Skin The Singing Detective

'The doorman of a nightclub can always pretend that it's lipstick and not blood on his hands.

'But how did it get there?

'Let's be economical, not fancy.

'If he'd smacked some dame across her shiny mouth, he's got both answers in one.'

HARMONICA PLAYER PLAYS MELANCHOLY TUNE: "PEG O' MY HEART"

HE STARTS PLAYING "DEUTSCHLAND UBER ALLES"

HE RESUMES PLAYING "PEG O' MY HEART"

Gawd bless ya.

Gawd bless ya, Guv. Gawd bless ya.

< A real gent you are!

SUDDENLY WELL-SPOKEN: Ah...jolly well done, old fruit.

'And so the man went down the hole, like Alice.

'But there were no bunny rabbits down there. It wasn't that sort of a hole... It was a rat-hole.'

# I've got you under my skin...

-# I've got you... #

-'Into the rat-hole. Down, down, down.

'And the one thing you don't do

'is to underestimate the rats in residence.

'No, sir. The way those creatures gnaw at your soft underbelly can seriously damage your nerves.'

# I try so, not to give in... #

Your tea, Mr Tomkey... Tea time!

Come along! >

Come on. No more nodding-off now!

Oh, dear-oh-dear-oh-dear!

Can't expect to sleep at night if you do so in the afternoon... Try not to spill it all.

Will you look at that trolley!

Look, Reginald. It's stopped again! It's worse than a number 11 bus.

And why has it stopped(?) So that ga-ga old bugger can spill his tea!

The tea, Reginald, will be cold.

-Won't it?

-What's that, Mr Hall?

-The TEA!

-Oh, yeah...it'll be cold.

'No, sir. The way those creatures gnaw and nibble can do a lot of damage to your nerves.

'Full-stop. New paragraph.

'But there's one thing you've got to admit. Full-stop.

'A rat always knows where its tail is.

'A rat always knows where its tail is.

'But when Mark Binney went down into Skinskapes,

'he might just as well never have learned the difference between his tail and his elbow.'

'Evening, sir. What's your poison? What'll it be?... Ohhh!

Ohhh, God!... Concentrate, concentrate!

What's your poison? What'll it be?

Well, company for a start.

-It's early. You'll have the pick.

-But of what?

The apples on the bough... Drink?

-Scotch and soda.

-And for the young lady?

-What?

-Hello, sugar.

-Hello yourself, sugar. What would you like...?

-Champagne, toots.

-Ah...yes, of course.

Sugar.

Toots.

Back in time for the tea party.

Bed 11... Bed 11.

Bed 11 - it's a way up from heaven.

There we go. Can you reach?

-Stand up, hmm?

-Can't.

-Bed 11... You're home now.

-Can't. Can't get up!

Let's lock these wheels, then.

Let's get this nightie off, then.

-Draw the curtains.

-We're all boys in here.

-Draw the bloody curtains!

Ras!

Enough to put you off your bread and jam.

Poor sod!

We all suffer, Reginald.

Some of us choose not to show it, that's all... That's why we're penalised!

PORTER: You OK? Want any help?

Are you OK?

"Enough to put you off your bread and jam."

Sugar.

"Poor sod."

Toots.

"Ras", man.

-#

-I've...got...you... under...my...SKIN.

-#

-DEEP...in...the...HEART... of...ME.

-#

Bastards!

I'll wipe you out!

Don't you know who I am?

I'm the...

I'm the Singing Detective.

Right.

Come on.

Come on... Oh, God!

Come on... Come on.

Jesus!... Help me.

Tea, Ali? Tea. No bread, no cake. Tea! Please!

Tea. No bread, no cake. Tea! Please! What?

I'll have PLEASE, thank you very much. Tea, thank you very much.

Tea, PLEASE!

Tea, PLEASE(!)

Thank you very much. There's a good chap.

Tea. No bloody bread, no bloody cake. Tea!

Mr... Mr Marlow...!

What are we trying to do(?)

We must stop doing this.

Why is it, when your health goes, the medical profession assumes you've also lost your mind?!

Now, we'll have none of that.

Now, what were you trying to do? Rather silly-billy of us, wasn't it?

-I was getting my pyjama top. My sodding, buggering...

-Mr Marlow!

I want my ickle jacket, please. I want my closie-wosies.

Really(?)

Ahhh...

-Ahhh!

-< You're not helping me much.

Reginald, are we just going to accept it?

-What?

-What I'm talking about is JUSTICE... Justice, Reginald.

-Yeah.

-Cold tea never did anybody any harm. At least, I don't bloody well suppose so.

But INJUSTICE is another matter. Injustice eats your insides out!

-Tea-time!

-It should be us every other time.

God, she's ugly!

Don't you think she's one of the ugliest, meanest, nastiest BITCHES ever to walk the Earth, eh?

-Eh?

-What?

-Why don't you move your bed?

-What for?

-Move next to that bloody Paki!

-No, thanks!

Well, you're no bloody company, are you?!

-Always got your snout in a book!

-It's a nose!

And it's always stuck in a book!

I might as well be in a desert.

Living hell, that's what this is. A living hell!

Ready for our cup of tea, Mr Hall?

Ooh, that'd be nice, Staff Nurse. Thank you. Ooh, cakey!

He says you should come here first. What?

No, no, no, no! Just a little repartee.

-< Mr Hall wants it seen to.

-Shut up.

Our tea's cold or stewed to buggery!

-Language, Mr Dibbs!

-But very welcome you are, Miss, in THIS bed.

REGINALD'S LAUGHTER ECHOES

'I'm not a tart. But a girl's got to live, ain't she?

-'Hello, sugar.

-Hello yourself, sugar.

-'What would you like?

-Champagne, toots.

-Yes, of course.

'Of course.

'Of course.'

A-a-a-o-w.

Oh, God!

Cigarette. I want a cigarette.

Cigarette, sugar...toots.

(Faggy-waggy, Nursey.)

Ali.

-Ali!

-What do you want?

-Get my cigarettes for me, will you?

-Please.

-What?!

-Say PLEASE, not WHAT.

-I won't have WHAT, thank you very much.

-Christ!

-No cigarettes.

All right, then. Please, PLEASE... You bastard.

Doctor say, if something wrong HERE and you bloody smoking cigarettes,

there is something wrong HERE too! No cigarettes.

That's you heart patients, nig-nog!

I'm skin, Ali, SKIN!

-I

-must stay in bed.

Doctor say, "Stay in bed, nig-nog!"

Fool... HE said that?! Doctor said THAT?

I've seen you padding about, you sly old sod.

-Talking to Allah or somebody.

-Bloody God, no.

-Oh, look, Ali...

Don't be a hypocrite. I need a fag. Love your little brown chops.

OK, OK... Bloody dog, ME.

They keep putting them in my locker.

Like all morons with a mania for order, they put everything you want where you can't get it.

Do you know how many O-Levels you have to fail to be a nurse?

Ah, blessings on your head.

-No bloody flint.

-Conviction. Do it with conviction!

-Oh, my God!

-Turn it down! The wheel. The little wheel, Ali.

-Good.

-I can see the headlines - "Another Asian Burnt To Death."

No, that sort of thing doesn't make the headlines any more.

Not now the National Front are investing in tandoori ovens.

Good?

Good?! It's bloody marvellous.

All my hopes and desires, fondest aspirations, have finally been reduced to their true dimensions.

-Yes. Your lungs.

-Filled with blue smoke, Ali.

See the way it coils and drifts.

Just like every human hope.

Yes, yes, very bloody wise.

I used to think that all I wanted was the respect of honourable men and the love of beautiful women.

Now I know for sure that all I want is a cigarette. One more cigarette.

-Poison. It's poison!

-One thing about this place - it strips away the unimportant stuff like skin,

-like love, like loyalty, like passion and belief...

-Oh!

I know I'm boring, but surely not that much!

Were you out of bed?

Excuse me! I said, were you out of bed?! No, Dr Finlay, sir.

-Oh, yes, you WERE. What have I told you?! What is the point...?

-It's MY fault!

-Oh?

-I asked him to get me a cigarette.

-Well, you shouldn't! In any case, you shouldn't be smoking.

You're not MY doctor! (Thank God.)

-Don't encourage this man to get out of bed. You're being selfish!

-Now, listen...!

-You're risking HIS health!

-What?!

-If he has another heart attack, YOU'll be responsible.

-It'll be one less, then!

-What?

Immigrant, sunshine!

Is this fellow giving you trouble?

Yes, sir. He is, Doctor, please.

Has he been making offensive remarks about your origins? Origins...?

Your race or... Sorry? Your RACE!

Go on, tell him...you brown bugger!

BLEEPER SOUNDS

Jumped-up little snot! You get out of bed if you want to, Ali.

-No.

-Well, why not? Why endure one moment more than you have to?

Get out of bed. Jump up and down! And then hold a pillow over my face and we'll both go together.

At first...comma...

..the only sound is the slap, hyphen, slap of water against the boat, comma,

which has its engine switched off. Double-space.

The other, comma, natural noises increase

as the naked, drowned body of a beautiful woman

-is pulled out...

-What are you talking about?

I had on my best pyjamas. The ones with red stripes

I was all dressed up. 1 million was about to call. I was ready.

High temperature again, have we?

She made me feel like a tulip in the dry season when the first raindrops smacked into it.

-I opened up. Boy, was I green... or do I mean WET?

-Oh,

-I

-see.

-Your eyes are not for seeing, Nurse Mills. They're for being looked at.

-Oh, we're talking today!

What d'you mean?

-According to a report, you didn't say one word yesterday. And that's not the first time.

-ME?!

-Yes, YOU.

They put THAT on a report?!

Oh, YES.

-Is that why they...?

-Go on, ask.

Is that why they think I'm loopy?

-No!

-What, then?

-Depressed.

Anti-depressants: brain-drainers. Those head-mashers! Is that why they try to make me swallow them?

-Well...

-I'm not taking those things!

I've got to think. If I don't, I'll never get out of here...

Are you going to grease me?

-If you're ready.

-Ready as a back-axle.

Nurse... Nurse.

-Yes, Mr Hall?

-(Could you come here?)

-No. Tell me!

-(Nurse, please! Could you come here?)

You're going to wear us all out, Mr Hall... Now, what is it?

I need the "you know" very badly.

Sorry. The, eh...

-The contraption.

-What contraption?

-I want to have a tuppence.

Reginald, would you get a bed-pan for Mr Hall!

Got the shits again, have you, pop?

A bit like being in a tent in here, isn't it?

-With all the curtains shut.

-Yeah, and desert all around.

-Shall we do the top or the bottom half first?

-I don't mind.

-Can you get your own pyjamas off?

-No.

All right, I'll start down below.

Right, let's get these trousers off!

I'll try not to hurt... Up you come!

Thanks.

That's all right... relax.

We can start now.

'Oh cock, do not crow.

'Poor cock, do not stir.'

I'll be as gentle as I can.

'Think of something boring. Something very, very boring.

'A speech. A speech by Ted Heath... A sentence from Bernard Levin...

'A quiz by Christopher Booker...

'Think boring! A Welsh choir... Everything in Punch... Oh!'

-Oh!

-Oh, you poor thing.

'Wage rates in Peru, James Joyce, the dog in Blue Peter,

'Brian Clough, and especially James - Henry AND Clive,

'Australian barmen, ecologists... Think, think... Guardian woman's page,

'the Bible...

'Oh, God! Readers Digest... No! Bible psalms. Song of Solomon: "Thy breasts are like..." No, no.

Ahhhh...cheeee!

-Sorry. Was that too hard? >

-Too hard? Yes.

It's like iodine in a cut.

Sorry. It's worst of all here,

-just inside your thighs. I'm being as gentle as I can.

-It's not your fault.

I shall have to lift your penis now to grease around it.

# My momma done told me,

# When I was in pigtails,

# My momma done told me,

# Hu-u-u-u-n...

# A man's gonna sweet-talk,

# Give you the big eye.

# But when the sweet-talkin's done,

# A man is a two-face, A worrisome thing... #

Carlota's a real corker, ain't she? I mean, genuinely artistic.

-Top hole.

-And it's right, too. What a girl SHOULD be told.

I'm sorry?

-Well, a guy can get very excited.

-You're telling ME.

-You'll promise the Earth...

-You're not eating, Amanda.

-Well, one can only consume so much.

-Where DO they get REAL steak? I haven't seen meat like this

since before the War.

-six long years of spam!

-You ask no questions, I'll tell you no lies.

Is it legal, or is it horse?

-What's up?

-I need the Gents.

-Now?!

-Well, she's nearly done, and I've heard the song.

-Know where it is, sugar?

-I'll find it...toots.

# ..in the ni-i-i-ght! #

APPLAUSE

I shall have to lift your penis now to grease around it.

I'm sorry, Nurse. I do beg your pardon.

It's the one part of me that still sort of functions right. I'm sorry.

No, it's all right. I understand.

It seems to have a will of its own.

-We don't need to talk about it, do we?

-No.

How long have you had this?

20...30 years.

-As bad as this?

-No. It's at its peak now, almost.

-I'm starting to lose control of my body temperature. I keep going over the top.

-Yes(!)

-I think I tend to hallucinate a bit.

-Mmm, that happens.

I thought there was a cat in bed this morning. IN it, not ON it. Chewing off my toes, one by one.

-Ahh!

-I'm trying not to hurt you.

Sometimes... Sometimes these hallucinations are better than the real thing.

People can sing in them, or dance. I don't mind. I like pictures.

You write detective stories, don't you?

-Who told you?

-Oh, a little bird.

-Wrong. I USED to write them!

-Hey...

-Got to work.

-Sorry?

-I've got to work!

A man's got to work. I'VE got to!

Hey, now...

My mother should never have called me Philip with a name like Marlow!

-No E on the end, but it sounds the same.

-Same as what?

Philip Marlowe. You've heard of him, surely?

Christ almighty!

What else could I have done except write detective stories?

She should've called me Christopher.

I don't suppose you've heard of him either.

This way?

Thank you.

-Sorry, ladies! I'm looking for the Gents.

-Yes(!)

FAINT STRAINS OF "DEUTSCHLAND UBER ALLES" PLAYED ON HARMONICA

'Gawd bless ya, Guv!

'A real gent you are.'

Goodbye, old fruit.

Why is it so hot?

-#

-On the...

-#

-On the sunny...

-#

-On the sunny side of the street.

-#

-Grab your coat...

-#

-..and grab your hat...

-#

THE BAND ARE PLAYING "ON THE SUNNY SIDE OF THE STREET"

Find it all right?

Eh, yes. Yes, I found it all right.

-What's up, sugar?

-It's hot in here.

The heat! I feel as if I'm burning up.

God, you're dripping!

That shows a passionate nature, sugar.

What about YOU? You seem very cool.

Ooh, only when I'm upright.

-Not ANOTHER bottle!

-You must keep coughing up in here if you want my company, toots. Ain't I worth it?

-No need to drink it, though.

-What, at £2-10s a bottle?!

-Mark... It IS Mark?

-As in the 2nd Gospel.

-What?

-Never mind.

Mark, this is my friend Sonia.

Hello.

Sonia likes a tip, Mark.

Oh.

Thank you.

Let's hope I get something back for this.

-That all depends, don't it, sugar?

-On what?

On what you mean.

I'm sorry... It's still awfully hot in here. Why am I so hot?

WOMAN YELLING: 'Philip!

'Philip!... PHILIP!'

NOISE OF UNDERGROUND TRAIN COMING TO A HALT

'Hot.

'Hot.

'Why's it so hot?'

SUDDEN BREAK INTO HANDEL'S "THE ENTRY OF THE QUEEN OF SHEBA"

'Morning!

Good morning.

Good morning! You are Mr...? Marlow, sir.

Of course. How are you feeling?

Eh...not very...

Inflamed. High temperature. Arthrosis.

How long have you had psoriatic arthropathy?

Em...20...

25 years. How much movement in the joints?

He's had injections in his toes.

Tootsie-wootsies, sir. Prednisone and Prednisolone, orally.

With Betnovate and Dermovate under dressings.

Well, you can see the damage. Latterly, with such occlusions one might describe it as...

Iatrogenic.

History?

Em, pretty usual sequence of events... Precise! Be precise!

Cool tar, then gold injections... Indomethocine not successful.

The short courses - Prednisolone, lengthening.

After positive liver biopsies... Vomiting.

Em...vomiting. Finally withdrawn.

Ten years of occlusive dressings...

Razoxane. Also Cytotoxic. >

Which induced neutropenia...

Mmmm...

Yes, I've seen cases as bad as this in Baltimore.

What will you do? One of the retinoids?

-Mmmm...

-I

-would've said so. Worth a try.

Excuse me...

Any odd thoughts in the brain-box, old chap?

Em...

On Tuesday, he said that a cat was chewing his feet, eh? Yes, a cat attacking his toes.

Tootsie-wootsies, eh? No cats in a ward in this country.

Quite so, quite so.

There's one other drug that might be some help, Mr...?

-Marlow.

-How do you feel about trying one of the new retinoids?

Do you understand the question?

Eh... No, I don't think so.

Would you like to try a new...?

I don't understand the question

because I've regressed into a kind of dependency normally associated with infancy.

-What?!

-It's like being back in my bloody pram...

poked and drooled over by cretins!

Mr Marlow!

Escaped loonies. They thought they were doctors and nurses!

Ohhh...very good.

Tell me, what do you do for a living, Mr...?

Forgive me. What USED you to do to earn a crust?

I'm an author.

-I didn't realise.

-Detective stories.

-How interesting!

Will you PLEASE LISTEN to me!

-LISTEN to me!

-Well...what is it?

I can't talk to you lying flat out like this. Can you prop me up a bit, PLEASE?

Ahhhhh!

Thank you.

What is it you wish to say?

I... I just think that...

Listen. Just listen to me.

-I've reached the end.

-Of what?

-My tether!

-Oh, hush now!

I'd like... Christ, I'd like to get out of here.

I can't stand... I truly cannot stand it!

I can't...get on top of it!

I can't see clear of it!

I can't...find my way through it!

And if I don't tell someone, if I don't admit it, I'll never, NEVER beat it!

I'll never, NEVER...!

Oh, tears. Even bloody tears! Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. The SHAME of this!

Even tears, oozing bloody tears, hurt the skin on my face...

Laugh?! It hurts my jaw!

God...

Talk about the Book of Job(!) I'm a prisoner inside my own skin and bones...

Librium. Valium. Anti-depressants.

And a barbiturate? Barbiturate!

Anti-depressants. Valium. Librium.

# Ezekiel cried - Dem dry bones!

# Ezekiel cried - Dem dry bones!

# Ezekiel cried - Dem dry bones! Now hear de word of de Lord.

# Ezekiel connected dem dry bones,

# Ezekiel connected dem dry bones,

# Ezekiel connected dem dry bones, Now hear de word of de Lord.

# Toe bone connected to foot bone,

# Foot bone connected to heel bone,

# Heel bone connected to ankle bone,

# Ankle bone connected to leg bone,

# Leg bone connected to knee bone,

# Knee bone connected to thigh bone,

# Thigh bone connected to hip bone,

# Hip bone connected to back bone, Back bone connected to shoulder bone

# Shoulder bone connected to neck bone,

# Neck bone connected to head bone,

# Now hear de word of de Lord! Dem bones, dem bones gonna walk around!

# Dem bones, dem bones, gonna walk around! Now hear de word of de Lord!

# Disconnect dem bones, dem dry bones

# Disconnect dem bones, dem dry bones

# Now hear de word of de Lord!

# Head bone...neck bone,

# Neck bone...shoulder bone,

# Shoulder bone...back bone,

# Back bone...hip bone,

# Hip bone...thigh bone,

# Thigh bone...knee bone,

# Knee bone...leg bone... #

'Philip!

'Philip! Come back!'

# Now hear de word of de Lord!

# Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones,

# Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones,

# Now hear de word of de Lord... #

O-o-o-o-o-o-h! Yes, Lord?

Ahhhhhh-lay-loooyah! Aaaaaaaayyyy-men!

# Now hear de word of de Lord !! #

LOUD APPLAUSE

Would you like to see the padre? Would that help?

Or a psychiatrist? Yes, looks like it to ME.

Good day to you. Keep your pecker up, old chap.

SOUND OF BIRDS CHIRPING

MAN'S VOICE: 'Philip! Come on, old buddy!

'Where bist, Philip?

'Philip! Come down, old buddy!

'Philip!'

(Hey... Hey!

(Hey!)

-Hey.

-Sorry. What?

-At seven you go.

-What?

-Go out.

-Oh, for Christ's sake, Ali!

-Out! Out of this bloody place!

Where to? There's no place else to go. Besides, I like it here. I've decided I'm going to stay.

-Oh, shut up!

-You've forgotten what it's like out there... Listen.

Listen. It's not safe out there.

They chew each other up out there.

Get me one of my cigarettes, would you, Ali? There's a pal.

Ali.

Ali!

Oh, I want a cigarette.

There's nothing I can think of which I want more.

Ali!

A smoke.

A length of ash slowly building.

A tube of delights.

Oh, blessed nicotine.

Hot.

Why's it so hot in here?

"Gawd, you're drippin'.

"That shows a passionate nature, sugar."

I'm not a tart.

But a girl's got to live, ain't she?

-Put a figure on it.

-A round one?

-A round one what?

-A nice round figure.

-£10.

-Oh, hard ones is better, sugar.

-Sorry?

-£15, sugar.

-This is a very expensive evening.

-I'm not being greedy. It's not for lickle ME.

Who's it for, then - your sick mother?

I had thought you was a nice guy. I thought this was going to be nice.

-I'm used to pigs at the trough, but I thought this...

-All right, £15.

Let's hope you're worth it.

Oh, I'm good.

I'm very...very...wizard.

It's about the only thing I AM good at...BED.

Mark, this is my friend Sonia.

Hello.

Well, let's hope I get...

-Let's hope I get...

-Something back?

-Well...

We can't leave with customers. No.

-Sonia don't talk much.

-Why should she?

She came from Russia six months ago.

-Where in Russia, Sonia?

-Leningrad.

THEY CONVERSE IN RUSSIAN

What are you two jabbering?

Your Russian is not bad...

-..is not good.

-It's a long time since I've had a chance to use it.

-They let you buy drink for Sonia.

-They?

-I get commission.

-What do

-I

-get?

Guess.

CONSULTANT: 'Would you like to see the padre?

'Would that help? Or a psychiatrist?'

-'What do

-I

-get?

'Guess.'

'Would you like to see the padre? Would that help? Or a psychiatrist?

'Perhaps.'

'The Captain is asleep.

'We are drifting off, unanchored, into the dark.

'We are lost. All of us...lost.'

Stop it. Bloody rubbish.

-Mabel...

-What's going on?

-Ooh! What're you doing?

-Where've you been, Mabel?

-What?!

-Get off!

-Where've you been? >

-Ahh!

-Come on, Mabel. >

-Where've you been, Mabel, eh?

-Get off!

What's going on?! Stop that! Stay in your own beds!

-NURSE!

-Ooh, you naughty boys!

-Help me!

-THE NURSE LAUGHS

-Get off!

-You dirty old devil!

Nurse! NURSE!

Oh, God! NURSE!

Nurse! NURSE!

-Aaahhh!

-LOUD LAUGHTER

Bloody beds!

THE NURSE'S LAUGHTER INCREASES IN VOLUME

'It was cold waiting for Amanda to come out.

'The air was like an eskimo's mother-in-law...bitter and icy.

'But not as icy as the double-crossing heart which beat under his cashmere coat.

'He intended to warm himself on her over-priced flesh.

'Work AND pleasure, and a kiss before you die. Binney stared...

'He did not expect to see them together. What was cooking?'

Hello, sugar. Ain't you got a taxi yet?

-None around. It IS 3.30 am.

-Oh, there'll be one.

There's always a taxi. > My momma done told me.

-I see. A magician, are you?

-A wizard. I told you.

-Are you...?

-Oh, you don't mind if we give my friend a lift, do you?

-Well...

Where to, Guv?

Shall we drop you off first, Sonia?

'He wondered whether Amanda was as dumb as she sounded.

-'But you couldn't tell what a dame like that was up to.'

-Mr Marlow...

-How are we?

-I'M not well. I don't know about HIM.

-Sorry?

-Or perhaps you mean YOU.

-I don't follow.

You said "How are WE ?" WE!

-I wondered who the others...

-A manner of speaking.

And a very tedious one!

Not feeling too great? That's not surprising.

-You're going through a tough time.

-Look, I'm impressed by your astonishing powers of deduction...

-Now, now...

-But I am trying to do some work.

-Work?! What do you mean?

Do you think writing isn't work?

-No, of course not.

-Or do you think it consists solely

of putting words on a page without thought...as if I were a Sunday Times journalist?

-Ah. I see what you mean.

-DO you now(?)

It must be ticklish to work out a plot in a detective story.

-I suppose you have to scatter clues.

-Like throwing grit to the hens.

-I should like to read one of your...

All out of print! The hens wouldn't lay, the cock wouldn't crow.

I see.

For Christ's sake. For CHRIST'S SAKE!

Mr Marlow...

Do you think you have the right attitude towards your illness?

-Do YOU? That is the interesting question - YOUR attitude!

-Partly, YES. But you should...

-Will I ever be free of it?

-Well, now...

Will I be able to move properly... hold a pen again?

Tell me that. Forget the blather. I can get THAT from a doctor, Doctor.

You speak as though someone else was responsible for your condition. But no-one IS.

Or at least, IF anyone is,

then that cannot be anyone other than yourself.

What are you talking about? It's not YOUR job to be cryptic.

I have seen patients who are as bad, sometimes worse, than you are.

But none of them reacts in the way YOU do, with such aggression...

-What do they do - sing madrigals?

-They don't behave as if they've fallen into a sewer!

Are you trying to tell me to take the tranquillisers?

Or is it a deodorant you've got in mind?

-I think you should take them, the tranquillisers.

-No, I won't!

That's up to you. No-one's going to ram them down your throat.

But where will you find equanimity?

What?!

I know it's always an embarrassing question... but what do you believe in?

-Malthusianism.

-Come again?

Malthus. Compulsory de-population by infanticide, suicide, genocide, or whatever.

AIDS, for example. Why should queers be so special?

I see.

I also believe in cigarettes, cholesterol, alcohol, masturbation,

the Arts Council, nuclear weapons, the Daily Telegraph,

and not labelling fatal poisons.

But most of all, I believe in the one thing that CAN come out of people's mouths...vomit!

I want you to think carefully about what I'm going to say.

There's a very good man here... very alert,

and sympathetic. I'd like you to talk to him.

-Alert and what? Who is he? He'll get himself struck off!

-A Dr Gibbon.

Doctor of what? Skin? Joints? Monkeys? The decline and fall of the Roman Empire?

Why is he "alert and sympathetic"?

He's a...

Well, he's a psychotherapist.

-You'd get on well with him.

-Get stuffed!

You are out of order! I will not be spoken to in this manner!

-Then eff you see off, sir!

-I WILL speak to you again!

Good afternoon.

Hey!

Hey... Hey!

What do YOU want? How are things in Glocomora?

-He say when you go?

-Christ almighty, where to - Handsworth?

Didn't he say when? When you go out?

We're never getting out, Ali. This is our home on the range. Well, the hot-plate, anyway.

Don't talk rubbish.

We are... We ARE.

Any bloody time now.

Yeah, we will. One day. Arm in arm together, eh? Like Alcock and Brown.

You can be Brown!

We are never going to get out of this bloody place. You are right.

Yes we are, Ali... Come on!

We'll break a popadum together.

I promise.

Hey.

Hey!

What is it now? Try the Samaritans.

-You want sweet?

-Sour is more my line.

-You want sweet?

-No, thanks, Ali. My jaws hurt.

Thanks, Ali. Thanks, all the same.

-Some other time, sweetheart.

-You have sweet. I have a lot.

You have sweet. I have sweet. And we say, up the arse, hey?!

Yeah... Up the arse.

Ali...

Ali.

Ali!

Ali... ALI!

Ahhh... NURSE!

-NURSE!

-Nu-u-u-rse.

Ali... Ali...! Call 199!

Hurry!

Get that headboard off!

Come on now. Take his arms!

Set up a drip, please.

Give me the paddles.

Set it to twenty.

Stand clear, everyone!

Three-forty.

Stand clear, everyone!

Set up a drip. Get the adrenalin.

One last try. Stand clear, everyone!

Check the pupils.

Dilated, I'm afraid.

OK, that's it.

Time, Staff?

Fourteen thirty-seven. That is time of death.

-Oh, you ARE untidy.

-Who is? What?

Dropping your sweeties everywhere.

-Ah, but they're not...

-Try and be more careful, shall we?

-I'm sorry.

-Want me to unwrap one for you?

-I'd rather have a cigarette.

-Oh, no. Not one of those.

You shouldn't smoke!

Yes, quite right, Nurse. Quite so. It might make me ill(!)

You been greased yet?

-No.

-Why tell us when we're busy?

Did I say anything? Did I?! Jesus Christ on a bike!

I'LL do it before I go off.

It makes you more comfortable, doesn't it? Eventually.

I... All right, I will have a sweet now, Nurse, please.

What's the matter?

Nothing.

What is it? Do you want something for the pain?

They're very nice these sweets. Very nice indeed.

MUSIC PLAYS: "ROCKIN' IN RHYTHM"

-MARLOW AS A BOY:

-'I'll find out... I'll find out.

'I'll find out THINGS... I'll find out.

'I'll find out who done it.'

Subtitles by Ewan Angus BBC Scotland - 1986

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