The Road to Coronation Street

Tony!

-Edna, have you seen Tony?

-Don't move. Your padding's slipping.

Go easy. Some of that in there is actually me.

-Now I know what Vivien Leigh went through on Gone With The Wind.

-If you're after Tony, try the gents.

-Derek, you'll have to go down. She's in the lighting grid. She's not coming down.

-Dick, I'm on my way.

-What's going on?

-The cat from the opening shot has gone walkabout.

-Where's Tony?

-No idea.

-He should be here.

Tony!

Don't mind me, love. No-one's looking.

Bugger off, this cubicle's occupied!

Tony, it's me.

Leave me alone.

-I need you.

-I need me too. Go away.

I don't see what you're worried about. You've done your part.

-It's up to us now.

-Exactly.

Shouldn't you be somewhere?

Forget the cat. Get the two hooligans from the Tanner scene down here.

It's the same day, so there's no costume change.

Tell Frank I want the kids in silhouette. I don't want to see their faces.

This girdle's cutting right in.

-Doesn't even flatter. Have a Mint Imperial.

-May I?

What time is it?

-It's seven, just coming up.

-Come on, it's about to start.

Listen to that rain. The weather's perfect for it, anyway.

You can rely on Manchester for that. Turn it up.

OK, people, this is it.

Going live in ten. Good luck, everyone.

TURNS TV SOUND UP

'From the North, this is Granada...'

# Oh, well, I'm old enough to kick and old enough to rock the bop

# Oh, well, I'm old enough to kick and old enough to rock the bop

# I got on my swinging jeans and I'm lookin' for a dream

# Cos I'm old enough to rock the bop

# I like the sax when it starts to scream

# Man, I'm gone and I dig the scene

# The drummer in the band is a-settin' the beat

# And I'm sittin' here with itchy feet

# Because I'm old enough to kick and old enough to rock the bop

# Well, I'm old enough to kick

# And old enough to rock the bop... #

Hello. It's Tony Warren.

-Warren.

-To see Margaret Morris. Casting.

I'm an actor.

You don't say!

Third floor.

I'm sorry, darling, there's just nothing I can do about it.

Thank you, Josie... You're quite right. I'd do the same. It's just the way we have to do it at Granada.

Goodbye now.

Sorry about that. Where were we?

-You were killing my acting career.

-Tony, you have to be realistic.

This is television. You've had a good run for your money, but you're at that awkward stage.

-Stick to radio, darling.

-I've had enough of radio.

-Anyway, I don't think they want me back.

-Well, I'm sorry. There's just nothing for you at the moment.

Well, thank you for your time.

It's a pity you're not a writer. They're crying out for them upstairs.

Actually, I am a writer.

-I mean a scriptwriter.

-So did I.

-Oh.

-Are you any good?

-No.

-I'm brilliant.

-Of course.

-My mistake. Well, there's a producer, Harry Elton...

-The Canadian, Shadow Squad?

-That's the one.

He's looking for northern writers to nurture.

PHONE RINGS Excuse me.

DRAMATIC MUSIC ON TV

-'That's a form horse, all right.

-What happens if he loses?

-He can't lose, I tell you. He's a good 'un.

-'How much are you going to have on it?

-Half a crown each way.

-'Half a crown each way on Paradise Lost.

-Who's the bookie?

-Why on earth do you want to know that...?'

I must be mad.

-Your name's not on these lists.

-Really?

Well, it should be. Could you ring through to Mr Elton's office?

It's Tony Warren...the writer.

-I thought you were an actor.

-That was yesterday.

I don't understand. Margaret Morris said she'd arrange an interview.

-She's not said anything to me.

-Maybe she spoke to Mr Elton directly. It's in his interest to see me.

-There's nothing in the diary and he's rather busy.

-I've got a voice that needs to be heard!

-If Mr Elton doesn't snap me up, somebody else will!

-Who's got a voice that carries through walls?

-I'm trying to work in here!

-Mr Elton, I'm Tony Warren.

I'm a writer, I'm northern and I'm ready to be nurtured.

-How old are you?

-I'm 23. Please may I give you this?

-What is it?

-Shadow Squad.

I've written you the first half of a script. If you want to know how it ends, ring me on Pendleton 5698.

-You might want to write that down. It's Pendleton...

-5698. I got it.

Well, thank you for seeing me. I'll let you get on with your work.

Goodbye.

-I'll take that from you.

-No, no.

You should never chain-smoke alone, you know.

-Do you want one?

-Would you mind?

-No, help yourself.

Thanks.

You were in to see Margaret the other day, weren't you?

-Yeah, it was just a general meeting.

-I thought so.

-It's Josie, right?

-Yeah, I never forget a face.

-And I never forget a name. Tony Warren.

-She had nothing for you?

-She did, as a matter of fact. A coffin for my acting career.

-Oh, sorry.

-Don't be. I've just had a meeting with Harry Elton, the producer. Do you know him?

-Of course.

He's very interested in a script of mine.

-A writer as well as an actor?

-I've always been a writer, really. Since I was 12, as a matter of fact.

I used to play wag from school for weeks on end.

I'd sit in that vast, circular Central Library...

and I'd just devour plays.

It's where I learnt my craft.

-And the school didn't mind?

-They didn't know.

-"Yes, hello. Tony's not at all well. I'll have to keep him off school a while longer."

-They believed you?

Of course. I'm a dab hand at me mother.

Good God, Mother, whatever colour is that?

African violet. And don't say "God".

It's for your father's ladies' evening.

Well, what are you standing there looking so gormless for?

May I have the pleasure of this dance?

Certainly.

But mind my hem. You've got feet like your father.

HE HUMS TUNE

I was wearing deep purple when I first met him.

It was at the Langworthy Dance Studio.

They used to put French chalk on the floor to give your feet a bit of extra zip.

Oh, if I close my eyes, I can still picture it.

PHONE RINGS

Pendleton 5698?

Who...?

Harry Elton?

Well, he's pretty good. I'll give you that.

-Sorry, who is?

-Your father.

-Your father, the writer.

-My father's never written anything in his life. He imports fruit.

-No, I'm the writer.

-Really?

-Are you a drug addict?

-Certainly not.

-The story you've written, it's all about drug addiction.

-I thought it was very Shadow Squad. It's all in the detail.

-Is it?

Yes, I'm very thorough when it comes to research. If I was to write something with a Canadian in it,

I'd want to know where my character was born, Ontario, for example,

-where he was educated, Detroit perhaps, if he'd come to England...

-OK, OK, you've done your homework.

Well...

I have to admit, I'm curious to see how it ends.

-Congratulations, Mr Warren. You've just become Britain's youngest TV scriptwriter.

-He liked it?

He loved it. He wants me to finish it and he's commissioned me to write another.

-I'm getting my own bloody office!

-Oh, Tony!

You have the look of a lad who needs a brew.

Thank you.

Oh!

-Do you mind?

-No, help yourself.

-Got you writing Biggles now, has he?

-If you feel the urge to drop it in your urn, don't let me stop you.

I would've thought it was just up your street.

-Hey now, don't be kidded by the speech and drama. I'm from Swinton.

-Me too.

I've got a plate full of biscuits on the trolley for the conference room. They'll not miss a couple.

Ta!

-Bed, Board And Romance - did you ever do that one?

-Yes, I did. God, it was awful.

-I can't believe I never saw you in anything.

-I saw you.

-You didn't?

You were with the Saxon Players. You played two parts - a schoolboy, then chairman of the school governors.

-You had hair full of white talcum powder.

-Goodbye, Mr Chips. I was good in that, don't you think?

You were, but every time you moved your head, a cloud of talc would float up around you.

Stop the tape!

Cut the fan.

BELL RINGS

Dickie, the goggles are not straight. Can we sort that out? More snow, guys.

Hmm, very Ingrid Bergman.

I was trying more for Ingmar, actually, but at least I try, unlike some people.

What was that supposed to mean?

-"He pulls the thing which lands the plane."

-Which is exactly?

-How should I know?

-Well, you wrote it.

Just tell him to grab whatever he wants. No bugger's going to care what he's on about.

Why should they if we don't? It starts with the writer. I can only direct what I'm given.

If it isn't true for you, what hope is there for the rest of us? On camera one coming to two, please!

Keep it going. It's really, really freezing.

-I'm speaking to you...

-Settle down!

-I'm down there in that office 12 hours a day...

He's been up there since half past. I can't go to lunch until he comes down.

He needs his leg smacking, that one! THEY LAUGH

-I've had enough of Biggles and Ginger!

-There's people begging to write this stuff.

-Let them.

I'm not the only one who feels this way. We thought the whole point of a new channel was to do something new.

I want to write something real, something from the heart,

something with dirt under its fingernails. Do you understand?

-Come down from there and we can talk about this properly.

-Not until you agree.

-OK, I agree.

-Anything to get you down.

-Agree to what?

-To whatever you want. Just come down.

So you'll let me write what I want to write?

What else can I do if anyone within earshot is going to get any work done this afternoon?

Can you hold these?

They could do with some fresh water.

-So you want to write about something real?

-Yes.

-About something I know.

-What do you know?

-Theatre. I can write about that.

-No, it's the kiss of death. What else?

Well...

I know about out there.

I know about Manchester.

Can you write about that?

Of course I can.

I'd write about a street.

A real street out there.

A back-street terrace and all the people who live in it.

How long will it take?

Is tomorrow fast enough?

-Are you serious?

-I've already written it in a way.

-You have a script?

-I had a script.

I tried to sell it to the BBC and never even got a proper reply, so I ripped it up.

Pity.

I could write it again.

I can make it better. It is a strong idea.

Strong enough to take Britain by storm? That's what they want.

It'll be on your desk in 24 hours.

Get yourself an umbrella.

-Good morning, Jack.

-Morning.

Don't tell me. Today we're a painter?

-I don't think I could be.

-What is it?

-It's Prince Florizel hacking his way through the enchanted forest.

-Very nice.

Yeah, I thought it might cheer up the office.

-He hasn't read it.

-What do you mean, he hasn't read it?

-He was in the studio till late last night.

-Did he say anything when you gave it to him?

-Yes, he did.

He said, "Thank you."

Oi! He's in a meeting on the seventh floor, then he has a lunch and he's casting at two.

All right. All right, I'm going.

I love the hair today, by the way.

Thank you. I'll let you know as soon there's any news.

What's that doing on the wall?

Cheering me up. I kept my side of the bargain. I had that script on your desk in 23 hours and 7 minutes.

-What have you done with PT?

-Have you read it?

-The only picture permitted is PT Barnum.

-To remind us that...

-There's one born every minute.

To remind us we're supposed to be making the greatest shows on Earth. What does every great show need?

-A chariot race? The parting of the Red Sea?

-This is Granada.

What every great show needs is a memo.

-A what?

-A memo, neatly typed on grey paper, setting out exactly what your show is all about -

what we're going to see, who we're going to see, where we're going to see it, why we're going to like it.

-A memo for upstairs.

-Can't they just read the script?

This is television, Tony. No-one reads scripts.

-Where did you get the name from?

-Florizel Street?

-Yeah.

-From my head like everything else.

-I'll be back in an hour.

-But did you like it?

-An hour.

'Read that bit back to me.'

"Seven terraced houses, an outdoor beer licence, a raincoat factory,

"the Glad Tidings Mission Hall and a pub named The Rovers Return."

-You do realise this is my lunch break?

-It needs something before it.

-Tony, please!

-It has to be perfect.

Right... "A volume of unwritten rules."

No, wait.

"A fascinating freemasonry..." Why aren't you typing?

"A fascinating freemasonry, a volume of unwritten rules.

"These are the driving forces behind working-class life on a street in the north of England."

-I overheard a conversation this morning.

-The minute I saw you, I knew you'd have your uses.

I told you I was Margaret Morris's assistant and you thought, "I'll get in with her."

-This conversation, was it about me?

-Not everything is about you, but this time, it was.

-Go on, go on.

-Margaret Morris was talking to Harry who is very excited about your script.

-And?

They've sent it upstairs. They're having a meeting to discuss it tomorrow.

-Already? I only sent the memo yesterday.

-They obviously like it.

-I feel sick.

-Tony, you knew that Mr Sidney would have to read it eventually.

You can't order a paper clip without him knowing about it.

Yeah, but Josie, Sidney Bernstein's worked with Chaplin and Hitchcock.

Now he's working with Tony Warren. Don't worry, he will love it.

We all love it.

-Good morning, Jack.

-Good morning, Mr Sidney.

-Oh, Jack...

-Yes, Mr Sidney?

-Do you mind if I ask you something?

-Certainly, Mr Sidney.

-Do you ever repair your bicycle in the living room?

-No, Mr Sidney, I can't say that I do.

-Thank you.

Who wants to see a back street in the middle of nowhere?

I drove in today from the airport past beautiful houses, houses with gardens, houses with TV aerials.

That's our audience - Granada Land.

But every city has streets like this one and every street has its Elsie Tanner and Ena Sharples.

This is television for everyone. Leave the privileged few to the BBC.

Ena Sharples, that's the old lady, isn't it? Even her name sounds unpleasant.

That's exactly as it should be.

Look at Dickens. He found the extraordinary in the ordinary. He celebrated the grotesque.

That's what we're supposed to be doing? Celebrating the grotesque?

We're in show business, Harry.

Our job is to entertain, to take people out of themselves.

Now, Hitchcock used to say to me, "Sidney, you know what drama is?"

-"Life with the boring...

-Life with the boring bits cut out." Exactly.

Now, what your writer seems to have done is to pick up all the boring bits

and strung them together one after another.

I'm sorry, Harry, but this is too important for us and for the channel.

Did I tell you about Barnum?

He didn't start in the circus business until he was 60.

60 years old, same age as me.

He started at 60 and became the best in the world.

Quality entertainment. That's what I want for Granada.

Oh, I saw Arthur Miller in London last week. He's interested in writing for us.

-That's something we can talk about.

-OK, thank you.

-Can I join you?

-We're not much company.

Get yourself a bowl of custard. Always cheers me up.

-Come on, Tony, crack a smile.

-What have I got to smile about?

You've fallen at the first hurdle. Good job Harry's got more stamina!

How do you mean?

Everybody always says no to a great idea.

Harry won't give up.

Cecil, you found it. I got us a table over here.

Thanks for the game.

I suppose you chose this place to prove a point? Are these customers real or did you hire extras?

-Let me get you a drink.

-No, thank you. I can't stay.

-I read it.

-And what did you think?

-It's got its merits.

-Your brother doesn't seem to think so.

-Sidney always takes things very seriously.

-You agreed to meet me, so are you maybe thinking differently?

-Let's put it this way.

I know we've made a commitment to broadcast programmes that reflect the lives of people...people like this.

And no-one can deny your script does that.

-But...?

-But Sidney's right. Most of the characters are unsympathetic and there's so many of them.

-So many families.

-That's the beauty of it - the story of a street where every life interconnects.

It'll mean building a lot of sets. Look at The Army Game - one hut, ten characters. Everyone's happy.

This young writer of yours, is he really 23?

Yes. Meet him. He's extraordinary.

No, that's all right. That's your department.

-Is he under contract?

-Yes.

Will he listen to you?

He wants to see it made.

Look, Cecil, I have a suggestion which might help change Sidney's mind.

Oh, it's you.

I can't see how you do any work in all this squalor.

Don't be confused by the illusion of chaos. Everything has its place.

So, I had to bribe Brenda the beautiful, but I read your script.

-And?

-A masterpiece.

-Of course.

-Seriously, Tony, I love it.

-Who are they going to get to direct it?

-I've asked for you, obviously, and Denis Parkin to design.

-Perfect.

-Brenda tells me upstairs aren't too happy.

-Yeah, they hate it, apparently.

It's never going to happen. Let's talk about something else, please. Anything.

The writer's young. And he's on contract for £30 a week, no matter how much he writes.

We'd be using local actors, so we'd be saving on travelling expenses, hotel bills.

Is that a good enough reason to make a programme?

Well, it's a consideration.

So many shows have been going over budget. Look how much we spent bringing the Russian Ballet over.

And now Hewat wants to take a film crew to Cuba to interview Batista.

-That I like.

-I know, Sidney, but like it or not,

we have a commitment to make programmes here in the North.

I know. I'm not being unsympathetic, but a Manchester accent doesn't exactly lend itself to television.

Nobody in London will know what's going on. I had to read the script four times before I understood it.

Maybe we should stop reading it and listen to it.

Harry has come up with a suggestion. He wants to get some actors together and do a dry run, shoot a pilot.

He's passionate about it, Sidney. Isn't that why we brought him over from Canada in the first place?

-I thought we brought him over because he understood commercial television.

-Perhaps he does.

You're the hero of the North, of everyone who's crossed a back yard and sat on an ice-cold lav seat!

-It's only a trial programme.

-There's a few things I'd like to change,

like the outdoor beer licence to a corner shop, so Florrie can get done for selling firelighters after 7.

And the Barlows should have two sons, rather than Kenneth and Enid.

It's all very well saying you don't want to look in London, but that's where everybody is.

I'm not saying we won't look in the North. Of course we will.

-We're not going to London.

-Tony, they're actors. You of all people should know that. They can act it.

No, the viewers will always sniff out an impostor. We need Salford and Manchester.

-I thought I'd start a Bible.

-"In the beginning was the word..."

I'll write down the names of every northern actor who's ever trod the boards like Dora and Thora.

-Thora Hird? We can't afford her, can we?

-We can't afford Dora Bryan either.

But if we're doing this list, we're doing it properly.

No fancy curtains. Elsie has peeling paintwork. It probably hasn't seen a lick of paint for 15 years.

The Barlows are very house-proud, so clean lace curtains. And a pot vase in front of them.

But nothing fancy. He's only got a postman's wage.

Two milk bottles on every doorstep, but Mr Tatlock lives on his own, so he'll have one.

-Which one does he live at?

-No.3, but I might swap him with the Barlows,

because I don't think they'd ever live next to a public house.

-You want cobbles?

-Of course I want cobbles. Get yourself a stencil set.

No, no, never. He's a possible Jack Walker.

-She's worth seeing. He's got a lisp. Have you found Doris yet?

-Who?

-Doris Speed.

-We did Children's Hour together on the radio.

-I haven't heard of her for years.

-Who is she for?

-Annie Walker. She's perfect.

-I'll track her down.

-He's a possible Kenneth Barlow... What's so funny?

-He looks like you. You don't want to play him yourself?

No, you can't sit both sides of the desk.

Only asking.

-Remind me of that Elsie Tanner description.

-Mid-40s, battered remains of looks and figure.

Don't worry. We'll know her when we see her.

We made a decision, Margaret.

We made a decision together to only see northern actors!

Tony...! What are you looking at? Send the next one in.

He's got someone in with him!

Harry, you've got to talk to Margaret now. Harry, I mean it!

-I'm in a meeting.

-She's had some actress up there with Wimbledon written all over her!

She's panicking. She doesn't have the faith in the North that I have.

-Go down and tell her. They have to be real. If they're not real, no-one will understand.

-Calm down.

-Say hello to Harry Kershaw.

-Hello.

-Hello. I was just saying how much I admire your scripts.

-Thank you.

And I'm looking forward to working on them.

-Sorry?

-Harry's coming on board as script editor.

-I don't need a script editor.

-Just give us a minute, Harry.

Tony, I'll talk to Margaret. Don't worry. If necessary,

I'll stand at Piccadilly Station and send any southerners back on the London train.

And you do need a script editor. You can't do this without support.

I thought you'd approve of him. He's from Manchester.

-So you'll really talk to her?

-I promise.

-Oh, have you heard? Josie's found your actress.

-Who?

-The Annie Walker, but she works for a brewery now.

Go talk to Josie and don't worry about Margaret.

No, Valerie, we leave two spaces after a full stop.

Didn't they teach you anything at that secretarial college?

PHONE RINGS

-'Mr Henley's office?'

-Good afternoon. Is that Doris Speed?

-Yes. Who is speaking, please?

-'This is Miss Scott calling from Granada.'

-I was wondering if you could come in for an audition?

-'I don't know. I'm very busy.'

-Tell her I wrote the part specially for her.

-The writer has created the part specially for you.

-Tony Warren?

-'Never heard of him.'

-She's never heard of you.

Try "Tony Simpson". It's my real name.

-Does the name "Tony Simpson" mean anything to you?

-'Simpson?'

Oh, dear. Indeed it does. The little boy who never stopped talking.

-That'll be him.

-What's she saying?

He's a writer now and he barely talks at all.

He has written the most perfect part for you.

I can't for the life of me think why.

Television, did you say?

-Yes.

-If he's gone to all that trouble, I suppose it would be rude of me not to come.

-'Miss Speed, can you step in here?'

-Yes, Mr Henley. I'm on the phone to Accounts. I won't be a moment.

When did you say he wanted to see me, dear?

Thursday at four?

I need something for the exterior, even if it's just the outside of the door.

Derek!

Oh...

Derek!

-Derek, wait a minute!

-I'll catch you up, all right?

-This Florizel Street? It's really about a back street in Salford with ordinary families?

-Absolutely.

-I've never dressed anything like it. I don't know where to start.

-Just put them in ordinary clothes.

I run a costume department. We don't have clothes. We have costumes.

But never let it be said that Edna Walker doesn't rise to a challenge.

If you want ordinary, ordinary is what you'll get.

Would you like to take it from the top of page 21, please, Miss Speed? I'll be reading Jack for you.

-Where's my clean shirt?

-Where do you think it is? It's on the bed.

What are you standing there looking so gormless for?

-I'd just like to know what...

-Sorry. With the "gormless" line, could you try saying it more despairingly?

Like, um... "What are you standing there looking so GORMLESS for?"

-And what are you standing there looking so gormless for?

-I'd just like to know what I've done...

-Am I ever going to meet your mother?

-If I brought a young lady home, she'd choke on her Battenberg.

What are you doing Sunday teatime?

-I want to have a bath and something to eat before the rush starts.

-Thank you, Doris.

-Would you mind if we were to age you up slightly?

-Age me up?

Yes, we were thinking Annie was somewhere around...55?

Oh, well, yes, I suppose I wouldn't object to ageing up to...

Shall we say 52?

Perfect.

Thank you.

# I won't betray his trust

# Though people say I must

-# I've got... #

-People are trying to get some sleep!

-We're only singing.

Save your voices for churches. This is a decent street.

-Oh, shut up yourself!

-What did you say?

He said, "Shut up!" And wash those nets. They're a disgrace!

-You're cutting off my circulation!

-Guess who I've found.

-Who?

Don't make it obvious. Look over my right shoulder, look down the corridor.

It's the boy sitting on the bucket. I said, "Not obvious, Tony."

-His name's William Roache and he's an actor.

-Where's he from?

-Derbyshire. Don't panic.

-He's not bad.

-He's a bit of a dish.

-Don't get too excited. I don't think you bat for the same team.

-He's not my type. He's not muscular enough.

-Kenneth Barlow doesn't have muscles though, does he?

Yes, you're quite right. It's definitely a bucket.

-Hello, I'm Josie from Casting. I don't think we've met. It's William, isn't it?

-Yes.

-Have you got a minute?

-Absolutely, yes.

-How's that play going?

-Good, thanks.

I don't care what they do in St Helens, but in Salford, no-one puts soap next to bacon.

In 27 episodes of Biggles, we never argued about what the inside of a Turkish jail looked like

or Mata Hari's bedroom furniture.

Ever since we started putting up these sets, every bloody spark in the building seems to have an opinion!

Well...what do you think?

Oh, my God!

TONY LAUGHS

Oh, it's Elsie's.

It really is.

Oh, you have no idea what it's like to stand inside something

that's only ever existed in your head!

-But we need a set of three plaster ducks on this wall.

-Don't you start!

-I've got some in a drawer at home. I'll bring them in.

-Now all we need is someone to live in it.

Bloody hellfire! Am I too late? I thought I wouldn't chance the train, so I got me fella to drive me.

He's got a taxi, so he knows the roads, but I think he reckoned I was a paying customer, the time he took!

Then a fruit van crashes on Deansgate. Grapefruits everywhere!

It's always the case when you're in a hurry.

Then to top it all, I twanged one of my stockings on a door back there.

Pat Phoenix. Here's my pictures.

-Oh, you were meant to be here an hour ago.

-I told Bill! I said, "We'd have done it quicker on a tandem!"

I'll just sit over here, shall I? Sorry, what's the part?

-Elsie Tanner.

-All right, thank you.

-Sorry, you've a late arrival. Pat Phoenix?

-Never heard of her.

-She was supposed to be here at three.

-I know her from rep. Pat Pilkington.

Frederica Pilkington. I saw her in Snow White.

-No, this is Patricia Dean.

-She's too young.

-I thought we finished at five.

Shall I send her away? No, tell her to wait.

-Sorry. I wasn't sure if I should come in or not.

-Come in.

-Right. I'll just get myself sorted.

(She's not changed.

-(She used to cut the ends of her bras off so her nipples showed.)

-Oh, I love her already.

-Wonder if she does it for auditions.

-Right...

-How do you want me?

-Take a seat.

-Josie!

-Hello, Pat. What happened to Pilkington?

-Oh, too much of a mouthful.

Patricia Phoenix, rising from the flames. The bird that burnt its bum.

-Patricia, can we have a look at Scene Two?

-Call me Pat.

-Pat.

-Any questions about Elsie?

-I take it she's mutton? Dressed as lamb?

Yes, but she carries it well. She works in the slightly better dress department at Miami Modes.

-Think C&A without the floor space.

-Right.

-Where would you like me to read from?

-Bottom of page six.

Do you want to take your coat off?

No, thank you. I'm fine.

I'll leave the rest to your imagination.

-Who's reading him?

-Tony.

-Actually, do you mind if I stand?

-Not at all. Go ahead.

-Right. Come on, Dennis Tanner, where is it?

-Where's what?

-Don't come the innocent with me.

-I don't know what you're talking about.

-Two shillings from my purse.

-It's nothing to do with me.

-Oh, I suppose some Mayfair cat burglar nicked it?

-Funny, eh?

-Let's get this straight. You asked me for two bob for cigarettes.

-And you wouldn't give it me. We know.

-So you stooped to going in a lady's handbag?

-Just listen to it.

-A lady? Is that what you crack on you are these days?

-A fine son you are(!)

-That tongue'll get you hung.

-Oh, give over. You've lost two bob. What can I do about it?

-Get work.

-That's what you're supposed to do.

-Change the record, will you?

Did you go down to the Labour today?

-No. I'm not due 'til tomorrow.

-You know what your trouble is? You just don't want work!

-Drop it!

-No, I won't! Every time...

-Look! You know as well as I do why I can't get a job.

You're out that place seven weeks.

Oh, no, don't let's wrap it up. If you mean prison, say it. Everyone else does.

-You can't go on like this.

-What am I supposed to do? Tell me.

-Why did it have to be me who had a son like you?

-I suppose you'd rather have me like Kenneth Barlow.

And what's wrong with him? He'll have no trouble getting a job.

He's got it up here where it counts.

I sometimes wish we were more like them Barlows. At least they're not rowing all the time!

-Good enough for you?

-Very good.

APPLAUSE

Thank you.

-Just pick one!

-None of them are right! Ena is a 70-year-old woman with the vitality of a girl of 17.

-We've seen nearly 50 actresses. After every one, you've had that look on your face.

-What look?

You know what look. You probably practise it in the mirror. Tony, you're choosing an actress,

-not someone to spend your life with.

-Tony, none of them are perfect, but we start rehearsing tomorrow.

-We need an Ena. We need her now.

-Fine.

She's the best of the bunch.

Excuse me, pet.

-I'm after Florizel Street rehearsal room.

-It's right here.

-Are you...?

-Nita Valerie, well recognised. I'm playing Ena Sharples.

-We're just about to start.

-Follow me.

-It's like a maze, this place!

I've been all over.

We'll have two day rehearsals in here, one in the studio and on Friday we record as live.

-So sorry, everybody. Nita Valerie, playing Ena.

-Right. Take a seat, please, Nita.

Allow me.

-Yes...transmission. We will be recording as if it were a live...

-Thanks ever so.

Sorry.

-OK?

-Oh, yes, dear. You carry on.

-Once we star recording, we don't stop until the end of the episode.

-(Script? Script?

-(Doris? Are you in this?)

-Yes, dear. We're all in this.

I want everybody off book by the producer's run. No exceptions.

It's no worse than working in rep. And you can forget the lines the minute you've said them.

Ladies and gentlemen, please have a look at the beautiful set.

-You all right, love?

-Yes, dear.

I've just got rather used to radio where one doesn't learn the lines.

Doris? Pat? Right...

Here it is.

It's Florizel Street.

-The Rover's Return...

-Flor-I-zel.

-I beg your pardon?

-Oh, I'm sorry.

-It's just that...

-Yeah?

-You said Flori-zel.

-I thought the pronunciation was Flor-I-zel. Sorry.

-Flor-izzle Street. Right, Tony?

-Yes, that's right.

-It's a bit awkward. No one can pronounce it.

-I think everybody can pronounce it.

-So Flori-zel?

-Flori-zel.

-Right, everyone, let's get on.

-William, this is your house.

-Where's Ena's house?

-She hasn't one.

-She lives in the mission hall, but we don't go there.

-We go there in episode three.

-I thought we were only making two.

-For this dry run.

-If it works, we'll keep going.

-Great. So...

-Come on now. I promise it won't take long.

-Are you joking?

-You asked where I came from.

-Round here?

Hey now, see, my grandmother lives just up there.

And she expected to see all of her daughters every day, so us children got dragged along.

And I'd sit there under the table, hidden by the cloth.

And I'd listen.

And I learnt that women's speech patterns are different to men's.

All those aunties and just me and my granddad and my uncle Jim, the singing waiter.

And my grandmother would sit there, one daughter black leading the grate, another hanging curtains

and my mother cleaning the brasses and she'd say, "Never get old. No bugger loves you when you're old."

I'll love you when you're old. Don't worry.

Voices telling stories. That's all any of us can hope to be.

-But it's your voice, Tony. And that's all that matters.

-Is it?

I just kept my ears open.

No, you've made something that everyone can hear. Something that belongs to you.

If any bugger tries to take it from you, I'll scratch their eyes out.

It's like my sister's husband. He were made head of plumbing in the place where they live.

It gave her ideas.

She said to him, "We're civic....

"We're civic dignitaries now. We'll have to enter the church."

Oh, sorry, love - just a suggestion.

The last time I played an old dear like this, I took my teeth out. What do you reckon?

I suppose it's worth a try.

-You're taking it in your stride.

-Sorry, dear. Am I putting you off?

I find they sit in the head much easier if I'm doing something with my fingers, too.

I did a television play here. I was lucky enough to get the lead.

But film is my main passion.

The other thing I was thinking was how do you feel about a little dog? It could give me some nice business.

Put a little neck chief on it. The audience would love it.

Can we take five minutes, please? Thank you, Betty.

Yeah, I'll have a think about it. It's really coming on.

-My agent in London... Have you got a London agent?

-No, in fact.

No? You should definitely get on. Well, he says everything is quite on the film front at the moment,

so I thought, "Why not?" It's only a week. What harm can that do?

Tony, love?

-Yes?

-Sorry, but... do I really need to say that line?

-Well...

-Cos I can convey the meaning without it.

-Well, try without it, then.

-Thank you, dear.

Who knew you'd turn into such a good writer?

Scene 7, the Barlows' living room! William, that means you!

Oh, excuse me.

'I know this is a hard schedule'

for all of us, but what you've shown me here today is so much more than I hoped for.

Try to find the truth in each character and the soul that Tony's given you the key to.

Above all, I need those lines word-perfect for the dress rehearsal.

Thank you, everybody. Tomorrow, same time.

Thanks.

Is this unflattering enough for you?

-'ey, Elsie, you're ready for the knacker's yard.

-You look perfect.

Can I give you this? It's lucky heather. It's the Irish in me.

Oh, thank you.

-I'll cherish it.

-This has to work, Tony.

Not just for you. For all of us.

Stand by, studio. Stand by, telecine. On camera three, come in to two. Captions on one.

Roll telecine.

I'm going to cut to camera two.

Stand by, everyone. Enjoy.

And...

Five. Four. Three. Two. One.

And...

'There would be a theme tune, of course. Something brass. Power with a touch of melancholy.'

Thank you, Harry. I appreciate all of your good work.

But at this point I haven't formed an opinion. I'd like to hear if anyone else has anything to say.

-Walter?

-Well, I'm sorry, Harry, but there isn't a single thing I like.

I don't like the characters, or the depressing sets,

and I don't like the story. If we put that out, advertisers will withdraw their business.

-Anyone else feel that way?

-It could be rewritten as a comedy.

-It's not a comedy or a drama!

Although it's capable of being both. Think of it like Dickens.

A weekly story to grip the country. Like soap operas in the States.

-But they go out in daytime, watched by a few housewives and hospital patients.

-Not true.

Cecil?

I think the idea is good,

but the North Country accent is the language of comedy. It's never taken seriously.

-Ena Sharples. Is she meant to be funny?

-Look, this was a try out.

There are casting hiccups to sort. We just wanted a feel for the show.

We know we need to make changes. Ena Sharples wasn't right, but the others are exceptional.

Pat Phoenix is a real discovery. We have the beginnings of a great cast, all from Manchester!

The capital of Granadaland.

This is a chance to open viewers' eyes to the real North.

-What's the point of being here if you can't tell its story?

-Please...

-I'm sorry. This is important. You asked for quality.

-RARE quality.

-That's what I'm offering you. A programme of rare quality.

-Thank you, Harry. Anyone else?

Right, come on. You start that end, I'll start here.

EPISODE PLAYS ON TV

KNOCK AT DOOR Hiya, pet? Any cups need collecting?

Just the one, Agnes.

Thanks.

What's this?

It's a pilot.

-When's it going out?

-It's not.

VTR. The Florizel tape running on 7...

Just a minute. Hang on.

Is that the son they're rowing about? She's proud of him, all right.

We've got the same clock in our parlour!

Sorry, Jim. Just keep it running.

That's right, love. You tell him. It's your money.

What sort of time do you call this?

I had to wait for a taxi.

-Have you been drinking?

-Yes.

Made it a wake.

Who died?

-My dreams.

-Oh, Tony...

-No, it's true.

Florizel Street IS real to me. It exists.

Or it used to before the... the Bernsteins flattened it to build their Granadaland.

Elsie's probably still trapped, huddled, waiting to be rescued.

Only she's not going to be. Is she, Mum?

And neither am I.

Don't be too long.

And for goodness' sake don't disturb your father. He's got an early start.

TELEPHONE RINGS

-Who could be calling at this time?

-Well, I don't know!

-It won't be good news at 10.30!

-Answer it?

-I can't.

Pendleton 5698.

Who is it?

(It's all right. It's my boss.)

Well, you can tell him from me,

I don't know how they carry on in Canada, but this is England and nobody uses a phone past 10 o'clock!

Sorry, Harry.

Yes, I know it's late, but I've got an idea.

I think you're going to like it.

The televisions will be positioned all over the building

and you are to hand these out to everyone you see.

-This lunchtime? What - ALL lunchtime?

-If you don't mind.

It's coming to something when a person's expected to give up lunch.

-Florizel Street?

-Yeah.

-It's OK, girls. It's that show they wanted ordinary clothes for.

The first Granada programme where the costumes came from Bury market.

Ah, you'll love it.

OK, ladies?

Er, it's not lunchtime yet. Come on.

PILOT EPISODE: 'I do appreciate you staying on. You know how it is in a new street...

'We have a cup of tea with our food. I like my food swilled down properly.

'You'd better watch out, Ida. He'll have you...

'Don't go wasting your sympathy on him. It's Elsie I'm sorry for. Some mothers do 'ave them.

'He nearly went mad when he found a bottle of peroxide I'd brought in. It was only for a mark on my tooth!

'You might not know it, but he's very narrow-minded...'

I didn't go behind your back. I just didn't float the idea past you.

You know what the answer would have been. This is not how we work.

I'm not suggesting the staff make the decisions. I simply wanted to show you how ordinary people react.

Everyone filled out these forms.

They're not the comments of people who sit at desks with broadsheets.

They're people who ride on buses and sit in their living rooms at seven o'clock! Your audience.

-I suppose they're all favourable?

-No, not all. But people either love the show or hate it.

-There's no middle ground.

-If advertisers won't touch it, we don't have a business.

-But the advertisers don't choose the programmes.

-Harry's right. Marketing people won't decide.

We know how they think. "It worked before, let's do it again."

-We look forward, not back. That's why we employ creative people.

-This is unlike anything on TV.

You asked me to find new talent.

Tony Warren's barely out of school! You want shows people will watch.

Look at these forms.

OK, forgive me for the stunt.

What can I say? I was inspired by Barnum.

Agnes!

Aaaaah!

You're a genius! Margaret...

TELEPHONE RINGS

Yes?

What for?

What, now?

-Tony!

-What's going on?

-You've got 13 episodes to write.

-They've commissioned it?

-Florizel Street. A family drama serial by Tony Warren.

-Has he come up on the pools?

-The show's been commissioned!

-What show?

-The one you saw in my office.

-Florizel Street.

-Is that what it's called? Sounds like a disinfectant.

She might have a point.

-Oh! I believe congratulations are in order.

-Thank you!

-Bloody great. 13 episodes.

-That's a lot to write, mind.

-I've already written four. The rest are in my head.

-Right.

I was thinking of asking Harry if I could have a crack at a couple. Jump on the bandwagon, to help out.

-That won't be necessary.

-Come on, Tony.

No one can write 13 episodes straight off. It's impossible.

Watch me.

Keeping that title, then?

Yes!

No! No, I won't listen to this. It's defeatist.

-Ena is alive out there somewhere.

-She's bloody good at Hide and Seek!

Look, she's a standalone character. No family or work colleagues. She could be cut.

-Ena Sharples IS Florizel Street. If you haven't understood that...

-I DO understand.

It's a part that's impossible to play. Actresses in their 70s just don't have the energy!

-You'll find a dozen on any street. You're not looking in the right place!

-Don't tell me where to look!

Have you any idea what it's meant to me casting this show? Taking on actors I've respected for years,

but never had the chance to give them their break? And the look of delight

when they realise it's more than ordering a pint or serving in a shop!

-I've done everything humanly possible, Tony!

-London actors!

-The best actor for each role!

-No one is saying this lightly, Tony.

We've tried everyone. No one is right. Do you want Nita back?

No. She's very funny, but she's not Ena Sharples.

Believe me, Tony, I wanted to find Ena as much as you did.

All right, look.

-There's someone I used to work with on Children's Hour.

-Who?

-She's a nightmare.

-She tried to get me fired. You won't like her. She lives in Blackpool.

-Why haven't you mentioned her?

Because when I was 12 she threatened to smack my bottom.

I'll pay for the rail fare! This is a woman I've got to meet.

-Can I help you?

-Violet Carson for a meeting with Margaret Morris.

-Oh, an audition.

-No, lad. A meeting.

I haven't auditioned since 1937 and I've no intention of starting now.

Yes?

-I...

-Are you the director? I'm not happy to be kept waiting like this.

Well, I'm not the director.

I know you, don't I?

Tony Simpson! The lad who thought he knew everything.

Well...I'm called Tony Warren now.

You're not in this, are you?

-No, I've... I've written it.

-Oh, aye?

Well, not a bad script.

For a beginner.

-I thought it might help if we had a chat about Ena.

-Save your breath. I know all about Ena Sharples.

She's just a backstreet bitch, isn't she?

-When I was 12, you threatened to smack my bottom.

-I remember I did smack it.

And don't think I couldn't do it again.

-Derek's going for a gentler approach. Tony won't like it.

-He'll have to.

-Still angry with him?

"Small-boned". That's what I was told. There's nothing small-boned about Violet Carson!

Quiet on the floor, please! Clear?

Violet, this is your mark.

Derek's staying on the floor.

You kept that one up your sleeve, didn't you?

Don't let the little old lady act fool you. This one's got teeth.

Take it very gently at first. You can even play against the lines,

bring out a gentler side to Ena, one that isn't so obvious.

-What's he telling her?!

-Relax.

-Are you telling me to play her soft?

-Yes. I suppose I am.

Well, if that's what you want. I suppose you are the director.

Roll tape, please. BELL RINGS

All right. Stand by, studio.

Are you trying to tell me to begin?

Well, you only had to ask.

-Where are you being buried?

-I've not given it much thought.

-You should.

Don't go to that crematorium.

As the coffin rolls away, they play Moonlight And Roses. I spoke to the superintendent.

He said, "That's Andantino." So I said, "Andantino or no Andantino, I'll have Crimond."

-Are those fancies today's?

-Yes.

-Half a dozen, and no eclairs.

-You're from Esmeralda Street...

-OK, let's hold it there, please.

BELL RINGS

-Well, she's mellowed.

-We shouldn't spend any more time on this.

'Sorry, Tony, but this isn't...'

Excuse me, Tony Simpson or whatever you call yourself these days.

-Can he hear me?

-Yes, I can hear you!

-Can I do it again as I think it should be done?

Tell her yes.

T-Tell her yes.

-They're saying, "Yes, please."

-Right.

OK, let's go again. Roll tape, please. BELL RINGS

Are you going to give me that silly little wave or not?

-Where are you being buried?

-I've not given it much thought.

-You should.

But don't go to that crematorium.

As the coffin rolls away, they play Moonlight And Roses. I spoke to the superintendent.

He said, "Moonlight and Roses? That's Andantino."

I said, "I'm rolling away to Crimond."

Are them fancies today's? Half a dozen and no eclairs. I said no eclairs.

You're from Esmeralda Street. And weren't you on the bar...

-What? She's very good.

-Got any kids?

-Better off without them.

-She's perfect.

So why are you wearing that face?

-'Very bay window down there.'

-You don't know her.

There's some very funny people in this street.

She's perfect. Why didn't you mention her?

-That was wonderful.

-Did you notice? I repeated the line about eclairs.

-Do you think they'll mind?

-No. I don't think they'll mind at all.

-Where the hell have you got her from?

-She's a nightmare!

-There. You'll do.

-Can you do something with these shoes? They're pinching.

-I'll find something.

-Pull that in a bit tighter.

-They've padded me out to look older.

The glamour of television(!)

Thank you.

No, I mean it. Thank you.

-What for?

-Elsie Tanner.

I'd given up, you know.

I pretty well swore to myself I was never going to another bloody audition. Had 'em up to here.

-Come in, flash your tits, piss off. It's no life.

-Why did you come in?

Let's just say I've always been open to persuasion.

Got me into a lot of trouble in the past, I can tell you.

But then I read your script and I thought to myself, "I know this street.

"And I know all the people in it."

Rubbing along in those tiny little houses. And I know Elsie.

Biting her tongue whenever customers give her the runaround.

Getting nostalgic over the war when she tastes American whisky.

You're a bloody genius.

-And I don't care who hears me say so.

-Thank you.

-I couldn't have dreamt of a better Elsie.

-I'll tell you what.

-How about we go down to the Union on the canal for a drink?

-How do you know the Union?

-I know all sorts.

You can be yourself round me.

And you round me.

Let's see if either of these fit the bill.

-All right, I give up. Change it.

-No one knows what it means.

It doesn't mean anything. I've been here 11 hours today. I've got six more scripts to write.

I can't close my eyes without Annie Walker doing the foxtrot with PT Barnum and now you want a title!

-I can't do it.

-Well, don't. We'll do it. We'll think of one.

-Something simple.

-Go home. Get some rest.

-If you want simple, you've Mafeking, Victory, Coronation or Jubilee.

-No battles.

-That leaves two.

Take your pick.

Jubilee?

Or Coronation.

Let's go to the pub.

No expense spared, I see(!)

-Do you want to try it on?

-No, but I suppose I'll have to.

What is that smell?

-It has been washed.

-It should have been fumigated.

-What about my head?

-They're thinking a hairnet.

-Oh, are they?

I was so pleased you agreed to join us again, William.

Oh, well, it's only 13 episodes, isn't it?

So lucky for us that we get to work with you before you make it big in the pictures. Excuse me.

This is a woman who's buried children, watched her man beg for work and still gets down

on her knees every night to pray.

-Good. Make-up want you first.

-They can want.

There's no powder or rouge touching this face.

If it's good enough for God, it's good enough for Granada.

Camera three, are you all right after shot seven? If not, camera two can take that last close-up. Yeah?

-Right, do that.

-Derek, go down. She's in the lighting room. Don't ask me how.

-Tony?

-'Get them down here.'

It's the same day, so no costume change.

Where's Tony?

-He should be here.

-BELL RINGS

Tony, it's starting! I've got to go!

I need you with me.

Well, I'm not coming. I can't.

Stop being such a drama queen!

I will when you will!

-PA SYSTEM: 'Miss Phoenix to Studio Two immediately, please.'

-Bugger!

Go on.

Go! Give her what for!

-Good luck.

-I can't say anything back. It's bad luck.

-Honestly!

-Shouldn't you be on your own set?

-Oh, yeah.

Of course. Well, sorry.

-Did you see the dress rehearsal?

-Some of it.

-Looks different.

-Nothing like anything on the BBC.

-And the new name is better.

-More authority.

-Let's hope the audience agree.

-OK, people, this is it. Going live in 10.

-Break a leg, everyone.

Edna in Wardrobe thinks this could run as long as The Archers.

Ye gods, I hope not.

Coming to caption in four, three, two, one.

And...

"Coronation Street" THEME PLAYS

CHILDREN SING: # As I go out Mrs Jones comes in

# House to let, apply within As I go out Mrs Brown comes in

# One, two, three, four Mary at the cottage door... #

-ENA:

-Now get a sign writer in. That thing above the door has to be changed.

-Funny having my name over my own shop - Florrie Lindley.

-Florence. That's your real name, intit?

DIALOGUE FADES

Subtitles by Subtext for Red Bee Media Ltd - 2010

Email [email protected]