Don't Take My Baby


Don't Take My Baby

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This programme contains strong language

0:00:020:00:06

What are you doing?

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Nothing. I'm just recording something.

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OK.

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Oh! Don't...

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Don't delete the stuff we recorded the other night.

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-The intimate stuff.

-Go away.

0:00:200:00:23

OK.

0:00:260:00:27

Hiya. I, uh...

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I just wanted to say a few things

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because I might not be here when you're old enough to understand.

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There's so much I want to say to you

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but now I'm here doing it, of course, I'm not sure where to start.

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I'm Anna, by the way.

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I'm your mum.

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And I love you very much.

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CAMERA BEEPS

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Just so you know, we're recording this

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as part of the assessment process.

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Do I look at the camera? Do I look at... You?

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-This is all very...

-I know.

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I'm going to need you to be as relaxed about this as possible.

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Easily said but very difficult to do, I know.

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Now, after this chat, we'll go and see Danielle, OK?

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OK.

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So tell me about Tom.

0:01:580:02:00

You've never done a midnight skinny dip?!

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There's something about the water at midnight.

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-You've seen Gremlins, right?

-You're not convincing me here.

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It's freezing. People are going to be watching.

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-There's a party going on right there, you know.

-Fuck 'em.

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-Shoes off.

-Oi, stop!

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Don't worry, I'll look after you.

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-OK, well, maybe I won't entirely believe you on that one.

-Why?

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Because A - you're blind and B - you're drunk.

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Partially sighted, if you don't mind.

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It's dark. I imagine you're pretty blind right now.

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You're a bit fucking forward, aren't you? I don't even know your name.

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What's your name again?

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Anna.

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Well, Anna...

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I'm Tom.

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And right now I'm going to rip your clothes off

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and throw you in the pool, because you need it.

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Trust me. You need it.

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-She's kind.

-In what way?

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Sorry, I don't understand.

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Just describe how she's kind.

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She's...

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She doesn't like people being hurt.

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She doesn't ever laugh at You've Been Framed because

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she's worried that they're hurt. She always shares her chips. She's kind.

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-I'm not here to catch you out, Tom.

-Aren't you?

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OK, if I were to ask you to describe your relationship,

0:03:320:03:36

what word would you use?

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Saucy.

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I don't know. Happy.

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THEY PANT

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When you look at me like that,

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what do you see?

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I mean, are these Kim Kardashian tits in your eyes? Are you...?

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I can make most things out.

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So what do you see?

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In this light...

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..you're a very lovely blur.

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SHE LAUGHS

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OK... My turn for a question.

0:04:290:04:33

How much of that did you feel?

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I mean... You can feel?

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Yes, Tom. I can feel.

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So I suppose me getting anal without you realising is

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completely out of the question, then.

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THEY LAUGH

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In life, and you'll learn this,

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there's moments when everything changes.

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Pregnant?

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Yeah.

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'When I found out about you, I couldn't believe it, and even though

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'they said having you might be a bit tricky, I didn't think twice.'

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Ultimately it's down to you, of course, Anna.

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Because these risks are not minimal risks.

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I think maybe we should talk about this. I'm just saying...

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You think what? My whole fucking life has been a risk!

0:05:490:05:52

You OK, Tom?

0:05:560:05:58

-You seem a bit troubled.

-No, I'm...

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I'm just... I'm frustrated that I'm not saying the right thing.

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And what do you think the right thing to say is?

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If I knew that, I'd be saying is, wouldn't I?

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Look, you keep asking me to constantly spout different ways

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of describing her, the situations we've been in, how I feel

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and I really, I lack the adjectives.

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You seem to actually have a very extensive vocabulary, Tom.

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Yes, but the only word I can think of when describing

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me, her and Dani is "happy" and...

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..I've already used that word up.

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MONITOR BEEPS

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-MUFFLED:

-Ten...

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..nine...

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..eight...

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..seven...

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-You should be with her.

-They said I'd get in the way.

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-Well, you should have insisted.

-And if I'd got in the way?

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Well, they could have sat you in the corner.

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Your father read in a magazine that it's very important for a baby

0:07:240:07:28

to feel his father's skin. Apparently it's bonding.

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Apparently it's quite the thing now

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for fathers to stand around with their tops off.

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-Did Dad stand around with his top off?

-Of course he didn't!

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Even if he had, he was getting a bit flabby even then.

0:07:410:07:45

She could die, Mum.

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I know. I know.

0:07:500:07:53

'I want you to be a fighter, Dani. There'll be times in your life

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'when you're told that something is impossible,

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'that you can't do something,

0:08:010:08:03

'you can't be something, and when that happens, you need to fight.'

0:08:030:08:07

I'm sorry this is difficult.

0:08:080:08:10

It's a process which decides what's best for Danielle.

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And who decides that?

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Us here at Children's Services,

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your key worker and everyone who's looking out for you.

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We're here to make sure Danielle gets the level of care she needs,

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and whether or not you can provide that care.

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And we will need to consider all options, I'm afraid,

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including fostering.

0:08:320:08:34

You're doing really well. OK?

0:08:450:08:49

Dani...

0:08:510:08:53

She's alive.

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You're both alive.

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Do you know how dangerous it was for Anna?

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We risked everything for her, for Dani.

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So, it went well.

0:09:140:09:16

-Am I gripping too tight or walking too fast?

-No, no.

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-I don't know if you can see, but she's...

-I can see enough.

0:09:190:09:23

She's a beautiful little girl.

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Dani is going to have a number of obstacles in her life.

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She may be disabled herself.

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She certainly has disabled parents.

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I know this is hard, Tom,

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but the truth is, we don't know how long Anna will be around

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and your sight is getting worse.

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We have to be sure Dani is going to be safe.

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OK, so, Danielle Watson...

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Yeah. Both parents are disabled.

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It was touch and go whether mum would even survive the birth

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but the hospital want to discharge them in the next couple of days.

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Mum's disability is severe.

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She's grown up repeatedly being told she only has two years to live.

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She has a rare muscle wasting disease which may have been

0:10:380:10:42

passed down to baby.

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-Tom's her principal carer, is that right?

-Yeah.

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He provides a lot of care. They're both fiercely independent.

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Someone comes in daily to help with the basics, but that's it.

0:10:530:10:57

Any timescale on the sight loss?

0:10:590:11:01

Tom has lost most of his peripheral vision.

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His dad had lost his sight entirely by the time he was Tom's age.

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So we have a partially sighted man

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who is going to attempt to care for both his partner and his child

0:11:110:11:15

with the assumption that both cases will deteriorate

0:11:150:11:18

-as the child grows up.

-Yeah.

0:11:180:11:20

These are very challenging circumstances

0:11:220:11:24

in which to place a baby.

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Are you sure this is Dani?

0:11:350:11:37

Ha-ha, very funny!

0:11:370:11:39

You've taken pictures of what looks like an Asian baby.

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That's her. That's Dani.

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Oh, my God, she's gorgeous!

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Have you seen them yet?

0:11:540:11:55

The people with clipboards and social workers looking at us sideways?

0:11:570:12:01

DANI GURGLES

0:12:340:12:36

Ssh.

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SHE MOUTHS

0:12:460:12:48

-Have you held her yet?

-No.

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Hang on.

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It helps with bonding.

0:13:060:13:07

-You look ridiculous.

-Give me my daughter, Anna.

0:13:070:13:10

Hello!

0:13:200:13:21

Hi.

0:13:350:13:36

So, as you know, the doctors are allowing you home tonight, Anna.

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And Dani?

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Dani is a more complicated issue. That's why I'm here.

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-Is there something wrong?

-No. No.

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Is there any sign that she's got my condition?

0:13:520:13:55

-Anna! They won't know that yet.

-Then why do they need to keep her in?

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A decision has been made that we should use this as an opportunity

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to assess whether you're able to meet Danielle's needs.

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We're going to undertake what we call a Child In Need assessment.

0:14:080:14:11

-And what does that mean?

-Well, in this case it means

0:14:110:14:14

coming to the family room here at the hospital every day,

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spending as much time as you want with Danielle, doing everything

0:14:180:14:21

-you would for her at home...

-But with you watching us?

0:14:210:14:24

With you marking us, ready at any moment to take our child away.

0:14:240:14:27

-It's not like that, Tom.

-What? Am I lying?

0:14:270:14:30

MUSIC: Not About Angels by Birdy

0:14:340:14:37

# We know full well there's just time

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# So is it wrong to dance this line?

0:14:440:14:48

# If your heart was full of love

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# Could you give it up?

0:14:590:15:05

# Cos what about, what about angels?

0:15:100:15:16

# They will come, they will go... #

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ALARM BEEPS

0:15:220:15:25

# Don't give me up... #

0:15:310:15:34

Two hours.

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We see her again in two hours.

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# Don't give me up

0:15:400:15:46

# How unfair, it's just our luck

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# Found something real that's out of touch

0:15:590:16:03

# But if you'd searched the whole wide world... #

0:16:070:16:11

-You OK?

-OK.

0:16:110:16:13

# Would you dare to let it go?

0:16:150:16:19

# It's not about, not about angels

0:16:240:16:28

# Angels. #

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So these are my two colleagues.

0:16:330:16:34

This is Polly. She's an occupational therapist,

0:16:340:16:37

-and Jeremy here is a family centre worker.

-Hi.

0:16:370:16:40

Hi, I'm Tom. I'm a dad, and this is Anna. She's a mum.

0:16:400:16:45

Right, well, this is where we'll be.

0:16:450:16:47

Let's see how you get on over the next few days,

0:16:500:16:53

then we'll work out what's the next best step. OK?

0:16:530:16:57

Don't be afraid to ask me anything.

0:16:590:17:01

Don't be afraid to ask me to do anything.

0:17:010:17:03

Thanks, Jeremy.

0:17:060:17:08

DANI CRIES

0:17:080:17:09

Coming, Dani.

0:17:090:17:11

Don't cry. It's all right.

0:17:150:17:17

She likes it.

0:17:250:17:27

-Oh!

-Hiya! Hiya!

0:17:290:17:32

Who's this, then? Hello!

0:17:320:17:35

Hiya!

0:17:370:17:39

Look at her looking at you.

0:17:390:17:41

-Oh!

-She looks like you.

0:17:410:17:43

Hey!

0:17:470:17:49

DANI SNEEZES

0:17:490:17:50

Oh, bless you!

0:17:500:17:52

Oh, there's a big yawn.

0:17:540:17:57

-AUTOMATED VOICE:

-'Put in eight grams.'

0:17:570:17:59

'I hope you find this out for yourself one day,

0:18:040:18:07

'but nothing prepares you for being a parent.

0:18:070:18:10

'Life suddenly seems to make sense.

0:18:120:18:14

'But at the same time, you worry you'll make mistakes.

0:18:280:18:32

'I just hope we didn't make too many with you.

0:18:330:18:37

'As long as you try your best, that's all you can do.

0:18:370:18:40

'Truth is, no-one's perfect, are they?'

0:18:430:18:46

-Hey, Mum.

-'Hiya.'

0:19:050:19:07

-I got Dani to sleep.

-'Really?'

-Yeah.

0:19:070:19:10

Yeah, listen.

0:19:100:19:11

DANI SNORES

0:19:110:19:13

-'How old is she now?'

-11 days but she's changed so much.

0:19:150:19:19

So when are you coming up?

0:19:210:19:22

Boo!

0:19:340:19:35

This is my colleague, Mike.

0:19:370:19:40

-Hello there.

-Do you mind if I call you Social Worker 454?

0:19:400:19:46

Call me what you like.

0:19:460:19:47

He's here today to run through some emergency scenarios with you both.

0:19:470:19:51

What happens if Dani burns herself or hurts herself

0:19:510:19:55

or suddenly falls ill?

0:19:550:19:56

Sort of like The Krypton Factor but slightly less assault-coursey.

0:19:560:19:59

-Is that a joke?

-Yeah, it's a pretty bad one, that, too.

0:19:590:20:03

The truth is, you're here to see

0:20:030:20:05

whether I'm going to kill our baby, right?

0:20:050:20:07

Um...

0:20:080:20:10

And we've got some DVDs we need you to watch.

0:20:100:20:13

'Bring it up to the boil and when large bubbles are breaking on the surface, gently lower the eggs...'

0:20:130:20:17

Is this a how-to-cook DVD?

0:20:170:20:19

Your mother said she'd given you some frozen meals.

0:20:190:20:22

She's been giving me frozen meals because looking after Anna

0:20:220:20:24

and coming here every day, sometimes it's a bit of a challenge.

0:20:240:20:27

I'm not Gordon Ramsay but I know how to boil a fucking egg.

0:20:270:20:30

-Tom, please don't swear in front of Dani.

-They're going to examine us on how to boil an egg.

0:20:300:20:34

Look, I know. I just want Dani home.

0:20:340:20:36

For fuck's sake. Look, I may be going blind but I'm not incapable...

0:20:360:20:41

..and I'm not stupid, and...

0:20:420:20:44

..I know how to cook.

0:20:460:20:47

The hospital are pushing for a decision about the room.

0:20:500:20:53

What are you thinking?

0:20:530:20:55

-Speaking frankly?

-Please!

0:20:550:20:57

Dad is a pain in the arse.

0:20:580:21:01

He won't accept that they might not cope on their own.

0:21:010:21:04

We've suggested more help, some support groups, all voluntary,

0:21:040:21:08

but he doesn't like that idea.

0:21:080:21:10

In fact, he doesn't like any of the ideas we suggested.

0:21:100:21:13

A social services agnostic?

0:21:130:21:16

They definitely love their baby

0:21:160:21:18

but his hostility is not helping their case.

0:21:180:21:21

I just hope it doesn't become more of a concern.

0:21:210:21:24

So, do we let baby go home or not?

0:21:260:21:29

-It's a tough one.

-It is.

0:21:290:21:32

SAWING

0:21:340:21:37

Ah, you're making something!

0:21:420:21:45

I'm adapting something. This is a computer changing table.

0:21:450:21:49

-What?

-For when Dani comes home, so you can change her,

0:21:490:21:53

so you can get your chair underneath, and this is just the start

0:21:530:21:57

because I have zese plans, I have zese great plans, and with zem

0:21:570:22:01

we'll take over ze vorld!

0:22:010:22:03

I just wanted to do something good.

0:22:050:22:07

I'm sorry. For losing my temper in there, in front of them.

0:22:100:22:15

What if she doesn't come home?

0:22:150:22:17

Then I'll change it back into a computer table.

0:22:220:22:25

I mean, I've probably already broken it, but I can try.

0:22:250:22:28

DANI CRIES

0:22:300:22:33

Is she enjoying it?

0:22:340:22:36

Uh...

0:22:360:22:37

TOM LAUGHS

0:22:370:22:39

Seems like it.

0:22:390:22:40

-You like that!

-Yeah.

-Good.

0:22:410:22:44

-She had enough, yeah?

-Yeah.

-OK.

0:22:480:22:51

-Careful, she's slippy.

-Yep.

0:22:530:22:55

Ssh! Ssh!

0:22:550:22:57

Ssh! Hey!

0:22:570:23:01

Hey!

0:23:010:23:02

Hey...

0:23:080:23:10

-Shit!

-Tom!

0:23:130:23:15

Tom!

0:23:150:23:16

The floor's wet! Why did neither of you tell me the floor was wet?

0:23:160:23:19

Is this one of your tests, is it?

0:23:190:23:21

Did you fucking put oil down like Wile E Coyote, trying to make me...

0:23:210:23:24

-Tom!

-Just calm down.

-Tom, is she OK?

0:23:240:23:27

Is she OK, is she?

0:23:270:23:29

Yeah, she's fine. She's fine.

0:23:290:23:32

Just calm down, OK?

0:23:320:23:34

This isn't... This isn't my bathroom

0:23:350:23:37

and I know where things are in my bathroom

0:23:370:23:40

-and I've got a mat to stop me slipping...

-It's OK, Tom.

0:23:400:23:43

-It's not my bathroom, so it's not...

-It's OK.

-It's not a fair reflection.

0:23:430:23:47

Hey...

0:23:500:23:52

SHE SIGHS

0:24:080:24:10

PHONE RINGS

0:24:150:24:20

Hi.

0:24:230:24:24

When there are no waves, the incoming tide can create...

0:24:260:24:29

PHONE RINGS

0:24:290:24:32

Hello? Yeah.

0:24:320:24:36

Yeah.

0:24:360:24:37

OK...

0:24:400:24:41

Who is it?

0:24:440:24:46

Thank you, thank you.

0:24:460:24:48

They say we can bring her home.

0:24:510:24:53

Well, they're moving the assessment from the hospital to here,

0:24:530:24:57

so it's not over, but...

0:24:570:24:59

Let's hold on to the small victories. Dani's coming home!

0:24:590:25:02

There she is!

0:25:070:25:08

-Do you want me to...?

-No, I've got it.

0:25:120:25:14

Hello, Dani.

0:25:140:25:16

-Left a bit!

-Thank you.

0:25:250:25:28

Are you ready to take our child?

0:25:300:25:32

Hi, Dani.

0:25:370:25:38

Come on!

0:25:400:25:41

Come on!

0:25:470:25:49

INDISTINCT

0:26:010:26:04

Sweetheart.

0:26:050:26:06

Hey, baby.

0:26:080:26:10

I just want to remind you

0:26:130:26:15

that the supervision doesn't stop because she's home.

0:26:150:26:18

We will be visiting to make sure you're coping OK.

0:26:200:26:24

Will we get any advanced warning?

0:26:240:26:26

No.

0:26:260:26:27

So you could come at any time?

0:26:290:26:31

Until the assessment is complete, that will be necessary, yeah.

0:26:310:26:35

Can we be alone with our baby, please?

0:26:410:26:43

Course.

0:26:450:26:46

And this is your room.

0:26:560:26:59

What are you saying to her?

0:26:590:27:00

That you chose the colours

0:27:000:27:02

and that she's probably going to have to choose her own clothes

0:27:020:27:05

from quite a young age!

0:27:050:27:06

'I grew up living each day at a time.

0:27:120:27:15

'I didn't let myself think about the future.'

0:27:150:27:17

'Now it's all I can think about.

0:27:200:27:22

'Whatever you decide to be, Dani, be you.'

0:27:220:27:26

'It's your life.'

0:27:270:27:29

'Live by your own rules.'

0:27:310:27:32

DANI CRIES

0:27:360:27:39

I'll get it.

0:27:410:27:43

I know you will.

0:27:430:27:44

How can I help you?

0:27:460:27:47

Shall I just bring her to you?

0:27:510:27:53

I'm going to bring her to you.

0:27:530:27:55

-Hi, you all right?

-Yeah, you all right?

0:27:580:28:00

DANI CRIES

0:28:040:28:07

DANI CRIES

0:28:210:28:24

I'll get it...

0:28:240:28:26

-Her.

-Sorry.

0:28:260:28:28

DOOR BUZZES

0:28:300:28:33

TIRED: Oh, shit, it's her.

0:28:330:28:36

-Are any of the lights on?

-No.

0:28:360:28:38

DOOR BUZZES AGAIN

0:28:380:28:40

Where do you think we are?

0:28:400:28:42

-The zoo.

-I love the zoo.

0:28:420:28:44

DOOR BUZZES AGAIN

0:28:440:28:47

-DANI GURGLES LOUDLY

-Hey...

0:28:470:28:50

ANNA SHUSHES HER

0:28:500:28:52

DANI CRIES

0:28:590:29:01

TOM GROANS

0:29:010:29:03

Just let us get some sleep, hey, Dani. Just an hour.

0:29:050:29:09

-Hey.

-Hey.

0:29:120:29:14

DANI GURGLES AND CRIES

0:29:360:29:39

DOOR BUZZES

0:29:430:29:45

-TOM'S MUM:

-'Oh, she's a lovely girl.

0:30:010:30:03

'Yeah, she loves Tom.

0:30:030:30:05

'It's just...'

0:30:050:30:07

We did always have a question of...

0:30:090:30:11

Well, it's a very serious condition.

0:30:130:30:16

-Very.

-And it's brilliant that Tom has taken on some of the care

0:30:160:30:19

but the truth is... Well...

0:30:190:30:22

I do believe in people trying to achieve their potential.

0:30:220:30:25

It's important, yes.

0:30:250:30:26

-Where are you going?

-To the kitchen.

0:30:310:30:33

-What if she slips?

-She's fine.

0:30:330:30:35

-What if she slips while you're out of the room?

-I'm here.

0:30:350:30:39

-TOM'S DAD:

-'When you're like me, like Tom,'

0:30:390:30:42

you make a choice

0:30:420:30:43

whether you're going to be defined by your condition.

0:30:430:30:46

-Anna...

-Well, she doesn't have such a choice.

0:30:480:30:51

I've been knitting, you know, for the baby.

0:30:540:30:57

Knitting a lot.

0:30:570:30:58

But I do worry...

0:31:010:31:02

..what the baby could inherit.

0:31:030:31:05

The...challenges she will have to face.

0:31:060:31:09

I mean...she could have inherited both conditions.

0:31:120:31:16

Both.

0:31:180:31:19

DANI BREATHES SOFTLY

0:31:220:31:26

DANI GURGLES

0:31:330:31:35

She's been sick again, Tom.

0:31:370:31:39

Hey. Will you fetch a cloth?

0:31:410:31:43

HE GROANS SLEEPILY

0:31:480:31:50

Thank you.

0:31:500:31:51

Oh, my God, Tom! Are you all right?

0:31:530:31:57

Fucking hell! Am I bleeding?

0:31:570:32:00

Come here, let me have a look.

0:32:000:32:02

DOOR BUZZES

0:32:020:32:04

Tom?

0:32:040:32:06

DOOR BUZZES AGAIN

0:32:070:32:09

Are you sure you're OK?

0:32:140:32:16

Ah, where are we this time? Cinema? Park?

0:32:160:32:20

Maybe a tall bridge to jump off?

0:32:200:32:22

PHONE RINGS

0:32:220:32:25

Shit.

0:32:260:32:27

It's here.

0:32:290:32:30

HE TURNS THE RINGER DOWN

0:32:320:32:35

DOOR BUZZES AGAIN

0:32:360:32:39

DOOR CONTINUES BUZZING

0:32:400:32:42

Have you been ringing a while?

0:32:500:32:52

-Sorry, I was in the shower.

-Is that right?

0:32:520:32:55

DOOR OPENS

0:33:010:33:03

Are you all right?

0:33:030:33:04

Yeah, I just... I just hurt myself.

0:33:040:33:06

In the shower.

0:33:060:33:08

Hey.

0:33:130:33:14

-Hello, Thomas.

-Hello, Laura.

0:33:320:33:35

You look lovely.

0:33:350:33:37

You look tired.

0:33:370:33:38

Yeah, well, it's been tough.

0:33:380:33:40

I'm sure it has been.

0:33:400:33:42

I've missed you, Mum.

0:33:550:33:56

I've missed you, too.

0:33:590:34:01

And this is one we made earlier!

0:34:100:34:11

Hello.

0:34:170:34:20

Hello!

0:34:210:34:22

Oh...

0:34:240:34:25

I know.

0:34:260:34:28

I know, darling.

0:34:280:34:30

HOOVERING

0:34:300:34:33

So what's this rice dish, Alice?

0:34:560:34:58

Oh, it's a mushroom risotto.

0:34:580:35:01

Oh! It's very tasty.

0:35:010:35:04

So you're vegetarians?

0:35:040:35:06

No, sometimes we find we like vegetarian food.

0:35:060:35:11

It's very nice of you to cook for us, Mum.

0:35:110:35:13

She smells gorgeous.

0:35:150:35:17

And the food is too, of course.

0:35:170:35:19

-Shall we wet the baby's head?

-Mum.

0:35:290:35:31

We should wet the baby's head!

0:35:310:35:32

It's sparkling wine, we'll just have to pretend it's champagne.

0:35:320:35:36

CORK POPS/ THEY CHUCKLE

0:35:370:35:39

What?!

0:35:420:35:43

We're all here to celebrate and we're all here to help.

0:35:430:35:47

-We're all in this together.

-Yes!

0:35:470:35:50

What does that mean?

0:35:500:35:51

Well, it just means that we're all going through this together.

0:35:520:35:56

What, really?!

0:35:560:35:57

I had no idea, thank you(!)

0:35:570:36:00

Thank you.

0:36:000:36:02

Thank you for being in the trenches with us.

0:36:020:36:05

You know, I feel quite overwhelmed

0:36:050:36:07

at the support you've all shown us, actually.

0:36:070:36:10

-Tom!

-It took you weeks to visit your grandkid.

0:36:100:36:12

Well, that's not because...

0:36:140:36:15

You should have been there at the birth, for Anna.

0:36:150:36:17

-Yeah, I know but that's...

-You should have been there, Laura.

0:36:170:36:20

There's no excuses.

0:36:200:36:22

I didn't come to the birth because I didn't think she'd survive it.

0:36:230:36:27

And because...

0:36:270:36:28

..I wasn't sure that I wanted to meet the baby

0:36:300:36:32

that they said would kill my daughter.

0:36:320:36:35

Now, who wants a drink?

0:36:420:36:44

'My husband left when...'

0:36:470:36:49

Well, he left about six months after we got the diagnosis.

0:36:490:36:52

There are times when I've wished I'd gone with him.

0:36:540:36:57

But I didn't.

0:36:570:36:59

I didn't find out until she was two she was ill, you know.

0:36:590:37:02

And I was told then that she'd live till she was four.

0:37:020:37:06

And then when she got past four, I was told maybe six.

0:37:060:37:08

And then when she got past six, maybe eight.

0:37:080:37:10

And, you know, just on and on like that.

0:37:100:37:13

-Are you a mother?

-BELINDA:

-Yeah. Yeah, I am.

0:37:150:37:18

A good one?

0:37:180:37:19

I hope so.

0:37:190:37:20

Difficult though, isn't it?

0:37:200:37:23

I mean, it's difficult to judge

0:37:230:37:25

what being a good parent actually means, don't you think?

0:37:250:37:28

Do you know what I felt when I found out that she was pregnant?

0:37:280:37:31

Furious.

0:37:310:37:32

Because how dare she?

0:37:320:37:33

You know, after I'd gone through all of that,

0:37:330:37:35

how dare she be so reckless with herself?

0:37:350:37:37

How dare she do that to me?

0:37:370:37:39

That's what makes me a bad mum.

0:37:420:37:44

Because I made it all about me...

0:37:460:37:48

..when it should've been about her.

0:37:500:37:52

I don't want you to go!

0:38:000:38:01

You'll be fine.

0:38:030:38:04

Mum...

0:38:070:38:08

I've got to get back, love.

0:38:110:38:13

I'm sorry.

0:38:130:38:15

You'll be fine!

0:38:210:38:23

'My daughter will be a better mum

0:38:250:38:27

'if you just give her a chance.'

0:38:270:38:30

DOOR CLOSES

0:38:330:38:35

WIND CHIMES TINKLE

0:38:380:38:41

'I've been lucky to have your dad.

0:38:550:38:57

'Next to you, meeting him

0:38:570:38:59

'was the best thing that ever happened to me.'

0:38:590:39:02

'But there's a lot you need to know about him.

0:39:050:39:08

'For starters, he's got a lot of pride.

0:39:080:39:11

'And because he doesn't see too well,

0:39:110:39:14

'he sometimes acts like there's a dragon to fight

0:39:140:39:17

'and he puts his armour on far too far in advance.

0:39:170:39:20

'But he does it because he loves us both so much.'

0:39:200:39:24

TV PLAYS

0:39:300:39:32

She's down.

0:39:320:39:33

It took three stories

0:39:370:39:38

and a song I made up on the spot about a carrot,

0:39:380:39:42

but she's down.

0:39:420:39:44

Do you want to hear it?

0:39:460:39:47

It's actually quite... It's quite elaborate.

0:39:470:39:49

Well, it's basically a version of ABBA'S Fernando.

0:39:490:39:53

# Can you hear my stalk, Danielle?

0:39:550:39:58

# Can you hear my stalk?

0:39:590:40:01

# It's singing to you, Danielle. #

0:40:010:40:04

It would be nice if every once in a while

0:40:120:40:15

you had a little tidy up.

0:40:150:40:16

Right, I'm getting a beer.

0:40:210:40:23

-I thought you didn't approve of alcohol.

-What?

0:40:230:40:27

You told my mother you didn't approve of HER drinking alcohol.

0:40:270:40:30

I didn't.

0:40:300:40:31

But I've had a long day and I need a beer.

0:40:310:40:35

Interesting, though - one rule for her, one rule for you.

0:40:370:40:40

-I'm not the reason your mum left.

-Weren't you?

0:40:400:40:42

Honestly, this "I miss my mummy" act, it's getting kind of dull.

0:40:420:40:45

Well, maybe this place such a mess

0:40:450:40:47

-because she's not here to help us tidy up.

-Maybe.

0:40:470:40:49

Or maybe it's because I'm the only one that does anything around here.

0:40:490:40:52

-Tom!

-When was the last time you used that changing table, eh?

0:40:520:40:56

When was the last time you did anything but just hold her?

0:40:560:40:59

-I'm in a chair!

-And I can't fucking see!

0:40:590:41:01

DANI STARTS TO CRY

0:41:010:41:04

I need a bath, Tom.

0:41:090:41:11

I smell. I need a bath.

0:41:130:41:15

-Now?

-Yes, now. I need a bath.

0:41:150:41:19

I'm tired, OK?

0:41:190:41:21

We'll do it later.

0:41:210:41:23

It's just...

0:41:230:41:24

-..you take my carer's allowance, so technically I employ you.

-What?

0:41:250:41:30

Fuck your allowance!

0:41:320:41:33

Fine, I'll manage myself!

0:41:330:41:36

-Uh!

-DANI SCREAMS

0:41:360:41:38

Now I've got to pick you up, yeah?

0:41:380:41:39

Your fucking temper tantrum means I get to pick you up

0:41:390:41:41

and you're fucking heavy so that's... It's going to be easy, isn't it?

0:41:410:41:44

SHE CRIES

0:41:460:41:48

Anna, I've already got one fucking baby to look after.

0:41:480:41:52

Anna.

0:41:520:41:53

Fine, go on, let's see how far you get. Go on.

0:41:550:41:58

DANI CONTINUES CRYING

0:42:020:42:05

ANNA CRIES

0:42:080:42:11

Why was it your decision?!

0:42:180:42:20

That's what I can't understand.

0:42:200:42:23

Why was it your decision?

0:42:230:42:24

Because it's my body, Tom!

0:42:240:42:27

SOBBING: Yes, but you're going to die.

0:42:270:42:30

And I can't do this without you!

0:42:300:42:32

So why was it ever your fucking decision?

0:42:350:42:37

You know what she is?

0:42:410:42:42

She is the future

0:42:430:42:45

and I don't know if I can look after her

0:42:450:42:48

and it terrifies me.

0:42:480:42:49

The future is so much more easier for you than it is for me.

0:42:510:42:54

I'm sorry, but that is true. That is so true.

0:42:540:42:57

DOOR SLAMS

0:43:010:43:03

DANI CONTINUES CRYING

0:43:030:43:05

-BELINDA:

-Hey, I'm on my way home.

0:43:190:43:21

I was thinking I might get a bottle of wine maybe.

0:43:210:43:24

Yeah?

0:43:240:43:26

Yeah, great. OK. Love you.

0:43:270:43:30

-Tom?

-I didn't know where to go.

0:43:320:43:34

I wanted to abort her.

0:43:360:43:37

Do you know how much I regret wanting to abort her? But I did.

0:43:400:43:43

-Because I didn't want to lose...

-Let's get you a cab.

0:43:430:43:46

How am I supposed to let myself love her

0:43:480:43:51

if every day I think that you might come and take her away forever?

0:43:510:43:55

I've already got one of them on a temporary fucking buy-back basis

0:43:570:44:00

and I can't...

0:44:000:44:01

I can't cope with two.

0:44:010:44:03

I'm sorry.

0:44:040:44:05

It's OK.

0:44:050:44:07

-I'm sorry for being inappropriate.

-No, don't.

0:44:080:44:11

Let me... Let me drive you home at least.

0:44:110:44:13

I don't want your help.

0:44:150:44:16

I just want my baby.

0:44:190:44:20

I just want to be a dad.

0:44:220:44:24

I just don't want this.

0:44:260:44:27

DOOR OPENS

0:44:390:44:42

TV PLAYS IN BACKGROUND

0:44:420:44:44

LAUGHTER ON TV

0:45:230:45:26

Morning.

0:46:020:46:03

Morning.

0:46:050:46:06

-How's Dani?

-She's fine.

0:46:080:46:11

I've changed her and I've fed her.

0:46:110:46:14

Thank you.

0:46:140:46:15

Pleasure.

0:46:150:46:17

Next question, how did I end up here?

0:46:170:46:20

It turns out you sleepwalk!

0:46:220:46:24

That's exciting.

0:46:240:46:26

-I don't know what to say.

-Why didn't you sleep in here?

0:46:280:46:32

It didn't feel right without your permission

0:46:320:46:34

and I didn't want to wake you up.

0:46:340:46:36

Sit down.

0:46:380:46:39

I've never had to look after anything before.

0:46:490:46:52

I see her drowning in the bath and I can't get to her.

0:46:520:46:55

And I see her falling off the changing table

0:46:550:46:58

and smashing her head open on the floor

0:46:580:47:01

and me with these fucking shit arms and shit legs?

0:47:010:47:03

Why have you never said any of this before?

0:47:030:47:06

If we're both scared we're not up to this...

0:47:060:47:09

..can't we just be scared together?

0:47:100:47:13

-Mutual fear?

-Exactly!

0:47:130:47:15

Come here.

0:47:190:47:20

'As I've watched you grow, Dani,

0:47:490:47:50

'I've pictured the girl you'll be in five years.

0:47:500:47:53

'And the woman you'll be in 20.

0:47:530:47:55

'Whatever happens,

0:47:560:47:58

'know that your dad loves you more than anything.

0:47:580:48:00

'And if he can, he'll always try

0:48:000:48:02

'to guide you in the right direction.'

0:48:020:48:04

-Oh!

-My leg?

0:48:040:48:06

I don't know but something just went where it shouldn't!

0:48:060:48:09

'No-one has ever given me what you've given me.

0:48:140:48:17

'So thank you...

0:48:170:48:18

'..you're my miracle.

0:48:200:48:21

'And I'm sorry if being our daughter

0:48:290:48:30

'has given you challenges in life.'

0:48:300:48:32

There are times when I feel so stuck in this chair.

0:48:350:48:37

And I hope you never feel stuck with us,

0:48:400:48:42

because we'd never want that.

0:48:420:48:44

If you need to run or you need to fly,

0:48:460:48:50

go fly. You know?

0:48:500:48:52

Anna, your bath's ready. We need to get a move on.

0:48:520:48:54

So that's it for now.

0:48:570:48:58

And just know, always know,

0:49:010:49:05

that we love you.

0:49:050:49:06

OK.

0:49:110:49:12

Come here. It'll be fine.

0:49:260:49:29

It will, won't it?

0:49:320:49:33

-Tom, if we lose her...

-We won't.

0:49:360:49:38

-DANI GURGLES

-Shh-shh-shh-shhh.

0:49:380:49:41

She's here.

0:49:420:49:44

Does she look happy or sad?

0:49:450:49:47

She doesn't look either.

0:49:470:49:49

We're ready for you.

0:49:520:49:53

Maybe you think I was selfish to have a baby,

0:50:030:50:06

a baby that may have inherited my disability,

0:50:060:50:09

knowing that I may well die before she grows up.

0:50:090:50:12

But we've got more love for Dani right now

0:50:130:50:16

that loads of people give their kids in a whole lifetime.

0:50:160:50:19

And it's how much you love your child that counts.

0:50:220:50:24

Isn't that what sets them up for life?

0:50:260:50:29

I did doubt having a child, I did.

0:50:290:50:32

But then I held her and...

0:50:320:50:34

As soon as I did that, nothing else mattered but her.

0:50:360:50:40

I know I need to ask for more help than I get.

0:50:400:50:43

And I'm blind, pun intended, to my own failings most of the time.

0:50:430:50:48

And I'm...

0:50:480:50:49

Well, I've spoken to Mike, here, about setting up more concerted help.

0:50:490:50:55

But other dads with faults get to have a go, don't they?

0:50:550:50:58

Don't you think Tom could have found an easier girlfriend than me?

0:50:590:51:03

Well, maybe not easier...

0:51:030:51:05

We had sex on the second date!

0:51:050:51:07

But certainly he could have made it easier for himself.

0:51:070:51:10

He chose the girl he has to help shit every now and again.

0:51:120:51:15

My parents are judgmental and...difficult.

0:51:170:51:23

Her mother is...

0:51:230:51:25

..overemotional, a bit weak and drinks too much.

0:51:270:51:32

Is that good parenting?

0:51:330:51:35

Who tested them?

0:51:370:51:39

You've watched us for months now

0:51:390:51:41

and yeah, we've had our ups and downs, but Dani's fine.

0:51:410:51:44

Better than fine. She's thriving!

0:51:440:51:47

We're not drug addicts who've neglected our baby.

0:51:470:51:50

We know how to look after our daughter.

0:51:500:51:53

Just because we don't know what will happen tomorrow,

0:51:530:51:56

that doesn't mean that we shouldn't be able to live life to the full.

0:51:560:51:59

That doesn't mean that we shouldn't get to love.

0:52:010:52:04

-BELINDA:

-Thanks, Tom. I think that's all we need.

0:52:070:52:11

'We can only see what's in front of us.

0:52:170:52:20

'We're not fortune tellers.'

0:52:200:52:22

'They've had Dani for four months now without incident.

0:52:220:52:26

'Haven't they earned our trust?'

0:52:260:52:28

'We have to ask ourselves what is best for Danielle.'

0:52:280:52:32

'I have to say I'm not convinced.'

0:52:320:52:35

'Now he's accepted help, we can offer them an allowance'

0:52:350:52:40

so that they can arrange the child care that they need themselves.

0:52:400:52:43

'OK, let's retain some perspective.'

0:52:430:52:46

Do we honestly believe this little girl

0:52:460:52:48

would be better in a home that requires this much help?

0:52:480:52:52

Whatever the claim may be,

0:52:520:52:54

she will have to take some care responsibility.

0:52:540:52:57

That's not necessarily the case.

0:52:570:52:59

I had to separate a mother and daughter a couple of years ago.

0:52:590:53:02

The mother was profoundly disabled

0:53:020:53:04

and the daughter was living in absolute squalor.

0:53:040:53:08

Yeah, but when structures are in place...

0:53:080:53:10

This is a couple who failed to answer the door when visits were made.

0:53:100:53:14

I don't trust it.

0:53:160:53:18

On Dani's behalf, I don't trust it.

0:53:180:53:20

Hi.

0:53:530:53:55

Hi.

0:53:550:53:56

Can I come in?

0:53:560:53:57

Yeah...

0:53:590:54:00

OK, so, I won't keep you in suspense.

0:54:070:54:11

The decision's been made to downgrade Dani.

0:54:110:54:14

I knew it!

0:54:140:54:15

-Well, we're going to sue you, take you to court.

-Tom!

0:54:150:54:18

-We're going to sue the authorities...

-Tom!

-What?

0:54:180:54:21

I'm not sure downgrading is a bad thing.

0:54:210:54:23

No, it's not.

0:54:230:54:25

In fact, it's a good thing.

0:54:250:54:27

It's a very good thing.

0:54:270:54:29

What, so...so we can keep her?

0:54:290:54:31

Well, we will be checking in with you

0:54:310:54:33

to make sure everything is going well.

0:54:330:54:35

Just to be clear, this won't be the last time that you see me.

0:54:410:54:44

Oh, but I want to see you, Belinda. I do! I want to see you.

0:54:500:54:54

This hasn't been an easy decision.

0:54:550:54:57

But we believe that you're going to be good parents.

0:54:580:55:02

She's ours!

0:55:050:55:06

You're ours, Dani!

0:55:080:55:10

MUSIC: Hold Back The River by James Bay

0:55:180:55:22

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