Madge Moving On

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

Right, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

Swing those hips. Five, six, seven, eight.

Right, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

Right, clap, clap.

Right, clap, clap.

It's starting to brighten up a little bit out there now.

Is it?

It was torrential rain last night. Was it the same here?

Woke me up.

Oh!

Did you get those photos I sent you?

Yes, thank you.

I can't believe how much Dillon has grown.

Connor looks like he's quite a handful.

A chip off the old block.

Kills me to think I've got two grandsons that I've never even met.

Oh, well, you will one day.

I'll never get these years back though.

At least they're too young to understand.

How did it come to this? One moment of madness and look at us.

We should be enjoying our retirement,

spending time with Kerry, spoiling our grandsons rotten...

Well, if it's any consolation,

I only get to see them on Skype myself.

Guilty again.

I was the one who drove them to the other side of the world.

Oh, you didn't drive them anywhere, there was

no way Dan could turn down an offer like that.

Oh, come on, we both know the real reason

they wanted to make a fresh start.

At least you've never turned your back on me.

Nearly ten years, you've never missed a single visit.

Where would I be without you?

I'll make it up to you, Madge.

There's no need.

When I finally get out of here

you will never have to lift a finger again.

That's a promise.

BELL RINGS

Same time next week.

I'll be counting down the days. Love you.

AWKWARDLY: You too.

# Buy a pretty dress for you to see, buy a pretty dress... #

He seems very nice.

Just as well because she's totally besotted with him.

Young love.

Well, let them enjoy it while it lasts.

It won't be long before she's as bitter and twisted as her mother.

THEY LAUGH

So you're at St Martin's too?

Yeah, that's where we met.

We were in the same halls in our foundation year.

And are you studying graphic design as well?

No, fashion. Menswear.

-Really?

-Yeah.

I could listen to her all day.

-Me too.

-Imagine being blessed with a talent like that.

Oh, speaking of talent,

how are you getting on with that dating site that you signed up for?

-Oh, well, it's been quite an eye-opener.

-I'm all ears...

Well, I've had a few dates but nothing serious.

I'm actually supposed to be meeting someone this Friday.

-I'm just not sure I'll have a great deal in common.

-Why not?

Well, he lives in the country

and you'll never guess what he does for a hobby.

-Trains falcons.

-Really?

You know me, I'm a city girl,

if it doesn't have flashing neon lights, I don't want to know.

Well, you've got nothing to lose.

-Yeah.

-You deserve a bit of fun after the year you've been through.

I don't know anyone who can afford to live in London nowadays.

Do you always have to bring everything back to money?

I'm just saying you get more for your dollar north of Watford.

EXAGGERATED YAWN

No, no, not for me.

Come on, that's not like you.

I've got an early start.

-Madge is a prison visitor.

-Really?

She'll be fraternising with murderers in the morning.

Erm, what are they like?

Most of them are just normal people like you and me.

Except they have a propensity for murder.

Everyone deserves a second chance in my book.

Well, try telling that to the victims.

Thank heavens you were just a magistrate.

SHE CHUCKLES

Can you imagine if he'd been a Crown Court judge?

He'd be dishing out life sentences for dropping litter.

And quite right, too.

We're not talking serial killers here. No, most of them

are just ordinary people who have made one big mistake.

I'd say killing somebody is a pretty big mistake.

And they're paying the price for it, too.

SONG ENDS APPLAUSE

Thank you, I've had a lovely evening.

Haven't you done your bit for the Big Society now?

We've already been through all this.

But you should be thinking of slowing down at your time of life.

At my time of life? You're treading on very thin ice.

You're just a sucker for a sob story, aren't you?

How else do you think I ended up with someone like you?

I love you.

I love you.

So why don't you sell up and move in with me permanently?

This is hardly the time or the place.

I want to wake up with you every morning. What's so bad about that?

Surely you don't expect me to live over the brush at "my time of life."

Happy birthday.

-Wow, you look stunning.

-You don't look so bad yourself.

Come in.

But I'm afraid your efforts may have been in vain.

-How do you mean?

-Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news,

but the restaurant just phoned, they've only gone and double booked.

-Oh, you're kidding?

-I'm furious.

I told them it was your birthday but they still refused to squeeze us in.

But that's outrageous.

How much money have we spent there over the years?

Don't get me started. In fact, it's put me in such a foul mood

I don't think I could face eating out.

-Do you fancy a takeaway?

-A takeaway?

Oh, yes, I'm easy.

Lovely. After you...

-ALL:

-Surprise!

# Today's the day we'll celebrate your birthday... #

# Still sombre, comes too late... #

I can't believe the two of you came up all the way especially.

There was no way I was going to miss that look on your face.

-You didn't have any suspicions, then?

-None whatsoever.

You'd better watch yourself, they're a pretty sneaky lot.

Happy birthday, Madge.

I suspect you had something to do with all this.

A little bit.

SOFTLY: And how on earth did you manage to get that singer?

I'm absolutely flabbergasted.

Well, enjoy every second, you deserve it.

TAPPING GLASS

Hello, everyone. I'd just like to say a few words

while I'm still capable of stringing a sentence together.

LAUGHTER

Firstly, a big thank you to all of you for being a part of this

marvellous surprise, I think we managed to pull it off.

Pull it off? You nearly finished me off!

LAUGHTER

My heart's still pounding.

LAUGHTER

Madge, I think it's fair to say that we've both

had our fair share of pain and heartache in the past.

After Penny passed away I never dreamt in a million years that

I would find love again at my time of life.

And I know you felt the same after losing Mike.

But not only have we both survived, we've come out the other side

stronger and with a greater understanding of how precious

and fleeting life is.

And I'm sure there are not many people who would begrudge us

some happiness in our twilight years.

Early evening years, if you don't mind.

LAUGHTER

Seriously though, not only have you won my heart...

..but you've won the hearts of my entire family.

And I just want to say thank you for all the joy you've brought us.

-To Madge.

-ALL:

-To Madge.

Thank you.

Now, if we can actually get on with the business of enjoying ourselves...

Not yet, I still have one surprise.

I don't think my heart can take another.

LAUGHTER

Madge, I really think I have never met anyone quite like you.

Your integrity and compassion knows no bounds.

And at a time in life when most people have long retired,

you still feel compelled to help others less fortunate than yourself

with your charity work and your prison visiting.

You put the rest of us to shame, you really do.

I'll second that.

These past four years have been some of the happiest in my life.

And I hope to spend the rest of my life with you.

This is the moment I'm supposed to get down on one knee

but I'm afraid that's not an option having had the plastic ones put in.

LAUGHTER

Madge...

..will you marry me?

Yes, of course I will.

CROWD CHEER

# The day I said I'd marry you... #

You have just made me the happiest man in the world.

How was your birthday?

Oh, quiet, you know.

You didn't go out celebrating?

What's there to celebrate?

You should be proud, Mum.

Hope I look as good as you when I'm your age.

Although chance will be a fine thing

if these two have anything to do with it.

Look, it's Grandma, say hi.

-Hi, Grandma.

-Hello, boys.

Hi!

And no running in the house, what have I told you?

You should think about coming over here soon.

There's nothing I'd like more,

but you know how complicated everything is.

I know, I know. How's Dad?

Just the same, bearing up.

And no other news?

Erm, no, nothing I can think of.

THE CHILDREN SHOUT

What is it now?

Sorry, Mum, I'll have to go.

Oh, dear, everything OK?

-Love you.

-Love...

SHE SIGHS

..you too.

I can't believe you're actually going to be my stepmum.

No, me neither.

THEY LAUGH

Anyway, you never told me how your date with the falcon trainer went?

Well, let's just say I don't think it'll be a double wedding.

Oh, dear, that bad?

Oh, no, no, don't get me wrong, he was a nice enough guy,

it's just there were no...

Well, no butterflies, do you know what I mean?

And it really goes to show that anyone can take a good

-photo because he looked nothing like that in real life.

-Oh, no, really?

He had these really weird eyes,

they were just far to close together for my liking.

-But, did you...?

-Yeah, yeah.

ROARS OF LAUGHTER

Well, I wasn't prepared to come away empty handed

after driving all that way.

LAUGHTER

I'm proud of you, Sam.

It's not easy bouncing back after the year you've had.

Well, a divorce is nothing compared to what you've been through.

You're an inspiration, you really are.

At least with Mum's illness we had time to say our goodbyes,

but to lose your husband so suddenly

in a car crash like that, it doesn't bear thinking about.

When my mum died I never thought I'd get over it,

let alone accept Dad with somebody else,

but now I couldn't be happier for you both.

And, what's more, I know you'd have Mum's blessing, too.

Madge Hill?

-Yes.

-I knew it was you.

It's me, Sheila. Sheila Henderson.

Sheila!

Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't recognise you.

I said to Tina, I could swear that's Madge Hill sitting over there.

You look fantastic, what's your secret?

Oh, I wish.

Well, what are you doing around here?

Oh, Tina works here now. I'm just up for the weekend.

-Oh, right.

-So, this is where you've been hiding all these years?

You just vanished off the face of the earth.

Well, I just needed to make a fresh start.

Oh, I understand. The Chesham set can be very judgmental.

Listen, I hope you never thought I was involved in any of

that gossip and nastiness.

How is Mike? Is he out yet?

Oh, Madge, my heart goes out to you. Really, it does.

But are you still married?

Yes.

For better or for worse, at least some of us

take our wedding vows seriously.

That's not Kerry I saw you're with, is it?

-Oh, no, no. Kerry's in New Zealand now.

-Really?

Look, why don't we come over and join you?

Well, the thing is...

Oh, come on, I insist, one drink for old time's sake.

I'd love to hear all your news.

Well, yes, why not? That'd be lovely.

Great, see you in two ticks, then.

Thank you, that was lovely.

FIRE ALARM BEEPS

-Samantha!

-What's going on?

I could smell smoke back there, must be a fire in the kitchen.

-Oh, gosh!

-We'd better get out of here.

How's Kerry?

Fine. She sends her love.

Are you OK?

Yes, why do you ask?

I don't know, you seem a bit distant, that's all.

You're allowed to get things off your chest too, you know?

You've sat there listening to me moaning on often enough.

OK, if you must know, there is something.

Go on.

-This is so hard...

-What is it?

You know I would never do anything to deliberately

hurt you, don't you? You know that, don't you?

Of course I do.

Everything's just snowballed so fast, in my head I knew I couldn't

possibly go through with it but then I just heard myself saying yes.

Yes to what?

I...I...I'm...

You're what?

-I'm going to New Zealand.

-What?

Kerry invited me and I said yes.

Is that it?

Jesus, Madge, I thought you were about to tell me you were dying.

When are you going?

-Going where?

-New Zealand.

Oh, I don't know, next summer perhaps.

In that case, I could be on that plane with you.

-What?

-I'm applying for parole.

-Again?

-It's different this time.

-Why?

Because finally I've "accepted responsibility

"for my actions," haven't I?

And have you?

Oh, come on, we both know that idiot was asking for it,

but they don't need to know that, do they?

Asking for it?

No-one deserves to die for cutting somebody up on a motorway.

He grabbed me, remember!

Only because you ran him off the road first.

Please, Madge, don't dredge all that up again.

How long before you hear?

Well, it can take the parole board six months to decide the evidence

but if they find in my favour, I could be out any time after that.

Six months?

There's no need to seem so happy about it.

I'm sorry, it's just a bit of a shock.

I thought you'd be over the moon.

I am, I really am.

I would never have got through it without you, Madge.

You've been an like rock to me. You really have.

BELL RINGS

BREATHING UNSTEADILY

'Just take a moment and close your eyes.

'Inhale deeply through the nose,

'and feel the breath circulating all the way down to the lower belly.'

BREATHING DEEPLY

The number one key to calming yourself and relieving

and releasing tension is to allow the breath to open up the body.

So this is why we are establishing this connection.

-Eric.

-Yes.

-There's something I must tell you.

-What?

-PHONE RINGS

-Oh, I'd better take this.

Hello. Yes, speaking.

Oh, hi, how are you?

Really? Oh, that's wonderful news.

Yes, yes, she'll be thrilled.

Thank you, yes. Bye-bye.

Who was it?

The registry office. They've had a cancellation.

For when?

-End of the month.

-This month?

Sooner the better, as far as I'm concerned.

And I've been thinking...

Why not invite Kerry and her family?

What? All the way from New Zealand?

Why not? After all, I'm about to become her stepfather

and I've never even spoken to her.

-No, we can't.

-I'm quite happy to pay.

Look, she's your only daughter, she should be there.

It's not about the money, I've got my own money,

we can't expect them to just drop everything at the drop of a hat.

-She does approve, doesn't she?

-Of course she does.

But I thought we agreed it was just going to be small affair.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm just getting carried away again.

I can't remember the last time I felt this excited about anything.

Now what did you want to say?

Only that I love you so much.

And I love you, too.

Oh, Madge.

NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE

You look beautiful.

But don't you think it's a little large?

No, not at all. No, it's perfect for 30 guests.

-30?

-That's what Dad told me this morning.

But it's only supposed to be immediate family.

Try not to burst his bubble, he just wants everything to be perfect.

Hi, Dad.

Do you like it?

I knew you would.

And when Jeffrey had his 70th here the food was sensational.

Well, it's all finally falling into place.

And now for the piece de resistance...

What's that?

Tickets for our honeymoon, they arrived this morning.

Honeymoon?

Yes, we fly out the day after the ceremony.

-Where to?

-Well, if the mountain won't come to Muhammad...

How does madam fancy a month rubbing noses with the Maori?

What?

Two business class tickets to Auckland.

You're not serious?

It's a win-win situation, we get to have a wonderful honeymoon

and I get to finally meet your family.

No, no, we can't.

Well, why not?

Well, you just expect me to drop everything

and go away for a whole month at a moment's notice?

I mean, I've got my responsibilities, Eric. What about my prison visiting?

Well, it's only voluntary.

That's not the point, you should have consulted me first.

Well, that would have somewhat ruined the element of surprise.

And it's too expensive. That must have cost you an arm and a leg.

I have no desire to be the richest man in the cemetery.

I want us to live our lives to the full while we still can.

I thought you'd be ecstatic.

Ecstatic? Ecstatic? How can I possibly be ecstatic

when I'm careering along on this farcical runaway train!

The whole thing has got completely out of control.

Just leave her.

-What have I done wrong?

-Nothing. Nothing.

Believe me, she's not the first bride to suffer from pre-wedding

jitters and she won't be the last.

She'll be fine, I promise you.

Eric, there's no easy way of saying this...

..but there's no way I can go ahead with this wedding.

You see the thing is...

The thing is...

..I'm already married.

Madge, the car's here. >

Steady, Madge, or I'll be carrying you down the aisle.

It's my wedding day for goodness' sake.

Stop the car! Stop the car!

Are you OK?

I just need some air.

-You're not going to be sick, are you?

-No.

Well, maybe, I don't know.

Madge, we're cutting it fine as it is.

-It's at least 45 minutes from here.

-I'm sorry but it can't be helped.

All right, I'll come with you.

-No, you stay here. I'm fine.

-No, I insist.

-No! I said no!

-Madge, I don't want you getting vomit on your dress.

-I'm not going to be sick!

-Then why do you want to get out of the car?

I just need some time on my own if that's all right with you!

OK, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap.

Madge, are you all right? You're not having second thoughts, are you?

No, of course not.

Then what is it?

Well, if you must know, we've just passed the spot where Mike was...

Oh...

Madge, I'm so sorry.

You weren't to know.

I would just like a few minutes with my thoughts,

and perhaps leave a flower from my bouquet.

Of course, take as long as you need.

After all, it's the bride's prerogative to be late.

What's going on?

Dad, what's happening?

There's been some sort of bomb threat.

-What, a bomb threat?

-They are cordoning off the whole area.

How long is it going to take?

Madge, honey pie, I don't know how to say this,

but I don't think there are going be any weddings today.

I'm so sorry.

You mustn't blame yourself. These things can't be helped.

I don't get it. Who'd want to bomb a registry office?

Who knows? We're living through the most precarious of times.

It's just so unfair, you look amazing.

Well, I don't know about the rest of you,

but I'm not about to let a bunch of silly terrorists ruin my day.

I think they've already achieved that.

Oh, come on, Eric, no-one's died.

We're all here together and there is a function room full of food and

drink waiting for us. And I for one am not about to let it go to waste.

How do you manage to stay so positive?

I don't need a piece of paper to prove how much

I love your grandad.

Marjorie Hill?

I'm arresting you on suspicion of communicating false information.

What do you think you are playing at?

-You do not have to say anything...

-This is her wedding day!

..but it may harm your defence if you do not mention something that

-may later be relied upon as evidence in court.

-Get your hands off her!

I wouldn't do that unless you want to join her.

Don't you threaten him, he used to be a magistrate.

I couldn't care less if he used to be Judge Judy,

if he continues I will have no option but to arrest him

-for obstruction.

-You can't do this, she's nearly 70 for God's sake!

Eric!

SIREN WAILS

Is this really happening?

When a bomb threat is made on one of the city's major

civic buildings, we have no option but to treat it as a major incident.

You do realise what a serious offence this is?

You really believe I had something to do with all this?

I've never heard anything so ridiculous in my whole life.

Why would a bride want to sabotage her own wedding day?

-CHUCKLING:

-You tell us.

MADGE WITH IRISH ACCENT: 'This is not a hoax.

'There is a bomb in St Jonas Hall

'and it'll blow the place sky-high in 15 minutes.

'Ignore this message at your own peril.

'I repeat, this is not a hoax.'

Are you denying that is you?

Of course I am!

The call was traced to a public call box

on Elliott Road at 2:15pm this afternoon.

CCTV footage makes a positive identification of your wedding car

as it passes the call box several minutes earlier.

Moments later, you emerge wearing your wedding dress

and enter the call box.

Would you like to see that footage?

Maybe I ought to see a solicitor after all.

You are already married?

Who to?

Mike.

Mike?

The same Mike who was killed in a tragic car accident 11 years ago?

Why would any sane person lie about something like that?

-Because it was easier than telling the truth.

-Which is?

That he was sentenced to 12 years imprisonment for manslaughter.

Manslaughter?

It was a quintessential case of road rage.

He always did have a very short fuse.

A driver cut him up on the motorway and he saw red.

It was just one punch, he never meant to kill him.

For a long time I played the dutiful prison wife,

even moved up here to be closer to him.

Promised I would be waiting for him when he came out. And I meant it.

But as the years rolled by,

I got used to being on my own and made a new life for myself.

And then I met you.

At first, I just assumed it was just a bit of harmless fun, a fling.

I never in a million years imagined that it would lead to this.

All this time you've been letting everyone believe

you're some bloody saint, going off volunteering

when you were going to see your jailbird husband?

I know that this must be a terrible shock for you,

but you must know that I don't love him, Eric. I just...

I just couldn't bring myself to break his heart while he was in that place.

So you thought it would be easier to string us both along?

Do you really believe that any of this has been easy?

Telling you that Mike was dead is...is unforgivable.

But, if it's any consolation, in my heart it was true.

I've wanted to tell you the truth so many times

but the longer I left it, the more impossible it became.

And besides, you're a former magistrate for heaven's sake,

I didn't want to compromise you.

It's a pity you didn't consider that before accepting

my marriage proposal.

I didn't want to humiliate you

in front of all your family and friends.

Oh, no, you thought you'd leave that to the entire nation!

The press will have field day when they get hold of this.

I will be a laughing stock.

I'm so sorry, Eric, I really am.

I know you may find it hard to believe now,

but deep down I am a woman of integrity. I believe in truth,

but circumstances conspired against me.

Please don't insult my intelligence by trying to

justify your actions.

You'd be surprised at how quickly the phone stops

ringing once your husband is being sent to prison.

I soon learnt the best way to protect myself was by keeping my mouth shut.

Evading the truth became second nature to me.

He's still never taken responsibility for his actions.

That's just the kind of man he is.

Hot-headed, selfish, and stubborn as a mule.

The complete opposite of you.

Mike may still be my husband, but you are my soul mate,

and meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me.

And the last thing I ever wanted to do was to hurt you.

Get out.

Get out of my house and don't ever contact me or my family again.

Do I make myself clear?

SHE SOBS

You look well.

When you ignored my letters

I just assumed you never wanted to see me again.

I had to take some time to cool down, get some perspective.

Well, an awful lot of water has passed under the bridge

these past few months.

Just as well,

not sure I could be responsible for my actions otherwise.

Well, I'm pleased to hear that all those years

of anger management classes has not been in vain.

I'm so sorry you had to find out the way you did.

Yes, seeing you on the news in your wedding dress.

Hardly the most subtle way of being dumped.

All those years you sat opposite me, filling my head

full of false hopes, all the time you were with someone else.

How could you lie to me like that? I love you.

No, you don't.

You don't put someone you love on the witness stand

and make them lie under oath to save your own skin.

You just don't.

If I became a consummate liar it's only because that's what you made me.

I went through hell for you.

I lost my friends, my family, even our only daughter moved to the

other side of the world because she couldn't handle the shame.

So don't you dare sit there and play the injured party because the

truth is, our marriage was over long before you were even sentenced.

I regret hurting you and I'm sorry for lying to you

but I was only trying to protect you.

Protect me?

I may have given you false hope,

but I convinced myself that was better than no hope at all.

I'm sorry. You have every right to hate me.

I could never hate you, Madge.

Yes, I felt betrayed, I felt humiliated,

but you're right, believing that you were waiting for me

was the only thing that kept me going.

I would like to think that at some point in the future

we could still be friends, for Kerry's sake at least.

And there is one other thing.

I'd like a divorce.

You mean he's forgiven you?

Not exactly. But we are slowly working through everything.

He's a very lucky man to have you, Madge.

BELL RINGS

I'm just so relieved that it's all finally out in the open.

No more lies.

Ironically, I can't remember the last time I felt so free.

-You take care of yourself.

-You too.

'Will all inmates please remain seated.

'All inmates please remain seated.'