Green Dreams Country Strife: Abz on the Farm

Contains some strong language.

The peace and tranquillity of rural Wales

offers a chance to get away from it all.

To live the good life far from the stresses of the modern world.

For most, it remains a pipe dream,

but this young city couple are determined to make it a reality.

I'm going to do something different with the rest of my life.

Whoo-hoo!

Look at that.

Ah! Oh, my gosh!

They want to set up a smallholding in Wales...

Got my first chicken.

..and live off-grid...

Whoa.

..grow their own food...

Iceberg lettuce, girl.

Oh, easy tiger.

..and keep their own animals...

I never thought it would feel like that.

..but, with hardly any money...

We are brass pocket.

Like nada.

..and even less know-how...

Why is it so hard?

..will their green dreams survive...

It can be done.

..rural real life?

I'm selling. Sold!

We'll figure it out, and that's where I'm at right now,

is - I'm figuring it out.

Just outside Cardiff, in Barry, Wales,

Abz Love and Vicky Fallon's lives couldn't be further away

from the rough and ready life of a farmer.

Good girl.

They and their five dogs

inhabit a world of sleek white granite and all mod cons.

Stop it.

That's it, nice and civilized.

Like we spoke about.

No, no. Come on.

Abz and his fiancee, Vicky, are musicians.

What is that? Who gave you a biscuit?

Writing and recording songs together is the world they know.

Abz produced all of the music and I wrote and sang the song.

# I'm-a let you be the bad boy... #

Tell me this ain't Britney Spears!

Vicky is that beacon. It sounds really cheesy

but I always say it, but she's that... In the darkness, man,

she was my light that come along.

She's like my Sharon Osbourne, do you know what I'm saying?

If ever we was going to release a duet, this is kind of that.

-Sonny and Cher.

-It's kind of that.

It's along them lines. It's quite fresh, it's quite modern.

The world's ready for another Sonny and Cher...

-And Vicky blessed it with...

-..only without the violence.

For Abz and Vicky, the rock and roll of city life has lost its lustre.

I just want to get going. I'm just getting impatient now.

Abz wants to give it all up and start a whole new life.

Just I'm tired of all the plastic and all the shopping.

That's what I mean by off-grid and getting away from everything.

I want to go against all of that and just exist.

Oh, man. I love the wilderness. I love the outback.

I love just the...

You've just got space. You've just space, man.

Like, that compared to being on a train in the middle of London.

Don't give it all guru.

Abz's dream is to buy a smallholding in the country.

Vicky agrees but wants to keep their feet on the ground.

You need to learn to listen

because country life is real and it's hard and, you know, it's rough.

People can get hurt.

-No, see...

-No.

-You're putting out that juju. We don't need that juju.

I don't think like that so it don't happen.

There is more accidents in the country.

-You've got machinery. You've got animals.

-Listen...

Dirty, muddy, slippy, rocky, danger. Danger!

Listen, I've had issues with the Hoover in the house

that have been very dangerous, like.

How has a Hoover been dangerous to you?!

The hosepipe around your leg, you trip on it,

it doesn't come round the corner when you pull it.

But what I'm trying to make the point is - I'm not dangerous.

It just kind of finds me.

Abz and Vicky have agreed that, dangerous or not,

they'd like to start their new simpler life in rural Wales.

This is Llandeilo, babe.

It's like Notting Hill. It's got the coloured houses. Yeah.

Welsh Notting Hill.

Cla-cli-cle-ka Hill.

Although Abz and Vicky like the idea of being self-sufficient,

they're not sure what that's going to look like,

so they're heading to North Pembrokeshire

to meet a pioneering community living off-grid

who may be able to fill in the picture.

They're visiting an eco-village of nine smallholdings

called the Lammas project.

Lammas in the building.

-Lammas.

-Here we are.

Lammas was established in 2009 after new laws

allowed green development in the Welsh countryside.

Here everybody lives off-grid.

They grow their own food,

generate their own power

and even build their own distinctive eco-friendly homes.

If Abz and Vicky want a green dream on a budget,

then Lammas might offer some answers.

Like this. Look at this.

-I think that's Simon in the brown.

-OK.

Simon Dale is one of the UK's best-known eco-builders.

How're you doing? I'm Vicky. Nice to meet you.

He built his first hobbit house in 2003 for £3,000.

Thanks for giving us the time, man. This is amazing.

Since then, he has transformed his hillside of seven acres

into a prototype for green living.

His planting scheme is a model for what Vicky and Abz could achieve.

Have a little walk around and see what we're doing now.

-See what we've done in the past few years.

-That would be great, man.

The magic happens, man.

Coming to places like this, I know I'll leave so inspired.

What sort of stuff are you growing there?

It's a perennial cabbage. Just keeps on growing,

keeps on growing, so you don't have to re-plant it.

-Did you say it was a predatorial cabbage?

-Perennial.

I was thinking, "Boy! Stay away from the cabbages at Lammas, man."

These are phacelia, which are green manures.

You can eat it. You have to not eat loads and loads

because there's some stuff in it

which is a bit bad for you.

-Good for you or bad for you?

-Good-bad for you or bad-good for you?

What are we saying? Are we saying like good-bad?

Like it's good but it's bad,

but you can't say that it's good because it's bad,

or are we saying like good-good where it's like the good shit

-or are we saying like...

-Both.

-He's confused!

-It's both! All right.

-Sweet.

-Please, the poor man!

-My bad.

I'm impressed with this grass mound. I'm not going to lie.

-What is that?

-It's just a pile of turf.

-It's so healthy.

-That's just turf and it's all grown on it.

-I want one of them.

-Look at these! Darling. Is that rhubarb?

-Oh, they're amazing.

-It's rainbow chard.

-Chard, yeah.

-Rainbow chard.

-Whoa.

-It's got beautiful stems.

-Whoa.

-So sick, man. I love it. It's so cool.

-It's wicked, isn't it?

Everything just feels happy here.

Birds are like just constantly singing a nice like theme.

They're, like, orchestrated just for this moment, it feels like,

you know what I'm saying?

It's stunning, man.

Little bit jealous. Little bit jealous.

You're bringing out my envious part. I want to live here, too.

This is really cool. It's so cool, man. So cool.

There's a real sense of community here, man. It's positive.

It is harmonious. It's like when you get your fish tank set up just right

and you've got the PH levels just right

and you've got the blue lights and everything's happy.

All the fish are happy, the ripples, everything's nice.

I mean, that's not a good example because my fish died.

Not like your tank.

Like many residents at Lammas,

Simon is used to helping out people with green ambitions

but no idea where to start.

I'd love a workshop. You just need the tools, you need the stuff.

It's knowing what they are, though.

That's not an apple de-corer, is it?

See. I put that in a apple and take out the centre of a apple.

Do you think what we're getting into, Simon, is quite challenging?

-Do you think we're nuts?

-Do you think we're nuts?

I think you're as sane as anybody.

I've got massive respect for your readiness to dive into your dreams,

you know, because what is life for?

I feel like people are just slightly off course a little bit.

What are they going to do when they ain't got no electric?

And you can't get Fifa to play and your kids are going crazy

and they need food and, like, Tesco's is shut down

-and there's zombies all in the street?

-All right, calm down.

Simon's got a shed full of like... Look at the size of that.

You could decapitate three zombies with one of them.

Then go and get an apple. Do you know what I'm saying?

Everyone's happy, yeah. The coast is clear.

-Yeah!

-Wicked.

Tao Wimbush is one of the founding fathers of Lammas,

where the needs of the community are largely met by their own efforts.

However, just like the rest of us,

they still need some money to get by on,

so Tao and his wife Hoppi farm ducks, geese and cows.

Hoppi also runs a skincare business, a cut flower trade

and operates the smallest registered dairy in the UK.

If there is money to be made from a smallholding,

they're the people to talk to.

-I'm Vicky.

-Good to meet you, and...

-Abz. What was your name?

-Hoppi.

Hoppi. Pleasure, darling. This place is magic.

-Do you want to do this?

-Yeah.

-It's magic. Yeah.

Permaculture, have you heard about permaculture?

It's like a map of nature and it's about caring for yourselves,

caring for the land and taking your fair share

in harmony with the earth, yeah?

So it's a really very well thought-out principled way

of looking at your water, looking at your energy,

looking at your plants, everything.

What is it that you actually want from the land?

Like, what's the relationship that you want to create?

I'd like to plant like fruit galore.

I don't know whether I'll need a polytunnel.

What ones I can grow just naturally out and just...

I want to... Like, butterflies. I want an aviary.

I want to just go wild with it.

You need to know what height your land is

and you need to like think about if you're going to have livestock,

how you're going to fence it so that it doesn't eat your trees.

-Yep.

-It's like a lot. It is a lot.

Like the idea's there

and I can see myself like in my caravan and I'm happy and stuff,

but there's a lot of effort and energy and tears, blood and sweat

that have to go into this. There really is.

I think like it will hit me when we get there.

It is very much city boy but I know what there is to...

I know what I've got to take on and I'm prepared and I can't wait.

They've got a fabulous attitude to pulling it off.

They've got a lot to learn.

There's a lot of delicious dreaming and kind of,

"Oh, yeah, this is going to be so lovely,"

and the reality?

Well, we'll see.

I'm going to check out the toilet at Lammas.

Apparently, it's something I need to see.

Smell the mint as you walk on it.

Oh, my God!

I like it!

So, like, when you're running low on mint, you can come to the toilet.

It's ingenious.

Lammas, that's probably as close to the good life, in my eyes,

as you're going to get.

But even the good life costs money.

Back in 2009, each family paid £40,000

to buy their plot of land at Lammas.

Thanks so much, Hoppi. Much appreciated, darling.

Bye-bye, lovelies.

Abz and Vicky need to get their finances straight

if they're going to make their move to the country,

and money is a problem.

Abz went bankrupt years ago and we've spent the last six years

gradually building ourselves up but we're by no way millionaires.

# Dance how you wanna dance

# Let's all get down while we got the chance... #

Back in 1997, Abz found fame with boy band Five.

# Line after line

# I flow like rhyme after rhyme... #

The band broke up four years later, but reformed in 2012.

-We're on our way to Butlins.

-Yes, we are.

Bognor, for a Five show.

Make some noise for Five!

These days, Abz is on the road with a Five reunion tour.

OK, I'm getting changed in my luxurious changing room.

I've got a three-seat to get ready on if I want to stretch out

and I've got a pillow. As you can see, it gets cosy.

-Hey!

-Sorry!

Changing rooms can get, like, interrupted sometimes

and I don't appreciate it, to be honest with you.

Just saying, it's my quarters.

Knock! Yo, you gotta knock!

HE RAPS

I just find it really tedious now. I haven't got the buzz anymore.

I step on stage and where's the buzz?

Where did the buzz go?

Come on, Bognor Regis!

ABZ SHOUTS

Buzz or no buzz, these shows have been a godsend.

The money that came with success has long gone.

Out! Good boys.

Their luxury house is just rented accommodation,

but Abz's reunion tours have been paying the bills

and they've managed to save a small deposit.

We was looking for any place. I was looking at pieces of...

plots of land for 20 grand and 5 grand and whatever I could get.

Look, I've found these two places for you.

Vicky's roped in her sister Gemma to help them.

Lammas was a bit of a reality check

and they've realised that they've got to match their big ambition

to their limited know-how and even smaller budget.

The first one is completely derelict.

-That hasn't even got a door.

-No.

How d'you get in?

Despite Abz's rock-and-roll credit history,

they're optimistic they can raise a mortgage of £150,000,

but it's not going to get them much.

-It's a Welsh...

-Wait, but that's not...

You can't move in and live in there, can you?

-No, you have to have a caravan.

-What's it called?

Let's get the first four letters out the way first.

-C-M-W-C... Scanorg...

-Canooukya...

-Wa-a-awa...

-Cng...

That is literally just bricks. I'm spending 150 grand on bricks.

Is there another one?

The next option that we have here is...

-This is more realistic, I believe.

-I like that one.

-This is a three-bed.

-Fucking name again.

Look at the price of that. That's the same price.

It's all structurally sound.

It's got electricity, it's got its own water-drainage supply

but, inside, it needs fully modernising.

And it's got this outbuilding which you can develop.

I like that.

I can see myself just running butt naked on that land, happy.

Where's this address?

This one is called...

How do you say that?

Bontne... HE MUMBLES

C...Ceridigion?

FRENCH ACCENT Savadision.

-It's not French!

-That's how you say Savadision.

"Where do you live?" "Savadision."

Oh, the south of France?

Er, no, its actually in Bontenewyd Finonowin.

You can't say it in a French accent, that's just weird.

I like that one. Let's go and look at that one.

Across Wales, dozens of smallholdings

come on the market every month,

but very few of them fall into Abz and Vicky's price range of

under £150,000.

Araf, honey, araf!

What?

-Slow your arse down, that means.

-OK.

-In Welsh.

You don't realise how fast you're going on all these little roads.

Everyone else does.

Eyes open.

Focus.

I'm excited about this place, guys.

Looks like a bomb's hit it.

Wow.

Look at the house, man, that's falling to bits.

That is hardcore! Are you sure we're at the right place?

Yeah, that's it.

Could do with a bit of paint.

Ffynnonwen in County Ceredigion in mid Wales is being sold by

a farming family who've lived here for generations.

Hey-hey! Whoo!

We're in!

Yeah, that is cool.

It's nicer on the inside than it is on the outside.

There's no mood lighting, innit.

I like it. I like it more now I'm inside it, to be honest.

It's proper rough.

This is what it's got to - with him considering a place like this!

But that's where we're at.

We're so desperate, we just want a home.

Man, you need a lot of work.

Like most Welsh farms, Fynnonwen is surrounded by rough grazing land.

Look! There's sheep poo, man.

It's not good.

-I like it.

-I like it.

-Listen, see all this, babe?

-I just...

See this whole section here?

You could get planning for that, no bother,

turn that into, like, erm, more of a modern wing

and you could put a glass roof on the south facing side.

And what about the sheep?

What do you mean? Whose are they?

Will the dogs...? Will the dogs chase them?

The dogs will be fenced in.

-You got to be careful of sheep worrying.

-Sheep what?

-Worrying?

-Sheep worrying?

-Sheep worrying, innit?

-Something like that.

-Sheep worrying.

-Yeah! What?

It's like scaring sheep.

Do you not know what sheep worrying is?

-What, from the dogs, you mean?

-Yeah.

-What, the dogs will worry the sheep...

-Yeah.

-..and it's called sheep worrying?

-Yeah.

We'll just have to fence things in properly. It'll be fine.

I like it cos it's somewhere. D'you know what I'm saying?

I'd be happy on this land here. I'd be happy all day long.

What's going on over here?

On these hills, heavy rain and poor soil...

What is that growing? What is that?

..create the perfect conditions for bog.

Why is it not grass? What is this? What is this round stuff?

What is that? Whoa!

Narrow area. Ah-agh! Oh, man, that's messy.

I love the quietness.

I know, that's beautiful.

I like the land more than the house.

I like it.

It could work. It could work.

It needs some TLC, doesn't it?

TLC? Fucking hell.

This needs some Grand Designs shit!

How d'you cut this grass?

We called the solicitors, called the brokers and stuff,

and put an offer in straight away.

So it is all go on this house!

It was somewhere, it was cheap.

Abz and Vicky's offer of the full asking price for the property

and three acres was accepted.

But this was their entire budget,

so now there's nothing left to pay for essential building work

to renovate the farm.

We never worry about money, which is probably why we've been bankrupt.

Easy go, easy come.

We, we kinda just trust that everything will work out.

And with no choice but to do the restoration work themselves,

they need to find a way to live on-site.

So they're looking for a caravan.

Definitely not that one cos I think that one needs too much work.

What is that? I don't know what that is.

Wow.

A bit like a spaceship, I quite like it.

Welcome, welcome.

Cassette deck.

I don't even own a cassette anymore!

Oh, dear God. What's this like?

Shut up. Is that a toilet?

Yeah, it's a toilet. Can you close the door?

See what it's like in here?

It's terrifying in here!

What's in there?

A can of Strongbow.

Oh, my God.

-I like that.

-You can't go cruising down the motorway burning shit

-out of, like, a wood burner.

-No.

What's this? Is this the bed?

Yeah, don't sit on it.

-Oh, shit.

-So can I pin notes to that?

Fabulous, I'm lovin' that!

ABZ LAUGHS

That's the highlight, that's got to be the highlight of my day.

So he's taken a pipe,

and he's threaded it through a bit of wood

so you've got that "at home" feel.

You know, like, that you turn this thing.

You know, that shape, er,

getting water out of it might be a problem.

Where's the tap? Where's the screw?

I'm guessing you have to suck to get some kind of flow going,

-like, you know when you get petrol out of a car?

-What?!

I do like a project!

So a caravan looks like an affordable option to live in

whilst they renovate the farm.

And Abz is inspired by other money-making possibilities.

What about putting a swimming pool on the top of a bus?

Like a hot tub. We can drive round Wales and say,

"I notice you haven't got access to a hot tub on your land.

"Would you like to spend half an hour

"in a therapeutic Himalayan salt bath?"

WELSH ACCENT "That sounds lovely, innit!"

Unworried by the mortgage company dragging its feet,

and undaunted by the derelict state of the property...

..and not put off by knowing even less about building

than they do about farming,

Abz wants to acquire some livestock.

You know what I'd really like? I'd like some chickens.

Maybe a couple of sheep. I like a little cow.

-I saw a little cow, you can get them.

-Yeah?

-And I'd like some pigs.

-OK.

Little pigs.

I don't want a big pig, just a little pig.

What's that? It's a little pig, hey!

But they're not canapes!

They want to get their dogs used to livestock

but they need something they can keep in a suburban home.

Every week farmers converge at auctions like this one in

Ffairfach, Carmarthenshire,

to buy animals and farm machinery.

£6, £6, I'm bid.

At 7! 7 for 8, 7, 7 for 8, 7 for 8, 7.

At £7 latest bid.

At £7, £7 all the way. At £7...

I might buy some cable ties.

At 7 for 8, 7, folks. £8.10, 10 for a bid,

10, 11, £11, 12, £12.

Ready to go, then, £8, £8, £8 for the Christmas turkeys...

Today's auction is rather special.

Whilst most trade sheep and cattle,

this one is a sale of rare-breed poultry.

£11, on we go.

Look at these ducks!

-Oh, he's gorgeous!

-I know.

Oh, we've got to have him.

-No, but he'll get eaten.

-We've got to have these two.

-Let's look...

-Love it, quickly.

-Don't worry about them.

Let's quickly make some decisions. I...

Whoa, look at him!

Chickens are a great way to start the process of

becoming self-sufficient.

In prime condition, a hen can produce over 300 eggs a year,

but Abz and Vicky have other priorities.

I think we need to get big chickens

that can defend themselves against dogs.

I think it's him!

I'd like to call him Elvis.

That's typical.

-Elvis in his rhinestone cat suit! Look at him!

-Lionel Richie!

SHE SINGS # All night long! #

Yeah, I think I want him. Let's get him.

A pullet is a young bird.

Auctioneer John Davies is an expert on the poultry on sale today.

Now, you've got more ornamental birds here.

You're not going to have any sort of commercial venture

out of the eggs you're going to get out of those birds.

Right, I'm thinking, like, one or two of them.

Those will produce eggs, you'll get an egg a day.

That's a lot of omelettes, man!

Imagine what we could do with an egg a day?

-We'll just be throwing them around.

-You can sell 'em!

-Rock star eggs.

-Absolutely.

Paint them black, put a little gold star on 'em.

That's it, fiver to go, then...

Despite the appeal of the revenue stream promised by rock star eggs,

Abz and Vicky are sticking with their plan to buy a cockerel...

the non-egg laying male of the species.

£4, £1 was there, 5, are they coming to that? £4...!

I can't understand him.

One lovely cockerel, boys, he's lonely in the pen there, boys!

He's a pretty cockerel! Let's say couple of pound for him.

Couple of pound, £2, £2, £2, £2, 2!

3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8,

£8, £8, £8, £8, 9, 10.

At 10, here's the bid. At £10, £10, 10, sell, then.

Beautiful cockerel at £10.

-Yeah!

-Bargain!

Officially...

..£10.60.

-That's my deeds for my chicken.

-Oh, nice!

Would you like to check that they're all in order?

He's probably thinking, "Who the hell are these people?"

Got my first chicken, met the locals.

A few disapproving looks, I felt.

But that's to be expected. I'm on their territory.

-Let's get out of here.

-Let's do it.

-Let's go.

COCKEREL CROWS

We kept the chicken that we bought at auction inside

because we were living in a built-up area

and you don't need no cocka-doodle-doo

at six in the morning.

COCKEREL CROWS

There you are.

DOGS BARK AND COCKEREL CLUCKS

-There you are, a little mountain for you.

-Not on the fruit.

I smell chicken!

I smell...chicken!

Oh, yeah, he'll like croissant! There we go! Yeah!

He's a French chicken.

Good boy. Oh!

COCKEREL CLUCKS

Fernando is a friend, OK?

-He's family, not food, OK?

-Chickens are friends, not food.

How hard can it be? Really?

Next time...

This would be the kitchen.

Put the kettle on!

It can be done.

I look at this and I see potential.

Sweet.

Innit so small?

..they're on a steep learning curve...

Man, these matches don't work. Nothing's catching fire.

Yeah, give it a go.

Whoa! Jesus! Lord have mercy!

Get off, get off.

-That's crazy.

-You're a natural, man.

..and there's a reality check in store.

What's going on in this field?

-Don't know.

-Oh, no.

Oh, my gosh, that's messy.

-You've got to make some serious choices, guys.

-Yeah.

Reality bites, don't it?

They're going to have to change their thinking quite radically.