Alex Jones: Y Fam Gymreig

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-I'm Alex Jones. I'm a TV presenter.

-Since last year,

-I'm a first-time mother.

-Life for women was more restricted

-100 years ago.

-They didn't have the right to vote,

-buy a house or work while pregnant.

-Things have changed significantly

-in the last century.

-You're enjoying this!

-Whoosh!

-Most women now go to work.

-I returned to work

-three months after Teddy was born.

-That was difficult.

-Finding the balance between my job

-and being a mother is hard.

-Even finding time to feed Ted

-before I go to work is difficult.

-Don't squish it. Eat it.

-Nice?

-Mami have one?

-How do you find the balance between

-being a mum and holding down a job?

-On this programme...

-..I'm going to travel across the

-country to speak to other mothers...

-..share experiences

-and get some advice, I hope.

-This is the question. Is it possible

-for a Welsh mother to have it all?

-And who or what

-is the Welsh mother today?

-"The role of a mother

-is trying to be a bit of everything.

-"It's impossible most of the time.

-"I'm not sure

-if any advice or book...

-"..can prepare you

-for when you first hold your child.

-"You feel every emotion

-under the sun.

-"Just don't mention the exhaustion!"

-"The biggest struggle with being

-a mother in this day and age...

-"..is trying to have that balance...

-"..between family life

-and work life."

-It's so important for us mothers

-to talk to one another.

-We pretend we're perfect

-to the outside world...

-..but there's no such thing.

-I'm not sure if it's harder

-for our generation.

-There might be more pressure

-because we want it all.

-I'm on my way to speak to a mother

-who can be very honest with me.

-Someone who can compare

-her experiences with mine.

-The mother I know better

-than any other - my own.

-Hiya!

-Hiya!

-

-Hello, Al. How was the journey?

-Come in for a cuppa.

-I'm doing a programme

-on what it is to be a mother.

-I thought the person who'd be

-most honest with me would be you...

-..since you raised me.

-How old were you when you had me?

-How old were you when you had me?

-

-Twenty-five.

-Jen is two and a half years

-younger than me.

-Did you and Dad have a plan?

-We planned to have two children.

-You came sooner than planned!

-Did I? Was it a shock?

-Yes, it was.

-I was going to work for two years,

-but no.

-I had five years off to raise you.

-That's how it was. I had nobody

-to look after you anyway.

-That's how it was back then.

-There was no creche

-or anything like that.

-But you're glad now

-because you were a young mother.

-It was fine. It worked out great.

-Twenty-five...

-I think 25 is very young now.

-Yes, it is young.

-Back then, it wasn't young.

-I was an old mother.

-You were an old mother!

-You were an old mother!

-

-On the card they give you.

-What am I? A geriatric!

-What am I? A geriatric!

-

-I was an old mother.

-Anything older than 23

-was classed as an old mother.

-Gosh! As young as that?

-Forty is the age

-considered old nowadays.

-I was just under that threshold,

-being 39 when I had Teddy.

-It's all changed. Everything.

-Dadi didn't get any time off.

-Dadi didn't get any time off.

-

-Not at all?

-No, none.

-Was he back at work the day after?

-After you came out.

-He was allowed to fetch you

-from the hospital...

-..but he had to go in the next day.

-You were born on the weekend

-so you did well there!

-Same thing as Ted.

-Planning.

-Giving birth on a Saturday.

-You lost your mother

-when you were 16.

-Yes.

-That must have affected you.

-It was very hard.

-I'd have been stuck without you

-at the start.

-You know

-I was hopeless at the start.

-Everyone's the same.

-But I was almost 40

-and I didn't know what I was doing.

-What advice do you have?

-You were there for the first

-three weeks after Ted was born.

-What's Mary's top tip?

-It would be to do it your way.

-You'll work it out.

-Everyone raises their children

-differently.

-Do it your way, you and Charlie.

-That's what we do,

-from week to week.

-When we're stuck, we come here.

-OK. See you before long.

-Ta-ra.

-I sometimes find it hard

-to look after one child...

-..between working full-time,

-household chores and everything.

-Others say it's hard with two.

-Some friends say

-that having three is impossible.

-But some mothers deal

-with a lot more.

-On a small estate

-between Cwm-y-Glo and Llanrug...

-..Jen and Rob

-live with their nine children.

-The eldest has just turned 17

-and the youngest is seven months.

-Hello, how are you?

-Hello, how are you?

-

-Not bad. And you?

-Nice to meet you. I'm Alex.

-Nice to meet you. I'm Alex.

-

-Jen.

-You're the mother?

-I thought you were the eldest!

-You look so young!

-Hello, everyone.

-Introduce me to everyone, Elliw.

-This is Poppy.

-Alfie, Jasmine, Keith, Jac, Rob,

-Dylan, George and Dad.

-Do you remember all their names?

-Do you remember all their names?

-

-Yes. I write them down!

-Wow!

-It's so nice to come

-into such a fun and lively home.

-For you as parents,

-it must be extremely hard work.

-You get used to it.

-It's not come about all of a sudden,

-it's progressed over time.

-You get used to it over time.

-Did you plan on having a big family?

-Did you plan on having a big family?

-

-No.

-After three, you didn't think,

-"That's it."

-No!

-It's too expensive for you to

-eat out so it's sandwiches instead.

-How many sandwiches?

-An entire loaf.

-How much bread do you buy a week?

-Ten. We have toast in the morning.

-And in the evening!

-Yes, and for lunchboxes.

-We go through eight pints of milk

-a day.

-Eight pints a day?

-People will ask this question.

-Why do you have so many children?

-What's your answer?

-I like a large family

-though I'm not from a large family.

-You have fun with them

-and I enjoy doing things with them.

-There's a nice atmosphere here.

-There's a nice atmosphere here.

-

-It's great.

-There's a lot of love in the house.

-That's obvious. It's nice.

-There's always someone to play with.

-Or to fight with!

-Jasmine. Poppy. Coat.

-OK? Shoes on.

-For the whole family to go out,

-there was only one solution...

-..buy a bus.

-What's the reaction at the school

-when Rob turns up with the kids?

-The kids say, "Wow!"

-You work full-time, Rob.

-You work full-time, Rob.

-

-Yes, I have my own business.

-Who has the hardest job?

-Who has the hardest job?

-

-Me.

-You think so, do you?

-You think so, do you?

-

-Do you want a swap?

-I was going to say.

-How many bedrooms are in the house?

-How many bedrooms are in the house?

-

-Three.

-And eleven of you.

-Right. So how does that work?

-It doesn't at the moment!

-To be honest, it doesn't.

-But we manage.

-I've made beds for the boys.

-It's a five-bed bunk bed.

-Wow!

-Wow!

-

-A five-tier bunk bed.

-The boys think

-it's the best climbing frame.

-They must love it.

-They don't know any different.

-No.

-Do you and Rob

-have any time for yourselves?

-Not much.

-Do you miss that?

-Do you miss that?

-

-Sometimes.

-Would you change anything?

-No.

-No.

-

-No.

-A larger house.

-In an ideal world,

-we'd have an extension...

-..so we could live more comfortably.

-But the same number of children.

-But the same number of children.

-

-One more.

-And one more.

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-I've been writing a book called

-Winging It! for other mothers.

-It's about my own experiences

-as a mother.

-Doing it in the first year after

-having Ted has been challenging.

-But the stories I've got from other

-parents has been an inspiration.

-It goes to print next week.

-Our unit here in London

-is very small...

-..as Mam and Dad live in Wales,

-at the other end of the M4.

-Charlie, my husband, and I

-share the burden.

-But what about single parents?

-A hundred years ago, a single mother

-would have been mocked.

-But with the 1960s revolution

-and the feminist movement...

-..more and more women had the

-confidence to raise a family alone.

-This is exactly

-what Angharad does today.

-You can think of bike rides as being

-an activity for the whole family.

-Do you sometimes miss another person

-being there, a man?

-Yes.

-We might go past a park and see

-a mother, father and their children.

-It makes you think sometimes...

-..that it would be nice

-to have someone else.

-They're growing up now

-and doing things on their own.

-It would be nice to have someone I

-can do things that I like with too.

-Plenty of time! Your time will come!

-Do you think there's still stigma

-attached with being a single mother?

-I've never experienced stigma,

-not to my face anyway.

-People think of single mothers doing

-the school run in their pyjamas.

-They go home, sit on the sofa, watch

-Jeremy Kyle and live off benefits.

-I've worked all my life apart

-from maternity leave for both boys.

-I work full-time

-to keep a roof over our heads.

-So weekends are very important

-to you as a family.

-They are.

-We don't rush around.

-We can take our time,

-have breakfast...

-..go out on our bikes

-and do something we all enjoy.

-It's an important time for us.

-Shall we go back to the house?

-I'm freezing!

-How did you become single?

-I was in a relationship

-with the boys' father for 15 years.

-I found that I wasn't

-living the life I wanted...

-..and I couldn't see that changing.

-I was becoming bitter

-because I felt I was stuck.

-So I thought I had to change it.

-It was a big step

-to go from a two-salary home...

-..and someone who loved me

-to saying, "No, I don't want this."

-After 15 years.

-After 15 years.

-

-You were very brave.

-People say that...

-..but I had to do it,

-I had to get out of that situation.

-Of course, we were all upset.

-It went on for many months.

-The tears.

-Trying to get used

-to another way of living.

-It's almost six years

-since we separated.

-It took two or three years for me

-to get used to being alone again.

-But, yes...

-Sorry.

-It's alright.

-How did the boys respond?

-Ioan took it very badly that his

-father wasn't living here any more.

-He was very angry with me.

-He'd sometimes come home

-from his father's house...

-..he wouldn't look at me

-or talk to me, which was very hard.

-Llew was more supportive.

-He was older. He could see

-that things weren't right.

-It's a lot for a six-year-old child

-to understand.

-Did you find it difficult that,

-from his perspective...

-..he regarded it as your fault?

-Yes.

-He feels that I've removed something

-from his life.

-That I've spoiled his life,

-taken something away from him.

-I don't think

-he feels I did it on purpose.

-I've tried explaining the reasons

-to him.

-It happens to a lot of families,

-not just us.

-I told him

-it's happened to his friends.

-For him, it's been a major event.

-I think it still affects him.

-But you go from two salaries...

-..and someone else to share the

-responsibility of raising children.

-Everything falls on your shoulders.

-You've worked full-time

-throughout this time.

-Yes.

-Everything falls on my shoulders.

-So I have to go to work, come home,

-make dinner, help with homework...

-..do the chores.

-There's nobody else to sit down

-and read with them or do homework.

-You have to be everything for them.

-It is a struggle

-when you have to say no.

-"Sorry, I can't buy that."

-"We can't go there."

-"I don't know where

-we'd get the money to do that."

-But there's the argument

-that you're a better mother...

-..because you're happier.

-After about two years,

-did you feel that was the case...

-..that you could be

-a better mother...

-..because you weren't in

-a relationship that wasn't working?

-I'm definitely happier.

-I enjoy my life. I have my freedom.

-They see me now working hard...

-..but also going out with friends

-and enjoying myself.

-I'm a very different person now

-to who I was six years ago.

-To be honest, since Dad left,

-it's brought us very close.

-If Ioan goes to stay with Dad,

-Mam and I will go out for the day.

-What about you, Ioan?

-What's the best thing about Mami?

-When I want to talk about something,

-she's happy to talk to me.

-All she wants is for us to be happy.

-It's not all been easy.

-We had to battle through

-some difficult times.

-But the three of us

-have come out on top and are happy.

-Yes.

-The thanks goes to her because

-she's done everything for us.

-Do you see yourself

-living at home for a while?

-Yes.

-It would be very hard to leave Mam.

-Mummy's boy.

-I'm sure there are lots

-of single mothers...

-..or those going through

-a separation or a divorce.

-What would your advice be?

-Good friends.

-You need good friends...

-..to laugh with...

-..and cry with.

-My friends will tell you

-I've cried enough over the years.

-The time when children are small

-is relatively short, isn't it?

-It is.

-You need friends

-for the next part too.

-Yes!

-Or a man!

-Or a man.

-"The only advice I would give...

-"..would be to have as much fun

-as possible with children...

-"..while they're young

-before they can answer back."

-"Though it breaks my heart

-as they grow up...

-"..that they don't need me as much,

-it gives me great happiness...

-"..to see them growing up

-to be confident young people."

-Seeing your child grow, develop

-skills and become independent...

-..is an integral part

-of being a mother.

-But the mother I'm about to meet

-won't get that opportunity.

-Hiya. Are you OK?

-Sandra? I'm Alex. Nice to meet you.

-Sandra? I'm Alex. Nice to meet you.

-

-Come in.

-It's lovely and warm here.

-Is this your first photograph

-of Marie?

-Yes, the one in the middle.

-How much did she weigh?

-How much did she weigh?

-

-2lb 7ozs.

-She was premature.

-She was premature.

-

-Several weeks.

-Is this you?

-Is this you?

-

-That's me.

-Look, Marie.

-You're holding her in your hands.

-She was very small.

-During Marie's early years,

-Sandra and her husband Mal...

-..realized

-she wasn't developing properly.

-After she turned two,

-they took Marie for a scan.

-They discovered

-she had cerebral palsy.

-Life for the family

-would never be the same.

-How did you and your husband feel...

-..when you found out

-that Marie had problems?

-We were upset.

-It changed your life.

-Our lives changed completely

-after having her.

-When she was a baby,

-she was alright.

-I could carry her everywhere.

-But as she grew, she got heavier.

-I had to carry her into the car,

-into the house.

-Do everything for her.

-I quit my job then my husband

-got ill with kidney problems.

-Then he gave up his job.

-She wasn't sleeping either.

-So I'd sleep for an hour

-then he'd sleep for an hour.

-We did that all night.

-Has that changed?

-It's still the same.

-She's still up all night.

-We got a phone call

-when she was three...

-..asking

-if we wanted her to be adopted.

-Really?

-I said, "No chance.

-"She's my daughter

-and she's staying with us."

-Then I put the phone down.

-You knew straight away,

-no question.

-No question.

-She's my daughter, and my husband's.

-We'll look after her

-whatever happens.

-What is Marie's mental age?

-12-18 months.

-It's like having a permanent baby.

-Yes.

-Is that the best way to describe it?

-Is that the best way to describe it?

-

-Yes.

-Neither of us goes out.

-We're here with Marie.

-This is our life.

-Do you think that your other two

-have received less attention...

-..than you'd have liked

-to have given because of Marie?

-A lot less.

-But they've grown up with it

-so they don't know any different.

-How often do you go to the hospital

-and the doctor's surgery?

-This year, she's been

-admitted twice, so not too bad.

-Right.

-The seizures are the worst.

-What causes the seizures?

-What causes the seizures?

-

-Stress.

-Any stress,

-it happens straight away.

-Do you know when the seizures

-are going to happen?

-No.

-She could be asleep.

-So it can happen at night.

-There's no wonder you don't sleep

-because you're on pins all the time.

-She died once, when she was four.

-A doctor came to the house

-and revived her.

-He went with us in the ambulance.

-But she's still here.

-Aren't you?

-She's always happy.

-She's still here...

-..because you do such a

-fantastic job of looking after her.

-We have to.

-She's brought us so much pain...

-I'm hopeless!

-It's fine.

-She's brought us so much pain for

-years but you have to keep going.

-We put music on for you.

-Whatever you want, you get.

-You're always happy and smiling.

-She makes us proud every day.

-She never grumbles.

-She's always happy.

-There's always a smile on your face.

-At the end of the day,

-it's your child.

-You'll do anything for that child.

-Pick your leg up. OK?

-Leg go.

-Leg go.

-

-Righto.

-I have no words to describe

-what it was like to meet Sandra.

-I'm full of admiration...

-..for what she and her husband

-go through every day.

-It goes to show that some mothers

-have it much tougher.

-They're stuck in that house.

-We have no idea.

-As she said,

-she's her mother and that's it.

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-The Internet with all its websites

-on how to be the perfect mother...

-..puts more and more pressure

-on us today.

-The mummy blogger fashion

-has exploded in recent years.

-These websites vary

-in terms of style and content.

-Some look at the challenges

-of raising children...

-..while others portray

-the ideal family life.

-These blogs are now big business.

-Mother Of Daughters and Mother Like

-No Other are the most influential.

-I want to find out more

-about how it all works...

-..so I've come to meet Heulwen, who

-has started a blog called Mam Cymru.

-Hiya, Heulwen. How are you?

-Are you OK?

-Are you OK?

-

-Yes, thanks.

-Where did the idea come from

-for Mam Cymru?

-There was nothing in Welsh online

-when I was pregnant with Elsi.

-I looked at English forums

-but couldn't relate to them.

-Raising children bilingually

-in Wales is very different.

-So I started it last July.

-I wrote my own articles

-and interviewed people.

-Other people then wanted to

-contribute and would send articles.

-I now receive articles daily from

-parents across Wales and beyond...

-..who want to contribute.

-It's very exciting.

-But it isn't your full-time job...

-..so where do you find the time

-to do the blog?

-That's true.

-Mam Cymru is a hobby.

-I get up early,

-between 5.00am and 5.30am...

-You don't!

-I do. My alarm goes off and

-I shift quietly to the spare room.

-That's the Mam Cymru HQ

-as I say on Twitter!

-It's the Mam Cymru HQ.

-I'm there for about an hour and

-a half then I go to my proper job.

-When Elsi's gone to bed,

-I do some more work on Mam Cymru.

-Blogs like yours...

-..are good at making young mothers

-feel they're not alone...

-..that there are people

-who can share their experiences.

-When I would feed Ted

-at three or four in the morning...

-..that's when I'd surf the Internet

-for these websites.

-The early hours is when

-a lot of people do go on Mam Cymru.

-Not just in Wales but abroad too.

-It's daytime then in Australia.

-I can see how many people in Wales

-go on it in the early hours.

-It's something to entertain them

-while the children are feeding...

-..or while they're screaming!

-Raising a child

-where there's family around you...

-..those days have gone,

-as you and I both know.

-I think people need services

-and places they can go for advice.

-Being a mother isn't perfect...

-..but it's the best thing

-that's happened to me.

-I reflect that in what I write.

-When mothers and fathers say it's

-made a difference to their lives...

-..and has inspired them,

-it makes me want to carry on.

-As you said, something was needed

-in Welsh as there was nothing.

-Congratulations to you. Fantastic.

-I'll be reading it

-in the coming years...

-..when I'll have lost the plot

-and will need something to help me!

-"Being a mother is missing your kids

-when you're not with them...

-"..and loving them

-when you're with them.

-"But you need a lot of patience."

-"What struck me after coming home

-from hospital with the baby...

-"..was the huge responsibility.

-"I was now responsible for this

-tiny person for the rest of my life.

-"There's no clocking off

-when you're a parent."

-When I was pregnant with Teddy, lots

-of people said I wouldn't believe...

-..how much love I'd feel

-for the new baby

-They were right.

-The love is endless.

-But these feelings aren't unique

-to mothers who've given birth.

-There are many different ways

-of feeling that motherly love.

-Hiya! How are you, Elin? Are you OK?

-Hiya! How are you, Elin? Are you OK?

-

-Good. Come in.

-Thank you.

-You'd struggle to find a closer bond

-between a mother and daughter...

-..than Elin and Caitlin's,

-but this is no ordinary story.

-Your journey to becoming a mother

-is different to most.

-Tell me the story.

-I became friends with Caitlin's

-mother when I was about 26.

-We both got jobs lecturing for

-a year at Cardiff Met University.

-During our time there,

-she fell pregnant with Caitlin.

-She gave birth to her.

-I was her godmother.

-After about a year...

-..her mother developed symptoms

-which turned out to be cancer.

-She died when Caitlin

-was about a year and three months.

-As a godmother, I wanted to help

-her father John to look after her.

-In time, a relationship developed

-between John and me.

-We weren't sure if it would work out

-as we had to think of Caitlin.

-It has worked.

-We've been married for ten years.

-We've lived as a family since then.

-So your life changed completely.

-You hadn't foreseen it.

-You hadn't foreseen it.

-

-Not at all.

-I was single at the time and

-hadn't thought about settling down.

-Suddenly, I was looking after

-a little girl.

-But it's the best thing

-that could have happened to me.

-Had you and Nicola discussed this

-at all during her illness?

-I'd visit her regularly

-and help with Caitlin.

-I remember one night

-when she was very ill in hospital.

-John was sat on one side of her

-and I was sat on the other.

-She held our hand...

-..and something in my head said...

-.."Oh, my gosh, I think

-she wants me to look after them."

-That's stayed with me.

-I've never felt guilty

-for taking her family.

-I just want to do the best for Cait

-and give her every opportunity.

-Your mother explained...

-..that you were a baby

-when you lost your birth mother.

-You remember hardly anything.

-Nothing.

-What's your first memory?

-I don't remember anything.

-I only know Mam

-through photographs and videos...

-..that Mam and Dad have shown me.

-But Mam is your mother, is she?

-Yes.

-What's great about Mam?

-I'm putting you on the spot!

-She makes me work hard.

-Does she?

-She helps me with homework

-as she's a teacher.

-So she is good.

-You look very similar.

-Do people say that often?

-Yes.

-When you were growing up, people

-were saying how similar we are.

-"She's the spit of you."

-We'd look at each other and smile.

-Nice. Are there things about Caitlin

-that remind you of Nicola?

-I've noticed

-when she looks a certain way.

-She looks the same as her mother.

-I say,

-"You looked like your mother there."

-Nicola was quite shy.

-She didn't like a fuss.

-I think you're like her in that way.

-She liked to do her schoolwork

-tidily as she was a teacher.

-You like your work to be tidy too.

-The older Caitlin gets,

-the similarity increases...

-..as she develops

-into a young woman.

-Are there things

-you want to know about your mother?

-Things you didn't think about

-before.

-I think more

-about her personality...

-..and what she was like.

-Yes, I want to know more.

-Caitlin's mother

-was a primary school teacher.

-That's what you want to do. There

-might be something in her nature.

-I don't know what it's like

-to have a child naturally.

-But I can't imagine our relationship

-would be any different.

-I'm so proud of everything she does.

-I'm sharing her journey.

-She does a lot of dancing,

-gymnastics and athletics.

-It gives me a lot of pleasure

-watching her.

-I feel proud

-knowing I'm doing an OK job...

-..and that Nic's

-watching over her too.

-"Dear Mam,

-Happy Birthday to you. 40!

-"You support me in everything I do!

-"Thank you very much

-for being there with me!

-"Loads of love, Caitlin"

-.

-Subtitles

-Subtitles

-

-Subtitles

-The role of the Welsh mother

-has changed so much.

-Since 2002, same-sex couples

-have been able to adopt children...

-..and prove that a man or woman

-can be a mother...

-..like Alan and his partner did.

-Did you always know

-that you wanted children?

-Yes. I've always had

-a maternal side to me.

-Or paternal!

-I've always known I've wanted

-to give that love to a child.

-Mam is such an important figure

-to me.

-I want to do what she did.

-I was eight

-when I first thought I was gay.

-But you don't understand

-what that means at that age.

-I grew up knowing I wouldn't

-get married and have children.

-At the time, it wasn't an option.

-At the time, it wasn't an option.

-

-No.

-When we were going through

-the adoption process...

-..they said

-that dealing with gay couples...

-..was different

-to dealing with straight couples.

-The woman experiences grief in a way

-as she can't have children.

-She has to deal with that

-before she can adopt.

-They said that gay people

-don't have that.

-But they do. I was eight

-trying to deal with that.

-Women deal with it

-with a partner as an adult.

-I was a child dealing with it.

-Yes.

-What did your family think

-of the fact you wanted to adopt?

-They were delighted.

-Mam's been over the moon

-from the start.

-She loves coming down.

-He has bunk beds in his room.

-The bottom one is Nain's bed.

-Is it?!

-Can you describe the moment you saw

-your little boy for the first time?

-Just...

-We walked in.

-We'd stopped somewhere

-to buy a wooden toy to give to him.

-We walked in and he ran towards us,

-smiled and jumped up for a hug.

-It felt that he belonged to me

-and that's it.

-That's lovely!

-Oh!

-I'm hopeless! I'm a real softie!

-Did it feel natural from the start?

-Totally natural.

-A lot of what they discuss

-beforehand...

-..is if you have a feeling

-that "he's not my son"...

-..how do you bring about that love?

-We prepared ourselves for

-not having an immediate connection.

-But I did have that connection.

-Even parents who give birth

-might not have that connection.

-But it felt totally natural.

-But it felt totally natural.

-

-Immediately.

-I was a father

-the moment he looked at me.

-When you came back,

-the three of you...

-..how did you define who did what?

-My partner took time off.

-At the beginning, I was more

-the father who comes home...

-..who hasn't seen the child all day.

-The stereotypical father.

-That was the only time

-where we had more traditional roles.

-I'd give him a bath and put him

-to bed - I hadn't seen him all day.

-You have preconceptions.

-I thought I'd be the best

-at keeping discipline.

-But not at all. I was so soft.

-But not at all. I was so soft.

-

-Like me. Hopeless!

-What does your little boy

-call you as parents?

-Dad and Dadi.

-Did you decide beforehand

-which was which?

-We said, "Let him decide

-and see what comes."

-People thought that was weird

-as children aren't used to it.

-I had Nain and Nain.

-You're right. Of course.

-It isn't anything new.

-People just look for differences.

-Yes. Did you get

-any negative responses?

-You like to think that everyone's

-open-minded but that's not the case.

-Some people still believe that

-a child needs a mother and father.

-Nobody's said anything to my face.

-Great.

-There were a couple of times when

-people thought they were being kind.

-A couple of women have hugged him

-saying...

-.."It's nice to have a hug

-from a mother sometimes."

-That must hurt.

-It doesn't hurt.

-It angers you more than anything.

-What do you think

-you as two fathers offer your son?

-I think we show that from being

-the type of family we are...

-..we show you can do anything.

-It's OK to be different.

-It's OK to be yourself.

-We give him pride.

-You are the modern family.

-We've pushed the boundaries!

-It's quite complicated.

-There are four fathers

-in the picture.

-We've gone from a time

-when we couldn't get married...

-..to having got married

-and then we divorced.

-We have new partners now.

-The little one divides his time

-between the two of us.

-It works for us

-and for him, more importantly.

-As long as the parents are open

-and put the child first...

-..it might not affect the child

-too much.

-Of course.

-You have a child...

-..and your current partner

-has children too.

-So it must be chaos around here

-sometimes.

-Most of the time!

-You've gone from no children

-to three.

-How does that work?

-It's great!

-It gives a foundation to your life.

-In your 20s, you're happy doing

-whatever you want.

-You reach a point when you want

-something to take over.

-I think you want to stop

-being selfish.

-You want to have to put

-somebody else first.

-What's nice is it's not

-that you have no choice...

-..it comes naturally -

-you can't help but put them first.

-You can sit down,

-look around the room and think...

-.."If I do nothing else in my life,

-I've done something worthwhile."

-"My advice is not to be concerned

-about what anyone else thinks.

-"If you listened to everyone,

-you wouldn't know what to do."

-"There's no right or wrong way

-to raise children.

-"Everyone has a way

-that works for them."

-"What's the biggest struggle?

-"I think it's the guilt,

-especially when you're working.

-"You feel that whatever you do

-isn't right."

-As I work in London...

-..I miss having my family

-and Charlie's family around.

-It was important for me to find

-a group of Welsh-speaking mothers...

-..for support

-and to chat with over a cuppa.

-At the same site as the

-London Welsh School in Wembley...

-..a group of mothers

-meets every week.

-Talking in this cosy atmosphere,

-in Welsh, has been a great help.

-Who is next to you?

-Lois.

-Good morning, Lois.

-It's fantastic for people like us...

-..who've come from Wales and who

-don't know many Welsh people here.

-I never thought I'd live in London.

-I never thought I'd leave Wales.

-I never thought I'd leave Wales.

-

-Neither did I.

-To come to London and find a group

-of Welsh-speaking mothers...

-..and for the children to be able

-to play with other Welsh speakers...

-..did us the world of good

-as a family.

-It meant so much to me.

-As a mother, I enjoy coming here

-and chatting in Welsh to friends.

-Doing so in the centre of London

-feels like an honour.

-You feel as if you're home.

-Yes. For me, it was also an

-opportunity to practise my Welsh.

-I don't live with a Welsh speaker.

-I don't live with a Welsh speaker.

-

-Neither do I.

-I try and speak Welsh to Monty.

-It's nice to have a chance

-to hang out with Welsh speakers...

-..and to speak Welsh with them.

-Three, four, five.

-Five of us!

-You're in a situation where

-you're about to return to work.

-How do you feel about leaving little

-Lois, who's almost a year old?

-That's when childcare

-becomes so important.

-If you have someone

-that you trust...

-..who's almost

-like a second mother...

-..that's great.

-I moved to London just over

-three years ago to work as a nanny.

-As we depend on Jess,

-Cian's family depends on you.

-Are the hours long sometimes?

-They are long hours.

-It depends what day it is.

-Between ten and twelve hours.

-But I do enjoy looking

-after children, especially Cian.

-You've known him

-since he was eight months.

-Yes. We have a good relationship.

-The hardest thing

-is knowing it'll end.

-Cian's going to school so I'll be

-finishing with them in September.

-Thinking about that is quite tough.

-# I saw a jackdaw

-# Sitting on a rooftop #

-I know from experience that you can

-maintain a career and have children.

-I think I've come to the conclusion

-that there's no perfect solution.

-You compromise in some way

-whatever you do.

-You make compromises every day.

-You make compromises every day.

-

-It's hard to get everything perfect.

-"Try your best to strike a balance

-between your work and your life.

-"All you can do is try your best."

-"It can be difficult at the start

-but it's also a lot of fun.

-"So, ride the wave."

-How are you?

-You've got nice aftershave on.

-"My advice for any mother

-would be not to be hard on yourself.

-"Do your best and enjoy it.

-"It's a responsibility

-but it's a special, special honour."

-I couldn't agree more -

-it is a special honour.

-I dreamt of being a mother

-for years. I've been lucky.

-The first year has been challenging.

-But having Ted in my life

-is so precious.

-My superhero sidekick for the night,

-faster than a speeding autocue...

-..Jeremy Vine.

-I also enjoy my work.

-There's no shame in that.

-I know how lucky I am

-to do a job I love.

-But family will always come first.

-So, can we have it all?

-A career and time with family.

-Well, it's not a simple answer.

-Every mother I've met on my journey

-copes in their own way.

-What works for one mother doesn't

-necessarily work for another.

-The image of the Welsh mother

-isn't the reality any more.

-Our role's expanded.

-Families have different needs.

-But what's certain is that us women

-try and succeed every day.

-Perhaps the spirit

-of the Welsh mother is still in us.

-S4C Subtitles by Testun Cyf.

-.