Episode 16 Beat the Brain

Hello, I'm The Brain.

There are some tricky games for our team to tackle today.

Why don't you try a couple yourself?

Are they left or right hands?

And here's another one.

Follow The Leader.

Memorise the order of the colours in the musical sequence.

I'll give you the answers at the end of the show.

Now, watch how our team does today as they attempt to beat The Brain.

APPLAUSE

Who's the most respected man on British TV?

It's John Craven.

HE LAUGHS

Thank you. I'm not sure about that but welcome to Beat The Brain.

This is your chance to pit your wits against the trickiest opponent

on television - The Brain. How are you feeling today?

-Tricky?

-Oh-ho! Well, you know me, John. I'm tricky,

I'm complicated, I have the consistency of firm jelly,

I'm just me. He-he-he!

Well, let's see what our team makes of you. Please introduce yourselves.

I'm Mark and I'm a journalist.

I'm Debbie and I'm a graphic designer.

I'm Ben and I'm a microbiologist.

I'm Dan. I'm the team captain and I'm also a journalist.

-APPLAUSE

-Well, welcome to all of you.

Dan, you're captain, so what name have you chosen for the team?

We are Dorks United.

-HE LAUGHS

-Dorks United! Why that?

Well, it was actually Debbie's idea.

It's essentially because the four of us are all 24-carat dorks.

What's a dork? Just for people who don't know.

I think it's like the perfect storm of nerdy pastimes

with a certain lack of physical grace and just...

THEY LAUGH

-So, I mean, do you mind being called dorks, Mark?

-No, I don't mind.

I think it's a fair description.

Well, all the very best to all of you.

And this is how we play the game.

The show's Brain is divided into six Zones.

Logic, Memory,

Orientation, Observation,

Language and Multi-tasking.

Now, The Brain will select four from those six Zones

for you to play today.

And, Dan, as captain, you must then nominate which team member

you think will perform best in each Zone. OK?

You're playing for time instead of points, with every correct answer

adding three seconds to your total.

What we call your Brain Bank.

The more time you build up, the more chance you have of beating The Brain

in today's Final and walking away with the jackpot of £3,000.

So, Dorks United, are you ready to play?

-ALL:

-Yes.

Well, time to find out which Zone you'll be facing first.

So, Brain, Zone, please.

So, Memory.

Who do you think, Dan, will be

the best in your team in the Memory Zone?

Well, it's not so much a case of the best, in this case -

Mark said he was terrible at this, Ben said he was terrible,

I'm terrible so, by default, it has to be Debbie.

-So, you're the remaining dork.

-Yeah.

-Come on in, Debbie, then

and play in the Memory Zone.

APPLAUSE

So, do you think you'll be good at Memory?

-I'll probably be better than them.

-If everyone else is so bad!

-Yeah.

Yeah, me and Ben played a couple of Memory games and I did a lot better

than him but I don't know if that means I'm good at it.

OK, let's see how you do. All the very best in the Memory Zone.

So, you will play two games in the Zone.

-Both games have three questions worth three seconds each. OK?

-OK.

-So, Brain, what's the first game?

-Hello, Debbie.

-Hi.

-Not feeling too nervous, are we?

-A little but it's OK.

Oo-ooh, don't be nervous, darling.

Be very nervous.

THEY LAUGH

Here's your first game.

Repeat the order in which the colours flash.

Have a trial run, Debbie.

So, of those colours, which came up first?

OK, that was purple, pink, yellow, blue.

Purple, pink, yellow, blue, you're saying.

Let's see if that's correct.

-It is, indeed.

-Yeah!

-Well done.

No problems with that little starter one.

-Let's go for the real thing, shall we? Are you happy to do that?

-Yeah.

Right. Brain, please, let's play the game.

Remember, Debbie, I can only accept your first answer.

-Every correct answer will add three seconds to your Brain Bank.

-OK.

Your game starts now.

-What do you think?

-That was green, purple, blue, black, red.

-Green, purple, blue, black, red. Let's see.

-I hope.

Well done. Yeah, well done.

Next one, please, then.

Black, green, pink, black...

..red, blue?

Let's look.

Oh, great.

Yeah, so, one last one.

White, green, yellow, pink, red, pink...

..blue?

-Absolutely right. Yes, well done.

-Great!

Can we have a second game, please, Brain?

Absolutely. You were very good at that, Debbie, weren't you?

Here's your second game.

Identify the winning line in this game of noughts and crosses.

I'll let you have a trial run.

So, which was the winning line?

-I think it was the three down the left, so C.

-C.

That is correct. Do you like playing noughts and crosses?

No, I've got a friend who always beats me at it

just cos he knows the formula.

-You didn't do badly at that, did you?

-I normally get...

-End in stalemate.

-Let's see if you can beat The Brain.

OK, thank you.

Brain, let's play the game.

Please remember, I can only accept your first answer.

Your game starts now.

Which one of those four?

-I think it was B.

-B, you're saying B.

That is correct. Next one.

Oh, I missed the beginning.

Er, D?

-D, you're saying D.

-Yeah.

-And that's correct, yeah.

-Oh, great.

-And the last one.

Oh, that's hard.

-Which one do you reckon?

-Oh! Maybe B.

B, you're saying.

-And that's correct.

-Oh, great!

Well, you've done incredibly well, Debbie,

on the first round, in the first Zone.

-Hasn't she, Brain?

-All hail the female dork, that's what I say.

You know, John, I love the fact that Debbie

is a member of an informal knitting group.

That's when they just sit around in their jimjams

and drop the occasional stitch.

They don't care!

-In a dork-ish way?

-Absolutely.

Well done, Debbie.

You added 18 seconds in that Zone.

This means that in total, so far, the Dorks United

have 18 seconds in their Brain Bank.

APPLAUSE

That's a very good start. Lovely to see you, Debbie.

If you'd rejoin the other dorks now.

Time to find out now which Zone we're going to be playing next

and who's going to take it on. So, Brain, a Zone, please.

It's Language. So, who do you think is best at Language, captain?

-I think I'll let Mark have a go at this one.

-Mark, OK.

Come and join us, Mark.

APPLAUSE

Good to see you. So, English graduate,

-so you reckon you're pretty good at the English Language?

-I hope so.

Although, obviously, I worry that my reputation might precede me there

and I'll actually be a terrible let down.

Well, I hear that you're passionate about film, aren't you?

Yeah, very much so. Bit obsessed with lists

so last year I made a list of every film that I watched.

-How many was that?

-It was about 180-something.

What kind of films do you like best?

I really love the golden age of Hollywood,

1930s to 1960 and the film noir era.

But anything, really. I have quite broad tastes.

Well, let's see what The Brain has in store for you.

-Please, may we have the first game, Brain?

-Of course, John. Hello, Mark.

-Shall we play the first game?

-Yes, please.

I will give you a word, Mark.

All you have to do is spell it backwards.

Let's have a trial run.

Spell BRAVE.

So, that's...

Let's have a look and see if you're right.

You are indeed, yes.

Not often as a journalist, or anything,

you have to write things backwards.

They don't really like it when you do that.

So, let's see how you do in the real thing. Off we go.

Please remember, Mark,

once you've said a letter, you cannot change your mind.

And to try and put you off a little,

I shall say these words in my dominant voice.

That sounds good.

Your game starts now.

HOUSE

Yes, well done.

Next one.

-SHADOW.

-Longer word.

Correct. Well done. Final one coming up.

PUMPKIN

PUMPKIN, harder.

Let's have a look at that. Yeah, well done.

Maximum points there, another cracking start.

-Can we have another game, please?

-Yes, of course you can.

Well done, Mark.

Here's your second game.

Mark, use one letter from each column to create a word.

The clue will help you find it.

To get you in the groove for this, have a trial run.

Any ideas?

Not at all, I'm being distracted by the way I can see H-A-W

-which makes me want it to be HAWK.

-Yeah.

-But there's no K.

Not a K in the last one, so, yeah.

You're looking for another bird.

Again, I can almost make DOVE.

-Not quite.

-No.

This is a really tricky part, isn't it?

You almost see one but the last bit or the middle bit is not there.

Yeah.

Do you want to know the answer to this one?

-Yeah, I don't think I can get it.

-Let's have the answer.

-SWAN.

-SWAN.

S-W-A-N.

-OK?

-OK.

-Never mind.

-We'll give it a try.

-You'll give it a try?

Off we go, then. Let's play the game.

Remember, you only have 45 seconds to answer three questions correctly.

And I can only accept your first answer.

Your game starts now.

Music genre is your clue.

-Again, JAZZ is like the red herring there.

-No, no.

30 seconds to go.

You can pass on it.

Are you going to pass?

-I'm going to have to pass, yeah.

-You're passing?

The answer was ROCK.

Next one.

Type of meat, here.

Um...

Two seconds.

Time is up, I'm afraid. Time is up.

So, let's find out what the answer was.

It was LAMB.

-L-A-M-B.

-Well, that didn't go so well.

-That was a difficult one for you, wasn't it, Mark?

-Yeah.

I saw a lot of nearly answers there.

Yeah, it can be very deceptive, can't it?

You really challenged him on that one, Brain, didn't you?

Absolutely. I was a little harsh, wasn't I, Mark?

You were a bit harsh, Brain.

Never mind, you'll soon be sitting next to Debbie where she can be smug.

Anyway, you added nine seconds in that Zone

which means the Dorks United have 27 seconds in their Brain Bank.

-Good, well done.

-Thank you.

-Thank you very much indeed.

-Nice to meet you, Mark.

-You, too.

-Rejoin your team, please.

So, we're halfway through.

And how are you coping with Brain's games today?

Better or worse than our team?

Keep going because the more you play, the better you'll get

and the more your own brain will benefit from it.

Right, let's find out which Zone is next and who's going to take it up.

Brain, a Zone, please.

So, who do you reckon is going to be best of the two remaining players

in Orientation?

-Ben...

-Generally know where I'm going.

-Right.

-Do it.

-Ben, let's try Orientation.

APPLAUSE

-Nice to meet you. You're from Brighton, as well.

-I am, yes.

-And I hear you play the mandolin.

-Yeah, I play quite a few things.

Play mandolin and banjo, guitar.

I love the sound of the mandolin, I'd love to play myself.

-Have you played with anybody famous?

-I played it with Jarvis Cocker once.

-Really?

-Yeah. Just for about 10, 15 minutes.

What, he invited you up to play it?

He was doing a thing in London, you could just turn up

and jam with him.

Which I don't really like doing but I thought, may as well.

Well, I don't think we've got any music questions in this one.

-We'll see how you do.

-OK.

-Off we go. And don't forget,

there are another 18 precious seconds on offer in this Zone.

That's three seconds for every correct answer.

So, Brain, please reveal the first game that Ben will be playing.

-I will, John. Hello, Ben.

-Hiya.

-You have a look of a young Mick Jagger about you.

-Really?

-Yes, you do.

-My hairdresser said that!

-Did he?

-Yeah.

Here's your first game.

Tell me whether the hands are left or right.

You can warm up by having a trial run.

-OK, so...

-It's good to use your own hands, I think.

-Yeah, yeah.

So number one is...

-left hand.

-Mm.

Number two is a right hand.

Number three is a right hand as well.

So, you're saying left, right, right.

Left, right, right. Let's have a look to see if that's correct.

It is, indeed. Well done. So...a good start.

So let's get going with the real thing, please, Brain.

You have a maximum of 45 seconds to answer three questions, Ben.

-Please remember I can only accept your first answer.

-OK.

Your game starts now.

That's left, left...

-..left.

-Left, left, left, you say?

You're correct. On to the next one.

That's right.

Left.

-Left.

-Right, left, left, you say?

Oh, no, it's not. That's right.

-Next one.

-Sorry.

-You've got 20 seconds left.

That's right.

No! Ah, it's left.

Left. Right.

-I have to accept your first answer, I'm afraid.

-Aw, yeah.

-The first word you say, so I'm sorry about that.

-Yeah.

It was left, left and right. Never mind.

Let's press on. I'm sure you're going to do much better in game two.

Yes, Ben. Let's see if we can change direction

for you, shall we, my darling?

-Yeah, please.

-Here's your second game.

-Thanks.

Follow the car's journey and identify which direction

it ends up facing.

Here's a trial run.

U-turn.

Turn right.

Turn left.

Which direction...does it end up?

I think it's going south.

-You think south?

-Yeah.

-Let's see if you're correct.

You are. Yeah.

-Shall we press on with Sat Nav? Are you happy to do that?

-Yeah.

Right. OK, Brain. Game, please.

Please remember, I can only accept your first answer.

Your game starts now.

Turn right.

U-turn.

Turn right.

Which direction now?

-I think he's going north.

-North? OK. Let's have a look.

Yeah, you're right. Next one.

Turn right.

Turn right.

U-turn.

U-turn.

-So, eventually, where is it ending up?

-That'll be going south now.

-South again, you think?

-Yep.

Yeah, good. One last one.

Turn right.

Turn left.

Turn right.

Turn right.

-I think that's going south again.

-South again, your final direction,

you think? Let's see if that's correct.

It is. South. No problems there with your Sat Nav!

You recovered some very valuable seconds into your brain bank.

-So, Brain, how do you think Ben did?

-Very well, indeed.

He is as bright as his T-shirt, isn't he?

Ben, you added 12 seconds in that zone,

which means Dorks United have 39 seconds in their brain bank.

-APPLAUSE

-OK, Ben, and, Dan,

you're the final player, so why don't you change places with Ben,

and we'll find out which zone you'll be playing in?

APPLAUSE

-You're a journalist, aren't you?

-Mm.

Yeah, so what kind of journalism do you do?

It's quite niche. I write about cranes.

That sounds a dorkish thing to do, actually.

Well, I can't comment on that in case my employers are watching,

but, yeah.

-So there is a cranes magazine, is there?

-Yeah.

It's about cranes and construction projects.

Do you think you'll be OK in one of these zones coming up,

because we've got Logic, Observation and Multitasking left?

-Which would you like?

-I think I'm fairly average at all of them.

-So it depends which games I get, but, uh...yeah.

-OK.

Let's find out which Zone Brain has chosen for you.

It's Logic. How do you feel about that, then?

Some areas are OK, some not so much. We'll see what comes up.

See what happens.

-See what devious logic the Brain has in store for you.

-Yeah.

-Can we play the first game, please?

-Absolutely. Hello, Captain Dan.

-Hello...Brain.

-Yes, that's my name. Don't wear it out.

Your first game is this.

Three darts will be thrown.

You must add up the score and subtract it from the total.

Have yourself a trial run.

14.

Double 11.

9.

So.

Double 11, 14 and 9.

Uh, so that will be...

454.

454, you say? Let's have a look.

-Oh.

-456. Almost correct.

-Game, please, Brain.

-My little dorky darling,

you have 45 seconds to answer three questions correctly.

Please remember, I will only accept your first answer.

Your game starts now.

7.

16.

18.

-460.

-460, you're saying?

You're absolutely right. Next one, please.

13.

Double 17.

15.

-398.

-398.

398. Last one coming up. 20 seconds left.

12.

Triple 9.

Double 19.

Ten seconds.

-321.

-321, you're saying.

Let's see if that's correct.

It is. You make a very good darts scorer.

-Yeah, not so much a player, but the scoring, apparently, I can do.

-Yeah.

Well done. What do you think, Brain?

He's picking up very nicely, isn't he?

Which leads me to my second game, Dan.

You must pick up the sticks in the correct order from top to bottom.

Here's a trial run to help you get the feel for the game.

From top to bottom.

OK, so that would be white,

yellow,

blue,

black, red, green.

JOHN REPEATS THE ORDER

Let's see if that's correct.

Yes. It is correct. Well done. Good.

-Are you happy to play now?

-Yeah, let's give it a go.

Here we go with this version.

You have 45 seconds to answer three questions correctly.

Please remember, I can only accept your first answer.

Your game starts now.

Red, blue,

green, yellow,

white, black.

JOHN REPEATS THE ORDER

Yes. Well done. On to the next one.

Red, blue,

black, yellow,

white, green.

Yeah, that's right. And we've got 20 seconds left.

Blue, red,

white, yellow,

green, black.

Let's see if that's correct.

It certainly is. That's well done.

Brain, he's pretty good at darts and old playground games.

You misjudged him.

Absolutely. A full house there, Dan.

You got 18 seconds in that Zone.

This means, Dorks United,

you have finished with a grand total of 57 seconds in your Brain Bank!

-APPLAUSE

-That is a formidable total.

So well done, Dan. Well done, other Dorks.

Rejoin your team, please.

Well, we've finished the individual Zones,

and now it's time for our team to try to beat the Brain

one last time and walk off with a cash prize in today's Final.

Well, Dorks United, you've 57 seconds in your Brain Bank

to answer eight questions correctly.

Achieve that and you'll win our jackpot of £3,000.

If you don't, there's still a chance to take some money home with you,

because you have two extra minutes in which to answer,

but the longer you take, the less you win

because as the time counts down, so does the money.

Take too long and you'll be leaving us empty-handed.

So, Dan, you've chosen the order in which the team are going to play.

What was your thinking behind that?

Well, Debbie had a very good performance in the earlier round.

So we're hoping she'll give us a solid start.

Then we have Mark and Ben and as team captain,

I thought I should take on the stressful role

of potentially finishing...

The anchor at the end of the line.

Potentially, or being the person who lets all the time slip away,

so we'll see.

OK. It's time to get serious.

Let's play today's Final.

Over to you, Brain.

Dorks United, you will only face questions from the games

you've already seen today,

but for every game in the final, I will only accept your first answer.

Beat me if you can.

So that's her challenge.

Can you beat the Brain?

As usual, we'll start with the player on the left,

that's you, Debbie.

And once you've answered two correct questions,

we move on to Mark and then on down the line.

OK, good luck, everybody.

Let's start the game.

Left or right hands?

Right, left, left.

Yes.

MUSICAL NOTES PLAY

Yellow, white, red, pink, purple.

Correct.

Round.

Correct.

Pick up the sticks in order.

Yellow, black, red,

green, white, blue.

Yes. Ben.

Make a word.

Edam.

7, 15, double 17.

Pass. Pass.

Left or right hands?

Right...

Right, right.

Correct. Dan.

A.

Vanilla.

Stop the clock.

Well, you didn't quite beat the jackpot,

but you have won £2,400.

Well done, Dorks!

Dorkie high-fives. Dorkie high-fives!

Very well done, indeed. A fantastic game played there.

And what do you think, Brain? You've been beaten.

Well, I've been well and truly dorked, haven't I?

If I had teeth, I'd be gritting them and saying, "Congratulations(!)"

Well, thank you all for watching at home.

I hope you enjoyed playing along.

-Now it's goodbye from Dorks United...

-Bye!

-Goodbye.

-..bye from the Brain...

-Goodbye.

..and it's bye from me as well. See you soon.

Don't go just yet.

Here are the answers to the questions I gave you at the start of the show.

Are they left or right hands?

The answer is...

right, right, left.

And what about the second one?

Memorise the order of the colours in the musical sequence.

MUSICAL NOTES PLAY

The answer is...

Play these and many more testing games next time on Beat The Brain.