Episode 4 Our Zoo

If he doesn't hit the deadline,

he'll have to hold fire for three months.

He implied he was some sort of zoological pioneer,

yet he hasn't thought any of it through at all.

There are bears here in Upton?

Yes, Einstein, it's a zoo.

For those of you interested in opposing the zoo,

it might not be in your best interests

to be seen visiting the place.

This zoo is an enormous undertaking, but it brings with it rich rewards.

And what if we're attacked?

BEAR GROWLS

He'll make a mistake, men like him always do.

BEAR GRUNTS

-WHIRRING

-What are you going to do?

I need to find him first.

-Take the van, Billy, make sure Adam gets nowhere near the village.

-Yep.

-Son...

-GUN COCKS

..if that bear gets to Upton and hurts someone then it's over,

everything we've built.

-Dad?

-Junebug, you stay inside.

Right?

OWL HOOTS DISTANTLY

GEORGE GROANS

I can't sleep till Adam's safe.

Close your eyes now.

Your dad'll find him.

BEAR GROWLS

BEAR PANTS

Hey.

-Hey!

-BEAR GROWLS

We're going to take this nice and slow.

But sooner or later, you are coming home with me.

BEAR GROWLS

-Hey, easy.

-BEAR GROWLS

Easy. Easy.

There you go. Come on, then.

-Come on. Come on!

-BEAR GROWLS

BEAR GROWLS

-Billy!

-BEAR GROWLS

-Billy!

-George!

BEAR GROWLS

What?! Oh! Hey, stay back!

Billy!

Stand still!

GUN COCKS

-George!

-Go on! Go on!

-BEAR GROWLS

George, do something!

BEAR GROWLS Georgie!

BEAR GROWLS GUN COCKS

GUNSHOT

BEAR GROWLS George!

No! Hey! BEAR GROWLS

Hey! Hey, come...come here!

BEAR GROWLS

Hey, I've got these! Hey! Hey!

Yeah. Here!

Yeah, there you go. There you go. GEORGE GROANS

You like those, don't you?

It's OK, George.

BILLY LAUGHS

You all right?

-Jelly babies!

-Yeah.

HE GROANS

DOOR OPENS

What are you doing dressed?!

Heroes deserve a cup of tea in bed.

We can't say we run a competent zoo, Lizzie,

not if the animals aren't secure.

Imagine if one of the girls had been hurt.

Sit down a minute...and drink this.

I've got to get to the bank.

-We can't get any more money from the bank, George.

-We have to.

Are you sure you're all right? You look a bit pale.

I'm fine.

Raring to go.

CHATTER

Good morning.

Every time I see you, you look younger.

There must be something wrong with your eyes, Mr Fenchwood,

-I remain an old woman.

-Nonsense. I simply won't hear it.

Sorry, I was told I was next.

Good lord! Look at him!

What an adorable little man!

May I?

-Oh!

-SHE LAUGHS

Don't let me queue barge.

You go ahead. Percy and I will look after each other, won't we, Percy?

Grand. Look.

There's a good boy!

Oh, yes!

Thank you.

Hey, have you decorated in here?

No.

Aye, well, looks nice.

GEORGE CLEARS HIS THROAT

We're due to get the nod on the planning permission any day now.

Well, that's most welcome, George.

I'm pleased for you, I am.

Oh. Yeah, and we've taken delivery of a colony of penguins.

And the aviary, 17 varieties of exotic birds. And a pelican.

Everything that I told you we'd do, we've done.

-That's the good news.

-The good news?

We need to make a final push.

The pay gate, the cafe.

Do you mean to tell me you haven't built them yet?!

George, without those, how are you going to make any money?

My priority has been the animals, you see, their safety.

Now £300...and we can finish those enclosures,

put the final touches on the cafe...

That £3,000 I loaned you for the house was my limit.

I understand that. I really, really do.

I was called up to head office to explain myself, you know.

I'll not be doing that again.

Just come and take a look at what we've built.

No.

Because I know what'll happen, you'll wear me down.

Just like you did with that...bloody monkey.

Well, we can't open without more money.

Then what's it all been for, eh?

You tell me.

WOMAN LAUGHS

Thank you.

One day, I don't doubt,

they'll replace the Mr Fenchwoods of this world with little wind-up men.

We'll turn a tin handle

and they'll be able to turn us down flat far more efficiently.

Not you I'm sure, M'lady. Come on.

I speak from some experience of sorts.

My late husband was in banking.

Let me help you.

How much do you want for Percy?

His name's Mortimer. I'm afraid he belongs to my daughter.

Are you sure?

Children grow out of animals so fast.

No, not him.

He's a friend for life.

BIRDSONG

HE GROANS

HE SIGHS

HE GROANS

You can't just run off any time you choose, you know.

We'll have to keep a close eye on him, Eve.

BEAR GROWLS

-Dad?!

-MONKEY SHRIEKS

Dad! What's wrong?!

GEORGE COUGHS

I'm nearly finished, Mr Mottershead.

It's nasty. Must have been a big animal.

I was fixing greenhouse, it were a pane of glass that did that.

Your dad needs a rest. Come on.

We'll, he's exhausted. He needs food, water and complete bed rest.

You're going to have to lock him in that bedroom, then.

You can be his jailer, Lucy. Nothing gets past her.

Thank you.

Mrs Mottershead, if George keeps on working like this,

he's likely to have a seizure.

He pushes himself so hard.

The animals are demanding, I know that,

but digging ditches on little food and less sleep,

fixing stables...

the greenhouse,

will take an awful toll on his health unless he gets some proper rest.

-DOOR CREAKS

-Why are you still awake, love?

How could Adam do that to Dad?

He didn't mean to hurt hum, it's his instinct to defend himself.

There's nothing for you to worry about.

CHURCH BELL RINGS BIRDSONG

INDISTINCT VOICE ON PHONE

-HE SIGHS

-Is there a problem, Reverend?

Well, I just... I spoke with Ronald Tipping.

The council won't strike down the Mottershead's planning application,

-not out of hand.

-But the zoo's a risk to public health!

Not according to Dr Ford's report.

We had a village meeting. Everyone was there, everyone was against.

We didn't take a vote.

I was trying to spare his wife and children the embarrassment.

Look where it got us.

We need...names.

People who object.

Specific complaints in writing.

A petition, you mean?

Let me do this, Aaron.

Please?

Penguin biscuits?

They're new. Been flying off the shelves.

Ever since we got some of their cousins in at Oakfield, I don't doubt.

Hope you're not having second thoughts, Gwen, about the Zoo?

Of course not.

Because it's how men like him prey on the weak.

Seduce you with something sweet...endearing.

But next...comes nature red in tooth and claw.

You just need to keep in mind whose side of this you're on.

BELL RINGS

Good morning.

-Are these fresh?

-Fresh enough.

And will you be paying with cash or putting it on account?

We don't have an account.

For Selborne Hall, I mean.

Lady Katherine sent me a note.

Anything you need that you can't afford, I'm to charge to her.

Must be a weight off for you.

-PURSE UNZIPS

-We can afford our own food.

Thank you.

DOOR OPENS BELL RINGS

BIRDSONG

-What time is it?

-Just gone ten.

-Ten?! Why didn't you wake me, Lizzie?

-Er...stay where you are.

You're going to eat this, then you're going to get some more rest.

Come on.

Dr Ford's orders.

Every last mouthful.

Do you know anything about this Selborne Hall account?

Lady Katherine says she'd cover anything we can't afford.

Well, that's nice of her.

No, George, it's not.

I didn't know anything about it!

Good. Because I don't want people thinking that we're a charity case.

Is something wrong?

No, no. Erm...

No, it's perfect.

SHEEP BLEAT

BEARS GROWLS

Grandad! Come away, he'll hurt you!

BEAR GROWLS

He's fine, love.

You see?

He's fine.

Not a chance.

-Everything all right?

-Everything's under control.

-Now, the penguin with the white flipper?

-He's eating.

-Sidney needs his lice powder.

-Lizzie did it.

Mew's about to milk. Go back to bed!

-I just need a scrap of paper, to write something on.

-Just you try it!

-BELL RINGS

-Morning!

-Archie?

-BRAKES SCREECH

Morning.

-What have you got there?

-It's a challenge.

-For you.

-Oh...another one?

I hope it's easier than feeding those bears.

It's fresh...

..warm goat's milk.

HE SPLUTTERS

Mmm! Uh-huh.

Is there any post for us?

GEORGE LAUGHS

High tea, isn't that what you call it, M'lady?

I'll deal with this.

Well, I'd like you to meet the entire family.

No, Percy will be here.

Yes, well, he's missed you too.

Yep.

Till tomorrow, then.

Goodbye.

Who was that?

A friend of mine.

Pots of money. Husband's a banker.

-And who's Percy?

-Mortimer.

Are you running a temperature? You're supposed to be in bed.

What's that for?!

For cooping me up in that room...

and giving me an idea.

That was delicious that.

BIRDSONG

-She's late.

-I'm not surprised.

If she's as well-bred as George says, she wouldn't be caught dead here.

-She's coming!

-ENGINE APPROACHES

Hey, that's a lovely car that, M'lady.

The late Lord Goodwin's.

Only drove it twice, he was scared stiff of it.

Now, where is he?

Well, first may I introduce my family?

-M'lady.

-Thank you, my good man.

M'lady, I'm George's wife.

But you have a name of your own, I take it?

Yes, I do. It's Lizzie.

A pleasure, Lizzie.

And you must be someone's mother?

Welcome to Oakfield, M'lady.

Watch where you tread.

(Why's she talking like that?)

Very good! You may walk me in.

Thank you, my dear.

Victoria Sponge, M'lady?

Now, we've committed everything we have to this zoo and we're close.

And there's all manner of ways in which you could play a part.

A biscuit perhaps? They're home baked, fresh out of the oven.

Is this Assam?

Never mind. Look, spare me the speech, Mr Mottershead.

I'm here. I came to buy Percy as discussed.

-Who's Percy?

-Little chap, enormous eyes.

-Reminds me of my late husband.

-LUCY LAUGHS

-I'll just freshen the pot.

-Percy? You mean Mortimer?

-Is he here?

-George, you can't.

I'm not. M'lady, I am offering you the chance...to sponsor Percy.

But he'd still live here with you?

-All the fun, none of the fuss.

-I'd have to see him again first.

This is our newest feature.

Now imagine it, if you will,

your name up there in proudly painted letters for all to see.

The Lord and Lady Goodwin Penguin Enclosure.

I know what's going on here.

Well, I can assure you, M'lady...

I will not be exploited, Mr Mottershead.

It was Percy that got me all the way out here.

-MONKEY CHITTERS

-Oh!

Ten pound a year. Call it a charitable donation.

-And I'd have to be able to visit him whenever I liked.

-Day or night.

-Five.

-Seven.

Deal.

Darling!

There!

Hello.

It's got potential, but you'll need more than my donation

to finish this place, you know.

-What about your friends?

-My friends?!

Aye, we could...get 'em involved.

Like have a... What do you call it?

-A benefit.

-What do you think?

A fundraiser? Well, you've got some pluck, I'll give you that.

Bye, Percy.

Charming! Never even said goodbye.

Oh, she probably thinks we're idiots, that's why.

SHE SIGHS I should have known what tea I was serving!

-Oh, don't be daft.

-It was a test and I failed it.

We don't belong in a big house like this,

that's what people think.

Mew...

-have you met me friend?

-CLATTERING

Dad!

Are you sure we shouldn't have spoken to Mum about this first?

She'll be fine.

Oh, two Mottersheads at once.

To what do I owe the pleasure? Come in.

Much obliged.

The Chester Set, Lady Goodwin's friends.

A genteel bunch, I'm sure.

It's just a few hours in a place fitting for the occasion.

-Look, I think a benefit is a fabulous...

-And we'd pay for any breakages.

-Not that there would be any, of course.

-It's not about that.

To get an invitation to a house like this, it makes a statement.

Let Lady Katherine speak, Dad.

And if we raised a decent amount,

it'd make all the difference, wouldn't it?

-Yes.

-Yes?

Yes, you can have your benefit here.

-And you'll host it?

-No! SHE LAUGHS

-No, you're more than capable of hosting it yourself.

-He's really not.

You're part of the attraction, Katherine.

It's a draughty old ballroom without you to add the class.

It's your event, you don't need me involved.

It wouldn't be appropriate.

CHURCH BELL RINGS

The whole village has signed it...almost.

-Who are we missing?

-The Fords.

She does everything she can to avoid me. Barnaby, too.

Well, they hold positions of influence.

I think you need them both.

-Why don't I have a word?

-Oh!

CHURCH ORGAN PLAYS

Am I being replaced, Reverend?

MUSIC STOPS

Er...I was early to pick up June,

so I thought I'd take you up on your kind offer.

-I hope that's all right?

-Of course.

You know, Purcell was my late wife's favourite.

Sorry, I...I had no idea.

No, I'm grateful. You play it beautifully.

I haven't heard it in years.

FOOTSTEPS

Excuse me interrupting. Carry on.

PHONE RINGS

What's going on?

Reports of a dangerous animal on the loose.

Good afternoon, Reverend. Please hold for Councillor Tipping.

Stay back, ladies!

Where did it come from?

Someone dumped it on the front step.

I called the exterminator.

There'll be no need for that.

What's wrong, love? You're very quiet.

Frankie? What are you doing?

Plucking up the courage to knock.

What's in the basket?

A gift for George.

Come in!

How did the planning meeting go? We still haven't heard anything.

Strictly speaking, those meetings are closed sessions,

so I can't say much. But, put it this way,

a doctor not so far from here gave the zoo a glowing recommendation.

Music?

Er... Your gramophone.

Be sensible. You need skilled musicians for an event like this.

-Booze?

-Champagne. Only the finest.

I'll get Billy onto that.

Why do I suddenly feel nervous?

Who's this?

Agnes Franklin, Chester Council.

I'm a big fan.

Thank you. Please.

Lizzie...

It says Selborne Hall.

Yeah, Katherine's very happy for us to use it.

You're happy to throw our lot in with Lady Katherine Longmore, then?

The bank won't lend us another penny, love.

Besides she's not hosting it, we are.

At her house.

Well, we can hardly have it here.

First the account at the shop, and now this.

George, we're making her a big part of this zoo by taking her

-hand-outs and we hardly know her.

-We've got no choice.

That's exactly my point.

SCREAM

Oh, it's all right, love, come here. He won't hurt you.

He will!

Someone left him outside the council.

They called an exterminator but I talked him round.

Put him down, Dad. He'll bite you.

Hey, no, no, he won't, June Bug. It's a python.

You've read about them in your book, June.

They're nonvenomous, right, Dad?

Doesn't stop him being a slimy devil.

"In formal dining, the fabric of the napkins should be compatible

"with the fine, smooth texture of the formal table cloth."

Are you planning a sit-down supper?

No, I don't think so.

I suppose canapes could work for an event like this.

And a clear soup, maybe? People do like something warming.

-Yes, they do, don't they?

-What drinks will you be serving?

I would lend you Lord Ainslie's punch bowl

but he's a bit touchy about it.

It was a gift, you see, from the Austrian royal family.

Oh, really?

That's nice of them.

Figs, walnuts...and caviar.

-Caviar?!

-Oh, dear, can you not get it?

I can get hold of anything... given fair warning.

Will you be paying with cash?

Let's just put it on the Selborne Hall account for now, shall we?

They stink of smoke.

Warehouse fire. You can air them out.

Look at the detail on that! There'll be no-one wearing finer, Muriel.

-We need one for Frankie too.

-Who's he?

Hey.

None of these bottles have labels.

Shipwreck. Don't worry, we can stick some on.

-But it's definitely Champagne inside?

-I am insulted, Georgie.

What about musicians?

The Prague Philharmonic's playing the Manchester Opera House,

I booked a few fellas from the string section on their night off.

Billy?

I'm impressed.

"A lady should not attend a ball without an escort,

"nor should she promenade the ballroom alone."

-Do you own a dickie bow, Archie?

-If this is another challenge, Muriel...

-Are you free next Tuesday?

-Me?

We're having a benefit for the zoo.

We're a date in the social calendar. I can hardly believe it.

I could see if I'm available.

# Lift up your voice and with us sing

# Alleluia

# Alleluia

# Thou burning sun with golden beam. #

-Bye, Sarah.

-See you on Sunday.

Practice makes perfect. How did that sound, Reverend?

I'm at a loss, Barnaby.

I'm sorry to hear that. I thought the harmonies worked rather well.

He's not talking about the music. Are you, Reverend?

When the Mottersheads first arrived, I was under the impression

that you felt no good could come from a zoo in Upton.

With respect, I never said that, Reverend.

You should be careful. In your position. Both of you.

What does that mean?

You wouldn't want people losing faith,

not in two pillars of the community.

It would be so hard to remain in Upton if they did.

I say this for your own good.

Look, I have to deliver this to the council this afternoon,

with your signatures on it. These are your patients, your pupils.

It's their safety.

Stand up for it and stop the planning permission at Oakfield.

-They've seen better days.

-They're George's best pair.

I'm hoping the cobbler can sort them out.

You will come, I hope?

To the benefit. It's to raise funds but there'll be music.

-Come and have a dance.

-Lizzie, I'm not sure I can.

I know you're supposed to be impartial, but...

I'd love it if you came.

Please. I'm terrified of half the guest list.

How can I possibly refuse?

Oh, are you all right?

I'm fine. It's nothing.

-In fact, you wouldn't believe me if I told you.

-Try me.

I was attacked by a bear.

-SHE GASPS

-Splendid!

Are you sure you won't join us?

I'm positive.

Here, what do you think of this?

Don't talk to me, not now!

"When it eats, the pelican squeezes water out the side of its bill,

"moves the food until it's head-down in its throat, and swallows".

Delightful(!)

Yeah, well, it's my sales pitch.

I've got one for the penguin 'an all.

HE CLEARS THROAT

"Ladies and gentlemen, believe it or not

"this little fella can hold his breath for up to 20 minutes."

I'd like you to try that.

Guests will be arriving soon. We need to get this stuff over there.

These need to be perfect.

We can't afford for anything to go wrong.

PELICAN GRUNTS

PELICAN GRUNTS Don't you dare!

Ladies and gentlemen, it's my honour... Proud, I'm proud...

to introduce my family...

Are they all here?

Good. Now I want them playing classy stuff all night.

-Make sure you tell them that.

-I can't.

-Why?

-They only speak Prague.

-You mean Czech?

-I mean, it ain't English.

I'll write them a list. It'll be fine.

Look at you!

Blimey! I'm not early, then?

Perfect timing. Come with me.

Best to take it slow.

Get used to moving around with the glasses empty first,

because I won't be able to help you if there's a blunder in service.

Service?

-You mean...?

-It's chapter three.

"If an inexperienced servant blunders,

"you should pretend not to notice.

"Never attract anyone's attention to anything unsightly".

That's good to know.

Excuse me. I'm late and I'm looking for Billy Atkinson. Is he around?

-Depends who's asking.

-Agnes Franklin.

Well, he's around here somewhere,

but I'm warning you, he doesn't do interviews.

-Excuse me?

-For the press.

He's saving it all for his memoirs.

Is that right? Well, luckily for him, I'm not from the papers.

Oh, that's a shame, because if you could have got him to open up,

he's a hell of an exclusive.

Raconteur. Bon viveur. His latest move is into women's fashion.

Will you hurry up with those glasses, Billy?

-To be continued?

-You wish.

Get a load of you!

George!

Here we go!

-HE EXHALES

-(Calm down.)

Sorry, Katherine, I didn't...

It's all right. What's wrong?

These are your people, Katherine, they're not mine.

We need £300 from tonight. What if no-one bids?

They're only here because you've intrigued them.

Now show them what's in your head.

They've never seen anything like it, I guarantee.

I wish you were down there,

Katherine. I think we need all the help we can get.

-Milady.

-Good evening.

Smells fine to me.

You look exquisite, my dear.

-Would you like a drink?

-Am I the first to arrive?

Oh, thank you.

Everything to your liking, milady?

Most impressive. So far.

-Shall we?

-Lovely.

OPERA PLAYS

PHONE RINGS

Upton 1511.

Thank you, Ronald, that's, uh... That's good news.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce Pelly?

There you are, Percy, darling!

-Milady?

-Oh, how kind!

Now, let me tell you who all the big beasts are.

There's Lord and Lady Evans. Oil money.

Lord Davenport, he makes motorcars.

And then there's Lady Hughes.

Real estate. Definitely the biggest fish of all.

Get her bidding and the rest will fall into line. Happy hunting.

Right, June, I need you.

You like that? It's rolled gold.

Now, you gentlemen are discerning, but most people don't know

their arse from their elbow when it comes to jewellery.

Ergo, it makes it an ideal gift for clients or...members of staff.

Oh, Frankie, let's get a quick photograph, would you?

Mother never meets baby, that's the strange thing.

She'll lay her eggs underground and she'll leave them.

So when they're hatched, they're on their own.

Now, we are the only family that Queenie's ever had.

Now, if you follow me over here...

Now...

That's empty. That's empty.

June is going to carry on without me.

I shall be back, excuse me.

So, tell me, my dear, what's it like living in a zoo?

Charitable donations, non-taxable.

Chester Zoo is certainly a worthy cause.

It's a pioneering way of dealing with animals in captivity.

Excuse me one moment.

How do you lose a ten-foot python?

-You're going to have to find him, Billy.

-Why me?!

Because we're doing the auction

and if one of these finds a snake round their neck, we're done for.

Leave it with us.

He's big. Big teeth, big claws.

And there's no way of stopping him, either.

June, what are you talking about?

I'm only telling people about Adam.

Dad had to have stitches, you see.

GASPING

Oh, no, a child's imagination. Come on, you.

June, what are you doing telling people about that?

Tonight of all nights! Now, listen, you need to buck up.

Everything is riding on this.

I'm sorry.

If you can't talk about the zoo in a good way,

then I think it's better you don't say anything at all.

Now, help me find this python, how about that?

No.

I just want to let you know, nothing's going to

-happen between us tonight, OK?

-Is that right?

You know, in that dress, you could almost pass for a lady.

And you're not bad looking when you keep your mouth shut.

Excuse me.

Lady Hughes, may I introduce Lady Katherine Longmore?

A pleasure. I did wonder if we might see Lord Ainslie?

Oh, he's abroad, I'm afraid. He travels quite extensively.

You must miss him awfully.

I'm his niece. Not his wife.

Then your husband is...?

Yet to be revealed to me.

I see. Well, if you'll excuse me.

That's fig and Stilton, milady.

You must give me the name of your caterers.

Oh, that would be my name, milady.

You catered your own event?!

The shell is actually bone.

60 different bones all connected up together, as a matter of fact.

You seem to have them in the palm of your hand.

Oh, I'm so glad you came. You haven't seen the Fords, I suppose?

I invited them too. I'm so nervous.

Lizzie.

-Mrs Mottershead.

-Oh, that sounds serious.

-There's something that I feel...

-Dad wants to start the auction

-but June won't do the slides.

-You'll have to do it.

Go on, I'll be right there.

Sorry, Reverend, what were you saying?

This whole event... Look, I know that it is important.

But it's just... I just...

-I wonder if it wouldn't be better...

-Do you mind, Reverend? I'm sorry.

-I should really...

-No, no, of course.

I'll be right back.

They still haven't found the python.

Well, we can't delay the auction any longer,

everyone will start going home.

Good evening.

Um... Oh, does everybody have their paddles...

For the, um... Very good. Thank you. Well...

Thank you for coming here this evening. Thank you to Lady Katherine

for generously providing Selborne Hall for this event this evening.

APPLAUSE

Right, good, on we go. Lights!

Now, then, our zoo. It's all about the animals, of course.

Um... It's about protecting them and it's about caring for them.

Some of these slides are aspirations.

We don't have a lion or an elephant. Not yet.

But we will.

We are working hard to create a zoo without bars.

Wrong slide, Mew.

Mew?

Right, thank you.

Let me start by bringing on to the stage two of our friends.

Now, let us start bidding

on the naming rights to our penguin enclosure.

Who'll start me off?

Who'll start me off? £5, anyone?

£5?

£20.

We have our first bid!

Thank you very much, £20.

Any advance on 20?

25? 25, thank you, madam.

25, 30. Any more?

-£35.

-£35.

£35 it is, going once, going twice.

Sold to you, madam. £35. Thank you very much indeed.

Next, we have Pelly, our pelican.

Named by my daughter, June.

She names all the animals, wherever she is.

Now, who'll start me off to bid to sponsor this wonderful bird?

£5 am I bid? £5 anyone?

-£10.

-£10, thank you, madam. £10.

Any more on ten, please? Anywhere?

-15.

-15! Thank you.

-20.

-20. Thank you, madam, 20 it is.

-25!

-SHE GASPS

-25, thank you very much.

Any advance on...? Um...

Like I said, let us... Um... Shall we continue? Thank you.

I apologise. Completely my fault.

Like I say, £5 to sponsor this bird.

-£5.

-Thank you very much, sir. £5 it is.

-10.

-£10, thank you, madam. £10. Any advance on £10?

-15.

-£15. So, then, here we are.

You shouldn't being doing that.

You'll only cut yourself.

20! £20.

Sold for £20, thank you very much indeed!

Thank you, Katherine, for starting the bidding.

Skulking away? That's about your style, I suppose.

Whatever are they saying?

You've heard of Freddie Rampton? Took his whole family to Kenya.

Abandoned them out there, two children. A wife.

All for another woman.

-It wasn't like that...

-His wife is my cousin.

She told me all about you.

Your kind are little better than whores.

That's enough.

Your entire family is passing itself off as something it's not.

I mean, do you even have the faintest idea who you're talking to?

Well, whoever you are, you're leaving.

£3.10, thank you very much.

£3.10, then. What about you, sir, at the back?

£3, 10 shilling. 4? 4?

£4, 10 shilling, madam.

Here!

£4, 10 shilling. Thank you very much madam. Anymore on £4, 10 shilling?

Five, sir?

Yes? Five. Thank you very much indeed.

-Grandad.

-What?

£5, 10 shilling. Thank you very much, madam. £6, sir?

£6, there we have it. £6.

We've got to get him out quickly, before anybody sees.

Continue, can we? 10, thank you, madam. 10, do I hear any more?

I can't reach him, but we have to get him out for your dad.

I know you're scared, love, but I'm right here.

-£15.

-20!

-20! £20.

Sold. Now...

..here is our final lot of the evening.

Now, then...

Who will offer me £2 to adopt this indomitable creature?

Archie!

One last challenge.

Well?

It beats goat's milk!

I've just made a fool of myself. And of this family.

Er, milady?

She's the brains behind the whole thing, of course.

My wife.

You've never met a better cook in your life, milady.

Everything you ate tonight, it was all her.

I know. Delicious.

And might I also apologise for Lady Hughes?

Breeding and class - two very different things.

Reverend? What are you doing here?

Your wife invited me.

Of course she did, she's got a big heart...

and you've got her fooled, like everyone else.

But not me.

I really don't know what you're talking about.

Must be galling for you.

Seeing these people... ready to give up their money

for what my family has built.

Go on, admit it. It's just me and you.

You cannot bear to see a man like me

living in a place like Oakfield, can you?

-My responsibility as parish priest...

-I've known men like you

my whole life - hiding, behind one uniform or another.

You know I was going to let you have this moment.

-What are you talking about?

-You'll get a letter in the morning.

Public opposition was just too great, I'm afraid.

Permission for Chester Zoo has been denied.

Thanks.

£320!

Say again?

£320 in pledges! George! We've done it!

Go on, Dad, get everyone home. Get the kettle on.

-I'll finish up here.

-Frankie, do you want a lift?

No, I could do with a walk home.

You know, it occurs to me...

Don't lay another line on me.

Just open the door, quick, before I change my mind.

-So how much money did you make?

-Everything that we need.

But we can't use a penny of it because...

..we didn't get planning permission.

Oh, George, I'm so sorry.

This whole village has been against us from the start.

It was a magnificent night.

They did you proud.

Lizzie, Mew, the whole family.

This doesn't change any of that.

How am I supposed to tell them?

She said my vol-au-vents were the best she'd had

since she'd been at The Dorchester.

Do your posh voice again, go on!

You'd better watch it if you don't want to sleep in the stable.

THEY LAUGH

Love, what is it?

They're not letting us build it.

I've just heard.

I'm so sorry.

You have been working alongside elements in Upton,

a coordinated campaign against my family.

By the time you've figured out

how to keep the zoo open, you won't have any animals left.

I'm trying to hold on to everything.

I'm here to tell you the truth about our zoo.

I defended you to George.

I think we should stay out of each other's way from now on.

This petition...whose idea was it?

You're really willing to lie about my family?

-If that's what it takes.

-We need to take a trip to London.

Dear chaps, Arthur's a deputy minister, an officer of the state,

he couldn't possibly see you himself.