Hideous Histories Your Body: Your Image

ALL: Hi!

-I'm Beattie.

-I'm Eleanor.

-I'm Camille.

-And I'm Rose.

We're always super-cool.

Ooh, yeah, super-trendy!

We're pretty much the freshest cats in town.

OK... You're all ridiculous!

We're not. We're comedians.

Comedians that are super-cool and trend-setting.

That's enough! We've actually got a serious point to make here.

SHE CLEARS THROAT

Body image is something that affects all of us.

Time for some myth-busting.

We've discovered that body image isn't just a 21st century obsession.

No, people have been worrying and messing about with their bodies and clothes for years.

So we're here at Bristol Costume Services

to take a look at body image through history.

What?!

There's, like, 60,000 outfits here!

Welcome to our Hideous Histories!

Ahhhh...!

Well, here we are in the Elizabethan era. That's Liz I, not Liz II.

-WITH EXAGGERATED LISP:

-Yeth. I'm the quintethenthial Elithabethan.

All big farthingales and wuffs!

'Did you say ruffs or roughs?'

OFF WITH HER HEAD!

I'm here to tell you about a brand new tooth product.

We all know that having black teeth is all the rage,

but don't worry if you can't afford all that delicious teeth-rotting sugar.

Now you can cheat! Use new coal black.

And you too can get that blacker than black tooth look.

Available from all good fireplaces everywhere.

'That's pretty gross!'

But maybe it's no worse than all the chemicals and bleaches

we put on our teeth now to keep them super-white.

We Georgians know a thing or two about beauty.

I wouldn't dream of leaving the house for a night out

without my powdered wig, which the birds seem to love.

And the ladies rather like it too!

Don't you just love my whiter-than-white complexion?

I actually use a mixture of vinegar and poisonous lead to achieve this.

'That looks and sounds slightly deadly.'

Oh, yah. I'm totally on the verge of death, but don't I look great?

As fashion icons, we're here to tell you about the latest thing on the market.

'Go on, then, icons!'

Well, as everyone knows,

the best thing to cover your pox scars is good old mouse skin.

We've known it for years.

But now you can get even more out of your rodent - mouse brows!

-For that bigger brow look.

-George, they are just adorable...!

Thanks.

SQUEAKING

SQUEAKING STOPS

Tighter, Mary! Tighter!

Nobody's going to take me seriously unless I've got a three-inch waist!

OK, breathe in!

Oh, my goodness! Oh, me lady!

Oh, I told you it was too soon after the operation.

Oh...! Greetings, dear audience. Wait...

I'm here to tell you how to get the perfect hourglass figure.

Just like mine!

Go for the surgical solution. I've had my lower ribs removed.

Which, although it's a little risky...

'Ah, "risky"? That sounds ever so slightly...life-threatening!

Oh, please, be quiet! It was worth every guinea.

Got more money than sense, her. She used MY WAGES to pay for it!

Mary! Get back downstairs!

So, there you have it, ladies - no pain, no gain!

So for just the price of a servant -

and a month or two in bed feeling terrible -

you can have the perfect hourglass figure.

What is it that makes women and men risk their health

and even their lives to achieve unobtainable perfection?

These fashion fads are just that. Fads.

They seem to come and go so quickly. Particularly in more recent times.

CHARLESTON MUSIC

The Victorian period is SO last century!

No more hourglass figures now! Oh, no! No, no, no, no!

I'm a 20th century gal and the flapper... flatter the better!

'Flapper/flatter...?

'Oh, my god, that is one of the worst puns in history!'

So, let me give you some top tips

for getting that boyish figure everyone seems to love now.

What I do is strap down my chest

and constantly do the Charleston to burn off all the calories!

# Happy birthday to you

# Happy birthday to you

# Happy birthday, Mr President

# Happy birth... #

Oh. Hello.

You could me practising for the big party for Teddy.

That's President Kennedy to you.

Anyway, honeys, it's the 1950s and a lot can change in 30 years.

Now curves are current.

So, let them eat cake!

'Wasn't that Marie Antoinette's line?'

And boobs are back, too!

You can look like me, but it'll cost ya.

And it's quite uncomfy. # Boo boob-y-doo! #

SHE GIGGLES

# Prince Charming! Prince Charming!

# Ridicule is nothing to be scared of

# Prince Charming!

# Prince Charming

# Ridicule is nothing to be scared of. #

Justin Bieber eat your heart out!

This is the 1980s, and we really know about big hair for boys.

And that's not all.

If you wanna make out with the girls,

you got to make-up for the girls!

Are you a dedicated follower of fashion?

Has the fickle finger of fashion fate pointed at you?

Is fashion your absolute passion?

Is...fashion your absolute passion?

I just said that!

Maybe it's time to look back at these hideous histories and think again.

In a few years, we might look back at what we consider beautiful now and laugh.

Like we just did with those blasts from the past.

We're gonna be SOOO last century!

Yeah, because it'll probably seem quite ridiculous

when we think about how people would sit under sunbeds to turn skin orange.

Or how we used all those chemicals to whiten our teeth?

Or used steroids to pump up our pecs.

And pumped silicone into our breasts.

All in the name of beauty!

ALL: Bye!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd