Episode 9 Celebrity Mastermind

First in the spotlight tonight,

the BBC presenter Spencer Kelly.

His specialist subject - number one singles.

APPLAUSE

Next, the Citizen Khan actor Abdullah Afzal.

He'll be answering questions on Sir Alex Ferguson.

APPLAUSE

The actress Jessica Regan takes as her subject

the films of Quentin Tarantino.

APPLAUSE

And the comedian Andrew Maxwell on the Lebanon.

APPLAUSE

Hello and welcome to Celebrity Mastermind

with me, John Humphrys, and four people who may feel

they have become experts in their own field,

but this is something different.

Not just any old quiz, it's the one that really does

test their nerve as well as their own knowledge.

They'll get 90 seconds of questions on their specialist subject

and two minutes on general knowledge.

So let's ask our first contender to join us, please.

-And your name is?

-Spencer Kelly.

-Your chosen charity?

-Lymeaid UK.

And your chosen subject?

Number one singles in the UK from '83 to '92.

In 90 seconds starting now.

Who first topped the UK singles chart in the summer of '85

with Into The Groove from the film Desperately Seeking Susan?

Madonna.

Which musical duo's farewell single The Edge Of Heaven

reached number one in the UK charts in June '86?

-Wham.

-With which power ballad did Bonnie Tyler top

the UK charts for two weeks in March '83?

Total Eclipse Of The Heart.

Who topped the UK charts for 16 consecutive weeks in '91

with Everything I Do I Do It For You

from the film Robin Hood Prince Of Thieves?

Bryan Adams.

With what song did The Beautiful South

top the charts in October 1990?

The accompanying music video about a fight between a couple

won a Brit Award the following year.

A Little Time.

The 1998 chart-topping pop song The Only Way Is Up

was credited to which singer with The Plastic Population?

Yaz.

Which love song from the Tom Cruise film Top Gun

gave the band Berlin a number one hit in '86?

Take My Breath Away.

Which '87 song was the second UK chart topper for the Pet Shop Boys?

It contains the lyrics,

"When I look back upon my life it's always with a sense of shame."

It's A Sin.

In 1990, Sinead O'Connor topped the charts

with an emotional rendition of Nothing Compares 2 U,

a song that was originally recorded by The Family and written by whom?

Prince.

Whitney Houston's chart topper I Will Always Love You

from the '92 film The Bodyguard was written

and originally recorded by which country singer?

Dolly Parton.

Which band's first UK number one and eighth top 40 single

was Is There Something I Should Know? in March 1983?

Duran Duran.

Which song from Michael Jackson's album Bad

reached number one in the singles chart in 1987?

BEEP It was a duet with Siedah Garrett.

I Just Can't Stop Loving You.

Absolutely right.

No passes. You got them all right. 12 points.

APPLAUSE

And our next contender, please.

-And your name is?

-Abdullah Afzal.

-Your chosen charity?

-Penny Appeal.

-And your chosen subject?

-Sir Alex Ferguson.

In 90 seconds. Here we go.

Which major trophy did Ferguson's Aberdeen

win in 1983 with a 2-1 win over Real Madrid?

Europa Super Cup?

Cup Winners' Cup. When United were 3-0 down at half-time

in a league game against Southampton in '96, what unusual tactic

did Ferguson use for the second half?

Change of kit.

With which club did Ferguson sign in 1958

when he combined football with his work as a toolmaking apprentice?

Queen's Park.

In 2003 a player was sold to Real Madrid after

falling out with Ferguson, who'd kicked a boot across

the dressing room, hitting him on the head. Which player?

David Beckham.

Who were United's opponents in the 1989 home game

at which, late on in a 2-1 defeat, United supporters held up a banner

that dismissed three years of excuses and concluded, "Ta-ra, Fergie"?

Liverpool.

Crystal Palace. In '95 Ferguson went to Paris for crisis talks

with a hugely influential player who was believed

to be considering a move to Internazionale. Which player?

Ryan Giggs.

Cantona. For which club did Ferguson score

a hat-trick against Rangers at Ibrox in the 63/64 season?

Sorry, could you repeat the question?

For which club did Ferguson score a hat-trick against Rangers

at Ibrox in the 63/64 season?

Dunfermline.

St Johnstone. Of which player did Ferguson say,

"He was just 13 and floated over the ground like a cocker spaniel

"chasing a piece of silver paper in the wind"?

Ryan Giggs.

What was Ferguson reportedly doing when he learned

that United had won the 1992/93 League Championship

thanks to Aston Villa's defeat by Oldham?

Having a poo.

What?

LAUGHTER

No. Playing golf.

Which midfielder was reluctantly sold by Ferguson... BEEP

..to Everton in July 1989?

I don't know. Pass.

Well, I can tell you

cos it's your only pass anyway. Norman Whiteside.

-OK.

-Abdullah, you have four points.

Thank you.

APPLAUSE

And our next contender, please.

-And your name is?

-Jessica Regan.

-Your chosen charity?

-Rape Crisis England & Wales.

And your chosen subject?

The films of Quentin Tarantino.

In 90 seconds. Here we go.

In Reservoir Dogs, which of the gang, played by Steve Buscemi,

is persuaded to tip the waitress at the diner

before they carry out a diamond robbery?

Mr Pink.

What species of snake does Elle hide in the suitcase of money

she brings to Budd's trailer to pay for the Hattori Hanzo sword in Kill Bill: Volume 2?

Rattlesnake.

Black mamba. From which book of the Bible does Samuel L Jackson's character

Jules Winfield says he's quoting shortly before he kills Brett in Pulp Fiction?

Ezekiel.

What's the name of the projectionist who

flicks his cigarette on a highly flammable

nitrate film in order to burn down the Gamaar cinema

and kill members of the Nazi hierarchy in Inglourious Basterds?

Marcel.

Vic Vega is assigned the alias Mr Blonde

for the robbery in Reservoir Dogs.

What rhyming nickname is he also known by?

Pass.

In Django Unchained, which actress plays Django's wife, the slave Broomhilda,

who was originally owned by a German family, the Von Shafts?

Kerry Washington.

For what budget Mexican airline is Jackie Brown working as a flight attendant

when she's arrested for carrying currency and drugs?

Cabo.

In the Hateful Eight, the bounty hunter Major Marquis Warren

carries with him a letter

that he claims was written by which famous person?

Abraham Lincoln.

Under what alias was Uma Thurman's character living

when she was due to marry Tommy Plympton in El Paso in Kill Bill: Volume 1?

Arlene Plympton.

No. Arlene Machiavelli.

Who plays the homicidal driver Stuntman Mike Mackay in Death Proof?

Kurt Russell.

Which character, played by Harvey Keitel, is sent

to sort out the mess caused by Vincent Vega

when he accidentally kills Marvin in Pulp Fiction?

Winston Wolf.

To what Japanese island... BEEP

..does The Bride travel in order to have a samurai sword

custom made by the legendary swordsmith Hattori Hanzo in Kill Bill: Volume 1?

Osaka.

-Okinawa.

-Okinawa.

One pass. That rhyming nickname for Vic Vega was Toothpick Vic.

-I didn't know that.

-There you go. Anyway, you have eight points.

Thank you very much.

APPLAUSE

And our final contender, please.

-And your name is?

-Andrew Maxwell.

-Chosen charity?

-Age UK.

And your chosen subject?

-The Lebanon.

-Lebanon in 90 seconds.

Lebanon has land borders with two countries -

one is Syria. What's the other?

Israel.

The resort of Mzaar, east of Beirut, is well-known

as a popular destination for which winter sport?

Skiing.

The national dish of Lebanon consists of fried or raw minced lamb, cracked wheat

and sometimes pine nuts, spices, walnuts or onions. What's it called?

Kibbe.

What do the Lebanese celebrate with a national holiday on 22 November?

Pass.

What is the name of the agreement brokered in '89

and signed in Saudi Arabia that led to the end of the Lebanese Civil War?

Taif Agreement.

Which European country was given a mandate to rule Lebanon in 1920?

It lasted until '43.

Its troops finally withdrew in '46.

France.

What river that rises in eastern Lebanon is the longest in the country?

It was dammed in 1959 to form Lake Qaraoun.

Litani.

Which city that lies on the Mediterranean coast

at the mouth of the Abou Ali River is the second largest in Lebanon?

Tripoli.

Which peak in the Mount Lebanon range

is the highest in the country at over 3,000 metres?

Qurnat as Sawda.

What name was given to the demarcation in Beirut between

the Christian East and the Muslim West during the Lebanese Civil War?

The Green Line.

Which archaeological complex in eastern Lebanon that takes

its current name from a Phoenician god was known as Heliopolis?

It contained temples to Jupiter, Venus and Mercury.

Baalbek.

Who took over as both leader of Lebanon's Druze community

and the country's Progressive Socialist Party

after the murder of his father Kamal in 1977?

Walid Jumblatt.

What is the name of the broad fertile valley that runs for about 120km...

BEEP ..between the Lebanon and the Anti-Lebanon Mountains?

It was known as Rome's breadbasket in ancient times.

The Beqaa Valley

Is correct.

One pass. The Lebanese celebrate, on 22 November, Independence Day.

You've scored, Andrew, 12 points.

APPLAUSE

Well, some very high scoring in that round.

Let's have a look at all of the scores.

In fourth place, four points, Abdullah.

Third place, eight points, Jessica.

Joint first place, 12 points apiece,

Spencer and Andrew.

APPLAUSE

So it's the general knowledge round now and

if there's a tie at the end of it then the number of passes is

taken into account and the person with the fewer passes is the winner.

Let's get on with it and ask Abdullah to join us again,

if you would, please.

And...

..you are in that wonderful Citizen Khan.

Is it a sitcom?

-I mean, is that how you describe it?

-Yeah.

-A sitcom, yeah.

Because it's been going for a long time, it's immensely popular

and it's... I mean, you wouldn't call it cutting edge.

I mean, it's just funny.

-It's a bit slapstick, isn't it?

-It is a bit slapstick, yeah.

I mean, it's done really well.

It's engaged audiences from different backgrounds,

which is great.

And it keeps me getting paid, so I'm happy.

-It's regular work, isn't it?

-Yeah.

But, no, I mean, it really does work,

much better perhaps than a lot of people thought at the beginning.

Yeah, I think it was a risk to start with - a Muslim comedy family.

But, you know, it worked. It doesn't have to be Muslim.

It could be a white guy from Birmingham.

-You know, it doesn't...

-I was going to ask you whether the humour

would translate across to any section of the population.

I don't know. Obviously I think a lot of Asians do like it,

a lot of Pakistani people like it and a lot of Muslims like it,

but that's because they can say,

"Oh, look, one of us is on the telly,"

rather than anything else, I think.

Yeah, right. Anyway, look, back to the game.

-You've got four points but you can build on that.

-Yeah.

You've got two minutes for general knowledge. So, yeah.

-My strength is general knowledge.

-Your strength is general knowledge. LAUGHTER

Well, that's good to hear. Here we go. Two minutes starting now.

What is the British equivalent of the Spanish autopista and German autobahn?

Pistachio.

Motorway. Dave Evans, who's known as The Edge,

is the guitarist with which Irish rock band?

I don't know. Pass.

What does the abbreviation MI stand for

in the names of the organisations MI5 and MI6?

Mission: Impossible.

Military intelligence.

Which heroine in a classic 1939 film musical

has a little cairn terrier dog called Toto?

Wizard Of Oz.

Dorothy. What is the name of the square in Beijing

that was the centre of a protest movement

that was brutally put down on the night of 4 June 1989?

Pass.

By what nickname is the adventurer Simon Templar known

in the books by the author Leslie Charteris?

Si-Si.

The Saint. Which islands in the South Atlantic,

whose capital is Stanley,

were invaded by Argentina in April 1982?

Falklands.

What are formed in the Earth's atmosphere

when warm, moist air rises and then cools and expands?

Evaporation.

Clouds. The television series MASH and the film it was derived from

were both set during which 1950s war?

-The Cold War.

-The Korean War.

In one of the many versions of Arthurian legend,

which piece of furniture was made by Merlin?

The one famously displayed on a wall in Winchester probably dates from the 14th century.

-Sword.

-The round table.

Which musical includes the characters Juan Peron and Che Guevara,

who was played by David Essex in the original stage version?

-EastEnders.

-Evita.

The name of which upland area features

in the song regarded as Yorkshire's national anthem?

-Yes.

-LAUGHTER

Ilkley Moor.

Which comic character from the Dandy comic,

whose favourite meal is cow pie,

lives in Cactusville with his Aunt Aggie?

-Bodger.

-Desperate Dan.

What alternative name for the European wolf spider

comes from the town in southern Italy where it is commonly found?

The term is now applied to any large, hairy, often poisonous spider.

Pakistani.

LAUGHTER

Tarantula.

In the television series Star Trek, Kronos is the home planet...

BEEP ..and imperial capital of which aggressive race?

Pakistani.

LAUGHTER

Klingons, we'll settle for, though. Two passes.

Tiananmen Square was where it all happened

and the guitarist played for U2 and you got five points.

Thank you.

APPLAUSE

INAUDIBLE

And now Jessica again, please.

Right.

Well, I was going to say, "Follow that," but please don't, all right?

LAUGHTER

-Now, Doctors.

-Yes.

Now there's a soap opera that ran for... Heavens, it's still running.

-It is, yeah.

-And you were in...

-Somebody told me this, I wrote it down. ..287 episodes.

-Oh!

-Almost all of them over the space of two years.

-Yes.

-So that's... I mean, almost every day.

-Oh, yes, yes.

12 hours a day acting, crying, emoting.

Yeah, it was like acting Olympics.

But how do you do it?

Because that means you can't prerecord weeks of them

in advance or anything like that.

Have you got to do them on the day pretty much and then...?

Well, it's shot out of sequence, like most television is,

and you do the best you can,

and luckily it's a fantastic cast and a great crew and I felt...

They all said to me, "If you can do Doctors, you can do anything,"

because it is a beast of a schedule. And I have found,

since I've left Doctors that, you know, camera people love me

cos I can hit the mark and I can find the lights

and I don't mess about, so...

Yeah, right, if you do blow it then the whole schedule can be...

Oh, yeah, you've got to be on it, so it definitely trained me well.

Right, well, you've got eight points and plenty of time to catch up

because it's two minutes of general knowledge and here we go.

What sweet or salty snack that's very popular with cinemagoers

consists of the heated and exploded kernels of some varieties of maize?

Popcorn.

Which actress topped the charts in 2001 with Robbie Williams

on a cover version of Nancy and Frank Sinatra's Something Stupid?

Nicole Kidman.

According to legend, which birds with large elastic throat pouches

that they use for catching fish fed their young with their own blood?

Puffins?

Pelicans. What Italian word is used for the declaration of a political party's aims

and polities issued at the time of a general election?

Revolution.

Manifesto. Which 31-mile-long tunnel was first proposed in 1802

by the French mining engineer Albert Mathieu-Favier and finally opened in May 1994?

-The Eurotunnel?

-The Channel Tunnel, yeah.

Who plays Pussy Galore in the 1964 Bond film Goldfinger?

Oh, I'll be killed for this.

Pass.

What is the dominant flavour of the rich Viennese cake Sachertorte?

Almond.

Chocolate. Who won a Best Actor Oscar for playing

Hannibal Lecter in the film The Silence Of The Lambs?

Anthony Hopkins.

In which Italian city did Leonardo da Vinci paint

The Last Supper on a monastery wall between 1495 and 1498?

-Florence?

-Milan.

What is the name of Postman Pat's black-and-white cat

in the children's television series.

Jess.

What gift have the citizens of Oslo given the citizens of London

annually since 1947 to be erected in Trafalgar Square at the beginning of December?

A cuckoo clock.

Christmas tree. In a 2017 National Theatre production,

Tamsin Greig great plays a female version of Malvolio

in a Shakespeare comedy. Which one?

Twelfth Night.

Which Atlantic island gives its name to tailored knee-length shorts?

Cargo?

Bermuda. What is the name of the garden in the grounds of Kensington Palace,

the former home of Diana Princess of Wales,

that's been planted as a memorial to her?

St James's?

The White Garden. The first examples of a folding chair,

now a common beach or garden accessory, have been

traced back to Ancient Egypt. What type of chair?

Deckchair.

Which relic was stolen by Scottish nationalists

from Westminster Abbey on Christmas Day... BEEP

..1950 and recovered and returned four months later?

The Queen's sceptre?

It was the Stone of Scone.

-I did not know that.

-There you go.

And you had one pass.

It was Honor Blackman who played Pussy Galore.

Jessica, you have now 15 points.

APPLAUSE

And now Spencer again, please.

-And you present the Click...

-Yes.

..television show, which means that every day of your life you're

being presented with some new bit of kit, some new bit of hi-tech kit.

I love it. Geeking out every single day of the week, yes.

Do you really love it or do you say,

"God, what have they come up with now"?

No, no, no. I've always been into science-fiction, computers,

that kind of stuff, so the job I do now is brilliant

cos I get to completely geek out and show off at the same time.

-Brilliant.

-Do you understand it all?

Yeah, yeah. Absolutely everything. No.

I don't think I believe that.

The problem is, I think, that there comes a point in your life,

and I think I'm getting there now,

where everything that's invented after that,

the kids understand and you don't.

-So that applies even to you?

-I'm bluffing it. Don't tell anyone.

-But, yeah.

-All right, I won't mention it. Yeah.

OK, you've got 12 points.

-Now...

-This is where it gets really bad.

See if you can get rather more than 15 with your general knowledge.

And here we go.

Willow Farm, the Bull Inn and Grey Gables are locations in which Radio 4 drama?

-The Archers.

-What fruit is used to make the sauce that's traditionally served

with turkey at Christmas in the UK and at Thanksgiving in America?

Cranberry.

In Christian art, a Madonna, an annunciation and a Pieta all depict which woman?

Mary?

What is the surname of the actor brothers Robert and Philip

one of whom played Ash Morgan in Hustle,

the other plyed Gene Hunt in Life On Mars and Ashes To Ashes?

-Green.

-Glenister.

The branch of medicine called geriatrics

deals with the health and welfare of which people?

Old people.

Which Leonard Bernstein musical with lyrics by Steven Sondheim

is set in New York and based on Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet?

Dances With Wolves.

West Side Story.

Who won a Best Actress Oscar in '69 for her role in Funny Girl?

She shared the award with Katharine Hepburn,

who won for her role in Lion In Winter.

Barbra Streisand.

A variety of cheese from the town of Meaux near Paris

was declared king of cheeses at a competition

organised during the Congress of Vienna in 1814.

Which cheese?

Roquefort.

Brie. The opening words on which classic Beatles album

are, "It was 20 years ago today"?

Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.

What is the county town of Somerset?

It's home to the County Cricket ground.

-London.

-No, Taunton.

The origins of paper have been traced back

to the Han Dynasty in about 105 AD in which country?

China.

The meeting places of which religious sect are usually

known as Kingdom Halls?

Jehovah's Witness.

Which animal found in Africa and Asia has a name that means "nose horn" in Greek?

Rhinoceros.

In which UK city did the Waterfront Hall,

a multipurpose conference and entertainment centre, open in January 1997?

-Cardiff?

-Belfast.

Which Canadian indie rock band had

their third consecutive UK number one album

in August 2017 with Everything Now?

It's not 83-92.

Green Day.

No. Arcade Fire. What name... BEEP

..was given to the period of sustained military and political tension

that developed between the power blocs led by

America and the Soviet Union after the Second World War?

The Cold War.

The Cold War is correct.

No passes, Spencer. 22 points.

APPLAUSE

And now Andrew again, please.

And, erm...

Your humour is pretty tough, isn't it? I mean, some of it.

I mean it's funny but it takes no prisoners.

Is there anything you can't satirise, you can't make fun of?

-If it's not true.

-What's not true?

If you say something about another people,

-or a different situation, but it's not true, that's offensive.

-Ah.

You know?

You can go to any town in Britain and really rip into them,

as long as what's wrong with them is true.

-LAUGHTER

-Do you know what I mean?

Well, I do accept they'd have to agree that it was true, if you see what I mean.

-I mean, you might think it was true but they might not.

-True. But that's the art.

It's finding what's wrong with the people

and then pointing it out to them.

LAUGHTER

Right...

You've got to be very,

very quick to do the sort of thing you do on News Quiz, for instance.

Well, yeah...

Like with any comedy panel show, a lot more is recorded than is

-broadcast.

-Now don't go and spoil it now. You mean, it's not done live?

It is done live but then they edit the flannel out, you know.

I produce a lot of flannel.

What's the easiest target?

Is the right being easier to take the mickey out of than the left

wing in politics, or whatever?

I like to mock everybody in the political realm

because there's enough stupidity to go round.

I love politics.

I'm not against politicians.

-You know, I'm glad somebody's willing to do it.

-Yeah.

-I'm not.

So I'm glad somebody is. But there's plenty of nonsense to then mock.

And when we stop mocking them we're in trouble.

-Mais oui.

-Exactly!

Right, now, you've got 12 points.

22 is the score to beat if you are to achieve this staggering

ambition of becoming a Mastermind champion. Here we go.

What crumbly, white cheese usually forms part of a Greek salad?

Feta.

Yeah. In what village now a city in northern Israel

was Jesus brought up?

Er, Bethlehem.

Nazareth. Which cartoon character's always trying

to outwit ranger John Smith?

Yogi Bear.

Yes. The singers Donovan, Sheena Easton and Lulu

were all born in which country of the UK?

Scotland.

Yes. Which star and co-writer of Gavin and Stacey has

presented the Late Late Show on American TV television

since March 2015?

James Corden.

Yes. What was the surname of the German father and son

painters Hans the Elder and the Younger?

Hans the younger settled in England in 1532 and worked

in the court of Henry VIII.

Durer.

Holbein. For what form of writing has the Bruntwood Prize

been awarded in Britain since 2015?

Crime fiction?

Playwriting. Which English navigator made three voyages

of exploration to the Pacific between 1768 and '79?

His ship was the Endeavour on the first voyage and the Resolution on the other two.

Cook.

Yeah, which character in the stage musical Oliver sings

"You've Got To Pick A Pocket Or Two and Reviewing The Situation"?

Fagin?

Yeah. What metallic element used to be in clinical

thermometers but their use has phased out because of

concerns about poisoning in case of breakage?

Mercury.

Yeah. What major change to coinage was introduced

in Britain in February 1971?

Er, it went to erm, er...

Er, er, er, metric.

No, not quite. It's decimalisation.

St Peter Port is the principal town of one of the Channel Islands - which one?

Guernsey.

Yeah. Who became the youngest American

winner of the Open Golf Championship when he beat

Matt Kuchar by three strokes at Royal Birkdale in July 2017?

Tiger Woods.

Speith. Hybrid tea, floribunda and grandiflora

are types of a garden shrub grown for it's beautiful

and often fragrant flowers - what shrub?

Rhododendron?

Roses. Which superhero in her alter ego Diana is played

in a 2017 film by the Israli-born actress, Gal Gadot?

Wonder Woman.

Yeah. Which saint is still regarded as the patron saint

of travellers and motorists even though he was downgraded

by the Vatican in '69?

Er, St Christopher.

Yes, Giuseppe is the Italian equivalent of an English Christian name - what name?

-Joseph.

-Yes. BEEP

Which landmark was formally dedicated by

President Grover Cleveland in October 1886

on what was then Bedloe's Island in New York harbour?

It's the Statue of Liberty.

Yes, yes. No passes.

24 points.

APPLAUSE

Well, he did it.

Let's have a look at all of those scores.

In fourth place with five points, Abdullah,

third place with 15 points, Jessica.

Second place, 22 points, Spencer.

First place, 24 points, Andrew.

APPLAUSE

There you go.

APPLAUSE What are you going to do with it?

I, er...

I'm going to look at it for a while.

Just look at it.

I'm going to look at it and maybe show off around the house,

-that sort of thing.

-Seems entirely sensible.

You didn't really think you were going to win, did you?

Not at all! I'm just glad I didn't embarrass myself.

Well, you didn't do that.

-Anyway...

-Thank you.

-Congratulations!

You don't have to be a celebrity to take part in the regular

Mastermind programme.

If you'd like to appear in the next series, on BBC Two,

then you can visit us online at bbc.co.uk/mastermind

and you can follow us on Twitter @mastermind quiz.

Either way, do join us again next time for more Masterminds.

And, thanks for watching. Goodbye.

APPLAUSE