Columbine: A Killer in the Family Our World

I just started screaming and crying, and telling them not to shoot me.

And so he shot the girl, he shot her in the head

in front of me.

The subjects were not only going on a rampage,

but they were going to destroy the school.

The Columbine High School massacre had a seismic impact upon America.

13 people died and 25 others were injured,

before the two killers turned their guns on themselves.

I would like to take this moment once again to hammer home,

to all the children of America, that violence is wrong.

The actions of teenagers Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold made Columbine

a byword for the phenomenon of school shootings,

that terrible day often cited as an inspiration for other attacks.

In the aftermath of the tragedy, the parents of the two killers came

in for fierce criticism.

People asked, how could they not have known?

How could they have missed the signs?

Now, after 17 years, the mother of one of the two killers

has broken her silence.

The guilt I feel even loving Dylan, or feeling that way about him,

knowing what he did and how he hurt other people...

For 17 years, Dylan Klebold's mother Sue has been trying to understand

For 17 years, Dylan Klebold's mother Sue has been trying to understand

what drove her son to kill.

I felt that by sharing this story it might help somebody.

It might give them an opportunity to view their own families,

their own children, differently, and see things in a way that

I was unable to see.

What kind of child was he?

He was a cherub, he was precocious, he was extremely bright,

playful, loving.

Thick, long hair, like a mane,

and just a happy, engaged, engaging child.

In the book you say that when Dylan was born you had a premonition that

something awful was going to happen.

It was the strangest thing, and I have never in my life had

anything happen like that.

When Dylan was an infant, he was newborn and I was in

the hospital, and I was holding him in my arms, and I had

a sudden feeling.

It was - all I can think of, it was like a bird of prey had

passed over us, and I just felt the shadow had rushed

across my face.

And this feeling I got was that this child will bring you sorrow,

that something is wrong.

And it was so bizarre, because he was a healthy,

perfectly healthy child.

But I do remember having that feeling, and I never thought

about it again until, like, the day after Columbine I woke up

and I remembered that.

Dylan Klebold lived in this house in the sandstone foothills

of Jefferson County for almost a decade.

Dylan, his older brother Byron, his mother Sue and his father Tom

were a typical suburban family.

Sue work with disabled students in community college,

Tom was a geophysicist.

Both looked for good behaviour in their boys.

Dylan and Eric met at middle school, and entered Columbine High in 1995,

aged 14 and 15 respectively.

Over time they became increasingly close.

Dylan nicknamed himself Vodka, Eric was Reb, short for rebel.

Eric Harris spent a bit of time at your house,

but he was a friend of Dylan's for awhile, and once you even

gave him a job reference.

Mh-hm, I did.

What were your impressions of him?

My impressions of Eric for the most part was that he was a perfectly

normal, likeable kid.

The only time I ever saw Eric act in a way that I thought

was inappropriate was at a football game, when they were both

at a football game, on the football team,

and their team lost.

I thought, well, here is a moody kid who has just

lost his cool, and...

You know, it wasn't anything that struck me as being dangerous.

But what was Dylan's relationship with him like,

do you think?

I felt that up until that time that they got in trouble together...

Which was 1997.

It was 14 months before they died, they both were involved in a theft.

They stole something out of a parked van.

They both got arrested, and they got into something called

a Diversion programme.

When that incident occurred, I determined that their influence

on each other was not a good thing.

My husband and I made an effort to try and keep them apart more,

and to very closely monitor this relationship.

And it seemed to us that Dylan had pulled back from that relationship

a lot on his own.

The boys escaped a criminal record by enrolling in a rehabilitation

programme known as Diversion.

But Dylan's behaviour towards his parents

was becoming increasingly erratic.

Dylan became more withdrawn, more hostile.

But he still took part in family events, he held down a part-time

job, he went to the school prom three days before the massacre.

But what his parents didn't know was that Dylan Klebold had been

suicidal for two years.

He poured all his rage and upset into diaries and journals,

that were only handed to the Klebolds by the police almost

two years after the killings.

In the Diversion paperwork, you wrote Dylan is introverted

and has grown apart from those of his age.

He is often sullen, his behaviour seem disrespectful to others.

He seems intolerant of those in authority,

and intolerant of others.

These were some of the core issues affecting him.

Right, and what I wanted to do when we went to Diversion,

I was so worried about him that I wanted to put everything

into the Diversion report that could show any kind of concerns that

I had.

So I tried to be extremely open, to say, yes, he gets irritable,

and yes, he does spend time in his room, because I wanted them

to be able to help him and help us deal with this.

That was as bad as it got with Dylan, when I tried to say,

what could I say that would put it all out there,

so they could help?

You talked about having concerns over his behaviour.

So did you check on his room?

Oh, yes.

In the times that I was in and out of his room,

it was because I was checking to see how clean it was.

I mean, it was like, you need to change your bed,

you know, let's get this picked up.

I wasn't looking for anything wrong, because I didn't see it.

Now, after he was arrested, yes, I searched his room.

We tore his room apart, because it was like,

what is missing?

I believe in searching kids' rooms for their own protection.

But over time - as I said, the arrest was 14 months before

he died, he was a graduating senior going for college,

and it seemed that at some point it was no longer appropriate

to search his room, because he was going to be moving

out and living on his own.

Dylan was just weeks away from graduation

when the massacre took place.

Columbine High School is 15 miles south of Denver,

in the shadow of the Rocky Mountains.

On 20 April 1999, its name became infamous around the world

when Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris calmly drove their cars,

packed with explosives, guns and grenades, into the school's

parking lot, and set about destroying the school.

This wasn't a moment of madness.

It was a cold-blooded massacre, one ten months in the planning.

The suburban high school turned into a killing field.

One by one, they extracted the dead and injured from the school.

This teenager was rescued from an upstairs classroom.

I have been a SWAT officer since 1980, and this was clearly

the most devastating and traumatic scene that I had ever seen.

I hope never to see it again.

Tell me how that day began.

It was still dark, the house was black.

And I heard Dylan thundering down the stairs in his boots,

because his bedroom was upstairs and ours was down.

And I was startled, because it was too early for him

to be up.

And I opened my bedroom door, and I yelled, Dyl?

And he had run past my room, down the stairs, and he was out

the front door.

And I couldn't see him, but all I heard him say was bye,

and then he slammed the door and left.

And I was very concerned.

I woke my husband immediately, and said something is bothering him.

Would you be home today, will you talk with him?

My husband walked out of our home, and he said I will be home,

I will be home all day, I will talk to him when he gets home.

And then what happened?

About noon, I was getting ready to go to a meeting,

I worked for the community college system.

And I had left my desk and came back and the message light was flashing

on the telephone.

And I thought, well, I better listen to this.

I picked up the phone and listened, and it was my husband's voice,

and he sounded horribly upset.

His voice was cracking, he could hardly breathe.

And he said, listen to the television.

Something horrible is happening at school.

It was such a day of confusion.

We had police came to our home.

We were asked to leave our home, we had to sit outside.

We sat on the ground all day.

At that stage, though, you must have thought

that it was more likely that your son was involved

in the shooting, as opposed to being shot.

We could hear through the window, the television was on,

and at one point we heard 25 people were dead.

And I remember at that point thinking, if Dylan is really doing

this, he must stop.

That moment was when I really...

I prayed for him to die.

And I thought, something has got to stop this,

whatever it is that is going on.

It took me a very long time to believe, months,

to believe that my son was actually responsible for killing

and hurting people.

Up until that time, I believe I was living in a really...

An extreme state of denial, just saying, he was there,

but he didn't really kill anybody, or he wasn't what they are saying.

It was Eric.

Yes, it had to be Eric.

What his parents were unaware of was that Dylan had hidden

a sawn-off shotgun and ammunition in his bedroom.

Police later said that Klebold and Harris had prepared 99 home-made

explosives for use in the attack.

It must have been a very strange thing to compute,

to know that between them, Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris

were going to blow up the whole school.

That was one of the most difficult moments of this entire process.

I had to go through so many...

so many phases of accepting this and accepting OK,

they were there.

OK, they hurt people.

And it was purposeful.

Yes, it was planned, it wasn't impulsiveness.

And then at the police report to finally learn their plan had been

to kill everyone in the school, but it failed.

When I thought of that and thought of the magnitude,

I really didn't think I was going to live through it.

In the book, you describe him as withdrawn and monosyllabic

sometimes, and took failure hard, and I wonder, do you feel

there were certain signs you missed?

I think there were.

In particular, the fact that in his junior year,

several things happened to him.

We had all those issues in a row.

He got arrested, he got in trouble at school,

he had scratched a locker at school.

I did not recognise that those things meant that there

was a potential life-and-death situation.

I did not recognise these were possible signs

of a mental condition.

According to FBI records, there have been 50 mass murders

or attempted mass murders at schools in America since Columbine.

Sue Klebold made one stipulation before our interview -

that we would not show the CCTV pictures of Dylan and Eric

in the school during the massacre...

for fear of copycat attacks.

You were asked to go to the Sheriff's Office six months

after the massacre to be shown videos.

Tell me about that.

It was a collection of the two of them talking

about what they were going to do and being horribly

violent and hateful.

I remember when I saw that, I stood up and thought

I was going to be ill.

It was such a shock.

The person I was seeing on that film was not anybody I could recognise.

It was not Dylan.

But at that point, did you have to face up to the fact

that he was equally responsible for Columbine?

That's correct.

That was the moment, that was the day which I learned

he was not an innocent bystander who happened to get involved.

This was not an impulsive act.

He prepared for this for a long period of time,

and he was equally involved in killing people and saying

horrible things to people before they died.

In the aftermath of the massacre, you had support from friends

and co-workers, but you also had a substantial firestorm

coming at you.

What sort of things happened?

I remember being in a grocery store and paying with a cheque,

and the checker recognised my name and asked if I knew him,

and I said, "Yes, he was my son".

And she started in a very loud voice saying this was the work of Satan,

and just shouting at me.

I was trying to bag my groceries and get out.

I would turn on the radio and hear myself being discussed

and called disgusting.

So these were just things that happened, and it created a feeling

of being watched and judged.

This instant decision about what had happened by people who didn't know.

People want to believe it's something as simple

as bad parenting.

Because that is a comforting thought.

Nobody wants to believe this could happen to us.

And I think it made people feel safer to believe

that we were all of the things they wished we were,

or perceived us to be, or imprinted on us.

Because then they would feel, "This could not happen to me,

because I'm not like that".

You also wrote to the victims' families.

I did do that, yes.

One father did write back to us about a year later,

which I was extremely grateful for, and wanted to meet us.

It was profoundly comforting to me and meant so much to me.

I received a letter from the sister of one of the girls

who had been shot.

And then one of the mothers of one of the girls who had been killed

also reached out and wanted to meet with me.

And those things meant so much to me.

I could not even begin to explain how it felt so wonderful to have

them be gracious enough and brave enough to do that.

Sue Klebold now believes that Dylan's suicidal years

were a significant factor in the Columbine massacre.

Since 1999, she has become increasingly involved in the issue

of suicide prevention.

She's written a book about the Columbine tragedy,

A Mother's Reckoning, donating profits to mental health charities.

You say in the book, "I should listen more

and lecture less".

In all the years since I lost Dylan, I wish I had just said,

"You feel that way.

Tell me some more about how you feel."

I think I had a tendency to lecture, tell him what to do,

or to do what parents do.

And I just wished that I had talked much less.

You wrote in the book it would have been better for the world if Dylan

had not been born, but it would not have been better for you.

The guilt I feel at even loving Dylan, or feeling that way

about him, knowing what he did and how he hurt other people,

but Dylan was my son.

And knowing him did enrich my life, and I loved him, and he brought joy

to me when he was alive.

And since his death, I have found meaning in life

by trying to find answers to understand why this happened

and how this terrible thing came about.

What do you wish you had said to Dylan that morning when he ran

out of the house?

I think I wish I had just tackled him.

And just said, "Sit down, you're not going anywhere.

We're going to talk."

I read somewhere you had worn a piece of his clothing,

you held onto things.

Yes, I did wear his clothes for a long time.

My husband and I both did.

It's just a feeling of wanting him a little bit closer.

In the aftermath of all this, your very strong and long

marriage didn't survive.

I wonder why you decided to go your separate ways.

You said, "For the sake of our friendship".

Right.

When this tragedy happened, it was like a lightning bolt

hitting a tree.

It just sort of split whatever the marriage was.

We responded to the tragedy differently, and what we felt our

life calling was in relation to this.

It was like being on a ice floe that just got smaller and smaller,

and there was no common ground.

The tragedy, which was at the time the worst school shooting

in American history, cast a long shadow.

Families were shattered, sons and daughters dead.

One teacher murdered as he tried to protect students.

And those shot that day and survived, some are living

with the most horrific wounds.

Have you been to the memorial?

I have.

What happened when you went there?

I have gone quite a few times.

And what I do is I sit there, and in my head I talk to the kids.

And to the teacher who was there.

Without the rest of the world, without parents, lawyers, community.

I just want them to know that I'm thinking of them...

And I will always think of them.

Do you want to take a moment?

I'm OK.

OK.

You talk a lot in the book about faith.

Do you still believe in God?

Not in the same way that I did before.

I wonder if you had religion before in a different way,

or whether you believe there is an afterlife?

I don't know.

I go back and forth on that.

If there is, you will see Dylan again.

That's really what I'm asking.

That is the one thing I have hoped for, again and again,

that at some moment, either in this present life

or in the transition or in the afterlife,

that I must see him again.

I'm hoping that I will see him again.

If you believe in good and evil, you might be in a different place.

I know, I know.

I know.

A lot of people will read this book and read it in a lot of different

ways, because it will mean a lot to different groups.

It will mean a lot to the victims' families, to the survivors,

some of whom are still, two, in a wheelchair.

What would you say to them?

What do you say to them now?

I have this feeling of wanting to say over and over again,

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry".

And I know that such a thing is so completely inadequate,

but I don't know what else to say besides I'm sorry.

I'm just so sorry for what Dylan did, and I wouldn't even know

what else to say.

Not as much fog around England and Wales as Friday begins

but still the potential for some dense patches.

Do not drop your guard just yet.