The Sontaran Stratagem Doctor Who

-Ow!

-Come on! Stop struggling.

You're gonna regret this! Completely ridiculous!

Get your hands off me! Ah!

I think that makes my answer clear. Don't you?

Oh, and, er... If you're gonna go to print, spell my name right.

Rattigan, with two Ts.

Oh, this goes way beyond the newspapers!

This thing's worldwide! I'm telling you, ATMOS is dangerous.

-But if you had proof, then you wouldn't be here.

-Fine.

If you won't listen, I'll find someone else who will.

-SAT-NAV:

-'Welcome. What is your destination?'

Oh, shut up, you're the last thing I need.

-'ATMOS cannot be disabled.'

-SHE SIGHS

Right, then.

Take me to UNIT headquarters. Tower Bridge, London.

-'UNIT headquarters.'

-Her name's Jo Nakashima.

Freelance journalist. Clever, by the sound of it.

Not as clever as me, but that goes without saying.

I'd recommend...termination.

Remember your status, boy.

We do not take orders from humans.

I said...recommend.

Then your advice shows military wisdom. She will be terminated.

Cool.

-ANSWERPHONE:

-'This is UNIT extension 221...'

-Not answerphone!

BEEP

Yes, this is a message for Colonel Mace, from Jo, Jo Nakashima.

Look, you should've got my e-mail.

I've been investigating deaths related to ATMOS systems.

-SAT-NAV:

-'Go straight on.'

-I can't prove anything, but there's got to be a link.

I need you to check out the people who died in ATMOS cars yesterday -

check out the time.

-SAT-NAV:

-'Turn right.'

I don't believe this.

-SAT-NAV:

-'This is your final destination.'

I said take me to UNIT!

-SAT-NAV:

-'Go straight on.'

-I don't think so.

I'll find my own way, thanks. ENGINE REVS

-SAT-NAV:

-'This is your final destination...'

-No!

-'This is your final destination...'

-No! Help!

-'This is your final destination.'

-No! No! No!

NO!

METALLIC THRUMMING

I can't believe I'm doing this!

No, neither can I. Ooh, careful.

Left hand down. Left hand down!

You're getting a bit too close to the 1980s!

-What am I gonna do, put a dent in them?

-Someone did.

-BEEPING

-Hold on.

That's a phone!

You've got a mobile? Since when?

It's not mine.

Hello.

Doctor? It's Martha.

And I'm bringing you back to earth.

METALLIC THRUMMING

Martha Jones.

Doctor.

-You haven't changed a bit!

-Neither have you!

-How's the family?

-You know, not so bad. Recovering.

-What about you?

Right.

I should've known. Didn't take you long to replace me, then.

Don't fight! Martha, Donna, Donna, Martha.

Please don't fight, I can't bear it.

You wish! I've heard all about you.

-He talks about you all the time.

-I dread to think.

No, no, no, no. He says nice things!

Good things! Nice things. Really good things.

He's told you everything!

Didn't take you long to get over it, though.

-Who's the lucky man?

-Lucky what?

She's engaged, you prawn.

-Really? Who to?

-Tom, that Tom Milligan.

He's in paediatrics, working out in Africa right now.

-I know - a doctor who disappears off to distant places. Tell me about it.

-Is he skinny?

No, he's sort of...strong.

HE is too skinny for words! You give him a hug, you get a paper cut!

-Oh! I'd rather you were fighting!

-Speaking of which...

-'Dr Jones, come in. Over.'

-This is Doctor Jones.

Operation Blue Sky is go, go, go. I repeat, this is a go!

Unified Intelligence Taskforce! Raise that barrier now!

Leave your safeties on, lads, it's non-hostiles.

-LOUD-HAILER:

-Workers, lay down your tools and surrender.

Greyhound Six to Trap One.

B Section, go, go, go! Search the ground floor, grid pattern Delta.

-What are you searching for?

-Illegal aliens.

This is a UNIT operation!

All workers lay down your tools and surrender immediately.

This is a UNIT operation!

B Section mobilised! E Section, F Section, on my command!

Is that what you did to her?

Turned her into a soldier?

As predicted. The UNIT forces have moved to the penultimate stage.

Observe their troops. Thin fabrics.

Exposed skin. Feeble weapons.

These are toy soldiers! The playthings of children!

And you're qualified now?

UNIT rushed it through, given my field experience. Here we go.

We're establishing a field base on site.

They're dying to meet you.

Wish I could say the same.

Operation Blue Sky complete, sir.

Thanks for letting me take the lead. And this...is the Doctor.

-Doctor, Colonel Mace.

-Sir!

-Oh, don't salute.

-But it's an honour, sir. I've read all the files.

Technically, you're still on staff. You never resigned.

What, you used to work for them?

Yeah, long time ago. Back in the '70s.

Or was it the '80s? It was all a bit more homespun back then.

-Times have changed, sir.

-Yeah, that's enough of the "sir".

Doctor, you've been on board the Valiant.

We've got massive funding from the United Nations. All in the name of homeworld security.

A modern UNIT for the modern world.

Arresting ordinary factory workers?

In the street? In broad daylight?

It's like Guantanamo Bay out there. Donna, by the way.

Donna Noble, since you didn't ask. I'll have a salute.

Ma'am.

Thank you.

So tell me. What's going on in that factory?

Yesterday, 52 people died in identical circumstances.

Right across the world, in 11 different time zones.

5am in the UK, 6am in France, 8am in Moscow, 1pm in China...

Simultaneously?

Exactly. 52 deaths, at the exact same moment, worldwide.

-How?

-They were all inside their cars.

Poisoned. I checked the biopsies, no toxins.

Whatever it is, left the system immediately.

-What have the cars got in common?

-They're all fitted with ATMOS.

And that is the ATMOS factory.

-What's ATMOS?

-Oh, come on. Even I know that.

-Everyone's got ATMOS!

-Stands for Atmospheric Omission System.

-Fit ATMOS in your car, it reduces CO2 emissions to zero.

-Zero?!

No carbon, none at all?

Sat-nav and 20 quid in shopping vouchers if you introduce a friend. Bargain!

And this is where they make it, Doctor. Shipping worldwide.

17 factories worldwide, but this is the central depot -

-sending ATMOS to every country on earth.

-And you think ATMOS is alien?

It's our job to investigate that possibility. Doctor?

SOLDIER: Come on, look lively.

Up the pace. We haven't got all day now!

And here it is, laid bare.

ATMOS can be threaded through any and every make of car.

-You must've checked it.

-We did, we found nothing.

-That's why I thought we needed an expert.

-Really, who did you get?

Oh, right! Me! Yes! Good.

OK, so why would aliens be so keen on cleaning up our atmosphere?

Very good question.

Maybe they want to help.

Get rid of pollution and stuff.

Do you know how many cars there are on planet earth?

800 million.

Imagine that.

If you could control them, you'd have 800 million weapons.

We should head back.

There's not much down here. Should be just boiler rooms, generators.

Aye, aye.

What's this, then?

You two. All personnel have been ordered to evacuate. The building's under UNIT control.

-This area is out of bounds.

-Excuse me, sunshine?

I think you'll find we're in charge.

We can do this the easy way...

or the hard way.

General Staal. They are close.

Excellent! And like a good warrior,

I shall enter the fray myself! Let them pass.

-It's open.

-Oh.

Come on.

HISSING

What the hell?

Greyhound 16 to Trap One.

We've found something. Basement corridor, north side, grid 36.

Request backup, over.

HISSING CONTINUES

It's like something boiling...

-Don't touch it!

-Come on, Steve!

We get first rights on this. That means promotion!

Just leave it alone!

Wait for back up.

THUD What was that?

Came from inside.

Could just be the machinery.

THUD

THUD

Is there someone in there? Hello?

THUDDING

We've got to get this open.

-We should wait!

-You could suffocate in there!

Greyhound 16 to Trap One, request immediate assistance.

Repeat, immediate assistance, over.

How do you work this thing? Come on!

ALARM BLARES

HE COUGHS

Oh, God, it stinks!

What the hell is that stuff?

Identify yourself! Identify!

Greyhound 16 declaring absolute emergency, sir.

Repeat, absolute emergency, over!

Can you hear me? Can you understand me?

Look at its neck.

It's like...an umbilical cord.

Well, don't get too close.

I think it's harmless.

I don't even think it's properly alive.

-It's gonna drown.

-No...

I think it breathes this stuff.

-Like some kind of embryo.

-What do you mean, an embryo?

Someone's growing a body.

-A human body.

-Excellent skills of deduction.

I would rate you above average, soldier. Well done.

Whereas you, you smell of sweat and fear.

Yeah? Well, we're not the ones who got out of school early, sonny.

-Stop playing Humpty Dumpty and tell us who you are.

-Is that a reference to my height?

-Short answer, yes.

-A pity.

Words are the weapons of womenfolk. I must judge you unfit!

Oh! What you gonna do, bite our ankles?

HE SCREAMS

-I'm warning you!

-A proper soldier gives no warning!

Fire! I order you! Fire!

GUN CLICKS

The room is contained within a Cordolaine signal,

exciting the copper surface of the bullet

and causing expansion within the barrel, rendering your guns useless.

-And your radio signals have been blocked.

-Agh!

My legs! I can't feel my legs!

I apologise for disabling you.

Death has more honour,

but you are needed for the stratagem.

Prepare them for processing.

You spoke of promotion. Now you will serve a greater cause.

-But...who are you?

-Indeed, know your enemy!

I am General Staal of the 10th Sontaran Battle Fleet.

Known as Staal the Undefeated!

Help us!

Oh, my God, help us!

Ionising nano membrane carbon dioxide converter - which means that ATMOS works.

Filters CO2 at a molecular level.

We know all that, but what's its origin? Is it alien?

No. Decades ahead of its time.

-Do you mind? Could you stand back?

-Have I done something wrong?

I don't like people with guns hanging around me, all right?

If you insist.

-Tetchy.

-Well, it's true.

-He's a good man.

People with guns are usually the enemy, in my books.

-You seem at home.

-You got me used to fighting.

-Oh, right, so it's my fault.

-You got me the job!

Besides, look at me.

-Am I carrying a gun?

-Suppose not.

It's all right for you.

You can just come and go, but some of us have got to stay behind.

I've got to work from the inside and by staying inside,

-maybe I stand a chance of making them better.

-Yeah?

-That's more like Martha Jones.

-I learned from the best.

-Well...

-Oi, you lot!

All your storm troopers and your sonics...

Rubbish! You should've come with me.

-Why, where have you been?

-Personnel.

That's where the weird stuff's happening - paperwork.

I worked as a temp for years - I can find my way round an office blindfold,

and the first thing I noticed is an empty file.

Why, what's inside it? Or what's not inside it?

Sick days -

there aren't any. Hundreds of people working here and no one's sick -

not one hangover, man flu, sneaky little shopping trip, nothing.

Not ever! They don't get ill.

That can't be right.

You've been checking out the building -

should've been checking out the workforce.

-I can see why he likes you.

-Mm-hmm.

-You are good.

-Super temp!

Doctor Jones, set up a medical post, start examining the workers.

-I'll get them sent through.

-Come on, Donna. Gimme a hand.

So, this ATMOS thing - where did it come from?

Luke Rattigan himself.

And himself would be?

Child genius.

Invented the Fountain Six search engine when he was 12 years old. Millionaire overnight.

Now runs the Rattigan Academy -

a private school, educating students hand picked from all over the world.

A hot-house for geniuses wouldn't mind going there. I get lonely.

Do you think I should warn my mum... about the ATMOS in her car?

-Better safe than sorry.

-I'll give her a call.

Donna.

Do they know where you are, your family?

I mean, that you're travelling with the Doctor?

Not really.

Although my grandad sort of waved us off, but I didn't have time to explain.

-You just left him behind?

-Yeah.

I didn't tell my family,

kept it all so secret,

and it almost destroyed them.

-In what way?

-They ended up imprisoned, they were tortured.

My mum, my dad, my sister.

It wasn't the Doctor's fault,

but you need to be careful.

Cos you know the Doctor, he's wonderful, he's brilliant,

but he's like fire.

Stand too close and people get burned.

Conditioning is complete.

Now do your duty and advance the conquest.

Yes, sir.

General Staal returning.

The stratagem advances.

The last days of planet earth.

You are not coming with me! I want to talk to Luke Rattigan, not point a gun at him.

-It's ten miles outside London.

-Then get me a Jeep!

According to the records, you travel by TARDIS.

If there are hostile aliens,

it's best to keep a super-duper time machine safe.

So you do have weapons, but you choose to keep them hidden. Jenkins!

-Sir.

-You will accompany the Doctor and take orders from him!

-I don't do orders.

-Any sign of trouble, get Jenkins to declare a Code Red and good luck, sir.

-I said no salutes.

Now you're giving orders.

-You're getting a bit cheeky, you are.

-Doctor...

Just in time! We're going to the country.

Fresh air and geniuses - what more could you ask?

I'm not coming with you.

I've been thinking.

I'm sorry. I'm going home.

-Really?

-I've got to.

Well, if that's what you want.

I mean, it's a bit soon.

I had so many places I wanted to take you.

The Fifteenth Broken Moon of the Medusa Cascade,

the Lightning Skies of Cotter Palluni's World,

the Diamond Coral Reefs of Kataa Flo Ko...

Thank you.

Thank you, Donna Noble.

It's been brilliant.

You saved my life, in so many ways.

You're...

You're just popping home for a visit, that's what you mean.

You dumbo.

-Then you're coming back.

-Know what you are?

A great big, outer-space dunce.

-Yeah.

-Ready when you are, sir!

What's more, you can give me a lift. Come on!

-Broken moon of what?

-I know, I know!

And your name's Treppa, yeah? Is that Polish?

We're not checking passports, but did you come from Poland just to work?

-I came to do my job.

-OK.

I need to listen to your heartbeat.

This might be a bit cold. Lift.

RAPID BEATING

RAPID BEATING

-Are you on any medication?

-I'm here to work.

How many hours a day do you work?

-24.

-You work 24 hours a day?

Down.

Mr Treppa, have you ever had any form of hypnosis?

I'm here to work.

OK. Um...

If you could just wait here...

-Doctor Jones.

-Not now, I'm busy.

-Just one question.

-Do you have security clearance level one?

-Yes, I do. Why?

-Colonel Mace wants to see you.

-Oh, good, cos I want to see him. Where is he?

Come with us.

I'll walk the rest of the way.

-I'll see you back at the factory, yeah?

-Bye!

And you be careful!

Haven't seen you for days.

Been away.

SCREAMING

-Hold on!

-I am!

I'm waving at fat.

-Why's he down here?

-He asked to see you.

Has he found something?

BUBBLING

SHE GASPS AND STRUGGLES

DISTANT SCREAMING

I said so, didn't I? Aliens!

I said they was real! I just didn't expect them in a little blue box.

It's bigger on the inside.

Yeah, but is it safe? This Doctor, are you safe with him?

He's amazing, Gramps. He's just...dazzling.

-And never tell him I said that.

-No.

-But I'd trust him with my life.

-Hold up! I thought that was my job!

-You still come first.

For God's sake, don't tell your mother!

I dunno.

I mean, this is massive.

-It's sort of not fair if she doesn't know.

-Doesn't know what?

And who's she, the cat's mother?

And where've you been these past few days, lady, after that trick with the car keys?

Veena said she hadn't seen hide nor hair.

I've just been...travelling.

Oh, hark at her - Michael Palin!

Are you having tea? I haven't got anything.

I've been trying to keep your grandad on that macrobiotic diet,

but he sneaks off and gets pork pies at the petrol station.

Don't deny it. I've seen the wrappers in the car. I don't miss a trick!

Now then, what were you gonna tell me? What don't I know?

Nothing. Just...nothing.

Good. Right then, you can sit there and cut out those coupons.

Every penny helps. This new mortgage doesn't pay for itself.

-Dad, kettle on.

-Yeah, kettle on.

UNIT's been watching the Rattigan Academy for ages.

It's all a bit Hitler Youth -

exercise at dawn and classes and special diets.

-SAT-NAV:

-'Turn left.'

Ross, one question. If UNIT think that ATMOS is dodgy...

-How come it's in the Jeeps?

-Yeah.

Tell me about it. It's standard in all government vehicles.

We can't get rid of them till we can prove something.

-'Turn right.'

-Drives me round the bend.

Oh, nice one!

-I timed that perfectly.

-Yeah.

Yeah, you did.

'This is your final destination.'

Is it PE? I wouldn't mind a kick around.

I've got my daps on.

-Suppose you're the Doctor.

-Hello.

Your commanding officer phoned ahead.

Ah, but I haven't got a commanding officer. Have you?

-Oh, this is Ross. Say hello, Ross.

-Afternoon, sir.

Let's have a look, then. I can smell genius! In a good way.

Oh, now!

That's clever, look!

Single molecule fabric - how thin is that?

You could pack a tent in a thimble!

Ooh! Gravity simulators.

Terraforming, biospheres, nano tech steel construction.

This is brilliant! Do you know, with equipment like this, you could, ooh, I don't know...

move to another planet or something...

If only that was possible.

If only that WERE possible.

-Conditional clause.

-I think you'd better come with me.

You're smarter than the usual UNIT grunts, all right.

He called you a grunt! Don't call Ross a grunt. He's nice!

-We like Ross. Look at this!

-What exactly do you want?

I was just thinking, what a responsible 18-year-old!

Inventing zero-carbon cars,

saving the world...

Takes a man with vision.

But ATMOS means more people driving. More cars, more petrol -

the oil will run out faster. The ATMOS system could make it worse.

See, that's tautology.

You can't say "ATMOS system" -

it stands for Atmospheric Omission System,

so you're saying "Atmospheric Omission System system".

See, Mr "Conditional Clause"?

It's been a long time since anyone said no to you, hasn't it?

I'm still right though.

Not easy, is it, being clever?

You look at the world and you connect things, random things.

You think, "Why can't anyone else see it?"

The rest of the world is so slow.

-Yeah.

-You're all on your own.

I know.

But not with this! There's no way you invented this single-handed.

Earth technology, but like finding a mobile phone in the Middle Ages. No, I'll tell you what it's like -

it's like finding THIS in someone's front room,

-albeit a very big front room.

-What is it?

Yeah. Just looks like a "thing". People don't question things.

-They think, "Just a thing."

-Leave it alone.

-I

-make these connections, and this looks like a teleport pod.

-Oh!

-'Orbit now holding at 556.3, sector 270.'

We have an intruder!

How did he get in? "In-tru-der window"?!

Bye-bye!

Ross, get out! Luke, come with me.

Sontaran!

That's your name, isn't it?

You're a Sontaran. How did I know that, eh?

Fascinating, isn't it? Isn't that worth keeping me alive?

-I order you to surrender, in the name of UNIT.

-That's not gonna work.

Cordolaine signal, am I right? Copper excitation - stops the bullets.

-How do you know so much?

-Well...

-Who is he?

-He didn't give his name.

This isn't typical Sontaran behaviour, is it?

Hiding, using teenagers, stopping bullets...

A Sontaran should face bullets with dignity! Shame on you!

-You dishonour me, sir!

-Yeah? Then show yourself!

I will look into my enemy's eyes!

-Oh, my God!

-And your name?

General Staal of the 10th Sontaran Fleet. Staal the Undefeated!

What if you DO get defeated?

Not Quite So Undefeated Any More, But Never Mind?

He's like a potato. A baked potato, a talking baked potato.

Now, Ross, don't be rude. You look like a pink weasel to him.

The Sontarans are the finest soldiers in the galaxy,

dedicated to a life of warfare.

A clone race, grown in batches of millions - only one weakness.

Sontarans have no weakness!

-A good weakness.

-Aren't you meant to be clever?

Only an idiot would provoke him.

They're fed by a probic vent in the back of their neck -

that's their weak spot -

so they have to face their enemies in battle.

Brilliant - they can never turn their back.

We stare into the face of death!

Yeah? Well, stare at this.

STAAL SCREAMS

What have you done?!

Don't touch me!

A Sontaran would rather be court martialled than show pain.

-I must return.

-But he broke the teleport.

Pah! Primitive sonic trickery!

The device is now repaired.

Our presence is known.

Soldiers, we move to a war footing!

I see you face battle open skinned, sir. Might I share that honour?

You may.

Thank you.

-How...do you tell each other apart?

-We say the same of humans.

Tell me, boy. How many ATMOS devices have been installed?

They've gone worldwide, but only about half.

Which means 400 million cars converted - a fine arsenal!

Sufficient for conversion?

More than enough, yeah, and that test signal proved that it works.

52 deaths in the same second. Man, that is so cool!

Is the temperature significant?

No, that's just a phrase.

I'll get my people ready, General. Just tell me where and when.

-Have we infiltrated UNIT?

-The process is about to begin.

Then you'll see it completed, Commander Skorr! Get to it!

Yes, sir!

Is someone gonna tell me what the hell is going on?

OK...

So, listen, you're not the first aliens I've met. Just tell me who you are.

Commander Skorr of the 10th Sontaran Battle Fleet,

-known as Skorr the Bloodbringer.

-What have you done to those two?

Simple hypnotic control, as with the factory drones,

but with you, we need something more complex.

What...is that?!

Soon, THAT will be you.

COMPUTER: ATMOS devices operating at 100% efficiency.

COMPUTERS BLEEP

Continue.

War can never come too soon.

Take your last look, boy.

It was never big enough for me.

I like your ambition.

That Doctor, he was in a UNIT jeep.

It should have ATMOS installed.

You said you didn't know his name.

I don't. He just said Doctor. Does that mean something?

There is an enemy of the Sontarans known as the Doctor,

a face changer.

Do you mean he's an alien, too?

Legend says he led the battle in the last great Time War.

The finest war in history, and we weren't allowed to be part of it!

Oh, but this is excellent!

The last of the Time Lords will die at the hands of the Sontaran Empire

in the ruins of his precious earth.

It is inadvisable to struggle.

The female has a weak thorax.

-But what are you doing?

-Completing mental transfer.

-The clone needs full memory access.

-Clone?

You can't...

-That's not...

-You will sleep, girl.

Sleep, and keep the memories alive.

Memories we can use - in battle.

We have the Doctor's vehicle.

An ordinary death for such a remarkable enemy, but proceed.

Greyhound 40 to Trap One. Repeat, can you hear me? Over!

-Why's it not working?

-Must be the Sontarans.

-If they can trace that, they can isolate the ATMOS.

-'Turn left.'

-Try going right.

-It said left.

-I know, so go right.

I've got no control. It's driving itself!

It won't stop! The doors are locked!

-Ah, it's deadlocked! I can't stop it.

-Let me.

The sat-nav's just a box wired through the whole car!

Is he going in the water? I love it, with the water!

We're heading for the river!

-ATMOS, are you programmed to contradict my orders?

-'Confirmed.'

-Anything I say, you ignore it?

-'Confirmed.'

Drive into the river! I order you to drive into the river! Do it! Drive into the river!

-'Turn right, left...'

-Get down!

-'Left, right, left, right, left...'

-VOICE DISTORTS

FAINT POP

Oh, is that it?

ATMOS terminated.

Mission accomplished. The Doctor is dead.

Then prepare the weapons.

Is the operative in place?

Ready and waiting to advance the great Sontaran cause, sir.

Then go to work.

DOORBELL

You would not believe the day I'm having.

BEEPING I'll requisition us a vehicle.

Anything without ATMOS, and don't point your gun at people!

Is it him? Is it him? Is it the Doctor?

-Ah! It's you!

-Who?

Oh! It's you!

What? Have you met before?

Yeah, Christmas Eve. He disappeared right in front of me!

-And you never said?

-Well, you never said!

Wilf, sir. Wilfred Mott.

You must be one of them aliens!

Yeah, but don't shout it out. Nice to meet you properly, Wilf.

-An alien hand!

-Donna, anything?

-She's not answering.

-What is it, "Sonteruns"?

-Sont-ar-ans. There must be more to it.

-They can't be just remote controlling cars. That's not enough. Is anyone answering?

-Hold on.

-Don't tell me...Donna Noble!

-Martha! Hold on, he's here.

Martha, tell Colonel Mace it's the Sontarans.

They're in the file - Code Red Sontarans -

but if they're inside, tell him not to start shooting. UNIT will get massacred.

-I'll get back as soon as I can. Got that?

-Code Red Sontaran. Gotcha.

-Dr Jones, found anything yet?

-No, sir. Nothing to report.

You didn't find anything before.

Yeah, but now I know it's Sontaran, I know what I'm looking for.

Doctor, Donna is my only grandchild.

Promise me you're gonna take care of her.

-She takes care of me!

-That's my Donna!

She was always bossing us round, even when she was tiny.

-The little General, we used to call her.

-Don't start!

And some of the boys! A different one every week.

Who was that one with the nail varnish?

Matthew Richards. He lives in Kilburn now...with a man.

Whoa! It's a temporal pocket. I knew there was something else in there!

It's hidden just a second out of sync with real time.

-But what's it hiding?

-I don't know - men and their cars!

-Sometimes I think, if

-I

-was a car...

Oh, it's you! Doctor...what was it?

That's me!

-Have you met him as well?

-Dad, it's the man from the wedding,

when you were laid up with Spanish flu!

I'm warning you, last time that man turned up, it was a disaster.

Get back!

A converter has been activated.

Show me where!

London. That's Chiswick.

Who could have such knowledge?

Only the Doctor. He survived!

Excellent! Then battle will be joined. Glorious warfare!

10th Sontaran Battle Fleet, we move to the final phase!

Prepare the subjugation of earth for the glory of Sontar!

Announcing Battle Status One.

All soldiers to positions.

Repeat, we are now at Battle Status One.

Rejoice!

-That'll stop it.

-I told you!

He's blown up the car!

-Who is he anyway? What sort of doctor blows up cars?!

-Oh, not now, Mum!

Should I make an appointment?

That wasn't just exhaust fumes.

Some sort of gas, artificial gas.

And it's aliens, is it? Aliens?

If it's poisonous...

..then they've got poisonous gas in every car on earth.

Trigger the converters!

And deadlock every single one!

It's not safe. I'll get it off the street.

No, don't! Turn it off!

-Grandad, get out of there!

-I can't! It's not locked! It's them aliens again!

-What's he doing? What's he done?

-They've isolated it!

ALARMS BLARE

PEOPLE COUGH

Turn them off! Turn them off!

Turn off the engines!

It's all of them, sir. Every single car on the planet!

Now we begin. Let's get to work.

There's gas inside the car! He's gonna choke! Doctor!

It won't open!

ALARMS BLARE

It's the whole world...

400 million weapons!

Sontar, ha! Sontar, ha!

ALL CHANT: Sontar, ha! Sontar, ha!

Sontar, ha! Sontar, ha! Sontar, ha! Sontar, ha!

Sontar, ha! Sontar,ha! Sontar, ha! Sontar, ha!

COUGHING

ALARMS BLARE

Sontar, ha! Sontar, ha! Sontar, ha! Sontar, ha!

Sontar, ha! Sontar, ha! Sontar, ha! Sontar, ha! Sontar, ha! Sontar, ha!

Sontar, ha! Sontar, ha! Sontar, ha! Sontar, ha!

-Doctor!

-Sontar, ha! Sontar, ha!

-The Government has declared a state of emergency.

-Launching in ten...

-Oh, man! This is war!

-Nine...

-Do not engage the Sontarans in battle.

-Eight...

The planet is going nuclear!

-Seven.

-It's time I revealed what our work has been for.

-Six.

-The bravery of idiots is bravery nonetheless.

-Five.

-God save us.

-Four.

-They need this gas for something else.

-Three.

-All troops, Code Red.

-Two.

-At arms.

-One.

-Get them out of there!

Zero.