Episode 7 Don't Scare the Hare

Here we go. One, two...three!

Oh! Rock beat scissors. How is it that you get me every time?!

Hi! I'm Jason and I live here in an underground forest

with a hare. Once in a while, I invite visitors from the real world down here for some peculiar tasks.

If they do them well, they could leave several thousand pounds richer

but only if they remember one golden rule.

ALL: Don't scare the Hare!

Oh, you scared him off!

If our contestants want to win £15,000, scaring the Hare is not an option.

Trouble is that with challenges like these...

that's not going to be easy.

And if they scare the Hare too many times, they go home with nothing!

Let's meet our guests! Hey! Great to be here, guys!

Yeah, all right. So you're all here, marvellous.

-Ladies, introduce yourselves.

-I'm Nadia and these are my sisters Siham and Sakina.

Because we're sisters and we're so close, that's our strength.

-We always know what the other one is thinking.

-One hive mind!

-Weird. Siham...

-Yes?

-You're the baby of the group. What do they call you?

-The energetic one.

When we were in Morocco, there was a wedding and I stayed up for three days solid, just dancing.

That's incredible! I thought I was a party animal!

-If you're the energetic one, Sakina, what do they call you?

-I like to think the intellectual one.

-OK.

-So I hope.

-What's your weakness?

-Well, I think my weaknesses are heights and insects.

-I'd hate to be stuck up a tree next to a wasps' nest.

-It could happen! OK, I've got something for you.

-Nadia.

-Thank you very much.

-Siham. And Sakina.

I'm going to call you Sister Act!

# Sisters are doing it for themselves... #

So we have three sisters, but here are three Geordie lads!

-Introduce yourselves, boys.

-I'm Gary, this is my brothers Kris and Tony.

-Lovely to meet you, guys.

-Any irrational fears?

-I've got a fear of snakes.

-In urban life, you don't generally come into contact with them.

-My wife owns three snakes.

-So you're scared of snakes, but you own three?!

-More scared of his wife!

-Tony...

-Yeah.

-Tell me about yourself.

-I'm into flying. I've just started flying lessons. It has its ups and downs, but...

-Hey-hey!

Gary, I'm feeling competitiveness coming out of you.

I'm up for anything. I've got my team and we'll have a good laugh.

-No disrespect, girls, but we're here to win.

-So are we!

-Gary...

-Oh, nice.

-Kris.

-Thank you very much.

-And Tony. For obvious reasons, I'll call you the Why-Ayes!

# The fog on the Tyne is all mine, all mine... #

All right. It's sisters versus brothers. I can't wait!

Here's the deal. Whoever collects the most carrots could be going home with a tidy £15,000.

The carrots belong to Hare and you've got to earn them,

so here we go. I'm here, you're there, but where's Hare?

Hare's here! And so am I, the Voice of the Forest, always watching, but not in a creepy way.

In our first game, Hare's hungry and wants eggs for breakfast.

How does Hare like his eggs? Laid by a giant chicken!

Contestants use this oversized spoon to collect oversized eggs.

They have to carry the eggs over the rickety rollers,

scale the hay bales, contend with the spinning stepping stones,

negotiate the stile, cross the bridge and place the egg in the egg cup.

What a diva! He's the Mariah Carey of breakfasts.

Drop an egg and you scare Hare. Do it three times and it's game over.

If they successfully deliver three eggs, Hare will reward them with carrots. At the end of the show,

the team with the most carrots gets the chance to go for £15,000.

I did offer him some muesli, but he said it looked like rabbit food! Fussy old Hare!

So who have Sister Act put up first to play...

-Yes. You think Hare likes you, don't you?

-I think he does, yeah.

No, he's sniffing you for food.

-You're the bookish one, so how come you're doing this very physical challenge?

-I do like a good book,

but this challenge looks really fun and I know I'll do it.

-Are you ready?

-I am.

-Whatever you do, don't scare the Hare.

Good luck!

OK, Sakina's off and the toast is down.

Sakina's being timed so she'll need to move faster.

Come on. Yeah, come on!

-CLUCKING

-That's the first egg! Oh, nicely lain!

Sakina needs to get three to the egg cups without breaking them.

-Just take it really slow.

-Well, don't. It's against the clock, as in "Go faster!"

Hare's egging her on now. Steady!

Just careful. Careful...

Oh, no! Sakina fell off and she's scared the Hare!

ALL: Don't scare the Hare!

Off he goes! He's wishing he'd ordered the continental now.

Get the hot water and towels, the second egg's been delivered.

Just two more scares and Hare will be off with his carrots.

It's imperative his eggs are unbroken. Over the cattle grid...

Now she's about to mount the not-very-difficult hay bales.

On to her nemesis - the slippery stepping stones of doom.

Can she do it? Can she survive?

Can she maintain her composure while others are losing theirs?

The answer is NO, SHE CAN'T!

ALL: Don't scare the Hare!

Off he goes! I've never seen him run so fast. Must have been oiled.

That is her second scare. One more time and there's no carrots for Sakina.

The Hare's tempted by the croissant, but he is gluten-intolerant.

Over the grid.

-OK, we know Sakina can do this bit.

-OK.

-And over the bales.

Onto the frankly hazardous stepping stones.

-Nice move!

-Ooh, look at her doing the full 360! Show off.

Pull this off and you'll have the respect of the nation.

Jason does speak for the nation. No! She's dropped it!

-ALL: Don't scare the Hare!

-He's off with his carrots and who wants carrots for breakfast?! No one!

What a mess! There's egg on her face and all over the farmyard.

Oh, Sakina!

What was going on? I'm so sorry. You got so far and kept coming a cropper on the stepping stones.

-I just couldn't get my feet balanced.

-What are you talking about?!

LAUGHTER It was difficult, but I got as far as I could.

You didn't just drop one. It was all three.

That means Hare missed his breakfast and you missed the carrots. At least you got a nice round of applause.

-Kris, are you up for this? You look fantastic. Is this something you'd normally wear?

-No.

I can pull anything off.

Whatever you do, don't scare the Hare. Good luck, Kris.

Toaster is down! Look at Kris, looking like an agricultural Vincent Van Gogh.

That's how you get across a farmyard! So athletic even in wellies.

Careful where you jam that spoon, Kris!

To win Hare's carrots, he's got to get three eggs to the breakfast table.

Steady as he goes. Who left those hay bales? Very inconsiderate.

And onto the stepping stones.

These are a health hazard. He'll have to brace himself.

The egg has gone, the Hare's freaked! And he's off!

Nought to ten miles an hour in under 20 seconds - look at that!

One down and just two left, Kris.

A slightly more gentle spoon insertion this time. Thanks, Kris. Hare's back.

-Slow and steady wins the race!

-It does, unless the race is to time,

in which case it doesn't.

-Go, Kris.

-Onto the spinning stepping stones.

Kris will have "respek" for these since last time.

-I believe in you, Kris!

-Tony believes in you, but he also believes that Auks are real!

Oh! The egg has shattered! And the Hare is scared!

Off he goes, rumbling tummy!

Hare's had two scares now so Kris needs to get this egg

otherwise he's out of luck.

OK, Hare's back.

-Over the hay bales.

-Come on, Kris!

-Look at that confidence!

-Now onto the spinning steps of doom!

I told Badger to keep them stationary No one likes... Oh, no!

-That's the third scare for Hare!

-ALL: Don't scare the Hare!

It's all over for Kris. No carrots for him.

Still, try a hay bale with semi-skimmed milk. Delicious.

I thought if I ran in with energy it might change that complete failure.

-It was, wasn't it? It was terrible.

-There's no way round it, really.

You broke all three eggs, which means hungry Hare has scarpered.

-It's bad news. You'll get applause, but it's pity.

-I deserve it.

All right, OK.

-Right. So neither of you have any idea how the others did. Am I right?

-You are.

Why-Ayes, I can tell you

-Sister Act left the breakfast table with a big, fat zero!

-Yes!

Sister Act, the Why-Ayes finished with

-also absolutely nothing!

-Yay!

So one job down, two to go

before either Sister Act or the Why-Ayes try for £15,000!

Oooh!

Plenty more carrots left to own, but...can you smell that?

It's a cake made to granny's old recipe,

slowly rising like a fluffy sugar cloud in a country oven.

Hare and his friends are celebrating that Owl's passed his flying exams.

They hope he'll fly them to Disneyland. Great party!

But they've got no balloons.

So it's the contestants' job to deliver them. Trouble is, this is a VIP-only party.

In order to stop gatecrashers, they're holding it behind a giant, twisty, thorny, prickly bush.

That's one way to keep Jason out.

Contestants start with three balloons and they have to get just one through the thorns.

And what a party!

Look at Badger go! Bustin' them moves.

Burst one balloon and you'll scare the Hare. Burst all three and Hare will leave with his carrots.

So get the balloons to the animals. I hope they do. I love Mole's helium voice trick.

SQUEAKY: Here are the guys about to play Party Poppers!

-Gary, you're quite chilled out.

-I'm quite confident. I can do OK here.

-Into the bush with you. Don't scare the Hare. You ready?

-I am.

-You ready?

-Uh-huh.

-Let's do this, then.

OK, so the table is set.

There it is. Full of presents. Owl's looking a bit flat.

Gary only has to get one balloon through the bush without bursting it and he'll win Hare's carrots.

There's helium in those balloons. Oh, it's close in there!

The balloon is wobbling. It could be the forest air conditioning.

Oooh, very close.

-Oh, well done!

-You're right on top of them.

-Just take it to the right.

-Hare's desperate to get that party started.

-Pull it through, Gary.

And Gary's through! Everyone looks very happy.

He's still on his first balloon. He has two thorny sections left.

On to the second bush.

Hare's in a party mood.

That's what he looks like in party mood. Just the same.

-That one there...

-Very low blood sugar levels. He could do with some gateau. No pressure, Gary.

-But a hare's sweet tooth depends on you.

-Oh...

Oh! That's a bit close for comfort in there!

Oh, well done! Through the second bush. One more to go and he's done it!

Right, here we go. Good news - Gary's still on his first balloon and no scares.

BANG! Ha ha! Sorry, couldn't resist that. I don't get out enough.

Tension's rising. So is Hare's blood pressure.

-So close.

-Don't lose your loafer. You'll never find it again.

The tension... OH! And Gary has collapsed!

-ALL: Don't scare the Hare!

-The stress sent him plummeting to the floor.

And Hare's off, terrified.

-He's down!

-Does Gary need a defibrillator?

Well, Hare was scared, but Gary was petrified. He's up now.

One scare down, two balloons left.

Hare's back. He's a glutton for punishment. And cake.

Nobody was harmed during the making of this thicket-based entertainment.

-Go on, Gary.

-He's going to need a steady hand.

Balletic there from Gary.

Hare's watching every move he makes.

Every breath he takes. Almost there, but the thorns abound.

- A little bit higher. - I'm only 5 foot 8!

Bring it through! Go on! Bring it home!

And he has brought it through! He's done it! Somebody give him a carrot for goodness' sake!

Welcome home, Owl. You're the wind beneath my wings.

-Dude! That was superb!

-Very happy with that.

Now the moment that everyone will remember from that whole challenge was when the balloon went off

-and for some reason you dived to the floor!

-I didn't expect it.

-I knew it was going to pop, but I didn't expect it.

-"Is he breakdancing?"

Well done! You got a balloon through the hedgerow, so Hare will give you three of his carrots.

Everyone's a winner. Well done, Gary!

-So, Nadia, are you feeling good about this?

-Yeah, I am, actually.

-How are you keeping those nerves in check?

-I'm actually quite calm. It's strange.

We need to get some carrots, so I'm going to give it my best shot.

OK, brilliant. The party is that way and remember, don't scare the Hare. Good luck.

APPLAUSE

Here we go. The party's waiting. Badger is looking jealous at Owl's party.

Hasn't even passed his driving test. Terrible eyesight! Nadia climbs in and she's away.

Slowly.

It looks a bit sharp. Like now.

-Keep your hands steady!

-It's wobbling.

-That's it.

Oh, Nadia's blown it. That's a first scare.

Nadia opting for head in hands approach, as opposed to Gary who splattered himself over the floor.

Hare runs for the hills, those three-foot hills.

Nadia's got two balloons left and starts at the top of that section

because she didn't make it all the way through.

-Hare's back, but his nerves are shot to pieces.

-Steady hand!

Nadia there...

Face of a supermodel, hands of a jellyfish.

-Slowly, careful.

-Don't shake your hands.

Careful!

-Eyes like a hawk. A shame Hawk couldn't be here - might have made a better job of it!

-Careful!

Easy, easy. I can't bear this. Easy, easy...

-That's fine.

-Keep going.

-Brilliant. Lower!

That looks scary. She's playing with us.

She has burst it. She's frightened the Hare, poor little fella.

ALL: Don't scare the Hare!

All he wants is a balloon. Nadia has scared Hare twice and this is her third balloon.

She's now got to go the whole way with this one red balloon.

It'd be easier to go round the outside, but I don't set the rules.

DRAMATIC BACKGROUND MUSIC

This soundtrack comes from Now That's What I Call Thorny Balloon Game Show Rounds...57.

Steady, steady, steady!

Steady! That balloon is all over the place. Has someone opened a window?

-Yes!

-Well done. She's through the first section.

Bush number two, but this is her last balloon, don't forget.

If she bursts this one, it's game over and party over.

Badger has been saving some special break-dancing manoeuvres. Come on, Nadia. Just relax.

-Relax, Nadia!

-Well done. Don't rush it.

-Lower, lower...

-This is not good for my stress levels.

Breathe through it.

-Breathe through it.

-TAKES DEEP BREATH

-That's it.

She's through the second section. I'm not putting too much on this,

but I've not been out recently and I do fancy going to this party.

-That's it, that's it!

-My arms hurt.

-Your arms hurt?!

You're carrying a balloon, love!

No, not too much. Slowly!

Oh!

They're screaming. I'm screaming.

Why are we all screaming? It's OK, be calm, be calm. Just need to relax. Just need to relax.

You just need to relax, Nadia!

She's done it! I'm going to a party!

I'm going to a party! I've bought new shoes!

APPLAUSE

You rock! You have found your vocation, my girl.

It was really hard work and I didn't think I would get it. At the start, I just let it do its own thing.

-But once I was in control of the balloon, it was fine.

-Great stuff. You delivered the balloon.

That means you get a carrot each. There's a couple for you and there's one for you. Nice job, Nadia.

Right, now, so far you've both been to the Hen House and through the Bush Of Broken Dreams.

But you don't have any carrots. The opposition have.

-Am I right?

-You're right.

So, Why-Ayes, Sister Act have 3.

And Sister Act, I can tell you

that the Why-Ayes have 3.

APPLAUSE

It can't get any closer, but that can change in the next few minutes.

Hare is a very trusting soul. He's let you into his life and now you're about to betray him.

Whoever nicks the most of Hare's carrots will go on to try for £15,000.

I hope you can sleep tonight!

Due to forest inflation, the price of vegetables has gone sky-high,

so Hare has taken it upon himself to electrify all his carrots. Well, you would, wouldn't you?

The contestants must swipe as many carrots as they can,

but the fence and the carrot boxes are wired to the mains.

Their team-mates have to winch them up, so they're suspended above the carrots, Tom Cruise-style.

Then they must remove the carrots using giant tongs without touching the box. This sets off the alarm.

The only way to switch it off is to return the carrots to Hare.

At the end of the game, whoever has the most carrots plays for a chance to win £15,000.

So it's best to swipe the carrots without scaring the Hare.

Gosh, that sounds like a right mission...impossible!

I always wanted to be a spy, but my careers adviser suggested Voice Of The Forest. Cheers, mate(!)

There are loads of carrots up for grabs in the allotment which is crucial

because with three carrots each, it all comes down to this, guys.

-Siham, are you going to do it for the sisters?

-I am. I am so excited to get into that superhero role.

-I'm just going to go for it.

-Who is going to pull your pulley?

-Me.

-Big sister Nadia.

-Is that why, because you're the big sister?

-Yeah, I'm a bit bossy. I'm in control.

-She thinks!

-Why-Ayes, who is it going to be?

-Tony.

-It's going to be me.

-Are you sure that's the right choice?

No. But we've got nobody else.

Come on, Tony, why are you equipped for this task?

Back in high school, in a production of Superman, I played Superman, so I'm used to the flying part.

-Who's doing the winding for you, Tony?

-Gary.

-I'm winding.

-Once again, age and experience.

-Age and experience and maturity to take me through, yeah.

The next few minutes could help you change the look of your bank accounts.

Just think about that as you get trussed up like a couple of turkeys.

And we're off. Thunderbirds are go!

Sorry, that's the wrong show.

SHOUTS OF ENCOURAGEMENT

-Hang on!

-Tony has made carrot contact.

And he's got one. It's in the basket - the world's most boring picnic hamper.

Hare can't believe anyone can penetrate his state-of-the-art alarm system.

He goes for the triple, Nadia just the single.

-Oh, Tony!

-ALARM GOES OFF

Tony has bitten off more carrots than he can chew.

Tony must give them back to their rightful owner - a paranoid and easily scared Hare.

-Keep going!

-Nadia seizing her chance, going for the double.

-ALARM GOES OFF

-But she's blown it too and that is one scare each.

Back go the carrots. They're not your property. Hare looks rattled. Or maybe a bolt's come loose.

Tony's grabbed a bunch of threes... And he's dropped them. What a recovery!

Back, Gary!

He's reclaimed them and he'll pop them in that wicker basket.

Deftly done. Their team-mates winching them up... Some might say winding them up!

Tony's going for another two carrots. He's dropped them, but goes for a scooping technique there.

And they're in the basket finally.

I get the feeling that Tony might want to be winched forward. Hare is all over the place.

Nadia needs to get a move on. I was beginning to forget she was even in the contest.

Trying to claw back some time by going for three, but it's tricky.

Going for the old flip and grab, flip and grab.

So is Tony by the looks of it, but will it work?

-Yeah, he's got a firm grip on the carrots and that's two more carrots landed successfully.

-Come on!

Nadia is still struggling with those three. She managed to grab them, but she looks shaky.

No, never leave a carrot behind!

Have you learnt nothing? Just under ten seconds left.

She needs to make carrot touch wicker for them to count.

Yes... No. Yes.

-Time's up and it looks like Nadia let the carrots out the basket.

-Ohh!

APPLAUSE

It's all over.

Brilliant game! You've helped Hare, but stolen from him.

If you can leave here with £15,000, who cares?

Who's going on for a chance to take home that massive amount of cash?

Who's earned the most carrots? Nadia, Siham and Sakina,

Sister Act,

you still have a total of 3.

Why-Ayes, with a total of 11 carrots,

you'll have the chance to win 15 grand!

# The fog on the Tyne is all mine, all mine

# The fog on the Tyne is all mine Come on... #

Sakina, Siham and Nadia, you were too scary for Hare.

-I hope you've enjoyed your stay with us.

-We have.

-Yeah.

-I'm afraid you are leaving the forest with nothing.

-APPLAUSE

# I never can say goodbye Ooh...

# I never can say goodbye No, no, no

# No, no, no... #

So, Gary, Kris, Tony, up till now, you've been grabbing carrots,

but now it's all about nabbing Hare himself.

APPLAUSE

In this final game, it's the Why-Ayes' job to try and trap the Hare under a net.

It's like they don't even care if Hare's claustrophobic.

To get him under there, I ask some questions.

Get one right and the gate will open, allowing Hare into the garden.

A second correct answer and the net will rise,

tempting Hare over to those carrots and underneath that net.

A third right answer will drop the net, catching the Hare and the Why-Ayes will win £15,000.

Watch out, though. Any wrong answers will detonate these high explosives and that will scare the Hare.

And as ever, three scares and you go home with nothing.

It comes down to this. Three correct answers means £15,000.

Three wrong answers - nothing.

Here comes Hare, sniffing the carrots on the breeze.

And if you listen closely,

on the very breath of the wind, you'll hear your first question.

The Hare was a fan of the boy band One Direction in last year's The X Factor.

However, he can't remember which judge mentored them.

Do you remember who it was?

-Louis Walsh had Wagner.

-He did, aye.

-He did, didn't he?

-Who won X Factor?

-The winner was that Essex lad, wasn't it?

-Matt Cardle.

-Aye.

-I think Dannii Minogue had him.

Yeah, she did. Definitely Simon Cowell didn't.

Simon had the groups. He did.

Hold on. Who were the groups? One Direction...

-- I don't know. I don't watch it. - I didn't watch it.

-Two liars!

- First year I haven't watched it. - I think Simon Cowell.

Let's be clear what happens now. If you get this right,

the gate opens and Hare takes a step closer to those carrots.

Get it wrong, though, and you scare the Hare.

-How positive are you?

-Simon Cowell.

-We're going for it.

-OK.

Then take the plunge.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hare's in the garden.

If you get this question right, you're going to lift the net

and Hare gets closer to his carrots.

The Hare was playing the original London version of Monopoly with Hedgehog and Owl.

He had two of the green properties, Regent Street and Oxford Street,

but Hare upended the board when Owl wouldn't sell him the third.

Which street wouldn't Owl sell him?

-Our parents live on Vine Street in Newcastle.

-We know that's orange.

-Extraordinary.

-And I met a girl once that lived in Coventry.

-Is this another one of your stories?

-No, honestly.

-It's definitely Bond Street.

-Is it a green one?

I thought Bond Street before it came up. I play Monopoly all the time.

I play by myself occasionally.

I like to be the shoe.

-I'm 100% positive.

-If you're sure it's "A", Bond Street,

then take the plunge.

On my head be it!

-Get in!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

One question! One more!

Right, so that's two questions in a row.

You've just got to get the third one right and you'll drop the net on Hare.

He won't be happy, but you'll be £15,000 richer, so what do you care?

The Hare wants to write a poem to express his true feelings for a certain lady hare,

but wants it as short as possible.

Which type of poem should he choose?

-Thoughts, boys?

-It's not a limerick.

-I don't know why I think sonnet.

-Why don't you think it's a limerick?

I'm not going to say the only ones I know that rhyme with funny words.

-I think it's a sonnet.

-What's a haiku?

-"Hai-ku".

-Nice to meet you.

-"Hai-ku".

-"Hai-ku".

I don't know why, but I'm sure it's a sonnet.

If you're right, you're going home with £15,000.

If not, I'll be writing a limerick, rhyming with Kris, who takes the...

If you're wrong, you're going to scare Hare

and you'll only have two scares left, so it's quite an important decision.

We're going with B.

-Kris, if you're absolutely sure, take the plunge.

-Come on.

OK...

AUDIENCE: Don't scare the Hare!

Guys, sorry, the correct answer was "haiku".

Not to worry because Hare's coming back towards the carrots and there's another question on the wind.

Come on. Team hug, team hug!

Fox is on a fad diet where all he eats is fruit,

so when the Hare asked him what he wanted for dinner, Fox replied, "Braeburns and Lord Lambournes."

What sort of fruit does Fox want?

As an apple eater, I think it's Lord Lambournes.

-And Braeburns.

-Braeburns are apples. I know because I eat them.

-I know Braeburns are apples.

-I'm happy with that. I trust you.

I'm happy. We'll go for that.

If you're right, the Hare will be caught in the net

and you'll net £15,000, but if it's wrong, you'll scare Hare

and it'll go down to one final question.

-Yeah, go on, Braeburns.

-Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

-"C", apples?

-Yeah. Take the plunge?

-Take the plunge.

Yes! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Well done, lads!

-Brilliant!

-Absolutely...

-Brilliant!

Absolutely superb!

Gary, Kris, Tony,

you've won yourselves £15,000!

I'm bringing the net up. All right?

Everybody wins. You get your carrot hamper and those smashing boys get themselves the money.

My name is Jason and I live in a magical forest with my mate Hare.

We're always here, so pop down any time, but remember the one rule - don't scare the Hare!

So if you are a hare watching this,

please don't have nightmares.

Yeah, I thought it was a nice touch.

Subtitles by Subtext for Red Bee Media Ltd 2011

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