Sleight of Hand The Musketeers

-What's the vital thing to remember in a duel?

-Honour?

Not getting killed, right? Biting, kicking, gouging - it's all good.

-I was raised to fight like a gentleman.

-Were you raised to die young?

You don't have to do this. It's Musketeer business.

I can handle it.

HE GROANS

I taught him that move.

Lay down your weapons!

Red Guards. Red Guards!

-Nothing more we can do for him.

-No point all of us getting arrested.

He knows the Musketeer motto...

"Every man for himself"!

You're under arrest for illegal duelling.

Hey, Vadim.

Company for you!

You knew the penalty for duelling, but let d'Artagnan go ahead!

I don't like this. I've never been unpopular before.

-Did any of you think at all?!

-Try trading places with me.

But you're used to it. I'm more the romantic hero type.

D'Artagnan is in prison because of you.

Alone...

...friendless...

...condemned.

I hope you're very proud(!)

Dismissed!

'D'Artagnan was taken to the Chatelet at ten this morning.'

He's awaiting execution, at His Majesty's pleasure.

Congratulations. You had me convinced -

and I knew the whole thing was a charade.

We certainly fooled the rest of the men. They hate us.

They think we betrayed a friend. It makes me sick.

Provoking a duel was a brilliant idea.

The world had to believe d'Artagnan's arrest was genuine.

I still think one of us should have done it.

Vadim would never trust a King's Musketeer.

It had to be someone he didn't know.

He's a Gascon farm boy - promising, but raw.

There's too much at stake.

Well, he has to prove himself sometime, so why not now?

Well, I think he can do it. And I'm a pretty good judge of character.

ARAMIS CHUCKLES

You're a terrible judge of character, especially when you're sober.

Vadim stole enough gunpowder to start a small war. Where is it?

What was he planning? Where are his men?

If d'Artagnan can bring us the answers,

then his life is worth the risk.

Tomorrow is Good Friday.

The Queen pardons a few deserving prisoners at this time every year.

I've put you all on her guard detail. You can check on him, then.

JINGLING

MAN YELLS

JINGLING

How did you do that?

The secret to a good trick? Make people look the wrong way.

DOOR CLANGS

-Er...what's this?

-Mutton stew.

Mutton is the one that goes "baa" and has wool on it.

You can starve, for all I care, Musketeer!

I'm no Musketeer.

They betrayed me and I hate them for it.

Captain Treville! The material for your new cape.

A beautiful piece of cloth.

I was not surprised to hear of d'Artagnan's arrest.

-Always struck me as the criminal type.

-Is that so?

Yes, I hope they hang him.

Even though I myself will suffer for it. He still owes me a month's rent.

Your self-sacrifice in the name of justice does you credit, Monsieur.

A beautiful morning, Madame Bonacieux.

I doubt if it looks so good from inside the Chatelet prison.

You've heard about d'Artagnan?

You know, these stories can be greatly exaggerated.

-Really?

-Mm.

I was told you led him into danger and then abandoned him.

That one's about right.

He's your friend. What are you going to do about it?

We've been getting along well, but I wouldn't say friends, exactly.

He trusted you!

My most humble apologies, sir! I can't think what came over her.

Your wife's actions were justified. It is I who should apologise.

God, I love that in a woman.

What? Passion?

Violence.

So, how did they catch you?

I was visiting my mistress.

Let's just say I was surprised, in a delicate situation.

Did she betray you?

I left someone I trusted keeping watch. He fell asleep.

Then you and I have something in common.

We've both been let down.

And we're both going to hang.

Not me.

I'm going to walk out of here in broad daylight.

And not a soul will lift a finger to stop me.

CHOKING

Jailer! Jailer!

Good morning, Your Majesty.

A few fortunate souls will be granted their freedom today.

I wish I could pardon all your prisoners.

Your Majesty should not waste sympathy on those undeserving of it.

All men need hope, Captain.

Without it, why should they lead a decent life?

They look half-dead, poor things.

Quick, jailer, help!

Jailer!

What's wrong with him?

Can't you see he's having a fit?

He's faking.

CHUCKLES

Of course I was faking.

Looking for these?

In his great mercy and in the name of God,

the King has granted you clemency.

You still have to get past the guards. Take me with you, Vadim.

Don't leave me here.

I can help you.

Vadim! Don't leave us here!

MEN CALL OUT

Let them out.

I hope this small gift will help you in your new lives.

I'm going to check on d'Artagnan.

Did you see the gratitude on their faces, Captain?

Mercy is more effective than any whip or gallows.

The worst offenders would only consider Your Majesty's

gentle nature a weakness. Some men are just born bad.

#SYELLING

#SYELLING

This way.

Prisoners escaping!

#SSHOT RESOUNDS

Protect the Queen!

This way!

Don't let them through!

Don't shoot! There's a Musketeer in there!

Vadim has escaped!

Get back.

UPROAR CONTINUES

GUARD: Hold the line!

GUARD: Close the door!

Get the Queen out!

Oi! Oi!

Stop...

-..or your Queen dies.

-Hold your fire!

Back...

Back!

Open the gate.

Open the gate!

-Do as he says.

-GRUNTS

Do it! Open the gates!

Vadim!

You see, I told you they'd let me walk out of here.

Hurt the Queen and we're all dead.

You don't need her any more. Let's go. Come on!

Your Majesty, my apologies.

I hope that, apart from this, you've enjoyed your trip.

Shoot them! Don't let them escape!

Weapons down!

SHOTS RESOUND

Boy!

Hyah! Hyah!

Bring him down!

GUNSHOT

After them!

What in the name of God is he doing?

Do you still think d'Artagnan was the right man for the job?

Don't worry. It's fine.

Look at me, look at me. It's over.

I've got you.

So you have.

My apologies, Your Majesty.

You're hurt.

My God, what is Vadim planning?

War? Rebellion?

I must know. Keep me informed of developments.

My men have orders to shoot Vadim on sight.

If d'Artagnan is with him, he, too, is in grave danger.

His life is in his own hands now.

You heard all that?

Of course.

D'Artagnan's death would be a waste.

I'm not here to indulge your romantic whims.

Romance has nothing to do with it.

I laid a perfect trap for him. He should be dead, he isn't.

That makes him unique.

I can do something with a man like that.

Why should he still trust you?

Because he's already half in love with me.

You left him with a bloody dagger in his hand, facing the noose.

What kind of idiot would overlook that?

"Forgive me, d'Artagnan.

"The man was a beast, I stabbed him in self-defence

"and then I panicked. I never meant you to take the blame.

"I was in torment when I heard. You, who were so good to me,

"so loving, so kind.

"Let me make amends in any way you desire."

Five years in your service and you still doubt me?

D'Artagnan's fate is a matter of indifference to me.

Your task is to find Vadim.

Are those flowers for me?

No.

My friend Felix thinks I was wrong to bring you here.

He doesn't like Musketeers.

I told you, I'm not a Musketeer.

I am a wanted man on the run.

What else have I got?

Let me suggest another possibility.

We're going to play a little game...

to find out the truth.

I'm going to hack your fingers off, one at a time,

until you admit to being a spy.

And what if I'm not?

Then you'll be counting on your toes. But you'll be alive.

Come on, Vadim. Cut him.

BREATHES HEAVILY

We can trust him.

I know a man's character by looking into his eyes.

I'm never wrong. He's good.

You're making a mistake.

Take no notice of our Felix. There's more brains in a fish.

Welcome to our glorious enterprise!

We're going to build a new France.

How?

We kill the King and Queen.

The poor and the dispossessed will rise up and join us,

taking back what belongs to them.

We'll be heroes.

The way I look at it, you saved her life, so she's probably grateful.

But we did put her in danger in the first place, so...

...she might want to see us whipped.

I hadn't thought of that.

Oh, you've upset me now. I...

Monsieur Aramis!

Bravest of all the King's Musketeers.

Only amongst the bravest, Your Majesty.

Perhaps your friend would grant us a moment's privacy?

Does it hurt?

Oh, not at all.

Well, perhaps it is a... a little sore.

Poor, gallant Aramis.

Accept this gift, as a token of your Queen's gratitude.

May it keep you safe...

...always.

You know you were giving her the stare?

What stare?

-She's a very attractive woman.

-She's not a woman.

She's the Queen.

Or have you forgotten about Adle Bessette already?

PORTHOS CHUCKLES

Adle chose the Cardinal over me. She left Paris.

Fine. But please, set your sights a little lower,

for all our sakes.

SNORING

LAUGHTER

Suzette!

This house, do you know who lives here?

Suzette Pinault.

Everybody knows Suzette around here!

LAUGHS

You've got five seconds to explain

what you're doing before I blow your brains into the next street.

I was visiting my mistress.

Prove it.

That's her.

How do I even know you've met her? Huh?

WOMAN GASPS

Sh. We're being watched.

For God's sake, kiss me back, and make it look good.

You're a wanted man. The Guards are everywhere.

Whatever you've heard about me, don't believe it.

FOOTSTEPS

Oh!

You're making a habit of this.

Believe me, I wouldn't unless I had to.

That's flattering(!)

And no tongues.

Go to Athos. Tell him to get here, as soon as possible.

Come inside. You're not safe on the streets.

You are the kindest and best woman on Earth, you know that?

Or the most stupid.

She's in a good mood. I may be some time.

Vadim will hear of this.

Tell him.

'Vadim plans to murder the King and Queen.'

Some fantasy of a peasant rebellion.

Have you seen the gunpowder? Any weapons?

-What about his men?

-In hiding.

When is this plan supposed to take place?

-Vadim's careful. He doesn't say much.

-Does he trust you?

As much as he does anyone.

Felix doesn't, but I can handle him.

Vadim said the secret to a good trick is to make

-people look the wrong way.

-What do you think he meant?

Honestly? I have no idea.

You've done enough. We'll take it from here.

Pick him up now and the King and Queen are still in danger.

What do you suggest?

I go back in.

DOOR OPENS

CLATTERING

They told me about the duel and your imprisonment,

that it was all faked.

Rather well, you have to admit.

PORTHOS CHUCKLES

What for this time?

Letting me think the worst.

First I thought you were a condemned man, then a fugitive

and now...this! How many ways can a man think of to get himself killed?

I think she likes you.

POURS DRINK

It's too dangerous.

I can do this.

Trust me.

This evening, Vadim visited a woman called Suzette Pinault.

You'll find her in the Rue Lagrange. She's his mistress.

DOOR CLOSES

-Tell me we've made the right decision.

-Absolutely.

Definitely.

Well... what could possibly go wrong?

If you've heard of anyone wanting a room, I'd be glad to know.

My husband needs the money.

It's not easy to find decent lodgers.

Every time one of them gets themselves killed in a duel,

or thrown in the Chatelet or murdered in some intrigue or other,

it's a tremendous inconvenience.

Of course, it's less cooking and cleaning.

In fact, I wish my lodgers would die more often,

so I could have an easier life.

You!

How dare you show your face here again!

Guards! Guards!

This isn't what it seems.

Stand aside. He's a fugitive from justice.

I order you to move!

Order away. I'm staying here, until you stop shouting and listen.

Step back, please, Monsieur.

-This man is a wanted criminal.

-I said, step back.

I suggest you do as he says.

Is this a threat?

Not yet.

Good decision.

Once again, I'm in your debt.

Good evening.

Hey, you! D'Artagnan!

YELLS

Surrender or die!

YELLS

You!

Who are you?

Your guardian angel.

Now, where is Vadim?

I have a powerful patron.

He can grant you all the riches and power you desire...

...if you take me to Vadim.

You betrayed me. You set me up.

Now, I've saved your life.

It wasn't only murder that made our night together memorable.

THUNDER RUMBLES

You're at the crossroads, d'Artagnan.

Don't take the wrong path.

Choose the Musketeers and you choose oblivion.

THUNDER RUMBLES

-ATHOS:

-D'Artagnan!

(Another time.)

THUNDER RUMBLES

Go! We'll deal with this.

Porthos, follow d'Artagnan. Watch his back.

'We can't trust him, Vadim.'

He's a spy and a traitor.

You fell asleep, when you were meant to be watching my back.

So no-one's perfect.

This woman...

She's important to you?

Yes, she is. I had to see her again. It could be the last time.

You said nothing?

Vadim, I was careful. No-one saw me.

I understand love, d'Artagnan, believe me.

But...

next time you want a conjugal visit, you ask.

You understand?

-Mm.

-Now get some sleep.

You'll need it.

'I've never been this close to a Musketeer with my clothes on.'

I must be in trouble.

We know you've seen Vadim, Suzette. You have a choice.

You can go to the gallows with him...

Or you can save yourself.

I'm not denying anything. I saw him.

Why didn't you report it?

Because I don't want to get involved with the Guards.

Besides, we used to be quite close.

-You were lovers?

-Ooh, you're a sharp one.

What did he want?

He said he was going away. He wanted me to go with him. I said no.

Has anyone ever told you you've got lovely eyes?

The Captain mentioned it only this morning.

If you don't tell us the truth, we could have you whipped.

It's usually the other way round, but if the money's right...

Where did you first meet Vadim?

At the Louvre Palace. I was a scullery maid, he was a servant.

-Vadim worked at the palace?

-For two years.

That's where he became obsessed with the King.

-He really hated him.

-Tell us about that.

He said King Louis had broken his promises

to the people. Talked about it all the time.

Did he say he wanted to kill him?

I don't remember.

Maybe.

Vadim stole enough gunpowder to wipe out dozens of innocent lives.

Is that what you want?

He came to see me, I sent him away.

I don't know where he is, I don't know what he's doing.

That's all.

Look, if I knew any more, I'd tell you.

-Well, I don't want to hang.

-Very well.

I believe you.

Any time you want your sword polished, handsome, let me know.

She's covering for him.

Don't let her out of your sight.

The King must be informed. Vadim has both the intelligence and the means

to launch a serious attempt on his life.

And all over some mad attempt at rebellion?

According to d'Artagnan.

Did you know Vadim worked at the palace?

Of course not. You'd better speak to Lavoie about that.

Lavoie?

First Gentleman of the Bedchamber. More regal than the King himself.

If I was planning to kill the King...

...how would I do it?

Notre-Dame.

The royal family show themselves to the people after Easter Mass.

It's tradition.

Not any more.

'Gunpowder?'

Muskets? Good God!

The threat to Your Majesty's life is real and immediate.

It would be madness to attend the Easter Mass.

Decoys will go in Your Majesty's place.

We will lure Vadim from hiding with a false target.

You're going to let the attempt go ahead?

We'll catch the conspirators in the act of sedition,

hopefully, without a shot being fired.

The people know their King and Queen too well.

It seems to me, Captain, your plan must fail

without the King's authentic presence.

Your men have protected me once. I am sure they will do so again.

The King and I should attend Mass as planned.

My father never shirked public obligation,

no matter the threat to his person.

Your father was assassinated.

It's simply a matter of common sense to stay away.

Common sense is for common-ers,

not for Kings.

I will not have it said that the son of Henri IV is a coward.

It is my task to show courage and leadership.

It's yours to protect me.

DOORS OPEN

-Perhaps I misjudged that.

-Perhaps you did.

DOORS SHUT

'We appreciate you're a busy man, Monsieur Lavoie.'

As it happens, I do remember Vadim.

Gutter-born, but his intelligence and pleasant looks caught my eye.

I thought perhaps, with my patronage, he might make something of himself.

-What were his duties?

-Menial tasks in the kitchens.

Did he ever come into contact with the King?

A grease-stained servant? I should say not.

Only the most favoured members of the nobility are granted

the exquisite honour of gazing on the Royal countenance.

I am pleased to include myself in that number.

How did Vadim respond to your, erm...patronage?

With base ingratitude.

There was an incident. A priceless item of the Queen's jewellery

went missing. Vadim was near the scene.

What was he doing in the Queen's apartments?

I showed him round.

As part of his education, you understand.

And...what was this missing item?

A diamond pendant.

Why wasn't Vadim arrested?

One moment he was in the hall outside, the next he'd disappeared,

like some Arabian genie.

Can you show me where this took place?

It might help us to understand Vadim.

WATER RUNS

The royal vault!

The value is beyond calculation.

The stolen pendant.

That empty space is like a dagger in my heart.

We strike tomorrow at 11, as the clock chimes.

Three men in the crowd with bombs, four more standing by,

should they fail.

The King and Queen will be dead before a quarter past.

THUNDER RUMBLES

And me? What do I do?

I have a very special destiny for you, my friend.

This time tomorrow, my name will live for ever.

Yours, too, should you play your part.

THUNDERCLAP

Here, take the map. You might need it.

THUNDER RUMBLES

And buy wine. We should celebrate.

Go!

WHISTLES

Get this to Treville.

DROPS PAPER

DOG BARKS IN DISTANCE

THUNDERCLAP

Careful. Even you couldn't miss from there.

CHUCKLES

What are you doing here?

-You saw Suzette arrive?

-Hmm. Vadim's men, too.

I counted six and at least one more inside.

D'Artagnan gave me this.

Vadim's plan.

We should strike now.

Hmm. I'll get the others.

'In a few hours' time,'

the King will be dead!

CHEERING

Every man here

I trust like a brother.

All except one.

We have a traitor in our midst.

It's not me, Vadim.

I would lay down my life for you.

He knows that, Felix.

You're not the one.

GUN COCKS

-On your knees...

-You're wrong.

...Musketeer!

No-one outwits Vadim!

THUNDERCLAP

After you.

No.

-I swear they were all in here.

-There's a back door.

Blood.

THUNDER RUMBLES

D'Artagnan?

Perhaps. He chose to take the risk. There's nothing we could have done.

We could have stopped him.

At least he left us this. Our job now is to protect the King.

When that's done, we can worry about d'Artagnan.

They're gone.

Take it. Use it well, brother.

Tomorrow is your day.

CROWD CHEERS

GRUNTS

I was hoping you'd wake.

I wouldn't want you to miss the high point of our brief acquaintance.

Where are we?

In the tunnels, under the Louvre.

They run from the palace to the city wall.

Built by one of our King's forebears, as an escape route,

bricked up in the time of Henri IV.

I discovered them whilst working in the palace kitchens.

You can almost feel the heat of the bread ovens.

You see, d'Artagnan,

servants are like rats.

They'll find all manner of secret exits and entrances.

In exactly 15 minutes, that candle will burn down

and light the fuse that will explode the powder stored in those barrels.

Blowing me to pieces.

Well, certainly, but that's not the main purpose of the exercise.

You know, it doesn't matter what you do to me, Vadim.

You've failed.

I told the Musketeers...everything.

You told them exactly what I wanted you to tell them.

I explained the trick to you, d'Artagnan.

You should have paid more attention.

14 minutes. Tick, tock, tick, tock.

DOOR SHUTS

SHOUTS OUT

BREATHES HEAVILY

Go, go, go!

Death to the tyrants!

Over there, in the crowd!

-Move!

-Protect the King!

-Kill them all! Kill them all!

-Protect the King!

Down, down, down! Watch out!

No!

FELIX SHOUTS

Move!

-Let her go!

-Take the shot! Take it!

Shoot him!

Bomb, bomb! Clear the area!

No! Aramis, no!

Move, move, move! Go, go, go, go!

All clear. It's safe!

Move, move, go, go!

Surround the carriage. Go, go, go! Move, now!

-It's a dud.

-Stay back. Stay back!

They were never meant to go off. They're all duds!

He's made us look in the wrong direction.

EXPLOSION

The palace!

He doesn't want to kill the King, he wants to rob him!

It's a distraction! He's at the palace!

BREATHES QUICKLY

SIGHS

BREATHES QUICKLY

Yes!

SIGHS

FIZZING

LAUGHS

There he is!

Shoot him on sight!

-There's nowhere to run!

-Surrender or die! It's up to you.

It's over, Vadim.

-Not quite.

-Where's d'Artagnan?

Is he dead?

COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS

Bang.

Get down!

CHOKES

Come on. Vadim's mine.

Vadim! Show yourself, you traitor!

There was no gunpowder in those bombs! You betrayed us.

You never were very bright, were you, Felix?

BLADE RINGS

Still, you worked it out in the end.

FELIX CRIES OUT

THUD

COUGHS

Felix is dead. Where's Vadim gone?

Hold it right there.

Musketeers! Kill them!

FAINT SOUNDS OF FIGHTING

Vadim!

Behind you.

You are full of surprises.

I had a good teacher.

This way.

Vadim, this way.

Over here.

GASPS

So, you are alive?

-I think so.

-Vadim?

Wounded...badly. He can't have got far.

Stop there, Vadim!

Stop!

I should have strangled you at the Chatelet,

saved myself a lot of trouble.

Why didn't you?

For the fun of it.

It was a good trick.

It should have worked.

It nearly did.

SIGHS

My apologies for the deception, Monsieur. I had no choice.

D'Artagnan was doing his duty at great personal risk.

He deserves praise, not blame.

Oh, he is very brave, I'm sure.

Please accept our profound apologies for any misunderstanding.

No hard feelings?

Of course not. I always knew there'd be a good explanation.

I beg Madame Bonacieux's forgiveness.

I trust nothing of the kind will ever happen again.

I'll see you to the door.

Things were very quiet before you came here, Monsieur.

I'm sorry. You must miss that.

Not for a single second.

'You were right about d'Artagnan.'

He has the devil's luck.

But all the good fortune in the world won't save him,

if he chooses to be MY enemy.

Then I must help him make the right choice.

Oh, I don't suppose that there was any sign of the Queen's

-diamond pendant?

-None at all.

Pity.

Drinks for the whole house!

CHEERING

I want to see how this plays out.

This Bonnaire.

-The Spanish say he's broken your treaty.

-That's very wicked of him.

There are opportunities for men like you in the colonies. You could be rich.

Did you imagine I would take no interest in a matter that directly concerns the King himself?!

Swine, filthy swine!

There was a woman here while you were away.

So pretty.

If we don't operate soon, he'll die.

Prepare the patient.