Malaysia Dara & Ed's Road to Mandalay

South-east Asia.

Where ancient religions jostle for space with superhighways.

One of the most rapidly-changing places on earth.

That was genuinely amazing!

'My fellow comedian Ed Byrne and I...'

I don't understand anything that the board says.

'..are on an epic adventure...'

It's difficult to get the rhythm right!

'..to three of the most vibrant countries in the region.'

This is an astonishingly beautiful sunset.

'From the economic powerhouse of Malaysia,

'the holiday paradise of Thailand, to Myanmar,

'a fledgling democracy unlocking its doors to the world.'

-That's a lot of people.

-There are lots of people here.

'It's a journey that takes us over 3,000 miles,

'from Kuala Lumpur across the Malaysian Peninsula to the historic

'city of Mandalay.'

This is a taste of real Malaysia now.

-Ladies.

-It's a nice feeling, isn't it?

This could prove to be a very long night.

'We want to explore how Thailand is

'sinking under the worst excesses of tourism...'

To me, Phuket is now like the Titanic.

We are moving to a huge iceberg ahead.

'..meet the indigenous tribes of Malaysia, struggling to survive.'

They are really shy of new people.

We're going to be just as shy.

'And discover how Myanmar is

'grappling with its new-found freedom.'

The perception was that I was watched,

and I could be thrown into jail any minute.

'We want to understand how the clash between East and West,

'the traditional and the modern, is

'transforming these countries forever.'

It does seem odd. It felt like I'd stepped into a time machine.

Do you know what this trip needs?

A giant golden Buddha.

Would there be one of them nearby by any chance?

'We begin our journey in Kuala Lumpur,

'capital city of Malaysia.

'I've always joked about the fact

'that I like to be in different places,

'but I don't like getting to them.

'But with something like this,

'it's all about seeing as much of the country as we can.

'We're at this very start of the journey,

'because you're arriving somewhere which is completely different to

'your everyday life, and that's very exciting, but also slightly scary.'

Ah, there they are. Look over there.

That's the Petronas Towers there.

'This is a city of fast cars and high finance.

'But on this journey we're going to go far beyond that.

'And I, for one, have come prepared.'

There's about five guidebooks here.

Between your standard, kind of like, you know, tourist guidebooks,

there's some cultural ones there,

a few phrase books. There's another one in Thai.

So I want to learn something so that I can say, you know,

"Oh, I know about this. I read about this. Oh, Ed..."

And there's nothing I enjoy more than telling Ed things.

And there's nothing Ed enjoys more than learning from me.

'My head is already bursting with facts.

'The Petronas Towers, for example,

'are still the tallest twin buildings in the world.'

I hope interesting and exciting things are going to happen.

And I hope me and Dara aren't going to fall out.

'Central KL is mainly a business district,

'but there's over 1.5 million people living in the city.

'So we're heading downtown.

'This food market has been trading for generations.

'But we're not here to do the weekly shop.'

We are here for chicken.

OK. Well, you know...

We're here for a slightly luckier chicken than this.

OK. I would like to have a lucky chicken.

'Hidden away behind the meat stalls is the usual crowd,

'doing what Malaysian blokes do on a Saturday afternoon.

'Hanging out, admiring the birds.'

What have you brought me to, Ed?

A beauty pageant.

-OK.

-Essentially.

Ed, that's a bit sexist, if you don't mind me saying,

-in this day and age.

-Hey, how are you doing? Ed. This is Dara.

'Lee is the Andy Warhol of the chicken world.'

This is a serama competition in Malaysia,

which we hold it regularly, every week.

'A brief encounter between a

'Malaysian wild fowl and a miniature Japanese chicken

'resulted in these tiny but muscular seramas back in the '70s.

'Coached by their owners,

'the most pumped up chickens can be worth thousands of pounds each,

'and can earn big prize money.'

Do you have to train them or is it just all breeding?

They're natural.

They just naturally stick out their chest?

If they have it, they have it.

Otherwise, zero.

-OK?

-At what age do you know whether a chicken's got it,

you know...

"You ain't got it, kid."

Some as young as two weeks.

You can see the way they stand.

-You can just tell?

-Yeah.

'And Lee knows exactly what to look

'for in these miniature body-builders.'

-Longer legs.

-Longer legs.

And a little bit more of the body.

And then look very slim and tall.

Make sure when they stand they push their chest out.

-Ah, OK.

-Look like a warrior.

-To look like a warrior, as much as a chicken possibly can.

-Yes.

There's a lot that's weird about this,

but, you know, one of the weirdest things about it is

that surrounded by all these chickens,

that man there is eating chicken.

The equivalent back home, I think, would be racing pigeons,

homing pigeons. I think that seems like the sort of...

Because there isn't an agricultural element. You don't eat them.

'Seramas are bred purely for show.

'And it's competition time.

'They'll be judged on their presentation and poise,

'but must remain on their table for a full two minutes.'

OK, best of the best.

Come on, make it count. Make these two minutes count.

Does it have a name, this chicken?

No. Oh, lovely, lovely work. This one is flaring.

'But as tension mounts, two of them

'take a dive and get shown the red card.'

That boy's doing great. That's it.

Oh, don't go off the table. Don't go off the table.

Oh, no, don't, don't, don't! Turn around, turn around.

'It's amazing how enthusiastic you

'can get about a small chicken on a table.'

-By the power of Grayskull!

-He's doing it on one leg!

This is a chicken that can win on one leg.

It's almost over. Almost over.

'After a lot of encouragement, time's up,

'and one little serama is crowned king of the coop.'

Congratulations. Well done. You came up against a good chicken.

-Serama B!

-There we go.

Would you like to be part of this success?

It's been great. Don't block the trophy.

Don't block the trophy. Thank you.

'It's hard to get around the gridlocked roads of KL,

'where 93% of the country own a car.

'So we're swapping four wheels for two.'

Morning, how are you? How are you.

-Nice to meet you.

-Show us our steeds.

'We're meeting up with cycling activist Jeffrey Lim...'

Right, you change gears here.

'..who in the last two years has been campaigning to get KL's

'residents to ditch their cars for bikes.'

-I don't have a bell?

-You're going to risk your life.

-Do I just have to yell?

-You've got to yell! "Get out of the way!"

"Get out of my way, I'm going cycling!"

BELL DINGS

Get out of the way! There we go, that works, yeah.

That's better than a bell.

-Cycling!

-ALL: Yeah!

Cycling! ALL: Yeah!

Cycling! ALL: Yeah!

Ring your bells, guys.

BELLS DING Let's go!

You'd better lead the way. I don't know where I'm going.

We're not from KL, we don't know.

'These mass cycle rides take place almost every Sunday.

'Jeffrey's plotted a route for us that shows off what a diverse city

'KL has become.'

Just keep on my left, I'll protect you.

The cars will bounce off you before they get to us, will they?

Yeah, I'm going to yell at them.

'60% of Malaysians now follow Islam.

'But within just a short cycle ride

'there's a line of Buddhist monks to welcome us too.'

Hello.

'Buddhism is now the second most popular religion in Malaysia.'

All of these temples are right beside each other?

-Thank you very much.

-Nice of them to turn out like that for us.

This is very, very pleasant.

-That was the head priest.

-That was the head priest, was it?

The area that we are cycling in is kind of the gateway to the city

for generations of different immigrants.

So therefore there are temples

sitting right here for all the different communities

that have arrived into Malaysia.

'And nestled beneath the skyscrapers,

'an elaborate Hindu temple,

'thanks to the thousands of Indians who migrated here over the

'centuries across the Indian Ocean.'

TRADITIONAL MUSIC PLAYS

Definitely, the Hindus have got the edge.

There was music, there were smiles.

-They put on a show.

-There was people with their tops off.

It's great!

'Malaysia's real cultural mix,

'reflecting its long history of

'trading with exotic places all over the world.'

That was like the opening scene to a TV show about Malaysia.

It was like a primer. It was like, "Coming up, we've got...

"We've got Hindus. We've got Muslims.

"We've got Chinese people.

"We've got Indian people."

We just saw them all in one whistle-stop tour.

We almost don't need to do the trip now.

I feel like we've already seen Malaysia.

I've sort of booked in other things.

Yeah. Now that we're taking the time away from home,

we may as well do it.

OK, we might as well do the trip.

-It would seem churlish not to.

-That seems like a mission statement.

We might as well do the trip.

There's a reason they get comedians to do these kind of journeys.

It's because we're actually quite curious anyway.

You don't become a comedian without wanting to find strange,

quirky things in the cultures you visit.

So we tend to be looking for little

things that we can make a joke out of, fun, and latch onto,

little cultural differences.

Every guy on a motorbike has their jacket on backwards.

That's a very curious thing.

That is, apparently, to keep bugs of themselves.

'Before we leave KL, there's one thing Ed and I can't resist.

'So we're heading for an evening at

'Malaysia's first ever dedicated comedy club.'

It's a great way to get under the skin of a city,

and to find out about its people

is talk to the people who make them laugh.

We're quite good company.

Comedians enjoy each other's company rather a lot.

And so we have a tendency to hang out together.

And then, when we're away from other comedians, then we're kind of

a bit depressed because, you know, other people are less fun.

What you want me to say? Other people are less fun.

Comedians are the most fun in the world. Sorry.

'With censorship laws tight, stand-up has never really existed

'here and has struggled to find an audience.

'But recently, a few comics have

'found a place to make their voices heard.

'Hidden next to a pound shop at the wrong end of town is The Crackhouse.

'And we've been invited down on one condition.

'That we both get up on stage.'

They did say to us, "Do you want to go on?"

And like we were ever...

Did we not say, "Can we go on?"

They came to me and said...

I'm pretty sure I said, "Is it all right if we get up and do..."

I just presumed we want to go on and do a gig here.

I think I'll probably just do my, you know,

lost luggage routine.

Hey, how are you? Good to see you.

The resident stand ups now play

three nights a week to a new generation of Malays,

eager to share a few laughs.

You have a particularly interesting mix of races here.

I mean, can you tell a joke that starts,

"A Malay... a China, a Chinese man and an Indian walk into a bar..."

Yes, Singapore and Malaysia, it's

kind of like the India and Pakistan,

or the Australia and New Zealand.

Or the England and France, and England and everyone else...

Yeah. Do the different races mix very, very happily in Malaysia?

You know, I've got friends who are Malay, Chinese and Indian.

It doesn't matter. Everybody laughs at everybody else.

When I do Muslim jokes there are

ladies in headscarves, laughing away.

And the Chinese and the Indians are going, like...

-Offended on their behalf!

-What are you doing?

Yeah, offended on their behalf.

On issues of morality and religion,

it's a strongly religious country.

It's going to be different. The attitudes are going to be different.

But it's just an issue of degree, really,

in comparison to what we have at home.

I think Tamil is such a sexy language.

It's got so much character, right?

See, Ramu, when I just greeted him just now, I said...

HE SPEAKS TAMIL

That long sentence just means hello.

HE SPEAKS TAMIL

# Is it me you're looking for? #

Two years ago, they had a riot in Singapore.

They had a riot in Singapore.

And basically what happened was 27 Indians overturned a car.

LAUGHTER

They called that a riot?

How cute!

In Malaysia we call that Tuesday, you know!

In India they call that a wedding.

A country, kind of, doesn't exist until you've told jokes in it.

And you've got some laughs off the local audience.

You don't know what it's going to be like.

You've no idea how they're going to be.

Sometimes, the kind of stuff that would be considered sophisticated

back home might not play at all and the stuff that might be considered

very broad and crowd-pleasing will probably be what will work best.

The problem with me is that I will spend

probably the rest of our time in Malaysia going,

"Oh, I should have done a joke about that."

Yeah, you know, that whole thing of you remember the great line on the

stairs as you leave. That's...

That'll be the rest of the trip now, spent doing that.

He's one of the world's best, and definitely one of Ireland's

favourite comics, ladies and gentlemen, so

put your hands together for a very

special guest appearance from the one and only Ed Byrne.

CHEERING

'It's a brave comedian who attempts

'brand-new material in foreign lands.'

I've only actually been in Kuala Lumpur for 24 hours,

but I feel I'm blending in already.

It's strange, I actually came on the bus.

Honestly. Who was the first guy who

decided to wear his jacket backwards on a bike?

I want to know, was he hailed as a genius?

Or did everybody think he was a mad prick?

I want to know.

Joy, beyond joy to be messing around with you on the stage,

because just to see the vibrancy of the cultures here, lads.

And to see the way all you mix.

It's fantastic. We've had mixed marriages as well.

I know you're excited to hear the excitement of two cultures,

two distant cultures coming together.

We were told that you couldn't mix Protestants and Catholics.

They'd never breed. You'd get some sort of sterile mule child of some

description. Just good for carrying cases and little else.

But, no, mixed marriages, one half of the room in burkhas,

and the other with sombreros,

that, my friend, is a mixed marriage, right?

If you attend a wedding in which half the room have a giant

dragon that they're running from one side of the room to the back,

and the other half are leaping,

leaping up and down to attract a mate,

that, my friend, is a mixed marriage.

Those Kenyan-Sino relationships

are notoriously difficult to keep going after the honeymoon period,

you know. You can take the boy out of the Masai Mara,

but he's going to want to kill a lion eventually.

CHEERING

Truly a masterclass, gentlemen.

Thank you for the education.

'I'm quite proud of how we negotiated our way seamlessly

'through a night of Malaysian laughter.

'And it's great to see there are people here who see the funny side.'

'So with some new jokes in our back pockets it's time to leave

'Kuala Lumpur and head for the hills.

'Our road will take us over the Highlands,

'through the Taman Negara rainforest at the heart of the peninsula and

'onto the rarely visited East Coast and the city of Kota Bharu,

'before circling back to the former British colony of Penang.

'And I'm already getting excited

'about what we'll see along the next 3,000 miles.

Will it be like that, people just chatting and waving at us in the

streets? I hope there's that.

-You hope there's some good waving?

-I do. I hope there's, like,

people stepping up from their agricultural work to wave at us.

You'd put your audio-visual tablet down for that, would you?

I would. I would remove myself from this cosseted world I live in.

'Our next stop is 40 miles away in the Genting Highlands,

'a hilltop escape from city life.

'But it's 6,000 feet above the jungle.'

We've done plane, we've done car, we've done van, we've done bicycle.

Next up, cable car.

Oh, I hate them. They're really scary.

You take the fun out of everything.

Why do you always bring me on things that are really scary?

Like this.

-Oy!

-That's a nice feeling, isn't it?

No, it's not.

'Only when there's no turning back do I find out

'I'm on here for the next two miles.'

People ask, "What's unpleasant about being in a cable car?"

The danger of falling.

Falling to your death.

The danger of it just coming off the wire, you know?

It's only on a thin rope.

And then... And the drop.

People say, you know, "It's...

GRINDING

Oh, my God! It's not the heights that are bad,

but it's the drops that'll kill you.

You know, this is not how I want to see the jungle, plunging through it.

Plunging through it in a metal box,

while the monkeys shrug.

Oh, this is horrible.

I hate cable cars.

I like a cable car. It's exciting.

I like the fact that we're heading towards a city in the clouds.

-That's pretty impressive.

-Look at that!

'In fact, this huge complex on top of the mountain

'hosts the world lion dancing championships, and tomorrow,

'we've got front row seats.'

GROWLING

'We're just in time for the final rehearsal of the current defending

'champions, Malaysian team, Kun Seng Keng.'

PERCUSSION

'Hugely popular, this death-defying acrobatics on stilts was originally

'brought here by the Chinese.

'These dancers are the star acrobats who make up the lion,

'and have been training since they were ten.'

This is Malaysia team.

Kun Seng Keng lion dance troupe.

Welcome today to see our rehearsals.

Thank you very, very much.

Do different teams have to do the same things?

No. Every team will not the same movement and jump.

-All different?

-OK.

-But there are certain movements

-that have to be done.

-Have their own storyline.

-They have their own storyline.

-Oh, really.

How long... I mean, is it a routine you describe it as

or a performance?

Time is about 12 minutes...

-Wow, a 12 minute long routine.

-Yeah.

He's standing there, lifting the other guy up.

They're doing that at speed, and that isn't even the full costume.

And also, presumably, with his hands,

he is moving the mouth of the Dragon and the eyes of the Dragon?

-Yeah.

-The lion.

-Sorry, lion, excuse me.

So he's a puppeteer and a gymnast at the same time.

-Yeah.

-Can we see what it's like? Can we stand on the podiums?

-You can try.

-I can try.

-OK, I can do that pole.

-Be very careful.

Oh, they're very sturdy though.

And there's a mat on them.

It's like a gym mat on the top,

so the grip will be quite good.

Do you want me to push you up, Ed? Do you want me to push you up?

-See, that's already...

-Careful.

..not pleasant.

-Really?

-Support yourself.

-Hang on. Hang on.

And now I'm going to throw you to there, Ed.

-That's not going to happen.

-OK. I'm really...

Well done. Well done.

I don't think either of us is cut out to be even half a lion.

To the left.

To the right. To the left.

Looking around, looking around. Where are you?

-Oh, you're already...

-I'm right behind you.

-To the right.

-All we're saying is, it's our first time.

Do you have any cash?

No, he's beyond...

Really? This, this is what we're getting for that?

What? You're tough.

You're inscrutable, I like you.

Apart from hosting international lion dancing competitions,

the First World Hotel has its own claim to fame -

it's the largest hotel in the world.

And to get into it, it has its own underground street.

This is more like it. This is...

You know, it could be any time of day.

That impression that it's night-time.

No idea if it's sunlight outside, no view of the outside,

that's what we want.

But next morning we find ourselves above the clouds.

We are peering down onto the Petronas Towers.

And, as usual, Dara's checking the guidebook.

This is the largest hotel in the world!

7,351 beds.

You get out of breath very easily at this height.

That would be unexpected, if you trained at sea level

and then you come up here,

and 11 minutes into your 12 minute routine...

-You suddenly run out of breath!

-Yeah!

-I didn't factor that in!

It's like, towards the end of the storyline,

the lion became quite exhausted and heaving for breath a lot.

Lion dancing has a huge following amongst

the seven million Chinese who now live here.

But it was the Malaysians who turned it into a sport in 1983,

as they introduced the idea of the lions leaping from pole to pole.

The best teams in the world are competing today in the grand final.

They've all got one thing in mind -

trying to knock our Malaysians off the top spot.

-BOTH:

-Oh!

Now that we've seen people fall, there's genuine peril.

This can go wrong.

So instead of it just being like watching acrobats at the circus

where you're going, "Oh, we know they'll do this."

They might not do this.

One of the chief rivals is the White Lion of Taipei.

Yeah, nailed it.

That is, without doubt, the best lion dance I have ever seen.

-Yeah, me too. Representing Taipei.

-Yeah.

Malaysia are about to start, and have been set a challenge, I feel.

I'm sending my children to the University of Taipei, I've decided,

because they really know their stuff.

They'd get an excellent lion dancing course there.

-The faculty of lion dancing is great.

-Wahey!

Finally, we're on.

But Malaysia have got a lot to live up to.

Come on.

I'm a bit nervous.

We will hope no accident happens later.

Nice work.

There you go. Yes, yes.

Nice!

First on the tightrope. No-one else has used the tightrope.

Come on!

How is he going to get out of there?

Oh, look at that.

Very good.

LION GARGLES

DARA LAUGHS

Our guys have just been head and shoulders above everybody else.

Little touches and flashes of crowd-pleasing carry on

that nobody else has employed.

MAN SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Yes!

Well done!

They are the winners.

Yes! This is great.

-Our team won.

-Our lion won.

But there's still one unfulfilled ambition.

One of us has to wear the hat.

Well done, all of you, that was very, very good.

Well done. I've always said if I ever get to be a pantomime horse,

Ed gets the rear end.

There we go. How's that?

-Am I looking bashful?

-I don't think I can lift you.

From the tranquil Genting Highlands,

we're now heading 150 miles north into

the remote heart of the Malay Peninsula

towards a tiny village of Gua Musang.

We're on our way to the Taman Negara jungle,

one of the oldest rainforests in the world.

This is home to some of the 18 indigenous tribes of Malaysia.

We're hoping to meet members of the Batek tribe,

to see how life is changing for them,

and we can't go empty-handed.

Hello, sir, hello, how are you?

-Can I just have...? Can I have a whirl?

-You try.

This is durian fruit, an Asian delicacy.

Do you know, weirdly, I think I have eaten it.

I think I'd remember if I'd eaten it.

It's a very interesting texture, the flesh.

Oh, hello. There's large stones and everything.

'And be warned, it's an acquired taste.'

Oh, that's strong! When is a polite time to dispose of a tasted durian,

when you've really not eaten that much of it?

I was going to go for the throw over the shoulder thing.

-I'm just going to put it back in the box.

-OK.

There we go. Now my fingers are all durian-y.

I guess, 12?

Oh, you're giving them in a plastic bag.

That seems risky with that particular fruit.

You bag away.

If this is the way you do this, that's fine.

I wouldn't... There's times I'm in Marks & Spencer

and I wouldn't put a pineapple into a plastic bag.

It does seem odd to me that we are taking fruit to the jungle.

I think they at the moment don't have any durian

and we're bringing them a gift.

It would have been, in many ways,

better had we arrived with strawberries.

And we'd gone, "We have brought you some Cox Pippins."

Please...

Six Pink Lady I picked up in an M&S in Chiswick before I left.

OK, grand. Thank you very much, sir.

That's great. Don't put them anywhere where they can puncture me.

Because they will puncture you.

Ow! Don't do that!

That's going to be a fun game to play.

Three hours later we arrive in Gua Musang,

a Malay village on the edge of the jungle.

The Batek tribe lived a nomadic existence in this rainforest

for hundreds of years

until deforestation took away their way of life

and they were forced to live in settlements.

The tribe have become very mistrustful of the outside world,

even of Azi, a community worker who is trying to help them.

-Hello. Hi.

-Hi, Azi. How are you?

-I'm good.

-Hi, Azi.

-Ed.

-How are you?

-Hi.

What is life like for the Batek people?

Right now they are in a transition between the modern

and how they used to be because, like,

a few years ago they used to live in the forests.

But because of the deforestation and people want

to develop their land and so forth,

so the government placed them in one village where they can settle from

the previous generation to the current generation,

they lost a bit of their culture and history there.

Most of the adults, they are actually quite happier in the forest

because they didn't have to deal with money,

they didn't have to deal with outsiders and so forth.

But they kind of have to move there

because the government told them to.

The Batek have agreed to meet us,

but only in the forest, where still feel more at home.

Are you disappointed that nowhere

isn't as far from somewhere as you'd like it to be?

Yeah, but I feel like we're getting further away from somewhere now.

I am approaching a satisfactory level of isolation now.

This is a taste of real Malaysia now.

Finally off the beaten path.

Why is this rainforest so wet?

Jesus! I thought that was something jumping out.

After several miles of track

and the onset of a monsoon deluge, we arrive.

And there's not a Batek in sight.

I can't imagine it's too rainy for the people who live in the forest.

So the gist is that we don't know

if they're going to be able to meet us.

-No.

-It's been rained off.

The meeting with people who live in the forest.

Well, apparently they are genuinely a very shy people

and not that trusting of outsiders.

Then, suddenly, led by Azi,

four of the women from the tribe appear.

We have... We have contact.

We have contact with the Batek people.

-Repeat, we have contact with the Batek.

-Fabulous. They're here.

"Let's get them good and wet," they said.

"Let's..."

"Let's see how badly they want to meet us."

-Yes.

-"Let's see if they'll take a soaking."

But even though they've turned up, they don't seem to notice us.

-Job's a good one.

-We'll let you go on and then we'll come down.

Yeah, OK.

AZI SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE

OK, they are here.

We're going to follow them to their campsite, yeah?

It's just a short walk.

-OK.

-The campsite is this way?

-Yeah.

They are really shy of new people.

-So...

-Well, so are we.

We are going to be just as shy.

In our own small way, through you, have we gained their trust?

Yeah. This they understand is

exposure for the Batek because not many people know about them,

so they would like to share it with other people, outsiders.

Originally nomadic hunter-gatherers,

there are only about 1,500 Batek left.

Many of the adults still disappear into the jungle for weeks.

And today, they want to show us

some of their traditional survival skills.

The one thing that we've always been told about the Batek

is that they're a shy people.

And certainly in the greeting there was no,

"Hey, welcome to the forest!"

It was, you know, "You're here,

"so we're going to carry on walking, so you can follow us."

"I'll be your Batek guide for today.

"Let me show you to our humble abode."

Yeah. But, no, there's been hardly any communication at all, really.

"We're going this... And you... You can tag along if you want?"

Do you know, these boots are slightly more waterproof

than I thought they were.

Oh, don't say that. I'm quite pleased with this as a purchase now.

Do you want me to come back and carry you over on my back?

Yeah, would you, please? There we go.

-And now...

-Would one of you ladies like to carry him on your back?

Great, the last bit of me that wasn't wet is now wet.

So they cook, like, chicken, fish, rice, inside the bamboo.

They just stuff it in, put some salt,

and then you put it in the fire.

-The whole tube is just used as a...

-A cooking vessel?

-Yeah.

But whilst they are happy for us to watch,

the Batek keep us at a distance.

If I offered to help with the chopping of the bamboo,

would that go in any way toward scoring brownie points with them?

-They would just laugh at you.

-They will?

Laughter is good, laughter is fine because we'll be very bad.

OK.

After a night in Gua Musang,

Dara and I are wracking our brains

to find a way of connecting with the tribe.

With the adults being so reserved,

perhaps we can get the children onside

with a few retro village games.

-Eggs.

-Straightaway, there we go.

Did you bring a spoon to test them?

-Of course I've brought a spoon to test them.

-Nice work.

They are various sizes. They don't grade the eggs by size.

Well, we're not in the EU here, are we?

Where everything is all standardised.

I feel slight misgivings about stepping into

and telling them to do,

to basically play Western kindergarten games,

which is what we may do.

That's the only kind of misgiving I have,

that we might misjudge this.

Thank you.

Ow!

-Mind yourself on that!

-Yeah, small people's country.

The tribe have struggled to adapt to their new way of life

and have withdrawn from the outside world.

There we go. That's nice.

-Best sports day ever!

-What did you get?

So to start off we're setting ourselves up on a field

half a mile down the track.

I really didn't need to bring spoons.

AZI SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE

Whilst Azi is spreading the word in the village school.

AZI SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE

And it seems like the children, at least, are keen.

God, this feels like one of those Apprentice things.

ALAN SUGAR IMPRESSION: I want you to run a kid's entertainment company in the Malaysian jungle.

-ALAN SUGAR IMPRESSION:

-Who makes the least amount of fun for Batek children will be fired.

Kids will let you know if they're not having a good time.

Oh, my God! Kids make the worst hecklers in the world.

Hello. Hi, there. Nama saya "Dara".

That's a funny name. Dara.

Nama saya "Ed".

Hi. Hello. So who would like to play a game?

Oh, hey!

I need six young men who want to have a race.

Three, two, one, go!

This is working very well.

Ba-doing! Ba-doing!

Ba-doing! Ba-doing!

And you're over!

This is fantastic. A sack race is a great leveller.

I mean, a certain amount of aerobic fitness is required but, really,

it's just the will to win

is the most important thing in any kind of sack race.

So they're getting into it straightaway.

The next race, put the egg on the spoon like so...

and then run.

Mine is not hard-boiled. Look at that.

Thank you. Champion of the Batek village.

Ah!

-Oh!

-OK.

That is good work.

You can't put your finger on your egg.

-Look at this!

-Champion!

-OK.

-You can do it!

You can do it.

The wheelbarrow concept didn't really seem to work.

And once they'd gone down, they didn't get back up again.

-Only one of them crossed the line for that.

-That's all we need.

We may not have explained that one well.

I will leave with very fond memories of the Batek.

I would love to know in ten years' time

what memories of the five-year-old boys

have of the day we spent here.

I wonder how they will tell this tale to the others.

They'll be like, "Well, there was one point in our transitional

"generation as we moved from nomadic forest people into village

"dwelling folk where two very odd-looking pale men

"came and just made us run around."

"They made us use our arms as legs. What is wrong with these people?!"

But whilst the children here seem to be opening up to the wider world,

the adults remember how things used to be.

The leap from being a tribal people into a modern life

may be just too big for some of them to take.

The future of the Batek will depend on these kids.

They may not have known quite what to make of us,

but the durian is going down well.

Who is dropping bombs over there? Who was that?

LAUGHTER

When in doubt, make a fart.

Farts are universally hilarious.

They are in every culture.

Oh, wow! That is a handsome view for a train station to have.

It is. I was going to say, I fell asleep on the Bakerloo once

and it gets a lot like this towards the end.

We are halfway through our journey across Malaysia

and we are heading to Kota Bharu.

Look at that.

See in the underground, that would be a rat.

That's a cat who just doesn't care.

Yeah, it's a cat who breaks the rules.

It's a maverick cat. Hello!

There we go.

The jungle train is a vital link to the other side of the peninsula.

It will take us four hours to cross the interior to

the north-eastern state of Kelantan.

Bloody bag!

What did I pack? Too many lead weights.

Hiya!

So now it's your turn to be startled by a butterfly.

Hopefully we're going to see a lot more jungle now as we pass through it.

We will, we'll go through the jungle, all right.

That's our last stop in the jungle.

Now we go...here.

So we are off to Kota Bharu?

Kota Bharu. A very Muslim part of the world.

-Hi, can I get a nasi goreng, please?

-Yes.

One, please.

It's the same as the sandwiches on every train in the world, my friend.

Sorry.

-I'm saying...

-Yeah.

-I think I've seen those exact sandwiches before

on a train between Manchester and London.

Train beats car every time because you travel among the people.

So we have a hint of what we are going to go to because

we are going to a place called Kota Bharu

and Kota Bharu is a strongly Muslim area.

So even the carriage we are in, there are more burqas and hijabs

and the traditional Muslim dress is much more evident.

We are among the Malaysians now.

Whereas in your car and your van you are in your little bubble

and you don't really get to see the people.

Although Malaysia is a Muslim country,

Kelantan is the only Islamically governed state.

Kota Bharu, the capital,

immediately feels a million miles away from the multicultural cities

of the west coast.

Strict religious laws here have had a huge impact on the way of life

and traditions.

Wayang kulit, the art of shadow puppetry

based on famous Hindu epics,

has been renowned in Kelantan for over 200 years.

But in 1990,

the Islamic party introduced laws against Hinduism

and traditional animist beliefs.

Performance of shadow puppetry was banned.

The restrictions have since been relaxed

and master puppeteer Pak Dain

has been searching for ways to make wayang kulit popular again.

-Hello.

-I am Ed, this is Dara.

Hello. How are you? It's lovely to meet you. How are you?

'We have heard that Pak has come up with some novel ideas

'to give his puppets a new lease of life.'

I am a qualified master puppeteer, we teamed up

to try to find a way how to revive wayang kulit.

What we are trying to do is try to put in...

some pop culture, some sci-fi stuff into this.

So what did you put in? What did you choose to include?

The first one was a Star Wars inspired wayang kulit.

I'm interested why you would choose Star Wars.

Obviously, it's very popular.

What we are trying to do is just bring another way

of trying to revive this art. Nobody has done it before,

taking something so traditional

and obviously something so future and sci-fi.

Do you yourselves have quite a sort of master and apprentice,

Jedi and Padawan sort of relationship?

Is he the Obi-Wan to your Luke Skywalker?

I'm always on the light side!

Pak has been granted a special licence

to stage a wayang kulit show in town tomorrow,

and we've got a five-minute slot.

Right, I'm going to show you the puppet

that you guys are going to be using for tomorrow.

OK, great.

It's something of the future and a little bit different.

OK.

Oh, my God!

Hi, guys, what do you think of the puppets?

I like Ed's a little bit more than I like mine.

That is beautiful.

To compare it with Punch and Judy,

-I have got quite the Mr Punch face.

-Oh, my God!

And with our puppetry experience so far

only amounting to the odd run-in with Sooty and Sweep,

we'll need all the help we can get.

So is this sort of arrival quite important

that it has to sweep in like that?

The character must stand up like this.

Oh, I see, don't press too hard against the curtain.

Try not to make it look like it's got a broken arm.

It's a lot more difficult than it looks.

It seems like it's just one moving part,

it's just the arm, but it's not.

It's actually the way you sort of curve it

against the screen is vital.

So our transformation to puppet masters begins very slowly.

I think we would at least, like, not to disgrace ourselves

and not, like, to have the entire audience go,

"What was that in the middle?"

The minute we went into the rehearsal room I spotted the problem

that Pak just coiled his feet underneath himself

and he is apparently content to sit like that for three hours.

I don't do that regularly,

I come from a chair-based culture where we like to have

some support and we like our long legs spread out,

and the notion of doing this

is actually literally impossible for me.

That is a kind of a child catcher kind of a face, isn't it?

It's pointed.

Lollipops!

All free today.

Shadow puppetry was traditionally performed outside,

but due to the religious conditions

it can only now take place inside a licensed theatre

and must be over by dusk.

PAK SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE

And when we arrived,

the stormtroopers certainly seem to have pulled in a big crowd.

It turns out that the fight against the dark side fits seamlessly

alongside the good versus evil in Pak's beloved Hindu epics.

Ah!

Ah!

APPLAUSE

But even with the help of the Galactic Empire,

Pak is worried about the future

and what effect the religious rulings might have.

People, they want to spend a lot of time to learn something

which is very difficult, a skill, to qualify,

but yet when they qualify they don't have a place to perform

and they can earn money on it.

I hope you are not the last generation of master puppeteers.

So I'm scared,

I'm scared very much.

I don't want... I am... I will be the last.

Are you ready?

As ready as I'll ever be.

So what we are going to do now is we are going to show you something

special, and there is Mr Dara. And Mr Ed.

Hello. Dara, how are you?

Hello, Ed. Do you enjoy travelling, Ed Byrne?

I do not enjoy travelling, I enjoy being in different places,

I do not enjoy the travel part.

But they say getting there is half the fun.

If getting there is half the fun, you are having a bad holiday.

If getting there is half the fun,

surely getting home again would be the other half of the fun?

You are having no fun where you are going.

Go somewhere else next year.

The one time we got a good laugh was when I smacked you in the face.

-Yeah, yeah.

-We should have done more of that.

It has been an absolute pleasure to play a beginner's role in this most

beautiful and ancient of arts.

And now you have been part of our continued Asian adventure.

Onward and above!

APPLAUSE

-Oh, my God!

-Is there a back way out?

Let's never ever show our faces again here!

We hope we haven't, you know, killed off the art form.

No, I would say enjoy.

-I would be intrigued...

-And they understand!

That's the important thing. OK, I'm not sure if they did.

You sure you're not now yearning for the days when this was banned?

Generally, when amateurs try out stand-up,

they go better than we just did there.

I have to say!

We... Our have-a-go attitude crumbled very early on.

We are approaching the end of the Malaysian leg of our journey.

Processed cheese cracker sandwich?

Are you making canapes?

It's very refined here.

If you are going to throw a wine and cheese party

in the back of a minibus, Ed, put some effort in.

-Well, some wine would be good.

-Yeah.

From Kota Bharu, it's three hours to Penang, our final stop.

In huge contrast to Kelantan,

Penang is a melting pot of people

and was known as the Pearl of the Orient by the British.

Penang's fortunes were founded on trade

from China, India and Britain.

It was once a crucial seaport, only second to Singapore.

George Town, the capital,

has inherited much from those colonial days.

Our journey through this patchwork nation

has already been filled with so many ethnicities,

but we've come here to meet one of the oldest cultures

unique to the Malay Peninsula.

Michael Chia's family is one of the original Peranakans,

or Baba-Nyonyas.

Descendants of Chinese immigrants

and the British and Portuguese settlers,

they are fiercely proud of their history.

I'm Baba Michael.

Ed. Dara.

-Baba Michael, how are you?

-Yes, I'm Baba Michael.

-Come in with us.

-OK, sure.

What does the actual word Baba-Nyonya mean?

The Baba-Nyonya is actually an Anglo-Indian word.

Baba is the Indian word for father, lord or master. And Nyonya,

the word actually came from Portuguese Eurasian,

you know Malacca and the Portuguese?

-Yes.

-So Nyonya means young maiden, a highborn maiden.

So it's a mixture of Portuguese...

Portuguese, Indian, colonial Britain and Chinese.

All the races are in my family,

because Baba-Nyonya is like the multicultural Malaysian.

We are the true one Malaysia, as they say.

-Right. You are the most typical Malaysian?

-Yes.

-You are...

We have been looking for the most typical Malaysian

for the entire trip here.

The Baba-Nyonyas borrowed elements from their diverse heritage

to come up with their own Peranakan look.

In terms of this fusion, this building here,

which at first glance looks very Chinese,

but the floor tiles are the same tiles that

I have in my house in London,

I couldn't help noticing on the way in.

And the stained glass, you've drawn everything,

is that true of all types of Baba-Nyonya culture?

So we have the best of the best.

The best type of furniture from China, the building is Chinese.

But here, the tiles, the cast iron from Edinburgh.

So we have the best of the best.

And the stained glass from Nancy in France.

And we wear the British tuxedos and others for functions,

with the top hat. There is one photograph here, my grandfather.

And what is he wearing?

He is wearing a mixture of the Baba jacket, like what I'm wearing,

and a Malay sarong.

You see, a chequered sarong.

Yet another thing to add to the confusing mix

of trying to find out the people of Malaysia.

Just when you think you've got a handle on Malaysia,

another curveball comes along.

-Thank you very much.

-OK, thank you, thank you.

Michael is hosting a special Peranakan feast

for us later on today, but for now, we've got a few hours to kill.

This trishaw driver's going to be delighted

when he gets a look at you.

-Get on, just get in.

-The size of him.

Has he just made your day, huh?

He doesn't get paid any more.

-He doesn't get paid by the kilo.

-No, I was being sarcastic.

Right.

You are not a fun person to share a trishaw with.

We're there. That's where we are now.

Can you at least cool it with the manspreading?

Oh, for God's sake! It's not the tube we're on.

And my trusty guidebook has come up trumps again.

It turns out, that in 2008, parts of George Town were awarded

UNESCO World Heritage status, and to celebrate,

several young street artists were commissioned to create murals

in the colonial centre.

Their interactive graffiti has now become world-famous.

That's one there, that's one there, over there.

-Oh, yes, I see.

-Hang on, we'll get a photograph of it.

-Shall we just...?

-We'll move in there, yeah.

This is what you're supposed to do, you see. OK.

Thank you.

Lovely. Come on, we haven't got all day.

I can't see it, you're blocking the art.

-Well, I'm the money shot anyway.

-Move across.

Lovely, you're in, grand. Come on, next one. Next one, please!

-Move over!

-And we accelerate off.

Feeling increasingly guilty for this man pushing this bicycle.

"This is no eight-year-old I'm pushing here!"

Ladies!

-How do you do?

-Welcome to Penang.

Stop here for a second, thank you!

Right, good work.

Nice. Oh, that's really, really good.

-You're interacting with it.

-Where can I get some action in this town?

Lovely, and again.

-Perfect, very good.

-Thank you very much.

Oh, I feel bad about this.

-I just...

-How are you coping?

How are you bearing up? He looks...

-He doesn't look happy.

-Yeah.

Yeah. Do you know what, I have an idea.

And this will be the famous street art of George Town.

Perhaps you two would like to take a souvenir photograph at this point?

-Here you go, champ.

-OK.

-Ha-ha.

-There, beautiful.

Lovely. Back in you get.

Right, let's find some more street art.

George Town was originally built in the 1880s...

Less of that, more of that, please.

OK, sir.

Being a trishaw rider is the toughest game in the world.

You know, I've been doing it man and boy now, for all of...

-10 minutes?

-12 minutes, I would have said,

and that's including the time I'm taking off here.

But it felt like you'd been doing it man and boy because my life flashed

before my eyes and I saw myself as both a man and a boy at some point.

Oops, sorry, pet. My first day, pet, don't be judging me.

Oh, dear. Hang on, I'm feeling nervous.

I call this piece "red pipe, blue pipe."

It's one of my more industrial works.

Our last night in Malaysia,

and Baba Michael has promised us a true Penang farewell.

But he's asked that we dress up for this evening's celebration.

I can't get over thinking this looks on me like a dressing down.

But you, you are the belle of the ball.

You don't think it makes you look fat?

No, I would be proud to have you as my date.

I would be proud to attend any...

international karate tournament that you hosted on your evil island.

Oh, it's definitely more kung fu.

-Really?

-Yes, I'm hoping, I'm hoping a ruck breaks out,

so I can bust out some of my white tiger moves.

This would be amazing, if it ends,

and I'll sit just smoking a cigar in a long ebony holder.

I look like, yeah, I could be your bodyguard.

Michael and the Baba-Nyonyas

have organised a traditional Peranakan long table feast

at their cultural centre.

An honour reserved for very special occasions,

which will send us on our way with prosperity,

long life and safe travels.

Ah, the Baba-Nyonya to me is everything.

The best of the East, the best of the West, we have English things,

we have Chinese things,

we have Malay, we have Thai, we have Myanmar,

we have Burmese, all different cultures amalgamated into one.

The colours of Malaysia.

The flowers of Malaysia and the spices of life.

So to me, I'm so, so excited!

VIOLIN PLAYS

Amongst the great and the good from the Baba-Nyonya community,

our outfits are starting to feel a lot more in keeping.

Malaysia is an interesting place to visit.

It's a very difficult country to get a hold of.

It's quite a grab bag.

People came here down the Malacca Strait

in order to bring their spices from China

and all those places, so they created this distinct community.

Bravo, very good, well done.

Thank you very much.

Even eating here is done Peranakan style.

And so, shall we feast?

I'm not seeing any chopsticks at all here.

No, no, chopsticks, they're Chinese.

No, no. So Baba-Nyonya, we're very British. These are the cupcakes.

Pink cupcakes. Your daughter will love it, it's pink, it's pink.

Like little pink fairies.

Yes, it's a cupcake.

In many ways,

the perfect way to finish a trip around Malaysia is with a feast,

and a feast of varied foods, of different influences

because that's what this country is, essentially.

On your plate, there are no borders on a plate. Rice has no passport.

What is this made of?

This is made of mung beans covered in a paste of rice flour.

-Delicious?

-Mmm! Mmm, yeah!

-This tastes Asian.

-Yes, this is Asian, is Asian.

And long may the celebration of cultures last here.

If you want to see all of Asia, come to Malaysia, because it's like,

it's like a buffet of all the different...

A pick and mix, if you will.

Yes, all the races and all the different cultures in one country.

And that's, I mean, you can see that on the plate.

Of course now we're going to Thailand

and they just have Thai food.

This is the "may your wish come true bun,"

so may all your wishes come true,

may you come back to Penang again and have a safe, pleasant journey.

Thank you.

Next time, we are in Thailand,

a tropical paradise where mass tourism

is pushing life to the brink.

This is one of those places which is a kind of once-in-a-lifetime

experience, and we've done it once.

And a battle is being waged to save its oldest residents.

The turtles are at their most vulnerable at

the bits where they intersect with our life.

Frankly, this is exactly what we should be doing.

-Here comes a wave.

-Godspeed.

It's an emotional thing. I've have sunscreen in my eyes.