Episode 2 Our Girl

This programme contains some strong language.

-I'm Molly.

-Molly?

That kid is spotting for the Taliban and reporting back.

GUNSHOTS

-Man down!

-That's Smurf!

Sir, he's losing blood. I can get to him.

EXPLOSION Molly!

I was a dickhead. I'm telling you, I've learnt a big lesson.

I'm going to come back to you.

-Well done, Dawes.

-Thank you, sir.

You're an excellent medic.

You're proving yourself.

VOICES TALK OVER EACH OTHER

Bashira.

You dropped this at the market.

I've been chasing you.

-Thank you.

-That's all right.

That's what we're here for.

-Sang Chill Bazi?

-Yeah, Sang Chill Bazi.

Come on, then. Oh...

Right, last time you beat me, so this time the revenge is mine.

-MOLLY GIGGLES

-Right.

I'm rubbish at this.

-Ah, you beat me again!

-BASHIRA LAUGHS

I tell you what...

the winner gets a sweet.

These are pang.

My mum sends these from London.

Pang?

Take these for Ron.

Later on?

I'm teaching you proper, good English here, Bashira.

See, me and you, we're soul sisters.

-Sisters?

-Yeah.

MOLLY LAUGHS

You'd better get off to school. You're going to be late.

I was always late.

I spent more time writing in the late book

than I did in all my other lessons put together.

School.

My father say no school.

Why would he say that?

MAN SPEAKS IN PASHTO

Dawes!

Excuse me a second, when did Her Majesty die and make you the Queen?

-Sir?

-You are not in charge. You do not wander off.

-Sorry, sir...

-Do you realise how much danger you put yourself in?

-She'd dropped her scarf, I was...

-You thought you'd risk your life to pick it up?

Sorry, sir. It's just she's become my little friend...

You do not involve yourself in the lives of the locals.

They must not become dependent on us in any way, shape or form. Do you understand?

-Yes, sir.

-More importantly, you don't put yourself in jeopardy.

# The war rages on

# You'll be at my side

# Through it all

# Through hardships unseen

# We still survive

# Fortified... #

MUSIC FADES OUT

HE CHOKES

This dust is like smoking 40 fags a day, man!

-So with the 40 you actually smoke, that makes 80.

-Yeah.

-I probably should quit, shouldn't I?

-HE LAUGHS

Look who it is!

Our very own number one cock muppet is back on the firm.

-LAUGHTER

-All right, shitheads!

CHEERING

Right, who wants to see my rusty bullet hole?

-Ooh!

-Fingers first!

Molls, you want to cop a feel?

It's a shame he didn't shoot you in the head, put us all out of our misery.

LAUGHTER

-Proper rinsed, Smurf!

-Oh, so she's flavour of the month now, is she?

Yes, SHE is. Deal with it.

THEY LAUGH

SOUND OF DISTANT HELICOPTER Glad to have you back.

I can't tell you how glad I am to be back, sir.

-I won't let you down again.

-Correct. You won't.

-You were lucky it was just a flesh wound.

-I know, sir.

Having said that, with the blood you lost, you would've died if it weren't for our medic.

-I know that too, sir.

-And more importantly,

she risked her life to save yours.

I made a mistake.

We all make mistakes, Smurf.

It's what we do to rectify them that separates the shit from the clay.

Don't worry about me, sir.

I'll prove my worth.

As if "The Smurfoid Returns" wasn't treat enough,

by way of celebration, we have some very special guests arriving tomorrow.

-Who's that, sir?

-I'm talking mega. Huge.

-What, Prince Harry?

Prince Harry? He's gagging to get out here.

Are you telling us you've bagged us the Royal ginge, sir?

Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies, Dawes.

My mum says I've got MORE than a passing resemblance...

-ALL:

-Shut up!

-Come on, Smurf, let's see your rusty bullet hole.

-Yeah, man!

All right, all right.

Check it, boys. Gather round, gather round.

GAGGING AND LAUGHTER

Excuse me, sir.

If it is the Ginger Ninja, why haven't we had royal security round to check everything?

-I haven't said who it is, have I, Dawes?

-It is him.

I can tell with you being all coy, like you're not supposed to say anything, but you can't help it.

-I'm like that.

-HE LAUGHS

-SMURF CLEARS HIS THROAT

-The doctor at Bastion says

the medic has to rub baby oil into my bullet hole every hour or I'll die.

-Looks like you're going to die then.

-Charming. Cup of tea?

You owe me more than that.

That's true, saving my life has got to be worth at least a cup of tea and a bacon butty.

Don't push it, mate. Your life ain't worth a WHOLE bacon butty.

I'm there for you. Molls.

What?

Nothing. It's just that whenever anyone says, "I'm there for you",

it just makes me laugh. It's just one of them expressions, innit?

Yeah, I'm just letting you know, like, if you need me...

You're there.

Yeah.

For me?

-So, you got him to like you now, then?

-What are you talking about?

Well, you know, he was a bit sort of...offish with you.

Are you making that tea, or what?

Kinders, if you go left and hug the poppy fields,

-we can get into the village that way.

-Sir!

Swing it left here.

"In Flanders fields the poppies blow..."

Different type of poppies here, sir.

More smackheads here than Liverpool, eh, Brains?

Oh, don't stereotype us,

you leak-eating, daffodil-growing sheep-shagger.

Circle of rocks ahead, sir.

Nude-Nut, you're up.

My shout, sir.

Not on your first full day back, Smurf.

HE SHOUTS IN PASHTO

I'm all right, sir.

I know you are, Smurf.

It's just that it's your first full day back.

You just don't want to have to tell my mum she's lost another one, sir.

-Well, yeah, there is that.

-Anything happens to me,

you might have to move to Newport yourself, sir.

That truly is a fate worse than death, Smurf.

# I'm Newport till I die

# I'm Newport till I die

# I knows I am, I'm sure I am

# I'm Newport till I die. #

You sad Welsh tosser.

They call Newport the Venice of Wales.

-Who does, Smurf?

-My Aunt Linda, if you must know.

Although she's never been to Venice,

but she has got a tattoo of a gondola...on her arse.

NUDE-NUT OVER RADIO: 'All clear here, sir.'

All right, lads, close in.

Sir, I will be able to resume my duties as lead man, sir?

Well, I hope so, Smurf.

Lads, fall in on me.

That dicker's still around, then, is she?

Planted any devices around here lately?

Shut up, Smurf.

-What?

-Trapping off.

I'm just saying.

It's funny how wherever we are, she seems to pop up like a meerkat.

She does seem to be ever present on our patrols.

I'm right, aren't I, boss?

Something about her that smells a bit rotten.

If she is the one you saw in the minefield, we should keep an eye on her.

Oh, you're back all right.

I'm talking sense, Molls, and you knows it.

Bashira, are you OK?

Well, what is it?

I won't let anyone hurt you, OK?

Why aren't you going to school?

That's the reason we're here.

I...I must leave.

I must go away.

-Go where?

-My father has said.

He can't just send you away, can he?

I've been promised to a man.

What?

What do you mean, promised?

To be married. I must leave.

Is that what you want?

GUNFIRE AND SHOUTING

Get down!

Get down!

-To your right!

-Watch your back.

SMURF: I think it came from the school over there, Corporal.

I don't understand, why the school?

The teacher says two Taliban came in, fired at the walls and went.

So who was in here? Was anybody hurt?

The elder was in his office, he came but they didn't harm him.

The children ain't coming back.

He thinks the presence of the soldiers has only made things worse.

He says this is just the first.

The first?

First thing they do.

Dawes.

Hey! >

-Is that for me, sir?

-No.

THEY ALL LAUGH

But the letter on the top is.

Ah, it's from my sister,

so you can stick that parcel up your arse.

-This is better. Sir.

-SOLDIERS: Ooh!

I doubt that, Dawes.

Gentlemen, this parcel is a package of mine from my mummy!

While you lot are sweating your nads off,

I will be bathing on the steps of my very own luxury swimming pool.

SOLDIERS: Ooh!

Two volunteers?

One to blow it up and one to get the water and fill it up.

Nude-Nut, Baz Vegas!

Oh, how I adore a keen and eager soldier!

Who's next?

Dangleberries. A heavy one.

What's all that about, sir?

I don't know.

Let's find out.

THEY SPEAK IN PASHTO

You making chai?

HE SPEAKS IN PASHTO

I take that as a yes?

-You want chai?

-That'd be lovely. If you're offering?

You, sir, are a scholar and a gent.

Do you know anything about what happened

-up at the school this morning?

-What happened? At the school?

You don't know?

Why should I know?

The Taliban went in and fired bullets into the walls.

Have you got a chai for our medic?

The female?

Well, we let them drink tea where we come from.

I know, mental or what(?)

All this...

..just to get the children to go to school?

You got a problem with that, soldier?

HE SPEAKS IN PASHTO

Yeah, that's why we're here, to make sure the children can go to school.

But they used to go to school before you arrive.

The boys did, yeah.

And now no-one will.

So...

..what have you achieved?

You go soon...

..and everything will go back to normal.

What exactly counts as normal round here, then?

Your normal isn't our normal.

And when you go, we will still be here.

Dawes...work to do, move.

We're supposed to be on the same side,

-but sometimes it really doesn't feel like that.

-Agreed.

Did you see his face when you said about just the boys going to school?

See, when it all goes back to normal,

like what he's talking about, Bashira don't stand a chance.

-Repeat after me. Do...

-Do.

-..Not...

-..Not...

-..Get...

-..Get...

-...In-fucking-volved.

Because I need you 100% by my side.

-I am, sir.

-You can't be, if you're worrying about an individual child.

I'm 100% by your side.

Good.

Now go and read your letter.

Heavily armed insurgents

are controlling the area around the mountains and the village.

The ANA will remain at the checkpoint here,

and we will maintain a presence in the village itself

so that the kids can return back to school.

They are planning more attacks imminently. So be vigilant, guys.

The buildings opposite the school are empty.

To the rear of the school is a compound which we will also control.

We need the children to go back to school

or the entire mission here has been a waste of time.

We leave in two hours.

Be ready.

Sir...

..who'd win a fight out of you and Prince Harry?

We'll find out later.

Prince Harry isn't going to be the mystery guest!

I'm so nicking his beret and bunging it on eBay!

ALL: Benefits Street!

I'm from Aston, it's completely the other side of Birmingham!

Listen up you shit-for-brain lady-parts.

As soon as we get to the village compound, we secure the outside.

-Dawes, you go in and establish a med centre.

-Sir.

-Understood?

-ALL: Sir!

You can come to England now, can't you?

What do you mean?

After drawdown.

Is that what you want?

A peaceful Afghanistan is all I want.

-Good luck with that one.

-Indeed.

How can she be promised, Qaseem? That's mad, innit?

Welcome to my country.

What did you do before you come and work for us?

I taught at the university in Kabul. English literature.

And working for us is better than the university?

I thought I could do more good.

They killed my wife and daughter.

Who, the Taliban?

So what is the worst that can happen to me now?

There is no worst. I've already had it.

Do you reckon Afghan will ever be peaceful?

Yes. One day.

I don't know when that day is but, of course,

one day Afghanistan will be peaceful

and the most beautiful place on the Earth to live.

One day. And every day is another day nearer.

SOBBING AND CONVERSATION

THEY SPEAK IN PASHTO

She is saying her daughter needs treatment.

Well, tell her to take her to a local hospital.

MAN TRANSLATES

She says she is looking to you as medic to help.

The local hospital is four hours away, and she has no transport.

-She's saying it's my fault, isn't she?

-Yes, she is, but it's not.

A father hitting his child is wrong.

As wrong in Afghanistan as it is where you come from.

She has to go to her own hospital. Those are the rules.

-Yes, sir. Understood, sir.

-WOMAN SOBS

Can I at least examine the eye to assess the damage?

-Sir, we have a responsibility.

-SOBBING CONTINUES

Please, sir. It is my fault, if it was because I was talking to her.

Well, get the eye cleaned up and then I never want to see her again.

-You're not endearing yourself to me, Dawes.

-Thank you, sir.

WOMAN SPEAKS IN PASHTO

I think you might going to need a stitch in that, Bashira.

Do you understand?

Of course she doesn't understand, I barely understood.

-I thought your English was better than hers, sir.

-Mine is.

Yours... "Might going to need a stitch"?

What's that even supposed to mean?

She might going to need a stitch.

I'll try putting butterfly stitches in it to hold it together.

She has come looking to you instead of her local hospital. It's wrong.

Sir, we have a duty of care for loss of life, limb or eye.

-Are you telling me the rules of the British Army now, are you?

-No, sir.

It's my fourth tour, Dawes, and where it goes wrong

is where soft fools start to get personally involved.

I'm not soft, sir.

Well, get her cleaned up, and then she'll need to see her own doctor

in her own hospital.

Thank you, sir.

Who done this to your face, Bashira?

Was it your dad?

He say I love America.

We're not American.

We're British.

It's a whole different ball bag.

Look, I'm going to do all I can to make sure this never happens again.

That's what we're here for.

To make sure there isn't a next time for things like this.

Do you understand?

Hurry it up, Dawes!

Can you get to a hospital?

Show the doctor your face, show him your eye.

I'll try and keep the wound tight for as long as I can.

Thank you.

I won't let them numpties hurt you.

Numpties?

-Dawes!

-I'm just coming, sir.

Look, we're here to stop the Taliban from coming to the village.

And they won't attack the mountain if we're there too. OK?

Do not go to the mountains.

Why? What about the mountains?

You must not go to the mountains tomorrow.

Are you saying that something bad is going to happen at the mountains?

-Oi, gently!

-She must go.

You all right?

Why wouldn't I be?

You just seem a bit...

What's wrong?

It's just Bashira.

I think she was trying to warn me about something.

-Warn you about what?

-She told me not to go to the mountains so...

the checkpoint, I suppose.

But maybe she's just trying to... I don't know.

She said something's going to happen at the CP?

If you've got intelligence, we need to tell James.

There are Afghan soldiers up there.

We're risking their lives if we don't report it.

Come on.

Any chance of a word, sir?

You've got ten seconds, Smurf, cos I am trying to relax here.

HELICOPTER APPROACHES

CHEERING

-Our special guests! Yeah!

-Sir, we really need a word.

Going to have to wait.

Maybe Prince Harry's going to have to wait, sir, because....

SOLDIERS LAUGH AND SHOUT

# God save our gracious Queen

# Long live our noble Queen

# God save our Queen... #

Right.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have got a special treat

arranged for you today.

It is my great honour and privilege to introduce to you...

the Corps of Army Music!

SOLDIERS FALL SILENT

-Where's Harry, sir?

-And that is just them warming up!

Imagine how good they're going to be.

INSTRUMENTS BEING TUNED

Oh, yeah.

MUSIC: "Valerie" by Mark Ronson

Oh! Oh, sound familiar?

Yeah!

# Well, sometimes I go out by myself

ALL: # And I look across the water

# And I think of all the things What you're doing

# And in my head I paint a picture

# Since I've come on home Well, my body's been a mess

# And I've missed your ginger hair And the way you like to dress

# Won't you come on over?

# Stop making a fool out of me

# Why don't you come on over, Valerie? #

How'd you like my mandem, Nude-Nut?

Banging, sir!

# ..Valerie... #

You impressed, Smurf?

Sir.

Excuse me, sir. I think I've received intel

about an attack on the mountain CP tomorrow.

-Sir.

-Ops tent now. Both of you.

Sir.

What makes you think it's credible?

I've got a good relationship with the kid, sir.

There's a possibility that she's telling the truth.

I'm pretty sure her dad's Taliban, sir.

You're making yourself vulnerable, Dawes.

That is a possibility too, but I was just being kind.

She just told me. I don't think she meant to.

Sir, I could see it in her eyes, she was telling the truth.

Her eye was a right old mess, though, to be fair.

That kid really trusts her, sir.

You've obviously got close enough so she can confide in you.

And if that confidence leads to us

being able to halt this little group of insurgents...

Then it could work out brilliantly, sir. Agreed.

You two, wait outside.

-Thank you, sir.

-Thank you, sir.

Well, whichever way this works,

an insurgent attack is clearly imminent.

Either they're luring us in or something else is going to happen.

Certainly looks that way.

MUSIC: "She Said" by Plan B

How good are the music corps?

# She said I love you, boy I love you so

# She said I love you, baby Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh... #

What's going to happen to Bashira?

What do you mean?

Well, if she's right and we act on her intel, things aren't going to be very clever for her.

Thanks for... For that in there.

You saved my sorry arse out there.

I owe you one.

# ..She said I love you, baby Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh... #

I can take 2 Section to the CP to support Captain Azizi

and the Afghan Special Forces that are flying in.

I'll liaise with the Fire Support Group.

Special Forces arriving 23:00.

# ..She said I love you more than words can say

# She said I love you... #

You did the right thing, Molls.

MAN SPEAKS IN PASHTO

Right, listen up.

Relax. There's only about half a dozen of them nasty Taliban

and with this bad boy mini me, we are not going to have a problem.

You all right, Smurf?

Why wouldn't I be?

Well, the last time you saw the mountain CP,

you were hanging off the end of a rope, bleeding to death.

SOLDIERS LAUGH Casualty of war.

Casualty of fuck-muppetry!

Listen in, guys.

01.30 - we get there, we dig in straight away.

Remember, stay focused,

stay alert, stay alive.

Just get all that stuff squared away over there, fellas.

They think there was someone in that compound yesterday.

-Do they think they're still there?

-Not sure.

Anything?

-Kinders?

-Sir.

I want locks down that compound now.

-Helmets at all times, gentlemen.

-ALL: Sir.

Nice kettle, mate.

-Rolex.

-You sure about that, mate?

If it is, they've spelt "Tuesday" wrong.

Rolex.

Won it from an American playing cards!

Rolex. Proper Rolex.

How old are you?

-18.

-Well, you're old enough to know that Americans are full of shit.

LAUGHTER

HE SPEAKS IN PASHTO

LAUGHTER

Sir.

No, you're all right, Dawes.

Talk about easy targets.

I hope your intel's right on this one.

Sir, if I am right, I'm a bit worried about the girl.

Maybe we've compromised her.

-We'll worry about that later.

-Yes, sir.

-Dangles.

-Cheers, Dawesy.

How are you feeling, Smurf?

No heroics from me this time, sir,

if that's what you're worried about.

-I promised your mum I'd wrap you up in cotton wool.

-Sir.

Keep your helmet on and your head down.

She's been surrounded by soldiers her whole life. Imagine that.

-Ain't normal, is it.

-Eh?

Bashira.

Yeah, well, we'll be gone soon.

It's a shame we can't take kids like her home with us.

Sir, do you get the feeling that Dawes is the type to bring

-a donkey home from Spain?

-Like queen of the lost cause, Dawes?

No, sir, I'm hard as nails, me.

It's just sometimes it all seems a bit...unfair.

It's luck.

-What is, boss?

-Everything.

The whole world and everything in it. It's luck.

My brother weren't so lucky.

-Out there.

-No, but you were.

-There you go.

-So you think it's all just luck...

Luck. Fluke. Chance.

Where you're born, who you're born to...

Rich man, poor man, beggar man, thief.

Well, three out of four ain't bad with my dad.

No-one at home would believe me but this is proper nice.

-What?

-Afghan. I've never seen anywhere so beautiful.

If you think this is nice, you're going to shitting love Newport.

If it weren't so, like, bloody war and all that,

then I'd live in a little place in the mountains here.

-You'd need wi-fi, though.

-Well, yeah, obviously.

-And Sky TV.

And a Top Shop. And Starbucks round the corner.

Bashira weren't born into much luck, was she?

-A dad that beats the crap out of her and...

-Dawes.

Shut the fuck up.

Sorry, sir.

Sir, there's movement in the bunker.

-How many, Kinders?

-Definitely a couple. Maybe more.

Everybody stay low and out of sight.

Sir, there's someone heading into that store.

Dangles, get me Zero on the radio now.

Zero, this is Amber 3-0 Bravo, sighting two possible insurgents.

Wait out.

Down! RPG!

Zero, this is Amber 3-0 Bravo. Contact explosion.

CONFUSED SHOUTING

You all right? You all right? You all right, Fingers?

Rapid fire!

Back down.

Back in!

Incoming from the compound now!

Contact! Contact, wait out!

Hold your fire!

-Hold your fire! Hold your fire!

-Hold your fire!

What's happening, sir?

Keep your eyes on the bunker.

PLANES OVERHEAD

CHEERING

Did you see that?

Beautiful.

That has gotta be more than a dead leg, that!

-I would love to see them walk that off.

-Keep your heads down!

Taj, take your guys down and check both positions? We'll give support.

HE SHOUTS IN PASHTO

They're all dead, Corporal.

Dangleberries, confirm dead insurgents aren't booby-trapped.

Move.

Clear.

Clear.

Clear.

Store is clear, Captain. Bravo 1 and 2 jackpot.

Bravo 1 and 2 jackpot. Roger that, Kinders.

GROANING

Baz! Enemy casualty, sir!

Cover him.

One times enemy casualty, sir.

Sorry, mate.

Sorry about this.

Clear.

Dawes.

Hold still, mate, we're going to sort you out.

Sir, I'm going to need my morphine out my med bergan.

You all right, mate?

Just hold still for me. We're going to sort you out, all right?

Sir, we're going to have to medivac him out of here, he's pissing blood.

Zero, urgent medivac required,

Bravo 3 to Alpha, Bravo 4 jackpot.

-MAN GROANS

-Just keep making noises for me, that's it.

-Two more jackpot over here, sir.

-Nude-Nut, cover him.

GROANING CONTINUES

Clear!

That's it, mate. Just stay with me, all right? Stay with me.

Clear.

Bravo 5 and 6, jackpot.

SHE SPEAKS IN PASHTO

Squeeze my hand if you can hear me.

Qaseem!

MAN MUMBLES

-What's that?

-Water. Water.

Grab the water. Front pocket. That's it, mate.

HE GASPS AND GROANS

You stay with me, mate. Keep talking. Keep talking.

Just tap it in his mouth. That's it.

HE SPEAKS IN PASHTO

HELICOPTER STARTS UP

I can't believe Bashira's father weren't one of the six.

I really thought he was Taliban.

Your work has been above and beyond, Dawes.

-What the intel, or saving that bloke?

-Both.

Just doing my job, sir.

Yeah, well, it takes a fair amount to impress me.

Thank you, sir.

They can go back to school now, yeah?

Let's hope Bashira can, too.

I do not want to get out my paddling pool for the rest of this tour.

Do not even look at her, Dawes.

Eyes on Dickers's left.

Oh... You could fry a pissing egg on my head right now, man.

Please can we try that when we get back?

He's right, you should not get involved.

But we are involved, aren't we?

What are we, if we're not involved?

-Debrief, Molls.

-I'm coming.

Anyway, sorry.

What?

You were right.

About the girl.

I know I was.

Yeah, well, I know too now.

There was no way that she was Taliban.

I was sure that we were going to find her dad in them six.

I'm sure he's rotten.

Maybe he's just normal rotten, instead of rotten rotten.

Reckon you must be winning James over now, though.

Don't know about that, mate.

He notices everything.

And you've done good.

Have I, though?

I've compromised that girl.

If anything happens to her, Smurf, then...

It don't bear thinking about.

Easy, you Newport numpty.

Good work today. All of you. You did your platoon proud.

-Everyone happy?

-ALL: Sir!

Private Dawes, high likelihood of mention in dispatches.

Heard from Bastion, and without your excellent care

the doctors say there's no way the insurgent would have survived.

Sir.

Carry on.

Right lads, relax.

And may I just remind you that tomorrow night,

it's 2 Section's turn to lay on the entertainment.

-Aw... We still doing that?

-Yes!

Now, I will be singing a duet so I need one female volunteer.

Dawes, lovely.

And can I just say, that I will be singing with such majesty

that the Corps of Army Music will be

practically begging me to swell their ranks.

-We know what song you'll be singing, sir.

-What song?

# Da-da-da-da-da... #

What's going on?

(Cuppa tea?)

Shitting hell, Smurf. You nearly give me a Julius seizure.

This your secret cubbyhole?

No, it's the roof of the shitter,

but it's the only place that I get peace and quiet

from you lot asking for after-sun and Pop-Tarts.

-You all right?

-Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?

You don't need to bite my head off for everything.

-I'm trying to be nice.

-No, you're being a pain.

I was trying to read my little sister's letter.

I've never seen a dead body before today, have you?

I had the opportunity when my brother died.

My mum said, "Let's remember him how he was."

Maybe James is right.

Maybe he was just unlucky.

Like some of the kids out here.

Guess they don't know what's going on when their house gets bombed.

Or when they're playing out and...

Nice cup of tea.

Sod off and leave me alone.

Oh, and by the way,

someone's spunked in the ear piece in Sanga two

so if you're in there and the phone rings, don't pick up.

Only a man would find that remotely funny.

It was Micklar from 3 Section.

Is that what they call amusement in Leicester(?)

-JAMES:

-Dawes!

Just going to hit my pit, sir. I'm knackered.

I'll be asleep before the springs hit the floor.

What does that mean?

Don't know, but my grandad used to say it every night.

Lyrics. Learn them and we'll do the tune tomorrow.

Dangleberries is accompanying us on the keyboard, so no pressure.

Sir.

Um...excuse me, sir.

I've been thinking...

Oh, dear, that does sound dangerous, Dawes.

Well, my teachers did say if I had half a brain, I'd be dangerous.

You've been thinking about Bashira.

If you feel she's been compromised in some way,

then we have a moral obligation to keep her safe.

-Do we?

-Of course we do.

-What are we going to do?

Well, you're going to bed and learn those lyrics.

Piss off, Dawesy.

You just called me "Dawesy".

I'm clearly winning you round with my incredible charm and magnetism.

(Dawes. Dawes.

-(Ops tent now.)

-Have I overslept?

We'll have checkpoints at either end of the street.

-Now, the ASF will be coming in here...

-What's happened, sir?

Sorry to summon you from your pit at such an ungodly, Dawes.

We've had Bashira's house under surveillance

-since the contact in the mountains.

-Sir.

Intercepted conversations mean a plan is to be implemented ASAP.

Has something happened to Bashira?

We know that an action is imminent.

Action? I thought we accounted for all six insurgents?

Bashira's father is clearly in league with the insurgency.

It would appear that he owed certain taxes to the Taliban

which he has been unable to pay.

As the only soldier who has eyeballed him,

your role in the operation is crucial.

A man who has been driven to extremes.

Thus, we need to extract Bashira.

Well, do they know that our intel came from her?

That's why we're going in.

These gentlemen here are, to all intents and purposes,

and for shorthand, Afghan social services.

HE SPEAKS IN PASHTO

They are willing to help facilitate the removal of Bashira

from her family and into a safe house in Kabul.

HE SPEAKS IN PASHTO

You learnt your lady part, Dawesy?

Do they know what song we're singing, sir?

He only sang it all the way through training.

Yeah. And he made me sing the female bit once, didn't you, sir?

You know why, cos you don't look like Prince Harry,

you look like Sarah Ferguson!

Never heard of her but I'm guessing she's either from Mansfield

or she's got a ginger head.

-I can see the compound, sir.

-Roger that, Kinders.

Zero One Alpha to Taj. We have eyes on the compound.

-We'll secure the perimeter before you go in.

-OVER RADIO: 'Yes, sir.'

Special Forces will go in, apprehend Badrai and get Bashira out and away.

Not before we go in and secure the area. Any questions?

-Sir, they won't just go in firing, will they? It's just...

-Let's go.

Prepare to move.

Move!

-Clear.

-Move.

Set. Go, go, go!

SHOUTING

She ain't in there.

She ain't here, sir.

-Where have they taken her?

-I don't know, Dawes.

DANGLEBERRIES OVER RADIO: 'I have eyes on the girl.

'Something's not right, sir.

-'The locals are anxious.'

-Go!

Where?

Where?

Bashira, stay where you are. Stop!

Bashira, stay where you are!

Bashira, stay where you are! Stop! Do not move!

Do not move! Stay there!

Lift your arms up!

Lift your arms up!

HE SHOUTS IN PASHTO

THEY ALL SHOUT

Kinders, I want all mobile signals blocked.

All mobile signals blocked, sir!

We need bomb disposal here now!

They need five minutes, sir.

We don't have that long.

Dawes, what are you doing? Get down now!

What are you doing?

THEY ALL SHOUT

Please, sir, you're going to scare her. Just let me do it.

I need to keep her calm, sir.

Kinders, is the ECM blocking all signals?

It is, sir, but she still needs to keep still. It could still blow.

Do NOT touch the device, Dawes! Wait for bomb disposal.

Hello, you.

It's all right. I'm here now.

Everything's going to be all right.

I just need you to stay calm

and stay really, really still for me, OK?

We're going to get that vest off, and everything will be all right.

You're the bravest, bravest girl ever.

Your dad can't beat you.

You stood up to him.

You showed him, you showed all of us,

what a brave, brave girl you are.

Everything will be all right.

-Qaseem, have you tracked them yet?

-400 metres, sir.

Northwest.

What can you hear?

They are trying to detonate the bomb.

They are trying to detonate, sir.

We're going to play Sang Chill Bazi.

Me and you, we're going to play Sang Chill Bazi,

and I'm going to beat you.

We're soul sisters.

-Sisters?

-Yeah.

Soul sisters for ever.

A-Am I going to die?

No.

No, you're not going to die.

Dawes, I need you to step away now.

He's going to remove the vest over her shoulders.

She needs to stay calm and still.

Dawes, step away now, understand?

Just stay still, Bashira, stay still.

Dawes, get back!

Move! Dawes, move!

Move!

Move!

Kinders, I need to send a ten-liner. Turn off the ECM.

ECM's off so we can establish comms. Dangles, tell...

CAR ENGINE STARTS

Is that any better?

A bit.

Well, it's a bit of a waste of an eye drop, sir,

but seeing as it's you.

Crack on, Dawes, or you'll be up on a charge.

Where have they taken her, sir?

I don't know.

I don't care.

That's a bit heartless, sir.

It's not heartless. I just..

I don't get emotionally involved.

Anyway, I make you right about luck.

A millimetre to the left and you'd have lost an eye.

That's fate, Dawes.

Just like getting that vest off in time.

Things could've all been so different, couldn't they, sir?

If that vest would have blown, then Bashira would have been red-misted.

And so would you.

I would never have forgiven myself.

Lady Luck was smiling on us.

This time.

Indeed.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the stage Miss Molly Dawes.

CHEERING AND WHOOPING

And on the keys, Mr Dangleberries!

MUSIC: Don't Go Breaking My Heart by Elton John and Bernie Taupin

# Don't go breaking my heart... #

THEY CHEER

# ..I couldn't if I tried

# Oh, honey, if I get restless

# Baby, you're not that kind

# Don't go breaking my heart

# You take the weight off of me

# Oh, when you knock on my door, baby

# I gave you my keys... #

You know what's coming, boys!

ALL: # ..Ooh, ooh

# Nobody knows it, nobody knows... #

SINGING FADES

# Excuse me for a while

# While I'm wide-eyed

# And I'm so down caught in the middle

# I've excused you for a while

# While I'm wide-eyed

# And I'm so down caught in the middle

# And a lion... #

We are going on our bloody holidays, so would you lot kindly...

THEY CHEER

Come back to me. I will.

CHEERING

-I just want everything to be the same, Mum.

-Well, you're not.

-Fate's thrown us together.

-Captain James?

Me and you.

You haven't said anything happened, other than what actually happened?

-I haven't said anything.

-So, this is the end, yeah?

# ..I've never been so wrong

# Yeah, I might seem so strong

# Yeah, I might speak so long

# I've never been so wrong

# Excuse me for a while

# Turn a blind eye

# With a stare caught right in the middle... #