Owen Money and Friends

Ladies and gentlemen,

please take your seats for the entertainment event of the year,

with West End star Sophie Evans,

comedian Rod Woodward,

Welsh tenor Wynne Evans,

and pop icon Shakin' Stevens.

Plus, we find out more about the funnyman from Merthyr.

And here's your host for the evening.

Please welcome to the stage of the Ffwrnes Theatre, Llanelli,

Mr Owen Money.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello and welcome to the Ffwrnes Theatre, Llanelli.

And this is the first TV show they've ever done here in this fantastic theatre.

-Isn't it brilliant?

-Yes.

-Absolutely brilliant.

And the show is presented by that very funny man from Merthyr. Me.

-Have we got Merthyr people in?

-Yes.

-Nice to see you.

I've been in Merthyr last Saturday. I was on a sponsored mountain climb.

Kill-a-man-for-a-giro.

And I've got to say, I can't believe there's so many beautiful women in this audience tonight.

There's a couple of ugly ones, you know, but...

I'm not going to point you out. You know who you are, right.

You're beautiful, you are, love. I've got to be honest. You are.

No, not you, love, the one behind you.

Well, today is St David's Day,

the only Saints Day that's named after a shopping centre in Cardiff.

It's a day when we celebrate things that are great about Wales.

Things like the great scenery.

Friendly people. The Welsh Assembly.

AUDIENCE GROANS

Well, two out of three's not bad. Hang on a minute.

I thought about going into politics but it's a bit of a cutthroat business.

You know, one day you could be in the Senedd debating big issues,

the next day you can be out in the street selling them.

I was saying this to the taxi driver that brought me here tonight, Lembit Opik.

Lembit Opik.

Not just an ex-politician but 300 points at Scrabble, that is.

Well, I'm living in Porthcawl now, tax reasons.

-Have we got people from Porthcawl in? Where are you?

-Yay!

Nice to see you. You've got to be old to live there. Look at them.

Oh, they're all old in Porthcawl, aren't they, Gareth?

Even the shop windows are bifocal.

But they do cater for the older people.

I go to a lot of the care homes.

Every Christmas Eve I go to this one in the centre of Porthcawl. It's great.

And they're all in their 90s and I try to entertain them, you know.

It's hard work, like.

Like the gurner's club all over again, they were.

I had a staring ovation.

LAUGHTER

I came off the stage. There's a woman at the front, she's 98.

I said, "Did you enjoy me?" She said, "You were marvellous."

I said, "Do you know who I am?"

She said, "No. But if you ask the matron, she'll tell you."

Have you noticed when people get older they change?

Like, ladies, I've got to be honest, ladies, you grow old gracefully.

Some of you, your hair goes like cauliflower,

but most of you are great.

You can always tell the age of a man, because the older he gets,

the higher he wears his trousers, have you noticed?

60, 70, 80.

My father's 97 and we feed him through his fly.

And he's in one of them sheltered accommodations, you know

where they pull the string and they all come running.

I went down to see him the other week. He's 97.

I said, "How's it going?" He said, "Not so bad".

SMACKS LIPS

I said, "What are you doing?" He said, "I'm doing a jigsaw of a big chicken."

I said, "Put the cornflakes back in the box now".

LAUGHTER

There's an old fellow driving on the motorway and his mobile phone goes.

He picks the phone up and it's his wife.

She says, "Dai, where are you?"

He said, "I'm on the M4 by Sarn services. I'll be home now in ten minutes."

She said, "Be careful, Dai.

"It's just come on the radio here, there's one motorist

"driving the wrong way down the motorway."

He said, "One?" He said, "There's bloody hundreds of them", he said.

I'll tell you what though, it's been a funny old month, hasn't it?

About four weeks ago they found the remains of King Richard III's body

in a car park in Leicester.

They are now looking for the remains of his horse

in every supermarket in the country.

Well, it started in one supermarket.

Now they're all jumping on the bandwagon.

They reckon it's not their fault.

They haven't got four legs to stand on, I've got to be honest.

It's in Lidl's now. My Lidl pony.

If you're going to get bread to go with it, don't ask for a cob, whatever you do.

I was in the supermarket the other day. I got a bag of burgers.

It kept jumping the queue.

HE WHINNIES

Well, it's nice to be here. And it is St David's Day.

I'm very proud to be Welsh.

And I don't know whether you know this, but we talk differently all over Wales.

We've all got different accents.

-CARDIFF ACCENT:

-Cardiff, they put the car in the car park.

-NEWPORT ACCENT:

-Newport. "Do you want a fight?"

-SWANSEA ACCENT:

-Swansea. "Where do you want this video, mush?"

-MERTHYR ACCENT:

-Merthyr. "In 'ere, byt."

Llanelli. They talk very fast in Llanelli. The real ones.

-LLANELLI ACCENT:

-Mynydd-y-garreg, top of the mountain, Scarlets,

Rupert Moon, ugly bugger with a skullcap.

Carmarthen. They start fast and then they go slow.

"How's it go...ing?"

Cardigan. "How much?"

And I love North Wales. I love it. I go up there quite a lot.

And they talk like Mario Lanza up in North Wales.

There's two English fellows lost in North Wales

and they come to the village with the big long name.

And George says to Charlie,

"Look at the length of this name. There's about 50-odd letters there. How do you pronounce that?"

He said, "I don't know. We'll go in and ask the waiter. He's from North Wales."

So they go in this cafe, and a fellow from Caernarvon came up to them.

He went, "Can I help you?" "Good God, yes."

"Can I help you?"

He said, "Yeah, can you tell us very slowly exactly where we are?"

And the Welsh fellow went, "MacDonald's".

-Anybody here from Llanelli?

-Yes.

-Are you from Llanelli, love?

That's lovely. Famous for two things, darling.

Beautiful women and great rugby players.

What position do you play, love?

I love Llanelli. I've been coming here three years.

I went out the other day to find out what the people of Llanelli thought about the town.

And this is what I found.

-Are you from Llanelli, boy?

-Er...

-Do you want an easier question?

-So are you from Llanelli?

-Yeah, I'm from Llanelli, born and bred, Welsh head.

-What's good about Llanelli?

-It's a nice community feel.

You go in that new theatre, it's another world.

I'd take you down the coastal park for a walk.

-New shopping centre's down there.

-You like that?

-Yeah, it's really nice.

-Aren't you proud of it?

-Well, no, I'm proud I'm Welsh.

-You're not proud of being Llanelli?

-No.

How come it's six below zero and he's dressed like that?

-Because he's an idiot.

-He is an idiot. That's his mother telling him to put a coat on.

-What's good about Llanelli, cos I'm not from down here?

-I prefer Carmarthen to be honest.

Do you? OK. See you, then. Take care.

Sorry.

There we are.

Now, I didn't recognise this lady when I sat here.

I haven't met her for years.

-We did a radio programme from your house.

-Yes, in Ebbw Vale.

I remember that. It was filthy and full of strangers.

-Do you like rock 'n' roll music?

-Oh, yes, love it.

We've got the greatest rock 'n' roller of all time coming on the stage now.

Because this guy, three days ago was in a sell-out concert in Poland.

But he's here tonight. Let's welcome the fantastic Shakin' Stevens.

-# There's a fire down below

-# There's a fire down below

-# It's burning out of control now

-# There's a fire down below

# Man your battle stations, baby cos there's a fire down below

-# There's a fire down below

-# There's a fire down below

-# There's a fire down below

-# It's burning out of control now

# There's a fire down below

# Man your battle stations, baby cos there's a fire down below

# There's a fire down below

# Fight fire with fire love with love

# You can feel the heat coming down from above

# So come on now, baby I feel so good

# Just do me up like you said you would

-# I said smoking

-Smoking

-# Smoking

-Smoking

-# Burning

-Burning

-# Burning

-Burning

# Smoking, burning

# Getting hotter and hotter

# Hotter

# Because there's a fire down below

# There's a fire down below

-# It's burning out of control now

-There's a fire down below

# Man your battle stations, baby

# There's a fire down below

# There's a fire down below

# There's a fire down below

# Oooh, ooooooh

# I said smoking

# Burning

-# Smoking

-Smoking

-# Burning

-Burning

-# Smoking

-Smoking

-# Burning

-Burning

# Smoking, burning

# Getting hotter and hotter

# Hotter

# Cos there's a fire down below

-# There's a fire down below

-It's burning out of control now

# There's a fire down below

# Man your battle stations, baby

# There's a fire down below

# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

-# There's a fire down below

-There's a fire down below

-# Yeah, fire

-There's a fire down below

-# Fire

-Fire

-# Fire

-Fire

-# Fire

-Fire

-# Fire

-Fire

-# Fire

-Fire

-# Fire

-Fire

-# Fire

-Fire

# Aaaah, aaaah. #

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Thank you very much.

Well, as you know the programme is called Owen Money and friends.

One of my oldest and dearest friends is here with me. Ruth Maddox.

APPLAUSE

Well, hello, campers, Owen, love.

-Oh, Hi-de-Hi.

-Ho-de-Ho.

Three bags full and away we go.

Now listen, lovely boy.

You're now known as the king of pantomime in Wales.

-What do you like about it so much?

-Well, the kids for me.

They go into the theatre for the first time and they just love it.

I don't really want to talk about it.

I'd rather show you what it's all about.

Have a look at this from our production of Babes in the Wood

at the Princess Royal in Port Talbot.

Well, well, well.

What have we here?

# Hey, you with the pretty face. #

'In 2000, we decided to form our own theatre company,

'and we took the pantomime out to all the smaller venues in Wales.

'And it's great because we use a lot of, you know, traditional stuff.'

-Oh, no, there wasn't.

-AUDIENCE: Oh, yes, there was.

Let's have a look around.

'You've got to have the comedy element, you know.

'If something happens on the day, we'll put it in.'

Anybody on income support, be careful.

There's a camera over there!

'We've got some great actors in Wales.

'Dick Bradnum, who plays the Dame, he's never done panto before

-'and he's just taken it like a duck to water.'

-Sink.

'Sammy Rod, who came to me six or seven years ago.'

Bring it on! 'I play Robin Hood.

'I've been playing boy characters for Owen Money for seven years,

so I went he thinks I'm a little bit manly.

-I want you to take the babes back to Nottingham Castle.

-No!

I actually met Owen when I was 11. I did his 'Just Up Your Street' show.

Since then, he's kind of reared me into the panto world and stuff.

-So every year, Christmas for me is panto.

-Whoa!

-Flipping heck!

It's Barbie from Fairyland indeed.

'Kids love to hear the modern songs in the panto.

'I put things like Call Me Maybe in there. And Gangnam Style,

'which is probably the greatest Christmas song that we've ever had.'

# Oppa gangnam style. #

'This is the first time a lot of these kids have seen live theatre,

'the three and the four-year-olds have never been before.'

-Where are you from, Bethany?

-Skewen.

Skewen? Where's your shellsuit?

LAUGHTER

-What's your name?

-Gabriel.

-Gabriel. How old are you, Gabriel?

-Three.

AUDIENCE: Awww...

-Three. Are you enjoying yourself?

-Yeah.

-Who's your favourite?

GIGGLING

-What's my name?

-Grandpa.

'Pantomime is a tradition,

'and I think it's making a big comeback in theatres these days.

'And it's magic. It is magic. It is.'

# And live while we're young

# Let's go baby, baby, baby... #

APPLAUSE

I'll tell you what, that little grandson of mine,

I'm going to kill him one day, I tell you.

But technology has moved on since I was a kid, you know what I mean?

They've got iPhones, iPads, iPods. I bought my missus an iRon.

LAUGHTER

But these iPhones nowadays, you just touch the screen.

Years ago, remember you used to dial, and the red pill box,

and we'd go and dial. Do you remember? Some of you remember.

Well, it was a long time ago.

This guy phones this house up and a posh fella answered.

He goes, "Hello." And the guy he phoned said, "Oh, hello, mate".

"Is that 777 7777?" He said, "Yes, it is".

"Can I help you?" He said, "Yeah. Could you phone 999 for me?

"And tell somebody I got my finger stuck in seven."

LAUGHTER

Songs of the '60s. Remember them, girls?

AUDIENCE: Yeah!

When those dresses were new.

The days when you could walk into the post office and buy a stamp.

"Can I have a stamp, please?" You go in the post office now,

the woman who's going to serve you, she's there.

You can't go up to her any more. You've got to go this way. Have you noticed?

Then you go back around here, like that.

Then you watch a video for 20 minutes.

I saw Die Hard last week in Merthyr.

You've been in the post office 25 minutes and you've walked four miles.

Back around here, like that.

You get to the front of the queue and the woman goes, "Closed here".

And you go, well, fancy that.

Do you know, I was in one of them and into the door comes a fella

in a ski mask and a sawn-off shotgun. "All right." Welsh.

"Nobody move. I've got a gun here, it's loaded,

"and I'm going to rob you. Stay where you are."

And the robber's over here like that.

"Oh, Die Hard."

And he sticks the gun in my back

and he said, "Tell her to give me the money."

So I goes, "Give him the money, love."

Now this woman's from Pontypridd.

She goes, "No, I'm on my break".

"Forget your break. He has a gun in my back. Give him the money."

"No, I'm not." "Give him the money." "No." "Give him the money!"

"No!" Bang. The gun goes off, accidentally, right.

The bullet goes in there, out there, into her heart. She's dead.

It's a joke, love.

LAUGHTER

With that, there's a policeman going past with a takeaway.

"Ah, damn, a robbery. It's going to get cold now, this is."

"OK, the police are here now. Stay where you are.

"I'm coming to arrest you." And the policeman's over here, like that.

And he's back round here, like that. "Oh, Die Hard. I saw this."

Back around here, like that. He comes round here, like that.

And the policeman arrests me.

I said, "What are you arresting me for?!" He said,

"Well, it was through you that she got shot."

APPLAUSE

Right, now here's a young Welsh comedian who is

a regular at London's famous Comedy Store.

He is also a golfing partner of mine.

I never realised how good a golfer I was until I played with him.

Let's enjoy the original humour of the great Mr Ron Woodward.

Thank you very much. Thank you.

Cheers. Wow! How good is this?

We're living the dream. In Wales on St David's Day. Unbelievable.

I live in little village in south Wales called Mackin. You know Mackin?

Very close-knit, very cosy little village.

I had no idea how cosy it was. I took a girl out from the village once.

She took me home to meet her parents. And they were mine.

That's an awkward moment. I get a lot of those.

I was in the gym recently.

We've got a lot of top Lions sportspeople in this room.

But I'm in the gym, I'm minding my own business,

and I gradually become aware of this 19-stone lobotomised beefcake,

this valley commando, staring at me the whole time.

Eventually, he lumbers up, he swings over,

and he looks at me in the face. He went, "Hey, hey.

"I can bench press 200 kilos.

"What can you do?"

I said, "Well, I don't like to boast, really,

"but I can read."

You hear funny things in Wales all the time, don't you?

You can't believe what you hear. "Cup of tea? Cup of tea?"

"Only if you're making one."

How else are you going to have one?

Sometimes you can't even get a straight answer, can you?

"Cup of tea?

"Ohhh...

"I wouldn't say no."

Well, say yes, then. Isn't it? You know.

My wife is doing it.

Come out the house today, I said, "Did you put the alarm on?"

"Ooh," she said. "I want to say yes."

I said, "Well, don't let me stop you.

"Cos then I won't have to go back and check."

I phoned the hotel tonight, I tried to get a room.

I said, "Have you got a room?"

She said, "We're very busy. It's St David's Day.

"But let me have a look on the system,

"and I'll see if I can't find you a room."

I said, "Well, why don't you look to see if you can find me a room?"

"That would save us both a lot of messing about, to be fair."

Everybody is turning around now in Wales as well.

When did that start?

"She turned round and said that. I couldn't believe it."

"So I turned round and said this..."

"I saw the bank manager. He turned round, he said, "We're not giving out loans."

Then he turned round and said, "You can have a loan."

He must have gone like that. "You can have a loan."

I thought, "One good turn deserves another. Thank you very much."

How often do you hear these stupid things? Every day.

"You going on holiday?" That's a belter, isn't it?

"You going on holiday." "Yes."

"Anywhere nice?"

"No, no, no."

"We went somewhere nice last year, and it wasn't for me,

"to be fair, so...

"We're going somewhere crap this year."

You've been an absolute pleasure. Hope you had a good time tonight.

Happy St David's Day to you. Thank you.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Well, absolutely brilliant. Rod Woodward there. Love it.

From one funnyman to another,

a great work colleague of mine at Radio Wales for many years,

Roy Noble's here.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

From one valley boy to another.

Yeah, well, you know, being from a western valley

-and now nearer Merthyr Tydfil, as it were.

-Oh, yes.

Where did it all start for you, then?

Because Merthyr is very close to that ticker.

Yes, very close to my heart, actually, and no matter where I go,

-I always tell them I'm from Merthyr.

-Yes.

And actually, I went back to Merthyr just last week

to find out how the town had changed.

-Oh, really?

-Yes.

I was brought up in the bottom end of town, at the fountain area,

lower high street, and I lived in a pub

right opposite the fountain called the Royal Oak,

for the first ten years of my life. See that there? That's the fountain.

It's moved from where it was when I was born.

My godmother lived in that shop there,

The Fountain Tuck Shop in those days.

Where that hedge is there is my dad's pub,

and this is where I made my singing debut.

I was a choirboy here.

My mother made me go. I hated it. I still can't sing.

But I love this area. Are you all from this area?

ALL: Yeah.

All from the Caedraw flats.

We've got a few from the Caedraw flats.

Where are you going today, then?

We're doing a walk of our local area to find all the important buildings.

Are you going to the old courthouse?

You might end up there one day. It's now the Merthyr Labour Club.

Go there on a Friday night

with your boyfriends and your girlfriends.

LAUGHTER

You can tell he's a comedian!

OWEN LAUGHS

How are you, bud? All right? Good. How are you?

Caedraw School is on one side of the road.

You go on the other side of the road,

under the railway bridge, and there it is,

then Merthyr Labour Club.

I was a steward here in the Merthyr Labour Club,

and the original Labour Club was the courthouse.

It was built in 1150,

and David there was a foreman on the site when they built it.

How are you, bud?

-What happened to you, Dave?

-I don't know. Hard life.

Known you too long, I think!

THEY LAUGH

He's my best mate!

All right, bud? Good boy.

Merthyr's changed a lot, actually.

You can't drive up the middle of the town any more.

My father-in-law at the time, he was a fruit and veg wholesaler.

If it wasn't for him, I probably wouldn't have had

the personality that I've got now,

because he used to make me go out and sell things

and there was a way of selling things.

-You selling the fruit, bud?

-Still here.

-All the weight gone?

-Most of it.

I've given it to you.

Aye, it's still there, isn't it?

A lot of factories in theatre, like Triang and Hoover, of course.

I worked in Hoover as a forklift driver. Had a great time there.

Likes my heart to see it closed, to be honest.

When I was here, there were about 6,000 people working here.

It was at that time, when I was in Hoover,

that I started playing in cabaret and comedy bands,

and that's really when my career started to take off as a comedian.

This is my mate Jeff Lewis, and we'd been friends for years,

but whereas my memorabilia,

I don't know where it is, he's kept all of his.

There is a photograph of me there when I was 17 years of age.

It was The Bystanders,

the first-ever photo of The Bystanders. Brilliant.

I'm looking across here, and this is Good News.

They were a great comedy band.

And down the bottom there, Sir Tom Foolery.

There's Jeff, and there's me.

During the '70s, you know, we did a lot of work with Tom Foolery,

topped the bill on the South Pier of Blackpool,

but I was missing Merthyr. I hadn't seen the football boys for ages.

My beloved Merthyr AFC. Fantastic.

And of course, the biggest night of our life

was when we played Atalanta Bergamo,

and Kevin Rogers scored our first goal in that one there.

'It is Rogers.'

CROWD CHEER

Ceri Williams, or George as he is known to everybody,

hit a free kick here...

..which sort of deflected off one of their players,

and we won 2-1.

It was fantastic.

We were on Match Of The Day and things like that.

Merthyr was really on the map in those days,

and we had a great side.

APPLAUSE

well, actually, with me tonight are the surviving members -

they're all still alive, I think -

but actually, we've got about eight or nine here.

The Merthyr winning team of 1987, and I have the manager with me,

-Lyn Jones. Great memories, Lyn.

-Yeah, superb.

It was a superb night, and we thoroughly enjoyed the win.

You haven't changed a bit, you haven't, at all.

I've got to be honest.

I wish I could say the same about your team, I've got to be honest.

And George behind you, Ceri. You scored the winning goal.

Any memories of that?

Yeah, it was...

-Speak up, bud, you're on telly.

-I've got a sore throat!

No, we had a good side,

and we did well for a couple of years, and...

Are you still playing?

-No.

-You don't play any more.

But it was a night we'll never forget in Merthyr.

-We'll never forget.

-Give them a big round of applause,

the team of '87. Merthyr Tydfil Football Club.

APPLAUSE

Time for a little bit of glamour now.

A young lady from Tonypandy who recently starred as Dorothy

in The Wizard of Oz at the London Palladium

and is soon to make her film debut in a film by Simon Pegg

called The World's End, tonight singing Save The World.

Let's welcome the lovely Sophie Evans.

APPLAUSE

# Into the streets

# We're coming down

# We never sleep

# Never get tired

# Through urban fields

# And suburban lights

# Turn the crowd up now

# We'll never back down

# Shoot down the skyline

# Watch it on primetime

# Turn up the love now

# Listen up now, turn up the love

# Who's gonna save the world tonight?

# Who's gonna bring it back to life?

# We're gonna make it, you and I

# Who's gonna save the world tonight?

# Oh-oh-oh

# Oh-oh-oh-oh

# Oh-oh-oh

# Oh-oh-oh-oh

# We're far from home

# It's for the better

# What we dream It's all that matters

# We're on our way, united

# Turn the crowd up now

# We'll never back down

# Shoot down the skyline

# Watch it on primetime

# Turn up the love now

# Listen up now, turn up the love

# Who's gonna save the world tonight?

# Who's gonna bring it back to life?

# We're gonna make it, you and I

# Who's gonna save the world tonight?

# Oh-oh-oh

# Oh-oh-oh-oh

# Oh-oh-oh

# Oh-oh-oh-oh

# Oh-oh-oh

# Oh-oh-oh-oh

# Oh-oh-oh

# Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

# We're gonna make it, you and I

# We're gonna save the world tonight. #

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Well, that was wonderful. Sophie Evans there, of course.

Now, there's a great friend of mine from Mynydd-y-garreg, Mari Gravell.

Married to my great friend Ray Gravell.

And what was it like being married

to probably the most iconic Welshman of all time?

-And the craziest.

-Yeah, well, crazy.

You're possibly right there, Owen.

But, well, what can I say? What can I say?

There's nothing much you can say.

Because people like Gareth and the boys, they played with Grav

for many years, but we had him for like 20 years.

You ask Roy Noble about it.

He was on Radio Wales for 20 years, and when he came up the steps,

we always used to go the other way,

because we could never get to work if he talked to us!

But he knew everybody at the BBC,

even the guy who emptied the bins, the toilets,

he was just absolutely brilliant.

And actually, one of the funniest things

I ever did on radio was on one Wednesday afternoon,

I'm doing the afternoon programme,

and Grav unwittingly came into my studio,

thinking there was no-one there, and he started talking to me.

Have a listen to this.

'Sit down.'

LOUD LAUGHTER

'I thought it was in here.'

'Get in there. Sit over there. Sit there.'

'Grav, everything stops for you.

-'You're in my act.'

-'Owen. Oh, crikey.

'Crikey. How are you, then?'

'I'm very well. What are you doing in here then, Grav?

'I'm late! I've got to record!'

LAUGHTER

-'What are you recording?'

-'Well, usually I record here.'

'No, no, we're live on air here, man.'

'What day is it?'

LAUGHTER

'I've got the wrong day!'

LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH

APPLAUSE

Well... a lot of people don't know what happened after that,

but he went out of the studio, and about ten minutes later,

he came back in. And he opened the door, he said,

"Owen, right day, wrong studio."

APPLAUSE

Mari, thank you so much for coming in today,

and we miss him dearly, as I know you do as well,

and he was a great rugby player,

but we've got a few more great rugby players now,

because 40 years ago this year, actually, January of 1973,

they say was the best try ever,

but there were better ones in Ponty in places,

but there was no cameras there, were there, you know?

Have a look at this.

-COMMENTATOR:

-This is great stuff. Phil Bennett covering.

Chased by Alistair Scown.

Brilliant.

Oh, that's brilliant!

John Williams, Brian Williams, Pullin.

John Dawes.

Great dummy.

David, Tom David. The halfway line.

Brilliant by Quinnell.

This is Gareth Edwards, a dramatic start.

What a score!

CROWD ROARS

Oh, that fellow Edwards!

APPLAUSE

Well, and some of those great rugby legends are here with us tonight,

so please welcome on stage, Gareth Edwards!

APPLAUSE

Phil Bennett!

Tom David!

And John Dawes!

John-boy.

Gareth, thanks for coming, mate.

I tell you what, you're looking fantastic...

Sorry, Tom.

LAUGHTER

Looking great. The memories of that must be great.

Well, to think that it still lives with us today 40 years later.

-40 years.

-I can't believe it.

I just turned to Pat there and I just said to her now, I said,

"Well, we've got a lot to thank Phil for, haven't we?"

She said, "You never said that 40 years ago." Cos I said,

"What's he doing now, for God's sake?"

Kick it or touch, I wanted him to do.

It's funny, Owen, you know.

So many things could have gone wrong,

because we were lucky enough to beat the All Blacks

here in Llanelli 9-3 earlier on that tour,

and I think the people here remember that.

APPLAUSE

Got to get it in, haven't you?

You know, when I saw Alistair Scown coming at me,

I thought, "Well, I'll beat him, that's easy."

But I didn't realise Kirkpatrick and a few others were coming behind.

So I threw a hospital pass out to JPR Williams.

I know he's a great player. And it ended up with Gareth scoring.

Absolutely. Tommy, it's lovely to see you here.

One of my great friends of mine.

Tommy, you know, you grow old gracefully,

but what happened to you, bud?

LAUGHTER

It's a try that will live in your memory for ever, was it?

Yeah, I was a very lucky man, actually,

and as we all know, the try is history.

It went through seven great pairs of hands, and the only thing

I can never understand, why people get so excited.

-Because we practiced that most of the previous day.

-Aye, right!

LAUGHTER

And John, you probably carried the ball longer than anybody there,

I suppose. You sold a dummy as well?

Well, I don't think I sold a dummy.

In fact, I was convinced I hadn't sold a dummy

until I saw the commentary afterwards,

and Cliff Morgan said I sold a dummy, and so I sold a dummy!

LAUGHTER

Well, something special's going to happen here tonight,

because we're going to re-enact that very try on stage here!

LAUGHTER

We've got a nice cushion landing

for you when you do the full-length...

It'll be all right, don't worry.

So, we are a couple short, unfortunately, who couldn't make it,

so we got a couple of stand-ins,

so let's welcome Roy Noble and Sophie back on stage.

Come on, boys and girls. Sophie Evans.

APPLAUSE

-Fabulous.

-At last, at last!

-At last, fame and fortune.

Now, Roy is going to be JPR Williams.

He looks a bit like him, doesn't he?

And Sophie, you're going to be the English member, John Pullin.

All right? In fact, you're the first English international

I've ever fancied, I've got to be honest!

LAUGHTER

So, what we're going to try and do now

is do this to the commentary, right?

So I'm going to put everybody in the order they passed the ball.

So, Benny, you're going to have to go over there first.

Roy, you're OK, you haven't got to run far. You're next to him.

You are JPR.

And next to you is John Pullin. You were there.

Now, John Dawes, you come next to John Pullin,

who looks like Sophie.

And then, you pass it to me, because I'm going to be Derek Quinnell.

And I never thought I'd ever do this -

pass a ball to Gareth Edwards and score.

APPLAUSE

Right, here we go then. Get ready.

'This is great stuff. Phil Bennett covering.

'Chased by Alistair Scown. Brilliant.

'Oh, that's brilliant!

'John Williams. Brian Williams.

'Pullin.

'John Dawes. Great dummy.'

That was the dummy!

'David, Tom David. The halfway line.

'Brilliant by Quinnell.

'This is Gareth Edwards!'

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE DROWNS COMMENTARY

Oh, brilliant.

Well, there we are.

I thought that was fantastic.

I'd like to think Roy for standing in, and Sophie.

Give them two a big round of applause.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

And the four Welsh Barbarians!

Right, now, we've got three familiar faces.

We saw you earlier on in the show -

Sammi Broad, Sule Rimi and Richard Shackley,

who work for me in my pantomime company.

ALL: Oh, no, we don't!

LAUGHTER

Oh, yes, you do!

Anyway, Sammi, you're going to talk about Just Up Your Street,

-aren't you?

-I am. I did it when I was 11 years old.

That was my first TV spot, and I was absolutely petrified.

I think I had a bit of a bad hair day that day.

I think I got bullied in school the next day quite horrendously.

I had a bouffant going on. It was bad!

But yeah, I was worried and I was nervous,

but you really guided me through,

and then looked after me for the rest of the time.

Just Up Your Street -

we went all over Wales looking for talent,

and we discovered some real gems.

# Let's get it started

# Let's get it started

'First company was always just a showcase,

'and then we started having competitions.

'And in fact, this was way before the X Factor

'and we used to do live auditions and we used to film them.

'I always wanted to do a talent show because I've always believed

'we've got great talent in Wales.

'It was at a time when there was just no talent shows on television.'

# Oh, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya... #

Get down my street, baby!

LAUGHTER

# In my heart there will always be a place... #

'You never knew what you were going to get

'when you went to the auditions. You got really talented singers...'

# I'll keep a part of you with me... #

'And you'd have somebody who maybe wasn't quite as good a singer,

'but looked great and you wanted them to be better than they were.'

#I don't miss it all that much

# There's just so many things

# That I can't touch I'm torn. #

'Then you'd have some who just couldn't shut up.'

# Yes I'm glad all over

# Baby, I'm glad all over to glad your mind... #

'And then we had some...'

# My loneliness... #

-'..were unbelievable.'

-# ..is killing me...#

-LAUGHTER

-# And I...

# I must confess, I still believe

# Still believe...

# Hit me, baby, one more... #

-SHE RAPS

-# Dum, dum, dum... With the remix and a bump and flex... #

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

# ...Time. #

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE CONTINUES

Oh, brilliant. Can't believe it, she's brilliant.

And believe it or not, she's here with us tonight.

Sarah Jane Farthing, what a performance that was.

I thought it was my big break. What happened there?

Did you make it as a singer after?

Er... No, the singing career flopped, unfortunately.

But you work in TV now as well, don't you?

Yes, I'm doing photography and freelance in television,

so, no more singing for me.

Well, you made it through the door, that's the main thing.

Sarah Jane Farthing, everybody, wasn't she brilliant? Yes.

APPLAUSE

Right now, Sarah, you should listen to my next act,

because I think he's probably the best tenor

Wales has produced in many, many years.

Singing tonight, along with the Llanelli male voice choir,

Wynne Evans.

# Pa ham mae dicter

# O Myfanwy

# Yn llenwi'th lygaid duon di?

# A'th ruddiau tirion, O Myfanwy

# Heb wrido wrth fy ngweled i?

# Pa le mae'r wen oedd ar dy wefus

# Fu'n cynnau 'nghariad ffyddlon ffol?

# Pa le mae sain

# Dy eiriau melys

# Fu'n denu'n nghalon ar dy ol?

PIANO MUSIC

# Why is it anger

# O Myfanwy

# That fills your eyes so dark and clear?

# Your gentle cheeks O sweet Myfanwy

# Why blush they not when I draw near?

# Where is that smile that once most tender

# Kindled my love

# So fond so true?

# Where is the sound

# Of your sweet words

# That drew my heart

# To follow you? #

# Myfanwy boed yr holl o'th fywyd

# Dan heulwen disglair canol dydd

# A boed I rosyn gwridog ienctid

# I ddawnsio ganmlwydd Ar dy rudd... #

# Aug hofiar oll o'th add ewidion

# A wnest I rywun 'ngeneth ddel

# A rho dy law

# Myfanwy dirion

# I ddim ond dweud y gair...

# Ffarwel... #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

WHISTLING

Wynne Evans, everybody! Wynne Evans!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE CONTINUES

Wynne. Wynno!

-Wynne.

-LAUGHTER

I did have a couple of encores planned, but clearly not.

I thought that was Curtis for you, to be honest.

Actually I've got to pick a bone with you,

because I've just been backstage and seen

-Shakin' Stevens' backing group...

-Aye.

-Three lovely young girls.

-Oh, aye.

I get the cast of Dad's Army.

LAUGHTER

And the last time I saw Curtis like that,

I never saw my Uncle Charlie again...

LAUGHTER

Anyway, it's lovely to see you.

Now, I knew your mum and dad very well from the Lyric in Carmarthen.

-Is that where it started for you?

-It did, yes. When I was a little boy.

-I literally...

-That's a few years ago!

LAUGHTER

-It's all paid for now.

-I know.

-Um...

I literally grew up in the Lyric in Carmarthen

and when I was a little boy, I used to play the keyboard in a band

and entertain the children on Saturday morning.

I was like Mickey Rooney in my own little theatre.

What's it like being the annoying tenor

on that television advert?

-How many have you done altogether?

-Oh, about 30-odd.

-30-odd.

-Yes.

-Any funny stories about any of them?

Once this woman said when she was interviewing me,

she said, "Tell me, how long did it take to grow that moustache?"

LAUGHTER I said...

I said, "You know what, love?"

I said, "The moustache is not real." And she said, "Oh, right..."

"How long does it take to get into that massive fat suit then?"

LAUGHTER

Brilliant. Everybody, Wynne Evans! What a great star this man is.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Right. In this next item, I've got to change my attire,

so, you're coming on, boyo Bert! He's from North Wales,

you see, they make clothes up there not to fit them.

There. That's it, thank you very much, Bert. All right.

What's it like to use a mobile phone? That's great, isn't it yes?

Right, now I wrote a song with a mate of mine

just...about eight or nine years ago.

In fact, it's had nearly a million hits on YouTube.

The song's called The Difference Between English And The Welsh,

and to help me sing it is my mate and co-writer, Lloyd Davies!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thank you, boy.

-Tell them what it's all about.

-Well, that's right,

I'm sure all the Welsh people in the audience will bear us out

tonight that we don't speak the same way in Wales as they do in England.

No, they don't talk tidy like we does down here.

-LAUGHTER What?

-Yes.

Well, anyway, we wrote this song and it goes like this.

PIANO MUSIC STARTS

-BOTH:

-# Have you ever thought of the differences

# Of the English and the Welsh?

# Well if you never have I think I've found a few myself

# La, la, la, la... #

We want you to do that, right? Try it.

-AUDIENCE:

-# La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la... #

-Let's do it.

Don't you sing, love.

LAUGHTER

Sarah, don't you sing either, love.

Here we go.

# Well, they say food

# We say grub

# They go down the restaurant

# We go down the pub

-# They eat rolls

-We eat baps

# They wear trainers

# We wear daps

-ALL:

-# La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la...

-# They say skinny

-And we say thinner

-# When they have lunch

-We have dinner

# When they are enjoying they say "what fun"

# And the Welsh they say bloody tidy, man

# Have you ever thought of the differences of the English and Welsh?

# If you never have I think I've found a few myself

# La la la-la-la la la

# We got Glamorgan

# They've got Surrey

-# They have an evening meal

-We go for a curry

-# They have an operation

-We have an op

# They got Harrods

# We've got the Co-op

# La la la la... #

A verse for the English.

-# We go to comp

-They go to school

# They play cricket

# We play pool

# They say crash out

# We say sleep

# They've got girlfriends

# We've got sheep

# La la la-la-la la la la

-# We drink squash

-They drink crush

-# They had Gary Lineker

-We had Ian Rush

-# They've got Brighton

-We've got Porthcawl... #

CHEERING

-# All them are loaded

-We got bugger all

# Have you ever thought of the differences between the English and the Welsh?

# If you never have I think I found a few myself

# That's all the differences of the English and the Welsh. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Absolutely brilliant.

I've watched you for many years on the TV

and you have travelled over to America.

In fact, I was in New Orleans six months ago.

They are very friendly, the Americans.

This guy said, "Hi." I said, "How's it going?"

Where you from? I said "Merthyr Tydfil".

He said, "What state's that in?"

I said, "A better state than this, I tell you!"

LAUGHTER

When you were over there, did you meet your rock'n'roll heroes?

I did a fantastic series called American Money. Have a look at this.

'One of the most satisfying things I ever did for BBC television

'was a rock'n'roll series about the music of America from the '60s and the '50s

'I met some great people like Dion Dimucci and the Mamas and the Papas.

'I met the Temptations

'but I think the interview that stands out for me

'was when I met Carl Perkins. You may well think who's Carl Perkins?

'When you realise what he wrote, you know why I'm so proud of it.'

Actually, this is the last interview anybody did with him

because, the following week, he passed away.

He was such a lovely man.

I had watched this couple and how good they could dance together.

As I finished the song, they were right in front of the bandstand

and he said, "Don't step on my suedes."

I did not get that out of my mind.

I went home and I was lying there awake

and I thought of the old nursery rhyme

"one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and four to go."

Whoa. That's it. I went back downstairs and I got my guitar...

# One for the money

# Two for the show

# Three to get ready now go, man, go

# But don't you step on my blue suede shoes... #

I wrote it on a brown paper bag. I didn't have any paper.

-I wrote blue S-W-A-D-E shoes.

-I thought that's the way you spell it!

It is! S-U-E-D-E is "soo-aid".

# You can do anything but lay off of my blue suede shoes... #

APPLAUSE

That was one of my American rock'n'roll heroes.

Now one of my British rock 'n' roll heroes singing his very first number one.

Please welcome Shakin' Stevens with This Old House.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# This old house once knew its children

# This old house once knew its wife

# This old house was home and comfort

# As they fought the storms of life

# This old house once rang with laughter

# This old house heard many shouts

# Now it trembles in the darkness

# When the lightning walks about

# Ain't gonna need this house no longer

# Ain't gonna need this house no more

# Ain't got time to fix the shingles

# Ain't got time to fix the floor

# Ain't got time to oil the hinges

# Nor to mend the window pane

# Ain't gonna need this house no longer

# He's getting ready to meet the saints

# This old house is gettin' shaky

# This old house is gettin' old

# This old house has seen the rain

# This old house has seen the cold

# Oh, my knees are gettin' chilly

# But he feels no fear or pain

# Cos I see an angel peepin'

# Through a broken window pane

# Ain't gonna need this house no longer

# Ain't gonna need this house no more

# Ain't got time to fix the shingles

# Ain't got time to fix the floor

# Ain't got time to oil the hinges

# Or to mend the window pane

# Ain't gonna need this house no longer

# He's getting ready to meet the saints

# This old house is afraid of thunder

# This old house is afraid of storms

# This old house groans and trembles

# When the night flings out its songs

# This old house is getting feeble

# This old house is in need of paint

# Just like me, it's tuckered out

# Well, I'm getting ready to meet those saints

# Ain't gonna need this house no longer

# Ain't gonna need this house no more

# Ain't got time to fix the shingles

# Ain't got time to fix the floor

# Ain't got time to oil the hinges

# Nor to mend the window pane

# Ain't gonna need this house no longer

# He's getting ready to meet the saints

# Oh, yeah! #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Shakin' Stevens, everybody!

I think you're brilliant.

We are almost at the end of the show,

but we can't leave without some good old-fashioned rock'n'roll.

# Rock around the clock shake your tail feather

# Put on your dancing shoes

# Rocking the night away

# Rocking the night away

# Rocking the night rocking the night away

# Honey, short fat Fanny

# Good golly Miss Molly

# Long tall Sally

# A whole lotta shaking great balls of fire

# Rock'n'roll music set fire

# Rocking the night away

# Rocking the night away

# I'm rocking the night rocking the night away

# Rocking and the boogie woogie blue

# Come on everybody and do the hoochie coo

# A whole lotta woman but a 40-minute man

# Baby, yeah, I'm your man

# Rocking the night away

# Rocking the night away

# I'm rocking the night, rocking the night away. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd