The Return Our World

Now on BBC News, Our World.

In August 1996, can end roof Pohler,

an American couple from Michigan,

arrived in China. -- can end roof.

They adopted a baby girl from a

social welfare home. They called her

Kati. -- Ken and Ruth.

Doesn't she look like a picture!

Money is pretty... I can. It is

obvious that you are different, from

day one.

She was just beautiful. But

seeing that picture and seeing her

in life was, yes. Very happy, very

emotional, just tears running down

my face.

I grew up in a place that

was very white, very Caucasian. But

for me, my community was so close

and so tight. I saw myself as

different but I was actually really

accepted. But then things started to

become different when I went outside

the community, and everyone knew me

and you my story, and they expected

me to act certain ways.

Kati was

probably five years old. And she

came up to me, we were at a meeting

at church, she asked me his tummy

she came from. Did I come from your

tummy? And I said no, you didn't

come from my tummy. You came from a

lady's tummy in China. But you came

from my heart. You were born of my

heart. And she was off running,

doing something else. That was all

she needed to know, and she was

happy with that.

Looking back at it

now, I thought the right thing to do

was to not really pursue that and

think about that. I guess part of

the reason I didn't pursue it more

too was because I knew, especially

from my mum, it was hard to her.

When Ken and Ruth receive their baby

can they were given an unexpected

piece of paper. It was a note, and

it was written by Kati's both

parents. -- birth parents.

For the last 15 years, the couple

have been visiting the Broken Bridge

in Hangzhou, hoping to find their

daughter. Their story was picked up

either Chinese media.

Finally, through a contact, they

discovered their daughter had been

adopted by a couple in the United

States.

But Kati's adopted family didn't

think a reunion would be in her best

interests. Until now.

I guess

meeting my birth parents is

something that I never had a really

strong desire to do. But I don't

think I ever considered it as

something that could ever even

happened. So now that is happening,

it is a to think about. The

dominating emotion is properly

excitement. We should have brought

our bags to make us look better!

Kati's adopted parents told her

about the full story of her adoption

when she turned 20.

She is mature

and she made that decision, and so

we are here tobacco completely -- to

back her completely and Matt Shaw

that it is a good experience for

her. -- and make sure. And that her

trip over there will be a blessing

to her birth parents.

How are you,

I'm good. How are you?

We were just

wondering where you were? In a way I

see it as a loss, but also a game.

It's just a change in the

relationship.

... We pray that Kati

will go well and she will have safe

travel to China, and that you return

safely back to us.

After finding out

about her birth parents, Kati

decided to fly to China, to meet

them herself.

I think my biggest

fear in meeting my biological family

is that somehow I will disappoint

them, I mean, in a lot of ways,

obviously they feel they have let me

down. But I also know how much pain

they have gone through.

Is so large. I see that!

Ahead of

the big reunion, Kati spent some

time getting to know the country of

her birth.

The meeting under strain

to try and take it as it comes, and

try to be in the moment as much as

possible. And make the best decision

to me at that time.

This is Kati.

Higher. Hello.

The big day has

arrived. Kati and her birth family

are travelling to the Broken Bridge

where they will meet for the first

time.

I am excited. I feel pretty ready. I

feel like there has been a lot of

build-up to this point, so I feel

like... Feel like it is time. I'm

generally not a very symbolic

person. Like, I think it is nice,

but I'm not early one fall, like,

sentimental things. But it was my

biological's Father's idea. I

respect that, and I do see the

beauty and out. So yes, I think

meeting on the bridge is definitely

the logical choice, and I think it

will be good. The legendary Broken

Bridge in Hangzhou is famous in

Chinese folklore. It is the

inspiration for an ancient love

story. And millions of people visit

each year.

It was a beautiful afternoon, and so

it was definitely kind of surreal,

walking across the bridge, just

looking at the people, like, this is

it. I am only going to do this once.

You only meet your biological family

once in your life.

I don't get super emotional and

those types of situations, but for

my birth mother, I think she was

just... She was actually really sad,

in a lot of ways. She just kind of

helped me and sold for about a

half-hour. And that is another time

when I was, like, you know what? I'm

glad I can't speak Chinese, because

I have no idea what I would say

otherwise.

So, after the meeting, like, my

biological family really wanted me

to, like, stay with them for the

night. And I was, like, no. I have

met so many people today, I haven't

been sleeping a lot, so I just want

some time to myself. So I think,

yes, that first night, yes, I didn't

stay with them. And then after that,

the day after that, I hung out with,

yes, my parents.

They have brought Kati back to their

family home in Hangzhou.

I am Kati's

biological mother. Hello. Thank you

very much. For taking care of Kati.

We are also very thankful to you for

giving her to us.

That night they

Skype chat with Kati's adoptive

family in the US. It is the first

time that two families have left.

Can you tell us a little bit how the

Bridge reunion went?

I haven't

really tried to talk about it yet,

because I don't know how to talk

about it well. Because...

OK.

I

don't know how to capture what it

was. I don't know.

We love her

dearly, and she knows that, and we

haven't lost anything today. We

haven't lost anything at all. We are

just happy for her.

I am just happy

that she has come to this point. I

just hope there is a sense of peace

and contentment with her, and that,

you know, if it means developing a

relationship with them, but that's

OK. Because that is good.

One thing I realised, going on this

trip, that I almost did it more for

my biological family than myself.

Obviously it was both, but in a lot

of ways it was a lot more meaningful

to them. Just because it was a lot

more traumatic for them, and they

have been living with a lot more

emotion about it for so many years.

But for me, also, it was good. It

was... Yes, it was good in different

ways, I think, for us. But for me,

it was definitely fulfilling. What

is it?

Chicken wing.

Sure.

My oldest

daughter, she is already 25, but she

never went into the kitchen once.

I

will teach her how to cook. I guess

having two sets of parents, it is...

It's hard, because it's a lot of

family ties, and that is, like, how

much to communicate, and I'm not

really good at communicating with my

family in the first place, and I

have a whole other family.

The next morning, Kati's dad wants

to take her to the place where he

abandoned her.

But it is difficult to find the

exact spot.

He really just wanted my

forgiveness, which is... It was just

really interesting, because, like I

understand from him why he needed

forgiveness, but for me, I didn't

feel like I needed to forgive them

for anything. Like, from my

perspective, I understand their

situation, as much as I think I can.

And, like... Yes, they were stuck.

They were stuck in a system that was

so can.

Six hours from Hangzhou is

this town. It is the original family

home, and it is where Kati's

grandmother lives.

I think another really cool moment

was, like Tom meeting my grandma. I

think she was on the boat and I was

born, so, like, she has been also

thinking about me a lot through the

years.

Earlier this year, her

grandmother nearly died after

suffering a stroke.

Just seeing her, and seeing my

extended family, I am just like...

It really made it feel more like

family. I don't know, just seeing

how much that I was there, and she

really wanted to see me before she

died, and that was kind of... It was

a powerful moment.

It is time to say

goodbye. All the family are at the

airport to see Kati off.

Don't cry, OK?

Hello.

Back in Michigan, a new

chapter is beginning in Kati's life,

as she prepares for her final year

of university.

I guess, for like,

for other adoptees who are pursuing

reunion or searching, I think it is

important to just, like, be very

aware of, like, your feelings. And,

like, there is not really a right

and wrong way to feel during any

part of the process. No matter how

much you know about your adoption,

or why you were given up, or how

much you feel about it, and how much

it hurts, or no matter what the

circumstance, I don't think it's

good to suppress those feelings that

might be hard to deal with.