How To Be A Lady: An Elegant History Timeshift

'Once upon a time, most women aspired to be ladies.'

Lady Catherine de Bourgh.

'A lady was easy to define.

'She wore corsets and voluminous skirts and rode side-saddle.

-'She had impeccable manners.'

-How do you do, Mr Ferris?

'And above all, a lady knew her place.

'That veiled Victorian ideal of a decorous femininity

'was ripped away by a century of sexual and political progress for women.

'The lady became associated with male oppression and inequality.

'Her prim ways had no place in a world

'where women could behave as badly as men.

'The lady was, well, a bit ridiculous.'

-Two ladies for tea, please!

-Yes, of course, this way.

'My name is Rachel Johnson

'and I believe we've been a bit hasty

'in giving the lady her marching orders.

'Somehow a global recession and a royal wedding

'have led to a renewed interested in all things ladylike,

'not least as an alternative to the ladette excesses of the noughties.

'Given the years I spent editing The Lady magazine,

'you may think I would say that. But just look around you

'at the way we're encouraged to behave and dress

'and at who our latest style icon is.

'In this film, I'm going to take a closer look

'at this unlikely return of the lady

'and find out what it takes to be one today.

-'From etiquette classes in how to be ladylike...'

-THEY LAUGH

'..to the reinvention of the debutante's ball,

'and I'll even learn to ride side-saddle.'

This is very Downton. It's very Lady Mary, this.

'So is the lady revival part of a marked return to all things refined and restrained?'

It's about bringing a kind of formality and elegance

back into a culture which is really quite vulgar.

'Or is it an attempt to fashion a more socially-conservative,

'economically-secure future for young females?'

I think it was a good thing that we got away from the lady

and I don't want to see her back.

'This is my quest to find out how the idea of the lady has changed over time

'and what it means to be a lady now.'

'As your self-appointed guide for this programme,

'I need to put something out there.

'I'm not entirely sure that I can claim to be a lady.'

I don't, in all situations, put others first.

I can be rude, I can be abrupt, I can be pushy.

Am I a lady? Well, my husband defines me as everything a lady is not.

He says his definition of a lady is everything I am not.

Which is fair-minded and generous of him.

SHE LAUGHS

'The original definition dates back to the chivalrous age

'of fair maidens and gentile parfit knights,

'when a woman of royal blood or high birth was given the title Lady.

'It reflected her rank in society

'and was the equivalent to male titles such as Lord.

'But what began as a term of aristocratic respect

'gradually evolved into something much broader and indefinable.

'Being a lady became almost a job description

'rather than a signifier of rank. It was a profession,

'and like all professions, it had its willing apprentices.'

What is it you want?

I wanna be a lady in a flower shop

instead of selling on the corner of Tottenham Court Road,

but they won't take me 'less I talk more gentile.

'Therefore there had to be compendious guide books and magazines

'to set out what it took to achieve the exalted state.'

"What is a lady? The question is not one of birth, position or means.

"True ladyhood is of the heart rather than of the head..."

'It all sounded rather romantic and, let's be honest, a bit vague.

'So with these etiquette books to guide me,

'I set out to see whether Pygmalion was still possible.

'Is a lady to the manor born or made?'

"The first attribute of a lady is habitual courtesy,

"not only to her nearest and dearest but to everyone who crosses her path."

'I'd heard about a company called The English Manner

'that claimed to teach accomplishments to aspirant young ladies,

'so I travelled to Cheshire to attend a crash course in flower arranging and table manners,

'hosted by William Hanson and Diana Mather.'

Hello. How do you do? I'm Diana Mather.

-Hello, Diana. Rachel Johnson.

-Hello, Rachel.

-Nice to meet you.

-May I introduce first of all William Hanson?

-Hello. How do you do?

Hello, William, I'm Rachel Johnson.

And then our other students.

So, one of the first things to teach you is a proper handshake.

So, if you'd like to stand up please, girls, and shake each other's hands

and judge your handshake and the other person's handshake.

-What can you learn?

-Rachel, I'll shake your hand.

Yes, that's not a bad one.

-I would say just a couple...

-Not a bad one?

-Yes.

-I would say there are a few too many pumps there.

-Few too many pumps?

OK, let's try again.

-Hello, I'm Rachel.

-Perfect.

-You mean I went on too long?

-Yes, a little bit.

-The Americans would go on for seven seconds.

-Seven seconds?

Yes, but we do, "Hello, how do you do? I'm Diana."

You're right, I do carry on. I carry on shaking.

And it can be very nice, but in the end, nobody knows when to stop.

It's just, "How do you do?" really.

'This isn't a great start. Even my handshake is unladylike.

'Would I fare any better in the next task, Jeffrey Archer balancing?'

Now, the old cliche of finishing schools

is a book on the head.

We have Jeffrey Archer here, he's quite small and compact and easy.

Now, why a book on the head?

Well, young ladies were taught to glide

because they had their full, long dresses and you shouldn't even have thought they had feet.

They would look as though they went on wheels.

This is going to be hopeless. I think I've got a pointy head.

-Seriously, some people have.

-I do have an egg head.

The Japanese cannot do this because they have such pointy heads.

-That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

-Right.

Look straight ahead. Relax. Relax the arms.

Relax the arms. A little bit faster.

-That's it. Slight...

-THEY LAUGH

Now, come on, girls, heads up.

That's good. Now off you go.

'Deportment, the art of walking gracefully,

'with or without a book on your head,

'was an essential part of a lady's training.

'In the early '60s, women were even being taught

-'the right way to get out of a car...'

-Come along, get out.

'..with or without a car.'

Ghastly, isn't it? Now, you must remember

that the secret of getting in and out of a car seat

is to get your seat well back into the car seat.

Now knees together, swing them both forward,

both legs together. That's very much better.

'We've always described these rules of ladylike behaviour

'as etiquette, a French phrase meaning ticket of admission,

'that dates back to the 17th century

'and the strict code of aristocratic conduct

'devised in the court of Louis XIV.

'Nowadays it's recognised that etiquette is good business practice, too.'

Etiquette is the code of rules by which a society lives.

And that changes from time to time and country to country

and society to society.

So what we are really teaching is international business etiquette that will take you anywhere,

and also formal parties and dining.

So, the way you enter a room is really important,

that you actually capture your audience immediately,

as William is going to demonstrate.

Here's how to leave a room correctly.

You say goodbye to everyone, we're not worrying about what you say,

you say goodbye to everyone, you walk up to the door,

open it, say, "Nice to see you all. Bye-bye."

Ah! That was great!

And then close the door. And when you're coming in...

Close the door, door goes behind you,

and they've seen your face and you go and shake their hand, like so.

And you've got the eye contact and they've got your eye contact immediately.

And for something like a job interview, this can be really important.

Plus that fact, it's most elegant. And funnily enough,

the two executive women we've had on the course said that was the most important thing they learned.

-That's really good.

-Which is extraordinary considering everything else we taught them.

But she found that so useful. She works in a male environment

and to come in, standing there, using her space,

making her presence felt, that's what it's all about.

Bye, Rachel.

THEY LAUGH

It's supposed to have been fixed!

THEY LAUGH

'I can't even open a door without breaking it,

'so I can see the point of her course.

'But I'm keen to know what these young ladies expect to get out of it.'

And Hattie, are you here because you want to be more ladylike?

Erm, I'm not sure it's a question of wanting to be more ladylike,

I think it's a question of acquiring some basic skills and manners.

But I think it's about gaining some self-respect and self-confidence,

which William and Diana were speaking about earlier, for example, opening a door,

and kind of giving you some easy tips and tricks to make your life a bit easier

and a bit more comfortable

and being confident and gaining respect

from your partner or your friends or in a business situation, really.

And Pippa, what do you think you're going to get out of it?

Erm, I like the door,

not leaving your backside open to everybody.

And the meal, how you...

I always get confused with which is my glass and which is my plate.

But William was saying earlier that it's BMW,

so it's bread, main and wine.

'The rules that the etiquette gurus teach today

'might prepare a woman for a formal dinner or a Japanese business meeting,

'but Diana suggested such efforts reflected a more profound return

'to all things ladylike.'

So you think that this move towards young women

wanting to act and be treated like ladies

is to do with a sense of security,

that we've got so far that we can now, in a sense, go back.

Because I think we are secure enough,

we've got to high enough positions, we've been working as equals for long enough.

Men and women are different, thank God. Vive la difference.

And so we now should be secure in our own genders

not to have to behave like men to be taken seriously,

cos we know we can do the job just as well,

to keep our femininity, and I think that's quite important.

No woman can be really esteemed accomplished

who does not also possess a certain something in her air,

in the manner of walking, in the tone of her voice,

her address and expressions.

'So many of our notions about what it means to be a lady

'seem to be drawn from period dramas and 19th-century novels,

'with their haughty aristocrats and long-suffering heroines.

'But as historian Emma Clery explained,

'it's in the work of Jane Austen that the very idea of the lady

'begins to be questioned and redefined.'

It's very experimental in the way that it takes up

the notion of the lady, and I think does challenge

various, sort of, conventions of fashionable ladyhood.

Pride And Prejudice, in the scene where Elizabeth arrives at Netherfield

to visit her sister who's fallen ill at Mr Bingley's residence.

And, of course, she rejects the idea of going in a carriage,

she walks across country, she arrives with a muddy hem,

the soiled slippers,

and is sneered at for that by Bingley's sister.

I could hardly keep my countenance.

What did she mean by scampering about the country because her sister has a cold?

-Her hair, Louisa!

-Her petticoat!

'And yet she's held up as a kind of counter-example

'of naturalness and real feeling, proper sensibility,

'by contrast to these artificial women in the great house.'

Is Jane Austen playing with the notion that you could be a lady

both by birth and breeding and also by behaviour?

I think there's a strong egalitarian impulse in Austen

and perhaps you see that very clearly

in the famous scene towards the end of Pride And Prejudice

where Elizabeth is discussing Mr Darcy with Lady Catherine de Bourgh.

So here you have a lady by birth

staking a claim to Darcy

on behalf of her daughter, another lady by birth,

and on the other hand, Elizabeth saying that

simply by virtue of being a gentleman's daughter,

she has as good a right to the kind of glorious future

which marriage to Mr Darcy might offer.

So she's very much challenging the status quo in that way.

It was the favourite wish of his mother as well as hers.

While she was in her cradle, we planned the union.

And now to be prevented by the upstart pretensions

of a young woman without family, connections or fortune?

Is this to be endured? It shall not be!

Your alliance would be a disgrace!

Your name would never even be mentioned by any of us.

These would be heavy misfortunes indeed.

Obstinate, headstrong girl! I'm ashamed of you!

'In Austen's world, a title alone was not enough.

'As manners maketh man, it took something deeper,

'something spiritual, even, to make a lady.'

It's all about developing this core strength, you could say,

this inner strength which will carry you through all the privations

and frustrations and annoyances which are women's lot in life.

You make being a lady sound like an endless pilates lessons

where a woman has to endlessly strengthen her moral backbone

-in order to survive life.

-I think that probably is how they saw it.

I think there was an acknowledgement that it was pretty tough being a lady.

'At a time when a dirty petticoat was scandalous

'and bonnets alone were a full-time job,

'one of the toughest challenges facing a lady

'was the way she dressed.'

"A true lady is always well because suitably dressed.

"She sacrifices extremes of fashion to comfort,

"puts her clothes on carefully and properly,

"is scrupulously particular of her shoes..."

'Today, the fashion press will preach that this season's look is ladylike.

'But at the end of the 19th century,

'ladylike was an obligation rather than a trend.

'I wanted to know more about the strict uniform of the lady

'in an age when there were gloves and hats for every occasion.

'So I delved into the back issues of The Lady magazine

'with the help of our resident archivist, Wendy Wilson.'

This would've been the first reference to

trend or fashion or what the aristocracy were wearing.

So what does it tell us about what a lady was supposed to be like

in the 19th century?

I think it shows us, in these ads here,

well-presented, somewhat over-the-top hats,

-millinery was clearly very important.

-Big.

As was corsetry and...

So those are the original Spanx, really. Do you see?

-The speciality corset.

-Absolutely.

Gloves, hosiery, corsets, hats.

-And hair.

-Hair pieces and hair tongs?

-Yes.

-To curl.

-The maintenance that goes into hair is genuinely overwhelming.

Was then. Still is.

-High-class mourning!

-THEY LAUGH

I think there were huge constraints

of the way a woman had to present herself

to the public, to society.

Women's appearance was very restricted.

-Literally restricted by these whalebone corsets.

-Yes.

Look at this.

'As these endless ads for stays and corsets reveal,

'being a lady meant sacrificing your freedom of movement

'on the uncomfortable altar of sartorial correctitude.

'Even women riders were hobbled by the most rigid dress codes

'and there was only one way for a true lady to ride - side-saddle.

'I assumed that the Queen was one of the last practitioners

'of this most ladylike skill, till I heard about the Flying Foxes,

'a group of women who are seeking to revive the technique,

'even dressing in period costume.

'Rider Sian Lowes showed me her moves while Becca Holland told me more.'

She's actually riding my horse, Henry, this afternoon.

He's 14 years old now, a very good side-saddle horse,

very experienced.

He's very comfortable, which is important for a horse,

and he's got a very good temperament, as well,

he puts up with us and all our skirts and hats and things.

-And does she hunt side-saddle, Sian?

-Yeah, absolutely.

We all can be seen out on the hunting field.

Always side-saddle. I always now hunt side-saddle.

-Couldn't dream of doing it another way?

-No, absolutely.

To be honest, everyone always says to me, "Gosh, you're terribly brave

"going out hunting side-saddle." But I think it's the other way around.

-I'd much rather be side-saddle.

-Is it safer?

-Much.

Why it is safer? Cos you fall off one end?

You're far less likely to fall off side-saddle than you are astride.

There's very little chance of coming off a side-saddle on a good horse.

-Whereas astride, there are lots of emergency exits.

-I was always coming off.

Whereas on one of these, you're actually really quite gripped on.

'The very first side-saddle was designed for Princess Anne of Bohemia in 1382

'and was partly intended to safeguard the royal virginity.

'Riding side-saddle soon became associated with proper aristocratic behaviour.

'And women who continued to ride astride a horse

'were the subject of bawdy comment.

"Pray, sir, is this to way to Stretchet?" one cartoon asked.

"Shiver my topsails, my lass, if I know a better way."

There was no question of a lady riding with a leg on each side,

certainly in the Victorian period.

For a start, it was about comfort.

Women didn't wear any undergarments at all.

-Certainly in Ancient Rome and Greece, women didn't wear knickers.

-Went commando.

And if you're sitting on a horse astride with bare legs,

it would actually be really uncomfortable.

When we ride today, we wear long leather boots

-and specially-padded trousers.

-This is a total eye-opener!

But if you're riding a horse with no knickers on,

-basically, sitting with a leg on each side would be quite uncomfortable.

-Chaffing.

-Yeah.

And also, it's a modesty thing.

If you can imagine trying to get on a horse with a big, long skirt and no knickers,

-and trying to get your leg over.

-Or a short skirt and no knickers.

Well, if that's what you like doing, absolutely.

-Let's say a toga.

-Yeah, completely.

There's a very good chance of you exposing yourself to all and sundry.

So I've explained a little bit about the history, Rachel,

but what I would really like to know from you is, how do you fancy having a go?

-Yeah, I'm up for it.

-Are you wearing knickers?

-THEY LAUGH

-Let's go.

'Of course, a true lady wouldn't ever be asked that question.

'But never mind. Time to go the whole side-saddle hog and get into costume.'

Riding wear, certainly for a side-saddle lady,

is actually very reminiscent of what men wore in the 18th century.

And that's actually quite a theme.

A lot of historical riding clothing comes from male fashion.

And it's really interesting.

Certainly when women were quite often wearing very soft, feminine clothes,

-when they rode...

-Domestically.

-..they weren't soft or feminine at all in any way.

And they actually adopted very masculine styles.

So, now we're going to get your jacket on.

-And we shall do you up.

-It's quite hot, isn't it?

Yes. You will glow a little wearing this, I'm afraid.

-A lady only gently glows.

-Yes, absolutely.

And then, last but not least, we've got your top hat.

And, of course, you've got your veil, as well.

These originally started off being worn for very practical reasons.

When ladies were riding along the road, they would wear a veil

to protect their skin from the sun

and stop the dirt getting on their faces, as well.

But nowadays, the veil has changed slightly

and it's just become a very traditional, formal thing for a woman to wear.

-Do you wear this?

-Yeah, absolutely. If I was hunting for a day, I'd wear a veil all day.

-Why?

Just because you're not correctly dressed without one.

It's just so weird. I feel like something out of Spider-Man.

-SHE LAUGHS

-Well, you look incredibly elegant.

But you are definitely missing just one more thing at the moment.

-A horse.

-Yeah, absolutely. We need to go and get you on a horse.

One, two, three, up.

Up. Up you go. Push, push.

That's it. Sit on the saddle with your legs over. That's it.

-Perfect.

-Seamless.

-Then...

-Where does that go?

Put that leg over the top, like that, bring that leg into there.

-And that is it.

-That's it!

-And then arrange your skirts.

Bob's your uncle!

Well, on the left-hand side of the saddle,

there are two pommels, like so,

and your right leg crooks over the top one

and the left one tucks in underneath this one,

which is the leaping head, and that's what holds you in your saddle when you're jumping.

-So how does it feel, Rachel?

-Very comfortable.

Surprisingly comfortable. And do you grip the pommel between your knees?

Basically, squeeze your legs together

-and you'll be very, very nicely gripped on.

-Come on.

This is very Downton. It's very Lady Mary, this.

Isn't it?

'I couldn't help feeling rather queenly

'while perching on top of Henry.

'I could see why Becca and Sian were fascinated by the dress

'and customs of a golden age of riding.

'But I didn't quite believe you could divorce it

'from all its connotations of female subjugation.'

-I'm sure the weather will hold and you'll be able to return without delay.

-Goodbye.

-Bye-bye, Jane!

-Goodbye, Jane!

'So much of what it meant to be a lady

'seemed to be wrapped up in notions of control and restraint,

'with a dollop of sexual prudery.

'If a woman straddling a horse was regarded as obscene,

'imagine the utter horror a device like this caused.'

At a time when women were discouraged

even from sitting on see-saws, a contraption like this

would've been regarded by right-minded folk with horror.

The combination of saddle and friction

was fraught with depraved possibility.

Indeed, one French expert went so far to claim

that women shouldn't bicycle at all

because doing so would ruin their feminine organs...

Oh! ..of matrimonial necessity.

SHE LAUGHS AND RINGS BELL

# Up to my house I'll show you what I mean

# Well, I just got wise and built me a loving machine... #

To conceal the fact that women were riding astride,

they came up with something called a cherry screen.

And even saddles were perforated to relieve so-called harmful pressure

on female undercarriage.

# Well, I headed to the tip and built me a loving machine... #

'A society that considered the bike a threat to a lady's modesty

'was not one that encouraged physical activity among women.

'But in the unlikely setting of Dartford in Kent,

'one lady set out to challenge this.

'Her name was Madame Martina Osterberg

'and she was a Swedish gym instructor with radical ideas

'about liberating ladies from a strict dress code.

'We're talking gym slips,

'as historian Jackie Farr revealed.'

She had grown up in quite a liberal era in Sweden

and had travelled extensively in Europe

and then trained in Swedish gymnastics

before taking an appointment with the London School Board.

The London School Board were trying to introduce Swedish gymnastics to schools

because they were concerned about the health and physicality of children in schools.

So before we had Madame Osterberg,

what was the tradition of girls taking physical exercise,

when they were deemed to swoon if they even picked up a saucer?

There were no requirements for girls to take part in PE in schools at all till 1873.

So these were very radical, unconventional images.

-Yes. So this is at a time when women wouldn't be showing an ankle.

-Mm.

She and others found this attire quite restricting

in terms of playing games and taking part in gymnastics.

And it was a student, Mary Tate, who designed what we know as the gym slip,

-which is in all these photos here.

-What, a student here in the college

-designed the gym slip?

-Yeah.

Which is adopted for schools all over the world.

-It's the emblem of St Trinian's.

-Yeah. It's everything.

But in its day, it must have been dramatically radical.

-Yeah, radical and almost shocking.

-Yeah.

And, I mean, there's another fantastic example,

although it was after her death, she died in 1915,

in 1918, George V visited here for a demonstration event with Mary

-and he was delighted to watch the girls do this.

-Probably never seen anything so racy.

Yes. However, she was fairly shocked

to watch handstands in the gym slips.

So this is a moment when we saw female sartorial convention

just breaking apart.

Because you have the Queen in her long habit

and these other women, who are in the uniform

of what's become the uniform of school girls all over the world.

And a significant profession. Yes, it's quite a pivotal moment

this photograph represents, I should think.

So what do we now owe to Madame Osterberg?

OK, well, her legacy, really,

the one that you'd recognise, is netball.

This is a very early image of a game of netball.

A Dr Toll came across from the States

to introduce basketball to the students,

and when he left, he didn't leave any written rules.

And so over a period of time,

the girls had to recreate and amend and adapt their rules as the college grew.

So we know that this is an image of very early netball.

'Innovations like netball and the gym slip

'helped free women's bodies from the restrictive uniform

'that had been the lady's lot.

'But liberating their minds from stifling convention

'and intellectual prejudice was another matter.'

"Generally speaking, it is injudicious for ladies

"to attempt arguing with gentlemen

"on political or financial topics.

"All the information that a woman can possibly acquire

"or remember on these subjects

"is so small in comparison with the knowledge of men

"that the discussion will not elevate them

"in the opinion of masculine minds."

'The etiquette guides of the 19th century

'would lead you to believe that a lady was someone

'whose intellectual horizons stretched no further

'than needlework and the occasional piano forte recital.

'But all that would change as education for ladies began to improve

'in the second half of the 19th century.'

So I'm now driving to Cheltenham in Gloucestershire

because this is the home of Cheltenham Ladies' College,

which is the alma mater of my own grandmother.

My father would've liked me to have gone to Cheltenham Ladies' College

just as he would've liked me to have become a lady.

But unfortunately, I had other plans

and refused even to look round this school,

so this is the first time I'm ever going to see the place

which educated my own grandmother.

She went on to Oxford, so it clearly did its job very well.

# I went to school in Cheltenham

# At a fashionable ladies' college

# Where I learnt what's what and acquired a lot

# Of exceedingly practical knowledge

# I loved my school in Cheltenham

# With a chestnut tree so shady

# And I now embrace all the charm and grace

# Of a typical English lady... #

We have a desk here that would've been used in the 1920s.

-Should I...

-Yes, do sit.

'My grandmother was a Cheltenham lady in the 1920s

'and archivist Rachel Roberts helped me search for her

'in the school records.'

So she's a Williams,

Yvonne Eileen Irene,

-and there's her sister, Denise Madeline.

-Yes.

-One, two, what does that mean?

-That means they're siblings.

-So she was known as Williams One and she was known as Williams Two?

-Yes.

So my granny was 13 years 4 months

-and she was in class 21B.

-Yes.

'Female members of my own family reaped the benefits of the mission

'to improve the education of young ladies

'that began here in 1853.'

In the 1850s,

generally it was a very limited education for girls

and tended to focus on accomplishments

such as music, dancing and the arts.

And then why did that change

and why was Cheltenham founded?

Cheltenham Ladies' College was founded

so that the girls could have exactly the same education as boys,

and largely through the efforts of Dorothea Beale,

the second principal at the college,

she developed other lessons and introduced maths and science into the curriculum.

'Beale's presence and her aims are still alive today in the college,

'with her belongings kept as relics in the school museum.

'Although she had little formal education herself,

'she was determined that her ladies would learn more than a few nebulous accomplishments.

'Beale was passionate about unfeminine subjects like maths,

'even if they had to be taught by stealth.'

Initially, there was a fair amount of opposition to the introduction

of maths and science into the curriculum.

Dorothea Beale got round this by calling science teaching Physical Geography

because, she said, not many boys' schools taught geography at that date,

and so few parents could object.

There was also a good deal of biology teaching

-which took place under the guise of botany, as well.

-Oh, really?

Did fathers, I assume, or was it also mothers,

think that ladies should be protected from knowing too much?

Yes. And also, it was felt that the rigours of an academic education

would prove too much for the girl's physique

and she was too delicate to cope with it.

And how far did she want to challenge the orthodoxy

that girls should just sit around until marriage sewing samplers?

She wanted them to be able, eventually, to earn their own living

with dignity, as she saw it.

She went on to found St Hilda's College in Oxford

so that her girls could automatically go and take degree courses.

'A glance at the crowded honours board

'reveals the revolution Dorothea Beale and her successors set in motion,

'helping to establish the graduates of Cheltenham, at least,

'as ladies of scholarship.'

And do you call girls who've been here "old girls" or "old ladies"?

We call them guild members.

-You get round it!

-Yes!

# Give three cheers for Cheltenham

# Where the chestnut trees are shady

# When I learnt of vice and all things nice

# Like a typical English lady... #

'After learning more about Dorothea Beale,

'I felt I'd done a disservice to the guild members of Cheltenham.'

I simply couldn't imagine myself in an institution

that called itself Cheltenham Ladies' College,

so I was clearly prejudiced against it simply because of its name,

much as people are prejudiced against The Lady magazine because it's called The Lady.

So, you know, this is a double-edged sword here.

The Lady will attract and repel people in equal measure.

The word in itself will, anyway.

'There was one ladylike tradition in particular

'that had begun to seem hideously out of sync with the times

'by the late 1950s.

'The presentation of a debutante before the Queen.'

"In fashionable society, a girl has no recognised position

"until she has been presented at court,

"which is equivalent to saying that so soon as she has arrived at an age

"when the schoolroom may be quitted

"and a more responsible position assumed in life,

"a girl's first duty is to pay her respects to her queen."

'For 200 years, the daughters of the upper class

'were presented before the Queen in a ceremony that marked

'their coming of age and the beginning of the social season.'

The debutante was a girl

who was generally a member of a fairly distinguished family

who was presented at court.

It was a mark of perfection.

She had the mark that she was the girl

worthy of being produced in the presence of the Queen.

'I wanted to know more about this courtly ritual of ladyhood

'so I travelled to Yorkshire to meet writer Fiona MacCarthy,

'one of the last debutantes to be presented before the Queen

'in 1958.'

This is presentation week of '58?

It was presentation week,

cos there were a record number of applicants to be presented,

because everyone knew that it was the last presentation.

So really, below-age girls were being presented just to get them in

before the presentations finished.

So we were in these incredibly flimsy wild silk dresses

and little hats and long white gloves,

and it was a bit of an ordeal, of course, but everyone was keyed up with excitement about it.

-Except you.

-Except for me.

I was a little cynical already.

'As a girl from an aristocratic family,

'Fiona MacCarthy had grown up with the knowledge

'that her childhood would climax in a curtsey to the Queen

'and a heady social world of balls known as the season.'

I think in those days, in the late 1950s,

girls of 17 or 18 weren't really expected to have opinions.

There was never any question that I wasn't going to do the season.

It was somehow built into my upbringing.

I had shown signs of rebellion in that I'd actually got myself a place at Oxford,

and this was not an advantage when I was doing the season,

because I was thought of as rather a little bit peculiar, frightfully brainy,

and frightfully brainy was actually a pretty rude term in those circles.

Looking back on it, it was a very interesting period to be growing up in

because these restrictions and these formalities

were going to go, they were just on the edge.

'What had begun as a ceremony designed to reinforce the bond

'between the monarchy and the aristocratic elite

'came to seem anachronistic in an less deferential era.

'Even within the palace and even before the '60s started swinging in earnest,

'there was a feeling that the debs had run their course.'

The Duke of Edinburgh, who was an impatient young man in those days,

said, "I really can't face another 400 debs curtseying to me,"

so I think he was an influence in the thing going.

And there was also feeling that maybe a few people

were just being filtered in that shouldn't have been there.

Princess Margaret, "Every tart in London."

Yes, Princess Margaret was complaining every tart in London was getting in.

So there were lots of feelings coming together

to bring about the end of this peculiar ritual

which had gone on for 200 years.

Ladies were becoming a little bit ridiculous by that time.

There'd been this rather satiric play,

The Reluctant Debutante, William Douglas-Home.

It had made people laugh at the whole debutante scene.

Satire was beginning to come in.

Ladies were beginning to seem, you know, just verging on the ridiculous.

And then as the years went by,

by the early '60s, they were totally beyond the pale.

Nobody wanted to be a lady

because they just seemed so silly.

'There was no place for white gloves and tiaras

'in a world that was in the active throws

'of social change and sexual revolution.'

It all changed rather overnight.

It changed, I suppose, around 1960, 1961,

and you didn't want to be seen dead looking like your mother any more

and you didn't want to be ladylike.

People's clothes had changed.

And the sort of social differences weren't so obvious any more.

'In an era when hemlines were rising

'and women were challenging stereotypes and demanding equality,

'the traditional lady suddenly felt like an unfashionable and unwanted throwback.

'But still, she never vanished completely.

'Subsequent efforts to update the lady met with mixed results.

'In the '80s, wannabe debutantes were presented

'not in Buckingham Palace but in a trendy London nightclub.'

The beautiful people, the rich, the famous and the influential, arrive at Wedgies.

I think what I might do at this stage, if it is possible,

is to get each of the debs, if they would,

to hold their plate up when I call out their name

and eat a mouthful of their delicious caviar.

Right? Would you mind that?

CHEERING Right. What a lovely eater.

'And now, after the vulgar excesses of the greed-is-good '80s,

'the debutante is making a proper comeback.'

# Lady

# For so many years I thought I'd never find you

# You have come into my life

# And

# Made me whole... #

'In recent years, the debs ball has been resurrected

'along the old traditional lines for a global market,

'with showpiece events in London, Paris, Shanghai and Dubai.'

# Let me hear you whisper softly

# In my ear... #

'Young ladies are once again being decked out in ball gowns

'and briefed in the rules of royal etiquette.'

You will obviously curtsey to anyone who is a prince or princess.

Princess Susan al Said of Oman has also been invited.

She is the wife of the brother of the Sultan of Oman.

She is a princess. You will curtsey in the way that you have curtseyed

to Princess Katarina of Yugoslavia

and the other royals you have met during your year.

So it's very, very important...

'I was intrigued to know what this old-fashioned and ornate ritual

'had to offer young women in the dark economic times of today.

'So I went to meet the organiser of the self-styled London Season, Jennie Hallam-Peel.'

Why would a girl who'd been through the London Season

be any more ladylike than one who hasn't?

Because I think it's a grooming process.

I know I found that when I was a deb.

Because the average 17-year-old

is really quite scruffy

and is really very much involved in herself.

She hasn't been trained to look outside herself,

to be aware of other people in a social situation.

It's totally different with their friends. They can be exactly what they want to be,

totally non-communicative with parents, parents' friends,

but after a year of being a deb, you know how to...

you know how to interact with people of all age groups

because you're forced into those kinds of situations

and you suddenly look outside yourself

and realise that you need to make other people feel comfortable,

not be wrapped up in your own little world.

So, in a way, it's a growing up process.

'That so-called grooming process

'involves a year of etiquette classes,

'social events and charity fundraising

'for the 40 girls selected. By the end of it all,

'they become ambassadors of a unique brand, the English lady.'

I think I would consider us all as ladies.

We all hold ourselves in the correct manner, we act correctly.

There's nothing to suggest that we're not. THEY LAUGH

-We try to.

-Yes, we try.

I think it's kind of a work in progress

and hopefully doing the season and doing the etiquette lessons

for when you're abroad and everything,

they help you kind of reach that goal in the end.

So do you find there's growing appetite internationally for the English lady product?

I think whenever we go abroad, everyone wants to see total Englishness.

So that's exactly what we give them, because by the end of the year, that's exactly what they are.

Why do you think that makes them particularly English,

-the fact that they have manners?

-I think we have a code of behaviour

which everyone abroad considers to be the height of good manners.

And lots of other countries don't have that.

But I think it might be courteous

if you are being specifically introduced to a sheik from one of the Emirates or his wife

that you do actually cover your shoulders.

These emerging wealthy economies

and the emergence of the super-rich class,

what they want above all for their own daughters

is for them to be young English ladies.

Of course. So they are giving something,

both sides are giving something. It's really interesting.

What do you think they are giving? What do you think we're giving them?

I think we're giving...

They have everything financially

but they don't have that indefinable quality

which they term, not my term, they term as class.

And we have it in spades

and that is what is attractive to them.

-And we can export it now, via our...

-We can export it.

-..young English ladies.

And at the same time, we can raise millions for Children In Need.

-What can possibly be wrong with that?

-It's win-win.

THEY LAUGH

'There was something a bit disconcerting about this idea of

'a glorified trade fair of perfect English ladies.

'So I was almost relieved to discover

'there had been the occasional lapse in etiquette.'

Have you had any huge bloopers with any of the girls?

-Yes. Yes.

-SHE LAUGHS

We had a total nightmare in Macedonia.

We went to... We were accompanied by Princess Katarina

and we went to her former shooting lodge, which is now a winery.

And we were given the most magnificent lunch there

but, of course, because it's a winery,

they also wanted everyone to taste all their glorious wines.

And so each girl was presented with,

well, first of all, there was going to be a seven-course lunch,

and there were nine glasses in front of them.

The one thing we'd forgotten to say to them is,

"You do not drink the whole glass when there are nine glasses you're going to taste."

Of course, they were just knocking it back. I was glaring at them

and, of course, they were just completely...

knocking back every single glass.

So at the end of the lunch,

-they were slumped over their plates.

-SHE LAUGHS

We had to drag them into the coach,

-praying their parents wouldn't see it.

-SHE LAUGHS

So, yes, there are some things we forget about.

'It's a funny old world where young ladies are groomed

'for a nostalgic recreation of the debutante's ball

'but still get totally lashed on a coach trip to Macedonia.

'So it's not surprising that a book's been published

'to help the modern lady tiptoe her way through it.

'This important tome comes, of course,

'from that blue-blooded authority on establishment protocol, Debrett's.

'Given my own husband's comment that I'm not a lady,

'I was keen to find out more about etiquette for girls,

'so I met up with editor Jo Bryant.

'The old guides offered advice on letter-writing and where to sit in church.

'The new one was far more contemporary.'

"The one-night stand, ONS, is a bit like fast food.

"Tempting but with nauseating afterthoughts."

"The sendoff is an ideal opportunity to steal a first kiss.

"Set this up with a silent, smiling..."

"If you're at his, the ONS is not over until the walk of shame,

"going home in last night's dishevelled clothes."

"Steel yourself for the aftermath."

'Walks of shame? One-night stands? In Debrett's?'

I think there was an element of surprise that we'd suddenly

jumped into the 20th century, and I think Debrett's has been known

for peerage and baronetage and titled people

and all of a sudden there was this book about how young women live.

We're not telling people to go out and have one-night stands.

It was more trying to create a guide that was actually realistic

on how some women do choose to live.

And if we hadn't included some of the more risque subject matters,

it wouldn't have been moving on at the pace that we really need to.

And was this guide inspired in any way

by the rise of the ladette

and girls being potty-mouthed tramps who drank too much?

We've been asked that a lot. It wasn't really a reaction against anything,

it was more an idea that we looked at what we felt there was a need for

and we felt that the role of young women now was actually quite a difficult one.

We've got old-fashioned rules and codes of conduct

and also this huge idea of a relaxed society,

that we can go out and drink, we can have boys as friends,

we can live in a much more relaxed way, even in a way that our mothers couldn't.

And society and manners and etiquette was changing so quickly,

we thought that we should take a snapshot

and try and replicate a young woman's life,

absorbing all different elements on how she can live.

Did you have any particular ladylike role models in mind?

Or did you find that difficult in today's market?

It was very difficult. We spent a long time deciding whether we'd have a foreword to the book,

and we actually couldn't come up with a single person we felt encapsulated

all the different roles and situations that we talked about inside the book.

We also felt it would stamp it with too much of a character,

that when people were reading it, they might think of a certain individual.

Being a lady is a sort of faceless ideal, in that case, isn't it?

To a degree. It's more the idea that it's equipping of self-confidence.

It is this idea that you can go out...

As a young woman, we have so many different roles.

We've got careers, some girlfriends, you might be a wife, you might have children.

And all of a sudden, we have all these different hats to wear

and all these different scenarios and we all do so much more,

we socialise differently, we get asked to do different things

through work or through our social lives,

and all of us have all these situations where we think, "What do I wear? How do I behave?

"Is it rude to do this? Is it right to do that?"

So the idea was just to kind of present it as an accessible way

of decoding all these different elements of our lives.

'The old etiquette books

'once laid out the boundaries a lady had to respect.

'This guide seemed to offer women

'a way of exerting some control

'in a world of unlimited freedom.

'So did the idea of the lady,

'with its connotations of decorum and restraint,

'offer modern women an alternative code of behaviour?

'It was an idea I put to feminist writer Bidisha.'

So why do you think there's interest in the concept of the lady now?

I think a lot of things have come together

to make women ask themselves what the future of womankind

and the future of ladyhood actually is.

On the one hand, at the most shallow level,

you could say, OK, it's to do with fashion,

that we don't like the kinds of representations of us that are out there in the media,

they seem very cheapening, very objectifying,

there's often more flesh than cloth.

So you turn on music videos, you look in a tits paper,

like The Sun or The Star, and you think,

"That's not the model of womanhood that I respond to.

"And I'm sure lots of women and lots and lots of intelligent men who appreciate women don't, either.

"So what's another way?" And a reaction to that is to cover up

and then you have this movement towards looking at those...

You know those reissued books which are like rules of style?

-Yes.

-Etiquettes of style?

-Absolutely, we've looked at them.

They are brilliant because it's not about being this fake lady-type lady.

I think it's about bringing a kind of formality and elegance

back into a culture which is really quite vulgar.

'Bidisha wasn't just advocating ladylike fashion,

'she was proposing a wholesale reinvention of the lady.'

I think that it's now divorced from notions of class and background,

which is what it was weighed down with before,

and we can do with it what we want.

We're at a perfect time to subvert the idea of the lady.

I think it has been very problematic in the past,

but that if you look at things like fashion

and new trends just in lifestyle, and also you look at culture,

there's a great space, I think, to take back the notion of the lady

as someone who is empowered and strong.

So you're saying not only let's keep the word lady and the term lady,

but let's multiply it by many millions, the number of ladies out there.

We'd completely transform the word

and we'd transform the definition.

We turn it into something which is associated with

just being a brilliant, strong, sisterly woman.

'With now even an ardent feminist like Bidisha

'seeking to reclaim the lady for a new age,

'just how far had we come from that high Victorian ideal

'with its taint of privilege and inequality?'

A young woman without family, connections or fortune?

Is this to be endured? It shall not be!

'Women are no longer bound by strict codes of etiquette and behaviour.

'We're no longer forced to conform to elaborate rules of dress and deportment.'

A little slicker please, dear.

'We can straddle horses and bikes with impunity.

'So why might women still aspire to be ladies?'

I think it was Simone de Beauvoir who said that

you are not born a woman, you become one.

So the idea that you have to become a lady on top of a woman

is a whole added area of complexity and endeavour.

'The fact that women are still prepared to take on that extra challenge

'suggests Diana Mather might be right.'

We now should be secure in our own genders

not to have to behave like men to be taken seriously,

cos we know we can do the job just as well,

but to keep our femininity, and I think that's quite important.

'Thanks to decades of advancement,

'are women really so secure they can afford to revisit

'the customs and practices of a bygone age

'where girls curtsied to a cake and never raised their voices?

'I think the real reason for the resurgence of the lady

'is more likely to be that in times of economic insecurity,

'society becomes more conservative.

'And in a competitive job market,

'the gloss the training lends a lady in waiting is an asset.

'A little elegance and formality goes a long way.'

If you're walking into a job interview,

or even meeting the boyfriend's parents,

or that kind of thing, it's just nice to know

what the protocol is and what's acceptable and what isn't.

'But in the end, I'm not sure I approve.

'It seems strange to go backwards to white gloves and tiaras in order to go forwards.

'But still, if a middle-class girl from Berkshire

'can become a princess,

'anyone with the right training can also become a lady.'

-THEY LAUGH

-Bye!

-Bye!

-Excellent.

'Maybe even me.'

# You're once

# Twice

# Three times a lady

# And I love you

# Yes, you're once

# Twice

# Three times a lady... #

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