The Entire Universe


The Entire Universe

Eric Idle persuades Professor Brian Cox to present a lecture on the birth of the entire universe. Brian soon realises Eric is actually hosting a comedy and musical extravaganza.


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Transcript


LineFromTo

Thank you very much. Thank you, thank you.

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Good evening.

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Roughly 41 years ago today...ish,

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Rutland Weekend Television,

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the world's smallest TV station,

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did a special starring Beatle George Harrison.

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And now, tonight, 41 years later, we're back

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to put on another TV special with the Beatle of science,

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Professor Brian Cox.

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And tonight, our subject is the entire universe,

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which we'll be covering in one hour...

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as a musical. OK, so...

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Without further ado, please welcome,

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all the way from Rutland,

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Muriel Tritt...

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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..and the Muriel Tritt School Of Music And Dance.

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# The Muriel Tritt School Of Music And Dance

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# Gives young people a wonderful chance

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# To appear in a show

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# To star in a play

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# And one day we may be

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# On Broadway

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# For 13 years through rain and snow

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# Every year we put on a show

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# We did The Sound Of Mucus

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# And Zombie And Son

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# The Little Barmaid

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# And Second To Nun

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# We did Spamma Mia

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# And Porky & Bess

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# And an all-new version of G&S

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# We did Mersey Boys And Richard The Turd

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# We did Hello Polly About a dead bird

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# We sank the Titanic On a real boat

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# The 007 musical Legally Bond

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# So relax, throw your hats And hang on to your butts

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# For tonight we proudly present

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# The Entire Universe

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# Yes, tonight we'll be thinking Out of the box

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# Will you all please welcome our smart

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# Professor Brian Cox! #

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-Where the bloody hell is he?

-Ah, bit of a snag - he's not here.

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-But he should be on the way from the airport.

-This is a live show!

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-Yeah, he'll be on his way.

-I hope so!

-Anyway, that's not the snag.

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-You see, I haven't been able to speak to him for the last few weeks...

-What?

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Well, I haven't been able to explain to him

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that isn't so much a kind of lecture, it's more of a...musical.

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-You didn't a get hold of him?

-Well, it's not my fault, is it?

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He's been to Patagonia testing magnetism, or something.

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-You know, no cellphones.

-So, he doesn't know it's a musical?

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'He's here!'

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Oh, jeez.

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-Eric!

-Brian! Where have you been?

-Well, I'm sorry I'm late.

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-Can you just pay for the taxi?

-What? We've already started!

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It's funny, isn't it?

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We can send probes into space at tremendous speeds,

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but one lane closed on the M25 and you're stuck forever.

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We've been trying to reach you for weeks.

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I've been in Patagonia measuring micromagnetism.

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It's very interesting, cos the earth's poles are beginning to shift.

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We phoned! We texted! We tweeted!

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I can't use cellphones, because we're measuring micromagnetism.

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-But tell me, you did get the script?

-Not unless you sent it by llama.

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-What?!

-What's this?

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It's just a costume. Oh, no time to explain.

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-But I haven't got my lecture.

-It's all right, it's all on the autocue.

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-Here we are, here's the set. And good luck for the show.

-Hey, Brian.

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-Robin. What are you doing here?

-Er... Helping.

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I'm putting in the correct number of billions and billions

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in the autocue for you.

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I've put in loads, you'll love it.

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Now...

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Pointer.

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Clicker.

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Showtime.

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Ladies and gentlemen, will you please welcome, Professor Brian Cox.

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Thank you.

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Good evening.

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This is the Hubble Deep Field image,

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it's the deepest image of our universe ever taken.

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# Oooh eee oooh eee oooh. #

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It's a photograph of the piece of sky you would cover

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if you took a five-pence piece and held it about 75 feet away.

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# Oooh eee oooh eee oooh. #

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It contains over 10,000 galaxies,

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each with over 100 billion stars.

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# Oooh eee oooh eee ooooooh. #

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Look, what the hell is that?

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-Er, it's the universe music, Brian.

-It's distracting.

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-It sounds really good.

-Yeah, it sounds really, really brilliant.

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It really kind of jazzes up the universe.

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Tell them I don't need any music in the lecture.

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Well, you know, with the BBC broadcasting it worldwide live...

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Hang on a minute, I thought it was only broadcast in Rutland.

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Well, mainly Rutland, but also the rest of the world.

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But, look, just read the autocue, please, love,

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because we're running a bit late, OK?

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"Please welcome Professor Brian Cox!"

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This is the Sloan Digital Sky Survey. This is real data.

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It's a fly-through of nearby galaxies

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in the observable universe,

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which contains around 350 billion large galaxies,

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each with 200 billion stars, just like our Milky Way.

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So, if we multiply 350 billion galaxies

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by 200 billion stars,

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that means, in the observable universe,

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there are at least 70 thousand billion billion stars,

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7 followed by 22 zeroes.

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7 billion trillion stars.

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And that's just the observable universe.

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We've got good reason to think the universe extends

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way beyond that little patch we can see.

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It might even be infinite in extent.

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Now, today, after expanding for 13.8 billion years,

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we can see out to the edge of a giant sphere,

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centred on the earth, 90 billion light years wide.

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PING!

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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What's this?! What the hell is this?!

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Robin? Eric?

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Eric! Eric!

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# It's so damn big It's so damn vast

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# It's so damn huge and it's so damn fast

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# It's so massive With such weight

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# It's so enormous It's just great!

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# We're living in a sphere And it's 14 billion years

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# 98 billion light years In diameter

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# Standing in a bubble At the speed of Hubble

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# It's so damn huge In each parameter

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# 30.7 billion years

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-# On every side

-Every side

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# Which makes our universe

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# 93 billion light years wide

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# 350 billion galaxies

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# With 70 million trillion stars

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# That's 70 thousand thousand thousand

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# Thousand thousand thousand thousand stars

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# It makes you feel so small

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CHEERING

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# Stuck on the surface of the spinning ball

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# When you consider the size of it all

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# It makes you feel so...small

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# It makes you feel so small

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# Wondering why we're here at all

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# Trying to walk before we can crawl

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# It makes you feel so small

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# The universe so big and vast

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# And oh so very shiny

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# It makes you feel irrelevant

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# So useless and so tiny

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# It makes you feel so small

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# The universe holds us all in thrall

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# When you consider the size of it all

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# It makes you feel so small

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# Aah aah aah aaah

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# Yeah! #

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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Science isn't a bloody musical!

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Everyone's very excited.

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I really look like a prat.

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-You have looked like a prat before.

-Look, science isn't showbiz.

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-Well, it can be.

-It's not The Morecambe & Wise Show, is it?

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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It could be.

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Eh - you can see the join!

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-Definitely a wig!

-Definitely.

-Definitely.

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APPLAUSE

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All right, Brian?

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-Warwick Davis. Big fan.

-Warwick.

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-What are you doing here?

-I'm playing The Big Bang.

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Ba-da-ba-baa!

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-What?

-I know. Irony.

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Warwick's tip-top on science, Brian.

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-Per foot, he knows more about science than Tim Peake.

-Aww.

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Yeah, that's right. Isn't it, Tim?

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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That's right, Brian. Absolutely. It's right.

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-What?

-No, really.

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Warwick is really good on science, Brian. He's absolutely amazing.

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He could have been on the International Space Station with me.

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He would have saved a lot of space.

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-Cheers, Tim. Are you still on for dinner Tuesday?

-Absolutely, yeah.

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-Your turn to pay.

-Oh, OK.

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Um, Tim. I've got a couple of questions.

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-Listen, ask me any question you like.

-All right.

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What's a light year?

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A light year is when you don't have very much on -

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say, a panto in Woking and a possible telly.

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No, it's a measure of distance.

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The distance light travels in one year, which is...

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6 trillion miles.

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Am I right?

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-Yeah.

-Yeah. 6 followed by 12 zeroes.

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-Now, let me ask you a question.

-OK.

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-What's hot, dense, and forever expanding?

-Well...

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The Kardashians!

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-Lovely joke, Warwick!

-Oh, thanks, Eric.

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-It's G-string theory!

-Ohh!

-There's another.

-I love it!

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We'll have a shot of Kim's bum, and that could be like Saturn.

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-What, like a great gas giant?

-Ohh! Boo-boom!

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You see, material like this writes itself, Brian, so...

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Moving on now. On the autocue, love.

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"If you think of the universe as..."

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If you think of the universe as a balloon...

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Ah, great metaphor.

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..with the galaxies represented by dots on the balloon,

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then the expansion of our universe

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is just like the expanding surface of the balloon.

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All the galaxies appear to be rushing apart from each other.

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All right. Carry on.

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We used to think the universe was slowing down

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under the effects of gravity

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until we measured the expansion rate very precisely

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back in the 1990s

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and discovered that it is in fact speeding up

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because of the effects of something known as dark energy.

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Now, we don't know what dark energy is,

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but it accounts for 70% of the energy density of the universe.

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Dark matter makes up a further 25%.

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We don't know what that is either. And the stuff... Are you all right?

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Yeah, I'm hyperventilating. Quickly!

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The stuff we can actually see shining as stars,

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and out of which we are all made, is only 5% of the universe.

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So, the universe is expanding, but from what?

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If we were able to reverse time, wind back the clock

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so that everything rushes back together again...

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Ohh!

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BALLOONS DEFLATE NOISILY

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Sorry!

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If we wind everything back to the beginning,

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and we go back in time

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13.8 billion years before there were any stars or galaxies,

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and all the matter of the universe

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was crammed into a tiny, wrinkly little pea,

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unimaginably hot, unimaginably dense,

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containing all the energy and the ingredients

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to build the hundreds of billions of galaxies

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and billions of trillions of stars in our universe,

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contained in a single primordial atom...

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we call that the big bang.

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And hold it there, love, for the Big Bang Song.

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-The big bang isn't a song.

-It is now!

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-What are they doing?

-Well, it's pretty obvious, isn't it?

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They're elementary particles.

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Look, they're banging into each other and then disappearing.

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-Particles?

-Yeah, much better than your boring old equations.

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Ah! So, what do you think?

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I'm a professor.

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No-one will take me seriously if they think I'm in showbiz.

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Yeah, I think that ship might have sailed some time ago. Erm...

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Oh, and the BBC did say they were going to pay you more money.

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The early cosmos can be thought of as a series of epochs

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as, in the gradually expanding and cooling universe,

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the forces of nature separate out,

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and the particles we see today - the protons, neutrons and electrons,

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out of which we are all made - are formed.

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Time itself started 13.8 billion years ago,

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and once time had started...

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Sorry, Brian. Can we hold time?

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-What?

-Can we just hold time for a minute, please.

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Well, time isn't here yet.

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-What?

-Hannah Waddingham is playing time

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but, unfortunately, she's late.

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She's stuck in traffic, so if you could give us just a bit more BS...

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I'm sorry, a bit more science about the early universe

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until she gets here. Thanks a lot.

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You could say that more happened in the first three minutes

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of the life of the universe

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than in the next 13.8 billion years.

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By the time the universe was around three minutes old,

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it had cooled down to a temperature of only a billion degrees

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and was filled with what we call plasma,

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a soup of electrically charged particles

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through which light couldn't pass.

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Now, light can be thought of as a stream of particles called photons,

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and they have no mass.

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But other fundamental particles, like electrons, do have mass,

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and they get it through their interaction with the Higgs field,

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which permeates the universe

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and has a particle associated with it called the Higgs boson.

0:16:080:16:12

Har-har, Cap'n Cox!

0:16:120:16:14

Har-har!

0:16:160:16:17

-Who are you?

-It got better. Um...

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LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE

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Who?

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I'm the Higgs boson, me hearties! Har-har!

0:16:280:16:31

Noel Fielding, meet Brian.

0:16:330:16:35

-Brian, Noel.

-Hey, Brian, I'm a huge fan. Love your astrology.

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Astronomy.

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Whatever. What's your star sign?

0:16:390:16:41

I haven't got a star sign.

0:16:410:16:42

Come on, everyone's got a star sign.

0:16:420:16:44

All right, gin and tonic.

0:16:440:16:47

That's not a star sign.

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-He's a Pisces.

-I knew it. I'm a Gemini.

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-We get on instantly!

-We don't.

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All right.

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Unless you've got Jupiter rising.

0:16:550:16:57

I've got anger...rising.

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I've got a very finely tuned drivel detector,

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and it goes off every time anyone mentions astrology.

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It's all true, isn't it?

0:17:090:17:10

Well, it's not really. It's cack.

0:17:100:17:12

What kind of talk is that? Cack?

0:17:140:17:17

You'll be saying crop circles don't exist next!

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Crop circles don't exist.

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This is ridiculous. Next, you'll be saying

0:17:210:17:23

global warming is a real thing that we should all be worried about.

0:17:230:17:25

-Eric, can we just have a word?

-Just keep going, keep going.

0:17:250:17:28

Brian, the thing is, I love science.

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I love Scientology.

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LAUGHTER

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I love all the sciences.

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I hope one day to have a haemorrhoid named after me, like you.

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-Asteroid!

-Whatever.

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You get what you want named after you,

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and I'll get what I want named after me.

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And I'm getting a haemorrhoid!

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Like you!

0:17:510:17:53

Brian, do you know my theory about the universe?

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-You've got a theory about the universe?

-Yes.

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-You don't know about my theory?

-I don't know your theory about the universe.

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I've looked through all the literature - I've seen no record of your theory about the universe.

0:18:000:18:04

You don't know? This is going to blow your mind.

0:18:040:18:08

I've been working on this for over four and a half days.

0:18:080:18:11

LAUGHTER

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I believe that the universe is entirely made of water.

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It's just that the molecules are so far apart

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you can't tell it's water, unless you're outside, looking in.

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Pwhoa!

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Pwhoa! It's too much for you, isn't it?

0:18:250:18:28

I can see.

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Your knees are trembling.

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That's your theory?!

0:18:310:18:32

That's... That's your theory?!

0:18:340:18:36

-That's...?

-That...

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-That is my theory.

-All that?

0:18:370:18:39

All of that is my...

0:18:390:18:40

I've copyrighted that, mate.

0:18:400:18:42

-In fact, Deepak Chopra says...

-That's...!

0:18:420:18:45

Don't you like Deepak?

0:18:460:18:48

In my opinion, Deepak is full of more methane than "Uranus".

0:18:480:18:53

LAUGHTER

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He's great, isn't it?

0:18:550:18:57

He's like a rhinestone guru.

0:18:570:18:59

# Like a rhinestone guru!

0:18:590:19:02

# Ding-aga-ding-aga-ding! #

0:19:020:19:03

Why are you dressed as a second-rate character from Pirates Of Penzance?

0:19:040:19:08

Second mate. He's got it. He's very bright, isn't he?

0:19:080:19:10

Well, he's a professor.

0:19:100:19:12

Actually, he's a double professor.

0:19:120:19:14

I thought he looked a bit bi!

0:19:140:19:16

He was checking me out earlier in the lifts.

0:19:170:19:19

What are you supposed to be?

0:19:190:19:21

Well, I'm the Higgs boson, aren't I?

0:19:210:19:23

Get it? Har-har, me hearties!

0:19:230:19:25

-"Boson"...

-Yes?

0:19:260:19:28

..is an elementary particle.

0:19:280:19:29

Right.

0:19:290:19:30

"Bosun" is the second mate on a ship.

0:19:300:19:34

So what's your point?

0:19:340:19:35

Well, the point is, it's silly.

0:19:350:19:38

It's not silly. It's a metaphor.

0:19:380:19:40

They like it - you like it, don't you?

0:19:400:19:42

-AUDIENCE:

-Yes!

0:19:420:19:44

-Shall I sing?

-AUDIENCE:

-Yes!

0:19:440:19:47

Excusez-moi, Brian. My audience calls.

0:19:470:19:50

Stay away from my theory, yeah, Spock?

0:19:520:19:54

# There's a Higgs boson

0:20:010:20:03

# And there's leptons and there's gluons

0:20:030:20:05

# There's the Higgs boson

0:20:050:20:07

# And there's positons and muons

0:20:070:20:09

# There are photons There are protons

0:20:090:20:11

# There's neutrinos, posit-inos

0:20:110:20:12

# There are quarks and there's electrons

0:20:120:20:14

# In the Higgs boson

0:20:140:20:15

# Oh, the Higgs boson All the particles will scatter

0:20:150:20:19

# Oh, the Higgs boson As they're starting to be matter

0:20:190:20:23

# There are leptons There are gluons

0:20:230:20:25

# There are positons and muons

0:20:250:20:27

# There are photons There are protons

0:20:270:20:28

# In the Higgs boson

0:20:280:20:30

# There's a Higgs boson

0:20:300:20:31

# And there's electrons and there's muons

0:20:310:20:33

# There's a Higgs boson

0:20:330:20:35

# And there's positons and muons

0:20:350:20:37

# There are photons There are protons

0:20:370:20:39

# There's neutrinos, posit-inos

0:20:390:20:40

# There are quarks and there's electrons

0:20:400:20:43

# In the Higgs boson

0:20:430:20:44

# There's neutrinos, Angelinas In the Higgs boson

0:20:440:20:47

# There are Sauvignons and Pinots In the Higgs boson

0:20:470:20:51

# There are Bonos, Yoko Onos Brian Enos, cappucinos

0:20:510:20:54

# Latinas and Latinos In the Higgs boson

0:20:540:20:57

# There are gluons, there are muons In the Higgs boson

0:20:570:21:00

# There are many, there are few ones In the Higgs boson

0:21:000:21:03

# There are gobbles There are gluons

0:21:030:21:05

# There are old ones There are new ones

0:21:050:21:07

# We haven't got a clue what's in the Higgs boson! #

0:21:070:21:09

Har-har!

0:21:090:21:10

APPLAUSE

0:21:100:21:14

You stop. Stop.

0:21:180:21:20

Stop clapping.

0:21:200:21:22

Stop clapping!

0:21:220:21:23

Number one.

0:21:230:21:25

Number one, there's no such element as a Brian Eno.

0:21:250:21:28

-And number two...

-There should be.

0:21:280:21:30

..this is...

0:21:300:21:32

Number two, this isn't physics - it's music hall.

0:21:320:21:34

-Thanks a lot.

-It's not a compliment.

0:21:340:21:36

That wasn't a thank you!

0:21:360:21:38

-Noel...

-Please, call me Cuddles.

0:21:390:21:43

That's what Deepak calls me.

0:21:430:21:45

I call him Douchepak. We have such a laugh together.

0:21:450:21:48

You see, he's like you, he's very clever -

0:21:480:21:50

but he's got a sense of humour.

0:21:500:21:51

LAUGHTER

0:21:510:21:54

We can't upset him. He's part-Vulcan.

0:21:540:21:56

He's got no feelings.

0:21:580:21:59

We'll have to explain to him later what went wrong.

0:21:590:22:02

Listen, science isn't a panto.

0:22:020:22:05

Well, it can be.

0:22:050:22:06

It can't.

0:22:060:22:07

-ALL:

-Oh, yes, it can!

0:22:070:22:10

Oh, no, it can't.

0:22:100:22:11

-ALL:

-Oh, yes, it can.

0:22:110:22:13

No, it can't.

0:22:130:22:15

-ALL:

-Oh, yes, it can.

0:22:150:22:17

-Well, what's that, then?

-Where?

0:22:170:22:18

-ALL:

-Behind you!

0:22:180:22:21

Meow!

0:22:210:22:22

It's a pantomime cat.

0:22:230:22:25

A cat, but not just any cat.

0:22:260:22:28

Er, it's Schrodinger's cat.

0:22:290:22:31

-And what's that?

-That's a box.

0:22:350:22:37

Right. So if the cat goes in the box...

0:22:370:22:41

I might be able to salvage something here.

0:22:410:22:43

This is Schrodinger's famous thought experiment about a cat in a box.

0:22:430:22:47

The cat represents elementary particles

0:22:470:22:49

in an entangled quantum state.

0:22:490:22:50

So the idea is, you have a radioactive source in the box.

0:22:500:22:53

When it decays, it releases radioactive poisonous gas,

0:22:530:22:56

something like cyanide, into the box.

0:22:560:22:58

That means that before you open the box, the cat is both alive and dead.

0:22:580:23:04

But when you open the box, the cat will be seen to be alive or dead.

0:23:040:23:08

Like Keith Richards?

0:23:090:23:10

LAUGHTER

0:23:100:23:13

Well, let's see, then, shall we?

0:23:140:23:16

You want to see in the box, don't you?

0:23:160:23:17

-ALL:

-Yes!

0:23:170:23:20

Ta-da!

0:23:200:23:21

APPLAUSE

0:23:210:23:23

You see? It demonstrates particles.

0:23:260:23:29

A cat met an anti-cat and disappeared.

0:23:290:23:32

There's no such thing as an anti-cat.

0:23:320:23:34

Oh, really? Oh, really?

0:23:340:23:36

Says Mr CERN.

0:23:360:23:37

Says Mr Particle Collider.

0:23:370:23:39

Says Mr Let's Bang Things Into Each Other And See What Comes Out.

0:23:390:23:43

Oh, really?

0:23:460:23:47

Says Mr I'm A Pirate Of Penzance And I Don't Know Much About Quantum Mechanics

0:23:470:23:52

But I Dress Warwick Davis Up As A Little Cat

0:23:520:23:55

And Put Him In A Box And Make Him Disappear.

0:23:550:23:57

Is that Warwick Davis? Should have got a selfie, right?

0:24:000:24:03

Well, let's see, shall we? Let's see. Yeah?

0:24:040:24:06

-Let's open the box. Yeah?

-Go ahead.

-OK.

0:24:060:24:09

Ta-da! Hannah Waddingham, everybody!

0:24:110:24:14

APPLAUSE

0:24:140:24:16

-SHE GIGGLES

-Thank you!

0:24:160:24:19

-Brian, Hannah's playing Time.

-I'm so sorry I'm late.

0:24:210:24:24

Traffic on the M25.

0:24:240:24:25

Gynaecologist in Hackney.

0:24:250:24:27

Off you pop, Cox.

0:24:280:24:30

CLOCKS STRIKE, CHIME AND CUCKOO

0:24:350:24:39

# Time

0:24:430:24:45

# Will go on

0:24:450:24:48

# On and on, dear

0:24:480:24:52

# For ever

0:24:520:24:54

# Although time is slow

0:24:540:25:00

# It will go on

0:25:000:25:03

# Whenever you hear

0:25:030:25:09

# This song play

0:25:090:25:12

# And you will say

0:25:120:25:14

# Oh, look there

0:25:140:25:16

# Hey

0:25:160:25:18

# There's that song about time

0:25:180:25:21

# That'll go on and on

0:25:210:25:24

# On and on

0:25:240:25:31

# On and on

0:25:310:25:33

# And on and on

0:25:330:25:36

# On and on and on

0:25:360:25:40

# And on and on

0:25:400:25:43

# And on and on

0:25:430:25:46

# And on

0:25:460:25:48

# This song will still go on

0:25:480:25:54

# Time's song will still go on. #

0:25:540:26:04

APPLAUSE

0:26:040:26:08

DRUM FILL

0:26:080:26:10

# On and on

0:26:100:26:12

# And on and on

0:26:120:26:16

# On and on and on

0:26:160:26:19

# It'll still go on, still go on

0:26:190:26:22

# And on

0:26:220:26:23

# Oh, ah-ah, ah, ah

0:26:230:26:28

# Time's song will go-ooooo-oooo-ah

0:26:280:26:36

# Time's song

0:26:360:26:40

# Will still go on

0:26:400:26:46

# Oh oh

0:26:460:26:48

# Oh-oh

0:26:480:26:51

# On. #

0:26:510:26:56

APPLAUSE

0:26:560:26:57

Oh, thank you!

0:26:570:26:59

APPLAUSE

0:26:590:27:02

Stop! Stop clapping!

0:27:020:27:04

Stop, stop!

0:27:040:27:06

Stop!

0:27:080:27:09

Stop.

0:27:100:27:11

It's not right.

0:27:130:27:15

-It's not right. It's not right, it's not right.

-Says who?

0:27:150:27:17

-Well, science, actually.

-Ugh!

0:27:170:27:19

What are you supposed to be?

0:27:190:27:22

I'm Time, Brian. Obvs.

0:27:220:27:25

There's no such thing as time.

0:27:250:27:27

There's only space-time.

0:27:270:27:29

FaceTime?

0:27:290:27:31

Space-time.

0:27:310:27:32

See, according to Einstein's special theory of relativity,

0:27:320:27:35

published in 1905, time and space

0:27:350:27:37

are no longer to be thought of as separate entities.

0:27:370:27:41

They're supposed to be considered as an indivisible whole

0:27:410:27:45

called space-time.

0:27:450:27:47

You see, Einstein said...

0:27:470:27:49

E = mc2.

0:27:490:27:51

Ha-ha, ha-ha!

0:27:530:27:56

-Ah!

-Hello, Brian!

0:27:560:27:59

Hello, Albert. Which means...

0:27:590:28:01

Energy and matter are interchangeable.

0:28:010:28:04

LAUGHTER

0:28:040:28:06

Correct, Albert.

0:28:060:28:08

You're damn right, Brian.

0:28:080:28:10

Before that, we used to think of space as an arena.

0:28:100:28:12

-Oh, what, like Wembley?

-Well, if you like.

0:28:120:28:15

Actually it's a good metaphor. But Einstein showed us we were wrong.

0:28:150:28:18

Absolute space doesn't exist.

0:28:180:28:21

-And...

-Nothing goes faster than the speed of light.

0:28:210:28:24

Oh, sorry!

0:28:260:28:27

So, in the new Einsteinian worldview,

0:28:280:28:31

moving clocks run slow and moving rulers shrink.

0:28:310:28:35

Right, so if the Queen could travel at the speed of light...?

0:28:350:28:37

-Not that kind of ruler.

-Ah.

0:28:370:28:39

-All right, er, if the Sheikh of Qatar...

-Not that kind of ruler.

0:28:390:28:42

It's more like a measure.

0:28:420:28:45

Right. So, er, would the Queen shrink at the speed of light?

0:28:450:28:50

Well, hypothetically, yes.

0:28:500:28:52

As Her Majesty approached the speed of light,

0:28:520:28:54

she would shrink and become more massive.

0:28:540:28:56

What, she'd become Queen Victoria?

0:28:560:28:59

Brian, I have a question for you.

0:29:000:29:03

We know the speed of light, yeah?

0:29:060:29:08

-Yeah.

-That's one of mine. Thank you.

0:29:080:29:11

What is the speed of darkness?

0:29:120:29:14

-It's the same. The same.

-Ah, coincidence.

0:29:140:29:17

Hey, guys, maybe I see you afterwards, yeah,

0:29:170:29:19

for some crazy fun times!

0:29:190:29:21

OK.

0:29:220:29:23

# There's the Higgs boson

0:29:250:29:26

# And there's electrons and there's... #

0:29:260:29:28

APPLAUSE

0:29:280:29:30

Brian, um, I've actually got a science question.

0:29:300:29:33

Go on.

0:29:330:29:34

Can you have sex in zero gravity?

0:29:340:29:37

Why don't you ask Tim Peake?

0:29:370:29:39

Tim PEAKE!

0:29:390:29:40

Oh!

0:29:410:29:43

Um...!

0:29:440:29:46

Can we have sex in zero gravity?

0:29:460:29:48

-Well...

-Oh!

0:29:480:29:50

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:29:510:29:53

-Ah!

-SHE LAUGHS

0:29:530:29:55

As the universe continued to expand and cool,

0:29:570:30:00

gravity began to take hold of the particles of matter

0:30:000:30:03

and clumped them together to become the first stars in galaxies.

0:30:030:30:07

Do you remember the Sloan Digital Sky Survey,

0:30:070:30:10

that snowstorm of galaxies?

0:30:100:30:13

This shows us the distribution of those galaxies across the universe.

0:30:130:30:17

So gravity pulls everything together.

0:30:170:30:20

And hold it there for the Gravity Song.

0:30:200:30:23

You're going to love this one, it's really your era.

0:30:230:30:25

-Yeah. '80s.

-Mm.

0:30:250:30:27

LAUGHTER

0:30:270:30:29

It's all right, Brian. Things can only get better.

0:30:340:30:36

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:30:360:30:39

UPBEAT MUSIC

0:30:430:30:45

LAUGHTER

0:30:450:30:47

# Ever since the apple fell

0:30:470:30:49

# On Newton from its tree

0:30:490:30:51

# He began examining the force of gravity

0:30:510:30:56

# His ruminations gave equations very logically

0:30:560:31:00

# Explanation, gravitation was the force to free

0:31:010:31:05

# Free that apple from the tree

0:31:050:31:07

# It applies to you and me

0:31:070:31:10

# Isaac Newton simply found

0:31:100:31:11

# What keeps our feet down on the ground

0:31:110:31:16

# It's a force of gravity

0:31:160:31:17

# Gra-Gra-Gra-Gra-Gravity!

0:31:170:31:22

# Gra-Gra-Gra-Gra-Gravity!

0:31:220:31:26

# Gra-Gra-Gra-Gra-Gravity!

0:31:260:31:30

# Gra-Gra-Gra-Gra-Gravity!

0:31:310:31:34

# It's a force of gravity!

0:31:360:31:38

# Galileo...

0:31:380:31:39

-# Galileo...

-# Oh, oh, oh, oh...

0:31:390:31:41

# One day Albert Einstein watched

0:31:410:31:44

# A worker on the roof

0:31:440:31:46

# Instantly he thought up what he called his happiest truth

0:31:460:31:50

# If the man was careless

0:31:500:31:52

# And he slipped and had a fall

0:31:520:31:55

# Einstein realised he wouldn't really fall at all

0:31:550:31:59

# He's not crashing to the ground

0:31:590:32:02

# Waiting there to greet him

0:32:020:32:04

# He is simply floating round

0:32:040:32:06

# And the ground comes up to meet him

0:32:060:32:08

# It's a force of gravity!

0:32:080:32:10

# Gra-Gra-Gra-Gra-Gravity!

0:32:100:32:14

# Gra-Gra-Gra-Gra-Gravity!

0:32:140:32:17

# Gra-Gra-Gra-Gra-Gravity!

0:32:190:32:23

# Gra-Gra-Gra-Gra-Gravity!

0:32:230:32:26

# It's a force of gravity!

0:32:280:32:30

INSTRUMENTAL

0:32:300:32:32

# Newton's theory of gravity

0:32:340:32:36

# Appeared in the 17th century

0:32:360:32:38

# And eventually we have to face

0:32:380:32:41

# It was inaccurate in space

0:32:410:32:43

# Einstein then began to see that light is a bit like gravity

0:32:430:32:47

# Energy is matter

0:32:470:32:49

# And matter energy

0:32:490:32:51

# We live in four dimensions

0:32:510:32:53

# And space-time is its name

0:32:530:32:56

# And Einstein found the formula

0:32:560:32:58

# Which really changed the game

0:32:580:33:00

# For E equals mc2

0:33:000:33:05

# For E equals mc2

0:33:050:33:08

-# Gra-Gra-Gra-Gra-Gravity!

-# For E equals mc2

0:33:100:33:14

-# Gra-Gra-Gra-Gra-Gravity!

-# E equals mc2!

0:33:140:33:19

-# Re-Re-Re-Relativity!

-# E equals mc2!

0:33:190:33:23

# Re-Re-Re-Relativity!

0:33:230:33:26

# It's a force of gravity! #

0:33:280:33:30

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:33:310:33:34

Well, no-one's more surprised than me, but that's right.

0:33:340:33:37

Einstein did come along with a general theory of relativity,

0:33:370:33:41

modifying the Newtonian view of gravity.

0:33:410:33:43

We now know that space-time is four-dimensional,

0:33:430:33:46

and massive objects curve and warp it.

0:33:460:33:48

So, matter tells space-time how to curve,

0:33:480:33:51

and space-time tells matter how to move.

0:33:510:33:54

Now, relativity describes everything down to the quantum level,

0:33:540:33:57

but at very small distances, at high energies at the subatomic level,

0:33:570:34:02

general relativity breaks down...

0:34:020:34:04

All right, who are you?

0:34:040:34:06

-Who are we?

-Who are we?!

-Who are we?! He's good, isn't he?

0:34:060:34:10

THEY LAUGH

0:34:100:34:11

Who are we?

0:34:110:34:12

Quantum mechanics.

0:34:120:34:13

LAUGHTER

0:34:150:34:16

Shouldn't have asked.

0:34:170:34:19

Hey, carry on, sunshine! Carry on.

0:34:190:34:21

You're doing well, you're doing well.

0:34:210:34:23

GENTLE LAUGHTER

0:34:230:34:24

The century since Einstein published his theory

0:34:260:34:28

has been filled with the most spectacular scientific discoveries.

0:34:280:34:32

We've discovered a universe filled with wonders, pillars of gas,

0:34:320:34:36

thousands of light years,

0:34:360:34:37

tall clouds of bright gas where young stars are born,

0:34:370:34:41

and we see the deaths of stars,

0:34:410:34:43

producing pulsars, quasars

0:34:430:34:45

and supermassive black holes at the centre of galaxies.

0:34:450:34:50

This is the CMB.

0:34:500:34:52

It's the cosmic microwave background radiation.

0:34:520:34:55

This is the picture of the whole sky, the celestial sphere.

0:34:550:34:58

It's a stunning image.

0:34:580:35:00

This is the afterglow of the big bang.

0:35:000:35:03

It comes from every direction in space.

0:35:030:35:05

So this really is a picture of the universe

0:35:050:35:07

as it was 380,000 years after the big bang.

0:35:070:35:10

This is the oldest light in the universe.

0:35:100:35:13

These tiny fluctuations that you see as different colours

0:35:130:35:18

are density fluctuations in the early universe.

0:35:180:35:21

These are the reasons that we have galaxies at all.

0:35:210:35:25

So this is a kind of a static buzz that permeates the universe.

0:35:250:35:29

You used to be able to pick it up on old TV sets,

0:35:290:35:31

a bit like Morecambe and Wise.

0:35:310:35:33

LAUGHTER AND GROANING

0:35:330:35:35

There's no need for that, is there, eh?

0:35:350:35:37

GENTLE APPLAUSE

0:35:370:35:39

As the universe continues to expand and cool

0:35:390:35:42

after the release of the CMB,

0:35:420:35:44

matter eventually began to collapse and clump around the denser regions

0:35:440:35:48

to form stars and galaxies,

0:35:480:35:50

and the universe was filled with light once more.

0:35:500:35:54

Only around 200 million years after the big bang,

0:35:540:35:57

the age of stars had begun.

0:35:570:35:59

-MUSIC

-# Oh, oh, oh, ah-oh, ah-oh

0:35:590:36:01

# Oh, oh, oh, ah-oh, ah-oh

0:36:010:36:03

-# Oh, oh, oh, ah-oh, ah-oh

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:36:030:36:06

# Oh, oh, oh, ah-oh, ah-oh

0:36:060:36:08

# Oh, oh, oh, ah-oh, ah-oh

0:36:080:36:11

# Oh, oh, oh, ah-oh, ah-oh

0:36:110:36:13

# Baby, let me tell you what it's all about

0:36:130:36:15

# Lying on your back with your tush hanging out, oh!

0:36:150:36:18

# Hey, la...

0:36:180:36:20

# Oh, oh, oh, ah-oh, ah-oh

0:36:210:36:23

-# All you need is a... #

-MUSIC WARPS AND STOPS

0:36:230:36:26

-LAUGHTER

-Oh!

0:36:260:36:27

What are you now?

0:36:270:36:29

I'm a star, darling.

0:36:290:36:31

It's not the kind of star that I meant.

0:36:310:36:33

Did you mean an astronomical object

0:36:330:36:36

in which nuclear fusion happens?

0:36:360:36:38

Protons being fused together to make helium?

0:36:380:36:41

Yeah.

0:36:410:36:42

LAUGHTER

0:36:420:36:44

Actually. The oldest stars in the universe

0:36:440:36:47

were over 13 billion years old.

0:36:470:36:49

But there's one very special star,

0:36:490:36:51

which formed 4.6 billion years ago in an outer spiral arm

0:36:510:36:55

of the Milky Way galaxy, and we call this star...

0:36:550:36:59

The sun.

0:36:590:37:00

The sun.

0:37:010:37:02

GENTLE LAUGHTER

0:37:020:37:03

And that was followed in less than a million years

0:37:030:37:06

by the most significant moment in our history.

0:37:060:37:09

The birth of the Earth.

0:37:090:37:11

LAUGHTER

0:37:130:37:14

# The Earth, the Earth

0:37:200:37:22

# Is the planet of our birth

0:37:220:37:25

# But the girth of the Earth is quite small

0:37:250:37:30

# So to understand

0:37:300:37:32

# The size of it all

0:37:320:37:34

# Let's take a flight into the night

0:37:340:37:37

# Remembering Einstein's great sound bite... #

0:37:370:37:44

Nothing goes faster than the speed of light!

0:37:440:37:48

# Nothing, nothing Nothing, nothing

0:37:480:37:49

# Nothing, nothing Nothing, nothing

0:37:490:37:51

# Nothing goes faster than the speed of light! Hey!

0:37:510:37:55

# Albert Einstein one bright night

0:37:550:37:58

# Said!

0:37:580:37:59

# Nothing goes faster than the speed of light!

0:37:590:38:02

# A shy German man but quite polite

0:38:020:38:05

# Said!

0:38:050:38:06

# Nothing goes faster than the speed of light!

0:38:060:38:10

# His equations were quite right

0:38:100:38:13

# As he worked in the office of the Swiss copyright

0:38:130:38:16

# Despite a moving car with its headlights shining bright

0:38:160:38:20

# Nothing goes faster than the speed of light! #

0:38:200:38:23

Yeah!

0:38:230:38:24

# Nothing, nothing Nothing, nothing!

0:38:240:38:26

# Nothing, nothing Nothing, nothing!

0:38:260:38:28

# Nothing goes faster than the speed of light!

0:38:280:38:30

# Hey!

0:38:300:38:31

# Suppose I could fly at the speed of light

0:38:310:38:34

# And I took off from the Earth up into the night

0:38:340:38:38

# In 1.3 seconds Which is really quite soon

0:38:380:38:42

# I'm flying past a lovely moon

0:38:420:38:44

# Flying past a lovely moon

0:38:440:38:46

# Heading for the sun Which is really far

0:38:460:38:49

# Takes me 8.5 minutes to our local star

0:38:490:38:53

# From the sun Then Mercury's three minutes away

0:38:530:38:56

# And three minutes more to Venus

0:38:560:39:00

# There's nothing more to say

0:39:000:39:02

# Our Earth is nine minutes' flight from the sun

0:39:020:39:05

# And Mars at light speed is 30 minutes further on!

0:39:050:39:11

# Nothing, nothing Nothing, nothing!

0:39:110:39:13

# Nothing, nothing Nothing, nothing!

0:39:130:39:15

# Nothing goes faster than the speed of light!

0:39:150:39:18

# Hey!

0:39:180:39:19

# To fly on to Jupiter at maximum power

0:39:190:39:22

# Takes me another three quarters of an hour

0:39:220:39:26

# Saturn with its rings make a lovely display

0:39:260:39:29

# But they're still 90 minutes away

0:39:290:39:33

# That's very far away

0:39:330:39:35

# Beautiful Uranus, such a delight

0:39:350:39:38

# Two and a half hours at the speed of light

0:39:380:39:43

Yeah!

0:39:430:39:44

# Nothing, nothing Nothing, nothing!

0:39:440:39:46

# Nothing, nothing Nothing, nothing!

0:39:460:39:48

# Nothing goes faster than the speed of light!

0:39:480:39:50

# Hey!

0:39:500:39:51

# Two hours further on like a great balloon

0:39:510:39:54

# Is the giant gas mask that we call Neptune

0:39:540:39:58

# Six hours away at the speed of light

0:39:580:40:02

# Suddenly Pluto comes into sight

0:40:020:40:07

# And Pluto may be feeling a little bit sore

0:40:070:40:13

# For Pluto's not a planet

0:40:130:40:16

# Any more...

0:40:160:40:19

# No, Pluto's not a planet any more

0:40:200:40:25

# Its days of glory faded

0:40:250:40:28

# Its reputation jaded

0:40:280:40:31

# It has sadly been downgraded

0:40:310:40:33

# And Pluto's not a planet any more

0:40:350:40:39

# First they heavily promoted it

0:40:390:40:43

# And now they have demoted it

0:40:430:40:45

# Because it's been confirmed by all

0:40:450:40:48

# That it was just too small

0:40:480:40:51

# It's enough to give you haemorrhoids

0:40:510:40:54

# There are 10,000 planetoids

0:40:540:40:56

# Each of them has big as Pluto Circling round the sun

0:40:560:41:01

# I guess it needed to be done

0:41:020:41:04

# In size it is deficient

0:41:040:41:07

# They thought it more efficient

0:41:070:41:09

# To get rid of it

0:41:090:41:11

# Ah-ah

0:41:110:41:12

# But still I feel quite sore

0:41:120:41:15

# That Pluto's not a planet

0:41:150:41:17

# Any more

0:41:170:41:19

# No, Pluto's not a planet

0:41:190:41:22

# It's been relegated, dammit

0:41:220:41:25

# And Pluto's not a planet any more-ore-ore

0:41:250:41:32

# And so I leave our solar system for a brighter star

0:41:320:41:35

# Centauri Proxima is still very far

0:41:350:41:39

# Four and a half light years of flight

0:41:390:41:42

# To reach our closest neighbour at the speed of light

0:41:420:41:47

# At the speed of light

0:41:470:41:49

# To cross the Milky Way at 17 billion miles a day

0:41:490:41:53

# Takes 100,000 Earth years

0:41:530:41:56

# No way!

0:41:560:41:57

# To reach the next galaxy Andromeda appeals

0:41:570:42:01

# It would take me two and a half million years

0:42:010:42:05

# That's a lot of years

0:42:050:42:07

I know!

0:42:070:42:08

# Nothing, nothing Nothing, nothing

0:42:080:42:10

# Nothing, nothing Nothing, nothing

0:42:100:42:12

# Nothing goes faster than the speed of light! Hey!

0:42:120:42:15

# Nothing, nothing Nothing, nothing

0:42:150:42:17

# Nothing, nothing Nothing, nothing

0:42:170:42:19

# Nothing goes faster than the speed of light! Hey! #

0:42:190:42:21

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:42:210:42:23

Actually, that's not right.

0:42:290:42:31

The reality is that nothing travels through space-time

0:42:310:42:34

faster than the speed of light,

0:42:340:42:35

but galaxies can recede from each other faster than light,

0:42:350:42:39

because they ride along with space-time as it expands

0:42:390:42:42

and it can stretch at any speed that it wants.

0:42:420:42:46

Now there's a remarkable new theory

0:42:460:42:47

about the origin of the universe called inflation.

0:42:470:42:50

We've got good evidence to suggest

0:42:500:42:52

that before the universe was hot and dense,

0:42:520:42:54

at what we used to call the big bang,

0:42:540:42:56

the universe was still in existence in a different form,

0:42:560:42:59

it was doing something else,

0:42:590:43:01

it was doubling in size unimaginably fast.

0:43:010:43:04

This exponential expansion stopped, certainly,

0:43:040:43:07

to form our universe, but some cosmologists think

0:43:070:43:10

that it may only have stopped in patches.

0:43:100:43:14

The bits that stop form universes through a big bang,

0:43:140:43:17

like our own, but the rest keeps on going.

0:43:170:43:20

If this theory is correct, it's known as eternal inflation,

0:43:200:43:23

then there's a striking and, I think, mind-blowing prediction.

0:43:230:43:27

The prediction is that there will be other universes out there,

0:43:270:43:31

some being created as we speak,

0:43:310:43:33

and this process may have been going on possibly forever.

0:43:330:43:37

There may be an infinite number of universes.

0:43:370:43:39

And if there are, then it's possible that we all could exist

0:43:390:43:43

somewhere out there in the multiverse in quite different forms.

0:43:430:43:47

So for example, in this universe,

0:43:470:43:49

I'm wearing this T-shirt and I look like me...

0:43:490:43:52

And in another universe, I might be wearing

0:43:520:43:54

this, rather fetching, off-the-shoulder red dress.

0:43:540:43:56

LAUGHTER

0:43:560:43:58

Now, you see, in this universe,

0:43:580:44:00

I'm obviously dressed in this dowdy nerd garb.

0:44:000:44:03

But in another universe I might be dressed in this blue miniskirt,

0:44:050:44:08

showing off my beautiful, beautiful knees.

0:44:080:44:11

LAUGHTER

0:44:110:44:12

In this universe I am me, but in another universe,

0:44:120:44:16

I might be a beaver.

0:44:160:44:17

LAUGHTER

0:44:180:44:20

In our universe, I can be me,

0:44:220:44:24

but in another one, a camel in a poncho.

0:44:240:44:27

LAUGHTER

0:44:270:44:30

In this universe, I can be the size I am, but in another,

0:44:300:44:34

I could be as tall as the Eiffel Tower!

0:44:340:44:37

CHEERING

0:44:370:44:38

And French.

0:44:380:44:39

LAUGHTER

0:44:390:44:41

In this universe, I'm looking a little bit saucy and fierce,

0:44:410:44:44

but in another universe I might be the Queen of the Fairies.

0:44:440:44:48

-AUDIENCE:

-Aw!

0:44:480:44:49

Here, the royal family are dressed for a royal occasion.

0:44:520:44:57

But in another universe,

0:44:570:44:59

they might be dressed for a tribal dinner.

0:44:590:45:02

LAUGHTER

0:45:020:45:04

And in another universe,

0:45:040:45:06

they might be gorillas.

0:45:060:45:07

LAUGHTER

0:45:070:45:09

And in yet another universe,

0:45:090:45:11

they could all be aquatic sea creatures from space.

0:45:110:45:14

Such speculation is endless,

0:45:160:45:19

and it might seem ridiculous, but it's not,

0:45:190:45:21

it's illustrating the possibilities of an infinite universe.

0:45:210:45:25

SKIFFLE MUSIC

0:45:250:45:26

# I find quantum mechanics confusing today

0:45:320:45:36

# Now science is all the rage

0:45:360:45:39

# The Hadron Collider is banging away

0:45:400:45:43

# Trying to guess our age

0:45:430:45:47

# A particle here

0:45:480:45:50

# A particle there

0:45:500:45:51

# In this weird quantum world Bits can be anywhere

0:45:510:45:55

# Which might just explain why I'm losing my hair

0:45:550:45:59

# In the infinite monkey cage

0:45:590:46:03

# T'other day I heard Mrs Schrodinger say...

0:46:030:46:07

I'm going to put out the cat!

0:46:070:46:10

CAT SCREECHES

0:46:100:46:11

# Mrs Heisenberg said...

0:46:110:46:12

Oh, it might be quite dead!

0:46:120:46:14

I'm uncertain if you should do that.

0:46:140:46:18

# Unless you've got that Robin Ince and Professor Cox

0:46:180:46:22

# I'd leave that poor pussy alone in its box

0:46:220:46:26

# That cat may be both dead and alive said the sage

0:46:260:46:30

# In the infinite monkey cage

0:46:300:46:33

# Scientists say all the world's just a stage

0:46:340:46:38

# That physics is passing through

0:46:380:46:41

# There may be an infinite number of mes

0:46:420:46:45

# And an infinite number of yous

0:46:450:46:48

# God help us!

0:46:480:46:50

# If an infinite universe seems a bit nuts

0:46:500:46:53

# Scientists sometimes talk through their butts

0:46:530:46:57

Ooh!

0:46:570:46:58

# Proof, you can't do That there are more of you

0:46:580:47:01

# In the infinite monkey cage. #

0:47:010:47:05

# This linear superpositional thing

0:47:360:47:40

# Is blowing my mind away

0:47:400:47:43

# The multiverse seems to be made out of string

0:47:440:47:47

# That's what some particle physicists say

0:47:470:47:51

# If infinite monkeys write every day

0:47:510:47:55

# They may accidentally write Hamlet the play

0:47:550:47:59

# But they'd probably just poop on it and throw it away

0:47:590:48:03

# In the infinite monkey cage

0:48:030:48:05

# Them naughty monkeys

0:48:050:48:07

# In the infinite monkey cage

0:48:070:48:09

# Without their trousers

0:48:090:48:11

# In the infinite monkey cage! #

0:48:110:48:15

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:48:180:48:19

WHISTLING IN AUDIENCE

0:48:210:48:22

Nothing lasts forever.

0:48:250:48:27

Stars die, galaxies die,

0:48:270:48:29

even universes gradually wind down.

0:48:290:48:33

The formation of new stars grinds to a halt,

0:48:330:48:36

we already see evidence of this in our own Milky Way galaxy.

0:48:360:48:40

So, ultimately, eventually, the universe will die.

0:48:400:48:44

Oh. That's all very cheery-uppy.

0:48:440:48:47

Once stars run out of fuel, there are only three possibilities.

0:48:470:48:51

Our sun will keep fusing hydrogen into helium

0:48:510:48:54

for another five billion years or so

0:48:540:48:56

until it burns through the last of its hydrogen fuel.

0:48:560:48:59

After that, it swells to become a red giant

0:48:590:49:02

approaching the Earth's orbit

0:49:020:49:05

before collapsing like a dying fire.

0:49:050:49:07

The core will compact to a planet-sized ember

0:49:070:49:11

and it will become a white dwar...

0:49:110:49:14

LAUGHTER

0:49:150:49:17

Sorry?

0:49:210:49:23

LAUGHTER

0:49:230:49:24

A white dwarf, it's, er...

0:49:240:49:26

It's a technical term, like black hole.

0:49:260:49:29

Oh, racist as well.

0:49:290:49:31

LAUGHTER

0:49:310:49:32

More massive stars will collapse in supernova explosions that,

0:49:330:49:37

for a few brief moments,

0:49:370:49:39

are amongst the brightest objects in the universe.

0:49:390:49:42

The core will be squeezed by gravity into a neutron star,

0:49:420:49:46

a spinning ball, 12 miles in diameter.

0:49:460:49:49

Oh, about the size of Oldham.

0:49:490:49:51

GENTLE LAUGHTER

0:49:510:49:52

Well, yes, but with the mass of the sun,

0:49:520:49:55

a sugar-cube fragment would weigh a billion tonnes on Earth.

0:49:550:50:00

If you took a marshmallow and dropped it,

0:50:000:50:02

the gravitational pull is so big it accelerates towards the ground

0:50:020:50:05

and hits it with the power of an atomic bomb.

0:50:050:50:08

Hold on - where would the marshmallow come from?

0:50:080:50:10

Well, don't you see - it's a metaphor?

0:50:100:50:12

Oh, like "white dwarf"?

0:50:120:50:13

LAUGHTER

0:50:130:50:15

Brian, does anything become spam?

0:50:150:50:17

LAUGHTER

0:50:170:50:19

Spam?

0:50:190:50:20

Yeah, spam!

0:50:200:50:21

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:50:210:50:24

Most of the stars we see today in the night sky

0:50:240:50:27

have planets around them.

0:50:270:50:28

Data from observatories, like the Kepler space telescope,

0:50:280:50:32

tell us that around one in ten stars

0:50:320:50:34

may have Earth-like rocky planets around them,

0:50:340:50:37

perhaps with rivers, seas and oceans.

0:50:370:50:40

That's around 20 billion potentially Earth-like planets

0:50:400:50:44

in the Milky Way galaxy alone,

0:50:440:50:45

and there are 350 billion galaxies in the observable universe.

0:50:450:50:49

So the question is...

0:50:490:50:51

are we alone?

0:50:510:50:53

No - we're here with you.

0:50:530:50:55

LAUGHTER

0:50:550:50:57

No, what I mean is,

0:50:570:50:58

is intelligent life common in the universe?

0:50:580:51:01

It's not even common at the BBC!

0:51:010:51:03

LAUGHTER

0:51:030:51:06

Why are we here?

0:51:060:51:07

-Eric asked us to come.

-Yeah.

0:51:070:51:09

To be honest, there's no way we'd come if you asked us!

0:51:100:51:12

LAUGHTER

0:51:120:51:14

Where do we come from?

0:51:170:51:19

-You've come from Peterborough.

-Yeah.

0:51:190:51:21

Kentish Town.

0:51:210:51:22

No, we think that life started only once on this planet.

0:51:220:51:27

Do you know where?

0:51:270:51:28

-Oldham?

-LAUGHTER

0:51:280:51:30

-No, 3.8 billion years ago.

-Oh!

0:51:300:51:33

Manchester.

0:51:330:51:35

In the oceans.

0:51:350:51:36

And, here, it took 3.8 billion years

0:51:360:51:40

for first living things to become us.

0:51:400:51:42

And what's wonderful and, I think, at the same time a little bit scary,

0:51:420:51:45

is how frequently our own evolutionary path

0:51:450:51:48

came close to ending.

0:51:480:51:49

In the Permian extinction 250 million years ago, for example,

0:51:490:51:53

96% of all marine life became extinct.

0:51:530:51:57

The odds against our survival were huge.

0:51:570:52:00

The Earth has been a volcanic hell.

0:52:000:52:02

It's been a frozen ice ball.

0:52:040:52:06

It's been an ocean, free of land.

0:52:070:52:09

The Earth has been a target for meteorites.

0:52:090:52:12

30,000 objects a day burn up in our atmosphere

0:52:120:52:16

and, shortly after its formation,

0:52:160:52:18

a glancing blow from a planet-sized object smashing into our Earth

0:52:180:52:22

caused the formation of our moon.

0:52:220:52:24

Against all the odds,

0:52:240:52:25

there's an unbroken chain of life,

0:52:250:52:28

stretching back 3.8 billion years -

0:52:280:52:31

that's one third of the age of the universe -

0:52:310:52:33

to some primordial life form in an ancient ocean.

0:52:330:52:36

And those first living things have, over geological time,

0:52:360:52:40

assembled themselves into intelligent, conscious beings,

0:52:400:52:43

inside a superbly complex body,

0:52:430:52:46

that can replicate, evolve and pass on our genes,

0:52:460:52:50

with an enormous brain that's learned to communicate

0:52:500:52:53

with the finest of its peers, both past and present,

0:52:530:52:56

and leave a legacy into the far future

0:52:560:52:59

through language, writing, maths, science...

0:52:590:53:04

-Panto...

-LAUGHTER

0:53:040:53:06

Shopping...

0:53:060:53:07

A hominid intelligence, staggering on the edge of space,

0:53:070:53:10

pondering the immensity, and our next steps.

0:53:100:53:14

The age of stars will close in 100 trillion years

0:53:140:53:18

and, with it, the window for life in the universe will close.

0:53:180:53:21

If we define the end of our universe

0:53:210:53:23

to be the time the last supermassive black hole evaporates,

0:53:230:53:26

that takes place in...when?

0:53:260:53:28

-Roughly?

-Yeah, all right.

0:53:290:53:31

I've got this one.

0:53:310:53:32

10,000 trillion, trillion, trillion, trillion, trillion, trillion,

0:53:320:53:37

trillion, trillion years.

0:53:370:53:40

Correct.

0:53:400:53:41

Yes!

0:53:410:53:42

APPLAUSE

0:53:420:53:43

Don't leave me hanging.

0:53:430:53:45

That means that life will have been possible

0:53:480:53:51

for only one thousandth of a billion, billion,

0:53:510:53:54

billion, billion, billion,

0:53:540:53:55

billion, billion, billion, billionth of 1%

0:53:550:53:59

of the age of the universe.

0:53:590:54:01

Imagine that.

0:54:010:54:02

We live in a tiny, minute, golden, bright age -

0:54:020:54:06

the briefest of moments in cosmic time.

0:54:060:54:09

We don't know how the universe came into existence,

0:54:090:54:12

or why it came into existence,

0:54:120:54:14

but we do know where it is.

0:54:140:54:16

It's all around us.

0:54:160:54:17

It's in us.

0:54:170:54:19

It is us.

0:54:190:54:21

We are the means by which the universe understands itself.

0:54:210:54:25

But we may be effectively alone -

0:54:250:54:27

an isolated island of meaning

0:54:270:54:29

in an unimaginably vast and hostile universe.

0:54:290:54:33

Ugh.

0:54:330:54:34

That's a bit of a downer, isn't it?

0:54:340:54:36

Terribly depressing.

0:54:360:54:37

-That's a terrible ending, Brian.

-Yeah.

0:54:370:54:39

Well, no, it isn't.

0:54:390:54:41

Cheer up.

0:54:410:54:43

You know what they say...

0:54:430:54:44

PING!

0:54:440:54:46

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:54:460:54:48

# Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving

0:54:500:54:55

# And revolving at 900 miles an hour

0:54:550:55:00

# That's orbiting at 19 miles a second, so it's reckoned

0:55:000:55:04

# The sun that is the source of all our power

0:55:040:55:08

# The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see

0:55:080:55:11

# Are moving at a million miles a day

0:55:110:55:15

# In an outer spiral arm at half a million miles an hour

0:55:150:55:20

# In a galaxy they call the Milky Way

0:55:200:55:24

-CHOIR:

-# Ah ah ah

0:55:240:55:28

-CHOIR:

-# Ah-ah

0:55:280:55:31

-STEPHEN HAWKING:

-# Our galaxy itself contains 500 billion stars

0:55:310:55:35

# It's 100,000 light years side to side

0:55:350:55:39

# It bulges in the middle 6,000 light years thick

0:55:390:55:43

# But by us it's just 1,000 light years wide

0:55:430:55:47

# We're 30,000 light years from galactic central point

0:55:470:55:51

# We go round every 200 million years

0:55:510:55:55

# And our galaxy is only one of millions and billions

0:55:550:55:59

# In this amazing, expanding universe

0:55:590:56:02

-CHOIR:

-# Ah ah ah

0:56:020:56:05

-CHOIR:

-# Ah ah ah ah

0:56:190:56:22

# Ah ah ah

0:56:220:56:27

# Ah ah ah-ah

0:56:270:56:31

# Ah ah ah ah-ah

0:56:310:56:35

-ROBIN, JONTY AND IAN:

-# The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding

0:56:350:56:39

# In all of the directions it can whizz

0:56:390:56:43

# As fast as it can go At the speed of light, you know

0:56:430:56:47

# 12 million miles a minute That's the fastest speed there is

0:56:470:56:51

# So remember when you're feeling very small and insecure

0:56:510:56:55

# How amazingly unlikely is your birth

0:56:550:56:59

# And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere out in space

0:56:590:57:04

-ALL:

-# Cos there's bugger-all down here on Earth! #

0:57:040:57:14

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:57:140:57:18

The Entire Universe was brought to you by Rutland Weekend Television,

0:57:270:57:32

with John Du Prez and the Rutland Light Orchestra...

0:57:320:57:36

..with the Muriel Tritt School Of Music And Dance Ensemble...

0:57:380:57:41

CHEERING

0:57:410:57:44

..with Arlene Phillips as Muriel Tritt...

0:57:440:57:47

CHEERING

0:57:470:57:50

..special guest star Tim Peake...

0:57:500:57:53

CHEERING

0:57:530:57:55

..Jonty Stephens and Ian Ashpitel as Morecambe and Wise...

0:57:580:58:02

CHEERING

0:58:020:58:04

..Robin Ince as Robin Ince...

0:58:040:58:07

CHEERING

0:58:070:58:09

..Hannah Waddingham...

0:58:090:58:11

CHEERING

0:58:110:58:14

..Noel Fielding...

0:58:140:58:16

CHEERING

0:58:160:58:18

..Warwick Davis...

0:58:180:58:20

CHEERING

0:58:200:58:22

..Eric Idle...

0:58:220:58:23

CHEERING

0:58:230:58:25

..and Professor Brian Cox.

0:58:250:58:27

CHEERING

0:58:270:58:29

Please join us again in another 41 years,

0:58:310:58:35

for another Rutland Weekend TV show.

0:58:350:58:38

Thank you and good night.

0:58:380:58:40

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:58:400:58:43

Eric Idle persuades Professor Brian Cox to present a lecture on the birth of the entire universe. Brian soon realises Eric is actually hosting a comedy and musical extravaganza with the help of Warwick Davis, Noel Fielding, Hannah Waddingham and Robin Ince, alongside a chorus of singers and dancers.