Jonathan


Jonathan

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Transcript


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-Hello and welcome to a special

-highlights programme of Jonathan.

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-2015 is almost over

-and what a year it's been.

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-A new baby for Wills and Kate.

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-Mike Phillips retired and

-some old rugby player got an OBE.

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-And there was some rugby competition

-somewhere in England.

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-Jonathan was back this year too.

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-A host of Wales' big names

-came in for a chat.

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-"A mug or a cup, come and jump

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-"Everyone on the planet, drink tea

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-"A mug or a cup, come and jump,

-everyone on the planet, drink tea"

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-Go!

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-Was that your son?

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-Yes.

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-Social services were there!

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-I got a taxi from the train station

-and the driver asked...

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-.."What are you doing here then?"

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-I said I was shooting a drama

-for television.

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-"What's it about then?"

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-I said, "A medieval drama

-set in the 14th century.

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-"My part is leading a Welsh

-rebellion against the English."

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-"What are you called then?"

-I said, "Gruffudd Y Blaidd."

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-"Right. Is that

-where Plaid Cymru comes from?"

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-In Wales, if you're known for rugby,

-a Grogg is made of you.

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-There's even one of him.

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-I've got one. They haven't.

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-Do they make action figures of you?

-Is there one of you?

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-I think so.

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-A 3D scan was made for it.

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-You had to stand...

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-That just topped you and you

-in one sentence!

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-I got one in New Zealand.

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-They did...

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-It's only from here up.

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-You had to sit in all this wax.

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-Prosthetics.

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-Prosthetics.

-

-No way!

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-They put pencils up your nose

-so you could breathe.

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-That's 4D!

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-"A mug or a cup

-is best for half the planet

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-"It will lift your socks,

-give you energy to climb

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-"Full fat milk

-like the beats in this song

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-"Bring your teapot and water

-while there's a fire"

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-This shows core strength.

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-Fuck!

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-Are you OK, Nige?

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-I'm not on yet.

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-That's what you always say.

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-The guide that was with us

-was very familiar with bears.

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-He said, "Stand up

-and make yourself look big".

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-We all did this.

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-Then he said,

-"Make as much noise as you can".

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-When there's a massive bear coming

-towards you, all you can do is...

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-.."aah".

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-People were keen

-to give me a few T-shirts.

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-Don't take off your T-shirts!

-It's too early in the evening!

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-A few knicks.

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-A few knicks.

-

-Eurgh!

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-Do they just take them off

-or bring...

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-What do you think?!

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-Do they have spare ones in the bag?

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-Where it came from

-does cross your mind.

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-Had it just been taken off?

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-Had it just been taken off?

-

-If it sticks to your forehead...!

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-One of the biggest things on telly

-at the moment is Game Of Thrones.

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-You were in that at the start.

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-You were in that at the start.

-

-I was in the first series.

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-They saw almost everyone who could

-even spell Equity. Everyone went in.

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-I went in five or six times

-for different parts.

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-At the end, my agent in London,

-she's quite posh...

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-..she phoned me and said...

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-.."They've finally offered you a

-part in this Game Of Thrones thing."

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-I said, "Oh, brilliant.

-Fantastic, who am I playing?"

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-There was a pause.

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-I asked again, "Who am I playing?"

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-She said, "Shagga."

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-Hello, it's Monday.

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-Do you like today's subjects?

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-Have you had a piles operation?

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-No, I need the piles operation.

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-The cream doesn't work.

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-Is it for core strength?

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-I do it because I have bad posture.

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-Also, when you're sat

-in the same place for three hours...

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-..sometimes you need

-a bit of energy.

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-I have a little bounce

-and then I'm back.

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-Try it, lads. Bounce together now.

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-Was that a rabbit?

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-I don't bounce with a rabbit.

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-I tremble.

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-You haven't changed at all.

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-Give 'em what they bloody want.

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-There's a lot of fooling around

-on the show.

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-Occasionally,

-to put a stop to all the nonsense...

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-..we go out for a challenge.

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-It's meant to be a bit of fun

-but it can go too far.

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-Do these go on top?

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-Do these go on top?

-

-Underneath.

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-How will they float on the top?

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-How will they float on the top?

-

-Don't we sit on them?

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-If these go on the bottom, why...

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-If these go on the bottom, why...

-

-Get a rope from that bucket.

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-Why are you putting the posts down

-if those go on the bottom?

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-It's The Krankies!

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-How do we tie it?

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-Under both of them, is it?

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-Alex Jones and Eleri Sion

-wouldn't moan.

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-You be quiet!

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-You're doing a good job by yourself.

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-You're doing a good job by yourself.

-

-Young Farmers, you see.

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-Young Farmers?

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-I knew it would come in handy

-for something.

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-Here we go.

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-You can start turning.

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-A bit slower.

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-Where's the brake?

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-Watch the bus.

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-Where's the brake?

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-Don't you have a sensor

-that goes "beep beep beep"?

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-Not on the bus.

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-Just in his pacemaker!

-I'm only joking.

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-You're surprised, aren't you?

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-You're surprised, aren't you?

-

-Yes, I was a bit scared.

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-Surprised I haven't pooed myself.

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-Isn't that perfect, Maynard!

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-Oh, my word!

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-BEEP

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-BEEP

-

-Watch this!

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-Don't bring it near me, genuinely.

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-This one's just a baby.

-They grow much larger than this.

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-What kind of snake is that?

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-Hold the head

-and put it on my shoulder.

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-It's a python.

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-It's a python.

-

-I'm definitely not holding that.

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-Put it around. It's heavy.

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-You're alright.

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-Come and see it.

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-If she was agitated,

-how would you know?

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-I'd know. She'd start hissing at me.

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-I'd know. She'd start hissing at me.

-

-Hissing!

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-When she's not happy,

-she gets hissed off.

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-Well done, Jiff.

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-Stand.

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-Oh, no.

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-Bye, bye. Good boy. Bye.

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-Come on, you buggers. Bye.

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-Away! Away!

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-Away. Stand.

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-Close the gate!

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-Stand. Stay!

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-Well done.

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-Now then, the standard has been set.

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-Whoa!

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-**** sake!

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-Too close there.

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-Turn it, turn it!

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-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

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-You're hitting the fence!

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-You're hitting the fence!

-

-No, I'm fine.

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-You've hit the fence!

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-You've hit the fence!

-

-No!

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-No!

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-You didn't stop.

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-Maldwyn, everything OK?

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-Maldwyn, everything OK?

-

-Whoa, Rowland, whoa!

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-Whoa! What are you doing now?

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-Trousers off. Pants only.

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-Right.

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-The water looks minging though!

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-It won't close.

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-Your boobs are too big, that's all.

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-Try the blue one.

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-And bring a paddle.

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-This isn't safe.

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-This isn't safe.

-

-It's safe enough.

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-Grab this then.

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-Right. So long!

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-Don't you dare!

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-I won't be able to get back!

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-Oh, are you serious?!

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-Have you seen this rain?

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-How relaxing!

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-I'd do it in the sea

-in Dubai, in a bikini!

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-That might be relaxing.

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-Away, away, away.

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-Stand, stand, stand,

-stand, stand, stand, stand.

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-Away, away, away, away.

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-Oh, get out! That would have been

-a perfect round!

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-That would have been

-a perfect round.

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-Away, away.

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-Away.

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-Stand.

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-Right, you two!

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-Away, away, away, away, away, away.

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-Yes!

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-Yes!

-

-Well done.

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-All you did

-was shout "away, away, away."

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-Well done.

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-Well done.

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-That's it for this part...

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-..but join us after the break

-when we have more of this for you.

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-.

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-Subtitles

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-Subtitles

-

-Subtitles

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-Welcome back

-to highlights of Jonathan.

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-The guests is what make the series

-so much fun.

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-During the Six Nations, the studio

-was like the front page of Hello.

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-Or Shwmae!

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-Here are more best bits.

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-We're asking you

-to do some keepy-uppies.

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-How good are you at keepy-uppy?

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-How good are you at keepy-uppy?

-

-Pressure.

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-Are you good?

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-Are you good?

-

-In these shoes? OK.

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-You said in one of those clips,

-your perfect night...

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-..would be between Heledd Cynwal

-and Amanda Protheroe-Thomas.

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-She almost walked off the set.

-She was so upset.

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-Where am I in this equation?

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-Where am I in this equation?

-

-Between those two with you on top!

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-You'd be flat!

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-You'd be flat!

-

-A bit of smut to start us off.

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-Nia likes role play to be honest.

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-Hello!

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-Don't you?

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-You taught me for two years.

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-Halfway through every lesson,

-she brings out a box of tricks.

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-"Sean, will you wear an apron?

-Sean, will you wear a feather boa?"

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-It helps with learning!

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-Of course it does.

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-How? Say we were there now,

-what's in the box of tricks?

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-No, I haven't done calendars.

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-You may not have shot any calendars

-but we know you've been in them!

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-Don't we, Catrin Arwel?

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-Nude calendars!

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-Here you are!

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-Ooh!

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-A sultry look there.

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-Take it off now!

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-What was that?

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-I don't remember.

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-Something for Pobol Y Cwm.

-I think a group of us did it.

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-I want to say it was for charity

-but it might not be.

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-We can't show the whole calendar

-for health and safety reasons...

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-..as Denzil was July, August

-and a bit of September.

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-Three, two...

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-They are considering moving

-the M-Sport HQ from Cockermouth...

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-..to one of these places.

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-The first place they're thinking

-about is in Hampshire, Sandy Balls.

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-There's another place in Cheshire

-called Andrew's Knob.

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-Then there's Nob End in Bolton.

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-This is a place in Cowbridge

-where Sarra lives.

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-Next door to Sarra

-is where he lives.

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-A couple of years ago, you were up

-for a BAFTA against yourself.

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-That's the only time I've won.

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-Two characters

-and you played them both.

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-It was for The Indian Doctor and a

-character called Kate in Caerdydd.

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-Were you sat like this?!

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-"Yay! I've won!"

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-And a shot of you clapping yourself.

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-Tell us what you told me earlier...

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-..about the first words

-you're convinced Wiliam said.

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-When Wil was about six weeks old...

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-..he looked into my eyes

-and said, "Drambuie."

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-His father's son.

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-His father's son.

-

-Hey!

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-One morning, Nev knew

-we were coming to wake him up.

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-What Neville Southall did

-was take off all his clothes.

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-I'll just give you all a moment

-to imagine that.

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-He put sunglasses here...

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-..and wrote "bore da" on his chest.

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-Good morning on his chest

-and morning glory under his glasses.

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-I worked with one actor

-who said a scene had become boring.

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-Without the audience knowing,

-he told me to walk on stage...

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-..and imagine he'd just broken wind.

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-That's how I played that scene.

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-The following night...

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-..he wanted me to do the scene as if

-I was bursting to go to the toilet.

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-My favourite game

-is using cricket umpire signals.

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-That's it - just like that.

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-Four.

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-The difficult ones to get in

-are short run...

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-..TV and leg bye.

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-How do you do that and still look

-serious? We do it sometimes.

0:16:400:16:43

-We all think that poets

-are quite respectable...

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-..but do you have

-some smutty verses for us?

0:16:490:16:52

-Hark! The sound of water flowing.

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-While Bet was on the pot, pissing.

0:16:550:16:57

-Her husband's cock said "Coo-ee!

0:16:570:16:59

-That's where I'll be this evening.

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-Well done, Eleri Sion.

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-I couldn't do this show

-without my two sidekicks.

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-No-one would tune in

-to see just me sitting on a chair.

0:17:220:17:27

-Here are the highlights...

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-..of Wales's most talented,

-funny and sexy presenter.

0:17:330:17:37

-Angharad Mair!

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-Sorry, Sarra, joke.

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-Sarra Elgan.

0:17:410:17:42

-After Warren Gatland's decision

-to name only two hookers...

0:17:490:17:53

-..he has put these hookers

-on stand-by!

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-Sarra in 20 years!

0:17:590:18:01

-Five!

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-She was pretty in school.

-Every hair in its place.

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-On her legs!

0:18:130:18:15

-She was a pleasure to teach.

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-Go!

0:18:210:18:23

-We need to move closer.

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-Get up! We'll move closer.

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-I've pissed myself!

0:18:320:18:33

-What time does Sean Connery

-get to Wimbledon?

0:18:370:18:40

-I haven't got a clue.

0:18:400:18:42

-Ten-ish.

0:18:420:18:43

-Ten-ish? Ten-ish.

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-Air.

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-Air.

-

-Very good, you're getting better.

0:18:510:18:54

-Right, next.

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-Hair.

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-Hair, good.

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-The last one.

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-Laiir.

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-Laiir.

-

-No, try it again, lair.

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-Lair.

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-Lair.

-

-Lair.

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-Lair.

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-Air, hair, lair.

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-Put them together.

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-Put them together.

-

-Air, hair, lair.

0:19:160:19:18

-Air, hair, lair. Ah hello!

0:19:180:19:21

-Yeah!

0:19:210:19:23

-Perfect.

0:19:230:19:24

-Was it like a police stake-off?

0:19:250:19:28

-It's stake-out, not stake-off.

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-You know what I mean.

0:19:340:19:36

-You know what I mean.

-

-You're thinking of 'bake off'.

0:19:360:19:38

-Or perhaps 'get off'.

0:19:390:19:41

-Or 'write-off'.

0:19:410:19:42

-Alright! Alright!

0:19:430:19:45

-For goodness' sake, cool head.

0:19:460:19:48

-He's a bit jealous, Bryn.

0:19:480:19:50

-He's spotted girls in the audience

-with your photo on their T-shirts.

0:19:500:19:56

-He's never had a girl

-in the audience...

0:19:560:19:59

-..with his photo on her T-shirt,

-mainly because his nose won't fit.

0:20:000:20:04

-I don't like your big one.

0:20:090:20:11

-They do fly.

0:20:130:20:15

-I don't want to hurt it.

0:20:160:20:19

-Go! Go! Run! Run!

0:20:200:20:22

-I had it!

0:20:230:20:24

-Do you have any phobias?

0:20:430:20:44

-Do you have any phobias?

-

-Cold sore.

0:20:440:20:45

-Cold sore, like on your lip?

0:20:460:20:47

-Cold sore, like on your lip?

-

-No, coleslaw.

0:20:470:20:49

-Coleslaw, the stuff people eat?

0:20:490:20:50

-Coleslaw, the stuff people eat?

-

-Why?

0:20:500:20:51

-It won't kill you.

0:20:530:20:55

-It doesn't jump out at you

-in the shopping aisle!

0:20:550:20:58

-Everyone in my family

-like it apart from me.

0:21:000:21:02

-So when I buy it in the supermarket,

-I can't put it near anything I eat.

0:21:020:21:07

-Here you go.

0:21:070:21:09

-No, seriously, don't,

-I can't smell it, I'll be sick.

0:21:090:21:13

-Don't bring that near me, seriously.

0:21:140:21:16

-Someone else will be here next week.

0:21:170:21:20

-Someone else will be here next week.

-

-Barbara Windsor.

0:21:200:21:21

-The guests on Jonathan

-only have to do two things.

0:21:330:21:36

-One, tolerate Nigel's

-boring and stupid questions.

0:21:360:21:40

-Two, get up from the sofa

-when it's time...

0:21:400:21:45

-..to Hit the Bar.

0:21:460:21:48

-Hit the Bar.

0:21:490:21:52

-Ireland captain, Paul O'Connell.

0:21:550:21:57

-Mike Brown.

0:21:590:22:00

-Ireland forwards coach

-Simon Easterby!

0:22:020:22:06

-That's not a nice photo of him.

0:22:070:22:09

-That's not a nice photo of him.

-

-What an ugly photo.

0:22:090:22:11

-Carry on.

0:22:110:22:12

-You have 20 seconds.

0:22:130:22:14

-You have 20 seconds.

-

-20 seconds? Is it a minute?

0:22:140:22:17

-No, it's 20 seconds.

0:22:170:22:18

-No, it's 20 seconds.

-

-20 seconds?!

0:22:180:22:19

-Isn't that what I said?

0:22:200:22:20

-Isn't that what I said?

-

-Less talking, more kicking.

0:22:200:22:23

-Don't laugh!

0:22:230:22:25

-Sorry!

0:22:250:22:26

-Don't laugh!

0:22:280:22:29

-Sorry!

0:22:290:22:30

-You down there who think

-you're in the special seats...

0:22:300:22:34

-..Nigel has something for you.

0:22:340:22:36

-Do you want to put my helmet on?

0:22:390:22:42

-Health and safety.

0:22:420:22:44

-You look better with it on.

0:22:450:22:47

-I don't want him!

-He's destroyed the set already!

0:22:490:22:52

-Are you ready, Aron?

0:22:580:22:59

-Are you ready, Aron?

-

-I'm ready, chief.

0:22:590:23:01

-You look like Frank Spencer.

0:23:030:23:04

-Three, two, one.

0:23:050:23:07

-Sorry!

0:23:070:23:09

-On your knees.

0:23:110:23:13

-75.

0:23:220:23:24

-Osian!

0:23:270:23:28

-Come on, Osian!

0:23:290:23:30

-Have you held balls before?

0:23:320:23:35

-15.

0:23:410:23:42

-Charlo's on fire.

0:23:430:23:45

-75.

0:23:460:23:47

-Go on, Sion?!

0:23:520:23:53

-Two, one...

0:23:540:23:56

-Come on, Sion!

0:23:580:23:59

-How many caps for Wales?!

0:24:030:24:04

-Come on, Dan Biggar.

0:24:050:24:07

-85 to beat.

0:24:110:24:13

-This is Neil Jenkins.

0:24:170:24:18

-I always wondered what he was saying

-- "Get over the posts."

0:24:190:24:23

-Five seconds to go.

0:24:270:24:28

-Five seconds to go.

-

-80 - you're top!

0:24:280:24:30

-85!

0:24:360:24:37

-It's time for a break now,

-but before we go...

0:24:520:24:54

-..here's proof that it wasn't

-just the England rugby team...

0:24:550:24:58

-..who won an award this year.

0:24:580:25:01

-Holding the balls tonight,

-Aneurin Jones!

0:25:050:25:09

-Is it?

0:25:090:25:10

-Is it?

-

-Owain!

0:25:100:25:11

-Owain!

0:25:110:25:13

-Your dream's coming true.

-You're going to hold Gwyn's balls!

0:25:140:25:18

-Bryn!

0:25:180:25:19

-Here's... Oh, bollocks.

0:25:230:25:24

-Holding Sion's balls...

0:25:250:25:27

-..Owain Jones!

0:25:300:25:31

-Liverpool's top scorer.

0:25:320:25:34

-.

0:25:410:25:42

-Subtitles

0:25:470:25:47

-Subtitles

-

-Subtitles

0:25:470:25:49

-Welcome back.

0:25:530:25:54

-The World Cup

-started later in the year.

0:25:540:25:57

-Nigel was away for most of the

-programmes blowing his whistle...

0:25:570:26:01

-..so, Sarra and I

-were running the show.

0:26:010:26:04

-Well, me.

0:26:040:26:06

-It's hard to believe that four years

-have gone by since the last one.

0:26:070:26:11

-A lot has changed since then.

0:26:120:26:13

-I've gone grey

-and Sarra has more wrinkles.

0:26:140:26:16

-But Nigel hasn't changed a bit,

-because he still referees badly.

0:26:160:26:22

-It's come to this!

0:26:330:26:34

-I don't think I pay you enough

-to do this!

0:26:340:26:38

-You were in Brothers & Sisters with

-Sally Field and Calista Flockart.

0:26:380:26:44

-Were you starstruck?

-I'd never heard of them!

0:26:450:26:48

-Sally Field has won two Oscars.

0:26:510:26:53

-Calista came from Ally McBeal.

0:26:530:26:55

-I was in pieces on the first day.

0:26:560:26:59

-David Beckham

-was starstruck by you.

0:26:590:27:02

-Yes!

0:27:030:27:04

-I met Beckham once.

0:27:050:27:07

-On the show, my character

-once said he fancied Beckham.

0:27:070:27:12

-Don't we all?

0:27:130:27:14

-He said he couldn't believe it

-when he heard the line...

0:27:160:27:20

-..and he jumped out of bed.

0:27:200:27:22

-I was like, "Nice to meet you too!"

0:27:220:27:25

-I need to veer a little

-to the right.

0:27:330:27:35

-Right.

0:27:350:27:37

-I'm trying to be clever!

0:27:390:27:41

-Shane went up

-in a hot air balloon in Canberra.

0:27:450:27:48

-I don't know

-if he knew he didn't like heights...

0:27:500:27:53

-..or if he found out he didn't

-like heights once he was up there.

0:27:530:27:57

-He was at the bottom of the basket.

0:27:580:28:00

-Stephen Jones was with him,

-and Mefin.

0:28:010:28:04

-They couldn't stop laughing.

0:28:040:28:06

-Shane was like this with the basket

-up there. He couldn't look.

0:28:060:28:11

-I met Chris Martin from Coldplay

-at a Grammys party.

0:28:140:28:18

-I thought

-he was still with Gwyneth Paltrow.

0:28:180:28:22

-So, I went very feminist as he was

-sitting with a beautiful girl...

0:28:220:28:27

-..and they were a bit

-all over each other.

0:28:270:28:30

-Touchy feely.

0:28:300:28:32

-I was like, "What about Gwyneth?"

0:28:320:28:35

-So, say they were sitting there...

0:28:360:28:38

-..I sat down like an old Welsh lady

-and said...

0:28:380:28:43

-.."So, Chris, how's Gwyneth?"

0:28:430:28:45

-Bryn!

0:28:500:28:51

-Bryn!

-

-Ready.

0:28:510:28:52

-It's all square.

0:28:570:28:59

-I've got another to go!

0:28:590:29:01

-I know. So far, so far!

0:29:010:29:03

-That's how commentating works.

0:29:030:29:06

-Another one's coming.

0:29:070:29:08

-Another one's coming.

-

-Look at the shape of the pumpkin.

0:29:080:29:11

-You're like Bill and Ben.

0:29:110:29:13

-This could go...

0:29:130:29:16

-I heard you recently introduced Will

-Greenwood to a new kind of food.

0:29:220:29:28

-I was doing a programme where I met

-Scott Quinnell and Will Greenwood.

0:29:290:29:34

-School Of Hard Knocks.

0:29:350:29:35

-School Of Hard Knocks.

-

-School Of Hard Knocks.

0:29:350:29:36

-They brought a group of 24

-down-and-out kids from London.

0:29:370:29:42

-So, on the day,

-we took them all up on the mountain.

0:29:420:29:46

-When we were halfway,

-we stopped to eat some bilberries.

0:29:460:29:50

-"What are you doing?" he said.

0:29:500:29:52

-"Eating some bilberries."

0:29:520:29:54

-"What do they taste like?"

0:29:550:29:57

-"Come here and I'll show you."

0:29:570:29:59

-Instead of bilberries,

-I picked up some sheep droppings.

0:29:590:30:03

-They look similar.

0:30:030:30:05

-He ate one or two.

0:30:060:30:08

-Protein.

0:30:090:30:11

-Protein.

-

-"They're a bit dry," he said.

0:30:110:30:13

-Calista is married to Harrison Ford.

0:30:160:30:18

-Calista is married to Harrison Ford.

-

-They got married quietly.

0:30:180:30:20

-He's very generous.

0:30:200:30:23

-The family came over.

0:30:230:30:25

-My cousin wanted to take my uncle

-up in a helicopter.

0:30:250:30:30

-I asked Calista if she or Harrison

-knew someone I could pay to do it...

0:30:310:30:35

-..because he flies all the time.

0:30:350:30:38

-Calista said he'd do it.

0:30:380:30:41

-She asked, "What day is it?"

0:30:410:30:44

-I said, "Sunday."

0:30:440:30:45

-She told him he was taking Matthew's

-family out in the helicopter.

0:30:460:30:49

-I thought he'd hate us.

0:30:500:30:52

-Fair play, he did it.

0:30:520:30:53

-And he flew the helicopter?

0:30:540:30:55

-And he flew the helicopter?

-

-Yes. Fair play - on a Sunday.

0:30:550:30:58

-Different world.

0:30:580:30:59

-Different world.

-

-I know.

0:30:590:31:00

-We were at the airport.

-They call them LA Choppers.

0:31:010:31:06

-If you have a helicopter

-in Santa Monica, you have a number.

0:31:070:31:11

-His is LA Chopper 7.

0:31:110:31:13

-The tower says, "LA Chopper 7 -

-you are clear for take-off.

0:31:130:31:18

-"May the force be with you."

0:31:180:31:20

-He turns to me and says,

-"I hate it when they do that."

0:31:210:31:24

-Like every year,

-it's in my contract...

0:31:270:31:29

-..that I have to show

-my personal highlights.

0:31:290:31:32

-As the 'star of the show'...

0:31:330:31:35

-..I think I deserve a big intro.

0:31:350:31:38

-Take it away, Ricky!

0:31:380:31:40

-Jonathan Ichiban Davies.

0:31:400:31:45

-Jonathan Jiffy Davies.

0:31:460:31:50

-Jonathan Jiffy Davies.

0:31:510:31:56

-Aren't commentators

-supposed to be unbiased?!

0:32:050:32:08

-I was on Radio Cymru.

-There were no English listeners!

0:32:080:32:12

-Which pundit do you dislike most?

0:32:130:32:16

-Which pundit do you dislike most?

-

-They're all OK.

0:32:160:32:17

-They are, because

-if they're not good enough...

0:32:180:32:21

-..they go and work for BT.

0:32:210:32:23

-Hold his head.

0:32:320:32:33

-Hold his head.

-

-Hold this. I'll hold the head.

0:32:330:32:36

-A slippery dick is a fish.

0:32:400:32:42

-A slippery dick is a fish.

-

-You're good.

0:32:420:32:43

-You can tickle fish, can't you?

-"Look at this slippery dick here."

0:32:430:32:48

-I used to tickle fish

-in the river as a child.

0:32:490:32:52

-Stop doing that, it's disgusting!

0:32:520:32:55

-Jammy!

0:32:580:33:00

-Show me a good loser,

-I'll show you a loser.

0:33:040:33:07

-Come on, Charlo!

0:33:140:33:15

-One team I played for

-did something with a boiled egg.

0:33:290:33:34

-They'd bend you over,

-push it up...

0:33:340:33:37

-..then the next player who had his

-first cap had to peel it and eat it!

0:33:380:33:42

-It's your first time on the show!

0:33:440:33:46

-Bring us an egg!

0:33:460:33:48

-Can you just do one for me?

0:33:490:33:51

-Can you just do one for me?

-

-Yes.

0:33:510:33:52

-Put a bit of movement into it!

0:33:530:33:55

-Did Neil Jenkins

-teach him to do that?

0:33:550:33:57

-Just kick the f***ing thing!

0:33:580:34:00

-This is how Jonathan was

-and I'm sure nothing has changed.

0:34:000:34:05

-"Eh! Are we doing it now? Are we?"

0:34:090:34:12

-That is so true.

0:34:150:34:17

-"Fuckin' 'ell, who writes this?"

0:34:170:34:20

-Look how this one

-travelled last week.

0:34:200:34:24

-Private jet.

0:34:240:34:26

-If you thought

-that looked uncomfortable...

0:34:270:34:29

-..here's how Jonathan travelled

-between the airport and stadium.

0:34:290:34:34

-That's awful!

0:34:370:34:39

-I gave Sarra a lift!

0:34:410:34:43

-An agent in LA

-who's from Port Talbot.

0:34:460:34:49

-Is he your agent too?

0:34:500:34:51

-Is he your agent too?

-

-No. Different level, mate!

0:34:510:34:53

-I know what you mean!

0:34:580:34:59

-# Happy birthday to you

0:35:020:35:05

-# Happy birthday to you

0:35:050:35:08

-# Happy birthday to Jonathan

0:35:090:35:12

-# Happy birthday to you #

0:35:130:35:19

-Thank you!

0:35:230:35:25

-The Jonathan team had a challenge

-during the year too.

0:35:280:35:32

-They tried to get sensible answers

-from some Welsh players.

0:35:320:35:36

-Amongst them, Andy Powell.

0:35:360:35:38

-In the Pack

0:35:400:35:42

-Front row first. Biggest tackle?

0:35:430:35:46

-Luke Charteris.

0:35:460:35:47

-Is it before the watershed?!

0:35:470:35:49

-Is it before the watershed?!

-

-Sean Holley. Loves his fishing.

0:35:490:35:51

-Richard Hibbard.

0:35:520:35:53

-Luke Charteris.

0:35:530:35:55

-For many reasons.

0:35:560:35:57

-Biggest nutter? Me.

0:35:570:36:00

-Apart from myself...

0:36:000:36:01

-..I'd probably go Bradley Davies.

0:36:020:36:05

-Next up, complains the most.

0:36:050:36:07

-Melon, Gethin Jenkins.

0:36:080:36:09

-Complains about everything.

0:36:090:36:11

-Complains about everything.

-

-Gethin Jenkins. Worst moaner ever.

0:36:110:36:13

-Gethin Jenkins.

-He'll never be happy!

0:36:130:36:15

-Favourite food?

-Anything made in Sosban.

0:36:160:36:19

-Karaoke song -

-Never Forget by Take That.

0:36:210:36:23

-# Never Forget

-where you're coming from #

-

-where you've come here from yw'r geiriau iawn fi'n meddwl

0:36:240:36:28

-Lady In Red is my go to.

0:36:280:36:31

-# Never pretend that it's for real #

0:36:310:36:35

-Twins?

0:36:360:36:37

-Some people say I look like Chesney

-from Coronation Street...

0:36:370:36:42

-..so him.

0:36:420:36:43

-A lot of people say

-I look like Denzel Washington.

0:36:440:36:47

-Gareth Thomas.

0:36:480:36:50

-I don't see it personally.

0:36:500:36:51

-Most famous person on your phone.

0:36:520:36:54

-Jonathan.

0:36:550:36:56

-Jonathan Ross.

0:36:570:36:58

-It's taken me three years

-since I retired to get his number.

0:36:580:37:02

-The one and only Jonathan Davies,

-the most famous man in Wales.

0:37:020:37:05

-Jiffy is the most famous person

-in my phone.

0:37:050:37:08

-Biggest poser?

0:37:080:37:10

-I think it's Gav, isn't it?

0:37:100:37:12

-Tom Shanklin.

0:37:130:37:14

-Tom Shanklin.

-

-My centre partner, Gavin Henson.

0:37:140:37:16

-Super Gav.

0:37:160:37:17

-Travels with more toiletries than

-my wife and daughter put together.

0:37:180:37:22

-That's it for part three.

-See you after the break.

0:37:220:37:25

-.

0:37:260:37:26

-Subtitles

0:37:330:37:33

-Subtitles

-

-Subtitles

0:37:330:37:35

-Welcome to you all.

0:37:380:37:40

-We may be out of the World Cup...

0:37:400:37:42

-Please work.

0:37:530:37:54

-A minute to go, I hope.

0:37:540:37:55

-No.

0:37:560:37:57

-Before we chat, let's take a look

-at a couple of... start again!

0:37:570:38:01

-Do they do action figures of you?

0:38:040:38:07

-BLEEP

0:38:070:38:08

-BLEEP

-

-I've got cramp!

0:38:080:38:10

-Alright?

0:38:200:38:22

-Welcome to you all!

0:38:260:38:29

-Sorry, guys.

0:38:290:38:30

-Sorry, guys.

-

-It's one f***ing line!

0:38:300:38:32

-Oh, I've been pressing

-the wrong button.

0:38:360:38:38

-One minute to go.

0:38:390:38:41

-Is that what I say?

-And then it's Time to Hit the Bar?

0:38:410:38:44

-You've only been doing it

-four years.

0:38:440:38:46

-I don't normally do this bit.

0:38:470:38:49

-Welcome back.

0:38:510:38:52

-As you know, we like to send cameras

-to watch you enjoying the matches.

0:38:520:38:56

-This week...

0:38:560:38:57

-This week...

-

-BLEEP

0:38:570:38:59

-It sounded like you were saying

-shit.

0:39:010:39:04

-Welcome back.

0:39:080:39:09

-Those were some of our outtakes...

0:39:090:39:11

-..showing it's impossible

-to be perfect all the time.

0:39:110:39:15

-Especially if you're a ref.

0:39:150:39:16

-As the Wales team

-reached the quarter-finals...

0:39:170:39:20

-..more famous people

-came to chat on the sofa.

0:39:200:39:23

-Singers, actors, players...

0:39:230:39:25

-..and...

0:39:260:39:27

-..a WAG from Anglesey.

0:39:270:39:29

-How many pairs of shoes do you have?

0:39:300:39:32

-How many pairs of shoes do you have?

-

-Give us an estimate.

0:39:320:39:34

-Give us an estimate.

0:39:340:39:34

-A hundred?

0:39:360:39:37

-A hundred pairs of shoes?

0:39:380:39:38

-A hundred pairs of shoes?

-

-You have more than a hundred.

0:39:380:39:41

-Which is the most expensive pair?

0:39:410:39:44

-The ones you saw earlier.

0:39:440:39:46

-Louboutin?

0:39:460:39:47

-Louboutin?

-

-Yes, the python ones.

0:39:470:39:49

-How much did they cost?

0:39:500:39:51

-About 100,000.

0:39:520:39:53

-What?! 100,000?

0:39:540:39:56

-I didn't buy them. They were a gift.

0:39:560:39:59

-Gift?

0:39:590:40:00

-Oh, my...!

0:40:010:40:02

-That is mental.

0:40:030:40:06

-One hundred thousand? I love it.

0:40:070:40:09

-No, not 100,000.

0:40:090:40:12

-One thousand. Bloody hell!

0:40:120:40:14

-One thousand. Bloody hell!

-

-Goodness me!

0:40:140:40:16

-I've always wanted

-to ask you one question.

0:40:170:40:20

-Is the rumour true about your father

-putting on a bet about you...

0:40:200:40:25

-..when you started playing rugby?

0:40:260:40:29

-Is it true?

0:40:290:40:31

-I knew he'd made some kind of bet.

0:40:310:40:35

-What was it?

0:40:350:40:37

-That I would become

-Wales' leading try-scorer.

0:40:370:40:40

-How old were you?

0:40:400:40:43

-How old were you?

-

-I was around eleven.

0:40:430:40:44

-Good bet.

0:40:440:40:46

-People ask me how much he won.

0:40:460:40:48

-After winning the bet, he moved

-to Mumbles, quite near to Jiffy.

0:40:480:40:54

-Only wealthy people live down there.

0:40:540:40:58

-He drives around in a Ferrari.

0:41:000:41:02

-He's doing well anyway.

-I'm not sure how much it was.

0:41:030:41:06

-It was true.

0:41:060:41:07

-Here's a photo of Gareth Charles.

0:41:080:41:11

-He was a bit excited

-about the Wales v England game.

0:41:110:41:14

-Finally, we hear news

-that our Nigel...

0:41:180:41:20

-..has spent his spare time

-relaxing on Cefn Sidan beach.

0:41:210:41:24

-He needs a flat cap.

0:41:260:41:28

-A tag by the twins.

-Bryn looks to be in trouble.

0:41:290:41:32

-The twin goes for the crab.

0:41:330:41:35

-It's a Boston crab.

0:41:350:41:36

-34 seconds.

0:41:390:41:40

-34 seconds.

-

-35.

0:41:400:41:41

-Odd names

-aren't confined to rugby.

0:41:430:41:46

-I thought I'd give you a quiz

-or a test, call it what you will.

0:41:460:41:50

-I've got a couple of names here

-for you to guess.

0:41:500:41:53

-Everyone can play along.

0:41:530:41:55

-Guess what sport they play.

0:41:550:41:58

-Rusty Kuntz.

0:41:590:42:00

-Rusty what?

0:42:010:42:02

-Rusty what?

0:42:030:42:04

-Say it!

0:42:050:42:06

-Any idea?

0:42:070:42:07

-Any idea?

-

-Golf?

0:42:070:42:08

-Gymnast?

0:42:090:42:10

-On the pommel horse!

0:42:120:42:13

-Have you met any of your heroes?

0:42:160:42:19

-They arranged for me

-to interview Paul Young.

0:42:190:42:24

-Nobody here remembers Paul Young.

0:42:240:42:25

-Nobody here remembers Paul Young.

-

-They're too young.

0:42:250:42:27

-Wherever I lay my 'at...

0:42:270:42:28

-Wherever I lay my 'at...

-

-..that's my 'ome.

0:42:280:42:30

-They'd arranged it as a surprise.

0:42:300:42:33

-They told me I'd be interviewing my

-hero, my pop crush, the next week.

0:42:330:42:38

-They filmed it

-and sent it on to Paul Young.

0:42:390:42:42

-The following week, I said...

0:42:430:42:46

-.."Hello, Paul.

0:42:460:42:48

-"I've loved you from the very

-first day I clapped eyes on you."

0:42:480:42:53

-Anyway, I told him

-I was a massive fan.

0:42:530:42:57

-He said, "I can see you in front

-of me now, I have a picture."

0:42:570:43:01

-I said, "Really"?

0:43:020:43:03

-"Yes."

0:43:040:43:05

-I said, "Would you"?

0:43:050:43:06

-"No! Don't answer that!"

0:43:100:43:13

-Around the posts.

0:43:170:43:18

-This year's been a memorable one

-for one man especially.

0:43:290:43:33

-Unfortunately, we won't hear

-the end of it from now on.

0:43:330:43:37

-Here are the highlights

-of the best ref in the world.

0:43:370:43:41

-From everyone on the programme,

-well done, Nigel.

0:43:410:43:44

-The best referee

-from Mynydd Cerrig...

0:43:480:43:51

-..Nigel Owens.

0:43:510:43:53

-Your Welsh is very good.

0:43:540:43:56

-You should have used a mutation

-there!

0:43:570:43:59

-Here's one of his potatoes.

0:44:040:44:06

-I need to plant some potatoes!

0:44:130:44:15

-Here's the Tweet of the Week.

0:44:150:44:18

-You're starstruck looking

-at that lad. You're dribbling.

0:44:180:44:22

-If you dribbled out of that nose,

-we'd all drown.

0:44:220:44:25

-Stay over there!

0:44:300:44:31

-Don't put it on my shirt.

0:44:320:44:34

-Have you got him?

0:44:350:44:36

-He'll drop him!

0:44:360:44:37

-Don't drop him.

0:44:380:44:39

-Oh!

0:44:400:44:41

-He's a bit rough.

0:44:420:44:43

-He's a bit rough.

-

-They are a bit rough.

0:44:430:44:45

-The only thing is,

-when you're doing that...

0:44:510:44:53

-..you've got to jump

-six feet in the air.

0:44:540:44:56

-Earlier on,

-she asked me how she looked.

0:45:050:45:08

-I said she looked like

-a young Margaret Thatcher.

0:45:080:45:12

-He thought that was a compliment!

-He really thought that.

0:45:120:45:17

-You collect whistles.

0:45:180:45:20

-You collect whistles.

-

-Yes, and I've blown every one.

0:45:200:45:22

-I've read the book,

-and it's well worth reading.

0:45:230:45:27

-One page stands out, to be honest.

0:45:270:45:29

-This page here.

0:45:290:45:31

-He'll be next with a MBE.

0:45:370:45:39

-Straight to a knighthood.

0:45:390:45:41

-Sir Nigel Owens. A minute to go.

0:45:430:45:45

-What the hell's wrong with you?!

0:45:500:45:52

-1-0!

0:45:520:45:53

-Imagine they've given the final

-of the World Cup to Wayne Barnes.

0:45:540:45:58

-Find some passion.

0:45:580:45:59

-We mustn't forget that one Welshman

-is still in the tournament.

0:46:020:46:06

-But he hasn't had a semi.

0:46:060:46:08

-He hasn't had a semi but if he gets

-the final, he'll get an erection!

0:46:090:46:13

-After discovering that he'll be

-refereeing the World Cup final...

0:46:160:46:21

-..Nigel Owens goes a little

-over the top in celebrating.

0:46:210:46:25

-# A little Welshman's

-got the whistle, up in Twickenham

0:46:320:46:36

-# Up in Twickenham

0:46:370:46:38

-# Up in Twickenham

0:46:390:46:40

-# He's reffing the World Cup final

-up in Twickenham

0:46:410:46:45

-# Up in Twickenham

0:46:450:46:48

-# Oh, we love you

0:46:490:46:51

-# Oh, we love you

0:46:510:46:53

-# Nigel in the World Cup #

0:46:540:46:57

-Jonathan and Sarra, thank you

-for the messages and the support...

0:46:570:47:01

-..during the World Cup.

0:47:020:47:03

-Thank you to you viewers

-and everyone...

0:47:030:47:06

-..for your kind and lovely messages.

0:47:060:47:09

-It meant a lot.

0:47:090:47:11

-It really does.

0:47:110:47:12

-I'm very sorry that the programme

-wasn't as good in my absence.

0:47:130:47:17

-# Nige, the world's best ref #

0:47:190:47:23

-Another series of Jonathan

-is at an end.

0:47:280:47:31

-I hope you enjoyed

-some of the highlights.

0:47:310:47:34

-We'll be back next year

-for the Six Nations Championship.

0:47:340:47:38

-Until then, merry Christmas

-and a happy new year.

0:47:380:47:42

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0:48:050:48:07

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