Lincoln 23 Bargain Hunt

Today, we're just outside Lindum Colonia -

otherwise known as Lincoln.

So, let's go bargain hunting - yeah!

It never ceases to amaze one

the number of antiques lurking around in all this tentage.

What will our teams choose?

Here's a quick squint as to what's coming up.

Today, the Red team prove quite lively.

-You girls are party girls.

-We are.

-We've got the afternoon party...

-And we've got the night-time party.

-We've got the night-time party.

I think we might be having a wee theme here.

And the Blues are a little bit...risque.

-Are you ready for a shock?

-Definitely.

Now look in the bottom.

-Oh!

-Very nice.

-Wow!

-What a treat.

-Good heavens - I like that!

-I thought you might!

But will their tactics bring in the dosh at the auction?

125, 130 now. Let's make it 130.

All that's to come.

But first, let's meet the contestants.

We have got a Mamma Mia of a programme for you today.

For the Reds, we've got mother and daughter, Jenny and Jane,

and for the Blues, we've got Lynda and Tina,

mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

-Hello, everyone.

-ALL: Hello!

Lovely to see you.

Now, Jenny, you are often mistaken for sisters, you two.

Yes, yeah. Well, yes, we are.

-Which is lovely, isn't it?

-Well, not for Jane, it's not.

THEY LAUGH

Well, I don't know. I think it's rather nice all round.

You're good friends, too.

Very good friends. We're like best mates.

You used to be a stand-in for somebody famous.

-Yeah, Jane Seymour.

-Did you, really?

-I did, yes.

Now she's a Bond girl, isn't she?

Yes. I stood in for her on the Bond film Live And Let Die.

-Yes - is that with Rodge the Dodge?

-It is, yes.

Tell us about Harrison Ford.

Oh, yes. Well, that was a real bonus.

-I was standing in for an actress called Lesley-Anne Down...

-Oh, yes.

..on a film called Hanover Street.

And there was a bedroom scene in the afternoon

and Harrison said to his stand-in, "It's OK, I'll do this myself.

"It's just laying in a bed."

So his stand-in went home and I spent the afternoon in bed with Harrison.

-Did you really?

-And got paid.

Not many ladies can say that, though, can they?

No, they can't, yeah.

Jane, you also have a bit of a glitzy, showbiz background.

Tell us about that.

Yeah, well, following in Mum's footsteps,

I went to stage school down in London

and through that, I was in Grange Hill -

the children's programme -

mainly as an extra, but it was great fun.

And we also ended up working together on Octopussy.

-Get away!

-So that was really good fun.

So what's your plan, your buying plan, between you today?

I think we're going to try and go for,

-if we can, something functional.

-Function.

-Cheap.

-Profit?

-Yes, yeah.

We've got all the right words here.

Buy cheap, sell dear.

You'll be fine, you two. Anyway, welcome to the show.

-Thank you.

-Good.

Now, Lyn, how did you meet your daughter-in-law?

Um, she'd been out on a date with my son, I'd never met her.

Came home with him and she walked in my house

-and said, "Hi, I'm Tina. I'm going to marry your son."

-Oh, Lord.

I said, "Over my dead body."

And, uh...it took me about two years, I think, to realise I was wrong.

-Right.

-She was - is - an amazing wife and mother.

Oh, that's so sweet, isn't it?

-Tina, you have an unusual job, don't you?

-I do.

-What do you do?

-I work with loads of men.

-Do you?

-I work at an oil refinery.

-Gosh!

Yes, and out of about 25 men, I'm the only girl.

-Right.

-Which is fun.

I bet it is.

Your mother-in-law is looking rather nervous at this,

I can tell you.

Have you worked out a strategy for today's programme?

-Yes.

-What it is?

To win.

-Just as simple as that.

-Yes.

Well, simplicity is everything. This is pretty simple too.

£300 apiece - there's your £300.

You know the rules, your experts await -

off you go, and very, very, very good luck.

Today, preventing the Reds from getting in a spin,

it's Anita Manning.

Whilst helping the Blues to blow their own trumpets...

TRUMPET TOOTS

..it's Charlie Ross.

OK, girls, we've got 300 quid, we've got a huge fair

and you two girls know the ropes.

Do you have the same tastes, girls?

-Absolutely not.

-No.

-Mine's good.

-Yours is good?

-Yeah.

-The daughter-in-law's isn't?

-Absolutely not.

-Mine's expensive.

We're going to buy something cheap and make a lot of money.

-That's what we're going to do.

-Buy cheap.

-You don't want to spend big money?

-No, I don't think so.

Well, we'll see what happens. Let's go.

With hardly any time gone, the Reds go straight into battle.

That knocker you just picked up is quite nice, actually.

-Uh-huh - you like that?

-Yeah.

-It's functional.

-Yes.

-It's useful.

-Do you think it's old?

It's got a wee bit of age to it, but it's not a Victorian one.

-I suppose the price dictates it.

-Yeah.

'Scuse me? How much is your knocker?

THEY LAUGH

He's behind you.

Oh, right, OK.

SELLER: I'd take £7 on it.

-Right, OK.

-How much is it?

-Ten.

That's a good price. I can see you making a wee profit on that.

-I'd go down to seven on it.

-Really? Right, OK.

Thank you very much.

Well, Reds, it's early days, but keep on looking.

Will this condiments set cut the mustard for the Blues?

-That's gorgeous.

-What do you like?

-I like this.

-Harrods.

-Yes.

-Yes.

It has the right box. It's how much?

-£150.

-Oh, no.

-How much?

-No.

-No.

-I'm dancing.

Put it in the right hole, darling.

I'm thinking more about 80.

-Lovely box.

-Harrods - I mean, that is superb.

But I think you're right, price-wise.

I think if they went to auction, it would make between £100 and £120.

But I think if you're buying to make a profit...

-That's us out.

-No.

-It's going to be tight.

-Bear it in mind.

-Thank you.

Sound advice, Blues -

you're not going to yield many pieces of silver

for those pieces of silver.

I quite like these, you know. They're sort of...they're good fun.

I know you two girls are party girls.

Yeah, there's no room for wine bottles in there.

No room for wine - you'd have to take them in your plastic bag.

How much is your picnic set?

-SELLER: £30.

-£30.

You've got another one there, is that much the same?

Yeah, just the same.

-Two flasks in that one.

-This one looks...

-Nicer.

It's got a retro look about it.

-Have we got a maker's name?

-Brexton.

-Uh-huh, that's a good make.

-We might have a little winner, here.

-I like this.

-I think it's got a sort of 1950s'... that retro look.

-Yes.

And tea taking is big now that we've got cupcakes

and everybody's opening up little shops

-where you've got the china cups and saucers.

-Yeah.

-Cutlery's got "Brexton" on it as well.

-Yeah.

Yeah, that's nice.

-What's missing, do you think?

-A bottle of wine.

THEY LAUGH

So we've got four of everything here.

Your cups, saucers, tea plates here.

Do you like it? I think you're coming round to it.

Yes, yes.

Can you imagine yourself going for a picnic with it?

You can take your mum and her boyfriend.

Which one?

I think that's quite good, that. How much is it?

-What's your best?

-25?

25...

- Little bit less? - 20?

-20...yeah.

-That OK?

I think you've got a great deal there.

Shake that woman's hand.

Thank you very much. Thank you very much.

It's party time! It's party time...

That's item number one, all wrapped in just 15 minutes.

-Hatbox - how about that?

-That is smashing.

-With a hat!

-Wow.

This girl can't resist a hat. She has to try them on.

-Go on, whack it on.

-Beautiful.

The back of it...

-I like hats.

-She looks rather good in that hat.

It's a lovely box, isn't it?

It is. It's fantastic.

Look at that - "Dunn and Company of The Strand."

Brushed silk hat - ho!

-They had small heads in those days.

-I just said that.

-Yeah.

I didn't think I had a big head.

LYNDA SNORTS WITH LAUGHTER

You haven't, my lady, you have a perfectly formed head.

You are good.

The thing about that is you simply can't fault it.

SELLER: 120...

-Cor blimey! Did you hear that?

-I did!

That came down 50 quid before I even did anything!

It can't be £95, can it, sir?

Make it 100, and it's yours.

While Charlie and his angels - ha! - are left speechless,

let's catch up with the Reds, who are still looking for a drink.

-That is a nice thing.

-It is nice.

That's Victorian, possibly Elkington Plate there.

-The cut of the crystal is marvellous.

-Yeah.

This will be probably late 19th century.

You see, you've got this lovely star cut in the crystal here -

putting decoration underneath, where no-one will see it,

is an indication of quality.

I like the spout as well, with the face of the...

It's quite dear.

But the thing is, if you're going to spend money,

-you want to buy quality.

-Yeah.

And you can put something nice inside as well.

-You girls are party girls.

-We are.

We've got the afternoon party...

-And we've got the night-time one.

-And we've got the night-time party.

I think we might be having a wee theme here.

A theme running through.

Hello? Hello! It's another wonderful day.

Isn't it beautiful? Yes.

I've got a couple of party girls here.

THEY LAUGH

SELLER: I can do £20 off, I can do it for 105.

JANE: Can we not get it under 100?

Yes, OK, I'll do it for 95. It's a little profit on that, OK?

-That's lovely. Thank you very much.

-Good luck.

-Thank you so much.

-Thank you.

You're welcome.

Second buy for the Reds - I'll drink to that.

With time ticking away, will the Blues take a shot

at the Japanese rice wine, or sake, cup?

-That's pretty.

-That's unusual - it's got a marble in the bottom.

-Yes.

-What is that?

-Do you want to know?

-Yes.

-Hold that, my dear.

-Certainly.

-Are you ready for a shock?

-Definitely.

Nothing can shock me.

Now look in the bottom.

LYNDA GASPS

-Very nice.

-Wow!

-What a treat.

-Good heavens, I like that!

Yes, I thought you might!

I think the less we say about that, the better.

-Very good.

-Very nice.

-Excellent.

-Cheers.

Oh, that's better, you can't see it now.

-So it's called erotica?

-It's called erotica, yes.

-How much is it?

-How much is it?

I would think it's priceless.

By priceless, you mean it's not worth anything, right?

An erotic sake cup.

-Do you think an auctioneer would sell such a thing?

-Why not?

I think he would, because as long as there wasn't any liquid around,

the liquid could be poured onto it in the privacy of your own home.

-Definitely.

-I rather like that.

Hang on - I've just got to remind myself of what it was.

It would be nice if it was for a man.

Charlie, it looks like you!

-I beg your pardon?!

-It looks like you!

-Love it!

-Oh, goodness me.

-Super.

She's quoting £55.

But I'm sure I can go and see her - you just stay there for two minutes.

-And I will go and see her with this.

-OK.

-Super. I like that.

-I won't be long.

Rapid negotiations required, Charlie,

that's 40 minutes gone.

-That's nice.

-Quite nice quality, isn't it?

SELLER: That's 75.

-That's, again, you've picked up a nice quality thing.

-Hm.

-What is it? Is it ink?

-Ink, yeah.

-It's an inkwell.

-I like that.

You like that?

Your mummy likes this one.

If you want to go for it, go for it, but I'm just thinking,

how many people...use ink?

-People collect inkwells.

-And people use them.

< Just to go on a writing desk. I'm not saying they actually use it.

-I mean, a nice present, I think.

-Yeah...how much is it?

SELLER: 75.

-And to us?

-Would you...could you go to 50?

I can't, no, no. Em...I'd take 65, that would be the absolute best.

That would be it.

JENNY: If we go a little bit further along...

We know where you are - it's opposite the ladies'.

Yeah.

-LAUGHING:

-Lovely!

-OK, thank you, thank you.

-Thanks very much.

-Bye-bye.

Now, what price has Charlie negotiated for the sake cup?

Right, girls...

How have we done?

This is your call, girls, because this is not antique.

-OK.

-It's not appealing to me, for obvious reasons.

-And it's £45.

-OK.

I think this, at auction, could make 20 quid

and it could make 60 quid,

so it's a complete and utter gamble.

-I like it.

-I like it.

We like a gamble.

I'm backing you up all the way, girls, if you want to buy it,

but you have not got the C Ross guarantee of profit, there.

-But I think we've got the fun.

-Yes.

-And it's a gamble, and it's fun.

While we're here - cos we're running out of time, fast -

may I just point out one last thing for our last few minutes?

That.

I love it.

It's got an amber handle

and it's a miniature cooking pot...but it isn't.

-Oh!

-It's an inkwell.

-Ah...!

I think that, for a collector of inkwells -

and you get collectors of inkwells - is the most glorious thing.

-I like that.

-Yeah.

-How old is it?

-1930.

-How much is it?

-It's £55.

-OK.

-It's not cheap.

-Will she come down on the price?

-From 55? Don't know, but I'll try.

-Yeah.

-Hold on there...

-I like that.

-You found something, Anita?

-I bet it's in the party theme.

Oh, dear!

-Cocktail or nibbles?

-That is quite camp, isn't it?

A bit different.

-Is it, like, '50s or '60s?

-Em, yeah.

It's a million miles away from your beautiful Victorian carafe.

It's a thousand miles and a thousand years away from it.

But I thought that it was quite funky.

-Yes.

-Quite fun.

-I mean, we use these a lot at home.

-Do you?

-Yeah, yeah.

-How much is it - 45?

-45.

I think he might go to 38.

With a push, I might get him to 35, but it's up to you.

We're running out of time now, girls.

-I like that and I like the inkwell.

-I would like to keep looking.

We haven't got much time.

I know, but we've got enough time to have a little look, haven't we?

OK, girls, it's...

Looks like it's going down to the wire with the Reds, too.

This is nail-biting stuff.

-£55.

-OK.

-And that's it - there's no negotiating on that.

And after all, it's nice to buy something you like.

-Definitely.

-Marvellous.

-And you're certainly happy with £45 with that.

-Yes.

-So, 55, 45...

-£100.

-We've done it.

Two things bought in no time at all. Come on, girls - one more to go.

Yeah, but time is pressing on, so hurry up.

Oh, girls, I was just having a wee break there.

-Have you made up your mind?

-We have.

We'll see if we can get a bit more money off the inkwell,

go for that - and leave the snail picker for someone else.

The snail pickers?

OK, let's go.

-We better hurry up, girls.

-I know.

Come on, Reds! Show some urgency, then.

-Let's hope it's still here.

-Ah, it's still here.

-OK.

The girls still quite fancy the inkwell -

they see it as a classy item.

What's the best you said you could do for us?

I started at 75, came down to 65, didn't I?

Um...another fiver, if it helps. £60 would be the absolute best.

-We'll go for it at 60.

-Good, good, good - well done.

-Thanks very much.

-Thank you.

-Thanks.

The Reds have completed their hat trick of purchases.

And the Blues are drawn back to a certain hat, also.

-It's still here, waiting for you. It hasn't gone away.

-Beautiful.

Look at that - original strap.

It's by Dunn and Company,

and even I have heard of Dunn and Company.

It's very small, Charlie.

They had smaller heads. It's as simple as that.

-I love...

-Oh, I can't believe this.

-We have to buy it, now.

-It's got your initials on, hasn't it?

I cannot believe this.

CG - what are my initials?

-My goodness...

-"Charles Graham".

-Ah!

-CG.

-This is my hat.

-Made for you, obviously.

I think, you know, it was made for me what I was about ten.

Uh...but it's got my initials on it.

If ever there was something that said, "Buy it."

Gentleman very kindly came down to 100 from 170.

I don't think I'd be rude enough to try and bash it any more.

I think £100 is super.

We'll have it, my dear, if we may.

-That's very kind of you. Thank you.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

-Super duper.

-Super.

Hats off to you, Blues.

That's your third and final buy, with seconds to spare.

OK, teams, we're out of time.

Let's flag up what the Red team bought.

They paid just £20

for the 1950s' picnic set.

Next, they decanted £95

for the early 20th century claret jug.

Lastly, they signed over £60

for the Edwardian glass and silver inkwell.

OK, my bevy of beauties, was that a good experience or not?

-Really good, great.

-Was it? How much did you spent in total?

-£175.

-Good, that's a proper amount of money.

I'd like £125 of leftover lolly.

Thank you, Janie, that's great.

Here you are, Anita - £125, my darling.

What will you do with that?

Well, this mum and daughter pair

are a pair of wacky girls, wild girls, party girls.

I'm going to go and look for the wackiest thing I can find.

For which you are very well qualified,

if you don't mind my saying.

Anyway, good luck, girls. Good luck, Anita.

Meanwhile, we'll check out what the Blue team bought, won't we?

They splashed out £45

on the saucy sake cup - ooh...

Closely followed by the Victorian novelty inkwell for £55.

And finally, they paid £100 for the silk top hat and case.

Tell me, team, which is your favourite piece?

-Em, the erotica cup.

-Is it?

-Definitely.

What is it that you particularly like about that?

-Cos it's definitely for a woman.

-Is it?

-Yes.

-I see.

-And you spent, in total, how much?

-£200.

-£200.

£200 - that's a good sum, too. £100 of leftover lolly, please.

-Who's got that?

-Tina's got that.

Oh! Naughty...

That's positively steaming. Oops!

Dropped it...

So would you, old fruit.

Anyway, good, there we go. Well done.

-That's OK.

-Beautifully presented!

Thank you very much, Charles.

What are you going to do with all of that?

Um...I think I'm going to buy a piece of silver.

-Woo!

-It's got to be.

-It's got to be, hasn't it?

Good luck, girls. Go and have a cup of tea.

Good luck, Charlie.

Meanwhile, we're going to find something that I found

very, very recently.

In fact, you could positively describe it as being "mint".

This is an unusual object for me to pick,

because I'm not known for 20th century ceramics,

character jugs, Royal Doulton and the like,

and this thing is exactly that - a character jug.

It shows a military gentleman with puffed up cheeks,

slightly florid, pinkish complexion.

His face is compressed. He's wearing a bearskin hat

and has got a chinstrap of golden material.

And the handle at the back?

That's in the form of a horse's head.

What's going on here? Is this a standard Doulton job?

Answer - no, it is not.

A - it's made of porcelain, not made of earthenware,

and if you turn it upside down, instead of a Doulton backstamp,

you see the word, loosely scratched in, "Minto".

Who's Minto? Well, he's a very interesting bloke.

If you were in the civil or military,

the plum job to have at the end of the 19th century

would be to become Viceroy of India,

which is exactly what Lord Minto did,

except that before that,

he was Governor General of Canada,

and a successful Governor General he was too.

When he was appointed as a military governor general,

they made him Colonel-in-Chief of the Guards,

the guards that guarded the governor.

And the Canadian guards, like our Grenadier guardsmen,

wear bearskin hats.

So this shows the Governor General,

wearing a Canadian guardsman's bearskin

and I guess only a handful of these things

would have been potted in Canada to commemorate a moment -

perhaps in the guards' mess -

when Minto was about to shove off for India.

A tiny number,

which makes this thing a very rare survivor.

Clearly, something that the dealer who was selling this

had no idea about,

because he sold it for £30.

What's it worth?

Well, with all that slice of Canadian history

and being rare,

it could make a mint - ha!

Like £500.

Eh, Minto?

So, with all the items boxed up and shipped off,

let's join them at the auction.

Well, this is fun, isn't it? We're back in Grantham.

Now I've been to Grantham more times than you've had hot lunches,

mainly to see Colin, which is extremely nice.

-Colin Young.

-Well, it's always good to have you here.

Lovely. Anyway, today for the Reds, we've got a bit of a mixture.

First up, we've got the picnic set,

which is a splendid example, isn't it?

Well, it's a standard Brexton, really.

There's not a lot more you can say about it.

There's so many collectors that want the vintage and that retro look,

particularly when you go to things like classic car shows and that.

You'll see everybody sat out the back

and having their sandwiches straight out of one of these.

-What's it worth?

-Well, I think that's probably about £25-£40.

Good. £20 paid, so they should make a profit on that.

Next is this claret jug,

which I fancy is a good deal later than they thought.

Early 20th century to me, Colin, is 1910, 1920,

and that sure as heck isn't late Edwardian.

-It's 1950s or '60s, isn't it?

-Yeah.

Moulded glass, not very good mounts

and I'm afraid I don't rate it, do you?

-Not highly, em...

-I thought not. How much?

Well, I think £25-£40.

I think you're absolutely right. They paid £95.

There we go - 25 to 40 on top of £95 is a big old hole.

Talking about holes, how do you get on with this ink hole?

Well...it's a bit of a plain Jane one, silver-mounted,

but very, very plain.

So your entry level price for this silver-topped inkwell is...?

-Well, £25-£40.

-There you go.

Pitch it at the right level and you'll get some interest.

You're being very commercial about this.

-Our guys paid £60.

-Yeah.

-They might get there.

-Hm...

-But it's going to be a struggle.

-It really is.

Those two things, I think are a problemo,

which means they'll need the bonus buy,

which means we ought to go and have a look at it.

Now, Jenny, Jane -

£125 of leftover lolly, you gave to Anita.

What did you spend it on?

Well, I bought this rather cracking 1960s' light fitting.

You're a couple of crazy gals

and I wanted to buy something crazy for you.

What do you think of that?

It's bright!

Well, it's from the 1960s, so it's not an antique,

but this type of thing is very popular with the cool kids

and I hope there are a few cool kids out there today to buy this.

-So do I!

-It's made of orange plastic and I think it's rather splendid.

THEY LAUGH

Um, Jane, would you like to handle it?

Feel the quality of the plastic.

Oh, that's lovely!

Are you speechless?

I am a little, Anita, yeah. It's lovely.

You don't need to say that it's lovely

-if you think it's horrible.

-It depends how much you paid.

I paid £70 for it.

-Right.

-Right.

-Right.

-OK...

THEY LAUGH

-It's colourful.

-It'll either fly...or sink.

What's the prediction?

I don't know!

HE LAUGHS

OK. Well, that's honest, isn't it?

You don't have to decide whether you go with the bonus buy

until after the sale of the first three items,

but for the viewers at home, let's find out

what the auctioneer thinks about Anita's lamp.

Well, Colin, I know you love a bit of 20th century design.

-I do.

-Yeah?

-Yeah, great fun!

-Go in your 1960s' house.

-I like this sort of thing.

I wouldn't think a lot of these survived, actually.

I wouldn't have thought so, either.

-So badly made.

-I suppose, really, let's go with an estimate...

Let's go for £10-£30 on it.

OK - £70 was paid for this by Anita Manning

who is very, very keen on 20th century design

and who knows - she might be right.

Anyway, that's it for that.

Moving on quickly to the Blues, who've got a curious mixture,

started off by the reproduction saucy sake cup.

Mm. Em, not really a lot you can say about that.

You first look at it and you think,

"Well, that probably is early 20th century, '20s, '30s."

You see plenty of that sort of Satsuma style.

-Late Meiji stuff.

-Very, very late.

You look inside and have a look at the scene that's in there

and it ain't of that period.

-It's '60s, '70s, isn't it?

-'70s, yeah.

It can be so deceptive.

What's it going to bring? A bit of naughty fun.

It is a bit of naughty fun

and I suppose people are sensibly going to spend £10-£30,

but I think beyond that, you'd be questioning your sanity.

-All right, fine - £45.

-Hm...

-I know.

Next it's the novelty inkwell.

-Well, it's another saucy lot.

-Exactly.

-Look at that.

-Nice interior.

What have we got, then?

We've got an enamelled interior to the miniature pan,

-is that the plan with that?

-It is, yeah.

So you can put any colour ink in it.

Yeah. Not precious metal, though - copper.

Difficult thing to value, I guess.

Yeah. Again, I've just gone with £10-£30.

It's a trinket, it's a novelty item.

Lyn loved it - £55 she spent.

That's not low tens, that's mid-tens.

That's another loss. What about the top hat?

-Good item.

-Dunn and Co.

Yeah - good maker, the condition's good throughout,

the case is nicely waxed up...

-A good decorator's piece.

-How much?

-I think £30-£50.

-Good Lord.

£100 they paid.

This is a walking disaster front, this Blue team, you know.

They're going to so need their bonus buy.

In fact, let's go and have a look at it.

Now Lyn, Tina, this is the excitement.

£100 you gave to Roscoe. Roscoe, what did you spend it on?

Well, I was so frightened by you girls,

I thought there's only one thing that's relevant here,

-and that's to make a profit.

-Absolutely.

I'm not going to try and impress you with the object,

but I will try and impress you with what I paid for the OBJECTS.

-Oh!

-I bought some bits of silver, cut glass and silver.

That is the prime object

and that is a Victorian silver-topped scent bottle.

It's 1890-something, cut glass, good condition,

vacant cartouche on the top

and I think that is worth £25-£30.

And I paid £20 for all three.

If we can't get a profit on £20 for those three, girls,

then I will eat my hat.

-They're all hallmarked?

-They're all hallmarked.

-Right.

-And what do you think these will bring?

-£40.

-Double.

I think I will double the money, girls.

There's a prediction. You like the sound of that.

-Yes.

-Bonkers not to go with the bonus buy.

I think we've got a resounding thumbs-up there, Charlie, well done.

But right now, for the audience at home,

let's find out what the auctioneer thinks about Charlie's little pots.

OK, Colin, here's a bit of a challenge.

-That one's got a dent in it.

-Mm-hm.

-That one's got a very badly bashed top.

-Yeah.

-And that one's missing its spoon.

-Yeah.

-All silver, but none of them match.

-No.

I suppose it's one of those little composite lots

that will have been bought, presumably, if it's the bonus buy,

just on budget, hoping there's going to be a profit, so...

He had £100 and he went out and bought these three.

Right - that means these must have been really, really cheap,

-cos that is obviously why you would do it.

-Yes.

I suppose, really, as a group, nothing individually there

that excites in any way, shape or form,

but certainly you've got an aggregate value in there of £25-£40.

Perfect. That'll be his thinking, cos he only paid £20.

-Does it fill your heart with joy, the prospect of selling them?

-No.

Excellent.

I rather thought that would be the response.

It's not exciting, is it?

It's a commercial thing to do to make £5, £10, £15 profit,

which is what the bonus buy is all about.

-But it's not excitement.

-No.

Obviously, there wasn't the excitement

to be found on the day, then.

I guess not.

-God bless you, Colin Young.

-Thank you.

-Thank you very much.

AUCTION ROOM CHATTER

-So, girls, you bought the picnic set, right?

-Yeah, we did.

-You glad you bought the picnic set?

-Yes.

-You should be.

Because his estimate is £25-£40 on your picnic set

-and you only paid £20.

-That's good.

-That's good, isn't it?

He's been a bit mean with some of these estimates.

Otherwise, you've got the uranium orange plastic ceiling light

to fall back on, OK?

Now, OK. First up is your picnic set,

here it comes.

Lot number 226

is the Brexton picnic set -

there we go, a very composite set, this one, in pretty good order.

Who'll start me at £60 for it? 60?

30 to go, then, surely. £30, everybody.

30, £30 to go, 30.

20, if you like, £20, everybody.

-Come on!

-£20, anybody?

Anybody at £20 for the Brexton?

20 bid, two again now, £20 and two, now.

Look at what we're selling.

£20 bid, two again now, do I see?

-Broken even...

-Two now, do I see?

Are we all done? Two, surely?

22, 22 bid. Five, bid of five.

Five bid, 28 now.

At £25 bid, 28 now, surely?

At £25, we're on the market at 25, any more bids?

At £25 - surely 28 from someone?

At 25, last call then, selling back here at £25...

Lovely - plus £5.

Good girls, well done. That's excellent.

Now, the claret jug.

Lot number 227

is the claret jug, this time. Nice mounts on it.

Who'll start me at £50? 50.

40 to go, then. £40, anybody? 40?

40? 30, who's first, now?

£30 to go, 30?

20 - £20 for this. £20.

20 bid. Two now.

At 20 bid, 22.

25, five bid. 28, 28.

30, 30 bid.

32, 35, 35 - 38.

-It's creeping...

-Slowly.

42. 45. 42, second row at 42.

At 42 - is there five from anywhere else, now?

At 42, last call, done and finished...

45 on the net. 48 - 48 bid.

-And 50 now, 50 bid.

-This is good!

Coming back with 50, surely?

48, the bid's straight in front of me here.

At 48 bid, last call, then. Done, finished at £48...

48 is two shy of 50, which is 45 -

that is minus £47.

That's a big old lump, isn't it?

Which means overall, you're minus £42

and you've got the inkwell now, stand by.

Cross your legs, girls.

There we go, 228 showing next.

This is the Edwardian crystal inkwell

with a nice silver top on it there.

Who'll start me at £50?

50? 40 to go, then. 40?

30, if you like. £30, anybody? 30?

-£30 bid, and 32...

-Come on!

Who do I see now? £30 bid, two, now. 32, do I see?

30 bid, 32, 35 on the book. 38.

-38, 40.

-Yes!

42, now, 42. 45. 45, now, 45.

48, 48 bid, 48.

50, now, make it. £50. 50, sir?

50 bid, 50 bid. I'll say two.

At 52. Five anywhere else now?

At 52 bid. Five - go on, have another one.

At 52 bid, five anywhere else?

Surely? At 53, third row down here...

Oh, dear. So close.

55, 58. 58. Bid 60?

58, back down here, a definite no this time.

Going, then, at £58...

I can't bear it! £58 is minus 2.

Overall, then you're minus 44.

So, that's the position.

The financial position is in the red, Reds,

to the tune of £44.

So what are we doing? Are we going with the old orange doo-dah?

Are we going to park it and hope that £44 is the winning score today?

-It could be a winning score.

-We're going to reject it.

-You're going to reject it - sure about that?

-Yeah.

-Absolutely certain?

-Yeah.

-Don't need to phone anybody?

-No.

OK, we're selling it now anyway, so come along.

We're not going with the bonus buy but we're selling it anyway.

Start me at £50.

£50.

£50.

30...was that £50, madam?

No? Why not?

I said 50 pence.

Oh, you said 50 pence, did you?

It's my hearing that's going.

Oh, dear. This isn't very Grantham.

Who's going to start me at 10 and we'll get on?

£10, anyone? 10?

Although it's looking like this 50p's going to be working.

Who's going to start me? A fiver, seriously. Fiver, anybody?

Fiver? Yep, five in the room. Five bid in the room.

Six, now. £5 bid. Six now, surely.

Six bid. Eight, now. Let's get on.

Eight bid. Eight bid.

Ten bid. Ten bid. 12 on the book.

-This is good auctioneering.

-Isn't it?

He's a very good auctioneer.

£18 bid. 20, now, do I see?

At 18 bid. 20, now? At £18, are we all done?

It's on the market at 18, surely.

20 bid. At 20 bid, 22.

25 - you're not going to find another one like this today.

At 22 at the back of the room.

At 22, is there five? Final call, then.

It's on the market, it's going to sell at £22.

-It doesn't matter - matters not a jot, actually.

-No.

You're minus £44, you didn't go with the bonus buy,

-that could be a winning score.

-Could be.

In which case, don't say a word to the Blues.

-No.

-In fact, go out looking a bit cocky.

THEY LAUGH

-Yes!

-Yes, that's marvellous.

Give them a bit of that, all right? Well done.

Lyn and Tina, do you know how the Reds got on?

-No, we don't.

-You don't know.

-Nope.

Did they look confident when they came through?

-Well, they were waving and cheering.

-Were they?

That sounds like the girls.

Anyway, let's have a little saucy cup of sake, shall we?

Here it comes.

Lot number 248, this is a Japanese erotica sake cup.

Who's going to start me at £10?

£10, anybody?

-Come on...!

-10? £10, anyone?

Fiver to go, surely. Anybody, fiver? Couple of pound to go then, surely?

£2, anybody?

£2 bid, four. £4 bid, six.

£6, £8 bid, £8 - ten...

Come on, girls!

Ten anywhere? £8 bid. Ten now, surely?

At £8 bid - ten. 10 bid, 12.

12 bid now - no, at £10 bid.

Ten bid, 12 - any more? 12 bid.

15 now, surely? No?

At £12, it's back in the room, then, on the end of the row there at 12.

At 12 bid, 15. Last call from anybody?

£12. Bad luck. Minus £33.

Uh-oh. Not a good start.

Lot number 249 showing now.

This is the late Victorian novelty inkwell

in the form of a saucepan with cover.

Nice interior as well. Who'll start me at £40 for it?

40? 30?

20, there you go. £20, anyone? Ten if you like? Anybody at ten?

Who's first in? £10 bid. At ten bid, 12 anywhere else now?

At ten bid, 12 again now, surely? At £10 bid. Ten. 12 bid.

15? 15 bid. 18 now? 18, surely?

18 bid, at 18. 20? £20 bid?

-No, 18 bid. And 20 now...

-Come on!

-I can't bear it.

£55 paid.

Right at the back of the room - surely £20 for this?

At 18 bid, are we all done? Final call, then,

at the back of the room...

Come on - upbeat, girls, come on.

37...

Here comes the Dunn and Co.

Lot number 250

is the Dunn and Co silk top hat.

You also get the box to go with it as well,

which is in fabulous order.

Who'll start me at £100 for it?

100? 80 to go, then, surely? 80?

50, if you like. £50, anyone? 50?

50? 30 to go, then, surely?

£30 - 30 bid. Five, 35...

What is going on?

45, 50. £50, I'm bid. 50 bid. Five?

£50 - lady's bid at 50. 55. 55?

60. 60 - five? 65. 65.

£70. £70 bid.

We're getting there, girls, we're getting there.

-80, now. 80.

-Ooh!

-Five. 90.

-Blimey, don't say we're going to make a profit?

95. 95. 100 now, may I say.

100, surely? 100?

110 now. 110. 120.

You're in profit.

Surely? 120? 130.

At 120, we're on the net, then.

125. 130. Let's make it 130.

130.

At 130.

Are we all done, then? At 130?

-Going then at 130 on the internet.

-Well done!

That is plus £30.

Tina, I laud you.

Anyway, that means that now you're only minus 40.

-Which is nothing, really.

-Fabbo!

OK, minus £40, girls. That's not too bad, is it?

-Mm...no.

-No.

Are you going to have a punt at the silver-topped bottles?

-BOTH: Yes.

-Going to go with the bonus buy?

-Yes.

-You are.

-Yes.

-All right, fine.

Going with the bonus buy, then. Here come three little bottles.

Let's see what happens.

We've got three silver-topped items.

Got to be worth a tenner apiece, start me at £30.

30? 30? 20 to go, then, surely?

£20, anybody?

Ten if you like, ten, straight in? Ten bid - 12 anywhere else now?

At £10 bid. 12 now, do I see?

At 12 bid, 15 now, do I see?

At £12 bid, 15 now?

At £12 a bid. 15, do I see?

-At £12 bid, 15...

-Don't be ridiculous!

Come on!

They're silver-topped, for God's sake.

£5 each. At 12 bid.

15, do I see, now? 15. 15.

18, now, 18, do I see?

Goodness sake!

18 bid. 20 again, now. 20 bid.

22, now? No.

At £20, my bid's down here at 20.

Out at the back.

Charlie's got a white face.

Selling at £20...

It's yours, sir, at 20...

£20 is what they've got - a white face.

-Yeah...

-Which is the closest thing to a profit, Charlie.

CHARLIE LAUGHS

You might get a slapped face, the way you're going on.

OK, fine. So no profit, no loss on that.

Overall, you are minus £40,

which could, as I say, be a winning score.

Don't say a word to the Reds

and all will be revealed in a moment.

You're good sports.

Well, well, well. Look at these happy, smiling girls.

Now, who's ahead and who's behind, eh?

-Been chatting?

-ALL: No...

Look at the shine in their expectant faces.

Such competitiveness.

I mean, if I tell you that there's only £4 between you...

I mean, how nail-bitingly edge of screen is that?

Course, you haven't made any profit.

THEY LAUGH

That would be unheard of!

So, we're both in a minus score situation,

but the scale of the losses is very, very tight today.

Very, very tight indeed.

And the team that is marginally -

and it is only a margin of four smackers -

further down the losses stake is...

..R...B...

The Reds.

THEY GROAN

Minus £44, girls.

Oh, dear!

You didn't go with the bonus buy. If you did, you'd be minus 92.

THEY LAUGH

As it was, you avoided the bonus buy,

you preserved your scaled-down losses, which were 44 -

-which is not so bad, is it, really?

-Not really.

-Never mind. You had a good time.

-Fabulous.

-Wonderful.

You're a marvellous couple, you mother and daughter.

-Thank you for coming on our show.

-Thank you.

Now, moving on, though, to the victors,

who managed to win by only losing £40.

Lyn, have you had a nice time, darling?

-Fabulous time, thank you.

-What was the best bit for you, Tina?

-Me erotica cup.

-Oh.

-We're back on that again.

-I wanted it.

-You wanted it.

-Good fun, hey?

-Excellent.

-Brilliant.

Marvellous - join us soon for some more bargain hunting, yes?

ALL: Yes!