A Matter of Choice For Billy Play For Today

You all right? Nobody see you?

This is stupid! I'd like to know why we're still hiding.

Shh! Keep it down.

Anybody could come along.

You walk on up. I'll wait here a wee while.

For goodness' sake!

BACKGROUND MUSIC: "Could It Be Magic" by Barry Manilow

You should go out there. He must have fell down the hole.

Don't be crude.

-It shouldn't take anybody this long to go to the toilet.

-Just give over!

Don't embarrass him any more.

I haven't embarrassed him.

Here he comes at last.

I think I'll go on. See you tomorrow.

-Goodnight, Ann.

-Night, John.

Goodnight, love.

SHE LAUGHS

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

"Goodnight, love."

This sounds serious.

Give over!

He's changed, you know, John Fletcher.

I never used to like him,

but he's better since our Billy kicked his head in.

That's enough! You keep quiet about that.

-I'll see you tomorrow night, then.

-Fine. Goodnight.

-Night, Pauline.

AMBULANCE SIREN

SIREN GETS LOUDER

HE SNORES HOARSELY

DRUNK LAUGHTER

-Hey, Billy!

-Ian.

Just going to take a wee look up the road before I go in.

Ah, it's dead quiet. Nobody about.

I thought I saw you talking to somebody when I was coming down.

Aye. Fletcher.

HE LAUGHS

The oul tummy's playing him up. Sure, he near had to run home.

Hey, where's Shirley?

Dunno. She'll be still in work.

She's fine, then, or what?

Dunno.

I still see her. Just letting her know she's not married to me yet.

What's this I hear about you and wee Valerie Agnew?

Huh?

-That's nothing.

-Not what I heard.

I heard she's blew Shirley out.

Blew Shirley out?

Aye, that'll be the day.

Hi, what about your new girl?

Which one?

Aye, now you're talking. Play the field. Best way, wha?

Depends how big your field is, mate.

What?

I'll see you tomorrow, Billy.

Aye. See you.

Here, put these out, will you?

SHE POURS TEA

You're up late.

Can't sleep if I go to bed early.

Were you out with Pauline?

Yep. Just went for a drive.

Lorna says Uncle Andy's coming here on Tuesday.

Welcome to the elders of the tribe.

It's not a secret. And it's not as if she won't notice him.

-How long will he be here, Billy?

-Probably a week or so.

I hope it is only a week. I wasn't even asked before it was arranged.

I've explained that! Come on, now. He's an old man. We're all he has.

He was once nearly all we had, but he never did much for us.

He helped me when Da threw me out.

-He did that because he hates Dad.

-Should we not write and ask my da?

-I know what the answer'd be.

-My da's away. We run the house now.

My da'd tell him to get stuffed.

He's a filthy oul brute, too.

Always spitting in the fire, turns my stomach.

-It's only a habit.

-He's got a dozen habits, and they're all filthy!

We don't get on, and you know that.

The day of Mum's funeral, he sat there moaning I'd only put the skin of the tomatoes in his sandwiches.

I was confronted in front of everyone.

It was only out of respect for Mum I didn't smash the plate over his head.

Remember he got drunk that day? And my da near hit him.

Yeah.

SOFT DRUNKEN SINGING

Are you all right, Dad?

Course I'm all right.

It was for the best, love, wasn't it?

Course, dad.

She's happy now.

No more pain.

Aye.

It's all over for her now.

A good turnout, wasn't it?

It was great, Dad.

DRUNK SINGING RESUMES

Come on. Away out to the fire.

I don't want to go out and sit with that oul shite.

Has he no bloody home to go to?

He sounds drunk.

He must only eat at funerals too.

Ah! The man himself.

Where did you get to?

Thought maybe we'd buried you by mistake. Here, do you want a beer?

No.

No, I'm all right.

You lost a good woman in my sister today. I hope you realise that.

I know she was a good woman!

Doesn't need you to tell me that.

Aye.

Aye, well, mind you...

you'll miss her now.

She was a good girl, our Janet.

One good girl.

Your wee childer there have lost their mother.

See, they're the ones I feel sorry for.

Lorna's looked after them for years.

-They'll be all right.

-It's not the same.

A sister's a sister, but your mother's always your mother,

that's what I always say,

and our Janet was a good mother to them youngsters,

now you can't take that away from her.

I'm not trying to take nothing away from her.

She might be dead and gone now, but I'll speak up for her.

I'm saying nothing about her!

I know the sort of things went on here at times.

I'm no oul mug, you know.

What are you talking about?

Uncle Andy, I think you should think about going, before it gets dark.

Dark or no dark, she was a good woman, that's all I'm saying.

Now, listen, you!

If you've something to say to me, you get it off your chest now.

Pure and clear. No beating about the bush.

No point in buying somebody flowers once they're dead.

There was no roses when she was here.

What the hell do you know about here?

When did you ever bother with her?

Me and Janet was always very close.

Very close, my arse!

Come on, this isn't very nice, and Mum just gone.

Just gone, God love her. She's happier now than she ever was here.

-Get up and the hell out of my house!

-Jesus, why'd you spill the drink?

If you don't get out of my house, it's your bloody blood I'll spill.

Oh, is that so? Going to beat me the way you beat her?

-What's going on?

-Aye, your own son there.

-Don't listen to him, Dad.

-Take him away, son.

Take him away or I'll swing for him.

-I'll get his coat.

-Houl on a minute, you.

I'll walk with you, Uncle Andy.

Sit down, Dad. I'll make you a cup of tea.

He should save his energy for the building sites of Birmingham!

-Shut up and put this coat on!

-Ah, for Jesus...

If my dad finds out, he might come over and kick him out.

It's time you were in bed. Come on.

-I haven't finished my tea.

-Hurry up, it's late! Move it.

For goodness' sake!

See the people in this house?

I'll not able to sleep if I get indigestion from rushing.

-Goodnight, Lorna.

-Goodnight, love.

Goodnight, Billy!

-Do you want more tea?

-Aye.

Not so much sugar this time.

-How's Pauline?

-Oh, she's fine.

Are you going to bring her round?

Yeah, some night.

Is she still talking about going away?

Aye.

Well, it's up to her, isn't it?

How many are you going to let walk away, Billy?

I didn't want you to go with June,

but we could manage now, if it's just us.

There's Uncle Andy now.

That's only for a week, isn't it?

-Billy!

-It'll probably be more than a week. How much more depends on you.

-Why wasn't I even asked?

-I'm worried about him after the last attack.

It was just a fluke I went over that night.

He could still be lying there, and he'd have died.

I'll have to mention it to Dad. He'll not be pleased.

Look, he doesn't want to come any more then you want him to.

I mean, just wait and see.

He might be all right.

John and me's going to the pictures on Monday night.

I'm away to my bed.

Billy!

He's all right. You could be a bit friendlier.

Yeah, well, you better get somebody to look after the young ones.

I know!

Good afternoon, Mr Morrison. And how are we today?

I'm bloody awful! You'll have to speak for yourself.

Oh, dear. Old grump again.

Come on, Mr Morrison, you should be happy.

-Sure, you're going home in a couple of days.

-I'm not going home!

I'm going into lodgings.

Give us a drop of fresh water to rinse my face.

The trouble you go to for those girls. I hope they appreciate it.

Sister says after the visitors are gone, we've to dress you up

and sit you out in the chair. Later on, we'll walk you up the ward.

-Would you like that?

-I can hardly wait(!)

As long as I went down the corridor there. I don't want to be listening

to the yapping and gurning of that lot in there.

-They're a lot of bloody oul women.

-They're all very fond of you.

Sammy's upset because you don't play him draughts any more.

It's an oul woman's game.

He thinks it's because he beat you last time.

Beat me? Sure, he cheated like hell!

I went out for a pee

and he gave himself more crowners than the Royal Family has.

What'll you do when you get out?

-Do you play bowls?

-No, I do not.

That's a game for randy geriatrics.

I don't know what we're going to do with you. What do you play?

Russian Roulette's my game.

But I've run out of partners for the minute.

HE COUGHS

Is Billy coming up today?

I don't know.

I don't think so. Didn't he say?

He's more liable to tell his plans till you than till me.

He didn't say he'd be up today.

You realise he's just lost his mother?

His mother?

Yes, about a year ago. I know.

Young fella like that gets daft notions after a shock like that.

Mr Morrison, whatever else I am,

I don't see myself as a substitute mother.

Billy and me are just friends.

Friends? Aye.

Just takes a wee while getting over the likes of that,

is all I'm saying.

Oi.

Give us over that paper before you go.

-RADIO:

-'It's 10 minutes past 11.'

'Now we'll look at one of the events in this year's festival.'

You two will polish them shoes away before you're done.

-Mine's the cleanest!

-No, it's not! Sure it's not, Billy?

They're both great. If you were in the army, you'd win prizes.

Uncle Andy was in the army, wasn't he, Billy?

-Aye, according to him, he was.

-He used to be in the jungle.

He says he got medals for killing thousands of Japs.

-He was going to marry a Japanese princess once.

-I don't believe that.

What would a Japanese princess be doing in the jungle? Wise it!

-Do you believe that, Billy?

-Sometimes he exaggerates a bit.

-What's that mean?

-It means he tells lies.

He does not! He showed me her picture.

He probably found it, or took it off a Jap he killed. He's an oul cod!

-I'm going to tell him on you!

-I don't care.

-I'll tell him you called him a liar.

-He probably knows he is anyway.

Oi! That's enough, you two.

Oh, look. Look at that one, the big cluster. I'd love that.

You'd need a big cluster of money for that.

We don't want to go mad.

That's just bloody typical! Oul skinflint!

I must be mad for getting engaged to the likes of you.

Well, shall we go and see what they have inside?

You mean the cheap ones? It's not bloody Shirley you're marrying.

Why don't we go to a hardware shop

and buy a brass curtain ring and have done with it?

Love, don't be like that about it!

Hey, come here!

THEY GIGGLE

What's so funny?

Are you going out with Pauline, Billy?

No, I'm going into town with Ian.

SHE WHISPERS

THEY LAUGH

Maureen, stop it.

It's her, Billy, she's making me laugh.

CAR DOORS CLOSE

-Hiyas.

-Hi.

-Hi, Lorna.

What about you, Billy?

That's not a bad oul day.

Aye, it's all right.

Sit down, John. I'm making a cup of tea.

-Ach, no, love.

-Sit down for a minute, sure.

Aye.

Well, just for a minute.

-Billy?

-No, I don't use them. Thanks.

Wise man.

-Smoking's bad for you, John.

-I know, love.

It gives you brown stains on your teeth.

When you kiss our Lorna, your breath'll be bad.

That's enough, you two! Just behave.

IAN WHISTLES

Shirley!

What about ye?

Didn't notice you there.

That's a right day.

Are you talking to me? Cos if you are, I don't hear you.

-Just saying hello.

-Shove your hellos up your arse.

And another thing, if you've anything to say to me,

the first thing you've to say is to apologise.

Ah...

Are you...

I suppose you've heard about... me and Valerie?

Sure, she's been with that many, it's probably just your turn.

She must be getting desperate.

I wouldn't be surprised, you'll be getting engaged next.

Ah. Well...

I told you.

When you want to talk to me again, start with apologising.

-Hope youse locked up well after youse.

-Course I did.

-I thought you said you left the back door open.

-Give over!

Indeed, that wouldn't surprise me.

Coming up to a sick man with a fistful of bills.

You told me to bring the mail. Them's all there was. It's not my fault.

You might have known I didn't mean bills! In the name of Jesus.

You shouldn't swear like that in front of our Maureen.

Aye.

I hope you didn't leave any lights burning.

Oul electricity's dear enough.

Make them fenian gits pay their way.

-Uncle Andy, you're always gurning.

-Never mind your cheek, young madam.

Our Lorna goes and cleans your house and all you do is yap.

-Well, I'm a sick man.

-You make me sick listening to you!

-My da said you'd have the face gurned off yourself.

-Maureen!

-Give us another one, Ann.

-That's enough. Them's Uncle Andy's.

Let the childer tear away. Sure, they're only grapes.

You could always carve boats with your penknife,

the way you did when you were a prisoner of war.

-Boutye.

-Kept you?

Ah, sure, it's time enough.

-Where's the rest?

-Hospital.

-You right?

-Could I have a word with you? Private, like.

I'm getting married.

Getting married?! What do you want to get married for?

I have to. Valerie's pregnant.

BILLY LAUGHS

IAN JOINS IN

-Valerie Agnew?

-Aye!

Well, how did it happen?

Aye.

Valerie... You know...

We had that...intercoorse thing.

Yeah, well, I didn't think she was the Virgin Mary!

Well, how far is she?

Three months or so.

We got engaged this morning.

-You kept quiet long enough!

-I wanted to be sure.

Make sure I couldn't say no, before I said yes!

What did her da say?

He got me by the throat.

I'd have dropped the oul get, but, like...

You can't hit your own kid's granda!

What about Shirley?

Doesn't know.

I tried to explain.

She thought I was trying to get going with her again and stormed off.

-You and Shirley's been going since we were at primary school.

-I know!

I didn't mean it!

I mean, I like Shirley.

It was just...

Behave yourself, you're almost a married man. Valerie's all right.

She...she's not bad, and...

I wasn't the first, you know.

Well, start worrying if you're not the last.

-When's the big day?

-As soon as possible,

before the neighbours start to notice.

Yeah, well, most of them can count to ten.

I'm going down the registry office Monday.

Oh, I thought it'd be a cathedral.

All in white, 100 guests, honeymoon in the Bahamas.

You're close.

City Hall, only mas and das, honeymoon in Bangor.

I was hoping, like...

you'd be best man.

You know me...

..anything for a laugh!

THEY BOTH LAUGH

What?

Who told you that?

I saw it.

I seen him here a while ago. He never said anything.

Swear to God, cross my heart and hope to die.

How do you know? What finger was it on?

That one. They're engaged.

It's gorgeous, a big cluster.

Wait till I see him.

I'll give him a big cluster! Right across the bake!

There's another wee thing.

I'm thinking of going into business, if you're interested.

What as, a stud?

HE LAUGHS

Window cleaning. I'm buying a ladder.

It could be a partnership.

-You mean you want half the money for the ladders.

-Nah!

-Valerie's oul fella's looking after that.

-I've got a job!

You could work with me weekends.

Or nights. It's a few extra bob.

Are you buying two ladders?

You could use a chair. You'll do the downstairs.

-Catch yourself on!

-I'm serious!

An oul chair, up on the windowsills.

I can see me tramping around with a chair.

Look, I'm offering, favour for a mate.

If you're not interested...

-Well, think about it.

-I've thought about it!

I could earn more labouring where I am.

Are you going to live in her house?

Wise up.

We got a flat.

Her dad got it. It needs doing up, but it's all right.

Down Botanic Avenue, close to the railway station.

-Handy.

-Why, going to wipe the train windows as they pass?

Look, you can laugh, mate, but I'm going to do all right.

Her da's got it all worked out.

He'll probably give you a list of positions for the honeymoon.

I could show him one or two.

Yeah, pity you hadn't known how to reverse.

Hey, uh...

How about this girl of yours? Is this the big one?

Oh, she's about five foot six or seven.

Just cos you caught cold, doesn't mean I have to sneeze in sympathy.

Have you?

You know. Got it yet?

What do you think?

What about Lorna and Fletcher, then?

Hey, no. I didn't mean...

SHE SOBS

Is he going to marry her?

You know as much as I do.

-RADIO:

-'Time for a summary of the news.'

Will you hurry up? You're going to be late for school!

'...increase in drug smuggling across the border...'

-I hate school on Mondays.

-I hate school every day.

Run on. It'll not be so bad when you get into it.

But I've a sore stomach.

Go on!

And get straight home. I want dinner early, I'm going to the pictures.

-Who's looking after us?

-Ian and Valerie.

-What about Shirley?

-Never mind that now.

Why do they have to come? We're not babies.

Well, stop acting like it and get ready for school.

Have you got that hair combed yet?

KNOCK ON THE DOOR

Come in.

Ann Martin?

Miss Semple has told me all about your little episode.

What have you to say for yourself, madam?

-(QUIET)

-Sorry, sir. I lost my temper.

Indeed. Well, now I'm going to lose mine.

Miss Semple is one of my most conscientious teachers. A lady.

She does not have to take abuse from a guttersnipe like you.

If I had been here on Friday afternoon...

You live with your brother and sister?

-Yes, sir.

-Will you stand still!

Father away in England, is that correct?

Yes, sir.

Mother deceased, correct?

Yes, sir.

Have you told your brother and sister about this little escapade?

-No, sir.

-Oh, you haven't? Not important, didn't you think?

Maybe you're not being properly controlled at home.

-I am, sir. Honest...

-Will you stand still?

It's time some of you young thugs

were taught a short sharp lesson in obedience. My staff should not

and do not have to take abuse from the likes of you. Is that clear?

Yes, sir. It'll never happen again, sir.

I'm going to ensure it won't, Martin.

I'm going to suspend you, starting right away.

You'll go home, and return on Friday morning with your older sister.

I'll decide then whether I want you back at my school. Is that clear?

Is that clear?!

Yes, sir.

Oh, stop crying. Your tears are lost on me.

Go, collect your belongings and be off the school premises immediately,

until half past ten on Friday morning.

-Please, sir...

-Go!

Now! Before I expel you on the spot!

Friday at half past ten.

You're lucky. I wish he'd suspend me. My ma'd get me a job.

Our Billy'll kill me if he finds out!

-Lorna near hit the roof.

-What for?

Sure, Watson's only an oul pervert. Toucher, the boys call him.

He could get us put away in a home. That's what our Lorna said.

He wouldn't dare. Your Billy'd kick his head in if he did.

Do you want a puff?

No. I'm in trouble enough.

I suppose your Billy doesn't allow you.

Will you be at the corner tonight?

No. Lorna's going out.

-I'm going to lumber Stewartie tonight.

-What?

I thought he was dirty.

He kisses like a film star. His hands are everywhere.

Our Billy'd kill me if I lumbered anybody.

Why? What does your Billy do with his girls?

I don't know.

I'll bet he does a lot more than just kiss them.

He's lovely-looking, your Billy.

I'll go down and do the dishes before my ma comes in. Maybe see you later.

See you.

What's going on between you and this...

Nurse McGill one?

Oh, we're just friends.

Friends? Think I'm a bloody fool?

You know she's a mick?

-Don't start!

-Them kind of friends can be dangerous. You don't need them.

You care what she is when she looks after you?

Oh, well, I like her making my bed, but I don't want in it beside me.

Ah, come on! Sure, what about all your exploits?

That was different. I was in foreign parts then,

I wasn't resident in a bloody open-air asylum.

Nobody worries about them things now.

In the name of Jesus, did your da beat you stupid or what?

That's the sort of thing they take your kneecaps off for.

That's if you're lucky.

You don't know what horror her ones is involved in.

I can look after myself! Will you quit fussing?

It's me taking you home to look after you.

Ah, look after, me arse.

If your da knew, he'd swim back across the Irish Sea.

-My da's got nothing to do with me.

-Your da is your da.

I feel responsible for youse.

He'd expect me to keep an eye out.

Listen, son, I'm giving you good advice.

Micks is all very well to make your bed in a hospital

-or serve you a drink in a bar...

-Look, I'm going.

Jesus, the sooner I get up there the better.

You lot need a bit of fatherly advice.

Aye, that'll be new.

TV: 'Perhaps the ancient Egyptians overreached themselves

'with the unfinished obelisk.

'It would have been the biggest one they made

'but the discovery of flaws in the rock...'

Our Lorna must think it's a midnight movie you're going to, John.

Some of the lads were asking why you weren't at the club again yesterday.

I'm finished with that.

They're expecting you back.

I'm through with the UDA.

Just like that!

My dues are paid up, and I'm stopping that. I'm leaving.

You can't just do that. You know the rules.

You'd floor anyone who tried that in your day.

Times have changed. I got into enough trouble through the UDA.

That had nothing to do with the UDA.

-You got into a row.

-It was a row about that.

It had nothing to do with it! You were just shooting your mouth off.

I don't know what you're slabbering for. Your UDA days are over.

Wha?

"Wha? Wha?" You heard me. There'll be no more club on a Sunday for you.

Sure, your da goes!

Aye, and many's the time my ma's had to scrape his dinner into the bin.

It'll not happen with me.

Come on, now, love. I'll have to put my foot down on this one.

You can put down whatever the hell you like.

You're going to be a married man.

John here's got more sense than you.

We'll see. They'll not let him just walk out like that.

I'll have a word with Big Davy. Him and me's mates.

When you're having a word, tell him General Montgomery here's left too.

He'll tell him nothing!

They'll understand, Ian. After all, you're going to have a...

In your circumstances.

Look, never mind that. There's plenty of them lads down that club...

Ow! What the hell'd you do that for?

There's children listening.

Well, anyway, I'm staying.

You're only getting out cos you're yellow!

Who are you calling yellow?

-You are!

-Would you like to come outside and say that?

John, what's going on?

-Aye, certainly.

-Stop that!

-Come on!

-That's enough of that!

-Your street-fighting days are over, John.

-Big man!

Sit down and shut your gub!

If it wasn't for Lorna, I'd take you out and wipe that street with you.

-Any time you like, mouth!

-Ian!

Are you ready, John?

TV: 'We know that like their descendants today,

'the ancient Egyptians made extensive use of mud brick in their building,

'not only to build their everyday houses...'

OK, see you next week. Bye.

PHONE IS HUNG UP

Well, who was it? Boyfriend?

My mother. Wanting to know why I wasn't over for dinner yesterday.

See? You're even making me neglect my own family.

-Hurry up, put that cigarette out.

-I've an interview next Wednesday,

for the job in Toronto!

-Well, I hope you don't get it.

-Thanks.

It's in the Europa at 7 o'clock.

And when would you go if you get it?

Dunno. Early in the New Year?

Don't look so gloomy!

Maybe I'll not get it.

Knowing my luck, probably not.

Why bother going for it, then?

I have to, Billy.

It's been a dream of mine for years.

I want to get out of this place.

Away from me?

I don't want to leave you, you know that.

You don't make much sense at times.

I want you to come with me.

I can't, you know that.

Then make me a better offer.

Come on in.

What was your uncle Andy saying about me?

-Never mind him.

-I do mind.

-Do you want a cup of coffee?

-No, I do not. Will you come on in?!

To your uncle Andy, I'm just a wee fenian.

You just do this, then you're way in a half-hour.

Look, what do you want me to do?

Stay with me!

Come away with me!

Billy...

You used to say you'd never get married, Ian.

-Are you making him, Valerie?

-Course.

I'm taking him before anybody else comes along and grabs him.

Don't think anybody else would want him.

Thanks very much. Cheeky bitch.

I thought Shirley was the only girl you ever loved, Ian.

Did she throw you away?

Look, this is my true love.

You're easily pleased.

-Compliments are flying.

-Our Billy's going with a nurse out of hospital.

And she's a you-know-what, a fenian.

Uncle Andy says he'd kick him up the arse

if he wasn't afraid of causing brain damage.

Do you like your uncle Andy?

Ian, you always ask me that.

That's a sign you're going mad, when you start repeating yourself.

Are you going to have a big white dress, Valerie?

-Nah, just a suit.

-I hate that.

When I get married, I'll have a big white dress with a dead long veil.

I'm never going to get married.

Your da will never approve, will he?

I don't know, John.

SEABIRDS CALL

I love the sea.

I'd like to live beside it.

Down here?

No.

It's too tame here.

Somewhere more remote.

Where it's wilder.

Ian got brave all of a sudden.

I remember the time he was afraid to say boo to me.

I don't want you to leave things and change just for me.

I want you to do just what you want to do.

I know.

Same thing.

BOAT BLOWS ITS HORN

My mother loved the sea.

Used to take us down to Bangor.

I don't really remember it.

Sand, water...

But she used to tell me about it.

Your da was bad to her, wasn't he?

They loved each other.

They just couldn't live together.

There used to be a lot of gossip.

I guess.

There was.

Eat up all that toast, now. There's plenty of good butter on it.

You're not supposed to put butter on toast.

We use marge. The butter's for our Billy's piece.

Sure, it'll not matter just this once.

It's bedtime when you've finished that, girls.

I'm writing a letter to my da.

My da's got a girlfriend.

Maureen! That's private. Our Lorna will kill you.

Eh?

The boul Norman's got a girlfriend?

No, he hasn't! And the last time you called him Norman,

he bounced your head off that wall and had you crying.

Are youse looking forward to having your uncle Andy, girls?

He's good for a laugh.

I remember going over to see him a few times with Billy.

-Wonder will he remember me.

-How could he forget?

He used to have a big orange cat, didn't he?

THEY GIGGLE

Is he bringing it here?

No. He says the Chinese restaurants got it,

and made puss-puss-poo out of it!

Billy always used to cadge a few bob off him.

He seemed a right sort.

He didn't like your da.

Ian, you'd better leave my da alone!

At least he wasn't like your da, going to the park

and look up the wee girls' clothes when they were on the swings!

Do you have to go?

Yeah.

Lorna'll set up for me.

You're very close, aren't you?

We've had to be.

Are you jealous of this boyfriend, John Fletcher?

Don't be daft.

Jealous!

She's my sister.

Your sister, your mother, your mistress.

The only woman you've ever loved.

That's rubbish.

I'd love to get you on your knees, Billy.

I'd love to have your strength and you my weakness, I'd love to see what that would do to you.

-Is there anything you're afraid of?

-I'm afraid of dying of cancer, like my ma!

I'm afraid of...making all the wrong choices and messing everything up the way my da did.

Why can't we just be friends and not have all this serious stuff?

Sorry, I thought what we just done made it serious.

Yes, we can just be friends, pen pals if I get this job.

-Any more tea, love?

-Get lost, you! You weren't even supposed to get that until I came in.

-Sorry, we're late. We stopped to have chips.

-That's all right.

What was the picture like?

Don't tell me anything about it. Ian's taking me on Thursday.

-Since when?

-Since bloody now!

Yes, all right, love. Don't get excited.

I adore Paul Newman, he's gorgeous.

"Oh, Paul Newman!" Sure, he's as grey as a badger!

Don't you dare say a thing about him!

Being as grey as a badger

-isn't as bad as looking like a drowned rat.

-Who looks like a rat?

Actually, we didn't go to the pictures.

-We went to Holywood for a stroll by the sea.

-Look, folks, time I was away. Night, all.

-Night, John.

-Night, John.

-Did the girls behave themselves, Valerie?

-No problem at all.

She put Billy's butter on their toast by accident.

It doesn't matter.

CAR DOOR OPENS

There's a car. Must be our Billy now.

Got a car 'an all. That's all right!

-Er, this is Pauline. Lorna, Valerie, Ian.

-Hello.

-What about you, Pauline.

-Hello.

-Sit down now.

-Thanks.

-Hello.

-Seen you in the hospital.

-Do you like my ring, Billy?

-Oh, that's a smasher.

That must have set you back a bob or two.

It's only money. She's going to weighed down with rings and things when I get this business going.

Did you see it, love?

It's beautiful. Congratulations.

That's the sort of thing you want to get out of this character.

Ah, what about a wee cup of tea, folks?

-Are you making it?

-Valerie will. Won't you, love?

-In her condition. Get away! You do it.

Here, I wish it was you I was marrying.

-Are you serious?

-Course I am.

If she's going to have your baby, she needs rest and looking after.

Go on, we're all gasping!

The girls will be raging that they missed you, Pauline.

-You'll have to call round and meet them sometime.

-Of course. I'd love to.

I don't know how you can be a nurse, the blood an' all

and washing round dirty old men.

-They're not all like Uncle Andy.

-Do you go to operations an' all?

-I have done.

-You get used to it.

-I'd get sick, I really would.

IAN: What's all this about the boul Norman having a girlfriend?

Who said that?

Er, just one of the kids. It's probably just a wee joke, Billy.

And you can't make tea very well either.

Are you looking forward to it all now, Valerie?

In a way I am and I'm not, you know.

The worst bit was telling my ma and da, specially my da,

-but he's been really great.

-I can just imagine my da if it was me.

Could be you soon.

-I mean, getting married.

-I'll tell you what it's like before you do it, Lorna.

-Would your da come over if you were getting married?

-Of course he would.

The best man. The boul Norman!

What's all this boul Norman stuff about?

-There's no harm in it. it's just an expression.

-Well, just drop it!

-All right, mate.

Hey, look, we'd better shift.

-You know what they say about pregnant women being out late at night.

-No, what do they say?

-What?

Forget it. Move.

-Thanks very much. I'll do the same for you sometime.

-OK, Lorna.

-See you again, Pauline.

-Nice meeting you, Pauline.

-See youse.

-Cheerio, Billy.

-See you, Billy.

-He seems to have knack for putting his foot in it.

-Someday I'll put my foot in him.

-You're too quick-tempered. He seems harmless.

-Och, he's just a bit of an eejit, Ian.

-What is all this girlfriend nonsense?

-I'd better go.

Don't rush off.

I had a letter this morning.

It's up there.

He's going with some English woman.

He says he'd like to bring her over to meet us,

that it might give us notions of a new ma.

Aye, can walk on eggs!

-Are you all ready for Mr Morrison arriving?

-As ready as I'll ever be.

I suppose you'll be glad to get rid of him.

He's a character.

If you like, I'll come round now and again, give you a break.

That'd be marvellous.

Sure, you can drop round any time, you don't have to wait on Billy.

Are you thinking of getting married yourself?

I'm not indeed, it's just Valerie!

John's just a friend.

-I hate to break this up, girls, but I have to get up in the morning.

-So have I.

It was really lovely to meet you, Lorna.

Maybe we could go out some evening, give you a break from the kids and Mr Morrison.

That'd be really great.

CAR DOOR SHUTS

CAR ENGINE STARTS

What did you think?

She's lovely.

I'd love to go out with her some night.

Maybe you'll be the next one to get married.

What's the boul Norman's girlfriend called?

-Here's the letter.

-I don't want to read the letter.

What's her name anyway?

Mavis.

Ha! Save us, Mavis!

What else does he say about her?

Why don't you just read the letter?

Pauline's going away.

Canada.

Have you asked her to stay?

You're so like Dad, you know.

Keeping everything bottled up inside you.

-It doesn't make you any less of a man to let someone know how you feel.

-Suppose you don't know?

Marry her or...

..go with her or...

Is that what she said?

More or less.

She might settle for me just living with her.

So why don't you do that?

Cos I'm afraid a week after I'd got her, I'd discover she's not what I want.

I'd love to see you happy, Billy.

Aye.

I'd love to see you seeing me happy.

NEWS COMMENTARY IN BACKGROUND

-Will you be straight home?

-Aye, I'll be going up to see Pauline but I'll not be late.

What's for my piece?

-I just gave you bread and butter and two bananas.

-Any buns?

Ann got you two of those big blackcurrant squares that you like.

Uncle Andy used to say they were a mixture of dead flies and dried scabs.

-If he starts any of that talk here...

-It's all right.

-Billy.

-What?

Our Ann's in a bit of trouble at school.

She's been suspended.

She swore at a teacher and threw things at her.

It's that new headmaster trying to make a name for himself.

When did this happen?

On Friday...

but she wasn't suspended until yesterday.

-I have to go up and see Mr Watson on Friday morning.

-Stupid wee...

Can she never stay out of trouble?

-Is there a fire on up here?

-Course there is.

I'm a sick man, you know. I need looking after.

There you are, Andy.

I'll sit in the front.

And it's "Mr Morrison" to you.

NEWS ON TV

Do you want some more tea, Uncle Andy?

The light's out under the pot, I'm putting the dinner on.

A wee cup would have been lovely.

-Sure I can boil a wee jug for you.

-Nice fresh drop now cos stewed tea's bad for my chest.

Are you going to die, Uncle Andy?

Who's to know that, child, eh?

My mummy died and she wasn't nearly as old as you.

Aye, poor Janet. I've lost both my sisters now -

your Auntie Sarah, well, she would have been your Auntie Sarah.

See, she died long before you were born.

When I used to go up to the hospital, Mummy called me Sarah.

Aye.

Poor Janet and poor Sarah.

Only me now.

Last of the lot of 'em.

CLATTER OF PLATES

It would suit you better to help me that dance attendance on him!

Now I've dinner to get. Will you hurry up?

Billy, wouldn't we be better just saying goodbye?

Would we?

-I think so.

-Well, you're the nurse, you know the treatment.

What is wrong with you, Billy?

You don't know what you want and you're suspicious of what I want.

Stay.

I'll play some music.

I'd better go.

It's Uncle Andy's first night home an' all.

To hell with Uncle Andy!

-I suppose he wouldn't approve of you being with me right enough.

-Look, I decide who I see.

Shall I run you up?

No.

I can walk.

Pauline...

-Ach, I'll see you again.

-Yes, I know you will, Billy.

DOOR OPENS

DOOR SLAMS

CAN SCRAPES

Billy. What about you?

Ian.

Where's Valerie?

Watching some old dull thing about having babies on the telly.

Jesus, I was near sick.

Come out for a mouthful of air.

You not out with a girl tonight?

I saw her for a while.

Gone for a few pints.

IAN LAUGHS

Bloody woman's desperate, eh?

IAN LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY

Here's Romeo.

Billy. Ian.

You know Ian's getting married, Fletcher?

Yes.

Congratulations, Ian.

"Congratulations"?

Shit, Fletcher.

IAN LAUGHS

"Congratulations, Ian." BILLY LAUGHS

IAN LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY

I'll tell you something, Fletcher.

If you ever do anything like that to my sister, I'll kill you.

You just lay one finger on her and you're dead.

Here, Billy, let me take him.

Look, lads...

..I don't want trouble. No fighting.

You used to be a hard man, Fletcher.

I don't fight now, Billy.

You don't fight, you don't drink, you've become a bloody saint!

Are you backing down, Fletcher, huh? Are you scared?

Just leave it, Ian.

Please, mate.

I'm not your mate.

Now, listen, son, don't push it.

Come on, you, and say that.

Come on...

you yellow shite!

Come on, I'll kick your frigging pan in! Come on!

Right, you've asked for it.

-John, Ian, that's enough, drop it.

-It's him I'm going to drop!

Come here!

-He just called me, Billy, you heard him!

-Where do you think you are? Dodge City?

Go home, John.

I...

..spoke out of turn.

No hard feelings.

Good night, Billy.

I could have taken him, Billy.

Look, I'll tell you something I learnt from my da.

Half a hard man is harder than no hard man at all.

Fletcher will still wreck you, son!

Wreck you.

I'm going for a walk.

-I'll just put this jar in your bed.

-Aye.

There's a nice welcome on my first night here(!)

Him never in yet.

HE COUGHS

HE SPITS

I'll go up in a minute.

Have you got the chamber pot?

A what?

A po'.

We haven't had one of those for years.

What happens if I have to go in the night?

You don't expect me to go out into the yard, do you?

We haven't got one.

I never thought of it.

Have you not got a bucket?

Ach, I'm...I'm going to have to have something!

DOOR SHUTS

You never wrote. What was I supposed to think?

Well, you could have called round when you were home.

I ran after you before, Billy. What good did it do me?

I was never a letter writer.

-When do you go back?

-Next Friday.

I should have been back a week ago but Mum got a bad flu.

-Is it good, then?

-It was hell at first.

I was homesick.

I missed you.

But I'm well settled now.

-Got a boyfriend over there?

-Yes, we're doing the same course so we've a lot in common.

More your type, then. Not common and ignorant like me.

He's coming over in the new year to meet Mum.

Then we're getting engaged.

That should keep her happy.

Cold out here.

I've never had to stand down here before.

I didn't want Mum to have a relapse.

-Better go in, in case she wakens up.

-Mm-hm.

Right.

I'll run along.

Be seeing you.

I really like Pauline. She's a great laugh.

We had a good time yesterday.

Who was your letter from?

June. Well, you know what educated people are like -

talking's not good enough for them, they've got to write everything down.

Did you really want back with her?

I don't know.

Maybe I was just being greedy.

I'd rather have Pauline.

Aye.

It's time I wasn't here.

-Hope Uncle Andy gives that Watson a good telling off.

-I'd rather go on my own.

-God knows what he'll come out with.

-You just look out for Ann. Don't let them make a fool of her.

DOOR SHUTS

There's no point in starting a job like this in the middle of the day.

Maybe I'll get Billy to give me a hand with it.

I'm sure you'll not. That's one old game's not going to start -

people running all the time.

You'll do it yourself.

What? The whole lot?

I really thought you'd leave it half done.

Well, I've never papered before.

My da told you how to do it.

I'll maybe get Lorna to give me a wee hand to sew up the curtains.

-She's a great sewer, Lorna.

-Aye.

-You going to help me out, pet?

-Ah, shut up gurning.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Come in.

Sit down, please.

Are you...Mr Martin?

Huh?

Not at all, I'm Mr Morrison.

I'm her Uncle Andy. I live with them,

keep an eye on them, keep them in order.

Quite.

Well, I'm sure this young lady has told you what happened.

She used abusive language to Miss Semple.

She also threw a book, striking Miss Semple on the shoulder.

And to make matters worse, the book that she threw was the Bible.

Such conduct cannot be tolerated.

I was actually off on Friday afternoon when it happened,

otherwise she'd have a pair of sore hands to go with her suspension.

Well, before I'm prepared to readmit her...

Did you know that your Miss Semple insulted the child's father?

Well, I wouldn't have considered what Miss Semple said to be offensive.

But she didn't say it about YOUR da.

Mr Morrison, please will you let me get on and conclude this matter?

Now, readmission depends on the assurances of all three of you that it will never happen again.

Also I shall expect this young lady to make a full and acceptable apology to Miss Semple.

Of course, Mr Watson. She's sorry and it'll never happen again.

Well, young lady,

well, what have you to say for yourself?

-(Sorry.)

-Speak up!

-You had no difficulty making yourself heard last Friday.

-She said she's sorry!

She can speak for herself.

-Right, I'll have Miss Semple round and we can all bear witness to this apology.

-In the name of Jesus!

-Uncle Andy, for goodness' sake!

-Ach, away, he's heard language before.

Wh-what is it you want from this child, huh?

Or are we going to have to call in the United Nations peacekeeping force

to stand between her and this Semple woman?

Mr Morrison, you're not making matters any better for her.

Is a child not going to be allowed to defend her own father?

-Should it not be your Miss Semple apologising to her for provoking her?

-Uncle Andy!

-Oh.

Look, Mr Watson, she says she's sorry and you can see she means it.

She doesn't have to say it again. Now, I'd like her back at school again immediately.

Maybe we should take her down to your bosses down there in Academy Street

and place her in a school where her da's good name will not be dragged through the mud.

I'm telling you, your Miss Semple's one lucky woman he wasn't here himself.

Mr Watson, will you please take Ann back to school.

All right, I'll pass on Ann's apology to Miss Semple

and we'll say no more about it.

She can return to school on Monday morning.

Thank you, Mr Watson.

Mind you, good teachers aren't what they were in my day.

-In my day, a teacher was liked and respected.

-Come on.

Huh? Oh.

Eh?

I must be mad, absolutely insane.

Do you want to go for a drink?

No, let's just go for a stroll round the block.

I'm going away tonight.

Mum's leaving for the boat.

What about the English boyfriend?

I don't know right now.

Will you write to me this time, Billy?

I was never a great letter writer.

I don't want literature, just contact.

All right.

Hello, Billy.

Er...

..this is June.

June, this is Pauline.

Pauline's a nurse.

She looked after Uncle Andy.

You should collect butterflies, Billy.

Now that Lorna's found a boyfriend, it's nice to see you've found someone else to nurse you.

You cheeky bitch! Don't you think your fancy university education

gives you the right to talk down to me.

I'll never beat you, Billy, even with my education.

CAR WON'T START

I'll be damned if I stop trying to defend myself.

CAR STILL WON'T START

I think your nurse needs a push.

Ah, go back to your pansy English boyfriend!

Somebody your snobbish old ma's stupid enough to appreciate.

CAR STILL WON'T START

Look, do you want a push?

-Push off, Billy!

-Pauline, she's just an old friend.

And I'm just your Uncle Andy's old nurse.

HUBBUB OF CONVERSATION

So, what did they say?

Emphysema with complications, they call it.

Sounds like a bad bet in the Grand National.

-Didn't you ask them?

-As far as I'm concerned,

it's only another fancy word they're using for to get me back in.

-Uncle Andy, you can't...

-Look, I didn't come here to talk about the mumbo-jumbo of bloody witchdoctors.

It's taken the flavour off my drink.

What about you, Billy? >

My God, the silver chamois.

Are you having one?

No, I'm just on my way home...

..the windies.

I finish here the day. Not see the ladders outside?

Oh, aye, here. I see a fella walking off with a pair of ladders just as we were coming in there.

-Walking off?

-Aye.

Oh, Christ alive!

ANDY CHUCKLES

Oh, look. What an eejit, eh?

Oh!

The like of those bringing children into the world! Jeez, I don't know.

How about you and your nurse, then?

Oh, you'll be pleased to hear we fell out...

about a fortnight ago.

Oh.

She still drops up, though,

to see Lorna, like.

You know, I reckon you could do worse.

Hmm...

Yeah, well, I'll hang on till I can do better.

Do you want another one?

Huh?

Nah. Nah, it's got no taste tonight.

Better go on home to bed.

Look, I've just to go a wee message. Can you get back all right?

Aye.

Listen, son, er, I know the score, all right?

Huh? I'll put my house in the hands of an agent.

And anything I have and whatever the house gets...

..you're the one, right?

Here...

This is for you.

A wee surprise, like.

An engagement ring?

If it doesn't fit, we can get it changed.

John, I can't take this.

What?

Why not?

I mean, we don't have to decide on anything else, not yet.

Why did you do that?

Why didn't you ask me?

I wanted it to be a surprise.

John...

John...

I like you.

I enjoy going out in the car and all that.

I'm all right for driving the car, but...

-not good enough to marry.

-Marry?!

We never even mentioned marriage.

I never even thought about marrying you.

It's him, isn't it?

Big brother bloody Billy!

He doesn't think I'm good enough for you.

I'm as good as bloody him!

It's got nothing to do with Billy!

It's me!

I don't love you, John.

It's never been like that.

I'm sorry.

You've made a fool out of me.

-Bloody stupid fool!

-No!

-Yes, you bloody have!

You're just another bloody Martin!

Lorna, why's he shouting?

Are you all right?

SHE SOBS I'm fine.

Go back to bed, love. I'm fine.

You was crying, Lorna.

Oh, don't you cry.

In the name of Jesus!

I'll make a cup of tea.

I've got to like him, like having him around.

Is that all you came round for, to consult me?

Do you want me stay away?

I know I'm a fool, Billy, but don't rub my nose in it.

I'm sorry, Pauline.

I mean that.

What is it you mean, Billy?

I'm never totally certain with you.

You're like a pet dog that gets so excited it bites instead of licking.

Wouldn't be so bad if you were a small, gentle dog.

I got a letter today.

I've been offered the Canadian job.

I start at the beginning of February.

-Have you accepted?

-They assume that unless I let them know otherwise.

I'd better go.

I hope it works out.

I'll make sure it does, Billy,

and I'll find a boyfriend who makes me smile and lets me laugh.

WHISTLES HAPPILY

You!

Couldn't be better.

John, what about you?

It's third time lucky for you.

You wanted a go twice...

..and now's your chance.

I'm, er... I'm in a wee bit of a hurry, John.

Wife's not well, you know.

BOTTLES FALL

Oh, Jesus!

Agh!

Look, John, don't do it.

THUMP! Agh!

Agh!

IAN COUGHS

Agh! Agh!

IAN WHIMPERS

DOG BARKS

-How is he?

-He's all right.

They're keeping him in overnight.

Valerie's away up to stay at her ma's.

You're not to get involved now.

-It's none of your business.

-I'm not bothering.

Ian's been wanting a go at John for a long time now. I warned him.

Hope he's learnt his lesson.

I'd a long chat with Uncle Andy this evening.

-He'll have to go back into the hospital.

-He's frightened, think he feels he'll die in there this time.

He was very upset.

I promised him that if he goes in for a couple of weeks, I'll bring him back out here and look after.

And what did he say?

He's agreed.

I even got a goodnight kiss tonight.

-Oh, if Fletcher's not ready to do you, it's somebody else!

-I don't want that mentioned.

What about you?

Ah, I'm away to my bed.

-Are you going to let Pauline go to Canada?

-Why not?

-It's what SHE wants to do.

-For goodness' sake, Billy, it's a matter of choice for you!

-Just cos you and her are mates now.

-It's not just that.

She loves you and you love her.

It's not going to make you any less of a man to admit that.

You're so like Dad.

But even he seems to have learnt sense at last.

Look, I can manage here.

It's not as if you're going to be a million miles away.

We have to break sometime, Billy.

Will you quit that constant running in and out?

-Oh, it's you.

-I live here too.

-Aye, I thought it was that other one.

-I'm away out.

See what I mean? In and out, in and out, like a bloody jack-in-a-box!

-Will you give over gurning? Do you want a cup of tea?

-Huh?

Aye, aye, I'll take a wee cup, just to keep you happy, mind.

HE COUGHS

HE SPITS

-Will you cut that out? It's disgusting!

-Sure, I have to get rid of it.

Well, you can do it without being so disgusting.

Huh! And you're the one wants to be a nurse.

Oh, Jeez.

BILLY CHUCKLES

Have you never finished that homework yet?

-I can't think of anything to write.

-What have you to do?

An essay. "I am a Postage Stamp."

-Who gave you that?

-Miss Simple Semple! Stupid old bat!

Isn't she the one you got trouble over?

Are you getting on all right with her now?

-Aye, but I won't be if I don't write something quick.

-Ach, it's easy.

What would you write?

Er, "I am a postage stamp. I've just been licked, stuck and sent."

Brilliant(!) Can you write that on an elastic band so I can make it stretch over two pages?