Episode 1 Celebrity Mastermind

Four celebrities who hope they know everything there is to know about their specialist subject.

But can they cut it on television's toughest quiz?

They've agreed to put themselves in the hot seat for their chosen charity.

But only one person can be the winner.

Who will be crowned tonight's Celebrity Mastermind?

The first celebrity in the spotlight tonight is comedian

and actress Crissy Rock - her specialist subject is

The Life and Work of Toulouse-Lautrec.

Paralympic gold medallist Hannah Cockroft is next

in the firing line - her subject is rock band McFly.

BBC Entertainment Correspondent Lizo Mzimba takes on George Smiley novels of John Le Carre.

And the crime writer Val McDermid,

has chosen The Life Of The Playwright Christopher Marlowe.

APPLAUSE

Hello, I'm John Humphrys and welcome to Celebrity Mastermind.

Tonight, four famous faces will take on television's ultimate test of nerves and knowledge.

They will have to answer one-and-a-half minutes

on their specialist subject and two minutes on general knowledge.

The reward for the winner is this handsome trophy

and far more importantly,

the huge kudos of becoming one of the nation's Masterminds.

So, let's ask our first contender to join us, please.

-And your name is?

-Crissy Rock.

-Your chosen charity?

-Families Fighting For Justice.

-And your chosen subject?

-The Life And Works Of Toulouse-Lautrec.

Toulouse-Lautrec in 90 seconds starting now.

Toulouse-Lautrec is particularly associated with which district of Paris,

the centre of the city's nightlife,

where he took lodgings in the 1880s?

Montmartre.

While studying under Fernand Cormon,

Lautrec met Emile Bernard

and which other artist,

of whom he painted a portrait in 1887?

-Van Gogh.

-Lautrec was commissioned to design

a series of posters for the second season

of which celebrated Montmartre nightclub in 1890?

Was it the Moulin Rouge?

It was. In 1887, Lautrec held an exhibition

of paintings in Toulouse,

the title of which was an anagram of his own name.

What was it called?

Treclau.

The lethal cocktail attributed to Lautrec

is known by what name?

It contains three parts absinthe

to three parts cognac, served with ice.

-Earthquake.

-Yes or Tremblement De Terre.

Who was Lautrec's first art teacher?

He was a deaf mute who specialised in painting horses?

Rene Princeteau.

Moulin Rouge - La Goulue

is the first known example of Lautrec's use

of what artistic process?

Its name comes from the Greek for stone writing.

Oh, lithography.

What was the nickname of Loie Fuller,

an American burlesque artist

and pioneer of modern dance,

who was a favourite of Lautrec?

Couch... Cou... I can't say it.

Do it in English.

The Clown.

No, the Electricity Fairy.

Dr Gabriel Tapie De Celeyran was Lautrec's very tall

and almost constant companion around the nightlife of Paris.

How were they related?

He was his cousin.

What name did Lautrec give to his 1889 painting

of his fellow artist,

Suzanne Valadon, whom he also taught?

BEEP

Oh, the lon...

You wouldn't know it

because obviously you've never had one.

-Actually, it was The Hangover.

-Oh!

-Yeah, I know.

Crissy, you got eight points.

APPLAUSE

And our next contender, please.

-Your name is?

-Hannah Cockroft.

-Charity?

-Forget Me Not Children's Hospice.

-And your specialist subject?

-McFly.

McFly in 90 seconds. Here we go.

McFly took their name from the character played by Michael J Fox

in which series of films?

Back To The Future.

What is the name of McFly's drummer,

who won Strictly Come Dancing in 2011

with his partner Aliona Vilani?

Harry Judd.

With which band did McFly collaborate on a cover version

of Build Me Up Buttercup

that appeared on the Crashed The Wedding single in 2003?

Busted.

What is the title of the 2006 film

in which the band appear, with Lindsay Lohan

as Ashley Albright?

Just My Luck.

What is the name of the band's bass player who beat

Mark Wright to be crowned King Of The Jungle in 2011?

Dougie Poynter.

What BRIT award did McFly win in 2005,

with Jodie Kidd presenting it to them?

Best British Pop Act.

Danny Jones comes from which town in Greater Manchester?

Bolton.

What is the title of the song that Tom and Danny,

with James Bourne of Busted, wrote together to give McFly

their second number one single?

Obviously.

Five Colours In Her Hair was inspired

by which television show

because Tom and Danny say they both fancied Sooz,

one of the characters?

Oh...pass.

What name did the group give to their own record label,

set up in 2008? They released Radio: ACTIVE on it

before striking a new deal with Universal Island.

Super Records.

Which McFly track did NASA play

on the International Space Station

while it was orbiting the Earth in 2009?

Star Girl.

Tom Fletcher claims he was made up

when asked to audition to play a lead role

in which stage musical?

As a child, he had already played Kipper in the show.

Erm...

Oliver?

While recording in Atlanta

with the producer Dallas Austin

-BEEP

-in December 2008,

McFly had dinner

at the apartment of which rock superstar?

Er, Bruce Springsteen.

It was Elton John.

You had one pass.

That television show that inspired Five Colours In Her Hair

was As If but you've actually got 11 points.

Yay!

APPLAUSE

And our next contender, please.

-Name?

-Lizo Mzimba.

-Charity?

-Save The Children.

-And your chosen subject?

-The George Smiley Novels Of John Le Carre.

The George Smiley novels in 90 seconds starting now.

By what slightly disparaging name,

taken from its London location,

does the master spy George Smiley

usually refer to London Station?

-The Circus.

-What is the code-name

of the Soviet spy-master in Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy,

responsible for recruiting

and placing moles within the British Secret Service?

-Karla.

-In which country did Smiley spend the early years

of World War II, carrying out spying activities

under the cover of being a Swiss arms dealer?

-Germany.

-Sweden.

What breed of dog does Smiley pretend he wants

as a guard dog, so that he can covertly interview

Major Harriman about Mrs Rode's dog

in A Murder Of Quality?

An Alsatian.

In Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy,

Smiley tells Guillam that he interviewed Karla,

then known as Gerstmann,

in prison in order to convince him to defect.

In which city was the prison?

Delhi.

In The Honourable Schoolboy what is the name of the house

in Hong Kong, used by British intelligence to spy on China,

that has been closed down and put up for sale?

-High Haven.

-According to Smiley,

what set of rules decree that an agent

physically carrying a message

must also carry the means to discard it?

Moscow Rules.

In A Murder of Quality,

Stella Rode writes to the agony aunt of a journal,

because she thinks her husband is trying to kill her.

Which journal is it?

The Christian Voice.

In Smiley's People, Smiley deposits a box of items

for safekeeping in the men's cloakroom of which London hotel?

The Savoy.

At which school is the former agent Jim Prideaux hired to

teach languages after the untimely death

of the previous teacher

in Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy?

Thursgood's.

Jim Prideaux tells Smiley that he and Control

gave one of the five possible moles

within the Circus the codename Tinker.

Which one?

Alleline.

-What cargo...

-BEEP

..has regularly been flown to China by Ricardo,

the pilot originally thought to be dead in The Honourable Schoolboy?

Opium.

Lizo, you too have 11 points.

APPLAUSE

And our final contender, please.

-Name?

-Val McDermid.

-Charity?

-Eaves.

-And your chosen subject?

-Life Of Christopher Marlowe.

Christopher Marlowe in 90 seconds.

At which Cambridge college was Marlowe a student from 1580,

where he is thought to have written

a translation of Ovid's Amores

and parts of his earliest play, Dido, Queen Of Carthage?

Corpus Christi.

Marlowe is widely thought

to have popularised which verse form,

also called unrhymed iambic pentameter,

which was widely used by his contemporary, Shakespeare?

-Blank verse.

-Which acting company

gave the first known performance of Marlowe's play

The Jew of Malta on the 26th of February 1592?

Lord Strange's Men.

Marlowe was almost prevented from receiving his MA.

It was awarded after which royal body

wrote to the Cambridge authorities,

praising his good service to the Queen

on matters touching the benefit of his country?

Privy Council.

Marlowe's friend, Thomas Watson

killed an innkeeper from Bishopsgate in 1859

after which Watson and Marlowe

were arrested on suspicion of murder.

Name the innkeeper.

William Bradley.

In which prison was the dungeon known as Limbo,

where Marlowe was first imprisoned and manacled

after his arrest in September 1589?

-Newgate.

-What is the title of the poem,

traditionally attributed to Sir Walter Raleigh,

that is a reply to Marlowe's

The Passionate Shepherd to His Love?

The Nymph Replies.

Marlowe was also arrested in Flushing

in the Netherlands in 1592

and deported back to England for which crime?

Coining.

Which of Marlowe's plays contains the famous line

about Helen of Troy,

"Was this the face that launched a thousand ships"?

Doctor Faustus.

According to the coroner's report,

Marlowe was stabbed to death on 30th of May 1593

in an argument over a bill for food and drink?

Who stabbed him?

Ingram Frizer.

Which poem, unfinished by Marlowe

at the time of his death,

was completed by the poet and dramatist George Chapman

and published in 1598?

Hero And Leander. BEEP

Not quite time to give you another one there.

-You have also 11 points.

-Thank you.

APPLAUSE

So, that's the end of the first round and what a close contest.

Let's have a look at the scores.

In fourth place, eight points, Crissy Rock.

Joint first place, 11 points apiece -

Hannah Cockroft, Lizo Mzimba

and Val McDermid.

APPLAUSE

So, it's the General Knowledge round now

and this might very well sort them out.

If there is a tie at the end of it, the number of passes is

taken into account and the person with the fewer passes is the winner.

So, let's get on with it and ask Crissy to join us again now please.

-Not me again!

-Yes, you again, I'm afraid. This is the difficult bit.

-Oh.

-I know. You'll be brilliant. Look, Toulouse-Lautrec you chose...

-Yes.

-..for your specialist round.

The exact opposite end of the spectrum that was a very

important part of your life.

You know what I'm going to say - I'm A Celebrity.

-That was the best thing I ever did in my life.

-Really?

-It really was.

-But you nearly didn't do it.

You've got to skydive in, haven't you?

I was going to do the skydive, that's why I took me teeth out

-because I thought.

-You took your teeth out?

-Yeah.

I've got false teeth and I thought if I dive out, where will the teeth go?

LAUGHTER

Will they go in? Will they go out?

If they fell out, I wouldn't have been able to do a bushtucker trial.

So, I thought I would do it.

When it went up 12,500 foot -

I didn't think a helicopter could get that high -

the door opened and the most horrendous noise, I refused to jump.

-But you'd taken your teeth out by then?

-Yeah.

When I landed, I went, "Where's me teeth?"

And they went, "They're where you should have landed."

-So you were separated from your teeth by...

-I was.

-They had to send two helicopters.

-To get your teeth?

-Yeah.

Two choppers to get my choppers.

LAUGHTER

It was amazing.

They had to send the helicopter to get the teeth and then they had

to send another helicopter to film that helicopter to get my choppers.

Then they came back, I gave them a kiss and put them back in.

My luxury item was Poligrip!

LAUGHTER

All right, well, with your teeth in you got eight points.

Here we go General Knowledge, two minutes this time. Here we go.

Baguettes, focaccia and naan

are all types of what food?

Bread.

In the cartoon series,

Sylvester the cat was forever trying to catch

which little yellow canary?

Tweety Pie.

Which member of the Royal Family was given the title Princess Royal in 1987?

-Diane.

-Princess Anne.

On which Mediterranean island

are the resorts of El Arenal and Magaluf?

-Spain.

-Majorca.

Which John Lennon song includes the lines,

"You may say I'm a dreamer But I'm not the only one"?

Say that again.

Which John Lennon song includes the lines,

"You may say I'm a dreamer But I'm not the only one"?

It's a song.

It is a song. I want to know the name of it.

-I haven't got a clue.

-We'll take that as a pass.

What stretchy, spandex fibre,

also known as elastane, is used in swimwear

and exercise clothes

and was introduced in 1958 by Du Pont?

-Spandex.

-Lycra.

In Wuthering Heights, which character has a passionate

relationship with Catherine Earnshaw,

but marries Isabella Linton?

Pass.

What name is given to the thick cream

made by heating milk slowly

in shallow pans then skimming off the lumps that form on the surface?

It is a speciality of Devon and Cornwall.

Clotted cream.

Which city is the capital of the Italian region of Tuscany?

Pass.

In the human body, what are produced by the lacrimal glands,

found above the outer corner of the eye?

Tear ducts.

Which singer became a star after taking the title

role in the original stage version of the musical Evita?

-Madonna.

-Elaine Paige.

The name of which garden plant with pointed leaves

and large flower spikes comes from the Latin for "little sword"?

-Cactus.

-Gladiolus.

In which classic 1959 film do Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon join

Sweet Sue's all-girl band after witnessing a Mob massacre?

Haven't got a clue.

Alpha, beta and gamma are the first three letters of which alphabet?

Greek.

Which Liverpool-born comedy performer played the entire Balowski

family in the TV series The Young Ones?

Rik Mayall.

Alexei Sayle.

I was close.

In the novel by DH Lawrence...

BEEP

..what was the occupation of Lady Chatterley's Lover Oliver Mellors?

Was he a gardener?

He was a gamekeeper.

-Ah, well.

-Nearly there.

-Never mind.

You had four passes.

Some Like It Hot was the name of that Jack Lemmon/Tony Curtis movie.

Florence is the capital of Tuscany, Heathcliff was Wuthering Heights.

Oh, yeah.

And you'll kick yourself, you're from Liverpool as well,

-"You may say I'm a dreamer" - Imagine.

-I know.

-Anyway, Crissy, you've now got a total of 13 points.

-Yes!

APPLAUSE

And now Hannah again please.

Right, Hannah, 11 points you've got already.

You've also got, rather more importantly some might say,

two gold medals and the World Championship

-records for the 100 and 200 metre wheelchair race.

-Yeah.

Your father made your wheelchair.

Yeah, my dad is a sheet metal worker and we bought the original chair,

but all the race chairs are made to fit

and my chair came back a little bit not made to fit.

So instead of sending it back to America,

my dad just cut it up and made it all right.

It lasted me three years and then it got to the World Championships,

it was being held together by duct tape and it was falling apart

so we bought a new one.

But it got its work out of it.

I'll say. Now, Rio in four years, I guess you'll be there.

That's the plan, yeah. Got a bit of work to do before then.

We've got World Championships in July next year so everything to work for.

I've got a double World Champion title to defend,

I've got world records to break. I've got things to do!

Let's see how you do now then with your general knowledge.

Here we go, two minutes of general knowledge starting now.

What colour are the 50 stars on the American flag?

White.

Arabian or dromedary, with one hump and bactrian with two humps,

are the species of which animal?

Camels.

How is the pop star Jessica Cornish better known,

her debut single was called Do It Like A Dude?

Jessie J.

The rhyme, "Divorced, beheaded, died Divorced, beheaded, survived"

refers to the fate of the wives of which English king?

Henry VIII.

What is the name of the animated television character who

works as a safety inspector at the Springfield nuclear power plant?

Homer Simpson.

Honey and strawberry are descriptions of which hair colour?

Blonde.

Who achieved a record sixth British gold medal

when he won the Men's Keirin race in the 2012 London Olympics?

Oh... Er...

No, pass.

The South Korean rapper known as Psy, topped

the singles charts in countries worldwide in 2012 with which song?

Gangnam Style.

What word can mean both an infection you can catch and a program

written to go into a computer without the user's knowledge

or permission?

Virus.

Which former ballerina has joined Strictly Come Dancing

as a judge, replacing Alesha Dixon?

Erm... Angelina Ballerina, I don't know.

Darcey Bussell.

The yellowish tissue dentine makes up most of which part of the body?

Pass.

What fruit, originally from South-East Asia but now

established in many tropical regions,

grows in clusters known as "hands"?

Bananas.

Who provides the voice of Shrek's donkey companion in the film franchise?

-Mike Myers.

-Eddie Murphy.

Dabbling and diving are widely regarded as the two main

types of which water bird?

-Swan?

-Ducks.

What is the name of the baby girl born to the singer Beyonce

and her rapper husband, Jay-Z?

Er... Something really stupid like Angel or something.

It's stupid, but it's Blue.

Tyrol, Vorarlberg and Salzburg are provinces of which European country?

-Germany.

-Austria.

What type of competitive skiing involves following a zig-zag

course between up to 75 gates?

Slalom.

What common feature of Britain's seaside towns does Southend-on-Sea have

that is claimed to be the longest in the world?

BEEP

A pier.

Two passes, Hannah. That part of the body with dentine is the tooth

and you'll hate yourself, it was Chris Hoy.

-Oh, man, I should have known that!

-But, Hannah, you have 22 points.

APPLAUSE

And now, Lizo, join us again, please. You've also got 11 points.

-Now, you're showbiz correspondent.

-Yes.

Sceptics might say you guys can only report what

they allow you to report. Anything in that?

No, I don't think that's true, John.

We will ask other stuff as well and sometimes they'll say,

"We'd rather you didn't ask that" and we say, "We are going to ask about

"it because we think it's a question that people should know about.

"If you don't want to let that go ahead, fine, but we'll ask."

-Do you get to know these characters? I mean the stars.

-Only very vaguely.

You tend to chat to them in five second chunks.

Some of them are very good at appearing to be your

best friend for the best part of that time.

I don't think I've had a really bad interview with anybody where

I've come out thinking, "They're not very nice."

-They do their job, we do ours.

-Right, well, you've got 11 points, Lizo.

22 is now the score to beat.

Let's see if we can do that with your general knowledge.

Here we go, two minutes.

Which city was officially recognised as the capital of Wales in 1955?

Cardiff.

According to folklore, whose hiding place was the hollowed-out

trunk of the Major Oak in Sherwood Forest?

Robin Hood.

In golf, what term is used for a score of one under par for a hole?

A birdie.

Who won her third Oscar in 2012 when she took the Best Actress

award for her portrayal of Margaret Thatcher in The Iron Lady?

Meryl Streep.

Which organ, responsible for regulating chemical

levels in the blood, is the heaviest internal organ of the human body?

The liver.

In the Harry Potter novels by JK Rowling,

what kind of animal is Mrs Norris, the caretaker's pet?

A cat.

Hosni Mubarak was the President of which country for nearly 30 years

until he was forced to step down in 2011 after a popular uprising?

Egypt.

What word is used to describe foods produced without

the use of artificial pesticides or fertilisers?

Organic.

Adam Levine is the lead singer with which band,

whose biggest hits include Payphone and Moves Like Jagger?

-Oh, gosh, Queen. I don't know.

-Maroon 5.

What is the name of the FA's National Football Centre

near Burton-on-Trent, officially opened in October 2012?

-Burton-on-Trent Centre.

-St George's Park.

Which former Emmerdale

actress plays the new companion in Doctor Who?

She was first seen as Oswin Oswald,

the sole survivor of a crashed spaceship, captured by the Daleks.

Jenna-Louise Coleman.

Harris in the Hebrides and Donegal in Ireland give their names to

types of what rough-surfaced, woollen fabric?

-Wool.

-Tweed.

In which country is the Kruger National Park?

South Africa.

What name is given to grass that has been cut and dried -

it's often used as food for horses and other livestock?

Hay.

In October 1992, who married Michelle Robinson, a young lawyer

he had met while working in the Chicago law firm of Sidley Austin?

Barack Obama.

Which award-winning artist appeared at the 2011 MTV Video Music Awards

dressed as her alter ego, the masculine Jo Calderone?

Lady Gaga.

What is the name of the British Formula One driver who had

a small voiceover part in the animated film Cars 2?

Lewis Hamilton.

What word for a state of complete disorder or chaos...

BEEP

..comes from the Greek for "without a ruler"?

-Entropy.

-No, it's anarchy.

There we go. No passes. Lizo, you have 25 points.

APPLAUSE

And finally, Val again please.

You went to Oxford when you were a youngster

-and apparently you had to learn to "speak proper".

-I did, yes.

I grew up in Fife and in Fife we have a very strong accent

and we speak very quickly.

So we talk like that all the time and folk dinnae ken what we're saying.

Sorry?

I went to my first tutorial and started reading my essay and my

tutor stopped me and said, "I'm most frightfully sorry,

"Miss McDermid, but I haven't understood a word you've said.

-"Might we go back to beginning again?"

-And you said?

I went back to the beginning and started to speak a little more slowly.

But, essentially,

I realised that I was going to have to learn to speak English.

What you are very good at is writing detective books.

Is the plot all worked out in your head before you

-sit at the typewriter or computer?

-I know the general arc of the story.

So I know basically who's going to die and I know what I'm aiming

for as the resolution, but really it develops and changes as I go along.

So what might it be? Give me, if you can, an illustration of you see something or

think of something and then think, "If I twisted it around..."

A friend of mine has a son who was a medical student

and he and his friends were out one Friday night having a drink

and as they came back from the pub,

they came upon a young man being set upon by a group of youths.

Being nice lads, they chased off the attackers.

Then they went back to make sure the guy on the ground was OK.

That's the point where the police turn up.

So you've got four young men smelling of drink, a bit sweaty,

they've got blood on their hands

and there's a guy on the floor who's seriously injured.

Luckily the guy on the floor was still conscious and able to explain

that these were not the assailants, they were the good Samaritans.

I'm hearing this story and thinking, "What if he'd been unconscious?"

"What if he'd been dead?"

There was the starting point for a book that became

The Distant Echo about four young men who come home from a party

and find a dying woman in the snow.

Right, you've got 11 points.

25 is now the score to beat.

Let's see if you can do it with your general knowledge. Here we go.

Which fictional detective's trusty companion is Doctor Watson?

Sherlock Holmes.

The penny-farthing is an early form of what?

Bicycle.

Which group of islands became the 50th American

state on the 21st of August 1959?

Hawaii.

Whose tenure as Britain's Prime Minister from 1997 to 2007 was

the longest of any Labour prime minister?

Tony Blair.

Which 1984 film features three unemployed parapsychology professors,

played by Dan Aykroyd, Bill Murray and Harold Ramis?

Ghostbusters.

Grenache and Pinot Noir are varieties of which fruit?

Grape.

In September 2011, scientists at the CERN Laboratory in Geneva claimed

to have found particles travelling faster than the speed of what?

Light.

Which team played their first league game in the fourth

tier of Scottish football in August 2012, drawing away at Peterhead?

Rangers.

Who played the part of President Bartlett in the television

series The West Wing?

Martin Sheen.

Anne Sebba's book That Woman, is a biography of which American divorcee

who married into the British Royal Family. Who was she?

Wallis Simpson.

Which town on the Northumberland coast

is the most northerly in England?

Berwick-Upon-Tweed.

What alteration to our clocks

was introduced during the First World War?

-Daylight Saving Time.

-British Summer Time.

Ian Rankin took three of his book titles, Let It Bleed, Beggars Banquet

and Black and Blue, from albums by which rock group?

Rolling Stones.

What substance is hardened by being treated with sulphur at a high

temperature, in a process known as vulcanisation?

Rubber.

The swimming pool has been a consistent

feature of the work of which British artist?

David Hockney.

What name is given to food prepared according to Jewish dietary laws?

Kosher.

In 1932, the American aviator Amelia Earhart

became the first woman to fly solo across which ocean?

The Atlantic.

What is the name of the actor and singer who first achieved fame

when he appeared as Leonard Jeffrey "Oz" Osborne in the television

series Auf Wiedersehen Pet?

Pass.

Which grain crop, dating back to the Incas,

is still a staple food in the Andes?

-Maize.

-Quinoa.

Which British king was convicted of treason

and beheaded in 1649?

Charles I.

What name is given to a flat-bottomed boat with square ends...

BEEP

..usually propelled by a long pole pushed against the bottom of a river?

Punt.

One pass. The name of that actor who was in Auf Wiedersehen Pet was Jimmy Nail.

But, you have, Val, 29 points.

APPLAUSE

An emphatic victory there. Let's have a look at all the scores.

In fourth place, 13 points, Crissy Rock.

Third place, 22 points, Hannah Cockcroft.

Second place, 25 points, Lizo Mzimba.

In first place with 29 points, Val McDermid.

APPLAUSE

-Val, come and join us. There it is. Congratulations.

-Thank you.

I was thinking it might make a decent murder weapon

in one of your... Mightn't it?

-This end isn't as sharp as I thought it was.

-Well done.

Thank you very much and thank you all for watching Celebrity Mastermind.

Do join us for more Masterminds. Good night.

Val.

You don't have to be a celebrity to take part in the regular

Mastermind programme.

So if you would like to appear in the next series

of Mastermind on BBC Two then do visit us online

at bbc.co.uk/mastermind.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd