Mightier Than the Sword Secrets and Words

DOOR OPENS

I'm supposed to be on a health kick.

Another day of holiday food's not going to kill you.

-Come on!

-OK.

Can you text Paula and tell her that I had a lovely time

and that she can pop by this afternoon. Please.

And tell her to bring my bag with her!

-She hasn't still got that, has she?

-Six weeks.

You're too nice.

Do you want the low-down on...

more job losses,

-a school fire...

-No.

MOBILE TEXT ALERT

Right, she'll be here at 12.30, with the bag.

So, lazy morning then quick gossip with Paula, is it?

Suppose.

Life of Riley, you.

I think I might need a change.

So does everybody when they get back from holiday.

You never do.

Well I can't help it if I love my job,

my wife and my...

youthful good looks.

Shut up!

Right I'll be back about 8.00.

And remember, I've got an overnight on Thursday!

DOORBELL RINGS

Hi!

Do you know what, I've forgotten your bag again, I'm sorry!

Right, let's have a look.

Not too tanned. See, I don't have to kill myself, come here!

Roasting hot, only rained one day, can't complain.

You're so jammy.

When I went at Christmas it rained all week.

Rest of the time it was just chilling and cocktails on the beach.

-You're making me sick now.

-You'd have loved it.

-We should all go as a gang next year.

-That's a really good idea!

Don't go telling everyone, cos me and Jackie

are very picky about who we share a beach with.

Erm... just sat on the beach the whole time.

I am so jealous.

Well, it can get a bit... boring.

Are you mad?

I'd like to go to a market or a church, or something.

But John just wanted to... relax.

That's bliss! Do you know what I did?

I ran round like a mad woman cooking for 13 on Christmas Day.

That sounds quite enjoyable.

Jackie Jones! Has the sun fried your brain?

There's got to be more to life than being horizontal and drunk.

You must have had a lovely time though.

Ashley! I'm going to be sparkling all day now.

Sorry! But you will come?

You try and stop me.

Congratulations, darling!

-You are going to love being married.

-Do me a favour.

She's just bitter.

She's just not daft enough to tie herself down.

Armley Hall, eh?

Posh. Now don't you be running off to have babies too soon.

Hello, stranger, good holiday? You're early.

Well I missed you all. What can I say?

I'm flattered. Grab a coffee.

Did you see this?

The day the wife went missing he was digging a pond out the back.

-I mean just hang him now.

-Really?

Oh, yeah.

He used to drive her to work and wait until she went inside.

-Every single day.

-That's creepy.

It's been in all week.

Well, I've been away.

Have a look when you get a minute.

Right, I'm out the back. Give us a shout if you need me.

Got some holiday sweets. Help yourself.

Aw, ta!

Ooh!

Oh, Love In A Mist, I love that.

Oh sorry, Paula gave me that, I don't think I'll bother.

It takes ages to get going but then this church collapses

and loads of people die.

It's really, really good once it gets going.

I can't find it.

Hope I haven't left it in the hotel.

Here we go... got ourselves a secret disco dancer here.

-Aw, shut up!

-We found him with glitter all over his jacket.

It was in a wedding invite!

He'll be on Strictly before you know it.

THEY LAUGH

Who's wedding?

It's Ashley in the Hadley Road salon. I forgot to tell you.

I haven't got my reading glasses.

Let's have a look.

BOTH: Ooh, Armley Hall.

Posh.

-When is it?

-December.

-I hate winter weddings.

-Why?

Weddings should be in the summer.

-Funerals in the winter?

-Ideally.

He won't have a barbecue unless it's boiling hot.

He likes things just so.

-I like things done properly.

-Absolutely.

And in the right season.

So, if she's found dead in the shed, we'll know it's because she gave you salad in November?

Least it'll be the right time for the funeral.

Listen, our Pat worked with that garden murder bloke

and said he was a lovely fella, so...

Your Pat says that Hitler was misunderstood.

Nah, he just likes to see the good in everyone, darling.

Unlike you.

Yeah, well better to suspect that you're married to a murderer,

-darling, before it's too late!

-Yeah, well, you might be.

THEY LAUGH

Ssh, keep it down!

Apparently he was digging a pond out the back the day she went missing.

Guilty. Ooh, nice top.

Oh, thank you.

Yeah, got it for the holiday.

Looks lovely, that. Yeah, suits you, lovely.

I'm telling you, he worked with the bloke.

And I'm telling you,

he must have worked with half the blokes in the county.

-Well, he's had a lot of jobs!

-That's true.

Yeah, because he's always getting sacked.

Also true.

Promise... if we ever end up like that, you'll just kill me.

Hiya.

Oh, thanks for covering today.

Typical Sandra, phoning in sick. Again.

It's no problem.

You are a life-saver.

Well, I wasn't doing anything this morning anyway.

And I'm recruiting a quiz team.

I'd be useless, sorry.

It's just a bit of fun. Tuesday nights in The Volunteer.

I'll see what I'm doing.

I won't take no for an answer.

And what about this?

I'll look at it in a minute.

I know! I'm bombarding you and you haven't even got your coat off.

But take a form anyway.

Hiya. Oh. what's this? Full time job?

Extra money would come in handy.

Open to all but I've got to go through head office.

And they want personal statements.

You're kidding, aren't you? Will we have to interview as well?

Depends!

Be just like her to make us sweat.

Are you going for it?

Me? No. I'm not really interested.

Do you fancy listening to this on the way home?

Apparently it's better than the film...

You're joking, aren't you? I've got loads of CDs in there.

It's meant to be funny.

Not while I'm driving, it'll do my head in.

Well, what if I was driving?

You?

Maybe I should put in for my test.

Maybe you should. World's your lobster and all that.

You'd have to take the written test first though.

Maybe I'm destined to listen to Radio One for ever then.

Come on, get a shifty on!

I pick you up from work, we get taxis to the airports,

we go shopping together.

-When you going to need a car?

-I might want to go to Lakeside.

-Well, I can take you there.

-Well, what if I was...

Two fish and chips, a gin and tonic and a coke, please.

What was the special?

Oh, it's nothing you like. Seafood or something.

Let's go and sit over there.

You know, the one good thing about not driving

is that you get to drink all you want.

Are you calling me a lush?

Oh, come on, would I say that?

Oh you're going to have to do my roots tonight, John.

I can't stand another day.

No problem.

Actually, what do you think about me going a bit darker for a change?

Or even red?

Nah, I don't think you'd suit it.

Can always try it.

You'd hate it. And I'll just end up having to fix it tomorrow.

Yeah, you're probably right.

Have a look at this.

Full-time? Are you serious?

I was considering it.

Three days suits us, doesn't it?

Well, I was thinking of the money.

No need.

But then, I could think about driving and maybe...

What?

Reading... and writing properly.

Babe, that's a load of things to take on all at once.

Yeah, well I don't mean doing everything straight away.

Are you worried about something?

No, I just... can't stay like this for ever.

I want to be normal.

Last time I tried to teach you a few things...

I know, I was really horrible to you!

Well, I'm no teacher.

No, you were lovely. And dead patient.

But maybe I should go about it the right way.

How?

I'm not sure. A proper class.

Back to school?

Can't think of anything worse.

We could try a shade darker next time, if you really want to?

Maybe.

That film's just started. Do you fancy it?

I think I'm going to listen to this instead.

Oh. All right, well, I'll just tidy up in there.

Wouldn't say no to a cuppa, if you fancied making it.

PHONE RINGS

Hi, hon.

'You out?'

Yeah, I'm in town.

I was just heading for the bus home.

How's the hotel?

Cardiff's finest.

It's better than the last time, at least there's some soap, y'know?

Are the girls OK?

'They're useless!

'I've been to four salons and three of them are under performing.

'Honestly, that lot couldn't sell a lifejacket on the Titanic.'

Oh, go on, you adore them all.

'Yes, I am a fool to myself. Have you bought anything?'

No. I'm just browsing.

That's not like you.

I can't see anything that I like.

They were cheating on their phones!

-We came second last, you know!

-We need a bigger team.

You couldn't make it any worse.

Sandra's writing was so bad I couldn't even read the team name.

I told you, it's really not my thing.

I thought I was quite good at the picture round.

She thought Justin Bieber was Donny Osmond. Please come next week!

Please!

Sorry, what can I get you?

I just want to iron my top.

-I'll do that for you.

-Oh, thanks.

I'll just finish my hair.

Oh, ta.

I must've brushed past the sink or something.

I'm sorry.

It's OK.

I'll buy you a new one.

You've got to come just to see Rita the Cheater in action.

I could heard her in the toilets talking to that Vinny.

Come on, you're coming!

One gin, one vodka.

I was going to have lager and lime.

You never drink lager.

-I just fancied a change.

-John, will you tell her?

-Tell her what?

-To come to this quiz with me.

She hates those things.

Leave her alone.

Will you just stop going on about the quiz!

Hey, have you had your hair done again?

She is married to a hairdresser.

It's not very fair. Having you at her beck and call.

-I've just built you a new kitchen!

-Well I can't wear that out, can I?

All right, Paula. Come round tomorrow night, I'll do it for you.

Aw, thank you. I'll pay you.

No, you won't.

He's a star, isn't he? And it is a really lovely colour, you know.

Softie.

Thanks.

So, you, what about Gran Canaria for your birthday?

Hey, what about that?

Gran Canaria for your birthday!

Have you booked it?

Well, don't sound so happy.

Is he for real? That is just so lovely!

I thought we could do a city break instead?

You don't want to lie on a beach?

I just want to do something different.

Yeah... all right...

You've booked it, haven't you?

It was just this really good deal on a five star,

I didn't want to miss it but...

No, it's fine, it's fine.

Hey, I've got an idea, why don't we come with you?

Don't wind me up!

Gran Canaria is meant to be lovely.

We'll do some boat trips, we'll chill out, see some dolphins.

I can have some pina coladas!

She can have a pina colada or ten. And we're all happy.

I'd love to see a dolphin.

What d'you think, John?

Yes, why not. I will change the booking.

Yeah!

-Nice one!

-Here's to Gran Canaria. Cheers.

-Hiya.

-Hey.

What happened to the bleach stain?

I replaced it. It was the last one in the shop.

Great.

I bought you this. D'you want to go change?

Thanks. Next time.

Look, we're already late. Get a shifty on.

Got you the lamb and a bottle of wine.

So, Paula and Alan...

What about them?

Are you sure you want to go on holiday with them?

I don't mind.

Cos it can get awkward with mates.

It'll make a nice change.

Change is not always nice.

We're out of that wine, sorry, would you like to choose something else?

We'll have the chardonnay.

Excuse me. Can I have a glass of rose, please?

What were you saying?

The holiday.

Oh, yeah.

Well, we all seem to get on fine.

And there seems to be loads of things to do.

I might get some holiday brochures tomorrow,

see if there's some trips we could book.

Right, what about when we're all lying on the beach

reading our books?

What about it?

You might feel awkward.

Well I'll just have to come up with something.

It's easier said than done.

No, it isn't.

All right, we need to work. Let's sit over there.

Slave driver.

Aye, but we'll have a cheeky wee glass of bubbly while we're at it.

That OK with you?

We just need to go over the itinerary

and then you can get back to the party.

As long as you're still buying me champagne.

Yeah, yeah... I'm on it, all right?

Cheers!

Aren't I glad it wasn't Marvin's turn.

Aye, you definitely wouldn't get any booze out of him.

-Why do you think I fiddled with the rotas?

-You did not!

Girl's got to live a bit.

Good for you. Right, five minutes on this...

Nice top.

Thanks.

I should go.

You don't have to.

Not on my account.

Face it, this was a one off.

Had your wicked way, have you?

John, you and Jackie...

Yeah, we're solid.

-Exactly.

-Except somehow we're not any more.

We used to do everything together, liked the same things, never argued.

Now it's...

She just doesn't understand you?

HE LAUGHS

No. Um...

I don't understand her.

What do you mean?

I do everything for her.

I don't mind, I love it.

She loved it.

What's changed?

I wish I knew.

Do you still love her?

Yeah.

But I'm not sure if she loves me.

I'll go.

No. Stay.

HER HEART POUNDS

Trust me to be late on my first session!

Promise I won't make a habit of it.

I'm just going to get myself together.

Could you get into pairs and introduce yourselves

and then tell each other something about yourself, I don't know,

your favourite colour, where you went on holiday, anything.

Five minutes.

PEOPLE CHATTER

And last, but not least...?

Oh yeah, erm... this is Jackie, she's from the posh end.

She's got a dream job cos she works in a cake shop.

Thank you. Custard slices, my downfall.

Now, OK, let's get to work.

Nothing too strenuous for your first session, eh.

Do you wanna take one and pass it along.

Yeah, well, I said that, it'd be a good laugh.

Don't mind me. For you.

Gorgeous!

-You're not too bad yourself.

-I meant the flowers.

They're lovely.

I'm going to grab a shower.

Meant to ask, can you still apply for that full time job?

What?

Just thinking you should. You were quite keen, weren't you?

Yeah, well it's too late, it's gone now!

That's a lucky escape.

He knew I wanted to go for that.

Tried to put me off it.

I don't know what's the matter with you.

Flowers, no kids, part-timer. You don't know you're born!

What's the matter with ya? Will you just chill?

-You can do it.

-I can't get it right.

Yeah, you will, if you just chill.

Lewis is right, you're doing really well here.

Just look at this group

and see if you're sure they belong to the same type.

Fab. You don't need me.

Well, she won ten grand on the lottery,

and he thought she hadn't told anybody.

You seen that?

Carnage.

-Awful.

-The usual?

Turns out she'd told the milkman for some reason.

Not this again.

That was crucial evidence,

because he used some of that money on the pond!

She is obsessed. How are you?

And then the milkman...

Just knackered after the weekend away.

Where d'you go?

Dublin. No, wait, what am I saying? Cardiff.

Work was it?

Yeah, same old, same old.

He couldn't read properly, neither could my mum.

I mean, we never had books or stuff like that in our house.

My mum had books but she never encouraged us to read.

Same with my mates, never read comics, never mind spoke about them.

It's like Harry Potter.

Never read the book, just went to the cinema instead.

Do you...

Do you admit to people that you can't read?

Nah, I bluff it.

Just get my sister to read and write stuff for me.

Me too. Well, my husband does it.

What about school?

Schools. I must have been to about six.

Yeah?

Yeah.

My dad used to do a bit of this and that.

He had some market stalls.

If he needed help he got me and my sister to work there.

He didn't care what the school said.

But then my sister left home and she went to college.

And you?

Erm...

I married John.

I'm just so sick of bluffing to everyone.

-I know! It's hard work, innit?

-Yeah.

Don't worry, not for long.

I read my credit card statement the other day.

I wish I hadn't but, you know, that's progress.

Look at you two! Right dream team...

again!

Haven't had any money from Alan yet.

Right.

Yeah, at this rate I'll be still asking him for it at the airport.

Have we filled in the census form yet?

-No, I haven't had a minute.

-Well, it's due in two days.

It'll be fine.

Where is it?

I don't know!

Great. I'll just spend all night looking for it then, shall I?

We've had it for weeks. I asked you to do it and you said you would.

I remember!

So where's the form, John? I don't want to get a fine.

Can I just...

finish my dinner before I get on with my chores?

Are you sure it's not in the car?

Yes.

At last! Right, I am going to bed.

Right, well, aren't you going to fill it in?

No. I've spent all night looking for the stupid thing.

No, no, not all night!

Virtually all night. I'm tired, all right?

So the form's just going to have to wait.

Maybe I should have a go?

Don't be ridiculous.

I'll do it tomorrow.

-You're working late again tomorrow.

-Then I'll take it into work.

-What if there's no time?

-I'll stay up late.

You're falling asleep at 10.00!

I will drink coffee!

Good night.

-I'll get up early tomorrow.

-Whenever.

It's boring, y'know.

Filling in census forms,

staying up all night looking for cheaper car insurance.

But I'm happy to do it.

Well, maybe I'd be happy to do it too, if I had the choice.

There is no need.

We like the way things are.

Don't we?

We're fine, love. We're fine.

I just want to help.

I'm saving you a job.

I know.

Coming up?

Yeah, yeah. In a bit.

OK?

-Didn't want to wake you.

-What time did you get up?

Silly o'clock. But this is filled in.

So I'm just going to post it now.

MOBILE TEXT ALERT

I'm going to be late tonight, remember.

OK. Right, well I might go to the pub quiz then.

OK.

Quiz?

Just for a drink.

Nice. See you later.

Oh, hi, is that the Bridgecourt Hotel?

'Yes.'

I know this might sound daft but are you in Cardiff?

'Actually no, we're in Dublin.'

Dublin.

'Is there anything I can help you with?'

Erm no, sorry, wrong one. Thanks.

SHE SOBS

Are you absolutely sure?

There's hotels and florists I've never heard of.

I could sense a difference.

After Christmas I wanted to change, I wanted to feel normal.

I just wanted a choice in things.

And he stopped you from doing that?

Somehow, he managed to.

How?

I've always looked to him for encouragement,

ever since we met,

and I'd get it when it suited John.

But with the reading, he just did everything.

I can't get my head round that

because I'm sure I've seen you read...

No, you just think you have.

I mean, I'd glance at the paper, I'd memorise things,

I'd make an excuse...

even lied about that book you lent me.

-Feel a right fool.

-Join the club.

Hey, come on. You've done good. Nobody's clocked anything.

And you've got a job. And a nice life.

Not any more.

You'll sort that out. After you've lynched him.

Just... I just wish that I'd worked it out sooner.

I had no confidence.

It was mine and John's secret and I could get by.

So what changed?

Nothing. And that's the point.

John just wanted everything to stay exactly the same.

Y'know, despite what he's done...

John's a really good husband.

What you going to do?

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

'Hi, it's me.'

Where are you?

'Just leaving Bristol, I should be about two and a half hours.'

OK.

'See ya.'

See you later.

Dear John...

No-one has ever been so kind or thoughtful to me as you.

You do everything.

But it's time that I did things for myself.

You don't like change and that's fine

but...

I'm different now.

I know I pushed you away.

My world got too small and I just pushed you out of it.

I'm sorry.

I know why you needed someone else.

I really do. I understand.

I hope you understand why I'm doing this.

I'll always love you, John,

but for now I have to find my feet.

And I have to do that on my own.

Love, Jackie.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd