Warriors: Revisiting the Boys of Ballikinrain

This programme contains strong language

I ain't liking this. I ain't feeling good.

That's where all the shit started for me, know what I mean, like?

That was the start of my fucked-up life.

'Five years ago, me and four friends were filmed while we lived in care.'

Me, Bradley and Brian - best mates.

The care system's just a prison for even younger kids who can't go to youth prison.

Let me go!

'Since leaving, all of us have been mixed up in crime.'

'I robbed a house.'

I got caught with a 10-inch kitchen blade.

'Everyone has been to jail apart from me and I want to find out why.'

Just cannae get... get it round my mind

how many of my mates have actually been inside there, sort of thing.

'On the way, I'll come face-to-face with some hard truths...'

What does it feel like to sit in this room with a happy family,

knowing that this wasn't your background?

'..and discover a frightening reality.'

We often say, "If you get brought up in a war zone you become a warrior."

Where?

'My name is Bradley Noon. I'm now 18 years old.

'I was born in a chaotic household.

'At the age of five, I was taken into care.

'From that moment on,

'I was bounced between seven different foster placements.

'I'm still not out of the thick of it.

'I've already lost most of my family and my own baby along the way.'

'When I was just 12 years old I was taken here -

'a care home for troubled kids called Ballikinrain, near Stirling.'

I just wish the place would blow up, kind of.

-Who disnae?

-With the staff in it.

'During that time, me and four friends were filmed

'over eight months for a BBC documentary.'

It's like... I think youse are just filming a zoo, really,

cos this is what this place is like.

VOICES ON TV: Are you OK, Bradley?

Aye, are you? Why are you taking me somewhere nice?

'It's funny looking back on it now.

'I remember the cameras following us everywhere as we tried

'to make sense of why we had been removed from our parents.'

I used to pick up chairs and toss them, and tables, smash them.

My life was really hard for me at that time.

And it was cos my ma', she was, em, like, a drug user.

'After I was separated from my brother,

'my only family contact was with my granddad.'

That's me there. That's my wee brother there.

That's my granda.

'I think, basically, his father has sort of disappeared.'

He disappeared off the scene.

His brother's with foster carers, and his mum, you know...

There's been no contact with his mum.

'What's love then, Bradley?'

Well, it's somebody...

It's like when you trust somebody with your life and all that.

I don't know, really.

I'm too young to know all that, in't I?

'But then one day, my dad came to rescue me.'

-You all right?

-Aye, how are you?

-All right. Where'll I park?

-What?

-Where will I park?

-I'll show you.

-You'll show me?

Ye cannae run faster than this, you know.

HE LAUGHS

'He took me back to Southampton, where I've lived ever since.'

'Here we are with my half brother Jack.

'This was the first day I came to stay with them.'

Yeah, I remember being here.

It's changed though, in't it, really?

It looks a bit messier, doesn't it?

'I was a lot younger back then, wasn't I, though? A lot smaller.'

'Yeah, I was so excited about moving down to England.

'It was just, wow, a completely different country and that, like.

'It was just amazing. I was so excited.'

So, yeah, them memories were pretty good. I enjoy them memories.

They were good because I was actually having fun back then.

'After a promising start, things soon turned bad between me and my father.

'Went AWOL for a while,

'started getting into so much trouble at school.'

Bunking, like, swearing at teachers, fighting and all that,

and I just... I think cos my mother died, that had a big impact

on my life, like, basically.

And my dad didn't really seem to understand that.

'So, by the age of 15, I was living on the streets.'

That's when I got all my criminal record.

Em, I robbed a house, em...

I got caught with a 10-inch kitchen blade.

I've tried to hit police officers and all that.

I've, like, been caught fighting.

Got done for GBH.

But that was drunken, that.

All this was just when I was homeless.

'I'm now unemployed but hoping to join the army

'but getting myself together is not that easy.

'I've heard it's been the same for all my care home pals since leaving Ballikinrain.

'So I'm heading on a road trip to meet them all.

'Before I do, there's time for one last breakfast with my girlfriend.'

Ladies first.

-It's only twelve days. You won't...

-Yeah, but that will feel like a long time to me.

'Lotte and I have been together for three years.'

Oh, bless you!

'Longer than anyone's been in my life.' You are sweet, in't you?

'When I first met him, he was really down.'

And obviously it weren't long since his mum died.

And then at the same time he had problems with his dad.

He used to drink to block it out and then he'd cry when he got drunk

cos he'd, like, remember it all.

But, em, yeah. I'm looking forward to it, though.

I won't know what to do with myself, I'll be like, "Oh, no!"

SHE LAUGHS

I think it'll bring an awful lot of memories back.

I mean, obviously a lot of bad, a lot of good as well.

And that will bring stuff back to him

and he might get upset, you know, at some points.

But he's a really strong character.

'It's the night before the big trip.

'I've decided to keep a video diary of my thoughts and feelings as I go.'

So I'll talk to youse tomorrow night.

'So here I am, on my way to Scotland.

'First stop is the place most boys of Ballikinrain have been

'at least one time in their life -

'a young offender's prison - Polmont, near Falkirk.'

Just cannae get it round my mind how many of my mates

have actually been inside there, sort of thing.

'In fact, two of them are in here right now.'

One of them's in there for two years for selling heroin on the street.

'So that's quite a serious thing, like, so he got two years for that.

'All my other pals have been in here as well.

'I'm the only one who hasn't been in jail,

'although it's been a close call for me.'

When I was close to going to prison, but I didn't go to prison, that really...that was a scare for me.

Your heart stops and all that, you feel sick, like.

Tears start coming. Like, tears started coming to my eyes and all that, like.

I just... I was really, really scared, not about what would

happen to me, but more like, "What's going to happen to my life?"

'It's an issue many kids similar to me have faced.

'In fact, you're 13 times more likely to end up in here

'if you've been in care.'

'There should be someone that, like, wakes up and goes, "Wait, stop."

' "This obviously isn't working. We need to stand back and take a new approach at this.' "

'If you don't, you'll let all these hundreds of thousands of youths

'through generations to come

'go through the care system and end up, like, in prison and that.

'This is why Britain's so broken today'

'It's only going to get worse.'

Give it another ten year, it'll be a lot worse.

I promise you that now.

'I'm now on my way to see my best friend at the time:

'Paul, AKA The Quiet One.'

How's, fucking...

How's life?

I know, how is life? I don't know. Ha ha!

Fucking shite.

Aye, it is shite compared to my...

Considering all my pals are fucking in the jail.

-This is where I come to get away fae the polis.

-Get mad wi' it.

Get mad wi' it, aye, and naebody bothers you round here.

So it's a good place to come and sit and drink.

I think if I keep going the way I'm are,

I'll dae the same as my dad and die young.

I've got to say, he's no' really doing that well.

Sorry, Paul, mate, fucking sorry.

Sorry? You don't need to fucking shake my hand.

Mate, I agree with you, mate. I need to fucking get a job

and fucking start settling doon with ma life, man.

'My memories of Paul are a young, shy lad.

'Someone who no-one had ever seen without his hoodie.'

'Paul's in for emotional and physical neglect.'

Basically, he wasn't getting fed properly, washed, things like that.

Clothing - not up to scratch, you know.

It's sad. He's just came... Had a hard time.

'I remember the day when Paul became a teenager.'

The hoops! Keano's gonnae get you.

'It was one of his parents' rare visits,

'but all I knew was his dad was messed up.'

It's, eh, me and my drinking.

I'll admit that. I put... I would've said that.

'It also meant that Paul's brother, eight-year-old Chris,

'was at Ballikinrain too, both boys in there for their own safety.'

'Finally, I arrive. This is where Paul lives with his new family.'

Nice, he's done well for a place. He's done well.

Bit nervous. Don't know what I'm going to say to him.

Suppose it's going to be the looking at the floor,

"You all right?" Like, hand shake, init?

'Not far from where he grew up,

'he's been lucky to get into supported accommodation.

'That's the in-between stage from living in a care home

'to fending for himself.

'But I've heard that Paul's just come out of prison

'after a catalogue of petty crimes.

'Maybe the quiet Paul I once knew IS long gone.'

-You all right, man?

-You all right, Paul?

-Not bad.

-It is Paul. Fucking hell!

-How you doing then, mate?

-Aye, no' bad, no' bad.

Fucking hell, you got taller.

Last time I seen you was... Fucking hell.

-What age are you now, then?

-18.

18? Fucking hell, taller than me.

'First things first, time to check out his crib.'

It's a bombsite but I will clean it.

Oh, this is no' bad, mate, oh, my God.

"Wow! No hoodie."

Ah, it's nice, mate.

No, it needs something up-to-date. I know that's no'...

'Now to get down to the nitty gritty.'

Are you happier now you're no' in Ballikinrain?

Aye. See when I moved out...

No, the funny thing is, see when I moved out,

for some weird reason I wanted to go back.

Feels good, but it's like that - when you're there you want out,

when you're away you're like, "I want to go back."

-Yeah.

-I started going, "That place was actually good."

It's what, it's what we've been in all our life, if you know what I mean.

How many times have you been to court, like?

Lost count. That court knows me well now.

'It's depressing to hear my best mate thinks it's funny being in and out of court.'

Did you get a suspended?

No, I got it last December after I got out the jail, so...

-Did you do your full stretch in jail or leave with a licence or...?

-No, I left with a licence,

and I committed the offence three days later.

No shit. No shit!

HE LAUGHS

In prison he probably felt comfortable

cos there was a set routine, day in and day out, for him to follow,

you know what I mean?

And there was rules and regulations set there.

Like, I don't know, it's weird,

but I think he maybe felt a bit at home there because, like,

there was always someone there to tell him what to do, sort of thing,

just like there was in secure units.

That's shite.

I'm shite at darts anyways, mate.

I'd end up fucking... Don't know.

'I don't know, it's just kind of like a pattern,

'if you think about it, isn't it?

'It's like secure unit, secure unit, prison.

'So what did Ballikinrain have in place for him?'

What sort of job do you want, like? Doing?

Oh, I'm fucking trying to get a logging job the now.

Oh, is it?

Aye. That's what I'm trying for.

That would be good.

My social work's already found me one,

so I need to just write a reference to them, send my CV to them,

-and that's me - done.

-Yeah.

It is hard to get work at the moment, just like,

just, like, trying to get a normal job, if you know what I mean.

It's even harder, especially if you put in your reference, "Aye, just out of Polmont."

-They're like that, "Aye, fucking right."

-That must be hard.

Eh, jail... It's a no' bad place, like.

You get good banter if you're in with one of your pals

or you get good banter if you're in with somebody sound as a co-pilot.

So it's all right but in a bad respect, you're in there,

dubbed up, getting told what to do

and you're, like, fucking pure hating it, wanting to get out.

'It's been five years since we hung out together

'and Paul's keen to remind me just what Scottish seaside tastes like.'

HE SPITS SAND

Bet you cannae wait to get into the Army.

I've passed my barb test and that, like. So I done that.

I want to join the infantry.

I cannae be fucked with all that, like, technical, like, shit.

Just give me a gun, give me a gun.

We'll hunt people down.

LAUGHS

Init?

Wow!

Fuck!

'But beneath the bluster, I now know that there's a side to Paul

'that he tries to block out.

'Not long after his dad died, his mum ran away.

'So the Social Work Department decided to split up the brothers.

'Paul has seen little of his brother over the last four years.'

I've no' really been thinking about it a lot

and, like, when I do I'll just go out and get a drink, you know,

and just forget about it, but it makes me worse if I go and do that.

But, eh, it's no' really...

If I don't think about it, it'll no' bother me.

'The next pal I want to see is Ryan, AKA The Fire Cracker.'

Just been keeping out of trouble and that, keeping myself to myself.

THEY ALL TALK AT ONCE

Born and bred, I'm still a ned...

TECHNO MUSIC PLAYS

INDISTINCT CHAT

Ryan was always a hard guy to figure out.

It was like he had two sides to him.

I know, I just got the last draw...

I'd rather be out with my pals, smoking joints,

taking buckets, drinking Buckfast, know what I mean?

That kind of life, cos that's my reality.

One minute Ryan was this hard man.

Nobody can keep control of me.

The next he was the boy forever calling his mum.

'You have to take the pain and that, that's what I say to myself.'

Just take it in the heart.

Unless you talk to your mam and you get to see your mam and that.

That's what I say, like.

A lot of it is rejection,

where his dad had rejected him for years, eh?

Fuck!

'His dad's a drug addict.'

-Fucking arsehole!

-'And Ryan loves his dad to death.'

'I think that's the root of all his problems, is his dad.'

I just think he was a troubled young lad.

He used to get into a lot of trouble in there.

-Fuck off you fucking...

-No, I won't. You won't threaten me.

Fuck off!

We all did but he used to get into a lot of trouble.

Yeah, he did used to get into quite a lot of trouble,

trying to show off all the time, I think.

'Now he's back living with his mum after a three-year prison stretch

'for pleading guilty to attempted murder.'

Sounds like a police knock, doesn't it?

-Come in.

-Are you all right?

-You're a big boy.

-How you doing?

I'm fine.

Oh, this way.

How you doing, mate? Fucking hell, how you doing?

Fine. What you've been up to?

You look taller mate, aren't you?

-Nice size of bed though. I've got a fucking wee single thing.

-Have you?

Yeah. It's fucking shit, mate.

It is fucking nice, mate.

Red, white and blue for a true blue!

It's hard to believe Ryan has spent so much time in prison already.

I want to speak to him away from cameras to find out what really happened.

I asked him if he was scared and all that and he was like,

"No, I wasn't scared of prison and all that," like.

It's just... I couldn't get my head round that.

I knew this boy when he was a small lad.

He spent three years of his life in prison already.

We were drinking one night and had valium and all that

and we were drinking, it was drinking vodka from the Friday

all the way to the Sunday, we were just drinking vodka,

vodka and taking valium and that.

And then, eh, we went out.

No, aye, says stole my, my bird said he stole her phone

To remind us of our shared past,

Ryan is taking me to somewhere we used to go as a treat - Loch Lomond.

When we were wee guys, man, I used to jump off there, eh?

Can't believe we used to fucking jump off this place,

fucking, when it was freezing, mate. Yeah, we were mad.

That was the only decent times in Ballikinrain,

-the lads were together creating our own laughs, know what I mean?

-Aye.

Like we used to all, like we might have like all had arguments

and fights, but it was just cos we were all lads just locked up together, weren't it?

We were all in the same position, same boat. If you know what I'm talking about.

ECHOES OF SHOUTING AND SCREAMING

So what are you talking about?!

Stop shouting. You're going about like a couple of gang members.

We used to do some mad stuff. Just laugh about it now, man.

'But there are some memories far more serious.'

Running down the stairs at the front door,

mind we kicked the thingummies open and that at the door.

We got the keys and that, the car keys, stole the money and that,

and got caught.

And they were booting the door and booted it open

and Sean went in and tried to look for keys and he found money.

< See what happens...

< ..what, what is it?

I wasnae wi' them.

No, when I come back up and seen the two of them down the pitch, you were nae with them.

Which is great, you've made a great choice

because it was getting a bit... in too deep, eh?

And I know you're not a bad boy.

I know. Mental, eh?

We used to do some crazy shit, man.

Oh, fuck, yeah.

Why didn't our care homes fix us

before we got let out on the streets?

And why have all of us had problems ever since we left?

I'm taking the boys back to Ballikinrain to see

if I can finally get some answers.

I want to find out if it's places like Ballikinrain

that have shaped our lives forever.

Why have you got so many people from the care system

offending and then reoffending

and then reoffending and then end up in adult prison

when they reach the age of 20?

'There must be something going wrong in the care homes

'to start all this off in the first place.'

-Mind that.

-Fucking hell!

'Maybe we're all just numbers to the staff.'

So this is it, boys. You used to really hate some of these people.

The first thing I want to see is my old unit.

This is the place where we lived, ate

and caused mischief together for years.

Look who it is.

Are you all right? How's you doing?

Giovanna and Sandra, our old jailers, have come back to greet us.

Smartened up for seeing us again? Does it bring back memories?

-Aye.

-Aye, loads.

Seeing youse are taller now, does it look wee-er?

Aye, cos youse are midgets now!

Do you want to see it?

-Matey's broken a door again.

-Do you want to see it?

What's he done to my door?

'I remember how I treated this room

'and how I detested the feeling of being locked up.'

The consequences will stay as they are.

-All right, I fucking heard you, piss off.

-No.

Are they plastic windows still?

Now they're putting laminated windows in.

-youse gave me plastic ones.

-I think that's still got it, has it not?

-Bring back memories?

-No, cos my bed was there.

This was a great room. This is the biggest room, no.

No, this wasn't the biggest.

Pure weird cos everything's like apart

and I used to break everything in this room, like,

I didn't have anything because I just used to smash it.

So it's weird seeing it intact!

'I used to do the same.

'It was our only way of kicking out against the authority who took us away from our parents.'

Obey the house rule, OK.

You better piss off, then.

What about the behaviour?

I was, it was vulgar. I remember, some of the moods I got myself in.

It's mad being back here though. It's dead, well mad.

Didn't think I'd ever come back. I always said to myself, that's it, I'm never coming back

but I'm glad I have, if you know what I mean.

There is quite a lot of fond memories, to be fair, quite a lot.

'It was the first time I'd met boys with similar issues to me.'

But Ryan still has to confront his past.

I assume you're in there because of what's happened earlier on?

Fuck off, you wee fanny. Fuck off!

One of the things I remember, Ryan, is upstairs in your bedroom

and you looked an awful angry young man at that time.

Aye, definitely.

No, fuck off, Chris.

No, I'm sorry.

Fucking give it a rest.

Sorry, sorry about that.

I think before I do it now.

When I was in here I just didn't think before,

I just done it and then thought after it.

Was sitting like that like, oh no, but, aye, I've been thinking now.

-Good and you'll get there.

-Aye, definitely. Hopefully.

Still in our old unit, Paul's ex-key worker

wants to see if she can finally beat her ex-charge.

Pot luck. Stay low. Still rubbish at pool!

Nah, no chance. And how many years ago did your dad die?

About two.

Two. Your dad passed away because of his liver, didn't he?

Aye, cos of his liver was failing on him.

Do you ever worry about anything like that happening to you? Like what happened to your dad?

Em, no' really. I did a wee bit but that's about it.

Do you ever have days that you just drink constantly?

I did when my mum left me, like, a lot of money, like two grand,

I spent it all within two weeks, just everyday drinking.

Honestly? What a waste of money!

-Do you regret that now?

-Aye.

You want to meet a nice girl, have a family,

settle down and start living your life,

because you've wasted too much of it in the care system.

-I know, six year.

-You're a good boy.

Six year in care, can't get worse.

And then three month in Polmont and...

Stop it now and get yourself sorted, screw the nut,

screw the nut, that's it.

Back in school after five years,

Ryan is off to meet one of his favourite teachers.

Oh, my goodness gracious me! Ryan! Wow!

What a handsome young man you are. Tall.

Wow!

Before he started working with Carol, Ryan was unable to read.

It's shite cos it's too hard and that, like,

and I ken the num... and words.

Like they annoy you and that, they're too hard.

She persevered where many would have given up.

I'm no' wanting to do it today, man.

Tell me what ones have you done so far?

She did, she helped me a lot, Carol, eh?

When I was fine, I'd do my work and that, one to one,

but if I was in a class and that, I was like a pure idiot.

'I couldn't do the maths or the geography or something.

'I'd, like, I would get angry.'

I've had enough and I've done it.

And all you need to do is to tell me...

And I rip the work up and say aye,

"Here's your fucking work back, I'm not wanting to do your work."

And then I would just walk out the class and that.

But he was always ready to pull a fast one.

-Where's the toilet?

-Are you needing to go to the toilet?

Aye, I am.

Uh-uh. Here.

So you don't do anything, drugs or anything like that?

No, I did do them before I went in and that,

but now, see now, I just donnae think about them.

Then I was right on to them, but

now, see it's no' even worth it, Carol, it's a waste of money.

I could have done with that money, man.

-Oh, my goodness, you're so sensible!

-If I'd saved it up.

-You were away having a fag there.

-No, I wasnae.

'I'm absolutely lost for words.'

Aye, it's mental.

I'm just so proud of you, so proud of the work we've all done here,

-to help you to get...

-youse put a lot of effort in.

I'll go and get some stuff for now.

Go then.

Another teacher to sort our problems was maths teacher John Fletcher.

Can we have a wee look at the pond?

I want to speak to him about how things fell apart

once I left Ballikinrain.

Well, in terms of, like, after-care set up,

there was, like, virtually none.

Like, me and my father, we had disagreements

and we no longer live together, but that was...

I think part of that was the fact there was no after-care, like.

Cos me and him didn't really know each other well as people,

so it was supposed just to be a little holiday and then

all of a sudden the social worker parked me there permanently,

no care set up afterwards.

I think one of the reasons things break down when boys leave care when they're older...

Ah-huh?

..is you're right, there's not a continuation of the high level...

They're suddenly left feeling abandoned.

You'd have been going from here, with this very high level of support,

which we reckoned you needed...

to the level of support you're talking about,

which is virtually nothing, right.

I cannae see that, you know, we'd be pretty shocked at that.

I think there should be some sort of after plan,

where they sit down and look at the kid's past and what they're

capable of and what they've been through, what they've seen,

and maybe try and, like, confront them issues,

but before you move them on

cos it's just passing the issue on to, like, society.

'Maybe if that had happened,

'some of my friends' lives would have turned out better.'

Out of the six boys that was filmed in the previous show,

I think you've heard four of them have went in juvenile prison.

Do you think there is anything youse could do more?

-I think so.

-Bring the numbers down?

I think we could, aye, if we can get people into employment,

if we can continue to offer the support from the people

that you have got to know and respect,

until everything is in place, we could reduce that down.

As our day draws to an end,

it's clear our time in care wasn't that bad after all.

Ballikinrain, they helped me growin' up.

They're only trying to help, they're only doing a job.

They're only caring for you, looking out for you.

Weird, man, it's like pure weird

seeing the place again.

Sitting going to yourself, "I'm no stuck here anymore, but I miss it."

It was brilliant. I'm definitely 110% glad I've done it.

If I didnae do it, I would have regretted it for a long time.

I also realise that our time here wasn't the only reason

all the other boys had been to jail.

It was the fact that once we left, we had no support.

They're doing right things

and they're also not setting things up in place

that should be set up in place prop...

em, quite a lot of the time. And they do realise that.

So now they realise that,

hopefully they can start to confront the issue,

which is what I'm hoping for out of all this.

Out of all the filming and all that,

it would be good to see a wee change, like,

and know that we've helped do something.

One of the Ballikinrain boys who is doing well,

and someone I've yet to meet, is Paul's younger brother Kris.

Four years ago, he was fostered by the Czarnecki family,

a day Eddie remembers fondly.

I pictured him as a little, just a little wild animal.

He was telling all his mates there,

"Oh, this could be where I'm going to stay,

"they could be my new foster parents. Hopefully."

But the transition from care home

to the outside world hasn't been simple.

The first time that I came here,

when I went to school,

I couldn't really handle just a normal school,

and it took Brenda quite a long time.

I even, I kept getting excluded and everything.

Like before, I couldn't even survive a whole day in school.

Right, you can make the drinks, Kris.

It was a lot of work but we've persevered

for four and half years and we've got Kris the way we want him now.

And, hopefully, that will continue.

'He really feels one of the family now.'

I never knew Kris that much. He was removed from his parents

when he was just eight years old.

To me, he was just the wee brother of my best friend in care

who, like Paul, refused to take his hat off.

Bloody hell, Kris, you've got tall, haven't you, mate?

Remember me at all? I'm Bradley.

Em, I remember you a bit.

Aye, wow, you made that? Bloody hell, that's brilliant, mate.

There's a box I made for all my toy cars down there.

You've got a nice room here, definitely.

Do you prefer this room to the one at Ballikinrain?

Aye, our roofs used to leak.

Oh, God, aye. Actually, saying that - me, Paul

and one of the other boys from Dumgoyne, Ryan,

we went up to Ballikinrain on Wednesday, I think it was.

Went to visit the staff and all that again. It was weird and all that.

-They wanted me to go but I said no.

-Would you, did you no feel it?

-No.

-Do you know why you didn't want to go?

-I just didn't like the place.

Aye, just bad times there? Aye.

You can see some fish in it.

Oh, aye!

Wow, they're beautiful, in't they?

Down on the ground's quails.

Oh, is that a quail?

'On one hand, Kris seems to have landed on his feet with

'his new family but I can't feeling he's lost his brother on the way.'

The bond that brothers have got is one of the strongest bonds

you'll ever have with anyone in your whole life

but maybe it is better in the long run that they both wait

until they're sorted out to see each other.

It was good cos you keep your head down and not got involved with the bad guys really, which is brilliant.

I think it was cos he was so young.

Having grown up in care herself,

Brenda perhaps knows first hand why we are like we are.

-Some of the kids you can sort and some kids you can't.

-Aye.

And that's one of them sitting over there, if you know what I mean.

He's proof.

It's good to actually see this working, do you know what I mean?

Because it's brilliant,

cos so many people that I knew in there went the other way.

But could Brenda not have helped Kris's brother as well?

And he's not a bad boy, Paul, he's not a bad boy.

He actually does have a good heart, you know what I mean?

That's what I'm saying. I think if he just got away from these people.

Aye, he knows what he's doing, sort of thing,

but it's just there's certain people

he hung around with that was a bad influence on him, really.

Not wanting to stop contact, both Kris's foster parents

and Paul's carer try to keep the relationship alive.

But it's a delicate balance.

What have you been up to today?

Oh, nothing much.

You working yet? No, no. How?

Just trying, just trying to stay out of trouble, man, no working yet.

-Getting in with the wrong people, that's the problem.

-Aye.

Ah, yeah. And where's this again?

Baby photos.

I think I've no' saw him now for about six month maybe.

Oh, yeah, that's all my stuff.

He's excited every time he sees me.

Sometimes I need to calm him down

because he's that excited when he actually sees me.

Aye, we're living different lives.

# When the day's change So does my attitude

# I'm messy at home

# I eat a lot of junk food

# When the nights change

# So do my nightmares too

# I dream reality is my dream

# All along

# All along... #

If Paul was in the same situation as Kris and went into foster care,

it would have been different.

I don't think he would have turned out

the way he is turning out.

I asked him yesterday,

I hope you don't turn out the same way as Paul your brother's done.

And he knew exactly what I was talking about.

He says "No, I couldn't do that."

Paul's in so much trouble, Polmont and all the rest of it,

so I'm just trying to keep Kris away from that type of lifestyle.

I don't need anybody like that for me.

I couldn't handle how to cope.

It's just bad, no' seeing him like as much as I want,

but in another sense, like, I know he's happy.

I know he's in a good place, so if I know he's fine, I'll be fine.

Back in Stirling, Ryan continues to do what he's always done.

Out following the crowd, no matter where it takes him.

Fucking Stirling!

He doesn't have anything else to do,

so he just goes and meets up with, like, his mates and that.

It's just out of boredom, I think, that he goes out

and meets up with his mates,

and, like, I don't know... just starts drinking and that.

Is it all right to send a letter?

Wee guy with fucking...

When you leave care, there should be something put in place

to help you adapt to the outside world, to just normal things.

You're not used to socialising with people,

you're just used to socialising with similar people in similar situations.

When I came out of care, after not living with my dad

when I was on streets, I didn't try and sort myself out,

I just thought, "Oh, something will happen,

"someone will sort me out, I'll end up on my feet again somehow."

Maryhill YMF!

But, like, the year passed into two year, and then I was like,

"Shit! I need to start sorting stuff out myself."

So it seems the lack of help after leaving care

is the single biggest reason for why my old friends have been in prison.

I've come to meet one of Scotland's former top cops.

A man who's helped put more than his fair share behind bars.

-Pleasure to meet you, I'm Bradley.

-Hi, Bradley, John. Good to meet you.

-Good to meet you.

John Carnocharn has spent a career dealing with gang crime in Glasgow,

historically the murder capital of Europe.

So, why do you think you're 13 times more likely

to go into juvenile prison or prison

if you've been through the care system?

Why do you think that's happening?

If being in care increases your risk of getting in trouble,

then the first thing we need to do is fix it.

And there's a recognition it needs to be fixed

but we're no' very good at it.

If just locking people up worked,

America would be the safest place in the world.

They lock up everybody. Three strikes and you're out.

Well, it's not, because what we're talking about is behaviour.

We're talking about changing behaviour if it's not right.

Whether it's risky behaviour, whether it's anger...

'After working in the Serious Crime Squad and CID,

'John's developed a simple theory of why teens like us commit crimes.'

If you're a young guy

and you think that the only way you deal with things is with violence...

You know, we often say, "If you get brought up in a war zone,

"you become a warrior, because that's what you do."

'I'm not too sure I believe that.

'Surely it's the lack of help

'after leaving the care system, that's the problem.

'To help me understand, John wants to show me

'research he's done into the background of a teenage murderer.'

It's a wholly workless household.

So nobody in that house works anywhere, does anything.

So, when we speak about understanding and learning,

they're the sort of things he's not learning

and there's at least two partners who've been violent to his mum.

His mum's an alcoholic, his uncles are all drinkers

and, in fact, two of his uncles, two of those three...

'God, this is almost the same childhood I had.

'I remember my mum's boyfriend continually abusing her.'

Yeah, he was absolutely horrible. He was a really horrible person.

He used to beat her with a claw hammer and that,

and throw cups at her face and all that, like.

This was the age of, like, four and three and all that.

Me and my little brother were seeing this

and it made us grow up with a lot of anger and all that.

Yeah, I can kind of relate to that.

That was such a shock for me

because I didn't actually think

there was loads of kids similar to me.

He starts getting involved in gang rivalry, he's a truant,

he's outwith parental control.

Theft, motor vehicles, road traffic offences.

The family move again and he gets done with murder.

And this is all before the age of 16?

He's 15-and-a-half. The only time we started paying attention to him

is when he started offending

and then we fell down hard on him, then a hammer fell on him.

And our point in this is,

if we had done other stuff down here, maybe that wouldn't have happened.

When we look at lots of the young guys who are in Polmont,

they'll have similar stories to David.

There'll be things that happened in their life.

Maybe not all those things, maybe all those things and more,

but there'll be similar things in there,

so we're starting to recognise how important these early years are.

In terms of him helping me realise that it's not just the care system,

it's the underlying problems, yeah,

he's brought that to the surface for me,

because I was in the care system

and that's the worst memory of my life, sort of thing.

I was thinking that's the main problem, that is the only problem.

But the way he was showing and explaining things, it did open my mind up.

'So perhaps we were damaged before we even went into care.

'And if so, why didn't I end up like my mates?

He is quite inspiring, when you think of the idea

that what he's gone through,

when he...when he alluded to how close his story was to David's story.

It's something must have happened in those early years

that gave him those sort of skills

that he didn't respond only with violence because he's seen violence.

Violence against his mum and himself, change of partners,

so I think that's...that's inspiring.

To try and see if John is right, I'm heading to Sighthill in Glasgow.

It was here I was brought up.

'Before I was even in Ballikinrain,

' was stealing food just to keep myself alive.'

Stevie, I'm really uncomfortable, mate.

Stevie, I'm really uncomfortable, mate. Like, I...

No, I don't like it here. I don't like it.

I ain't liking this. I ain't feeling good.

That was awful.

You know what I mean, that's where all the shit started for me, like.

That was the start of my fucked-up life.

I've never had a good time in my life there, you know what I mean?

Never.

It's fucking horrible in that place.

Like, it just made them all sweaty

and that just with nerves and everything, like.

You wouldn't understand

unless, like, you did live my life sort of thing,

unless you did go through what I went through, sort of thing.

From the person from the outside just looking in, they think, like,

"Oh, that person's got problems." They don't understand

what the fuck I went through or what loads of us have went through.

They really fucking don't.

They think, "Oh yeah, in care, his mum might have been a drug user."

That's not even half the issues, man.

'I think John is right about the whole warrior thing.

'Growing up in this place had a huge impact on me.

'Childhood? Forget it! I was just trying to survive.'

But it's still hard to take on board

everything that John Carnocharn has told me.

'To try and find out more, I've come to Dundee.

'Today one of the UK's top psychologists, Doctor Zeedyk,

'is taking me to meet a young family and their baby.'

-Michelle, this is Bradley.

-Hi, I'm Michelle.

Bradley, this is Michelle.

Michelle and Ryan met four years ago.

Soon to be married, they had their first child, Callin, ten weeks ago.

I think he's hungry! It's only when he's hungry, you do this.

He's like, "Give me food, give me food, give me food!"

You're such a cheeky boy.

Did you see what you just did there Michelle that's brilliant?

-Do you know what you did?

-To see if he is hungry?

-More than that.

You went, "When he gets hungry, he goes..."

You're occupying the way he sees the world.

-Yeah?

-That's empathy.

Suzanne has spent her last 25 years researching how adults

could be affected by trauma in their childhood.

You realise they're telling you things we often think are random.

-So they're actually trying to communicate with you?

-Yeah.

-Oh, wow!

'This family has its own issues.

'Like me, Michelle was brought up in care,

'which made her worried about what kind of mother she would be.'

Yeah, he's grown a lot. Me and my twin sister and my brother,

we were in care when we were younger as well and I never thought

I'd come to the stage where I'd be a mum, and I always thought

I'd never be a good mum because it's in my genes sort of thing.

It's really scary to have gone through something like that and to have a wee child

and he's all about you, he wants you to look after him,

or she wants you to look after him,

and it's a big responsibility to have.

In the back of your head you think,

"I never got that, so how can I give that to someone?"

Look at Bradley, he'll grab it.

Oh! Oh! What is that?

It's great to see all this family working together,

even better to be able to hold their beautiful baby.

What does it feel like to sit in this room with a happy family,

knowing that this wasn't your background?

Like, I think that is pretty unfair.

-Oh, OK.

-It's situations that cause things, if you know what I mean.

It's time to have a one-to-one with Suzanne

to find out what affect my childhood has had on me.

It sounds like your family had a lot of people in and out of it?

Am I right about that?

Yeah, it was a really tricky situation with them.

Everyone was at each other's throat and all that, it was just chaotic.

'As Suzanne digs deeper into my past,

'it appears that having even one person can make all the difference.'

Were you in touch with your granddad often when you were little?

Yeah, he was the main influence in my life.

He was, like, my pillar, sort of thing.

I had more of a connection with my granddad

than anyone else in my family.

He was like my granddad and my father.

One person. That's all it seems to take is one person.

Wow, I didn't know any of that sort of...

So, like, that's mad, I can't take it all in, it's like oh...

It would be interesting to go back and ask your pals at Ballikinrain,

if they had anybody stable in their life.

And if I took a guess, I'll bet they didn't.

But Ryan's mum did make him feel safe,

so why did he end up in prison?

I can't seem to get my head round it

because I thought he had what he wanted.

His mum, like, dotes on him and everything he wants, he gets.

If he goes, "Mum, I need 20 quid today, right now",

he'll get the 20 quid to go and do whatever he needs to do with it.

If he goes, "Mum, I need new shoes", he'll get new shoes.

Maybe one way to describe it

is that Ryan's kind of stuck at some stage

and he hasn't either got his needs met,

or he hasn't learned how to do it himself.

So you just described his mum doing everything for him.

It's a lot to do with me and his dad splitting up.

His dad abused me and Ryan saw this when he was a bairn.

Maybe there are things that Ryan doesn't intuitively know

how to do for himself and that gets frustrating,

so he ends up being really aggressive.

And we put people in prison who get really aggressive.

But Ryan has developed his key expectations of the world

and ways of managing it when he's, like, less than three.

Fucking!

As for my best friend at the time, I don't know what to think.

It's like he's always been alone,

emotionally left to fend for himself.

Do you think they feel you're to blame?

No, they ken I'm not to blame.

They ken it's not our fault and it's not their fault

and they ken themselves they're not to blame either.

It's just the way things happened.

I think maybe inside him, aye.

Inside them, maybe.

"You shouldn't have let this happen." Inside them.

"You shouldn't have let this happen."

Don't blame him, like, it's down to, like, a wee bit me,

myself, obviously social work too doing it.

But, no, definitely not blaming the parents, man.

So what time youse leaving here, half six to get up there?

Bradley describes some of his pals as not having a sense they matter.

It is when we have confidence that we are loved that we know we matter.

-Another way to describe it is love.

-Yeah.

You had enough love that felt safe

to then take care of yourself

when you were starting to get into danger.

So what we are talking about is love

and we often don't take love seriously.

And if we could take love more gently and more seriously,

we would solve a whole lot of these societal problems.

The world would be a happier place to live.

Until we, as adults, can look at what happened for us as babies,

we can't give our babies what they need.

You've got be able to deal with your own issues before you can help them.

But knowing all this

and being able to make sure I don't repeat it with my children is easier said than done.

'We sadly lost Riley just before he was born.

'I don't even know what kind of dad I would have made.'

With Bradley, like, where he's felt he's never been loved,

if he had a child of his own, I don't think it would be bad,

I think he'd show that child so much love.

because he grew up with no love,

I don't think he'd show no love. I think he'd show more love

because he'd want what he never had for that child.

This journey's been far different

from what I could ever have imagined.

When I started, I thought the care system ruined all our lives.

Can we fucking go, man?

I now know that we were destroyed before we even went into care.

Went through fucking absolute hell, man, in a particular place,

like absolute fucking hell, like, you know what I mean?

I would probably rather be in hell.

Now I'm beginning to understand

the significance of the things that I once blocked out.

You don't think those tiny,

tiny little things of your, like, past affect your future

for the rest of your life, you really don't think that.

And if we don't deal with it,

our futures will be limited.

I want to get into my own house obviously, get a job, probably.

Try to no' get the jail, but I think...

..because of all the charges I've got

that's a big possibility, me going back.

Cannae look into the future but hopefully it's good.

Obviously I want to grow up and have weans and that,

have a family and settle down.

But I'm only 18 now, so I've still got my life ahead of me.

Us care kids need to wake up.

We might not be able to choose our parents or how we grew up,

but we do have a chance to shape our adult life and I want more.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd 2012