Browse content similar to Best Possible Taste: The Kenny Everett Story. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
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Hello. Keith, here, | 0:00:02 | 0:00:03 | |
and welcome to a film-ette that's in a glass of its own. Yes. | 0:00:03 | 0:00:06 | |
It's based on a true story, | 0:00:06 | 0:00:07 | |
though some sceney-poos have been scrungled. | 0:00:07 | 0:00:10 | |
It also contains naughty bits. | 0:00:10 | 0:00:14 | |
THIS PROGRAMME CONTAINS SOME STRONG LANGUAGE | 0:00:14 | 0:00:22 | |
MUSIC: "Love Is The Drug" by Roxy Music | 0:00:25 | 0:00:30 | |
# It ain't no big thing | 0:00:44 | 0:00:47 | |
# To wait for the bell to ring | 0:00:47 | 0:00:52 | |
# It ain't no big thing | 0:00:52 | 0:00:54 | |
# The toll of the bell | 0:00:54 | 0:00:58 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:00:58 | 0:01:00 | |
# Aggravated, spare for days | 0:01:00 | 0:01:03 | |
# I troll downtown | 0:01:03 | 0:01:05 | |
# The red light place | 0:01:05 | 0:01:07 | |
# Jump up, bubble up | 0:01:07 | 0:01:09 | |
# What's in store? | 0:01:09 | 0:01:11 | |
# Love is the drug and I need to score... # | 0:01:11 | 0:01:15 | |
Ev? | 0:01:18 | 0:01:20 | |
Ev? | 0:01:20 | 0:01:22 | |
Ev? | 0:01:22 | 0:01:24 | |
-I've been a silly boy. -Why? What have you done now? | 0:01:24 | 0:01:28 | |
Might have gone a teensy bit too far, this time. | 0:01:28 | 0:01:32 | |
What do you mean? Ev, are you there? | 0:01:32 | 0:01:35 | |
Ev, what are you talking about? What do you mean? | 0:01:35 | 0:01:38 | |
MUSIC: "Radio Ga Ga" by Queen | 0:01:40 | 0:01:41 | |
Hi, kids! | 0:01:41 | 0:01:42 | |
And a super-mungous Cuddly Ken welcomette | 0:01:42 | 0:01:45 | |
to tonight's nerve-noggling, brain-bending, | 0:01:45 | 0:01:48 | |
spleen-venting fantast-a-rama of... | 0:01:48 | 0:01:52 | |
Revealing information... | 0:01:52 | 0:01:53 | |
Meaningful education... | 0:01:53 | 0:01:56 | |
And outrageous entertainment! | 0:01:56 | 0:01:58 | |
Oh, sexy Hot Gossip, what a show! | 0:01:58 | 0:02:00 | |
And how could it not be? When the central character, | 0:02:00 | 0:02:03 | |
the leading man, the star of the show just happens to be... | 0:02:03 | 0:02:06 | |
Me! | 0:02:06 | 0:02:08 | |
Let's take our seats | 0:02:09 | 0:02:11 | |
and boldly perambulate where no Kenny has perambulated before. | 0:02:11 | 0:02:15 | |
Gasp in admiration, | 0:02:15 | 0:02:17 | |
as we witness a puny little kid from suburban Liverpool | 0:02:17 | 0:02:21 | |
transform himself into the "Scouse that roared". | 0:02:21 | 0:02:25 | |
And marvel as we watch darling Kenny | 0:02:25 | 0:02:27 | |
yanking himself off on a journey up the showbiz ladder | 0:02:27 | 0:02:30 | |
from the bottomest rung to the very toppest! | 0:02:30 | 0:02:32 | |
And yet, what if none of us ever really know who we are? | 0:02:32 | 0:02:37 | |
# Aa-a-ah-ha | 0:02:38 | 0:02:41 | |
# We are Children Of The World... # | 0:02:41 | 0:02:44 | |
And tonight, he fully intends to penetrate | 0:02:44 | 0:02:47 | |
the biggest, butchest issues like... | 0:02:47 | 0:02:50 | |
How national trinket could go from this... | 0:02:50 | 0:02:54 | |
..to this... | 0:02:57 | 0:02:59 | |
Two husbands are so much better than one. | 0:02:59 | 0:03:02 | |
..via this... | 0:03:02 | 0:03:06 | |
Let's bomb Russia! | 0:03:08 | 0:03:11 | |
But I'm telling you the plot, trust me, | 0:03:11 | 0:03:14 | |
it's all done in the best possible taste! | 0:03:14 | 0:03:18 | |
The Best Possible Taste! | 0:03:18 | 0:03:22 | |
ECHOING MURMURS | 0:03:26 | 0:03:29 | |
So, you can get a cuppa in heaven. | 0:03:45 | 0:03:49 | |
This is the Royal Free Hampstead. | 0:03:49 | 0:03:52 | |
And you are very lucky. | 0:03:52 | 0:03:54 | |
To still be here? | 0:03:54 | 0:03:56 | |
Not to have caused lasting brain damage. | 0:03:58 | 0:04:01 | |
Who'd have noticed? | 0:04:01 | 0:04:03 | |
MUSIC: "Sleepy Lagoon" by Eric Coates | 0:04:10 | 0:04:15 | |
What are you doin' here, Cole? | 0:04:34 | 0:04:35 | |
Nothing. | 0:04:35 | 0:04:37 | |
Shouldn't you be practising for the school skipping competition? | 0:04:37 | 0:04:40 | |
Or pickin' out a new dress for the Gang Show? | 0:04:40 | 0:04:43 | |
Let's play a game. | 0:04:43 | 0:04:44 | |
I don't like games. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:46 | |
Not since they used me as a cricket stump. | 0:04:46 | 0:04:49 | |
No, no this one's a belter - "Let's mash the weed." | 0:04:49 | 0:04:52 | |
-And I'm the masher. -Can't I be? | 0:04:52 | 0:04:55 | |
You couldn't mash a bowl of peas! | 0:04:55 | 0:04:56 | |
-How did I get to this? -You're gay. | 0:04:59 | 0:05:02 | |
You know, I hate that word. | 0:05:02 | 0:05:05 | |
Well... | 0:05:05 | 0:05:06 | |
..it's better than the ones you grew up with. | 0:05:08 | 0:05:10 | |
"Gay" applies to paper doilies and Juliet balconies. | 0:05:10 | 0:05:17 | |
And Kenny Everett. | 0:05:17 | 0:05:18 | |
Do you know? | 0:05:18 | 0:05:20 | |
You worry the whole world's going to tumble your big secret | 0:05:20 | 0:05:22 | |
and you can't even come to terms with it, yourself. | 0:05:22 | 0:05:24 | |
MUSIC: "At The End Of The Day" | 0:05:24 | 0:05:26 | |
# At the end of the day | 0:05:26 | 0:05:29 | |
# Just kneel and say... # | 0:05:30 | 0:05:34 | |
RADIO STATIC | 0:05:34 | 0:05:37 | |
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT | 0:05:37 | 0:05:40 | |
Well, I can see the gas lamps flickering in Portland Place, | 0:05:40 | 0:05:43 | |
signalling that it's time for us to part company for the evening. | 0:05:43 | 0:05:46 | |
And we do so with a simply spiffing platter - | 0:05:46 | 0:05:50 | |
Freddie And The Dreamers. | 0:05:50 | 0:05:52 | |
CUES "I'm telling you now" by Freddie And The Dreamers | 0:05:52 | 0:05:54 | |
And I'm telling you | 0:05:54 | 0:05:55 | |
that this request goes out to Tom and Lily Cole | 0:05:55 | 0:05:59 | |
of 14, Hereford Road, Seaforth, | 0:05:59 | 0:06:01 | |
from your super son Maurice | 0:06:01 | 0:06:03 | |
who promises to mow the lawn with nail-scissors | 0:06:03 | 0:06:06 | |
if you'd bung him five English nicker | 0:06:06 | 0:06:08 | |
towards a new tape recorder. | 0:06:08 | 0:06:11 | |
Oh, and he also says, "Ta very much." | 0:06:11 | 0:06:14 | |
It's now eight o'clock. | 0:06:14 | 0:06:16 | |
CLOCK CHIMES | 0:06:16 | 0:06:19 | |
"Ta very much"? | 0:06:19 | 0:06:21 | |
"Five English nicker"? | 0:06:21 | 0:06:24 | |
That sounds like... | 0:06:25 | 0:06:27 | |
Where's our clock? | 0:06:27 | 0:06:28 | |
MUSIC: "Louie, Louie" by The Kingsmen | 0:06:28 | 0:06:32 | |
Unbeknownst to the evil Treens, | 0:06:37 | 0:06:40 | |
Dan Dare silently hatches his brilliant escape plan. | 0:06:40 | 0:06:44 | |
Piercing the darkness, | 0:06:46 | 0:06:48 | |
shattering the cosmopolis like a sonic laser beam, | 0:06:48 | 0:06:52 | |
young Captain Cole beams though deep space | 0:06:52 | 0:06:54 | |
to the far-flung reaches of the galaxy | 0:06:54 | 0:06:57 | |
in search of new adventures. | 0:06:57 | 0:06:59 | |
Calm down, Lily. It's only a telegram! | 0:07:20 | 0:07:22 | |
Yeah, and we all know what telegrams mean. | 0:07:22 | 0:07:23 | |
It's addressed to our Maurice. | 0:07:23 | 0:07:25 | |
He doesn't know anyone who could die! | 0:07:25 | 0:07:27 | |
It's actually from someone called "Death"! | 0:07:27 | 0:07:29 | |
De'Ath. Wilfred De'Ath. | 0:07:29 | 0:07:32 | |
I got his name from Practical Wireless | 0:07:32 | 0:07:33 | |
and sent in one of my shows! | 0:07:33 | 0:07:35 | |
-Sent in? -Sent in where? | 0:07:35 | 0:07:37 | |
The B-B-bloody-C. | 0:07:39 | 0:07:41 | |
Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, B-B-C! | 0:07:41 | 0:07:48 | |
He says, "Tape good. Come to London for an interview"! | 0:07:48 | 0:07:53 | |
Maurice! | 0:07:53 | 0:07:55 | |
Mate! That's amazing, son. | 0:07:55 | 0:08:00 | |
-I can't believe it! -Fantastic! | 0:08:00 | 0:08:02 | |
MUSIC: "Hallelujah Chorus" by Handel | 0:08:02 | 0:08:07 | |
The Land Of June Whitfield! | 0:08:13 | 0:08:14 | |
This way, sir. | 0:08:19 | 0:08:20 | |
Remember, ladies and germs, three out of seven doctors recommend | 0:08:20 | 0:08:23 | |
you flush out the ear wax | 0:08:23 | 0:08:25 | |
with "The Maurice Cole Quarter Of An Hour" - | 0:08:25 | 0:08:27 | |
a sight for sore ears, and nowhere near as pricey as Anadin! | 0:08:27 | 0:08:33 | |
-And you really glued all this together in your bedroom? -Yeah. | 0:08:33 | 0:08:39 | |
Something skew-whiff, old boy? | 0:08:39 | 0:08:40 | |
Your carpets actually stretch from one wall to the other. | 0:08:40 | 0:08:44 | |
Is that bad? | 0:08:44 | 0:08:46 | |
Back home, it's illegal! | 0:08:46 | 0:08:47 | |
You are a find. Snifter? | 0:08:49 | 0:08:52 | |
Rule One - | 0:08:53 | 0:08:56 | |
everyone drinks G&Ts at the BBC. The seat of our vitality. | 0:08:56 | 0:09:01 | |
Ice and a slice? | 0:09:01 | 0:09:02 | |
I will say your name. | 0:09:05 | 0:09:06 | |
A carefully selected gramophone record will begin to play. | 0:09:06 | 0:09:09 | |
'Oh, I've brought my own records, actually - Lulu,' | 0:09:09 | 0:09:12 | |
The Rolling Stones, and I think... | 0:09:12 | 0:09:13 | |
A light of shimmering emerald will be your signal | 0:09:13 | 0:09:16 | |
to read the script in front of you. | 0:09:16 | 0:09:20 | |
Couldn't I not just make it up, you know, as I pootle along? | 0:09:20 | 0:09:24 | |
We do not "pootle" on the Home Service. | 0:09:24 | 0:09:28 | |
Absolute still and quiet, please. | 0:09:30 | 0:09:32 | |
We are rolling. | 0:09:32 | 0:09:35 | |
Maurice Cole audition. | 0:09:35 | 0:09:37 | |
Standing by... | 0:09:37 | 0:09:39 | |
and... | 0:09:39 | 0:09:41 | |
HE CUES "The Happy Wanderer" | 0:09:41 | 0:09:45 | |
Waving their hats to all they meet, | 0:09:47 | 0:09:51 | |
the Ober...Ob...Obernkir...chen Children's Choir... | 0:09:51 | 0:09:59 | |
with "The Happy Wanderer" - | 0:09:59 | 0:10:02 | |
a peppy performance on the Parlophone label | 0:10:02 | 0:10:05 | |
that hitchhiked its jolly way | 0:10:05 | 0:10:08 | |
to the penultimate position in the Pop's Parade ten years ago. | 0:10:08 | 0:10:13 | |
This is terrible. | 0:10:13 | 0:10:15 | |
Stop tape! | 0:10:15 | 0:10:16 | |
Young man, once your light goes green, | 0:10:18 | 0:10:20 | |
you will proceed unless instructed otherwise. | 0:10:20 | 0:10:23 | |
It's just that... "Pop's Parade". | 0:10:24 | 0:10:28 | |
Who writes this rubbish? | 0:10:28 | 0:10:31 | |
I did. | 0:10:32 | 0:10:34 | |
It's good. I like the... | 0:10:38 | 0:10:42 | |
Mam could find me a job in a sweet shop. | 0:10:42 | 0:10:45 | |
Dad could always teach me how to drive his tug, I suppose. | 0:10:47 | 0:10:53 | |
Me dad drives a tugboat up and down the Mersey. | 0:10:53 | 0:10:57 | |
Of course, that's it? | 0:11:01 | 0:11:02 | |
That's what? | 0:11:02 | 0:11:03 | |
The way forward, Tugboat. | 0:11:03 | 0:11:06 | |
FOG HORN BLOWS | 0:11:06 | 0:11:08 | |
# It's smooth sailing | 0:11:08 | 0:11:10 | |
# With the highly successful sound | 0:11:10 | 0:11:14 | |
# Of wonderful Radio London | 0:11:14 | 0:11:19 | |
"Dead Rat And Diesel" by Yardley. Top note of Seaweed. | 0:11:19 | 0:11:23 | |
Lovely shade of rust. | 0:11:24 | 0:11:27 | |
Well, it was a minesweeper, love, not the fucking Queen Mary. | 0:11:27 | 0:11:31 | |
Studio One. | 0:11:31 | 0:11:32 | |
And before you ask, there is no Studio Two. | 0:11:35 | 0:11:41 | |
It's so poky. | 0:11:41 | 0:11:44 | |
Just you and ten million listeners. | 0:11:44 | 0:11:47 | |
Is this legal? | 0:11:47 | 0:11:48 | |
Nothing is, twelve miles off-shore, according to the Postmaster General. | 0:11:48 | 0:11:52 | |
But...I won't tell him if you won't. | 0:11:52 | 0:11:54 | |
'Look - the transparent cooking wrap | 0:11:59 | 0:12:01 | |
'that let's you see when the meat's been overcooked.' | 0:12:01 | 0:12:05 | |
-Ears burning? -Not any more. | 0:12:16 | 0:12:19 | |
Been chatting with the other jocks. | 0:12:19 | 0:12:22 | |
And we all think you look like a Kenny. | 0:12:22 | 0:12:25 | |
Can't I look like a Maurice? | 0:12:25 | 0:12:27 | |
If you want Wedgie-Benn to find you and have you boiled in oil. | 0:12:27 | 0:12:30 | |
I used to be lowly Anthony Withers. | 0:12:30 | 0:12:32 | |
Tony Windsor be my pirate name, now, Jim lad'. | 0:12:32 | 0:12:35 | |
Ooh! | 0:12:35 | 0:12:37 | |
So, Kenny "what"? | 0:12:37 | 0:12:40 | |
And you have to make up your mind by Christmas Eve. | 0:12:40 | 0:12:42 | |
"Drink-drive fatalities soar over the festive season"? | 0:12:54 | 0:12:59 | |
HQ wants us to start with it. | 0:12:59 | 0:13:01 | |
Hello. It's the Kenny Everett Show. | 0:13:01 | 0:13:03 | |
We here at Wonderful Radio London | 0:13:03 | 0:13:06 | |
have a very serious Yuletide announcement to make. | 0:13:06 | 0:13:09 | |
Tonight, before you drive home from that Christmas party, | 0:13:12 | 0:13:17 | |
I want you to get drunk. | 0:13:17 | 0:13:18 | |
Yes, forget about all this "don't drink and drive" stuff. | 0:13:18 | 0:13:23 | |
I want you to get very, very drunk. So drunk, in fact, | 0:13:23 | 0:13:26 | |
that you'll be completely incapable of even finding the keys to your car! | 0:13:26 | 0:13:30 | |
# So Christmas time is here again The snow is deep outside | 0:13:30 | 0:13:36 | |
# Enjoy your turkey scraps and pud But please don't drink and drive. # | 0:13:36 | 0:13:42 | |
A star is born. | 0:13:42 | 0:13:44 | |
On the one hand, Everett - shy and retiring, and on the other... | 0:13:44 | 0:13:50 | |
Radio London's "Big Noise of '65"! | 0:13:50 | 0:13:54 | |
All right, creeps? | 0:13:54 | 0:13:56 | |
Now that is not music to cuddly Ken's lugholes. | 0:13:56 | 0:14:00 | |
I mean, just as he's plain sailing, he launches his own torpedo. | 0:14:00 | 0:14:04 | |
So, I did want to have a, erm, quiet word. | 0:14:04 | 0:14:09 | |
How quiet? | 0:14:11 | 0:14:12 | |
There's a new spot. Head Office want you to feature. | 0:14:12 | 0:14:16 | |
You're our new star. This is a fifty grand contract. | 0:14:18 | 0:14:23 | |
It's a perfect fit. | 0:14:23 | 0:14:24 | |
"The Worldwide Church Of God"? | 0:14:26 | 0:14:28 | |
I already gave. | 0:14:28 | 0:14:30 | |
Three years in a seminary, even more as a choirboy. | 0:14:30 | 0:14:33 | |
We need their dosh to stay afloat. | 0:14:33 | 0:14:36 | |
My listeners need Stevie Wonder, not VD or the Venerable Bede. | 0:14:36 | 0:14:40 | |
Just spin the tapes, go have a lie-down, | 0:14:40 | 0:14:43 | |
pop back later. | 0:14:43 | 0:14:45 | |
Play the fucking "Ring Cycle" for all I care. | 0:14:45 | 0:14:47 | |
'And now, "The Plain Truth About The World Tomorrow", | 0:14:47 | 0:14:52 | |
'with me, your host, Garner Ted Armstrong.' | 0:14:52 | 0:14:56 | |
Here she comes, not looking a day over 72 | 0:14:56 | 0:15:00 | |
in a fetching ivory gown and paste tiara. | 0:15:00 | 0:15:04 | |
'Assassinations, war, nuclear annihilation.' | 0:15:04 | 0:15:07 | |
CUES EXPLOSION | 0:15:07 | 0:15:08 | |
Eh, turned out nice again, Vicar. | 0:15:08 | 0:15:10 | |
'Something rumbles deep inside young sinners | 0:15:13 | 0:15:16 | |
'and they grow desperate for relief.' | 0:15:16 | 0:15:19 | |
He's not wrong. | 0:15:19 | 0:15:20 | |
Altogether now... | 0:15:20 | 0:15:21 | |
CUES FALLING SCREAM AND PASSING WIND | 0:15:21 | 0:15:23 | |
'There. You all feel better? Lord knows, I know I do.' | 0:15:23 | 0:15:26 | |
I do, too! | 0:15:26 | 0:15:28 | |
'Well, looks like this pirate's about to walk the plank... | 0:15:28 | 0:15:30 | |
-'That's all, folks.' -Kenny! | 0:15:30 | 0:15:33 | |
# Woke up this mornin' feelin' fine | 0:15:40 | 0:15:43 | |
# There's somethin' special on my mind | 0:15:43 | 0:15:46 | |
# Last night I met a new boy | 0:15:46 | 0:15:49 | |
# In the neighbourhood | 0:15:49 | 0:15:51 | |
# Something tells me I'm in for something good | 0:15:54 | 0:15:58 | |
# Something tells me I'm in for something good | 0:15:58 | 0:16:01 | |
# He's the kinda guy he's not too shy | 0:16:01 | 0:16:04 | |
# In fact, I'm sure he's my kinda guy | 0:16:04 | 0:16:08 | |
# He danced very slow down to me like I hoped he would | 0:16:08 | 0:16:13 | |
# Somethin' tells me I'm in for something good... # | 0:16:15 | 0:16:21 | |
If I'm that bad, how come Decca signed me? | 0:16:25 | 0:16:29 | |
I don't see the point. | 0:16:29 | 0:16:32 | |
What, in my singing? | 0:16:32 | 0:16:33 | |
In anything. I'm an outcast. | 0:16:33 | 0:16:37 | |
All right, well, in that case, | 0:16:37 | 0:16:39 | |
could I cast you out into my garden, please? | 0:16:39 | 0:16:41 | |
-Unto the wilderness, once again! -Yeah. | 0:16:41 | 0:16:44 | |
This rug cost me a mint, mate, | 0:16:44 | 0:16:46 | |
and I don't want it ruined by some vomiting stick insect. | 0:16:46 | 0:16:49 | |
Bad vibes. | 0:16:49 | 0:16:52 | |
Bad acid. | 0:16:52 | 0:16:54 | |
Fine DJ! | 0:16:55 | 0:16:58 | |
You scramble your brains - | 0:16:58 | 0:17:01 | |
I'm going to scramble some eggs for me and Lulu. | 0:17:01 | 0:17:04 | |
# It's all too beautiful... # | 0:17:09 | 0:17:14 | |
MUSIC: "Colours" by Donovan | 0:17:18 | 0:17:20 | |
# Yellow is the colour of my true love's hair | 0:17:29 | 0:17:33 | |
# In the morning when we rise | 0:17:33 | 0:17:38 | |
# In the morning when we rise | 0:17:38 | 0:17:42 | |
# That's the time, that's the time | 0:17:42 | 0:17:47 | |
# I love her best... # | 0:17:47 | 0:17:49 | |
You and I need to talk. | 0:17:49 | 0:17:51 | |
Er, do we? | 0:17:51 | 0:17:53 | |
The results came back from the clinic. | 0:17:54 | 0:17:57 | |
We should both attend. | 0:17:57 | 0:17:58 | |
He had to go. That cologne! | 0:18:02 | 0:18:05 | |
You have absolutely no right. | 0:18:05 | 0:18:06 | |
And the eyebrows... | 0:18:06 | 0:18:08 | |
-Only after one thing. -Yeah. And I would've helped him find it! | 0:18:08 | 0:18:13 | |
Great. | 0:18:17 | 0:18:18 | |
-So sorry. -You're so rude! | 0:18:18 | 0:18:21 | |
I'm only really good in one-to-ones. | 0:18:21 | 0:18:23 | |
OK! | 0:18:24 | 0:18:26 | |
Prove it. | 0:18:26 | 0:18:29 | |
-Oh, er, um, sh... -So, do you just wreck everything that you come near? | 0:18:36 | 0:18:41 | |
You ought to be arrested! | 0:18:41 | 0:18:43 | |
Copper pulls me over the other day and he says, | 0:18:43 | 0:18:45 | |
"Where were you between four and six?" And I said, "Primary School!" | 0:18:45 | 0:18:48 | |
Unless there's a real Kenny Everett, you're wasting my time and yours. | 0:18:51 | 0:18:55 | |
Maurice James Christopher Cole. | 0:18:57 | 0:19:01 | |
I'll swap you for the real Lady Lee Dexter. | 0:19:01 | 0:19:06 | |
Audrey Valentine Middleton. | 0:19:06 | 0:19:10 | |
-Valentine? -Born February 14th. | 0:19:10 | 0:19:14 | |
December 25th. Middle initials JC. | 0:19:14 | 0:19:19 | |
Right, let's get you cleaned up. | 0:19:21 | 0:19:25 | |
Cupid's arrow hits. | 0:19:25 | 0:19:27 | |
But my radar detects issues regarding... | 0:19:27 | 0:19:31 | |
..intimacy. | 0:19:33 | 0:19:36 | |
So, Alan the footballer | 0:19:36 | 0:19:38 | |
went to Germany on his National Service, never to return. | 0:19:38 | 0:19:42 | |
And Billy the pop star? | 0:19:42 | 0:19:44 | |
"Mr Fury" having a girlfriend? | 0:19:44 | 0:19:46 | |
Oh, simply not done, never mind marrying her! | 0:19:46 | 0:19:50 | |
Oh, if only our hearts had brains, eh? | 0:19:50 | 0:19:54 | |
Anyway... | 0:19:56 | 0:19:59 | |
What about you? | 0:20:01 | 0:20:04 | |
Haven't had time. | 0:20:04 | 0:20:06 | |
Too busy being unemployed? | 0:20:08 | 0:20:12 | |
So, what are you going to do about it? | 0:20:12 | 0:20:14 | |
My love life? | 0:20:14 | 0:20:17 | |
Finding a new job. | 0:20:17 | 0:20:20 | |
Erm... | 0:20:20 | 0:20:22 | |
I guess I could try this new station over at the Beeb | 0:20:22 | 0:20:25 | |
that everyone's talking about | 0:20:25 | 0:20:27 | |
Oh, yeah, go for it! | 0:20:27 | 0:20:29 | |
Lennon reckons that's going to be the next big thing. | 0:20:29 | 0:20:31 | |
Yeah? Well, George reckons | 0:20:31 | 0:20:32 | |
they'll nick all their best ideas off the pirates. | 0:20:32 | 0:20:35 | |
Well, that's perfect for you. | 0:20:35 | 0:20:37 | |
Yes. No room on deck for a loose cannon, methinks. | 0:20:39 | 0:20:43 | |
Now that would depend on the size of his balls, wouldn't you say? | 0:20:44 | 0:20:49 | |
Hello, I'm looking for a Mr Kenny Everett, two T's. | 0:20:56 | 0:21:02 | |
-ON SPEAKER SYSTEM: -'Mr Kenny Everett | 0:21:03 | 0:21:05 | |
'to main reception.' | 0:21:05 | 0:21:06 | |
All this post has arrived for him but I can't find an extension. | 0:21:08 | 0:21:12 | |
Hush-hush. All tied up with this naughty new station of ours. | 0:21:12 | 0:21:16 | |
Radio 1. It's going to be huge. | 0:21:16 | 0:21:19 | |
I could take it down to him. | 0:21:19 | 0:21:21 | |
I mean, I'm sure I can track down "His Highness" somewhere. | 0:21:21 | 0:21:23 | |
-So long as it's no bother. -Oh, not at all. | 0:21:23 | 0:21:27 | |
-Studio's this way? -Along the corridor, down one level. | 0:21:27 | 0:21:30 | |
Why, thank you. | 0:21:30 | 0:21:32 | |
Charming man. | 0:21:32 | 0:21:34 | |
Yeah. Who is he? | 0:21:34 | 0:21:37 | |
MUSIC: Donovan | 0:21:37 | 0:21:40 | |
# Superman or Green Lantern ain't got | 0:21:44 | 0:21:47 | |
# A nothin' on me... # | 0:21:47 | 0:21:50 | |
JINGLE PLAYS | 0:21:51 | 0:21:53 | |
# 247 on your radio | 0:21:53 | 0:21:56 | |
# Music on your wireless | 0:21:56 | 0:21:58 | |
# Wherever you go | 0:21:58 | 0:21:59 | |
# Listen in the garden | 0:21:59 | 0:22:01 | |
# Listen on the move | 0:22:01 | 0:22:03 | |
# Lovely 247 | 0:22:03 | 0:22:04 | |
# Always keeps you in the groove. # | 0:22:04 | 0:22:08 | |
Your unauthorised use of BBC facilities to make illegal jingles | 0:22:08 | 0:22:14 | |
raises three very serious issues. | 0:22:14 | 0:22:16 | |
One - I shall have to remind them | 0:22:18 | 0:22:21 | |
that you left Radio London with an audience of fifteen million, | 0:22:21 | 0:22:24 | |
two - suggest they broadcast these illegal jingles of yours | 0:22:24 | 0:22:29 | |
to publicise our new station, | 0:22:29 | 0:22:31 | |
and three - have Contracts draw up terms between us immediately. | 0:22:31 | 0:22:36 | |
Snifter? | 0:22:36 | 0:22:38 | |
Amen Corner on 247, scrumptious Radio One! | 0:22:38 | 0:22:43 | |
And that's going out to the luscious Lady Lee | 0:22:43 | 0:22:45 | |
in freakishly fashionable Fulham. | 0:22:45 | 0:22:46 | |
Bend me, shape me, anyway you want me. | 0:22:46 | 0:22:49 | |
So, stick the kettle on, love, | 0:22:49 | 0:22:51 | |
and I'll be round in twenty minutes! Byeeeee! | 0:22:51 | 0:22:55 | |
Kenny Everett, | 0:22:55 | 0:22:58 | |
"Radio One's Golden Boy, has landed the plum Saturday morning spot | 0:22:58 | 0:23:02 | |
"and The Beatles are leading the in-crowd | 0:23:02 | 0:23:05 | |
"of pop people praising him." | 0:23:05 | 0:23:07 | |
Oooooh, impressive. | 0:23:07 | 0:23:11 | |
Impressive? You want "impressive"? | 0:23:11 | 0:23:14 | |
Always. | 0:23:14 | 0:23:15 | |
I'll show you impressive... | 0:23:15 | 0:23:18 | |
Open your hands and shut yer eyeballs! | 0:23:18 | 0:23:21 | |
HE IMITATES FANFARE | 0:23:26 | 0:23:28 | |
Oh, hello! | 0:23:28 | 0:23:30 | |
A little thank you for sprouting up from the latrine of my life. | 0:23:30 | 0:23:33 | |
Let's take him on romantic weekends in Venice, | 0:23:33 | 0:23:36 | |
shelter him from horrors and let him do whatever | 0:23:36 | 0:23:39 | |
his flowery heart so desires. | 0:23:39 | 0:23:41 | |
Are we talking about Mr Sunflower, here, or Mr Everett? | 0:23:41 | 0:23:44 | |
Hello? What was that for? | 0:23:49 | 0:23:52 | |
You're nice. | 0:23:54 | 0:23:55 | |
Oh, good. | 0:23:55 | 0:23:57 | |
You like me too, yeah? | 0:23:57 | 0:24:00 | |
Yeah, of course I do. | 0:24:00 | 0:24:04 | |
I'm just... | 0:24:04 | 0:24:06 | |
I'm a bit confused. | 0:24:06 | 0:24:08 | |
Why? | 0:24:10 | 0:24:11 | |
Fellas. | 0:24:11 | 0:24:12 | |
You prefer fellas. | 0:24:12 | 0:24:14 | |
I'm not normal. | 0:24:17 | 0:24:19 | |
Well, then most of my friends are "not normal". | 0:24:19 | 0:24:23 | |
You don't seem that bothered. | 0:24:24 | 0:24:26 | |
I'm not. | 0:24:26 | 0:24:28 | |
Men aren't built for men. | 0:24:28 | 0:24:30 | |
-It's a mortal sin. -Is it? | 0:24:30 | 0:24:32 | |
In the eyes of the universe. | 0:24:33 | 0:24:35 | |
Well, then we must construct our own universe. | 0:24:35 | 0:24:39 | |
We have to, us aliens, or face being wiped out. Come on. | 0:24:39 | 0:24:42 | |
MUSIC: "Afterglow Of Your Love" by the Small Faces | 0:24:44 | 0:24:48 | |
# Love is all around me everywhere | 0:24:48 | 0:24:54 | |
# Love has come to touch my soul | 0:24:54 | 0:24:59 | |
# With someone who really cares | 0:24:59 | 0:25:04 | |
# No-one can deny us | 0:25:06 | 0:25:08 | |
# People who once passed me by | 0:25:10 | 0:25:12 | |
# Will turn their heads round | 0:25:12 | 0:25:15 | |
# I'm happy just to be with you | 0:25:15 | 0:25:20 | |
# And loving you the way I do... # | 0:25:20 | 0:25:24 | |
MUSIC: "Albatross" by Fleetwood Mac | 0:25:24 | 0:25:26 | |
-So, that's that, then. -What? | 0:25:26 | 0:25:29 | |
Marriage?! | 0:25:36 | 0:25:38 | |
You horse, me carriage. | 0:25:38 | 0:25:40 | |
If that's a joke, it isn't very funny. | 0:25:40 | 0:25:44 | |
I've never been more serious in my life. | 0:25:44 | 0:25:47 | |
Come on, let's rivet ourselves together against the normals, | 0:25:47 | 0:25:50 | |
conquering everything the fickle finger of fate pokes our way. | 0:25:50 | 0:25:53 | |
Oh, Ev. Where would we even start? | 0:25:53 | 0:25:56 | |
Piddly stuff. Knitting. | 0:25:56 | 0:25:59 | |
There are slightly bigger issues here | 0:25:59 | 0:26:01 | |
than perfecting your Inverness Diamond. | 0:26:01 | 0:26:05 | |
You've inhabited me. | 0:26:05 | 0:26:07 | |
Beside me, there's this pulsating lump like a polar bear | 0:26:07 | 0:26:11 | |
trying to chomp its way out. | 0:26:11 | 0:26:14 | |
Before you, I wouldn't have let anyone get even close. | 0:26:14 | 0:26:18 | |
I never saw myself as anything more significant than a pea, | 0:26:18 | 0:26:22 | |
trying to take up as little space as possible, | 0:26:22 | 0:26:26 | |
I loofah'd away another layer of skin | 0:26:26 | 0:26:29 | |
or clipped my fingernails really close, | 0:26:29 | 0:26:32 | |
plucked another eyebrow. | 0:26:32 | 0:26:33 | |
Then there'd be even less of me to give away. | 0:26:33 | 0:26:37 | |
But now I want to be more for you, | 0:26:37 | 0:26:41 | |
-I want to give you more. -But marriage! | 0:26:41 | 0:26:44 | |
It's such a massive step. | 0:26:44 | 0:26:46 | |
So, let's be massive. | 0:26:46 | 0:26:48 | |
You know, swinging nuptials, the grooviest love nest. | 0:26:48 | 0:26:51 | |
A line of baby Everetts. | 0:26:51 | 0:26:53 | |
-Ev... -Don't stop me. I'm on a roll. | 0:26:53 | 0:26:55 | |
No, come on, now. | 0:26:55 | 0:26:57 | |
Is marrying a woman what you really want? | 0:26:57 | 0:26:59 | |
You worried that I might not be man enough for you? | 0:26:59 | 0:27:04 | |
I'm worried I might not be "woman enough" for you, actually. | 0:27:04 | 0:27:08 | |
I lost a baby a couple of years ago. | 0:27:10 | 0:27:13 | |
I can't have any "baby Everetts". | 0:27:14 | 0:27:16 | |
Another thing to add to the list of my failures. | 0:27:20 | 0:27:23 | |
-Well, that's that, then. -What? | 0:27:23 | 0:27:26 | |
You'll just have to have me, instead. | 0:27:28 | 0:27:32 | |
I do solemnly declare that I know of no lawful impediment why I... | 0:27:36 | 0:27:40 | |
There's speed in the punch. | 0:27:43 | 0:27:45 | |
Oh, for... Do you mind, folks? | 0:27:45 | 0:27:48 | |
I'm trying to turn this bloke into an upright citizen! | 0:27:48 | 0:27:52 | |
Carry on, dear. | 0:27:52 | 0:27:54 | |
I know of no lawful impediment why I, Kenny Everett... | 0:27:54 | 0:27:57 | |
I do! | 0:27:57 | 0:27:59 | |
It's not legal! My son's name is Maurice Cole! | 0:27:59 | 0:28:03 | |
I changed it by deed poll! | 0:28:03 | 0:28:05 | |
I can't believe you didn't tell her. | 0:28:05 | 0:28:07 | |
I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride. | 0:28:07 | 0:28:11 | |
CHEERING | 0:28:19 | 0:28:20 | |
MOANING | 0:28:26 | 0:28:28 | |
What, am I not doing it right? | 0:28:36 | 0:28:38 | |
No. | 0:28:38 | 0:28:39 | |
Am I being too fumbly? Not handling things correctly? | 0:28:39 | 0:28:44 | |
No! Yeah, you are. It's just the stubble. | 0:28:44 | 0:28:50 | |
I can shave, if you want. | 0:28:50 | 0:28:53 | |
I don't want. | 0:28:54 | 0:28:57 | |
-You like it? -Yeah. I love it. | 0:28:57 | 0:29:00 | |
HE ROARS | 0:29:03 | 0:29:05 | |
"He that hath a beard is more than youth, | 0:29:06 | 0:29:10 | |
"but he that hath no beard is less than a man." | 0:29:10 | 0:29:13 | |
That's William Shakespeare, that is. | 0:29:13 | 0:29:15 | |
One fact remains - Everett's razor, much like his beard, | 0:29:15 | 0:29:20 | |
shall never leave its mug again. | 0:29:20 | 0:29:22 | |
Right. I was going to spin you Zager and Evans, then. | 0:29:25 | 0:29:28 | |
In fact, here it is... | 0:29:28 | 0:29:31 | |
However, due to some crummy arrangement | 0:29:31 | 0:29:35 | |
with our crusty old pals at the Musicians' Union, | 0:29:35 | 0:29:38 | |
apparently a third of my show | 0:29:38 | 0:29:41 | |
must consist of songs recorded specifically for it. | 0:29:41 | 0:29:44 | |
So, unless I want to spend the night in Wormwood Scrubs, | 0:29:44 | 0:29:48 | |
here is In The Year 2525 played by... | 0:29:48 | 0:29:54 | |
The Northern Dance Orchestra. | 0:29:54 | 0:29:57 | |
Oh, God! They sound abysmal. | 0:29:57 | 0:29:59 | |
Worse - they sound like the Northern Dance Orchestra! | 0:29:59 | 0:30:02 | |
CUES string arrangement for "In The Year 2525." | 0:30:02 | 0:30:07 | |
I'm sorry, I can't do it. You're just too valuable, kind listeners. | 0:30:10 | 0:30:15 | |
Just don't tell anyone, OK? | 0:30:15 | 0:30:18 | |
CUES Original version of "In The Year 2525" by Zager And Evans | 0:30:20 | 0:30:23 | |
# In the year 2525... # | 0:30:23 | 0:30:27 | |
Imaginative, daring, inventive. | 0:30:27 | 0:30:31 | |
And yet, unremittingly disrespectful towards authority. | 0:30:31 | 0:30:35 | |
Nice one, Ken. I like it. | 0:30:35 | 0:30:38 | |
Ooh! A written warning. | 0:30:38 | 0:30:40 | |
I'll frame it and stick it in my smallest room. | 0:30:40 | 0:30:44 | |
Maurice... Ken, if you don't start toeing the line, | 0:30:44 | 0:30:48 | |
they'll be forced to pre-record your shows. | 0:30:48 | 0:30:51 | |
-They wouldn't dare. -It's a point of contract. | 0:30:51 | 0:30:53 | |
Expurgation! | 0:30:53 | 0:30:54 | |
Editorial guidelines. | 0:30:54 | 0:30:57 | |
You should know them! | 0:30:57 | 0:30:59 | |
-"Shit"? -Er...fifteenth. | 0:30:59 | 0:31:01 | |
Correct. "Cocksucker"? | 0:31:01 | 0:31:06 | |
Top ten, I'd say. Eighth? | 0:31:06 | 0:31:10 | |
Ninth. 22% consider it "very severe". | 0:31:10 | 0:31:14 | |
I thought you never used any of these words! | 0:31:14 | 0:31:16 | |
And I never would. | 0:31:16 | 0:31:18 | |
Wow! Have you seen what's last? | 0:31:18 | 0:31:21 | |
"God". | 0:31:21 | 0:31:22 | |
Yeah. | 0:31:22 | 0:31:24 | |
40% think he's a profanity. | 0:31:24 | 0:31:27 | |
"Off-colour material must be avoided | 0:31:27 | 0:31:29 | |
"and humorous items always presented | 0:31:29 | 0:31:32 | |
"in the best possible taste." | 0:31:32 | 0:31:34 | |
Gosh! They're like some old maiden aunt, waiting to rap your knuckles. | 0:31:34 | 0:31:38 | |
Well, if you will goad Auntie. | 0:31:38 | 0:31:41 | |
She started it! | 0:31:41 | 0:31:42 | |
Bollocks. | 0:31:42 | 0:31:44 | |
Quite. | 0:31:46 | 0:31:48 | |
'And, finally, Mrs Mary Peyton, wife of the Transport Minister, | 0:31:48 | 0:31:51 | |
'has passed her advanced driving test first time. | 0:31:51 | 0:31:53 | |
'She'd been driving for more than 30 years | 0:31:53 | 0:31:55 | |
'but said she was spurred on to take the test | 0:31:55 | 0:31:57 | |
'following her husband's appointment.' | 0:31:57 | 0:31:59 | |
She only passed cos she crammed a fiver in the examiner's hand. | 0:31:59 | 0:32:02 | |
I know these people. | 0:32:02 | 0:32:06 | |
# Lovely 247 always keeps you in the groove. # | 0:32:06 | 0:32:10 | |
Right, here's a tune especially for you, Mrs P! | 0:32:10 | 0:32:15 | |
CUES "Gimme Dat Ding" by the Pipkins | 0:32:15 | 0:32:17 | |
# That's right, I'm sad and blue | 0:32:17 | 0:32:19 | |
# Cos I can't do the Boogaloo | 0:32:19 | 0:32:20 | |
# I'm lost, I'm lost Can't do my thing... # | 0:32:20 | 0:32:23 | |
How does it feel to get sacked for offending the Transport Minister? | 0:32:23 | 0:32:27 | |
Oh, you know! You can't imagine! | 0:32:27 | 0:32:29 | |
Have you spoken to Tony Blackburn? | 0:32:29 | 0:32:31 | |
I never speak to Tony Blackburn! | 0:32:31 | 0:32:33 | |
THEY LAUGH | 0:32:33 | 0:32:35 | |
I think you like getting the sack, don't you? | 0:32:35 | 0:32:38 | |
I mean, you knew what was going to happen, didn't you? | 0:32:38 | 0:32:41 | |
Most of us would kill for the chance like what you've been given. | 0:32:42 | 0:32:46 | |
Let's have some bubbles! | 0:32:49 | 0:32:51 | |
You can't run away from yourself, though, eh, Maurice? | 0:32:51 | 0:32:54 | |
I just can't help myself. | 0:32:57 | 0:32:59 | |
Yeah, why do you think that is? | 0:32:59 | 0:33:02 | |
Once, when I was a kid on the dunes, | 0:33:04 | 0:33:09 | |
I spent hours building this sandcastle - | 0:33:11 | 0:33:14 | |
turrets and a moat, lolly-stick flagpoles. | 0:33:14 | 0:33:19 | |
And then as soon as me Aunt Sadie came over oohing and aahing over it, | 0:33:19 | 0:33:26 | |
I felt this delicious, overpowering urge just rip through me. | 0:33:26 | 0:33:32 | |
And I kicked it down! | 0:33:34 | 0:33:36 | |
Control? | 0:33:37 | 0:33:39 | |
If I can't be allowed to do what I want - nay - what I NEED to do - | 0:33:39 | 0:33:44 | |
then I'm off! | 0:33:44 | 0:33:46 | |
Good! Can we come too? | 0:33:46 | 0:33:49 | |
Welcome to Wales. | 0:34:01 | 0:34:03 | |
I fetched up the rest of the stuff on the tractor. | 0:34:04 | 0:34:06 | |
Stick it in the barn thingy. | 0:34:06 | 0:34:09 | |
Oh, no, there's a bloody great Hereford in there. | 0:34:09 | 0:34:11 | |
Climb a ladder, can he? | 0:34:11 | 0:34:13 | |
What he's trying to say is, would you put it in the hayloft, | 0:34:13 | 0:34:15 | |
please, Iolo. | 0:34:15 | 0:34:17 | |
Anything for you, darling. | 0:34:17 | 0:34:18 | |
It's for me, actually. | 0:34:18 | 0:34:21 | |
What's in it all, anyway? Weighs a bloody ton. | 0:34:21 | 0:34:24 | |
You haven't seen the half of it yet. | 0:34:24 | 0:34:26 | |
Chuck another dog on, love, I'm freezing. | 0:34:28 | 0:34:32 | |
Insanity rules at Croydon's premier carpet superstore! | 0:34:46 | 0:34:50 | |
Yes, folks, a wacky 20% week. | 0:34:50 | 0:34:52 | |
COW MOOS | 0:34:52 | 0:34:54 | |
HE SIGHS | 0:34:54 | 0:34:56 | |
Next time you listen to the wireless, | 0:34:56 | 0:34:58 | |
you'll appreciate how much work goes into it. | 0:34:58 | 0:35:00 | |
That ain't the radio, though, is it? Being played in a shop... | 0:35:00 | 0:35:05 | |
A superstore, branches all throughout the Southeast. | 0:35:05 | 0:35:08 | |
Can't you get on the telly? | 0:35:08 | 0:35:10 | |
It's a miracle I can get on anywhere. | 0:35:10 | 0:35:13 | |
Since getting the push, you mean? | 0:35:13 | 0:35:16 | |
Well, you sure say it like it is, don't ya? | 0:35:16 | 0:35:18 | |
No bullshit, that's your lot! | 0:35:18 | 0:35:21 | |
I would have kept my head down. Played the game. | 0:35:21 | 0:35:25 | |
Yes, I've never been very good at being pushed around. | 0:35:25 | 0:35:28 | |
Every time it happens, I just push back harder. | 0:35:28 | 0:35:33 | |
And now, | 0:35:33 | 0:35:36 | |
I'd better get back to pushing axminsters. | 0:35:36 | 0:35:39 | |
Yes, folks, a wacky 20% off wool-blend weaves plus loony... | 0:35:44 | 0:35:48 | |
Fuuuuuuck! | 0:35:48 | 0:35:50 | |
Time to start cleaning up our act, eh, Boozie? | 0:35:50 | 0:35:53 | |
What do you and Iolo chat about? | 0:36:47 | 0:36:50 | |
Mucking out, mainly. | 0:36:50 | 0:36:53 | |
Whilst dancing the Nutcracker? | 0:36:53 | 0:36:56 | |
I gave him my last tab. | 0:36:56 | 0:36:59 | |
Oh, Ev. | 0:36:59 | 0:37:01 | |
He was curious. | 0:37:01 | 0:37:04 | |
He wouldn't be curious about anything else, would he? | 0:37:05 | 0:37:08 | |
Wales' straightest man?! | 0:37:08 | 0:37:10 | |
Coming here had to be better than sitting about stoned | 0:37:19 | 0:37:22 | |
or waiting for the phone to ring, didn't it? | 0:37:22 | 0:37:24 | |
But, you know, if it's not enough, | 0:37:27 | 0:37:32 | |
if there are things you want outside that window, | 0:37:32 | 0:37:35 | |
even if you think they are going to pull you away from me, you just say. | 0:37:35 | 0:37:41 | |
Yeah? | 0:37:41 | 0:37:42 | |
I'm Sheffield Steel, remember? | 0:37:45 | 0:37:49 | |
And before you can say | 0:38:01 | 0:38:02 | |
"Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndro bwllllantysiliogogogoch", | 0:38:02 | 0:38:06 | |
two years in the love factory | 0:38:06 | 0:38:08 | |
on Planet Cow-dung have simply whizzed by! | 0:38:08 | 0:38:10 | |
Ev! Ev! What are you doing? | 0:38:21 | 0:38:25 | |
You running away again? | 0:38:27 | 0:38:29 | |
Running towards. | 0:38:29 | 0:38:32 | |
I've had an epiphany. | 0:38:32 | 0:38:34 | |
And a phone call from London. | 0:38:34 | 0:38:36 | |
Oh, no... | 0:38:36 | 0:38:39 | |
Some bloke called Attleborough. Dead posh, he was. | 0:38:39 | 0:38:42 | |
We don't belong here anymore. | 0:38:42 | 0:38:44 | |
"We"? | 0:38:44 | 0:38:45 | |
Me! You're right, OK? I've grown too comfortable. | 0:38:45 | 0:38:48 | |
I can't give my best, unless I'm going out live. | 0:38:48 | 0:38:51 | |
I miss the edge, the buzz of knowing that I am talking to someone | 0:38:51 | 0:38:54 | |
right on the other side of that microphone. | 0:38:54 | 0:38:56 | |
Someone sharing that moment with me. | 0:38:56 | 0:38:59 | |
And what about me? And this place? | 0:39:00 | 0:39:03 | |
I'll buy you another. | 0:39:03 | 0:39:06 | |
Well, I like it here. | 0:39:06 | 0:39:08 | |
I love it here. The peace... | 0:39:08 | 0:39:11 | |
Is that what your manual teaches you, is it? | 0:39:11 | 0:39:14 | |
Bringing up 18 horses and turning your back on civilisation? | 0:39:14 | 0:39:17 | |
It is twaddle. | 0:39:17 | 0:39:19 | |
Off we go, then. | 0:39:19 | 0:39:22 | |
-You reckon? -Show me one thing it's good for. | 0:39:22 | 0:39:25 | |
All right. | 0:39:28 | 0:39:29 | |
I can't do this without you. | 0:39:34 | 0:39:37 | |
I was worried our scouts might not be able to track you down, | 0:39:42 | 0:39:47 | |
Kenny, darling. | 0:39:47 | 0:39:48 | |
Oh, sorry, Dickie, darling, but I had make sure | 0:39:48 | 0:39:51 | |
"The Ministry of Saying No" couldn't catch up with me. | 0:39:51 | 0:39:53 | |
"Yes" tends to work better at Capital Radio, | 0:39:53 | 0:39:57 | |
my darling - to the original, to sticking our necks on the blocks. | 0:39:57 | 0:40:03 | |
Its Chairman beseeches you - Kenny, darling, | 0:40:03 | 0:40:08 | |
come and join us, talk to the city, | 0:40:08 | 0:40:12 | |
play the best records. | 0:40:12 | 0:40:13 | |
-As well as the worst? -Why not? | 0:40:13 | 0:40:16 | |
Cook us up some jingles, write your own scripts, | 0:40:16 | 0:40:21 | |
or - better still - don't write any! | 0:40:21 | 0:40:24 | |
And you'd trust me to go out live? | 0:40:24 | 0:40:27 | |
No censorship, my darling. | 0:40:27 | 0:40:30 | |
No "pinstripe princes". | 0:40:30 | 0:40:32 | |
No bleepy-poos? | 0:40:32 | 0:40:33 | |
-Not a single -BLEEP -...ing one! | 0:40:33 | 0:40:35 | |
Could I say "bum"? | 0:40:35 | 0:40:36 | |
Imagine it in stereo. | 0:40:36 | 0:40:38 | |
# Bum, bum, bum, bum. # | 0:40:39 | 0:40:41 | |
You could even have the company gaff in St John's Wood. | 0:40:41 | 0:40:45 | |
Lee'd like that. | 0:40:45 | 0:40:47 | |
Well, it all sounds too divine. | 0:40:47 | 0:40:50 | |
What would I have to rebel against? | 0:40:50 | 0:40:52 | |
Advancing mediocrity. | 0:40:52 | 0:40:55 | |
And you wouldn't give me the elbow? | 0:40:57 | 0:40:59 | |
Even if I was a little bit naughty? | 0:40:59 | 0:41:01 | |
Sadly not, no. | 0:41:01 | 0:41:04 | |
Dickie, darling, I've never been so insulted in my life! | 0:41:05 | 0:41:09 | |
Good. | 0:41:09 | 0:41:11 | |
Start on Monday? | 0:41:13 | 0:41:15 | |
ALARM CLOCK GOES OFF | 0:41:15 | 0:41:17 | |
MUSIC: "Virginia Plain" by Roxy Music | 0:41:20 | 0:41:23 | |
# ..and make it straight | 0:41:23 | 0:41:24 | |
# All signed and sealed | 0:41:24 | 0:41:26 | |
# I'll take it | 0:41:26 | 0:41:27 | |
# To Robert E Lee.. # | 0:41:27 | 0:41:30 | |
# Capital's the place to be | 0:41:30 | 0:41:32 | |
# The only radio station for me | 0:41:32 | 0:41:35 | |
# So twiddle your dial | 0:41:35 | 0:41:38 | |
# And come and join us now. # | 0:41:38 | 0:41:39 | |
I'd give my right arm to be able to harmonise like you. | 0:41:39 | 0:41:42 | |
Many a mis-spent moon warbling, | 0:41:42 | 0:41:46 | |
# Panis Angelicus. # | 0:41:46 | 0:41:48 | |
You know, I've never met a choirboy that can rewire a mixing-desk. | 0:41:48 | 0:41:52 | |
A legacy of one's fiddling years. | 0:41:52 | 0:41:54 | |
I don't really do anything now that I didn't do in my bedroom back home. | 0:41:54 | 0:41:58 | |
I'm just a kid that got old. | 0:41:58 | 0:42:00 | |
I can vouch for that. | 0:42:00 | 0:42:01 | |
Someone promised me lunch. | 0:42:01 | 0:42:03 | |
I'm on a double vodka. | 0:42:05 | 0:42:07 | |
I'm on a double yellow. | 0:42:07 | 0:42:09 | |
See you in the morning, Kenny. | 0:42:11 | 0:42:15 | |
Bright-tailed and bushy-eyed. | 0:42:15 | 0:42:17 | |
MUSIC: "20th Century Boy" by T Rex | 0:42:20 | 0:42:23 | |
# Friends say it's fine | 0:42:23 | 0:42:25 | |
# Friends say it's good | 0:42:25 | 0:42:27 | |
# Everybody says | 0:42:27 | 0:42:29 | |
# It's just like rock'n'roll... # | 0:42:29 | 0:42:30 | |
'And now, it's the nutty man the BBC tried to gag. | 0:42:34 | 0:42:39 | |
'It's the Kenny Everett show.' | 0:42:41 | 0:42:44 | |
Hello, you, this is me, and here's them, the nyungy 10cc. | 0:42:44 | 0:42:49 | |
Using you like spring lambs towards your grilled kippers. | 0:42:49 | 0:42:53 | |
CUES "I'm not in love" by 10cc | 0:42:53 | 0:42:55 | |
# I'm not in love | 0:42:55 | 0:42:58 | |
# So don't forget it | 0:42:58 | 0:43:00 | |
# It's just a silly phase I'm going through | 0:43:02 | 0:43:07 | |
# And just because | 0:43:09 | 0:43:12 | |
# I call you up | 0:43:12 | 0:43:15 | |
# Don't get me wrong | 0:43:15 | 0:43:18 | |
# Don't think you've got it made | 0:43:18 | 0:43:21 | |
# I'm not in love, no-no | 0:43:23 | 0:43:28 | |
# It's because | 0:43:28 | 0:43:36 | |
# I like to see you | 0:43:38 | 0:43:41 | |
# But then again | 0:43:41 | 0:43:43 | |
# That doesn't mean you mean that much to me... # | 0:43:44 | 0:43:49 | |
We're more like sisters, now, than husband and wife. | 0:43:50 | 0:43:53 | |
You're a chick and so am I. | 0:43:55 | 0:43:58 | |
# Don't tell your friends about the two of us | 0:43:59 | 0:44:04 | |
# I'm not in love, no-no | 0:44:07 | 0:44:10 | |
# It's because... # | 0:44:12 | 0:44:16 | |
I love you, but I fancy Burt Reynolds. | 0:44:16 | 0:44:23 | |
New breakfast jingle recording, take one. | 0:44:42 | 0:44:46 | |
# Oh, Lord on high please hear my prayer | 0:44:58 | 0:45:02 | |
# Watch over me whilst I'm on air | 0:45:02 | 0:45:06 | |
# Protecteth me from daft mistakes | 0:45:06 | 0:45:09 | |
# And keep me schtum in advert breaks. # | 0:45:09 | 0:45:12 | |
Ev. | 0:45:14 | 0:45:16 | |
Join the party, come in, come in, come in... | 0:45:16 | 0:45:19 | |
I am the man. | 0:45:21 | 0:45:25 | |
Do you ever sleep? | 0:45:26 | 0:45:29 | |
No, no. Busy, busy. | 0:45:29 | 0:45:31 | |
Pluggers to bribe, jingles to crochet. | 0:45:31 | 0:45:35 | |
The show is in six hours! | 0:45:35 | 0:45:37 | |
Which is why those lovely angels send down | 0:45:37 | 0:45:41 | |
"Sleepy-Bye-Bye Pills". | 0:45:41 | 0:45:44 | |
Will your wife not be worried? | 0:45:44 | 0:45:46 | |
No, she's all tucked up, early start in the morning. | 0:45:46 | 0:45:49 | |
She going away? | 0:45:49 | 0:45:51 | |
Chercher-ing "le country pile". | 0:45:51 | 0:45:53 | |
I get the "big smoke", | 0:45:53 | 0:45:57 | |
she gets to disappear up the A40 in search of goats and milk churns. | 0:45:57 | 0:46:03 | |
When is she back? | 0:46:05 | 0:46:07 | |
Course, this is what cuddly Ken wanted to happen but instead... | 0:46:15 | 0:46:19 | |
he now comes up with a whopping great porky pie. | 0:46:19 | 0:46:22 | |
At which we should have a butcher's. | 0:46:22 | 0:46:25 | |
..goats and milk churns. | 0:46:27 | 0:46:30 | |
You know, when we first met, she surrounded me until I caved in. | 0:46:32 | 0:46:40 | |
She's always trying to change me. | 0:46:42 | 0:46:45 | |
Sticking me up some Welsh mountain. | 0:46:45 | 0:46:49 | |
Forced me to churn out garbage, when I should have been here, | 0:46:49 | 0:46:53 | |
back in the saddle and now as soon as I am... | 0:46:53 | 0:46:55 | |
whoosh, she abandons me. | 0:46:55 | 0:47:00 | |
Leaves me all alone, | 0:47:00 | 0:47:02 | |
she disappears off in search of all this mumbo-jumbo. | 0:47:02 | 0:47:07 | |
The only thing I care about | 0:47:08 | 0:47:11 | |
is keeping you and I as far away from her as possible. | 0:47:11 | 0:47:15 | |
Ev...Ev...what are you doing? | 0:47:15 | 0:47:21 | |
Can't you see? | 0:47:21 | 0:47:23 | |
The signals. | 0:47:23 | 0:47:27 | |
It's you I love now. | 0:47:27 | 0:47:29 | |
What the fuck are you doing? What do you take me for? | 0:47:32 | 0:47:35 | |
You seem to have forgotten it was you who came after me! | 0:47:53 | 0:47:57 | |
And I don't need to be a medium to know that "mumbo-jumbo" | 0:47:57 | 0:48:00 | |
is going to be part of my life a lot longer than you will! | 0:48:00 | 0:48:03 | |
-Lee, I'm... -Do you know what it feels like being betrayed? | 0:48:03 | 0:48:06 | |
And I mean by someone who you thought really loved you. | 0:48:06 | 0:48:10 | |
You swung an axe into me, Ev. | 0:48:13 | 0:48:15 | |
Right. | 0:48:22 | 0:48:24 | |
Well, I've gone along with this pantomime as long as I can. | 0:48:24 | 0:48:28 | |
But I won't be cast as the Wicked Witch. | 0:48:30 | 0:48:34 | |
Lee... | 0:48:35 | 0:48:37 | |
Lee! | 0:48:37 | 0:48:39 | |
MUSIC: "Speak to me" and "Breath" by Pink Floyd | 0:48:48 | 0:48:53 | |
I always knew you'd end up in a place like this. | 0:49:08 | 0:49:12 | |
Is it all right if I smoke in here? | 0:49:12 | 0:49:14 | |
Oh, God, you're such a downer! | 0:49:14 | 0:49:17 | |
Where's that doctor? he was cute. | 0:49:17 | 0:49:19 | |
I just want to be happy and jolly. | 0:49:20 | 0:49:23 | |
And you will be, once you stop chasing after straight men. | 0:49:23 | 0:49:27 | |
Take me with you to the Cotswolds. | 0:49:27 | 0:49:30 | |
No. | 0:49:32 | 0:49:33 | |
No, you'll be bored within five minutes. | 0:49:33 | 0:49:36 | |
Please! | 0:49:36 | 0:49:37 | |
HITS TUNING FORK | 0:49:42 | 0:49:45 | |
Sh! Sh! | 0:49:48 | 0:49:50 | |
HE SNORES | 0:49:50 | 0:49:52 | |
-Ev! -Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. | 0:49:52 | 0:49:55 | |
Sorry. This music's just making me want to wee! | 0:49:59 | 0:50:03 | |
I'm having a whale of a time. | 0:50:03 | 0:50:07 | |
Oh, don't, you'll get me blubbering. | 0:50:07 | 0:50:08 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:50:08 | 0:50:09 | |
Oh, no, shh, I like this bit. It's my favourite bit. | 0:50:09 | 0:50:13 | |
Oooooh! | 0:50:13 | 0:50:16 | |
Concentrate, concentrate! | 0:50:16 | 0:50:19 | |
Everything all right? | 0:50:38 | 0:50:40 | |
Yeah. Do you like your room? | 0:50:40 | 0:50:43 | |
Yeah, it's nice. | 0:50:43 | 0:50:45 | |
Are you sure you don't mind the single bed? | 0:50:45 | 0:50:47 | |
No. | 0:50:47 | 0:50:49 | |
Cos it's all right, you know, | 0:50:49 | 0:50:51 | |
if you ever feel the need... to come in here with me. | 0:50:51 | 0:50:56 | |
Just let me get better. | 0:50:57 | 0:50:59 | |
Yeah. Here you are. | 0:51:01 | 0:51:04 | |
Night. | 0:51:07 | 0:51:09 | |
Night. | 0:51:09 | 0:51:11 | |
I grabbed my putrid stench ray. | 0:51:15 | 0:51:16 | |
The stench was putrid but Ray didn't mind. | 0:51:16 | 0:51:19 | |
He grabbed his. It was a stand-off. | 0:51:19 | 0:51:23 | |
-Kill! Kill! -You having fun? | 0:51:23 | 0:51:26 | |
My new space-serial, "Captain Kremmen of the Star Corps"! | 0:51:30 | 0:51:34 | |
An intergalactic superhero - tall, rugged, good with weaponry... | 0:51:34 | 0:51:38 | |
Everything I wished I could have been for you, basically. | 0:51:38 | 0:51:42 | |
Erm, that's my hairdryer. | 0:51:42 | 0:51:45 | |
Your Putron Stench Ray, actually. | 0:51:45 | 0:51:49 | |
Oh. And that's not our whisk, then? | 0:51:49 | 0:51:51 | |
Brain marmaliser. Works a treat on aliens. | 0:51:51 | 0:51:55 | |
You've got a funny way of convalescing, Ev. | 0:51:55 | 0:51:59 | |
I'm fine if I'm working. | 0:51:59 | 0:52:01 | |
The doctor said that you need | 0:52:01 | 0:52:02 | |
to try and find happiness elsewhere, though, didn't he? | 0:52:02 | 0:52:06 | |
I am happy. With you, I can take on the world. | 0:52:06 | 0:52:10 | |
I'd better get on with saving the universe. | 0:52:13 | 0:52:17 | |
Thanks for the tea. | 0:52:20 | 0:52:22 | |
Still behaving yourself? | 0:52:24 | 0:52:26 | |
-Ssh. Don't tell anyone. -Sleeping better? | 0:52:26 | 0:52:28 | |
Look, no pills! | 0:52:28 | 0:52:30 | |
Flushed down the khazi with all the rest of the sewage. | 0:52:30 | 0:52:33 | |
We're all so happy to have you back, Ken. | 0:52:33 | 0:52:36 | |
Thanks for keeping my chair warm for me. | 0:52:36 | 0:52:38 | |
Now, listen to me, darling. | 0:52:38 | 0:52:41 | |
London, and Lee, | 0:52:41 | 0:52:45 | |
needs Kenny at his cuddly best! | 0:52:45 | 0:52:47 | |
No more overdoing things, | 0:52:47 | 0:52:50 | |
and lots of early nights, all right? | 0:52:50 | 0:52:54 | |
Lee! Lee! | 0:52:56 | 0:52:57 | |
Ah, you're awake... | 0:52:57 | 0:53:00 | |
Yeah, why wouldn't I be at three in the morning? | 0:53:00 | 0:53:04 | |
-Where have you been? -Witnessing history. | 0:53:04 | 0:53:07 | |
You'll be history if you don't unplug! | 0:53:07 | 0:53:09 | |
You know me and running around. | 0:53:09 | 0:53:11 | |
You're supposed to be finding inner peace, Ev. | 0:53:11 | 0:53:14 | |
You're going to flip when you hear what I've found. | 0:53:14 | 0:53:17 | |
A pressie from the band, on pain of death | 0:53:17 | 0:53:19 | |
I wouldn't play it on air. | 0:53:19 | 0:53:21 | |
Five minutes, 56 seconds? | 0:53:21 | 0:53:24 | |
-Fred asked me if I thought it was too long. -Who's Fred? | 0:53:24 | 0:53:28 | |
The lead singer. | 0:53:28 | 0:53:30 | |
Told him it could be half an hour long. | 0:53:30 | 0:53:33 | |
It's going to be number one for yonkerettes. | 0:53:33 | 0:53:35 | |
MUSIC: "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen | 0:53:35 | 0:53:37 | |
# And leave me to die | 0:53:37 | 0:53:38 | |
# Oh, baby | 0:53:38 | 0:53:42 | |
# Can't do this to me, baby | 0:53:42 | 0:53:45 | |
# Just got to get out | 0:53:45 | 0:53:47 | |
# Just got to get right out of here... # | 0:53:47 | 0:53:50 | |
That's the 14th time I've played this | 0:53:50 | 0:53:52 | |
and the phone is still trilling off the hook, you insatiable fiends! | 0:53:52 | 0:53:55 | |
What do you say we kidnap Lord EMI and scrungle his sticky-outy bits | 0:53:55 | 0:53:59 | |
until he agrees to release Bohemian Rhapsody as a single. | 0:53:59 | 0:54:03 | |
You, me, Queen know it makes sense! | 0:54:03 | 0:54:07 | |
# Ooh, ooh | 0:54:07 | 0:54:12 | |
# Ooh, yeah Ooh, yeah | 0:54:12 | 0:54:16 | |
# Nothing really matters | 0:54:24 | 0:54:28 | |
# Anyone can see | 0:54:28 | 0:54:31 | |
# Nothing really matters | 0:54:31 | 0:54:35 | |
# Nothing really matters to me... # | 0:54:35 | 0:54:42 | |
Hello and welcome to tonight's Kenny Everett... | 0:54:54 | 0:54:58 | |
Sorry, Kenny, not quite there. | 0:54:58 | 0:55:00 | |
What wasn't? | 0:55:00 | 0:55:02 | |
-You wandered out of shot again. -I didn't, did I? | 0:55:02 | 0:55:05 | |
Come back, Hughie Green, all is forgiven. | 0:55:05 | 0:55:07 | |
Pick it up, Kenny. | 0:55:07 | 0:55:10 | |
WHISPERS: Hello. | 0:55:10 | 0:55:13 | |
Hello, and welcome to tonight's Kenny Everett Video Show, | 0:55:15 | 0:55:19 | |
starring Kenny Everett as himself! | 0:55:19 | 0:55:21 | |
Tonight, we will be... | 0:55:21 | 0:55:22 | |
Hold it! Ken, you're not quite hitting your mark. | 0:55:22 | 0:55:25 | |
My what? | 0:55:25 | 0:55:27 | |
If you come too far forward, you'll go soft. | 0:55:27 | 0:55:29 | |
I bet you say that to all the boys! | 0:55:29 | 0:55:32 | |
OK, we're still rolling. And in your own time... | 0:55:32 | 0:55:36 | |
Look, the powers-that-be did give me a script. In fact, here it is. | 0:55:45 | 0:55:50 | |
But I'm rubbish at learning lines, so... | 0:55:50 | 0:55:54 | |
You're not meant to see this bit, | 0:55:56 | 0:55:57 | |
but I'm supposed to stand here like a little garden gnome. | 0:55:57 | 0:56:01 | |
Yes, folks - the actual gaffer tape used by Benny Hill just last week! | 0:56:01 | 0:56:06 | |
These are the production values, the levels of professionalism | 0:56:06 | 0:56:11 | |
and creative thinking behind the shambles replacing | 0:56:11 | 0:56:13 | |
Opportunity Knocks every Monday night! | 0:56:13 | 0:56:16 | |
I can only apologise | 0:56:16 | 0:56:17 | |
to Mrs Mary Hinge from Sutton Coldfield, | 0:56:17 | 0:56:21 | |
and here to assuage your disenchantment, dear lady, | 0:56:21 | 0:56:26 | |
may I present to you... | 0:56:26 | 0:56:27 | |
the Boomtown Rats! | 0:56:27 | 0:56:32 | |
I thought we were supposed to be recording a music show? | 0:56:33 | 0:56:36 | |
That was brilliant. Right! Moving on, everyone... | 0:56:36 | 0:56:39 | |
A most unlikely TV star is created. | 0:56:39 | 0:56:43 | |
Everett's televisual potpourri goes on to triumph in 20 countries. | 0:56:43 | 0:56:48 | |
And attracting millions more adoring aficionados. | 0:56:48 | 0:56:52 | |
Monday nights will never be the same again. | 0:56:52 | 0:56:55 | |
I bet you don't eve know what "medium" means. | 0:56:55 | 0:56:58 | |
Somewhere between "small" and "large"? | 0:56:58 | 0:57:00 | |
Wrong. It means "antenna". | 0:57:00 | 0:57:03 | |
Who'd have thunked it? The two of us in broadcasting! | 0:57:03 | 0:57:07 | |
You're not too far wide of the mark, there, actually. | 0:57:07 | 0:57:10 | |
Except you transmit and I am a receiver. | 0:57:10 | 0:57:13 | |
Picking up signals from the spirit! | 0:57:13 | 0:57:17 | |
Very good. You are learning. | 0:57:17 | 0:57:20 | |
Yep, they've told me it's going to take a couple of years | 0:57:20 | 0:57:23 | |
but I'm determined to develop this gift that they've told me I've got, | 0:57:23 | 0:57:27 | |
and then share it with anyone who needs it. | 0:57:27 | 0:57:30 | |
-Like a professional? -Like a natural. | 0:57:30 | 0:57:34 | |
-I'm so proud of you. -Now he tells me! | 0:57:34 | 0:57:38 | |
So, what about you? Come on, Mr Big TV Star. | 0:57:38 | 0:57:41 | |
Ridiculous, given these legs! | 0:57:41 | 0:57:43 | |
-Oh, give over. -I don't like looking at myself in a mirror. | 0:57:43 | 0:57:46 | |
It's a miracle the viewers don't feel the same. | 0:57:46 | 0:57:49 | |
Erm, she's the Virgin Mary. | 0:57:51 | 0:57:53 | |
And he's the one with the face for radio. | 0:57:53 | 0:57:56 | |
Thank you. | 0:57:57 | 0:57:59 | |
To you! | 0:58:03 | 0:58:05 | |
No, to you. | 0:58:07 | 0:58:09 | |
Hello, you friends of Dorothy out there. | 0:58:09 | 0:58:14 | |
Sidney Aloysius Snot, 'ere. | 0:58:14 | 0:58:17 | |
Introducing to you a very special day | 0:58:17 | 0:58:19 | |
in the social calendar of this great nation of ours. | 0:58:19 | 0:58:23 | |
As you know, upcoming is the British Eurovision Violence Contest | 0:58:23 | 0:58:29 | |
and 'ere, Ladies and Gentleman, allow me to introduce to you | 0:58:29 | 0:58:33 | |
the British contender in said contest, | 0:58:33 | 0:58:36 | |
Freddie - Good start - Mercury! | 0:58:36 | 0:58:39 | |
Ladies and Gentlemen. | 0:58:39 | 0:58:42 | |
Do your stuff, Fred! | 0:58:42 | 0:58:44 | |
The Kenny Everett Video Show! | 0:58:48 | 0:58:51 | |
From now on, Treasure, | 0:58:51 | 0:58:53 | |
you'll require endless primping. | 0:58:53 | 0:58:56 | |
The finest nosh and plonk... Thank you. | 0:58:56 | 0:58:59 | |
..shits and giggles, frequent nibbling, | 0:58:59 | 0:59:02 | |
constant draining, | 0:59:02 | 0:59:03 | |
and it still won't be enough. | 0:59:03 | 0:59:05 | |
If only our acolytes shared our pain. | 0:59:05 | 0:59:08 | |
Ev? Would you like us to leave? | 0:59:11 | 0:59:13 | |
Me and Freddie. | 0:59:13 | 0:59:14 | |
So you and your friend can be on your own? | 0:59:14 | 0:59:18 | |
He was just being attentive. | 0:59:21 | 0:59:22 | |
You don't say! | 0:59:22 | 0:59:24 | |
-Bloody good service, I thought. -Please! I'm gagging on my risotto. | 0:59:25 | 0:59:28 | |
Courage, mon brave. At least this one's a poof. | 0:59:28 | 0:59:32 | |
One small step for Everett... | 0:59:32 | 0:59:35 | |
And how would Lady Lee feel about a giant leap? | 0:59:35 | 0:59:39 | |
If you love someone, set them free. | 0:59:41 | 0:59:44 | |
Jonathan Livingston Seagull. | 0:59:45 | 0:59:47 | |
I gave Mary a copy when we started dating. | 0:59:47 | 0:59:51 | |
You've never told me how...Mary... | 0:59:51 | 0:59:54 | |
How? She cottoned on? | 0:59:54 | 0:59:56 | |
Well, we'd been together for six years. | 0:59:56 | 0:59:59 | |
I told her that I thought I might have been bisexual. | 0:59:59 | 1:00:02 | |
But she assured me I was gay. | 1:00:02 | 1:00:05 | |
Lee won't stop loving you, Kenny. | 1:00:09 | 1:00:12 | |
Excuse me, waiter? Sorry! | 1:00:12 | 1:00:15 | |
Sorry. | 1:00:15 | 1:00:16 | |
My husband has a question for you. | 1:00:16 | 1:00:19 | |
Could I see the dessert trolley? | 1:00:22 | 1:00:24 | |
Could he buy you a drink? | 1:00:24 | 1:00:26 | |
We're all going dancing. | 1:00:26 | 1:00:29 | |
Bring your sequined slippers. | 1:00:29 | 1:00:30 | |
Sure, why not? | 1:00:30 | 1:00:33 | |
That'd be nice. | 1:00:33 | 1:00:35 | |
Congratulations, Kenny. | 1:00:37 | 1:00:40 | |
Your wife just pulled your first boyfriend. | 1:00:40 | 1:00:42 | |
MUSIC: "Good Times" by Chic. | 1:00:42 | 1:00:44 | |
# These are the good times | 1:00:44 | 1:00:47 | |
# Leave your cares behind | 1:00:49 | 1:00:52 | |
# These are the good times | 1:00:54 | 1:00:56 | |
# Good times | 1:00:59 | 1:01:01 | |
# These are the good times | 1:01:02 | 1:01:05 | |
# Our new state of mind | 1:01:06 | 1:01:09 | |
# These are the good times... # | 1:01:10 | 1:01:14 | |
GLASS SMASHES | 1:01:17 | 1:01:18 | |
All right, all right! | 1:01:18 | 1:01:20 | |
I met him at a party. And we've had a few drinks since. | 1:01:20 | 1:01:24 | |
-How many drinks? -Just one or two. | 1:01:24 | 1:01:25 | |
He's going through a very, very painful divorce. | 1:01:25 | 1:01:28 | |
That old conker! | 1:01:28 | 1:01:29 | |
Well, at least he's honest. | 1:01:29 | 1:01:31 | |
An actor?! Not even that - an extra from Z-Cars! | 1:01:32 | 1:01:36 | |
It's The Sweeney, actually. And John is a main character! | 1:01:36 | 1:01:40 | |
"John is a main..." | 1:01:40 | 1:01:41 | |
You just hate the fact that I feel other people's pain | 1:01:41 | 1:01:44 | |
and I want to help them find a way out from it. | 1:01:44 | 1:01:46 | |
-Not the point. -Well, then, what is the point? | 1:01:46 | 1:01:49 | |
He's a bloke! | 1:01:49 | 1:01:50 | |
Isn't yours? | 1:01:54 | 1:01:55 | |
It's not the same. | 1:01:58 | 1:01:59 | |
So, you can meet new men, | 1:02:04 | 1:02:07 | |
but I can't? | 1:02:07 | 1:02:09 | |
Is that what you're saying to me? | 1:02:09 | 1:02:11 | |
You know what? You can clean up your own mess. | 1:02:20 | 1:02:23 | |
So, what can I get you? | 1:02:35 | 1:02:39 | |
Ooh! | 1:02:40 | 1:02:41 | |
CLICKS TONGUE | 1:02:43 | 1:02:47 | |
Ah! Dom Perignon. | 1:02:50 | 1:02:53 | |
Ev! | 1:02:53 | 1:02:54 | |
No, he's right. | 1:02:54 | 1:02:56 | |
This is a cause for celebration. | 1:02:56 | 1:03:00 | |
Me rescuing you from him. | 1:03:00 | 1:03:02 | |
Worth a bottle of DP in anyone's book, | 1:03:02 | 1:03:04 | |
don't you reckon? Be right back. | 1:03:04 | 1:03:06 | |
Dying to experience the priceless Everett wit | 1:03:06 | 1:03:09 | |
I've heard so much about. | 1:03:09 | 1:03:10 | |
Have an olive. | 1:03:10 | 1:03:12 | |
Well, I was going to ask him his prospects. | 1:03:19 | 1:03:21 | |
Trying not to punch you in the nose! | 1:03:23 | 1:03:25 | |
Well, I'm sure I can help him with that. | 1:03:29 | 1:03:32 | |
-Five minutes, Kenny. -Thanks. | 1:03:38 | 1:03:41 | |
Ecoutez et repetez - | 1:03:41 | 1:03:44 | |
Lee and Kenny are over. | 1:03:44 | 1:03:48 | |
Lee and Kenny are over. | 1:03:48 | 1:03:51 | |
And Kenny must move on. | 1:03:51 | 1:03:54 | |
Even though she found me my new flat? | 1:03:57 | 1:03:58 | |
And I still pay her to cook my dinners? | 1:03:58 | 1:04:00 | |
She grants me unlimited access to her Indesit Automatic! | 1:04:00 | 1:04:02 | |
And helps me fend off the press... | 1:04:02 | 1:04:04 | |
Sh! | 1:04:04 | 1:04:06 | |
She and John reckon I'll only find a true happiness | 1:04:06 | 1:04:09 | |
until I've spilt the beans. | 1:04:09 | 1:04:12 | |
Those of us in regal circles prefer "coming out", my dear. | 1:04:12 | 1:04:15 | |
Oh! The very thought! | 1:04:15 | 1:04:17 | |
OK. | 1:04:17 | 1:04:19 | |
Start with your family. | 1:04:19 | 1:04:21 | |
Like I said - stop hiding. | 1:04:23 | 1:04:26 | |
Ooh! | 1:04:26 | 1:04:28 | |
You bloody poof! | 1:04:28 | 1:04:30 | |
How many? | 1:04:30 | 1:04:32 | |
15 million, at the last count. | 1:04:33 | 1:04:35 | |
Imagine that, Tom. 15 million people watching our Maurice. | 1:04:35 | 1:04:39 | |
And we got a complaint from Mary Whitehouse. | 1:04:40 | 1:04:43 | |
How fantastic is that? | 1:04:43 | 1:04:44 | |
Things couldn't be going any better. | 1:04:48 | 1:04:50 | |
So, how did you two become friends? | 1:04:55 | 1:04:58 | |
Lee introduced us. | 1:05:01 | 1:05:04 | |
-Where is Lee? -Isn't she joining us? | 1:05:04 | 1:05:07 | |
How should I know? | 1:05:08 | 1:05:10 | |
She's your wife. | 1:05:10 | 1:05:13 | |
Not any more. | 1:05:16 | 1:05:19 | |
A married man? | 1:05:27 | 1:05:29 | |
My nan will be gutted. | 1:05:29 | 1:05:31 | |
And him sharing his birthday with the baby Jesus! | 1:05:32 | 1:05:36 | |
If it makes him happy, why not? | 1:05:36 | 1:05:38 | |
Meals on heels! | 1:05:41 | 1:05:44 | |
Right. Chilli con carne, Lobster bisque, Lancashire hotpot... | 1:05:44 | 1:05:50 | |
Big night ahead? | 1:05:50 | 1:05:51 | |
Catching "Deer Hunter". | 1:05:51 | 1:05:53 | |
Yeah, and then din-dins at Peppermint Park. | 1:05:53 | 1:05:55 | |
-How much? -Ten quid, plus an extra fiver for the lobster. | 1:05:55 | 1:06:00 | |
I meant for the Yeti. | 1:06:00 | 1:06:01 | |
None of your bloody business. | 1:06:01 | 1:06:03 | |
Twelve hundred? | 1:06:03 | 1:06:06 | |
Sixteen. | 1:06:06 | 1:06:07 | |
And her - the animal-lover! | 1:06:07 | 1:06:09 | |
Don't get sanctimonious on me! | 1:06:10 | 1:06:12 | |
Sixteen hundred would vanish up your nose in a week! | 1:06:12 | 1:06:14 | |
This'll still be keeping me warm in thirty years. | 1:06:14 | 1:06:18 | |
Well, I hope you'll both be very happy together. | 1:06:18 | 1:06:21 | |
You cannot bear the idea of me making it on my own, can you? | 1:06:21 | 1:06:24 | |
That my little world can revolve without you at its centre. | 1:06:24 | 1:06:29 | |
Well, it did, it can, and it bloody well does! | 1:06:29 | 1:06:32 | |
Ev? | 1:06:36 | 1:06:37 | |
What is up with you, Ev? | 1:06:41 | 1:06:43 | |
Philip and I don't laugh like you and I used to. | 1:06:45 | 1:06:47 | |
Oh, for crying out loud. | 1:06:47 | 1:06:49 | |
I feel straighter now than I was before! | 1:06:49 | 1:06:51 | |
You're doing it again - | 1:06:51 | 1:06:52 | |
you're kyboshing things once they start going well for you. | 1:06:52 | 1:06:55 | |
I just feels like I've gained a nice, sensible boyfriend | 1:06:55 | 1:06:59 | |
and I've lost... | 1:06:59 | 1:07:01 | |
A what? Mother? | 1:07:01 | 1:07:03 | |
Sister? Psychiatric nurse? Addiction counsellor? | 1:07:03 | 1:07:06 | |
-Press officer? Nod when you think I've hit the nail on the head. -You. | 1:07:06 | 1:07:10 | |
There are so many wonderful things happening for me - John, | 1:07:13 | 1:07:19 | |
my counselling work and... | 1:07:19 | 1:07:21 | |
I want to share all that with you, but I... | 1:07:21 | 1:07:23 | |
..I can't be a life-line to you any more. | 1:07:25 | 1:07:27 | |
If we're going to remain friends, | 1:07:29 | 1:07:30 | |
I think we need to cut it - officially. | 1:07:30 | 1:07:34 | |
We're soul mates. | 1:07:35 | 1:07:38 | |
Just got our sexes wrong, eh? | 1:07:39 | 1:07:42 | |
So, I told my boyfriend last night | 1:07:58 | 1:08:00 | |
that I could count the number of guys I'd dated on one hand. | 1:08:00 | 1:08:03 | |
And he says, "Cupid, put down that calculator!" | 1:08:03 | 1:08:07 | |
I tell him he's got to be more communicative. | 1:08:08 | 1:08:11 | |
He points to his crotch replying, | 1:08:11 | 1:08:13 | |
"Honey, I do all my talkin' with this". | 1:08:13 | 1:08:15 | |
Well, I take one look and I tell him, | 1:08:15 | 1:08:18 | |
"You really don't have much to say, do you, Cowboy?" | 1:08:18 | 1:08:21 | |
What the hey! Men are like sticks of gum. | 1:08:21 | 1:08:24 | |
Spit one out, and start chewing on another. | 1:08:24 | 1:08:26 | |
Not that I'm a floosie, or nothing. | 1:08:26 | 1:08:28 | |
I'm Cupid Stunt, major Hollywood B-movie starlet | 1:08:28 | 1:08:31 | |
doing everything she can to get given her head. | 1:08:31 | 1:08:34 | |
And I'm telling you, Michael, | 1:08:34 | 1:08:36 | |
everything I do is always done in the best possible taste! | 1:08:36 | 1:08:39 | |
So, have we thought any more about our little chat? | 1:08:42 | 1:08:47 | |
The right moment never seems to come. | 1:08:47 | 1:08:50 | |
Trust me, it will. | 1:08:50 | 1:08:52 | |
When? | 1:08:52 | 1:08:54 | |
Well, once you find the appropriate platform. | 1:08:54 | 1:08:58 | |
Yours? | 1:08:58 | 1:09:00 | |
The NME. Told them I was "as gay as a daffodil". | 1:09:00 | 1:09:04 | |
A month later, Queen had their first top-ten hit. | 1:09:04 | 1:09:08 | |
Actually, there might be something coming up. | 1:09:08 | 1:09:13 | |
Michael Winner's asked me to play Wembley. | 1:09:13 | 1:09:16 | |
ON PA: "Rule Brittania" | 1:09:20 | 1:09:24 | |
Ken, Ken, Ken. Look, there's nothing to worry about. | 1:09:24 | 1:09:28 | |
I'm having second thoughts. | 1:09:28 | 1:09:30 | |
Have you seen that podium? Monkhouse, Tarby, Ted Rogers... | 1:09:30 | 1:09:34 | |
Talk about raising your game! | 1:09:34 | 1:09:36 | |
I think I'm gong to raise my lunch! | 1:09:36 | 1:09:38 | |
We're all delighted you've agreed to help us out. | 1:09:38 | 1:09:40 | |
It's a shrewd career move. | 1:09:40 | 1:09:44 | |
As I tell every great star I direct - | 1:09:44 | 1:09:47 | |
"We've got a script. Let's stick to it!" | 1:09:47 | 1:09:52 | |
Sing out, Louise! | 1:09:52 | 1:09:54 | |
Just rattle through your night and try not to bump into Norman Tebbit. | 1:10:01 | 1:10:04 | |
Good afternoon. | 1:10:09 | 1:10:10 | |
It's a great pleasure, Ladies and Gentlemen, | 1:10:10 | 1:10:13 | |
to present one of this country's great political thinkers, | 1:10:13 | 1:10:17 | |
Mr Kenny Everett! | 1:10:17 | 1:10:19 | |
APPLAUSE | 1:10:19 | 1:10:24 | |
I'm not sure I am a Conservative. | 1:10:31 | 1:10:33 | |
THEY BOO | 1:10:33 | 1:10:35 | |
Sure, I was browned off with Labour when they scuppered the pirate ships, | 1:10:35 | 1:10:39 | |
detest Arthur Scargill and love having coppers in my piggy bank, | 1:10:39 | 1:10:42 | |
but if it's all right with you, I think I'll keep my options open. | 1:10:42 | 1:10:48 | |
However, there is one thing that I am absolutely certain of, | 1:10:48 | 1:10:55 | |
and I would love to share that with you today... | 1:10:55 | 1:10:58 | |
I... | 1:10:58 | 1:11:00 | |
am... | 1:11:00 | 1:11:02 | |
GAY! | 1:11:02 | 1:11:04 | |
Ah, don't you just love the smell of a fertile imagination? | 1:11:04 | 1:11:08 | |
Two words, darling, Kenny - "If" and "only". | 1:11:08 | 1:11:12 | |
Let's Bomb Russia! | 1:11:15 | 1:11:18 | |
THEY CHEER | 1:11:18 | 1:11:20 | |
Let's kick Michael Foot's stick away! | 1:11:20 | 1:11:22 | |
LOUDER CHEER | 1:11:22 | 1:11:24 | |
You know, I was chatting to Maggie the other day. | 1:11:26 | 1:11:29 | |
We were having one of our little teas, and I said to her, I said, | 1:11:29 | 1:11:32 | |
"Maggie, you're rolling that joint all wrong!" | 1:11:32 | 1:11:35 | |
I so wanted to use their "Nuremburg Rally" to come out. | 1:11:35 | 1:11:40 | |
You did. As a Tory. | 1:11:40 | 1:11:42 | |
It was a showbiz favour, not a Party Political Broadcast! | 1:11:42 | 1:11:47 | |
'Can I come over?' | 1:11:47 | 1:11:49 | |
Well, erm... | 1:11:50 | 1:11:53 | |
actually, John and I have got plans. | 1:11:53 | 1:11:56 | |
Quiet night in? | 1:11:56 | 1:11:57 | |
If you must know, it's supper with Elton and Renata. | 1:11:57 | 1:12:01 | |
Love's young dream? | 1:12:01 | 1:12:03 | |
Come on, snap yourself out of it! | 1:12:03 | 1:12:05 | |
Your right! | 1:12:07 | 1:12:10 | |
It's time Cuddly Ken pulled himself up by the bootstraps - | 1:12:10 | 1:12:14 | |
whatever they may be. | 1:12:14 | 1:12:16 | |
-It's time he took action! -And what might that be? | 1:12:16 | 1:12:20 | |
To begin with, more gin! | 1:12:20 | 1:12:24 | |
-Lagoons of it! -Then what? | 1:12:24 | 1:12:26 | |
To be continued... | 1:12:26 | 1:12:29 | |
Those Hacienda heart-throbs, New Order there, | 1:12:29 | 1:12:31 | |
rounding us up like an old sheepdog and pointing us in the direction | 1:12:31 | 1:12:36 | |
of Cuddly Ken's thought-ette of the day. | 1:12:36 | 1:12:40 | |
When England was a kingdom we had a king, | 1:12:40 | 1:12:43 | |
when we were an empire we had an emperor. | 1:12:43 | 1:12:47 | |
Now we're a country we have... Margaret Thatcher! | 1:12:47 | 1:12:52 | |
# Relax, don't do it | 1:12:55 | 1:12:58 | |
# When you want to, go do it | 1:12:58 | 1:13:00 | |
# Relax, don't do it | 1:13:00 | 1:13:02 | |
# When you want to come | 1:13:02 | 1:13:04 | |
# Relax, don't do it | 1:13:04 | 1:13:06 | |
# When you want to suck, do it | 1:13:06 | 1:13:08 | |
# Relax, don't do it | 1:13:08 | 1:13:12 | |
# When you want to come | 1:13:12 | 1:13:13 | |
# When you want to come | 1:13:16 | 1:13:18 | |
# Relax, don't do it... # | 1:13:21 | 1:13:23 | |
Come on, then, a toast. | 1:13:27 | 1:13:29 | |
Bottoms up... | 1:13:29 | 1:13:31 | |
FALSETTO: Tingle, tingle, tingle. | 1:13:31 | 1:13:34 | |
I'm so happy for you both. | 1:13:35 | 1:13:37 | |
Cheers. | 1:13:37 | 1:13:39 | |
And you will come, won't you? | 1:13:39 | 1:13:41 | |
If I can find a hat big enough. | 1:13:41 | 1:13:44 | |
So, when is the "royal wedding"? | 1:13:44 | 1:13:47 | |
Valentine's Day. | 1:13:49 | 1:13:50 | |
We wanted you to be the first to know. | 1:13:50 | 1:13:53 | |
We also thought the timing might help things. | 1:13:53 | 1:13:56 | |
"Things"? | 1:13:56 | 1:13:57 | |
Come on, now, Ev. When me and John get wed, | 1:13:57 | 1:14:00 | |
the press are going to make your life a misery. | 1:14:00 | 1:14:03 | |
-So, what else is new? -Hit them with a pre-emptive strike. | 1:14:03 | 1:14:06 | |
Yeah. How do you think your fans would feel if one of your mates | 1:14:06 | 1:14:08 | |
shopped you first and made himself a fortune in the bargain? | 1:14:08 | 1:14:12 | |
-They wouldn't. -How can you be so sure? | 1:14:12 | 1:14:15 | |
Because they're all my lovely friends! | 1:14:15 | 1:14:18 | |
Kenny, querido, everyone is asking for you. "Hi." | 1:14:18 | 1:14:21 | |
Hi. | 1:14:21 | 1:14:22 | |
They're playing our song, OK? Come dance. | 1:14:22 | 1:14:25 | |
Pepe. A friend of Nikolai's. | 1:14:26 | 1:14:29 | |
Oh, yeah, your Soviet soldier. | 1:14:29 | 1:14:33 | |
You're getting a new husband. Why can't I? | 1:14:33 | 1:14:36 | |
You can! That's what I want that for you, you know it is. | 1:14:36 | 1:14:39 | |
We just think there are better places to find one | 1:14:39 | 1:14:42 | |
than in a dark room. | 1:14:42 | 1:14:43 | |
Well, the mirror ball is calling, I better go and strut my stuff. | 1:14:48 | 1:14:51 | |
It's a dangerous game, Ev. | 1:14:51 | 1:14:54 | |
What? Dancing? | 1:14:54 | 1:14:57 | |
Russian Roulette. | 1:14:57 | 1:14:59 | |
Thanks for the bubbles, John! | 1:15:02 | 1:15:04 | |
MUSIC: "Freedom" (Acoustic Cover version) by Wham | 1:15:04 | 1:15:06 | |
# Every day I hear a different story | 1:15:14 | 1:15:19 | |
# People saying that you're no good for me | 1:15:20 | 1:15:25 | |
# Saw your lover with another | 1:15:25 | 1:15:29 | |
# And she's making a fool of you | 1:15:29 | 1:15:33 | |
# If you loved me, baby you'd deny it | 1:15:36 | 1:15:41 | |
# But you just laugh and tell me I should try it | 1:15:41 | 1:15:46 | |
# Tell me I'm a baby | 1:15:46 | 1:15:50 | |
# And I don't understand | 1:15:50 | 1:15:54 | |
# But you know that I'll forgive you | 1:15:56 | 1:16:02 | |
# Just once, or twice, for ever | 1:16:02 | 1:16:06 | |
# Cos, you could take me to hell and back | 1:16:08 | 1:16:12 | |
# Just as long as we're together | 1:16:12 | 1:16:17 | |
# And you do | 1:16:17 | 1:16:20 | |
# I don't want your freedom | 1:16:24 | 1:16:29 | |
# I don't want to play around | 1:16:29 | 1:16:34 | |
# I don't want nobodies, baby | 1:16:34 | 1:16:40 | |
# Part-time love just brings me down | 1:16:40 | 1:16:45 | |
# I don't want your freedom | 1:16:45 | 1:16:51 | |
# Girl, all I want right now is you | 1:16:53 | 1:16:57 | |
# I'm like a prisoner who's got his own key | 1:17:17 | 1:17:23 | |
# But I can't escape until you love me | 1:17:23 | 1:17:28 | |
# I just go from day to day | 1:17:28 | 1:17:31 | |
# Knowing all about the other boys | 1:17:31 | 1:17:34 | |
# You take my hand and tell me I'm a fool | 1:17:38 | 1:17:43 | |
# To give you all that I do | 1:17:43 | 1:17:47 | |
# I bet you, some day, baby, someone says the same to you | 1:17:48 | 1:17:56 | |
# But you know that I'll forgive you | 1:17:58 | 1:18:04 | |
# Just once, or twice, for ever... # | 1:18:04 | 1:18:08 | |
All right, you lot, I've asked you here in order to quash any rumours, | 1:18:08 | 1:18:11 | |
and there's nowt wrong with a good quashing. | 1:18:11 | 1:18:14 | |
So who's first? | 1:18:14 | 1:18:15 | |
Are you and your ex-wife still friends since your divorce? | 1:18:15 | 1:18:17 | |
Absolutely, yes. | 1:18:17 | 1:18:19 | |
Did you not consider it strange | 1:18:19 | 1:18:20 | |
-being the Best Man to your ex-wife's new husband? -Nope. Next. | 1:18:20 | 1:18:23 | |
Are you a homosexual? | 1:18:23 | 1:18:25 | |
The word is you're sharing your flat with a man. | 1:18:27 | 1:18:29 | |
How absolutely dare you! | 1:18:32 | 1:18:35 | |
I'm sharing my flat with two men! | 1:18:35 | 1:18:37 | |
And here they are... | 1:18:37 | 1:18:40 | |
Say "pree-vyet" to Nikolai... | 1:18:40 | 1:18:43 | |
Kenny's own little stab at glasnost! | 1:18:43 | 1:18:45 | |
And "hola" to Pepe... | 1:18:45 | 1:18:47 | |
Spain's greatest undiscovered sculptor! | 1:18:47 | 1:18:49 | |
Aren't they dreamy? And they're all mine! | 1:18:49 | 1:18:51 | |
Take Cuddly Ken's word for it, darlings, | 1:18:51 | 1:18:54 | |
two husbands are so much better than one! | 1:18:54 | 1:18:56 | |
All right, that's all, folks! | 1:18:59 | 1:19:01 | |
Oh, Kenny! Kenny, come on! | 1:19:01 | 1:19:03 | |
Just a few more questions. | 1:19:03 | 1:19:04 | |
Kenny, just a few more minutes. | 1:19:04 | 1:19:07 | |
HE SIGHS | 1:19:08 | 1:19:10 | |
Para nuestro soldado valiente. | 1:19:15 | 1:19:17 | |
You are the hero now. | 1:19:19 | 1:19:21 | |
MUSIC: "How soon is now" by The Smiths | 1:19:24 | 1:19:27 | |
It ain't beyond the realms of possibility that my mate, | 1:19:56 | 1:20:00 | |
Kelly Enema, and not those tag nuts having a pop at him, | 1:20:00 | 1:20:03 | |
might be the one who has the last laugh. | 1:20:03 | 1:20:06 | |
I bleeding well hope so. | 1:20:06 | 1:20:09 | |
Was that an insane thing to do? | 1:20:09 | 1:20:11 | |
You? Insane? | 1:20:11 | 1:20:13 | |
I did it, Lee. | 1:20:13 | 1:20:14 | |
I actually did it! | 1:20:16 | 1:20:18 | |
And so spectacularly. You came out of that closet on a trapeze! | 1:20:18 | 1:20:23 | |
And are you glad? | 1:20:23 | 1:20:25 | |
I'm everything. I'm...confused, relieved, blissful, terrified... | 1:20:25 | 1:20:31 | |
And now I've realised there's more to life | 1:20:31 | 1:20:33 | |
than shocking the Great British public or dropping | 1:20:33 | 1:20:37 | |
a needle on Madonna. | 1:20:37 | 1:20:38 | |
YES! | 1:20:38 | 1:20:40 | |
And don't say, "I told you so". | 1:20:40 | 1:20:42 | |
As if I would say that... | 1:20:42 | 1:20:44 | |
Now listen to me. | 1:20:44 | 1:20:46 | |
It's going be touch and go with the press for the next couple of days. | 1:20:46 | 1:20:49 | |
You'd better get your arse down here. | 1:20:49 | 1:20:51 | |
-To hide? -Don't be a nelly! | 1:20:51 | 1:20:53 | |
We're throwing you a coming out party! | 1:20:53 | 1:20:57 | |
Conquering his own irrational fears, | 1:20:59 | 1:21:01 | |
Cuddly Ken proves himself even cuddlier | 1:21:01 | 1:21:04 | |
in the hearts and minds of 20 million viewers. | 1:21:04 | 1:21:08 | |
And yet, what of his art, one might ask?.. | 1:21:08 | 1:21:11 | |
Fuck art, let's dance! | 1:21:11 | 1:21:13 | |
MUSIC: "You Spin Me Round" by Dead Or Alive | 1:21:13 | 1:21:15 | |
# ..right round Like a record, baby, | 1:21:15 | 1:21:18 | |
# Right round, round, round | 1:21:18 | 1:21:19 | |
# You spin me right round, baby, right round | 1:21:19 | 1:21:23 | |
# Like a record, baby, | 1:21:23 | 1:21:24 | |
# Right round, round, round... # | 1:21:24 | 1:21:26 | |
APPLAUSE | 1:21:26 | 1:21:28 | |
Best bash of my life. | 1:21:54 | 1:21:55 | |
Should be, took 40 years to organise. | 1:21:55 | 1:21:59 | |
I owe you one. | 1:21:59 | 1:22:01 | |
One?! | 1:22:01 | 1:22:02 | |
This erm...this arrangement with Nikolai and Pepe. | 1:22:14 | 1:22:20 | |
No, should I be worried? | 1:22:20 | 1:22:22 | |
About what? | 1:22:22 | 1:22:24 | |
No-one wants to stop you having fun | 1:22:24 | 1:22:26 | |
but I really need to know that you're looking after yourself. | 1:22:26 | 1:22:29 | |
You've cleared yourself a way to be happy for the rest of your life. | 1:22:29 | 1:22:33 | |
If only I looked that far ahead. | 1:22:33 | 1:22:35 | |
No-one's Peter Pan, Ev. Not even you. | 1:22:35 | 1:22:38 | |
The tongues will start wagging if we don't get back inside. | 1:22:47 | 1:22:50 | |
Looks like your old tulip tree. | 1:22:53 | 1:22:57 | |
Yeah, cos it is. | 1:22:57 | 1:22:59 | |
The one that got us into all this trouble? | 1:23:00 | 1:23:04 | |
Every time I move, I take a cutting and re-grow it. | 1:23:04 | 1:23:07 | |
Eternal life. | 1:23:10 | 1:23:12 | |
Hope so. | 1:23:14 | 1:23:16 | |
MUSIC: "Sleepy Lagoon" by Eric Coates | 1:23:25 | 1:23:28 | |
'If I ever do die, | 1:23:28 | 1:23:32 | |
'I think that as I'm hoiked aloft | 1:23:32 | 1:23:36 | |
'in a ray of God's lovely sunbeam. | 1:23:36 | 1:23:40 | |
'I think I'd like this to be on the gramophone as I go.' | 1:23:40 | 1:23:43 | |
MUSIC: "Preludio Sinfornico" by Puccini | 1:23:43 | 1:23:48 | |
'It's just beautiful. | 1:23:48 | 1:23:50 | |
'It's a beauty. It's just liquid loveliness. | 1:23:50 | 1:23:56 | |
'Puccini is God. | 1:23:56 | 1:23:59 | |
'God with knobs on.' | 1:23:59 | 1:24:02 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd | 1:25:52 | 1:25:55 |