Malvern/Leominster 1 Bargain Hunt

Today we're in the lee of the Malvern Hills,

once the home of the composer Edward Elgar,

and also famous for its springs,

but we're not here for the music, nor for the waters,

cos let's go bargain hunting! Yeah!

We're at the Three Counties Showground with our two teams,

with one ambition

and that is to trounce the opposition, so bring it on!

Here's a nifty shufti at what's coming up.

The Reds get a lot off their chests.

-You talk more than I do.

-I do not!

-You do.

-You never let me get a word in.

Look at you! You haven't shut up yet.

And the Blues get cocky.

-The Reds don't stand a chance!

-Yeah!

But who will be triumphant?

Well, for the Reds, we've got sisters Elaine and Lisa.

For the Blues, we've got partners Michael and Martin.

-Hello, everyone.

-ALL: Hello, Tim.

-Lovely to see you.

-And you.

-Elaine, it says here

you've been a barmaid for 33 years. It can't be true.

Unfortunately it is.

-Were you in for underage drinking, then?

-Yes, I was.

-As well as barmaiding?

-I started at 12. Yes!

I love the spirit! So tell us, how did it all start?

It started at 18, when I used to walk past the pub that I liked

and I thought, "I'm going to work in there," which I did.

-I then bought the pub.

-You didn't, did you?

I did, yes, I bought the tenancy, worked there for five years,

left, and then I've worked in nearly every pub in Droitwich since then.

-Have you? And what's your nickname in the pub?

-Evil.

-How can they call you evil?

-I don't know.

-She is.

-I'm such a nice person.

-Your sister says you are evil.

-She is evil!

-All the people in the pub call you evil!

They do, they do. I'm just very bossy.

-Oh, is that it?

-I think that's what it is.

I've just got a little tiny bad temper.

You're not likely to get bad tempered on Bargain Hunt, are you?

-No, no, not at all.

-Lovely, good.

-She's had her happy pills.

That's it, yes! Now, chatty sister Lisa, your moment.

Tell us about your career as a carer.

Well, I cared for my mum for quite a long time.

-She passed away at Christmas.

-Oh, dear.

-And that's what put me into,

-um...going into caring.

-You had to give up work, temporarily, though?

-Yes, I have, because I've been ill.

-Oh, dear.

But on the mend, in remission at the minute - yes!

-So back with a vengeance.

-Well, you're looking lovely, darling.

-Looking very well.

-Thank you.

What are your tactics going to be today, you two?

-We're going to buy quick, win and leave.

-(Watching you!)

-Right...

-Yes(!)

Well, there we go. There's an ambition, isn't it?

We'll see what happens about that.

OK, boys, this seems to me to be a bit of a challenge coming up here.

Now, Michael, you've had a bit of a varied career. Tell us about that.

Yes, I was in banking for a long time, for 30-odd years,

but these days, I work in a retail store as a healthcare assistant.

-Lobbing out the pills and the creams?

-Often, yes.

-Now, you used to be a magistrate?

-Well, I was for ten years, Tim.

My father, who sadly died a long time ago,

he was a magistrate as well

and he'd passed away three to four years before I was appointed

-but I felt it a real honour to follow in his footsteps.

-Yes.

Now, Martin, you've been spending the last 30 years robbing banks...

-I mean, working in a bank.

-That's correct, yes.

Working in a bank, working in a call centre,

-helping the branches make sure they get their money.

-Really?

Yes, so that you can be paid.

-30 years' worth.

-30 years' worth.

What do you like to collect? Michael, what do you like to collect?

Well, I like some crystal,

bits of silver as well.

My mix or like of things is pretty eclectic, really.

-I like all sorts of things.

-Well, you'll do very well on Bargain Hunt

-because there's all sorts here for you today.

-I hope so.

And what do you collect, Martin?

I'm into Royal Worcester figurines. Hopefully I'll see a few figurines.

Have you got one or two of those?

-I've got about...14, 15?

-Have you really?

Now, teams,

-£300, there's your £300.

-Thank you very much.

-You know the rules,

your experts await, and off you go! And very, very good luck.

And our experts today are waiting in the wings.

For the Reds, a man who's a pro at netting a bargain.

It's Philip Serrell.

And for the Blues, a chap who's ready for the battle ahead.

It's Thomas Plant.

Have you been chipping away at the blues already?

I have, I've already put a curse on them. They're not going to win.

I've got my beady eyes on them straightaway.

-So you've got your hands full with us today.

-Help!

-Most certainly.

I think that might be the understatement of the year.

Hang in there, Phil!

Right, boys, I hear that you two both are retired bankers.

-Is that right?

-That's right.

-Yes.

Now tell me, does that mean you're going to be good with the money?

Oh, my pocket's bulging. The Reds don't stand a chance.

Yeah, we've got 70 years of experience,

-so we're hot to trot now.

-Let's go!

And bankers have never been known to put a foot wrong, of course(!)

-Worcester plate at the back is...

-That looks pretty.

-That does look ready.

-What do you think, Thomas?

That's quite nice, isn't it?

-It's a lot of money.

-Is it a lot of money?

-It a lot of money.

-It's £185.

-Whew!

Nicely signed.

W Roberts is the artist,

but a lovely portrait of a cavalier.

-Isn't that great? And well painted.

-Yeah, lovely.

Good, thick blue border.

-The blue rim.

-Yes, beautiful.

People are putting money into signed ceramics,

-good, well-painted objects.

-Sure.

-They really are.

1935. Got age, hasn't it?

-Yeah, yeah.

-It's 75 years old.

-Almost your length of banking.

-Yes.

So it could be a good investment.

That would go very well with my collection.

What is your very best?

-95.

-This is a one-off price, is it?

That's one heck of discount. No alarm bells ringing for you, Blues?

You want to do it?

-Of course!

-Really?

-Yes!

God, we've been shopping five minutes. Deal!

At this rate, you'll be done well before the hour's up, boys,

-but don't go rushing into things, eh?

-A good spot, you two.

-Good, thank you. We love it.

-I think we might enjoy our hour together.

-Oh, I think we will.

-Yes.

-We'll show the Reds, won't we?

-You're definite about that, aren't you?

-Oh, definitely, yeah.

With the Reds, Phil has decided to go rural.

-What's that?

-That is a milking machine.

-A milking machine?

-Yeah, it's an early milking machine.

-Oh, right.

-I think I'm right.

-Is that a milking machine?

-Yes.

-And how much is that?

-It's 110.

It's a very expensive milking machine.

I'm going to quietly put it back there. Thank you ever so much.

We need to cream a profit from the auction, so move it on, Reds.

That is amazing. Two minutes and you've bought your first item.

-You've spent some cash as well.

-Mmm!

-A big ticket item!

Let's not let them all be like that, got to have some money for my bonus.

Right! You guys, you're on the money, you bankers. Come on.

No time for a bank holiday, chaps.

You've got one item but you've got to find another two.

-Right, it's a carrier.

-Yeah.

You'd have one at each end and either put something on there

and it's like a wheelbarrow without a wheel, effectively.

-But what would you use it for today?

-You wouldn't really, would you?

This business today is thinking about it laterally.

I think that would look absolutely wicked in a bathroom

as a towel rail, leant up against the wall with towels down there.

Do you think it would sell, though?

Everything will sell. It's how much, is the pertinent thing.

How much is it, then?

-It's going to be 65.

-65.

Could you not do it any less?

60.

Well, I think if you put that into auction,

-it's going to make between probably 30 to 50 quid.

-Oh, so...

I've been proved wrong 100 times before, it might go and make 80 quid

-but I just think it's something we need to think about.

-OK.

You'd be hung out to dry at that price, Reds.

-Thomas!

-Thomas!

Calm down!

Oh, come along, we've things to do. We've a Red team to hammer.

These boys are uber-competitive.

-It's a propeller, isn't it?

-It's a propeller, yes. I can see that.

And what would you use that for?

People use these as displays on walls or whatever.

-Just decorative, isn't it?

-But we don't know whose stall it is.

That looks nice.

This is a clockwork winder for...

Thank you. Is it for roasting?

-Yeah, it's a roaster.

-Oh, goodness.

-That's unusual, isn't it?

-It is.

I've never seen anything quite like that. Oh, yes!

And what age would that be, then, Thomas?

Probably Victorian, late 19th century, early 20th century.

So what happens is, you put the meat on there.

It will spin more slowly with the weight of the meat

-but you can imagine that around the fire.

-Amazing.

I guess it would look really good in a big hearth or a country house

even today, wouldn't it?

What's lovely is to have the "John Linwood warranted".

-That's lovely to have that with the tree.

-OK.

What's the best on that?

-40.

-40?

-Do you think there's a profit in it?

You might struggle at 40.

-Go on!

-No, come on!

-Can we meet you halfway at 35?

-35.

-Yeah?

-Yeah?

What do you want to do? I love it.

-Yeah, I do as well.

-I think it's an unusual thing and the deal's done.

-Thank you very much, sir. Thank you.

-I love that.

-Thank you.

-And with the key as well.

-Yeah, the key as well.

-It's a great roaster.

-That's fabulous.

-We'll be roasting the Red team.

-Yeah! Very good.

And that's item number two. Our Blues are really cooking.

-Well, there can be many minutes.

-No, there can't be many minutes.

That's seven minutes, I should say,

and we've spent £130?

Yes, I guess we have.

But then, we've seen things we like, so why hang about?

This is the way we're going to trash the Reds, isn't it?

If these boys don't win, I fear

we'll have some blubbing bankers by the end of the show.

Seven minutes in, two items down.

The third and final one could take all of 53. I hope not.

-I'm quite impressed.

-But then, it's not a race, Thomas.

It's the profit at the end that counts.

See, I told you I'd have my eye on everyone.

Could you bring that over? Let's have a look.

This is copper, this is brass,

and very often, these have a leather covering on here.

1930s, I would think, something like that.

-I quite like that.

-It's quite late.

-Things like that, you can convert the base to a lamp base.

-Oh, right.

You can put floodlights on them.

We've recently seen some of these do really rather well at auction,

-so I think I'd buy that.

-Yeah.

And I think, for me, the jury is out on that.

-Yeah, I'm not too keen on that.

-I don't want you to buy it

-if you don't like it.

-I don't particularly like that, but I love the telescope.

-I love the telescope.

-What was the original price?

-45, and she's willing to do it for 35.

-So it's a bargain.

-Well...

-Get it bought.

-Brilliant.

-Yes!

Fantastic. Thank you very much.

Thank you. That's a buy.

We're only 15 minutes in and our teams have the end in their sights.

That's Reds one, Blues two.

They are marvellous places, these fairs.

And I have to ask you,

what is romantic, what is exotic

about these two cardboard boxes?

Well, on the face of it, not a lot.

Take that one off, and it reveals a cardboard box full of book matches.

Take out one of the book matches and this starts to get interesting.

On the back, it's got an imposing building,

a building that looks French.

That's because when this was built around 1900,

it is a fusion of Versailles and Fontainebleau,

but built in India.

The title underneath tells you it's Jagatjit Palace in Kapurthala,

which is in the Punjab,

and who were they made by?

Well, it is British India, after all.

Of course, it's Bryant and May - "Made in England."

Take out another book match

and you can see the then owner,

Their Highnesses, Maharaja and Maharani of Kapurthala,

and there they are, looking stylish.

So what's in the other box?

Well, believe it or not,

it's another 100 virgin book matches,

except that in this instance,

the Maharaja and Maharani are seated on their thrones.

These book matches were produced to celebrate the marriage.

Now, we know he was obsessed by all things European.

He built that socking great palace in the French style,

so not surprisingly, when he went shopping for his fifth wife,

aged 35, he found her in Europe.

He wooed a 17-year-old Spanish girl

who returned to India and married him.

It was a marriage that didn't last.

He'd been married four times before, had produced various sons,

and ultimately, they were divorced

because she had an affair with one of his sons from an earlier marriage

and to have two boxes, each with 100 virgin book matches in them,

is indeed a desirable event if you are a collector,

and I think these could be worth as much as a pound each - £200.

What would they cost you down the road there, in the field?

10p each! That's £20!

Strike a light!

The Red team are playing catch-up.

If you don't like it, I don't want you to buy it.

No, well, no, but do you think it would make any money?

-Uh...

-I'm here to make some money.

-I want to win.

-Right.

Is she like this all the time?

-All the time.

-Really?

-BOTH: Yes!

Oh, Philip, I find counting to ten sometimes helps.

These banker boys also know what they like.

-That's a really heavy, isn't it?

-Is it Bernard Rooke?

-Yes, what do you think?

-It is Bernard Rooke.

-Do you like that?

-What do you like about Bernard Rooke?

Well, to me, it reminds me of Troika ware,

it's got that same sort of appeal, chunky look to it, hasn't it?

-It has.

-What do you think about it?

-It's not as smooth as I'd like to feel it.

-OK.

But we don't like damaged goods.

-What age are they?

-Early 20th, 1910, something like that, I would think.

Are they still used in pubs, those things?

-Only for display.

-Purely for display?

-Just purely for display.

Refurbished, they put them in to make them look like olde worlde staff.

I think those two at auction would make you about 80 to 100 quid.

-Only, £120 for those is too much for us.

-Yes.

We'll have a think about it. Thank you very much. Thank you.

I think you'll be in the drink with those girls.

If only you could talk your way to a profit.

-You talk more than I do.

-I do not!

-You do.

-You never let me get a word in.

Look at you, you haven't shut up yet!

-Oh, my God!

-Let's go and buy something.

-Talk to the hand.

You know that Chas and Dave song?

"Rabbit, rabbit, rabbit, bunny-bunny jabber-jabber yack-yack-yack..."

I think it was written for these two.

Come on. Come on.

# Rabbit bunny jabber yack-yack rabbit bunny-bunny rabbit! #

How many of these have you got?

SELLER: Looks like nine.

-They're all hand-blown.

-And what age is there in these, Thomas?

Well, a bowl, a champagne bowl,

will always be '20s, '30s.

-The jug comes with that, does it?

-I think it goes with them very well.

-I know it's wet, you can't tell so easily.

-Yeah.

They're just the same kind of glass.

Yeah, the same period.

-So they don't go together as a set as such.

-No, they wouldn't...

-They match up.

-It's a nice water jug. It's a lovely water jug.

-So how much for the set?

-40 for the lot.

-40 for the lot.

-Yeah, they are lovely.

-The glasses are nice, yes.

So what I'm doing is just checking that the bowls are OK.

From an auction point of view, are they saleable items today?

Bowls are coming back in.

Bowls are saleable, people do like them, certainly,

and they like suites of glass. The jug is also quite saleable.

I would prefer if we could buy the lot for that ticket price on there.

-No? Not on my nelly?

-28?

-No.

-I think it's a good price.

-28?

SHE LAUGHS

-£28?

-Here's the banker talking.

-Yes?

-OK.

-Please.

-Hurray! Deal.

-Thank you.

Thank you very much. So that's it.

-Yeah, we've done it!

-Yes! The Blues, the winning team.

Well, that remains to be seen, Michael.

Feel free to go and browse, Blues.

Right, come on, Reds. You've got half an hour to find two items.

I love the fire extinguisher.

-40 quid, I don't think that's expensive.

-No, that's all right.

-It's really good.

-I quite like that, actually.

You couldn't call a modern fire extinguisher a work of art

-by any stretch of the imagination.

-No.

-But this is just a cool thing.

Probably Edwardian, and you could look it up on the internet.

It's by W Rose and Co,

the "Metropolitan Patent Extinguisher, British manufactured,"

and I think it's a fun thing.

It's 40 quid. I think it's going to make £30 to £50 at auction.

Would it come at 30?

No. £40, I'm afraid.

I do like that. Do you think it'll make a profit?

I think it's £30 to £50's worth.

-Yeah? Shall we go for it?

-Yeah, we'll go for it.

-We'll go for that one, then.

-Thank you very much indeed, thank you.

You're on fire, Reds, at last!

Two down, one to go.

-So, how long have we got left, girls?

-Probably about 20 minutes.

-All right. We have one item to buy.

-One item to buy.

-One item to buy.

-This little child's chair.

-Yes.

-It all falls down.

I quite like that.

-Do you?

-Do you?

Look at that, that's marvellous!

I would think that's probably early 20th century,

around about 1900, 1905, something like that.

As regards timber, it's probably beech, I would think, isn't it?

I think you're right, yes. And it's on wheels, so you can...

That's lovely, isn't it?

Someone's, I would think recently, re-varnished it and cleaned it off.

It's definitely been re-varnished.

And it may have had the seat rechained.

Occasionally they had little chamber pots that fitted under there,

but it's a fun thing, and actually, you could still use it,

-that's the joy of it, isn't it?

-Yes.

-That really is the joy of it.

-I think at auction, that's 30 to 50 quid's worth.

-30 to 50?

That would be your estimate for it.

It's up to you girls what you pay for it.

Yeah. Do you think you could do it for any less?

-45?

-40?

42, if we come somewhere in between.

42, yeah. That's fine. That's brilliant.

-That would be great.

-Absolutely fantastic.

Well done, Reds. That's three items.

Now go and join the Blues for a cuppa.

Time's up!

VOICE ECHOES

Thank you very much.

Let's remind ourselves what the Red team bought.

They started off with a brass and copper telescope with stand for £35.

They spent their next lot of brass on this fire extinguisher -

£40 paid.

Finally, they found this metamorphic child's chair and paid £42 for it.

-Do you ever get a word in edgeways?

-No, I don't, ever!

I do let her sometimes. When I'm asleep, she is allowed to speak.

I sort of understand that.

-When you go to sleep? Not that often.

-No, not that often at all.

The grass doesn't grow under your feet, does it, girls?

-Certainly not.

-No. So how much did you spend all round?

-£117.

-£117 altogether.

117? That's pretty miserable.

-I know.

-Can I have £183 of leftover lolly?

-You can.

-Oh, must use up the money.

-Yeah.

-Exactly!

-Thank you very much.

So did you manage to pick anything at all?

-Yes.

-Do you have a favourite piece?

-Uh, the telescope.

-That's your favourite? And did you...?

-The high chair.

-The high chair?

-Yes. THUNDER RUMBLES

Even the gods are objecting to the thought of the high chair.

-Hopefully.

-The thunder is rumbling.

-OK, high chair is best.

-Yes.

-Is that going to bring the biggest profit?

-It is. That's going to make all the money.

-Do you agree with that, Lisa?

No, I don't. I think my telescope's more quirky.

-No, my highchair is going to beat you.

-We'll see.

Yeah? I can see, Phil, it's been a difficult shopping time for you.

It's been peaceful, because I haven't had too much to say, really.

-No, quite!

-You haven't had a chance!

-You'll get a wodge of dough now, my friend.

-Thank you.

What are you going to do with that?

-I'm going to try and buy something for Lisa.

-For Lisa?

-Oh!

-Yeah. I'm going to choose her something.

-See? Somebody loves me!

Well, good luck with that, Phil. I think that's very democratic of you.

Meanwhile, why don't we check out what the Blue team bought, eh?

The Blues went straight for this Royal Worcester cabinet plate,

dishing up £95 for it.

Next, they found a 19th century meat jack for £35.

Finally, they bought a set of Champagne bowls with an

ice jug for £28.

We've actually not spent a great deal of money.

I don't like the sound of this, not spending much money!

-Oh, dear! How much did you spend?

-Um...£158.

-That's not too bad!

-No, I guess not.

-Fine, so who's got the £142 of leftover lolly?

-I have.

Thank you very much. I'll take that from you.

Very kind. Which is your favourite piece?

I would go with the Worcester plate that we found. It's delightful.

Your favourite.

-And I would go with the champagne glasses we found.

-OK.

-Well, you've had a high old time, Tom.

-They were good shoppers.

-Well done.

-What are you going to spend all that cash on, your bonus buy?

Well, I think I might buy something masculine for you two boys.

-Something muscular?

-Masculine!

-Oh, masculine.

-Not muscular, masculine!

-Why not buy something muscular and masculine?

-Maybe.

-For M and M.

Very good, chaps. Meanwhile, we're motoring off to Oxfordshire.

Lovely.

TOOTS HORN

How exciting is this?

This is the home of Lord Nuffield for the last 30 years of his life.

On the face of it, this is not a particularly imposing building for a man who was

extremely rich and very important to the British motor car industry.

But nevertheless, he did revolutionise motor car production

in Britain, effectively bringing the motor car to the masses.

Now, let's try getting out.

Not so easy as you might think. Ooh!

Boy!

And what a lovely machine it is.

A 1926 Bullnose Morris.

The machine above all that's associated with the early

William Morris production.

Called the Bullnose because of the strange shape of the radiator,

but what it does is to illustrate

Morris's skills as a motor manufacturer.

He twigged very early on that you don't need to make every

component part for every bit of a motor car,

what you need to do is to have a factory that assembles

the component parts that are made by others.

And when you've got a variety of parts which are being

ordered in large numbers from the manufacturers of the parts,

you can drive down the price of the finished motor car.

And all the while, year on year, he improved their reliability.

Net result - cheaper cars, more reliable.

He was able to sell vast numbers of them.

And this motor car's got all sorts of interesting features.

Look at the headlights. If I turn the lights on and you're driving along at night and you

want to dip the headlights, then the Barker dipper comes into play.

Wiggle that leaver, down go the lights. No dazzle, no head beam.

Take the lever back up and hey presto, you're back in driving mode.

All extremely good fun.

Now, this 1926 Bullnose is just about the last car of this

model to be made by William Morris.

In fact, this very car featured in the 80th birthday

parade for our Queen.

She was born in 1926, the year that this was completed.

And the model that succeeded the Bullnose is the Flatnose Morris,

a 1929 example of which we have here.

The design changes are obvious.

Far fewer curved surfaces, which were more expensive to make.

It incorporates many of the parts that were in the Bullnose,

making this even more economical.

It has a slightly smaller engine.

But the big design difference, of course, is in the radiator itself.

Hence the Flatnose rather than the Bullnose and the reason for that is

because William Morris sold these cars throughout the Empire,

the flat radiator enabled the engine to keep cooler in hotter countries.

My favourite feature is the calorimeter

here on top of the radiator.

If you look from the other side, it says - cool, normal and boil.

So if it got super hot,

what you have to do is to stop the motor and have a cup of tea.

But there's another car here at Nuffield Place that's been

here for a very long time.

And what are we going to find up this driveway?

Well, surprise, surprise, it's the motor home.

And a motor. A 1946 Wolseley Eight.

Actually, Lord and Lady Nuffield each had one of these.

Lord Nuffield's is preserved at the National Motor Museum at Gaydon.

This one was driven by Lady Nuffield until her death in 1959.

It was then driven by the gardener for a few years

and then it was sold. Scroll forward 20 years or so to an auction,

Bud 650 cropped up in the auction.

It was spotted by some enthusiasts

and bought by the Oxford Museum Service

so that it could be returned to Nuffield Place

and now there's a scheme to get it fully restored

so that it can be driven around the grounds of Lord Nuffield's house.

How lovely is that? Almost as lovely, I hope,

as our contestants' performance today over at the auction.

Broom broom!

Well, it's very nice to be at the Cotswold Auction Company

-in Cirencester with Liz Poole. Good morning.

-Hello.

Now, for Elaine and Lisa and Philip Serrell,

their first item is the telescope and tripod base.

-How do you rate that, Liz?

-Not the easiest things to sell these days.

Copper and brass, no markings on it. We've put an estimate of 40-60.

-Just looks ordinary, doesn't it?

-It is a little, yes.

It would be nicer if it had a bit more age and perhaps a maker's mark.

They paid £35, so £40-60 is a very good estimate. They'll like that.

Typical Philip Serrell lot next. The copper fire extinguisher.

Completely useless to man or beast, but decorative?

Very decorative, yes. Look nice in the corner of a room.

-Or a pub.

-Yes.

-And nice label on it. Don't see them that often.

No. Well, you don't see them that often cos most of them were melted down, I guess.

-Copper today might be worth more than the estimate of 30-50.

-£30-50, OK. £40 Serrell paid.

So he's not going to find it easy to get out of trouble with that.

And their last item is the metamorphic chair.

The sort of thing every modern mother does not want.

-No! But in a nice big Cotswold country farmhouse, maybe.

-I'm not dissing it or anything like that,

it's just not terribly practical.

-No, but £30-50.

-Is that what you reckon?

That's very generous of you, I think. £42.

In each case, the team has bought at just about full value, so they're

going to need their bonus buy, so let's go and have a look at it.

So, girls, your eyes are shut for the reveal for the leftover lolly,

for one very good reason cos we don't want you

looking at Philip Serrell too early. You spent, girls, £117.

You have Philip Serrell £183, so round about now, you can

-open your eyes and look at Philip. Isn't he broad shouldered?

-Oh, yes!

I was rather thinking that the yoke might be on me(!)

THEY LAUGH

And the yoke IS on you.

-Yes.

-Yes.

-£35.

-Just for you.

-Oh, thank you.

-I'll get emotional now!

P Serrell, the cunning monkey, has gone out and invested, how much...?

-35. £35 in the yoke.

-Yes.

-Do you think we'll make a profit on it?

-I think it'll make between

20 and £40. So it's going to be a close-run thing.

-As long as there's a profit.

-We did say 20 to £40.

-I know.

Even if it's a pound, a pound's a profit.

So, in code, maybe only go for it later after

-the sale of your first three items if you're really desperate.

-OK.

-Right.

-Is that the code?

If the water's up to here, think about it, yeah.

Well, with any luck, it won't get to that desperate stake for you.

Right now, for the viewers at home, let's find out what our lady auctioneer thinks of Phil's yoke.

Well, Liz, this is a truly spectacular and unique item

-for you to find in an agricultural area like this, I guess.

-Mmm, yes.

-They went out of fashion, about what? 100 years ago?

-At least!

-Yeah.

-So Serrell rates it.

-Right.

-£35, he paid for this.

-Is that woodworm is see there?

-Old woodworm, I think.

-Is this the sort of thing that people really want in their homes in the Cotswolds?

-I don't think so.

And it has no mounts on it. No. So we've put a low estimate of 15-30.

-And if all goes badly, it might make a ten-pound note.

-Let's hope.

Well, you know. If the bidders aren't here and they really don't want it, it could go for ten pounds.

-Definitely.

-Well, there's a bonus buy that in my view doesn't have a lot of potential.

The team might be better off not taking it. But who knows whether they will or they won't?

That's it for the Reds. The Blues' first item in this eclectic mix is

the Royal Worcester cabinet plate. How do they go?

OK, it's not got a huge amount of age, nicely painted by W Roberts.

With a Cavalier or 16th century gentleman with his lovely red

feather hat. 20-40 is the estimate.

How much?! Did you say 20-40? You did say 20-40!

-I did. I'm sorry.

-They paid £95.

-Oh, golly!

-They paid £95.

-Well...

-That's not good, is it?

-Well, it's not got a huge age.

No. It's modern, in other words.

-It's not terribly fashionable at the moment.

-OK, fine.

We've got the message. Now, this place clearly runs like clockwork.

Therefore you're going to be able to sell a clockwork jack with the greatest of ease.

Oh, definitely. Nice thing to go in the fireplace.

-Quite a good one, 25-40?

-OK, £35 paid.

So they're in the estimate with that. That's not too bad.

And then they've called these champagne bowls, but I'm not sure they are for champagne, are you?

-It's quite a deep bowl for champagne.

-I'd quite like to have champagne out of it!

-All right then.

-A nice serving.

But yes, champagne or maybe even sundae dishes.

-Not a huge age, I don't think.

-No, like 1992? On a good day?

-Thereabouts.

-They're just not old, are they?

-No. Nice shape.

-Do you think the jug's got anything to do with the glasses?

-No.

But quite a few of them and in good nick.

-15-30 estimate.

-15-30, £28 paid. Well, according to that lot,

they will never recover from the disaster they're about to

experience with their Royal Worcester plate, so they're

definitely going to need their bonus buy, so let's have a look at it.

This is your moment. You spent £158, you have the Planter £142.

Thomas, what did you spend on?

Well, I said something masculine, boys. Here you are. A carriage each.

Hold them, feel them, what do you think?

-They've got a bit of weight to them.

-They have.

-So how old do you think these are, Thomas?

-I think they're '50s, but they're scratch built,

made out of brass, they've been crudely hand painted,

they could do with a great touch up and they'd come up beautifully.

-But they're Royal Mail carriages.

-And how much did you spend?

-How much do you think these would cost to make?

-What do you think?

-Would you like to sit down and make one?

-No, I wouldn't!

-Cut the brass, engineer the screws.

-Engineer it all up.

-Put the bogies on.

-It would take some doing.

-Bogies, ha!

-So £15 each.

-Never!

-Really?

-Yeah, 30 quid for the pair.

-That's really good.

-And how much do you think they're going to make?

You're so good, honestly! All these pressurised questions!

Quite right! I'm with you, mate. How much?

Well, I think they should be worth £30 each.

-So you could double your money.

-Are you feeling impressed?

-I'm feeling very impressed.

-You've been asking all the questions, mate!

What about you, Michael? Do they light your fuse?

Yes, I think they're amazing. There's the weight in them, so they've been very cleverly made

and laboriously so, over a long period of time.

Michael's taken on board all the information and he's repeated it succinctly and to the point.

The man's a genius. Quite clearly. Very high on the retentive skills.

Congratulations on that. Meanwhile, for the audience at home, let's find out

whether the auctioneer is equally retentive about Thomas' carriages.

-Well, look at that. Surprisingly heavy, Liz.

-Very. Very.

I mean, what are these things made of?

Well, I think there's a good lump of brass under the bodies.

-Are they 00 gauge?

-I think they're 0 gauge, yes.

-Homemade, really.

-Yes. Possibly meant to look like a Royal Mail vans.

-Handsome, I think. Do you like them?

-Yes, I do like them.

But will the audience? Will your buyers fancy them?

We've got a little bit of wear. We've put 30-50.

-Thomas will be pleased about that cos he only paid £30.

-Good.

Whether it'll be enough to rescue them from the deep,

dark place that they're about to visit though is another matter.

-Are you taking the sale?

-I am.

-We're in safe hands.

-Are you nervous at all?

-I am, a little bit, yes.

-And why would that be?

-I don't know, really. I just feel nervous.

-You make me nervous.

-Is it?

-Yes.

-Shall I remove my arm?

No, I like it!

-That's nothing to be nervous about.

-No.

Seriously, it's going to be a bit of fun. You only spent £117.

But if it all goes very, very badly, you've got the yoke to fall back on.

Yes.

-The yoke.

-There's a little thrill!

-Yes.

-Anything could happen.

Everything to go for.

And first up, let's get into focus, here comes the telescope.

Nice copper early 20th century telescope with a folding stand.

£30 to start. 20 then.

-20 bid. At 20.

-20?!

22. 25. Any more? 28. 30.

-35, 40.

-Come on!

-45. 50. At 50.

-Eh, up, you're all right at that.

Any interest on the Net? 55.

55!

55, sir. With the gentleman on the right at 55, then. And selling.

All done, selling.

Yes!

-£55, that's very good. Phil, you're plus 20, mate.

-That's all right.

-Yeah.

-Will this be reflected in the fire extinguisher? Here we go.

Come on!

Very shiny, lovely, 20th century copper and brass fire extinguisher.

What shall we say? Start me off, £20.

Probably worth that for the copper. Ten, then? £10, got to sell it.

No, no, no!

Any interest on the internet? I'm bid ten, thank you. Lady's bid at ten.

-You can melt it down, Phil.

-Yeah.

-At ten. First and only bid.

-No!

-That is really cheap.

I'll sell it if I have to. Lady's bid, on the right, at ten pounds.

-No way!

-12. Thank you, sir. Just in time, at 12. 15, is it?

-Come on!

-15, 18, 20.

-Go on! Keep putting your hand up!

-At 20, with the lady at 20.

-On my right at £20. Any more, then?

-Oh, no!

-Last chance, selling at 20.

£20. £20 is minus 20. You were plus 20 before, you just lost 20.

You've got nothing!

-It's all on my high chair.

-It's all down to the chair. Here it comes.

Stained wood child's metamorphic chair.

-Ten pounds. Ten, bid at ten. Who's going on 12?

-No!

-15, any more at 15?

-Uh-oh.

-At £15, then. Do I have to sell at 15?

Thank you. 18 bid seated. 20.

-22. 25. 28. 30.

-Go on!

At 30 on my right. At 30 on my right, last one. Going at 30.

-£30.

-It's sort of cheap, isn't it?

-Minus £12. Overall then, minus £12.

Are we going to go with the yoke? Or ring-fence the £12?

-No, we'll go with it.

-Yeah.

-Go with it?

-What do you think?

-The yoke will be on you!

-Are they windscreen wipers we're watching?

-I don't want to influence you in any way at all!

-No, we won't go with it.

-No, we won't.

-You're going to go with it?

-No. Your choice.

-No.

-You're not going with it.

-No.

-After all that flim-flam, we're not going with it.

-No.

She's made the decision.

We're there. We're not going with the bonus buy. But we're going to sell it anyway and find out

whether Phil was right or not. OK, here it comes.

A very nice example of a yoke. Ten pounds to start me off.

-Complete silence.

-Any takers? Five then? Five pounds, can I tempt you?

-That IS cheap.

-A nice little bid? No takers at five. Five, I'm bid.

Thank you, sir. Standing at the back, five. I shall sell it,

if we're all finished, be sure, at five pounds and standing.

That was a very wise move there. Five pounds is minus 30.

You didn't go with it,

you completely ring-fenced your score, which is minus 12, which

today, based on this performance, could be a winning score.

-Say not a thing to the Blues!

-We won't.

-Oh, no.

-These lovely sisters, eh?

-Yep.

-Now, Michael, Marty, do you know how the Reds got on?

-No idea.

No idea at all? I don't know!

-Favourite piece?

-The Worcester plate?

-Worcester plate, £95 paid.

-Do you know what her estimate is on that?

-Oh, no!

-£20-40.

-Oh, no!

-Oh, dear! That's not great.

-No.

Otherwise, you've got the two Royal Mail carriages,

-which are there to fall back on if you need them. OK, chaps?

-Yep.

-Yep.

-Going to be brave about this?

-Very brave.

-We don't want anything emotional.

-We have to be confident.

-We're all brave. We're all standing firm. Like every decent Blue team before us and since.

-Absolutely.

OK, brilliant. First up is your Royal Worcester cabinet plate and here it comes.

Royal Worcester china cabinet plate. Painted by W Roberts.

-Start me at 20. 20, a nice Royal Worcester plate.

-20?!

-Ten, then. Do I see ten? Nobody interested? Five, then?

-Five pounds!

I mean, it's perfect, isn't it?

Beautiful Royal Worcester plate for a fiver?

-I don't understand that.

-Royal Worcester plate for a fiver.

No takers. Two pounds, then? I'm dropped to two.

Get you all interested. Five on the internet. Thank you, internet.

I can't understand what's going on.

At five on the Net. Is there any more? At five pounds on the internet.

A Royal Worcester plate!

Eight. At eight. Ten. At ten on the Net. Any more? Last chance.

-I could cry for you, chaps.

-Selling.

Ten pounds is minus £85. Well, this is difficult to...

I don't quite understand.

A 19th century John Linwood brass bottle meat jack.

Very nice. With the key. £20, start me off.

-20, to start. Ten pounds, any takers at ten?

-Oh, no!

What's wrong with everyone today? No takers at ten?

No takers at ten pounds.

-Ten. Thank you, sir.

-This is £70-90 worth any day of the week.

Here we go at 15. Any more, then? Gentleman's bid standing at 15.

-All done.

-Would that be £15?

-£15.

£15 equals minus £20. Going rather well at the moment, chaps(!)

Eight glass champagnes or sundae dishes, useful things,

and a nice jug.

Ten pounds for the lot. And eight glasses. Ten for the lot? Five, then.

Let's start at five. Got to be worth five. Nobody wants it at five pounds?

Come on, five! Thank you. Lady's bid at five. Five, bid seated. Any more?

At five, with the lady. At five.

-Five pounds.

-All done.

-It's minus £23. £128.

-Oh, dear!

-OK, chaps. Don't be depressed about this.

This is not how it ought to be, if I'm being perfectly honest.

Minus 128 is not a reflection as to where you ought to be right now. OK?

It's just the day. So what about the carriages?

-Are you going to have a go at those?

-Yes.

-Yes, you've got to.

Well, now you've decided you're going with the bonus buy,

I can reveal that the auctioneer's estimate is £30-50.

She thinks they're really nice. By jingo, we need it!

-And here it comes.

-We do!

227, a nice pair of scratch built Royal Mail type carriages.

Very heavy. £20 to start.

Any takers at 20? A nice pair of carriages here.

Very good quality, £20. Ten, then. Start me at ten.

12 bid on the Net. At 12. At 12 now. At £12 on the Net. Is there any more?

Last chance, selling at 12.

-That's £12. That's minus £18.

-Oh!

-Ooh!

-128, 138... 146. Minus 146.

-Oh!

-Ooh!

-Ouch!

-Ouch!

-Well, what can I say, chaps? Just cry into our beer, I guess.

-Anyway, don't say a word to the Reds.

-No.

-No.

All will be revealed in a moment.

Just go outside looking jolly and...confident.

-Well, that was fun, wasn't it?

-Yes!

-Oh, yes!

If you like having your toenails removed with a pair of pliers!

Anyway, it's no secret that no teams have made any profits today,

but there is a vast chasm of losses between the two teams.

The team that has done particularly badly are the Blues,

who managed to lose £146...

LAUGHTER

..whereas the Reds have only managed to lose £12.

You could have gone with the bonus buy!

There is a factor of ten in this! But I don't propose to dwell on it.

-I simply want to ask you, Blues, did you have a good time?

-Brilliant!

-Brilliant!

-And, Reds, you chatty sisters. Are you happy?

-Yes!

-Absolutely brilliant!

-You did have a profit, though.

-Yes.

-Your telescope made you a profit of £20,

-which was vastly wiped out in very short order.

-Yes.

-But you had a nice time.

-Yes.

-Fantastic.

-You've been great sports. We've loved having you on the show.

-In fact, join us soon for some more bargain hunting, yes?

-ALL: Yes!

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