Love Me Tender Mind the Gap

# Rock-a-hula

# Rock rock-a-hula

# Rock-a-hula Rock rock-a-hula

# Rock-a-hula

# Rock rock-a-hula

# Rock-a-hula Rock rock-a-hula

# Rock-a-hula Rock rock-a-hula rock-a-hula

# Rock!

# Rock-a-hula rock

# A-hula rock a-hula rock a-hula rock

# The way she moves her hips up to her fingertips

# I feel I'm heaven bound And when she starts to sway

# I've gotta say She really moves the grass around

# Rock-a-hula baby Rock-a-hula baby

# Got a hula lulu from Honolulu... #

I haven't finished yet, Dad.

-Where's your mum?

-Got a bit of overtime.

She shouldn't be long.

# Although I love to kiss my little hula miss

# I never get the chance... #

Did your mum not make anything?

I'm just heating it up, Dad.

# Rock a-hula baby rock... #

Christ, where is she?

# ..Honolulu That rock-a-hula baby of mine

# Oh well, that rock-a-hula baby of mine. #

Mm.

Oh, that smells good, son.

I couldn't finish the hoovering because Dad pulled the plug out.

I think someone pulled out his plug.

# You ain't nothing but a hound dog... #

Jesus Christ, Rosie!

Oh, it's alive, is it?

RECORD CONTINUES, SHE WHOOPS

Do you think they're going to have to confess this to Father Rennie?

They'll probably get at least five Hail Marys.

Woo!

Maybe with a couple of Our Fathers thrown in.

Jesus, I think we're talking...

Curl your lip again.

No, I feel stupid.

Oh, you don't know what that does to me.

Come on upstairs and show me.

-I can't.

-The boys'll not notice.

It's not that, I'm working in an hour.

I thought you'd finished.

I know, but they offered me a few hours at the pub tonight.

-HE GROANS

-How many jobs have you got?

Erm... Woollies on a Saturday,

three days cleaning, cafe Tuesday, Thursday,

the pub, the bakers...

Come on, Rosie, give someone else a chance!

That's the third time this week Billy's done the housework.

I can't stand any more of our Davy's cooking.

I'm saving, OK?

You're not still on about that, are you?

I told you I was going to do it.

I thought you'd ditched that idea.

You should know me better than that, Billy.

She still got this daft idea of going to America, then?

Aye. To see Elvis, when he gets back from national service in Germany.

She no realise that people like us go to Blackpool for our holidays?

The nearest we get to LA is Lytham St Anne's.

You're going to have to put your foot down, Billy boy.

A working man like yourself cannae live on choccy bar alone.

There's more creases in that than a bulldog's arse.

You're going to have to show her who's boss,

otherwise she's going to walk all over you, Billy boy.

Look at this place.

It's like...

It's unnatural.

You should think yourself lucky we don't have a bigger bedroom.

It's obsessive.

You go and see Ayr United play every week.

At least I don't travel 4,000 bloody miles to see them.

You went to Aberdeen once.

-Make sure your dad eats all his veg.

-OK.

Tea's on the table, Da.

Remember and...wash your hands.

SHE SIGHS

BIRDSONG

So you're not in a bad mood with me, then?

I seen him staring down at us like that all the time.

You know, it's as if he was living here with us

instead of being in Germany.

I'm working in the pub today,

but I won't be late.

Wait a minute. Your Rosie still working in The George?

Aye. She's there today.

It's just that the manager owes me a couple of favours.

You know, for getting him a few wee bargains - for his burd.

-Nice one, Tommy.

-Aye.

Aye.

Should you boys not be out playing football,

or stealing hubcaps off motors?

DOOR OPENS

Davey, get your ma a cuppa tea.

Billy, give him a hand.

I can make a cuppa tea myself.

I know, but I want one as well.

Go on, Billy.

All right, love?

Davy, give me that tin, will you?

It's a bit strange.

I got the sack from The George.

You're joking!

That's terrible.

I suppose that knocks your trip for six.

Oh, it worked out quite well, really, cos I went to The Swan

and he's given me more shifts with a better rate of pay.

I'm starting the night.

I thought you drank at The George?

Barred us, didn't he?

Sacked your wife for me, right,

so all the regulars have moved over here.

It's dead over there.

It's as popular as a wain's funeral, so it is.

It's not just affecting you now, it's spreading like a virus

and you, Billy boy, are the only one with the antidote.

INAUDIBLE

-Where's your ma?

-She got some...

Some overtime, yeah, I know.

Billy, put that ladder away.

Davy, stop polishing. Your ma will do that when she gets in.

It's OK. We don't mind doing it.

Yeah, actually, we quite enjoy it.

Just do as I tell you!

What's wrong with you two?

-Where did you get that?

-Bought it, didn't I?

Only people on the street, I bet, that's got one.

They'll be queueing up to see it.

How did you afford it?

You spent my Elvis money on that?

I never see you, do I?

The boys do all the housework.

I look like a jakey.

The only thing I ever have at lunchtime's a bloody choccy bar.

I want a normal life!

Oh, you mean you want mince on a Monday and fish on a Friday.

And the highlight of the year is a week in Rothesay playing putting in the pissing-down rain!

Yeah. Yeah, that's exactly what I want!

What's wrong with that?!

You want to watch the telly, boys?

# Tomorrow night

# Will you remember what you said tonight

# Tomorrow night

# Will all the thrill be gone?

# Tomorrow night

# Will it be just another memory?

# Or just another song

# That's in my heart

# To linger on...? #

Would you look at that, Tommy, eh?

A sight to behold.

I've been halfway round the world with the Merchant Navy

and nothing holds a candle to that.

Truly, that is the king of sarnies.

Nice doughy bread.

Break yer teeth wi' that crust. Beautiful.

Look, the wee darlin's even slid in a bit of floppy greenery.

See, that is a woman's touch.

I can only compare that to the first time I shagged a lassie.

Look. You could saw a man in half wi' one of them.

Welcome back to the world of masculinity, son.

I'm trying to make the tea.

You putting on weight?

Are ye dancing?

# You ain't nothin' but a hound dog

# Cryin' all the time

# You ain't nothin' but a hound dog

# Cryin' all the time

# Well, you ain't never caught a rabbit

# And you ain't no friend of mine

# Well, they said you was high-classed

# But that was just a lie

# Yeah, they said you was high-classed

# Well, that was just a lie

# Well, you ain't never caught a rabbit

# And you ain't no friend of mine

# You ain't nothin' but a hound dog

# Cryin' all the time. #

Strange times, Tommy.

Things are really weird in the hoose.

Rosie's hardly talking.

She's putting on the beef.

She's lost that...sparkle.

She disnae even listen to Elvis anymore.

You've cracked it, son.

That's what we all strive for.

We all know how to do it.

some sort of strange brainwash or something,

but we turn our wives into our mothers

because they're the ones who looked after us the best.

Obviously we wouldnae sleep wi' our mas, so...

we have to go somewhere else for it.

Mm?

Fed and watered in your own house,

pampered and pumped in somebody else's.

# I am just a lonesome cowboy

# And I'm travelling all alone

# I ain't even got a nickel... #

I told you, I cannae be bothered.

Shit.

Tommy was right.

What's Tommy got to do with it?

Nothing.

Since when did you start taking sleeping pills?

Be putting all those sheep jumping over fences on the brew.

I'm going to be doing night shifts.

Get some extra money.

What do you think?

I've never seen it at night.

It's like a giant nest of birds all waiting to migrate.

I don't fancy getting shat on by one of them from 30,000 feet.

BELL RINGS

What you doing?

What do you think I'm doing?

I'm folding her clothes.

It's a perk, Billy.

Right?

See anything you fancy?

No, no, nothing for me.

Fine.

SHE SIGHS

-Want a hand?

-Aw, thanks, Billy boy.

Bloody unscheduled flight coming in for Hamburg...to refuel.

You'd think they'd carry an extra couple of gallons onboard, eh?

Wait a minute!

Your wife's an Elvis fan.

Aye, was,

till I cocked things up.

She's gonnae be dead jealous of you.

How do you mean?

This plane that's coming in for Hamburg - Elvis is on it.

Billy!

Billy!

Heads.

Close enough.

PHONE RINGS

-NEIGHBOUR:

-Answer that bloody phone!

SHE SNORES, PHONE RINGS

Prestwick 195.

Billy? Billy, listen, it's your da.

Yer da!

You know, the man that wears a donkey jacket.

Listen, Billy, go and get yer ma.

Ma ma's taken a sleeping pill.

I don't care if she's taken the entire bottle of sleeping pills!

Billy, listen, listen.

Tell your ma...

Tell your ma there's an unscheduled flight from Hamburg

coming into Prestwick.

Bloody hell!

Ma, wake up.

Wake up! Ma!

Ma!

Wake up!

HE WHISPERS

SHE GASPS

Billy!

Iron my good frock and tell Davy to give my stilettos a polish.

Oh, and, Billy?

When you've finished ironing,

come and tell me what a gorgeous ma you've got. Go, go! Vamoose!

Ah!

# Love me tender

# Love me sweet

# Never let me go

# You have made my life complete

# And I love you so

# Love me tender

# Love me true

# All my dreams fulfil

# For my darlin'

# I love you... #

For a second...

..I thought you actually WERE Elvis.

No. He's up there.

# Love me long

# Take me to your heart

# For it's there that I belong

# And we'll never part

# Love me tender

# Love me true

# All my dreams fulfil

# For my darlin'

# I love you

# And I always will. #

# Some people like to rock

# Some people like to roll

# But moving and a-grooving's gonna satisfy my soul

-# Let's have a party

-Let's have a party

-# Let's have a party

-Let's have a party

# Send 'im to the store Let's buy some more

# Let's have a party tonight

# Have a party tonight. #