Episode 9 Dickensian

Father.

What time is it?

CHATTER

Arrested any more innocents lately, Mr Bucket?

I shall see justice done, Mr Scrooge,

if I have to arrest every last man in London.

Fancy a pie?

So, see, Mr Jaggers, it only takes five of my fellow merchants

-to lend me £10 of stock apiece.

-Why would that be in their interest?

Well, there is a kinship amongst our company of cloth workers

and Barbary is a name both trusted and respected -

and, besides, I've lent stock on more than one occasion.

Even if this works it will give you a fraction of what you owe.

It will buy me a month's trading,

-time enough to find a more permanent solution.

-I'll be frank.

This is a fool's errand.

Scrooge possesses neither patience nor mercy.

You'd be better to return home

and prepare your family for what's to come.

You underestimate me, sir.

It's one thing for me to face disgrace

but I will not see my daughter shamed.

Not for the life of me.

The finest pies in London. Wouldn't you agree, Mr Dawkins?

Had better - and ain't no-one calls me Dawkins.

I'll go by the Artful Dodger, or just plain Dodger,

if it's all the same.

Cast your mind back to the night of Jacob Marley's murder.

Fagin tells me he spent a quiet night at home.

If that's what he says, I ain't going to contradict a gentleman.

Such terrible doings.

I just hope you catch the cove what done him in, Mr Bucket.

A running man will trip soon enough.

The slightest slip is all it takes.

So you can let it be known, Bucket is waiting...

..Bucket is watching...

..and he will have his man.

The day is coming when Fagin will hang.

But there's still time for you, Dawkins. You're a smart lad.

Change your path now and you could live to see your 16th birthday.

Food for thought, sir.

Food for thought indeed.

My compliments to Mrs Cratchit.

She is verily the Michelangelo of the mutton pie.

Now, how much do I owe you?

Little...!

I'll pay you later. I'll come back.

Thank you very much.

Come on, keep up.

No dawdling.

BOYS MUMBLE

-Stop complaining.

-Oh!

-Sorry, sir.

Come on. Work to be done.

Kindly tell Mr Darley that Edward Barbary presents his compliments.

Yes, sir.

Mr Wegg, you poor wretch.

I couldn't sleep a wink last night,

knowing I'd left you at the mercy of this frightful place.

I can see it in your eyes.

My dark tales have burnt into your soul.

-You don't deny it.

-Well, I...

-But fear not.

You will never again spend a night alone.

Sairey shall watch over you

and there's nothing I won't do to lift your spirits.

Then perhaps you might find time to lay your healing hands

once more upon my swollen appendage.

Jip!

Jip?

Jip?

I'm sorry, sir.

Now, now, Mr Bucket, we can't just go pointing the finger.

Last time you accused me

of filching a diamond ring I'd come by through entirely honest means.

My wallet, if you please, and now.

Else we can let the Old Bailey decide the matter.

Dodger.

Might you know anything of this gentleman's wallet, my dear?

What a coincidence.

I come by it in a gutter not a half hour ago.

I think perhaps the boy deserves a finder's fee, do you not, Mr Bucket?

I'm quite sure he's had one.

Must weigh heavy, Inspector,

knowing the murderer is still at large.

Don't toy with me, Fagin.

Careful, my dear, you'll do yourself an injustice.

THEY LAUGH

It's such an important dinner. Look.

Are you quite sure, my dear?

Surely once they're lit by candle

and we've dabbed the gravy from our chins

-who's to know the difference?

-I shall know.

These aren't fit for even the lower orders, Bumble.

How can we hope to impress Mr Gradgrind with such napery?

Why would he employ a man who tolerates such indignities?

You're quite right, my dear, of course. How foolish of me.

You must purchase a new set at once.

Whichever kind you like.

Let no expense be spared.

HE SIGHS

CHATTER

The murderer eludes me at every turn.

Damn it, Mr Venus,

if the detective won't prove effective,

then why do we even exist?

If I might presume, Mr Bucket, every man needs an outlet.

An outlet, you say?

I'm blessed that my hobby is become my profession.

The tasteful setting of the deceased beast.

But if a man has nothing in his life besides work,

then surely...

his spine shall look like a question mark.

One little crack now.

-CRUNCH

-Oh!

I have no time for hobbies.

Although in my youth I was reckoned for something of a singer.

-Mrs Bucket was particularly impressed.

-It's no wonder, sir.

Women are most susceptible to music.

I myself have brought tears to a woman's eyes

using nothing but my squeeze-box.

Does a woman's constitution really differ so from a man's, Mr Venus?

As different as a mongoose is to a snake.

A man contains his anxieties like a barrel

till he's rendered almost like a hunchback. One more.

-CRUNCH

-Ugh!

And a woman?

A woman lives only to talk.

It is her raison d'etre.

Offer her a sympathetic ear

and she will unburden her soul in its entirety.

Quite so, Mr Venus. Quite so.

-CRUNCH

-Ugh!

A widow lodging with an unmarried gentleman, it isn't proper.

Tongues will wag, Mrs Gamp.

Oh, I'm well beknown as a woman of medicine.

And it's a matter of record

that what legs he have left is of poor condition.

And what's improper about doing your Chris...hic!...tian duty?

Oh, dear Mr Wegg.

I was just telling Miss Biggetywitch how our proximity

shall doubtless prove mutually beneficial.

And I believe we both shall enjoy

full satisfaction from our arrangement, do you not, Mr Wegg?

I most sincerely do hope so, madam.

Oh! Mm!

Now, I believe I may take a little rest

as is my habit this time of day.

See you anon, dearie.

That's the thing with you, girl.

You're like one of them faithful old dogs everybody kicks,

but still they just keep on coming back for more.

You silver-tongued devil, Bill(!)

-I'm quite overcome.

-That ain't what I mean.

I mean you and Fagin, the way he treats you.

-Anyway, that will change soon enough.

-How? Change how, Bill?

I paid him some and will get the rest as soon as I can.

-Paid for what?

-What do you think? For you.

DOOR CLOSES

So, sir, is the situation yet salvaged?

The response thus far has been disappointing.

-Then surely it's time to accept...

-I accept nothing!

Not until I've exhausted every last avenue there is.

Miss Havisham?

I'm sorry to call unannounced,

but one of my investments is in a shipping company.

My geography is sorely lacking.

Mr Pocket mentioned you have a fine library.

Yes. I'd be glad to see it used.

And...also, I have a young friend with me and I wondered if,

well, perhaps he might join me?

Jip's been gone less than a day.

You think I could just replace him? Have you no heart at all?

I confess, Miss Nancy, I'm finding you a puzzling contradiction.

You're a young woman with a strong will and a mind of your own.

Yet, forgive me, you'll submit to any man with coin enough to buy you.

-They buy my time. They ain't buying me.

-I'm glad to hear it.

I'd hate to think your life was not your own.

So, it is your choice to spend an evening

in the company of Jacob Marley, not Fagin's?

Let's say I found a reason to put Fagin behind bars,

let's say an alibi turned out to be false, just for instance...

..I suppose your life would look a little different.

I suppose so.

You know you can talk to me in confidence.

I've all the time in the world,

and I promise to listen without judgment.

This usually work, does it?

-Hm?

-You offer me a sympathetic ear, I give you my life's history,

and somehow while I'm crying on your shoulder the truth slips out.

That your plan, was it?

So, what do you want to know?

Do you want to know we used to sleep on the ground outside the glassworks

because the earth was warm even in winter?

Or do you want to know how before I met Fagin I never slept in a bed?

That the sort of thing you was after?

-There's no need...

-You're right.

I wouldn't choose to go with a man like Marley,

but there's plenty in my life I wouldn't choose.

And if you'd ever known true hunger you'd know it never leaves you.

I don't know who killed Marley. But I know what killed him.

Money.

That's all anyone in this city cares about, isn't it?

What about love?

It's just a word you get in fairytales.

Love don't put food in your belly,

coal on your fire, nip of gin when the air turns cold.

No.

I'll take money over love any day.

It's a fool says otherwise.

DOOR OPENS

-I come as soon as I could.

-Hm? Mr Wegg?

Unbridle yourself, Sairey

Hold nothing back.

SHE SCREAMS

Oh, you devil, you. Oh! Get off me, you beast! Get off! Get off!

Get off! Oh!

Ugh!

Oh!

..and there in the darkest jungles of Peru

where they boil their enemies alive and eat them

leaving only their heads.

And then there's Mittens, who once belonged to Queen Victoria herself.

No! Really?

SHE LAUGHS

This is my favourite piece in the shop.

When I'm grown up I shall own a comb just like this one.

I shall wear it to grand balls

and men shall queue up to dance with me.

Well, it's your birthday next week.

Perhaps someone might...

I hardly think so. Not for six shillings.

-Yes, sir.

-You purchase items as well as sell them, I suppose?

Indeed, sir.

And the items you buy,

can you be trusted to keep their provenance to yourself?

Shall we step inside, sir?

He's a gift for my goddaughter Matilda.

It's her birthday and I had almost to pass your house.

You must see that given the timing...

I see how it looked to you.

Do you really think so little of me?

I hardly know what to think.

You speak words of the most tender kind

only to recant them a day later,

and ever since then you've behaved with an aloofness

that borders on disdain.

-Just what am I supposed to think?

-Can't you see I am possessed by you?

My waking thoughts, my sleeping thoughts, are only of you.

And had my words been met with anything other than cold indifference

I swear I would have repeated them over and over a thousand times since,

but... Well, you could hardly have made your feelings any clearer.

Wait. Stay a while.

-There.

-Yep.

Oh!

A... A globe!

You would not wish him to think us parochial!

Is that new china I see?

New cutlery?! New coal?!

-Let no expense be spared, you said.

-I meant on the napery, madam.

-How are we to afford all this?

-You ungrateful wretch!

I work my fingers to the bone

trying to improve our miserable lot and this is the thanks I get.

Very well, I shall return every last item

and we shall see out our days in the poorhouse.

Would that be better?

HE DITHERS

-Of course not, my sweetest pudding.

-Oh!

H-How very clever you are.

How can I even begin to make amends?

SHE SOBS Oh!

Hm. Your most recent loan was £70.

And you expect me to be grateful for this feeble trickle of coins?

I'm a gentleman. I will honour my debts.

A gentleman would pay what is owed in full.

I will, in time.

-But...due to unforeseen circumstances...

-Unforeseen(!)

Well, if they're unforeseen,

that speaks only of your lack of foresight.

You have speculated with my money and you have lost it, twice,

and the fault lies with you alone.

I will have my money in full, Mr Barbary, by the end of today.

Today?

That's... That's quite impossible.

I'm doing all I can to restore my fortunes

but as of this moment I have nothing...

Nothing(!)

You do not know the meaning of the word "nothing" -

but you will come to, soon enough.

Please, Mr Scrooge, show some mercy, I beg you. I have two daughters.

-Two daughters?

-(Yes.)

Well, why did you not say so?

I assume you are referring to that clause under English law

whereby any man in possession of two daughters

is therefore exempt from paying his debts.

Oh, no, I mean...

You chose to clutter the world with your female issue.

Your reckless fecundity is hardly my concern.

You're not the first gentleman I've sent to the debtors' prison.

And you shan't be the last.

I never would have thought it of him.

He has the look of it, all right.

They'd have done better to cut off both his legs

for the greater good of womankind.

And not just his legs, neither.

Madam, my mortification is truly fathomless.

-If there is any...

-Please let us speak no more of it.

All I ask is a little something for my nerves.

Perhaps another tiny drop of gin.

I have never spoken of it till now.

I thought we'd see out our lives together.

But it wasn't to be.

The very morning of our wedding she sent word she wasn't coming.

For what reason?

-It seemed she loved someone else.

-Oh, I'm so sorry.

Yep.

I swore I would never let myself love again.

Meriwether...

I tell you all this only to explain why it would be better

if we never saw each other again.

CHATTER

I ain't for sale, Bill.

-I ain't some piece of meat you can make money off.

-Make money off?!

-What else would you want to own me for?

-Why do you think?

So you'd never need go with another man asides me.

Agh!

You're a good girl, Nance.

-A good girl and...

-No, I know what I am.

Good? Well, that ain't the word most would choose.

Plenty other girls out there...

Yeah, but I don't care about other girls.

They ain't you.

They ain't my Nancy.

Your Nancy?

Well?

So, you are military man?

Indeed, sir.

I'm proud to serve Queen and country.

And you imagine the Army will give you a career?

What prospects can you hope for?

A posting to the colonies, I suppose?

Well, James is soon to be a major. It's more or less assured.

More or less?

Well, that sounds considerably less than certain.

-Father...

-No, your father is right, Honoria.

It is a question you must consider.

A captain's salary doesn't amount to much.

And I can hardly rely on my luck at the card table.

You're a gambler?

You expect me to entrust my daughter

to a soldier who's reckless with money?

You think I wish to see her ruined? Her living in the poorhouse?

# Some talk of Alexander And some of Hercules

# Ba-ba-boom

# Of Hector and Lysander And such great names... #

A reward?

Orders of the Chief Inspector, sir.

HE SIGHS

I fear I did not give a true account of myself, sir.

I'm heartily sorry if... KNOCK ON DOOR

-FROM OUTSIDE:

-Mr Barbary! Open up!

It is I who should ask your forgiveness.

The greatest kindness you could do Honoria

is to save her from the name Barbary.

-Papa?

-HONORIA:

-Whatever do you mean?

These gentlemen say that you are expecting them.

Come, gentleman. Do what you must.

No, you're not taking him!

I won't let you.

Tell them you're not coming. Papa, tell them.

I've said too much.

Not at all.

I should have...

If I've been rude...

Keep him.

What about your goddaughter?

He has a brother almost the same. I could scarcely choose between them.

I'll be happy to know they'll both be well loved.

You're the kindest man I've ever met beside my father.

I'm honoured even to be mentioned in the same breath.

-Stay a while longer.

-Please, Amelia...

I won't hurt you. I swear.

CHATTER