Ronnie Barker The Many Faces of...

He was one of Britain's favourite funny men.

Good evening.

One of the giants of British television.

You paint a very pretty picture. They could use you on Jackanory.

Everything he did had class about it.

A master of monologue.

The Football Association announced today that any league player

who changes his sex before half-time will be allowed to finish the match.

Provided, of course, that there is alternative dressing room accommodation.

He was an absolutely great comic actor.

Good evening.

Every kid in every school knew all the shows.

He was a clown and a wordsmith.

Sometimes you get stuck on one letter such as wubbleyou.

And I said, "Well, I've got a tin of woup, a woucumber, two packets of wheese and a walliflower."

A great chameleon, really, as well as a great comedian.

And a prolific comedy writer.

You can't believe the same man in Porridge

is the same man as Open All Hours.

He is rooted in being a first-rate actor.

These are the many faces of Ronnie Barker.

Ronnie Barker became one of the best loved comedy faces of the 1980s.

Oh, really?

He was sensational in variety shows as one half of The Two Ronnies.

Sir Laurence Olivier is appearing in 'No, No, Nanette' at the Trellis Theatre, Totnes.

And Nanette is appearing in 'No, No, Sir Laurence Olivier' at the Globe Theatre, Gosport.

And as a solo star in sitcoms like Porridge.

You know, Fletcher, this is the part of the job that I hate.

Locking men up, caging them in.

Yeah, it is a pity too, just when the good telly is starting and all.

It's a shame, isn't it, eh? All we ever see is the news, isn't it?

News and Nationwide. What's the good of bleeding Nationwide when you're stuck in here?

He shone from an early age but almost missed the stage for a career in banking.

In private it was an image he never really shook off.

If you met him you would never ever think

he was anything to do with the theatre.

You would think he is a very witty, very witty, bank manager.

But Barker on-screen was an inspiration for a generation of British comedy.

Ronnie Barker was a superstar in all our lives.

'70s comedy was hugely important.

Every kid in every school knew all the shows.

Ronnie's fame was international,

the famous Four Candles sketch

wowing audiences all around the world.

In every English-speaking country in the world they were huge.

Saw tips.

Sore tips?

What do you want? Ointment or something like that?

It was a work of genius, that sketch was.

Ronnie Barker turned a desk job in theatre

into a stage job at the Oxford Playhouse,

and instantly made his mark.

Only gradually I realised that whenever I had a little part,

Ronnie would come up to me

and give me, what I realise now, were wonderful notes.

I did always leap on them and said, "Oh, I see what I'm doing now."

But he was a brilliant actor.

I can remember thinking how good he was in things.

But in this very quiet way. There was no bombast about him.

You wouldn't have known he was an actor.

Ronnie was good but in the early 1950s

a career in television was a million miles away.

We didn't speak about television.

Television was a very downmarket thing that some people did for money.

I don't remember anybody speaking about television.

Would you like to sit there, please?

Television was still the vulgar cousin of stage,

but Ronnie had his eye on glamour.

His first film appearance was as a waiter being upstaged by Frankie Vaughan.

Very nice to see you here.

Buenos dias, senor. Senorita.

What is all this, eh? Why all this argumentation?

Well, I'm very sorry, Sir, but for seven years now Sir Bertram has been my special customer

and I will not have him taken away from me by this foreigner.

Foreigner?

-I am British through and through.

-Now, now, now.

The movie, Wonderful Things, turned out to be nothing special

and Ronnie's cinema debut came to nothing.

But in 1958 the wireless was the mass medium of the day,

and it was here that Ronnie Barker began to get noticed in the comedy The Navy Lark.

Betty Marsden told me about this very funny actor who was in a radio show,

The Navy Lark.

-I want two halves.

-Do you mind? I've only got one pair of hands, you know.

Yeah, I had noticed.

They performed at the Playhouse Cinema

which was taken over by the BBC, so I went along and I saw Ronnie Barker

and was knocked out by him. I thought he was brilliant.

Radio was the place where comedians, star comedians, had their shows

and when television gradually took over, they created their own stars.

When radio star Jimmy Edwards moved to television

Ronnie Barker was part of the team.

It's 1961 and already somebody has noticed that Ronnie looks good behind a desk.

And here is the news. The sports.

There is no sign of any decrease

in the widespread changing of gender.

The clothing exchange centres

set up by the WBS

will now remain open until 10pm.

Muir and Norden were the top comedy writers on radio.

And they'd done this series with Jimmy Edwards

which they'd asked me to do,

and in that series we had Ronnie Barker,

and as soon as Muir and Norden saw Ronnie Barker in one episode

they started rewriting the scripts to bring him in more,

because he was obviously a major talent.

Jimmy Edwards was very much a traditional comedy performer

but now, in the 1960s, the new kids wanted to make their own radical shows.

Jimmy Gilbert was to produce the landmark review The Frost Report.

We had John Cleese, Ronnie Corbett,

and I was looking for a third member of the cast.

And of course I didn't have to look very far.

I rang up Ronnie Barker and asked him if he would do it.

But he was appearing in a play at Stratford East, with Robert Atkins,

but he asked if he could be released and they let him go.

So we got him. We nearly didn't get him,

in which case where would The Two Ronnies have been?

Because it was The Frost Report where Ronnie Barker and Ronnie Corbett met, of course,

and they were marvellous together.

Good evening. Tonight in the studio we have the chairman

of The League Of Television Decency, Mr Whitewood. Good evening.

Good evening.

Now, Mr Whitewood, I understand that the purpose of your campaign

is in fact to clean up television.

Yes, we take exception most strongly to some of the double entendre

and suggestive dialogue in BBC plays, for example.

Would you like to give us an example?

Yes, willingly.

The other night a character was heard to say, and I quote, "Look here."

That sounds perfectly harmless to me.

It depends on which way you look at it, doesn't it?

I mean, to me, "look here" suggests

look here through this keyhole

at this young female person

divesting herself of her clothing.

It was fresh, it was different,

and it was topical as well, and fairly cutting.

There were some really, you know...

And there were some very silly, sharp, little silly bits.

Waiter, could I have the baked jam roll, please?

Not till you've finished your cabbage.

The Frost Report was live, and that was very frightening.

But it actually... You know, adrenaline running around.

I remember John Cleese was absolutely petrified.

You go ahead.

I think I'll begin with a little Dubrovnik caviar

with just a twist of lemon.

Then the lobster without dressing, please,

covered with a mixture of mushrooms and onions the way the chef knows I like it.

The Ronnies had so much experience and I had none.

None at all.

And I do remember looking into the mirror in the bathroom one day

where I'd gone to wash my hands just before the show

and thinking, "I could not be more frightened

"if I was a matador going into a ring with a bull."

After that a small cup of Brazilian coffee, not the Cuban

and a glass of Courvoisier 21.

Thank you, sir. And Madam?

I'll have a plain omelette.

Sounds rather nice. Do you mind if I change?

The terror is drying, you know.

We had a live audience, it was going out live, and it was really scary.

A lot of it was David sitting and looking into camera

and reading lots of jokes off the Teleprompter, the autocue.

Of course, the traditional standard of cooking

we used to associate with the British

was that of a guest house at a certain unnamed seaside resort

famous for its Blackpool rock.

With his experience of repertory theatre, Ronnie Barker

brought acting skills to the increasingly dramatic sketches.

Ronnie was in on an exciting revolution in television.

The Frost Report brought together

old school and new school musical comedy

in a fast-moving sketch format.

Enjoying your steak, are you?

Yes, thank you very much.

What he did was put together the intellectual mob,

the university people,

with more traditional performers.

The Chinese eat pussycats...

..covered all over in melted chocolate. It's a well-known fact.

I don't care and I'm not interested.

And monkeys.

It is an amalgam of different backgrounds,

and that was a clever thing to do, sort of comedy fusion, almost.

-Gone off it, have you?

-Yes.

-Just going to eat vegetables, are you?

-Yes.

Vegetables have nervous systems too, you know.

Scientists have recorded their screams of agony

as they are torn out the ground by their roots.

Carrots shriek.

HE SQUEAKS

Ronnie Barker extraordinarily sort of crossed...

He could work with the university types

and he could work with the lowbrow types,

Ronnie Corbett amongst others.

He was amazing

at bridging those two class distinctions, if you like.

But he was essentially an actor. He wasn't a comedian.

I look down on him because I am upper-class.

I look up to him because he is upper-class.

But I look down on him because he is lower-class.

I am middle-class.

I know my place.

I look up to them both,

but I don't look up to him

as much as I look up to him.

Cos he has got innate breeding.

I have got innate breeding but I have not got any money.

That famous sketch that illustrates class difference

with Cleese, Corbett and Barker together,

it has become the lazy shorthand for all debate about class in the '60s.

Every time you see a TV documentary that refers to the idea of class

or a Newsnight discussion, let's say, about class,

that image is projected up on the screen.

In a way, it is because it's brilliant.

It captures that idea of social mobility,

or in fact the lack of it in the '60s that people were talking about.

Barker is in the middle

but actually Barker could have been anywhere in the line-up.

Rather hard to imagine John Cleese playing the working-class guy at the end,

rather hard to imagine Ronnie Corbett

embodying that kind of upper-class hauteur that Cleese does so effortlessly.

Barker could have been anywhere in that.

I shall now pronounce sentence.

There were two series of The Frost Report on the BBC

before the show moved to ITV as Frost On Sunday.

John Cleese had already decided to leave the show.

He would go on to create Monty Python

after his first attempt at a dream team,

including Ronnie Barker, failed.

Silence in court.

If there is any more noise I shall have to ask the orchestra to leave.

I can't remember quite why we went our different ways.

I do know that at one stage I tried to put them all together.

Graham Chapman and I wrote a movie for the Frost organisation

which was called Piglust And Company.

And Ronnie Barker was Mr Piglust, and I liked the script very much.

And it had Ronnie Barker, Ronnie Corbett,

Marty, Tim, Graham and me in it

so it was very much an attempt to put the group together.

Unfortunately Frost sold it to Ned Sherrin.

I thought he'd brought Ned Sherrin in as producer,

and Ned, who I didn't like very much as a person, or professionally,

I thought there was a coarseness to his taste,

he would not use Charlie Crichton, who was of course the director for A Fish Called Wanda,

and so Graham and I walked away from the project

and so did Ronnie Barker and Ronnie Corbett, and we just went off.

I would love to have got us together.

The Frost shows were hungry for scripts

and attracted some of the best comedy talent of the generation.

Hello?

British Hormone Company here. Miss Thompkin speaking.

We wrote hundreds of sketches, so many.

The pressure is therefore huge.

You can't sort of... You can't hang around.

There are certain rules, techniques.

You can't hang around without a laugh for too long.

The worst of the lot was you've got to have a punchline.

I mean, look, it says here in the paper "intimacy took place".

Now why can't they come straight out with it

and say he gave her a jolly good...

Did you see the cricket?

-Why can't they say he gave her a jolly good...

-Cricket!

Why can't they just say he gave her a jolly good dinner

then he took her home and then...

And then what?

And then intimacy took place.

Ronnie also knew a good script when he saw it.

I think that's one of the key things of a genius performer.

Out of all the comedy people almost in British comedy history

he is probably the one who has done the least crap.

He, by and large, everything he did had class about it.

Many of the writers on the show would go on to be household names -

Michael Palin, Graeme Garden, Barry Cryer.

There was another writer, though, who was as prolific

and would have been revered if he hadn't been a complete enigma.

Some sketches started coming in that were really classy, very funny,

and the writer was never there.

And we started to ask, "Where is he?"

They said, "He just sends them in. Don't know who it is."

The notorious episode of Gerald Wiley

who we were told was a recluse.

And he started submitting sketches.

And we used to say, "Anything from Gerald Wiley this week?"

Disappointed if there wasn't.

And then at the very end - nobody knew -

we were all taking bets who it was,

because you thought, this person is too good, he is too good at writing,

he must be a writer or something.

The first one they ever did was set in a doctor's waiting room,

had a very big part for Ronnie Corbett,

and a small one for Ronnie Barker.

And I was going to say they both liked the sketch,

but of course they both did.

Ronnie Corbett didn't know who Gerald Wiley was.

And then Wiley starts submitting.

The funny thing was Ronnie Barker sometimes turned down a Gerald Wiley sketch.

He'd say, "No, it's not up to his usual standard."

It got to the end of the series

and David took us all out for a Chinese meal, big table,

and they invited this man.

It was like Agatha Christie. We were all there.

We all turned up and Frank Muir popped his head in as our boss

and we thought, "It was you having a laugh." No!

We thought it was Tom Stoppard who was with that agent.

We're sitting there agog waiting for this bloke to arrive,

and all of a sudden up jumps Ronnie Barker

and says, "I am sorry to disappoint you all but it's me."

I think most of us laughed and thought, "Very good gag,"

and kept looking around for Gerald Wiley.

He then said, "No, it is me."

I stood up and said the toast is nobody loves a smart arse.

That was Wiley revealed.

And then of course he'd lost his cover.

I respected why he did it in the first place.

He didn't want sketches accepted just cos he'd written them.

But then his cover was blown.

Rather embarrassingly,

Gerald Wiley began to take ideas from other writers

and use them for himself.

The famous sketch with the spoonerisms in it,

not originated by Ronnie Barker or Gerald Wiley,

but added to sequels written to this sketch.

Good evening. I am the President Of The Loyal Society For The Relief Of Sufferers From Pismronunciation.

People who can't say their worms correctly.

Or who use the wrong worms entirely,

so that other people cannot underhand a bird they are spraying.

The pismronunciation of worms,

one of the most famous of those sketches

where Barker talks directly to camera

and gives you a kind of Ministry Of Information lecture.

The first one was not written by him,

but all the subsequent others were.

It's just that you open your mouse and the worms come turbling out

in wuck a say that you dick not what you're thugging to be.

And I know that there was a little bit of tension,

because I think they felt sometimes

that Ronnie kind of rewrote ideas of theirs

without them really getting any credit.

And sometimes they felt he changed the material.

David Frost had taken the show to ITV

and was keen to make the most of his stable of comedy thoroughbreds.

Ronnie would be tried out in longer formats

including a film he both wrote and produced,

Futtocks End.

It was a slapstick movie of sound effects

with no dialogue.

And was not his finest moment.

There's only one criticism I would make of Ronnie.

He had a little bit of the Benny Hill streak of humour.

He could put in a bosom or bottom joke

when it just slightly lowered the tone

of the absolutely excellent work he was doing everywhere else.

It was 1970 and Futtocks End was at one extreme of a very wide spectrum of acting roles for Ronnie.

At the other end was an offer of Shakespeare.

"It is sad," he said. "I'm not going to be able to do this. I have been offered this."

I said, "Why can't you do it?"

He said, "It's during the school holiday."

I thought, "What has that got to do with it?"

He said, "Well, Joy and I and the kids always go to Littlehampton."

I said, "Yes, but it's television! It's not doing a play every night where you can't get there."

"Course you can. You can rehearse during the day and they'll give you the weekend off."

He said, "No, it's the school holiday."

I'd have given them au pairs to die for down in Littlehampton to look after them all.

Ronnie did in fact play Bottom in A Midsummer Night's Dream

with his old colleague Eileen Atkins.

HE BRAYS

I suppose I might have thought whether

because he had been doing these sketches on television

I wondered whether he would have, when he played with you,

you would still feel the engagement with what you were doing as well.

But it was all there, absolutely.

He is rooted in being a first-rate actor and nothing had shifted.

No, he was lovely.

I've had a dream.

Past the wit of man to say what dream it was.

Man is but an ass if he go about t'expound this dream.

While at ITV Ronnie appeared in six plays, The Ronnie Barker Playhouse,

and Six Dates With Barker,

each intended to but failing to find a sitcom for the rising star.

The character of Lord Rustless did emerge

and featured regularly in the sketch show Hark At Barker.

He would go on to make regular appearances throughout Ronnie's career.

There you are.

I suppose some of you must be wondering why I have sent for you.

The point is the television people thought that you might like to have a look around.

Ronnie was named ITV Personality Of The Year in 1969.

ITV must have known they had a star in Barker

but his destiny was about to be forged,

not by his talent, but by his contract.

There was a very poor decision made at London Weekend Television.

There was a lot of politics and David Frost,

an absolutely brilliant entrepreneur, apart from anything,

who helped to create London Weekend Television,

had The Two Ronnies under contract,

and there was some politics that went on,

and the management at London Weekend Television

said they wouldn't continue with The Two Ronnies

by buying them through David Frost's company.

Which was a ridiculous decision.

And so they left and the BBC couldn't believe their luck.

And they signed The Two Ronnies.

ITV had The Two Ronnies, and lost them,

in the same way the BBC had Stanley Baxter, and lost him.

The BBC launched The Two Ronnies TV show in 1971.

Their trademark opening address

would welcome millions of families in Britain for the next 16 years.

Thank you. Good evening and welcome to the show.

-It's very nice to be with you all, isn't it?

-It is.

-It's very nice to be with you.

-Thank you, Ron.

Every Two Ronnies show was closely formatted.

Viewers expected to see the newsreaders,

sketches and song parodies.

# I would love to eat anything I wanted

# Bangers and beans and enormous lumps of fried bread

# Fed chop and chips and steak and kidney pies

# By a girl who likes cooking who's big and good-looking

# Whose dumplings are double the size

# We'll all have a damn good time

# All peaches and cream. #

They complement each other very well.

There's the physical thing going on, of course,

the big chubby man with the short man.

We've seen that from time immemorial in comedy.

But there's something about the way...

The rhythm of their performances together,

there is a naturalness about it.

In those sketches where they meet at a party

you can almost believe that those people are real,

no matter how absurd their afflictions and their verbal ticks are.

Hello. I don't believe we've met. Clive Winfrey.

Hello, my name is...

No, no, no, don't tell me, don't tell me.

It is a little game I like to play at parties, guessing people's names.

I'm very good at it too. I always guess their name by what they look like.

It might be partly because Ronnie Corbett accepted his secondary role in that partnership

that he wasn't trying to muscle in on the writing process as well

and was in a way happy to let Ronnie Barker

be kind of the originator in that act.

I am so sure you will not be able to guess my name,

if you get it right I will allow you

to spend the night with my wife, the beautiful lady in the red.

She's smiling, looking...

How many guesses can I have?

You can have as many as you like.

All right, well, you look to me like a prat.

Sidney Pratt.

No. No.

Perhaps you're more like a wally.

-Are you a Wally Partington-Smythe?

-No.

Monty Rothermere.

No. Look, I'll give you a clue.

My surname sounds like something that comes out at night.

Malcolm Dentures.

But actually I think what makes it work

is that they just seem to like each other.

There is a sort of ease about the way they work with each other

when they are sitting out as the village idiots on the wall

or the two old guys in the allotment.

-You know we live in the same sort of house?

-Yes?

-Same road, same shape, same size rooms?

-Yes.

You know when you papered your front room you told me

you bought eight rolls of wallpaper?

That's right, yeah.

-Well, I've just papered our front room.

-Oh, yeah?

I bought eight rolls of wallpaper.

When I finished I had two over.

That's funny.

So did I.

Together The Two Ronnies perfectly complemented each other,

but they had a different approach to being on their own.

I am feeling a little bit drained. I spent the weekend potholing.

Ronnie Corbett's armchair monologues

seemed a natural portrayal of the man himself.

I say potholing. To be honest,

actually I was in the back garden

trying to pull up a worm and it got the better of me.

But Ronnie Barker always appeared in character.

What about that?

-A?

-A! I didn't help you at all with that one.

-I.

-No, that's the hatstand.

-H.

-No, you are reading all the furniture.

See if you can grab the end of this long pole.

-I've got it.

-Got it?

-Thank goodness for that.

I think Ronnie was never comfortable performing as himself.

He always had to be in character, something he always made very clear,

which was why he would always have just a moustache

if nothing else when he was playing those announcers at the desk.

Always made him feel more comfortable.

And yet in conversation and as himself he was supremely funny.

In a very straight, very dry way.

Do you ever experience a general feeling of wobbliness?

A, yes. Or B, no.

Yes, A. Yes, I do get wobbliness in the head.

There are several possible causes of wobbliness. Please state number of legs.

Two when I last looked.

Oh, sorry, wrong button. Wait a minute.

No! Oh, dear, wait a minute.

You appear to have 12 legs.

Are you A, the Nolan sisters?

B, the Parliamentary Social Democratic Party?

C, three teams of one-legged polo players?

Or D, was this a mistake?

Ronnie Barker was starring in The Two Ronnies

and he wrote much of the material.

Good evening, here is the news.

But the sheer volume of scripts demanded outside writers

and attracted contributions from all over the world.

The news desk items famously came in

from all quarters across the British Isles, maybe even the world.

They had this vast sort of pool of submitters.

Dentists from Aberdeen, I don't know who they were,

as well as a core of more professional writers

who did it for a living.

In the divorce courts today an 85-year-old farmer divorced his 17-year-old wife

because he couldn't keep his hands off her.

He has now sacked all his hands and bought a combine harvester.

They would whittle it down to 100 lines a week

which they themselves would then rewrite anyway

to give them a greater crispness.

These 100 would be submitted to each of the two Ronnies,

and from that 100 they would pick 12, 15 or something,

that they would actually use on the show,

and every one had to get two ticks from each of them. That was the rule.

# With what anguish

# I await my beloved

# My poor frail body

# Is wasting away. #

It was a kind of seemingly bottomless well of characterisation,

particularly that Ronnie Barker managed to achieve,

which was just marvellous to behold, really.

# In yon gloomy tower

# The cause of my pinings at present reclining

# In her chamber

# Ah, me, when will she

# Be free to be mine own?

LAUGHTER DROWNS SINGING

Good evening. I'm from the Ministry Of Sex Equality.

I'm here tonight to explain the situation man to man.

Or as we have to say, person to person.

My name is Mr stroke Mrs Barker.

But I don't advise any of you to try it - stroking Mrs Barker.

He is absolutely brilliant at those lectures to camera.

He can just turn on that pomposity, that silliness,

but still make it sort of convincing.

He had such a good ear for these things,

his wordplay was so dexterous,

he knew how to kind of copy the rhythms of the sermon

or the public information film,

and twist them until they became utterly preposterous.

The recent idea by the ministry, to avoid confusion,

is to call a man a doings and a woman a thingy.

This offends no-one and makes conversation clearer,

thus we instantly recognise the book called Little Thingies

or the musical called My Fair Thingy,

or the play by George Bernard Shaw called Doings and Superdoings.

ITV had tried Ronnie Barker in sitcom showcases twice without success.

The BBC also realised they had an extraordinary talent.

In 1973 they commissioned a series of one-off comedy pilots, 7 Of 1,

with the intention of finding that elusive sitcom blockbuster.

Ronnie must have been pretty special on the sixth floor at the Beeb

and in the eyes of the viewers by the time he did 7 Of 1.

Alan, tea?

One Man's Meat paired Barker with Prunella Scales

making much of the man's rotund stature.

Just about a man who was on an enforced diet.

His wife emptied the fridge, took all his clothes away

and he couldn't eat a thing.

She even got the inside out of a boiled egg

so when he thought he had got a boiled egg it was empty.

It was very funny, and it was written by a man called Jack Goetz,

who turned out to be Ronnie.

Oh, I'm awfully sorry. I accidentally spilt them all over your nice trousers.

Why don't we take them off? I'll dry them on the radiator.

One Man's Meat failed to impress,

but two of the seven experiments

would eventually make extended series.

Open All Hours introduced a young David Jason

when first broadcast in 1973.

Hey, Granville, have you been courting again?

Fat chance. We don't close till nine.

Mrs Sculley said it could have been you she saw coming out of their Margaret...

-You what?

-..'s place on Frith Street. Let me finish!

Go and get them papers in.

I told you not to go and see that Ken Russell film.

BELL RINGS

You've hardly got your spots cleared up from the last one.

Another pilot, Prisoner And Escort,

led directly to a sitcom some people consider to be

the pinnacle of Ronnie Barker's career.

Don't give me any of your facetious lip, Fletcher.

I know you were trying to work one last night.

On what do you base that supposition, Mr MacKay?

On the evidence of our motor mechanic's report on the van.

It appears that the petrol tank had more in it after our journey than before.

Only what was in the tank was certainly not 5-star.

Now, I'm going to be watching you, Fletcher.

I'm going to be watching you like a hawk,

because nobody, nobody goes over the wall in my prison.

Oh no, Mr MacKay, no-one would dare take the petrol out of you.

Norman Stanley Fletcher.

Small-time villain Norman Stanley Fletcher is convicted.

He takes his sentence one day at a time,

winning minor victories against the system

and in particular the stern warder, Mr MacKay,

played by Fulton MacKay.

Morning, Mr MacKay.

Thanks again, mate, see you.

Thanks. What was all that about?

That was just a bit of friendly advice, Mr MacKay, that's all.

Just a bit of friendly advice on matters of the heart between him and me.

Tell me, Fletcher, is it true this is the office of Slade Prison's Miss Lonely Hearts?

Is that why you're here, then? Problems of that nature?

I have no problems of that nature.

h, come off it, Mr MacKay. All screws - beg your pardon -

all prison officers have problems in that area, don't they?

Matrimonially you and me is very similar.

Because while we are both stuck in here

we can't be sure what our old ladies are up to. There's no difference.

There is a major difference, Fletcher.

Your wives are criminals' wives,

they belong to the criminal classes

with all their hidden traits of slovenliness and promiscuity.

Our wives are the wives of uniformed men,

used to a life of service, duty, decency and moral fibre.

-My house, my house reflects my wife.

-Big, is it?

-Spotless.

Ronnie just disappeared, you know,

inside those people that he played.

Fletcher! I mean, what a wonderful creation.

He did say to me once, he said, "It's me, Sam, really. It's me, really. It's easy."

But, you know, it was a complete full-blooded character,

and that's what he was so brilliant at.

I think there was a touch of genius really.

-Hello. What do you want?

-Will you do the honours?

-What, read it out to you, do you mean?

-Yes.

-Yeah, all right. From the wife, is it?

Yeah, know her perfume anywhere.

Oh, yes, very distinctive.

I should think this kills 99% of household germs.

I knew it was good, it was really good and the scripts were great,

but I didn't know it was going to be a huge hit as it turned out to be,

I mean with books written about it,

and the top viewing figures one Sunday night in 1976 or '75 or something, of 22 million.

I will get Saturday morning off at the laundry.

I miss you and think of us

when you was at home and you used to take my...

Used to what?

Well, it's a bit personal, the next bit, you know what I mean?

I don't think I should really read it out, aloud, not in front of me.

-Well, you know, it's intimate.

-What does she say?

You read it. Oh, you can't read, can you?

'Half past seven, eight o'clock, whenever it was,

'was a bit of an event. We'll be there for that.'

Did you see Porridge last night?

That episode of Porridge where he and Richard Beckinsale

are confined in their cell

fantasising about a day out that they will never have...

Dreams is your escape, ain't they?

There's no locked doors, barriers, frontiers,

dreams is freedom.

..is one of the most brilliant examples of acting control

and writing too, that I think '70s TV ever produced. It is absolutely perfect.

And there is something about the way Barker can conjure those fantasies,

the way he narrates that day of pleasure,

fantasising about being out in the countryside when they're within the prison walls,

it is just a masterclass in acting.

Kids like you, they shouldn't be in prison, not really.

It's the system, isn't it?

You're not here to be reformed or rehabilitation, are you?

You're just here for public revenge, ain't you?

With me it's a different kettle of fish. It's occupational hazard.

Being as how my occupation is breaking the law.

Still, my family has never gone short.

I've got a wife and three kids. Want a bit of this?

Ta.

Wife and three kids, I'll show you their picture when it gets light.

Now my youngest, he's just got into grammar school.

Has he?

Yeah. Very expensive school it is. Nice, though.

But costs a lot.

Books, equipment, all that sort of thing.

When my son went there on the first day he didn't want for nothing.

Rugby boots, blazer, cap, scarf, the lot.

He wouldn't have had them if his father had just been a struggling clerk, would he, now?

Reason he had them was because his father had just robbed a school outfit.

Any actor who'd never done comedy or TV,

who perhaps played the Royal Shakespeare Company

and the National Theatre,

would look at those performances

and say, "My God, that is acting of the highest calibre."

Take one.

Action.

The character of Fletcher had broken into the hearts of the public

and Porridge was a huge success with a cinema feature film spin-off.

Oh, dear.

Where's Elaine work? Tarpaulin factory?

Read it.

All right, I'll just give you the highlights.

"Dearest bunny, blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah."

Blah blah blah, what?

It's all trivia, it's nothing.

It's the weather, her mother's catarrh,

she's retiled the lav, the canary's got haemorrhoids,

she met a welder at the Fiesta Club, she's thinking of moving in with him.

I must be off. I can't hang about.

We haven't got a canary.

Cut.

# I'm going straight

# I am straight as an arrow. #

And when Fletcher had served his time,

there was a sequel following his release.

# I'm going straight, I am

# Along the straight and narrow. #

-Left something behind, have you?

-Yes, three and a half years of my life.

-You'd better move on a bit sharpish.

-All right, all right.

Oi!

Oi! Let me in!

Porridge won a Royal Television Society Award for outstanding achievement.

Barker would win four BAFTAs over his career.

In 1975, accepting a Best Light Entertainment Performance Award,

he was moved by the sudden death of his Porridge co-star.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the tragic and untimely death

of my good friend and colleague, Richard Beckinsale, three days ago,

has robbed me of the joy of this award,

but the pride in winning it still remains.

Richard's contribution to Going Straight will always be remembered,

but this award is also for The Two Ronnies

and I would also like to pay tribute

to my equally close friend and colleague Mr Ronnie Corbett.

Thank you very much.

Later in life Ronnie would achieve a BAFTA Lifetime Achievement Award

but The Two Ronnies received their biggest double act accolade with two OBEs in 1978.

Can you describe the ceremony?

It was rather moving.

I thought the bride's father looked wonderful.

It was lovely and nerve wracking and moving. You got very nervous.

-We both had to spend a penny.

-I had to use the royal we, twice.

Through the '70s, Ronnie acted in both Porridge and Open All Hours.

He later claimed Fletcher in Porridge was his favourite creation,

but he was worried about typecasting,

so he moved between the two series.

I'll kill that flaming mouse.

What gets me is

if he can move like that why hasn't he got a number on his jersey?

He's faster than you are.

Well, I know that, don't I?

It's no good hanging around here waiting for a cheese-eating tortoise.

By the 1980s, television had moved on.

Traditional family light entertainment

was being challenged by young, alternative comedians.

The tide did turn against this kind of humour.

I think we've forgotten now that rather awkward moment

when the two Ronnies were doing shows

at the same time as the alternative comedians coming through,

and there was a kind of battle between those people,

and Barker and Corbett did become whipping boys for these comedians.

Not The Nine O'Clock News saw The Two Ronnies as an easy target.

It was a very legitimate pastiche and extremely affectionate and very well done.

But Ronnie Barker really didn't like it at all and wrote a letter.

I have this from John Lloyd who produced the sketch.

He said it was excrement. He basically complained to the BBC.

That wasn't Ronnie's finest hour

but we are all very sensitive to criticism.

It is hard to see yourself as others see you and I'm sure...

I think I did get the chance to ask him about it.

I think he realised later it was legitimate and fun.

But probably he felt threatened,

I think everybody feels threatened in show business. It's a bit of a paranoid career.

New wave comedians had grown up watching family entertainment

but now wanted their own comedy to be less like their dads'.

The two generations collided at a BBC Christmas party.

It was a magical thing for me to go into this room, Russ Abbot over there,

and suddenly, my goodness, there's Ronnie Barker.

I was with Stephen Fry and we edged into his orbit

because we were both extremely starstruck. Out of admiration.

This is a man who is a comedy great.

Anyway, he sort of turned to us and looked rather imperial

and pointed at Stephen and said, "Like you."

And he pointed at me and said, "Don't much like you."

Jolly nice party this, isn't it?

That was it. I wasn't... It's not so much I wasn't having it,

everybody was kind of, "That was a bit much!"

Rather nice wine.

And we began to talk and of course I was completely besotted

and he was pleased that I knew his catalogue pretty comprehensively.

Anyway, at the end of it he kind of nodded and said, "Well, I like you better now."

Supposing I kept an eye on that hand of yours,

and every time it came up, you know, to give me a thing,

I duck my head? We could have quite a reasonable conversation.

He wasn't pompous

but there was a touch of the Captain Mainwarings about him, there really was,

and he could be prickly. He decided, "There's a young punk and I'm going to tell him off."

In the end he liked me better and eventually we became friends.

There had been 16 years of success in The Two Ronnies, Porridge and Open All Hours.

But in the '80s Barker realised his magic touch was failing.

The sitcom Magnificent Evans about a Welsh photographer did badly.

-It's not working out right at all, this.

-Is it the light?

-No, it's not the light.

Ronnie came to see me privately when I was controller of BBC One,

he asked to see me privately.

I thought, "Oh, there's a problem. Doesn't like the script, doesn't want to work with Ronnie."

I didn't know what to expect.

And he came in and shut the door and said,

"I haven't told anybody else, but I'm going to retire. I've had enough."

He said, "I just want to plan the next year.

"I want to know what you want me to do,

"this is what I'd like to do, can we just plan it now?

"Then I've got that banked in my mind and then that's it, finished."

He was running low on ideas

and wrote Clarence under the name Bob Ferris

about a shortsighted removal man

recycling a character and a script from his time at ITV,

some 16 years earlier.

Look at the old Chelsea pensioner over there.

What's that? Nice day for the Coronation, isn't it?

I love to see them old Chelsea pensioners, don't you?

I though I might nip off and have a look at the procession.

He absolutely had his life balance.

Family came first, theatre came next,

and I think that is why when he eventually retired,

I don't honestly think it worried him.

The rest of us old troopers go on as long as we possibly can,

but he'd done everything he wanted to do. That's what he said.

Stop! Those are goldfish.

Oh, yes, that is another thing about you women.

You're all soft when it comes to animals, you're all soft.

Go on, flush them down the lav.

I will certainly not flush them down the lav!

PHONE RINGS

Here he comes now. Now we've done half the packing he's turned up.

It's just a lot of Mr Magoo jokes recycled,

and almost that form is dying, really,

by the time that comes along.

The trunk and suitcases are going with the master and mistress to Rangoon. They aren't to be touched.

Righto. I'll just move this standard lamp out me way.

-What are you doing? Put me down.

-Who's this then?

Somehow he began to crumble, I think,

when he was robbed of really good writing.

Either his writing or somebody else's writing.

He couldn't quite lift that material.

It's Miss Angela. Do please put her down.

She's going through an unhappy time.

Oh, dear. I'm sorry, no harm done.

I was just guessing your weight. 9 stone 5.

I'm never wrong. Used to lifting wardrobes.

There is something faintly depressing, actually,

about those late sitcom vehicles,

and the absence of laughs

and the broadness of the characters in them.

Look at that. My old granny had a piece just like that.

You will be careful, won't you?

Careful? I've got hands like a surgeon, me.

-What's that?

-I cut myself.

There is always a dip,

there is always a point when you have been around a long time,

everybody loved you, and then they're kind of... Not bored,

but you're the big guy, nobody is going to give you plaudits.

And then comes the next phase, as did happen with Ronnie Barker,

finally when he gets the full old man glory stuff.

I don't know whether... I wish he hadn't retired

and I think if he had decided to just reduce his workload and keep going,

I'm certain there would have been another great sitcom.

By that stage he'd already had a bit of a scare,

a few alarm bells about his weight.

He had been told he'd got to lose weight.

And he was determined that wasn't going to happen to him

and Tommy Cooper had gone around that time as well.

He wasn't just going to keep performing until he dropped.

So it was... I applauded him for it at the time.

I thought that decision was very laudable.

Quite surprised, I have to say,

when he then came back to do Churchill's butler much later on.

Ronnie was tempted back with a small part in a feature film

alongside the great Albert Finney.

The Gathering Storm told the story of Winston Churchill's pre-war years.

Ronnie Barker played his long-suffering butler, Inches.

Mr Churchill, sir? Mr Churchill?

It is a drunk.

She's here, sir. She's here.

What?

-The taxi's coming down the drive.

-What on earth are you talking about?

-Mrs Churchill, sir.

-She's here?

-Yes, sir.

Ronnie had retired, I think quite a few years...

I think four or five at least, maybe more.

He was running his antique shop with Joy, his wife, in Gloucestershire.

And I went to meet him and he just... We got on, I suppose.

And listen, anyone...

To have the opportunity to work with Finney, you don't turn it down.

Out. I'm in the middle of a letter.

-Telephone, sir.

-Out.

-The man says it's important, sir.

-Get him to call back later.

-Really important.

-Who is it?

-Major Sankey, sir.

-Who the hell is Major Sankey?

One of your constituency workers. I think you should talk to him.

-What, now?

-Yes, Mr Churchill, he's been ringing all morning.

-All right.

You're the most irritating clod that ever walked the earth.

I was in the middle of a letter to my wife.

Now I have completely lost my train of thought. Idiot.

Have you no sensitivity whatsoever?

There is no need to be insulting, sir. I was merely passing on a message.

Shut up. How dare you?

Tell the girl to put the call through up here.

-She's gone to lunch.

-Do it yourself.

I am not acquainted with the mechanism, sir.

Bloody hell. You are very rude to me.

You are very rude to me, sir.

Yes. But I'm a great man.

You're a stupid old bugger.

He stood out because not only could he just do the job,

it was effortless.

It's like the old thing of the tightrope walker

that can walk along and do a trick fall,

because it makes it look like it's more difficult.

Ronnie could just do anything he wanted to on that acting tightrope.

Mr Inches, I think a glass of champagne might be in order.

With respect, sir, I think we might save that for happier days.

It was a small part, and a return to his serious acting roots.

Just a year later the same team travelled to Italy to film My House In Umbria,

another straight role for one of Britain's funniest actors, now in his twilight years.

Well, the situation, as it were, my staying here...

Umbria was hard, it was hard for all of us. It was incredibly hot,

we were in the middle of Tuscany,

and the temperatures were unbelievably hot,

you've got lights as well,

and they were wearing quite heavy clothes,

because some of it was meant to be set in the winter.

I think everybody found it tough and I think Ronnie did as well. But he never complained.

I was wondering whether it's not time for me to pack my bags.

'He said he wasn't going to do anything after The Gathering Storm.

'I slightly bullied him coming back. But I'm pleased I did.

'He was happy. We found him a nice little villa, not grand,

"but we used to go round and barbecue in the evenings

"and he was always pleased to see me,"

wearing his Panama hat

and sitting under an umbrella and doing a bit of barbecuing with Joy.

I think he enjoyed the time out in Italy.

He's no fool. He knows Francine will be jealous.

I doubt very much whether he'll ever come back.

On the other hand, he may very well come back next month.

I may be dead next month,

the moon may have crashed into the earth,

who knows what dreadful things may come to pass?

But at the moment I'm happy. What else matters?

Carpe diem.

I am never really sure what that means.

Seize the day, embrace the present,

enjoy life while you've got the chance.

Ronnie Barker passed away just two years later,

a master of comedy, at home on stage, television, and big screen.

I wrote a book about him recently,

and Ronnie Corbett said that in 40 years they'd never had an argument,

and that was my experience. He was a delight to work with.

Your game, m'lady.

When you look at the 20th century in terms of what we laughed at

and what brought us all together

and what gave us a wonderful warm feeling of being part of the same community,

sharing a sense of humour,

Ronnie Barker will be without question

a member of a small and elite group.

I have to keep my hands at room temperature

in case I ever have to decant any of that sparkling vintage of a full-bodied white,

known locally as Nurse Gladys Emmanuel.

He certainly would rank alongside

people like Spike Milligan and Eric Morecambe.

I'm the only bloke that keeps the tone of this place up.

Those monologues, tongue-tripping lines and everything,

I didn't know anybody who was as good as he was.

Good ovening.

Horo is the nows at ton.

At the Primo Minister's country household, Choqours...

He was in the best sense a comic actor where you can put the "comic" in brackets.

He was a terrific actor.

Dreams is your escape, ain't they? No locked doors, no barriers, no frontiers.

Dreams is freedom.

There aren't many people who slot into that kind of tradition,

because he could do so much more than that too.

But I think that's essentially what he is.

He was a great actor who was very good at comedy.

And we've just been told the police are desperately seeking the man

who steals the ends of news items.

The man is described as tall and grey-haired with a very big...

That's all we have time for this evening so it's good night from me.

-And it's good night from him. Good night.

-Good night.

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