The Milkman Moving On

MILKMAN WHISTLES

WESTERN SHOWDOWN MUSIC

AMERICAN STEEL GUITAR MUSIC

Hey! Get off! It's not a bus!

Just drop us at school, Bugsy! It's on your way!

I'll tell your ma! I know where you live! Whoo!

Yee-hah!

-Argh!

-Bugsy!

Bugsy!

Bugsy, stop!

-Dylan! Are you all right?

-Are you OK?

-You slipped. You must have slipped.

-Me gloves. Am I bleeding?

-You need to go to hospital.

-I'm all right. It's nothing.

Are you sure you're all right?

I'm going to be dead tonight. Me ma's going to kill me.

-You could've killed yourself!

-He's sound!

-No more lifts, right? No more.

-We could sit in the front.

No. I'm not insured. That's it. You walk from now on.

Game over.

And Dylan put a big hole in the elbow of his blazer this morning.

Oh, aye? Here we go.

It's not about the blazer. I'll patch it up.

How much do you want? 20? 30?

It's not the blazer. It's the landlord.

Tenancy agreement's up next month and he's raising the rent,

"to reflect the local market". And my housing benefit won't cover it.

-He wants an extra 25 quid...a week.

-What? Can he do that?

-That pair next door, it's what they pay.

-But even so...

I don't want to move, Clive. I grew up here.

I used to play in these streets. And me mum's round the corner,

the kids have got their mates, their cousins, the school.

But an extra 100 quid a month...

It's not a problem. I can cover it...

Oh, God, Clive! Thanks, mate!

..if you let me move back in.

It's a family house. Let's be a family again.

Why not? Seriously. I love you.

I love the kids. Why not?

KNOCKING

Goal! The crowd goes wild!

SHE MOUTHS WORDS AND KNOCKS WINDOW

You're OK then? No permanent brain damage or nothing?

What are you doing here?

I was worried. Serious business, head injuries.

I told you. It's sound. We're sound.

Good. I got you something.

-Why?

-Eh, I've had you in a hospital bed all day.

Share it with your mates. It's better than grapes.

Don't say why when someone's giving you a chocolate bar.

Oi! What are you doing?

It's all right, Dad.

Why's he giving you that? What's he saying?

Erm, I'm sorry, mate. Is this your lad?

-I was worried about him.

-He's the milkman.

Stop it! He is! He is the milkman.

I don't care what he does for a living. He's a nonce! You can tell just by looking at him.

Why won't I have you back? There's your answer!

You're knocking off the milkman?

No! Your temper! Just go home!

Go!

-Are you and him not together then?

-In his dreams. Hold your head back.

-Honestly, there's no need.

-Let me just clean it up for you.

I was asking for it, really. I didn't think.

Do as your told!

I just wanted to put my mind at rest.

-I was going to knock and see how he was.

-It was a nice thing to do.

-And what's the thanks you get?

-You can't give kids chocolate, not in this day and age.

Most people'd be giving them ASBOs. I know they've been pestering you.

They're good kids. Just loads of energy.

They think it's ADHD next door. But they're just snobs.

-I'm sorry about the name calling.

-Sounds like they deserve it.

No, what the kids have been calling you. It won't happen again.

They call me Bugsy. Everyone calls me Bugsy.

You don't mind?

It's after the film, Bugsy Malone.

-Oh, right. OK.

-My name's Maloney. Brian Maloney.

But that was me dad's name as well, so... He was a milkman.

He used to deliver round here, and on his way back to the depot

he'd have kids hitching a lift to school.

It was like a Calcutta bus sometimes, he used to say.

He'd shout at them to get off, but they took no notice.

He thought it was great. He loved kids, me dad.

-I remember him.

-Do you?

What's your name?

Are you OK? What's up?

Nothing. Just...happy days.

Ally. My name's Ally.

Anyway, when your two started hopping on, I could've stopped it.

-But I kind of liked it.

-There's no harm done.

I might bunk a ride myself if it gets me chocolate.

-Do you like being a milk man?

-I love it.

It's great that time in the morning. Dead peaceful.

When everyone's asleep, I go to work.

When everyone gets up, I go home. I'm like Father Christmas, but six days a week.

Do you work?

School dinner lady. Terrible money, but the hours are handy.

Oh, sorry...

It's OK. Shall I get you a fresh cup?

No, no, I'd best be going.

-Will you be OK driving?

-Yes, it's not far.

I've got a flat above the hairdresser's on Rice Lane.

OK. Thanks again.

See you Friday....for my money.

Bye.

-Now we're quits! In a bit, Bugsy.

-Get back to your milk cart.

-Are you completely stupid?

-What?

Or just naive? You're like a three-day old chick,

-and there's wolves out there, you moron!

-Wolves?

Wolves, hyenas, vultures, it's a zoo out there! It's a zoo!

What are you talking about?

Did you buy a kid a bar of chocolate?

That's what Loud Linda's saying in the office. Is it true?

-And this kid fell off the back of your float?

-Yeah.

Brilliant! They'll be banging in a claim before the wrapper's off!

You might as well admit liability and give them cab fare to the solicitor's.

-It wasn't like that.

-Put me out of business, why don't you?

Tell you what, when you've finished here, cut to the chase.

Go the office, get everyone's P45, and hand them all out, with a selection box!

Is it not enough that we are being slowly strangled to death by the supermarkets?

I was just showing a bit of... human kindness.

What?!

And I got it back in return.

His mum knew it wasn't my fault and you don't have to worry.

They won't be claiming compensation. They're a nice family.

So how did you get the black eye?

We should've brought him yesterday, but his mum thought a couple of paracetamols would do the trick.

She'll never forgive herself if it's something serious.

A bang on the head can lead to all sorts, can't it?

Haemorrhaging, concussion, ADHD...

You're only entitled to two bedrooms.

Cos the twins are lads, they're expected to share.

If one of them was a girl they could have a room each?

If you really want a three-bedroom property, you'll have to look

in the cheaper, hard seller areas.

But you'll get less money than you do now,

because the rules changed in April.

Housing benefit once covered anything in the bottom half of rents.

Now it only covers the bottom 30%.

So I'm looking at the cheapest 30% of two-bedroom houses?

If you were escaping from domestic violence or something, it would help.

COMPUTER GAME BLEEPS

Why aren't you in school?

My nan took me to the hospital.

-He's been having headaches.

-Then why didn't you call ME?

And that's no good for headaches.

And neither's that!

I'm just keeping your options open.

It's in the system now. It's recorded.

That's how you want me to bring my sons up?

-A man shows you kindness so you take him to the cleaners.

-He'll be insured.

You're teaching them to lie for money?

Way of the world.

Look, I've seen a solicitor...

Oh, for God's sake, Mum!

He'll take it on. No win, no fee, which means he thinks you'll win.

-Throw in the attention deficit thing...

-Dylan does not have ADHD.

He could have, if you took him to a specialist...

I'm not doing it, Mum. I'm not teaching my kids this lesson.

-I don't care if it is the way of the world.

-OK, OK.

Move in with us then.

Me and your dad, you three, Steph and her two, and the dog.

It'll be a squeeze but we'll manage.

-You know that's not going to work.

-I'd rather that than see you with Clive again.

If you're going to find somewhere half-decent you'll need a deposit

and a few bob behind you.

Just think about it.

# Ready for love

# We were so close

# It was scary

# We were that close

# I couldn't tell you

# Ready for love

# We were that close

# To getting it right... #

-Sorry, it's that time again.

-Hiya. How much is it?

Er...

£8.12.

How's Dylan?

Yeah, erm...do you want to step in for a minute?

Are you sure?

-It's freezing out there. Come in while I find my purse.

-Thanks.

Look at that. Kate and Wills next door, that is.

On to the council after Dylan broke the aerial on one of their cars.

I didn't argue. I paid for it. I sent him round to apologise. Not good enough.

Kids can't play in their own street any more.

Sit in there. I won't be a minute.

God, this is embarrassing. I thought I had it.

Can I pay you next week?

-Yeah, yeah, no problems.

-Thanks.

Sit down.

How's Dylan?

He is OK? Is something wrong?

No. I just wanted the chance to talk to you.

Oh, right. Great.

Always up for a chat, me.

I-I hope you're not thinking of moving, are you? You're my last customer on this street.

It's going upmarket. Truth is...

I can't afford it any more.

That's why I asked you in.

Is this... Is this about cancelling your order?

It's OK, I understand.

I know we can't compete on price, but...

I need more than a few pennies off a pint of milk.

I need some kind of windfall.

You missed your chance.

My boss reckons you could've sued us after that accident.

I have been thinking about it.

Oh, right.

But he's been getting these headaches.

Oh, God!

Is-is he all right? Has he seen a doctor?

I just wanted you to understand if I do make a claim, it's nothing personal.

Of course, yeah.

Right. Good.

Don't let me keep you.

Well, how long d'you need?

'End of the month.'

When the rent's due?

-That's my deadline, yeah.

-'Come on, Al,'

don't look at it like that. I've changed. Got my head sorted.

Clive, if you move in, I'll lose all sorts of benefits.

I've had a small promotion. I can cover it and the rent rise.

'Come on, Al, it'll be great. Great for us, great for the kids.'

What we'll do is send Dylan to a specialist for an assessment.

He's a good man. I've worked with him many times and I'm super confident

he'll get us the correct diagnosis.

And then he'll be labelled forever.

Well, let's not pre-judge the outcome.

If he's prescribed something that doesn't mean he has to take it.

-And labels. Who cares about labels?

-I do.

That fancy label on your bag doesn't make it Italian!

Someone writing "ADHD" on a form doesn't make Dylan a nutter.

You think this is a fake?

What I mean is, whatever the label says, it's still the same bag.

He got it in Milan after United played Inter.

It was Kirkby Market. I've seen them.

The money he saved probably paid for the trip.

You can't trust him. So do this, you'll be quids in,

and you can keep him out.

What's this the kids have been saying?

-You banging in a claim against the milkman?

-Well, we'll see.

I knew he was a wrong-un.

-How much is it worth?

-Why? Do you want your half?

-No, but if you think it's the answer to your money problems...

-I don't.

-Even if you win it'll take ages to come through. My sister's...

-I want you to move back in.

Are you serious?

The kids need stability.

-Do they know?

-Not yet.

-I'll call them. They'll be made up.

-No, hang on. Let me tell them, tomorrow.

-Why wait? Let's do it now.

-Cos they're at my mum's tonight.

She thinks I'm out with Lorraine.

We can celebrate. Just the two of us.

OK.

Used to be house for life,

people committed to the place.

But now... No, they're not homes, they're investments.

Rungs on a ladder.

And the neighbours are nuisances.

Or strangers.

And the streets aren't for playing in, they're for parking in!

Cars are more important than kids.

And, hey, one day you'll get old and sick.

You'll get old and sick and you'll need looking after and loving,

and all you'll have is the RAC!

Come on, Al. Let's get inside.

No. I was here first and I'm going nowhere!

Yeah, yeah, I know, I know.

Ally.

Ally! Coffee's here.

Ally!

You're off your head.

I need the money now, Steph. Compensation claims take forever.

-You could borrow off the strength of it.

-I'm in enough debt.

You don't have to do this. Move in with me and Mum.

For a while.

I can put up with him for a while.

-Can you manage?

-Yep.

-Course you can. You take that one.

He's not that bad.

So it's just until your money comes through?

Or I get a full-time job, yeah.

I know what I'm doing.

We're home!

'Take them straight up to my room, mate. Good lad.'

FOOTSTEPS

Hiya, Rita. Steph.

I wasn't expecting a welcome party.

KNOCKS ON DOOR

Oh, hello. Um...milk money, please.

£18.56.

It's two weeks. And an extra pint from Tuesday.

It's £1.25 for four pints at our place.

Eight pints for two quid. And I get staff discount, 10%.

You can't compete.

Maybe not on price...

My son still gets headaches, and you're asking me for money?

No, no, no. We'll deduct it from the damages.

Guess who we've had on the blower.

Who?

The Milky Bar Kid's old feller, that's who. He wants you sacked.

And we've had a letter off their solicitor.

Do you get it now?

Do you?

You take pity on them, put your hand through the bars, give them a stroke,

offer them a finger of Fudge, and they take your arm off at the elbow!

Life lesson for you, Clueless.

Learn it,

and learn it good.

What's up?

Different milkman.

Noisier.

I had the child molester sacked.

DOOR BUZZER

Hello?

Is that...Bugsy?

Yeah. Who's this?

Ally. Bridgestone Road. The twins' mum.

-Can I have a word?

-Yeah. Come on up.

BUZZES HER IN

Did I wake you?

No, no. I'm sorry it's a mess. I've been erm...

I've been...I've been asleep, yeah.

I was going to tidy the place when I got up.

-I just wanted to say I'm sorry you've been sacked.

-I haven't.

We've got a new milkman.

Full-Fat Freddy.

We swapped rounds.

The boss thought it was best to keep my distance while the, erm...

the legal thing was...you know.

You're going through with it?

Yeah.

You've come to see me because you thought I'd been sacked?

Sorry to bother you. I'll get off. Let you sleep.

No, no, it's fine.

Honestly, I'd better go.

I will be sacked if you win.

I didn't mean for this to happen.

It's only a job. I'm sick of it anyway.

You told me you loved it.

Do you want a cup of tea?

Why are you so nice all the time?

You've come all this way. It's YOU being nice.

Two weeks ago, I was a single parent with problem children,

getting forced out of her home.

Now I'm a respectable married woman with a family...

..prostituting myself for £25 a week.

What? Does he force you to...?

-Give me some credit!

-Then why are you saying...?

-Because I'll settle for it.

Sooner or later, I'll settle for it.

But that's not good for me.

I don't even like him.

-So kick him out.

-I need the money.

I love that house.

With my little job and housing benefit, child benefit and the rest,

it used to be enough.

Not any more.

So what else can I do?

All the DSS places are pigsties and slums.

Anything decent needs a deposit which is...

which is why I let my mum talk me into this compensation scam in the first place.

Cos it is a scam.

There's nothing wrong with Dylan.

I'm sorry.

It's OK.

No, it's not! I'm a cow.

I'll get in touch with my solicitor and I'll get him to drop it. I promise.

But if you don't drop it, and you win, you could get rid of Clive.

How can I win after what I've just told you?

Go for it.

What is the matter with you?

I'm a bit deaf. What have you just said? Something about a scam? Didn't even hear it.

No, seriously. What is the matter with you?

Nothing.

You don't have much luck with women, do you?

Do you know why?

You don't stick up for yourself.

You're a lovely, generous, thoughtful man,

which is great.

But you're a pushover.

Which isn't.

You need the money. It's no skin off my nose.

You love your job.

380 doors a day. Every one of them shut.

It's about time I moved on.

Really?

Yeah.

Thank you.

It's worth it already.

I've got to go.

Wait, listen.

Can I...see you again sometime?

I don't think that'd be a good idea.

OK.

We need to keep our distance.

If we're seen together, it'll look like we set the whole thing up.

I didn't think of that.

Does your offer still stand?

Of course. Yeah.

Goodbye.

DOOR BUZZER

Hello?

Can I tell you something?

'It's a bit personal, but I mean it as a favour.'

Yeah, go on.

Your name? Bugsy?

It's not about Bugsy Malone.

You know that, don't you?

It's Bugs Bunny.

Your hare lip.

People are laughing at you behind your back.

Stand up for yourself, Brian. You're a beautiful person.

And you could do a lot, lot better than me.

What are you doing? You're not allowed in here!

-I want my old round back!

-What?

-I want my old round back!

-Can't hear you.

I want my old round back!

What's got in to you?

Nothing. It was my dad's round, and I want it back.

# If you are lonely

# I will call

# If you are poorly

# I will send poetry

# I love you

# I am the milkman of human kindness

# I will leave an extra pint

# If you are sleeping

# I will wait

# If your bed is wet

# I'll dry your tears

# I love you

# I am the milkman of human kindness

# I will leave an extra pint. #

KNOCKS ON DOOR

You owe me £18.56.

I'll get my purse.

You think I'm naive or something.

But I'd rather be twice as naive as me than half as cynical as you.

Two things, for your information.

Number one, who said this was a hare lip?

What if someone bottled me?

A regular customer, beating up his kid, and I stepped in.

Would I need your pity then?

And number two. Bugs Bunny's a rabbit.

And rabbits are completely different from hares.

They live underground, loads of them all together,

and, er, well everyone knows what rabbits are like.

Hares live on their own until they find a mate.

And then they pair off. So anyone who thinks my name's something to do with a hare lip...

..the laugh's on them.

I'm sorry.

But it still bothers you, doesn't it?

No.

-Who is it?

-No-one.

Why do you go round looking at your feet all the time?

How much will you get if you win your claim?

I don't know. Few thousand.

Won't make you happy.

So drop him...

and go out with me.

Because I can. Make you happy, I mean.

-Give up thousands of pounds for a date with you?

-Yeah.

Have you been hypnotised?

It'll be worth it.

In the end, if you don't like me, at least you'll like yourself.

Not if my kids end up living in a slum.

You'd better go.

What are you doing here?

Delivering milk,

collecting money...

..and asking your wife out.

You what?

You think I'm a pushover. I'm not a pushover.

No!

-You got me on that one.

-Who do you think you are?

-Stop, now.

Bugsy Maloney. That's who I am.

Named by my dad after he started a cake fight at my eighth birthday party.

-Are you trying to wind me up, mate?

-No.

I'm trying to get off with your wife.

Say it again. Go on, say it again, mate!

If you come near my door again, I'll kill you! Understood?

She doesn't want you living with her. Tell him.

Stand up for yourself.

Just go! Now!

And you, get inside! Get in!

I thought you'd changed!

Come on, then. Let's fight out in the street like men.

Not in court, like cowards. Come on!

Listen to yourself.

-Isn't this what you want?

-No!

And I'm cancelling the milk. I'm going to ASDA from now on, like everyone else.

I...

Why's he saying all that?

I don't know. We're suing him.

He'll lose his job. He's nuts.

Do you want me here, Ally?

-Oh, shut up!

-Do you want me here?

-I asked you to move in, didn't I?

I'm paying rent. But when am I moving in properly?

-How much more stuff have you got?

-You know what I mean!

I'm the father of them kids and your husband!

-I'm not the lodger!

-Keep your voice down.

You don't want me here, do you?

You can't be thinking of swapping me for him.

I do want you here.

How much does this house mean to you?

I'm not letting anyone throw us out. I'll tell you that much.

"Us" meaning me as well?

Yeah.

Clive's promised them a trip to Florida now.

It's not up to him how you spend the money.

It's your claim.

There won't be any money. Not if, erm...Bugsy tells them I admitted it was a scam.

It's your word against his. And no-one will believe him.

-No-one'll believe you'd do something so stupid!

-Clive'll believe it.

He'll be there. If Bugsy spills the beans, it could get nasty.

-You've got to go through with this, love.

-It's your only way out.

Are you ready to make Mr and Mrs Norbury an offer?

Yes. I'd like to offer them my butt cheeks to kiss.

I don't think that's very helpful.

-I could provide them with kneepads if you want.

-If this goes to court...

-We'll fight it every step of the way.

-Then there's nothing more to discuss.

From what I've heard, the kid's always been a tearaway.

They jumped on the back of a milk float without permission.

It was his own fault he fell off. There's no way my driver can be held responsible.

I did slow down to let them get on.

What?

And I was deliberately swerving to make it more enjoyable.

I, erm...

-I am a bit responsible.

-In which case you might want to reassess your previous offer?

I'll withdraw the kneepads.

I don't know what your game is, but let me tell you this,

I've been looking into this pair of con artists.

If their kid had ADHD, he had it long before his bang on the head.

How would you know?

I do my homework. Before the accident he was getting into lumber, school suspension.

After it, good as gold.

So if anything, it knocked some sense into him.

You should be paying us for services rendered.

-Dylan isn't doing better because of a bang on the head.

-Save it for the court, love.

-It's because he's happy.

-It's the piercing headaches.

He's in too much pain to get in any bother these days.

Me and Clive split up for a while.

I was under a lot of stress. It looked like we might have to move.

But it's sorted now.

His dad's back. We're a family again.

Things have settled down and he's just...happy.

Happy...

with headaches.

Clive.

Let's be thankful for what we've got and drop this.

Forget it ever happened.

What you just said.

Are you trying to get into my wife's knickers?

I was telling the truth.

And I'm glad Dylan's OK.

He's not just OK, he's happy. We're all happy.

I know.

Any notes for me?

One.

You won't believe it.

That crazy woman, the compo merchant from Bridgestone Road,

she wants you to start delivering again.

Two pints of semi?

Three.

I'd tell her to sling her hook. But it's up to you.

It's your commission.

# If you are sleeping

# I will wait

# If your bed is wet

# I will dry your tears

# I love you... #

I have to put the kids first. You know that, don't you?

Yeah.

# Hold my hand for me I'm waking up

# Hold my hand for me I'm waking up... #

Thank you.

# Won't you hold my hand? I'm waking up

# Hold my hand for me I'm waking up... #

You don't get that kind of service at Waitrose, do you?

I can add you to my round, if you like.

I'll see you Friday.

See you.

# If you are falling

# I'll put out my hands

# If you feel bitter

# I will understand

# I love you

# I'm the milkman of human kindness

# I will leave an extra pint. #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

E-mail [email protected]