Colli Dad, Siarad am Hynna

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-Subtitles	0:00:00	0:00:00
-Subtitles - -Subtitles	0:00:00	0:00:02
-MELANCHOLIC MUSIC	0:00:07	0:00:09
-ROTOR BLADES WHIR	0:00:21	0:00:23
-NOISE BUILDS	0:00:29	0:00:31
-SILENCE	0:00:33	0:00:35
-There's a silent epidemic on -the increase across the world.	0:00:39	0:00:43
-In Wales, it kills somebody -almost every day...	0:00:44	0:00:48
-..but we don't talk about that.	0:00:48	0:00:51
-It's the primary cause of death -among men under the age of 50.	0:00:54	0:00:58
-It kills more people than cancer, -heart disease and road accidents...	0:00:58	0:01:03
-..but we don't talk about that.	0:01:03	0:01:06
-For some reason, -it affects more men than women...	0:01:07	0:01:12
-..but we don't talk about that.	0:01:12	0:01:15
-I'm Stephen Hughes.	0:01:16	0:01:18
-I'm on my way to my family home...	0:01:18	0:01:21
-..to discuss something -I never thought would affect us...	0:01:21	0:01:25
-..and I need to talk about that.	0:01:25	0:01:28
-This is Elfed Hughes.	0:01:32	0:01:34
-Some call him Elfed Bwchanan.	0:01:34	0:01:37
-But I call him Dad.	0:01:38	0:01:40
-On September the 18th, 2015...	0:01:48	0:01:50
-..following a spell at -the Hergest Mental Health Unit...	0:01:50	0:01:54
-..Dad died.	0:01:54	0:01:56
-Aged 56, he hanged himself -on the farm.	0:02:00	0:02:04
-At home.	0:02:04	0:02:06
-'Losing Dad'	0:02:11	0:02:14
-'Talking about THAT'	0:02:15	0:02:19
-I now live in Cardiff -but Bwchanan is home.	0:02:29	0:02:34
-It's almost two years -since that happened...	0:02:42	0:02:46
-..leaving a huge void in our lives.	0:02:47	0:02:49
-At this time, lambing season, -Dad would be in his element.	0:02:52	0:02:56
-Full of life, barking orders, -and having fun.	0:02:56	0:03:01
-He loved the busy life of the farm.	0:03:04	0:03:06
-He'd be the last person -you'd expect to kill himself.	0:03:07	0:03:11
-I'm the eldest of three brothers.	0:03:13	0:03:16
-Sion's a local carpenter -and helps on the farm.	0:03:16	0:03:20
-But Geraint, my youngest brother...	0:03:21	0:03:24
-..has had to take the reins -since Dad died.	0:03:24	0:03:27
-Mam has always been -a farmer's wife.	0:03:29	0:03:33
-After Dad died, -I had professional counselling.	0:03:36	0:03:40
-I've learned how important it is -to talk about your feelings.	0:03:40	0:03:44
-Mam, Sion and Geraint -are very private people...	0:03:45	0:03:49
-..and talking about that -is too difficult...	0:03:49	0:03:52
-..so I'm going to talk to the other -people who were close to Dad.	0:03:52	0:03:57
-His friends and family -who loved him.	0:03:57	0:04:00
-I want to understand why we find it -so difficult to talk about suicide.	0:04:02	0:04:07
-I feel quite nervous -about what I'm doing.	0:04:10	0:04:14
-Erm, I...	0:04:14	0:04:16
-I sometimes think I'm making people -or asking people to do something...	0:04:18	0:04:22
-..they don't want to.	0:04:22	0:04:24
-I'm asking them to talk about -the fact...	0:04:24	0:04:26
-..they don't like talking -about something, which is odd.	0:04:26	0:04:30
-Erm, it's also a very emotional -experience.	0:04:30	0:04:33
-I'm aware that...	0:04:33	0:04:35
-Yes, it hurts me -that we have to do this.	0:04:36	0:04:40
-It's opening an old wound -for friends and family, but...	0:04:41	0:04:46
-..I know that what I'm doing -is right.	0:04:47	0:04:50
-Because if it prevents -just one family...	0:04:50	0:04:53
-..having to face -what we're facing...	0:04:53	0:04:56
-..I think it's worth doing.	0:04:56	0:04:59
-It's important -and so it's worth doing.	0:04:59	0:05:02
-It's going to be difficult...	0:05:02	0:05:04
-..and I sometimes wonder whether -this is the best way to do things.	0:05:04	0:05:08
-Hopefully, if people see this -and think...	0:05:09	0:05:13
-..I'll talk about how I feel -rather than hide it...	0:05:17	0:05:22
-..and they understand what -the consequences can be...	0:05:22	0:05:26
-..or the consequences...	0:05:26	0:05:28
-..of killing yourself.	0:05:29	0:05:31
-'Colleague.'	0:05:40	0:05:43
-'Friend.'	0:05:43	0:05:46
-I never thought he would -take his own life.	0:05:48	0:05:52
-No.	0:05:52	0:05:53
-I was hoping he would get better.	0:05:53	0:05:57
-And he didn't.	0:05:57	0:05:59
-Ger Twm was at our sides -throughout the illness...	0:06:03	0:06:07
-..including the dark day -when we took Dad...	0:06:07	0:06:10
-..to Hergest Mental Health Unit.	0:06:10	0:06:13
-They've both been friends -as long as I can remember.	0:06:14	0:06:18
-I was with him every Saturday -for 23 years.	0:06:19	0:06:22
-Every Saturday?	0:06:22	0:06:23
-Every Saturday? - -Every Saturday and every holiday.	0:06:23	0:06:26
-There were no holidays, -were there?	0:06:26	0:06:29
-That's the way it was.	0:06:29	0:06:31
-That's the way it was. - -But...	0:06:31	0:06:32
-..something went wrong.	0:06:32	0:06:34
-Yes, something went wrong, Stephen. -What it was, I don't know.	0:06:34	0:06:38
-If your father could suffer, -anyone can.	0:06:39	0:06:43
-Isn't it?	0:06:43	0:06:45
-That's what I think.	0:06:45	0:06:47
-It's a very thin line, isn't it?	0:06:47	0:06:49
-Very thin.	0:06:49	0:06:51
-And we saw that.	0:06:51	0:06:53
-And we saw that. - -We saw that.	0:06:53	0:06:54
-And the line broke, didn't it?	0:06:54	0:06:57
-He was angry with me.	0:06:58	0:06:59
-He was angry with me. - -I know.	0:06:59	0:07:01
-I remember taking him and he said, -"You shouldn't have brought me."	0:07:01	0:07:06
-To Hergest.	0:07:06	0:07:08
-Yes, Hergest. He hated the place, -didn't he?	0:07:08	0:07:11
-Yes.	0:07:11	0:07:13
-I saw Dad with an obsession -about the shame.	0:07:13	0:07:16
-Yes. With mental health, -there's a stigma, isn't there?	0:07:16	0:07:20
-Yes, but...	0:07:21	0:07:23
-You know, we...	0:07:23	0:07:25
-He was a man, for one thing, -and a man...	0:07:25	0:07:29
-..a proud and respectable man.	0:07:29	0:07:31
-I'm sure a person like him -with a mental illness...	0:07:31	0:07:35
-..didn't belong in a place -like that.	0:07:35	0:07:38
-No, he didn't think so.	0:07:38	0:07:40
-He didn't, did he?	0:07:40	0:07:42
-He didn't, did he? - -But...	0:07:42	0:07:43
-I sometimes think...	0:07:43	0:07:45
-..and I haven't discussed this -with lots of people...	0:07:45	0:07:49
-..but the fact that he felt -so ashamed...	0:07:49	0:07:51
-..was one of the reasons -he killed himself.	0:07:51	0:07:54
-I'm sure he'd reached the end -of his tether...	0:07:54	0:07:58
-..and he couldn't see himself -getting better, in a way.	0:07:58	0:08:01
-That's what it was.	0:08:01	0:08:03
-Yeah.	0:08:04	0:08:05
-I don't know, Stephen.	0:08:05	0:08:07
-It's...	0:08:07	0:08:09
-There are questions that we -can't answer, aren't there?	0:08:09	0:08:13
-Yes.	0:08:13	0:08:14
-No, it's a real pity.	0:08:14	0:08:17
-One of the questions I had -for someone like Geraint...	0:08:38	0:08:41
-..from the same generation as Dad, -a good friend...	0:08:41	0:08:44
-..born and raised in this area...	0:08:44	0:08:47
-..why do some people -find it difficult...	0:08:47	0:08:50
-..to talk about the way they feel?	0:08:50	0:08:53
-And he made me realize, -from Dad's perspective...	0:08:54	0:08:58
-..that he felt ashamed and found -it difficult to admit he was ill.	0:08:58	0:09:03
-I hadn't thought about that before.	0:09:03	0:09:06
-And maybe I can be too critical.	0:09:07	0:09:09
-When Dad was ill, I'd say, "I don't -understand why you feel ashamed...	0:09:09	0:09:13
-.."I don't understand that."	0:09:13	0:09:16
-Maybe I was at fault for not trying -to be a bit more understanding.	0:09:16	0:09:20
-I was aware that he felt ashamed -and that he felt the stigma...	0:09:20	0:09:25
-..but I couldn't understand why...	0:09:25	0:09:28
-..because I don't see it myself.	0:09:28	0:09:31
-But as Geraint said...	0:09:31	0:09:34
-..I wouldn't feel ashamed -going to Hergest now...	0:09:34	0:09:38
-..but I don't know how I'd feel -if I was suffering like Dad...	0:09:38	0:09:43
-..because he was suffering.	0:09:43	0:09:45
-I never want to suffer like that.	0:09:45	0:09:48
-And because we haven't -suffered ourselves...	0:09:49	0:09:52
-..maybe it's difficult to imagine -what Dad was going through.	0:09:52	0:09:56
-So, I have benefited, and...	0:09:57	0:10:00
-..moving forward, I hope I benefit -from talking to other people too.	0:10:00	0:10:04
-.	0:10:09	0:10:10
-Subtitles	0:10:12	0:10:12
-Subtitles - -Subtitles	0:10:12	0:10:14
-MELANCHOLIC MUSIC	0:10:16	0:10:18
-Dad was a very amiable man.	0:10:34	0:10:37
-I can't think of anyone nicer.	0:10:37	0:10:40
-He enjoyed life, -he enjoyed laughing.	0:10:41	0:10:44
-He could talk to anyone.	0:10:44	0:10:47
-Erm, if you were in -a sociable group of people...	0:10:47	0:10:52
-..he would be leading the fun -and laughter.	0:10:53	0:10:57
-He had his own chair -that he liked to sit in.	0:11:10	0:11:14
-He didn't like it if someone -sat in his seat.	0:11:15	0:11:20
-That would irritate him.	0:11:20	0:11:23
-And, strangely, -the night of his funeral...	0:11:25	0:11:28
-..his friends came here -to celebrate his life...	0:11:28	0:11:31
-..and to remember him and they -put a glass of whisky...	0:11:31	0:11:35
-..on the table where Dad used -to sit and a 'Reserved' sign.	0:11:35	0:11:39
-Erm, I think that was a wonderful -tribute to him.	0:11:40	0:11:44
-He would have loved to have walked -in and drunk the whisky that night.	0:11:45	0:11:49
-And just to see what people -thought of him.	0:11:51	0:11:54
-The irony, of course, -is that Dad loved coming here.	0:11:55	0:11:59
-But when he became ill, -he didn't want to come here.	0:11:59	0:12:02
-That's ironic, considering -how much he enjoyed coming here.	0:12:04	0:12:07
-But he felt ashamed, he didn't want -to show people that he was ill...	0:12:08	0:12:12
-..he didn't want his friends -to see him in that state.	0:12:12	0:12:16
-And after years of having fun...	0:12:16	0:12:18
-..sometimes it was hard to -get him out of here...	0:12:18	0:12:21
-..and then it was hard to make him -come here, and that was strange.	0:12:21	0:12:25
-Dad was a successful farmer -and left a number of farms.	0:12:47	0:12:52
-It's lambing season at the moment -and everyone's shattered.	0:12:54	0:12:58
-But Geraint shoulders -the biggest burden.	0:12:59	0:13:02
-Around six months after Dad died, -Ger's best friend...	0:13:04	0:13:08
-..who supported him after we -lost Dad, also killed himself.	0:13:08	0:13:13
-He's another of many -in this small community...	0:13:15	0:13:18
-..who have killed themselves -over the last few years.	0:13:18	0:13:21
-Suicide is rife in communities -across the country...	0:13:22	0:13:26
-..and we find it so difficult -to talk about that.	0:13:27	0:13:30
-'Nephew.'	0:13:42	0:13:44
-'Shepherd.'	0:13:45	0:13:47
-'Friend.'	0:13:48	0:13:52
-I remember getting a phone call -on the day...	0:13:54	0:13:58
-..saying there was an air ambulance -and an ambulance outside Bwchanan.	0:13:58	0:14:03
-Erm, alarm bells started ringing -straight away.	0:14:03	0:14:07
-I knew Elfed wasn't well.	0:14:07	0:14:09
-And she phoned back to say that -Elfed had tried to kill himself.	0:14:10	0:14:16
-And that the paramedics were -working on him at the time.	0:14:18	0:14:21
-She didn't know any more.	0:14:22	0:14:23
-But... I knew.	0:14:24	0:14:26
-Sorry.	0:14:35	0:14:37
-Before a lambing night shift, -which he'd do with Dad...	0:14:51	0:14:56
-..Richard and I have a chat -about that.	0:14:56	0:14:59
-We're sitting in the caravan -tonight...	0:15:01	0:15:04
-..this is what Dad loved to do, -isn't it?	0:15:04	0:15:07
-Yes.	0:15:07	0:15:09
-This is where he'd sit, -in this corner.	0:15:09	0:15:11
-He asked me to pass him everything -to avoid getting up.	0:15:12	0:15:15
-Yes, he sat in the corner knowing -people would have to move for him.	0:15:16	0:15:20
-You had to move -to allow him to move.	0:15:21	0:15:23
-"Don't be long."	0:15:24	0:15:26
-"Don't be long."	0:15:26	0:15:28
-I have days when I do struggle and -then the next day's OK and then...	0:15:29	0:15:33
-Yeah, yeah.	0:15:34	0:15:35
-You're not the only one.	0:15:35	0:15:37
-How do you...	0:15:39	0:15:40
-How do you even try to, -not just understand, but...	0:15:43	0:15:48
-..because of what he did, it's -impossible to accept, isn't it?	0:15:48	0:15:52
-Yes. Erm, if someone...	0:15:53	0:15:55
-..had called to say Elfed had died -of a heart attack or something...	0:15:55	0:15:59
-..I'd understand.	0:15:59	0:16:01
-I would have understood that. -Working so hard.	0:16:01	0:16:04
-Working so hard.	0:16:04	0:16:06
-But the phone call -saying what had happened...	0:16:06	0:16:10
-..I don't know, it's...	0:16:11	0:16:13
-..hard to accept.	0:16:14	0:16:16
-I remember the day after he died, -I was on the farm...	0:16:18	0:16:21
-..and there must have been -around 60 people here...	0:16:21	0:16:25
-..and I remember thinking, wow, -you won't get this anywhere else.	0:16:25	0:16:29
-It shows how popular he was.	0:16:29	0:16:31
-Yes. And then the day -of his funeral.	0:16:32	0:16:34
-How many were there? About 800?	0:16:35	0:16:37
-I think so. Think about that.	0:16:37	0:16:39
-Yes.	0:16:40	0:16:41
-Incredible.	0:16:41	0:16:43
-We were in The Ring earlier. -Dad loved going there.	0:16:44	0:16:47
-That was the highlight of his day.	0:16:47	0:16:49
-It was.	0:16:50	0:16:51
-The Ring is a welcoming place. -Everyone is so...	0:16:52	0:16:55
-Goodness, yes, -Everyone knows each other.	0:16:55	0:16:58
-They look after each other.	0:16:58	0:17:00
-And yet farming is such -a lonely way of life.	0:17:00	0:17:05
-They go there to discuss -the things they've done...	0:17:05	0:17:09
-..but men don't discuss -their feelings.	0:17:09	0:17:12
-I don't think that's the case.	0:17:12	0:17:14
-You go to The Ring to switch off.	0:17:15	0:17:17
-You didn't talk about work -or the farm in The Ring.	0:17:18	0:17:22
-It was just lots of laughter -and leg pulling.	0:17:22	0:17:25
-That's what I always thought.	0:17:25	0:17:28
-I've never thought about it -like that.	0:17:28	0:17:31
-When I go to the pub I talk about, -I don't know...	0:17:31	0:17:35
-..my next holiday...	0:17:35	0:17:37
-..my next holiday... - -Yes.	0:17:37	0:17:38
-..or the Six Nations.	0:17:39	0:17:40
-..or the Six Nations. - -Yes, it's completely different.	0:17:40	0:17:42
-The Ring was the same. -You went to switch off.	0:17:43	0:17:46
-And lots of laughter.	0:17:46	0:17:48
-Yeah.	0:17:48	0:17:49
-And leg pulling.	0:17:51	0:17:52
-No-one enjoyed that more than him.	0:17:52	0:17:55
-No-one enjoyed that more than him. - -No.	0:17:55	0:17:56
-Blimey.	0:17:58	0:18:00
-I'll tell you one thing, -it's very strange without him.	0:18:01	0:18:04
-Mm. And sitting in this caravan -is strange too.	0:18:05	0:18:08
-We had chips on weekends.	0:18:08	0:18:10
-It's just not the same.	0:18:13	0:18:14
-Are you alright?	0:18:26	0:18:28
-Are you alright? - -Yes.	0:18:28	0:18:29
-Do you know what though, Steve...	0:18:44	0:18:47
-..he made me laugh.	0:18:47	0:18:49
-There was a time -I never thought I'd cry.	0:18:52	0:18:56
-No, but he wouldn't want that.	0:19:00	0:19:02
-He'd be angry with you now.	0:19:04	0:19:06
-"Get on with it."	0:19:08	0:19:10
-"Get up. -Those sheep need tending to."	0:19:10	0:19:13
-"Strap a pair on."	0:19:13	0:19:15
-Yeah. Yeah.	0:19:16	0:19:18
-Goodness me.	0:19:18	0:19:20
-Do you know what, -I've never seen so many men cry.	0:19:20	0:19:23
-I think...	0:19:24	0:19:25
-..although it's tragic and sad, -it's a good thing.	0:19:26	0:19:29
-Yes, I'm sure a lot more have -than you think.	0:19:31	0:19:34
-Mm.	0:19:34	0:19:35
-That might be it.	0:19:36	0:19:38
-People just don't want to show it.	0:19:38	0:19:41
-They don't.	0:19:41	0:19:42
-And yet I think I like to show -my emotions...	0:19:43	0:19:46
-..but I don't like crying -in front of other people.	0:19:47	0:19:50
-I'll cry in front of Mam or...	0:19:50	0:19:52
-Yes, and we're all the same. -We just don't do it...	0:19:52	0:19:56
-Because maybe showing too much -emotion, or you think...	0:19:56	0:19:59
-..showing too much emotion -makes you weak but it doesn't.	0:20:00	0:20:03
-It shows that you're...	0:20:03	0:20:05
-That you're human.	0:20:06	0:20:08
-Goodness me.	0:20:11	0:20:13
-MELANCHOLIC MUSIC	0:20:14	0:20:16
-What Richard said about people -not going to the pub...	0:20:30	0:20:33
-..to talk about their problems -or their work...	0:20:33	0:20:37
-..they just go to have fun, -I thought, yes.	0:20:38	0:20:40
-When I go to the pub -with my friends...	0:20:41	0:20:43
-..or go for a coffee -with a friend...	0:20:44	0:20:46
-..I don't go to discuss -the problems of this world...	0:20:46	0:20:50
-..or work -or how I feel emotionally...	0:20:50	0:20:53
-..I go to socialize.	0:20:54	0:20:56
-Are rural communities...	0:20:56	0:20:58
-..despite being -such tight-knit communities...	0:20:59	0:21:02
-..and how valuable they are...	0:21:02	0:21:05
-..are communities like that -less prepared to talk openly...	0:21:05	0:21:10
-..about their feelings?	0:21:10	0:21:12
-My brother Sion -has been pretty adamant...	0:21:13	0:21:16
-..that he didn't want to -take part...	0:21:16	0:21:18
-..which is fair enough.	0:21:19	0:21:20
-I've accepted that because he -finds it very hard to discuss.	0:21:21	0:21:25
-But he decided... he suggested -tonight that he's been thinking...	0:21:25	0:21:30
-..about what he'd like to say -about what happened and that...	0:21:31	0:21:35
-..it surprised me in a good way.	0:21:36	0:21:38
-Erm...	0:21:39	0:21:40
-..maybe we see that there's -something positive...	0:21:40	0:21:45
-..and a good reason for doing it.	0:21:45	0:21:47
-.	0:21:53	0:21:54
-Subtitles	0:21:56	0:21:56
-Subtitles - -Subtitles	0:21:56	0:21:58
-MELANCHOLIC MUSIC	0:22:00	0:22:02
-90% of the people -who kill themselves...	0:22:17	0:22:19
-..suffer from a mental health -problem of some kind.	0:22:20	0:22:23
-It doesn't care about age, race -or background.	0:22:23	0:22:27
-It can affect anybody -in any situation.	0:22:27	0:22:30
-But the figures show that -there's a higher risk of suicide...	0:22:33	0:22:36
-..in rural areas.	0:22:37	0:22:38
-'Niece.'	0:22:52	0:22:54
-'Friend.'	0:22:55	0:22:59
-I remember walking through -the door of the bungalow.	0:23:01	0:23:04
-Mam was looking out of the window.	0:23:04	0:23:06
-She turned around and said -that Elfed had killed himself.	0:23:07	0:23:10
-It was just shock. -I remember saying, "Is he dead?"	0:23:10	0:23:13
-What a silly question.	0:23:13	0:23:15
-I just couldn't believe it -and it was surreal, to be honest.	0:23:15	0:23:19
-I never thought he would do that.	0:23:19	0:23:22
-Although the signs were there, -I never thought he would.	0:23:22	0:23:27
-I couldn't believe that he'd gone.	0:23:27	0:23:30
-A farm girl -and now a farmer's wife...	0:23:34	0:23:37
-..no-one knows this community -better than Ann.	0:23:37	0:23:40
-You knew Dad.	0:23:44	0:23:46
-Oh, gosh, yes. -We were really good mates.	0:23:46	0:23:49
-He was a strong character, -wasn't he?	0:23:50	0:23:52
-Enthusiastic, full of confidence.	0:23:52	0:23:55
-I think he saw what was happening -to him as a sign of weakness.	0:23:55	0:23:59
-I remember coming to Bwchanan. -Mam said Elfed wasn't well.	0:24:00	0:24:03
-I'd been to an appointment -and stopped at Bwchanan...	0:24:03	0:24:06
-..and spoke to your mother.	0:24:07	0:24:09
-He came to the house -and it frightened me.	0:24:09	0:24:11
-He was turning in circles -around the working tops.	0:24:12	0:24:15
-He didn't know what to do -and he couldn't make decisions.	0:24:15	0:24:19
-Everything was wrong. -Everything was against him.	0:24:19	0:24:22
-He was a shadow of the character -he used to be.	0:24:22	0:24:25
-He looked at me... -I was welling up.	0:24:25	0:24:28
-He said, "You want to cry, -don't you?" I said, "Yes."	0:24:28	0:24:32
-He apologized and thanked us -for being so nice to him.	0:24:32	0:24:35
-"You're nice to me. -Why are you so nice to me?"	0:24:35	0:24:38
-He couldn't understand.	0:24:39	0:24:40
-He put his hand on my shoulder and -said, "We were mates, weren't we?"	0:24:41	0:24:45
-You know, in the past tense, -"We were mates."	0:24:45	0:24:48
-"We are mates. You'll get better."	0:24:48	0:24:51
-And we pleaded with him -to go to Bangor.	0:24:51	0:24:54
-And we promised him, "They'll help -you. They'll make you better."	0:24:55	0:24:58
-You know...	0:24:59	0:25:00
-You feel that guilt, don't you, -that you pleaded and promised...	0:25:00	0:25:05
-..and then... -you know what happened.	0:25:06	0:25:09
-We tried hard, didn't we?	0:25:11	0:25:13
-You did everything you could, -didn't you?	0:25:13	0:25:16
-That's the thing.	0:25:16	0:25:18
-And, you know, the way he was at -home, it was affecting everyone.	0:25:18	0:25:23
-Yes. We'd reached a point where...	0:25:23	0:25:25
-We didn't make the decision to -take him to Bangor lightly.	0:25:27	0:25:30
-It was the right thing to do.	0:25:30	0:25:32
-It was the right thing to do. - -Definitely. It was.	0:25:32	0:25:34
-But it was such a big deal -for us all.	0:25:34	0:25:37
-Goodness, yes.	0:25:38	0:25:39
-Because...	0:25:40	0:25:41
-I remember the first time -we took him, the doctor said...	0:25:41	0:25:45
-..we had to leave him there and Mam -and I said, no, we'd take him home.	0:25:45	0:25:49
-But we knew he really -needed to be there.	0:25:49	0:25:52
-We still brought him home -because we also knew...	0:25:52	0:25:55
-I'm part of the stigma, aren't I?	0:25:55	0:25:58
-I played my part in it.	0:25:58	0:26:00
-The thing I regret about Hergest -is that we didn't take him sooner.	0:26:01	0:26:05
-We held back so much.	0:26:05	0:26:07
-You wanted to help him.	0:26:07	0:26:09
-But we didn't understand it. That's -the thing. A lack of awareness.	0:26:09	0:26:14
-And it's a big step -to take someone to Hergest.	0:26:14	0:26:17
-You're afraid, I think.	0:26:17	0:26:19
-You don't know what to expect -the first time...	0:26:20	0:26:23
-..and you are afraid because you -don't know what you'll face.	0:26:23	0:26:27
-You could see him looking, -thinking, "Am I like that?"	0:26:28	0:26:31
-Yeah.	0:26:31	0:26:33
-That was quite tragic to watch, -wasn't it?	0:26:33	0:26:37
-What sort of community -do you think this is?	0:26:39	0:26:42
-I see a close-knit community...	0:26:43	0:26:45
-..but when it comes to talking -about issues...	0:26:46	0:26:49
-Like this.	0:26:49	0:26:50
-..they'd tell each other -to pull themselves together.	0:26:51	0:26:54
-Men who are farmers don't usually -talk about their feelings.	0:26:54	0:26:58
-They don't talk at all, do they? -Not about their feelings.	0:26:58	0:27:02
-Sion and Ger don't know whether -they'll be able to...	0:27:02	0:27:05
-..do anything with me.	0:27:06	0:27:07
-I respect that. I understand.	0:27:08	0:27:10
-You know, it's difficult.	0:27:10	0:27:12
-I find it difficult.	0:27:13	0:27:15
-If you address the issue -with any farmer...	0:27:15	0:27:18
-..you'd see the fear in their eyes -having to talk about it.	0:27:18	0:27:21
-Again, like Dad.	0:27:22	0:27:23
-Which is sad, isn't it?	0:27:25	0:27:27
-You're not weak if you feel low.	0:27:28	0:27:30
-You're just ill.	0:27:30	0:27:32
-Yes, that's the perception, -that you're weak.	0:27:32	0:27:35
-But it's not weakness, is it?	0:27:36	0:27:38
-It's an illness.	0:27:39	0:27:40
-We might have held on too long -with Dad...	0:27:54	0:27:57
-..because of the stigma -of going to get help.	0:27:57	0:28:01
-Erm...	0:28:01	0:28:03
-..that was a huge mistake -on our part.	0:28:03	0:28:06
-We didn't know what to do, -how to deal with it...	0:28:08	0:28:12
-..what to do with him, -how to deal with him.	0:28:12	0:28:15
-There are specialists who do know -what to do.	0:28:15	0:28:18
-They can try to help.	0:28:19	0:28:21
-'The GP.'	0:28:30	0:28:32
-'Friend.'	0:28:33	0:28:35
-Dad's illness came from nowhere, -changing his behaviour completely.	0:28:38	0:28:42
-But mental health is different -for everyone...	0:28:43	0:28:46
-..and too often people are afraid -to ask for help...	0:28:46	0:28:49
-..until it's too late.	0:28:49	0:28:51
-75% of people who have -killed themselves...	0:28:53	0:28:56
-..they don't see a doctor during -the year leading up to it.	0:28:56	0:29:00
-They think one of the reasons for -that is that they have a stigma...	0:29:00	0:29:04
-..against their own illness, -if you understand what I'm saying.	0:29:04	0:29:08
-You're looking at the high-risk -groups like middle-aged men...	0:29:08	0:29:12
-..older men, one of the reasons -suicide is far higher among them...	0:29:13	0:29:17
-..is that they feel too ashamed to -see a doctor or tell their family.	0:29:17	0:29:21
-And if someone can tell these -people, tell your partner...	0:29:22	0:29:26
-..tell your friend, come and see -your GP, because there is support.	0:29:27	0:29:31
-It's odd because if you had cancer -or some sort of visible illness...	0:29:32	0:29:37
-..you wouldn't think twice -before trying to seek treatment.	0:29:37	0:29:41
-I say this almost every day -to a patient with depression.	0:29:42	0:29:45
-They say, "I don't want it -on my doctor's papers.	0:29:45	0:29:48
-"I don't want tablets in case the -pharmacist sees I have depression."	0:29:49	0:29:53
-I say, "If you had asthma, -would you feel ashamed?	0:29:54	0:29:57
-"If you had diabetes, -would you feel ashamed?"	0:29:57	0:30:00
-Mental health is like -every other illness.	0:30:00	0:30:03
-There's a chemical change -in the brain...	0:30:03	0:30:06
-..just like a chemical change -in the lungs for asthma...	0:30:06	0:30:09
-..or the pancreas for diabetes. -There's no difference.	0:30:09	0:30:13
-That's the important thing. -There is help out there.	0:30:13	0:30:16
-Things are never as bleak -as they seem.	0:30:17	0:30:20
-Erm...	0:30:21	0:30:22
-..but you can't help anyone unless -they come and ask for that help.	0:30:23	0:30:27
-And it's so simple, in a way, -to talk about it.	0:30:29	0:30:31
-Talk.	0:30:32	0:30:33
-A problem seems so extreme -at two o'clock in the morning...	0:30:33	0:30:38
-..when you can't sleep.	0:30:39	0:30:40
-But if you discuss it -with a professional...	0:30:41	0:30:43
-..and go through things, -it might not be a problem.	0:30:44	0:30:47
-It's the way you look at -the problem that's damaging.	0:30:47	0:30:51
-The problem itself -can be relatively small.	0:30:51	0:30:54
-But without the support, without -opening up, we won't get anywhere.	0:30:55	0:30:59
-Market day.	0:31:32	0:31:33
-This is a rare opportunity -for farmers to socialize...	0:31:34	0:31:38
-..to have a quick chat, -during their busy lives.	0:31:38	0:31:43
-And...	0:31:44	0:31:45
-..this is the community that Dad, -these are the people that Dad...	0:31:45	0:31:49
-..this is the kind of person -Dad was.	0:31:50	0:31:52
-A lot of them knew about someone -who was suffering, had suffered...	0:31:57	0:32:01
-..and a lot of them knew someone -who had killed themselves.	0:32:01	0:32:06
-Farmers, some of the them -were young like Dad.	0:32:06	0:32:10
-And they all asked why.	0:32:11	0:32:13
-Hello. How are you?	0:32:17	0:32:19
-What are you doing?	0:32:20	0:32:22
-A programme about losing Dad...	0:32:22	0:32:24
-..and asking why there's a stigma -around mental health...	0:32:25	0:32:28
-..and a sense of shame about it.	0:32:29	0:32:31
-That's what we're doing. -Are you keeping well?	0:32:31	0:32:34
-Yes, very well, thank you.	0:32:34	0:32:36
-We're trying to break the stigma...	0:32:36	0:32:38
-..and why Dad felt ashamed -about it.	0:32:40	0:32:43
-This is a chance for people -to talk.	0:32:43	0:32:45
-You don't see anyone all week. -You get to socialize and talk.	0:32:46	0:32:49
-It's important.	0:32:50	0:32:51
-It is important. You go home -and don't see anyone all day.	0:32:51	0:32:55
-Or tomorrow or the day after.	0:32:56	0:32:58
-That's the problem with this -industry. It's a lonely life.	0:32:58	0:33:01
-It is.	0:33:02	0:33:03
-Why are men...	0:33:17	0:33:18
-..of a certain age...	0:33:20	0:33:22
-..increasingly bringing -their lives to an end?	0:33:22	0:33:25
-It kills more people than cancer.	0:33:25	0:33:28
-It kills more people -than road accidents.	0:33:28	0:33:31
-And the only thing I can think of -is that men in general...	0:33:31	0:33:37
-..are less likely to talk -about their feelings.	0:33:37	0:33:40
-Is talking about your feelings -less macho...	0:33:40	0:33:43
-..to some people?	0:33:44	0:33:45
-They obviously think that's true.	0:33:46	0:33:48
-A group of farmers today -discussed mental health.	0:33:53	0:33:56
-They touched on the subject -but I know mental health...	0:33:56	0:34:02
-..would not have been discussed -if I wasn't here.	0:34:02	0:34:06
-Everyone I spoke to was prepared -to talk about it...	0:34:06	0:34:11
-..and that has to be -something positive.	0:34:11	0:34:14
-.	0:34:26	0:34:27
-Subtitles	0:34:29	0:34:29
-Subtitles - -Subtitles	0:34:29	0:34:31
-MELANCHOLIC MUSIC	0:34:33	0:34:35
-I'm feeling quite emotional -this morning.	0:34:51	0:34:54
-We have...	0:35:11	0:35:12
-..days which are more difficult -than others...	0:35:13	0:35:15
-..and today, for some reason, -feels hard.	0:35:16	0:35:18
-He loved life...	0:35:25	0:35:27
-..he loved the community, -he loved his family.	0:35:27	0:35:31
-That he then decided, -as a result of his illness...	0:35:35	0:35:39
-..his illness forced him -to end it all...	0:35:39	0:35:42
-..is something that we find -very difficult to accept...	0:35:46	0:35:49
-..and to deal with.	0:35:49	0:35:51
-This is where we were raised...	0:35:53	0:35:56
-..this is where Dad worked...	0:35:57	0:36:00
-..and yet this is where Dad died...	0:36:00	0:36:02
-..in the most terrible way possible -for us.	0:36:02	0:36:06
-And...	0:36:07	0:36:09
-..that's...	0:36:09	0:36:11
-We have to face that every day -as well.	0:36:11	0:36:14
-Tomorrow, I'll escape -back to Cardiff.	0:36:23	0:36:25
-Somehow, all the talk about -talking over the last few days...	0:36:27	0:36:31
-..has influenced my brothers.	0:36:31	0:36:33
-Sion and Geraint have agreed -to talk with me later tonight...	0:36:33	0:36:37
-..about Dad's suicide.	0:36:37	0:36:39
-I've never been -a very religious person...	0:37:08	0:37:11
-..but what's happened has made me -question even more...	0:37:11	0:37:14
-..whether such a thing exists.	0:37:15	0:37:17
-Maybe that's an inappropriate thing -to say within chapel walls...	0:37:17	0:37:21
-..or in a cemetery, but this is -where Dad is now, unfortunately.	0:37:21	0:37:26
-I...	0:37:27	0:37:29
-I have to come here because -there is a strong connection...	0:37:29	0:37:33
-..and this is where other members -of the family are buried.	0:37:34	0:37:37
-This was Dad's family chapel. -This is where Dad was a member...	0:37:37	0:37:41
-..and although he, perhaps, -wasn't an ardent member...	0:37:41	0:37:44
-..it's an important place -in the family's history.	0:37:45	0:37:48
-ROAR OF FIGHTER JET	0:38:22	0:38:24
-Sometimes I want to tell Dad -how angry I am...	0:38:38	0:38:43
-..sometimes, about what he did.	0:38:44	0:38:47
-And then, of course, -I forget about that.	0:38:48	0:38:52
-I'm only angry for short periods, -thank goodness.	0:38:52	0:38:56
-MELANCHOLIC MUSIC	0:38:58	0:39:00
-My intention is to try and prevent -this from happening.	0:39:29	0:39:33
-We obviously won't stop it -completely...	0:39:33	0:39:36
-..but we can reduce -the number of cases.	0:39:36	0:39:39
-To think that, on average, someone -does what Dad did every day.	0:39:39	0:39:44
-The result of that for the family -is having to cope with it...	0:39:45	0:39:49
-..just like we've had to.	0:39:49	0:39:51
-We've had to live with it.	0:39:52	0:39:54
-You have to change the way -you live.	0:39:54	0:39:57
-Family life is just shattered.	0:39:57	0:39:59
-That...	0:40:01	0:40:02
-..isn't right, that isn't right...	0:40:04	0:40:06
-..that a family goes through this -every day in Wales.	0:40:06	0:40:10
-That just can't be right.	0:40:10	0:40:14
-'Sons.'	0:40:23	0:40:25
-'Friends.'	0:40:26	0:40:29
-It was a job today.	0:40:32	0:40:33
-It was a job today. - -It's turned colder today.	0:40:33	0:40:35
-Erm...	0:40:37	0:40:38
-I don't know where to start, -really.	0:40:42	0:40:44
-I know...	0:40:49	0:40:50
-This is hard.	0:40:50	0:40:52
-Erm...	0:40:52	0:40:54
-I never thought you'd talk about -it, to be honest, because...	0:40:58	0:41:02
-I still can't look at a photo -of him or anything.	0:41:02	0:41:05
-We all deal with it differently, -don't we?	0:41:06	0:41:08
-I think it's positive that -you're willing to do this.	0:41:08	0:41:11
-I also appreciate it, -and you, Ger.	0:41:12	0:41:15
-I was very aware that what I wanted -people to do was a big ask.	0:41:15	0:41:20
-It was surprising that people -were willing to do it.	0:41:20	0:41:24
-What also surprised me was...	0:41:24	0:41:27
-..that everyone said, I hope this -is true, they benefitted from it.	0:41:27	0:41:31
-They felt it made a difference -to them.	0:41:31	0:41:34
-I think the reason why people -have opened up is that someone...	0:41:34	0:41:38
-..of Dad's stamp, in a way...	0:41:39	0:41:42
-..a man who'd worked hard...	0:41:42	0:41:45
-..a man who'd done everything, and -he had suffered from this illness.	0:41:45	0:41:49
-Maybe that shocked people -more than anything...	0:41:51	0:41:54
-..and that's why they wanted to...	0:41:54	0:41:57
-The stigma of mental health -is old fashioned nowadays.	0:41:59	0:42:03
-Maybe if you suffered with mental -health issues 50 years ago...	0:42:03	0:42:06
-..it was something to be -ashamed of to some extent.	0:42:07	0:42:10
-I always used to connect -mental health problems...	0:42:10	0:42:14
-..either they were an alcoholic...	0:42:14	0:42:16
-..or they'd come from -a rough family from...	0:42:16	0:42:19
-..from somewhere.	0:42:20	0:42:21
-But for it to happen to an ordinary -man from an ordinary family...	0:42:22	0:42:25
-..just a farmer...	0:42:26	0:42:27
-..just a farmer... - -Who'd worked hard.	0:42:27	0:42:29
-Who'd worked hard -and just lost his mind.	0:42:29	0:42:31
-I thought there was an underlying -issue with everyone at Hergest...	0:42:32	0:42:36
-There isn't.	0:42:36	0:42:37
-There isn't. - -No.	0:42:37	0:42:39
-But we now know that there -isn't any reason for it.	0:42:39	0:42:44
-There's no specific reason.	0:42:44	0:42:46
-What would you tell someone, -a 50-year-old man, a farmer...	0:42:46	0:42:50
-..from Machynlleth suffering -with mental health issues?	0:42:50	0:42:54
-What would you tell him? -Someone similar to Dad.	0:42:54	0:42:57
-A man who isn't likely to talk -to his wife or children.	0:42:59	0:43:02
-What would you tell him today?	0:43:02	0:43:05
-There's no shame in it.	0:43:05	0:43:07
-One thing that sums up -how ill Dad was...	0:43:12	0:43:16
-..you know he'd do anything...	0:43:17	0:43:19
-..for his sheep, his cattle, -his land...	0:43:19	0:43:22
-..and to just leave all that.	0:43:23	0:43:26
-Just to leave it to me -to make a mess of it.	0:43:26	0:43:30
-He must have been so... -I don't know how to say it.	0:43:30	0:43:33
-He was willing to give it all up, -wasn't he?	0:43:33	0:43:37
-Yes.	0:43:37	0:43:38
-I feel the same. A man who enjoyed -life, who enjoyed working...	0:43:38	0:43:43
-..enjoyed everything, and he...	0:43:43	0:43:46
-Yes, he...	0:43:47	0:43:49
-He decided to, -this is an odd term...	0:43:49	0:43:52
-..to give up on everything.	0:43:54	0:43:56
-That shows what this illness -is like...	0:43:56	0:43:58
-..and the desperation of it all.	0:43:59	0:44:01
-The agricultural industry -is a lonely one.	0:44:01	0:44:04
-I didn't realize and I didn't -appreciate until Dad died...	0:44:06	0:44:09
-..how much work there is.	0:44:10	0:44:12
-Farming is much more than -just the farming.	0:44:12	0:44:15
-You've got to run a business.	0:44:16	0:44:18
-You're almost the MD of a company -on your own and it's a lot of work.	0:44:19	0:44:23
-It puts people under pressure.	0:44:23	0:44:25
-Yeah...	0:44:28	0:44:29
-I was 25.... -I was 25 when we lost Dad.	0:44:30	0:44:33
-I had a 600-acre farm -on my hands.	0:44:36	0:44:39
-I often didn't know how much feed -to give the sheep and cows...	0:44:39	0:44:43
-..and how many sheep -should graze per acre.	0:44:43	0:44:46
-He was the one who knew.	0:44:46	0:44:48
-I didn't have a clue what to do, -to some degree.	0:44:48	0:44:51
-I knew how to drive a tractor -and a motorbike.	0:44:51	0:44:54
-It's a tough job.	0:44:57	0:44:58
-I can escape this place.	0:45:12	0:45:14
-You have to do this every day.	0:45:14	0:45:16
-It's not easy, is it?	0:45:18	0:45:20
-No, it isn't.	0:45:20	0:45:22
-But...	0:45:22	0:45:24
-..I think you're doing great work.	0:45:24	0:45:27
-I think you're successful.	0:45:27	0:45:29
-I know Dad would be angry -about this.	0:45:29	0:45:31
-What do you think?	0:45:32	0:45:33
-About this? He'd be furious.	0:45:34	0:45:36
-He'd hit the roof -that we're wasting time talking.	0:45:36	0:45:39
-He'd be furious that we're talking -about him and his illness.	0:45:40	0:45:45
-It's because he didn't understand -the illness.	0:45:45	0:45:48
-He couldn't even accept it -let alone understand it.	0:45:48	0:45:52
-He was ashamed... -he was ashamed of it.	0:45:52	0:45:55
-But there's no need to be ashamed.	0:45:57	0:46:00
-And that's why, even though I know -Dad would be angry about this...	0:46:00	0:46:04
-..that's how I know...	0:46:04	0:46:06
-Dad was angry when we took him -to the doctor...	0:46:06	0:46:09
-..when we took him to Hergest, -but it was the right things to do.	0:46:09	0:46:13
-Even though I know Dad would be -angry, it doesn't worry me...	0:46:13	0:46:17
-..because sometimes you have to -do things people don't like...	0:46:17	0:46:20
-..for their own good.	0:46:21	0:46:22
-And this is for a greater good.	0:46:23	0:46:25
-I hope that he'd be proud, -in an odd way...	0:46:27	0:46:31
-..that we're trying to help -other people.	0:46:32	0:46:35
-I think in Dad's case, -no doubt about it...	0:46:59	0:47:02
-..stigma killed Dad.	0:47:02	0:47:04
-And...	0:47:04	0:47:06
-..his illness to a large degree -allowed him to do what he did.	0:47:08	0:47:12
-But the stigma killed him.	0:47:13	0:47:15
-I find myself being part -of that stigma.	0:47:15	0:47:18
-I don't say that Dad -committed suicide.	0:47:19	0:47:22
-I always say that Dad has died...	0:47:24	0:47:27
-..or Dad's gone...	0:47:27	0:47:29
-..or when what happened, happened.	0:47:29	0:47:32
-It's "that".	0:47:34	0:47:35
-It's the thing we never mention.	0:47:36	0:47:38
-Dad killed himself.	0:47:38	0:47:40
-When Dad committed suicide, when -Elfed decided to commit suicide.	0:47:40	0:47:45
-We don't... I don't say it.	0:47:46	0:47:48
-I'm an inadvertent part -of the stigma around it.	0:47:48	0:47:53
-And, like I said, I know it played -a part in Dad's death...	0:47:53	0:47:58
-..and the hope is, as we raise -awareness of the matter...	0:47:58	0:48:02
-..it will remove the stigma -and we don't talk about "that"...	0:48:02	0:48:06
-..but we talk about the problem -of suicides in Wales...	0:48:06	0:48:09
-..in Britain and around the world.	0:48:10	0:48:12
-It kills too many people.	0:48:12	0:48:14
-Too many families have to face -what I'm going through...	0:48:14	0:48:17
-..what Mam's going through, what -my brothers go through every day.	0:48:17	0:48:21
-It's not right.	0:48:21	0:48:23
-An expert on suicide told me...	0:48:23	0:48:26
-..that suicide is preventable.	0:48:28	0:48:30
-So why aren't we preventing it?	0:48:33	0:48:36
-In memory of Elfed.	0:48:54	0:48:56
-"The smile that never fades, -the flame that never dims."	0:48:56	0:49:02
-S4C subtitles by Ericsson	0:49:23	0:49:26
-.	0:49:26	0:49:27

Colli Dad, Siarad am Hynna

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