Episode 5 Celebrity Mastermind

First in the spotlight tonight is the actor Vincent Franklin

and his specialist subject the Pixar films.

The Olympic sprinter Christian Malcolm

answers questions on Olympic sprinting.

Radio Five Live presenter Chris Warburton and

his subject - Reeves and Mortimer.

And the comedian Graham Fellows on the yachtsman Donald Crowhurst.

APPLAUSE

Hello and welcome to Celebrity Mastermind with me, John Humphrys.

Now, this might be the point at which our four contenders are asking

themselves, "Why did I ever agree to put myself through this?"

There's no fee in it, they're doing it for charity.

On the other hand, there is a lot at stake,

not least the honour of becoming a Celebrity Mastermind.

The usual rules, of course, 90 seconds on their specialist subject

and two minutes on general knowledge,

so let's ask our first contender to join us, please.

-And your name is?

-Vincent Franklin.

-Your chosen charity?

-Scene & Heard.

-And your chosen subject?

-The films of Disney Pixar 1995 to 2014.

In 90 seconds, starting now...

The Pixar productions logo sequence at the beginning of the films

includes what office item jumping on the letter I in the word Pixar?

An anglepoise lamp.

In Up, Carl and Ellie save money in a glass jar

throughout their lives to take a trip to a South American location

described as a land lost in time. What's the place called?

Paradise Falls.

What is the name of the actor who regularly has a voice part in Pixar's

feature films, including PT Flea in A Bugs Life and Gordon in Brave?

John Ratzenberger.

In Toy Story 2, Woody learns that he is

a character from a television show called Woody's what?

Roundup.

In Brave, Merida meets a witch who gives her some wooden carvings and a

spell in the form of a cake that turns Merida's

mother into a bear.

What object does Merida give the witch in exchange?

A pendant.

In ratatouille, when Remy the rat unexpectedly finds

himself in the sewers of Paris underneath one of the city's

finest restaurants, his only possession is a book by Auguste Gusteau.

-What is the title of the book?

-Anyone Can Cook.

Mike's chameleon-like roommate in Monsters University is

Sully's main rival scarer in Monsters, Inc.

What is his name?

Pass.

What is the name of the cutest little

town in Carburettor County according to Mater, the tow

truck, who becomes Lightning McQueen's best friend in Cars?

Radiator Springs.

When Edna E Mode makes Mr Incredible a new costume, she refuses to include

what feature that he asks for on health and safety grounds?

Cape.

Unknown to Wall-E, EVE's directive is to find plant life. He innocently

presents her with a seedling that he's found and put into what object?

A boot.

In Toy Story 3... END OF ROUND BUZZER

..the toys try to fix Buzz Lightyear after he's been put back

to his factory setting by Lotso's gang

but, instead of English, he starts speaking in what language?

Spanish.

Spanish is correct. You had just the one pass, Vincent.

The name of Mike's chameleon-like roommate was Randall or Randy.

But you scored ten points.

APPLAUSE

And our next contender, please.

-And your name is?

-Christian Malcolm.

-Your chosen charity?

-Action For Children Fostering Wales.

-And your chosen subject?

-Olympic sprinters.

Olympic sprinters. In 90 seconds, here we go.

Which sprinter field failed to qualify for the American

team in Atlanta in 1996

but won the 100m gold medal at the following Games in Sydney?

Michael Johnson.

Maurice Greene.

Who won the 100m gold medal in Moscow in 1980 to become the first

British winner of the event since Harold Abrahams in 1924?

Alan Wells.

Which former world record holder false

started in the final of the 100m in Barcelona

and eventually finished fifth with the gold going to Linford Christie?

Pass.

Who tore a hamstring during his 400m

semi-final in Barcelona in 1992,

but limped to the finish line with the help of his father?

Derek Redmond.

Two British athletes ran in the final of the 200m in Barcelona,

one was John Regis, who was the other?

Marcus Adam.

What is the nationality of brothers Kevin and Jonathan Borlee, who came

fifth and sixth respectively in the 400m final at London 2012?

Belgium.

After Ben Johnson was disqualified from the 100m

in Seoul, Carl Lewis was awarded the gold medal,

Linford Christie took silver and who got the bronze?

Calvin Smith.

Who won silver medals in the men's 100 and 200m in Barcelona

and then again in Atlanta,

where he was beaten by two world record breaking runs?

Frankie Fredericks.

In 1980, which Soviet athlete became the last non-American runner

to win the 400m Olympic gold medal prior to Kirani James in 2012?

Viktor Markin.

Which former world record holder was injured during the 100m

final in London

and finished in last place over two seconds behind the next athlete?

END OF ROUND BUZZER

Pass.

Well, I can tell you because your time is up. It was Asafa Powell.

-Asafa Powell.

-And you had one other pass.

That former world record holder who false started - he was Leroy Burrell.

You've scored, though, Christian, seven points.

APPLAUSE

And our next contender, please.

-And you name is?

-Chris Warburton.

Your chosen charity?

The Charnwood Trust.

-And your chosen subject?

-Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer.

Reeves and Mortimer, here we go.

In Bang, Bang, It's Reeves And Mortimer,

which television presenter is asked by Davey and Donald Stott,

on their chat show, are the artist impressions on Crimewatch

drawn by you or a monkey?

Nick Ross.

In The Smell Of Reeves And Mortimer, Paul Whitehouse and Mark Williams join Vic

and Bob to play which glam rock group in residence and on holiday?

Slade.

In House Of Fools, Vic and Bob's neighbour, Julian, trusts them

with the safety of an object that she plans to offer to Bruce Willis to

persuade him to star in a film version of a novel. What object?

A pork pie.

In Catterick, which actor plays Dan The Seafood Man, DI Fowler's partner

Webster and the abusive manager of the Mermaid Hotel Roy Oates?

Matt Lucas.

In The Smell Of Reeves And Mortimer in The Antiques Road Show, Whisky and Brandy Bolland

open the doors of a wardrobe and find the pop star Prince living inside what?

A termite mound.

In Vic Reeves Big Night Out, what is the name of Vic's lab-coat-wearing assistant,

who can't help but raise a smile whenever he sees

a spirit level and can apparently self-reproduce without fertilisation?

Les.

In House Of Fools, the television presenter Dominic Littlewood

presents Bob with which award?

Toupee Of The Year.

-Wig Of The Year.

-Yeah, Wig-wearer Of The Year.

In The Smell Of Reeves And Mortimer, what's the name of the pair of Frenchmen who get

a roundabout spinning in a children's playground

by the sheer volume of their extraordinary flatulence?

-Le Corbusier et Papin.

-Yes.

In Catterick, Pat The Barman in the Siberian Khatru pub is

constantly trying to promote a dish that he

describes as a type of flattened chicken. What is it?

-Uh...

-HE LAUGHS

Pass.

In House Of Fools, Vic wants to win a chimp... BUZZER

..which is first prize in a competition to provide a genuine photograph

of a real living what?

Pass.

I'll tell you, ghost.

-Yes, ghost.

-Yeah, a real living ghost.

Right, and the other pass...

He was trying to promote a dish that he had - flattened chicken.

-BOTH:

-Spatchcock.

-You member it now. It's easy when it's stopped, isn't it?

-It is.

-Yeah.

-Chris, you've got eight points.

-OK.

APPLAUSE

And our final contender, please.

-And your name is?

-Graham Fellows.

-Your chosen charity?

-The MS Trust.

-And your chosen subject.

-Donald Crowhurst.

Donald Crowhurst.

In 90 seconds...

Crowhurst was a sailor who vanished during the 1968/69

Sunday Times Round The World Yacht Race,

what name was given to the 40-foot trimaran in which he set off on the race?

The Teignmouth Electron.

Which local caravan dealer agreed to sponsor Crowhurst's entry

in the race but insisted that his business would have

to buy back the yacht if he pulled out of the race?

Stanley Best.

The boat's hulls were built at Cox Marine at Brightlingsea.

Which company assembled and fitted her out

at their boat yard in Brundle, Norfolk?

Eastwoods.

What was the name of the owner of the Devon news agency who persuaded

Crowhurst to start his race in Teignmouth and became his publicist?

Rodney Hallworth.

What was the name of Crowhurst's family house

in Bridgwater, Somerset he feared he'd have two sell it

if he didn't win the prize money in the race?

Pass.

On which 20-foot sloop had Crowhurst gained most of his previous sailing experience?

Pot of gold.

On what date in 1968 did Crowhurst finally set

sail from Teignmouth on the last day in which he could join the

round the world race according to the rules?

October the 31st.

Crowhurst secretly put into a small Argentine

port on the 6th of March 1969 to carry out urgent repairs and that

would have led to instant disqualification if it came to light.

What was the name of the port?

Rio Salado.

Which yachtsman dropped out of the race when his boat sank off the

Azores in May '69, making Crowhurst the likely fastest voyage?

Nigel Tetley.

Yes. A Norwegian cargo ship passed close to the Teignmouth Electron

on 25 June 1969.

Its captain noted the Crowhurst seemed in good physical shape.

What was the name of the ship?

HMS Picardy.

No, Cuyahoga.

15 days after this sighting, which Royal Mail vessel

located and picked up the Teignmouth Electron

deserted and drifting in mid-Atlantic?

The Picardy.

That was the Picardy, indeed.

You had just one pass, Graham.

The name of Crowhurst's family house in Somerset was Woodlands.

You've scored nine points.

Well, a very close first round. Let's have a look at the scores.

In fourth place, seven points, Christian.

Third place, eight points, Chris.

Second place, nine points, Graham.

First place, ten points. Vincent.

And the general knowledge round now

and, if there's a tie at the end of it, then the number of passes

is taken into account and the person with the fewer passes is the winner.

So let's get on with it and ask Christian to join us again, please.

And it's not long since you retired from sprinting.

A very, very successful career you had.

Lots of medals and all the rest of it but, once it's all over,

do you say, "That's it, I don't have to train any more"?

I'd like to but, if I'm honest, I find it very difficult.

For about the first six, seven weeks, I stopped,

I didn't do anything, and then, all of a sudden,

I just felt my body just calling me back to the track

to do some kind of training, so what I do is now I play football

a couple of times a week with my friends and I go to the gym as well.

-I don't run, I don't do any sprinting.

-Ah, you don't?

I'm done with sprinting and I'm a sprinter

so I won't be doing no marathons, so no long-distance running.

Because of course that's the way a lot of people go, isn't it?

Yeah, you won't see me out on the streets jogging. No way.

How incredibly sensible of you.

LAUGHTER

And, if you were asked by a young teenager

why they should become an athlete, what would you say?

I think, for me, athletics...

I didn't on holiday before the age of 17,

never travelled the world or anything like that.

My very first time travelling was going on a plane at 17

representing Great Britain to go to the World Juniors,

and, ever since then, I was travelling on a plane

20, 30 times a year, so it got me to see a lot of the world,

but not only that, I met a lot of friends as well,

so I think there's a good social aspect. But it just taught me

a lot of values, athletics,

and I think it's something which you find hard...

The environment I was in, my training group,

the people I grew up with, taught me a lot.

If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be the person I was today.

Well, that's not a bad testament, is it?

Yeah. Well done. Now, you've got seven points.

Plenty of time to catch up. There's not much in it.

Let's see how you do with your general knowledge. Two minutes.

The maximum legal speed limit on Britain's motorways

was introduced on a trial basis in 1965 and made permanent in 1967.

-What is it?

-70mph.

Yes. What name, now used by a Premier League football club,

was given to the glass and cast iron building erected to house

the Great Exhibition of 1851?

Fulham?

Crystal Palace. Which Looney Tunes cartoon cat often chased Tweety Bird

and was voiced by Mel Blanc for over 40 years?

Sylvester.

Yeah. What name's given to the rubber disc

used instead of a ball in ice hockey?

-Puck.

-Yes. Who gave his trademark performance

as the shy, diffident bachelor Charles

-in Four Weddings and a Funeral?

-Hugh Grant.

Yes. Which New York borough gives its name to a cocktail

normally consisting of rye whisky, sweet vermouth

and Angostura bitters?

Pass.

In E Nesbit's novel of 1906,

Roberta, Phyllis and Peter come to be known as the Railway what?

Children.

Yes. In 2006, under what name did the record producer Danger Mouse

and hip-hop singer CeeLo Green become the first act

to top the UK singles charts based on download sales only

with the song Crazy?

Pass.

What is the southernmost of the world's continents?

Pass.

Which 1948 Cole Porter musical partly based on the Taming of the Shrew

features the songs Brush Up Your Shakespeare

and Always True To You (In My Fashion)?

Pass.

Which ancient people worship the falcon-headed god Horus,

whose eyes were the sun and the moon?

Egyptians.

Yes. The red is the largest of which marsupials native to Australia

noted for hopping and bouncing on their hind legs?

Kangaroos.

Yes. The 18th-century British engineer James Brindley

was a pioneer in the development

of what type of transport infrastructure?

Car.

Canals. Anthony Horowitz's 2015 novel Trigger Mortis is set in 1957

and features which famous British secret agent?

Bond.

Yes. Which political party won 56 seats

at the 2015 UK general election,

considerably more than they'd won in any previous general election?

The NSP.

-The SNP.

-SNP, sorry. SNP!

That's what I meant.

Oh, the SNP. You had four passes altogether.

Kiss Me, Kate was that Cole Porter musical.

Antarctica is the southernmost continent.

It was Gnarls Barkley who sang Crazy

and Manhattan is the cocktail.

You have, Christian, 15 points.

And now Chris again, please.

-And you're obviously a fan of Reeves and Mortimer.

-I am.

They are real performers, aren't they?

Yeah, Vic and Bob, I mean, there's a lot of comedy tradition.

I mean, there's the slapstick, there's the absurdity

and they borrow a lot from the past.

But, actually, when they first came out,

I think it was a complete breath of fresh air

and they were doing what no-one else was doing

and, in fact, they've been called the alternatives to the alternatives

at the time and I think, you know, even now,

you'll come across people who will be doing the catchphrases...

What? 20, 25 years on from when they began.

It's terrifying. I've been on one of their shows and it's terrifying

because you've just no idea what's going to happen.

And you stand outside the studio and you're chatting to them

and they're really clever, friendly and all the rest of it,

and then you go, "Oh!"

Shooting Stars is the classic example

and, quite often, you'll get people on that programme

whose agent obviously didn't tell them what it was going to be about.

Larry Hagman was the great example,

and they said it looked like he was in hell

because he just had no idea what was going on around him.

Terrifying, but brilliant. I mean, they're stars, aren't they?

-They are.

-And long may they last.

Now then, the scores, eight points is what you've got at the moment.

Let's see how you do with your two minutes of general knowledge.

Who won an Emmy in 2002 and a Golden Globe award in 2003

for playing Rachel Green in the sitcom Friends?

Jennifer Aniston.

Border collies are particularly noted for working with which farm animals?

Sheep.

Yes. What French name is used for the carnival celebrated

in cities such as New Orleans on Shrove Tuesday?

Mardi Gras.

Yes. Which part of the body is made up of two substances,

grey matter and white matter with both types

extending into the spinal cord?

The brain.

Yes. The spicy red sausage that's known as chorizo

is a speciality of which Mediterranean country?

Spain.

Yes. What name is used for the art form usually depicting people

in cartoon style in which characteristic features are distorted

or exaggerated for comic effect?

Pass.

Which American rapper, whose real name is Robert Van Winkle,

had a UK number one single with Ice Ice Baby in 1990?

Vanilla Ice.

Yes. In which 2015 film does the boxer Billy Hope,

played by Jake Gyllenhaal, turn to the trainer Tick Wills

to help him get his life back on track?

The Fighter.

No. Southpaw.

What is the English translation of the phrase Vivat Regina

that was part of the 1953 coronation ceremony?

Pass.

Which actor who plays Sherlock Holmes on television

took on the role of Hamlet in a London production in 2015?

Benedict Cumberbatch.

Yes. In English law, there are four quarter days

on which tenancies traditionally began.

On what festive date in December does the fourth fall?

Christmas.

Yes. Which American city has two professional baseball teams,

the White Sox and the Cubs?

Chicago.

Yes. Which British Prime Minister

was born at Blenheim Palace in Oxfordshire in November 1874?

Churchill.

Yes. The 2014 autobiography of a television chat show host

who was born in Ireland in 1963 is called Life and Loves of a He Devil.

Who's he?

Pass.

What variety of maize is often cooked, buttered, salted

and eaten on the cob? Its kernels have a high sugar content.

Corn.

Yes. Sweetcorn. Detective Jimmy McNulty,

played by the Sheffield-born actor Dominic West,

and the drug dealer Stringer Bell,

played by the London-born actor Idris Elba were leading characters

in which television crime series set in Baltimore?

-The Wire.

-The Wire, indeed.

The best TV programme ever.

-Right, you got three passes. Graham Norton...

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

The He Devil. Yep.

Long live the Queen, that's the English translation of Vivat Regina.

And caricature is that art form

depicting people in an exaggerated style.

You have a total, Chris, of 20 points.

And now Graham, again, please.

And, Graham, you've been playing John Shuttleworth for how long?

30 years...off and on,

but I didn't think it would take over my life.

People think you are him, don't they?

Well, that's always a nice compliment.

It still happens, less so than it used to,

but people will actually go back to the box office after a few minutes

and demand their money back

because, you know, "We didn't pay to see this bloke who can't sing

"and who's got awful jokes," so they think it's a real person.

To be honest, the best accolade I ever had

was actually somebody coming on this show

and I watched the programme, where you asked them questions

about the radio shows of John Shuttleworth.

-Do you remember that?

-Yeah.

And the funny thing is she got 12 right

and I watched the show and I got eight,

but I didn't mind.

-Right, you've got nine points.

-Yeah.

-Score to beat is 20.

Let's see if you can do it with your general knowledge. Here we go.

Which eccentric Spanish artist, a contemporary of Picasso's,

sported an upturned pointed moustache

that was once voted the most famous moustache of all time?

Goya.

Dali. What is the only group of mammals capable of true flight?

Birds.

Bats. Which name, literally meaning fried vegetables,

is given in Indian cuisine to a starter dish

of onions deep fried in batter?

Bhaji.

Yes. Which rebuilt Elizabethan playhouse

was officially opened by the Queen in 1997

some 200 yards from its original site in Southwark?

The Globe.

Yes. Which flamboyant pianist and entertainer once famously said

of bad reviews, "I cry all the way to the bank"?

Pass.

What name indicating a relatively rare occurrence

is given to a second full moon in a calendar month?

New moon.

Blue moon. Which Russian ballet dancer and choreographer

joined Diaghilev's Ballet Russe in Paris in 1909

and retired from the stage in 1919?

He died in London in 1915.

Nijinsky.

Yes. Which book of the Bible begins

with the story of the six days God spent creating the universe?

Genesis.

Yes. The rivers Tigris and Euphrates flow through the centre

of which country before flowing into the Persian Gulf?

Egypt.

Iraq. In the 1970s television series Starsky & Hutch,

Paul Michael Glaser played Starsky. Who played Hutch?

Er... David Soul.

Yes. Which castle in Berkshire is claimed to be

the largest inhabited castle in the world?

Windsor.

Yes. What is the name of the groundskeeper at Hogwarts School

who goes on to become a teacher of the care of magical creatures?

Hagrid.

Yes. Which fictional detective solved his last case

in the '75 novel Curtain, which is set in a house called Styles Court,

where he also solved his first case?

Poirot.

Yes. What is the title of Engelbert Humperdinck's

1967 UK number one single

that went on to spend over a year in the charts?

Please Release Me, Let Me Go.

Yes. What name is shared by the home ground of Manchester United

and the cricket ground where Lancashire County Cricket Club

have their headquarters?

Old Trafford.

Yes. Hugo Chavez was president of which South American country

from 1999 till his death in 2013?

Chile.

No. It was Venezuela.

Anyway, I'll give you your pass and then I'll give you your score.

"I cry all the way to the bank" was Liberace. Yeah.

You know what you got? 19 points.

And, finally, Vincent again, please.

And The Thick Of It.

And the Tory spin doctor who slightly changed his personality, didn't he,

as the series went on?

Yeah, he became increasingly annoying

but also, because he was the opposite of Malcolm,

the more vicious and unpleasant Malcolm became,

the more I wanted him to be sort of more increasingly sort of new-age.

-Did you have some influence over...?

-No, we had brilliant...

I work on all those comedies where it looks like we're making it up,

which starts with really brilliant scriptwriters.

But we would play around with scripts

and sort of muck them around,

because they would write brilliant jokes

but, if we did the entire episode,

it would be three and a half hours long. So they'd then go away

and cut it but also put things in that they'd thought of

so we'd sort of record it, we'd rehearse it and improvise bits

and we'd improvise the scenes in-between the scenes that you saw.

And it really worked brilliantly. What a series.

It was a glorious thing to be a part of

and I think, also, it became a training manual for politicians.

-I was amazed.

-Are you serious?

Yeah, yeah, because you think it's a satire

but you bump into them in the street or around Parliament,

if you're round there doing research,

and they just all love it and also how many things they follow.

I said in one episode, I said,

"Praise him like he's your dead brother,"

when the Prime Minister resigned, which we just made up.

It was a line we made up and I got a call a little while later,

when the Prime Minister had resigned, and they said,

"A Tory MP has just said to me,

'We've been told to praise him like he's our dead brother.' "

-No!

-No, it's not a training manual. It's satire.

This is a very dangerous loop we're about to enter.

-Right, well, now, this is really tense.

-Gee, thanks.

No, no.

However, the score to beat is still 20 and you have ten as we speak,

so you have two minutes in which to score 11 or more points. Right.

Here we go. The Maoris are indigenous people of which Commonwealth country?

New Zealand.

Yes. Which film director has made cameo appearances

in The Blues Brothers, Gremlins and Vanilla Sky?

Oz.

Spielberg. In the novel Moby-Dick,

what is the name of the captain of the whaling ship Pequod,

who is consumed by the desire for revenge against the whale

who took off his leg?

Ahab.

Yes. By what alternative name is association football known,

particularly in America?

Soccer.

Yes. In 1984, Malcolm Morley became the first winner of an art prize

administered by the Tate Gallery

and named after a famous British artist.

Which prize?

Turner.

Yes. What punctuation mark usually comes between HTTP and //

in the address of a website on the Internet?

A full stop.

No, a colon.

Which ocean is sometimes referred to

as the Herring Pond or simply the Pond?

The Irish Sea.

The Atlantic.

In what 1997 film does Jim Carrey play the unscrupulous lawyer

Fletcher Reede, who has to tell the truth for 24 hours

after his son's birthday wish comes true?

Mary Berry's Life Story.

Liar Liar.

To what length of time does the word Sennight refer,

with a derivation similar to fortnight for 14 days?

Seven.

Yes. Larry Adler was celebrated

for making which musical instrument acceptable in classical concerts?

The harmonica.

Yes. Which actor played the dishevelled Los Angeles

police lieutenant Columbo on television?

Peter Falk.

Yes. To what group of fish do the large carnivorous hammerheads belong?

Sharks.

Yes. In which city did Berry Gordy Jr

found the Tamla and Motown record labels?

Detroit.

Yes. In 2000, which former British heavyweight champion

became the first boxer to be knighted?

Henry Cooper.

Yes. What small rectangular cake with a German-sounding name

is covered with marzipan and, when it's sliced,

reveals four small squares of pink and yellow sponge?

A Battenberg.

Yes. Which major landscape painter was born at East Burgholt in Suffolk

-in 1776...

-Constable.

-..and died in Hampstead in 1837?

-Constable.

-Is correct.

During which British king's reign did the First World War

and the General Strike take place?

George V.

Yes. What name is given to the force

that has looked after the personal security of the Pope since 1506?

The Vatican... Oh, the Swiss Guard.

The Swiss Guard is absolutely right.

No passes. 24 points.

So he did it. Let's have a look at the scores.

In fourth place, 15 points, Christian.

Third place, 19 points, Graham.

Second place, 20 points, Chris.

First place, 24 points, Vincent.

Vincent, come and get it.

-Well done.

-Thank you very much.

So what is the spin doctor's response to an award?

It's not about awards.

It's not about awards, it's about the little people.

But this is really heavy and I could get Malcolm with this.

This is the terrible thing

because he was a wicked, wicked, horrible man

and now he's a timelord.

I was a really, kind, of good man doing his best

and I'm available for panto.

-But you've won.

-I've won Celebrity Mastermind!

Exactly! That's the whole point.

That's it.

You don't have to be a celebrity or even a timelord

to take part in the regular Mastermind programmes.

If you'd like to appear in the next series on BBC Two,

then do visit us online at...

And you can follow us on Twitter.

And do join us again next time for more masterminds.

Thank for watching. Goodbye.