Jono: Finding My Family on Facebook

This programme contains some strong language

My eyes get tears in the corners all the time,

which I absolutely hate.

Jonathan Lancaster was born with Treacher Collins Syndrome.

Only one in 10,000 babies are born with this rare genetic condition.

He's never met his biological parents who gave him up for adoption

when he was 36 hours old because of the way he looked.

Luckily for Jono, he was adopted by Jean.

When I looked at him, I thought, "How could your mum leave you?"

Yes, his face did look different, but it didn't put me off wanting to look after him.

Two years ago, Jono contacted his birth parents through an adoption agency

and asked if they wanted to meet him.

Just going through that conversation in my head, they don't want to see you, they do want to see you...

My heart's racing at the moment.

Thank you for calling.

No, that's... Yeah, erm... Obviously not what I wanted to hear.

-They don't want to meet me.

-They don't?

-No.

-They didn't want to see me.

-Not at all?

-No.

HE SOBS

But that wasn't the end of the story.

Six months ago, Jono received a message on Facebook

from someone claiming to be a member of his family.

She was just really sincere, she was like,

"I'm family, if you ever want to meet up or have a conversation or a chat then I'm more than happy to do so."

Could this be the family reunion he's been waiting all his life for?

-You good? You hungry?

-I'm starving.

Jono and Laura have been together for five years and they recently bought their first home together.

-Ah, am I getting one this year?

-No.

-You've just said you're going to get me one.

-I said, "Do I need to get you a card?"

-Yeah, you do. It's my 21st!

I can see your bum!

Laura was there for Jono when he tried to contact his birth parents

and more recently when his relative got in touch online.

The relative who messaged Jono turned out to be a cousin.

I was really unsure whether to believe her or not because she had no friends on Facebook,

She only had one picture. I was, like, "I'm sorry, I don't believe you.

"People have taken the piss in the past. Have you got any proof?"

And she was really sincere and she did get in touch again.

We exchanged numbers

and arranged to meet at her house and went from there.

Jono's like, "Yeah, but she's only my cousin, cousin's aren't that close."

You were asking me what a cousin's meant to be?

I know what a cousin is, but is the relationship,

are you close with your cousins or is it a more distant thing?

Jono's cousin and her family had wanted to stay in touch with him when he was born,

but his birth parents didn't want contact to continue.

It brought a wedge between them.

26 years that they've missed out on. They must have been wondering, "What's happened to him?

"Is he OK? Has he met somebody? How's he grown up?"

They wanted to find out, so I think that's brilliant and I'm glad they did get in touch.

They're all so chatty and open and really nice, welcoming is the word.

They are very welcoming.

If, like, we ever got married, you'd have loads of family...

on your side!

Jono's been invited to have a meal with his cousin and her family.

My extended family inviting me over for a curry night is very new.

This is the third one I've been to, so it's very new, very recent.

I still find it a bit weird in a sense.

Do I give them a hug, do I give them a kiss?

Do I keep my distance? What do I ask them, what do I say?

I still get nervous.

Whenever I meet somebody, I do try and be the best I can be.

Just I get more nervous... when I'm meeting certain people,

and these are them sort.

I've done everything, haven't I?

We're good.

It's all still very, very confusing in my head.

They're family, but they were like strangers

and slowly but surely they're becoming more than strangers.

I can't describe it, it's weird.

-Hiya!

-Hiya!

-Sorry I'm late.

-Oh, red wine, thank you.

Jono's extended family want to be part of his life.

We can't show their faces or feature their real voices because that may identify Jono's birth parents,

who have made it clear they don't want any contact with him.

I've had one mouthful and my mouth is on fire!

-Are you having a tattoo?

-Sorry?

When I come to these things for the first half an hour I feel so nervous and so awkward.

I don't know what to say.

They've all been around each other the last few days and they're just nattering away and I'm like, so...

I just find it so uncomfortable. I don't know what to say or who to talk to.

It's a bit awkward at times.

My mouth is on fire!

-Seeing as this is all new, I mean, what this, what, six months?

-Yeah, it was just, yeah,

because I contacted you just before Christmas and, you know,

-it had taken me three months to think about it before I did do that.

-Yeah.

There are still lots of questions Jono wants to ask his relatives.

-The worst thing was you didn't have any friends on Facebook.

-I explained that when I... I know.

-That's the thing, you joined Facebook.

-Yeah, just solely to contact you, but, um...

My son advised if I go onto Facebook

that would be the easiest way of contacting you.

But because I'd not been on it before, I'd no friends whatsoever.

The only reason I've come on Facebook is to contact you.

That's it, I'd love to meet him and let him know a little of the side of our family

and what we've felt like over the years. But you did seem very wary.

What made you ultimately like press send?

It took a lot of doing. It was about at least three months,

because I didn't want to upset you and cause more grief

and I know I can't replace your mum and dad.

So I wanted to let you know our side of it.

But it took ages to think, what do I write?

And then to actually click it took a lot of thought.

Cos you don't know what you're going to start. Cos you were a total stranger.

But because you're blood it's weird.

-I feel like I've known you for ages now.

-Thank God for Facebook.

-Yeah!

Certain expressions you pull, I can see your dad.

-Saw your picture on Facebook, you look just like your dad. That's the first thing she said.

-Yeah. Yeah.

-Now and again, yeah. Now and again.

-Weird.

-Strange.

Yeah.

When I'm driving home, I just wished that my mum or dad was there.

It makes me smile when she says I remind her of my dad.

It kind of feels nice that I have traits of my father.

And it just frustrates me that I missed out on so much.

The fact that I can't do anything about it kind of infuriates me.

Ever since I was a kid, I always felt lonely for some reason,

and I had this horrible emptiness feeling in my tummy.

And I get that feeling when I'm back home.

Maybe it will go away when I start my own family, I don't know.

It would just be nice if it didn't happen so often.

Adoption agencies have seen a rise in the number of people using Facebook to contact birth family.

And it doesn't always go as well as it did with Jono and his cousin.

Milly is 16. She was given up for adoption as a baby.

Ever since she can remember, Milly's wanted to know more about her birth mother.

As soon as Milly joined Facebook she searched for her mother's profile.

Her adoption notes didn't give her much to go on.

All I had was a bit of paper saying her name, her children,

her average height, hair colour and that she enjoyed sewing.

I didn't have any reason why she didn't want me or anything.

What did you write?

I said something like, "I don't know...

"if you'd remember having a baby about 14, 13 years ago."

Did you tell anyone you were doing this?

No. But my birth mum, I always imagined her to be so perfect

and not nag at all, be like a super parent.

But then when I met her she was just a normal person,

not really anything worth bothering about.

Did you put her on such a high pedestal?

Yeah, like, she'll be perfect, she'll tell me how much she loves me

and that she wishes she'd never given me up and stuff.

After months of sending her birth mum messages on Facebook,

Milly finally got a reply.

The first thing I asked her was, "Why didn't you keep me?"

-Straightaway? Not...

-Yeah. Not, "Hi, how are you?" Nothing, no.

She said she was 23, she already had two kids

and she couldn't cope with another one.

Including me, there are six of us

and I was the only one she didn't keep.

How did that make you feel, that you was again the odd one out?

I had counselling about that at school

because it was so hard to cope with.

How did that make you feel?

A lot better because... Well, not a lot...

She explained some of the things I was feeling.

Did that sink in or make you feel better?

It made sense, I understood it,

but it couldn't really make me feel better.

After six months of messaging,

Milly finally met her birth mum face-to-face.

She'd only told her adoptive mum a week before the meeting.

She came to Hastings, we walked round here.

I was happy, but I was aware that she didn't actually want to meet me.

I felt like she owed it to me.

She came right up to me and she was, like,

"Have you got a hug and a kiss for me?"

Like, two second delay in what I said, I was, like, "Oh, yeah sure,"

and, like, hugged her.

-Did that feel natural or...

-No. She was a complete stranger.

It was really awkward.

Cos she's not my mum. She's just the person that gave birth to me.

Is she still this dream celebrity person?

I wanted her to be, but it was disappointing meeting her.

It wasn't her, it was purely me making stuff up

about how she is meant to be.

I was hoping since she carried me for nine months, given birth to me,

that she might feel something

but it seemed like I was just a bit of a nuisance to her.

When she left, was there a hug goodbye, a kiss goodbye?

A hug goodbye, then she... It was, like, "Bye."

And then she got on her train.

Milly did not meet up with her mum again.

Her story makes Jono wonder

whether he's been idealising his parents all these years too.

Jono recently found some adoption review notes.

These notes are some of the only information

he has on what happened in the run up to his adoption.

It's, like, really shit.

It feels like these are talking about some bloody monster

or something that's grotesque.

"A social worker had offered a photograph of Jonathan

"to his parents, but they had refused this.

"They've not seen Jonathan since his birth and do not wish any new contact."

And this review was almost a year after I were born.

So...it's again, people trying to justify to my parents

why to have me rather than give me up for adoption.

They shouldn't really need persuading, so...

Reading the medical notes is not easy.

"The chairman said he felt it was important that the department

"should agree to the treatment which was in Jonathan's interest

"as a person and not as an interesting medical case."

It's not nice.

I'm still a person at end of the day.

Although the notes are tough to read,

there's one positive to take from them.

My extended family. They wanted to be a part of my life

and they wanted to see me grow up.

At least I have met them now and...we've got a future together.

Jono wants to spend some long overdue time with Jean,

the woman who adopted him and brought him up.

-Hello?

-Hello, darling! Haven't seen you for ages?

She may not be his birth mum, but she's definitely his real mum.

-Are you OK?

-Yeah.

They're ridiculously bad for you.

-How much protein has each bite got in it?

-1.2 grams.

-That's per bite?

-Yeah.

-1.2.

-How many carbs?

-11.5.

Jean's on a diet and Jono's on calorie watch.

Four points for one of them. Ridiculous!

Considering I am only out 29 points a day.

THEY LAUGH

So six of these...that's it!

Shall we just eat those?

He's been so wrapped up in worrying about his birth family,

Jono's forgotten to tell Jean about the reunions he's been having.

I went to my relative's birthday party a couple of week ago.

-Did you? No, you didn't tell me, love.

-I told you.

-You don't tell me anything!

-Honestly, I told you.

-No, love, you didn't.

-I did! Cos I was debating what card to get him.

-No, I know nothing about that.

-Whether to get him a plain card or a named card?

It's at an awkward stage sort of thing.

Even when I go to see them, are you supposed to give them

a cuddle and a kiss or are you supposed to be quite formal?

Well, I suppose they'd like a cuddle and a kiss.

Oh, yeah, I know, I do, but it's still a bit weird.

I love going and seeing them all and being invited and included,

but I wonder what I'm missing out on with, like, my immediate family.

You know? So...

as much as I love it, I do come away feeling a bit frustrated,

erm...which is...

Yeah. You miss out on that...

but you...

you get it in this side of the family, don't you?

Oh, definitely, yeah.

Yeah, I've got, you know, everything here,

-but I could be having a little bit of that as well.

-Mmm.

Mmm.

'I find it very hard to share my feelings with anybody to be honest.

'I keep them to myself.

'I don't want to burden anybody, I don't want to upset anybody

'or put anybody through any pain.

'When I was about seven or eight'

and we was on the tube,

and a young couple were sat across from us and they were laughing at me

and talking about me,

and I knew that it was going on and...

I didn't think my mum had noticed

and we stepped off the tube

and my mum was like a little bit behind me

and when she stepped off, she was in tears and...

You know, she had a little word with them

and I didn't realise she noticed that sort of stuff,

I thought I only noticed the stares and the comments and stuff.

And ever since that moment I didn't want my mum

to go through those emotions again,

I didn't want to bring any tears to her eyes.

Oh, you can get a pink barbeque!

Get one for your birthday.

I haven't read this magazine, actually.

Jono grew up knowing his birth parents

went on to have children after they gave him up,

but he didn't know any details about them.

Two years ago, he requested his adoption notes

and discovered his birth siblings' names and ages.

I went home and within moments I were on Facebook,

typing their names in. Never... Didn't find them.

One day Laura was like, "Oh, I think I know who your sibling is."

You were like, "They're the spitting image of you! In a weird way sort of thing."

Like, if you go like that on the picture on Facebook,

it's the nose more than anything.

It was so good to be able to put a face to the person,

that felt so good.

It were no longer a name, no longer a bit of paper.

There was a real person now, they were out there and...

Yeah, it was...

And they look so cool.

And every time I'm on Facebook, before I log out, you know,

I go on their profile and have a look to see if anything's happened.

I can't believe it's only been ten months

-that I've actually started looking at them.

-It's cos you do it every day.

I look at the profile as well because I want to see another picture,

I want to see another thing of what they look like,

but it never changes.

Even now I could just go on their page, their profile,

and just click "Add As Friend". But I won't do that.

It would be so easy as well if you came home drunk one night

to just log in and do some serious damage

and do something that you seriously regret.

I've been tempted myself, so I don't know how tempted he is!

It is so tempting, but no, I refuse to go against my parents' wishes.

I totally understand where Jono comes from,

where he doesn't...

You know, his parents have said they don't want any contact,

and from what we know, we don't think his siblings do know about him.

And if Jono did go in there all guns blazing,

"I'm your brother", it could potentially break up the family,

because they would probably feel...lied to

and betrayed by their parents for not knowing

and I think Jono has the right to meet them!

Yeah, but...they're getting on with their lives and they're happy

and, you know, they're...they're good.

They're missing out on an older brother.

Yeah, true, but they don't know that they're missing out on it so...

No, they don't, but there's no easy way around doing it, I know it would cause stuff between anybody.

-Somebody's going to get heartbroken.

-I know.

It's just me that's upset and frustrated.

Why should it be you that gets hurt all the time?

Why should it be you that gets the shit end of the stick all the time?

-Because I've had it all my life and...

-So why...

Why shouldn't you do something that makes you happy for a change

and put yourself first rather than everybody else?

But it wouldn't make me happy if I ruin their lives.

It may make everybody's life ten times better.

I used to hate gardening, I really did.

I didn't used to appreciate it whatsoever.

But since I've started...

This is my own garden and since I've started planting stuff

and I've seen them grow, I absolutely love it!

I constantly wonder about my siblings.

Every time I think about them, it's just like I hope that

they're all happy and I hope they're all together and they've got each other.

Maybe what's right for me is getting in touch with my siblings...

..but that may not be right for my siblings

and it's definitely not right for my birth parents.

I want them to continue to have a good relationship.

I don't know anything about them.

Everything I say and everything I feel for them,

it's kind of all make believe.

Erm...

No, I just don't want to cause them any pain or any... I can't, I can't.

Jono's aware that his relationship with his cousin's family

makes it more likely his siblings will find out he exists.

He realises he needs some professional advice.

I kind of were burying my head in the sand with it.

I was kind of, "OK, if we just carry on, nothing will happen.

"If I don't make any attempts to track down my siblings

"or get in touch with them, they won't get hurt

"and nothing further will be done about it."

If it doesn't come from me, it's going to come from somebody else.

Adoption agencies warn that adopted children and their families

need to be aware of the risks of using Facebook

to reconnect with birth family.

-Hello. Hi.

-How are you?

-Nice to meet you.

'It's a very new phenomenon now that lots of people contact that way.'

I'm sure in some cases it works out, but in many cases

it can be disastrous because you don't know what you're entering.

We hear some real horror stories.

With any contact and reunion, it's so important to be prepared

and think about what the consequences are for you,

for your family, for the birth family, everybody.

I look at my siblings' picture,

one of them, I found one of them Facebook,

I look at their picture every single day,

but I won't send them a message,

I won't get in touch with them and a few of my extended family

have got in touch with me through Facebook.

So, I've been lucky enough to meet them a few times.

-So, you have met them a few times?

-I have seen them quite a lot now.

So it will get out at some point, won't it?

It will, but I'm more thinking about my siblings,

the fact that I don't want to hurt them and I don't want to cos any pain

and that's why I won't do anything on Facebook.

Who has got the rights in this?

I mean, do you have the rights to contact your siblings?

-Do your birth parents have the right to prevent you?

-He should have a right to meet them.

So what do you think, Jono?

They're doing what's best for their immediate family.

It's a difficult situation,

you've really got to work and negotiate

so that everyone's needs are met.

You're saying Facebook is not the right way forward

and I think I would agree with you, because it's going to be very sudden, very instant,

you're putting a bomb in that family and it's going to explode.

But when you first approached your birth parents

and found out there were siblings,

were any subsequent letters sent to say,

"Well, Jono understands your position at this time,

"but there may be a time that he would like to be in touch

-"with his siblings"?

-No. On the form it said,

"Regarding this subject, we do not wish to be contacted."

Do you think it's important that your birth parents know

how close you are becoming

to knowing much more about your siblings?

I've never thought about that actually until now.

Yeah, that's a good...

I think it would be a good thing to say, "These are the facts.

"If you want to start thinking about telling them and preparing them."

Somehow just leaving it may not be the best thing.

Adoption agencies recommend people wanting to reconnect

with birth family seek professional advice

and always use an intermediary to make contact.

Jono's keen to meet someone

who's had success getting in touch with their birth family.

He's in contact with James,

a 23-year-old who has recently been messaged

by a long-lost family member on Facebook.

James. Nice to meet you. Come on in.

-Do you want to come in through here.

-Yeah.

-Mind him.

Come on through.

Thank you.

It was about three or four weeks ago he contacted me out of the blue.

Sent me a Facebook message saying, "Hi, I think I'm your dad."

JAMES LAUGHS Yeah?

It didn't really register who it was to start with.

James was put into care when he was one and adopted at four years old.

He has heard nothing from his father until now.

It was only about two and a half, three hours earlier that day

that I'd changed my profile picture,

put the one of when I was a baby with my brother

and before you know it, you get an unexpected message on Facebook.

I have got his number, I haven't rung him yet.

The fact that you're going to have to dial that number in

and press ring, I think those are the moments...

And then...

Then the phone is ringing. Then you're waiting for that voice.

-That voice that...

-That you don't know.

-Yeah.

It is daunting when you say it like that,

what's he going to sound like and all that,

but I don't...tend to think about that yet till the moment I do it.

Jono knows that every adopted person's situation is different

and what might work for someone else, won't work for him.

There's no easy answer to his dilemma.

'I've got to the point where I've tried to put myself

'in everybody else's shoes and end up doing nothing about it,

'but you only get one shot at this

'and I want my shot to be the best possible shot it can be.'

Hello?

-Hiya, love.

-Hiya. All right?

Jono goes to see his mum Jean for some advice.

Jean's best mate Dorothy is round, who Jono has known since he was a child.

How's your WeightWatchers going?

-Fine, thanks, another two pound and I've lost half a stone.

-Well done.

5.7.

Carbs...29, that's a lot, can't have that.

There we go.

-Put your feet up.

-I will.

-When did you last see Jonathan?

-I can't remember.

I get to know a lot more when Dorothy's here

because he tells Dorothy everything.

-He doesn't have much option really, does he?

-No. No, third degree.

No, not quite, not quite. Oh, he's here.

-You talking about me?

-Yes.

-Yes.

I'm just saying I get to know more

when Dorothy's here than when I'm on my own.

That's because Dorothy interrogates me!

Jono talks through all his options with Jean and Dorothy.

For me and my siblings, I feel that if I send them a message on Facebook

and then they fall out with Mum and Dad,

they might end up hating me and I'll never ever meet them.

Whereas, if maybe Mum and Dad speak to them first, then they can decide.

If somebody sent a letter to your parents,

would it be you or somebody else?

The adoption agency that I used before

to try and get in touch with my birth parents, I'd use them again,

have their advice and I'd hope they would send one on my behalf.

I don't think your birth parents would tell your siblings,

but that's just my thoughts.

It's a big thing for them to find the words to how to start.

Once you start it flows, doesn't it? But it's that starting.

-But I just have the fear that they wouldn't open the mail.

-No.

If they don't give that information

after they've had the opportunity,

do you think you'll go on Facebook to your siblings?

I don't, erm...

I think it's that knowing how long to wait, but once that wait's over,

I think it might be down to me doing it then.

You'd have to do it on Facebook,

they wouldn't throw that in the bin, would they?

They'd have to read it.

Mind, they could just click off, couldn't they?

But it would be straight to siblings, not parents then. Yes.

They wouldn't even know who I am, it's like,

"What's this message? Who are you? What makes you say this?"

-You could be right.

-But then again, it might just be like,

"We know about you, we don't really care."

-But at least you'd know.

-Yeah.

It wouldn't be the closure that you wanted,

cos everybody wants a happy ending,

but at least you'd have some sort of closure, wouldn't you?

Yeah. True.

Jono may never have known his birth siblings,

but Jean's children, Stephen and Claire,

have always been like a brother and sister to him.

How far can you throw it?

-Oh, Uncle Jonny's here!

-What you doing?

-Hello, Jonny!

So, you working this Thursday or can you get to the match?

-I've got Thursday off.

-It's on Sky again, so...

Yeah, on Sky again.

The first time I saw Jono when he came back home,

I remember him laid in the room in his crib,

he were just another baby to me.

I didn't think he'd be stopping, but then...my mum just adopted him

and he was just like my brother then, that were it,

just one of them things, so...

I ended up with a brother!

He didn't really look any different to me,

just like another baby and that were it then, like you say,

went to rugby and football and that were it, just like any brother.

-Much younger brother.

-THEY LAUGH

-How old are you, 42?

-45. Yeah, thanks, Jonny!

-Yeah, 45, me.

-18 years.

-18 years, yeah.

Back in your pond.

-No.

-The best thing about Stephen, Claire and my mum,

regarding finding my birth parents and all that stuff,

was that they always supported me.

There was no jealousy or negativity or anything like that.

You want to know where you're from and everything,

even though he's always been with us, so...

But if that's what he wants to do, go for it.

-I feel like I can't get in touch with my siblings.

-Yeah.

-Ducky!

-Some other people might just say, "Sod it and go for it."

Yeah, they would. I think a lot of people would.

-He's pinched some bread!

-Has he?!

Pinched some bread! Don't pinch the bread.

They're for the ducks, doggie!

They're food for ducks!

-You shouldn't eat it.

-No, he shouldn't eat it.

Are we going, then?

Don't get lost!

While Jono still wonders about his siblings,

James' Facebook reconnection with a dad he hasn't heard from

for 20 years is about to become a lot more real.

Within the next half an hour,

I'm going to be speaking to my biological dad.

First time I spoke to him

was probably about three or four weeks ago, through Facebook

when he contacted me, so...

this will be the first time that I have spoken to him,

you know, listened to his voice.

I'm not a very emotional person, I don't show it very often,

I tend to bottle it in quite a bit.

Explaining it to someone who doesn't know

what...how you feel in that situation,

where it's going to be the initial contact...

It's quite hard even to explain for me.

It's still exciting

because it is the first time that I'm going to speak to him.

PHONE RINGS

-Is that him?

-Don't know.

0-1-2-7-7 - yeah, probably.

-What you want to do?

-I'm going to go!

Hello?

Hello.

Yeah, how are you?

Oh, yeah. Where do you start?

Ah.

How many brothers and sisters have you got?

Cos I... Yeah. Cos I'll be honest, I know absolutely nothing.

She's what?

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Right.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

See you later. Cheers. Bye. Bye.

God, that was forever, that was. How long was that phone call?

An hour.

We talked about his job, you know, all the hours that he works

and discussed his hobbies, he's into sailing, that's good.

I like sailing, I've never been.

Don't know whether I'd do it,

but, you know, he could help me. Yeah, it was really good actually.

It was really, really good.

The next day, Jono's keen

to find out how James' first call with his birth dad went.

So it was quite easy?

-Like...

-'Yeah, I was relieved afterwards.'

-Yeah.

-'You know, there wasn't any tension or any...'

-Oh, brilliant!

So, are you tempted to be like, "Oh, my God, let's meet,"

or were you again still playing it quite methodical,

"Let's be logical about this, let's have time to process this."

-What's...

-'Logic went out the window!'

-Really?

Mate, I am super, super happy for you, I proper am and...

that's brilliant news.

'I'll definitely keep you in touch with everything and, you know...'

All right, matey. Speak soon.

Bye.

After hearing how easy it was for James and his dad

to reconnect on Facebook, Jono's sure about one thing.

I do feel that maybe one day

I will meet my siblings

and I have got a feeling that we're going to have a conversation

of why didn't we do this sooner?

At the moment, I'm in a good place and I reckon I am coping with it.

Although saying that though, yesterday I was in tears,

so maybe I'm not coping with it so well.

I don't... I don't... I don't know.

I don't know any more, do you know? Erm...

Aware that Jono might need some cheering up,

Laura prepares a special meal.

-Hi, Wauwa.

-Hey.

-Something smells like it's burning.

-It's not burning!

-How you doing?

-All right. I burnt my fingers.

I knew you'd open that as soon as you got in. Blows leaves everywhere.

Better than setting the fire alarm off.

-I set the fire alarm off as well.

-Have you?

-Don't be eyeing up the salad like that!

-I'm admiring it!

-I think it looks really nice!

-It does, it looks lovely!

What?!

Thank you, Laura!

He's got OCD with his food, did you not notice?

He ate all his cucumber first and then his sugar snap peas

and then his lettuce and left all the chicken for last,

and then he's going to, like, devour the chicken,

not even chew it to taste it.

And then say it were really nice

and I don't understand how he can enjoy it like that!

-Do you think the chicken is a bit dry?

-No, you cooked it lovely!

It doesn't take long for the conversation to return

to the subject of Jono's adoption

and why he thinks his parents gave him up.

-I think this is why we disagree on your parents.

-Why?

Because you've had all these years to make excuses for them.

Whether they were right or whether they were wrong,

you're convinced they did it for the right reasons,

but you don't know that. But you've convinced yourself.

They did it for the right reasons,

the right reasons for them was that...

they didn't want to deal with that situation.

They wanted to stay together,

-they felt...

-But an outsider looks at that as being quite selfish.

No, but they did it for love, like you'd do anything for me.

-What's that look for?

-No, I'm not doing a look.

Back to the point, I think people who are adopted

just try and justify it for them to make themselves feel better.

Trying to get closure on it.

Not necessarily closure, it's just you've got all these questions

that need answering and they're never ever going to get answered,

-so you kind of start answering them yourself.

-Yeah, I suppose.

And as well a little bit of trying to make yourself feel better

by painting a more pleasant picture of, maybe, reality.

Jono's in contact with a woman who's been traced online by her son

who she gave up for adoption as a baby.

'I've never ever had the opportunity

'to meet somebody who's given up a child for adoption.

'Pretty scared about meeting her, nervous.'

-Would you like to come and sit down here?

-Thank you.

Well, I gave a child up for adoption when I was 18, which was 1975.

I don't regret the decision because, you know,

it's something that...at the time, it was the '70s,

and it wasn't accepted to be a single parent like it is today.

I never wanted to look for him,

-I've never wanted to search for him because...

-Why?

Well, because I thought,

what if his parents hadn't told him he was adopted at all in his life

and then I sort of drop a bombshell on him.

Did you ever wonder or think that maybe one day he'd get in touch?

Yeah, I did, I always hoped he would.

-Did you make yourself known on a social networking site?

-Yes, I did.

I joined Facebook and I joined Genes Reunited,

where he found my family tree.

And a message came up at the end of August last year

-when we were on holiday.

-On Facebook?

-On Facebook.

When I opened it up it said,

"You might not want to reply to this,

"but I was born on the 22nd of June 1975."

I said, "Oh, my goodness! My son's found me!"

Then a couple of days later I got the telephone number for him

and I rang him up.

-We just got on like a house on fire.

-Really?

-Yeah, really good.

And he said, "I'm just so pleased I found you."

And I said, "Well, if you want to come down and see us..."

-He said, "Yes, I'd love that. I'm free next weekend."

-That's brilliant! That's really good.

It's been like he's never been away, you know, he's always been here!

When Jono hears about successful reunions

or thinks about his siblings,

his thoughts always return to his parents

and how they've made it clear they want no further contact with him.

So much of Jono's life has been out of his control,

he likes to keep his daily routines ordered.

All my gym stuff's in here...

like, I keep my shorts and my tops separate, really.

But then even my gym stuff's got a bit of an order.

I've got stuff that I do my fighting in,

erm, so that's them two stuff.

And then I've got tops and shorts that I'll do weights in,

erm, I've got stuff that I'll specifically go running in.

And everything has...

I even have a revealing vest that I'll do my bicep curls with.

So everything, you know, has its purpose!

The stuff I'm wearing now is stuff I knock around the house in.

Erm, I've got clothes that are just for work,

I've got clothes that I'll go out with my friends in

and then I've got clothes that I'll go out-out in,

erm, and then I've got T-shirts that I'll...

Say if I'm driving for a few hours,

I'll have specific T-shirt or rough clothes

that I'll wear in the car.

And then when I get to that destination,

I'll change quickly into my nice clothes.

So again, everything has a purpose and everything has a place as well.

I've come for an early-morning swim before work.

I've got so much going on in my head.

You know, these exercises give you such a release

from all that frustration and all that emotion.

It does me the world of good.

'I do have issues with rejection,

'I do find rejection really hard to deal with,

'but that wouldn't stop me

'from trying to get in touch with my siblings.

'If I get rejected again, I know I'd be able to deal with it.

'It might really upset me, it might be painful, but I'll get through it.'

Jono's going to meet a girl who had the chance to reconnect

with her birth sibling online, but was forced to make a difficult decision.

I wake up every day

thinking, maybe today will be the day I'll change my mind

and I'll be more, "Fuck it, I'm going to send my siblings a message."

And that's what I hope from all these meetings.

I hope they have a story or a situation to make me think,

"Oh, my God, yeah, you're right!"

Sasha was given up at birth.

She knows she has biological half-siblings,

but doesn't think they know she exists.

I did end up having a strange coincidence on Twitter,

which led me to have contact with one of my siblings.

Sasha was online

and spotted a profile that looked unexpectedly familiar.

I looked at it again

and I thought either this is a real coincidence or it was my sibling,

because the parents have got exactly the same names

as my biological mother and her new husband.

I was in a real dilemma as to what I should do.

Sasha's worry was that her birth mother

had never told her siblings about her existence.

If I was the one to blow it open and cause a hurt, I couldn't do it.

So I just deleted everything off, cut off all contact.

Do you think your half-siblings have a right to know you exist?

They have a right to know,

but a right to know coming from the parents,

rather than a right to know through me.

It's so nice and refreshing to actually have somebody say,

"Oh, I think you're doing the right thing and I'm the same."

No-one else apart from someone that's been through that

can really...really understand, I don't think.

-Because you have to do what feels... what is true to you, I think.

-Yeah.

'The best thing about meeting Sasha today

'was that her thought processes

'and quite a lot of the way she dealt with things

'were quite similar to mine.

'It's just good to know that I'm not on my own.'

Everybody agrees that my siblings finding out about me

from my birth parents is the best way

and I think that's something I want to do

and that's something... That's my next step.

When Jono gets home to Wakefield he's come to a decision.

Facebook's not the best way to get in touch with his siblings.

He wants to go through his adoption agency

and see if they'll contact his birth parents on his behalf.

He believes sooner or later his siblings are going

to find out about him and he has to do something about it.

I'm about to call the mediator

and see if she has any advice straightaway,

what to do about my siblings

and getting in touch with them.

A couple of years ago, I used you guys

to, erm, contact my birth parents.

The siblings probably wouldn't know anything about me

and I get the impression that my birth parents,

they've fought so hard to keep me a secret

and to keep their family unit together,

the last thing I want to do

is cause any aggro or any upset

between my siblings and my birth parents.

That is the last thing I want to do.

I think it would be even worse

if a mutual friend, or an extended family,

or some other way my siblings found out

and then that makes it even worse for the birth parents,

like, "Why didn't you tell us?"

And... I don't know, I'm wanting... I'm hoping my birth parents

are going to tell them.

And it's... Yeah.

I would like to look at the option

of sending something to my birth parents, just saying,

"Look, this is what Jonathan knows.

"Maybe you want to do something about it, maybe you don't,

"but this is what Jonathan knows."

Cool.

Thank you very much and I really appreciate it.

All right, thanks, bye.

Bye.

'Her motto was taking things slowly often gets you further.'

I just wait for an appointment.

That waiting's made easier

by the fact that I've got my mum and Claire and Stephen and Laura.

That waiting's not so bad cos I've got good people around me.

I think if I didn't have them there,

I don't know if I'd be able to wait three months.

With an appointment in the diary,

Jono can concentrate on getting back to spending time with Laura.

What we having for tea?

-Veg?

-Yeah.

-Courgette, mushrooms, tomatoes...

-I want one of them cream buns!

Full of vitamins and minerals!

-I should be a size six, but I'm not!

-Laura's on a diet you see.

All I've been eating is soup every day.

-By the time I got home last night I were ravenous!

-Ravenous?

-Yeah.

-Is that an actual word?

-Yeah. It means really hungry...

-I think!

-No, ravished.

-No, ravenous. I'm ravenous!

-You're not ravenous, it's ravished!

-Yeah! No!

-It is!

-No.

Yeah, I'm ravished or I'm ravenous!

A rainy summer's not going to stop Jono and Laura

from hosting their first family BBQ in their new home together.

I'll eat it, Laura. Especially if you've made it.

Shut up! You're so sarcastic.

Ooh, nearly lost a finger.

-Can we try and not spend the night in A&E, please?

-Nearly.

Oh, you idiot!

Little piece of kitchen roll.

-What a moron.

-Not a good start, is it?

Oh, well, could have been worse, could have been on the way to A&E.

Oh, that looks like it really hurts. It actually makes me cringe.

-You need to kiss it better, Wauwa!

-I'm not kissing that.

But it would make me feel better.

-You can clear your blood up and you can do one.

-And another one, please?

That one's split. Shouldn't you have stuck them so they didn't split?

I know. Don't really know what I'm doing, to be fair.

-Thank you, love.

-Do you need a hand?

No, we're under control.

-How you doing?

-All right, how are you?

-Good.

-We get lost every time we come.

-Hiya!

-All right?

-Hiya!

Does anybody want a burger or a hot dog? No?

No point in cooking, is there?

Jono can't have his birth family there,

but he's got all of his adoptive family together -

the family he's always known.

That's my family down there.

I do at times get so caught up about my siblings

and my birth family and stuff, and I do often,

not forget about them, but I take them for granted and...

I think it's very easy to lose sight of what you've got.

I think a lot of people chase things they can't have

or are out of reach.

Or we're so focussed on doing something

that we lose what we have got,

what's right in front of our eyes, you know?

-But no, I think they all know how much I love them.

-You coming down?

Yeah, yeah.

I need another plaster on my finger.

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