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-I'm Alex Jones. I'm a TV presenter. | 0:00:05 | 0:00:08 | |
-Since last year, -I'm a first-time mother. | 0:00:08 | 0:00:11 | |
-Life for women was more restricted -100 years ago. | 0:00:13 | 0:00:16 | |
-They didn't have the right to vote, -buy a house or work while pregnant. | 0:00:16 | 0:00:21 | |
-Things have changed significantly -in the last century. | 0:00:24 | 0:00:27 | |
-You're enjoying this! | 0:00:28 | 0:00:29 | |
-Whoosh! | 0:00:30 | 0:00:31 | |
-Most women now go to work. | 0:00:31 | 0:00:34 | |
-I returned to work -three months after Teddy was born. | 0:00:34 | 0:00:38 | |
-That was difficult. | 0:00:39 | 0:00:41 | |
-Finding the balance between my job -and being a mother is hard. | 0:00:41 | 0:00:46 | |
-Even finding time to feed Ted -before I go to work is difficult. | 0:00:47 | 0:00:53 | |
-Don't squish it. Eat it. | 0:00:56 | 0:00:58 | |
-Nice? | 0:00:58 | 0:00:59 | |
-Mami have one? | 0:00:59 | 0:01:01 | |
-How do you find the balance between -being a mum and holding down a job? | 0:01:02 | 0:01:06 | |
-On this programme... | 0:01:07 | 0:01:09 | |
-..I'm going to travel across the -country to speak to other mothers... | 0:01:09 | 0:01:13 | |
-..share experiences -and get some advice, I hope. | 0:01:13 | 0:01:16 | |
-This is the question. Is it possible -for a Welsh mother to have it all? | 0:01:18 | 0:01:23 | |
-And who or what -is the Welsh mother today? | 0:01:26 | 0:01:29 | |
-"The role of a mother -is trying to be a bit of everything. | 0:01:38 | 0:01:43 | |
-"It's impossible most of the time. | 0:01:44 | 0:01:46 | |
-"I'm not sure -if any advice or book... | 0:01:48 | 0:01:50 | |
-"..can prepare you -for when you first hold your child. | 0:01:50 | 0:01:53 | |
-"You feel every emotion -under the sun. | 0:01:54 | 0:01:56 | |
-"Just don't mention the exhaustion!" | 0:01:57 | 0:01:59 | |
-"The biggest struggle with being -a mother in this day and age... | 0:02:00 | 0:02:04 | |
-"..is trying to have that balance... | 0:02:04 | 0:02:07 | |
-"..between family life -and work life." | 0:02:08 | 0:02:10 | |
-It's so important for us mothers -to talk to one another. | 0:02:13 | 0:02:16 | |
-We pretend we're perfect -to the outside world... | 0:02:17 | 0:02:20 | |
-..but there's no such thing. | 0:02:20 | 0:02:22 | |
-I'm not sure if it's harder -for our generation. | 0:02:22 | 0:02:26 | |
-There might be more pressure -because we want it all. | 0:02:26 | 0:02:29 | |
-I'm on my way to speak to a mother -who can be very honest with me. | 0:02:29 | 0:02:33 | |
-Someone who can compare -her experiences with mine. | 0:02:33 | 0:02:37 | |
-The mother I know better -than any other - my own. | 0:02:37 | 0:02:40 | |
-Hiya! | 0:02:41 | 0:02:42 | |
-Hiya! - -Hello, Al. How was the journey? | 0:02:42 | 0:02:45 | |
-Come in for a cuppa. | 0:02:45 | 0:02:47 | |
-I'm doing a programme -on what it is to be a mother. | 0:02:47 | 0:02:51 | |
-I thought the person who'd be -most honest with me would be you... | 0:02:52 | 0:02:56 | |
-..since you raised me. | 0:02:56 | 0:02:58 | |
-How old were you when you had me? | 0:02:59 | 0:03:02 | |
-How old were you when you had me? - -Twenty-five. | 0:03:02 | 0:03:03 | |
-Jen is two and a half years -younger than me. | 0:03:04 | 0:03:06 | |
-Did you and Dad have a plan? | 0:03:07 | 0:03:09 | |
-We planned to have two children. | 0:03:10 | 0:03:13 | |
-You came sooner than planned! | 0:03:14 | 0:03:17 | |
-Did I? Was it a shock? | 0:03:18 | 0:03:20 | |
-Yes, it was. | 0:03:20 | 0:03:22 | |
-I was going to work for two years, -but no. | 0:03:22 | 0:03:26 | |
-I had five years off to raise you. | 0:03:27 | 0:03:30 | |
-That's how it was. I had nobody -to look after you anyway. | 0:03:31 | 0:03:35 | |
-That's how it was back then. | 0:03:35 | 0:03:38 | |
-There was no creche -or anything like that. | 0:03:38 | 0:03:42 | |
-But you're glad now -because you were a young mother. | 0:03:42 | 0:03:47 | |
-It was fine. It worked out great. | 0:03:48 | 0:03:51 | |
-Twenty-five... | 0:03:51 | 0:03:52 | |
-I think 25 is very young now. | 0:03:53 | 0:03:56 | |
-Yes, it is young. | 0:03:56 | 0:03:58 | |
-Back then, it wasn't young. | 0:03:59 | 0:04:02 | |
-I was an old mother. | 0:04:02 | 0:04:03 | |
-You were an old mother! | 0:04:04 | 0:04:05 | |
-You were an old mother! - -On the card they give you. | 0:04:05 | 0:04:06 | |
-What am I? A geriatric! | 0:04:07 | 0:04:08 | |
-What am I? A geriatric! - -I was an old mother. | 0:04:08 | 0:04:10 | |
-Anything older than 23 -was classed as an old mother. | 0:04:10 | 0:04:13 | |
-Gosh! As young as that? | 0:04:14 | 0:04:16 | |
-Forty is the age -considered old nowadays. | 0:04:16 | 0:04:20 | |
-I was just under that threshold, -being 39 when I had Teddy. | 0:04:20 | 0:04:24 | |
-It's all changed. Everything. | 0:04:24 | 0:04:28 | |
-Dadi didn't get any time off. | 0:04:28 | 0:04:30 | |
-Dadi didn't get any time off. - -Not at all? | 0:04:30 | 0:04:31 | |
-No, none. | 0:04:32 | 0:04:33 | |
-Was he back at work the day after? | 0:04:33 | 0:04:36 | |
-After you came out. | 0:04:36 | 0:04:37 | |
-He was allowed to fetch you -from the hospital... | 0:04:38 | 0:04:41 | |
-..but he had to go in the next day. | 0:04:41 | 0:04:43 | |
-You were born on the weekend -so you did well there! | 0:04:44 | 0:04:47 | |
-Same thing as Ted. | 0:04:48 | 0:04:49 | |
-Planning. -Giving birth on a Saturday. | 0:04:50 | 0:04:52 | |
-You lost your mother -when you were 16. | 0:04:59 | 0:05:02 | |
-Yes. | 0:05:03 | 0:05:04 | |
-That must have affected you. | 0:05:04 | 0:05:07 | |
-It was very hard. | 0:05:07 | 0:05:09 | |
-I'd have been stuck without you -at the start. | 0:05:10 | 0:05:13 | |
-You know -I was hopeless at the start. | 0:05:13 | 0:05:16 | |
-Everyone's the same. | 0:05:16 | 0:05:18 | |
-But I was almost 40 -and I didn't know what I was doing. | 0:05:18 | 0:05:22 | |
-What advice do you have? | 0:05:22 | 0:05:24 | |
-You were there for the first -three weeks after Ted was born. | 0:05:24 | 0:05:28 | |
-What's Mary's top tip? | 0:05:29 | 0:05:31 | |
-It would be to do it your way. | 0:05:31 | 0:05:36 | |
-You'll work it out. | 0:05:36 | 0:05:38 | |
-Everyone raises their children -differently. | 0:05:39 | 0:05:42 | |
-Do it your way, you and Charlie. | 0:05:42 | 0:05:45 | |
-That's what we do, -from week to week. | 0:05:47 | 0:05:49 | |
-When we're stuck, we come here. | 0:05:49 | 0:05:52 | |
-OK. See you before long. | 0:05:55 | 0:05:57 | |
-Ta-ra. | 0:05:58 | 0:05:59 | |
-I sometimes find it hard -to look after one child... | 0:06:02 | 0:06:05 | |
-..between working full-time, -household chores and everything. | 0:06:06 | 0:06:10 | |
-Others say it's hard with two. | 0:06:10 | 0:06:13 | |
-Some friends say -that having three is impossible. | 0:06:13 | 0:06:16 | |
-But some mothers deal -with a lot more. | 0:06:16 | 0:06:19 | |
-On a small estate -between Cwm-y-Glo and Llanrug... | 0:06:24 | 0:06:27 | |
-..Jen and Rob -live with their nine children. | 0:06:28 | 0:06:30 | |
-The eldest has just turned 17 -and the youngest is seven months. | 0:06:31 | 0:06:36 | |
-Hello, how are you? | 0:06:44 | 0:06:46 | |
-Hello, how are you? - -Not bad. And you? | 0:06:46 | 0:06:47 | |
-Nice to meet you. I'm Alex. | 0:06:47 | 0:06:49 | |
-Nice to meet you. I'm Alex. - -Jen. | 0:06:49 | 0:06:50 | |
-You're the mother? -I thought you were the eldest! | 0:06:51 | 0:06:55 | |
-You look so young! | 0:06:55 | 0:06:56 | |
-Hello, everyone. | 0:06:57 | 0:06:59 | |
-Introduce me to everyone, Elliw. | 0:06:59 | 0:07:01 | |
-This is Poppy. | 0:07:02 | 0:07:03 | |
-Alfie, Jasmine, Keith, Jac, Rob, -Dylan, George and Dad. | 0:07:03 | 0:07:08 | |
-Do you remember all their names? | 0:07:11 | 0:07:13 | |
-Do you remember all their names? - -Yes. I write them down! | 0:07:13 | 0:07:15 | |
-Wow! | 0:07:15 | 0:07:17 | |
-It's so nice to come -into such a fun and lively home. | 0:07:19 | 0:07:24 | |
-For you as parents, -it must be extremely hard work. | 0:07:24 | 0:07:29 | |
-You get used to it. | 0:07:29 | 0:07:31 | |
-It's not come about all of a sudden, -it's progressed over time. | 0:07:31 | 0:07:34 | |
-You get used to it over time. | 0:07:35 | 0:07:36 | |
-Did you plan on having a big family? | 0:07:37 | 0:07:39 | |
-Did you plan on having a big family? - -No. | 0:07:39 | 0:07:40 | |
-After three, you didn't think, -"That's it." | 0:07:41 | 0:07:44 | |
-No! | 0:07:44 | 0:07:45 | |
-It's too expensive for you to -eat out so it's sandwiches instead. | 0:07:48 | 0:07:52 | |
-How many sandwiches? | 0:07:52 | 0:07:54 | |
-An entire loaf. | 0:07:54 | 0:07:56 | |
-How much bread do you buy a week? | 0:07:56 | 0:07:59 | |
-Ten. We have toast in the morning. | 0:08:00 | 0:08:04 | |
-And in the evening! | 0:08:04 | 0:08:05 | |
-Yes, and for lunchboxes. | 0:08:06 | 0:08:08 | |
-We go through eight pints of milk -a day. | 0:08:09 | 0:08:11 | |
-Eight pints a day? | 0:08:11 | 0:08:13 | |
-People will ask this question. -Why do you have so many children? | 0:08:13 | 0:08:18 | |
-What's your answer? | 0:08:18 | 0:08:19 | |
-I like a large family -though I'm not from a large family. | 0:08:20 | 0:08:24 | |
-You have fun with them -and I enjoy doing things with them. | 0:08:24 | 0:08:28 | |
-There's a nice atmosphere here. | 0:08:28 | 0:08:30 | |
-There's a nice atmosphere here. - -It's great. | 0:08:30 | 0:08:31 | |
-There's a lot of love in the house. | 0:08:31 | 0:08:34 | |
-That's obvious. It's nice. | 0:08:34 | 0:08:36 | |
-There's always someone to play with. -Or to fight with! | 0:08:36 | 0:08:40 | |
-Jasmine. Poppy. Coat. | 0:08:43 | 0:08:44 | |
-OK? Shoes on. | 0:08:45 | 0:08:46 | |
-For the whole family to go out, -there was only one solution... | 0:08:49 | 0:08:54 | |
-..buy a bus. | 0:08:55 | 0:08:57 | |
-What's the reaction at the school -when Rob turns up with the kids? | 0:09:00 | 0:09:05 | |
-The kids say, "Wow!" | 0:09:05 | 0:09:08 | |
-You work full-time, Rob. | 0:09:09 | 0:09:10 | |
-You work full-time, Rob. - -Yes, I have my own business. | 0:09:10 | 0:09:12 | |
-Who has the hardest job? | 0:09:12 | 0:09:14 | |
-Who has the hardest job? - -Me. | 0:09:14 | 0:09:15 | |
-You think so, do you? | 0:09:16 | 0:09:17 | |
-You think so, do you? - -Do you want a swap? | 0:09:17 | 0:09:18 | |
-I was going to say. | 0:09:19 | 0:09:20 | |
-How many bedrooms are in the house? | 0:09:24 | 0:09:26 | |
-How many bedrooms are in the house? - -Three. | 0:09:26 | 0:09:27 | |
-And eleven of you. | 0:09:28 | 0:09:29 | |
-Right. So how does that work? | 0:09:29 | 0:09:32 | |
-It doesn't at the moment! | 0:09:32 | 0:09:34 | |
-To be honest, it doesn't. | 0:09:34 | 0:09:37 | |
-But we manage. | 0:09:38 | 0:09:40 | |
-I've made beds for the boys. | 0:09:40 | 0:09:44 | |
-It's a five-bed bunk bed. | 0:09:44 | 0:09:46 | |
-Wow! | 0:09:46 | 0:09:47 | |
-Wow! - -A five-tier bunk bed. | 0:09:47 | 0:09:49 | |
-The boys think -it's the best climbing frame. | 0:09:49 | 0:09:52 | |
-They must love it. | 0:09:52 | 0:09:54 | |
-They don't know any different. | 0:09:54 | 0:09:56 | |
-No. | 0:09:57 | 0:09:58 | |
-Do you and Rob -have any time for yourselves? | 0:10:02 | 0:10:05 | |
-Not much. | 0:10:06 | 0:10:07 | |
-Do you miss that? | 0:10:08 | 0:10:10 | |
-Do you miss that? - -Sometimes. | 0:10:10 | 0:10:11 | |
-Would you change anything? | 0:10:13 | 0:10:15 | |
-No. | 0:10:16 | 0:10:17 | |
-No. - -No. | 0:10:17 | 0:10:18 | |
-A larger house. | 0:10:18 | 0:10:19 | |
-In an ideal world, -we'd have an extension... | 0:10:20 | 0:10:23 | |
-..so we could live more comfortably. | 0:10:23 | 0:10:25 | |
-But the same number of children. | 0:10:25 | 0:10:27 | |
-But the same number of children. - -One more. | 0:10:27 | 0:10:29 | |
-And one more. | 0:10:29 | 0:10:30 | |
-. | 0:10:34 | 0:10:35 | |
-Subtitles | 0:10:41 | 0:10:41 | |
-Subtitles - -Subtitles | 0:10:41 | 0:10:43 | |
-I've been writing a book called -Winging It! for other mothers. | 0:10:52 | 0:10:57 | |
-It's about my own experiences -as a mother. | 0:10:57 | 0:11:00 | |
-Doing it in the first year after -having Ted has been challenging. | 0:11:00 | 0:11:04 | |
-But the stories I've got from other -parents has been an inspiration. | 0:11:05 | 0:11:10 | |
-It goes to print next week. | 0:11:10 | 0:11:13 | |
-Our unit here in London -is very small... | 0:11:14 | 0:11:17 | |
-..as Mam and Dad live in Wales, -at the other end of the M4. | 0:11:18 | 0:11:22 | |
-Charlie, my husband, and I -share the burden. | 0:11:22 | 0:11:26 | |
-But what about single parents? | 0:11:26 | 0:11:28 | |
-A hundred years ago, a single mother -would have been mocked. | 0:11:35 | 0:11:38 | |
-But with the 1960s revolution -and the feminist movement... | 0:11:39 | 0:11:42 | |
-..more and more women had the -confidence to raise a family alone. | 0:11:43 | 0:11:47 | |
-This is exactly -what Angharad does today. | 0:11:47 | 0:11:50 | |
-You can think of bike rides as being -an activity for the whole family. | 0:11:52 | 0:11:56 | |
-Do you sometimes miss another person -being there, a man? | 0:11:57 | 0:12:00 | |
-Yes. | 0:12:01 | 0:12:02 | |
-We might go past a park and see -a mother, father and their children. | 0:12:02 | 0:12:07 | |
-It makes you think sometimes... | 0:12:07 | 0:12:10 | |
-..that it would be nice -to have someone else. | 0:12:10 | 0:12:13 | |
-They're growing up now -and doing things on their own. | 0:12:13 | 0:12:17 | |
-It would be nice to have someone I -can do things that I like with too. | 0:12:17 | 0:12:21 | |
-Plenty of time! Your time will come! | 0:12:22 | 0:12:24 | |
-Do you think there's still stigma -attached with being a single mother? | 0:12:25 | 0:12:30 | |
-I've never experienced stigma, -not to my face anyway. | 0:12:31 | 0:12:35 | |
-People think of single mothers doing -the school run in their pyjamas. | 0:12:35 | 0:12:41 | |
-They go home, sit on the sofa, watch -Jeremy Kyle and live off benefits. | 0:12:41 | 0:12:45 | |
-I've worked all my life apart -from maternity leave for both boys. | 0:12:46 | 0:12:51 | |
-I work full-time -to keep a roof over our heads. | 0:12:51 | 0:12:55 | |
-So weekends are very important -to you as a family. | 0:12:56 | 0:13:00 | |
-They are. | 0:13:00 | 0:13:02 | |
-We don't rush around. | 0:13:02 | 0:13:04 | |
-We can take our time, -have breakfast... | 0:13:04 | 0:13:06 | |
-..go out on our bikes -and do something we all enjoy. | 0:13:07 | 0:13:10 | |
-It's an important time for us. | 0:13:10 | 0:13:13 | |
-Shall we go back to the house? -I'm freezing! | 0:13:13 | 0:13:16 | |
-How did you become single? | 0:13:26 | 0:13:29 | |
-I was in a relationship -with the boys' father for 15 years. | 0:13:29 | 0:13:34 | |
-I found that I wasn't -living the life I wanted... | 0:13:35 | 0:13:40 | |
-..and I couldn't see that changing. | 0:13:40 | 0:13:43 | |
-I was becoming bitter -because I felt I was stuck. | 0:13:43 | 0:13:47 | |
-So I thought I had to change it. | 0:13:47 | 0:13:51 | |
-It was a big step -to go from a two-salary home... | 0:13:51 | 0:13:56 | |
-..and someone who loved me -to saying, "No, I don't want this." | 0:13:57 | 0:14:01 | |
-After 15 years. | 0:14:01 | 0:14:02 | |
-After 15 years. - -You were very brave. | 0:14:02 | 0:14:04 | |
-People say that... | 0:14:04 | 0:14:06 | |
-..but I had to do it, -I had to get out of that situation. | 0:14:06 | 0:14:10 | |
-Of course, we were all upset. -It went on for many months. | 0:14:11 | 0:14:15 | |
-The tears. | 0:14:15 | 0:14:17 | |
-Trying to get used -to another way of living. | 0:14:17 | 0:14:20 | |
-It's almost six years -since we separated. | 0:14:21 | 0:14:24 | |
-It took two or three years for me -to get used to being alone again. | 0:14:24 | 0:14:30 | |
-But, yes... | 0:14:32 | 0:14:34 | |
-Sorry. | 0:14:35 | 0:14:36 | |
-It's alright. | 0:14:36 | 0:14:38 | |
-How did the boys respond? | 0:14:39 | 0:14:41 | |
-Ioan took it very badly that his -father wasn't living here any more. | 0:14:41 | 0:14:47 | |
-He was very angry with me. | 0:14:47 | 0:14:49 | |
-He'd sometimes come home -from his father's house... | 0:14:49 | 0:14:52 | |
-..he wouldn't look at me -or talk to me, which was very hard. | 0:14:52 | 0:14:56 | |
-Llew was more supportive. | 0:14:56 | 0:14:58 | |
-He was older. He could see -that things weren't right. | 0:14:58 | 0:15:02 | |
-It's a lot for a six-year-old child -to understand. | 0:15:03 | 0:15:07 | |
-Did you find it difficult that, -from his perspective... | 0:15:07 | 0:15:11 | |
-..he regarded it as your fault? | 0:15:11 | 0:15:14 | |
-Yes. | 0:15:15 | 0:15:16 | |
-He feels that I've removed something -from his life. | 0:15:16 | 0:15:21 | |
-That I've spoiled his life, -taken something away from him. | 0:15:21 | 0:15:26 | |
-I don't think -he feels I did it on purpose. | 0:15:27 | 0:15:29 | |
-I've tried explaining the reasons -to him. | 0:15:29 | 0:15:32 | |
-It happens to a lot of families, -not just us. | 0:15:32 | 0:15:36 | |
-I told him -it's happened to his friends. | 0:15:36 | 0:15:39 | |
-For him, it's been a major event. | 0:15:39 | 0:15:43 | |
-I think it still affects him. | 0:15:43 | 0:15:46 | |
-But you go from two salaries... | 0:15:47 | 0:15:50 | |
-..and someone else to share the -responsibility of raising children. | 0:15:50 | 0:15:55 | |
-Everything falls on your shoulders. | 0:15:56 | 0:15:58 | |
-You've worked full-time -throughout this time. | 0:15:59 | 0:16:02 | |
-Yes. | 0:16:02 | 0:16:03 | |
-Everything falls on my shoulders. | 0:16:03 | 0:16:06 | |
-So I have to go to work, come home, -make dinner, help with homework... | 0:16:06 | 0:16:11 | |
-..do the chores. | 0:16:11 | 0:16:13 | |
-There's nobody else to sit down -and read with them or do homework. | 0:16:13 | 0:16:18 | |
-You have to be everything for them. | 0:16:18 | 0:16:21 | |
-It is a struggle -when you have to say no. | 0:16:21 | 0:16:25 | |
-"Sorry, I can't buy that." | 0:16:25 | 0:16:27 | |
-"We can't go there." | 0:16:28 | 0:16:29 | |
-"I don't know where -we'd get the money to do that." | 0:16:30 | 0:16:33 | |
-But there's the argument -that you're a better mother... | 0:16:33 | 0:16:38 | |
-..because you're happier. | 0:16:38 | 0:16:40 | |
-After about two years, -did you feel that was the case... | 0:16:41 | 0:16:44 | |
-..that you could be -a better mother... | 0:16:44 | 0:16:47 | |
-..because you weren't in -a relationship that wasn't working? | 0:16:47 | 0:16:51 | |
-I'm definitely happier. -I enjoy my life. I have my freedom. | 0:16:51 | 0:16:56 | |
-They see me now working hard... | 0:16:57 | 0:16:59 | |
-..but also going out with friends -and enjoying myself. | 0:16:59 | 0:17:03 | |
-I'm a very different person now -to who I was six years ago. | 0:17:04 | 0:17:09 | |
-To be honest, since Dad left, -it's brought us very close. | 0:17:13 | 0:17:18 | |
-If Ioan goes to stay with Dad, -Mam and I will go out for the day. | 0:17:18 | 0:17:23 | |
-What about you, Ioan? -What's the best thing about Mami? | 0:17:23 | 0:17:27 | |
-When I want to talk about something, -she's happy to talk to me. | 0:17:27 | 0:17:32 | |
-All she wants is for us to be happy. | 0:17:32 | 0:17:34 | |
-It's not all been easy. | 0:17:35 | 0:17:36 | |
-We had to battle through -some difficult times. | 0:17:36 | 0:17:40 | |
-But the three of us -have come out on top and are happy. | 0:17:40 | 0:17:44 | |
-Yes. | 0:17:44 | 0:17:45 | |
-The thanks goes to her because -she's done everything for us. | 0:17:46 | 0:17:50 | |
-Do you see yourself -living at home for a while? | 0:17:51 | 0:17:54 | |
-Yes. | 0:17:54 | 0:17:55 | |
-It would be very hard to leave Mam. | 0:17:55 | 0:17:58 | |
-Mummy's boy. | 0:17:59 | 0:18:00 | |
-I'm sure there are lots -of single mothers... | 0:18:07 | 0:18:10 | |
-..or those going through -a separation or a divorce. | 0:18:10 | 0:18:14 | |
-What would your advice be? | 0:18:15 | 0:18:18 | |
-Good friends. | 0:18:20 | 0:18:21 | |
-You need good friends... | 0:18:22 | 0:18:24 | |
-..to laugh with... | 0:18:24 | 0:18:25 | |
-..and cry with. | 0:18:26 | 0:18:27 | |
-My friends will tell you -I've cried enough over the years. | 0:18:28 | 0:18:32 | |
-The time when children are small -is relatively short, isn't it? | 0:18:33 | 0:18:38 | |
-It is. | 0:18:38 | 0:18:40 | |
-You need friends -for the next part too. | 0:18:41 | 0:18:44 | |
-Yes! | 0:18:44 | 0:18:45 | |
-Or a man! | 0:18:45 | 0:18:47 | |
-Or a man. | 0:18:47 | 0:18:48 | |
-"The only advice I would give... | 0:18:54 | 0:18:57 | |
-"..would be to have as much fun -as possible with children... | 0:18:57 | 0:19:01 | |
-"..while they're young -before they can answer back." | 0:19:02 | 0:19:06 | |
-"Though it breaks my heart -as they grow up... | 0:19:07 | 0:19:10 | |
-"..that they don't need me as much, -it gives me great happiness... | 0:19:10 | 0:19:15 | |
-"..to see them growing up -to be confident young people." | 0:19:15 | 0:19:19 | |
-Seeing your child grow, develop -skills and become independent... | 0:19:21 | 0:19:26 | |
-..is an integral part -of being a mother. | 0:19:26 | 0:19:29 | |
-But the mother I'm about to meet -won't get that opportunity. | 0:19:29 | 0:19:33 | |
-Hiya. Are you OK? | 0:19:36 | 0:19:37 | |
-Sandra? I'm Alex. Nice to meet you. | 0:19:38 | 0:19:40 | |
-Sandra? I'm Alex. Nice to meet you. - -Come in. | 0:19:40 | 0:19:41 | |
-It's lovely and warm here. | 0:19:42 | 0:19:43 | |
-Is this your first photograph -of Marie? | 0:19:45 | 0:19:48 | |
-Yes, the one in the middle. | 0:19:48 | 0:19:50 | |
-How much did she weigh? | 0:19:51 | 0:19:52 | |
-How much did she weigh? - -2lb 7ozs. | 0:19:52 | 0:19:53 | |
-She was premature. | 0:19:54 | 0:19:55 | |
-She was premature. - -Several weeks. | 0:19:55 | 0:19:56 | |
-Is this you? | 0:19:57 | 0:19:59 | |
-Is this you? - -That's me. | 0:19:59 | 0:20:01 | |
-Look, Marie. | 0:20:02 | 0:20:03 | |
-You're holding her in your hands. -She was very small. | 0:20:04 | 0:20:07 | |
-During Marie's early years, -Sandra and her husband Mal... | 0:20:11 | 0:20:14 | |
-..realized -she wasn't developing properly. | 0:20:14 | 0:20:17 | |
-After she turned two, -they took Marie for a scan. | 0:20:18 | 0:20:22 | |
-They discovered -she had cerebral palsy. | 0:20:22 | 0:20:25 | |
-Life for the family -would never be the same. | 0:20:26 | 0:20:29 | |
-How did you and your husband feel... | 0:20:34 | 0:20:37 | |
-..when you found out -that Marie had problems? | 0:20:37 | 0:20:40 | |
-We were upset. | 0:20:41 | 0:20:42 | |
-It changed your life. | 0:20:42 | 0:20:44 | |
-Our lives changed completely -after having her. | 0:20:44 | 0:20:48 | |
-When she was a baby, -she was alright. | 0:20:49 | 0:20:51 | |
-I could carry her everywhere. | 0:20:52 | 0:20:54 | |
-But as she grew, she got heavier. | 0:20:54 | 0:20:57 | |
-I had to carry her into the car, -into the house. | 0:20:58 | 0:21:00 | |
-Do everything for her. | 0:21:01 | 0:21:02 | |
-I quit my job then my husband -got ill with kidney problems. | 0:21:02 | 0:21:07 | |
-Then he gave up his job. | 0:21:07 | 0:21:09 | |
-She wasn't sleeping either. | 0:21:09 | 0:21:11 | |
-So I'd sleep for an hour -then he'd sleep for an hour. | 0:21:12 | 0:21:16 | |
-We did that all night. | 0:21:16 | 0:21:17 | |
-Has that changed? | 0:21:18 | 0:21:20 | |
-It's still the same. -She's still up all night. | 0:21:20 | 0:21:23 | |
-We got a phone call -when she was three... | 0:21:24 | 0:21:27 | |
-..asking -if we wanted her to be adopted. | 0:21:27 | 0:21:30 | |
-Really? | 0:21:31 | 0:21:32 | |
-I said, "No chance. | 0:21:32 | 0:21:34 | |
-"She's my daughter -and she's staying with us." | 0:21:34 | 0:21:38 | |
-Then I put the phone down. | 0:21:38 | 0:21:40 | |
-You knew straight away, -no question. | 0:21:41 | 0:21:44 | |
-No question. | 0:21:44 | 0:21:45 | |
-She's my daughter, and my husband's. | 0:21:46 | 0:21:48 | |
-We'll look after her -whatever happens. | 0:21:49 | 0:21:51 | |
-What is Marie's mental age? | 0:21:51 | 0:21:54 | |
-12-18 months. | 0:21:54 | 0:21:56 | |
-It's like having a permanent baby. | 0:21:59 | 0:22:03 | |
-Yes. | 0:22:03 | 0:22:04 | |
-Is that the best way to describe it? | 0:22:04 | 0:22:06 | |
-Is that the best way to describe it? - -Yes. | 0:22:06 | 0:22:07 | |
-Neither of us goes out. -We're here with Marie. | 0:22:07 | 0:22:11 | |
-This is our life. | 0:22:11 | 0:22:12 | |
-Do you think that your other two -have received less attention... | 0:22:13 | 0:22:17 | |
-..than you'd have liked -to have given because of Marie? | 0:22:17 | 0:22:23 | |
-A lot less. | 0:22:23 | 0:22:24 | |
-But they've grown up with it -so they don't know any different. | 0:22:25 | 0:22:29 | |
-How often do you go to the hospital -and the doctor's surgery? | 0:22:31 | 0:22:35 | |
-This year, she's been -admitted twice, so not too bad. | 0:22:36 | 0:22:39 | |
-Right. | 0:22:39 | 0:22:40 | |
-The seizures are the worst. | 0:22:41 | 0:22:43 | |
-What causes the seizures? | 0:22:44 | 0:22:45 | |
-What causes the seizures? - -Stress. | 0:22:45 | 0:22:46 | |
-Any stress, -it happens straight away. | 0:22:46 | 0:22:50 | |
-Do you know when the seizures -are going to happen? | 0:22:50 | 0:22:53 | |
-No. | 0:22:54 | 0:22:55 | |
-She could be asleep. | 0:22:55 | 0:22:59 | |
-So it can happen at night. | 0:22:59 | 0:23:01 | |
-There's no wonder you don't sleep -because you're on pins all the time. | 0:23:01 | 0:23:06 | |
-She died once, when she was four. | 0:23:06 | 0:23:09 | |
-A doctor came to the house -and revived her. | 0:23:11 | 0:23:15 | |
-He went with us in the ambulance. | 0:23:15 | 0:23:17 | |
-But she's still here. | 0:23:18 | 0:23:20 | |
-Aren't you? | 0:23:20 | 0:23:21 | |
-She's always happy. | 0:23:22 | 0:23:24 | |
-She's still here... | 0:23:24 | 0:23:25 | |
-..because you do such a -fantastic job of looking after her. | 0:23:26 | 0:23:29 | |
-We have to. | 0:23:29 | 0:23:31 | |
-She's brought us so much pain... | 0:23:33 | 0:23:35 | |
-I'm hopeless! | 0:23:36 | 0:23:37 | |
-It's fine. | 0:23:38 | 0:23:39 | |
-She's brought us so much pain for -years but you have to keep going. | 0:23:39 | 0:23:44 | |
-We put music on for you. -Whatever you want, you get. | 0:23:46 | 0:23:50 | |
-You're always happy and smiling. | 0:23:50 | 0:23:53 | |
-She makes us proud every day. | 0:23:55 | 0:23:57 | |
-She never grumbles. | 0:23:57 | 0:23:59 | |
-She's always happy. | 0:24:01 | 0:24:03 | |
-There's always a smile on your face. | 0:24:03 | 0:24:05 | |
-At the end of the day, -it's your child. | 0:24:07 | 0:24:10 | |
-You'll do anything for that child. | 0:24:10 | 0:24:12 | |
-Pick your leg up. OK? | 0:24:25 | 0:24:27 | |
-Leg go. | 0:24:27 | 0:24:28 | |
-Leg go. - -Righto. | 0:24:28 | 0:24:29 | |
-I have no words to describe -what it was like to meet Sandra. | 0:24:35 | 0:24:39 | |
-I'm full of admiration... | 0:24:40 | 0:24:42 | |
-..for what she and her husband -go through every day. | 0:24:42 | 0:24:46 | |
-It goes to show that some mothers -have it much tougher. | 0:24:48 | 0:24:52 | |
-They're stuck in that house. | 0:24:53 | 0:24:55 | |
-We have no idea. | 0:24:57 | 0:24:58 | |
-As she said, -she's her mother and that's it. | 0:24:58 | 0:25:02 | |
-. | 0:25:06 | 0:25:07 | |
-Subtitles | 0:25:11 | 0:25:11 | |
-Subtitles - -Subtitles | 0:25:11 | 0:25:13 | |
-The Internet with all its websites -on how to be the perfect mother... | 0:25:15 | 0:25:21 | |
-..puts more and more pressure -on us today. | 0:25:21 | 0:25:25 | |
-The mummy blogger fashion -has exploded in recent years. | 0:25:26 | 0:25:30 | |
-These websites vary -in terms of style and content. | 0:25:30 | 0:25:34 | |
-Some look at the challenges -of raising children... | 0:25:34 | 0:25:37 | |
-..while others portray -the ideal family life. | 0:25:37 | 0:25:40 | |
-These blogs are now big business. | 0:25:41 | 0:25:44 | |
-Mother Of Daughters and Mother Like -No Other are the most influential. | 0:25:44 | 0:25:50 | |
-I want to find out more -about how it all works... | 0:25:51 | 0:25:54 | |
-..so I've come to meet Heulwen, who -has started a blog called Mam Cymru. | 0:25:54 | 0:25:58 | |
-Hiya, Heulwen. How are you? | 0:25:59 | 0:26:00 | |
-Are you OK? | 0:26:01 | 0:26:02 | |
-Are you OK? - -Yes, thanks. | 0:26:02 | 0:26:03 | |
-Where did the idea come from -for Mam Cymru? | 0:26:05 | 0:26:07 | |
-There was nothing in Welsh online -when I was pregnant with Elsi. | 0:26:08 | 0:26:12 | |
-I looked at English forums -but couldn't relate to them. | 0:26:12 | 0:26:16 | |
-Raising children bilingually -in Wales is very different. | 0:26:16 | 0:26:20 | |
-So I started it last July. | 0:26:20 | 0:26:24 | |
-I wrote my own articles -and interviewed people. | 0:26:24 | 0:26:28 | |
-Other people then wanted to -contribute and would send articles. | 0:26:28 | 0:26:33 | |
-I now receive articles daily from -parents across Wales and beyond... | 0:26:33 | 0:26:37 | |
-..who want to contribute. | 0:26:37 | 0:26:39 | |
-It's very exciting. | 0:26:39 | 0:26:41 | |
-But it isn't your full-time job... | 0:26:41 | 0:26:44 | |
-..so where do you find the time -to do the blog? | 0:26:44 | 0:26:47 | |
-That's true. | 0:26:47 | 0:26:48 | |
-Mam Cymru is a hobby. | 0:26:49 | 0:26:51 | |
-I get up early, -between 5.00am and 5.30am... | 0:26:52 | 0:26:56 | |
-You don't! | 0:26:56 | 0:26:57 | |
-I do. My alarm goes off and -I shift quietly to the spare room. | 0:26:58 | 0:27:02 | |
-That's the Mam Cymru HQ -as I say on Twitter! | 0:27:02 | 0:27:06 | |
-It's the Mam Cymru HQ. | 0:27:07 | 0:27:08 | |
-I'm there for about an hour and -a half then I go to my proper job. | 0:27:08 | 0:27:12 | |
-When Elsi's gone to bed, -I do some more work on Mam Cymru. | 0:27:12 | 0:27:18 | |
-Blogs like yours... | 0:27:18 | 0:27:20 | |
-..are good at making young mothers -feel they're not alone... | 0:27:20 | 0:27:24 | |
-..that there are people -who can share their experiences. | 0:27:24 | 0:27:28 | |
-When I would feed Ted -at three or four in the morning... | 0:27:29 | 0:27:33 | |
-..that's when I'd surf the Internet -for these websites. | 0:27:34 | 0:27:37 | |
-The early hours is when -a lot of people do go on Mam Cymru. | 0:27:38 | 0:27:43 | |
-Not just in Wales but abroad too. | 0:27:43 | 0:27:45 | |
-It's daytime then in Australia. | 0:27:46 | 0:27:48 | |
-I can see how many people in Wales -go on it in the early hours. | 0:27:49 | 0:27:53 | |
-It's something to entertain them -while the children are feeding... | 0:27:54 | 0:27:58 | |
-..or while they're screaming! | 0:27:58 | 0:28:00 | |
-Raising a child -where there's family around you... | 0:28:01 | 0:28:05 | |
-..those days have gone, -as you and I both know. | 0:28:05 | 0:28:09 | |
-I think people need services -and places they can go for advice. | 0:28:09 | 0:28:14 | |
-Being a mother isn't perfect... | 0:28:14 | 0:28:16 | |
-..but it's the best thing -that's happened to me. | 0:28:16 | 0:28:19 | |
-I reflect that in what I write. | 0:28:19 | 0:28:21 | |
-When mothers and fathers say it's -made a difference to their lives... | 0:28:22 | 0:28:26 | |
-..and has inspired them, -it makes me want to carry on. | 0:28:27 | 0:28:30 | |
-As you said, something was needed -in Welsh as there was nothing. | 0:28:30 | 0:28:34 | |
-Congratulations to you. Fantastic. | 0:28:35 | 0:28:37 | |
-I'll be reading it -in the coming years... | 0:28:37 | 0:28:40 | |
-..when I'll have lost the plot -and will need something to help me! | 0:28:41 | 0:28:45 | |
-"Being a mother is missing your kids -when you're not with them... | 0:28:51 | 0:28:55 | |
-"..and loving them -when you're with them. | 0:28:56 | 0:28:59 | |
-"But you need a lot of patience." | 0:28:59 | 0:29:01 | |
-"What struck me after coming home -from hospital with the baby... | 0:29:02 | 0:29:07 | |
-"..was the huge responsibility. | 0:29:07 | 0:29:09 | |
-"I was now responsible for this -tiny person for the rest of my life. | 0:29:10 | 0:29:14 | |
-"There's no clocking off -when you're a parent." | 0:29:14 | 0:29:18 | |
-When I was pregnant with Teddy, lots -of people said I wouldn't believe... | 0:29:22 | 0:29:27 | |
-..how much love I'd feel -for the new baby | 0:29:27 | 0:29:30 | |
-They were right. -The love is endless. | 0:29:30 | 0:29:32 | |
-But these feelings aren't unique -to mothers who've given birth. | 0:29:33 | 0:29:37 | |
-There are many different ways -of feeling that motherly love. | 0:29:38 | 0:29:42 | |
-Hiya! How are you, Elin? Are you OK? | 0:29:44 | 0:29:46 | |
-Hiya! How are you, Elin? Are you OK? - -Good. Come in. | 0:29:46 | 0:29:47 | |
-Thank you. | 0:29:47 | 0:29:49 | |
-You'd struggle to find a closer bond -between a mother and daughter... | 0:29:51 | 0:29:55 | |
-..than Elin and Caitlin's, -but this is no ordinary story. | 0:29:55 | 0:29:59 | |
-Your journey to becoming a mother -is different to most. | 0:29:59 | 0:30:03 | |
-Tell me the story. | 0:30:04 | 0:30:05 | |
-I became friends with Caitlin's -mother when I was about 26. | 0:30:06 | 0:30:10 | |
-We both got jobs lecturing for -a year at Cardiff Met University. | 0:30:10 | 0:30:15 | |
-During our time there, -she fell pregnant with Caitlin. | 0:30:15 | 0:30:19 | |
-She gave birth to her. -I was her godmother. | 0:30:19 | 0:30:23 | |
-After about a year... | 0:30:23 | 0:30:25 | |
-..her mother developed symptoms -which turned out to be cancer. | 0:30:25 | 0:30:29 | |
-She died when Caitlin -was about a year and three months. | 0:30:30 | 0:30:34 | |
-As a godmother, I wanted to help -her father John to look after her. | 0:30:38 | 0:30:43 | |
-In time, a relationship developed -between John and me. | 0:30:44 | 0:30:48 | |
-We weren't sure if it would work out -as we had to think of Caitlin. | 0:30:48 | 0:30:53 | |
-It has worked. -We've been married for ten years. | 0:30:53 | 0:30:57 | |
-We've lived as a family since then. | 0:30:57 | 0:30:59 | |
-So your life changed completely. | 0:31:00 | 0:31:03 | |
-You hadn't foreseen it. | 0:31:03 | 0:31:06 | |
-You hadn't foreseen it. - -Not at all. | 0:31:06 | 0:31:07 | |
-I was single at the time and -hadn't thought about settling down. | 0:31:07 | 0:31:12 | |
-Suddenly, I was looking after -a little girl. | 0:31:12 | 0:31:15 | |
-But it's the best thing -that could have happened to me. | 0:31:15 | 0:31:18 | |
-Had you and Nicola discussed this -at all during her illness? | 0:31:18 | 0:31:23 | |
-I'd visit her regularly -and help with Caitlin. | 0:31:23 | 0:31:26 | |
-I remember one night -when she was very ill in hospital. | 0:31:26 | 0:31:31 | |
-John was sat on one side of her -and I was sat on the other. | 0:31:31 | 0:31:35 | |
-She held our hand... | 0:31:36 | 0:31:38 | |
-..and something in my head said... | 0:31:39 | 0:31:42 | |
-.."Oh, my gosh, I think -she wants me to look after them." | 0:31:42 | 0:31:46 | |
-That's stayed with me. | 0:31:46 | 0:31:48 | |
-I've never felt guilty -for taking her family. | 0:31:49 | 0:31:52 | |
-I just want to do the best for Cait -and give her every opportunity. | 0:31:52 | 0:31:57 | |
-Your mother explained... | 0:32:02 | 0:32:04 | |
-..that you were a baby -when you lost your birth mother. | 0:32:04 | 0:32:07 | |
-You remember hardly anything. | 0:32:08 | 0:32:10 | |
-Nothing. | 0:32:11 | 0:32:13 | |
-What's your first memory? | 0:32:13 | 0:32:15 | |
-I don't remember anything. | 0:32:16 | 0:32:19 | |
-I only know Mam -through photographs and videos... | 0:32:19 | 0:32:23 | |
-..that Mam and Dad have shown me. | 0:32:24 | 0:32:26 | |
-But Mam is your mother, is she? | 0:32:27 | 0:32:29 | |
-Yes. | 0:32:30 | 0:32:31 | |
-What's great about Mam? | 0:32:31 | 0:32:33 | |
-I'm putting you on the spot! | 0:32:35 | 0:32:37 | |
-She makes me work hard. | 0:32:38 | 0:32:41 | |
-Does she? | 0:32:41 | 0:32:43 | |
-She helps me with homework -as she's a teacher. | 0:32:43 | 0:32:47 | |
-So she is good. | 0:32:47 | 0:32:49 | |
-You look very similar. | 0:32:50 | 0:32:52 | |
-Do people say that often? | 0:32:52 | 0:32:54 | |
-Yes. | 0:32:54 | 0:32:55 | |
-When you were growing up, people -were saying how similar we are. | 0:32:56 | 0:33:00 | |
-"She's the spit of you." -We'd look at each other and smile. | 0:33:00 | 0:33:04 | |
-Nice. Are there things about Caitlin -that remind you of Nicola? | 0:33:04 | 0:33:10 | |
-I've noticed -when she looks a certain way. | 0:33:10 | 0:33:13 | |
-She looks the same as her mother. | 0:33:13 | 0:33:16 | |
-I say, -"You looked like your mother there." | 0:33:16 | 0:33:19 | |
-Nicola was quite shy. -She didn't like a fuss. | 0:33:20 | 0:33:23 | |
-I think you're like her in that way. | 0:33:23 | 0:33:26 | |
-She liked to do her schoolwork -tidily as she was a teacher. | 0:33:27 | 0:33:31 | |
-You like your work to be tidy too. | 0:33:31 | 0:33:34 | |
-The older Caitlin gets, -the similarity increases... | 0:33:34 | 0:33:38 | |
-..as she develops -into a young woman. | 0:33:38 | 0:33:41 | |
-Are there things -you want to know about your mother? | 0:33:41 | 0:33:45 | |
-Things you didn't think about -before. | 0:33:46 | 0:33:48 | |
-I think more -about her personality... | 0:33:48 | 0:33:51 | |
-..and what she was like. | 0:33:51 | 0:33:53 | |
-Yes, I want to know more. | 0:33:56 | 0:33:58 | |
-Caitlin's mother -was a primary school teacher. | 0:33:59 | 0:34:02 | |
-That's what you want to do. There -might be something in her nature. | 0:34:02 | 0:34:08 | |
-I don't know what it's like -to have a child naturally. | 0:34:13 | 0:34:16 | |
-But I can't imagine our relationship -would be any different. | 0:34:17 | 0:34:21 | |
-I'm so proud of everything she does. -I'm sharing her journey. | 0:34:24 | 0:34:28 | |
-She does a lot of dancing, -gymnastics and athletics. | 0:34:28 | 0:34:32 | |
-It gives me a lot of pleasure -watching her. | 0:34:32 | 0:34:36 | |
-I feel proud -knowing I'm doing an OK job... | 0:34:36 | 0:34:39 | |
-..and that Nic's -watching over her too. | 0:34:40 | 0:34:42 | |
-"Dear Mam, -Happy Birthday to you. 40! | 0:34:43 | 0:34:45 | |
-"You support me in everything I do! | 0:34:45 | 0:34:48 | |
-"Thank you very much -for being there with me! | 0:34:48 | 0:34:51 | |
-"Loads of love, Caitlin" | 0:34:51 | 0:34:53 | |
-. | 0:34:59 | 0:35:00 | |
-Subtitles | 0:35:03 | 0:35:03 | |
-Subtitles - -Subtitles | 0:35:03 | 0:35:05 | |
-The role of the Welsh mother -has changed so much. | 0:35:16 | 0:35:19 | |
-Since 2002, same-sex couples -have been able to adopt children... | 0:35:19 | 0:35:24 | |
-..and prove that a man or woman -can be a mother... | 0:35:24 | 0:35:27 | |
-..like Alan and his partner did. | 0:35:27 | 0:35:29 | |
-Did you always know -that you wanted children? | 0:35:30 | 0:35:34 | |
-Yes. I've always had -a maternal side to me. | 0:35:34 | 0:35:38 | |
-Or paternal! | 0:35:38 | 0:35:40 | |
-I've always known I've wanted -to give that love to a child. | 0:35:40 | 0:35:45 | |
-Mam is such an important figure -to me. | 0:35:46 | 0:35:49 | |
-I want to do what she did. | 0:35:49 | 0:35:51 | |
-I was eight -when I first thought I was gay. | 0:35:52 | 0:35:56 | |
-But you don't understand -what that means at that age. | 0:35:56 | 0:36:00 | |
-I grew up knowing I wouldn't -get married and have children. | 0:36:00 | 0:36:04 | |
-At the time, it wasn't an option. | 0:36:04 | 0:36:05 | |
-At the time, it wasn't an option. - -No. | 0:36:05 | 0:36:06 | |
-When we were going through -the adoption process... | 0:36:06 | 0:36:09 | |
-..they said -that dealing with gay couples... | 0:36:09 | 0:36:12 | |
-..was different -to dealing with straight couples. | 0:36:12 | 0:36:16 | |
-The woman experiences grief in a way -as she can't have children. | 0:36:16 | 0:36:20 | |
-She has to deal with that -before she can adopt. | 0:36:20 | 0:36:23 | |
-They said that gay people -don't have that. | 0:36:23 | 0:36:26 | |
-But they do. I was eight -trying to deal with that. | 0:36:26 | 0:36:30 | |
-Women deal with it -with a partner as an adult. | 0:36:30 | 0:36:33 | |
-I was a child dealing with it. | 0:36:33 | 0:36:35 | |
-Yes. | 0:36:35 | 0:36:36 | |
-What did your family think -of the fact you wanted to adopt? | 0:36:36 | 0:36:40 | |
-They were delighted. | 0:36:41 | 0:36:42 | |
-Mam's been over the moon -from the start. | 0:36:42 | 0:36:45 | |
-She loves coming down. | 0:36:46 | 0:36:47 | |
-He has bunk beds in his room. -The bottom one is Nain's bed. | 0:36:47 | 0:36:51 | |
-Is it?! | 0:36:51 | 0:36:53 | |
-Can you describe the moment you saw -your little boy for the first time? | 0:36:53 | 0:36:59 | |
-Just... | 0:36:59 | 0:37:00 | |
-We walked in. | 0:37:01 | 0:37:02 | |
-We'd stopped somewhere -to buy a wooden toy to give to him. | 0:37:03 | 0:37:07 | |
-We walked in and he ran towards us, -smiled and jumped up for a hug. | 0:37:08 | 0:37:12 | |
-It felt that he belonged to me -and that's it. | 0:37:12 | 0:37:15 | |
-That's lovely! | 0:37:15 | 0:37:17 | |
-Oh! | 0:37:21 | 0:37:22 | |
-I'm hopeless! I'm a real softie! | 0:37:23 | 0:37:26 | |
-Did it feel natural from the start? | 0:37:27 | 0:37:30 | |
-Totally natural. | 0:37:30 | 0:37:32 | |
-A lot of what they discuss -beforehand... | 0:37:34 | 0:37:37 | |
-..is if you have a feeling -that "he's not my son"... | 0:37:37 | 0:37:41 | |
-..how do you bring about that love? | 0:37:41 | 0:37:43 | |
-We prepared ourselves for -not having an immediate connection. | 0:37:43 | 0:37:47 | |
-But I did have that connection. | 0:37:47 | 0:37:49 | |
-Even parents who give birth -might not have that connection. | 0:37:50 | 0:37:54 | |
-But it felt totally natural. | 0:37:54 | 0:37:55 | |
-But it felt totally natural. - -Immediately. | 0:37:55 | 0:37:56 | |
-I was a father -the moment he looked at me. | 0:37:57 | 0:37:59 | |
-When you came back, -the three of you... | 0:38:10 | 0:38:14 | |
-..how did you define who did what? | 0:38:14 | 0:38:17 | |
-My partner took time off. | 0:38:17 | 0:38:19 | |
-At the beginning, I was more -the father who comes home... | 0:38:19 | 0:38:24 | |
-..who hasn't seen the child all day. | 0:38:24 | 0:38:27 | |
-The stereotypical father. | 0:38:27 | 0:38:29 | |
-That was the only time -where we had more traditional roles. | 0:38:30 | 0:38:34 | |
-I'd give him a bath and put him -to bed - I hadn't seen him all day. | 0:38:35 | 0:38:39 | |
-You have preconceptions. | 0:38:40 | 0:38:42 | |
-I thought I'd be the best -at keeping discipline. | 0:38:42 | 0:38:46 | |
-But not at all. I was so soft. | 0:38:47 | 0:38:48 | |
-But not at all. I was so soft. - -Like me. Hopeless! | 0:38:48 | 0:38:50 | |
-What does your little boy -call you as parents? | 0:38:52 | 0:38:55 | |
-Dad and Dadi. | 0:38:55 | 0:38:56 | |
-Did you decide beforehand -which was which? | 0:38:56 | 0:39:00 | |
-We said, "Let him decide -and see what comes." | 0:39:00 | 0:39:04 | |
-People thought that was weird -as children aren't used to it. | 0:39:04 | 0:39:08 | |
-I had Nain and Nain. | 0:39:08 | 0:39:10 | |
-You're right. Of course. | 0:39:10 | 0:39:13 | |
-It isn't anything new. -People just look for differences. | 0:39:13 | 0:39:17 | |
-Yes. Did you get -any negative responses? | 0:39:18 | 0:39:22 | |
-You like to think that everyone's -open-minded but that's not the case. | 0:39:23 | 0:39:28 | |
-Some people still believe that -a child needs a mother and father. | 0:39:28 | 0:39:33 | |
-Nobody's said anything to my face. | 0:39:33 | 0:39:35 | |
-Great. | 0:39:36 | 0:39:37 | |
-There were a couple of times when -people thought they were being kind. | 0:39:38 | 0:39:42 | |
-A couple of women have hugged him -saying... | 0:39:43 | 0:39:45 | |
-.."It's nice to have a hug -from a mother sometimes." | 0:39:45 | 0:39:49 | |
-That must hurt. | 0:39:49 | 0:39:51 | |
-It doesn't hurt. -It angers you more than anything. | 0:39:51 | 0:39:54 | |
-What do you think -you as two fathers offer your son? | 0:39:55 | 0:39:59 | |
-I think we show that from being -the type of family we are... | 0:40:00 | 0:40:04 | |
-..we show you can do anything. | 0:40:05 | 0:40:07 | |
-It's OK to be different. -It's OK to be yourself. | 0:40:07 | 0:40:10 | |
-We give him pride. | 0:40:10 | 0:40:12 | |
-You are the modern family. | 0:40:12 | 0:40:15 | |
-We've pushed the boundaries! | 0:40:15 | 0:40:17 | |
-It's quite complicated. | 0:40:18 | 0:40:20 | |
-There are four fathers -in the picture. | 0:40:20 | 0:40:24 | |
-We've gone from a time -when we couldn't get married... | 0:40:25 | 0:40:29 | |
-..to having got married -and then we divorced. | 0:40:29 | 0:40:32 | |
-We have new partners now. | 0:40:32 | 0:40:33 | |
-The little one divides his time -between the two of us. | 0:40:34 | 0:40:37 | |
-It works for us -and for him, more importantly. | 0:40:37 | 0:40:41 | |
-As long as the parents are open -and put the child first... | 0:40:42 | 0:40:46 | |
-..it might not affect the child -too much. | 0:40:46 | 0:40:49 | |
-Of course. | 0:40:49 | 0:40:50 | |
-You have a child... | 0:40:50 | 0:40:53 | |
-..and your current partner -has children too. | 0:40:53 | 0:40:56 | |
-So it must be chaos around here -sometimes. | 0:40:57 | 0:41:00 | |
-Most of the time! | 0:41:00 | 0:41:02 | |
-You've gone from no children -to three. | 0:41:02 | 0:41:05 | |
-How does that work? | 0:41:05 | 0:41:07 | |
-It's great! | 0:41:08 | 0:41:09 | |
-It gives a foundation to your life. | 0:41:09 | 0:41:14 | |
-In your 20s, you're happy doing -whatever you want. | 0:41:16 | 0:41:20 | |
-You reach a point when you want -something to take over. | 0:41:20 | 0:41:25 | |
-I think you want to stop -being selfish. | 0:41:25 | 0:41:27 | |
-You want to have to put -somebody else first. | 0:41:28 | 0:41:31 | |
-What's nice is it's not -that you have no choice... | 0:41:32 | 0:41:35 | |
-..it comes naturally - -you can't help but put them first. | 0:41:35 | 0:41:39 | |
-You can sit down, -look around the room and think... | 0:41:41 | 0:41:44 | |
-.."If I do nothing else in my life, -I've done something worthwhile." | 0:41:44 | 0:41:49 | |
-"My advice is not to be concerned -about what anyone else thinks. | 0:41:55 | 0:41:59 | |
-"If you listened to everyone, -you wouldn't know what to do." | 0:41:59 | 0:42:03 | |
-"There's no right or wrong way -to raise children. | 0:42:04 | 0:42:07 | |
-"Everyone has a way -that works for them." | 0:42:07 | 0:42:10 | |
-"What's the biggest struggle? | 0:42:11 | 0:42:13 | |
-"I think it's the guilt, -especially when you're working. | 0:42:13 | 0:42:17 | |
-"You feel that whatever you do -isn't right." | 0:42:17 | 0:42:20 | |
-As I work in London... | 0:42:24 | 0:42:25 | |
-..I miss having my family -and Charlie's family around. | 0:42:26 | 0:42:30 | |
-It was important for me to find -a group of Welsh-speaking mothers... | 0:42:30 | 0:42:34 | |
-..for support -and to chat with over a cuppa. | 0:42:35 | 0:42:38 | |
-At the same site as the -London Welsh School in Wembley... | 0:42:40 | 0:42:43 | |
-..a group of mothers -meets every week. | 0:42:43 | 0:42:47 | |
-Talking in this cosy atmosphere, -in Welsh, has been a great help. | 0:42:47 | 0:42:52 | |
-Who is next to you? | 0:42:53 | 0:42:54 | |
-Lois. | 0:42:55 | 0:42:56 | |
-Good morning, Lois. | 0:42:57 | 0:42:59 | |
-It's fantastic for people like us... | 0:43:01 | 0:43:03 | |
-..who've come from Wales and who -don't know many Welsh people here. | 0:43:04 | 0:43:08 | |
-I never thought I'd live in London. | 0:43:08 | 0:43:11 | |
-I never thought I'd leave Wales. | 0:43:11 | 0:43:13 | |
-I never thought I'd leave Wales. - -Neither did I. | 0:43:13 | 0:43:14 | |
-To come to London and find a group -of Welsh-speaking mothers... | 0:43:15 | 0:43:19 | |
-..and for the children to be able -to play with other Welsh speakers... | 0:43:19 | 0:43:23 | |
-..did us the world of good -as a family. | 0:43:24 | 0:43:26 | |
-It meant so much to me. | 0:43:27 | 0:43:29 | |
-As a mother, I enjoy coming here -and chatting in Welsh to friends. | 0:43:30 | 0:43:35 | |
-Doing so in the centre of London -feels like an honour. | 0:43:36 | 0:43:40 | |
-You feel as if you're home. | 0:43:40 | 0:43:43 | |
-Yes. For me, it was also an -opportunity to practise my Welsh. | 0:43:43 | 0:43:49 | |
-I don't live with a Welsh speaker. | 0:43:49 | 0:43:51 | |
-I don't live with a Welsh speaker. - -Neither do I. | 0:43:51 | 0:43:52 | |
-I try and speak Welsh to Monty. | 0:43:52 | 0:43:55 | |
-It's nice to have a chance -to hang out with Welsh speakers... | 0:43:55 | 0:43:59 | |
-..and to speak Welsh with them. | 0:43:59 | 0:44:01 | |
-Three, four, five. | 0:44:01 | 0:44:04 | |
-Five of us! | 0:44:05 | 0:44:07 | |
-You're in a situation where -you're about to return to work. | 0:44:07 | 0:44:11 | |
-How do you feel about leaving little -Lois, who's almost a year old? | 0:44:11 | 0:44:17 | |
-That's when childcare -becomes so important. | 0:44:18 | 0:44:24 | |
-If you have someone -that you trust... | 0:44:24 | 0:44:27 | |
-..who's almost -like a second mother... | 0:44:27 | 0:44:31 | |
-..that's great. | 0:44:31 | 0:44:33 | |
-I moved to London just over -three years ago to work as a nanny. | 0:44:36 | 0:44:41 | |
-As we depend on Jess, -Cian's family depends on you. | 0:44:41 | 0:44:46 | |
-Are the hours long sometimes? | 0:44:47 | 0:44:49 | |
-They are long hours. | 0:44:50 | 0:44:51 | |
-It depends what day it is. | 0:44:52 | 0:44:54 | |
-Between ten and twelve hours. | 0:44:54 | 0:44:56 | |
-But I do enjoy looking -after children, especially Cian. | 0:44:57 | 0:45:01 | |
-You've known him -since he was eight months. | 0:45:01 | 0:45:04 | |
-Yes. We have a good relationship. | 0:45:04 | 0:45:07 | |
-The hardest thing -is knowing it'll end. | 0:45:07 | 0:45:11 | |
-Cian's going to school so I'll be -finishing with them in September. | 0:45:11 | 0:45:16 | |
-Thinking about that is quite tough. | 0:45:16 | 0:45:18 | |
-# I saw a jackdaw | 0:45:19 | 0:45:21 | |
-# Sitting on a rooftop # | 0:45:21 | 0:45:23 | |
-I know from experience that you can -maintain a career and have children. | 0:45:23 | 0:45:29 | |
-I think I've come to the conclusion -that there's no perfect solution. | 0:45:29 | 0:45:34 | |
-You compromise in some way -whatever you do. | 0:45:35 | 0:45:37 | |
-You make compromises every day. | 0:45:38 | 0:45:40 | |
-You make compromises every day. - -It's hard to get everything perfect. | 0:45:40 | 0:45:43 | |
-"Try your best to strike a balance -between your work and your life. | 0:45:48 | 0:45:54 | |
-"All you can do is try your best." | 0:45:54 | 0:45:57 | |
-"It can be difficult at the start -but it's also a lot of fun. | 0:45:58 | 0:46:04 | |
-"So, ride the wave." | 0:46:04 | 0:46:06 | |
-How are you? -You've got nice aftershave on. | 0:46:06 | 0:46:10 | |
-"My advice for any mother -would be not to be hard on yourself. | 0:46:11 | 0:46:17 | |
-"Do your best and enjoy it. | 0:46:17 | 0:46:20 | |
-"It's a responsibility -but it's a special, special honour." | 0:46:20 | 0:46:24 | |
-I couldn't agree more - -it is a special honour. | 0:46:25 | 0:46:28 | |
-I dreamt of being a mother -for years. I've been lucky. | 0:46:28 | 0:46:33 | |
-The first year has been challenging. | 0:46:33 | 0:46:35 | |
-But having Ted in my life -is so precious. | 0:46:36 | 0:46:39 | |
-My superhero sidekick for the night, -faster than a speeding autocue... | 0:46:39 | 0:46:43 | |
-..Jeremy Vine. | 0:46:44 | 0:46:45 | |
-I also enjoy my work. -There's no shame in that. | 0:46:45 | 0:46:48 | |
-I know how lucky I am -to do a job I love. | 0:46:48 | 0:46:52 | |
-But family will always come first. | 0:46:52 | 0:46:55 | |
-So, can we have it all? | 0:46:56 | 0:46:58 | |
-A career and time with family. | 0:46:59 | 0:47:01 | |
-Well, it's not a simple answer. | 0:47:01 | 0:47:04 | |
-Every mother I've met on my journey -copes in their own way. | 0:47:04 | 0:47:08 | |
-What works for one mother doesn't -necessarily work for another. | 0:47:09 | 0:47:13 | |
-The image of the Welsh mother -isn't the reality any more. | 0:47:14 | 0:47:18 | |
-Our role's expanded. -Families have different needs. | 0:47:18 | 0:47:23 | |
-But what's certain is that us women -try and succeed every day. | 0:47:23 | 0:47:29 | |
-Perhaps the spirit -of the Welsh mother is still in us. | 0:47:29 | 0:47:32 | |
-S4C Subtitles by Testun Cyf. | 0:47:55 | 0:47:58 | |
-. | 0:47:58 | 0:47:59 |