Episode 1 And They're Off... for Sport Relief

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello and welcome to And They're Off! For Sport Relief,

a show where five fearless, and potentially foolish, stars

go head-to-head in a series of epic races -

and in the studio we have five contestants

all hoping to choose the champion.

Plus, we are here to raise lots of money for Sport Relief,

and you at home can do your bit and donate.

Details of how to do so will be coming up later in the show.

Now, though, it is time to meet

the five players all hoping to run the opposition ragged tonight.

First up, we have Col.

He's a civil servant from Bridgwater.

Next up, meet Dominica,

A work placement coordinator from St Helens.

Our third player tonight is Ross.

He's a fashion blogger from Cardiff.

Fourth in is Viv - she's an HR systems advisor from Hertfordshire.

And, finally, it's Gary,

a graphic designer from Dundee.

APPLAUSE

So, those are our contestants.

It is time to meet the celebrities who will be racing for them tonight.

First up, it's former Liverpool, Manchester United

and England striker Michael Owen.

He scored 150 Premiership goals during his career,

so he knows all about the back of the net,

but will he be at the front of our pack?

Next, she shot to fame on The Apprentice.

It's go-getting businesswoman

and TV presenter Saira Khan.

She loves a challenge -

but will this be a case of Saira Khan or Saira KHAN'T?

Our next competitor

was made in Chelsea,

but is he made of the right stuff

for this competition?

Will Ollie Locke find the right combination to win this contest?

We'll find out shortly.

Next up, it's rugby legend Mike Tindall.

Not only is he a World Cup winner,

but he's also married to Princess Anne's daughter, Zara Phillips.

Will this be his crowning glory, or will he mess it up royally?

Finally, competitor number five

is top TV vocal coach Carrie Grant.

She's hoping she'll find the key to victory here -

but will it prove a major success or a minor disaster?

Talk about an array of talent, huh?

So here is how the game works.

Our celebrities are going head-to-head in some amazing races.

In every race, each of you will be represented by one of them -

but you'll have to earn the right to pick a celeb,

and if you pick the loser, you're out of the game.

Let's have a look at the first race

with our resident Olympian showing us how it's done.

Our race demonstrator is Daryll Neita,

Olympic sprinter and world relay silver medallist -

and our first race is the Mud Run.

It's a simple test of speed and power.

Our celebrities need to sprint 50 metres to the finish,

but avoid getting stuck in the three mud pits.

They'll need to be strong and focused to make it

to the end of the course. If they get stuck in the mud,

they'll need to haul themselves out and keep going until they reach

the finish line. Who are you behind in the Mud Run?

It is a simple running race, with only a small hurdle -

gallons of mud.

Who will power through and who will sink to the bottom?

It is time to find out.

We're going to show you five pictures

that are all clues to an answer.

The first person to buzz in and give the correct answer

gets first choice of celebrity. Here's your first question.

These actors all starred in which film?

BUZZER

-Col?

-Love, Actually.

Is not the answer, I'm afraid, Col.

You are frozen out. Let's keep going with the actors.

BUZZER

-Gary's in.

-Four Weddings And A Funeral?

Is not the right answer, Gary, you're frozen out, as well.

-Viv?

-Notting Hill.

Is the right answer. Well done.

APPLAUSE

Emma Chambers, Tim McInnerny, Rhys Ifans, Julia Roberts

and of course, Hugh Grant. Viv!

You have first choice of our five splendid celebrities.

I'm going to take Mike.

Because he's in rugby, he's probably used to mud.

Yeah, he'll plough through, easy.

Mike Tindall is all yours, Viv.

-Thank you.

-OK.

The four of you, we've still got four lovely celebrities.

Here we go. These have all won which award?

BUZZER

-Col?

-Sports Personality Of The Year.

Is the right answer. Yes.

The BBC Sports Personality Of The Year.

Princess Anne, Steve Davis,

Kelly Holmes, Steve Redgrave

and Andy Murray. Well done, Col.

-Who's it going to be to take on the Mud Run?

-I'll go for Michael.

The other sporting hero, Col, is all yours, Michael Owen.

Fingers back on your buzzers, guys.

Here we go with the next question.

These are all photos of which celebrity?

BUZZER

-Dominica?

-David Walliams?

Is the right answer.

Well done, Dominica.

One more picture. You have the third pick of our celebrities.

I'm going to go with Carrie.

Because she's a girl after my own heart, cos I love to sing.

So I'm just going to go for that reason.

Dominica, Carrie Grant is all yours.

Which means, Ross and Gary,

get this question right and you will

have that last crucial pick.

Fingers on your buzzers.

These celebrities all came first on which TV show?

BUZZER

Strictly Come Dancing?

Is absolutely the right answer, Ross.

We have Jill Halfpenny, Jay McGuiness, Abbey Clancy,

Natasha Kaplinsky and Alesha Dixon.

Well done, Ross. So, you have that last

all-important pick. Who would you like to go for?

I was actually, if I got first pick, I would have gone for Saira.

Because I think she is quite light

and I think she's quite sporty, as well, so I'm going to go for Saira.

You are taking Saira Khan.

She's all yours, Ross.

Which means, Gary...!

-Yeah.

-You're left in the position that nobody wants to be in.

I'm liking his hair.

Because I don't have a lot of hair,

-I think his hair will get him through this.

-All right, OK.

Well, whatever technique, if it works for you,

that's all that counts.

Ollie Locke is now yours, Gary.

So, as we look along the line, Col has Michael,

Dominica has Carrie,

Ross has Saira, Viv has Mike

and Gary has got the good hair - it's Ollie.

Remember, if your celeb comes last, you'll be leaving us tonight.

Get ready to support your runners, OK?

Here's our commentator, Dave Lamb,

as our celebrities take on the Mud Run.

It's the Mud Run.

Ollie Locke, posh.

Michael Owen, sporty.

Carrie Grant, ginger.

Saira Khan, scary.

Mike Tindall, acting the baby.

KLAXON

Zig a zig, and they're off.

And it's Saira in blue who's first to show.

Ollie, close behind.

And here comes Mike Tindall in purple, storming along.

And he has actually cleared the entire pit

like a man who really hates mud and pits.

We've got to see that again.

Look at that leap.

Meanwhile, Saira's gone from first to face first.

Her chances sinking faster than she is.

Carrie and Michael now out of the first pit.

It's another huge leap from Mike Tindall.

Saira's going nowhere here

as Michael and Carrie hit the second pit in that order.

Good luck dry-cleaning this lot.

Well, well, well, what a messy race this is.

Saira's not giving up.

She's got a lot of ground to make up if she's going to catch Carrie.

She's giving it her all, though.

Look at that. Meanwhile, it's Ollie in green

who sprints his way to first place.

How did that happen?

How on earth did Mike Tindall lose that?

Saira's down again.

Carrie's sprinting.

And basically into disaster, she stops almost immediately in the mud.

This could be good news for Saira.

Mike Tindall takes second.

Michael Owen third. Saira crawling in the mud now.

Can she catch Carrie?

No, she can't.

Carrie's up and she's going to finish fourth.

Saira's got fifth place here and she's down again.

Obviously!

Well, she's filthy now.

She's filthy, she's flailing and, unfortunately for her, she's fifth.

Well done, everybody.

Now go and have a bath.

I thought she'd never get out of there.

Gary! It was the hair what did it.

Now I've seen him, I'm like, he's a threat, like.

Does that actually count?

Because he jumped over the mud, he didn't go through it.

Come on, you can't come on this show now

questioning all the rules. OK?

-You got through!

-Yeah, yeah, I got through.

All right. It just shows, hey, looks can be deceiving.

-Ross.

-I know.

I should have gone for the underdog.

-But I didn't. Never mind.

-What it means, though, Ross,

is we're going to have to say goodbye to you, buddy.

It's been short but it's been so lovely. Let's hear it for Ross.

APPLAUSE

And we are also going to have to say goodbye for the moment to

Saira Khan.

I really psyched it up.

I've got my shorts up so the mud wouldn't cling to me.

I was, like, trying to work it out, but nothing prepares you for that.

And these lot were all jumping in front of me.

I was, like, come on, give me a break.

He jumped the first two!

How can you jump a ditch!

So we've lost Saira, but we have four amazing celebs still left

in the game. Let's take a look at their next race.

Race two is the Donuts.

Our celebrities need to make their way over eight inflatable donuts

to the finish line.

They're going to need good balance and agility just to make it across,

because if they hit the water, they're back to the start.

They can use any technique they want - some might run,

but some might crawl.

Maybe slow and steady will win the race.

Who are you behind in the Donuts?

So, who will beat the Donuts and who will come to a sticky end?

Here is your first question.

These TV shows are set in which city?

BUZZER

Col?

London.

Is not the right answer, Col. You're frozen out for this question.

One more clue.

BUZZER

Gary?

Manchester?

Don't doubt yourself, Gary.

You got it spot on, my friend.

Well done!

Life On Mars, Dinnerladies, Cold Feet and The Royle Family.

You have the first pick of our four remaining celebrities.

I'm going to pick Michael.

Michael Owen is all yours, Gary.

-Thanks, man.

-All right, the three of you, here is your next question.

These fictional characters all held which rank?

BUZZER

-Col?

-Captain.

Is exactly the answer we were looking for.

We have Captain Haddock, Captain Han Solo,

Captain Jack Sparrow and, of course, Captain Kirk.

Captain Col, you have the next choice of celebrity.

This one's very tricky.

I think Mike's going to be too heavy for this one.

I'm going to try Carrie.

Col, Carrie is all yours.

So, Dominica and Viv,

here is your final question.

These actors are all portraying which historical figure?

BUZZER

Dominica just in there.

-Queen Victoria.

-Is the right answer.

Emily Blunt, Jenna Coleman, Judi Dench and Robert Webb!

Dominica, you have the last pick of our celebrities

to take on the Donuts.

Gut instinct tells me to go for a sportsman.

-I'll go for Mike.

-All right.

Mike Tindall is your man.

-Viv?

-I'm all right.

OK.

So, Ollie Locke is all yours, Viv.

Who stays and who goes?

Let's let the Donuts decide. Here we go.

Race two, and it's Donuts o'clock.

Ollie looking quizzical.

Michael, about to get physical.

Carrie, absolutely hysterical.

And Mike, doing that.

KLAXON

And they're off.

And Michael's gone tearing away

and he's just fallen off.

And Ollie's...

No, Ollie's gone in, too.

He's proper posh and he's just had a wash.

It's slow and steady, meanwhile, for Mike and Carrie.

It worked for the tortoise - will it work for them?

As Michael in orange and Ollie in green try another run,

will it work for Michael this time?

Well, he's down on one knee, but he's keeping going.

Oh, dear me. He's in.

Look at that. Early bath for Michael Owen.

He's going to have to go back to the start for a second time.

Mike and Carrie are not even wet yet, but they're crawling,

whereas Michael Owen is sprinting back to the starting line.

And Michael's sticking with his original tactic here -

it's never going to work, Michael.

Although it has actually worked.

Well done. Good tactics, nice strategy.

On the far side there is a strong surge from the dream team

of Ollie and Ollie's gorgeous hair -

but it might not be enough to catch Tindall,

who, despite having no gorgeous hair to speak of,

is going to be over the line first here.

Ollie Locke and Michael Owen battling for second.

It's Liverpool versus Chelsea,

football pitch versus filthy rich.

Ollie's pulling away now.

By his fingernails, he's got an advantage.

As Carrie looks on helpless.

Ollie just needs to not mess this up.

Oh, no, he's completely messing it up!

And Michael Owen takes second.

Well, he may well laugh.

I'm laughing, too. Ollie's third.

But what's Mike Tindall up to?

Oh, my goodness me.

Well, that's outrageous.

That's interference, that is.

Surely, he can...

Oh, wait a minute.

This is actually an act of chivalry in the making.

He's Carrie's knight in shining armour.

Well, Carrie by name -

and our vocal coach hits a bum note with fourth spot.

He is a gentleman to the end,

and he also came out on top, Dominica, Mike Tindall.

He certainly did! Woohoo!

You seem happy with that.

-Very happy.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

Col, you could have picked Mike Tindall.

I could have. I thought Carrie had a chance.

What it means, though, I'm afraid...

Col, I almost don't want to say it.

I'm so sorry. We're going to have to say goodbye to you.

Col, everyone.

APPLAUSE

And it's this point that we also say goodbye to Carrie Grant.

I'm eliminated.

I thought for a moment...

I kept seeing Michael Owen...

Like... He's off again.

Oh, my God!

My head was saying, "Could I actually beat Michael Owen?

"That would be so amazing."

But then I realised, no, he has got the skills, unfortunately.

Now, all of our celebrities have given up their time

to try and raise as much money as possible

for the brilliant Sport Relief.

Coming up now is a film about something that affects

one in four of us every year.

Uh...

For me, sometimes I get so sad,

it feels as if there's, like, a gnawing emptiness inside of me.

Being in a crowd of your friends and still feeling alone.

I lost contact with reality.

I started to become very paranoid,

thinking things had happened when they hadn't.

My body's fine, it's my mind that's suffering.

When I look back, it's black.

The thing about depression and mental illness is...

it affects your ability to deal with situations rationally.

So you end up crying because you've burnt toast.

It prevents you from...

..not only participating in day-to-day life,

but also from imagining that participation in day-to-day life

is in any way possible.

I didn't know what I was doing because it was not me.

I hear voices.

The voices don't stop.

And I thought it was coming from different people

and it was kind of all coming from me.

I used to see hands going into the Moses basket,

thinking that they were wanting to steal my baby.

And they say they're going to kill me,

they're going to put me in a bonfire.

Feelings of "I don't want to be here", and here being...

..not here, but...

..here.

Too often, people suffer in silence.

Die in silence, live in silence.

And it doesn't have to be that way.

There is someone, whether you know them or not,

whether they know you or not, that will listen.

We all talk about our problems

and in a light-hearted way.

I was very unwell.

And they become part of my life.

And now I'm really well.

And I kind of go out and share the message to other mums

that it's OK to not be OK sometimes.

Now I've surrounded myself and talk to people

that love and care about me. And if my world was to end,

I now know there are people who would help me build a new one.

I feel at home, really.

Mental health problems don't discriminate.

They can happen to anyone.

Thank you.

Mental health problems really can affect anyone,

and projects which use Sport Relief money

are working hard all over the country

to give people the support they need at the time they need it.

If you want to donate £5, all you have to do is...

Or if you want to donate £10...

It is that simple.

Texts will cost your donation plus your standard network message charge

and 100% of your donation will go to Sport Relief.

You must be 16 or over.

And please ask the bill-payer's permission.

For full terms and more information, go to bbc.co.uk/sportrelief.

Anything you can spare, I can tell you, will make a big difference.

Right, guys. We're at the halfway point.

And still in the game are Dominica, Viv and Gary,

all hoping to take the title tonight.

And their fate lies in the hands of our three remaining celebs -

Michael Owen, Ollie Locke

and Mike Tindall.

Time to find out what the next race is. Let's give their bodies a break,

shall we, and test some brainpower?

Race three is the Leveller.

This race is all about control.

Our celebrities must place three blocks upright

while delicately balancing a platform.

They'll need to keep their rope taut

as they carefully collect each block.

They can only collect one block at a time.

If a block topples, they must reset it before carrying on.

Maybe more haste and less speed will win the race.

Once three blocks are standing,

they will need a cool head and a steady hand

as they carefully back up to the finish line.

Who are you supporting in the Leveller?

The Leveller. So, here is your first question.

These are scenes from which comedy?

BUZZER

-Yes, Viv?

-Ab Fab.

Absolutely Fabulous is what we were looking for.

Viv, you've got first pick of our

three remaining celebrities for this one.

It is a different kind of game altogether.

Yeah. Hmm...

I am going more towards...

-Michael Owen.

-All right.

-Michael Owen is all yours, Viv.

-Got the competitive streak.

OK, here is your last and possibly crucial question.

The names of these people are linked by which colour?

BUZZER

-Gary?

-Brown.

You've got the right answer. Well done.

Mel B for Brown, June Brown and Gordon Brown.

Who do you think will be better at this one - Mike or Ollie?

Nice and steady, Mike.

Mike Tindall is all yours.

Dominica, you do look disappointed.

No, no. No, I'm going to go with this.

-He won't let us down.

-No?

He's done it before and he'll do it again.

Ollie Locke is locked in.

Get ready to cheer along. Here's the Leveller.

Race three is the Leveller.

Mike, cool.

Ollie, calm.

Michael, in no way collected.

KLAXON

And they're off.

Michael, in orange, sets his block down, so does Ollie in green -

but with his first step,

Michael's is down.

Mike is doing better, though.

He's managed a good four steps here

before making a right royal mess of things.

Three men now, one block apiece.

Michael's down again, look at that.

As Ollie reaches for his second block, Ollie's in the lead here.

Followed by Mike. Michael a distant third.

All three men completely and utterly out of their comfort zone.

This can change in an instant, though...

and Ollie drops there.

But Mike, as cool as a cucumber

and as relaxed as a very relaxed cucumber,

is all set for block number three.

Or at least he would be if he hadn't just lost blocks one and two.

He's back to reset them.

So it's Michael Owen and Ollie Locke,

neck-and-neck on block three here.

Pure concentration on the face of Michael Owen.

Oh, but Ollie in green has gone again.

It's so frustrating, this game.

But Michael suddenly in the zone,

he's totally nailed the technique here.

He's just got one block to go.

He approaches it cautiously,

like something stalking his prey.

And he places the final block down.

This is the most outstanding performance by an England footballer

since David Beckham last modelled in his underpants.

Ollie and Mike are both on two blocks,

but Michael just needs to reach the finish without his falling.

Oh, Ollie has literally hit another stumbling block.

Mike, with three blocks, is in second place now.

Ollie's had enough of this, look at that,

his toys are well and truly out of the pram.

And Michael is first.

Michael Owen wins it.

Ollie's furious. Mike Tindall,

ever so slowly, is inching his way to second place,

which he achieves - just.

And that means Ollie finishes last.

But there are no losers here -

except Ollie, obviously.

Anybody else get a real sweat on watching that?

Yeah, me.

I can't take this.

Viv, I mean, Michael Owen nailed the technique there.

-He had the skill.

-Yes, he really did.

Top of the board there, Michael Owen.

Gary, that was a very good round for Mike Tindall.

-He was solid.

-Absolutely.

And solid is what we were looking for.

Solid is not what we got from Ollie Locke, Dominica.

No. I'm absolutely gutted.

You should never, ever, ever give up.

Dominica, you have been so much fun.

-Oh, thank you.

-I'm so sorry we've got to say goodbye but we do.

-Let's hear it for Dominica.

-Thank you.

APPLAUSE

It's a shame, cos he does have great hair,

let's say bye-bye, Ollie Locke.

I mean, it's a shocking result.

To be fair, camp guy from Made In Chelsea

versus England rugby, England football.

Um... I mean, shocking!

Viv and Gary, if it was up to me,

I'd have you both in the final.

I'm afraid there is only room for one of you, though.

Let's take a look at the race that will decide your fate.

In race four, our celebrities will tackle the Death Slide.

They'll scramble 20 metres up a climbing wall.

It's a test of courage and steady nerves as they drop down the slide

and plunge into the freezing waters below.

Then it's a short swim to the mats before they haul themselves out

and sprint to the finish line.

Who are you behind in the Death Slide?

Ooh! It's a test of courage, discipline

and trying desperately not to scream.

Choosing first in this round, guys,

is arguably more important than ever.

So we have made it that bit harder.

In this head-to-head,

you will need to answer two questions correctly, all right?

Here's your first question.

These film characters

are both famously associated with which animal?

BUZZER

-Yes, Viv?

-Cat.

Is absolutely the right answer.

Well done.

Don Corleone from The Godfather,

and Blofeld from the James Bond films.

Viv, you are one up.

Another question right and you'll get that first pick.

Gary, fingers on your buzzer.

Both of these singers were born in which decade?

BUZZER

Yes, Viv?

'80s?

Is the right answer. That's the one we were looking for.

Rihanna and Taylor Swift, both of them born in the 1980s, which means,

Viv, you have first pick of our celebrities.

So, Michael Owen and Mike Tindall

in the Death Slide.

I am going to go for...

..Michael Owen.

Michael Owen is yours.

-Thank you.

-Gary.

-I actually would have gone with Mike.

-Yeah?

-Yeah, I think he's got the kind of upper-body strength

to get up that wall.

So, we have Team Tindall, we have Team Owen.

It is the age-old battle, football versus rugby.

Here we go.

This is the Death Slide.

Michael Owen versus Mike Tindall.

It's a clash of sporting giants.

Well, one giant and one significantly smaller man -

but is it football or rugby for the win?

Michael trying to psych Mike out there. Good luck with that.

Meanwhile, the wall awaits.

KLAXON

And they're off. And Owen's off to a good start,

but Tindall bounds up that wall like a beefy Spider-Man.

Owen is right on his heels, though,

they're neck and neck at the top block.

Who's going to be the first to drop?

It's Tindall.

His weight could prove a real advantage here.

Wow, look at that!

Identical splashdowns.

Let's see that again.

You will not see a footballer diving that dramatically

outside of the Champions League!

Now, who's going to surface first?

This is too close to call.

Mike in purple, Michael in orange.

They are stroke for stroke.

This is going to be so close.

It's just Mike Tindall who touches the mat first,

hauling himself up onto that mat like a majestic seal.

He's on his knees, his pants are almost around his knees.

Michael Owen's on his feet.

The fast-footed footballer is going to take this, I think.

He just does!

Michael's over the finishing line, he is delighted.

Finally, Mike's feet are up,

his pants are down but it's been a cracking display from both men.

Hitch those smalls up, Tindall.

It's time for a man hug from Michael Owen,

our Death Slide winner.

Hey, it didn't look like he was going to do it -

but right on the line!

-Made the right choice.

-Excellent.

Well, Viv, what it means - you are in tonight's final.

APPLAUSE

Gary, the luck had to run out at some point, didn't it?

It kind of did. It was so close.

-It looked like that.

-He just couldn't get up off the mat.

Gary, you've been an absolute superstar tonight, hasn't he?

Let's hear it for Gary.

APPLAUSE

And let's hear from our final two celebs, Mike and Michael.

I think he jumped higher than me to start with,

but I didn't miss anything on my feet,

and I heard him say, "I've missed one!"

But we could do that ten times and end up drawing five each.

Both of them brilliant competitors, aren't they?

Now, our celebs are dragging themselves quite literally

through the mud for one reason - to raise money for Sport Relief.

Tom Daley went to Malawi

to see the extraordinary work being done in the fight against HIV.

In the UK, HIV is now no longer as much of a life-threatening issue

and people are able to live happy and healthy lives -

but here in Malawi, it's a totally different story.

Here, over a million people are living with HIV...

..and tragically, due to stigma and lack of knowledge about treatment,

pregnant women with HIV often don't take the drugs that reduce the risk

of transmitting the virus to their unborn babies -

but Grace is a mentor at an amazing project working to change that.

They provide vital information and emotional support

to mothers with HIV.

She's taking me to meet a mother she's been mentoring

for over two years, Felista.

What do you think would have happened without the programme?

Do you think you would have gotten this far?

Earlier today, Felista took son Promise for his final HIV test.

It takes about two years after a child's birth

to determine definitively whether they're HIV-free.

I can't even imagine what is going through a mum's head,

waiting to find out if their child is HIV-free or not.

Yay!

Promise! How about that?

I'm feeling so happy and excited.

That little boy, Promise,

has just had some amazing, life-changing news,

thanks to all of the support from the mentor mothers, like Grace -

and you can be part of helping to create a generation free of HIV.

Please give what you can.

Sport Relief has a long history of supporting communities

facing huge challenges, and they do it with your money.

Promise is just one of the lucky ones,

but there are many more mums and babies that need your support.

All the details you need to donate are on the screen now.

Texts will cost your donation and your standard network message charge

and 100% of your donation will go to Sport Relief.

Now, I am here with Viv,

who has beaten all who have gone before her to reach tonight's final.

-Viv, well done.

-Thank you.

From your beaming smile I can see that you're happy to be here.

I'm ecstatic.

Fingers crossed we can make it even better for you.

Here's the deal, Viv.

Of course we're all here to raise lots of money,

but we also want you to go home with a fantastic prize.

So, let's see what you're playing for.

We have got four tickets to Cirque du Soleil's brand-new show, OVO,

at London's Royal Albert Hall.

-Wow.

-You're going to head backstage to meet the cast.

And if that wasn't enough,

you will try your hand at some gravity-defying stunts

as they take you and your family through your paces

in an acrobatic masterclass. What about that?

APPLAUSE

And a huge thank you, of course,

to Cirque du Soleil for supporting Sport Relief, as well.

OK, Viv, in our final race, all five of our celebrities are back in play.

All you have to do is choose the winner.

-Right?

-Yes.

-I'm going to ask you four questions.

For every question that you get right, you get to pick a celebrity.

-Right.

-Make sense?

-Yes.

-OK, here's your first question.

Er...

I'm going to go One Direction.

-You're going to go One Direction?

-Yeah.

-OK.

Viv, let's confirm One Direction.

Was that the right answer?

It's not One Direction.

I'm sorry, it's not.

The right answer was actually Coldplay.

One Direction have seven, Coldplay has nine.

They're out on their own. OK,

what that means is we haven't got a correct answer here,

but we still have three more chances

-to get a question right and back a celebrity. OK?

-Yeah.

Here's your next question.

I went straight for Judith Keppel.

-Yes, Judith.

-Yes?

-It just came to me.

-OK, let's confirm Judith Keppel.

Was that the right answer?

That's what we're talking about, Viv.

You definitely have one celebrity to pick in the Showdown.

Let's add some more, shall we?

-Yes.

-OK, here's question number three.

This is going to be a stab in the dark,

because my football knowledge is zilch.

I'm going to go with Manchester United.

Let's confirm Manchester United.

No, not Manchester United, Viv.

The right answer was Arsenal.

Man United have won 12, Arsenal have won 13, so it was that close.

But we have one more chance, one more lifeline.

Come on, we've got this, here's question number four.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, definitely.

OK, let's confirm Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Was that the right answer?

Absolutely right.

-Well done, Viv.

-Thank you.

So, OK, we're finishing on a high.

You answered two questions correctly,

which means that you can pick two of our five celebrities.

Who's it going to be?

I think I'm going to have to go

with the two sporting heroes there, Michael and Mike.

OK, all we need, Viv,

is for Michael Owen or Mike Tindall to win this race

and you're going to go and watch Cirque du Soleil.

Hold me, Viv. It's time for the Showdown. Here we go.

Race five is the Showdown, and here we go.

Saira, pleased as punch.

Mike, pleased with himself.

Michael, pleased to be here.

Ollie, pleased to be anywhere.

And Carrie, just pleased.

And they're off.

And what a start from Ollie in green, he's way out in front.

Michael second, Mike is trailing,

but Ollie has hit the water early, so often costly,

and that could cost him.

Michael's tucked his tiny little legs in, that's a very smart move.

Boom, Michael and Mike hit the bank.

The wrath of Saira Khan just behind.

Carrie and Ollie are trailing at the moment.

But Mike loves an up-and-under, and he's up and out.

Saira's out, too,

but Mike's in the lead here.

Oh! He's gone down.

He's gone down like Luis Suarez in a penalty box,

handing the advantage to Michael, who really makes it count here.

These two slugging it out once again.

Saira is third, very creditably, down that slide.

Can she catch the leaders?

Ollie, though, he takes a little fall there.

And Michael and Mike are way out in front.

But who's going to be up first?

It's Michael. Michael is sprinting his way to the finish line.

He jumps for victory.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And isn't he delighted by that?

Mike's just behind him - but back in the water,

it's like a scene from Swan Lake,

just without the poise, grace or elegance. Oh, Carrie.

Still, it's too, too close to call between Ollie and Saira.

Ollie's out of the water first.

Saira's not far behind.

But Ollie, if he can just make it up there...

Yes, he can, he takes third,

as Carrie glides through the water like a fish - well, a fish finger.

Saira is fourth, and here comes Carrie.

Bedraggled, exhausted, but still smiling.

I think she might need a helping hand here, or six, possibly.

She gets them. She takes fifth.

And she's thrilled, look.

Ladies and gentlemen,

we have a winner - it's Viv.

APPLAUSE

-Incredible.

-Thank you, thank you.

-Two picks, two celebrities,

but importantly, Michael Owen was the first over the finish line,

-which means that you're going to go and watch Cirque du Soleil...

-Yeah.

-You're going to have an acrobatic masterclass.

-Yeah.

We're so excited for you, Viv.

Hasn't she been an incredible contestant tonight,

ladies and gentlemen? APPLAUSE

-Well done.

-Thank you.

-Very well done, Viv.

And a big thank you to all of our celebrities for losing their dignity

and occasionally their shorts.

All in aid of Sport Relief.

And there are lots of ways you at home can get involved, as well.

Sport Relief is back...

..from the 17th to the 23rd of March...

..and it's bigger than ever.

Whether you run, walk or dance, everyone can get involved.

You can raise money and help change lives.

Whatever moves you, do it for Sport Relief.

APPLAUSE

So, whatever moves you,

get involved and help raise money

that really will improve people's lives in the UK and overseas.

That is the end of tonight's show.

Join us next week when five more contestants

will be pinning their hopes on five brand-new celebrities.

That is it for now. And we're off.