Miss Marie Lloyd: Queen of the Music Hall

This programme contains some scenes of a sexual nature.

# A little bit of love is a luxury That's what people say

# And girls just long for a little bit of love

# At the close of day

# Now there's nothing like a little bit of loving

# If you take it in a quiet sort of way

# So just take my tip If you're going for a trip

# Never mind what people say

# A little of what you like I like, you like

# It never does you any harm

# And a little of what you like is bound to do you good

# If you ever stayed the night, boys I bet you would holler, you would

# Love is a funny feeling Feeling comes a-stealing

# It makes the girls all love a man

# And there's no use denying What is the use of lying?

# That you like what I like A little love now and then. #

APPLAUSE

Ladies and gentlemen,

the queen of the music halls - Miss Marie Lloyd.

Is everybody happy?

You bet your life we are.

(Stand up straight. Act sad.)

Oh, dear child.

-How much?

-Two shillings.

-Let's go buy some sweets, Tilly.

-No, Freddie. I've got a better idea.

Go on, you've got five minutes.

MUSIC-BOX STYLE MUSIC

That's Little Tich, for obvious reasons.

-You here to audition?

-Next!

That's you, isn't it?

Yeah, I suppose.

-This your first time?

-Me?

-You've never been on stage before, have you?

Course I have.

-Bloody hell.

-Name?

-Beg pardon?

-Name?

Name!

Not that difficult, is it?

-IN POSH ACCENT:

-No, I just happen to have not quite heard. Miss Bella Delamare.

Illuminate my day with the lightness of your voice, little Miss Songbird.

-Beg pardon?

-Sing. Sing! Sing!

# The boy I love is up in the gallery

# The boy I love is waving down at me

# There he is, can't you see?

# Waving his handkerchief

# As merry as a robin that sings on a tree. #

-Thank you.

-Thank you for what?

-Thank you for coming.

Good day. Next!

Well?

Well, come on, Till. Tell me.

-How did you get on?

-They loved me.

Well, who wouldn't, eh?

I just weren't what they were looking for.

They're so used to the chaff that... that when the wheat turns up...

Maybe I'm not as good as you think I am.

I should stick to curling feathers.

Oi! You never give up.

As your best pal, I'm telling you. You give up, you've failed.

-Two shilling and sixpence?

-Take it or leave it.

-I'd have to leave it, Mr Belafonte.

How dare you just walk out and leave me short of a girl?!

-Two and six is more than enough for you to be standing on a stage and hoofing about a bit.

-Go!

Excuse me.

-Mr Belafonte...

-What?

I've seen the Dolly Sisters' act. I know what they do.

-So?

-I beg your pardon.

Miss Bella Delamare at your service.

I'm a dancer. Now, it's not normally in my nature to talk disrespectful of my fellow artistes, but...

What? What are you going on about?

I'll bloody do it for two-and-a-half bob.

You've just found yourself your missing Dolly Sister.

# I was proposed to by Obadiah Binks

# In a very gentlemanly way

# I lent him all me money so that he could buy the ring

# Punctually at 12 o'clock today

# There was I, waiting at the church

# Waiting at the church Waiting at the church

# When I found he'd left me in the lurch

# Lor', how he did upset me

# All at once He sent me round a note

# Here's the very note And this is what he wrote

# He said, "I can't get away to marry you today

# "My wife...won't let me!" #

# There was I, waiting at the church

# Waiting at the church Waiting at the church

# When I found he'd left me in the lurch

-# Lor', how it does upset me! #

-Ooh!

# All at once he sent me round a note

# Here's the very note And this is what he wrote

# He said, "I can't get away to marry you today

# "My wife won't let me!" #

-You little cow!

-What did I do?!

-You stole the limelight, when you're part of the chorus! It's not on!

When you're part of the chorus, you play your part, just like everyone else.

Well, I don't want to be like everyone else.

Didn't let you down, did I, sir?

What? Er...no, it was fine.

-You were brilliant!

-Did you hear them all laughing?

-All eyes were on you.

-Who wants to play the bridesmaid when you can play the bride?

-Well, you were certainly the belle of the ball.

-Ignore him.

-I'm Percy Courtenay.

-Are you, indeed?

And I just wondered if the belle of the ball would care for a little refreshment after such exertions?

-So, have you been dancing on the halls for long, Miss Delamare?

-No, Mr Courtenay. I'm a novice.

-I'd like to make a career out of it, but it's not easy.

-You need to know the right people, don't you?

Like you, I suppose.

-What do you do, Mr Courtenay?

-My profession?

Well, you're no drayman, are you, by the looks of those hands?

-I invest on the market.

-What, fruit and veg?

Stocks and shares.

And you think I'm the type of girl that'll fall for a single rose?

# The boy I love is up in the gallery

# The boy I love is waving down at me There he is... #

-She's got something.

-Really?

Damned if I can see it.

# ..Merry as a robin that sings on a tree. #

Thank you.

What do you think to the place?

It's lovely here, innit?

It is tonight.

Here, with you.

Flatterer!

# ..There he is, can't you see? Waving his handkerchief... #

She's got wit. Sparkle.

# ..Merry as a robin that sings on a tree. #

Give her five minutes on Monday night.

I'm glad you agreed to see me again, Miss Delamare.

-And I hope to see you a lot more often.

-No, you won't.

-Oh.

-But you can see Miss Tilly Wood, if you like.

-Tilly who?

-Bella Delamare's my stage name.

I made it up. Nice, though, don't you think?

Sophisticated.

You should call yourself something more...

-memorable.

-Like what?

-Something simple.

-Charmed, I'm sure.

-Well, I ain't having Tilly Wood.

-Why not?

-She's far too common, isn't she?

What name would you suggest?

What about...

Marie?

What about Mah-ree?

Marie. Yeah.

Marie what?

# And amongst the boys I've got myself a lover

# And since I got a lover Why, I don't care a fig

# Cos the boy I love is up in the gallery

# The boy I love is waving down at me

# There he is, can't you see?

# Waving his handkerchief As merry as a robin that sings on a tree. #

More!

No-one's ever given me a rose before, Freddie.

So it's Marie Lloyd now, is it?

Yes, and don't she sing nice?

I'll give you ten shillings a performance, and a regular spot.

-Monday night.

-You've missed the boat. I'm already booked on a Monday,

-at the Royalty in Bethnal Green.

-Shawcross?

-How much is he paying you?

-12 shillings and sixpence.

I'll give you 13.

-Er...I don't think she can let Mr Shawcross down.

-No, he's a very important man.

15 shillings and sixpence.

Done.

Magnificent!

Clever girl. You shouldn't be allowed.

There she is.

Miss Marie Lloyd of London. A common thief.

-Who are you?

-That song, it's mine.

-Which song?

-The only bleeding song in your act worth singing.

-The Boy In The Gallery. I own the rights.

-Oh, I had no idea.

-I bought the words and music from Hoxton Market. Honest.

-You can't just sing somebody else's material.

What did you pay for it? Two, three pounds?

For a song like that?

You need to keep up with the times, young man. That's a five-pound song.

Thank you.

I am slightly mollified.

Never say Miss Nelly Powers - songbird with a light comic patter -

doesn't want to help those lower down the bill than herself.

I'm sure.

That's your lot.

We'll take all six.

That'll be 18 pounds, sir.

Thank you.

# My morning promenade Quite a fashion card on the promenade

# Now, I don't mind nice boys staring hard If it satisfies their desire

# Do you think my dress is a little bit, just a little bit

# Not too much of it And if it shows my shape just a little bit

# That's the little bit the boys admire. #

It's very good.

-Really?

-Mm.

Percy?

-Good.

-You didn't like it?

It just needs to feel more...

-You didn't like it.

-You didn't seem...

-relaxed.

-It was good. It was good.

You just need to give more.

Give more? What does "give more" mean?

You need to let the audience know that you're enjoying yourself.

You need to flirt with them.

-And then... Well, they can enjoy themselves.

-Yeah.

# Since Mother Eve in the garden long ago

# Started a fashion Fashion's been a passion

# Eve wore a costume we might describe as brief

# Still, every season brought a change of leaf

# She'd stare if she could come to town

# Now what would Mother Eve think of my new Parisian gown?

# When I take my morning promenade Quite a fashion card on the promenade

# Now, I don't mind nice boys staring hard

# If it satisfies their desire

# Do you think my dress is a little bit, just a little bit

# Not too much of it And if it shows my shape just a little bit

# That's the little bit the boys admire

# Fancy the girls in the prehistoric days

# Each wore a bearskin to cover up their fair skin

# Lately Salome has charmed us, to be sure

# Wearing just a row of beads and not much more

# Fancy me dressing like that, too!

# I'm sure the Daily Mirror man would love an interview

# When I take my morning promenade Quite a fashion card on the promenade

# Now, I don't mind nice boys staring hard

# If it satisfies their desire

# Do you think my dress is a little bit, just a little bit

# Not too much of it And if it shows my shape just a little bit

# That's the little bit the boys admire. #

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

"Marie Lloyd has an exceptionally quick ear for both pitch and rhythm."

Let me see, Perce.

Perce!

"Her step dancing is perfectly punctuated

"with revealing displays of silk drawers, frilled below the knees.

"She is much appreciated by both sexes."

You're being admired, Tilly.

It's Marie. Tilly's dead.

They like me, don't they, Perce?

One day I want to be top of the bill...Friday and Saturday nights.

I think they love me.

Who could blame them?

So, Mr Percy Courtenay, where do we go from here?

It's your fault.

What are we going to do?

My father used to say, "Where there's a problem, there's a solution."

Girls have died doing that.

I've heard - don't think I haven't.

Well, maybe that wasn't the solution I had in mind.

What you staring at?

-You.

-Why, what's wrong with me?

Nothing.

You're beautiful.

Make a wish and blow.

You'll say yes, won't you?

What's up with you?

Nothing's up with me! Except...

-It's a big thing, ain't it, getting married?

-Oh, my God.

-Are you sure?

-Course I'm sure.

-Ain't you going to congratulate me?

-I dunno.

-Why not?

You tell me.

I'm marrying him because I want to.

It's as simple as that.

Mr Percy Courtenay.

I love him!

-That's all that matters, then.

-Yep.

-Congratulations.

-Look. Ain't it lovely?

-Gorgeous.

# Now I never was a one to go and skimp myself

# Cos if I likes a thing, I likes it, that's enough

# But there's lots of people say That if you likes a thing a lot

# It will grow on you and all that sort of stuff

# Now, I likes me drop of stout as well as anyone... #

The bride and groom!

# Although, don't you know it's supposed to make you fat

# And there's many a lah-di-dah-di madam

# Who wouldn't dare to touch it

# Cos she says it spoils her figure The silly cat!

# Well, I always hold with having it if you fancy it

# If you fancy it, that's understood

# And suppose it makes you fat

# I don't worry over that Cos a little of what you fancy does you good

# Now, once a year I likes a little holiday

# And we always have one My old man and me

# But the last time that we had one

# He sprung up a new idea

# When he saw the ladies bathing in the sea

# He says, "Now what a man requires is a change in everything"

# And how he ought to take his holidays alone

# You know Away from everyday affairs

# Very likely if you want a little fortnight on your own

# Well, I always hold with having it if you fancy it

# If you fancy it, that's understood

# But if that's your blooming game I intend to do the same

# Cos a little of what you fancy does you good...

# And suppose it makes you fat I don't worry over that

# Cos a little of what you fancy does you good. #

You can't sing that to her!

She fell asleep after the first verse.

I'm sending my audience to sleep!

Oh, look.

I think she's got my nose.

-Oh, Percy, you shouldn't even joke about things like that.

-You cheeky...!

# If that's your blooming game I intend to do the same

# Cos a little of what you fancy does you good

# But if that's your blooming game I intend to do the same

# Cos a little of what you fancy does you good. #

# If I could pick up the Hackney Road and put it over there

# I'd like to live in Paris all the time

# I'd like to live in Paris all the time! #

-I'd better go.

-No, no, no, no. Just one last song.

Marie, I've booked a table at Romanov's. Come on.

Oh, come on, sing a song!

One more, come on.

-Just one last song. You go ahead, I won't be long.

-Right, same again for everyone?

# Every little movement has a meaning of its own

# Every little movement tells a tale

# And when she walks in dainty hobbles... #

# As I walk along the Bois de Boulogne With an independent air

# You can hear the girls declare "He must be a millionaire!"

# You can hear them sigh and wish to die You can see them wink the other eye

# At the man who broke the bank at Monte Carlo

# As I walk along the Bois de Boulogne With an independent air

# You can hear the girls declare "He must be a millionaire!"

# You can hear them sigh and wish to die You can see them wink the other eye

# At the man who broke the bank at Monte Carlo. #

DOOR CLOSES Good evening, sir.

-Good evening, madam.

-Hello, Daisy.

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

Where've you been? I waited for you.

I couldn't get away.

One song turned into another. You know how it is.

Gardenias?

-What are you smelling of perfume for?

-Do I?

-Yeah, you do.

-I'm tired.

I don't care if you're tired.

Where have you been, Percy?

-Nowhere.

-Then why do you reek like...?

-Look, I can go out if I want, can't I?

-A few drinks at a gentleman's club. That's what gentlemen do.

-What, when I'm paying for it?

Oh, lucky me. The famous Marie Lloyd pays for her husband to dine alone.

-Don't talk to me like that.

-Shut up. I can talk to you any way I want.

-No, you won't.

I said shut it!

I'm your husband.

Show me some respect.

There's no excuse for it.

Ain't there?

No, there ain't.

I'm in charge.

Let's go to bed. I'm tired.

# A little bit of love is a luxury

# That's what people say

# And girls just want a little bit of love

# At the close of day

# Now there's nothing like a little bit of loving

# If you take it in a quiet sort of way

# So just take my tip If you're asking for a bit

# Never mind what people say

# So just take my tip If you want a bit... #

-Your usual table, Mr Lloyd?

-Courtenay.

The name is Courtenay.

Usual table.

We fit in perfectly, don't we, Marie?

-No-one would think you were common, would they?

-Let's not cause a scene in public.

Where's Freddie?

-He's not coming.

-Why not?

-Because I thought we would have a night on our own.

-Would you be so kind, Miss Lloyd?

-Of course.

Can we not have one meal without being followed by swarms of Marie Lloyd admirers?

-Thank you.

-You're welcome.

# Now there's nothing like a little bit of loving

# If you take it in a quiet sort of way

# So just take my tip If you're asking for a bit

# Never mind what people say

# So just take my tip If you're asking for a bit

# Never mind what people say. #

Tell me you love me, Freddie.

I love you.

Then stop looking so cross.

Look, I don't want you going on stage drunk.

I've got a natural tolerance to champagne. I was born to bathe in the stuff.

-If he makes you unhappy...

-I don't deserve to be unhappy, do I, Freddie?

I'm not unhappy. I'm happy.

I'm as happy as happy as happy.

Good.

APPLAUSE

LAUGHTER

Hello, Mother.

Don't you "Hello, Mother" me! Where have you been, daughter?

I've been peeping.

Peeping? And what have you been peeping at, pray? As if we didn't know.

I've been peeping at Little Boy Blue.

And why have you been doing that, daughter?

Because I'm Little Bo Peep, and every day, a-peeping I must go.

Oh, naughty, naughty!

I don't like it here, Mother. It's far too cold.

-SHE SQUEALS

-Oh, what a terrible draught! I don't know where it's coming from,

but I know where it's going!

Say hello to your grandmother, daughter.

My, what big eyes you've got, Grandmother!

All the better to see you with, my child.

My, what big ears you've got, Grandmother!

All the better to hear you with, my child.

My, what a big tongue you've got, Grandmother!

All the better to eat you with, my dear. SHE SCREAMS

My hero!

Oh, my beloved.

Oh, my goodness!

50 pounds? Christ, what's he been buying, the crown jewels?

Well, hats, shoes, jewellery, underwear.

-Your husband knows how to spend!

-Swan & Lilley? That's a ladies' outfitters, ain't it?

Very select.

So many pairs of silk stockings.

Finest silk. Only the best for Mr Courtenay, ma'am.

But these bills do need settling.

Right. Follow me.

Here you are. There's his suits for starters. Here are his shirts.

Here are his scarves, and down there, his shoes.

And over here are his diamond tiepins and cufflinks.

And if that don't cover it, he'll be home some time in the morning, I expect.

I suggest you collar him for yourself.

For a man with such fine taste, he always comes home smelling of cheap perfume.

Hey, er...one other thing.

Would you mind?

For the missus.

Yeah, of course.

It's, er, Queenie.

-Much obliged.

-Pleasure.

# I'm Burlington Bertie I rise at 10.30

# And Buckingham Palace I view

# I stand in the yard while they're changing the guard

# And the Queen shouts across, "Toodle-oo!"

# The Prince of Wales' brother Along with some other

# Slaps me on the back and says, "Come and see Mother!"

# But I'm Bert, Bert

# And Royalty hurt When they ask me to dine, I say no

# I've just had a banana with Lady Diana

# I'm Burlington Bertie from Bow

# I'm Burlington Bertie from Bow

# Burlington Bertie from Bow. #

KNOCKING PERCY: I love you.

I've only ever loved you.

Let's start again. Another chance.

Look, I've been seeing someone tonight who can make you a real star.

-I AM a real star.

-Yeah, but only in this country. I'm talking about the world.

-(It's all right.)

Percy, go away.

-(It's all right, sweetheart.)

-Open the door!

It's all right, darling. OK.

'Please, boys, come on, let me through.'

Come on, please. Come on.

We've got a show to do.

THEY ALL SHOUT AT ONCE

Leave the lady alone.

We've got a show to do.

I can't do it, Dan. Not tonight.

-Course you can.

-You must, Marie.

How can I go on stage when they've all read about me in the papers?

So what's the great Marie Lloyd going to do? Run away and hide?

Show 'em nothing can hurt you.

When they see you've stopped smiling, they'll stop smiling.

Go on, Marie.

APPLAUSE

Ladies and gentlemen,

I give you your own, your very own,

the one and only... Miss Marie Lloyd!

APPLAUSE

Is everybody happy?

SILENCE

I said, is everybody happy?

SILENCE

I know what you're thinking.

Ain't it shocking? Ain't he a devil?

How can he do this to Our Marie when she's such a lady?

Well, there's only one thing I've got to say to my husband, Mr Percy Courtenay,

and it goes like this.

# Hold your hand out, naughty boy

# Hold your hand out, naughty boy

# Last night, in the pale moonlight

# I saw you

# With a nice girl in the park

# You were strolling full of joy

# And you told me you'd never kissed a girl before

# Hold your hand out, naughty boy! #

Milk or cream?

Cream.

Sugar?

Stop playing daft.

-It's you who's being daft, dragging our names through the dirt.

-Yeah? You love the publicity.

Not this sort.

-Biscuit?

-No.

-Please yourself, I'm sure.

Look, Marie...

I need you.

Why do you need me, Percy?

-Because...

-Well?

-I just do.

-Well, give me one good reason.

-You know I love you.

-Oh, do I?

Of course I do. I married you, didn't I?

And we know why, don't we? Cos I was your big investment.

Yeah, well, I've got nothing, Marie. Nothing.

Do you want to know why you've got nothing?

-He's got no money cos he gambled it all away.

-Shut it!

For a short time, though, you were lucky, weren't you?

-You had a winning smile and a winning hand.

-Marie, please.

What am I going to do?

Marie, help me.

I don't give a raspberry tart.

-Raspberry tart...?

-Fart!

-Oh, good Lord.

Without me, you'd be nothing.

No. Without me, you ARE nothing.

Some people have little or no decorum.

I've got bloody decorum.

# And you told me you'd never kissed a girl before

# Hold your hand out, naughty boy. #

She has taken music hall to a new low, and to hear her talk of nothing but kissing and hugging and...

and tipping the wink is nothing short of filth. She is a strumpet.

She is an entertainer, and uses the milieu...

-She has taken music hall to a new low, and in a Christian country, we must make a stand.

-There she is!

A Christian country, Miss Lloyd, with morals and...

I don't give a damn what you and your high and mighty ladies of society say about me.

In fact, keep on saying what you want, because the more things you say, the fuller the houses are.

I think they're jealous. Their husbands obviously prefer you to them.

CHATTER

APPLAUSE

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

PLAYS FANFARE

BAND PLAYS: "Rule, Britannia"

LAUGHTER

I shall have the last laugh, Mr Belafonte, when I close your music hall down.

The Vigilance Committee, Marie.

-Mrs Chant has taken her case to the Vigilance Committee.

-So what?

If they rule that your act is immoral, they could close my hall down.

Immoral? What on Earth do you mean?

-Lewd.

-Oh, Mr Belafonte!

I've never had a lewd thought in my life.

You'll do your best to convince them otherwise, won't you, Marie? Promise?

I might.

# What a silly girl I am. #

Terribly sorry I'm late, gentlemen.

-Oh, Mrs Chant. Good day to you.

-Miss Lloyd.

How can I be of assistance?

As you know, Miss Lloyd, your lyrics are causing a stir, and we have had complaints.

Really? I can't think why.

Would it be possible for you to tell me which particular lyric is causing offence?

I merely aim to entertain, not to offend.

Most of them.

Pray tell, Mrs Chant. Specifics.

Well, what's that "a little of what you fancy" supposed to be about?

It's always been a belief of mine that a little bit, not too much, of what one fancies is a good thing.

My dear mother, for example, loves a dandelion and burdock,

but I don't advise her to drink it by the gallon.

-Very laudable. Would you please submit your song lyrics?

-Here.

"Do you think my dress is just a little bit"?

People like to see a fine gown on a woman. Don't they?

Quite.

Er, there is the question of you showing off your...

My drawers?

In red, white and blue.

It was the King's birthday. It was a special occasion.

-Very patriotic, I'm sure.

-It won't happen again.

-I hope not.

"She sits amongst the cabbages and peas"?

An innocent song about a lady who sits in her vegetable garden.

-How can it be anything more than innocent?

-I think you know, Miss Lloyd.

So do you suggest that I change the particular vegetable selected?

There must be... must be one good substitute. Yeah.

Very well. She sits amongst the cabbages and...

-leeks?

-Miss Lloyd!

-What?!

And there's the nub of it, gentlemen.

Perhaps it's in the imagination of the audience and not in the intention of the performer.

-Thank you, Miss Lloyd. You'll be informed of the committee's verdict.

-Thank you, gentlemen.

I'm sure you'll pass the right motion.

# Up to the West End Right in the best end

# Straight from the country came Miss Maudie Brown

# Father a curate But couldn't endure it

# That's why the lady's residing in town

# 12 months ago her modest self

# Felt quite sublime to sit on a fellow's knee

# Who's been in all the grime

# If you should want a kiss She'd droop her eyes like this

# But now she droops them just one at a time

# Every little movement has a meaning of its own

# Every little movement tells a tale

# And when she walks in dainty hobbles

# At the back around here There's a kind of wibble-wobble

# And she glides like this

# And the Johnnies follow in her trail

# Cos when she turns her head like so Something's going, don't you know?

# Every little movement tells a tale

# Cos when she turns her head like so

# something's going, don't you know?

# Every little movement tells a tale. #

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Evening, sir. All on your own tonight?

All the lovely ladies to yourself, then.

-You should be ashamed of yourself, charging a shilling to peep at these girls.

-Who's it harming?

-Well, it ain't harming your pocket!

-You do well enough out of me.

-But they don't! Hardly enough to feed their children.

-If they don't like it...

No wonder there's talks of strikes. Here you are, girls. Have a drink on me this evening, all right?

-Thank you!

-It's all right, darling.

-Miss Marie Lloyd to the rescue again.

-Get these people out of here, Freddie.

Come on, you lot. Ain't you got homes to go to?

You're not frightened of anyone, are you?

Well, I'm not frightened of Belafonte.

But I am scared that you're not going to invite me over the road for a drink.

-How about tonight?

-Or maybe we should be getting home, eh?

And maybe you should be minding your own business.

I'd be delighted, Mr Hurley.

-I'm only thinking of you.

-You're not my moral guardian.

-You know, I hate it when you're in one of these moods.

-You hate me?

-Your moods.

-What moods?

-When you're the only person in the world that matters.

-What are you doing here, Freddie?

-Sorting out your clothes.

-You're here because I'm employing you.

-No.

-That's what you're doing here.

-I've spent my whole life looking after you.

-That's a lie.

Be quiet.

No, I've spent MY whole life looking after YOU.

-You don't want me to be happy.

-I don't want to see you making another mistake.

-Well, go, then.

-I don't need you.

-You do.

How dare you think I need you?!

You want me to go?

Yes. Go!

# She's my lady love

# She is my dove, my baby doll

# She's no girl for sitting down to dream

# She's the only queen Laguna knows

# I know she likes me

# I know she likes me Because she said so

# She is the Lily of Laguna

# She is my lily and my rose. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

You meant what you were singing tonight, didn't you, Alec?

I did.

I could tell.

-There was a sparkle in them eyes, and it weren't caused by the stage lamps, was it?

-No.

What caused it?

You know what caused it.

You did. As always.

The things you say. Really?

What's up, Alec?

You make me shiver.

When you hold my hand.

You need a pair of gloves, darling.

I'll buy you some from Simpsons.

I don't need gloves to keep me warm.

What do you need?

Naughty!

You're an old rooster, ain't you?

Old faithful, more like.

I could do with some of that right now.

Me, too.

Percy Courtenay said he would love me for ever.

Don't let me down, Alec, eh?

Never.

Well, I'm sure we can come to an amicable arrangement, Miss Lloyd.

Why does it need to be amicable? I'll give him £2,000 for three years.

Miss Lloyd, these matters are complicated. There's the issue of custody, the house...

Those are my terms. Take it or leave it.

Miss Lloyd, please. Stay.

-I'll take it.

-Oh.

Good day, sir.

-She looks old.

-Yeah.

-And fat.

-Oh.

Still, nothing lasts for ever, does it?

(Marie Lloyd does it again.)

Oh!

I love these slippers.

-Oh, Alec, you are funny! How can anyone love slippers?

-I don't know.

I just do. They feel right.

Just like you and me in this house together. That feels right, too.

-Yeah.

-We're going to have a lovely little life together.

Little?

Where's me champagne?

I thought this morning...tea.

-Tea's for old ladies.

-We're not getting any younger.

Alec, you were born 100!

We could walk on the heath today.

I thought that we could work on a double act.

Eat your egg.

Fair deal for artistes!

Fair deal for artistes!

I want the world to know that I'm with you people.

They can bully you, but they can't bully me.

So together we shall be indestructible.

Fair deal for artistes!

Fair deal for artistes!

-What does Marie think she's doing, Alec?

-She won't be talked out of it.

You know this strike's spreading.

-Two more halls in Shoreditch have gone dark. She's going to drive us out of business.

-I know, sir, but...

Look, what kind of man are you? She's your wife. Tell her! Make her obey you.

He's blaming me for not controlling you.

What does he think I am - your dog?

I told him that's easier said than done.

If it wasn't for me, those girls would be crushed, and back at work, humiliated.

-Yeah, but you've made your point now, though, yeah?

-It's not about making a point.

-You'll run out of money at this rate.

-It gives me pleasure.

Yes, but are you doing good to make yourself feel better,

with this strike?

What do you suggest, then, Alec?

That we cave in to Belafonte and his like?

No, of course not.

Tell... Ask Miss Lloyd to come and see me, would you?

-One newspaper has called you a saint.

-Oh, how nice of them!

I'll pay you £100 a week if you break the strike and go back to work.

-Don't talk silly. I'm not a blackleg, Arthur.

-No, but you don't seem to mind

-betraying those who helped you climb to the top in the beginning!

-It's the public who make you a star, dear.

And it's the managers who pay you handsomely for that privilege.

-You only pay me what I'm worth.

-And you are worth everything.

But you shouldn't sully your professional reputation.

Especially not when there's an invitation to perform before the King.

We all want you topping the bill at the Royal Command, but...

-Are you attempting to blackmail me, Mr Belafonte?

-Not at all. I'm...

I'm appealing to your better nature.

I will not cave in to your demands.

The public like me, and His Majesty, I am sure, is quite aware of that.

I take it that's your last word on the matter?

Minimum performance rates for all of you! Is everybody happy?

ALL: You bet your life we are!

Thank you, Arthur.

All is forgiven.

Forgiven, but never forgotten.

I just think, as my wife...

Oh, be quiet, Alec. Just be quiet.

-I was merely pointing out...

-I know, I know.

I should be drinking tea.

Shall we go for a walk?

No.

Just trying to be pleasant.

And as with everything else, you're failing, I'm afraid, Alec.

You'll end up with no-one.

APPLAUSE

Freddie.

-First little tiff, and you run off, never to be seen again.

-Marie.

-You said you'd always look after me.

-I thought you...

-I knew you'd be missing me.

Hello.

The famous Marie Lloyd.

The famous jockey.

Bernard Dillon, the Derby winner.

-And what's he doing here?

-Making a personal appearance.

-HE LAUGHS

-What?

-You're a married woman - that's what.

# If you'll be a sport And join the classy sort

# You must copy country squires Chasing foxes in the shires

# Fetch your hunting gear And chase the pretty deer

# And try to attract the ladies' fair, from Petticoat Lane to Berkeley Square

# Hunting after dark through the streets of London town

# Yikes! A coy little maid I spy

# And look how she winks the other eye

# My, what shall I do all alone here in the park?

# It's nearly ten And I'm scared of men hunting after dark. #

You're so naughty!

-So, where do we go afterwards?

-Afterwards? This IS afterwards. It's past midnight.

I thought you theatricals were always up all night.

No, we need to keep our strength up, don't we, Alec? And I need my beauty sleep.

You don't need any beauty sleep, Marie. Trust me.

Night-night, Bernie.

I don't want to hear any tales of naughtiness tomorrow.

Think of me, won't you? Because I'll be thinking of you.

Drive on.

Oh, what now?

Always having to draw attention to yourself. It's undignified.

Undignified, is it? Oh, mister high and mighty.

-What's dignified, then? You?

-I know how to behave.

-But you don't know how to have fun. And that's the difference.

-You're a married woman.

-Yes.

-But I'm not dead.

-You're starting to disgust people. Can you not see that?

No, I disgust you. Everybody else loves me.

-I wouldn't be so sure.

-What, you think they love you?

You think they're interested in what YOU do? No-one would have heard of you if it hadn't have been for me.

For what it's worth, people HAD heard of me.

They clap your act because you're married to me.

They clap out of respect...for me.

Maybe we are a mistake.

Stop the carriage!

Stop the carriage!

Walk on.

You are watching me tonight, aren't you, Bernard?

I'll wait for you at Romanov's.

Where's the champagne?

Get another one from the bar, darling. Tell them it's for me.

Kiss!

You do like him, don't you, Freddie?

Yeah.

Why are they being so horrible about me in the papers?

-Well...

-Why?

You're supposed to be married.

Huh! Hardly. Alec Hurley was a little mistake.

Surely I'm allowed to make a mistake?

They like Alec. They haven't taken to Bernard.

They don't know Bernard. They're being cruel about him to get at me.

Still, you like him, Freddie, that's the main thing.

How can there be a Royal Variety Performance without Marie Lloyd on the bill?

-His Majesty doesn't want you. It's nothing to do with me.

-Who's it to do with?

-Take it up with the King.

-Is it because of the strike?

-Among other things.

I was coming to the aid of my fellow performers.

-I was being honourable. And for that I'm condemned?

-It's not just the strike, though, is it?

-Well, what else, then? What else can it possibly be?

-You read the newspapers.

-Idle tittle-tattle.

-It's not, though, is it?

I am the most famous music-hall singer in the country.

They say he is young enough to be your son.

They used to call me a saint.

To perform before the King of our country,

the artistes must have an untarnished reputation.

And what reputation do I have?

-Show me the list.

-Does it matter?

-I want to see the list of performers.

Alec Hurley?

# When I take my morning promenade

# Quite a fashion card On the promenade

# Now, I don't mind nice boys staring hard

# If it satisfies their desire Do you think my dress... #

-Alec Hurley?!

-The King is an ass.

If Alec Hurley is to perform before the King, I would refuse any invitation that came my way, anyhow.

Exactly.

My mother used to sing me this song when I was little.

Here, do you think the King is jealous of me?

I mean, I am more popular than he.

I'm the queen of music halls. I am the people's queen!

I am going to do a Marie Lloyd spectacular on the night of the Royal Command Performance.

-I'll be there.

-Everybody will be there!

Listen up, people.

On the night of the King's Royal Command Performance,

Miss Marie Lloyd will be holding her own performance at the Pavilion Theatre, Piccadilly Circus.

All right? Tickets on sale from Monday, at reasonable prices.

Everyone is welcome.

-OK? Is everybody happy?

-ALL: You bet your life we are!

Do you think I've gone too far?

The Evening News says you're out of touch with ordinary people.

The Daily Mirror calls you conceited.

-People like Royalty, don't they?

-It's not the King who's the problem.

-It's living with Prince Charming here.

-When it comes to it,

the working classes are just as moral as anybody else, Marie.

They liked Alec.

And they like you for being you. Once they think you're someone different, you've lost them.

-Well, I am different. I always have been.

-But they mustn't think that.

Once they think you're Lady Muck living with a bit of flash, you're done for.

You need to show them that underneath all the diamonds and furs, you're still one of them.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Miss Marie Lloyd, queen of the halls,

gives her own Command Performance.

# We had to move away Cos the rent we couldn't pay

# The moving van came round just after dark

# There was me and my old man Shoving things inside the van

# Which we'd often done before, let me remark

# We packed all that we could pack In the van, and that's a fact

# And we got inside all we could get inside

# Then we packed all we could pack On the tailboard at the back

# Till there wasn't any room for me to ride

# And my old man said follow the van

# And don't dilly-dally on the way

# Off went the cart with me home packed in it

# And I walked behind with me old cock linnet

# But I dillied and dallied Dallied and dillied

# I lost me way and don't know where to roam

# Cos I just popped in to have a little drop of gin

# And now I can't find my way home. #

-Is everybody happy?

-ALL: You bet your life we are!

Course you are. You're having a better time than the King!

# And my old man said follow the van

# And don't dilly-dally on the way

# Off went the cart with me home packed in it

# And I walked behind with me old cock linnet

# But I dillied and dallied

# Dallied and dillied

# I lost me way and don't know where to roam

# And if someone could get me in it

# I'd be in there with me linnet But I can't find my way home. #

There he is. What did I tell you, Bernard? Marie Lloyd's back.

-A triumph.

-I was looking out for you. I couldn't see you.

-I was a little late, so I was at the back.

-Oh, you saw me?

-Of course.

-# I dillied and dallied... #

-You can still hear them cheering!

-We must celebrate.

Book the biggest table at Romanov's.

In fact, book the whole of Romanov's.

I want everybody there.

I'll, er, join you later.

-What do you mean, Bernard? You're coming now, aren't you?

-Yes. Well, later.

I have to just...

-Bit of business.

-You mustn't let them see you drunk, you naughty boy.

I need to go and see someone.

-At this time of night?

-Can I have some money?

-What do you need money for?

-You're happy to give everyone else money. Just not the man you're supposed to love.

-But I do love you.

Give me some money.

-I will do.

-Thank you.

I'll try and see you later. If I can get away.

# A little bit of love is a luxury

# That's what people say

# And girls just long for a little bit of love

# At the close of day

# Now there's nothing like a little bit of loving

# If you take it in a quiet sort of way

# So just take my tip

# If you're asking for a bit Never mind what people say

# So just take my tip

# If you're asking for a bit Never mind what people say. #

HE HUMS

I'm famous!

RATTLING

(Bernard?)

Why are you taking my things?

You can't treat me like this, Bernard.

-Come to bed.

-No. I've come back to change.

-Lend us some money.

-Don't go out again.

Please. Stay with me, please.

Stop worrying. You know I always come home to you.

Promise?

Lend us some money.

No.

What did you make me do that for, you old cow?

Look at my hand. I'm bleeding.

-It hurt. It bloody hurt.

-I'm so sorry.

Look, lie down here with me.

We'll make it better together.

There, there.

Marie'll take care of you.

Marie always takes care of everybody, don't she?

You're old, you're drunk and you're ugly.

# I'm very fond of ruins And ruins I like to scan

# You'd say I'm fond of ruins if you saw my old man

# I went out in the country for a stroll the other day

# Cos I like to study history and the pubs along the way

# I came across an abbey that had tumbled all to bits

# It seemed a relic of a bygone day

# A gentleman said, "What is this?"

# I said, "Excuse me, sir I'll tell you all about it, if I may

# "It's a bit of a ruin that Cromwell knocked about a bit

# "A bit of a ruin that Cromwell knocked about a bit

# "In the gay old days There used to be some doings

# "No wonder that the poor old abbey went to ruins

# "And those that study history sing and shout a bit

# "And you can bet your life there isn't a doubt of it

# "Cos outside the Cromwell Arms last Sunday night

# "I was one of the ruins that Cromwell knocked about a bit

# "And those that study history sing and shout a bit

# "And you can bet your life there isn't a doubt of it

# "Cos outside the Cromwell Arms last Saturday night

# "I was one of the ruins that Cromwell knocked about a bit." #

Is everybody happy?

You bet your life we are.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd 2007

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