Episode 10 Celebrity Eggheads

'These people are amongst the greatest quiz players in Britain.'

'Together, they make up the Eggheads,

arguably the most formidable quiz team in the country.'

'Question is, can they be beaten?'

Welcome to a special, celebrity edition of Eggheads.

That's the show where the team of five quiz challengers

pit their wits against possibly the greatest quiz team in Britain -

they are the Eggheads.

Tackling our awesome quiz Titans today are the Songwriters.

This team of the country's most prestigious songsmiths

can lay claim to a fine canon of work.

Great pop songs, show-stopping musical numbers

and of course, who can forget Mike's involvement with those burrow-dwelling furry creatures,

who surround themselves with litter?

Thank you so much for writing that song about the Eggheads!

Let's meet the team!

Hello. I'm Mike Batt, and amongst other things, I wrote "Bright Eyes",

"The Closest Thing To Crazy" and all the Wombles songs.

Hello. My name's Tim Rice and I write words for musicals,

such as Evita, Joseph, Superstar, Lion King - things like that.

Hi. My name's Gary Kemp, guitarist and songwriter with Spandau Ballet.

Hi. My name's Roger Greenaway and together with Roger Cook,

I wrote "I'd Like to Teach The World To Sing".

Hello. I'm Gary Osborne and I co-wrote "Blue Eyes" for Elton John,

"War Of The Worlds" with Jeff Wayne, "Forever Autumn" with Justin Hayward

and now Gary Barlow.

Okay, songwriters, it's fantastic to have you all here.

We are so excited to see you.

Mike, did you get this wonderful team together? How did it happen?

Well, we're all members of the Society Of Distinguished Songwriters

and you can work out the acronym yourself -

and I'm this year's "king" songwriter,

so I decided it would be a good idea if we had a team of, um, the great and the good,

who could join in and see if we could have a go.

Let's start playing and see how you do!

Now, every day there's £1,000 up for grabs for our challengers' chosen charity.

But if they fail to defeat the Eggheads, the prize money rolls over to the next show.

So, Songwriters, the Eggheads have won the last nine games,

which means £10,000 says

you can't beat the Eggheads today.

Okay, so nine teams have tried and failed. Let's see if you can do it.

The first Head-to-Head battle is on the subject of Arts and Books.

Who'd like to take this on? Arts and Books.

It's gotta be... What about you, Gary?

I did say... I did offer that up. Now I'm dreading it.

-I'll go.

-Okay. Choose your Egghead. Kicking off means you can choose anyone you like.

-I'll go against Dave.

-All right.

Not much discussion there. Let's have Gary and Dave into the Question Room, please.

That's to make sure you can't confer.

Well, Gary, great to have you here.

Now, the Eggheads miss nothing, and they tell me you've been on a quiz before. 1984!

-Pop Quiz.

-Oh, yes, of course.

-Us v. Duran Duran, yeah.

-DERMOT CHUCKLES

It was a special. Unfortunately, we lost.

-What?

-But I think I'm just as nervous now as I was then.

Andy Taylor, in his book, said that they got all the questions before, so they cheated.

But don't let me take that away from them.

It's Arts and Books. You're the challenger. Do you want to go first or second?

I'll go first.

Okay. Best of luck, Gary. First question.

In 2012, TV personality Gok Wan released a book called Gok Cooks... what?

Well, I'm really only good at things before I was born, really.

as far as most books are concerned.

Um, I don't think it's Polish.

Um, it's either Indian or Chinese.

I'm guessing it's Chinese.

You'd be right to guess that. Correct and a good start.

It's gone green on the board for you

-Dave, are you a big fan of Spandau?

-Very big fan, yeah.

I've been to see Gary and the band one time at the Opera House in Manchester,

er, where we had opera glasses.

I don't know if he remembers that concert.

-From way, way back in the day.

-Yeah, it would've been early days.

-The True Tour, I think. '83.

-Yes, it was. Yeah, I'm a very big fan.

You need bigger glasses now, for the arenas, if you're at the back.

-I'll get you a front-row seat, don't worry.

-That's good. All right, then.

-I wonder if that'll have an effect on his answer here.

-It might do.

Okay, Dave. Which sport is referred to by the title of Nicola Barker's 2012 novel, The Yips?

-Golf.

-Yeah!

Is the right answer. Hole in one.

Okay, we've loosened you both up with those first questions.

Let's see what happens with the next two. This is to you, Gary.

The character Irene Adler appears in which Sherlock Holmes story?

Well, I do know it,

but it's in my distant memory.

I don't think it's A Case of Identity.

Study in Scarlet, I believe, was the first one.

Scandal in Bohemia...

Irene Adler... Sounds like she should be Bohemian.

Um, I'm gonna go for Study in Scarlet.

Okay. Irene Adler appears in...

..A Scandal in Bohemia.

-Bad luck.

-Yeah.

Tricky one, though.

Okay, let's see how Dave does with his second question.

Which comedy writer adapted the 1955 film The Ladykillers

for the stage in 2011?

Not heard of this.

Um,...

I'm gonna go down the middle with Graham Linehan.

-I think it's Li-ne-han.

-Sorry.

Of Father Ted fame and others.

Graham Linehan is the right answer, anyway.

Whatever you call him, he'll be happy you got that.

Adapted The Ladykillers for the stage in 2011.

Which means you need this, Gary.

Which novel by Nevill Shute concerns the world in the aftermath of a nuclear war?

-A Town Called Alice.

-Okay. No deliberation.

A Town Called Alice...

-It's not, Gary, no. Dave?

-It's On The Beach.

-On The Beach.

I don't know that writer.

-So you thought you'd go for it.

-I went for it.

-Down the middle again.

Gary got that wrong and threw me a lifeline. Sorry, Gary.

Well, you can discuss that concert way back in the '80s on the way back from the Question Room.

Dave, you're coming back for the Final Round.

Would you both please come back and join your teams?

After that victory by Dave, Gary HAS agreed to let him come to the next Spandau Ballet concert,

but bring your dustpan and brush cos you'll be cleaning up afterwards.

And maybe a hi-vis jacket as well.

As it stands, the Songwriters have lost one Brain from the Final Round.

The Eggheads are all there, but it's very early days.

Our next Head-to-Head is on History.

Who from the Songwriters would like to play this? History.

Tim's the one who had an education.

-He knows all things.

-A lot of money was spent on Tim's education.

I know nothing about anything, he knows a lot about everything.

I've now had a terrible build-up and I'll look an even bigger wally when I fail.

Tim, if it is you, would you choose your Egghead?

Can't be Dave. Any of the other four.

Oh. I will go for Judith.

Okay. Let's have Tim and Judith into the Question Room, please.

Tim, you must have picked up an awful lot of knowledge,

just from the writing and researching you've done, including historical knowledge.

I suppose if you do a show that is based on real events,

you have to do some research, but a lot of it has to be made up.

There wasn't a lot of information in the Bible about Judas Iscariot.

But there was a bit about Eva Peron.

Not in the Bible! In the library.

We get you. Now, do you want to go first or second?

I'll go first.

Okay, you're kicking off. Here's your first question. Good luck.

Tonnage was a tax historically imposed on the import of which of these products?

Well, the obvious one would seem to be wine, but maybe too obvious.

But I guess, if I say...

If I don't say wine and it is, I'll look a bigger twit

than if I say one of the others.

So I will go for wine.

Okay. Wine... is the right answer.

A small tip on the first question - never overlook the obvious.

That would be my advice.

Tim didn't and got it. Well done.

Judith. Thorkell the Tall,

who invaded England in the early 11th century,

was from which group of invaders?

Thorkal? T-H-O-R-K-A-L?

K-E-L-L. Thor-KELL, if you want to say it that way.

He sounds like a Viking, to me.

Um, so I'm going to say Viking.

Yep, be around the time, wouldn't it? It's the right answer.

Okay, back to you, Tim.

The American gangster, George Moran,

was better known by what nickname?

I don't know. I mean, again, the obvious one would seem Bugs,

because it's quite like...

It's quite like Bugsy Malone, but maybe, maybe that's not right!

Um.... Fingers sounds like a sort of shoplifter or pickpocket,

rather than a gangster - seems a half-hearted criminal.

So I think I'll go for Toots.

I thought you were gonna go for Bugs. It is Bugs!

-Ah.

-Not Toots. Bugs Moran.

Was Tim onto something there? Bugsy Malone sounds like Bugs Moran.

Could it have been besed on that?

Bugs or Bugsy was a kind of generic name for people who were a bit crazy

Bugs in the head. That was the idea. So yeah, Bugs Moran, Bugsy Siegel.

-Okay.

-It was a not uncommon name.

Thank you, Eggheads. And Judith, your second question.

What name was given to the 17th-century North American wars,

in which the Iroquoi fought the Hurons and their allies?

I've got a sort of inkle about the Grizzly Wars.

I have an inkling about the Grizzly Wars

and also it's the magic rights.

I'm going to do Grizzly Wars.

For the uninitiated, Judith, if guessing,

likes to go for the "magic rights".

-The right-hand option is NOT the right option in this case.

-Oh.

It is the Beaver Wars.

And, er, Huron, Iroquoi - Last of the Mohican territory, isn't it?

Yes, er, wars over the trade in beaver pelts.

It stays all-square. No damage done.

Both slipped up on your second question.

Number three for both of you. This is yours, Tim.

King's Cross in London takes its name from a short-lived monument

that was erected locally, featuring a statue of which king?

Well, I doubt if it's Edward VII.

I don't know when King's Cross got there,

but presumably in the early days of the railways, so early 19th century,

which doesn't help much,

as both George IV and William IV are early 19th-century.

William IV, 1830-37... When did the railways get going?

I'll punt for William IV.

Okay, William IV. Knowing his dates there, on the kings.

And it is George IV.

-TIM SIGHS DEEPLY

-No. Okay. Judith.

In the 1600s, the Reverend Devereux Spratt

was one of thousands of British and Irish people captured and enslaved

by pirates from where?

Well, there were famously Corsairs in North Africa.

I think it must be North Africa with the Corsairs.

Okay. North Africa.

Pirates enslaving thousands of British and Irish people,

-including the Reverend Devereux Spratt. It's the right answer!

-Oh.

Judith, well done. You've knocked Tim out.

Daphne's going to be very cross with you.

Would you both please come back and join your teams?

So the Songwriters have lost two Brains from the final round,

the Eggheads haven't lost any.

Our next subject - it's Music.

Who'd like to play this? You've got three players left.

Mike, Roger or Gary O?

Who's gonna be...?

-Do you want me to take one for the team?

-Do you wanna try?

Roger, we need someone who'd like the Chairman of ASCAP or something.

-Okay.

-Or a member of the Songwriters Hall of Fame.

-He is.

-It has to be Roger.

-Roger Greenaway.

-I'll do it.

-Okay, Rog.

-Okay, Roger, choose an Egghead - there are three left.

Judith and Dave have played. You can play Kevin, Daphne or Chris.

Daphne. I like a lady, so I'll go with Daphne, if I may.

You'd like a lady, but you'll take Daphne anyway.

She doesn't mind. Let's have Roger and Daphne into the Question Room.

Okay, Roger, I wanna know, I wanna get an insight...

The number of people you've written for, the songs you've written...

Where do the ideas come from?

Do you keep a notebook? Do you force yourself to do it? Does it come through inspiration, or what?

Mostly it comes from conversation,

where somebody says something like "You've got your troubles, son"

and there's a title.

But... Or reading papers, or sometimes just divine inspiration.

If we all knew where it came from, we probably wouldn't tell you.

Exactly. Quite right, too.

But do you write a song because you think

"This really works, I love the lyric, I can hear it in my head,"

or do you actually think "I know who could perform this!"

Or are you asked to write for specific singers?

Well, most of my original songs were written for a guy called Roger Cook

and we were both singers, so we just wrote for ourselves.

But slowly but surely, we came off the road as singers, and started to write for other people.

So people would say "Can you write a song for me?"

So you'd study their style and hopefully write a song they could sing, depending on octaves and...

You know, most songs have to be within about 10 notes,

cos lots of people can't sing within two octaves,

although Roger and I could sing up to two octaves.

Let's hope you have a hit here. It's Music, a very broad category.

Let's see how you do. Do you want to go first or second against Daphne?

I'll stay with first, if I may.

Very best of luck, Roger. Here's your first question.

What is the title of the 1980s UK number-one single

in which "ridicule is nothing to be scared of"? is a repeated line?

I have not got a clue.

Um,...

I know I'm gonna be ridiculed now,

because I'm supposed to know about music, um...

I'm gonna guess.

I'm gonna say "Sleeping Beauty".

Okay. I have to go to Gary on this one.

-Gary?

-Oh, dear. Adam Ant. Prince Charming.

Prince Charming. I mean, d'you know Adam well?

-Did you know him well in those days?

-We were very competitive.

We tried to avoid all the stars during the '80s

and run our own course.

"Ridicule is nothing to be scared of."

Given the clothes you lot were wearing, that was a very apt song.

-Thank you, Dermot(!)

-LAUGHTER

Okay, it's Prince Charming. So, as you see, Roger, nothing for you.

So Daphne, what was the first name of the Czech composer called Dvorak?

Sorry, Roger. It's Antonin.

It is the right answer. It doesn't soften the blow, you apologising.

Roger, your second question.

In which year was "Beautiful Day" a UK number-one single for U2?

"Beautiful Day", U2. Um,...

Again, I'm not sure. I don't think it was 2000.

Could be 1980 or 1990.

Um,... I'm gonna go down the middle and say 1990.

Okay, 1990. It's tricky,

with a band as successful over such a long period of time as U2

to narrow down any of those dates.

1980 just about too early for them.

But it is 2000.

And, er, Daphne.

Which band found fame in the 1980s with Dave Gahan as lead vocalist?

Which band found fame in the 1980s

with Dave Gahan as lead vocalist?

Ooh. Ha.

The 1980s passed me by.

Um,...

Depeche Mode.

-Is the right answer.

-DAPHNE CHUCKLES

Keep coming back to you, Gary.

When Daphne said the 1980s passed her by, I thought "Same for Gary."

-He WAS there but,...

-I don't remember much of them.

-Exactly.

Okay, well, two-nil.

I'm afraid the round's over.

I wanted to ask some more questions.

Roger, you're not in the Final Round. Daphne, you are.

Would you both please come back and join your teams?

Songwriters, I know you can turn it round. You've lost three Brains,

but I've a good feeling about this category, our last before the Final Round.

And it's Geography.

Well-travelled, I know. It's Gary or Mike left, there.

Shall I take it on the chin?

You probably know more about stuff than I do, but...

-I'm very patchy.

-I left school at 15.

Which of you could do General Knowledge? Are you better?

He's got a David Attenborough box set, haven't you?

-Up to you, Michael.

-I'll do Geography.

-Okay.

Stay with us, Mike, and choose your Egghead.

The remaining Eggheads are Kevin and Chris.

Both killers.

-Kevin.

-Kevin? Okay. Why not?

Mike and Kevin, into the Question Room.

Let's play the Geography round.

-Do you want to go first or second?

-I'll go first.

Mike, best of luck. Let's see if you can winkle Kevin out of the game.

Here's your question. Which residence enjoys the largest private garden in central London?

Well, it certainly isn't 10 Downing Street.

Um, unless Winfield House is a trick, sort of diversion question,

I'm going to go for the obvious, which is Buckingham Palace.

Buckingham Palace - the obvious.

As I always say, don't ignore it in the first question.

It's the right answer. Well done.

All right. This is your question, Kevin.

Sidmouth is a coastal resort in which English county?

Sidmouth is a coastal resort in which English county?

I've been there a few times. It's Devon.

You would've been(!) It's the right answer.

Okay, Mike.

La Guardia airport is located in which US city?

La Guardia airport is located in which US city?

It's in New York, Dermot.

-It is and I bet you've been there many times.

-I have, several times.

Good, right, you've got two. Going well.

Kevin. Denpasar and Singaraja are cities on which Indonesian island?

I'll just have a think about that.

I think I know what it is, but I'm just, er...

It's D-E-N-P-A-double S-A-R?

-It's single S.

-Single S. What was the other one? Sin...?

Singaraja. S-I-N-G-A-R-A-J-A.

Yeah. That's Bali.

I love the way it just suddenly clicks.

-Well.

-Bang! It's the right answer.

It's going well for both of you.

Mike, can you really put the pressure on Kevin here?

The city of Concepcion is the capital of the Bio Bio region in which country?

I don't think it's Philippines, it just doesn't sound Philippine.

Er, Concepcion, it's a Spanish ending.

It's gotta be Chile or Spain. I'm gonna say Spain.

It's Chile. Oh, no!

Narrowed it down. Luck really isn't going with you guys today.

So, Kevin, a chance to get through.

An unusually large and valuable deposit of which mineral

was discovered at Grey Knotts in Cumbria,

probably in the 16th century?

Well, kaolin I would associate more with china clay, clay industry,

and I'd associate that more with Cornwall.

Alum, various places.

But I think in Cumbria,

that's where you get the graphite for pencils from.

Great big deposits there. I may be wrong.

The name Grey Knotts doesn't ring any particular bell,

but with Cumbria, I would associate graphite.

Okay, so they could have made a very big pencil. It is the right answer.

You've won the round. Bad luck, Mike.

Would you both please come back and join your teams?

So this is what we've been playing towards.

It's time for the Final Round, which as always is General Knowledge.

Those who lost your Head-to-Heads won't be allowed to take part.

So Mike, Tim, Gary and Roger from the Songwriters -

would you leave the studio, please?

Gary, before we start, five Elton John albums you've worked on, is it?

-Yes.

-What's he like? He's got a reputation. A bit like the Eggheads.

-But when you see them up close...

-They're lovely, up close and personal.

They've made us feel very welcome.

Is Elton a bit like that?

He's the most wonderful person to work with, because he's so talented.

When he gives you a job, he just lets you get on with it,

He would give me a tune, I'd write a lyric, I'd take it back...

I never got a pat on the back, he would just go in and sing it.

Most of the people I've written with would take it apart, change things.

He would just assume that it was right and go and do it.

Fool, because it was mostly wrong.

-But it's that level of trust.

-It was nice.

Now, I'm gonna tell you what we're gonna do.

You're playing to win the Songwriters £10,000.

Judith, Kevin, Dave, Daphne and Chris, you're playing for something money can't buy -

the Eggheads' reputation, that's it.

As usual, I ask each team three questions in turn.

Gary, they're all General Knowledge and you lot are allowed to confer.

The question is, Gary, is your one brain better than the Eggheads' five?

You get to choose. Do you wanna go first or second?

I'm gonna go second, cos we didn't do very well going first.

Let's hope it works. A switch in tactics, putting the Eggheads first.

Which creature's name is used to describe a long, thick, drooping moustache?

Which creature's name is used

to describe a long, thick, drooping moustache?

-(EGGHEADS IN UNISON) Walrus?

-Yeah, walrus.

-Go with walrus.

Yeah, that's walrus, Dermot.

-(DERMOT CHUCKLES)

-You are the walrus.

-Koo-koo-ka-choo.

-Yeah. It is the right answer. So, walrus.

Okay, Gary, your first question.

Which mechanism uses a valve controlled by a flotation device

to regulate the flow of water in a toilet cistern?

Which mechanism uses a valve controlled by a flotation device

to regulate the flow of water in a toilet cistern?

You make them all sound so charming.

I know! Isn't it amazing, the questions we get here?

I think we're gonna have to go for ballcock.

It's just great hearing you say that. It is the right answer!

One each, looking at the scores.

Good start for both teams.

Eggheads, which river flows through the site of London's 2012 Olympic Park?

Which river flows through the site

of London's 2012 Olympic Park?

-My old stomping ground.

-The river Lea.

-Yes.

-It's the Lea.

Flows out the Thames at Bow Creek.

That's the Lea, Dermot.

The Lea.

-You were saying, your old stomping ground?

-My old stomping ground.

Have they built over... Is it exactly on the site?

The stadium itself is where Bow Midland Goods Depot was.

A lot of it wiped out Temple Mills Marshalling Yard.

What they didn't take, the Channel Tunnel rail link did, so...

That's a scandal. They should never have had the Olympics.

-They should have left the yard there.

-Yeah.

It is the right answer.

Well done, Eggheads. And Gary's second question.

The songs "Steam Heat" and "Hey There, You With The Stars In Your Eyes"

are from which 1950s musical?

The songs "Steam Heat"

and "Hey There, You With The Stars In Your Eyes"

are from which 1950s musical?

Well, The Crying Game was written by my friend Geoff Stephens,

The Beautiful Game was about football...

-HE SINGS

-# Hey there

# You with the stars in your eyes #

From The Pajama Game.

Fantastic, the way that fell. It's the right answer.

Well done, Gary. Lovely. That's good to see.

Okay. It's two-all. The Eggheads might start to get worried.

They'd be very worried if they don't get this.

What was the nickname

of the silent-movie actress called Theda Bara?

What was the nickname of the silent-movie actress

called Theda Bara?

-I think Bara was the Vamp.

-Yeah, the Vamp.

The Biograph Girl was Florence Lawrence. The It Girl was Clara Bow.

-Clara Bow, yeah. The Biograph Girl was...

-Florence Lawrence.

Yeah. Theda Bara was the Vamp, Dermot.

Theda Bara was the Vamp. It is the right answer, I'll give you that.

So there were Biograph Girls and It Girls as well? Who were they?

The Biograph Girl was one of the very earliest stars

to be identified by name in the very early days of cinema,

and her name was Florence Lawrence.

Great name, isn't it?

And the It Girl, like Theda Bara, slightly later in the '20s,

-was Clara Bow. Mm.

-Clara Bow.

Gary, you need this, but you're doing really well.

Let's see if you can do it for the team.

In 1957, which British tennis player won both the Women's Singles and Doubles titles at the French Open?

In 1957, which British tennis player

won both the Women's Singles and Doubles titles at the French Open?

Well,...

I don't wanna make a bloomer...

The only one I've actually heard of is Angela Mortimer,

so I'm gonna go for her.

Okay, Angela Mortimer,

as the winner of both the Singles and Doubles titles...

Ooh! Can't change my mind, can I?

-No.

-Sorry, no. It has been selected.

What would you have changed it to?

-I would've gone for Kitty Godfree.

-That's interesting,

-because it's Shirley Bloomer!

-Ah!

-The Bloomer you didn't wanna make.

-I was never gonna get that right.

If we'd given you three goes, you would've got it.

Shirley Bloomer. Which means, Eggheads, you've won.

You gave it a good crack there, Gary. It's tough being on your own.

But three-two is no disgrace against five of them.

-We hope you've enjoyed the Final Round.

-Thank you.

We've enjoyed all the rounds. It has been fantastic having such an array...

-There they are!

-..of musical talent in the same studio as the Eggheads.

We, seriously, are not worthy.

-I'm saying that for you, Eggheads.

-It's true, yes.

-Just agree with me.

Thank you once again. The Eggheads have done what comes naturally.

Their winning streak continues, I'm afraid. You haven't won the £10,000.

So that money will head to Children In Need, to add to this year's appeal.

Eggheads, congratulations. Who will beat you?

Join us next time, to see if a new team of challengers have the brains to defeat our Eggheads.

Until then, goodbye!

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