Pennod 5 Dyddiadur Dews

-*

-Welcome to Dyddiadur Dews.

-Last week, you witnessed

-the worst day of my life.

-After being deliberately

-poisoned by a so-called friend...

-..I spent six hours

-watching Huwi make a hat.

-In the meantime,

-my pregnant wife, Lowri...

-..was rushed to hospital

-with complications.

-Huwi and I made it to the hospital.

-But we were far too late.

-I missed more than

-the birth of my son that day.

-13 JANUARY 2004

-I have nothing to say.

-The only reason the camera is on

-is to record a chat with that ****.

-You don't have to watch this.

-I'd prefer it if you didn't.

-Fuck off to watch Eastenders.

-OK, this is a robbery.

-You, put the money in the bag. Now!

-What are you looking at, bitch?

-Come on, more money! I'll shoot!

-Cut.

-Cut.

-

-Quality man, quality. Real savage.

-Was the kick too much?

-Don't worry. She gets paid. We'll

-go again. Go really nuts this time.

-Think Augusto Boal, Theatre of

-the Oppressed. Smash it into her.

-I can't believe

-this is just an audition.

-Soaps are too clean, mun.

-Camera. Sound.

-What is it boy? Is there a plane?

-The fridge? Mobile phone?

-Mobile phone?! Oh, for fuck's sake!

-Sorry, am I going nuts?

-Didn't we explain this to everyone?

-Yes, we did love.

-A phone on silent is not off, OK.

-No, I will not leave a message.

-I'm talking to you now, do you hear?

-Answer the fucking phone.

-Answer the fucking phone.

-

-Cockin' Christ, mun.

-Language! And speak Welsh.

-Come here, you. Where is it?

-Light-fingered little shit.

-Keto will hunt you down.

-And when I get hold of you,

-I will tear your... what, Keto?

-OK, we'll take a break.

-That's lunch.

-I want everyone back

-on the set by 10.30am.

-SHE ATTEMPTS TO SAY IT IN WELSH

-They've already gone, love.

-And fuck you for a start.

-Hello.

-Hello. It's me, Dewi.

-Hello. It's me, Dewi.

-

-Jason?

-Is that Jason off Pobol Y Cwm?

-Is that Jason off Pobol Y Cwm?

-

-You know who it is.

-Oh, Dewi. This is a blast

-from the past. What do you want?

-You owe me money.

-You owe me money.

-

-You left us in the shit.

-I gave you four years of my life.

-You made it into a bloody pantomime.

-We had a contract with S4C.

-Either you pay me,

-or I want the tapes back.

-Have them.

-There's nothing good on them.

-I saw it on the fucking telly.

-I was on S4C!

-Two episodes.

-I'm Dewi.

-I haven't a clue what's going on.

-Two episodes, and they wanted six.

-Two episodes, and they wanted six.

-

-Huwi is on magic mushrooms.

-I'm having a tantrum.

-I'm having a tantrum.

-

-Tantrum?!

-Sorry, did you miss the episode

-where Dewi misses his son's birth?

-Shit happens.

-I broke my neck. Get on with it.

-I had to go on Heno. You get

-on with it. You've got the tapes.

-Let's not do this over the phone.

-Let's not do this over the phone.

-

-Did the police talk to you?

-Thanks for landing me in the shit.

-No problem. What did they say?

-Nothing. I'm in a wheelchair.

-I walked.

-Come to the office to talk it over.

-So you can steal more of my life?

-I don't think so.

-Am I on speakerphone?

-Are you filming this?

-Clever boy.

-SCREAMS

-Gwyndaf. Hey!

-Gwyndaf?

-THE ICE AGE JANUARY

-Dewi, you look terrible.

-Are you eating properly?

-With a knife and fork.

-What about the kids.

-How's little Cain?

-I see them on weekends.

-Cain's fine.

-And Lowri?

-Have you patched things up?

-What's the problem?

-For a start, she's seen me

-on the fucking television, right.

-She wants to know where

-her maintenance money is, obviously.

-All the money we had

-is gone. Invested in the show, Dewi.

-Until we finish the show

-they won't give us any more.

-I've given Gwyn all my tapes,

-with numbers on and everything.

-That's television for you.

-They're fucking arseholes. Sorry.

-You've got to play the game.

-That's show business.

-I'll tell Lowri that then, shall I?

-Should I sing the song as well?

-We're here for you.

-We'll come through this together.

-We'll finish the show together

-and we're all going to get paid. OK?

-I suppose.

-It's snowing.

-Go pick up the kids. Build

-a snowman, have a snowball fight.

-Give her a rest.

-That's what she needs.

-Yes, you're right. OK.

-Hey, Lilly. It's snowing outside.

-Hey, Lilly. It's snowing outside.

-

-Dewi's back on board.

-He's going to pick up the kids

-and go to the farm.

-From now on, we'll

-film everything back-to-back.

-Two cameras, you mean?

-Two cameras, you mean?

-

-No. In Welsh and English.

-It's Welsh on S4C.

-Don't worry about S4C.

-It's the way ahead.

-Same project,

-big market, big money, Dews.

-From now on, you shoot everything

-in English as well, OK.

-I haven't decided

-whether I'm doing this at all...

-..let alone in fucking English.

-It is winter...

-..on the farm.

-When you look at all

-this natural beauty...

-..it's easy to see

-why we chose this life.

-If you are, like us, lucky enough

-to be born into this environment...

-..it's almost impossible

-to imagine doing anything else.

-Virgin snow doesn't stay

-virgin for long round here, Huwi.

-Something always comes along

-to ****** spoil it.

-The snow is always very magical

-when it comes.

-It usually means a day off

-to most people.

-But not the farmer.

-We have work to do.

-Farming

-doesn't stop for the weather.

-Sunshine, rain, sleet, snow...

-..all conditions,

-the show must go on.

-It's time to check on the sheep.

-They're already

-in a very fragile situation.

-We're smack bang in the middle

-of the lambing season.

-The arrival of snow this morning

-has made it all the more precarious.

-Huwi immediately spots a problem.

-We have to act fast.

-This sheep is clearly in distress.

-It's freezing

-and she's too weak to stand.

-Let me get a close up!

-It's not long before

-she becomes another cold statistic.

-Immediately,

-Huwi springs into action.

-I do what I can

-to make sure she's comfortable...

-..by giving her shelter

-from the elements.

-Huwi has gone to get

-the Massey Ferguson 65.

-But there is a problem.

-The battery's flat.

-The sheep in the field is not the

-only one with a flat battery. Flat.

-Despite Huwi's efforts...

-..the 65 tractor

-is having none of it.

-Plan B comes in the shape of this,

-the Merlo.

-There's no lack of power here.

-But it is heavy and could easily get

-stuck in the field and make a mess.

-But it is a gamble

-that Huwi is willing to take.

-Nothing is more important to him...

-..than the life...

-..of his sheep.

-The Merlo is stuck.

-Is she alright?

-Is she alright?

-

-She's cold.

-It gets to the point...

-..the cold affects your head.

-I find it difficult to think

-rationally in this weather...

-..at the best of times.

-Imagine how hard it is for a sheep,

-poor thing.

-Fucking hell. Lucky you're here.

-Time is running out

-for the poor sheep.

-While I adjust the angle

-on the bucket on the Merlo...

-..Huwi gently lowers

-his patient into it.

-Lucky we came out to film.

-She needs urgent attention.

-It is obvious to me that

-Huwi has literally minutes left...

-..to get her to the shed and to the

-medicine that she desperately needs.

-Thanks to our

-quick thinking and vigilance...

-..certain tragedy has been averted.

-This lucky sheep...

-..will see the birth...

-..of her children.

-.

-*

-Did you see this?

-Did you see this?

-

-Yes.

-That's broken. It came loose.

-It came loose.

-It was fucked, Huw.

-Nothing is holding it on.

-It wasn't fucked before.

-I didn't do fuck all.

-What's the mess in the field?

-I took this out.

-You've been kicking up shit?

-No, I had a sheep in the back.

-There's enough grass here.

-It was touch and go, see...

-What the fuck do you want

-and why the fuck are you here?

-I went to get the sheep.

-He was...

-Shut the fuck up. You went in this?

-I put her in the bucket.

-Do you know how much it weighs?

-Do you know how easy it is

-for a tractor to get stuck...

-..not to mention a fucking Merlo?

-..not to mention a fucking Merlo?

-

-Fair play...

-Fuck off. Shut your fucking mouth.

-Where's the sheep?

-In the shed. I gave her jabs.

-I gave her magnesium and calcium,

-so she should be OK.

-The 65's battery was flat.

-Jump start the 65 instead

-of fucking about with the Merlo.

-Jump leads.

-Dews fucked this up.

-It wasn't me.

-It was OK when I saw it.

-It wasn't me!

-It was broken.

-There was fuck all holding it on.

-So I have to get this fixed,

-jump start the 65...

-..the sheep

-is probably fucking dead...

-No, the sheep is in the shed.

-We saved the sheep's life.

-She's lucky to be alive.

-Find the jump leads, fast.

-Get a move on.

-Jimmy Glitter. This is a nice

-surprise. How can we help you?

-I haven't said

-you can use the scene.

-What scene?

-You know exactly what I'm talking

-about. You said you'd cut it out.

-I cut it down.

-Stop changing your bloody mind.

-They're furious. They want

-to send the footage to the RSPCA.

-What have you been doing?

-Where's the cash?

-Please, please! We're talking

-about dropping one sequence.

-I don't think this would

-disadvantage the project.

-Why don't you call us cabbages

-and be done with it?

-You're putting words in my mouth.

-You're putting words in my mouth.

-

-You can't take advantage of me.

-I don't care

-that it's just one sequence.

-If it's not in, we're walking.

-Hey, Heti! I've got the sacks.

-Hey, Heti! I've got the sacks.

-

-No!

-I've gathered the sacks.

-I've a selection of sacks

-to go sledging.

-You wear it like a vest and

-turn yourself into a human sledge.

-Let's go, Heti.

-Let's go, Heti.

-

-No!

-Where are you going, Spielberg?

-Where are you going, Spielberg?

-

-Sledging.

-I'll come.

-Right-o. Will you leave that here?

-Right-o. Will you leave that here?

-

-No.

-I promise you,

-we'll have a lot of fun.

-She's excited. We're almost there.

-It's a major operation...

-..making sure all

-the children are wrapped up...

-..nice and warm

-so they don't catch pneumonia.

-It's a big responsibility

-to be a father.

-We're going sledging!

-It's not far now.

-Come on, Heti.

-Let's sing a song.

-No! There's shit on your boots

-and my boots. And it's your fault.

-It's your fault that we're sledging

-where the sheep are.

-Do you want to help me

-build a sledge?

-No.

-Then we can go fast!

-Please just leave me alone.

-Just watch this. It's fun.

-Do you want to go on the sledge?

-I want mummy.

-Watch this.

-Dews on the toboggan.

-Now then! Heti, come back!

-No! I don't like sledging.

-What?

-I don't like sledging.

-Please come back.

-Heti!

-Go and get her.

-Don't argue, just go and get her.

-Why did you force her do it?

-We need to take advantage

-of rare days like this.

-Who knows what the future holds...

-..with global warming

-and the melting ice caps...

-..and people chopping the rainforest

-down, and killing the orangutans?

-Maybe the snow...

-A couple of shots of me coming down.

-Zoom in with that button...

-..then zoom out

-when I reach the bottom.

-Does that make sense?

-Watch this.

-DEWI SCREAMS

-Fucking hell!

-What the fuck was that?!

-Fucking hitting me with a spade!

-It was hilarious.

-Think it's fucking hilarious,

-do you?

-I'll put it on YouTube.

-Wait until I speak to your father.

-My father?

-Are you sure you want to do that?

-Are you sure?

-OK... fuck off.

-Spielberg.

-Right then.

-Things have cooled down a bit now.

-Del has started the tractor.

-So everything is back on track.

-We jump started it.

-We were almost in the village

-by the time we started it.

-Del and Huwi are talking.

-There's hope for us yet.

-Alright, boys?

-You got the tractor to go, then.

-You sorted it then.

-Yes, it wouldn't start earlier.

-Hang on.

-DEWS SWITCHES ENGINE OFF

-DEWS SWITCHES ENGINE OFF

-

-Don't switch it off!

-What the fuck are you doing?

-You fucking prick.

-Fuck off!

-Fucking hell.

-Has he cooled down now?

-What's wrong with him?

-There's a lot of things on.

-I didn't do it on purpose.

-My mind is on other things.

-He's not in a good mood.

-You have to watch what you say.

-I know what will cheer him up.

-Is he down there now?

-Is he down there now?

-

-Yes.

-Let's have a snowball fight,

-like when we were children.

-We'll hide here...

-..collect snowballs, and ambush him.

-Right-o.

-That'll put a smile on his face.

-Maybe.

-Dad would come out, and then we'd

-ambush him. Snowballs everywhere.

-Dad stood there,

-defiant like a giant.

-Let him have it.

-Very fucking funny, boys.

-Leave him.

-Are you OK?

-What's wrong?

-He's mad. Get up.

-Come on, John Wayne.

-Fucking hell.

-OK? Your hat is here. Dews, hat.

-How are you, Mamgu? Come in, Dews.

-Hello, Mamgu.

-You've arrived safely.

-Come here, Huwi. You're a good one.

-Why did you go

-and upset Delwyn like that?

-You get the children

-for a few hours...

-..and Heti comes back soaked

-to the skin, frozen like a...

-Choc Ice, Mamgu?

-Choc Ice, Mamgu?

-

-Help yourself.

-You're too busy

-playing with that stupid camera!

-If you come to live here,

-you live by my rules!

-I don't want

-the camera near the house.

-I want you out in the garden

-from 8am to 6pm.

-Supper at six, bed at nine,

-lights off and no television.

-But it's dark by four

-and the ground is frozen.

-No excuses!

-You need some discipline.

-If you'd done

-what I asked you to do...

-..and not fooled about

-in the snow like some fucking...

-Fucking penguin?

-No need for that language, Huwi.

-Clean the gutters, and

-pressure wash the fucking patio.

-I'll get a ladder.

-You come inside

-to keep Mamgu company.

-Pobol Y Cwm is starting now.

-Jason and Sara have fallen out.

-S4C Subtitles by Gwead

-.