Variety Finds a New Home What a Performance! Pioneers of Popular Entertainment

This is the story of popular entertainment...

..from the music hall era of the 19th century...

Don't you know Mrs Kelly?

..through the golden age of variety...

..to the working men's clubs of the 1950s.

I love it.

I'm Frank Skinner, a comedian.

And I'm Suzy Klein, a music presenter.

Together, we plan to celebrate our rich entertainment heritage

by finding out all we can about the great acts of the past,

and yes, by having a go ourselves.

It's harder than it looks.

So join us now as we go back to a time

when Britain really did have talent.

By the 1930s, live entertainment was bigger

and glitzier than ever before.

Variety had arrived and the British public

showed that they liked their entertainment...

well, varied.

And with the Second World War on the horizon,

we were about to find ourselves in need of escapism, solidarity

and a good old laugh more than ever before.

In this programme, Suzy and I will be taking on two

superstars from this era, although from very different worlds.

I'll be doing not one, but three performances,

single-handedly recreating all-female American group

the Andrew Sisters.

-BOTH:

-# Till I come marching home. #

THEY CHEER 'Oh, show-off!'

I'll be recreating a British national treasure who said himself,

"They'll never be another," Max Miller.

Yeah, best of luck with that, Frank.

Fish and chips, bra straps, rock.

And variety would face its biggest challenge yet,

the birth of telly.

It's September 1939.

In 10 Downing Street's cabinet room,

Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain addresses the nation.

IMITATES CHAMBERLAIN: You can imagine

what a bitter blow it is to me

that all my long struggle to win peace has failed.

Britain was at war with...

-RECORDS SCRATCHES Line.

-(Germany.)

Germany.

EXPLOSIONS

Amid the turmoil, one of the first things the government did was

close all the theatres.

But that didn't last long - only 12 days, in fact.

Not even Hitler's nightly air raids could stop people

going to the variety theatre.

And they were willing to risk life and limb to get there.

It's 1940 and I'm going out for the night.

I'm feeling...

AEROPLANE ROARS

You'd better run, Frank.

Seven London variety theatres were bombed during the Blitz.

If this was 1940 and we were going out to see a show,

we would have our gas masks, wouldn't we, for a starter?

Yes, we would have our gas masks.

We're in our seats, the show starts, fantastic.

The air raid siren goes off.

Anybody who doesn't want to stay in the theatre can leave,

but for the most part, audiences did just stay. They would've remained in

their seats and then the show would have carried on as normal.

The catch was that if you stayed,

you were probably there for the long haul because once the bombs

started falling, you know, people didn't want to walk around outside.

Is it true the blackout Vera Lynn gig, that story?

-Yes, it is true.

-So, tell me what happened.

She started singing and all the lights went out

and the power went in the theatre.

So, she went to the side of the stage where there was

-a microphone, battery-powered microphone...

-Oh, OK.

..waiting for her. And she brought that on, continued singing

and the audience members then used their torches

that they had bought to provide the lighting.

I find that quite a moving story.

It really captures something about

the sort of DIY spirit of World War II.

You know, we are going to keep going against the odds

even if the audience have to supply the lighting.

Well, I'll tell you what I'd like to try and do

is recreate the sort of Blitz audience experience

just to see how it felt.

So, cue air raid siren.

AIR RAID SIREN WAILS

'Vera wasn't available,

'but Suzy has agreed to do her bit for the war effort.'

# They'll be bluebirds over

# The white cliffs of Dover

# Tomorrow

# Just you wait and see

# They'll be love and laughter

# And peace ever after

# Tomorrow

# When the world is free. #

BOTH CHEER

Do another one, Vera, the doors are locked.

'That's your lot, Frank. I've got places to be.'

Fair enough, Vera. I'm sure we'll meet agai... Um...

-VERA LYNN:

-# We'll meet again

# Don't know where... #

Vera Lynn certainly had a busy war.

Her radio show, Sincerely Yours, made her a star both home and abroad.

And fans were desperate to see the sweet singer

of sweet songs in real life.

But what was it that made

Vera the most successful female entertainer of her era?

The sorts of song she sang seemed to resonate with the particular

concerns of the wartime moment.

You know, lots of romantic songs and sentimental songs

that had a nostalgic feel and I think, again, this was a time

where families were being torn apart and somehow she seemed to

provide a way for people to express some of these emotions.

Is it true that the authorities weren't quite sure about Vera Lynn?

In 1942, this was shortly after her radio show began,

there was a massive explosion in the newspapers

after a retired lieutenant colonel published a very inflammatory letter

accusing Vera Lynn of singing soppy, sentimental rubbish.

And in fact, he even suggested that the reason

Britain was doing badly in the war at this point was

because soldiers were spending too much time listening to

her effeminate, sentimental songs

and not listening to actual, you know, proper marching fare.

The BBC set up a dance music policy community,

which was also known as the Anti-Slush Committee.

Oh, OK, Anti-Slush, as in...?

As a anti-soppy, sentimental, Vera Lynn-type music,

to vet performers to make sure that they were singing

-in a suitably virile style.

-HE LAUGHS

MUSIC: White Cliffs Of Dover by Vera Lynn

It is hard to think of our Vera's songs as controversial.

The White Cliffs Of Dover was to become

a sort of wartime national anthem.

Any amateur ornithologist will tell you

there are no bluebirds off the coast of Kent.

Incredibly, the song was written by two Americans.

It was very much their perception of Britishness,

but that didn't seem to bother the crowds singing along

in the variety theatres and the NAAFI halls.

They thought it was as British as apple pie.

Um... Pork pie.

But the Americans were about to really muscle in

on our entertainment.

CHEERING

With the war over, everyone wanted to let their hair down.

This was a boom time for the theatres.

Whilst rationing continued, there was little else to spend your money on,

so why not go out for the night?

In London, the famous Palladium was looking to the future.

And in 1945, it got a new manager, Val Parnell.

He decided it was time to shake things up

and looked across the Atlantic for some new talent.

British audiences loved it.

Music hall and variety had always welcomed foreign acts,

but this insatiable appetite for all things American was new.

MUSIC: Steppin' Out With My Baby

So, what made us Brits so obsessed with everything American?

I think in the wake of the war

where there's been so much death, destruction, deprivation,

I think there is a real sense that this is the new world.

This is something that is vital, that's vibrant,

that's optimistic, that's forward-looking, that's fresh.

And I think, you know, for British audiences,

that injection of energy, that vitality is something

that they really respond to.

Soon Americans were appearing at the top of the bill.

In February 1948,

the American film star Danny Kaye drove audiences wild

at the Palladium.

The venue was sold out for six weeks

and unsurprisingly, it wasn't long before other US acts

ventured across the pond.

But what was happening to all our British stars?

The legend would be that it's really tough times for them,

that they're being squeezed out by,

you know, Danny Kaye and then the Andrew Sisters

and then this whole slew of people - Sinatra, whoever, Nat King Cole -

who'd come over. But if you actually look at the playbills for all of

those acts, they've always got British acts on the undercard.

So, Val Parnell's argument would always be,

"I'm bringing over the people who will fill the theatres,

"who I know there is a demand for

"and if there are British acts of that calibre,

"they will also be the headliners."

You mentioned the Andrew Sisters,

an act I have loved since I was very little,

how did they capture the British imagination?

I think you've got to start with the music.

They were formidably good at what they did.

You know, their three-part harmonies

sung in this incredibly sort of strong, powerful way that made them

sound a bit like a sort of horn section in a swing band.

# He was a famous trumpet man from out Chicago way

# He had a boogie style that no-one else could play

# He was the top man at his craft... #

That swing jazz music was the most popular music form

on both sides of the Atlantic in the '30s and '40s.

# He's a boogie-woogie bugle boy of Company B

# A-toot, a-toot, a-toot-diddelyada-toot

# Blows an eight... #

That sort of zest that they bring to their recording work

and, you know, when they're on film and when they're on stage,

you know, is infectious.

You know, globally infectious.

# He's the boogie-woogie bugle boy of Company B. #

Greetings from the Andrews Sisters, I'm Patty.

-I'm Maxene.

-And I'm LaVerne.

-SUZY:

-The Minnesota-born Andrew Sisters became

one of the most successful female groups of all time.

In July 1948, they arrived for a month-long engagement

at the London Palladium and they were a massive hit,

treating audiences to hour-long encores.

For my final performance, I've decided to go all out and try

and recreate the unique sound of this legendary group.

# Bei mir bist du schon

# Please let me explain

# Bei mir bist du schon... #

I have always loved that American sound.

The music of the '30s and '40s,

the music that my grandparents used to listen to

and that they played me as a kid.

So, I've sort of set myself this challenge,

which is that I want to try and do all three vocal lines

in an Andrew Sisters' number because I have this theory

that part of the reason they were so good is

because their vocal cords,

the biomechanics of their singing voices, was so similar.

And if I can somehow use my voice

and do three different musical lines,

maybe I'll get somewhere close to finding that blend

that the Andrew Sisters got.

I don't hope to have a shred of the musicianship,

but I think it's going to be a really fascinating experiment.

By the early 1950s, US megastars like your fancy Andrew Sisters

were regularly topping the bill.

I can imagine how annoyed the home-grown talent must have felt.

Sorry, Frank.

Of course, no performer would have dreamed of

airing these grievances on stage.

Well... Maybe one performer.

Max Miller was Britain's most popular comedian for decades

and as one of the highest-paid variety stars of his era,

he generally had little to grumble about.

But at the 1950 Royal Variety Performance,

he was sharing the bill with American Jack Benny

who had been allotted 20 minutes.

Poor old Max had just six.

So, Miller begins his act, it's going well. He starts to ad-lib.

He starts to abandon his rehearsed routine.

Time goes on.

Pretty soon the stage manager is in the wings...

WHISPERS: "Come off, come off!"

So, Miller turns to him and says,

"Hey, the others have had their chance, let me have mine."

And then he turned to the crowd and says, "The Americans do."

Big cheer. He's absolutely got them.

He walks into the wings, Val Parnell stands there furious.

"Miller," he says, "you'll never work for me again."

Of course, Max, by this stage, he's a big star, very established.

"Sorry, Val," he says, "you're £70,000 too late."

# I fell in love with Mary from the dairy

# But Mary wouldn't fall in love with me. #

Miller was one of the first recognizably modern stand-ups.

His live performance was the key

and influenced generations to come. Me included.

Trying to recreate his act is a hard task

and it's going to require a bit of homework.

In the 1939 film Hoots Mon!,

Max played a comedian called Harry Hawkins.

It was a wonderful excuse for him to reproduce his own act

on the big screen.

'I went to Blackpool. I went there looking for rooms and I

'knocked on a door. And the old lady came to the door, a nice lady.'

A little bit and some more, not quite so much and then perhaps.

And that's all I want just a little encouragement.

She said, "What do you want?" I said, "Could you accommodate me?"

She said, "I'm sorry, I'm full up."

I said, "But surely you could squeeze me in the little

"back room, couldn't ya?"

She said, "I could, but I haven't got time now."

LOUDLY: I think the first thing that you no...

I think the...

..the first thing that you notice about Max Miller is that

the audience are leading Max astray.

That is what he is trying to put across.

That he is, in fact, quite a decent, respectable chap,

but they keep encouraging him to be rude.

'I like the girls who do,

'I like the girls who don't.

'I hate the girl who says she will and then she says she won't.

'But the girl I like the best of all

'and I think you'll say I'm right,

'is the girl who says she never does but she looks as though she...

-'Here! This...'

-LAUGHTER

Part of Miller's thing is the classic naughty schoolboy thing.

So, to be a naughty schoolboy,

he needs a class and he also needs a teacher.

That's the dynamic of a naughty schoolboy.

So, what he does in this, first of all,

he goes up to the audience and you see he gets...

here really close. He's leaning in like this

cos he's kind of confiding in them,

but he points out that the manager is in the wings

and he goes and has a look back there.

And you see him go back and then he comes back and leans in again.

So, he's conspiratorial, which, of course, the audience love

because now he's the naughty boy, they're the class who love him,

but the teacher's always hovering in the background

and physically he emits that thing.

He ends up praying for forgiveness there at this point.

It's perfect.

There is something intrinsically funny about him.

And of course, like all comedians,

I feel I have that as well,

but I don't have it the way he has it.

So, the performance is to try and get to the real core

of those funny bones, to the marrow of those funny bones.

'Splits.

'Now I don't know if you want it. Goodnight!'

Before we can get on with our acts, we want to pay our respects to

some of the performers Max Miller might have bumped into backstage.

Alongside the big stars,

variety had always been full of wacky novelty acts.

They would come and go,

but one much-loved act was to enjoy a variety career spanning four decades.

This was the novelty act that never lost its novelty.

Wilson, Keppel and Betty were regulars on British variety bills

throughout the '30s and '40s,

but incredibly, they were still going until 1963

by which time they were almost 70.

Their famous sand dance was a two-handed routine.

Presumably, Betty decided to sit this one out.

And now we're going to find out if their act still endures today

by stepping into their gritty, sweaty sandals.

Eurgh, Frank.

-Oh, hi, hi.

-I'm Suzy.

-Hi, Suzy. Really pleased to meet you.

-Nice to meet you, how are you?

-I'm fine, thank you. Hi, Frank.

Lovely.

I brought the sand.

That's a bit ambitious, Frank, but...

-What, the sand? Straight away.

-It's not easy, but...

-OK.

-I think we could put that down when you've learnt it.

-Oh, OK.

-I'm sorry.

The sand dance was a dance on sand.

And you get this shuffling movement

and actually, that's part of the essence of this,

is you shuffle backwards, which is what makes the noise of the sand.

But actually, it's a tap dance and it's not easy.

It's so incredibly popular and it lasted.

And you can watch it now and it's still funny.

I think it is.

Is it just about funny hats?

I think it's partly their expressions.

I mean, they are... They do... But they're also very well together.

They're also very good tappers. They are very good.

I wish you'd stop saying that cos we aren't.

THEY LAUGH

This is where you come on with the sand

and you just come across the stage and you're sprinkling the sand.

I'm on the verge of sprinkling.

-I'm waiting.

-That's how excited I am.

And you do now. And you're doing that.

Sorry about that.

It's the other way, yeah.

Slow, quick, quick, quick.

Five, six, seven...

-And we've got to work out...

-THEY LAUGH

That was terrible!

The most important thing is the face, the personality.

It's the idea that these two never smile. They had...

The sand dance was inspired by the 1920s craze for all things Egyptian.

But it was their energy as performers,

and of course, their splendid facial hair

that was to stand the test of time.

JACQUIE LAUGHS

So, we're going to go from the top?

One, two, three, four. One.

Six, seven, eight.

One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven, eight.

One, two, three, four,

five, six, lift the leg.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

-Yes! Yes! You got it.

-We did it, we get it, we did it!

They did it for decades and it still made people laugh.

It never got unfunny.

No, that's the trouble with words.

I think words have got a sell-by date in comedy,

but physical funniness like that, I think, it does last forever.

I don't know how many hard-core Wilson, Keppel and Betty fans

there are out there, but if you're watching, we apologise.

The Andrew Sisters, on the other hand,

have a dedicated army of followers.

And I've enlisted some help to ensure I'm getting the act right.

-MUSIC PLAYS IN BACKGROUND

-Do you hear that?

That is the unmistakably gorgeous, close harmony sound

that was championed by the Andrew Sisters.

I have loved this sound for years

and now, I've come here to recreate it on my own.

# Can't blow a note if the bass and guitar

# Isn't goin' with him

# And the company jumps when he was reveillin'

# He's the boogie-woogie bugle boy of Company B. #

-SHE APPLAUDS

-Woo!

-If I'm going to do this and have a go at doing it...

-If?

..as well as I can, what for you...

what are the key tips you can give me

for a really good, convincing Andrew Sister?

-The right notes.

-THEY LAUGH

The right... Thanks.

Is it going to be impossible to do

cos I've waltzed into this thinking,

"I've always wanted to be the Andrew Sisters. I'll be all three of them."

-If you really concentrate...

-Well, that is impossible.

Just concentrate on the line when we come to teaching you your line,

just really concentrate on that.

Treat each line as part, you know, one of three.

Part of a group, don't try to solo anything

because it's just a togetherness and a blend that you're going for.

So, the song I really want to sing,

it is a song I have loved since I was teeny-weeny,

is Don't Sit Under The Apple Tree With Anyone Else But Me.

-ALL: Oh, yeah.

-And I chose it cos it sounds simple.

-Hm.

-Yes.

-THEY CHUCKLE

-Bits of it.

-OK, how are you going to teach me?

Well, look, the Andrew Sisters were very clever with their arrangements.

They often passed the tune between harmony lines,

but I do start with the tune as the middle part.

So, perhaps I'll start with teaching you the middle.

-The middle part starts with the tune?

-The middle part starts with

the tune. It's like a musical baton. It does get passed across to the top

line, but if I just teach you the middle to begin with...

# Don't sit under the apple tree... #

-You making notes?

-Yes.

-OK.

# With anyone else but me... #

# Me. # Yes.

# Anyone else but me... #

-The words are very easy.

-LAUGHTER

That's why I chose it.

# Anyone else but me. #

# Anyone else but me

# No, no, no... #

-ALL: Ooh.

-Saucy.

-It's starting.

-# Anyone else but me...

-BOTH:

-# No, no, no. #

Just do it with your eyebrows. It helps.

-# No, no, no. #

-That's it. There you go.

Oh, I like that. Wait, I'm writing "eyebrow."

-LAUGHTER

-OK.

-BOTH:

-# Don't sit under the apple tree.

# With anyone else but me.

# Anyone else but me

# Anyone else but me

# No, no, no

# Don't sit under the apple tree... #

It works.

# With anyone else but me

# Till I come marching home. #

-CHEERING

-That's one line...

-Is that it?

..of three in an entire song.

What I'm nervous about is blending. I want to try and have a go.

-If I step out, you could be the me.

-I shall be the Sarah.

OK. Can we do that?

PIANIST: A one, a two, a one, two, three, four.

-ALL:

-# Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me... #

Oh, it's fun!

-# Anyone else but me... #

-Don't sack me.

# Anyone else but me

# No, no, no

# Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me

# Till I come marching home.

Oh! Oh, I love this, I love this. I've died and gone to heaven.

'You can see why people fell in love with the sound'

that these girls made.

It's just pure happiness encompassed in one song

and if I could get just a little bit of that, I will feel so thrilled.

-Thank you so much, all of you. Thank you.

-No problem.

-You're very welcome.

-Wish me luck.

-Good luck.

-Well done, though. Well done.

-Thanks.

How are you getting on, Frank?

I'm trying a bit of method acting

and I'm immersing myself in the world of Max Miller.

He lived his whole life in Brighton and loved the place.

So where better to start?

I do think if you want to be Max Miller,

you should come to Brighton,

because once you walk around here,

the sort of idea of cheekiness is unavoidable.

You know, it is the place, it's every seaside postcard you've ever seen.

And that's what Max Miller was all about.

# I'm known as a cheeky chappie

# The things I say are snappy

# That's why... #

In fact, there is a Brighton chippy dedicated to the Cheeky Chappie.

And it's the headquarters of a loyal band of Max Miller followers.

If I'm to recreate Miller's act, I'd better get their approval first.

I'm looking for the Max Miller Appreciation Society,

am I in the right place?

-Yes.

-Yeah.

-Right. So thank you for meeting up like this.

I kind of like it. It looks like we are plotting something.

Did any of you see him on stage?

-I did, yes. I did.

-OK, when did you see him?

At the Croydon Empire.

And then another time I saw him at the London Palladium.

And it was his presence. It was his presence.

He had those blue eyes, the ladies all liked the blue eyes.

The blokes all liked the sort of cheeky chappie,

he's Jack the Lad, stuff like that. So everybody loved him.

I'm going to go and try and do Max Miller.

I'm sure you've seen a few Max Miller impressionists.

There'll never be another.

Why did I choose to be someone who said himself,

"There'll never be another"?

True.

Can you give me any tips?

You can learn all the jokes and you can go onstage and tell them,

but you are not going to get the laughs because it was the...

-"There'll never be another," he said, which is absolutely true.

-Yes.

And he had a brilliant sense of timing.

Numerous examples of his timing.

Now, you know how important timing is in comedy and Max Miller had it.

The voice, I think, is quite a challenge.

He had a high-pitched voice.

HIGH-PITCHED: I need to be up there.

-That's it.

-Up there. Right, OK.

Now, one thing I can't do this without, obviously, is the costume.

It's the suit!

'I've always been fascinated by Max's gaudy suit.

'It was so essential to his act that he even wore it when doing radio.

'I'm hoping to get my hands on an original.'

I was wondering if maybe I could borrow the suit.

No.

Oh.

-OK.

-But we've got one in particular that we think you'll like.

That, for Max, is rather dull and drab.

I've come across this one that is much more you, Frank.

OK, and I can borrow this one?

-Yes.

-Yes.

-That's fantastic. Can I take it?

You don't want to let go of it, do you?

-That's lovely.

-All yours. And all the best of luck.

-That's...

Thank you so much. I shall wear it with pride.

One of the guys from the Appreciation Society was just telling me

that Max kept parrots, which I never knew.

And suddenly, the whole thing falls into place.

Because if you look at Max in profile, there is quite a beaky face.

He wore these brightly coloured things like a parrot.

And when he starts, when he comes on stage, he's like, "Eh, eh, eh!"

I think this is what happened.

I think Max based his act on parrots.

So when I do Max Miller, that's what's going to be in my head.

Think parrot.

But before I can do that,

let's return to our story of popular entertainment.

Something had arrived in our living rooms

that would turn the world of variety upside down.

By the mid-1950s, 4.5 million of us were tuning in to telly.

And the arrival of commercial television in 1955 brought

a new emphasis on entertainment.

Variety was quickly adapted to the small screen

and Sunday Night At The Palladium gave viewers a seat

at the world-famous variety theatre from the comfort of their own home.

Why bother going out at all?

# Do you know

# What it's like

# To be lonesome? #

The grand variety theatres struggled to lure in the punters

and were increasingly empty.

# Do you know how it feels... #

And it was no laughing matter.

A notice backstage at the Regent in Rotherham warned acts that -

"Jokes about the size of the audience will not be appreciated

"in this theatre."

In this era of economic boom, many ailing variety venues

were demolished or converted to make way for shiny new developments.

Some features remained places of mass entertainment.

Albeit of a different kind.

# You can rock it You can roll it

# You can slop and you can stroll it at the hop... #

And as well as nightclubs, there was always that 1950s obsession.

The term full house would never mean the same again.

'Are the bingo sessions helping the theatre much?

'Well, they're not at the moment'

but we're hoping during the winter period,

when audiences are low, that they will.

Other variety theatres decided to try something new

to lure in an audience.

It was all about a more stripped down form of fun.

Of course, nudity as live entertainment was nothing new.

But in the 1950s, theatres nationwide enjoyed performances

from the likes of Nudes Of The World and We've Got Nothing On Tonight.

I think I saw that one.

Variety shows were a family affair.

Somewhere you could take your granny or your children.

But nude reviews brought in a somewhat different clientele.

Many people saw them as the final nail in the coffin

of British variety.

One venue though mixed nudity and comedy, and it became

the unlikely training ground for some of Britain's best comedians.

It was called The Windmill.

I'm glad to hear someone was offering variety's comics a refuge.

That's probably where I would have ended up.

There are worse places, Frank.

The Windmill was run by impresario Vivian Van Damm

who had the interesting nickname of VD.

It had been famous for its unmoving naked girls since the 1930s.

By presenting nude tableaux,

it avoided the Lord Chamberlain censorship policy of,

"If it moves, it's rude."

Today, it's a strip club and sadly devoid of comedians.

But I've persuaded Barry Cryer to come to the pub

opposite his former workplace to tell me how it all worked.

There it is.

Dear old place after all these years.

If you were a comic, you were in every show.

You clocked in about 11 o'clock in the morning

and got yourself ready and everything. Did the first show.

And of course, they come to see the strippers.

The wonderful thing about Vivian Van Damm was he loved comedians

so he could indulge his love of comedians

knowing the customers would come anyway.

The roll of honour, you know, Harry Secombe, Peter Sellers

and everything. Eric and Ernie apparently got the sack.

Bob Monkhouse failed his audition. You couldn't make it up.

Was it a tough crowd to play to

because essentially they weren't there to laugh?

In a funny way, I suppose, looking back,

you did get more relaxed about it because you thought, "They haven't

"come to see me, so I'll just be laid back and enjoy doing my act."

So, how many shows a day? Six shows a day?

36 shows a week.

You must have been exhausted.

But then, I mean, it must have made you sharpen up the act

-and get better and better so quickly.

-Well, you'd hope so.

But, as I said, you learn to die with dignity

because particularly in the afternoon,

in the long reaches of the afternoon, was a marvellous Geordie

called Jimmy Edmondson who worked at The Windmill.

And he came on one afternoon

and a man in the front row just opened a newspaper.

And Jimmy said, "I see you brought your own comic."

THEY LAUGH

What about the punters?

Were they expected to have a certain level of behaviour?

There was a notice - "Artificial aids to vision are not permitted."

And in those days, there would be adverts

and things on the back of a Sunday paper.

And I remember this.

There was some binocular glasses, miniature binoculars that you wore

like glasses for when you went to horse racing and football and sport.

And one guy thought,

"Oh, that's perfect for The Windmill." And he was sitting

wearing his binocular glasses and big Peter, the house manager,

wonderful, appeared very discreetly.

"Excuse me, sir, you're out." Got him by the collar

and brought him right to the front door here and asked him to leave.

And the guy was still wearing these.

And he fell down the stairs and broke his leg.

I don't know whether he went on to sue The Windmill for a broken leg.

I doubt it. I doubt it.

The Windmill was to continue as a successful training ground

for comedians until its closure in 1964.

But beyond liberal-thinking Soho,

the benefits of nude reviews were less obvious.

The family audience had been driven away by the dirty Mac brigade.

It wasn't long before the variety theatres were looking to a new

crowd for help. And a fresh musical craze that would bring them in.

-I thought I said I was wearing the checked shirt today.

-His and hers?

# Now me and my wife went to town... #

Skiffle arrived in the UK from America and by 1956,

its fast-paced and exciting sound

was bringing in a new audience to the theatres.

Teenagers.

But would this new crowd appreciate variety in the way

their parents had done?

The man who made skiffle popular here was actually

a Glaswegian by the name of Lonnie Donegan.

# Freight train, freight train goin' so fast

# Freight train, freight train goin' so fast

# Please don't tell what... #

Lonnie's son Peter is keeping the tradition alive

and plays with his dad's old touring band.

Today, he's teamed up with original skiffle king Chas McDevitt

and they've invited us to join them for a bit of a jam.

# ..have gone. #

SHE CHEERS

-Brilliant!

-Fantastic!

So, I'm going to ask the big question. What is skiffle?

It's a mixture of every kind of style of music.

You've got country in the, folk, jazz, blues, all mixed into one.

And it's one of those kind of things that it's also music

that everybody can join in with.

Anybody could pick up like a washboard, a guitar,

so long as you learn two or three chords, you know,

a tea-chest bass and you can just bend it into tune.

And then you had yourself a skiffle band.

And then just learn how to sing.

How did you get into skiffle, Chas?

I started with a jazz band.

I was playing at school. I learnt banjo. Went with a local jazz band.

When I moved to London,

I joined the remnants of the Crane River Jazz Band.

And I was on banjo and we started featuring the skiffle group

in the interval. We were living in Chelsea

and playing the coffee bars in Chelsea and eventually in Soho.

What did it feel like when skiffle bands

were on things like a variety bill? Cos it happens just at the moment

where variety is slightly running out of puff.

-Professional musicians hated us because we were...

-Sacrilege.

A lot of them were working for nothing.

And not having the technique that the musicians had

and taking all the work. So they really hated us.

Did you play shows with ventriloquists and comedians

and all that sort of stuff?

To start with, yeah. People say that the youngsters killed variety.

But we didn't. We gave it a new lease of life.

If you put a skiffle group on top of the bill, as they did once in

Glasgow for us, we were top of the bill and they had a skiffle contest.

The whole week the theatre was full of kids.

That was a new lease of life for a while, it didn't last too long.

So if we were going to have a go at skiffle,

what is our checklist of stuff to remember to really

get into the spirit of doing skiffle properly?

-A sense of rhythm is all you need.

-Yeah.

I mean, we'd like to try Rock Island Line.

I think we are in the long tradition of skiffle

in that we probably know two or three chords

and that's about it.

That's all you need. You're done. You're in.

Rock Island Line was Peter's dad's smash hit,

and the song that kick-started the skiffle craze in the UK.

What better way to honour it?

Three chords, three strings. It's a tin of ham, which suits you.

You've got a Spam guitar!

That's lovely. It's not actually Spam.

It's what they call a spamish guitar. THEY LAUGH

-I feel like I'm being serenaded.

-LAUGHING: Yeah.

You like to come back to my house for some processed meat?

Now there's a chat up line.

SHE RETCHES

OK, Chas. I've brought my washboard. How do I play it?

As it's such a delicate instrument in your hands,

we can use a hair brush.

A nice swishy sound.

SCRATCHING

And do you bash it as well?

-METALLIC CLANKING

-Whatever you like.

As long as you've got rhythm.

OK, I'll do my best. Come on, you two. Come on.

-So no tea chest?

-No tea chest this time.

-We're going to go with an upright bass.

-OK.

You've changed.

# I got pig iron

# I got all pig iron. #

Just because I find that very therapeutic.

# Rock Island Line She's a mighty good road

# Rock Island Line, she's a... #

Can I stop you, can I stop you there?

-Is that the key your dad did it in?

-Yes.

Your dad had quite a voice, if you don't mind me saying.

I don't... LAUGHTER

-That's the sort of thing...

-Are you feeling the pressure?

I'm feeling the pressure already.

Give us your Johnny Cash voice.

I can do as... Yeah, I can do it. That's an octave...

That's what it...

# Rock Island Line is a mighty good road

# Rock Island Line is a road to ride

# Rock Island Line

# Is a mighty good road

# Well, if you ride it,

# You got to ride it like you find it

# Get your ticket at the station

# For the Rock Island Line... #

There you go.

# Oh, I may be right and I may be wrong

# But you're gonna miss me when I'm gone

-ALL:

-# Rock Island Line She's a mighty good road

# Rock Island Line She's a road to ride

# Rock Island Line It's a mighty good road

# Well, if you ride it You got to ride it like you find it

# Get your ticket at the station for the Rock Island Line

# A, B, C, W, X, Y and Z

# Cats in the cupboard But you don't see me!

FRANK LAUGHS

-ALL:

-# Rock Island Line She's a mighty good road

# Rock Island Line She's a road to ride

# Rock Island Line She's a mighty good road

# Well, if you ride it You got to ride it like you find it

# Get your ticket at the station for the Rock Island Line

# Hey, it's on the...

-ALL:

-# Rock Island Line. #

Woo!

-There you go.

-I love it!

THEY ALL LAUGH I love it.

JOHNNY CASH VOICE: I love it. Mmm. That sounds good.

THEY LAUGH

I am completely exhausted but exhilarated.

Didn't you love that? It was amazing!

It was. It was really amazing.

It's interesting cos in the context of this show, I think

it's tempting to see skiffle as the bad guy a bit.

There was all this, you know, beautiful variety and quaint British

entertainment and then skiffle came along from America and took over.

But when you actually experience it first hand, you think,

"Well, how could they possibly compete with that?"

# One, two, three o'clock, four o'clock rock... #

The skiffle craze was huge but short-lived.

It soon gave way to rock and roll and its legions of screaming fans.

And these fans weren't interested in sitting down quietly

and watching novelty acts.

As theatres put more bands on the bill,

traditional variety acts were pushed out.

SHE PLAYS DON'T SIT UNDER THE APPLE TREE

Rowdy rock and roll was one thing

but the Andrews Sisters act was a bit more polished.

I've got a lot of practising to do

and I'm starting to realise quite how much these girls had going on.

Their diction was amazing. They sang with incredible precision.

They blended.

They put the stress on the same notes, at exactly the same point.

I've got to remember all that stuff.

I've got to do a performance where I do a bit of movement,

raise my eyebrow occasionally, bit of a cheeky smile.

I've got to give it all that energy.

I'm just surprised, the bit I thought would be difficult

was learning the notes, learning three separate loads of notes,

keeping them in my head. That bit has been the easiest bit.

Actually turning it into a performance is...is really

quite a bit harder than I expected.

Sounding good, Suzy.

While you've been swatting up,

I'm still on the trail of our entertainment story.

With the theatres full of rock and roll acts,

variety was looking for a new home.

And one place it found was that very British institution,

the working men's club.

-ALL:

-# If you were the only girl in the world

# And I was... #

I went to a working men's club once and the acts were

introduced by the Entertainment Officer, not a performer.

And not always totally in tune with what a performer

needed by way of an introduction.

So he came on and said, "We've got a fantastic woman coming on now.

"Great singer. You're going to have a great sing-along."

And he said, "I want you all to give her a really warm welcome.

"And can I just say that we have very good toilet facilities here

"and the people who think it's clever to nip out

"and use the car park instead of going to the toilet, to save time,

"we don't think it's clever and if we find out who you are,

"you'll be banned.

"Ladies and gentlemen, Zoe Springsteen."

So...

She started on the wrong foot, I thought.

The 1950s was a boom time for working men's clubs.

As working-class communities grew on out-of-town estates,

the clubs grew with them. And after a long week at work

everyone was desperate for some entertainment.

I'm not a member.

I know a bit about working men's clubs from my early career,

but I've come to this North London club to find out what

they were like in their heyday.

-Ruth.

-Frank. Lovely to meet you.

-Lovely to meet you.

-Do you come here often?

-I do. As often as I can.

-Oh, lovely.

-Welcome to the Langdon Club.

-Thank you very much. It's nice.

Who would book the acts that were on?

The Entertainment Secretary, the Ent Sec.

They would travel around a little bit,

maybe go to what used to be called shop windows,

where acts who wanted to get in on the club circuit

would go and perform.

The Ent Secs would go

and book what they thought might go down well in their own clubs.

What kind of a bill would I expect to see?

A comedian, stand-up. You've always got to have a comedian.

You might get a duo,

often a husband and wife duo who might work in the local factory

during the week but get all dressed up to the nines at weekends

and strutted their stuff.

And occasionally you might get a fire eater.

-OK.

-That was always quite exciting.

LAUGHING: OK.

-Just don't sit too near the stage.

-No, indeed.

I guess there was a lot of pressure on the Ent Sec

because if the acts weren't good, presumably the members would

turn to him and ask him why he'd booked them.

They would, but they wouldn't need to in a way

because they would just show whether they liked or disliked

-an artiste right away.

-I'm sure they would.

Yeah, they would just carry on talking, drinking, making a lot

of noise, saying, "When's the bingo starting?" and all sorts of things.

And the Entertainment Secretary might flash the lights

and say, "Order, order."

-It was hard.

-Yeah.

-You had to really prove your worth in those clubs.

Many of those who really proved their worth were stand-ups,

particularly those with a talent for punchy one-liners

that could grab the attention of a distracted crowd.

Stars like Larry Grayson, Marti Caine,

and Bernard Manning all got a start in the clubs.

I'd like to reinvent the tradition of the shop window.

Because what I want to do, I want to make you the

Entertainment Secretary and I'm going to be the comedian.

And I'm going to try and reproduce what

I would see as a sort of typical working men's club comedy act.

-Mm-hmm.

-I'm basing it on a guy called Colin Crompton.

I'm going to let you decide whether I get booked or not.

Right, I'll do my best.

I've often been told I look like Colin Crompton,

which I've always found a bit disconcerting.

Crompton was the club circuit comic who later came to

fame in the 1970s on TV shows such as The Comedians and the fictional

working men's club, The Wheeltappers And Shunters Social Club.

Regarding the notice in the gents what says wet paint.

This isn't an instruction.

LAUGHTER

One thing about Colin Crompton which the modern viewer might be

confused by is that he had one of the most dynamic

and elaborate comb-overs I've ever seen in my life.

And I think, for the modern audience, if you look at him

on YouTube or something, you assume that he's done it for comic effect.

But that's because you weren't alive in the '70s

when people actually thought this was fine.

JAUNTY MUSIC PLAYS

APPLAUSE

There's a copper in a police station. He had a phone call.

A guy said, "There's a horse dropped dead in Nebuchadnezzar Street."

So he started filing out his report, the copper. And he said,

"Right, Nebuchad... N-E-B-U-K... N-E-B-A-C-K... N-E-B..."

He said to the sergeant, "How do you spell Nebuchadnezzar Street?"

He said, "Use your initiative."

So the copper went off.

Came back half an hour later...

He was covered in dirt. All his tunic were ripped.

He had blood on his hands.

The sergeant said, "What happened to you?"

He said, "I've been moving that horse to King Street."

DRUMROLL LAUGHTER

I went into town. There were a fella lying flat on his back in the gutter.

I said, "You all right, mate?" He said, "Yes, I'm fine.

"I found a parking space. I just sent the wife home to get the car."

DRUMROLL LAUGHTER

10% of all road accidents are caused by drunk drivers.

Now that means that 90% of all road accidents

are caused by sober drivers.

They are the one they want to ban.

Then we can drive home safely.

DRUMROLL MILD APPLAUSE

Thank you very much. You've been a lovely audience. Goodnight.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I haven't felt like this for years.

I feel like I've just done a really terrible gig and died horribly.

-I know you were doing your best to help me.

-I was, wasn't I?

You were quite a tough crowd though for all that.

-Yeah, well, you told me to be critical.

-Mm.

Go on, fire away.

-Well, I think back in the day you might have got the job.

-Mm.

You might have got a booking

because it was fairly clean, family-type fun.

It's good to remember what it feels like to absolutely bomb.

You didn't absolutely bomb, Frank.

But you know what, Ruth, it's a great leveller.

Wakey-wakey!

Variety had found a new home.

By 1961, three quarters of British households had a television set.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

Good evening and welcome to the show.

And TV went to great lengths to capture the sparkle

and buzz of a night out.

DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS

APPLAUSE

From the stages of variety theatres...

..to working men's clubs.

# I am the music man

# I come from down your way

# What can I play?

# What can I play? #

So our golden era of entertainment had ended.

But the greats of variety had left us a glittering legacy.

And now we are en route to revive that era in our own way.

I think what's particularly beautiful about the people that we've

looked at in this series, the stars of popular entertainment,

and I shouldn't be surprised at this

but what I really loved was that they were so unashamedly popular.

They loved being loved by the masses.

I think now that's slightly frowned on.

If you get more than ten million viewers, you must be a bit lowbrow.

Nobody cared about that. They just wanted to be loved.

They went up there and the more people that loved them, the better.

And they didn't care about the sort of critical or intellectual analysis.

They were the crisps and chocolate of the act.

They just gave people what they wanted

not what they thought might be good for them.

What you realise is that these are people who created that

template, literally created it, that cross-class,

cross-generational entertainment.

The thing that your granny and your kids could watch and enjoy

and laugh at, whether it is the kind of end-of-the-pier show

or a bit of naughty vaudeville or watching Strictly,

all of that stuff just wouldn't exist without those people.

And they were...

..brilliant pioneers

as well as being fantastically great performers.

They just sort of had it all.

They had charisma, they had balls, they had business nous,

they were such go-getters.

As our journey through 100 years of popular entertainment draws

to a close, it's time to get into character

and give it a proper send-off.

He kept parrots, Max Miller. SHE GIGGLES

And I think they had quite an influence on him.

Cos he wears the most outrageously garish costume

and he sort of cackles. So when he comes on, he goes,

"I'm here." HIGH-PITCHED CACKLE

And I think if you think parrot, I think that is the place to take it.

Sort of randy parrot.

You do randy parrots, I'll do chintzy apple trees.

Surely Randy Parrot is an American singer-songwriter.

-May you inhabit the spirit of Max.

-I'm trying to get there.

I'm really looking forward to it.

Fish and chips, bra straps, rock.

JAUNTY MUSIC PLAYS APPLAUSE

Oy, oy, I'm here.

HE CACKLES

What if I am?

I had two girls come to visit me backstage tonight.

And as they left the theatre, I heard one of them say,

"Doesn't he dress nice?"

And the other one said, "Yes, and so quickly."

LAUGHTER W-w-whoa-whoa-whoa when I'm talking.

It's rude to interfere. It's like married life.

But aren't I nice? I'm not drawn in,

I'm all muscle. I'm not drawn in.

Don't they ride up this weather? LAUGHTER

I'm going to sing a song. A song called A Fan Dancer Minus Her Fan.

Now, I haven't finished it yet. I've got the beginning. I've got the end.

But what I'm after is that middle bit.

LAUGHTER That's what I want.

-Shall I start it off, Paul?

-You start it off, Max.

I'll start it off and then you will creep in, won't you, you'll creep in?

-I'll creep in, Max.

-I'll give you the key.

No, well, he might get home before me, you see.

LAUGHTER MUSIC STARTS

# I started courting a smashing fan dancer

# To marry her, that was my plan

# Now it's all off with the smashing fan dancer

# She fell down and damaged her fan. #

Ee-ee. I said it wasn't finished.

The middle bit, that's what I'm after.

Oh, that middle bit.

Now, here's the end part. Do you like the end part, lady?

You haven't heard it yet.

LAUGHTER

# At last that poor girl She's gone home to her mother

# Tell her fan is mended or she... #

LAUGHTER Oy! Oy! Oy!

You know, it's people like you get me a bad name.

Right, I'll leave you with a little recitation.

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I know, I've seen them on the clothesline. Goodnight.

APPLAUSE JAUNTY PIANO MUSIC PLAYS

Max Miller bitterly resented American acts coming over.

SHE LAUGHS

But from me personally, good luck.

Oh, thanks(!) Whatever, parochial island boy.

-I'm doing it for the Americans.

-Yeah, yeah.

BAND PLAYS INTRO

# I wrote my mother

# I wrote my father

# And now I'm writing you too

# I'm sure of Mother

# I'm sure of Father

# And now I want to be sure

# Very, very sure of you

-ALL:

-# Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me

# Anyone else but me Anyone else but me

# No, no, no, don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me

# Till I come marching home

# I just got word from a guy who heard

# From the guy next door to me

# That a girl he met just loves to pet

# And it fits you to a T

# So don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me

# Till I come marching home. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

JAUNTY PIANO MUSIC PLAYS

Oh, lovely.

Of course, the other two sisters are waiting for me in my dressing room.

Ugh. Time to let go of Max Miller know, Frank.