Jade: Why I Chose Porn

This programme contains some strong language and scenes of a sexual nature.

My name is Carly Rae.

SHE MOANS

Carly Rae, real name Jade,

believes she's one of a new generation of porn stars.

When you think of porn, you think of these bright orange girls with

masses of make-up on or stuff like that.

I don't want to be like every other porn star out there.

I want to be me and no-one else.

She's using social media to build her career,

and it seems to be working.

It's how I publicise myself.

It's my online portfolio, basically.

But Jade is also a university graduate and had

a potential career in fashion.

But she's decided porn is the right path for her.

-I might just have to...

-Cool.

And that's why I wanted to make a film with her.

Why would an educated young woman decide that it's OK to earn

money having sex with strangers on camera?

Porn to me is nice.

The men treat you with respect, but guys in real life,

they don't treat you with the same respect.

Can you really make a living out of porn?

£500 divided by 14 hours I've worked today...

And what's the price you have to pay?

-Are you OK?

-I had a panic attack.

SHE EXHALES

22-year-old Jade is a UK porn actress.

She's also got a degree in fashion.

I want to find out why she would choose to make a career out of porn.

And to do so, she's invited me to spend

the next couple of months with her.

Not long after we meet,

we're off to our first porn shoot together, in Barcelona.

She's shooting for what she says is a big Spanish porn producer.

Do you know the specifics of the kind of sex

you're going to be having?

No. I don't know anything.

My scripts are waiting for me at the hotel.

So I don't know anything until I see the scripts, basically.

I don't know what my lines are, what my role is or anything.

Jade tells me this is a really big shoot for her and

she'll be earning good money.

I started pestering these people to work for them about a year ago now.

Like, I know it's been one of the things I've kind of just been

waiting for, for absolutely ages.

The only thing Jade seems to know is that she'll be shooting three

scenes over the next two days.

-Hello.

-Hiya.

The location's a big apartment in central Barcelona.

There's crew, catering and even a make-up artist.

I'm surprised to see how professional things are.

And what have you got in front of you?

Um, I've got a con...

I've got a copy of the contract I'm signing in front of me.

Once I've done this, they have the right to the content, so they

can publicise it as they please and all those sorts of things.

So, it's kind of...

I'm just signing away the fact that I'm agreeing to shooting this video.

-And do I keep one of them?

-I think so. You must keep one.

I think they're the same. Thank you.

Today, Jade's filming something called virtual reality porn.

-Do I just put it over my eyes?

-Yes.

Could be.

-Do you see?

-SHE LAUGHS

Most heterosexual porn is shot for men.

This new technology puts the male viewer

at the very centre of the action.

It's something completely different. Something completely new to me.

So it's quite exciting. Should I take things off before I stand up?

-Yes. I think it's better because you are...

-Pretty tall.

-Yes.

The regular director couldn't make the shoot,

so the script writer, Maria, has stepped in.

-No, no. You're fully clothed.

-OK, so I pull my skirt up?

-Yes.

-OK, perfect.

-Perfect.

-Easy.

-Easy.

In this afternoon's scene, Jade will be working for the first time

with local porn star 30-year-old Zayas.

What do you think of English girls?

There are quite a few attractive studs, but, yeah,

what I like is the fact that I'm getting filmed

that absolutely drives me wild.

That's what turns me on,

the fact that there's a camera in front of me.

So it's not actually...

it's not actually anything to do with who I'm performing with,

it's the fact that I'm getting filmed that I really get off to.

The script seems to have little in the way of dialogue.

But I realise it doesn't need to be detailed, as Jade is playing

a porn casting agent, a scenario she's very familiar with.

Hiya. Nice to meet you. My name is Carly Rae.

Do you think you could do a scene with me?

Just a practice scene?

To show me that you've got what it takes?

OK, cut.

-Yes.

-THEY LAUGH

Are you giving him a foot job?

THEY LAUGH

-Have you ever given one of those?

-(No.)

Action!

It's becoming clear that improvisation and a willingness

to do whatever's asked is an important part of being a porn star.

I'm going to tell you a little secret.

This is my first-ever foot job.

OK. Cut.

-A bit cold?

-You can do...?

-LAUGHS:

-Sorry!

SHE LAUGHS

Jade, how's it going?

I haven't made a tit of myself yet, so I've done good, I've done good.

So now you have to start fucking him, like,

sit down on his...

on him.

SHE MOANS

Oh, shit...

-Oh, shit.

-SHE MOANS

I watched Jade and Zayas go through six sexual positions.

I want to suck your dick.

And after an hour and a half, the scene is over.

As a female porn star, would you describe your role as submissive?

I'm completely in control of the situation.

I'm a complete feminist because everything I do is just...

is all about me, basically.

So when I do these things,

I do it because I want to.

I guess I'll have to get back to you about the job.

Cortamos aqui. Cut.

SHE GASPS

Are you all right?

Besides I feel really sweaty and disgusting, yeah.

You can come with.

SHE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY

Is this what happens after a porn shoot?

I didn't swallow it all so I had to...

I'm not doing a second swallow.

How was that?

IN SPANISH:

You know, Jade is only your third English girl. All OK?

Couldn't understand me, but it was all good.

Did you want me to be like this on him?

Also on the shoot is Polish porn star Misha Cross.

Misha was recently voted Best Foreign Female

at the Adult Video Network awards,

which, according to Jade, is the porn equivalent of the Oscars.

I was watching porn.

I was, like, "I think I can do some of it better."

Like, you know, some of the things that you do in porn, like,

for example sucking cock, I think I can do it better.

So why not trying it? Like, going with it in public, you know?

-Can you have a career in porn?

-Completely.

-Of course. Of course.

-This is...

-Yeah.

Like, for me, it's strange that somebody thinks

that it's not a career path.

Because ever since I started, I've thought about it as a career.

Jade says that she'd like to be as popular as Misha,

who has 70,000 Twitter followers, 50,000 more than Jade.

I look online and I see that all these girls have been

shooting for these amazing websites.

And it's kind of...

It inspires me to try and obviously

get to work for these companies too.

I want these companies to want me to work for them

as much as other girls.

-Do you want to be in demand?

-Yes, that's the word I was looking for.

SHE LAUGHS

For the two-day shoot, Jade will earn about £1,200.

And from what I've seen so far, it doesn't look like the worst

way for some people with few inhibitions to earn money.

-See you tomorrow.

-See you tomorrow.

-Bye.

But is it right for Jade?

I want to get to know her better, so I've come to her flat in Manchester.

So what are we doing here, Jade?

I'm currently trying to get into my Twitter account.

Apparently, as a porn star, the bigger your online profile,

the more bookings you can get.

And Twitter is the way most porn stars get spotted.

It's how I publicise myself.

It's just like my online portfolio, basically.

Unlike Facebook and Instagram,

there are very few restrictions on what you can post.

The more Twitter followers I get,

the more interested these big companies will be in shooting me

because I've got this follower backing.

I'm proving that people are interested in my work and

they do want to watch me.

But Jade says getting noticed is the easy bit.

In this country, it's not like in America, where you can get an agent

and then your agent will bombard you with masses of work straightaway.

I make the effort to approach these companies and tell them about

myself instead of just assuming, "Well, I'm really good,

"so people are obviously going to approach me

"to give me work."

You have to make the effort if you want to get anywhere.

Jade seems determined to make it big and wants to try her luck in

the US, the biggest market for porn worldwide.

I'm currently in the process of getting booked for

a tour around America.

So I'll be working for different porn companies.

This is an absolutely incredible way to get my name out there.

The trip's being organised by a US porn agent Jade found online.

America is kind of like the next step.

Like, America is, like, meant to be this big wonderful shiny

place that obviously can change your life, so...

To understand what's motivating Jade to make it big in porn,

I want to know where it all began.

Four years ago, she moved from Warwickshire to study fashion at

Manchester Metropolitan University, or MMU.

That was my old flat up there.

And, yeah, there's masses and masses of bottles, so they obviously look

like they're having a far better time than I ever did in that flat.

Like most students, she struggled to make her money last,

but she discovered she could make a little extra by selling explicit

photos and videos of herself on an adult website.

I suddenly had £100 in my bank account once every few weeks,

so I got to go shopping, and it just...it made me happy.

How did you go from uploading your home videos to making proper porn?

One day I just received an e-mail through this website,

just asking me if I'd like to make my very first...

if I'd like to make an actual porno.

And, obviously, I was, like,

"Yes, I would absolutely love to. That sounds amazing."

Jade's interest in porn started at the young age of 13

when she began watching it online.

It was a childhood fascination, so it's always something that

has kind of sat in the back of my mind,

something that I always thought might be something

that I would get into one day.

So it felt completely natural to me to start doing all this.

I got told off in one of these rooms right here.

I got in trouble with the university because of making porn.

Some boy on Twitter caught user hashtag #theMMUpornstar.

And at the time, I thought it was bloody beautiful.

So I was, like, "Oh, my God, that's amazing, yes.

"I am a porn star. I do go to MMU."

I think I used it about three times.

And I went to university one day and my tutor just came up to me

and she was, like, "Jade, can we have a word, please?"

It was just the look on her face. I was, like, "Am I in trouble?"

And she kind of just nodded her head at me and she was, like,

"Why did you do it?"

Jade graduated in the summer of 2015 but decided she didn't want

to pursue a career in fashion.

I wanted to be a fashion designer.

I wanted to have my own shop or work for some, like,

fabulous designer or whatnot one day.

But if I was to try and get a job now,

I'd have to do an unpaid internship for a year.

I can't afford to pay my rent,

pay my bills and be working five days a week unpaid full-time.

I can't help but think that Jade's decision to choose porn over

fashion has to be driven by more than money.

Getting into porn completely changed my life.

It made the whole university experience so much better for me,

like, I really struggled, I tried so hard to make friends and I didn't.

I was by myself. I cried every single day.

I had depression really, really badly.

Like, I was... My life was in a really, really bad place

before I got into porn.

So when I got into all of this, and suddenly people...

People were telling me I'm beautiful and people wanted...

wanted to know me, it completely changed everything for the better.

Like, it brought me out of my shell, it gave me confidence in myself,

and made me believe in myself more than I ever did before.

As I'm getting to know Jade better,

I'm intrigued to know more about her past.

She's not keen for me to speak to her family,

so I meet with her friends from home instead.

When I first heard about it, all the rumours and that,

everyone was saying it as if it was a bad thing, it was really bad.

"Oh, Jade's doing this. She's doing that. She's a big slag."

I thought she was before.

Yeah, yeah, she was. That's it. So it's sweet now.

THEY LAUGH

When you're, like, fucking a gross person, and, like,

what's in your mind?

Are you just thinking, are you thinking, "Oh, this is gross,"

or are you thinking for the future, like,

"Oh, my God, I'm getting a Louis Vuitton pair of heels."

It's a job. I'm here to do what I need to do. And then that's it.

Yeah, yeah.

Do you ever feel ashamed or embarrassed or anything about it?

Not of the stuff, not of the stuff I'm doing now.

But obviously, when I started out, yeah,

cos I started right at the bottom.

That stuff, I'm not proud of.

I did a shoot once with a guy when I started out, yeah,

he was quite rough with me.

But it's the only one my mum has watched and gone,

"You shouldn't have done that. Don't do that again."

-You let your mum watch them?

-I don't know how she found it.

-On the internet.

-Originally, my mum cared a lot.

But now that she knows, obviously, I'm not going to dodgy hotels and

stuff like that, she's completely, she's relaxed on it.

If I were to have a daughter in the future,

I don't think I would mind if she started making porn.

Like, obviously,

it's not something that you would ever want of your child.

My parents were so kind of strict and restricted about

everything I did, and that's why I rebelled and ended up how I am.

If you, if you let your child be their own person

and if I was to let her do whatever

she wants, she probably wouldn't make the same decisions that I did.

Like, she probably...she probably wouldn't end up

making porn because, obviously I'm so open about this,

and I don't care.

She'd be like, "Oh, where's the fun in that?

"Like, there is no point in me doing this

"if my mum's fucking all for it."

Do you ever think, like, maybe am I doing the wrong thing?

Yeah, I don't know. Obviously, my ex-boyfriend was completely

fine with it to begin with.

But, still, I'd go to shoots and

he'd think I was fucking a photographer.

He thought I was actually fucking a guy

when I was just there with girls.

Like, I cried...I cried on so many shoots and stuff like that.

I'd rather not do porn and have a boyfriend.

I'd rather have one or the other

than have them both at the same time.

I'm kind of completely torn between the two.

Like, obviously, I want the career, I want to do well,

I want something to show for all my hard work.

But then I want the love life, I want the boyfriend,

I want the simple life.

My longest relationship was for a year when I was 16, so

that's something I desperately want.

I want to be with someone and be with them for two, three years.

I want to live together and get a puppy together and all that

sort of stuff like that.

That's a lifestyle that I'm desperate for.

As I get to know Jade more, it's becoming clear that what

she's telling me she wants doesn't quite match up.

She says she wants a fairytale lifestyle,

but her career in porn looks like it'll sabotage exactly that.

Today, we're in London, where Jade is getting a sexual health test.

Over 90% of heterosexual porn is shot without condoms,

so it's important that she's infection free.

It's unprotected, so obviously,

that's, like, the niche that sells, basically.

No company will realistically do it protected.

So, obviously, men don't want to watch something when you can

see that there's a condom involved.

I think it, like, ruins everything.

-Have you ever got an STI from work?

-Never.

A boy I know a few years ago

gave me chlamydia in my bum.

Fortunately, I got checked out the next day,

so I was very fortunate that I found out straight away.

Jade comes to London because she can get same-day results for free.

She has to wait a few hours for her results,

and while she does, more work comes in.

So much of what I get is so last-minute,

so I have a shoot tomorrow.

And I'm literally just finding out the specific details about it now.

It's for a company called Brazzers or Brazers so,

as far as my career goes, this is an absolutely massive step for me.

So I'm absolutely buzzing.

I can see why Jade might be excited.

The shoot should give her masses of exposure as their website

gets almost 90 million hits a month.

Do you know any specifics about the shoot?

It's a typical, typical cliche porn shoot in the effect that

I'm playing a schoolgirl. Oh-oh!

Kind of, "Mr Headmaster, what have I done wrong? What a shame.

"Always spelling my yeses and nos wrong in my homework.

"When am I going to learn? Ah!"

What do you think it is about men and young girls?

I think it's just a fascination with, obviously,

the schoolgirl outfit, isn't it?

It's become... It's very, like...

Over the years, it's been incredibly sexualised.

So, obviously, it shouldn't be because obviously when you

think of school, you think of young boys and girls and when,

like, when I've walked past my high school in the past and recent

times, I walk past and go, "Holy crap! Did I once look like that?"

I can't believe how young they look.

I can't believe at 16 people were beeping me in my school uniform

and all this sort of stuff cos, like, it's really wrong, but...

At the same time, there's a massive...

massive fetish around it all.

The only issue I have is that the stud that I'm working with...

I think... I don't know if it's 12 or 14 inches

is the size of his penis, yes. Your face, exactly!

It's either 12 or 14 inches, so I think, yes,

I am kind of going to have to say at the beginning,

"OK, you're going to have to go very easy on

"me to begin with because there is

"no fucking chance now that's happening.

"Like, not straight away, anyway."

SHE LAUGHS

Anyway, I've seen girls I know do it, so I think...

I think it's possible, but I don't

think I've ever had anything that big before.

SHE LAUGHS

Anyway, we'll see.

Can I take my jumper off, please, it's pretty hot in here.

Yeah, sure, why not. It's great.

Oh, um, uh... Watch out!

-But, sir, I'm far more comfortable like this.

-Ooh, yeah.

-So, Jade, how was yesterday?

-Um, it was good, thank you.

I left...I left a little bit devastated, though.

He was very, very well-endowed and I was stupid,

and I kind of just assumed, "Oh, yeah, no, that'll fit.

"That'll fit."

Like, you can put something massive into a small hole, of course.

And, obviously, it backfired on me within about, I don't know,

a few seconds. It was like, literally,

in and out and there was blood fucking everywhere.

So it wasn't very pretty.

I can't believe you're laughing at that.

OK, I was like... It happens all the time and my body...

my body isn't made for the larger things in life so, if...

Unless I was to warm up for, like, an hour before, like,

it happens every single time, unfortunately, but, because...

Ordinarily, it happens and then, like,

the blood stops within, like, about five minutes,

but because I was freaking out massively and I was really,

really panicking, it made everything a hell of a lot worse.

So, by the time we did it, it had stopped, thank God.

But, there was, like,

I probably wasted a good hour and a half of everyone's time,

running around, freaking out, trying to figure out what the hell to do.

I was, like, "Crap, crap!"

-Having got a tear...

-Uh-huh.

-..and you bleeding all over the place...

-Yeah.

-You still went and had sex with him afterwards?

-I had to. It's my job.

It's my own fault.

I didn't have to, obviously, but I wouldn't have got paid or anything.

It would have been a massive blunder.

-Do you think you'll be working for them again?

-I fricking hope so.

I know that, generally, once they've shot a girl once, they do

keep on bringing them back, so hopefully they'll bring me back.

And I'll have to...I'll promise that I won't bring any drama with me.

I'm pretty shocked that Jade is so accepting of physical trauma

being part of the job.

It seems to me she's become somewhat desensitised,

and I wonder how that happened.

I haven't...I haven't actually looked at any of

this stuff in a very, very long time, so...

Where it is or what it's like is completely...completely

oblivious to me.

She agrees to talk me through her early work.

Oh, no, there's this one. It's a really bad video.

SHE LAUGHS

I can tell that I don't know what I'm doing.

SHE GIGGLES

What's the worst thing you've ever shot?

It was just a blow job scene, basically.

But it wasn't something I felt comfortable doing.

-Did you love blow jobs?

-Yeah, but I don't love

blow jobs when there's a load of guys coming into a funnel

-around your neck.

-SHE GAGS

Come Slut, I think it was called.

Yeah, you kind of, you obviously have to start at the bottom and

work your way up but...

You've obviously made videos where men are violent towards you.

-Have you got any issues with that?

-I kind of like this sort of thing.

I like this attitude where the man is in control and he's the boss.

You have to do what he wants and all this stuff so...

To me it's all just good fun.

But, from an outsider, to a normal female, yeah,

I can see why it would be, like, really bad thing,

like why you wouldn't want someone

to associate this kind of thing with

just normal everyday sex.

Why? Why wouldn't it?

Why wouldn't it be a good thing?

Because there's always going to be that one idiot out there that

watches a porno and goes home and hits his girlfriend because

he thinks that's what the right thing to do is,

or something like that.

Obviously, there is, there are too many naive people

in this world that believe what they see.

What's your past with men like?

In my teen years, I was under the impression that I deserved

to be treated like this.

I thought I deserved to be treated really badly.

When I was 16, this boy sexually assaulted me in the changing rooms.

I remember being in there by myself. I can just picture, like,

him walking into the room and just looking at him and there was

just something, there was a look about his face and, yeah,

I kind of just knew that I was in trouble.

He was, like, ripping my shirt off,

he was all over my boobs and then, when he was done, he just

threw me to the floor, and that was the end of it and he walked out.

It's not like I got raped or anything,

it's nothing too extreme, but what he physically did to me is

something I thought about every single day for about six years.

I got into porn because I was having sex a fair amount,

so I just thought that was all that I was worth.

I trusted these strangers that I met, and it just...

it didn't work out for me a lot of the time.

Porn...porn to me is nice. The men treat you with respect.

They're nice to you. But guys in real life, they're not...

they don't treat you with the same respect.

I feel really sad to hear that men in the real world have let Jade down

so badly she now feels that having sex on camera is the better option.

Five days later, and I'm in Prague with Jade for her next job.

Hm. I'm scared. There is no-one here. Is it a hotel? What is it?

I'm terrified. I don't want to buzz on the door.

I don't think they speak English. I don't know.

Hello!

I don't speak Czech.

-Hi.

-Hi.

-I think I'm staying here.

Hello.

SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

SHE MOANS

-Oh!

-SHE GROANS

Stay, stay. Don't worry about that.

Thank you.

I can't lift. Thank you very much.

Look what you have here.

-Very good bed. Mirror.

-Oh, goody.

-Make-up stuff.

-Aces.

-Unbelievable, right?

-Thank you.

-You're welcome.

This is Jade's co-star, Hungarian performer Matt Bird.

She'll be shooting two scenes with him tomorrow.

How did you start to make porn?

Yeah, I read an article.

They... They were looking for models

for underwear, you know.

If...

They read, "If you have a sporty body,

"you can try yourself."

And I went there and they told me, honestly,

it's not underwear modelling, it's porn.

And I was thinking,

"Hm. Maybe I try myself."

Yeah, this was the first step in this business.

How did you come up with the name Matt Bird?

In Hungary, that bird is a Matthias bird,

which bird can imitate the song of other birds, like this...

MAKES WHISTLING SOUND

That's why I'm Matt Bird.

Do you fancy him? Do you want to have sex with him?

It's my job, so I have to.

But no, there is no...

It's not like one of those moments

when you see someone you like, "Oh, damn!"

Like, yeah, I didn't get that, but he seems nice.

The first of today's two scenes is for a website that's

dedicated to porn shot in the back of a van parked in public.

All Jade's been told is that she has to dress like a businesswoman.

-Have you ever worked in an office?

-No.

Am I looking to destroy my soul? No.

The location of today's shoot, a suburban Prague side street.

I can't quite believe how public it is.

In a last-minute change of plan, the directors decided Jade will now play

a spoilt rich kid who seduces her chauffeur on the way to the ballet.

I'm so pissed I'm going to the ballet. Uh.

I hate to imagine the things you could do in the back of this car.

-I might just have to...

-SHE MOANS

Ooh. OK, I will do whatever you want.

Get your dick out...

..and let me put it in my mouth.

Ahh.

Ah...

SHE MOANS

It's been an hour and a half since they parked up.

I can't even help it.

I'm not a normal girl.

OK, I'll shut up. I promise.

The mood seems to be taking a turn for the worse.

Things are not going smoothly.

And it takes seven attempts before they can finally finish the scene.

THEY MOAN

SHE SIGHS

This has definitely been a better waste of time than going to

the stupid ballet, don't you think?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

Matt, how was that?

I...so...

..so this was not my best scene.

No, it's, like, on paper, banging in a car sounds like a great idea,

but when you're actually in here

and it's getting hot, like, it kind of, it's overwhelming, almost.

Matt, what did you find difficult about it?

Can you ask me later?

Thank you.

It kind of...

It kind of makes it feel like,

I know that I can't blame myself, but in situations like this,

I kind of just assume automatically that it's my fault.

And I was, like, OK, so he's seen my vagina and now he's not hard.

Is it because my pussy is that disgusting? And, like, there's...

It kind of makes you completely doubt yourself.

Because he could tell that I wasn't comfortable.

Obviously, it was affecting his dick in that respect so...

Yeah, I don't know.

It kind of, it throws you all over the place a little bit.

-Jade.

-Not now, please.

-Are you OK?

-I had a panic attack.

-SHE EXHALES

-Fuck. Fuck.

(Shit.)

No, sorry.

Despite her panic attack, Jade has to shoot another scene with Matt.

-Hi, excuse me. Are you Matt?

-Yes, I am.

Hi, my name is Carly Rae.

I walked past your window and saw that you do photo shoots.

SHE MOANS

Oh, shit.

Ah, nice!

Can you see my tits bouncing?

50 minutes in, and Matt is struggling again.

How are you feeling?

I'm mentally and physically exhausted.

Like, I'm so tired.

Oh, my God, it's 11 o'clock.

Let me do the math. £500 divided by 14 hours I worked today.

-Works out to £35.

-An hour?

Yeah, £35 an hour, but if you take into consideration all the

travelling from yesterday, all the travelling tomorrow morning,

I think I'm earning less than £10 an hour,

if you kind of add it all up.

Was there any part of you that just thought, "Do you know what?

"I've had enough."

Um, yeah, like, yeah, it was just...

I don't know, kind of my soul died after the first scene.

I just became... I'm so tired.

Yeah, it wasn't ideal, but there are always jobs that you don't...

you aren't completely 100% in, like.

Yeah, you kind of have to give it your all,

no matter what the circumstance.

Three weeks later, and Jade's suitcase is out again.

She's preparing for her next job, America.

Her US agent has lined up bookings and she's going out

determined to make a name for herself.

I don't know what to do!

I'm stressing myself out. I'm panicking.

Oh, my God.

-Why are you panicking?

-Cos I hate all my clothes.

And I don't know what to bring.

What's the best thing that could happen on this trip?

Find a husband.

SHE LAUGHS

Fall in love, that would be nice.

Break someone's heart, that would be good. Would have been a while.

I don't know. Um, I'm a massive shopaholic,

so the best thing for me is if I walk away

with a pair of Louboutins, I'm a very happy girl.

What do you think they're going to make of you?

If you're as loud and obnoxious as I am, then I might be in some trouble.

I might find my partner in crime. It could go either way.

I set out to try and understand the price a young woman

would pay for having sex on camera and turning it into a career.

I found someone whose job has a

huge emotional and physical impact on her.

The financial rewards, or increased Twitter followers,

don't always seem worth it.

But porn does seem to provide her with

a sense of purpose and self-worth that the real world had taken away.

And although I worry that she might one day regret her decision to

shoot porn, there's no denying she's taken back control of her own life

and has found strength by living in the moment.

Over the next couple of months,

I'm hoping that my career kind of is taking off.

I've worked my ass off to get to where I am today so...

It's like proof to me that if I set my mind to something,

I can do exactly what I want.

It's like anything is possible, basically.

I'm so much more liberated.

I am, like, I've got so much more body confidence than I could

ever have dreamed of years ago because I've done this,

because I've seen what I look like,

I've seen how I perform and I'm proud of what I've done.

So now I'm going to be googling myself at a very old age to

see if I'm still there.

SHE LAUGHS