have also dropped in to show their support.

You really deserve that, the whole lot of yous, cos you're brilliant.

-Thank you.

-Absolutely brilliant. Couldn't say enough, Anne.

-Couldn't say enough.

-You're an amazing person too.

-Well, love, no, I'm not an amazing person at all.

-You really are.

-You really are.

-No, I'm not.

I just found the right people at the right time.

Sandra is a former nurse.

She became depressed when she retired and took an overdose.

'People look on attempted suicide

'or suicide, as people who are not all there'

but you are all there.

It's just a matter of your thinking becomes twisted.

I know that I could go into FASA at any time and say, "I need to talk to somebody,"

and that, to me, is absolutely fantastic.

-See you later.

-See you later.

The main key issue here is that

if somebody walks in here and sits there all day

because they're isolated at home, they feel alone,

they don't have family or they don't know how to get out,

I would love them to sit there all day, and then

somehow our staff will pick or tie in with them and pick up with them.

There's so much activity there, so this is a way of engagement.

Thank you.

PHONE RINGS

Good afternoon, FASA, Mona speaking. How may I help you?

OK.

Right. Is it in relation to substance abuse or is he...?

Mental health issues as well?

Drug-related, yeah.

Cocaine, mephedrone and cannabis.

We can take a referral from you

to get him linked in with FASA's services.

I'll pass that on to one of the team and ask them to give her a call.

OK? Thank you. Thanks, bye-bye.

-You hold my bookie for me, baby?

-Mm-hmm.

-Thank you.

FASA's preparing for World Suicide Prevention Day,

an annual event held across the globe.

I could leave it in there.

Is there a badge in the window?

Roberta is chairing the steering group for this year's Belfast event.

-Hello!

-Hi.

-Hello, hello, everybody.

-How are yous?

The aim is to raise awareness,

as well as remember loved ones who have died in the past.

Our families are beginning to feel that it's not doing what it said.

It's a private memorial service for those people that have been bereaved,

and I think we have missed, somewhere along the line,

the element of raising the awareness to the people who are not affected

because nobody knows tomorrow who may become affected,

-and we all know that, sitting here, sadly.

-Everybody should be included.

You don't have to be bereaved by suicide, you know.

-You're there to prevent it.

-Yes.

'So breaking down those barriers and'

those stigmas around mental health

and around suicide is what World Suicide Prevention Day aims to do,

and to say, you know, "You haven't been affected by this issue,

"and I hope you will never be, but if you are, how will you cope with it?"

Or if you're faced with a family member or a loved one in crisis

and they need help and support,

who will you turn to and where will you go?

-All right, love.

-Take care.

-See you again.

-You too.

In the months ahead, the steering group have agreed to meet regularly

to plan an event that will meet everyone's needs.

-All right, thank you.

-Cheerio.

-Bye.

Have you had any previous history of suicide attempts?

When was the last time you done that?

Right.

Have you ever heard of Lifeline?

What happens is, if we're closed,

they're open 24, you know, 24/7, basically,

and we work basically nine to five,

and then if you are ever in, like it was last night,

you're going to need help after hours.

So can you actually go and get a pen now? And I'll give you that number.

With Eden Village now up and running,

Anne has turned her attention to a new pioneering initiative.

Morning, chickadees!

Adrian, I need to speak to you.

It's bad! It's really bad, you've been such a bad boy, Adrian.

I'm only joking you.

Anne wants June and Adrian to be part of it.

You know the way in Northern Ireland at the minute there's no place

if somebody was really at risk of suicide or had thoughts of suicide

or felt really emotional during the night,

there's nowhere to go other than go to an A&E, hospital,

so we were thinking of opening overnight

from nine at night to nine the next morning.

FASA is hoping to open an overnight crisis centre

for people feeling suicidal.

If they can get the funding and somewhere to house it,

it will be the first of its kind in Northern Ireland.

We would like people to be in it, not just staff to staff it,

but we think that what would be good,

it's people who have been through problems in their own lives

who help staff it.

I just wanted to see, would you like to be involved with it?

Yeah.

You don't have to ask me that.

We were talking to June, saying she'd be happy to help out too.

I would just love to help somebody else.

So that is nearly people going to the next level.

To me, that would still be a stepping stone for me,

because it would be helping me, making me feel worthy, almost.

People who have been through it themselves are the experts

in helping other people do things like that.

Makes it easier for the person to talk to you,

because they don't have to try and find the words

to explain what's wrong with them.

-Ordinary people helping ordinary people.

-Yeah.

-No stigmas, no anything.

-Nothing.

-Yeah.

It's amazing the benefit somebody can get just by talking to somebody.

-So you're happy to be involved?

-Oh, aye.

Will do. You're a good soul.

-Thank you.

-Good.

-You're a good soul, you really are.

-Happy days.

-Happy days indeed.

-We're going onwards and upwards.

See you later.

-Thank you.

-I have tissues there.

It's just seeing his face, you know, it's what he's been looking for.

What's wrong with me?

But that's a bit about you too.

This is what you've been looking for.

-It is, aye, it is. Very much, I think it is.

-Aye.

You are at a different place than where you were before.

-When you came in first, you were very meek.

-Aye.

Even in how you presented yourself.

I had no confidence at all, and I have a bit of confidence now,

-and I'm actually encouraging myself to get more confident.

-Yeah.

You know, telling myself that I can do it.

Definitely, it's changed my life.

Definitely.

There are only a handful of overnight crisis centres in the UK.

Anne has brought June and Adrian to visit one in Manchester.

-Hello.

-Hello. How are you?

-Good, how are you?

-Hi, I'm Anne.

-Come in.

-Oh, lovely and cosy and warm!

The staff is made up from professionals

and people in recovery.

-Can I get anyone drinks?

-Oh, yes, please. Coffee.

-Coffees, teas.

-Thank you.

-No, you're all right, sit down for a bit.

There we go. Lovely.

PHONE RINGS

Hello, good evening, The Sanctuary. Ali speaking. Hello.

Try not to get too upset, now.

You're not a failure at all.

Do you want my honest opinion on that?

I don't think you should try and do it on your own.

I think we all need a little bit of help somewhere along the line.

It's quite frightening. That woman just fell into it so naturally.

You haven't had any training.

(No, well, that's what I'm saying.)

-But you haven't had any training yet.

-Oh, right.

If yous were trained, yous could take the phone calls,

do you know what I mean?

And if you felt that there was something there that was a bump,

you still have your coordinator, your support worker there,

-and you'll learn it as you go, and you're not on your own.

-I know.

But it is about getting the skills in the first place.

BUZZER RINGS

Was that your wee front door?

As the night wears on, a man calls in crisis.

The Sanctuary workers intervene in an attempt to keep him safe.

It's not somewhere for someone to come and just sleep it off.

It's about working with them to put them in a better place so that

it doesn't end up whether at A&E or in a police cell

or taking their own life.

How do you feel, you know, helping other people?

Perfect job, man. It's lovely.

You know, I used to drink a lot and I lost a lot of jobs

and I thought, "Well, that's all wasted now."

I wasted, like, 15, 20 years of my life, do you know what I mean?

Just struggling, but when I saw that I could use that experience,

that knowledge, it's a benefit now.

Do you know what I mean? I can tell other people.

That's very, very important

because you think that you're the only one in the world out there

and nobody cares and there's nobody to talk to.

I didn't know who to talk to. It was just by chance this here happened.

It would be really exciting if you can get something up and running,

because it is a massive... You know,

we do expect people to be poorly nine to five, Monday to Friday.

-Just bollocks, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-June, are you going to do anything?

-No. I'm on strike.

Just thought there'd be a conversation with you.

I'm stressed, I'm stressed, I'm stressed.

June's depression has resurfaced.

I haven't really had too many bad days from I've been here,

I think probably because my mind's more occupied,

but I'm sort of having a bad day today,

and I'm not getting peace to have a bad day, if that makes any sense.

It's very, very hard to put into words.

But normally I wouldn't bother putting it into words,

I would just clear off and go to bed and don't deal with it.

Just do the other side.

What does that look like? Is that any better looking?

I think it looks good.

Belle does help me, but I just need to work a few things out in my head,

where I'm at the minute, and...

I suppose nobody can do that, only me.

I felt like going home a couple of times today,

but I'm going to stick it out.

And try harder.

-Sit down here. We have to sit down to get this organised.

-Me?

Yes, because there's different...

That's yours, with one sugar. That's a strong coffee.

By the time her daughter Megan drops in for a weekly visit,

she's feeling better.

I was a bit stressed today. My head's sore, but I'm all right now.

All the better for seeing you.

I was telling Belle that the way I used to deal with my problems

-was just go to bed, take diazepam...

-Yeah.

..and cover my head with a duvet.

I didn't deal with them at all,

so I'm trying now to deal with it instead of just blocking it out.

-I get upset when we start talking about stuff like that.

-Do you?

-Yeah.

-Why, love?

-Because.

Did you have a bad childhood with me?

-I don't think it was bad.

-I didn't want you to be unhappy, love.

I wasn't unhappy.

I wasn't unhappy. I just remember the things that weren't nice.

There's things that I don't understand why you did them,

but I don't think I ever will understand why you did them.

Do you want to ask me?

Maybe it'll help you, too, love.

When you were, like, when you did...things,

was that you trying to deal with it?

-You mean trying to kill myself?

-Yes.

No, that... I believed that

yous would be happier if I wasn't here.

Come on, love, don't. We'll not talk about it. It's OK.

It's OK.

-We'll not talk about it.

-I can't.

Don't be getting upset, love.

No-one ever offered me any help, like, when I was growing up.

Exactly. Well, that's what FASA's about. It helps everybody.

You don't have to have a problem to come here.

You could be a family member of somebody that has a problem

and you don't understand it, unless you've been through it.

Yeah, that's what I'm trying to...

-I don't think that other people ever will understand.

-No.

-I think it's more about coming to terms with it.

-That's right.

-As long as you know that I'm in a better place now.

-Yeah.

I'm in a good place now.

And I just want you to be happy and have a good, normal life.

Well, as normal as you can be.

That's a girl.

You're my love.

That's a good girl. All right?

'I couldn't help what was going on. I was sick.'

And it's because it's like a hidden illness,

it's so hard to explain to people.

When you're in your right mind, you're thinking logically,

but to me, I was thinking logically.

It was only as I got better, I realised I actually wasn't,

I was being illogical, saying, you know, "You're better off dead."

-Mm-hmm.

-But I know, as a mother myself now, if your child done that,

that's not the fact, you know.

Everybody doesn't live happy ever after and have a better life and...

You know, but...

-You see that now?

-Yeah. Yeah.

People really need to know that, you know?

OK, folks, we have loads of activities

and it's all for World Suicide Prevention Day.

MUSIC

FASA and the other agencies have organised a carnival

on the front lawn at Belfast City Hall

for World Suicide Prevention Day.

'Life is about ups and downs,

'and today, hopefully, is one of the up days.

'For most of them, it will be another wee leg on the journey of recovery.'

Charlene is always in my head. Charlene never leaves me.

She done it and there was a reason why she done it.

Why'd she not come and talk to me

or talk to her mother or rung her friends?

I tried my best.

MUSIC: "Someone Like You" by Adele

-SINGS ALONG:

-# I heard that you're settled down

# That you've found a girl... #

Why?

Party away games.

'But I will never get answers, never.'

So I have to just learn that he's in a better place and he's happy.

So...

Sorry.

I do expect that the families will be emotional,

but I also know that they're growing resilience

in each and every one of them,

and that they'll go on beyond today with a lovely memory.

I think he's looking down on us. I think he'd be very proud of us.

We just have to take each step at a time to get there,

and we will get there and remember him with pride.

# ..But sometimes it hurts instead

# Oh, sometimes it lasts in love

# But sometimes it hurts instead

# Yes... #

Ladies and gentlemen, the Adele tribute. Would yous join me

and give yourselves a big round of applause!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thank you!

-See you later, Belle.

-See you later.

FASA has found a building in Belfast

for the overnight crisis centre it's hoping to open.

June and Adrian have been invited to view it, along with FASA staff.

-Hi.

-How are you?

-Just want me to show you around, then?

-A wee guided tour would be great.

-All right. OK.

'I think now because they've got that opportunity

'wee doubts are coming over me.'

Can I do this?

Hello.

But you can't be swallowed up by thinking like that all the time.

It's keeping that positive focus,

which is very, very important.

So, what we were thinking was, if people present at A&E or wherever,

they can come here and it'll be like a safe place for people to go.

And there is, even though it's an office place at the minute,

it's quite homely, isn't it?

-There is a homely feel, isn't there?

-Aye, there is.

'It's surreal that somebody puts so much faith and trust in you.'

It's just a life of hard knocks that has brought me here

and that's what's pushing me forward,

and helping me to understand other people going through the same thing.

It's fantastic, it's just...

SHE SIGHS AND LAUGHS

The more you have a relationship with somebody,

the more you can impact on their behaviours or their confidence

or their self-esteem.

-Great.

-Do you want to see anywhere else or are yous happy enough?

No, that's great. That's excellent.

You just want to go now. You just want to start helping people.

-INTERVIEWER:

-How rewarding is the work?

It's just about living and helping people. And...

We're all on a journey, we're just at different places.

PHONE RINGS

Hello, FASA, Michelle speaking.