Episode 2 Man In An Orange Shirt

This programme contains some strong language,

some scenes which some viewers may find upsetting

and some scenes of a sexual nature.

DISTANT SIREN WAILS

HORN, LOUD SIREN

Here, Mrs Flora.

Ooh.

Thank you. Bless you, Rita.

Now he's had his boosters, you can take him to the park

so he can play with his friends.

And, if you ask Amanda nicely,

she'll give him a treat cos he's been brave.

All right?

Go on!

Er, Myra Nicholson?

That's me.

But, er, you can call me Steve.

Hello, Myra.

There we go.

OK.

19's a good age, but her heart's given out.

We should put her to sleep to spare her suffering.

I hadn't realised how long I'd...

Do you need a moment?

No, it's fine.

I hadn't expected to...

CAT MEOWS

Bloody cat!

You know, she resented me from the start.

I'm sorry.

PHONE BEEPS

Ah.

GROANING AND SHOUTING

I'm off now, Mrs Flora.

Oh, goodnight.

-Buona notte.

-Buona notte. I left shepherd's pie and broccoli for you.

I turn it down so it doesn't dry out.

-Oh, you spoil me.

-Oh!

Home at last, Adam.

Night, Rita. All good with my granny?

Same old, same old.

Well, you could take the food out of the oven.

I love your plate warmer.

What? Don't you mock me! It's generational.

My generation has toast racks and plate warmers

and yours has double espresso machines and dating apps.

How do you know about dating apps?

Oh, you know. Rita's my Google.

By the way, that jacket needs to go to the dry cleaners -

something on the shoulder.

Really?

On the back.

I do hope this is all right. She always over-seasons.

Oh!

You're looking a bit flushed.

It's, er, it's London.

Hm. You're like me. I hate crowds.

Am I like you?

Of course you are.

Dinner with Claudie next week, before her twins arrive.

Oh!

Well, she'll make a better mother than I ever did.

You did all right with me.

I was lucky. Fate gave me a second chance.

My bridge cronies always asking me, "When is he going to settle down?"

and I say to them, "You know, some of us prefer our own company."

That's what I tell them.

WATER RUNS

PHONE BEEPS

RINGING

CLICK

Hi. It's-it's Adam again, from the vet's.

I've brought...

BUZZER

LIFT DINGS

You'd better come in.

Oh, hi. I was expecting Steve.

Of course you were. But I'm Caspar.

Do you live here, too?

I do, rather.

Oh, is that, er..?

Yes. I'm sorry it had to happen when you were away.

Hm.

Well, I have to nip to the post

but you'll find Steve in his study in need of distraction.

Hello?

You can't leave them there.

Oh, hi.

Caspar would have a fit.

Sorry, I...

I just thought I'd drop off Myra's ashes, er, on my way home.

I thought the box was quite nice.

Yeah, but it's not Biedermeier.

Caspar's been known to change hotels if the carpet upsets him.

Er, what are you working on?

A redesign of a perfect flat in Limehouse.

All my work gets undone.

I mean, if you heal a dog, right, it stays healed.

Er, unhappy people can have persistently unhappy pets.

So you're an architect?

No, erm... Caspar swept me off my feet before I qualified.

This place is really quite nice.

Your ten-minute call.

I'm sorry, erm...

So, Tracy and thingy want more bubbly,

and Gavin wants another glass of that stuff he likes.

OK. Who's "thingy"?

You know, the one with the...

-Hey.

-Hey!

-You are vast.

-I'm a whale. Twins. Nightmare.

What am I saying? It's brilliant!

It suits you.

Well, thank God it turns him on because it's made me so horny.

So, erm...

What?

I wanted to see you properly, but I've done that thing again.

I thought it was just going to be us.

Yeah, I know, but there's someone I want you to meet.

Hi, David.

His name is Dwight, he teaches drama.

CHATTER

So, Adrian.

Adam.

Yeah. How do you know David?

Er, I... Claudie was my girlfriend at uni.

Oh. Oh, but I thought you were...

Yeah, I am.

I turned him.

I love how relaxed you Brits are.

I was told you'd be all uptight and judgmental.

And two doubles with an overtrick.

Oh, that's, erm... Oh, I can't work it out.

Oh, with all this excitement, I've just got to pee.

They've been on two dates now!

What, to the theatre?

No, to a hotel.

She's on some pills.

It certainly helps her card play.

I don't understand.

I was... It was such a relief, when I could quietly give up.

But your Michael died so young.

No, he was 60.

Yes, but...

Oh, I'm just not wired that way.

Never have been.

Hey!

Hey.

We've hardly spoken.

Yeah, er, will you make my apologies, this is my round.

No, it's me you apologise to.

He better be worth it.

Let me see.

Yeah, and his face?

Oh!

Oh, yeah, he's hotter than Dwight. That voice!

It'd be like sleeping with a chainsaw.

Sorry.

I worry about you. That could be anyone.

Is that the cock of a serial killer?

This is so not OK.

You are leaving a table of friends just to fuck a complete stranger.

You used to envy me and now you're judging.

Hell, yes, I'm judging. It's not cool.

It's just weird.

I will give you a full report.

I'm not sure I want you to be godfather.

PHONE BEEPS

PANTING AND GRUNTING

-Ow!

-Oh, sorry, sorry.

Yeah. This...

You're-You're very passionate.

Oh, sorry.

No, no, no, don't be stupid. It was hot.

What did you say your name was again?

Oh, I didn't.

Oh, well, I-I'm Bruno.

Hello, Bruno.

I'd like to do that again.

Anything's possible.

Sorry, but, er, after that, I need to go and use the bathroom.

So just, er, play some music, will you, or something?

Where've you gone now?

Just fixing your router.

Oh, can't it wait?

Almost done.

Well, it's really kind of you to get all that kit for me,

but, I mean, apart from e-mails, I never use the internet.

I know. But I do.

-Now, then, you sit down. Eat, while it's still warm.

-OK.

Oh, no, not again. She puts chilli in, all the time.

Poor Rita. It's fine.

So, something important, you said.

Um, from the letting agents.

They're not going ahead with the cottage.

Says it's too much work to be done to be lettable.

So, I want to give you that cottage now, rather than you have it later.

You know, it's good for a man to have a project

and it'll get you out of the city.

HE SIGHS

God. Wow.

-Thank you.

-Hm.

-Thank you!

Oh, come on, there you go, eat while it's still warm, please.

You're a good boy, Merlin, all right, bye-bye.

Hello, Steve.

Yes. Yes, it is.

Er, look, erm, this is really unprofessional, but...

FOOTSTEPS

So, they never actually put central heating in, which is amazing!

There's a proper hole in one of the bedroom floors.

I should probably just sell it, as is.

No, no, no, it's brilliant.

You just have to dig past all the crap.

You...you can't sell. You're not seeing it. Oh...

So, erm, was it like your parents' weekend cottage, or...?

No. We never came here.

Perhaps Flora did before she let it, but I...really don't know.

Right who's...who's Flora?

Oh, my grandmother. Christ. All this depressing junk!

CLANKING

-Oh, that's nice.

-You see?

I'd really, really like to do a job like this, Adam.

I...

It's like working on a site with my brothers when I was growing up.

The whole hands-on...

I'm bored of tarting up kitchens!

What would Caspar think of you working outside of London?

Well, we're not joined at the hip and, er,

and he's in Brighton with his latest app-squeeze.

-Oh, really?

-Yeah.

You don't mind?

I don't own him.

What?

Do you mind kissing me?

BACKGROUND NOISE FADES TO SILENCE

ADAM SIGHS

Oh...

Am I, er...

-..am I barking up the wrong tree?

-No. No.

Whoa!

What?

Well, it's not a porn film, I...

Listen, Adam,

there's a person in these jeans, OK?

I can't...

HE BREATHES HEAVILY

I can't.

This is... I'm sorry.

Sorry. Did I misread...?

-I should sell the place. It's such a lot of work.

-Oh.

OK.

I'll make my own way from here.

Really?

Yeah.

I'll pay for your time.

Whatever.

I'll wait!

Adam? How did it go?

You were late back.

I...I took a designer friend with me for a second opinion and, er,

he likes it, but I...

So, is your instinct, what, to sell?

Probably.

-Oh, that's a shame.

-I'd better get on.

Perhaps we could...

Scooby's ashes are here when you want to collect them, OK?

All right, bye-bye.

Look, I know you want to sell,

but I couldn't stop thinking of all you could do there.

Can I show you?

Erm, not here. Erm, we've a backlog from this morning.

I finish at five. Erm, er...

There's a cafe down the street.

Er, could you please get me Amy's profile?

I wasn't sure you'd come.

I owe you an apology. For the weekend. I...

It doesn't matter. It was my fault, I...

Anyway...

Do what you like with these.

May even help you to sell it

if you can get someone to see past the hideous wallpaper... I'm talking too much.

Sorry.

I'll shut up.

These are beautiful. Seriously.

Thank you.

I was a prat on Sunday.

I'm not used to, erm...

..you know.

No, but...

Er, thanks for doing these.

I don't know what I want to do with the cottage,

but I should pay you.

That's fine. Erm...

They're a present.

Call me, er...

..if you change your mind, or whatever.

Coffee?

Thanks.

I saw Adam Berryman again today.

I want to do that cottage, Caspar.

Well, what about Hugo's new place?

Hugo needs therapy, not new taps.

It'll be a great opportunity for me.

But countryside, country people...

You're probably right to sell it.

Gin!

Gin again.

Who did you go with?

A friend I made through work.

Steve.

PHONE CLICKS

Hi.

Hey, boss.

Someone's happy.

Like you wouldn't believe!

I'm not redesigning another high-end kitchen.

I'm in heaven!

So...

You skiving?

Er...

Saturday surgery is only short and they owe me so much leave.

Good.

PHONE BEEPS

Mr Popular.

Trust me.

Living with Caspar, I could write a thesis on sex addiction.

So...was your dad tough on you?

Erm, let's just say his model of masculinity wasn't exactly

Lord Berners.

You've no idea who that is.

-LAUGHS:

-No.

Just tell me that you can't explain the offside rule.

If you're closer to your opponents' goal line than both the ball and...

I so had you there.

ADAM LAUGHS

Bitch!

If beds could talk, eh?

I'm sure this had a quiet and blameless life.

It's getting late.

I should go.

Well, I got a lot more done with you here, so...

It's only Sunday tomorrow.

Or do you have a hot date?

That old sofa, erm, folds out into a bed, of sorts.

Oh, this is so good. How did you...?

Pepper, salt, lemon...

It's just steak!

Do you both cook?

What?

Sorry. Erm, yes, we both enjoy cooking when we're in.

Thanks. We go out...a lot.

Do you mind me asking you all these questions?

I never get a chance to...

Stick around long enough to make conversation?

I'm sorry. That was mean.

Erm...

You're not even out, are you?

I bet you've still not told your granny.

Oh, Flora is so not a granny.

Not in so many words. She's...

..she's never invited confidences.

And you're scared she'd...

I, erm... I-I-I don't know.

Is that rain?

No.

This is nice.

Yeah.

-Steve.

-Yeah?

-It's a picture.

Yeah. No. erm, you have grease on your hands.

Oh.

You're better off just blowing. Close your eyes.

One, two, three.

Wow.

HE SIGHS

KNOCK ON DOOR Adam, can I come in?

Hm, come in.

Now, erm...

No, you're...you're going to spoil your appetite if you eat all this.

Oh, no, I've been working so hard all weekend, I'm starving.

Steve has a real vision for how we can...

Now, doesn't he have a life in London?

Er, no. Well, it's complicated.

He has Caspar.

Erm, an art dealer, but they're what Steve calls semidetached, so...

SHE LAUGHS

I have to show you this.

We found it in the cupboard.

I thought it was really rather lovely, you know.

It might have been...

I don't remember that.

It must have belonged to the Brewers.

Well, it's addressed to you and Grandpa.

"To Flora and Michael

"in the hope the enclosed might one day hang

"in your drawing room.

"Thomas."

Who was Thomas?

Oh, he was a friend of your grandfather's.

But we didn't like the picture and, erm,

we put it away, chucked it out.

Why did you just pretend that you...?

I can forgive.

Hm... It's how you're made.

I wish you would be discreet,

but of course, that's my age.

What?

You and the man.

There's nothing between... There's nothing...

Well, I never expected when I gave you the cottage

that you'd turn it into somewhere that you'd bring your latest...

-Stop.

-..pick-up.

-Just stop, right there.

-You're using your father's money...

-Just stop!

I'm 34 years old.

And I'm still hiding in your basement.

Is it any wonder...?

It's no business of yours who I fuck.

I don't need to hear this.

I'm sorry. Silly of me to forget

that anything below the neck disgusts you!

I mean, do you ever lose control?

-What do you mean?

-Well, did you ever need to give yourself...

I loved your grandfather!

Yes, but passion!

Yes!

I loved him!

With passion!

Shit!

All right. You win.

I've been ashamed...all my life.

-And I wonder why that was!

-Yes, you should be ashamed.

Because it is terrible, it's disgusting to live

with other people, as if you were animals.

Animals?

Yes! ANIMALS!

Argh!

I always feel as if I'm in the wrong. It's not fair.

RINGING

Come on, Steve, come on.

-ANSWERING SERVICE:

-The person you are calling is not available.

Shit!

Fuck!

MOTOR STARTS

# We are strong

# We're not looking for where we belong

# We're not cool... #

Have you got somewhere we can go that isn't halfway to Gatwick?

-Yeah.

-Good.

-PHONE BEEPS

-You want another drink?

Where do you think you're going?

If that was you. Here I am.

Let's go.

No, mate.

Well, what are you waiting for? Fuck off.

MAN URINATES

HE SCOFFS You want some?

Ah, yes, that's right, take it.

-MUFFLED:

-No... Fuck!

ADAM CHOKES

CAR APPROACHES

CAR DOOR CLOSES

BANGING ON DOOR

Hey, I...I'm sorry. I didn't know where else to go.

I-I had a huge row with...

and then I... I'm sorry.

It's your place.

God, I must stink. I need a shower.

I-I-I left a message at work.

I've taken tomorrow off. I'm sorry for waking you.

-Even the shower's not working.

-Oh, shit.

-New pump comes tomorrow...

Yeah, I-I... The sink is fine. Just go to bed.

-Have you...?

-Go to bed.

RAPID SCRUBBING

SCRUBBING CONTINUES

ADAM SIGHS

It's OK.

It's not OK.

It'll be OK.

Here.

Don't you want to talk?

I wouldn't know where to start.

OK.

-WHISPERS:

-Bloody hell. Bloody hell.

-I'm sorry, I...

-Shh, shh.

I don't think I can.

Could you just hold me...

..until I sleep?

Sure.

ADAM SIGHS

Sure.

BIRDS CHIRP

HE SIGHS

HE SIGHS

So, what happens now?

I want you.

But I'm going to have to tell him.

I don't do casual. I-I can't do app sex.

I need more.

OK.

No, really, I ca...

..I can't share you.

Look. Deleted it.

It's just going to feel weird me...me paying you...

No. You're just humping the help.

-I will tell you when it gets weird.

-Yeah?

The trouble with open relationships is

they don't end with a satisfying, plate-smashing row.

They just become about coffee beans and cat litter.

Yeah.

He is so inexperienced.

Oh, is that what they call it nowadays?

You know what I mean.

CASPAR CHUCKLES

Just promise me you don't think you can save him from himself.

You saved me.

You just needed pointing in the right direction.

Oh, it was a lovely send-off - perfect music

and readings by all the grandchildren.

Oh, but we all knew that relations had broken down

between her and their parents years ago.

You're lucky Adam's so close.

Yes, I am, aren't I?

Flora?

Oh, sorry. Miles away. Where are we?

Agnes passed, I opened a heart and Geraldine said two clubs.

Are you quite well, dear?

Thank you.

DISTANT LAUGHTER

SHE SIGHS

LAUGHTER RESUMES

-CASPAR:

-You are a mysterious...

GLASSES CLINK

Look, I just want to say, I am so happy that you are all able

to help us celebrate finally getting sewage mains.

Erm, but seriously, erm,

it's good to meet Adam's surprisingly wholesome friends.

And, er, and I just...

You didn't tell me you were inviting Flora.

Flora!

Hi!

Hello.

I'm sorry, I should have rung.

D-Don't be silly.

It's good to see you.

Yes.

I came to bring you this.

Well, it belongs here. With you.

Thank you.

Come and meet Steve.

They're so sweet when they're new.

When they're sleeping. Or they've just been fed, yeah.

THEY LAUGH

Steve's a honey.

-You must be really glad Adam's finally met someone.

-Hm.

He's very...

I-I'm trying to adjust,

Claudie, I can't turn overnight into a liberal.

This is rather good, you know. March has become very collectable.

Oh, I see.

I wish I hadn't told Michael to throw away his painting.

So how well did you know Thomas March?

Not at all well.

They were at school together and in the Army.

"To Flora and Michael, in the hope that one day the enclosed

"might hang in your drawing room."

What was enclosed with it?

Oh, Thomas was probably drunk.

He must have meant the painting.

Can I have some wine?

Yes, of course.

Would you mind? I think there's something peculiar about the frame

-There is?

-Something odd going on.

And it's just a hunch.

Oh, my goodness.

Yeah. There's definitely a second painting under there.

WHISTLING

It's Grandpa, isn't it?

SHE WHIMPERS

Hey, it's OK. Hey...

Here.

I thought I'd won.

Won what?

His love.

But Thomas March loved Michael,

and Michael loved Thomas March.

Grandpa was gay.

Yes.

Grandpa was gay.

He loved me, but he married me to be like everybody else.

How did you find out?

Oh, his love letters.

They were beautiful.

And I burnt them.

You burnt them?

I was angry and scared that Michael would be sent to prison.

Thomas was.

I thought I'd won.

I ruined both of their lives.

They hurt you, too.

WHISPERS: Yes.

I wish I'd known him.

Oh, thank you.

Could you ever imagine...

What?

..having kids with me?

I so could.

I got so broody today with those twins around.

Me, too.

Thanks for making today so special.

Teamwork.

PHONE BEEPS

I'm so sorry. It's just I...

Wished you'd left it on silent?

I did delete it.

Yeah, but then you put it...

Steve, it's a habit.

I didn't... I haven't...

OK.

Steve? Steve!

Hey, Steve, come on! Steve?!

PHONE BEEPS

Shit!

-SHOUTS:

-Shit!

HE BREATHES HEAVILY

My God, are you all right?

What's happened?

What's happened? Are you hurt?

HE SOBS Come on.

Come on now. Now, let's sit down.

Here we go. There we go.

I'm sorry. He left me.

Oh...

It's all my fault.

It's all my fucking-around fault.

Weren't you...weren't you happy together?

I've never been so happy in my life.

Oh, you must go after him.

You can't lose him.

I'm sorry...I'm sorry for waking you.

No. I'm glad you came to me.

I just thought of something.

I-I thought of something.

I'd forgotten all about it until I-I saw the painting.

Erm, here.

When I thought I was losing Michael,

oh, I fought like a tigress.

To get him back, I was all ferocity.

Oh, I was. There was no pride.

Now, this is a letter your grandfather Michael wrote,

he never sent it.

I found it after he died.

Well, you'll see. I want you to keep it.

Keep everything.

And, you know, whatever happens,

I know that your grandfather Michael and Thomas would have been

very, very proud of you.

Oh, darling.

Thank you.

HE SIGHS

HE CLEARS THROAT

"My darling Thomas. I'm at work.

"Nobody knows I'm writing to you here.

"You refuse my visits,

"so you're probably tearing up my letters, too.

"But there's nothing else I can do but keep trying.

"It's beyond my control, do you see?

"All those months ago, when I had nothing to lose, really,

"I wrote to you in my head

"but was too cowardly to set more than lies on paper.

"And now, I find I no longer care.

"The love I feel for you runs through me like grain through wood.

"I love you, Thomas.

"Your face, your voice, your touch

"enter my mind at the least opportune moments

"and I find I have no power to withstand them.

"No desire to.

"I want us to be together, as we were in the cottage.

"Only for ever, not just a weekend.

"I want it to go on so long that it feels normal.

"I think of you constantly.

"Your face, your breath on my neck at night.

"I want to do all the ordinary,

"un-bedroomy things we never got around to doing.

"Making toast. Raking leaves.

"Sitting in silence.

"I love you, Thomas.

"I've always loved you.

"I see that now.

"Tell me I'm not too late."